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Biographical Sculptures
GRAND MOTHER HOOD
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Tomer - BEGINNINGS
2003_04_21; last update;
2003-05_31
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Tomer's self-portrait with my camera, Aug. 2002
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The sculpture of a temporary close encounter with my grandson
between November 2002 and April 2003
reflects highlights of my inner healing towards what I now call
My Wrestling with Tomer
following the biblical story of Jacob's
wrestling with himself.
This story - which must not be severed from its context,
i.e. Jacob's growth through having to face his brother Esau -
has been immensely helpful to me during this whole process.
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Synopsis
At the end of November 2002,
my grandson Tomer was "diagnosed as an ADHD
child",
and "permitted" to be given the Ritalin
drug every morning.
Since the effect of the prescribed dose lasted for 4 hours,
the drug was supposed to juggle him safely through school,
"safely" meaning,
that he would not hurt himself nor others,
nor damage equipment,
nor be too much of a burden for the teachers.
At the same time I started to function as "noon-school", "tzaharón"
in Hebrew,
thus replacing the institution, which harbored Tomer after school, but gave
up.
(I try not to judge,
neither the school,
nor the doctors,
nor anyone else involved)
"Grandma's noon-school", "tzaharón-savta",
was superior in 3 aspects:
1. Total attention to Tomer, and, moreover, from a loving grandma.
2. Extended hours (5 instead of 4), until his mother would be 'free'.
3. A strict time structure, mostly outdoors , in water and in nature.
I also proposed, that Tomer would stay with me overnight once a week,
and for a whole weekend twice a month, both together with his brother.
My proposals were accepted by father, mother and the psychologist,
and - with minor deviations - this "arrangement" lasted for 20 weeks.
Close to another visit of my son from the US to Israel,
Tomer's mother reached the heartbreaking conclusion,
that it might be best for everyone involved,
Alon & Elah, the mother, her partner and his kids, and Tomer himself,
if Tomer would leave with his father and live with him "for a year".
That's how our "wrestling" seems to have come to an end on April
12, 2003.
 Mother-Son-Grandson on the ancient Maccabean Modi'in Hill, 2002 |
TIMELINE I "happened" to be in Tel-Aviv, when T
was born there on Nov. 8, 1994. |
 At Kfar Wradim |
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(1)
The Logo of HEALING-KISS through all the Introductory Pages and all the Puzzle Pieces is based on four drawings of T around what was his favorite theme at the age of four. (2) The background I chose for the page Contact, shows T and me on our Titorah-Hill!!! (3) The animation which I chose to demonstrate my relationship with the "Actors of my Life" is showing an often repeated acrobatic interaction between Tomer and Grandma. |
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 The two photos were taken in Dec. 2001 by T's father, after Tomer's 7th birthday. In May 2002 I asked him to combine the photos into movement. |
THE BEGINNINGS
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See about Tomer's Brith,
The "Sandak" |
| Immanuel,
my son, is not too happy about what is done to his son |
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The deeper I go into Tomer's history, the clearer I see,
how this soul has written the script for his life's movie.
.....
I am awfully sorry, that someone felt overriden by me.
There was neither blame nor shame in what I analyzed,
but sheer awe for the way Tomer conditioned himself,
in order to experience, what he decided to experience.
But I did, indeed, remove what was so badly received.
[It can now be read on K.i.s.s.-L o g 2008_09_30]
It was a precarious situation, on November 7, 1994,
which would have been my father's 73th birthday,
in which I stood - not in
my desert - but on a roof,
leaning against the reel and overlooking Tel-Aviv.
"Elah" & "Alon" are the names of trees [Isaiah
6:13], I thought.
Is there a third tree in the Bible , which would fit as a name?
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I interrupted my sculpting, ran up my
Hill, and photographed the 3 not very impressive palmtrees I've discovered
there so far, from
many different points of view.
This panorama shows the tree on our ancient Maccabean hill in a significant
context:
the remnants of a crusader castle to the left, 7 year old Modi'in to the right,
and the Palestinian and Jerusalem mountains in the background
Once I explained Tomer why I prefer to write his name as it is written in
the Bible
[just as "Rotem" without the consonant "waw", which is
used for "o", when needed].
But he, who likes the mystical game with the Hebrew alef-beth called Gimatria,
said:
"But if you write it with the "o"
(which avoids reading the name as "Tamar"),
it is SEVEN!"
As I see it, 7 in the Bible represents the wholeness, which is not given,
but achieved.
T's mystical photo (maybe of a car) , made with my camera on 2003_01_01 |
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Though my desert was 3-4 hours away, and my creation there had been a job
around the clock,
I had never let two weeks pass without seeing at least part of my children
and grandchildren.
Still, I was not close to them as I am now.
But shortly before Tomer's birth in Nov, 1994, I had done my first "lekh-lekhâ"
from the Succah,
and - following Gadi's
SOS regarding the Succah's financial situation - moved to Tel-Aviv altogether.
From January to April I lived with Tomer's family in a flat opposite Gadi's
family, in Shenkin-Street,
with a computer in Gadi's studio, from where I tried to give my Desert Vision
a solid financial base.
My intense efforts concerning this goal resulted in failure and exhaustion,
but from the present perspective I see that the time was blessed after all:
I was physically close to Tomer, when he set out for his life's journey.
Tomer was not yet 8 months old, when he started to walk - in my presence.
From then on he was in constant danger, and everything around him as well.
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This triptych of sweet little Tomer
in the Galilee Whenever I visited or replaced the
parents for some days, No cupboard was too high to be climbed
for a sweet, Of course, I was his partner in acrobatics
already then, Not less wild and exhausting for me
was the dancing, |
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In
pp8, November 2001,
I told the bad-good story about Tomer, the Breaker. Now there is a completion to it: One day during these last months he said out of the blue: "I would like to receive a gift from you, a little animal made of wood!" Surprised I stared at him: "What?" And he added gently, like "The Little Prince", when he begged the pilot to draw a sheep: "Yes ~~~ you know ~~~ like that elefant!" I got it! "Is it, that you still regret having broken my little elefant, which I gave you as a present for your sixth birthday? And receiving another little wooden sculpture like this would be a sign, that that breaking is truly forgiven?" "Yes!" he said with great relief, "that is what I mean." And I gave him my little colored wooden bird, a gift from Gabriela and her colleagues from India, when they spent time with me at Ein-Gedi in 1999. |
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I also was the one, who was always ready From that time I remember an incident, He sat on the ground and refused to move. I attracted this blame of being irresponsible, |
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Tomer plays with dolls
he just got for Chanukka from Switzerland, from his grandfather, Rafael, my ex-husband, who was still alive then. Tomer sits on my mattress, between the cushions and blankets, which belong to my tent, then not in use. Behind him my 'painting', a play with colors, which Efrat had launched between the kids, when their cousins visited us. |
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This as here, and up to |
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There was another situation, in which I seemingly "deserted"
Tomer.
I now look at it from the perspective of that critical day [2003_04_04],
when I not seemingly, but actually deserted
him in the swimming-pool.
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Tomer is my partner in so many
things,
also in our love for creating in Nature. Before my bicycle was stolen- which happened at one of these trips, we drove to another ancient site, on the western outskirts of Modi'in. It's where we found this carob tree. and a heap of "modern" trash under it. Tomer wanted to build his own house, and I assisted him with enthusiasm. He was so happy and proud, that he insisted to bring Daddy here, who luckily took these photos (Febr. 2002, before I had my own camera). But we also walked a lot by foot, and one time Tomer refused to move. The circumstances are more complex, but the point is , that I walked away. I saw him plodding back, sobbing. Parallel to him in the wadi, but hidden, I trudged above the crest of the hills. When I let myself be discovered, he showed me that he hated me. I joined him and we began to heal it. But neither of us forgets the 2 events. |
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This became obvious, when he reminded me that "I did
it again".
It's only through my consistent work in this "Driving
Backward",
that separate events coalesce into a coherent path of evolution.
The situation, this time, was also that triggering swimming pool.
He now was 8 years old, not 6 as when he built his carob house.
And I could dare to let him experience being deserted - literally.
The trigger was his reckless lingering in the men's shower-room.
Whatever agreement I made with him, so as not to have to wait,
he let me wait, even after having been warned, that I would go.
So one day I did just that, I left and walked up to our picnic tree.
Of course, I was hysterical with fear.
But he did arrive!
Though the security guard at the exit of the pool
had, by mistake, indicated a different direction to him,
and though by that time there was not yet a clear path to the tree,
Tomer found me!
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He was mad at me, but he was also
proud!
He made it! He now was less dependant! He had grown, outside and inside. I didn't hide my appreciation, and we felt knitted together even more closely by having coped with one more challenge, successfully. |
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