The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S. - as stated 12 years ago - was and is   to help me and my potential P E E R s  "to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness, and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013 and Overview of its main libraries [If you look for a word on this page, click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being "a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel": I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb' pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness, so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve, and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!! "I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

2007_04_28

2008_02_07 - My modified version

lyrics:
Amos Etinger

She writes "Mika" on a stone which she picked up from the ground

P
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A moment later she enjoys a green fig which she plucked from a baby-tree

Mika was creating "wind" [ruakh] with something
and I recalled the little song, which she sang so often at the age of two
Since now none of us could remember the exact wording,
Efrat searched for a video of "ruakh, ruakh" and showed it to us

After breakfast she sings along the "funicular", which we had established during my last stay

A lesson for me:

Ever since I came this time,
Mika wasn't really friendly.
Despite my healing-work
on triggers and judgments
.......
this morning I fell
into the trap of being triggered
and not only blamed Mika directly,
but decided to cautiously ask Efrat,
what I should do,
when Mika reacts to a caring question
or helpful action
with a rough "DAI!" ("enough!").

Efrat first defended her daughter,
but, of course, felt guilty for her,
and when Mika behaved towards her
with the same impertinence,
Efrat reacted harsher than usual
and I now felt guilty,
that I had contributed to this scene.

Then - parallel to Mika's attempts
to appease both, Imma and me,
I had an idea,
and while Mika led her mother
lovingly to the cup of coffee
which Grandma had prepared for her,
I said:
"I remember two cute things,
that Mika did to me yesterday:
When we watched a scene
from "Lion King" on the computer,
Mika wanted to sit on my lap,
which she usually doesn't like,
and when - at some time-
she fetched a banana from the kitchen,
she came to me
and gave me half of it!"

I desire to alway try
to find "a good-feeling-thought",
and if at all appropriate -
voice this instead of the blame!

Then she discovers green figs
on the little figtree.

I let her pluck them
for two reasons,
of which I told her the first one:
"The fruits of young trees
should not ripen on them,
because the trees must first get strong.
Only after 3 or even 5 years
the trees are strong enough
to not be weakened
by the ripening fruits"

But I'm not sure,
if these are the kind of figs,
which are meant to ripen at all.
The way, fig-trees produce figs,
is so complex and complicated,
that I still don't get it.
Even not through
a very good article

Perhaps this is the time to hint at an aspect of Mika's and my Heaven-on-Earth
which is meant  as yet another stretch of HEALING for MEEE!
Healing through letting myself be triggered by Mika, - triggered,
where I still have holes in my wholeness that now want to heal...

I was supposed to fetch Mika from kindergarden,
since Efrat needed to do some work in another town.
She first came home and arranged everything for Mika's picnic with me,
after I had convinced her, that it wasn't a good idea to first bring her home.

But then - I didn't follow my own knowing, but followed Mika's manipulations....
When I met her in kindergarden among the last kids to be fetched,
she hardly gave me a look, certainly not a "Shalom", leave alone a hug.
Once we were outside, I asked her where she wanted to go for the picnic,
She said: "I want to go home!" "But you know Imma is not at home!"
She insisted to go home and have the picnic at home.

I don't remember the details of what followed now.
At one point I became so triggered,
that threw the content of the prepared backpack on the floor in a frenzy,
raced to my room, slammed the door, and began to cry.

I recalled a similar scene, except that there I packed the backpack in a fury.
Had I not promised myself, that I would never again stage such a situation?
At least, the flashback helped me to hurry and get out of the victim-role!
It was hard not to judge myself, for getting ~ once again ~ into that role,
and ~~~~ vis-à-vis my~~ 4 1/3 year old ~~~~ tenth ~~ granddaughter!


I decided to share my crying with her, i.e. to go on crying in her presence,
even if this would be called a manipulation.
She lay on the sofa, with a blanket over her, intending to sleep,
though she had just heard from her mother (whom I had to call),
that she was not to sleep now, but to go out with Savta to the picnic.
(this call overwhelmed Efrat with her horrid worrying-pattern,
but this part of my story is less relevant to my lesson).
I pulled away the blanket, sat next to her and kept crying.
I could see, from a corner of my eye, that it, indeed, moved Mika.
For she is compassionate, as I told in connection with The Prince of Egypt.

Again I don't recall the sequence of events, but she followed me.
Once outside the house, I did NOT ask her, where SHE wanted to go.
Even, when - at some junction - she cautiously pointed into a direction,
I said: "No". Without explanation... And this for about two more times.
Then she gently asked: "Where are we going?"
By now I was more lenient and said:
"I don't know! to a place, that's nice enough for having a picnic there!"

When we - from the backside - reached the corner of Sella (rock) Street
("that's where you'll move to in six weeks time, Mika!"}
I turned to the dust-road, where I had walked with Tomer 10 days ago.
I feared, we wouldn't find a suitable picnic place
in the high thorny weeds to the left and to the right,
and I was very afraid, that Mika, who hates to walk, would defeat me.
But she walked and when she once voiced a weak complaint, I said:
"I'll give you an advice, Mika!
Whenever you don't like something and want to complain,
hurry up and remember something that you can be grateful for!
There are always so many things for which we can say "TODA"!
See the very fact, that you can walk! Unlike Ya'acov, who can't!"

This was , indeed, helpful, and when I pointed to a junction far away:
"should we go right or left there?"
she inquired, what was right in this case and what left and said: "right".

From then on our outing became truly Heaven-on-Earth
with so much joy, that no story nor image can convey it.

Once, when we were sitting amidst the thorny barley stalks,
a truck tarried behind us on the dust-road, and watching us, said:
"Eizae Moteq, What a cutie!"
I repeated it to Mika and she said: "he thinks I'm sweet!" "Yes!"
"Everybody loves me", she said, as if this was the most natural thing.

And another "clip":
"I wished God would come down and I could see him."
"but you can easily imagine him, you know he's here!"
So she asked, if God was in the herbs, in the ants,
in the backpack, in the thermos of tea, in her eyes,
in the crane over there above those houses of Shoham
("the cranes do the work, so that we don't have to be slaves any longer..."),
"Yes, and he is also in your voice , and in the air,
and in all our five senses (which I taught her there and then),
and in the joy and happiness, which you feel and tell me now."

And she made up a poem, part of it with rhymes,
about the beauty and magic "of this wonderful place"!

When we had to leave, I chose an easier way home,
but it was still far, and most of it was a slight ascend.
Though she urgently needed to shit, she complained NOT!
She was GREAT Mika, and I finally was GREAT Rachel!

The hour between waking up and going to kindergarden
was filled with both - joy and pain.
Efrat:
"she truly has a very complex relationship with you."
When I heard Mika and Imma passing by and talking outside,
I needed some time to get out of bed,
out of an extremely deep, long dream.
Then I threw my red dress over my body and opened the door.
There Mika was, as if she had waited, saying:
"I was singing!"
"Yes, I heard you singing",
awaiting a repetition of her song
about the thin lizzard man and the fat lizzard woman,
"but I won't sing the continuation (lo ashir aet ha-haemshekh)/

Then she informed me:
"In kindergarden we reached the letter Tav",
and we talked a while about what they would go on learning,
since Tav is the last letter of the Hebrew Alef-Beth.
Then I asked her, what words begin with Tav
"tut -strawberry, tappuz-orange, tappuch-apple",
and I added: "also Torah".
She tried to conjure up an image of "Torah".
I said: "It can be a book or a megillah -a scroll."
"What book?",
and I pulled a big book of Psalms from the shelf.
"This is a book of Tehillim, Songs to God,
- Tehillim also begins with a Tav, by the way,"
But then she was sidetracked by the "megillah",
which she remembers from Purim,
and immediately set out to take a sheet of paper,
draw yet another composition of her hearts-butterflies-flowers
and roll it into a scroll.

I wouldn't have inserted a "scroll",
if I hadn't come across this image,
when I searched for a link
to the verse about

"Rachel, the mother sheep,
that becomes dumbfounded
and does not open its mouth"
in the Songs
of the Suffering Servant
in Isaiah 53.

For this is not the Scroll of Esther,
which Mika knows since Purim,
but a Scroll of the Isaiah Book.

 

 

It was in 1971, after the family,
including my stepchildren and our friend Naftali Raz with his girlfriend,
had celebrated Immanuel's 8th birthday on January 23.
It was decided, that before dawn all of us, in two cars,
would set out for the Dead Sea.
I worked like hell, as usual,
to put house and kitchen in order after the celebration,
and after about 4 hours sleep,
packed everything for the day, woke up the 3 children,
and put the two younger ones in the back of the car,
in their pyjamas !!!
so they could go on sleeping.

My husband, of course, was the driver
- the only job I "left" to him, as I would say in hindsight,
since for many years to come I still believed,
that doing all those superhuman chores
was what was demanded from a good wife and house-wife and mother.

The sun was preparing for rising, when, after about 5 km, it came to me,
that I had forgotten to pack trousers for little Micha, then 5 years old.
I panicked, I froze, I couldn't open my mouth,
I watched us driving through Petach-Tikva ("Door of Hope") and long past it,
just like "Rachel, the mother sheep, that becomes dumbfounded
and does not open its mouth"
in the Songs of the Suffering Servant in Isaiah 53.

But there was no way around,
I had to tell my husband, that we needed to turn around.

What he yelled, was so horrifying, that I only yearned for one thing,
to leave the car and never come back again.
But I had three little children, and so I stayed in my seat...
When we arrived - through all this yelling - at "home",
I ran like hell to get the trousers,
for even in more quiet times it was unthinkable,
that I let my husband wait in the car for even a second.

This time I was so abysmally hurt, that I did not talk for hours.
I ruined the togetherness with Joel, Dita, Naftali and his girlfriend,
and they felt, that once more something terrible had happened.
They were lucky, that according to the program
they would part from us anyway at some time.

It was not until hours later, when our car drove back from the Dead Sea up the road of Jericho,
and we stopped at the ruins of the so-called "Inn of the Good Samaritan" (see the place in 2010!)
that I softened and began to talk again,
though there was no appeasement from my husband's side.
I remember, how we later drove into old Jerusalem
and little Micha was aghast by the Golden Dome:
"I would like to have my kindergarden next to the Golden Dome!"


Back from little Micha in 1971 to little Mika in 2010:

Alone in the flat of Shoham I remembered the terror
- exemplified in that story - so vividly,
that I could breathe and cry and vibrate it
but also think in dispair:
"why is it, that some things
- not only sexual abuse (of which I had my share)
- never seem to heal?"
Comparing Mika's not-caring and my terror
made it strikingly clear to me,
how this imprint of terror, when someone seems to have to wait for me, reenacts itself over and over again.
And the only thing I can do,
is to vibrate this terror and this self-victimization over and over again,
and thus heal not only myself, but all of humankind, all of Creation.

And then the ruins of the Good Samaritan
will have become the Golden Dome in Jerusalem
as a symbol of a healed and whole religion and region..

 

"God" in the latest channeling ("EGO") says:

"you will find that non-resourceful ego,
the problematic and painful personal self,
arises out of the eternal suffering present
in deep   t r a n s p e r s o n a l    imprints."

"At the personal level
you the human being
as New Heart in Body
are now the Healer of yourself.
This means that you accept the healing mission~~~
to find and heal with unconditional loving acceptance
all of those previously separate,
'problematic' or 'egoic' parts of yourself
that had been giving you so much trouble.
And you do this
by being lovingly parental
to each and every one of them,
not by trying to get rid of them or lift out of them.
This means that you honor all of these parts,
welcome them inside your total identity,
and love them unconditionally
as valid and legitimate parts of yourself.

What a wondrous image of The Inn of the Good Samaritan",
which exists only in the parable of Jesus!

"In this way you heal yourself to wholeness,
which is to say you realize your wholeness
by compassionately [like the Good Samatarian]
loving these separate parts, just as they are.
When you do this integration at the personal layer of your identity,
you are also integrating parts in deeper layers of your Being.
And when you and I are in alignment
and collaborating in the healing work in general,
we are healing at the u n i v e r s a l level as well.
Truly,
to heal your whole self
is tantamount to healing Creation.

In the afternoon Efrat and Mika came home,
while I was in the middle of a phone-talk with Lior Oren,
who needed my support
for coping with some victimhood in her present life.
When we talked about it later, Efrat and I
(Mika was invited to Gal and my interacting with her
was reduced to one hour before sleep...),
Efrat was - once more - revolting against the "concept",
that we stage everything and are never victims.
I conceded,
that, yes, there are many situations of other people
- like those of the holocaust,
or of children or young people being sexually abused-
which I cannot explain, and even "God" says,
[see pp42, Victim and Perpetrator, >left frame]
"There is, of course another level to all of this,
and it's not true that a woman who is raped,
for instance
has 'brought it on herself'
as many in the new age believe."
but I do not have to explain other people's dramas,
I have to explain only my own, and perhaps help those who specifically ask me for helping with theirs.
"I told you, that I know", I said to Efrat,
why I've staged 40 years of my life in severe victimhood,
- so that I can deeply understand
the predicament of humans, who feel victims,
even those who act their victimhood out as perpetrators.
And in order to not forget it,
I'm still staging "clips" of self-victimization, as with Mika,
and recently even with Lior, the daughter of my landlady -
an event which lasted less than an hour,
but this is enough to let me be connected
to self-victimizing humankind. "

While attempting to complete this sculpture
I hear Efrat in the shower-room saying to Mika
"since it is The Day of Jerusalem"...
And, indeed, yesterday in the kindergarden
I had seen a wall plastered with Jerusalem images.
Right now Mika has started to sing and dance
a Jerusalem song.
I didn't manage to take a photo of this scene,
but the scene which I took just before - in my room -
was even more lovely:
see following page: Wednesday afternoon and Thursday morning

 

 

continuation on following page below the mother-daughter creating and the last scenes on Thursday morning