Isn't it a gorgeous place?

 

 

 

Looking north-east
across Shoham

 

 

 

Actually there was a fourth episode:
Mika began to train
in dangling from the rope herself.
But when I wanted
to photograph her,
she protested:
"Not yet, savta!
I first want to get good at it."

One of the reasons
for becoming angry with myself
after a short while,
was
that I surrendered to her.
I should have taken the photo
and told her,
that I always could delete this one.
if there would be a better one.

Now there is no photo at all,
since the scene
took an unpretty turn...

"I want to go home, I want to go home!"
she screamed and whined, over and over,
and all my endeavors to sidetrack her
and to melt her hystery with humor,
were in vain.

Finally I got triggered.....
I packed our things furiously,
took her hand
and dragged her down to the trail
and from there we headed home.

Why on Earth could I be triggered
by a little girl?
"A trigger comes to me to point out
that I have a hole in my wholeness that now wants to heal!"

I could understand this later,
and it's not the place here
to explain what's behind.

What I still find hard to understand, is
that   I   r e - a c t e d,
reacted not less hysterically than Mika.

I should have taken my time!
My time to breathe my triggered feelings!
I should have become silent and passive.
I should have entered my innermost self.

Instead of soothing Mika lovingly,
I punished her with my blaming.
Poor Grandma, poor Mika...

When we came home, I had to witness, how Mika
- in her dilemma between Grandma's love for insects
and Imma's abhorrent "mosquito allergy"
told her, that she hadn't enjoyed herself at all etc.
When she realized, that I had overheard her,
she added: "we sat on a mattress under a tree",
wanting to please Me by telling something nice.
But right then her mother exclaimed with disgust:
"What?! You sat on a dirty mattress?! Pikhss!"
And even my son got down on me - 2 weeks later:
"You know, that Mika is just as allergic as Efrat!"

It took me hours to recover from my disappointment and pain
and to device a plan of how to approach Efrat without risking,
that I would ruin again, what had taken 4 long weeks to heal.
I edited the pictures I had taken in the most favorable manner,
and then called her to watch for herself, where we had been.
While praying inside, I made her aware of Mika's dilemma:
"What can we do, my daughter-in-love, to not cause her this?
You know, that I bring Mika in contact with experiences,
which you would shun totally.
But I, on the other hand, cannot change!
I would not be myself anymore!"
Was my prayer answered? Could Efrat resonate with my words?
Only Mika, whom I had also invited to see the photos, escaped.
[see another staging of a trigger, concerning my victimhood, on May 11]

 

After that talk I could enjoy my creations with Mika again.
I told already how we made together potato puree,

Another pretty activity was
to make a composition of magnets on the fridge.
I showed her,
how one of her paintings could be cut into pieces,
to fit the size of commercial rectangles
and to glue the pieces on to those.
She mixed them with butterflies [=insects...]
and with other magnets we found among her toys,
for instance with "Dora",
the figure which teaches "second language" in all countries,
as I now learnt,
when in the program, "making things right",
which I've been praising on Febr. 8, 2010
an empowered Arab woman was asked,
what she thinks about "Dora" in Israeli kids TV
teaching English and not Arabic, the official second language.