The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S. - as stated 12 years ago - was and is   to help me and my potential P E E R s  "to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness, and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013 and Overview of its main libraries [If you look for a word on this page, click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being "a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel": I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb' pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness, so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve, and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!! "I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

HaBanot Nechama
"The Consolation Girls",
three women who sing striking songs,
both in Hebrew and in English.
The idea was Ra'ayah's idea for my birthday

Flowers:

Flowers, flowers
Evevywhere I go I see them
Flowers, flowers
Everywhere I go

Flowers in my bed and in my head and in my hair
Flowers getting in my pants and in my underwear
I see those flowers
They're in my head

Chapter 6: In Trauma's Reflection
Medusa

65
If we attempt to confront trauma head on,
it will continue to do what it has already done –
immobilize us in fear.
Before Perseus set out to conquer Medusa,
he was warned by Athena not to look directly at the Gorgon.
Heeding the goddess's wisdom,
he used his shield to reflect Medusa's image;
by doing so, he was able to cut off her head.
The solution to vanquishing trauma
comes not through confronting it directly,
but by working with its reflection, mirrored in our instinctual responses.

66
Trauma is so arresting that traumatized people will focus on it compulsively.
Unfortunately, the situation that defeated them once
will defeat them again and again.

Body sensations can serve as a guide to reflect
where we are experiencing trauma,
and to lead us to our instinctual resources.
[ that animals "tremble and shake" when coming out of the freeze,
exemplifies that unpleasant emotions have to be VIBRATED.]

When Medusa was slain, two things emerged from her body:
Pegasus, the winged horse,
and Chrysaor, a warrior with a golden sword.
The sword symbolizes absolute truth,
[August 2, 2013: Is this the same as "non-denial"????]
the mythic hero's ultimate weapon of defense.
It conveys a sense of clarity and triumph,
of rising to meet extraordinary challenges and of ultimate resourcefulness.
The horse symbolizes instinctual grounding,
while wings create an image of movement, soaring,
and rising above an earth-bound existence.[???].
Since the horse represents instinct and body,
the winged horse speaks of transformation through embodiment.
Together the winged horse and the golden sword
are auspicious symbols for the resources
traumatized people discover
in the process of vanquishing their own Medusas.

As we begin the healing process
we use what is known as the "felt sense",
or internal body sensations.
These sensations serve as a portal through
which we find the symptoms or reflections of trauma.
In directing our attention to these internal body sensations,
rather than attacking the trauma head-on,
we can unbind and free the energies that have been held in check.

Traveling to Shoham, In the bus to Beer-sheva, October 17
testing my new camera, especially light and dark.

 

The Felt Sense
Our feelings and our bodies are like water flowing into water.
We learn to swim within the energies of the (body)senses.
Tarthang Tulku

[While studying this on 2006_10_13,
I was often getting in and out of Yanina's little swimming pool...]

According to Eugene Gendlin,
who coined the term "felt sense" in his book Focusing
a felt sense is not a mental experience but a physical one..
A bodily awareness of a situation or person or event.
An internal aura that encompasses everything
you feel and know about the given subject at a given time –
encompasses it and communicates it to you all at once
rather than detail by detail.

The felt sense unifies a great deal of scattered data and gives it meaning.
For example, when we see a beautiful image on TV,
what we are seeing is a vast array of digitized dots called pixels.
If we were to focus on the individual elements (pixels),
we would see dots and not the beautiful image.
Hearing music you do not focus on the individual notes,
but rather on the total aural experience.
Your experience is much greater than the sum of the individual notes.

68
The felt sense can be said to be the medium
through which we experience the totality of sensation.
In the process of healing trauma,
we focus in the individual sensations (like pixels or notes).
When observed both closely and from a distance,
these sensations are simultaneously experienced
as foreground and background,
creating a gestalt, or integration of experience.

 

Exercise (understanding of the felt sense).

Feel the way
your body makes contact with the surface that is supporting you.
Sense into your skin and notice the way your clothes feel
Sense underneath your skin – what sensations are there?
Now, gently remembering these sensations,
how do you know that you feel comfortable?
What physical sensations contribute to the overall feeling of comfort?
Does becoming more aware of these sensations
make you feel more or less comfortable?
Does this change over time?
Sit for a moment and enjoy the felt sense of feeling comfortable.

69
Being consciously aware of your body and its sensations
makes any experience more intense,
the experience of comfort comes from your felt sense of comfort
and not from the chair, etc.

Perhaps the best way to describe the felt sense is to say
that it is the experience of being in a living body
that understands the nuances of its environment
by way of its responses to that environment.
In many ways, the felt sense is like a stream
moving through an ever-changing landscape.
It alters its character in resonance with its surroundings.
When the land is rugged and steep,
the stream moves with vigor and energy,
swirling and bubbling as it crashes over rocks and debris.
Out on the plains,
the stream meanders so slowly
that one might wonder whether it is moving at all.
Rains and spring thaw can rapidly increase its volume,
possibly even flood nearby land.

Once the setting has been interpreted and defined by the felt sense,
we will blend into whatever conditions we find ourselves.
This amazing sense encompasses both
the content and climate of our internal and external environments.
Like the stream, it shapes itself to fit those environments.

70
The physical (external) senses of sight, sound, smell, touch, and taste
are elements
that contribute only a portion of the info
that builds the foundation for the felt sense.
Other important data are derived from our body's internal awareness
(the positions it takes,
the tensions it has,
the movements it makes,
temperature, etc.).
The felt sense can be influenced – even changed by our thoughts,
yet it's not a thought, it's something we feel [better: "sense"]

Emotions contribute to the felt sense,
but they play a less important role than most people believe.
"Categorical" emotions such as sorrow, anger, fear, disgust, and joy
are intense and direct.
There is a limited variety of these types of feelings
and they are easily recognized and named.
This is not so with the felt sense.
The felt sense encompasses a complex array
of evershifting nuances.
The feelings we experience
are typically much more subtle, complex, and intricate
than what we can convey in language.

As you read the following phrases,
imagine how much more you might feel than is expressed:

looking at a mountain peak bathed in an alpine glow;

seeing a blue summer sky dotted with soft white clouds;

going to a ball game and dripping mustard on your shirt;

feeling the ocean spray as the surf crashes onto rock and cliff;

touching an opening rose or a blade of grass topped with a drop of morning dew;

listening to a Brahms concerto;

watching a group of brightly dressed children singing ethnic folk songs;

walking along a country road;

or enjoying time with a friend.

You can imagine going through a day without emotion,
but to live in the absence of the felt sense is not just unthinkable,
it is impossible.
To live without the felt sense
violates the most basic experience of being alive.

71
The felt sense is sometimes vague,
always complex, and ever-changing.
It moves, shifts, and transforms constantly.
It can vary in intensity and clarity,
enabling us to shift our perceptions.
It does this by giving us the process
as well as what is needed for change.

I return home from a busy day of errands in town
and reach for the TV remote.
Before I push the button
I remind myself to stop this habitual distraction and look inside.

At first I am aware of racing thoughts.
They are like swarming flies.
I let that unpleasant quality permeate my consciousness.
The buzzing intensifies
and my awareness shifts to a tenseness throughout my body
– particularly in my chest.

After a while, I begin to notice areas of discomfort and pain
– they seem to move around.
I notice my thoughts slowing a bit as I take a fuller, easier breath.
I see some fleeting images of the day's events.

More time passes
and I experience a pain building in the back of my head.
I feel restless – jittery in my arms and legs.

I think about getting up and busying myself.
Instead I stay seated.

Before long I notice my head wanting to nod forward.
This becomes a rhythmic, gentle, rocking motion.
I notice a warmth in my hands
and, as they begin to tingle mildly, I realize how cold they have been.

I sense a slight warmth in my belly,
which I attend to as it intensifies and spreads.
The telephone starts ringing in rapid sequence
– I feel jangled and annoyed.

There is a restless sensation in my arms that subsides
as I notice birds singing outside the window.

The next thing that comes into my awareness
is the image of an old friend.
I experience a warm feeling as I recognize him.
I notice a sensation in my chest of spaciousness.
It has a full and round quality.
I experience this "felt image" of my friend within that spaciousness.
I attach the word "gladness",
feeling a calm, soft, pulsing flow into my arms and legs
and I am glad
( i.e. I have the felt sense of gladness).

Still in the bus to Beersheva,
stretching my arm out as far as the seat before me permits,
shooting both, myself and the desert and "Bedouin-Land" outside

More landscape photos taken from bus and later from the train,
are interspersed on these pages

On my next journey, October 23-26, I took shots on my way back

Waiting for the train at the train-station of Ben-Gurion Airport,
shooting again with my stretched-out arm
I catch the first sight of the train coming from the north
(an orthodox man is standing behind me awaiting the train),
and then the train itself, which I'll now board towards Beersheva.

And these are the people I watched with a smile,
while traveling south:

 

 

I had no idea, that by the end of the month
I would create a composition of all my "non-Mika" October photos.
In hindsight it looks, as if I had planned it and chosen the images.

I'm exhilarated by sensing, feeling, understanding
this one month of my life.

72
Let the Body Speak Its Mind

It is from the felt sense
that we experience well-being, peace, and connectedness.
It is how we experience the "self"!

73
It is important to remember
that the felt sense is a wonderful and very natural human capacity.
Part of the dynamic of trauma is
that it cuts us off from our internal experience
as a way of protecting our organisms from sensations and emotions
that could be overwhelming.

Using the Felt Sense to Listen to the Organism

74
I described this sense as a stream.
As you develop your ability to pay attention to the felt sense,
you will see that this is an extremely appropriate analogy.
Reactions and responses
to the people, objects, and situations you encounter
begin to move through your awareness like an ever changing stream.

Exercise

a book with pictures – to emphasize direct perception.
Before opening the book, sense your arms and legs
and notice the sensations
where they make contact with the surface that supports you.
Next, add any other physical sensations …
clothes, shoes, hair,
tightness, openness, temperature,
tingling, shaking,
hunger, thirst, sleepiness, et.
Return to the felt sense throughout the exercise
to bring your awareness more completely into your body and breath.

75
Look at the first picture. … Now ask yourself:
H O W do I know that this is my response to this picture?
Try to identify the bodily sensations
that accompany your viewing of the picture. ..
Do you feel "energy" move or suddenly stop?
How, slowly, fast, in what direction?
Rhythm to the sensation.
Is it located in any particular part of your body?
Does it feel tense, loose, easy, relaxed,
tingling, heavy, light,
cool, dense, warm, invigorating ,
Pay attention to your breathing and your heartbeat.
Notice how your skin feels, and how your body feels overall.
Experiencing any one of these sensations is a beginning point.
The sensations may stay the same,
disappear,
become stronger or weaker,
or change to something else.
Notice these dynamics.
Whatever happens, just notice it.
If the sensations become uncomfortable,
just shift your attention elsewhere for a moment.
[??????????????]
Turn to the next picture and repeat the process. …

76

If you want to learn to use the felt sense,
and especially if you want to learn to use the felt sense to resolve trauma,
you must learn how to recognize the physiological manifestations (sensations)
that underlie your emotional reactions.




Exercise with photographs and memorabilia…

77

Do you feel happy, amused, apprehensive,
vaguely upset, confused, sad, angry,
loving, grateful,
embarrassed, hateful, annoyed, disgusted, simply nostalgic..
is your reaction strong or mild?
How do you know that it is strong or mild?
If you can answer this question in terms of sensations in your body,
you are on your way
to being able to use the physiological undercurrent of emotion.

Now, ask yourself:
How do I know that this is my emotional reaction to this picture?
Tension?
Skin, breathing, heartbeat?
How does your body feel overall?
Tense, powerful, fuzzy,
smooth, jagged, tangled, numb,
hot, loose, sticky, relaxed,
heavy, light, cool, dense, warm ,
invigorating, tingling, vibrating, shaking ,
slimy, solid ..
If the sensation seems to have some bulk, ask yourself,
what material it seems to be made out of.
Does energy move?
Slow, fast, direction?
Is there some kind of swell to the sensation?
Where is it located? Be as specific as you can.

… Keep reminding yourself
to sense and to describe what you sense as sensations,
not as emotions or thoughts.
Shifting your attention to the other sensations
will help the intensity of the uncomfortable feeling to subside.
[?????]

78

If an image of a horrifying scene shows up in your mind's eye
(while watching a photo ),
ever so gently notice what sensations come with it.
Sometimes, when sensations are intense, images come first.

79

Stay with the sensations you experience as much as possible…
don't force yourself to do more than you can handle.
Part of the grace of the nervous system is
that it is constantly self-regulating.
What you can't process today
will be available to be processed some other time
when you are stronger, more resourceful..

It was the first time - on October 8 - that little Lior came to me
all by herself - with some leftover food from her mother for me-
and she stayed.
She is the five year old daughter of my wonderful landlords.
After she had explored what could be explored in my room,
she wanted to learn to embroider.
I gave her material, and she showed surprising skill.
I suggested, that she come the next evening again,
and I would teach her more.
She came, bathed and ready for going to bed.
Of course, once she had "completed" something,
after 5 minutes,
she had no more patience and looked for the next activity...

October 2, Exploring "ke-gan ravae" ,"like a water-satiated garden",
which is used in both my songs - Isaiah 58 and Jeremia 31,11
[see last line of the last stanza of my song]-
as a metaphor for "full-fill-ment" , or so I believe.
Since I see "FULL-FILL-ment" as the FEELing of
"Heaven-on-Earth",
I keep researching biblical and other sources.

Above the Concordance of the Bible- sprouts for my daily salad!

 

81

Sensation and the Felt Sense

82

You can miss some characteristics of a sensation
because you take them for granted,
because you aren't letting the whole sensation into your awareness,
or because the characteristic in question is subtle or elusive.

An ice cube straight from the freezer can be sticky,
as well as cold, hard, smooth, and cube-shaped.
After a short while, it will be wet instead of sticky.
First sticky, then wet
helps complete the picture
of the cold, hard, smooth, cube-shaped thing.

Apply the analogy to an internal experience
and, like the ice cube, it will change as you hold it for a while.
Once you become aware of them,
internal sensations almost always transform into something else.

[May 2010:
This reminds me of the "Concentrative Movement Therapy"
which I experienced - in the early eighties - with Mirjam Goldberg
- a pupil of Elsa Gindler: "the grandmother of somatic psychotherapy"
or "ancestor of sensory awareness" - see a good article ]

Any change of this sort
is usually moving in the direction of a free-flow of energy and vitality.

This green paprika plant grew by itself in a pot last year.
After it had given me the gift of some fruits, I left it in the pot.
Suddenly it blossomed again 2 months ago and 2 fruits are growing.

These images of my little garden are not impressive, perhaps,
but for me they present miracles.
How the two shrubs, which I have NOT planted, are intertwined!

Rhythm: All God's Children Got it

You can't push the river
(unknown)

 

Sensations occur in infinite variety.
This is one of the reasons that simple awareness is so important.
Receptivity
will help you notice the nuances in your sensations much more easily.
... subtle sensations and rhythms are just as important
as blatantly obvious ones.

83
Biological rhythms are important in the transformation of trauma.
It may be difficult at first
to have the patience to allow them to come into consciousness.
Their pace is much slower
than the pace at which most of us live our lives.


This is one of the reasons that trauma develops in the first place.
We don't give our natural biological rhythms the time
they need to reach completion.


The ebb and flow of your sensations.

A sensation will transform into something else
(another sensation, image, or a feeling)
as you notice all its characteristics and will do so at its own pace
– you can't push the river.
Becoming attuned to these rhythms and honoring them
is part of this process.

The felt sense is billions of times more sophisticated
than the most powerful computers.
It consists of awareness,
sensation,
subtlety,
variety and rhythm

What a strange image is this?
It shows the corner next to my bed with the cuttings of a book,
on which I happened to glance by chance on Shabbat morning.
See what resulted from this casual glance...!

As to the other interesting "things" to be seen above those cuttings ,
I'll only mention the lyrics of "HaBanot Nechama" [with another link!],
typed by my grandson Arnon and given to me with the CD as a birthday-gift

128

Most common signs of arousal:
* physical – increase in heart rate,
difficulty breathing (rapid, shallow, panting, etc.)
cold sweats,
tingling muscular tension
* mental – increase in thoughts,
mind racing,
worrying

If we allow ourselves
to acknowledge these thoughts and sensations using the FELT SENSE
and let them have their natural flow,
they will peak, then begin to diminish and resolve.
As this process occurs, we may experience
trembling,
shaking,
vibration,
waves of warmth,
fullness of breath,
slowed heart rate,
warm sweating,
relaxation of the muscles,
and an overall feeling of relief, comfort and saftey.

Trauma occurs
when an event creates an unresolved impact
on an organism.
Resolution is accomplished
through working with this unresolved impact
through the FELT SENSE.


129

The following exercise will help you understand
why the organism's response to a threatening event
is more important than the event that caused it.
The exercise doesn't deal with trauma itself,
but with the physiological response
that initiates the potential for trauma.

October 28, 2007 - May 29, 2010
[though this sculpture appears already on the first page of "Waking the Tiger",
I find it so pretty, that I leave it here in honor of my daughter,
who just now shared with me, that she completed the most painful teeth-repair ]
Once more in the clinic:
Since by the end of November
the work of 9 months should be completed,
and I should be able to laugh with an open mouth without shame,
as Dr. Oron promised me,
when he proposed the expensive "rehabilitation" ,
I wanted Nurit, the administrator, to take a photo of the situation.
Sarah, the assistant, agreed to be on the picture,
and my half-repaired mouth already laughs....

 

2010-06-10--- 2013_08-02DELICIOUS      DELETION

188
In the Theater of the Body

…the internal world of dreams, feelings, images, and sensations
[why not thoughts also?]
- most of us are only peripherally aware of its existence.
We have little or no experience
of finding our way around in this internal landscape.
Consequently, when our experience demands it,
we are unprepared. ..
so that we access the infinite feeling tones
and behavioral responses
that we are capable of executing.

Once we understand how trauma begins and develops,
we must then learn to know ourselves through the felt sense. …
Our bodies will tell us where the blockages are
and when we are moving too fast.
Our intellects can tell us
how to regulate the experience so that we are not overwhelmed. …
Moving slowly and allowing the experience to unfold
as each step allows us
to digest the unassimilated aspects of the traumatic experience
at a rate that we are able to tolerate.
In the theater of the body, trauma can be transformed.
The fragmented elements
that perpetuate traumatic emotion and behavior
can be completed, integrated, and made whole again.
Along with this wholeness comes a sense of mastery and resolution. [2006_10_18]

As mentioned before,
a CD with exercises was attached to Yanina's book:

Some terms mentioned in the Finger-Tapping exercise :


Perceive Skin Boundary
as a CONTAINER of your feelings
sense parts of Body and also connections between parts of body


Deeper Boundary – squeeze your muscles –
an even more solid CONTAINER
of your feelings und sensations.–
feel the density, or relaxation or tension.
Find your own rhythm of squeezing and letting go
- to really sense the muscles.


Interpersonal Boundaries:
A ball of yarn – feel your boundaries out of your body:
"you cannot come into this boundary until I ask you to"
You have a body, this has a boundary,

Helpful:
the story about having lost the wallet
in order to come to a surprise-party.
[Aug.2, 2013: What was this?
a pity I relied on my memory...]