no date; checked for updates
on 2005_06_30
I found the file updated , after the
chapter "Lucifer" was, since Febr.
19, 2010 , included in the new Denial
Pages -
"an index that lists the more prominent places on the site
where denial energy is discussed and the various ways of releasing
it are described."
Healing Class II
The Spirit Polarity
Part Two: Divine Codependency
[Lucifer]
[Ahriman]
"I realized early on in my evolution
that the Mother did not like bad light,
[I
still - 2009_04_17-
find it very difficult to understand the term "light",
especially "bad light", or "denied light",
see God's description
at the end of Godchannel's "
"
and my definition
in what was once a "popup reminder":] |
 |
and
I began a program
of improving the quality of my Light
so it would be better received,
more space would be opened,
and there would be more of me in existence.
For a very long time I believed
that my evolution depended on the quality of my Light,
and how much of it could be received.
"I was constantly looking to the Mother
to show me her reactions to my Light,
so I could 'fix' it in ways
that made it feel better to her.
You know this tendency as codependence.
You're finding out like I have
that this approach doesn't work.
It's taken us all a very long time to learn this lesson,
and I thought you might like to know how it got started.
"At
one point I realized
that it was impossible
to avoid showing her Light
that did not feel good.
"Before
I gave up trying to please her,
I ventured very deeply inside myself
to see
if I could find the source of my undesirable Light.
I went all the way to the Void,
to the place were I emerge into existence
[previously:
to the place that is the ground of my existence].
It was a journey not only within, but upstream.
It was a very intense experience.
I had to go against the wind, so to speak.
"When I finally arrived at the Void
I discovered the terror
of its essential nature of not-ness, of non-existence.
I also discovered
that here I had an option
that was not available to me anywhere in existence.
Here, at the place just before my beginning,
I could permanently establish the quality of my Light.
I found the way to separate 'good' Light from 'bad' Light.
In the Void I found the raw material of separation,
I found the 'dividing line'.
And I used it.
"I
separated out all the qualities of my Light
that I knew were pleasing to the Mother
and put them on one side of the line.
On the other side were left all the qualities of Light
that the Mother found undesirable.
I called the side that was pleasing to the Mother
'Light',
and what was left I called 'darkness'.
Before I left there,
I positioned my self on the side of Light
and became completely identified with it,
leaving no room in my identity for 'darkness.'
I returned to existence very pleased
with myself
for finding the permanent solution to the problem of my 'bad'
Light.
[when I now, on February 22,
2010, restudied this material,
I was stunned by a coincidence:
I had just before , during breakfast, listened to a casette of
mine,
where I had let myself be recorded professionally, in a studio,
when reading a little booklet , my first sculpting on the Internet,
in 1995,
distrubuted by hand as 48 copies, of which none stayed with me.
It's there that I explain
- as so often before and after , when talking to people face to
face - as well as on this site, see e.g. in "Noah's
Rainbow"
how Jewish tradition, just as Christianity, in which the dualistic
trend [God versus Satan] is better known,
did not have the courage to quote the "I
create evil", but left it out.
Isaiah
45:5-7
I am YHWH and there is none else,
beside Me there is no God....
That they may know from the rising of the sun and from
the west that there is none beside Me
I am YHWH and there is none else
I form light,
and I create darkness
I make shalom*
and I create evil;
I am YHWH, that doeth all these things.
*this can either mean: I make
peace between light and darkness
or: I make the whole, i.e. both peace and darkness
|
|
Despite the intuition, that this verse in Isaiah indeed paraphrases
the "YHWH is One" in the "Shma Yisrael", the
"Credo" of Israel,
and it is said twice a day before the Shma is said by religious
Jews as the so-called birkat yotzer, Blessing of the one who creates,
the point of the points : I create evil
, is left out, which meant that they were "leaving
no room in my identity for 'darkness.'
something which is stupefying when one knows, how strict Jewish
tradition was and is in quoting exactly - to the letter, - not
only to the words!]
"For a long time it
worked quite well.
The Mother and I had a most excellent relationship,
and we created a deep bond of love and partnership.
Together we emerged all of Creation.
Sure, there were many 'bumps' along the way,
and I used those experiences productively
to find the 'problems' in my Light
and continued the process of separating them from me.
[How come that "together
we emerged all of Creation",
when in the next passage "the bright
light appeared",
"just as the Mother and I were preparing
to go forth to emerge creation'?]
"Just as the Mother and I were preparing
to go forth to emerge creation,
an exceptionally bright light appeared to us.
It had come from out of nowhere
and was suddenly present with us.
I had long forgotten my journey to the Void,
and the Void itself for that matter.
"I had been focused outward,
toward the Mother and our Creation.
When I saw this new light
I felt the same kind of terror I'd felt
when I found the dividing line
and separated from myself the qualities of my Light
that I felt were not pleasing to the Mother.
Lucifer
"I realized
that this new being
was the Spirit essence I'd left back in the Void,
but I couldn't understand
how 'darkness' had become so bright.
This light was very bright and quite harsh, it
was very difficult to stay present with.
Desire of course hated it.
[Previously: This
light was very difficult to stay present with,
and Desire of course hated it. ]
She was pulling me away from the new light,
and I wished to go forth with her and create.
So we left him behind, in my place at the Godhead.
This new being of light became known to us as Lucifer.
[See in
Wikipedia ,how the Latin term "Lucifer=light-bearer"
came to replace the biblical "Satan" ]
"At the time I didn't let on to the Mother
[previously: I
didn't let on to the Mother]
all that I knew about Lucifer
because I was afraid she'd blame me for his presence.
"Many,
many eons later
[old version:
Several creations and many, many eons later]
I realized the mistake that I made
when I first used the dividing line
to separate myself from Lucifer.
Over time he had become a huge problem,
gathering more and more light to himself.
"I had initially reasoned
that those qualities of Light I had assigned to him would have
very little opportunity for existence.
[old version: that there
would be very little opportunity of existence for those qualities
of Light I had assigned to him. ]
The Mother
[old version: Desire]
closed space quickly
when these qualities were present,
so I thought
that she would not permit them in existence.
However, after a while it was clear that
[old version: However
it seemed]
my 'final solution' had become an eternal
problem.
"What
I did not become aware of for a very long time,
and in fact it wasn't until near the end of the first Land of
Pan,
[though "Pan"
is mentioned several times in Godchannel - put "Pan"
in "Search",
it is described only in "Right
Use of Will",p.74-93]
was that I had constantly continued
to give Lucifer my essence.
I did this unconsciously and nonchalantly
as a matter of course in almost all of my relating with the Mother.
What I did not realize about the dividing
line is
that I had unknowingly used my judgments against the 'bad' light
to instruct, or program my deepest self
to continue separating Spirit essence into 'Light', or me,
and 'darkness', or not-me.
After a while, there was much more not-me than there was me.
"I still wasn't worried
when Lucifer showed up
because I was convinced
there was no way the Mother would open space for him in existence.
I talked myself into believing
that it was perfectly fine to let him be wherever I wasn't,
because I knew the Mother would always choose me to be with her.
After all, I had custom
designed my Light to suit her.
"Lucifer was clearly the wrong
kind of light.
I thought of Lucifer as a hopeless loser,
my hapless 'other side' doomed to either
non-existence
or semi-existence as the pariah of Creation.
Ahriman
"This judgment [old
version: thought ]
was my [old version:
the] first
conscious denial.
It bothered me a little
and I vaguely wondered
if this thought would end up as part of Lucifer.
'Ha', I thought, 'It would serve the fool right if it did.'
"Because I consciously
hid Lucifer's origins from the Mother
I had now created both deception and denial.
And of course, I denied it to myself
so that I could remain congruent with the Mother.
For a long time after I realized what
I'd been doing,
I thought all of this denied Spirit essence
had joined with what was already Lucifer.
"I didn't realize that another
denied part of myself had just emerged.
My judgments and denials further separated me.
A new Spirit being now called Ahriman was present now
and from then on he got even more of my essence than Lucifer. |
[old
version:
I didn't know that Ahriman
was present
and getting even more of my essence than Lucifer.] |
"Because Lucifer and
his qualities were now unavailable to me,
I didn't know
that he would find his own ways
of getting the Mother to open space for him,
or that he would enlist the help of Ahriman, for that matter.
"It is a long and
terrible story that covers eons.
Lucifer tortured Desire until she opened space for him |
[old version:
I have already discussed most
of the details
of what Lucifer did to the Mother in the Right Use of Will
books.
I will say now only that he tortured Desire until she opened
space for him] |
and then tortured her more
by telling her the truth of how he came into existence,
leaving out the detail of my original good intent.
"The consequence of that
has been the Mother's hatred of both Lucifer and me.
Her deepest and most damaged essence still believes
that Ahriman's conscious presence with Lucifer was me."
Next:
Lesson Two - Part Three: God's New Quest
Healing
Class Discussion
Lesson
One - Quest for the Mother | | Lesson
Two, Part One - The Void
