The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'

pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"




The FELT days 204, 205, 206, 207 ~ of the next 15 FELT years [see linear time-line]

1 5   y e a r s  = 5 4 8 0   days   of
g e f u e h l t e - g e f u e l l t e   Z e i t   
"inmitten der Ewigkeit",
f e l t - f i l l e d   t i m e  
"amidst eternity"
from the beginning of my 76th till the completion of my 90th year [unless I'll die after all]
The feeling chosen from a day is exhibited in max. 7 lines per day since August 28, 2013
Since March 25, 2014, the only documentation of my life is distilled in "Felt Days"!!
My role in the manifestation of the Tent-Vision is implied in the biblical tent quote!
Often some "Driving Backward into the Future" is presented in a link beneath a day's song!

2014-03-30- Arad>Mitzpe-Ramon
-still 5272 days

[no time]

To feel better, you have to get better at feeling

2014-03-31-Mo -Itai Harari's BD -still 5271

8:23 - Trembling! Is Yanina's death close? -To be ready for the talk with Udi, Itai's & Yanina's friend, I rushed to the pool at 7, to let the water inspire me. Years ago the deal with pensioners was "from 8 to 15:15". Now Surprise: "You can enter already at 5!" How did I freeze a belief! Never asking if it was still a fact!!!

song: Shav lakhaem, mashkimê qum

Driving Backward ~~~Nourishment

2014-04-01-Tuesday-still 5270 days

Feeling serene - after intense efforts towards manifesting the "khibbuq-Yanina" with me-Udi-Itai-Ilai-Tal-be-arsal, in which she can convey her testament. -Gratefully relieved, that I didn't have to mediate between the secular & religious neighbors concerning the latters' noisy singing,
because Meital approached them herself.

song: yedidut aemet lo timot

Driving Backward ~~~Nourishment

2014-04-02-Wednesday-still 5269 days

I detected a feeling of which I'm not even ashamed; contempt! for yet another "friend" who googled for her name (H., B's sister, 1959) and got mad when she found our 2009 exchange. Self-love>transparence!- Focused on the message of my friend Yanina's coming death, I"ll be present in her life for a day. "Glad!"

song: ve-sasti alehaem

Nourishment-Valhalla Community


March 30, 2014-OHEL 60 from among its 365 appearances in the Bible

He will be disconnected from his TENT,
his security
Job 18:14 [My own translation]

Abgetrennt wird er seinem ZELT,
seiner Sichrung
Ijob 18,14



March 31, 2014-OHEL 61 from among its 365 appearances in the Bible

So they and their sons were in charge of the gates
of the house of the Lord, the house of THE TENT
as guards.
Chronicles I 9:23

Sie und ihre Soehne ueber die Tore
zu SEINEM Haus, zum Haus des ZELTES
zur Hut
Begebenheiten der Tage I 9,23



April 1, 2014- OHEL 62 from among its 365 appearances in the Bible

'We came to the camp of the Arameans,
and, behold, there was no man there,
neither voice of man,
but the horses tied, and the asses tied,
and the tents as they were.'
Kings II 7:10

In das Lager der Aramaeer sind wir gekommen,
da war kein Mann dort
noch Schall von einem Menschen,
sondern nur die Rosse angepfloeckt, die Esel angepfloeckt
und die ZELTE wie sie waren.
Koenige II 7,10



April 2, 2014-OHEL 63 from among its 365 appearances in the Bible

That is the service-of-packing of the clans of the Sons of Merari,
including all their serving-tasks
under the hand of Itamar
son of Aharon the priest.
Numeri 4:33

Dies der Dienst der Sippen der Soehne Mraris,
all ihr Dienst
unter der Hand Itamars
Sohns Aharons des Priesters.
In der Wueste 4,33



I want you to enhance
and to not distort,
what the Vision of Tents
intends to evolve
the earth of the desert
will stay free and pure
and host us humans
to find ourselves.

Move to next "Felt Day" in Truth & Reality Class - Lesson Four


Scroll down to my inner experience with "the Journey of the Four" - to Poland, in October 2009
A magnificent full rainbow appeared above the barbed wire of the once deadly fence,
when 57 people from 8 nations crossed this gate to BirkenAU on November 3, 2003.
Outside - under the birches, then bare and bleak, since any leaf would be instantly eaten,
women and children were herded together before being sent to the close gas-chambers.
Inside - the remnants of Crematorium IV, blown up by the "Sonder-Kommando" in 1944.
It was at a time, when 400 000 Jews from Hungary were exterminated within 2 months.

Those who were forced to do " the job " were mostly Jews from Salonikae in Greece,
who started their life-span of three (!) months "fresh", i.e. not yet emaciated by hunger.
"If someone refused, the head of his wife would be knocked into the fire and burnt."
Witnessed and told to me today - 2003_11_28 - by Helena Hammermesch~~ in Israel.
"We were four women in the camp resistance,
Three of us worked in the ammunition factory.
It was the women, who were hanged,
for they had smuggled the materials
to the Sonder-Kommando
for making the bombs.

"Tell the world, Rachel, save Jewish dignity!
We were not sheep dragged to slaughter,
we were human and we were humane."

Already in 1986 I taped Helena's stories
about the small lights in the darkness,
resistance and support for each other,
self-respect and self-determination.


Retreat - November 2003_11_3-10 ~~~~In October 2009 I re-read and corrected all pages because of Rotem, see below
The rainbow joins earth and sky ~ merges rain and sun,
and displays multiple, distinct colors of the ONE Light !
It is the sign of the Covenant between YHWH and Noah,
that never again will there be intent to blot out humans.
But there was this intent! There still are such attempts!
                "God" and  Wo/Man need to heal, grow, evolve,
                   towards aligning with the Rainbow Covenant.



Christa-Rachel Maryam Bat-Adam

See also Laura's report and photos, Fleet's journal and Ola's slide-show

The first thought I remember was - at the age of 5-6 in 1944 -
"Can there be a world without war?"
And from the age of 6-7 my zeal and zest was "to redeem humankind".
At the age of 20 I became brutally exposed to and infected with "Auschwitz",
and it was "MY" Auschwitz, which has spurred me ever since
to heal myself and, by extension, all of Creation.

What then is it, that I now, at the age of 65, needed to deeper experience and to more fully understand
during a six day retreat in Auschwitz, with 57 mind-focused and heart-centered people from 8 nations,
followed by two more days of solitude in the Marian Monastery - erected in the subcamp of Harmeze?

The only way to grasp such darkness is by discovering the little lights that starred it,
the lights of dignity or self-respect, the lights of freedom or self-determination.

In reading this on Oct. 6, 2009 I don't find it enough or even valuable "to grasp such darkness".
What is needed is: how can I let myself be nourished by this experience of God/Humankind?
And how can I nourish with it others, especially the present victim-victimizer State of Israel?
My granddaughter R, now 16, will set out on a journey to Auschwitz with her class on Oct. 14.

It was on November 5, 2003, when we all gathered around the ruins of the crematorium,
which the Sonderkommando - those who had to pull the bodies from the gas-chambers - had blown up in 1944,
when we suddenly saw ourselves vaulted by the most glorious rainbow, from one end of the horizon to the other.



The Biblical rainbow sealed "God's" promise
to take responsibility for the evil in Creation.

To wholly understand what I'm talking about,
I would need you to study "Healing-K.i.s.s."
(either in the original or in my graphically edited version)
which the first part of my website tries
to analyze, internalize and apply in my life.

Two participants of the group are outstanding under the rainbow:
Amidst the group , in its back, Rabbi Ohad Ezrahi
- in the colored coat and blue cap -
has founded HAMAKOM at the Dead Sea,
"an Intentional Community & Retreat Center for the Study & Experience of Jewish wisdom".
Hamakom means "the Place" and is also a title for "God".
I feel, it was me, who together with 3 partners, have matured that place for "the Place",
a desert hostel above the Dead Sea on Palestinian territory,
when we lived there in 1998-9.

- apart from the group- has been my friend for 37 years.
For 37 years have we been friends as well as companions on the AUschwitz journey.
We lived in the same village and were drawn to each other by a double "coincidence":
Her second child was born 5 hours before my second child,
and her third child was born 10 minutes before my third child.


The memorial tries to convey the feeling of the crematoria and of the ripped-up mouths of the gassed.
"May this place forever be an outcry of despair and warning for humankind...."
"ein Aufschrei", a scream of "AU-AU-AU", - not a silent meditation...



"The real AUschwitz Museum":
Marian's Labyrinth in Harmeze.

Andrzej Krajewski, the Polish coordinator of our retreat with two other "Old-Timers", Klaus and Roland, next to him,
and to Marian's right : four participants from four nations:
Elisabeth from Switzerland, Ruediger from Germany, Pawel from Poland, Ruth from England.





There was one ceremony, in which a little sound was asked for:
in the children's barrack.
"If you know a lullaby..."
And I sang a Yiddish lullaby!
I cry, just writing this here.

When I was pregnant -amidst the examinations in Protetant Theology -
unmarried - with the child from a married man, father of two children -
and this man was a Jew,
guilty of what in 1962 were three "abominable crimes",
I did not succumb to the quest to abort it:
"One million children were murdered!
I shall not murder another child.
This one shall live."

I called the child "Immanuel", another "crime" .. . , since this is the title of "Christ".
How, after almost 41 years do I still have these tears in me, which now burst forth?
There was intention of annihilation long before "Christ" and "AUschwitz-BirkenAU":
as quoted in Psalm 83:

Keep not thou silence, O God:

hold not thy peace,

and be not still, O God...

They have taken crafty counsel against thy people,
and have been consulting with each other...

'They have said, Come, and let us cut them off from being a nation,
that the name of Israel may be no more in remembrance.'

For they have consulted together with ONE heart.."

While working day and night on my thesis
which had to be delivered a day before the expected birth,
[except that the child made his appearance two weeks earlier...]
I discovered the answer to this vicious plan in the famous prophecy of Isaiah 7-8:

"Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign;

Behold, a young woman shall conceive,
and bear a son,
and shall call his name Im-manu-el

Go ahead, counsel, counsel, and it shall come to nought;

Go ahead, talk, talk, and it shall not stand up:

for Im-manu-El
Behold, I and the children whom the LORD hath given me
are for signs and for wonders in Israel."

[you can listen now to the entire song in SongGame 2007]

My thesis had to do with research on a German theologian, called Karl Barth,
and it's in one of his books about "dogmatics" that I found my son's name:

On this prophecy Christianity bases its dogma of the virginity of Jesus' mother .
This is all the more relevant on these pages because of my experience with the Immaculata in Harmeze.

The Hebrew text does not talk about "a virgin".
Making love and conception were never impure and polluted in ancient or modern Jewish thought.
This notion was first introduced by the ancient Greek translation of the Bible, the Septuaginta,
where "almah"="maid" became a "virgin".

The term "almah" simply signifies a woman capable of sexual intercourse and marriage.
One of Karl Barth's proofs hit me:
a verse in the Biblical "Proverbs" [30:19] about four things that leave no traces:
"The way of an eagle in the air;
the way of a serpent upon a rock;
the way of a ship in the midst of the sea;
and the way of a man with a maid [almah]."

"But it did leave traces", I screamed.
The fact that it was the "almah", who named her child,
and not as it was the usage, the father of the child,
meant that there really was no father around to decide anything,

And so - when my son was 7 hours old - I scribbled "Isaiah 8:10 as answer to Psalm 83:4-5"
to be sent by a telegram to Israel by my friend Helen.
Helen Gutmann, a Polish Auschwitz survivor,
had kindly given me refuge in her flat in Heidelberg,
when the students' hostel could no longer host an unmarried mother.
My son's father wrote back: "I thought you wanted to name him 'Shalom'?"
This had be indeed my intention, but who was I to decide such a thing?

So I too sang the lullaby for my baby, which I had taught myself from a book with Yiddish songs:
The second part of the first verse and the first of the second verse forever makes me cry:

Vor dein goirl schreck sich nit,
ich, deine Mame hit dich, hit,
ich, dein Mame, sing dir zu,
ai liu, liu, liu, ai, liu, liu, liu , liu

Wer es weisst vun noit un pein,
derf die Nocht a ruh im sein,
olls wos otemt oif der erd,
schlof schein zis un unbeschwert..

Do not fear you destiny,
I, your Mama, guard you, guard,
I, your Mama, sing to you,
ai liu, liu, liu, ai, liu, liu, liu , liu

Whoever knows of trouble and pain,
may rest in peace this night,
whatever breathes on this earth,
may sleep sweetly and without sorrow.




I must stop sculpting now.
I desire to walk my talk and descend to the Dead Sea
and to first prepare a cave to live in - with no Internet.
And train young Jews and young Palestinians in dreaming,
and in realizing the dream of Noah's Shore and Noah's Ark.
I desire to fulfill my part of the Rainbow-Covenant.

For the sake of uniting
the Holy-One-Blessed-be-He and his Shekhina
(Divine Presence in female gender)
to unite Y-H with W-H in complete/whole unity
in the name of all Israel and let's say: Amen.
These Aramaic words are said
before blessing over the fulfillment of
certain kinds of commandments.
YHWH is the so-called name of God,
but is actually a verb: he who happens

In Dec. 2010, when I scanned some 50 old slides, I discovered this image of Helena Hammermesch [see intro above]
[To my regret I don't remember the girl - called "Orly" -, to whom Helena is talking here]


The Journey of the Four to Poland, October 2009

October 24, 2009
All seven days of Rotem and Jonathan, Yahel and Shira in Poland
are documented in daily videos!

October 14, 2009:

My grandchildren Jonathan and Rotem,
as well as Ya'acov's twins Yahel and Shira
set out on a journey to Poland:

I don't succeed in transferring Rotem's singing to the computer,
but the song can be heard on the Internet

This interaction was preceded by a long phone-call on Oct.4,
and by 2 letters from me to Rotem, which mainly concerned my pages about AUschwitz,
which I had recommended to her.

While I had been re-reading and correcting all of the AUschwitz-BirkenAU pages,
I came across the lullaby which I sang in the "Childrens' Barrack"
[see above].
"S'hot der Windl zich gestillt" - "The wind has calmed down".
I had learnt this song from a book and never heard it sung by anyone.
Now - 46 years after I cradled with it little Immanuel - I felt, I should translate it
I began to sing the Hebrew version to Mika on October 12,
and now see - below - what happened.

A day after the young people flew to Poland,
I got 2 different e-mails, becrying the death of Marian, the holocaust painter.

sursis pour l'orchestreorchestra on probation

Then, 2 days later, on October 17, Elah, my granddaughter,
came to visit at Shoham and told:

"I am back from my performances in Eilat,
back to Beit-Zvi Art School
[see Elah's performing in "Hair" and
see the entry about another play
in kisslog on Nov.9 !!!] ],
and I'm happy, that I got the main role
in the drama "orchestra on probation ".

[Hebrew version by Shmuel Hasfari]

[played right now also by another Jewish theater school]
I am small as Fania was small, but I have to loose weight,
though nobody demands from me
to reach Fania's weight of 60 pounds at the end of the war."

She also told:
"I'll have to go back and play the piano
and I have to sing a lullaby in Yiddish.
We haven't yet discovered one,
which is not over-familiar because of its appearance in a movie etc."

I was glad to inform her of "my" Yiddish lullaby
(see above)
and how just now I had translated it into Hebrew.

We also talked about another figure in the play
Alma Rosé, the orchestra's kapo and conductor.
I immediately searched for the exact connection
between this Alma and the famous Alma Mahler,
[married also to Franz Werfel, thanks to whose famous novel:
The Forty Days of Musa Dagh (1933)
the Armenian Genocide became first known to the world]

Just then it so happened,
that Elah glanced at the shelf in my room,
on which only recently I had ordered the few books,
which Efrat and Immanuel want to keep.
Elah pulled out the book "Alma Mahler",
to which I had not paid attention at all.

"Did you ever read this?" we asked Efrat and she:
"Of course! I like biographies!"
Fania Fénelon (1922-1983 Paris)
In the Second World War
she supported the French Resistance against the Nazis, was arrested,
and was first deported to Auschwitz-Birkenau,
where she was a member of the girl orchestra of Auschwitz,
then to Bergen-Belsen, until she was freed in 1945.
Suffering from a potentially fatal case of typhus and weighing only sixty pounds, she sang for the BBC on the day of her liberation by British troops...

Between 1973 and 1975 she wrote the book
Sursis pour l'orchestre,
in which she described her experiences.

The book was based on her diary from the concentration camps.
It was remarkably frank on many sensitive topics:
the degrading compromises survivors had to make,
the black humor of inmates
(the orchestra women are often depicted
as laughing hysterically over gruesome sights),
t he religious and national tensions among inmates,
and the normality of prostitution and lesbian relationships
(this last perhaps the most controversial, since it was the most heavily cut in translation).
Almost all survivors who read the book
disagreed with its negative portrayal of
Alma Rosé, the orchestra's kapo and conductor.

Linda Yellen filmed the book under the title Playing For Time,
using as script a dramatic adaptation by Arthur Miller.

Fania bitterly opposed
Miller's and Yellen's sanitized rendition of life in the camps
and above all Yellen's casting of Vanessa Redgrave to play her.
Redgrave was a well-known PLO sympathizer and at nearly six feet tall,
bore little resemblance to the petite Fania.

"I do not accept a person to play me who is the opposite of me,"
Fénelon declared.
"I wanted Liza Minnelli.
She's small, she's full of life, she sings and dances.
Vanessa...doesn't have a sense of humor,
and that is the one thing that saved me from death in the camp."

Fénelon scolded Redgrave to her face on 60 Minutes.
Redgrave, however, won the support of the acting community
as the issue of her political freedom took precedence over her suitability for the role.
Fania Fénelon never forgave Redgrave,
but eventually softened her view of the production to cede that it was "a fair film."

See Elah's performance as Fanya on April 15, 2010, which was also the 46th anniversary of my and her father's immigration to Israel


On October 19, I got an e-mail from my son Micha, in which he wrote:
"Hi Ima, For some reason I thought of you when reading this - maybe you will find it interesting. Love, Micha"
about a friend of his brother-in-law Yecheskel, called Ron after his grandfather Aharon
about whom Ron - in a group of Israeli officers who visited Auschwitz-Birkenau - gave a speech.
Aharon was born in Rotenburg on the river Fulda in Hesse/Germany
and murdered in Auschwitz , together with his grandmother Berni

October 26, 2009
Yaacov sent me this picture of his twins,
Yahel & Shira,
as they lead the group
in ~~~~~ a concentration camp ~~~.
It wasn't planned that they would carry the flags.
It wasn't planned that they would walk together.
The photo was taken "by chance" by a pupil from another "Democratic School".




In a ceremony at the Rappoport Memorial in Warsaw(see video: Ceremony 2)
Yahel and Rotem read testimonies found in the Warsaw Ghetto,

and Jonathan sings "What about someone who has no faith"..

(see a performance which appears on Youtube)

Rotem was the one who drew Jonathan's attention to this song the day before.
Unlike "my" songs of Lea Goldberg, which praise the small beauties of life,
this song is filled with abysmal grief, kicking against the Lover's metaphor

I am asleep and my heart is awake
(Canticum 5:2 and 3:1-3 - my song!)

"my heart sleeps its sleep and I am asleep,
my dreams are heavy with silence
and my dead ones walk in my sleep
as in an ancient fortress.

How to wake up from my sleep
and in my heart there is no faith?"

Pupils from the Democratic Schools of Modi'in, Kfar-Saba, Hadera followed the ceremony, in which Rotem, Yahel and Jonathan took an active part

Continuation of the sequence of scenes, which I cropped from the official videos, prepared by the "Documentation Team" of three Israeli "Democratic Schools"