I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you
want, then get out of the way, live and play, and let
happen what may! 8:37 [Because
of Arnon's Show of the end of his school-year tomorrow
night I'm staying on at Shoham though I. returned at 8
AM] I desire - after days
without any tension - to feel what is already "in
the air"- T's looming coming [E:
"T.
called, 'I'm told here, that I'm coming to you tomorrow',
I asked: 'who told you', 'Imma', I said: 'then tell your
mother, she should
read Abba's email again: Abba comes home tomorrow &
you'll not come here!' 'Sabaaba'!" Rachel,"did
he say 'Sabaaba'?"
"Yes!" When
she told ME about T's phonecall, she didn't mention "Sabaaba"=slang
for: 'fine!' I.- busy with unpacking - did not react.
E., complaining about her cold & in great hurry, hustled
around. I. : "What's the matter?"
E. in defiance: "Nothing",
and left w.Mika.
I. to me: "Is something the
matter?" "No, it's been alright until now!"
- "I'll go to sleep then!" He flew through
the night from Bankok.
I desire to neither talk nor act, but to 'womb' them while
they are playing their learning dramas
image
of the day: Efrat had a new idea for my daily outing
with Mika: "I'll drive you to an
unfamiliar park". While
I entered the car, holding Mika on my lap, I saw this heart
on the floor! "Yes, we once found
it!"
"Even
the longing for another to share that love
can be fulfilled by lovingly accepting the desire itself.
...
As New Heart you channel loving Spirit
and move to fully accept the desire just as it is, unfulfilled
and all.
As you embrace your unfulfilled desire for real love,
you empower the fulfillment of your desire~~~
and not just inside of you, inside all of
manifestation as well.
It is as if all of Creation is held in the loving arms of
New Heart."
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
9:27
My Body, my Partner,
my God I give thanks to our eyes and teeth,
the only organs in you, which were effected by aging.
Thank you for letting highly skilled professionals compensate
for what is worn out in our eyes
- so that, with my glasses, I can read the smallest letters
-
and for what was dead in our mouth,
so that - despite the constant discomfort - it functions well
and you, my Body with your face, do not cause people to sense
disgust. I dared to take out and put in
my prosthesis in Mika's presence,
though I felt shame and was afraid of shocking her.
She told her mother and will soon tell her friends:
"My grandma puts teeth into her
mouth".
16:35: phonecall !!! from
my dental clinic: "After half a year we invite you for
a checkup!"
I'm grate-full for the ease and harmony
on yesterday's Shabbat.
I'm grate-full for the natural interaction between Elah and
me.
I'm grate-full that I'm not judging her "for never finishing
anything" now: her
school Beit-Zvi,where also
Clara Khouri ("Good Intentions") studied, trusting her, that she'll walk the path
that is right for her.
[I do judge my son for prolonging her lessons by always having
pampered her with money, --always "making it easy for
her" - the latter a heritage from Me!]
Another
letter from Eitan Tam, in which he talks
about the blue eyes of his granddaughter, also called Mika,
born 3 months before my Mika. He also mentions his daughter's
connection to Ein-Gedi
Fieldschool and Joel Oren, who was dispensed as director,
because he - in 1999 - permitted the "crazy woman with
the bus" to live on the school's compound.
Lior, his daughter, then 11, is a 'starchild' and my friend,
even though we now don't have exterior contact.
After
some hours I received a response,
which helps me to cut off this communication.
I would still like to understand,
why I attracted it into my life in the first place,
considering my principle to freeze even old friendships,
since "I can't receive what I want and need,
and what I want to give is rarely received",
If
I'm correct, it was the first time last night,
that they scheduled a repetition of an episode
of "Good Intentions".
Does this mean, that the series is a success?
How much do I hope this!
In order to empower the series
and all the people who worked and work for it and in it,
I'll - from now on - every time, an episode will be shown -
add this little sculpture to the frame of
"The Focus of my Intention today"
And if now - after having immersed myself in that movie
:
"The Bottom of the Swamp" [the Chorus] ,
and the coincidence between the first watching and the
watching now -
and after having read only "a bit", of what
can be seen on the Internet,
I feel, I should prevent my son from "imprisoning"
his son in "Bnei-Arazim",
what should be the alternative?
If not my fantasy of last year - rejected by Immanuel's
therapist?
Please help us!
"The only reason for
having met that woman in February,
was to cause your son to begin a process of ending the
custody of T.'s mother.
This is important for your son: he must become totally
and absolutely
"parental"
to his "parentship".
Now since the court's decision on June 22, he is free
to learn his true lesson.
"As to the alternative to Bnei-Arazim,
it's good that you mentioned your "TOMER IS COMING
FANTASY",
but the rest is up to your son.
Do not initiate any further word, do
not push, do not interfere, be available."
Thank you!
The whole day long I tried to understand, why
I suddenly have doubts concerning the plan to "imprison"
T. in Bnei-Arazim.
I sent my mail to Immanuel (in the other room) around 3 PM, and around
6 PM he said, that he wasn't pleased with the fact,
that I tried to undermine the decision, which to reach he and Efrat
had went through such an excruciating process....
My way to cope today has been to read, to write and to compose a sculpture
of aspects of father and son,
Immanuel, the pilot, Immanuel, the husband, Immanuel, the father of
Tomer, Immanuel, the father of Mika,
intertwined with info about Bnei-Arazim
contrasted with Tomer's interests in posh cars and houses in Los-Angeles,
where he - a month ago- spent an entire week with Abba,
and with images of his interactions with his little sister and with
me, his grandma.
A
website of an NGO with the name: "Nif'ga'ee Bnei-Arazim" "those
who were hurt at Bnei-Arazim"
I read the letter from a girl called Yardena,
now aged 14: "Trauma for my entire life".
Addition
on July 23, 2008: "I'm grateful for his news:"Tomer wanted to talk to us for the
first time", and that he was allowed to do so according
to his behaviour the last day. "I asked him, if the place was as
terrible as he had heard from people?"
"Yes",
"Does this mean you feel in prison?"
"No, not at all". He studies Math and literature and takes
part in all the household work!
The
Method of the Stick [about Bnei-Arazim and its
founder Shulamit Blank]
From a article in Haaretz
on April 29, 2008
- 2 months ago!
The Pilot in the Air - Major Immanuel Rosenzweig
during his army reserve service on April 29, 2008
above , far above his troubles on the Earth [the
photo of the latter was taken by Tomer on their flight to Los Angeles,
a month ago]
On a "quickie" to Paris - the pilot took
his wife with him - June
24-25, 2008
And Tomer?
At Los Angeles he took 3 kinds of photos: of himself, of posh cars and of posh houses
I wonder why this strange building was
of interest for Tomer
Tomer and his relationships
March 29, 2008Swimming
with his grandma, while everybody else still shuns the cold water
-
May 10, 2008, Father and Son paint our
piano, when it returned to Shoham.
Will Tomer return to taking piano
lessons (discarded by him a year ago)?
[July 16, 2011: No, but he took up playing guitar in 2010]
January 12 , 2008: Tomer and his little sister,
who will be the main healer in our family drama, as I believe!
