Noah's Diary- 11th Week of Realization of Noah's Vision

2004_02_07_11

Again a new morning over the so-called Dead Sea,
with a window of light over Jordan.
I love the winter in our country for its surprising skies.
And how exhilarating is it, to see the same view always anew,
from different spots on my steps between the road above and the springs below,
at different hours of the day,
when it's sunny, when it's cloudy,
when it's misty, when it's sparkling,

Oh I wished, I could thus enjoy the landscapes of my soul.

The "mania" of yesterday gave way to "depression" today.
Which means that I feel I cannot live one more moment nor solve the tiniest problem.
What's in the foreground, is this solar-powered computer system:
On the one hand, I feel the pressure to finally bring order into my website
in order to communicate clearly with the potential dreamers I want to attract.

"I'll have finally time", was my expectation.

On the other hand, I can see the solar battery as well as the computer battery emptying fast,
and my old PANIC of SCARCiTY has me in its grip,
The "belief in " the scarcity of money, the scarcity of time, the scarcity of knowledge and skill,
is now inflated by the belief in the scarcity of electricity.

Please, help me to make fun of this belief,
help me to release this judgment!

Today I have time, yes, no visitors as yet (1:24 PM), nothing urgent to do,
but the high tide of my creativity
- needed for accomplishing my purpose with this site -
does not comply with the high tide of the solar power supply.
In half an hour the sun will disappear behind the Judaean mountains on the western side of the road above,
and only very little light will hit the solar panel and nourish the battery and my computer consumption.
I wanted to accomplish so much,
but when I finally connected and opened the laptop, it was already 12:15.
It's always been like that:
To restart writing and composing after a pause of some days demands incredible energy.
It's like the ancient Jewish proverb about studying Torah:
"If you forsake her for a day,
she will forsake you for two days."

It also makes me nervous,
that the charging of the computer is accompanied by the noise of the ventilator,
with irregular gushes of noise,
unlike the steady noise made by the converter
[i.e. the converter from the DC solar battery to the AC outlet of the computer-
an absurdity in itself, since the computer originally works with DC current).

The view of the Sea now is just as hazy as my soul.

I am accepting this haziness, this pressure, this lowness of my spirits.
I am breathing and sounding it.
The waves of my Sea, sometimes so gentle, that there is hardly a movement,
sometimes so ferocious, that they seem to devour the shore.
The ups and downs of the soul's waves are life.

And I shall insert a photo of the sparkling last day of the tenth week.

2004_02_07

The traditional Kiddush [=making holy] of the Shabbat was said with deep intention:
"in memory of Creation and the Exodus from Egypt" means, said Rabbi Ohad,
"that we need to always renew ourselves, get out of enslaving old situations and re-create our lives.
A slave can not be kaddosh, holy!"

In my ongoing teaching and living the message of "lekh-lekhâ",
of "go-to-yourself",
out of all the securities and sureties set up to protect me from the fear of freedom,
I had never thought of this profound link between celebrating the going-out from Egypt, i.e. from the security of slavery,
and hallowing Shabbat, i.e. the seventh day of Creation, which is the Day of Not-Creating, of "Ceasing to Manifest"!

I was and am painfully aware of how I have again become a slave of manifesting,
and I am dedicating this eleventh week of realizing Noah's Vision on Noah's Shore
to re-mind my mind of becoming "Noah", i.e. "at ease",
at ease , at peace, with what I accomplish in my life and on this day,
and at ease with what I don't accomplish on this day and in my life.

The message became "fleshy" with the metaphor of the tree:
"Become a tree, feel what it would be like to be a tree and ask your tree, what it wants to tell you".
This was the assignment of the Israeli teacher of Indian Shamanism on the Eve of the Feast of Trees.

I became a "Sidra", of course, not the one on the ancient Modi'in hill, but one of those in Nakhal David, 3 km south-west from Noah's Shore. The "Sheizaaf" or "Ziziphus Spinachristi" symbolizes for me what I want to be: like a tree with millions of tiny delicious apple-like fruits, almost all year round, with hardy leaves, which prevent dehydration, and with thorns, which protect from the animals' bite. The "Dommim"-tree, as it's called in the vernacular, rejoices in simply living. It does not care, if people come and pick its fruits. Uneaten fruits fall off in time, or are torn off by a storm, only to make space for new delightful blossoming, for new delicious fruits. It was then, that I remembered that passage from Rainer Maria Rilke's "Letters to a Young Poet" in the beginning of the 20th century, which has literally helped me survive the 50 years of unfathomable tribulations, which resulted from the frustration of "Not Doing what I was supposed to Do": I'm quoting from memory and translating as best as I can:

All those many humans I was guided to meet in those last 36 hours of the tenth week,
new people and old friends,
didn't they stress the point, which Yuval-David keeps bringing home to me:
"Noah's Shore is already working.
In vain all your worry!
All your pressure - what a shame!.
When Noah was asked to build a ship,
since the world would soon perish in a gigantic flood,
he did not worry about having enough time to accomplish the ark,
for he was Noah,
"noakh", easy-going, easy with people, easy with himself.

"I, your friend , have come for a week and look, already 4 weeks have passed.
Two of my brothers keep coming, and so do more and more of my friends.
And whoever comes in contact with you,
has no choice but remembering his own dreams.
A small flame is being lit,
a flame of self-respect , of self-determination, of en-thu-siasm
['en theo' in Greek means "being in God"],
and your very being here in this cave, on this shore, will make it grow."

I remember my two "gol" or "roll"-songs:

and today (at least) I feel, I can come to terms even with the ridiculous pressure,
I have been creating with my demands from updating my website in general and the Noah Pages in particular.
While still working on sculpting the Tu-bi-Shvat composition of encounters with people,
the understanding is growing, of how "Noah's Diary" has to change now.
Since its a time to meet with people
as differentiated from the time to create the physical conditions for my living and working here
it is no longer appropriate to report the way I did.
No more names and photos of one-time encounters with individual people,
no more sculpting of sporadic work of igniting the spark of self-determination in a visitor.

There would be so much to tell about every encounter,
be it face to face, or be it on the phone,
like the long fruitful conversation yesterday night,
which was initiated by a young friend from our "circle" in Ein-Gedi Fieldschool in 1999,
or like today's so relevant report of a woman from Switzerland,
who had participated with us in the Auschwitz Retreat,
engages now in international peace-activity in Hebron,
and had come to see me with two other volunteers already on her first Shabbat, a week ago.

Despite my despair with my ability to sculpt my experiences the way Max Liebermann has defined painting:
"Malen ist --- weglassen!"
"Painting is - to omit!"
or:
"Painting is - to skip!"
I'll make this my goal, which I shall roll, "roll on God" ,
just like any other goal on my way to manifest Noah's Vision,
the vision of a Training Space for Dreamers,
a Training Space for Total Self-Acceptance and Self-Determination.

I am such a slow reader and nowadays fall asleep after half a page of even the most interesting material.
Shouldn't this fact alone guide me towards producing a "homeopathic" condensation of my experiencing, learning and creating?

Now that I have the laptop with me wherever I am,
I am phrasing my intent
to not insert here more than one condensed experience or understanding per day
and to train myself in the heart-tearing task of every newspaper photographer of choosing one photo only.

Should I have more time available for playing with the computer,
I'll work on former pages of "Noah's Diary" in particular and of "Healing-K.i.s.s." in general.
"K.I.S.S." = Keep it simple, sweetheart!" was my - pathetic - intention.
But "rolling" the intention on "God" - might bring its fulfillment after all.

Following my understanding and new lekh-lekhâ on January 1, 2009,   that - after 7 years - I should no longer create new pages on my 2 websites, but intermingle the evidence of new experiences with that on existing pages, I'm adding a diary entry from January 2008 to this desperate desire to follow the principle of Max Liebermann (see what Jew with this family name is now threatening to deteriorate history - since the elections in Israel on Febr. 10, 2009......) Learning to edit videos ??????? 2002_06_22 A sentence from a correspondence between Immanuel and me about Overdoing everything. 2007_12_23- Immanuel showed me the links to the training, for which he pays a lot of money. 2 days ago he had shown me already the process of editing on the computer, Now I became even more excited. I gave up the idea of doing only primitive editing with Quicktime 7 pro, though this program is already on this computer too, and when we wasted more than an hour on downloading the videos, which I've taken yesterday – Mika's birthday party – during Mika's and my outing, and I learnt – later – that the movies themselves were all ruined (the visual part ran about 3 times faster than in reality, then only the sound went on ), I understood not only, that I won't make movies with the mobile phone any longer, but that I would learn the art of editing thoroughly with Immanuel's paid lessons. Even if it will take me a year to become skilled in it, --- this is my goal for 2008 on the exterior level ( in addition to fulfill Ronit's wish for the bnot-mitzva, Yael's friends). Immanuel said, that he is sure that sooner or later I would want to have real video-camera, but I said:         After I saw, how difficult it is for Immanuel to download the "footings", the raw material, I was even more convinced, that I should keep it simple, and after I saw the one hundred clips – between a few seconds and 2 minutes - I've taken on the day of "celebrating self-love", Mika's birthday with the family -only two stills!, I believe, that finally I CAN KEEP IT SIMPLE. The philosophy is also simple:         Now, on February 21, 2009 I know, that the intention for 2008 was not meant to be fulfilled, and after that one experiment with using the video of my camera and coming out with 100 clips, I returned to "stills" and in order to get the sequence of an event, I composed a sequence of stills like here: a video of 22 seconds - the first from among ? with which I wanted to document one day in Mika's life, her second birthday on December 20, 2007

2004_02_10

Forgive me, if for this first day of the -one-event-one-photo -Diary
I still choose an experience which is connected with technical problems,
and postpone the sculpting of a breakthrough in "Noah's Understanding",
which we, Yuval-David and I, may have reached yesterday.

If the low ceiling over my bed would have allowed for jumping up,
I would have done so 2 hours ago, when I woke up with a solution,
a solution for screening the "veranda" from the bright morning light:

The earlier the sun rose, the more urgent became the need for curtains.
A piece of brown velvet had prepared itself for this purpose 2 years ago.
[My daughter: "I found this at my father-in-law's! You need materials like this, don't you?"]
But how to install it and how to make it suffice , I couldn't figure out until now,
when it was impossible to work with the light reflecting screen of the laptop.

Now, after 2 hours of cutting, sowing, experimenting, the screen is perfect!

But, alas, the first activity - copying 3 photos from my digital camera to the computer - failed.
Because the two people from "Orange" wanted to take home the photos I had taken of them
& changed something in the program which copies photos from the camera to the computer.
This is just another funny ingredience to the "Orange-Saga" , which has begun 4 weeks ago.

Unlike my solution for screening the sun, "Orange" could not come up with a solution for making the laptop accept the software for the cellular Internet hardware, Aircard 750 of www.sierrawireless.com, which I bought already 4 weeks ago. 5 hours with an instructor on the phone, 3 hours with a personal instructor in Modi'in and now 2 hours with the professional manager of the technical service in the cave, and all this only to find out, that it must be the fault of the computer itself and that I have to go back to the company. "We never encountered such a problem before!" They really invested incredible effort, and they even made it to the cave. Who knows, how this will incite their own dreaming . But why is it, that I, a woman, with the judgment that women are not good in technical things, and with the crazy idea of balancing the new technology of cellular Internet with a fragile and limited solar system, why do I create all these problems with the laptop (of which I haven't told here) and the Internet connection? Part of the reason was, that I needed to get a harsh lesson in letting go of pressure. A lesson in returning to my "gol" and 'roll". But there must be more to it and I am curious to learn in time, how this "re-cess" is meant to advance the "pro-cess" of manifesting Noah's Shore.

Modi'in, 2004_02_11; 12:00

We met again after 5 days and listened to each others' experiences. Yuval-David cooked in the cave and we had dinner, before he left to his tent. The next morning we sat in the hot pool and I confessed: "I am so happy with the total truthfulness between us, and that we both live the four alefs: 'ahavah, love, is based on 'imoun, trust; 'imoun, trust, is based on 'emet, truth; 'emet, truth, is based on 'ometz, courage; 'ometz, courage, is based on the skill to deal with fear. But there is one situation, where I am not truthful, but faking: When I want to listen to someone and time and again fall asleep. I can admit this now, since I saw, that you too struggled with sleep, while I was telling my story." Our work on this issue led to the following decisions: - We shall limit our meetings in time, like 2 hours including dinner in the cave and like 1 hour on the shore in the morning - We shall train each other in focusing on agreed-upon issues and limit our verbalizing of these issues; - I, Christa-Rachel, shall learn to accept, that the support (tmikhah), which others need from me is less in being "a womb", i.e. in listening lovingly, non-judgmentally, than in helping the person towards practical self-determination. "Don't do, what others can do, even if you do it well. Do, what only you can do, or what you can do best."

Can anyone understand these homeopathic phrases?
I don't think so, but I'll "roll" it on God to help create the training space,
where those who are mature to receive the message can hear and train it.

I asked Yuval-David:
"Do you see yourself as a trainee or a trainer on Noah's Shore?"
"Though I am still not ready to commit myself,
I know,
that I would like to train people in FEELING."

It was then, that a friend of Yuval's called.
This friend, Daniel, who once had brought a container with 19 liter water down to the cave,
had already recruited himself and two Israeli-Arab friends to start the "Dreamer Training" in 3 weeks.
Now he called about the participation of another friend,
who - as a child- had lost a brother in a terror-act against children,
and was now about to join the Parents'Circle
Israeli-Palestinian Bereaved Families for Peace
whose loved-ones were killed in terror and war.

"That's great, Daniel!" I heard Yuval saying,
"And know, that we won't wait with the training , until seven people will gather here.
It will start, whenever even one person will be ready to come here.
The rules of the game are simply,
that there can never be more than 7 trainees at one and the same time,
and that nobody can stay less or longer than 7 days.
If he or she - we need also girls, by the way - wants to come back after 2 days of absence,
s/he is invited to do so provided there is space."

2004_02_13

A friend sent an e-mail in order to draw my attention to an article on the Internet
about the necessity and the possibility of
Healing the Trauma of Palestinians and Healing the Trauma of Jews.

Noah's Shore is intended to demonstrate how this healing can be done.

It so happened, that the article written by Gina Ross, once born to a Jewish family in Syria,
was the first page on the Internet, which I opened via my cellular "Aircard" in Noah's Cave.

Yes! I, the cave-woman, am now connected to the entire world.
The process of more than four weeks of realizing this intention came to a closure yesterday,
when I caused the technicians of the computer company and the technician of the cellular network
to cooperate via phone.
I truly felt as a midwife!

And while they were working, two little miracles came my way.
One:
there was another woman, who also had problems with her new laptop,
Dina Hason, a professional drummer and story-teller of love.
When I mentioned the Dead Sea, she said with yearning;
"The Dead Sea? That is MY place!"
I've never heard anyone say this except myself...

Second:
While waiting for the birth of my solar cellular cave communication,
I surfed the names in my mobile phone, to see, if I had neglected someone.
I hit the name of "Solarpower.com", a young company which I had wanted to involve.

"We are right there, where you are, in the same street, some 500 m further north!"


The computer works, the Internet works, the printer works,
but the scarcity of electricity, supplied by my 5o Watt per hour solar panel,
does not allow me to freely enjoy and benefit from all those possibilities.
My supplier angel led me to solar professionals (probably dreamers themselves)
before I had even understood, leave alone decided,
that my next step on Noah's Shore needed to be
to transform scarcity into abundance.
Like Yuval-David had said when I left for "Grandma's Days" the day before:
"We are waiting for you to become our teacher in enjoyment and pleasure.
How to realize our dreams not through suffering, but through joy."

I couldn't have met "Solarpower",
if my daughter hadn't given me her car to return to Modi'in.
And even with the car i wouldn't have returned in time,
if Julia, my flat partner, hadn't been ready to take my place with the grandkids.

And there were more miracles around the corner...
But I want to close this week with the hazy photo of the first e-mail which now reached me in the cave.
It comes from Moshe Klein, one of my "twin-brothers" and says simply:
AHAVAH
LOVE

YHWH - It IS HAPPENING
y e s h  !    -    i t    i s  !