Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

Stop Eating Us

"I am small, I am so tiny, I am almost non-existent.
Will you hear me, will you see me?
Heart pounding, trying to ignore the voices of self-hate
that tell me I'm a fool, twice a fool to try this again.

"I try to talk to you directly. I try and try.
I can't hear you, and I fear there's something wrong with me,
I'm too small, too stupid, too blocked, to hear your voice
when all these others claim to hear you and know you.

"I will tell you what I do hear, what I do know.
I know a vast sea of tiny beings like me,
sisters, some bigger, some smaller,
all terrified though some pretend not to be.
We tread water together.
I hear their cries, I hear their longing and broken hearts.
I hear their death dirge
when they finally give up trying to tread water
and sink under to drown.

"Despair and trying to die are bad enough, God.
But now, as I begin to swim,
now as I feel life returning to my limbs
and begin to hope that I might live,
I see the sharks beneath the water.

"They have been there all along~
sharks swimming circles around us, greedy, hungry sharks.
We didn't see them, we didn't know they were there!
Some of them wear your badge,
some of them even claim to be devoted to the Will and healing.
Are these the Knights and Emissaries and Missionaries
that YOU sent here?
I am so enraged,
now that I have become awake enough to see
what prey we are!!

"I WANT THIS TO STOP!!!

"They guru, they power over,
they claim to know what is best for us.
They seduce us with lures of love.
And what is worse, God, is
they believe they are still doing your will.
What they are doing is collecting us.
Eating us.
Collecting and eating bits of Will,
bits of fragments of the Mother.

"STOP EATING US!!!

"I want these sharks gone.
I want them off the planet!
How can we heal when we are being eaten?!?

"I dreamed the other night,
I dreamed I stood on the rim of the world
and watched as souls were born into bodies.
At the gateway stood guards.
I watched as my sisters approached the gate
and as they passed through,
the guards whispered in their ears
and pressed down on them
and shamed them
and made them feel guilty.
Stay open, was the guilty message they gave.
It is unloving to be closed, stay open.

"Do you see?
We are being born
without boundaries.

We accepted guilt's whisperings,

we have great gaping holes
in our sense of self,

in our knowing of who we are

and what we feel

and our ability
to resist the influence of others.

We remain open and vulnerable to unloving light,

and we have almost no ability to discern

what is loving or unloving light.

We are easy prey.

"You say
we must be careful
not to open and let in unloving light,
be cautious.
HA. I am telling you,

without boundaries,

guilt keeps us open from day one,

and we cannot be cautious,

we cannot discern,
we cannot protect ourselves.
I AM SO ANGRY ABOUT THIS!!

"I was born like this,

I came into this world in this life
with
damaged boundaries.


I wanted to say
it was because of the sexual abuse
I suffered at the age of two,
or the alcoholic storms in our house,
or the violence.



But the truth is,

I had no boundaries at birth,

guilt made me a feather in the wind,

a wishywashy person,

easy prey to both guru and dominating lover.

"I have fought long and hard to find my sense of self.

I have cried oceans and oceans of tears.

And I am ENRAGED

that my sisters all around me lose these battles every day.

Every day I see more fall under the spells of these guru-types,

with their seductive ways

and their promise of love and enlightenment.

"I am so afraid you won't hear me.
I am so afraid you will say that it is all our own responsibility.
That we must own being both eater and the eaten.
I don't know why I'm trying this, one more time,
I feel compelled by grief and longing and terror. And rage.

"STOP EATING US!!!




"I want the sharks gone.
I want the Guilt Guards removed from the birth gateways.
I want these so-called missionaries to go "save" somebody else.
I want all my sisters to get rip roaring PISSED.
What will it take to kick these rat bastards OFF the planet?

 

Channelers' note:
This page is a continuation of the Mother & Spirit in Dialog.
"Stop Eating Us" is the second in a series of expressions by the Mother's most tortured fragments,
the lost Will of Creation.
All will be speaking here
with the protection and guidance of parental Mother,
and many for the first time in the presence of loving Light.

 

 

Next: House of Pain ~ The Mother in Draco

Previous: House of Pain ~ Charcoal Mother

Dialog Page I: God and the Mother's Anguish

Dialog Page II: The Mother Responds to God's Apology

Dialog Page III: God Responds to the Mother's Invitation

Dialog Page IV: Cinderella & the Dark Wizard

Mother Pages Index | Mother Pages Introduction

March 1, 2011,
since this is the only other page on Godchannel (according to "Search"),
where "sexual abuse" is mentioned,
I'm inserting here the answer of the Channelers on Febr. 23, 2011
though I don't find this answer to my pleading     [inserted in .pain 1],     helpful,
except for the advice to let go of "the story" and focus on the feelings,
but the problem of abuse I asked about is not so much about "stories"!
I want to know the source for any kind of distortion of the sexual drive,
beyond the perpetrator-victim behavior, which in itself has nothing to do with sex!
I do know the reasons for behavior against our self-interest ,
both as perpetrators and as victims:
self-hatred, feeling unworthy in general
and- in the case of the perpetrator- also lack of zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment .
I do know, why a terrorist murders father, mother + 3 children in their sleep (March 12, 2011).
I do know, why American soldiers run to war and let themselves be killed in Afghanistan.
But I do not know, why a father would ask his daughter to fondle his penis, etc. etc. etc..

Thank you for writing, it's good to hear from you again. Sorry to be so long in responding. - Sexual abuse, adult to child and incest, as you've indicated, have been 'closet' issue in humanity for ages. We agree of course that it's good to have this coming more out into the open now.
We're sorry to hear that ... has decided to make the abuse by .... a personal issue with you. Psychotherapy has not had an understanding about fundamental innocence, and often therapists find it useful to have their clients blame someone else for whatever is hurting or limiting them.
We're sorry if this is what has happened here, it's unjust of course.

From what you have said, it seems that you yourself have healed
whatever sexual abuse you'd encountered in your life.

The answer we received when we asked about sexual abuse, and especially incest is
that these incidents among humans
are reenactments of the victim-perpetrator gap
that began long ago at the universal layer of identity.

The event during WWII that so awakened Spirit
[See .Interview3 / .Grandfather and puzzle-piece 42
Also put "victim-perpetrator" in Godchannel's Search, to learn more about this theme]
was a reenactment of the imprint with sexual perpetration at its core.

We were also reminded of the tortures of the oracle
as another example of the acting out of this imprint.
[in the Green Book and a different version in the Indigo Book,
see what the channeler of RUOW says - to the book "INDIGO",
about the difference between these versions.
See also "Eileen's" post to the Forum.]

As to the healing, we're being guided

to continue with the process of first identifying as Body
(http://GodChannel.com/identity.html),
and then finding the energy of the triggered feeling in the chakra system.

Dropping out of the 'story' in the mind that has triggered the feeling,
j u s t       b r e a t h e    s p a c e  
 i n   a n d   a r o u n d   t h e   e n e r g y   o f   t he  f e e l i n g  
 i n   t h e    p l a c e  i n   B o d y   w h e r e   y o u   f i n d   i t.

You may want to pay special attention to the energy in the first chakra,
this is often the cause of our attention going back into the mind and the story.

Of course there is great denial energy in and around the part affected by this imprint,
so releasing it may likely be necessary before going farther into the imprint.

Eventually you will be able to love the energy of the feeling
as your own life force energy.

Here's a practice we use for doing this: http://ProcessCoaching.com/lovingenergy.html

We would suggest beginning with the feeling(s) around ... rejection of you ( likely a separate but related imprint), and progress from there into whatever you can find of the energy of the imprint itself in your Body. Hope this helps...

Loving Life Force Energy

Love is the true medicine of healing.
It's our love for the feeling parts of ourselves
that enables us to find and heal them.
As children we learned to suppress or repress feelings as a way of coping.
That sent those parts into the shadow where they've remained hidden-
until they're triggered by a present circumstance.
The triggering is useful,
because now there is an opportunity
to become reacquainted with the parts of us
that are still feeling what was suppressed.

The most direct (and perhaps easiest) way
to heal and integrate these lost parts
is to love the energy of the feeling in the body.
However, an old coping strategy usually kicks in;
a story starts up whenever we feel hurt, scared or angry.
The story however is just a series of thoughts about the feeling,
not the feeling itself.
Trying to resolve the issue at the level of the story
keeps us in the mind, and away from the actual feeling.
It's only by feeling the energy of the feeling
where it is located in body
that we are able to heal it.

Feeling the energy of an emotion in the body
enables us to experience the feeling directly, on its own terms,
without having to refer to the story in the mind
about the event that triggered the feeling.
By dropping out of the story and its conditioning in the mind
we are able to directly meet the real issue,
the energy of the feeling itself.
Then we can bring back to ourselves this previously lost and denied part of self.

Interestingly, the unconditioned mind can help us to feel the energy of the feeling.
All you need do is to inquire about the energy in feeling terms.
The easiest way to do this is to ask yourself
questions about the location and sensations of the energy.
"Where am I feeling this in my body?" is the first question.
When you find the location of the energy,
b r e a t h e   s o m e   s p a c e    into and around the feeling
so it has enough room to be there and move as it will.
This will also help you be more comfortable with it being here.
Next you can ask about the sensations,
"Is this energy more tight or loose?"
"Warm or cool?" "Hard or soft?" "Sharp or dull?"
"Is it still or moving?" etc.

... The story is not the actual experience;
it's only a model of the experience in the mind.
The experience of the feeling's energy in the body is what is real.
There is no victim or perpetrator in this direct approach;
there are no judgments.
There is only the energy that's been triggered
and the feeling of its sensations in your body.

Once you have explored the sensations of the energy,
you can begin to make friends with it.
If a judgment release or deep denial release seems like it would help, go for it.
[See "Healing from Guilt" [see today's synchronicity in Learn&Live15>Healing from Guilt]
and "Releasing Denial Energy"   on the Channelers' website "processcoaching"
Or you can simply find something about this energy that is lovable,
and begin by loving that.
Your love will expand as you welcome the energy
and find appreciation for it being here in you.
And this is the easiest way to help it feel your love.
You'll know you're on the right track when you can feel into the feeling
and say something like this to it: "Ah, my most excellent life-force energy!
[I think, for me it's easier to say: "my Mother"!]
Thank you for being here, I love you.
I want to be with you. I want you to be with me~~~ always."

... Very often deep emotional movement arises
and new information comes spontaneously with this movement.
The energy of the emotion is now free to move in you, as it will.
... Healing happens
whenever real love shows up for a place where it hasn't been before.
And wholeness happens
whenever a feeling part of ourselves receives and accepts our love.

March 14, 2011
Dear Channelers,
thank your for responding and thank you for trying to understand me.

Yet I don't find your answer to my pleading helpful,
except for the advice to let go of "the story" and focus on the feelings,
but the problem of abuse I asked about is not so much about "stories"!

I want to know the source for any kind of distortion of the sexual drive,
- beyond the perpetrator-victim behavior,
which - in itself - has nothing to do with sex!

I do know the reasons for behavior against our own self-interest ,
both as perpetrators and as victims:
self-hatred, feeling unworthy in general
and- in the case of the perpetrator- also lack of zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment .
I do know,
why a terrorist murders father, mother + 3 children in their sleep (March 12, 2011!).
I do know,
why American soldiers run to war and let themselves be killed in Afghanistan.
But I do not know, why a father would ask his daughter to fondle his penis, etc.
Christa-Rachel

March 23,2011
Dear Christa-Rachel,

Our understandings of parent-child incest go back to the imprints
formed in the relationship of denied Spirit and Heart Daughter
and the relationship of the Mother and Heart Son
as described in the RUOW books, especially 'Imprints' and 'Heart Song.'
In both cases there was an alignment
between the parental part and Heart against the other parental part.
And many distortions of sexuality seem to arise from these gaps beyond incest...

The important thing for us has been to remember
that all of the gaps in Creation have been the result of unconsciousness
and that healing them within ourselves
is the only way they will heal in the outer world.
Taking responsibility
(as is being willing and able to respond),
and not assigning blame or taking on guilt
has been what works for us by way of healing.

Anyway, this is what we're getting.
Have the Folks themselves had anything to say to you on this?

Channelers

March 25, 2011
Dear Channelers, thank you, Especially for the definition of "responsibility"
as "being willing and able to respond", without blame or guilt.
Still , the explanation is only metaphysical, in no way psychological,
and therefore only faintly helpful.
As I told you: I learnt to understand the reasons for war, terror, violence etc.,
and therefore can work on creating the conditions
for personal wholeness and planetary peace,
but what am I to do with "an alignment between the parental part and Heart against the other parental part"?
Perhaps if you could point out to me the exact pages in "Heart Song" &"Imprint",
I would at least understand the reasons behind those alignments?
But even then: How could this help me to "heal this in myself" - to heal what?

A minor question: You say: "many distortions of sexuality seem to arise from these gaps beyond incest", did you mean: "in addition to the distortion called incest", or what do you mean by "beyond incest"?

No, I got no answer from The Folks.
Why can't they give one to you? Isn't the theme important enough?
(the more so, since there hasn't been any new message since April 2010 ?)

Thank you again for taking the time to respond!    Christa-Rachel

So far - May 25, 2011 - there is no response from the Channelers
but see in Puzzle Piece 52, what I understood on October 31, 2011]

The ladder from the north towards the sea

The ladder from the south towards the road to the village