I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may! 7:15-Mika woke
up-she agreed to not wake her parents and play with me in my
room. - Now it's 8:48 I desire to again and forever!!!
release the automatic reaction, habit, belief, judgment,
that I must defend myself when unjustly blamed or assert myself,
when seemingly humiliated.
I desire to be like the glass-bowl among the dishes I washed:
fat&dirt come off easily.
I desire to be a lightning rod for projections of self-hatred
from some main actors in my drama.
I desire to radiate and realize the vision of my love: that
the loved-ones may love themselves.
image of the
day:Hand Blown Glass Bowl with Compass Rose
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
10:04 My Body,
my Partner,
my God
I give thanks to you for feeling well and whole this morning.
I am grate-full for the outings with
Mika and my son
yesterday in Hevel-Park and this mornng in Mitzpe-Park,
during which he made me aware of the "reasons" for
E's dangerous mood.
I am grate-full that following his analysis of these "reasons",
i.e. the projections of abysmal self-hatred on me
I came to see, that I am not as powerless as I felt yesterday:
If E. is a spectacular manifestation of
"The Mother's Lost Will",
then there are only two things I can do, and that may suffice
:
- to be absolutely free of needing to defend or assert myself,
- to wait compassionately and patiently until self-love will
evolve.
Shabbat morning 7:25 - Mika indicates that
she is awake. I approach her bed; "Do you want to come to my room and
be very quiet, so that Imma and Abba and Tomer can go on sleeping?"
While I carried her to my room, she put her finger on her lips; "psht!"
and made herself comfortable on my
bed.
I brought her "our tray" with all the little items she likes
to play with and - while still resting myself, enjoyed her.
Since I lean back on my bed, in
my pyjama shorts, I photograph her through my legs
Later Mika, Abba and Grandma go out and - of course
- she again heads to the closest playground.
After a while I seize the chance of handing over my camera to my son:
Not only is he better in using the potential of the camera! He can
document the interaction between me and Mika!
To play with Mika and probably with
most other small kids
means to be constantly alert so nothing terrible may happen.
Though Mika is immensely more sensible and responsible
than Tomer was at her age,
she still often simply relies on a grownup being right there,
when she tries something daring like here:
jumping from a platform, which is both,
too high for her to jump and to close to that iron spiral.
Tears, because despite all warnings, she does
not pay attention enough and gets hurt
Mika now thinks she is old enough to take pictures herself,
but Abba still must help, at first trying to be also the object,
but then by sitting next to her and guiding her hands with his.
Then she wants to "enter Grandma's shoes" (to enter some great person's shoes, is
a metaphor in Hebrew for wanting to be as great as that person)
Finetuning
to my Present
Mika has hurt herself a bit and cries. Abba:"Nothing
really happened. Get over it! [hitgabbri!]" Imma:"I
don't like this word. Tell her: "cope with it" [hitmoddedi]." Abba: "What's
the difference?" Imma:"coping
is the process, overcoming is the result.
You want her to jump right to the result.
But "coping" allows her to first move her pain,
and then to see gradually, if the pain was really "nothing",
or if she needs more comfort,
or if even some practical treatment is required!" I firmly supported her exact analysis
and Abba, too, realized that Imma was right. "Of course, we must be careful, not
to water down the term "hitmoddedi"!"
"That is true", I said.
As to more
of the experiences&images of this day, Shabbat, May 17
- see tomorrow
song of the day: "I'll always
stay myself", the chorus of a 4 stanza kids song, sung
by Mika during our afternoon outing [I don't know,
why this recording starts with the chorus instead with the
first stanza, which is missing,
but the entire song - sung by myself - appears on
October 25]
whole&full-filled,
never perfect&complete
Keep It
Simple Sweetheart K.I.S.S.
- L O G 2
0 0 8
2013-05-16-18
Mika's tarnegolet poem
Her mother had blamed her for screaming around
like a hen (tarnegolet)
Mika sat down and within 10 minutes expressed her pain
in an excellent poem:
I was allowed not only to read it, but to copy it for my website.
The only change I made - with her permission - was
to move the "le-khol ani" with which the second line of the
chorus began,
to the end of the first line of the chorus , to make it understandable.
