See below -since
October 2010- Fragments of my 1974 novel: "The V I C T O R Y of
the D E F E A T E D"
How can I, Kayin, heal my pain?
2002_05_18 ; last update: 2003_06_19
So relevant again - November 1-2, 2009
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Then
will stand up "the bruised reed"
and will live; then again will shine "the dark wick"! |
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Humankind has figured out beneficial ways of
providing food,
unlike the ways of the cannibals and the pirates,
or nomads, who in times of hunger, looted the peasants' fields.
Can we figure out beneficial ways
of building self-worth, self-esteem, self-acceptance?
This very day, I'm far from sure (see pp7,
2002_05_27)
But at least I am aware of the very need:
the need of any human being, to not only exist,
but to justify his/her existence,
which is the need to feel unique, valuable, worthy.
It's true, we need to start out with being loved.
But once the smile of the mother confirms
that it's alright for me to be alive,
many more things are up to me,
to build my sense of selfworth:
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Yael,
6 since May 9, |
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Tomer,
7: "You mean a singer?" |
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Parents and children |
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About 30 years ago I gave a tune to
the poem 1. If you can keep your head when all
about you 3. If you can bear to hear the truth you've
spoken 4. If you can make one heap of all your winnings 5. If you can fill the unforgiving minute |
2013-01-02
All this is far from enough.
Kayin cannot feel "equal",
if "God" cannot receive Kayin's creation and gift.
"God" / humans have to redeem the Lost Will,
which cramms and congests their receptive centers.
This means, of course, that "Kayin" and "Hevel" are dependent
on each other.
One cannot heal and live without the other.
It's not only Kayin who is his "brother's keeper",
it's also Hevel who must learn to be his "brother's keeper".
Both must "free" their receptive centers,
both must take their "Graal" into their heart, empty it in order
to receive their brother's creation and gift.
[A first attempt to sculpt this understanding, see K.i.s.s.-log
2008-01-01]
Back to 2002
I want to share two songs.
One about healing the victimhood of Hevel.
And one about healing the pain of Kayin.
The latter grew during the last two months of my teaching
in the Academic Institute for teachers, in 1984,
before I started living as
a wanderer.
It's based on one of the four famous
"Songs
of the Lord's Servant",
which had a profound influence on me.
(See
Alfred Deller's performance of "The Lord's Servant" in Haendel's
Messiah)
"Indeed, my
servant.... I gave my spirit upon him, rightness will he bring forth to the nations. He does not yell, not raise nor let his voice be heard outside. A bruised reed does he not break, and a dark wick does he not quench: he brings forth rightness unto truth. He'll not darken and not be bruised until he shall put rightness on earth." Jesaja 42, 1-4 |
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Listen to the tune in SongGame 2007_01_08
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Bruised reed and dark wick
Help him to discharge his pain and his fear, Then will stand up "the
bruised reed" |
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I feel that this month's work has softened my rage.
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And I want to express this Listen
to the tune |
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2003_06_16
Towards the closure of this website on July 3,
I opened all the 150 edited
files of Godchannel,
to complete the graphical edition, to check links, and to get a feeling,
if the "puzzle pieces" cover all the issues or if left out something
important.
The very
last file I opened and edited for the first time
contains the
Kayin theme:
"... I have often not been received.
In situations where I spoke to an audience, or many people,
the measurable response did not matter whatsoever,
but among friends and family and with my husband,
their non-receptivity of what I put forth
has by far outweighed the times when I felt received.
"I could say also
that being received
seems to be inversely proportionate to the wisdom of my offering:
generally, the more trivial the offering, the greater the receptivity and
vice versa.
"If there are no takers
for what I offer,
for how long can I continue to hold myself within
without losing the will to be.
If there is no space for me to vibrate in, and evolve in,
how can I keep myself in existence?
This is very hard for me
for I so long to be who I am and be received as such, and grow... "
As to God's answer, please go directly to that file.
2004_06_19
No, I'll not send you to
that file,
but quote what I do understand and apply now in my life.
The real healing, the effective redemption happens in the Body.
And in that file there are references which I did not grasp then, but do grasp
now!
"The experiences you are having on the outside
are reflections of the state of affairs going on within you...
"My advice is to take your time and go
easy,
be sure that you yourself trust both your Spirit and Will essences
to find each other in Heart.
Body can help guide you here by showing you how to release
her imprints.
Structure often helps in this work,
and it's good to go through the four steps to wholeness
as a routine.
"Use the four steps to help you move
the emotions
that are being held in your lower chakras,
with initial attention to judgment release.
Move on your own at first, alone.
Then test the results of your movement on your husband and the others who
matter to you.
But please find the certainty of your own acceptance before
looking for it in others."
"The healing work is coming to deeper and much more serious levels
than has been seen before on Earth.
Balance and presence
in Body
are the keys to healing in the deep.
"Also, please take care to preserve the
good Light you have in abundance,
by not giving it away where it cannot be received.
And take care to open with loving caution the deeper layers of your Will
that you are now gaining access to."
Continuation of "The Victory of the Defeated" from Will I , Hevel, heal my Victimhood?
Page 37a
Page 37b
Page 38a
Page 38b
Page 39a
Page 39b
Page 40a
Page 40b
Page 41a
Page 41b
Another Fragment:
From the Chapter about the encounter between Azmeeyeh and Martin
Page 42a [1974_10_25]
Page 42b
Page 43a
[In Search
I'm finding that the Scholls are mentioned 5 times on Healing-K.i.s.s., but
I believe that I referred to them more often...]
Page 43b
Page 44a
Page 44b
Page 45a
Page 45b
Note about "a Temporary
Plan", on Oct. 17, 1974
The VICTORY of the DEFEATED,
a novel about Aisha, the Egyptian, and Azmeeyah, the Palestinian.
I stopped writing when I felt the strength - in Nov. 1974 - to move from writing
to
acting.
a few lines are missing
End of the Fragments of a novel about Aisha, the Egyptian,
and Azmeeyah, the Palestinian.
I stopped writing when I felt the strength - in Nov. 1974 - to move from writing
to
acting.