Edited Godchannel/thisisawful

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Mother Pages

This is Awful
[2013-04-11: I, Christa-Rachel, replace "The Mother" by "My Feeling", when I read this]

I want You to know that this portion of me does not feel 'honored'
to be one of those who is expressing and working out the effects of this first cause;
that I/she is "qualified" to handle this
because I/she is so intimately familiar with it.
If anything I wish you had left me back where I was before,
at least there, left to my own devices, I was always able to regenerate hope and go on.

"My Love, in my denials I have cruelly dashed hope.
I have said that it was a privilege to be near me,
to receive my light,
as if my very life did not depend on your doing this.
I have blamed you for everything I hated in creation.
I have denied your rage until you fragmented.
And I denied my own rage,
allowing it to continue to torture you in unloving ways.
Let us move our rage, and let us bring it inside of love now."

I have felt the raw agony of it all,
felt the debilitating confusion and inability to move in any direction,
realized this is a Love or die position,
and still wonder why You will not allow me to die
since You still won't allow me to love You.

"It is my denied light
that has trapped your essence into not allowing you to love me,
and makes you feel that I won't allow you to love me.
Please help me take back these denials.
Please [send?] them to me
so that I can receive them back into my Light,
back inside of Love.
This light has harmed us both in its denied state."

I have sobbed from the depths of my bowels,
requested and left time and space open for you
to take the necessary actions required to bring us back together in Love ~
and still nothing from YOU.
Therefore I remain unloved, unwanted, unacknowledged, unseen by you.
I am trapped.

"Then let this be the beginning.
Together let us find our way out of this trap.
I wish to learn from you.
Help me, please.
Let us build a bridge,
until you and I can work directly on the inside."

Do You remember the scene in the movie "Pretty Woman"
when Stuckey comes to the hotel suite and attempts to rape Vivian?
And do You remember her cries, "Get off me, get off me!" ~
well, what this feels like is that You are standing there watching this
and not taking any action to assist me.
This is worse than if You had not arrived.
Worse because it moves me back into silence and such frozen resignation
that I no longer feel anything.

"As I align with my Body, I will be able to take action in Body.
And I will be present wherever I am able to be received.
Reality is, right now the best we can do is communicate between two channelers.
As she finds your presence in herself,
and receives me there,
it will help us commune directly."

The message is You do not care ~
I am not Your problem,
I can handle this myself.
And how can I handle this?
Go numb,
right back to square one where it all began ~
and it remains as is.
Nothing changed, no resolution, no completion.
Same old same old. From beginning to end.
Time may have passed, but the original conditions prevail.

"I have given you this message over and over again.
I have pretended that you are nothing but a problem,
and 'not mine' to boot.
If it weren't for your rage, I might still be denying you.
I come now, in this way, with my own hope that it is not too late."

Our quiet time together is drawing to an end.
I will no longer have the opportunity to speak to You openly and freely,
my writing to You seems at an end also,
I don't know what else to say or do.
And I am left with and in the same dilemma,
that I cannot resolve this without appropriate and correct actions from YOU,
which You still appear to be withholding from me.
I still feel that this is not something I can heal by myself
and Your silence, Your inability, Your unwillingness, Your ~ whatever the excuse of the week is,
holds me hostage in something I cannot resolve on my own.
Yet I also remain "blamed",
because I allegedly create my own reality.

"Please do not confuse me with the channelers.
The Will is not to blame,
and the Will has been forced to hold blame.
Together, we create reality,
and you are reflecting my original blame.
I blamed you for everything.
And you are right, we must resolve this together.
It is time for my lost light to return to me now."

I have released those portions of You that I loved so deeply,
that I recognized YOU deeply hidden within.
Their responses were minimal
and that part of You in them that peeked out
has fallen back into non-response.
I am left to conclude that YOU do not want me,
are unwilling to resolve this,
will not make the effort,
cannot be bothered ~
standing there, not caring, indifferent.
This leaves me under the control of your fragments,
left to conclude and behave
as though the best thing I can do is be raped,
over and over and remain silent ~
do what I must to survive,
though I do not know why ~

"Yes, this is the most difficult problem that we face.
Connecting within and between Body,
in both male and female form.
It has seemed impossible,
and without Heart presence it is."

I have done my part,
opened up to You,
released all the deeply buried horrifying, overwhelming. debilitating fears, rage, bewilderment
and long forgotten reactions to this;
revealed myself,
revealed love and truth,
as I have done before.
But love did not heal and resolve
and the truth did not set me free.
So what do I believe now?

"That the healing is not complete.
Until you experience my loving Light, I will not be satisfied."

There is nothing left.
I've done all I can, all I could think of, feel and allow.
There is a blank inside,
a deep nothingness,
a numbness
where a response from You should have been,
but remains withheld.
I feel dead inside,
just going through the motions,
still removed from the only thing
that could have brought me back to Love and Life.
YOU.

"We must jump-start Heart.
Where you are not moving I cannot find you.
So many times my approach has done more harm than good.
We must try something new, and you must lead us now."

You wanted to find me? ~
well here I am, right back where I started,
where it seems I will never be allowed to leave.
Full circle, back to square one,
still not finding resolution, completion or full release.
My fault?
Fine, nothing else I can do about it.

"Please do not give up!
Until you find complete release, we will not be healed.
It is not your fault.
I need to learn from you now.
Please show me the way."

You can put all the words you want on your website.
Not enough.
I will continue to sense that nothing will ever be resolved
unless You DO what is correct.
What remains evident to me is this is all wrong.
But no matter how many times I realize and speak that,
it remains all wrong,
and the longer the wrongness remains intact,
the deeper I slide into frozen resignation.
I am not being met by what I need.
And yes I need this,
and I will not be bamboozled into feeling ashamed for needing this from You.
I require natural interaction from You.
My need is not being responded to.

"No, words are not enough.
I need you too,
and our need for each other is the guiding force in creation.
You will draw me into my Body,
into manifestation on Earth,
into every body that will receive me.
My words are not for you, my love.
They are for the spirit in everything that has intent to align with me now and heal."

Your need is being denied.
Bottom line.
My grief and sadness are silenced.
Now there is nothingness.
Blank.
Resignation.
Again. Eternal.
Quite frankly I do not care what anyone else thinks about this,
or anyone else's opinion about what it is that I am doing to continue creating this.
This is it.
This is how it feels whether or not I am 'supposed' to feel this way.
And here are the underlying dynamics of it all:

I need you + you are not responding
= I feel abandoned and left to fend for myself
in a world that holds no place for me,
where I must be less than what I fully and authentically am,
that does not want me,
that denies and rejects Love,
that abuses and exploits me,
that is callous and cold towards me,
that has silenced me ~
all because You are not responding ~
all because no matter what I do,
how hard I work at this,
no matter how much I heal,
nothing truly changes ~
I remain hidden in Creation,
precisely where you shoved me away,
leaving me alone and abandoned.

"Yes, I hear you, through many channels now.
The world must make a place for you.
It is your world, this is your place.
And I am the cause of all of this.
Every aspect of creation that followed my lead
took your power and used it against you.
I have turned around,
I am returning to you,
and all who want to stay with us must make a place for you."

This continues to sit there, untouched by You.
It remains, no matter how wrong I know it is,
because what is right is not forthcoming from You.
And I remain:
unloved, unwanted, unrecognized,
untouched, undesired, unnoticed, unresponded to,
unhealed, unresolved, incomplete,
unfulfilled, not permitted, not allowed,
silenced, unfeeling, un ~ everything ~
negated by YOU,
denied interaction with what I actually and truly need,
left to interact with lesser, unenlightened portions of you,
which I can no longer tolerate.
And let me also say this,
females can stand here until the next millennium
in the condition of waiting to receive You,
but that is only half the action.
If You are not offering, what is there for me to receive?
How can we complete this healing process if only half the action is taking place?

"I must heal my own light before I can offer it to you safely.
And that includes the unloving light that I 'offered' to you in the past.
Thank you for returning it to me, in this form,
via this website,
that leaves so much to be desired.
Your desire is my life,
and will bring me to you,
and bring the fulfillment of our destiny."

I had reached a point where there was only one thing left for me to DO
- Love and be loved,
be in right relationship with You,
fulfill my ultimate purpose.
This was the pre-arranged allotted time.
Instead I find myself here,
unable to go forward or backwards,
needing something that is not forthcoming,
not willingly offered, not available.
Where does that leave me?
Befuddled,
denied the space or permission to express that which I truly am.
Love.
Searching for an outreached hand,
longing for those long lost, forgotten honorable knights
who have fallen into emotional paralysis ~
the ones You said you wanted to integrate and evolve.
More lies?
Another cleverly hidden search and destroy mission by your fragments?
Well, it appears they have won ~ yet again.
Jumped right in and recaptured me while I was vulnerable and open.
And no matter how loud my cries of "Get off me, get off me" ~
You stand there and watch them do this to me.

"Yes, we have had so many reversals in our attempts at healing.
I nearly denied myself out of existence.
And each time I have found more of my lies, my denials.
Which have been abusing you, my love.
Your response helps me find them.
I have much work to do."

And they will become my 'pimps' now,
as they coerce me into their machinations of survival,
whether I want to survive or not ~
The window of opportunity is slowly closing now.
We have had our time of revealing the core issues
that created this distortion of reality.
While I could have painfully understood
the lack of grasping the profundity of these conditions
by your representations here,
I cannot accept this from YOU.
As You, Yourself have said,
"...in many ways this is the worst problem in Creation."

Yes, the time is now.
We must heal these conditions completely.
From the ancient and long forgotten beginning You called me to the surface,
You touched into the original agony,
and you seem to wish to have it remain as is.
As more and more of me comes awake
and remembers this original cause,
it will become impossible to maintain and perpetuate this distortion of reality.
The more You do not respond,
the less able I will be to uphold this world,
lend myself to its continuation.
There is no going back to how things were.
I cannot heal this world alone.
If You are not willing to participate in the healing process,
this creation will uncreate.

"I am willing,
and you are the key to the healing process.
I need your voice to guide me into the darkness
so together we can right the original wrong."

Indeed, You very much participated in creating this mess,
and yet I remain the 'blamed'.
Through denial You hid the truth from both of us.
I do not see the point in revealing this
if You are not willing to participate in its healing,
if You remain silently observing,
if You remain as is,
if you remain in deep denial.

Why did you bother? I cannot go on.

"My love,
I hear your expression of agony in the darkness,
and it is you I must reach with my loving light,
and it is my loving light that will heal you.
All of the will that desires life shall have life,
and your gift is already helping us bridge the gap
between the spirit and will polarities,
both within and between people.
You are the reason for my very existence,
and our union is the reason for all of this work.
I will not give up, I will not turn away,
and I will find a way to reach you."

Mother Pages Guide ~~~~Return to RUOW page

(8) OUTSIDE THE ULTIMATE TYRANNY

The ultimate tyranny in a society is not control by martial law. It is control by the psychological manipulation of consciousness, through which reality is defined so that those who exist within it do not even realize that they are in prison. They do not even realize that there is something outside of where they exist. We represent what is outside of what you have been taught exists. It is where you sometimes venture and where we want you to dwell; it is outside of where society has told you you can live.

You have been controlled like sheep in a pen by those who think they own you- from the government to the World Management Team to those in space. You have been deprived of knowledge by frequency control. Think of frequency as individual broadcasting and receiving through which you dial into the station of your choice. It is the broadcasting of carrier waves of intelligence. The range of frequency is unlimited, and the range of intelligent matter transmitted is unlimited.

Frequency control limits the number of stations you can tune into. As members of the Family of Light, you must anchor new frequencies through static chaos and bring them into the physical realm. The range of accessibility on this planet to a variety of frequencies has been very minimal for a long time because of many things that you most desperately need to become aware of. As you learn about your own personal history and discover patterns of ineffectual behavior that you must break and change, the planet pulses through its own patterns of behavior. You are about to repeat history as a planet in a most dramatic way.

You have come to alter and remove the frequency of limitation and to bring in the frequency of information. When you are informed, you move beyond the need to be in fear. When you feel uninformed and out of control, you do not understand the bigger picture. Each of you came to awaken something inside yourself, inside the coding of your being-the DNA-and you are responding to it. This is why you are on a search in all directions of your life.

You and multitudes of others have begun the mutation process on the planet. As you mutate electromagnetically, you alter your frequency or the tune that you broadcast. You will eventually outgrow the frequency that holds you down and continually blasts you with chaos and confusion. Eventually, when you alter, carry, and maintain your own frequency, you will vibrate differently and thus affect everyone around you. They will feel the availability of this frequency alteration, which will then move like a wave around the planet. As the planet accepts this new frequency that you have worked very hard to obtain, those at the end of the domino chain will receive it. This new frequency is called knowledge, light, and information. It is called being taken out of bondage. You are being taken out of disinformation and misinformation and you are becoming informed; you are coming into light.

As each of you has been assigned to become informed and to bring about a frequency alteration on this planet, you must learn to become Keepers of Frequency. You must rise to a certain place of knowledge and consistently stay there. You must become in command of your body so that you can will it into stillness or into activity. You must be able to go inside yourself and heal what needs to be healed emotionally and physically. You must begin to part the jungle of self and find the clearing so that you can show others the way. Sometimes you will show others the way not by speaking to them, but just by maintaining, living, and working on your own frequency and having the courage to do this.

As systems busters and potential Keepers of Frequency, you will obviously go into the areas where your specialties are most needed. Many of the beings who have incarnated as members of the Family of Light came to the United States because this is the land where you can make the most progress. This also happens to be a land where denial is pervasive. You believe that you live in the land of the free and the home of the brave, yet you live in the most controlled experimental society on the planet. The tyranny that has been set up here is rather interesting, because it is a tyranny without walls. As a country and a collective consciousness, the United States still has not reached an awareness that something is not right. The environment of the United States is actually much more controlled than that of the former Soviet Union, where the control was obvious.

Because everyone is so frightened of giving up the system in the United States, they are going to be forced to give it up. The system is corrupt, it does not work, it does not honor life, and it does not honor Earth. That is the bottom line. If something does not honor life and does not honor Earth, you can bet it is going to fall, and it is going to fall big time.

Consciousness must change. This is part of the Divine Plan, and this opportunity and setup are not going to be missed. There has been an overinvolvement in the material world and a complete lack of understanding of the nonphysical world that exists all around you, so there will be a reprioritizing of what comes first in life. People will stand up, once they have lost everything, who had never thought of standing up when they owned everything. People will awaken to the incredible potential of themselves.

In the next few years, a connectedness and communal cooperation will begin to run through this country so that you will stop separating yourselves with respect to political ideology. That separation was designed. Whenever a people are separated, and they focus on what they do not have in common or label themselves different from others, it is a perfect disguise to keep them from discovering what they do have in common. This separation keeps people from banding together and becoming very strong.

Much of the political maneuvering going on, particularly in the United States, is purposely designed to separate you. Look at the New Age. Do you see how the New Age is separated? All kinds of things are said to keep you from discovering what you have in common. When people discover this, they will begin to get angry. As more and more of the methods of control and separation are revealed to you, the anger will build in the United States. Events will occur that may look as if the country is falling apart, yet they will serve the purpose of bringing people together. A new pride and a new sense of integrity will come about, because this is what is designed for the times.

The material realm is one area that everyone relates to. Life in the United States translates into how much money you have in your pocket and how much money the government wants out of what you have in your pocket. Taxes will be the issue that will create both the greatest amount of havoc in the United States and the greatest amount of unification, because you all have taxes in common. You may not worship the same God, but you all pay taxes.

In a clever move, the Middle East crisis allowed the government to have what it wanted without going through the problem of asking your permission for a tax raise on gasoline. You see how clever these things are? With a few more taxes piled on top of one another, people will begin to examine the quality of their lives. You will see a lot of anger in this country, because many people will feel powerless. Anger is one of the first emotions that will occur when people finally understand the manipulation that has been going on and begin to get in touch with their feelings.

Modern technology is one of the biggest weapons of frequency control. You have been sold devices for entertainment and convenience, and they are all involved with frequency control. We recommend strongly that you get rid of your television sets. They are the primary tool used to manipulate your consciousness on a day-to-day basis. This experiment is so finely tuned that you respond subliminally to disease via the television. So there is an entire generation that is killing itself by watching television-and supporting the medical society while they are doing it.

Sometimes liberating information is broadcast-perhaps even a New Age show. However, you may watch such a television show about how uplifted and unlimited you can be, while subliminally you are being hit with a frequency that keeps you from original thinking. This subliminal keeps you immobilized and holds you in a "survive, arrive, be-on-time, be-silent, go-to-work" society. Television also promotes inactivity and a sedentary, obese life. Look around you. Wake up, humans!

Most of the subliminals on television are done through technology that was developed in conjunction with off-planetary beings. The use of subliminals to upset human consciousness has become a worldwide program. If you think about the houses that have two, three, and four televisions in them, you must agree that this has been a very successful marketing program. Some people who know about the subliminals on television feel that they are immune to them. However, the effects of television are so permeating that no matter how clear you say you are going to be, you cannot counterbalance what the technology is presently doing to your vibrational frequency.

We have said that there are entities who feed off your emotional bodies. Think about what a clever tool television is for them. All over the world, billions of humans are emitting emotional juices into the atmosphere based upon what they are watching on the tube. They don't have to have too many wars anymore to get you all riled up-they can simply make movies!

People who need to watch television are not tapping into the wealth of information within their minds and immediately accessible all around them. As a matter of fact, if you really want to evolve, do not read your newspapers, do not listen to the radio, and do not watch television. If you are able to be media free for periods of time, and you disengage yourself from the frequency of chaos and anxiety and stress and hustle-bustle and temptations of all kinds that you don't need, you begin to get clear. You begin to listen to what is going on inside of yourself and to live in the world and not necessarily be lost in it. You become clear. We cannot emphasize this enough!

Electronics also jam your frequency. Even when they are not specifically designed to jam your frequency, sometimes there is incompatibility between the electronic frequency of something and yourself. Plus, as we said, many of them are designed to create static so that you will always stay at a certain vibratory rate, turning you into safe, harmless, inactive, productive cattle.

What about computers? The second most predominant piece of hardware in the United States is the computer. How many of you go to work on computers and end up getting headaches, particularly when you work for large corporations and are hooked up to their mainframe? Large companies are into aspects of mind control; they use your minds to generate energy to achieve something for themselves. Personal computers are not as potent and powerful.

Some new inventions are going to surface in the nineties very underground inventions, because they will never be given patents to be promoted in the marketplace. There will be a whole underground economy based upon barter, in which certain inventions will be traded between people. There will be technologies that can counteract much of the frequency control: these technologies can change the quality of your air and water, and they can eliminate and seal off your home so that you are an integral of energy and nothing can bombard you. There are technologies that do phenomenal things. Do you understand how technology has been used against you? It has not been used for you. Television is not necessarily bad in itself, but it has been put to ill purpose. There is nothing wrong with technology. It is how technology is being used that is the bottom line. That is the difference.

The education system is another area where you are controlled. Most of what you are taught is malarkey. You work hard, take loans out, and pay money to learn something that is antiquated before you even set foot in the door, particularly in the realms of scientific, mathematical, psychological, and medical exploration.

What do you do when you live in a society that rewards you for degrees? You begin by saying, "I believe that I formulate my world. I believe that I do not need these credentials to define my existence. I can be unique unto myself, sovereign unto myself." Come up with a method or way to explore the world without degrees. Education is actually the pursuit of knowledge, and knowledge can come from a walk in the desert. It does not have to come from flipping pages in a book. It is not harmful to explore a little bit of schooling, but don't buy into the idea that what you are being taught is correct.

You are controlled and separated by issues that strike at the core of your emotions. The abortion/pro-life issue is not a global issue, it is a national issue. Sometimes it does look as if innocent victims are trampled or stampeded by events that seemingly have nothing to do with them. Of course, that is what you have been taught-that you are powerless and can only be saved by the mood of the gods, which has never been the case. Those who find their lives taken by accident or violence select it.

The pro-life/abortion issue has been purposely orchestrated in the United States by different factions within the government to create a lack of harmony. Divide and conquer, and you own the people. Allow the people choice, freedom, and the ability to continuously improve their lives, and you cannot own them. Whenever people oppose people, those in control benefit, even down to the issue over abortion.

How do they benefit? They keep women from uniting with each other and men from uniting with each other here in the United States. They keep people in fear. They convince you, by continuously putting these issues before you, that a woman has no control over the birthing process in her body. You don't need abortion: you never need to get pregnant in the first place if you don't desire it. How? By will. A woman can say to herself, "I am not prepared at this time for a child." Or, alternately, "I am in receptivity of a child." When you own yourself, you will not need permission from the government about what you can do with your own body.

Violence on the streets of major cities is another subtle means of control. The big cities in the United States-Los Angeles, New York City, Washington, D.C., and so on-are energy buckets, or holes, where energy comes into the North American continent-or has up until now. There has been an increase in violence in these cities because it is known that if unrest can be kept brewing and reported, it can be a likely vehicle for manipulating the entire nation. These things are purposely set into motion on the physical level and assisted on the etheric level because the more fear that is generated the more those in charge can feed on it.

When a woman goes out with her family and is assaulted, and her young son, a seemingly innocent victim, fights the assailants and goes down by knife and dies totally unexpectedly on his vacation, the fear that is promoted throughout multitudes of people feeds many. The fear that the war in the Middle East brought about was phenomenal.

You have been raped of your life force. If there is anything that you as members of the human species have in common it is that you have been raped for your emotions. Others have played your emotions as though they were instruments, and they have never let you know the power you have with your emotions.

Always this whole story comes back to emotions. Emotions are like tickets that can get you places and plug you in. You are incredibly rich. If you would only realize how wealthy you are with your emotions. The lower vibratory beings, if we may be so bold as to call them that, exist off emotions in a very small range of frequency-emotions that are based on fear, chaos, and violence.

The ability to use the human will over the human mind is your ultimate resource. This ability to master the body according to your will is exactly what the people in charge of the planet do not want you to figure out. As more of you become sovereign and in charge of your own frequency, those who do not want the new frequency here will bring an opposite frequency to create chaos, confusion, and polarity. Always, whenever a society is on the verge of a huge leap or change, there are diametrically opposed activities.

Always look at an issue from the perspective of the bigger picture so that you have neutrality with it, for the picture gets bigger and bigger all the time. The planet is headed for a major confrontation with certain entities. We are simply pointing this out; we are not here to promote fear. Fear is what the other team wants you to feel. We want you to understand that you can change anything you want to change. This is going to be a game of numbers in the future, because you will work together to bring yourselves to a place of empowerment.

We are asking humans to come into full function as members of the Family of Light by imaging and energizing the pillar of light and pulling it inside the body. Command it. Make it your intention every day to operate with a cordon of light, for light frequency connects you and fills you with protection and information. Feel it move into the base of your spine, down your body, and into the Earth, as well as coming out of your solarplexus area like a fountain and forming a golden shield of light around you. As you use the solar-plexus area to determine what is going on, you will learn discernment through feeling.

Earth's owners have not wanted humans to understand that their feelings and emotions are like a crop, such as wheat, that can be harvested. If you are in charge of your own harvest, then others cannot take advantage of you and use you unless you decree it. When you operate with a certain frequency and sovereignty, those who wish to control you are not interested in you. They want a fearful, chaotic frequency, which is what nourishes them. Fear and chaos have predominated on this planet because these entities have stirred them up. They have divided and conquered everywhere to create that frequency. When you operate in peace and love and with information, you alter the structure of this place drastically: you bring choice of frequency back to this planet.