I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
1
2
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"AZ
NIDBERU"
- My
new Midrash and song
in 5 languages
about the prophecy of Malachi
3, 16
["YHWH" is named "HA-SHEM"= The
Name]
Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk
among each other,
and he listens and he
hears
yatakaalamuna allathina
yarau'na-hu ,
va-yusri va-yasma'
Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander,
und er lauscht und er
hoert
Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent
l'un a l'autre
il entends,
il ecoute
10:45 [An hour ago, after having
edited yesterday's page with the reinforcement of the
Mission about FEELING "vicariously" and expanding
the tiniest feeling into a "World Balloon",
and after having tested this ability on my feelings
concerning Mika's nastiness -s. altar-
I was just about to become aware of and sculpt my INTENTION
for today.
In that moment Immanuel entered: "The final meeting
concerning Tomer & Ben-Shemen
will be at 7 PM, with the entire team investigating
Tomer, and with me and Efrat present. This means that T. will
sleep here tonight and be with you tomorrow till R.
fetches him."
This time I was "ready" for "a disturbance
of my routine" & rightaway blew my 'balloon'. Then - while thinking
of my desire, that T. may finally be accepted at Ben-Shemen,
I got a sign: I came
across this image of me: "1977 Ben-Shemen
forest", 31 years ago! I desire that Tomer will be
accepted at Ben-Shemen School
and find there what will excite, challenge and full-fill
him.
I desire that father, stepmother, stepsister and grandmother,
will be united in trusting Tomer's true choice of Ben-Shemen
I desire to train in FEELING VICARIOUSLY for humankind,
if and when the "ridiculous, unjustified "
feelings come up.
Before
going to kindergarden:
enjoying a TV story,
nasty to Grandma
who moves out of her way,
not hurt, nor needing to educate her.
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
11:35
My Body, my Partner,
my God
I give thanks to your well-being,
which is the first condition for being able to full-fill my
mission
of expanding feelings about nano-problems into 'World-balloons',
i.e. feeling in and through them vicariously what humans still
avoid feeling.
I am grate-full for this immense, colossal, boundless mission,
which catapulted me from my niggling, nagging pettiness
into really being and acting as New Heart in Body on Earth!
I am grate-full for the sign "Ben-Shemen",
the word in the wondrous biblical metaphor.
I am grate-full for the other sign:
Beethoven's hymn of the European Community:
Joy- Joy - Joy - Joy
and my lyrics to it, so fitting on this day!
"A very deep terror of being overrun and consumed by the
Mother
and her intense emotional responses
pervaded the Spirit Polarity.
In reaction to this terror in Spirit,
a whole new class of beings emerged
who called themselves 'Father Warriors.'
The terror these beings felt told them
that they must control the Will
in order to protect Spirit from the Mother,
and moved to do so
in opposition to the Mother and the Will Polarity beings
they perceived as causing their terror.
...... "This ancient transpersonal
hatred and strife,
this never-ending war,
has felt good to a great many humans
who have made it their own at the personal level.
There are still many on Earth who love a good fight,
and there is still enormous energy
to prolong the ancient battle of the Father Warriors against
the Will."
I can see that this fear of the Will is the primary cause
for the first Wars,
but it is NOT the reason for "the love of a good fight
on Earth."
The deepest reason behind the strange phenomenon of "volunteering
for battle",
as I've pointed out so often,
is boredom , lack of selfworth and lack of full-fill-ment,
or phrased differently:
the hope to escape boredom, the hope to feel worthy, the hope
to feel full-filled.
Another passage, which needs repetition:
I've no problem with "owning the perpetrations",
but I must practice owning the joyful creations
You Are the Universe
"To get a feel for this
movement, pause for a moment now~~~
and imagine something good in Creation.
When you have chosen something~~~
observe it carefully and then say to yourself,
'I did that.'
The 'I' who was speaking
was speaking for the deepest part of your identity.
You were speaking for Us, the Creators in you.
...
"If you are fully identified in
the feeling essence
you can move your body and sound
the feeling to express it.
Dance and song work well together
to embody the feeling
and bring it fully into manifestation.
The denial energy in the feeling will then spontaneous release
as the feeling's expression moves from tortured compression
to full-bodied joy and mirth.
Cosmic Human Identity
....
You suggest that Human identity is really a cosmic identity.
How can this be?
"The sense of your constant, unchanging
identity
is important to keeping you oriented
as the person you feel yourself to be.
The same person who goes to sleep at night wakes in the morning.
However, this sense of being a separate person
who has a life and a personal history
is not all of who you are.
"Your true Human identity
is with life itself.
Although it may seem strange to hear,
it is accurate to say
that very few Humans have actually lived.
Except for brief moments here and there,
almost all Humans over age five
have been too frightened
to venture outside of the models of reality and the identity
that your mind has constructed for you.
.....
"Your true Human greatness is not in yourself as Spirit,
or as Mother, or as Heart.
Your true greatness is in yourself as Body.
Spirit has said that your identity is flexible,
that your identity is as you choose it to be in the moment,
and that when you choose to identify as Body,
you are placing yourself in the position of the Healer of
yourself~~~
and therefore of Creation.
"This choice of identity
is only possible
if you are not identifying inside the mind
with its maps of pasts and futures
and stories about who you are and who you've been.
For instance,
your sense of 'I' living 'my life'
is an example of an unreal, mentally constructed identity.
What you've known as your 'life'
is essentially a story your mind has made up
about yourself as a separate fragment of a larger whole, 'the
world.'
And this is all that your mind can know about
you~~~
a story about the identity of the main character in the movie
of your life.
The mind cannot know your real, true Self.
"There is much, much more to your humanness
than in your made-up identity as the person who lives your
life.
Your true identity is vast and well beyond
your personal story
of separation, struggle, triumph, elation, defeat, pain
and a faint, distant longing for something you can't quite
touch.
I am sure, this is so,
but how can I "know" anything unless I know it with
my mind?
And anyway - knowing about "the main character in the
movie of my life" is still very important
and I don't see the reason for rushing on to my multi-dimensional
personality.
Unless the "MISSION of FEELING VICARIOUSLY" is a
step towards the fact that
Your true Human identity is with life
itself
Still, I cannot really understand this. Please help!
16:18
The spectacle of rain and sun , as I saw it from my computer,
was such,
that I was tempted to go outside to enjoy it more and take pictures.
But soon enough I was again devastated by the garbage all around,
and returned.
I miss the pool and my routine in Arad, my al-one-ness, my quiet
TV-evenings.
I'm a bit frustrated by the work of editing and completing past
pages.
It is not the same excitement as creating new ones.
Soon T. will arrive and I should (!) feel whole, feeling vicariously
what needs to be felt,
be it by Immanuel (who follows his wife's quest to cook for
us before he'll go on flight tonight)
by Tomer, by Efrat, by all my humankind.
He has arrived - 16:27 - and I'll be there, ready, whole...
No, it wasn't Tomer, it was a technician who came to repair
the laundry dryer!
I laugh at myself!
I make myself a coffee, I take some goodie ("Daniela")
from the fridge,
I enjoy some more minutes al-one...
This was the only possibility to step
aside
& take a photo of our very active togetherness,
while Abba, Imma, Tomer went to the interview at Ben-Shem
An unusual place for eating dinner,
staged by Mika:
"Nella will lie here,
warmed by a blanket,
and I'll eat on your little table
but outside your room."
A leap to China, Shanghai,
where Wolfgang Kasper, my dead sister's youngest son, re-celebrated
his wedding with Angie.
