| The
Purpose of HEALING - K.I.S.S.
- as stated 12 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential P E E R s
"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,
and - by extension - all of CREATion!" |
|
I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
|
|
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
| |
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
|
1
2
3
|
How
Learn
And |
I
The
Train
|
Heal
Conditions
In |
Myself
For
Creating
|
Into
Heaven
Those
|
Whole
On
Conditions
|
Self-acceptance
Earth
Daily |
sanctus-qadosh
sanctus-holy
sanctus-heilig
|
|
Intro
to
k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
dates
~ Library of
7 years ~ HOME
~ contact ~
SEARCH
( of Latin characters only!) my
eldest granddaughter's video-gallery
"to
feel better requires that you become better at feeling"
July 1 Tuesday,- between
Shoham
and Arad
and Zipi's farm 1 hr walk from Meitar
Rre-edited on July 1, 2013
back to
past ~~~~~ forward to future
|
The FOCUS of MY INTENTION
TODAY
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may!
7:40 Tomer woke
me up at 5:15: come to see the sunrise
- but later on our way: the first storm!, Efrat gave him 100
NIS for traveling...
I still tremble despite discharging in a letter to I. , not
to be sent now. A little comfort: Mika came in warmly !:good
morning, savta!
I desire to constantly breathe-vibrate my fear, my anger, feeling
powerless, even humiliated!
I desire the wisdom to create situations of excitement and loving
intimacy for the two of us.
I desire that Tomer's guardian angel may help him to act in
a way that he can love himself.
I desire that I may have the physical strength and "nerves"
so live through this travel and day.
|
image
of the day:
"I want to photograph your outfit",
I said to Tomer in the train.
That's why he agreed
to be photographed.
|
hodayot [thanksgivings]
for today:
no time...
|
Before
I'll "report" on this difficult day, I want to savor
the rest of the images taken yesterday
at Mazkeret Batya.
|
|
From the entrance to the house and
from its back.
I asked Arnon:
"Why do I see 5 air condition sets around the house?"
"They say it takes less electricity than cooling the house
via one set only."
Little spots of beauty in their garden |
 |
Since Arnon is graduating from Primary
School,
and since they'll perform an extraordinary drama,
written by their teacher in honor of
"The 60th birthday of the State of
Israel",
he had invited me for the closing party.
It's now half an hour before the audience
arrives
Arnon has taken too many tasks upon himself
and later will suffer of terrible headache.
Here he is busy with his friend Neta
in ordering the many, many props,
which later will have to be installed on the stage
with utmost speed between the many short scenes..
He'll also be an actor in the 90 min. drama...
A pity, that "later",
when his choir sang the songs, he
had taught me
and I had placed myself at a strategic spot,
the battery of my camera announced: "empty",
and then it turned out, that the reserve battery
was left by error in the battery charger at Shoham...
But I do cherish the photo with Arnon and Neta!
|
They
first sang this song (listen
to it on June 12)
"And if this
song sounds familiar to you ,
this is only, because it is still the same dream,
a bit forgotten, less certain, - perhaps,
but this song stays on and will be remembered.
"And if this song sounds naive to you,
this is only, because it still aspires for magic,
a little like a child, less than sky-blue, - perhaps,
but this song is still fitting, sometimes it's fitting.
To light and freedom in hope we immigrate [climb up],
A song of aelef (a thousand years),
which begins with alef - and begins!
"And if this song sounds stubborn to you,
it's only because it never despairs,
a bit worn-out, less touching, ,- perhaps,
but this song is agitated and pleading,
"And if this song sounds hurting to you,
it's only because it comes from the heart,
a bit going-bald, less promising, - ,perhaps,
but this song is loving , not deserting, still loving, not deserting.
To light and freedom in hope we immigrate [climb up],
A song of aelef (a thousand years),
which begins with alef - and begins!
Later they also sang the song,
"Only because
of the spirit"
which I modified on June 5
|
|
Ra'ayah and Micha - with Ayelet "pestering"
him as usual - are waiting for the evening to begin.
From this moment on - no more pictures!
Later, when we had put poor Arnon to bed and Micha drove me to Shoham,
we had a deep talk about the pattern of the Guth family (my mother
and perhaps her mother etc.),
to take too much on ourselves.
Ever since Arnon keeps coming to me on Grandma Days, I keep telling
him:
"You must leave some jobs to the others
also.
Your overdoing is paralyzing the others."
And I once again - or the first time? - told
Micha the horrid story about his father and me,
sculpted in puzzle piece 33
Greatness and Grandeur on
March 5-6, 2002, when Arnon was not
yet 6 years old.
Driving
Backward into the Future
.....
I used the chance to do work with both of us:
"My little grandson - you
are so much like me.
this overwhelming creativity,
for every problem a solution
a new idea in each moment.
But I want you to understand
that there is a great difficulty:
Your creativity gives no space to people around you.
This doesn't mean, you should dwarf
your creativity.
On the contrary.
It means that you should be aware of the difficulty,
so that you can use exactly this unfailing creativity
to figure out how to help people grow and create."
Of course I translated this into the kid's language.
And as I would have done in talking to a grownup,
I used my life's sore experiences to demonstrate it:
I had to go through much pain until I learnt this.
As a student I lived with a friend in one room.
I hear her outbreak even now:
"It's always you who has
ideas".
I don't remember, what I had suggested,
nor was I aware, that I always had ideas.
I certainly had no idea, what to do with her pain.
I didn't learn anything then.
About 20 years later I remember another outbreak,
of another person, in another country: my husband.
Though he was a fierce enemy of anything religious,
our Pesach Seder was creatively renewed each year.
|
The reading of the old traditional "Haggadah"
[= the "Telling",
a command in the Biblical account of the Exodus from
slavery: Ex.13,8]
is a combination of celebrating and sensual learning
of Jewish history: slavery, holocaust and redemption.
In our house we read a selfmade, interactive Haggadah.
For years my husband had prepared, typed and copied
it,
and of course, he was the one who facilitated the
reading.
Then, after 5 years/5 hours per day of studying for
my PH.D.
the shallowness of traditional and even Rafael's interpretation
of the Passah story - so immensely, universally relevant
today,
made me invest many weeks in creating an Haggadah
myself.
Up to the last minute my eldest
illustrated all the copies for 7 participants
while I, under utmost pressure finished preparing
all the traditional dishes.
Around the festive table Rafael, his 5 children and
I took turns in reading,
when suddenly my husband yelled with tears in his
voice:
"Now
you have taken from me the last thing I did myself."
"It was then, Arnon, that I
understood better then ever before,
how my creativity was killing the creativity of those
around me,
like a vigorous tree makes wither all its less vigorous
neighbors.
"But the only solution I came up with was to
dwarf myself.
And even today I'm very much in the beginning of applying
what I advised you to do:
NOT to deny your own creativity so
as not to overshadow others,
but to let this bad corollary of greatness challenge
your creativity."
.....
The steadfast spill of Arnon's ideas provides plenty
of opportunities
to reinforce this awareness from now on.
|
|
A few hours later:
A new day begins, - earlier than intended by me...
on that bleak and destroyed hill, which I had never wanted to see
again
before my family will move from Shoham to Bet-Nehemya...
The sun rises above a bleak earth...
|
7
AM, A letter of discharge to I. , not sent and the "worst"
sentences omitted
 
|
 |
|
Tomer said: "Now
I'll spoil your good mood!" and jumped on a tap prepared for
future buildings.
He hadn't intended, that his kick would make the water erupt, but
soon got control over the tap.
When he jumped down, he had a lit cigarette in his hands and looked
at me.
I said: "I'm not so much concerned about
the cigarette, but I'm hurt that you lied to me!"
"How did I lie to you?"
"I can show you the spot - down there in Keshet Street - where
you claimed you had stopped smoking."
"Well, I really did stop for a few days, and when I'll have finished
these cigarettes, I won't have money to buy more...."
"How did you get this money anyway?"
After some excuses and some pressure he said:
"My mother gave me money for the travel!"
"You needed not more than 12 NIS for the train, since she brought
you to the train and your father fetched you from there.
So why did she give you extra money?"
"We know, that my mother isn't one of the wisest women! And I
promise, that from Efrat's money I won't buy cigarettes!"
"What money from Efrat?" "She gave me money for the
travel today."
It was then, that I lost control for the first time on this day, but
not for the last time.
In this case my anger was directed against Efrat - I felt betrayed
by her.
Hadn't we talked about total alignment
with regard to Tomer?
Since the long, long story before, then and after, is over now (July
7) , I won't report on it here.
 |
On our way back
we met this army of
Thai construction workers.
The sight and
what it implied
didn't raise my spirits,
to say the least...
|
 |
He
claimed,
that he hadn't slept the entire night.
Probably he saw TV....
and now repeated over and over:
"I'm very tired".
In the train to Beersheva
he finally fell asleep,
but woe the person who meets Tomer,
after he has to be woken up... |
Again - it's now July 7, it's "over",
and I'll skip what happened when our bus reached Arad....
I'll instead mention the good hour we experienced
when Tomer introduced to me these special monkeys, The Golden Monkey,
and the tiny "Tarsio".
 
|
|
Then happened something totally unsuspected:
Rabbi Howshua Amariel called: "We'll
be in Arad, is it possible that we visit you?"
.
If not for Tomer, I might have said "no", since I parted
from them last October,
as I part from all friends, who neither nourish me nor are capable
to be nourished by ME.
What I understood later, was, that without any idea about Tomer in
general and Tomer on this day in particular,
they had come for Tomer's sake - to convey him a message...
I cannot tell more about Howshua and O. than what is written on the
Amariel Family website
Rabbi Howshua is the first person to translate
the ancient Hebrew word for word into English!
Tomer was open to the strange couple because of Howshua's "Rastot"
hair,
and it wasn't just a joke, that his first
words on Friday night, July 4, when he came back with Zipi from the
goats, were:
"Where are O. and Howshua?"
 |
|
 |
|
 |
 |
 |
|
When they left after several hours,
O. said to me:
"I owe you two things,
one - that at your age you look and are the way you do !
I'll be 30 this year and until I met you I felt I was growing
old,
and since I felt that, I indeed did become old.
But after I met you, this feeling , this belief simply disappeared."
Two hours later the young woman who took me and Tomer to Zipi's
farm,
said something similar, after she had hardly met me:
"You bring light into my
eyes!
That you dare to come to this forlorn place and look the way
you look,
this gives me hope for myself. "
Zipi later told me, that she was a volunteer at the farm and
28 years old.
O. went on:
"The second gift was, that
you once recited a Qur'an Sura by heart
(she meant Surah
93, In the Morning Hours - which I use to sing whenever I
need confidence...).
I said to myself:
"There is this woman, whose mother-tongue isn't Arabic,
not even Hebrew,
and what about me? Since then I'm open to my own language."
O. is now teaching "drama" in a school for Bedouin
children
This fact - that she has
started to work, and meaningful work for that matter
("these kids have a closed
mind, though inside they do have thoughts...") -
has changed her life and improved her relationship with her
dominant husband.
I was so happy to watch all this and to see also, that I had
a part in this change.
|
|
 |
|
| |
 |
I don't have the strength now to tell about the
reason for their coming,
nor about the message for Tomer,
the more so that some things cannot be told here.
But I'm grate-full they came.
When they were gone, the sun was close to setting,
I hadn't yet the time to water the garden
and compensate for what might have been overlooked by Ofir, my landlord,
and Shai, Zipi's friend
who had cared for the garden during my 7 days absence.
But I deemed it more important to go out into the desert with Tomer
alone
before he would go to Zipi's farm the next day.
Yet things took an unexpected turn.
When we began to walk, Tomer said:
"What about Zipi!
I want to see her now!
you, Grandma" (and he played it down with
a shy smile) "nim'ast alai kzat".
It means: "I've had enough of you a bit."
I was not hurt at all, on the contrary, I too wished, that Zipi could
take over.
And in hindsight (July 7) I
know,
this day would become a landmark:
Until now I was the kind of friend for Tomer,
whom he could wake up at 5: 30 and tell her: "let's
go to see the sunrise".
Only recently he let me know,
that he wanted to travel to Scotland, not with anybody, but with me,
his grandma.
I was surprised when he said that! After all he'll be 14 in November.
Now, from this first of July, 2008, onward,
the relationship might never become the same.
Though he is all the time with "grownup" "friends"........
But "Zipi" seems to be the kind of human,
who combines being grownup and young
with many of grandma's qualities, which he cherishes
and which the two of us actually have in common.
While walking, we finally got hold of Zipi,
and - to cut a stressful story short -
We arrived at her place at 10:30 PM...
back to
past ~~~~~ forward to future 2008/2012
Intro
to
k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
dates
~ Library of
7 years ~ HOME
~ contact ~
SEARCH
( of Latin characters only!) my
eldest granddaughter's video-gallery
whole&full-filled,
never perfect&complete
Keep It
Simple Sweetheart
K.I.S.S.
- L O G 2
0 0 8
|
