06_17

The Purpose of HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

to help me and my potential P E E R s

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

K.I.S.S. - L O G 2 0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart

Schubert's Missa Solemnis

1
2
3

How
Learn
And

I
The
Train

Heal
Conditions
In

Myself
For
Creating

Into
Heaven
Those

Whole
On
Conditions

Self-acceptance
Earth
Daily

sanctus-qadosh
sanctus-holy
sanctus-heilig

Intro to k.i.s.s.-l o g + all dates ~ Library of 7 years ~ HOME ~ contact ~ SEARCH ( of Latin characters only!) my eldest granddaughter's video-gallery

"to feel better requires that you become better at feeling"
June 17/ Sivan 14, Tuesday, FULLMOON, still 60 days - at Shoham
Parting from my obsession to complete this page--- on June 22

back to past ~~~~~ forward to future

The FOCUS of MY INTENTION TODAY

Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want, then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what may!
8:33
I desire to discern when & how to be a loving space for my grandkids, especially Mika, to grow in,
and when and how to be a loving, but effective boundary against which they can grow
I desire to differentiate between the need to heal s.th. in myself, when I attract hurt from them,
and the wisdom & skill to be that loving boundary - "without guilt, blame or denial" [See God's Letter]
I desire to heal my tiny pain attracted from Mika (like "go away to Imma, go away to your room") till 14:30,
and when the five come, to heal the communication with Rotem & Yael, and then to enjoy all six!

image of the day, April 2003 A Grandma-Day which included Rotem,
in the flat at Modi'in, which I rented for 3 years -
with my children's financial help

hodayot [thanksgivings] for today

9:20
My Body, my Partner, my God
I give thanks to those sinews and muscles,
which we can strongly contract around the pain in our right groin,
and thus be able to walk!

I am grate-full to Arnon for having kept his promise and taken the initiative
of organizing a "Grandma-Day" at Shoham, and even together with Rotem,
in order to heal the issues connected to my revocation of the RedSeaTour.

I'm grate-full for Efrat's explanation, while they stood already in the elevator
(though she had witnessed only part of Mika's behavior towards me)
"her bowels hurt, and since she doesn't feel comfortable with herself,
she shoots into all directions" - what a symbolic statement for all humans:
since they don't love themselves, they shoot - often literally - into all directions!
I'm grate-full for the "fast-motion" fantasy with Syberberg and its closure.
I'm grate-full for the chance to again feel & "move" a bit of my immense pain
concerning those manifestations of the One, whom I judge as "racists",
"racists" in Israel , "racists" in any country, but mainly German anti Semites.

March 2005, Grandma-Day which included Rotem on the roof of the rented flat,
where Micha's family lived at Mazkeret Batya, before moving into their house.

But before the multiple encounter - more images of the hours with Mika and Efrat

We drove home from the restaurant, Efrat put Mika to bed, went back to work
and when she finished her day early and came home for good, Mika had just woken up.
There was a surprise - Imma had bought a fantastic toy,
five animal puppets to be stuck on the five fingers of a hand.
"Now in summer they have a fair in the Commercial Center once a week.
And there was one stand, where a woman exposed the most beautiful things!"
and she also brought forward simple musical instruments, the kind of which nobody of us had seen before.

When puppet-actress Imma saw her daughter so excited, she said:
"I regret not having bought the other version of these puppets: a family of five.
Maybe now, when you two go out, you could pass by the fair
tell the woman, that I bought for 200 NIS and that she could give you a discount.
And while already at the Commercial Center - I know you hate it -
please enter the Supermarket there and buy some mint herbs for Mika's tea."

So again we took the bicycle, after all Mika was still not healthy and the fair was too far away to walk.

"I'll give the puppets to you for 55 instead of 60 NIS, though I never do this."
By then I was already ashamed.
I cannot bargain,
especially not when I think of those
who produced a certain merchandise.
I asked her,
"from what country ?"
"From Prague".
I asked more and she told me,
that she goes herself to the factory
and then imports what she buys.
"The people there
almost get nothing for this work",
I said, sad as usually.
"Yes, it is a lot of work
to produce this".
Opposite this great stand
there was a mat on the floor
and a woman sat there alone.
Mika wanted to approach her.
She insisted on it.
So I asked her:
"What are you selling?"
"it's written on the poster:
activity making a mobile
with these soap figures".
"Nobody can understand that."
After reproaching her like that
for her marketing methods,
I couldn't just go away.
So I decided to pay the 20 NIs
for the "activity" of threading
5 soap-pieces.
Since even Mika didn't manage,
I showed the woman a trick:
"I strengthen the end of the string
with a little stick, like a needle,
with a thread wound around."
Since there was no stick,
I wetted the end and made it a bit stiff.
Still, Mika lost her patience....,
and we passed on to the Supermarket...

I took this picture only in order to remember the pain
in which I was immersed then.
After we were done with buying mint at the Supermarket
(and my utter detest of a place like this , as usual),
I wanted us to enjoy the playground across the Center.
"I want to go home!"
When she repeated that over and over, I gave her the dummy,
hoping that this was what made her long for 'home'.
But it wasn't .She said in a strange grownup way:
"I think, I feel like going home"
(ani khoshevet, shae ba li lalekhet habaita).
Since I knew that Efrat needed a bit of solitude at home,
I did not hurry, and while choosing the main street back,
I paused at a little park:
"But I want to go home".
"I understand, but I need to rest here!"
And she shut up.
Tears were in my eyes, so forlorn and terrible I felt.

When we came home,
the dreaded moment was there,
dreaded by Efrat,
and dreaded by me because of Efrat:
she had brought the scissors from her hair-dresser
and would now - for the second time -
cut and sculpt my hair.
She had agreed to this demand of mine a year ago:
"Since you no longer work in ceramics,
I want you to sculpt my head in a way,
that you and I will be always content with my hair,
and I'll be free of the hairdresser ordeal,
which means cutting the hair as short as possible,
though I won't need to go their for half a year."

This time I asked her to take pictures,
while my hair was still wet,
and later again, when my hair would be dry,
since this documentation might help her the next time.

The sadness in my face - I could not hide it...

But then
after supper , Imma again gave a puppet show,
and the hilarious laughter of Mika affected me after all.
So the "dry" images are better, especially the third one,
which appeared after Efrat had called me to "look less serious".

Now it is another morning,
and I'm more excited than I'm afraid
of the great encounter with the five grandchildren.
I had prepared as much as I could, in order to be as free of technical work as possible.
Luckily Arnon and Ayelet came 20 minute before the other three,
and since they brought - as fixed before - the cooked potatoes,
I could start cutting them, the way only I know how to cut them,
into two pans, one with onions, and the other - for Itamar and Ayelet - without onions.
Neither Ra'ayah came up to greet me, nor Ronnit.
And this was the main pain, which still permeated me through all the joy in the following hours.
I had hoped, to see Ronnit just for a minute and talk with her about Dania [June 13 & June 14].

During the first 2 1/2 hours I could not afford to take any photo.
Rotem, though a photographer herself, does not accept herself enough
in order to allow herself to be photographed.
And then, after our fried potato lunch (especially appreciated by Rotem)
I asked the "little ones", Itamar and Ayelet to take care of themselves,
since the "big ones" needed to talk with me on the veranda.
The little ones, indeed, did not disturb us even once.
When I praised them for that later and asked what they did, they said:
"First we played "grocery" (with the toy cash counter of Mika...)
then "Supermarket", then "Mega-Market",
and then we gave each other a show."
"Could we see the show?" "No , it was all improvised."

And what happened on the veranda?
This is too difficult to report.
[But see about the encounter between Rotem and me on June 20]
In any case, everyone agreed to a contract,
which should make the three grow
and which should prevent what was so painful for ME.
"Grandma is available but not initiating.
All initiative must come from us, the grandchildren.
And when we do want Grandma to win over for a plan,
we'll do so as close to the appointed time as possible
(so as not to fix a time and then forget about it,
as happened with Rotem last Succot....)

Until Mika came home, I had set the table for what the Quartet so much liked in the past:
arukhat arba, the four-o'clock meal.
Of course, it was already past five and the fact that Efrat was in panic,
that nobody would give enough attention to Mika and that she would be "bored",
damaged the atmosphere a bit, at least for me.

But soon we were all ready to go out, - the seven of us!

Itamar asked to be the photographer.

This is obviously a self-portrait...

and while he caught us all walking along the side-way,
other parents with children came into the picture, too.
We are in Shoham - a town with many young couples!