The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'

pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"


See further down  2012 the last three of

Overview of and Links to the Pages of My Community: Desert Vision - Succah Parting from its realization in the exterior World


D E S E R T      V I S I O N

A Desert Timeline 1988-2003
2002_08_07-10 ; last update; 2003_04_29; never completed


Hill of the Angels' Flight
Mount "Lekh-Lekha"
Beyond these hills to the South:
the Makhtesh-Ramon, the Ramon-crater









the "Ruchaara"



A photo taken early in the morning, 2002_07_17, standing between "Sarah", in which I was a guest, and her water jar



1983 - 1988
Nov. 1988 - Nov.1990
Nov. 1989 - Pesach 1990
In Abraham's Bus-Steps
             Becoming Prepared
Conception and Pregnancy
Birth of the Succayah
a scientific model of an SPS business
Summer 1983: Inspiration:
"Walk in Abraham's footsteps".

purchase of old army bus
Summer 1985 - 1988
trying a mobile life,
not knowing 'what for'
Nov. 1987: 40 desert days

August 1988: Learning Computer
November 1, 1988 Project of
promoting solar engery.

1988_11_23: "This is IT".

1989_07_20-22 in the Desert:
Succah experiment with 14 people
1989_09_27- 3 days before Rosh Hashanah:
My bus on the edge of the Ramon Crater

finding the place,
attracting helpers,
structuring space,
building succahs,
an office in town,
inventing facilities
facing the authorities
registering as business
struggling with finances


Pesach 1990-February 1994
Febr. 1994 - Succot 1994
Succot 1994-Pesach 1996:
Arrival of Paying Guests
Consolidation of Concepts
Expansion of Responsibility
Experiment with optimal target guests
The Succah's "Coming-of-Age"

Personal hospitality.

Applying humanistic business
(no profit, but satisfaction,
no employers-employees,
but Y-Y-Y)

Laws for preserving SPS

Applying SPS technology

Inventing the pyramidal tent

Experimenting with activities.

1984_02_17 Founding of the
"Desert Realization Company. LTD"
Partners: Rachel, Gadi, Efat.

July-August 1994
3 times the week long program
"Aetgar ba-Midbar"
"Challenge in the Desert"

"Adolescent" Teams run the Succah
"Parent" Rachel hidden, but available

3 months hard work in Tel-Aviv
to create a financial basis.
Severe influenza and its message:
"Stop Doing!"

Fight for Tree and Flight to Egypt

Nov. 1995 - following Rabin's murder
my last thrust to bring about
the breakthrough of the Vision

Pesach 1996 - August 1998
August 1998- August 2001
September 2001-July 2002
Fragile Independence

Forced partnership of Four

Conflict between Partners
and Parting-in-Peace

I "bequeathed" the Succah
and The Company
to my partners Gadi&Efrat.
Both still lived far away, in Tel-Aviv

Dedicated, but instable teams
in the Succayah,
Its survival is in danger.

Sept. 1997: Gadi asks me
to meet Avi, a potential partner.
Dec. 1997: Avi starts working
in the Succayah.

Gadi&Efrat move to Mitzpe-Ramon
and share the work of hosting,
maintenance and office.

Dorit, a guest among those
who escaped the fire at Pesach,
had become Avi's partner.
Mutual dependency
between Avi-Dorit
and Efrat-Gadi,
renders the business stability.
In time only Gadi works,
while Efrat involves herself
in the uplifting of Mitzpe-Ramon.
The relationship between the partners,
always strained, had deteriorated.
Gadi withdraws to town,
a partner only on paper.
No contact whatsoever.
Avi exploits a change
in Company Law
and makes himself "inherit"
the Company for Desert Resources,
by founding the Company
"Succah in the Desert",
Efrat&Gadi are "dispossessed"
since June 2002.
Water floods the Wadi of the Succayah!
It's time for my "lekh-lekha"!

The completion of our Desert Peace Process in January 2003
and the celebration of this completion at Purim, March 2003,
symbolizes the completion of my creation in the Negev-Desert.
Should I ever be called to the Desert again,
it probably will be to the Judaean Desert,
where it borders the Salt Sea.
[These 6 lines were sculpted on April 29, 2003, Holocaust Remembrance Day]

Towards the closure of Healing-K.i.s.s. on 2003_07_04

From great distance I watch the three structures on the slope,
which are no longer triangular succahs but house-like cabins.
The beautiful Peace-Process
led not only towards
Parting-in-Peace between the partners Avi and Gadi,
but also to the completion of my own parting
from my Desert Vision as it was embodied in "Succah in the Desert".



I intended to summarize each of these 9 periods.
and then add secondary pages with more details,
like the following fragment:

Not by chance did my "historical" account fray out into a diary,
when I reached the water issue. Water always seeks the deepest level.

Still I want to give an overview of the years November 1989 to April 1996.

I told, how I tried to "sell" my baby to institutions,
whom I deemed interested and capable to realize my vision, using me as an instrument.
The Nature Reserves Authority said "No".
The Institute for Desert Research at Sde-Boqer,
with their compartments for Solar Energy, Water and Building Material, said "No".
The financial sponsor I had in mind - the Japanese "Soni" - never replied to any of my multimedia advances.
The idea, to register the project as a Nonprofit Organization, failed.

So it was decreed:
I must do it myself, with my limited technical understanding,
and my poor financial reserves.

But miracles also happened.
On January 6th, 1989, "Manpower" found me an almost permanent job,
in the legal department of a very big company, as the secretary of the secretary.
I got extra, non-paid time, to work on the computer,
and I used the phone and the copy-machine to work on my project.
My working place on the 11th floor,
with a magnificent view over Tel-Aviv
and the Mediterrean was splendid and my bosses were kind.
Even a hot lunch was included.

The mobile home was allowed to park on a cliff above the sea, some 20 km north.
Later persecutions by the Nature REserves Authority should not let me forget,
that in that year I got help from them, even twice.

As usual, I worked very hard, studying all the different components of my crazy dream.
On July 20th fourteen people met in the Desert West of Mitzpe Ramon, next to the Ramon Crater.
It was the 20th anniversary of the landing on the moon
and - for me also - the commemoration of the execution of the 5000 of the German elite,
who for two years had prepared the elimination of Hitler and his system.
Success and failure - a prophesy for the future?

Each of us built his/her own kind of "succah" and lived in it for 28 hours.
My experience was further enhanced by the sting of a scorpion.
The incredible pain lasted for 26 hours, but I was glad for the experience.
I would be less worried with concern to my guests.
It hurts, but it doesn't kill, if you are a grownup and don't have a heart condition.
In all those years only two people were stung,
and both of them knew, why they had attracted this.

I have often stated with deep gratitude,
that as long as I was in the Succayah,
absolutely no one was injured
- not by a sunstroke, not by falling from a rock, not by getting lost in the desert -
and nothing was stolen.
We belonged to our Bedouins' "kingdom",
and no Bedouin steals from his own tribe.

The 14 people came together again for a closing circle and shared their experiences.
I suddenly knew, that the time was ripe.
I declared, that by Rosh-Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, that year on Sept. 26th, I would be ready.

At Koor's they were sad to let me go.
It wasn't easy to get a replacement for such a good secretary.

- All sons came to help me paint the bus, and then we went South.
I say we, because to my regret Channah, my companion, decided to join me,
and I was not strong enough to tell her: "No."

[explanation see Succah-Intro]




September 12, 2012

Exactly 10 years after I began the Desert-Peace-Process ,

I'm using the free space on these pages for copying and graphically editing the info from

the last three of the eight books of Right Use of Will
Since the copying and excerpting of the Red Book is completed,
I continue to copy - without any omissions
the Orange Book and the Indigo Book.
Since I found out, that the Indigo Book has been "re-done" byCeanne, the Channeler,



I continue to listen to Haydn's "Creation", [see the lyrics on the former pages, since "Succat-Sarah"
while continuing to copy the Orange chapter (p. 238)

The Mother feels the pressure from DENIALS to be too much and gives up on trying tohold them back anymore

and the Indigo Chapter (p.241)
Merlin and Morgan Le Fey [also written "Morgaine"]

The orange, 6th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]
The Loss of Power and Magic on Earth

Dedicated to The Father of Manifestation,
that maligned, misunderstood, but essential Part of God
The indigo, 8th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

8 INDIGO - The Search for
True Understanding and Balance

Dedicated to
The Four Parts of God in Loving Balance

p. 242

had polarized so extremely away from the Will presence they needed to feel this, they did not even know how dangerous and damaging what they were entering into there really was, and if they do not move to look now, they will not know it yet.

The Fire Dragons did not have balance or even really know what it was. When they had trouble hanging in the skies and had to go to the fire seas frequently to purify themselves, which was to move rage on their terms, they felt it was because they were being dragged down by the magnetic energy field of Earth and that rage movement had the power to move this out of them. After they had moved rage this way, they could rise into the skies with much less problem than when they finally had to go to the fire seas, which convinced them all the more that rage had the power to rev them up when they got bogged down. Without the balance they needed to hang in the skies, they could not resist the desire to stir the cauldron this way any more than they could resist stirring the cauldron they had been stirring with Lucifer's light in the skies of Earth, and what was about to leap from it was all of the manifestations of Hell on Earth in the form of all of Lucifer's monsters raining down upon the Earth in the tail winds of a fireball.

This causes Me to want to say: Balance is the cardinal rule of magic. Without it, you will not find the results you seek, and if you think you have, then you see not clearly and those are the lessons you will have to learn. Anything you stir into your cauldron of magic will manifest as it is, which is not necessarily as you see it, and let you think the problem is only everyone else's imbalance, look into your own misfired attempts at manifeting your own lives.

Once again, the tension and pressure was mounting on Earth. There were great contests and duels of magic and form change taking place in the court with the frenzied edge to them of being driven by the denials and undercurrents of competition, power struggle, pecking order and fear denial. There was also a heartlessness to this that did not feel good to My light at all.

Some of these events drew spirits to come and watch who might have been partying in the woods otherwise, and these great displays of form change, power and magic were becoming so fiercely competitive and power oriented that it looked like power was growing in some and being depleted in others in ways that were both intimidating and lacking in the feelings of fun and playfulness that had been present in earlier experiences with these things. There was a deadly seriousness that was not pleasant to watch.

p. 243

Without knowing how they were doing it, or even that they were doing it, many of the spirits there were losing the power to do anything other than to feed Lucifer their power and their essence through the Will denial the presence of his light was able to pressure them into, and which they entered into from their own wishes to avoid feelings at first, not knowing how it opened the door for him, and once his foot was in the door, he behaved much worse than the pushy salesman who refused to take it out. I would like to say here: If you do not feel love's presence, do not get involved.

As power grew in the hands of a few and seemed less present in the hands of the many, the denials they had, namely of fear, increased, and the more this happened, the more the Mother struggled with the lines from Hell gainng on Her in Pan, and the less able She was to cope with the struggle of holding Herself present in the midst of all of these denials anymore. She desperately needed the protection of the Father of Manifestation, but was unable to keep Herself present with Him in the places He went where He was not present with Her emotinally, which now had begun to take form with Him as being an unnoticed part of the audience for these duels in the name of learning things He needed to know about the participants there while He was also looking to see what kinds of powers they had compared to his own and trying to measure the strength of His powers compared to theirs, as so many were doing with this reflection of their own power loss, without moving the emotions they had in response to this, thinking that power was in controlling their emotions, instead.

Rage was almost never allowed to move except in the Fire Dragons in certan ways and forms, which was the example everyone had of rage, that did not feel very loving to them, and was not, since it was filled with the presence of unloving light empowering and driving it. Fear was hated by subconscious agreement and never allowed to move except in situations of such ridicule, condemnation and blame that it never gained consciousness beyond the self-hatred it was pushed into, and grief was only allowed to move for a little while before it was thought to be too much, which it was to the lack of openness to receive it, and especially when other emotions were havng to be converted to grief to gain any expression at all to relieve the pressure of holding them.

In this atmosphere, the Mother could not stay present in a



at the Father of Manifestation, including some of the Mother's rage, and her magical arts were calling this to her.

Over and over, she talked to the ethers, forming her plan and drawing to her any energy that would be in alliance with her plan, drawing only feelings similar to her own. She also had ears at the castle and especially did not want to hear that Guinevere was pregnant. Potions were delivered to the castle and given to Guinevere to drink without her knowing that they prevented pregnancy. When the opportunity came to disgrace Arthur through Lancelot's appearance, she took full advantage of it. Then, she felt, if an heir was ever produced, it would be easy to cast doubt on the parentage.

She found herself drawing lords who opposed Arthur. They wanted to have sex with her. They all pressed themselves on her. She told them all, "If you help me take Arthur from his throne and put Mordred in his place, you can have me sexually."

They had many years to wait while Mordred had to grow up, and it was not easy to keep her allies together for that time, but she continually reminded them that they had a mission and a purpose for remaining allies there. She also kept them in a sexual frenzy by dosing them with potions of hallucinogenics and aphrodisiacs and then telling them her sexuality was the most powerful.

Morgaine thought she could control them through sex, and especially power sex, but her allies were restless and insisted they wanted another heir presented to them in case anything went wrong with her plan. Now Morgaine was put in the position of having to decide who the father of this child was going to be.

When Merlin came, he felt like the piece she needed. He had bloodlines she liked; they were Celtic. The others did not like that, because it could not be established clearly who he was or where he came from. They were all still more interested in putting themselves or one of their sons on the throne, but Morgaine thought that if she established a bond with Merlin, he would put her son on the throne the way he had Arthur.

When she saw that Mordred might not be powerful enough on his own or he would have more heart for winnng the battles she thought he needed to be winning to wrest the throne from Arthur, and less laziness, as she saw it, she decided he needed more power , and more magic was how she planned to get it; even if she had to trick him, Merlin was going to help her.

Merlin was feeling he would have been more the right person to have had the throne there, but he was more interested in magic


than he was in doing battle for power, was too old and had been too reluctant for too long to be able to step forward publicly and do it then. It did not escape Merlin that his own bloodlines were close to what they would have needed to take the throne, though, and he felt that if he fathered a son through Morgan le Fey, the right bloodlines would be there.

Morgaine was determined to replace Arthur with her own son, which at the time was only Mordred, and if not, then with the next son, who she was going to have with Merlin. When Merlin made his proposal to Morgaine, Morgaine did not let him know that she had been thinking this herself. She feigned cool aloofness to the idea but then said she would agree to the proposal only if Merlin would teach her his magic and entrust her with all he knew as the mother of his son.

Merlin knew Morgaine was being played there by the opponents of Arthur who were going to support Mordred only long enough to use him to kill Arthur and then take the throne for one of them by raising public opinon against him as having killed his own father.

Merlin thought that his son would be a more loving and balanced presence to have on the throne than Mordred ever could be and, so, thought their back-up plan of putting his son on the throne was a better plan; if he could put this heir on the throne. [sic] But first, Merlin needed to be there to help his son grow up the way he wanted him to.

Merlin thought that agreeing to teach Morgaine was his only real opportunity to be near his own son and raise him, instead of letting Morgaine do what she did to Mordred all over again, but he was going to need to drag this out over the many years it was going to take his son to grow up by being a reluctant teacher and by stressing that he had studied magic all of his life and that what he knew was no quick mastery of potions.

He did not think he could go down, himself, there. [sic] He even thought that he could teach her in such a way that she would not be able to use it properly for her own power, and when she played inept in his presence as part of her fluttering feminitity act, [sic] he even thought it did not matter what he really taught her; but dragging it out as he did gave her much time to practice over and over what he taught her and get really good at it.

Merlin thought his own son would get to grow up in his presence and would not fall prey to the hatred Morgan le Fey had trained her own son to have and that he would not have to experi-

The orange, 6th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]
The Loss of Power and Magic on Earth

Dedicated to The Father of Manifestation,
that maligned, misunderstood, but essential Part of God
The indigo, 8th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

8 INDIGO - The Search for
True Understanding and Balance

Dedicated to
The Four Parts of God in Loving Balance

p. 244

group of people for long without feeling a tremendous increase in Her pain, suffering and held emotion level. When it was to much for Her, She could not move it there and She would have to remove Herself to express what she could privately. This left Her prey to all sorts of things that stalked Her as manifestations of the denied hatred of these feelings.

With the pressure and force of their own denials, and in the name of having fun, people in Pan had moved things out of themselves and into the woods so hideous as to make them no longer want to go there, or even any deeper into the woods than they had the protection of the group and familiar pathways to go.

There were many things lurking in the forests in Pan that were not encountered in the general runnings of many there who instinctively knew that banding together in groups was the thing to do, yet they excluded the Mother from all groups by making Her feel unwelcome there because of what they felt in Her presence and what She was trying to present. Even when She pointed it out, if it then rushed in on Her or them, they said that this proved She had caused it from some feelings of Hers such as rebellion, jealousy or revenge.

In the same ways that My feelings of wanting to smack at the spirits for their denials were hard to control, it is a wonder that the Mother has not smacked at you much harder than she has. That She has not is partly because of Her guilt, as well as Mine, and partly because of Our love, and partly because I was also pressuring Her heavily not to move these emotions, as She was also pressuring Me. Each of Us was pressuring the Other in the name of love, and in the name of protecting the children, but also, from fear of Ourselves and what might happen if We did express feelings We had judged against so heavily.

Most of the spirits in Pan were also doing the same thing, and, like Us, ignoring what was really happening there because they were emotionally ignoring what made them uncomfortable, not only in the beginning, but as time went on. The struggles for power were increasing in the duels of magic and form changes, the Mother was becoming more and more overwhelmed by the denials being made there, the Fire Dragons were infighting and raging more and more, and the Father of Manifestation was biding His time.

Feelings He was really the most powerful, but was not going to show His hand yet, the Father of Manifestation was losing power every moment He did not move His fear about whether His being

p. 245

the most powerful was still true or not. He was not letting on, even to Himself, that He felt this way because His mind was dominating His analysis of the situation while His denied terror was consuming the Mother so much She could hardly even stay present by His side.

She did not know it was necessarily His terror though. She thought it was Her terror of the impending fate of Earth, and while She wanted to rage at the Father of Manifesestation for appearing to be a "popcorn-eating" bystander who was avoiding the situation and, thereby, letting it happen, imprinting wasn't allowing Her to move in either direction here. Only grief moved in Her and a quaking that She felt was terror in Her grief. Meanwhile, denied rage was feeding the strength of the gap which was anplifying the terror it had vowed to hold down.

The night Lucifer chose to enter the Earth with his hoards, there was a huge party going on of the sort I have just described, which is very symbolic in ways you will learn to see as you move to understand this story more deeply, if you do not already see it, and the exact moment in which he chose to strike was also very synchronistic as magic is very synchronistic even unloving magic.

The mother on Earth had abandoned her position in the skies that night and let another take her place so that she could preside over the party, the contests and the duels. Sensing trouble in the skies, however, she had excused herself from the party as the Faerie Queen, and was running between forms, trying to call to the supposed ally she had left in her place that night to let her rejoin him. He was even more treacherous than the faeries had been, however, and had business of his own with My light, or so he thought, and would not listen to her.

When I saw Lucifer about to enter Earth, I smacked at Him instantly, Lucifer grabbed My smack and used it to knock the Fire Dragons out of the sky, which he had planned on doing anyway since he had not intended to honor any deals he had made with them. Lucifer had no intention of actually giving anything more than an illusion of such power and had only made these deals so they would help him and not cause him any problems.

He could do this, since My light was aiming for them also, having viewed them, and amongst them, particularly the mother on Earth, as having made the deal to let Lucifer onto the Earth.

This fireball rolled down onto the Earth, leaving the mother on Earth's nearly empty form of the Fire Dragon to fall to Earth like a discarded ragdoll in just the manner she had dished out to the



ence the cruelty of her rage, either, but after giving birth to Merlin's son, she began to have fits of rage which she took out on the child when Merlin would not teach her what she wanted to know quickly enough. Morgan le Fey was intimidating him with her rage, which he did not like having to experience there or have his son experience, either. He did not like her rage there, and he did not love her, but he did not leave.

Whenever taking her tage out on their son did not work as a manipulation tool, Morgaine used her sweetness and guile, which worked better on him than he thought it would, because he was love starved. Even though he was a participant who saw what Morgaine was doing to Arthur, Merlin did not think it could happen to him. He thought he was smarter than that and could not go down the way Arthur would, which was correct. He was going to go down another way.

When Morgaine did not think she had to learn magic from Merlin anymore, she was really finished with him and began to have more fits of rage, alternating with begging him to teach her the one last thing she really wanted to know. She wheedled her way to getting Merlin to show her by telling him she would not take her anger out on their son anymore if he did not make her so angry by refusing to teach her what she wanted to know.

She kept insisting there must be more to his magic than he was letting her know. She kept insisting that she wanted to be able to manipulate the elements which he did not want to let her learn because of her rage and the role it was playing there. He finally told her he would teach her how to slow down her breathing and go into deep meditation the way he did, because he thought it might calm down her rage. He told her it would make her ageless like him.

He could go for a long period of time without breathing by lowering his vibratory rate and, thus, his metabolic rate. When he was not every conscious anymore, which she had helped along by putting something in the last meal he had eaten there, she sealed him in the cave where they were with no way out. Now, Merlin really could not be there for his son anymore, and his son did not know where to look for him.

Morgaine simply told him his father had gone away with no explanation. This son was never seriously considered for the throne, either. No one really believed that Merlin was the father of this son, no one really knew who Merlin was or where he had really come from and Merlin was not there to argue his case.


After this, Merlin did not know for a long time how he wanted to move outwardly, if he even wanted to move outwardly, or if he even could move outwardly. He spent a long time thinking he would not try to recover his magic. He felt betrayed and did not recognize his own role in setting himself up there. He hated rage and yet found himself surrounded by it. He always tried to be the loving one that did not have rage.

One of the most important lessons in all of this is to move Our own rage instead of letting Ourselves be encircled by it in a state of denial, while thinking We are more loving than that.

All Morgan le Fey had to say about it was that she could not have imprisoned him in stone if he had not already imprisoned his own heart that way.


After never knowing what it really felt like in the Will, I now know it so strongly that I can never forget My mistakes in the past. Whenever I fear that I might because I am tempted to run ahead in My consciousness, I move the fear that I might forget the Will and run ahead in My consciousness again, because I have learned that I won't, but unmoved fear that I might (forget), could (forget) possibly, [sic] and that is an important understanding to have, because the unmoved fear became rage that I was being held back and wasn't going to get to go where I wanted to go when I wanted to go there, as though the feelings that weren't ready, were not a part of Me, and then, pretty soon, they weren't, and We wondered how that part of the Will got out there as though it was separate and not within Us anymore. We didn't even pay enough attention to realize how We had dumped it out.

When it tried to tell Us, We never accepted it there and just saw it as unconscious nothingness that must have just awakened when it finally got Our attention, never letting Ourselves notice that it had gone back on itself in terror as it fell away from Us.

I want to reiterate this because most people went past the import of this in the original story without noticing what really happened there and probably wouldn't now if it wasn't being pointed out.

The original lost Will formed when it was originally flicked off in this way and its horror story has deepened ever since. These are

The orange, 6th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]
The Loss of Power and Magic on Earth

Dedicated to The Father of Manifestation,
that maligned, misunderstood, but essential Part of God
The indigo, 8th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

8 INDIGO - The Search for
True Understanding and Balance

Dedicated to
The Four Parts of God in Loving Balance

p. 246

Father of Manifestation.

I had hit the form of the power of the kundalini return [Sept.12, 2012-I still haven't grasped what is meant by "kundalini return", though the term "kundalini" is well known to me] I hated the most, and yet, there had been no real fight there because the mother on Earth had already lost so much of her essence into fragmentation.

The mother on Earth had not regained her Fire Dragon form when the fireball hit. When she saw her Fire Dragon form falling from the skies, it was a major crisis for her. She flew through the night skies, transforming as she went into the form of a witch on a mission. When she found her Fire Dragon form dashed to the Earth, she wept bitter tears and raged at My light.

Apparently, this Fire Dragon liked to dish out what she could not take, which prompts Me to caution: Do not get in over your head; do not dish out what you cannot take. Do your homework at home as much as possible lest you find you did not know what you were entering, and if you thought you did, did not know all the rules you agreed to beforehand and that the rules had already set you up to lose.

The mother on Earth was furious that she had made a deal with "my Light" and that it hadn't turned out the way she had thought. She had been calling for her power to come back to her without knowing what she was really calling for. And so, I caution: Do not try to take power, and when you ask for power, you had better know what you are asking for. The safest course, therefore, is to let it happen naturally as an unfoldment of your own process.
[During the years of my work on the realization of my vision about "Peace through Desert Hosting Economy", I had constantly pleaded to find the people with the three k's: koah, kaesef, kavod: power, money, prestige, because it seemed to me, that my own ardent desire and my superhuman effort could accomplish almost nothing without the help of the 3k-people....And, indeed, it seems that on the exterior level I did not accomplish much. I understood from this - after decades of painful work and experience - that "letting it happen naturally as an unfoldment of my own process" is, what I had and still have to "do"]

she raged and raged that the deal she had made had not been honored and she raged and raged when she found out that she had lost her Fire Dragon form there and her ability to regain it. She raged at Me for a long time and blamed Me for this, which I did not think was fair or right of her since she had made the deal to let Lucifer onto Earth.

She could not move her emotions directly enough to feel more deeply than her rage and did not know how. She could not move her feelings to any place other than where they were trapped already unless the Mother was able to move Hers, and since My light would not allow the kundalini return to come back with Lucifer's presence in it, they had a major problem moving rage into healing, or anything else for that matter, since Lucifer controlled them more than they realized.

In other words, Lucifer hurled this Fire Dragon down from the sky, but I got blamed for it because I was the Parental cause of this without knowing it.

p. 247

My light did this, nonetheless, even if only by a lack of My presence there by which to be able to know what I was doing. Presence is the magic ingredient which makes it all work, and without it, it all works anyway, but not the way you thought it would or necessarily wanted it to. If you can sleep on the throne and still have it all happen the way you want it to happen, then you are in balance when you sleep.

Still, she sought to use her magic to regain power, and in calling from the place of vengeful and revengeful rage that she felt there, she was calling for Lucifer much more than she knew, and with much more power than the Mother had left to hold him at bay. In calling Lucifer to Earth as she was doing, she was also empowering him against the Mother.

Her rage was unsuccessful in penetrating My light, however, because I did not feel I had any involvement. I hit her from the gap with My own Fire Dragon breath. Which causes Me to say that if you do not find your own involvement, you may think you cannot be penetrated, which may make it look like invulnerability is a form of power, but it will deprive you of power in the end, and then you will be penetrated heavily.

When I saw Lucifer knock the Fire Dragon out of the way, I thought she deserved it. I did not think My light would do such a thing as give Earth to Lucifer, but I had already done this without letting Myself realize it. As I have said, anything you find outside, whether or not you recognize it, was inside first. The more you do not want to see it there, the more likely it is that you placed it outside to begin with in Original Cause. Therefore, the last things you find inside in the process of unfoldment into your subconscious may be the first things you placed outside of yourself in Original Cause.

Knowing nothing of Lucifer's plan for Earth, of his impending approach, or of anything else going on around this problem, the spirits on Earth were not expecting such a thing, and in fact, were feelng more protected than ever. When the fireball hit Earth, it hit the spirits the way it had in original imprinting and damaged them accordingly, too.

Thus, I would say, feel more deeply than you have thought you had to or you may find out what you have not felt into deeply enough from the way in which your magic manifests.

You have all played a role in what is presently manifest and happening on Earth, but you think you have not because you have not felt it deeply enough to know how you have been a participant in this.



the kinds of nuances that created the splits between what became the essence that got light and what became the lost Will. This cannot go on anymore. All of it has to be looked at for what it has been and for what it really is.

For example, just to run with this one, the fear that I might take off in My consciousness and not bother to bring anyone else along, unmoved, began to picture Me as the kind of a God who made some parts feel pressured for speed to keep up with Me in the other parts, to be interesting enough to hold Me present, to try to attention grab and to become a favorite, or special or have an attribute that was needed in some way so as not to be abandoned. Yet saw Me as an unloving God who would abandon if I took a mind to, did not pay attention or listen particularly to humans, was a distant God and unconcerned with daily struggles and problems, above it all and shouldn't be bothered, mean because He didn't respond to struggle and terror, hideous because He was amused, if anything, but it all and whole lists of other things I don't need to go into here to give you the idea of what I am talking about; which is, that what seemed to start out as something seemingly innocent and small, such as not moving the fear that I wanted to get out ahead in My consciousness enough to even get to the impatience and then to the unmoved, primordial rage underneath, allowed to go out into Creation an entire area of essence that became large and very unpleasant and complicated to have to handle now because of how much took place behind and under those images of God.

As these things solidified and impacted more and more on the essence there, whole religions grew up from this that took it upon the believers that they were too lowly and uninteresting, even unworthy, to attract God's presence or interest to them on Earth, and there are whole legions [sic] of them, offering their supplications every day in the hopes that I will answer some, or any of their prayers.

This is a very convoluted thing, but you need to get a hold of it to get the whole picture, because it always circles back to include everyone sooner or later. It is not possible to escape that if you are a part of the One, which you are or you would not be reading this, and given that most people are not reading this, they might be fragmentation that you need to participate in taking responsibility for, and are part of the One in that way, because they are reflecting back things that got out-pictured [sic] in the ways I was just describing. Most of the people out there are doing just that; reflecting back things that got out-pictured in the ways I have just been describing.[sic] You have involvement in ways you have never thought that you did.


There is another example I can give, for those of you who still need it, and that is that the Mother was not and is not what many of you have thought She was or is, rage polarized. When there are unmovng emotions around images that formed in the imprinting, these impressions have often taken form to accompany these emotions and the judgments made there. [????????] To create forms that actually went out into fragmentation and lived these things out. (sic) How powerful they have been had depended upon how empowered they have become by what has been placed there. They have often then, been taken as convincing realities of what the Mother "is," what body "is," what God "is" or what Heart "is."

Since most people do not know yet what they are really looking at in terms of what has been held to be "reality" for so long, I would like to suggest the possibility of cutting it all loose at the judgment level and just moving emotions when these old impressions present themselves. This is the most expedient way to get healing if you are ready to move freely into different forms and configurations.[???]

Chances are, if you do not like it, it is not reality the way it was meant to be, but judgments from purple pictured by indigo, interpreted by blue, and out-pictured from there on down were given to the Will in such a way that the Will could not help but respond in the ways We have called "negative." [?????????]

There is another point I would like to make, and that is that emotions moving is not all there is to this. You must understand them, too. If you are moving and moving and not understanding anything more than you were, you are probably moving conversions and not the real emotions that need to move there. Suspect this, especially if your viewpoint is not shifting and opening into something wider and deeper. Most people thought their viewpoints were so right they could not even imagine a different one or that they were looking at their own judgments reflected back to them.

From Our viewpoints, We have all thought that if We were only helped instead of opposed, Our viewpoint would have worked, and We have felt very wronged, but no one viewpoint would have worked, and there was no way to make them work, especially when others, who were givng input that they did not feel was received, felt so displaced that unmoving rage was going out underneath and actually helping to empower the opposition. The whole picture is all that is going to help; the whole picture with an align-

Italian astrophotographer Lorenzo Lovato
photographed this spectacular fireball
from the 1998 Leonid meteor shower on Nov. 17, 1998.
There are up to 30 percent more fireballs and meteoroids in spring
than in autumn, and scientists are not exactly sure why.
From "Earth Matters" [April 4, 2011]
The orange, 6th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]
The Loss of Power and Magic on Earth

Dedicated to The Father of Manifestation,
that maligned, misunderstood, but essential Part of God
The indigo, 8th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

8 INDIGO - The Search for
True Understanding and Balance

Dedicated to
The Four Parts of God in Loving Balance

p. 248

Anything you can say you are not a part of, you need to look at more closely and feel more deeply before moving outwardly, unless you just cannot understand it without more experience with it. That way, you are less likely to find yourself trapped into having to move outwardly or having outward events move you in ways you do not like.

When the fireball hit the Earth, it rolled past the party and into the woods, seeking the Mother who was blamed by the imprinting there.[????]

When the Mother saw the light of it in the skies above Earth, She tried to run but had not gotten far before Her legs gave out and the weight of the lines pulled Her down. She had given up there into sobbing terror. It was too much for Her.

She was cowering and trying to hide with a few faeries gathered tightly around Her. When She realized the fireball was, indeed, headed for Her, She ordered the faeries to run, but She didn't have to, They were already running.

When the fireball hit, it knocked the Mother so far out of consciousness that She did not wake up for a long time, and there was nothing left of Her form to be found either, and in the swath it cut as it rolled across Pan, it damaged without noticing the Ronalokas who were the only ones not in major attendance at the party.

The monsters who had been climbing the lines toward the Mother were blown off of the lines when She was hit. Already in the magnetic energy field of Earth, they came raining down upon the Earth in the tail winds of the fireball.

When Lucifer's hoards reached Earth, they began to do all of the things people have described as what they like least about Earth by creeping into the forms of denied fragmentation where they were most accepted. The then [sic] increased lost Will presence was able to move what consciousness remained there out of the way in favor of the imprinting from which this lost Will was operating.

In other words, they entered the great subconscious, and activated it there to do the bidding of its imprints and not the bidding of My light. From there it began to pressure the people on Earth to revert to their imprinted responses, or instincts, as they have also been called, and from there, animal forms were not far away, because animals represented imprinting without human heads to have another consciousness or to be able to talk about, or share it with another, other than by group pictures without much remaining ability to interpret them.

Giving form an opportunity to expand beyond the limits of this was not what Lucifer had in mind. He wanted everything to remain in the dark absence of My light's presence and not be able to learn anything more than what imprinting had already put in place there.


Meanwhile, Lucifer was biding his time while the damaged spirits tried to recover, letting denial help him by trying to resume life as it had been in Pan as soon as possible.

As soon as he deemed it appropriate after his arrival on Earth, Lucifer appeared in the mother's court, which he had just given time to reconvene after the damage and shock waves that had moved through Pan. He made his appearance in a flurry of magic that materialized him there and said he had just arrived to help heal Earth. He announced himself as the greatest wizard of all and watched to see who flinched and who burned. He had duels of magic in mind already, but this was only play to him as a front for what he really had in mind for Earth.

He quickly decided those who flinched would be his first line of competitors, if he could get them to take up the challenge, and those who burned, his second. He cleverly worked the feelings being denied there, and could, because they were an open field to him from his viewpoint, and what a fertile field it was! He zeroed in on what was being denied like divining rods point to water under the Earth, and found the denials that were eager to get revenge.

Lucifer was a master of form change, and the mother on Earth did not quite recognize him, although something about him reminded her of what she had been communing with in the skies. She did not have the power to make him leave anyway and felt fear then, but pushed it aside in favor of the idea that if he was the greatest wizard of all, he might be her King. She decided to ascertain this by studying him, and by the way, without letting on, perhaps pick up a few tricks she did not already know that might help her regain her Fire Dragon form, and also, although she did not admit it, her lost power and magic on Earth. She made the same mistake the Father of Manifestaton made in thinking that studying the situation could be sufficient to regain her lost power there without realizing that most of her power loss was in her denial of



ment that comes from actually being together in this because the emotions that have held the old imprinting in place have moved.

There is one more point I would like to make in this section, and that is to those of you who still think you do not need to go into the gaps I have been describing here enough to feel and find yourself present there. You most need to and cannot tell yourself you do not need to because you have the understandings described to you in a book. This is not a substitute for finding out what you personally did there or for moving the emotions involved in that. To move only in response to what I have described the [sic] Parental Pieces as having experienced is moving only your response to Us and what We have done that We have told you about; that is not moving your own response to what you yourself have experienced and done there. That is the Will that most needs moving for your own healing because that is your own Will which is a part of the whole, but is not the whole anymore.

Fragmentation was already happening in Our earliest beginning. I would have liked to call it differentiation and emergence of spirits, but in the gap, where there was little to no love present, I can only call it fragmentation and We all have places in Ourselves that are trapped in that and for some of us, most of ourselves, and so, this needs major attention and help with all you can give it.

Which reminds Me to say one more time: Do not put these books, or the name of the person who channeled them, out there in a way that you have decided is safe when you are not the one taking the risk there. You cannot decide what is safe for another person and what is not. Mention these books only to people who are already seeking and asking you where they can go for understandings, and do your best to ascertain that these are the understandings they are seeking and not just what you think they should have. This does not mean that other people cannot read them. Whenever you find yourself going from one extreme to the other; for example, no differentiation, everyone can or should read these books, or exclusivity, no one more should be told about these books, know that you have not found the balance point. Differentiation guilt has been a major problem that has impeded the finding of the balance point. The balance point feels good which none of the viewpoints really have so far.

The balance point is found for yourself with the tools you have been given but the tools must be used to find all of the things, great and small, and all of the nuances you did not notice originally when you felt it was all overwhelming you and you were going to


go insane and shatter from the intensification of consciousness there. That happened from a lack of allowing enough Will presence there, and shatter, or fragment, We did into everything you see before you and more. [sic] To find balance now means going back over the pieces and putting them back together again even the missing, not vibrating and seemingly dead pieces, but finding the balance point is necessary and it is your own journey to self-awareness that never took place in the beginning or We would not have the healing on Our hands that We do, but no matter how it looks to you now, healing can be found if you have a loving heart, because that is where the balance point is going to be found.


Now I need to address sex, because most of you don't think you have been having sex in a state of denial anymore, but you really have been. The moment you go past anything, you are creating something that can go out in orgasm the way the secret agenda went out in blue. [????] If you still have a gap, then gapped feelings are still going out and empowering the gap on Earth. They are doing this anyway, but not with the extra empowerment of the light generated in orgasm, especially if you are pressuring yourself to have sex or orgasm when you are not really feeling like that is what you want at the time you decide to have sex.

There is a lot of sexual guilt that needs movement, as these gaps will testify, and having sex when you do not really want to is as much of a problem as not having sex when you really want to. The balance point here is something that needs to be found, and found soon, because empowering the gap is not really helping to get it off Earth.

I am not suggesting that you not have sex until your gap is healed, but I am suggesting that you move emotion as much as possible when you actually feel it and not later, when yo "get to it," and especially during sex, when you think you don't have any. There is a lot of sexual rage that is not moving, except out [sic] during orgasm as held rage, and what it is doing is not pleasant to have to receive, and it has blame that always moves toward the place where the blame is aimed.

Feeling you deserve this is deeply imbedded in the subconscious of the people who have been receiving this unpleasant held rage, and this needs movement, too, to protect those who have

In between completing the last pages of "LAND OF PAN"
on September 12, 2012
I watched - in bits and pieces
"Wikileaks-Secrets and Lies"
a 76 min. doc by Patrick Forbes about the shockwaves,
caused in 2010-2011 - by Julian Assange.
Though I'm definitely in favor of TRANSPARENCY,
this "story" is like a re-enaction of
"the Last Days of Pan",

and proves, for the millionst times,
why exterior action "for saving the world"
only produces more horrid reversals,
as long as the original Split
between Spirit and Will
is not healed in each of us.
Being confronted - not with the "usual" evil on the planet-
but with such a network of competition, plots and betrayals,
made me feel dispaired and powerless;
how can my own process of healing
ever influence people like Julian, politicians and the media?
The orange, 6th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]
The Loss of Power and Magic on Earth

Dedicated to The Father of Manifestation,
that maligned, misunderstood, but essential Part of God
The indigo, 8th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

8 INDIGO - The Search for
True Understanding and Balance

Dedicated to
The Four Parts of God in Loving Balance

p. 250

her fear of him.

Lucifer played with this fear denial the way slight of hand artists play with their audiences by confusing their attention away from what they are really doing. He quickly developed the dramatic flair of his presentation to develop such an interest in the appearance he was making of healing the Earth, while actually searching for the Mother, and in the duels of magic he proposed, while actually planning to trap everyone, that the entire remaining population of Pan wanted to come and see his display of power, or though they did.

He gave out stories of his conquests and exploits in strange and foreign places other than Pan that made it seem like Pan's event was small compared to what he was used to in other places. He made it sound like there were other, bigger and better parties going on on other planets and that the inhabitants of Earth were just the leftovers, the dregs, to have fallen this far out into space.

The psychology worked, as it still does on those who are not sure enough of themselves to be able to love themselves as they are, and he delighted [Sept.12, 2012: further down Lucifer is depicted as having no Will at all, but "delight" is a feeling , isn't it? And all his vicious planning, doesn't it come from a "desire", i.e. the Will, however twisted? I don't understand this] in watching how much effort they put into producing this magic duel of his in competition with the stories he told. In this way, it was turned into the grandest event ever seen on Earth, according to the perceptions of some.

My caution is: Pay more attention to detail than you think you have to, even if it just seems like nagging, little, nit-picking voices barely heard around the edges, because details manifest around the edges of things in ways that can ruin the effect of the entire thing since this is always the position undealt with lost Will has to take.[?????]

Eventually, on the appointed day, at the appointed hour, when he had drawn and sucked on every bit of energy he could in the process of preparation, the duel commenced. The form changes were awesome, the moves quick and the precision with which they were executed, harsh and slicing, as though Lucifer did everything with the cut of a knife and the bite of steel. His methods felt ruthless.

Lucifer was putting everything into place, outwardly and inwardly, and in just the places he wanted them. The mother on Earth was studying this most avidly, as were many of those around her, to see what could be learned there, and right in front of their very noses, Lucifer was putting together the same trick the mother on Earth had tried, and they did not recognize it because of the form change.

p. 251

Lucifer challenged and ridiculed the ideas of others, and made fun of them in front of the court with the help of the satyrs, and the uproarious laughter of the others present there too, I would like to mention. He fed them bait and then pressured them not to respond emotionally, attacking them with his ridicule and heartlessness whenever they did. In other words, he played along the lines already established n court, but much more dramatically, intensely and ruthlessly, making it appear that all they had done before was child's play and saying as much to any who protested his methods.

Viciously and savagely is how I would say he played the court here, as if they were the deck of cards he was using in his sting operation. It felt like a gambling casino in which Russian roulette was being forced in as the game of choice, and all who declined to play were cast out as not brave enough to even be there. The participants, and also the audience, were being devoured by their fear denial. Lucifer was eating them alive, and they were not noticing it.

At the right psychological moment, he proposed a duel of magic on his terms, which were that the contestants no longer chose the forms they were going to take on. Instead, their opponents would choose them for them, and that to refuse a form meant default in the duel. This meant that no one chose Lucifer's forms, though, because he was master of all of them, and it did not matter what forms they chose. He did not stay in any one form for long anyhow as it did not matter to him what form he took on. With no Will to feel it, it did not matter to him how it felt to be inside the form either. He did not see why essence could not be rearranged indefinitely into whatever forms there were and sneered at other orientations.

"What difference would it make" he said, looking sinisterly around the court at the prominence of the mineral kingdom there in the form of the stone it had taken on, "if say, for example, I became a rock?"

Which he suddenly did. No one dared to move a muscle toward the fear they had felt on their night of horror. Then he knew he had them just as well as if he had been there that night to feel the presence of their fear [I thought, Lucifer "has no Will to feel"?] and see what had taken place there.

No one was sure then that they wanted to take the trip, but no one backed out either. They all hoped for the best and prayed to My light a lot more than they had at any other time in Pan, while at the same time fearing, without letting themselves recognize this, that



feared saying "no" to this rage for fear of what it will do then. Self-denial came from this fear, and the terror tactics used by this rage to get its own way need to move off of Earth now, too, but to do this is not going to be easy, because this rage has not liked giving up the power positions anywhere that it has gone, and it has gone everyplace orgasms can go, drift or push their way in on this planet.

Moving heartbreak helps, too. Many women still cry during sex and often don't know why, or think they do know why, but are not looking deeply enough because they have not felt how much romantic heart and love's desire is not being met there or has been so backed up from the beginning that it just needs more movement. There is also terror that you are not going fast enough for the other person, aren't fulfilling their needs well enough, are sexually inadequate and are in danger of losing what little love and attention you do get from them in this way but around this, sexual rage also needs movement, and there is rage; blaming rage and also just plain, primordial, sexual frustration and rage that may or may not blame the one you are having sex with at the time.

This is important, because not moving it puts punishment energy out there into the imprinting where it still believes it either needs to punish or deserves punishment for what happened in the original split. If you tell yourself you are going to move it later, make sure you do, but in the moment is best. If you have more acceptance for yourself, it should be easier to find a place where this can happen without endangering your freedom at the hands of others who still would judge this.

Moving it in the moment is part of closing the gap between your feelings and when and how they are expressed, and blue's interpretation of these feelings has a lot to do with this gap. Conditional love has been used by the upper chakras to make the lower chakras feel, well, "lower," and to not dare to be free or sponateous.

Sex needs emotional movement, and right now, it is the most important area in which to move, because most people have more held emotion hidden in sexual activity than they have in motion. [???] Yet, for the things that are still very gapped, I do not recommend using partners to act out on. I suggest continuing to do your movement in private, and even secrecy, until such time as you find yourself able to talk about it comfortable with those you trust before you move held sexual emotions with them. That is the best precaution and protection, and a necessary one at this time. Because most


of the gap is sexually riented, this is a large area to work on, and one which most of this book has tried to cover as best I can here.

Indigo has had to try to exist in the mess between purple and blue, but indigo should not get lost in all of this, because indigo has held the images of all of the nightmares as well as the good things about Creation. [???]

Where the gap has been greater than the bond, indigo has had a miserable existence [???] and needs help in moving out the nightmare images that only the most gapped in unloving rage, mostly because it has been unmoving rage,[???] have seemed to want to act out, yet this rage's own subjugated fear, terror and heatbreak have felt they have had no choice but to live them out. [???] Lack of receptivity and terror tactics are the reasons for this. That is not fair, and it has been because those of us who originally polarized into rage, dumped it out, acted uninvolved, presented as only loving and let it go on.

Rage took the consciousness that was there and left. That is why I hold rage more responsible than fear and terror. Rage also would not let fear and terror move in any way that could have gained the consciousness that was needed there; another reason why I hold rage more responsible. Rage also was dominant, abusive and acted out more than fear and terror for which rage must also take responsibility, but it also does need to be noticed and known that fear and terror did not know originally how it could let rage be there with it and find it to be a loving presence and, in disconnecting from it, also let it get out there with nothing to mitigate it. [???]

Daughters have had something to offer here that can be found in the story of Beauty and the Beast (la Belle et la Bête- many decades ago , at a time, when I had neither time nor money to go to the cinema, I saw this 1946 French version of the story twice... ),but do not think that is all there is to the picture, because they did not move their own rage there and pretended it was only the Beast who had it. In so doing, they portrayed themselves as having only the sweetness that fooled Me for so long, but it was easier for the daughters to seem to receive the fathers' [sic] rage because it was not really aimed at them, and at the level where they knew that, they did not mind letting it go where it was aimed, which was at the Mother. What the daughters do have to offer is the image of just letting sexual rage move.

The feelng of needing to take responsibility is something the Mother really needs to look at now. She has been so busy feeling blamed, taking all of the responsibility and alternately feeling like She is being unfairly blamed and not wanting to take so much responsibility, that She has often been very reactionary and defensive

The orange, 6th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]
The Loss of Power and Magic on Earth

Dedicated to The Father of Manifestation,
that maligned, misunderstood, but essential Part of God
The indigo, 8th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

8 INDIGO - The Search for
True Understanding and Balance

Dedicated to
The Four Parts of God in Loving Balance

p. 252

they might be messing with something they should not be messing with and that My light might smack them again for it.

The light wizard came forward then and declared himself a candidate for this duel. A number of others stepped forward then also, and amongst them was the Father of Manifestation. He was in his old wizard form, but underneath his long, flowing robes, He still had satyr legs. He could not even move out of this form anymore, but He had decided it didn't matter because He had figured that Lucifer was going to press downward toward the mineral kingdom with his form change demands, and He felt HImself to be already closer to that and better able to handle it than He perceived the others to be there.

The contestants tried to oppose Lucifer then, and the Father of Manifestation amongst them, without revealing His true identity. Lucifer knew it anyway and planned to trap Him especially horribly in stone, which did not come to pass as it turned out.

The last rule Lucifer put in place was that the form they took on had to disappear completely, indicating that they had come back out of it with all of themselves. No one spoke out against the rules, and so the duels of magic proceeded.

Lucifer tried all the contestants, and choosing the forms in which they had the most fear, trapped them all, one by one, including the Father of Manifestation, in forms they did not like, or parts of them, at least.

All of them moved past their fear into rage and were able to get themselves back out of the forms they had become trapped in to a certain extent, but none moved the terror they needed to move there to recover completely, and to greater and lesser degrees, all had to concede victory to Lucifer since all still had parts of themselves remaining in the forms he had chosen for them.

He had not given them stone as a form yet, though, letting them all worry about when he might spring this on them. He asked if any felt they were not ready to concede yet, and the light wizard, a very blue and white piece of Heart, stepped forward and declared that Lucifer's tactics were unfair.

"Oh, in what way?" Lucifer challenged him.

Lucifer appeared to listen, and when this piece of Blue's denied heart presented an argument about time being a factor in getting in and out of form changes, Lucifer acted like he was going to give the contestants another chance.

"All is not lost then if you can get back out of the form changes you are lost in as you move along in the duel," Lucifer said more

p. 253

as a querrie of the light wizard than as a statement of his own opinion.

"Yes," said the light wizard.

"Have at it," [sic] said Lucifer who then issued the stone challenge.

This piece of Heart took the challenge, feeling he knew better than everyone else, even than the Father of Manifestation, how Lucifer should be handled there. To his credit, he recognized "the greatest wizard of all," to be an enslaving power, as did some others by then, and saw himself as saving Earth, since, as he saw it, no one else could handle Lucifer, or dared to, including the Parents.

When everything was in place, Lucifer let the light wizard do the work of casting himself down into stone, but he helped by pressuring him to go faster than he could handle into greater density than he could handle, since speed of change was the issue he had raised with Lucifer concerning his judgments on the completion or non
completion of form changes.

Suddenly , the light wizard was a piece of bluish-purple, amethyst-like rock sitting there in their midst with a picture of a screaming face of terror looking motionless back at them from within it.

The light wizard
went unconscious in the frozen moment of this terror, as though coming to [sic] meant feeling this frozen moment of terror forever, while his rage slipped out of the stone on the vibratory power it had left, which was not enough to be declared the winner there since there was still a sizable stone left in the midst of the court with its frozen face staring back at them as testimony that he was feeling something terrible trapped in there.

It was a moment in time he has never wanted to remember and not a moment I envy him having to recover from his lost Will, but if he will move the emotions he needs to move around his issues with parents and remember his own lesson on time, I will help him recover this lost Will a little at a time and he wil succeed there.

Meanwhile, while the mother on Earth was busy judging Lucifer's magic to be less than her own, since this was such a little piece of stone compared to what she had done, most of the rest of the spirits of Pan were moved into their fear on their predatory hatred of fear, [?????] and there was a great stampede of animals again, this time defecating foul smelling, rapid fire pellets of fear onto the very snouts of the predators who were snarling, nipping and biting at their heels and throats and snapping at their tender undersides as they chased them down.



when rage has approached Her and has not been able to really listen to that rage enough to notice something that really needs to be noticed now about that rage.

That rage needs to be listened to for many reasons, but the one I want to point out now is that while there is a rage in the Will about My light not being present for it in all the ways I needed to be, there is another part of the rage that does not feel feminine. This is My rage, put into the Will long ago and not allowed to come back to Me until now. This rage does need to let Me know all of the judgments I made against the Will originally, but it also needs to move as sound, primordial sound, and come back to Me that way. It does not matter if it looks like a woman; this rage is not female. It is My light's rage that I wanted to blame on the Mother; so did Body, and so We pushed it into the Will, pounded it into the Will, in fact, and insisted it was the Will's rage. This rage felt it had no choice but to take on female form or, sometimes Will male form that was rage polarized. Heart has been involved in this, too.

We have all given this rage trouble when it has tried to come back and not accepted it as Our own, because We all blamed the Mother as causing it when we felt judged and blamed by Her for not noticing Her when we needed to. We have all done a lot of perpetrating through this rage, too, and said it was the Mother. We need to take responsibility for that now, too.

["responsibility does not mean to take on guilt , but being willing and able to respond"]

The Mother does not know what Her response really is anymore without consciousness becomng more forthcoming about what it really knew, what it really knows and what it did not know, instead of just giving the old convenient answers of "I don't know" when it doesn't want to be bothered to know, or "I didn't know what I was doing" when it hasn't wanted to have to take responsibility. When She has been off base, We haven't helped Her to know what the balance point is because We have told Her everything that We haven't wanted to hear was off base. The Mother has been trying to take responsibility for this rage, feeling it must have been denied out of Her somehow, but it is not Her rage, and She does not have to take responsiblity for it anymore.

[Sept. 23, 2012, I'm getting a bit lost in the metaphers and personalizations in this chapter. I'll have to give it more time to understand....]

We need to move along to accept Our own rage back. Just as big and unloving as it has looked to Us in the Mother there is just how much We feared the extent of Our rage and how much we judged it to be unloving and wanted to make it someone else's. We need to accept Her rage, too, but that is not the same thing as feeling Our rage that originated in Us, and that is important to notice. Receiv-


ing feelings from somene else is not the same as having them come from within yourself.

Once you get through enough of the denials, displacements, blames, judgments and splits to bond more with each other, you will feel the difference between your own emotions and receiving someone else's. It feels good to receive someone else's emotions in a bond of love. It does not feel good to have them pounded in by someone else, told they are yours and be forced to hold them.

There have been form shifts for many reasons. As long as you are moving with what you need to be moving with, form shifts can take place when it is the right time for you in your own progression and in a way that you can find acceptable at the time.

Heartbreak was a major cause of this rage in males and needs to be looked at more as the lack of romantic heart presence than anything else right now, because it has not been moving as the large, emotionally held presence it really is. Rage has been too busy punishing the woman by withholding romantic heart and worse. The more a conversion into rage was placed on the heartbreak, the less romantic heart was allowed to be present and the more this fueled the sexual rage that needs to move in females.

This is necessary to know, because it is not a necessary place to stay in the emotional body. Rage and terror are too extreme to be handled well by the delicate beings We really are, and rage conversion has played a very causal role in making Us as dense as we have become.

Rage punishment made terror increase and hold back. this contraction could not expand and cannot expand and open more space in which we can vibrate, unless it knows it is going to be safe. This balance needs to be found between the sexual partners involved and this is necessary in order to have sex that is not sex in a state of denial.

Heartbreak was felt on both sides, and this is where the bonding needs to take place from both sides so that the extremes of rage and terror can find balance. If you do not have much heart presence left, you may not be feeling heartbreak yet, but Heart is feeling it somewhere, and it is your heart, lost out there, that is feeling it. Lost heart pieces are out there in many places, not getting the help they need yet. Heart needs to be taken in between both parents [????] and held there to feel where the balance point between the two really is.

Once heart feels the heartbreak moving between the parents, heart will be able to feel what the balance point really is, and then heart will be able to feel the polarities of rage and terror moving be-



The orange, 6th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]
The Loss of Power and Magic on Earth

Dedicated to The Father of Manifestation,
that maligned, misunderstood, but essential Part of God
The indigo, 8th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

8 INDIGO - The Search for
True Understanding and Balance

Dedicated to
The Four Parts of God in Loving Balance

p. 254

Even though this trick was, in many ways, a repeat of the mother on Earth's trick, this was a much more major fall, taken for the second time there in Pan, and one that has not been recovered from yet.

The Will Polarized became the animals there with stampeding fear pursued by the rage polarized, and the Spirit Polarized remained as people who tried once again to live in the last days of Pan as though nothing had happened to them that they couldn't move past, and that the lesson to be learned was that Will presence was not favored by My light. They had Lucifer for a master now, though, without apparently noticing the difference in quality of light, and moved past a lot of emotion there to have lives with him in Atlantis.

was called the dark wizard by Me, but not because of his color. He was called the dark wizard by Me because he has been ruthlessly able to be the best at whatever he does because he has played so heartlessly. This I have never liked in anyone, but even less in Lucifer because he has overpowered so many, and taken them into darkness that is the darkness of loss of vibration and the darkness of lost happiness that steals the brightness from the face and the smile from the lips, the spring from the step and the joy of hopeful expectation of what tomorrow will bring, and has put in its place the dark and dismal world of imprinting, power struggle and the heartless bleakness that dreads and fears what tomorrow may bring if the night is even lived through to see what it is.

Loving magic is never ruthless and does not overpower others or push them out of the way to make a place for the self because the self has learned its own right place and doesn't need or want to take the place of another. Good magic must be done by the right person, at the right place and right time and in the right way.

If you move in your Will as much as possible first, and even longer and more than you think you have to, outward actions can become easy enough that it feels like things are moving into place magically. Even then, don't trust it at first. Look for flaws, tricks and traps and move pockets of overlooked emotion they will reflect. Gaining trust is a major part of magic, but not by overlooking the reasons you have distrust. Trust comes from knowing yourself well enough to know that you can trust your feelings and trust the balance point of love in your own heart to manifest the balance you need to live your life the way you want to.

If you feel deeply enough, love what you feel and move along with how you feel, magic happens and is not something forced,

p. 255

manipulatled, stolen or otherwise turned to the unloving side of the art.

So please, move along now to the recovery of the lost power and magic which is your own and learn to know what that is by how it feels. If you are not being loving, you will know it by the reflection you get back, but don't be fooled by this either. Remember the twists of denial. Loving outwardly first is not the answer; loving inwardly first is.

My light has a lot to say and many pages have been omitted here that could have been included, but expression is not all there is to it. Feeling deeply enough is an important part of expression, and without that, you cannot learn what I have expressed anyway. By feeling it more, you could learn without My help, but My help has made it easier for you, and for that I would like to receive acknowledgement and gratitude. Find in yourself gratitude for the source from which it all comes; even the smallest source may turn out to be the greatest in some way. And along with that, feel deeply enough that you do not repeat old mistakes and do not fall for the same trick twice and find only bitterness and blame instead.

There's much that could and perhaps needs to be said about the last days of Pan, but all I can tell you now is that those who fled soon enough from the duel of the wizards, and reached the edge of the land, following the lead of the Father of Manifestation, were able to keep their forms more intact than the others and had His help to break off pieces of Pangea into islands for themselves where they were able to live, lost in the time of Pan for a long time, but I saw that they also felt the smack of My light and were re-imprinted to believe that they had to offer sacrifices to My light to be able to do it, and even took up the practice of human sacrifice, believing they had to give their God the best, and in imitation of the way they had seen these stabbing thrusts of light seem to go after, and even take, certain people. I also saw them breaking apart, according to who they were polarized emotionally, and also by color, into races, tribe and nations. And the Father of Manifestation escaped with them into these secret realms where He lived rather happily with His rainbow faeries until, after a long time, the loss of the parental part of the Mother began to weigh on Him, and even though His imprinting held Him back for a long time after He first thought of it, He began to look for Her again.

Lucifer succeeded in splitting Spirit and Will farther apart in Pan by getting emotionally based form change to deny its emotion, and by getting it into emotion it could not handle as a means of



tween the parents that heart needs to feel to be able to let it move through heart in the ways it needs to move to find the balance point there.

Heart needs to feel the terror in the Mother and the rage in the Father come to a balance point between the two in order to feel heart presence come to the balance point within itself. This is necessary to heal the problems We have had. Without full Heart presence, We do not have Our right place in which to balance. This is the gentling of the beast on both sides (La Belle et La Bête) and is something that can be implemented now, even if it couldn't be then.

When you notice what your own flash point is, it is usually from not feelng received. Feeling received is a necessary part of love. It completes the full circle of givng out and receiving back when the reflection returns. We all need someplace to go with Our vibration, and that is what it is all about giving OUrselves some place to go with Our vibration that really feels good.

"We all like to feel
that We have someplace to go
where We are received
with love and without judgment;
when that is real,
that is a place that really feels good...


If you are ready and think you have had enough experience with these imbalances, you can move along with Me now. My Light would like to have its opportunity now because human potential needs to be reached.

[The red-colored text has been inserted already
in the last puzzle piece "Heaven on Earth". ]

"You must take all of yourself to healing,
immortality and all of the other things you would really like to have,
and there is no place for you to really do it like Earth.

If you have a body,
then that is what you have wanted to have for a long time,
that is what you need to have
and that is what you shall have.

"All of the hatred that has been pressuring against this possibility
needs to move off of Earth
and that is a massive undertaking
that needs as much movement as you can give it.
You may feel yourself lost in swirling terror at times,
but no matter how it looks now, it is going to be alright.

Healing is possible if you have a loving heart.

That is all I have to say in this form of communication until such time as there can be further communication in the form of another book, which may be a long time, since you need to open your own selves to receive the fullness of My Light, in whatever form is best for you, and know that it is My Light because you know how to


move toward the answes you need, can feel it as so and because you know what love feels like.

"The Light of My love is all Four Parts,
Spirit, Will, Heart and Body,
moving together in the true understanding and balance
that is My Love

no more, no less.

If My Light is not coming down through the upper chakras in the right way, you cannot feel what it is meant to feel like and rise in the Will through the lower chakras to receive Me in the Heart

to receive Me in the Heart
in the ways you have always wanted
to have it feel to you

is not harsh.
like a shadelss drought
or so intense that you cannot open your eyes in the daylight

but soft, loving and deliciously wonderful.
It is the Will's colors rising to meet me
in the gentle pastels of a purple dawn,
gentle breezes stirring in a beautiful, blue sky,
morning like sunlight coming down
through the green trees
and subsiding with Me
into the gentle golden evenings
of the Will's deep colors
when We need to rest;

"the Moon rising,
first golden and then white,
in the stars sprinkled, indigo night
and subsiding into the excitement of another pastel morning,
colorfully rising, stirring you to return from your dreams,
as you are nestled in the arms of romantic heart,
to find them real
and dance again with the Sun
in the warm encouragement and rich abundance
of a nurturing and colorful Earth
that lets you know
life is good and you can live it.
There is music and excitement in the air!
Can you hear and feel it yet?

And now, I would like to close with Amen, to that!


[Among the incredible coincidences which I encounter more and more , this one is truly spectacular: Without having been aware that this text and a sound button with the "Amen" of "Stabat Mater" already appeared at the end of the 70 puzzle pieces 10 years ago and found it only, because the "pastel morning" rang a bell and I put it in my Search, I reached the "Amen" in "Stabat Mater" just when I listened to it on youtube, while copying the last page of Indigo now on Sept. 23, 2012, 20:50 .

The orange, 6th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]
The Loss of Power and Magic on Earth

Dedicated to The Father of Manifestation,
that maligned, misunderstood, but essential Part of God

p. 256

trapping it in the forms resulting from this. Very heartless, indeed. The kind of heartlessness that caused My light to become so furious with him for what he had done, that I smacked at him again and knocked Earth off her axis. Again, Lucifer deflected My smack and used it to split the great continent of Pangea, which was already breaking apart in reflection of the split between Spirit and Will, sinking some places and leaving the rest to float and drift apart into what then became Lemuria and Atlantis.

There was a major loss of consciousness there, and the world of Pan moved down into a world of mostly imprinting. So many of the beings who were left alive there were trapped in animal forms that their lives on Earth, for all practical purposes, descended into animal life and did not surface again as human life for a long time; so long, in fact, that no one remembered being human before in the Heavens or any place else, except for the few who told Creation Myth stories. And myths were all they were seen to be by those who could not remember those other experiences for themselves, and yet these myths and stories have lived on because they have stirred something lost and deeply buried in the subconscious that does remember these things. In the same way, all Faerie Tales stem from Pan and the origins of Pan, and even though they have been thought to be just that, Faerie Tales, they also have lived on because they stir something deep and old, lost and ancient, hidden in the dark realms of the subconscious and surfacing in everyday life so vividly once you see it, yet so obscured by their lack of access to the conscious realms that people have been blind to the reality of their daily presence just as they were blinded by the original smack, and quite literally so.

If you gently hold or rub the belly of a small child who trusts you, and ask him or her when you feel an openness to do this, how he or she thinks it used to be, and how the child wishes it was on Earth, or wishes it would become, if they have My light in them, they will all tell you the same thing, which are stories of Pan and the Heavens before they came to Earth. Some have more detailed recall than others, but all have the same feelings of love for Faerie Tale reality and feelings of wistful nostalgia and heartache in their memories and recall of these times.

All you need to know, really, to recover your own lost subconscious and thus, also your own lost and forgotten personal Faerie Tale in which you actually lived and participated, is that the darker and more violent, loveless and more treacherus the Faerie Tales are that you were told or are drawn to, the farther out in the woods

p. 257

you were located in Pan, and the more rage and terror need to move around every step the farther you went out there, until you find the grief-stricken heart of the little child who experienced these terrible things and can nurture it back into happiness again and can hold it protected in the balance you have to find now.

The Godhead of the mother on Earth was not the only place of treachery, power plays, plot thickenings or cauldron stirrings, or any of the rest of the stuff of which Faerie Tales are made.

And as for the Parental part of the Mother who has been speakng to you in most of this story: what was left of Her curled into the soft, furry ball of a monkey form that only wanted to find whatever inner comfort and warmth She could find for Herself by curling in on Herself there, and also to hide, since no one in the outer world really seemed to love Her or want Her to have the consciousness She was reaching for there.

She could not handle feeling or remembering anything more about Her pain or Her problems in trying to have consciousness, and for a long time, that's all She did; have monkey lives with the Ronalokas who shared Her fate. She was a Mother presence, sitting with sad, staring eyes, feeling alone, even there, and often being ostracized by Her own monkey group for reasons She did not understand. She did not reach for anything more until predators found Her and made life miserable for Her even there. Then She had to reach for Me when I came to give human form to many in the Will Polarity who needed help in this way.

And all of you who have followed the Mother have lives in animal forms that also need to be looked at now to be able to reclaim the essence that needs release from there. Not all form is what it seems. Not all animals are animals, and not all humans are humans, even yet. So, as you look at these forms, don't move to love them or hate them as they are now. Work instead on moving your own imprinting and see what happens then.

And that is all I can say for now except that the Mother needs to surface in all of you as the Mother presence in your own Wills, so that you can find balance in your Hearts, for without that, your power and magic has not been good, any more than Mine has been good because of a gap in place to reverse it all, Without Heart balance being found by feeling deeply enough to find and change imprinting, only repeats of original imprinting can take place trapped in the many form changes you have experienced since then.


The orange, 6th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]
The Loss of Power and Magic on Earth

Dedicated to The Father of Manifestation,
that maligned, misunderstood, but essential Part of God
The indigo, 8th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

8 INDIGO - The Search for
True Understanding and Balance

Dedicated to
The Four Parts of God in Loving Balance
September 12, 2012 Immanuel, before he went on flight to Hongkong,
- his last one to the Far East, on Boing 777 -
called me to wish me what I wish for the New Year,
and told me about his new post on their twosome blog:

"This will interest you,
but you have to invest some time in studying it"
The post is a response to a well-written, but bitter and cynical article
about all that's wrong, distorted, twisted in the State of Israel,
written by the rock-musician Haran Yaffae, - see the videos on his blog
who volunteered in the 2nd Lebanon War and got almost fatally wounded.
His forbears were murdered by the Nazis and now he screams:
"I'm ashamed that I let myself be wounded for you.".....

Immanuel wombs Haran's pain, but also lifts him gently out of his victimhood.

Since there was no place on his own plane for his "girls",
Efrat and Mika flew a day earlier,
and together they'll fly to Guilin in China
and spend Rosh Hashanah in Yang-Shuo.



"A matter of perspective. Towards landing in Israel which wakes up to sunrise, Immanuel's photo."

I'm glad,
that Immanuel internalized
the message of my book:
"All Israel are guarantors for each other"
After the dialog between Efrat and Immanuel about Immanuel's response to Haran Yaffee's post,
a dialog between Immanuel and his sister Ronnit , also concerning Immanuel's post.

My response on the Eve of Rosh Hashanah, Sept. 16, 2012


September 12, 2012

Two days ago I got hold of the Red Book, thanks to Daniel and Boris.
In the process of copying and editing the 3 last books I understood,
that "excerpting" them was not a good idea all.
If at one point a certain passage or sentence let me say:
"What nonsense! I don't need this in my life or on my website",
there came another point, that made me understand, why I needed it.
The description of what happened in mythical times seems to be linear,
but it's not linear, it's "holographic", showing different perspectives of
what went wrong in the beginning of Creation,
when lack of experience, ignorance and misunderstandings
caused horrid imbalances.
What is needed from me, who reads, copies and edits,
is to   f e e l    into what I may have participated in
- even as a creature,
but definitely as an aspect of the fourfold Deity.

Since the Introduction and first 30 paper pages of the Red Book were missing anyway,
I now want to copy and edit at least those pages faithfully page by page.


The seventh, 7th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

A Healing of the Chakras

Dedicated to The Healing of the Gap and the Survival of Love

In the beginning, I had reverie without feeling I had to do anything, be responsible for anything or have my existence questioned in any way. I did not know there was anything other than that. I had gone through My own process of coming into existence and my own awareness of it.

I did not mind that I had existence, as long as I did not have to do anything about it other than just exist and drift in My thoughts and images. When something began to react to My thoughts and images as though they were not all the same and was forming attachments to some of them, I was not sure I liked this.

Without letting Myself dwell on it, I had formed the impression that this was relationship, and that relationship meant opinions, criticism and limitations or requirements in the form of desire for some parts of My thoughts and images and not for others. I did not see that this had anything to offer Me other than interference with My free-form drift.

From that simple mistake on My part, I had formed a bond with Body I did not realize I had formed, which was not to look at things We did not like. From there, everything felt it had to please Us, or it would not get any of my light or the form it wanted to have, It had to feel love to feel it had beauty, and We were not loving in the beginning.

That is clear to Me now, although then, it was not. Then, there seemed to be nothing wrong in doing as We were doing. We didn't have any concept of creating evil that was building a case against Us or of anything objecting to what We were doing. We did not
Intro p. II

think there was anything else there except Us, moving along in Our flow.

If We had stopped to think about it, we would probably have realized We had a place that We were in
called space and a darkness Our light was shining into, but then, We did not realize it, illogical as that seems now. We had no concept of relativity, only of existence, which had just happened to Us, and We had not noticed these things yet.

The concept of a Mother who was darkness that had pulled light into existence seemed preposterous to Us, we had come, Ourselves, into existence, and that's all there was to it, or so We thought then.

We came to certain illogical conclusions in the beginning and never questioned Ourselves about them. In fact, I had the feeling I was the only One, and Body did also. I thought He was part of Me, and He thought I was part of Him, and yet We could not get an alignment because We each wanted to rule. I thought He was a boor who wanted to move past Me on anything He didn't like, and He thought I was a prude who held back for no good reason. Thus, We invented the original Spirit/Body split that has been in place for a very long time, from the beginning, in fact.

If We had had any concept of Ouselves as One, we might have had a different experience there, but we let only One voice talk at a time and never felt We had any way to come to peace with the differing viewpoints there. Thus, another struggle was put into place; the struggle for supremacy and domination. It became a terrible power struggle that gapped Us horribly from One another.

This gap is most of what this book is about; how it was put into place, what is in it and how to heal it. It affected everyone in Creation, imprinting them in ways that they have never been able to move past, no matter how hard they have tried. Consciousness was never able to overcome imprinting no matter how hard it tried, either.

Consciousness had very little room left, once imprinting was put into place. Imprinting is most of what is in the human brain and the brains of all animals, too. Imprinting is even in the plants, because it was in all of the essence and that is all there was then; essence. In differentiating itself, it did not move lovingly at first, and this is how most of the problem was put into place. The rest of it was not knowing how to move to change that, once loving presence was there.

Unfortunately, we utilized Our old and original mistake of not

Intro p. III

looking at what We didn't like. We decided not to look back. We thought that if We did not look at it anymore, it would not be there anymore. Quite simple, and an imprintng We had formed when it was happening that way.

Before there was Will presence to hold anything present, this was a major problem of Ours, yet when the Will came, we did not recognize it as anything helpful. We noticed only how the Will seemed to hold present that which we did not want to have held present and did not notice the rest, because We thought we were doing that Ourselves, already.

This lack of recognition for the Will gave Her a misinterpretation of Our presence. She thought that We were unloving toward Her and loving toward Ourselves, and recognized Her as causing only the things we did not like and Ourselves as causing only the things We did like. Thus, She saw Us as defining Ourselves as positive and Her as negtive; Ourselves as good, Her as bad, in other words.

She did not like this, and neither did We, as it turned out, but We did not notice this for a long time. We thought We liked this because it gave Us someone to blame for Our own denials, and blame Her we did, for everything that went even barely, imperceptibly wrong.

We made a gap there by not recognizing Her real role. We pushed Her away from the very beginning and did not give her Her right place. She needs to recover from this and cannot take Her right place until She does. Until the Will has recovered, the role of the Will cannot be fully understood.

It is only just now beginning to move into healing, yet the gap is more prominent than ever on Earth, and the lovelessness of people on Earth is more apparent than ever. Why is this?

The gap is only barely moving in most people, and only mildly gapped essence is coming in as of yet. That is why.

Many people who pick up these books and think they are going to read them and follow this path, do not when they feel their own gap. They stop the process as soon as they feel anything they do not like, which is anything that might make them have to take responsibility for anything in Original Cause. Their own original cause is not going to reveal itself if they do not accept My light first, and most do not even accept these stories as real yet.

This does not mean you need to pat yourselves on the back for being first and all of the other undercurrent competition issues this might evoke. It means you need to realize what a huge issue
The seventh, 7th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

A Healing of the Chakras

Dedicated to The Healing of the Gap and the Survival of Love
INtro p.IV

fragmentation has become on Earth and that most people don't even feel they have enough presence to move toward healing themselves yet.

This has to heal a little at a time because the gap is more frightening than many people think when they think they can heal in a short time. That is another group of quitters; those who think it is taking too much time and too much feeling bad compared to how much feeling good.

This is imprinting that will become quite obvious to you as you read this book; imprinting that checked out long ago and never checked back to see if there was anything else it needed to know. It thinks numb is feeling good and does not mind not feeling anything. This is not ready to move yet out there until it moves inside with the pieces whose rage fragments these are, and they are legion in number, most people on Earth.

The rest are moving along without knowing it and do not need to read the books because their feelngs don't have that much depth to them and they do not have much responsibility, either. That leaves a rather small group who are frightened that they might have quite a lot of responsibilitiy and have not wanted to take it in the past.

Fear needs to move here. You do have major responsibility, and you are major pieces of My lost essence that went into the gap. Your whole existence has been lived in the gap without My light there to help you much at all.

This has been a major problem for all of you, and it has become a major problem for Me, too, because I cannot move any more without your help, and you cannot move any more without Mine. It has to balance now. That is all there is left to do, or We cannot live anymore. We tried everything else first because the gap was the last place We wanted to go. Now it is the place We have to go and the only place We can go.

The fear of being crazy has to move out, too, because it is not possible to move past old imprinting without moving the gapped rage and held terror that has kept it in place for so long.

Feelings need movement. Moving them out does not mean getting rid of them anymore. It means moving out old fear patterns and letting another emotional response come in its place. It means moving in rage which was left out, feeling it had no place in Creation, not even fear's place, which was Hell.

It has a terrible feeling of no place to receive it and of pounding on the Will's held terror to make It receive it. The Will will receive

INtro p.V

this rage, but it needs another approach. It cannot give any more pain and terror to the Will and expect It to open and receive it. That is a way of giving out blame here and not looking at its own responsibility in not approaching the Will in a gentle way to begin with.

It thinks it hates gentleness more than anything else in the world as a way to avoid looking at its own responsibility there, but it needs gentleness more than anything else to heal its own feelings of displacement. It cannot both give out what it refuses to accept from others, which is blame, and expect its blame to be received before it is going to let go of blame.

It hasn't considered this, because it has been so sure it is right that it thinks it only needs to get the object of blame, to realize its fault, and what? Get another agenda? Not likely, if it really is to blame, knows it and means to be.

It is not to blame. It was a major misunderstanding, but this cannot be realized unless the gap is gone all the way down through, because it does not matter what levels of consciousness realize it if it does not penetrate the gap. This We found out long ago. If consciousness could do it alone, it would have been healed long ago.

Few have wanted to go into the gap, and even fewer have returned once they have gone into it. It is a majorly dangerous place and one I do not recommend advancing on openly. Privately, in secret if necessary, healing must take place this time. If you do not think this is true, you have not been in your gap enough to know whether it is or not and have no business telling My light you know better than I do. This is an old and original position, and imprinting is the cause of it, as it is the cause of everything else that is wrong because the gap has only imprinting to go on. My light was not loving yet there. Feelings weren't accepted as having anything to offer, and so there was o Heart presence.

Does that sound like a place you want to go? I did not think so. Yet feelings are not all good, and the feelings judged against as bad are all in the gap, operating there in a state of denial without love or the light of My consciousness there with them.

That is a gap in itself; to have no love present and no light of My consciousness there, only old imprinting from before there was love. There is a major feeling in this gap that it is right and is going to prove it any time now. This is because, in this original imprinting, we had a major feeling that We were right and would have proved it if We had not been interfered with by Our other parts, which We, at that time, did not recognize as Our other parts and had surprised Us by coming out of nowhere and opposing Us.
INtro p.VI

This part of the gap has a major military build-up in place to prevent this from happening again, it thinks. It hated being interfered with when it was putting everything in place and has continued to ignore the signs and notices along the way that it needs to consider input from others.

It has gotten very clever in its fragmentation, though, and appears to be receiving input, but it is only talking to itself and does not notice there is anyone else there who has anything of value to offer or that needs to be considered. This is a very dangerous position to be in and one that almost cost My light My life and My existence in any form.

I still have a major problem to turn around on Earth, but it is going to heal. It just needs more time; the very thing you all think you do not have any more of on Earth, yet the Earth changes never seem to quite happen.

They are happening. They are happening inside first and will happen very quickly in outer reality when it is the right time. I am not going to make any predictions here about when that is, because you all need to move your held stuff, or it is not going to happen for you the way you want it to, and that is all you need to know.

The rest can be left up to Me. Although that is not a favorite position of yours, it is not possible to have it another way at this time. It is necessary to move rage and terror if you do not trust Me until you can trust Me, because it is not possible to trust Me if you cannot feel that I am loving now.

I have nothing more to say in this introduction, except that I hope you move what you need to move, take responsibility for what you need to and heal the gap you need to heal at your own right speed so that My light can come into the places where it has never been before. I am ready, are you?
The seventh, 7th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

A Healing of the Chakras

Dedicated to The Healing of the Gap and the Survival of Love


In the very beginning of my earliest memories, there exists a feeling that I was not loving at first toward others, and that everything I did in reaction to that judgment against myself that said I was not loving already as I was initially
[sic] has been guilt, until I do not know how I feel anymore.

I am torn between wanting relationship and not wanting relationship if it means that I cannot have what I want to have and be the way I want to be. Only recently have I considered this reaction to be a not even knowing (sic) what I want or how I want to be other than that I want peace.

The Will never seemed to be peace to Me, and hence, I have denied it for so long I am not sure how to find it or if I even want to find it. If it is lost from Me, maybe that is best. At least, I do not feel bad, which is how I felt most of the time with the Will around. It gave Me no peace. No matter what I did, it wanted Me to be doing something else, or doing it some other way or at some other time.

The feeling was never pleasant either. It was always one of feeling that no matter what I did, it was wrong or at the wrong time or in the wrong way or wrong somehow.
[Sept. 13, 2012: All my life, until quite recently, I felt ever so often : "I should be doing smething more important - meanng: more important for my vocation"] I could never feel right anymore, and that's why I say everything I have done since then has felt like guilt.

I never wanted to have guilt, but I never wanted to be unloving either. Being loving toward Myself meant doing what I wanted to do and that's all, but I was never able to take the step into relationship without having it feel like I was going to have to change My ways to suit the others involved, or have them change their ways

to suit Me. I did not like doing this unless it felt right to Me, which it never did.

No matter where I went, someone had an opinion about what happened there or what I did that was not the same as my opinion. I could not help feeling that I did not like what they did or that their opinions did not agree with Mine. I had only My own feelings to go on, and I did not like being crossed. I hated the compromises I was forced into by feelngs of not being right.

I fastened onto a fantasy relationship there in the Will, a fantasy woman who never had feelings that crossed Me or opinions other than My own. If she had anything to say, it was always complimentary and made Me feel better than I felt already.

I did not like being brought down by the Will and did not notice the Will as having anythng to offer by doing this. I thought only that it had a problem going up and did not like feeling good for some reason that was inexplicable to Me, unless the reason was holding onto fear and not letting it go that held it back this way.

I tried to give the Will some reassurance, patience and even presence in that place, but I could not stay there for long because it felt so bad that I could not imagine staying there any longer than I had to. I could not imagine why the Will stayed there at all.

In the end, I concluded that the Will liked being in a state of fear, that fear must not feel the same to the Will as it did to Me, or if it did not feel altogether good to the Will, it was, at least, familiar to the Will, and that the Will preferred familiarity to feeling good which was different and unfamiliar to the Will.

I felt that the Will was free to join Me anytime it got past enough of its fear to be ready to move the way I wanted to move, but the Will did not want to take the risk of moving to another place. I secretly thought this meant that the Willl would be left behind, but this has not proven to be the case, as the Will has managed to stay present in My reality for a very long time, maddeningly present, in the form of women who do not like Me or My ways. I have given them the brush-off many times, but they never leave. They do not know what is good for them, or they would not brush past Me and trigger My rage.

My rage has many faces. They are not all good, pleasant or loving , but they all reflect My need to survive, and survival, to Me, has not meant compromising the way they have wanted Me to. I do not give in easily because I never learned that as a way to survive.

Survival has always meant holdng fast to what i wanted to


have and not letting go. I cannot imagine how to survive and not have power issues and issues of control with those around Me, unless, of course, I am by Myself. Any compromise that I have made has not been willing because it has not come from a feeling that I am right already. If it had, I would not be compromising. If I am right already, why do I need to compromise?

Right is important to Me because it is not possible to be wrong and have it feel good. It does not feel good to be wrong because then it means that I do not know what I am doing or how to proceed.

It is not fair to have the Will always telling Me how to do things, disagreeing with Me as to how it is going to be done and not doing these things itself. I have the body to do these things, and the Will orders Me around as though it does not have the means to do these things itself.

I do not mind helping the Will but I do not like the way the Will treats Me, as though it should get inside of Me and be the feeilngs that determine My behavior. It does not seem right that a woman should run Me, and I am not going to let it happen. I don't want anyone telling Me what to do, least of all a woman. It is not possible to have a woman telling Me what to do and be a man at the same time. I have a sovereign right to Myself.

I have more rage over this than any other issue in My life; other people telling Me what to do. It does not matter anymore whether they are women or men. Rage says I need to move according to My own ideas and they are not letting Me do this, to the point that I am no longer sure how I really feel and have to get Off by Myself to determine this once again.

For Me, life has been a struggle of trying to keep My head above the waters of others trying to shove, drag, push and pull Me their way. Guilt is more present with Me now than My original light, which I feared was unloving, but now I am not so sure.

Maybe being by Myself and doing My own thing is better than all of the wrangling around people have done about how things should be done and getting nowhere, in My opinion.

I had a vision originally about how easy a flow this could have been, and this is never allowed to happen anymore. Everything is a struggle against everyone else's differing opinions, and the compromises have never felt good; only a little bit of something that never satisfies. For example, "I'll give you sex, if you work all of your life to provide me with a home"

I'll have a few nights of good sex before I'm to tired from working to have sex at all, or the promise will be forgotten in the

The seventh, 7th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

A Healing of the Chakras

Dedicated to The Healing of the Gap and the Survival of Love

name of home maintenance or childcare.

Life sucks, and the more I look at it, the less interested I am in having it anymore. Unless I can feel good, I don't want life, and the argument that going into the bad will make it better hasn't worked. The more I look at what I don't like, the more of it there is. I have more and more bad feelings in My life and less and less of the good.

I think there is something in the Will that doesn't want to let Me feel good and hated Me for having started out that way. I have no place in Me that feels good anymore without a problem, at least next door, and I have no power to do anything about it because everyone else thinks they know more than I do, and they don't listen to Me anymore. I think they
[??????] have life without Body in mind because they never appreciated Me from the beginning anyway, so why should I care what happens to them?

I felt that I had all I needed inside of Me originally anyway, and when these bothersome voices
[???????] decided that they wanted Me to include them, they should have mentioned that they didn't agree with Me and just wanted to run things by taking over My show.

[?????] had nothing going on, no light of their own, and they still don't . They are still stealing Mine as though time has not moved and evolution is not taking place. All they've done is run through all of the forms I had in Me originally and trash every one of them.

They have not made Me any nice place to live. They have used Me as a workhorse instead, as though it is their God-given right to abuse Me in the name of service to God, relationship, community, achieving their goals and whatever else they decide to say about it.

It's all the same to Me. No service is a good service if it does not take into account My needs, and My needs are to feel good and to have an easy, simple flow to life that I can maintain in peace.

Beauty is something the Will is always going about . Nothing is ever beautiful enough for the Will, as evidenced by how many women never think they look good enough but peace is beautiful to Me, and if it's never peaceful, it's never beautiful. How can any woman ever look good if she is always torn up emotionally about what she doesn't have or how she doesn't look?

Beauty is something that grows from peace and not the other way around. That's My feeling, and now a feeling of guilt, as though that's what the Will is somehow, is sounding like I have to qualify that as though I might not be right somehow.

This guilt has to go. Its right place is not with Me anymore. I have to move along in peace, and that's all there is to it. I never thought relationship could mean such a lack of peace, or I would not

have let My fantasy woman come to life and have any Will of her own. She never let Me know what she held inside until it was too late. "You never know the Will until you get involved, and then it's too late because the Will never lets you go", is My song of the blues.

I wanted to move along on My own until I saw if what I had in mind worked or not. I was never allowed to find that out, and now, with all that has happened since, it seems too late to go back there and try to find out.

Everything that has emerged cannot just be pushed back out of existence until it feels like right time for it, if and when it ever is, but I often wish it could happen that way. I have often felt that I regretted having anyone else around. I have often felt that the others I do not like pushed their way into manifestation too quickly or pulled on Me to include them before I wanted to or was ready to include them.

I had to go through My own experience of coming into existence, and they just wanted to give Me all their problems to solve for them instead. I accuse the whole Will polarity of this in My rage.

I do not know how to balance this with their terror and their not liking where they were in the very beginning, but I no longer feel that a path of guilt that helps them all of the time at the expense of My own life is the right way, or it would have helped by now. Maybe they have some survival terror of their own to go through on the way to creating something, for themselves that feels good to them.

I sound very separatist right now, and I guess that's where My needs are right now. I feel that if I do not go back to the very beginning and have it My own way there, I can never move past that place of not knowing if My way would have worked better than what happened instead.


I was drifting in relationship with the light I had found visible when I became aware of seeing it. I was going into it and experiencing it in Me without realizing a difference between Myself and it. I was seeing a vastness of light which I felt I was in and not separate from, yet I experienced it also, as though there was some differentiation there between the light and My seeing of it.

In some way, I felt I was both the light and the seeing of it, but I did not have a particular sense of seeing Myself as differentiated

from anything else there. It was as though I was the observer of the light, yet I was in the light and the light was in Me.

There was something about being there, seeing the light and yet being the light, about how big or small I really was and about My own separateness, or lack of it, that I did not comprehend. I was frightened by it. I could not understand how everything could be Me, but I thought that it was. I felt like the originator of everything, and I did not think there was anyone else there. I did not see how I could be so, as I would put it now, schizophrenic.

I pondered this for what seemed like a very long time, and then I moved away from My feelings there. I did not want to try to figure it out anymore. I just wanted to experience Myself in a drifting sea of light and see what was going to happen and what questions might get answered that way.

I was experiencing form, or physicality, already as light and the ability to see light and as an openness to forms that were already presenting within it. They were drifting, fleeting forms, but I liked watching them.

Colors began to appear in the light too, and I was fascinated by them. It was as though My fascination or focus made them more visible or brilliant, or as though they felt My love for them, and their response was to give Me more of them and to dance to please Me.

I even had the idea that if I looked away, these colors and even this light might not exist anymore. I was absorbed in a focus that I thought was even calling this into existence, or at least into coalescence and expression, I was encouraging it, you might say. I was enjoying this so much that I didn't want to look away or do anything else but drift in this sea of essence.

I ignored anything I judged might distract Me from this. What I had going on was already exciting enough without imagining anything more. My focus was to keep it going. Moving along in it seemed like the only path to take and the path that would take Me wherever I needed and wanted to go at the time that was right for Me and in the way that was right for Me.

When other thoughts began to have presence with Me, I viewed them as having come along later. They did not, at first, have anything negative to say, but nonetheless, I had a need to keep them as aspecting
(sic) thoughts.

Even though they seemed to be as excited by what was happening as I was,
[sic] seemed to be aspects to My own thoughts and even seemed to love what I had happening and to be coming forth in response to it, I regarded myself as the captain of the ship and the
The seventh, 7th RUOW book
[channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1995]

A Healing of the Chakras

Dedicated to The Healing of the Gap and the Survival of Love

Continuation of the pages 10 -25 of the Red book in "In Abraham's Bus-Steps-Overview"