I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
"AZ
NIDBERU"
- My
new Midrash and song
in 5 languages
about the prophecy of Malachi
3, 16
["YHWH" is named "HA-SHEM"= The
Name]
1 2 3
How Learn And
I The Train
Heal Conditions In
Myself For Creating
Into Heaven Those
Whole On Conditions
Self-acceptance Earth Daily
Click!
Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk
among each other,
and he listens and he
hears
yatakaalamuna allathina
yarau'na-hu ,
va-yusri va-yasma'
Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander,
und er lauscht und er
hoert
Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent
l'un a l'autre
il entends,
il ecoute
Actions:
Kisslog: healing-creating
Internet: "Maple-Story": learningwith Tomer
Singing a bit w. Immanuel
washing dishes, watering T R A V E L I N G .....
TV: Big Brother Show
Interactions:
Comforting Mika, who
- after her first dummy-less night awoke at 6:35
Interview 160 min. w.A.&K:
Bir'am With
Tomer , (Elah), Immanuel, Efrat
phoning: Micha 2,
Efrat, Immanuel,
SMS Efrat, Immanuel ( listened to my discharge about train);Ofir-helping
w. TV
The FOCUS of MY INTENTION
TODAY -8:00
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may I desire to let my grate-FULL-ness
for this holy-whole Shabbat over~flow~ into wherever I ~go~!
I desire my granddaughter to not suffer too much,
but be supported by the pride in her greatness
I desire, that my daughter-in-love will be strengthened by Mika's
determination & bravery and
realize her vow: "If my daughter
can do this, I can do it also and liberate myself from my cigarettes!"
I desire my son to grow through his success with asserting himself
opposite E's iron-like pattern
concerning Mika's eating as well as through
Tomer's expressive demand:"Learn
to say No to me!"
I desire my grandson to wisely use - (a)
his experience with his maturity on this family weekend, (b)his
peer-encounter with Abba, (c)
Abba's "thank-you" for the "I saw God" song,
(d)
my info...
Composition
of a holy-whole Shabbat: (1) The last 10 minutes with
the dummy
(2)
Again and again Malachi
3:end : "And
he shall turn
the
heart of the fathers
to
the sons,
and
the heart of the children
to
their fathers "
"I want you to scissor my dummy NOW!"
"If you really mean it, then bring the scissors!"
"I
succeeded, I've thrown the dummy away,
I succeeded, I succeeded!" she
jumps...
Mika woke up much earlier than usual .
She is allowed to spend a few minutes with Imma and Abba in bed,
and then when she gets up,
she goes right to kitchen and opens the door to the garbage bin under
the sink: "I only want to count the dummies",
but when Abba tells her: "I've thrown
them already into the big bin outside",
she doesn't make a fuss, and only a few times reminds herself of her
decision and her determination, "I am big now, I don't need a dummy any
longer". Abba helps her dress and she is cheerful,
though in the car to kindergarden she was so sad: "that if she would have made a scene, I
would have given her the dummy which I still keep hidden in my bag", said Efrat. "You would have caused her to hate herself!"I said. "Yes, that is true, but then she didn't
ask for the dummy,
she only had this behavior of people who are in the stage of weaning
(gmilah?)"
Later: Tomer gets up even before ten and
rightaway comes into my room,
and we again spend time together, this time mainly with his"Maple-Story". Then a sound from the door: A. and his wife
K. have arrived by public transport. (About this encounter - see "the
altar" tomorrow). In the meanwhile Tomer is taken by his sister
to their mother's in their mother's car ,
and Immanuel and I stay alone in the flat, each of us working on the
computer.
Before 4 PM Efrat returns - early - from her job, to finish packing,
we leave the house, fetch Mika, and arrive at the airport trainstation,
from where they'll travel to Acco, while I'll travel to Arad.
the first part - usually 7 min. - from the airport station to "Haganah"
Tel-Aviv, we are still together.
In
the car I remember,
that I haven't learnt that pretty kindergarden song "slichot"
-
a version for kids - of the
Yom Kippur "Asking for Forgiveness".
As it's well known,
the fasting etc. may atone for sins between a man and his creator,
but NOT for his sins towards a fellow human.
I could convince Mika to begin singing on my cellphone,
but she had the same difficulty which had her father at that
age:
I wanted him to talk on a tape - which was the technology in
196
6 - for his grandmother in Germany to hear him
(I later translated on paper what he had managed to say
- which wasn't too smart...)
and he , like Mika, couldn't grasp,
that first the tape had to get his input,
then later we could hear from it the output.
What makes this little recording - not pleasurable -but valuable,
is the conversation which went on in front of us.
Efrat and Immanuel talked about the plan that they all
- i.e. including Ronnit's family -
would meet somewhere on the last day of the Succot Festival.
Efrat is clearly heard as saying: "And Tomer asks to verify,
that Rotem too will come!"
Rotem is the only cousin, Tomer appreciates
as worthy of his company... [See on Mika's
Birthday, Dec. 2007, and see both at Arad
in August 2006]
Forgive
me (by Meirav Barak) If I hurt you, and if I insulted you
I ask for forgiveness
If I hit you and if I pushed you
I ask for forgiveness
If I grabbed your toy from you
I ask for forgiveness
If I pulled you by your hair
I ask for forgiveness
I ask, I ask [male form of the verb]
I ask for forgiveness
I ask, I ask [female form of the verb]
I ask for forgiveness
Abba helped buying the tickets and
brought us to the barrier.
Then he parted from his little family and we wait on the platform.
One last picture of sweet Mika, while I'm
getting nervous becouse of the train's stopping in the middle.
And , indeed, when I rush out of the northbound train , just a few
meters opposite to the southbound train,
the doors are already closed and the train leaves without me.
I run back to the window, behind which I discerned my daughter-in-love
and my granddaughter,
but only via phone can I discharge my anger, frustration and fear
of the now even longer journey.
After discharging once more with Micha - who wanted to fix me our
togetherness the next evening-
and with Immanuel, who was informed by Efrat concerning my "predicament"...
I did relax, and spend the hour until the next train walking up and
down at the end of the platform
rehearsing my 3 songs...
The train, when it came, would soon be delayed also, but I did make
it in time to Beersheva and from their to Arad and from their to my
flat,
except that when I reached it just in time to watch the Big Brother
Show - the TV cables didn't work.
It seemed, that with all these obstacles I wasn't meant to see it.
But then Ofir could help me via phone and there I was - home in my
castle , alone , with the Big Brother Community.
And the meaning of these obstacles - see tomorrow.
"Thank you for having shown this to me,
it's fantastic indeed!"Abba
said,
and Tomer showed him another clip - which I myself had not yet seen
- where Wooten plays bass-guitar solo.
Tomer's deep contentment and elating pride can be seen on this last
photo of this miraculous evening!
A
dialog between grandmother and grandson:
"Abba is soooo good,
but parents seem to have something in their nature,
which doesn't let them go of their children,
even if they are doing to them what I do."
In some context I taught him how I was around,
perhaps in 1969,
when the Hebrew equivalent for "frustration" was invented. He laughed:
"Since Abba often says to me:you frustrate me,
he would have to say: it frustrates me, that there
is no word for the way you frustrate me.
"But he loves you so much",
"I know, he can't be with me and he can't be without me."
I remind him of a boy whom we know faintly:
"There is this guy... to whom his father said: if I see you one more time
involved with the police,
you are out of the house and no longer my son."
"Abba has warned me in the same manner: "If I see you involved
with drugs, you are no longer my son",
but even if that father would have thrown his son out of the
house,
it wouldn't have meant, that he didn't love him any longer."
"That is true!" I admitted.
"How can one live 70 years. I am 13 and already have enough."
"I know that feeling. At your age I wanted to die" I explained why I refrained- time and
again- from doing this ,
until I understood, that dying doesn't make sense,
since THERE IS NO POSSIBILITY TO N O T
EXIST....
The
magnificent new (inexpensive!) candelabra in the living-room
Actions:
Kisslog: healing-creating
Internet: "Maple-Story": learningwith Tomer
Singing a bit w. Immanuel
washing dishes, watering T R A V E L I N G .....
TV: Big Brother Show
Interactions:
Comforting Mika, who
- after her first dummy-less night awoke at 6:35
Interview 160 min. w.A.&K:
Bir'am With
Tomer , (Elah), Immanuel, Efrat
phoning: Micha 2,
Efrat, Immanuel,
SMS Efrat, Immanuel ( listened to my discharge about train);Ofir-helping
w. TV
