I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution in
learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!! "I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
There are "conquerors-of-hearts",
who are highly successful
and there's a "partneror-of-people", who is pitiable and
pathetic.
Here is a symbolic
episode:
During the 3 weeks of the intact FourNationTent
this man came along and stayed. It was an Israeli Arab, who
came back from 20 years abroad, hoping that the approaching
peace would make it possible for him to live in Israel. My devastating
failure with this "partner", both as a person and
as representative of his nation, has nothing to do with Fawaaz.
He is but a reflection of a hole in my wholeness. Since his
name is written in that letter to Simon
Khoury, and since the 3 photos which show Fawaaz, are important
in the puzzle of our RedSeaPartnerSHIP endeavor, I apologize
for not being able to tell this story about an anonymous person.
I emphasize again: it's me, Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam, who has
attracted this "actor" , and who has "cast him
into the role I needed in my drama".
Before the erection of the FourNationTent I was free to go north
to the terminal and to Aqaba myself. Now someone needed to do
the hosting of the many visitors and I trained Fawaaz to go
to Simon Khoury, deliver my letter and prepare the negotiations,
for which then I would come in person. I gave Fawaaz 1000 NIS
for the border fee and staying over night. I didn't expect him
to sleep outside, as I would have done myself.
Fawaaz wasted all the money on accomodation, on drinking, and
on inviting a person to dinner, who should have helped him with
Khoury.
I
am a "partneror",
who has sacrificed her life to win over people as partners.
And when it became clear, that there were no partners,
I tried to deliberately "train" people to become partners.
It was at our Red-Sea-Partner-SHIP's
first place above the Salt Sea,
where I had ------- seemingly -------- reached the highest level
so far
of even living and working with 3 other partners in the same
place,
On my 60th birthday there was nobody who even approached me
saying: "Rachel, we are sorry, but we don't
know how to celebrate your birthday, can you help us?"
So I sat with myself in my secret niche in a rock above the
Sea for 6 hours.
"I'll go away for as long as I need
to find out ~~~if I have partners.
For if you are my partners, you can do the work here without
me.
And if you won't do it without me, you won't do it even if I
am here."
After 3 months of no-communication,
Dec. 10, 1998,
I came back from South-India and Jordan ~ hoping~
In January 1999 David said
to me: "Face it, Rachel,
for once face it! you have no partners!"
This included him, and he had always said that: "We are not equal!"
But I so desperately believed in equality and partnership.
And I so desperately invested my mind, my heart, my everything
into bringing this about:
Equality and Partnership.
Both between individuals
and between nations.
First between the Western and the Communist World,
and from the time I first came to Israel on a scholarship in
1960,
between
Israel and Ismael.
Just as I need to stop being a "petitioner",
I need to stop being a "partneror".
"HEART" , the original ONE, split up ,
because it was the only way,
s'he would ever have peers and partners.
But I cannot "win over" someone as
a partner.
Nor can I train someone to "become a partner".
Sticking to my pattern of partneror is indeed my greatest error.
I know, there are partners in the world.
But we are like suns which cannot touch.
Each one must stay in his/her own orbit.
When I found myself sculpting
the
drama of Moses,
without having had the slightest intention to do this,
I went through a transformation
from "Moses- peer-and-partnerless"
to "Was Moses really peer-and-partnerless?"
And the answer to this was, of course:
He looked in the wrong places!!!!
But now again - I am at a loss!
Who is my potential partner?
"Before
there was
any kind of duality,
there was only one whole being,
... complete and whole Heart.
"There
were no separations,
no distinctions, no fragments,
and therefore
no manifestation.
Love was all,
and all was Love.
"...
the Love of Original Heart
found something missing
in its experience...
Original Heart
had all the Love it desired,
but for one thing. Heart had no one else
with whom to share this Love.
Heart was alone.
"Heart
realized in its desire
for true, peer level companionship,
the only way
to find another Heart...
required
that it somehow
split itself apart,
creating two distinct beings
that could never
reconstitute themselves back
into the one, Original Heart.
"Never,
that is ~
until there would be a way
for Heart to have a companion
who was just as whole,
and yet truly separate
and distinct,
not just a part of Self..."
"Heart knew
that sometime much later ~ multiple forms would each reconstitute
themselves ~
and find Heart again.
And this time there would be more
than one whole being.
This time Heart would be completely whole ~
and there would be others
with whom Love could be wholly shared..."
"Here, very soon,
and for the first time ever ~
Form is to become
the container of New Heart ~ Spirit and Will
in wholly complete union,
without guilt, blame or denial.
Original Heart is beginning
to re-member itself again ~ as New Heart,
now in Body ~
and looking out
through human eyes,
moist with Original Love.
"And
yes,
beginning now to see ~ that there is indeed ~
another."
Towards the realization of a "preliminary"
RedSeaPartnerSHIP between the border fortifications,
I wrote a flyer and used an amazing biblical story (how pathetic again
)
.
"We search
for the 300 Gid'onites
in Eilat"
Bible, Judges 9
"YHWH said to Gideon:
...go, proclaim
in the ears of the people saying:
whosoever is fairful and afraid,
let him return
and depart early
from mount Gilead.
"And there returned of the people 22000,
and 10000 remained.
" And YHWH said to Gideon,
The people are yet too many;
bring-them-down to the water,
and I will try them for you there,
"and it shall be,
that of whom I say to you,
this shall go with you,
the same shall go with you;
and of whomsoever I say to you,
this shall not go with you,
the same shall not go.
"So he brought-down the people
to the water:
and YHWH said to Gideon,
"Everyone that laps of the water
with his tongue,
as a dog laps,
you shall set him aside-alone;
likewise every one that bows down on his kness to drink.
"And the number of them
that lapped,
putting their hand to their mouth, were 300 men:
"and all the rest of the people bowed down
on their knees
to drink.
"And YHWH said to Gideon,
By the 300 men that lapped
will I save you.
The term
"Gideonites" had a history:
In the beginning of my Partnership-Work in the seventies,
I "partnerored" Yoram
Kanyuk, a known Israeli novelist.
After he had listened to me for the first time, he said; "What you are looking for, are the
three hundred Gideonites."
I eagerly
grasped this biblical idea,
and I hoped, of course, that Yoram would be the first among them.
He suggested that I write a little book about my "ideas".
Though it seems to people, that I have chronic writing diarrhea,
everything I ever wrote then, was like a painful, exhausting birth.
When I showed him my little "book", he said, it was too
abstract,
and that I should embed my ideas in personal stories.
So I ripped my careful structure apart and "personalized"
my "ideas."
I must have done a terrible job,
for when Yoram leafed through that "creation",
he shrugged his shoulders and that was the last I heard of him.
Who then is my potential partner?
A partner is a human being, who is whole, i.e. accepts him/herself
totally.
And since s/he accepts him/herself totally, s/he will accept
and receive ME.
But s/he will be a sun in his/her own orbit.
S/he will not "work together", "cooperate",
"collaborate",
on any "project",
be it in the exterior realm for saving the world,
or be it in healing ourselves, and, by extension, all of Creation.
So how does the peership express then?
How are we going to be "co-creators"?
I have always felt deep
grief,
when I read Rainer Maria Rilke's prophecy of Future Love
written in "Letters to a Young Poet" one hundred
years ago:
the lovers will always remain "zwei Einsamkeiten",
"two al(l)onenesses",
who will be - or so I imagined it visually - like two towers
in a landscape,
that will "einander schuetzen,
grenzen und gruessen",
protect each other, be boundaries to each other, great each
other.
I
dreamt a dream
about individuals [yekhidim],
partners,
three,
who together [yakhad]
create peace
in our wounded country
Three
become Seven,
Seventy,
Seven Thousands,
each one [aekhad]
an individual [yakhid],
a special treasure [yakhid-segulah]
who heard that God is saying:
Based on the common root
of some Hebrew words,
and on biblical images: Numbers 11,16; 1.Kings
19,18 Exodus 19,5; Genesis
12, 1-3
From
all security go-to-you ["lekh-lekhâ"]
yes, go, you, go to yourself!
You will thus
be a blessing
to mankind [adam]
and to the earth [adamah].
My partnership obsession had many
facets in Eilat.
The declared purpose was the RedSeaPartnerSHIP,
i.e. a physical ship, or barge, which would do both,
demonstrate and teach,
how the negative dependency between Israel and its Arab neighbors
can and must be transformed into a positive dependency, i.e. a partnership.
In order to reach this goal, for instance,
all the authorities and officials on the way had to be won over as
partners too.
But I want to talk about those, who agreed to call themselves "partners",
in order to finally "harvest" the fruits that DID fall into
my lap after all.
There was David Troim,
with whom the RedSeaPartnerSHIP started.
Then I brought Ya'acov
from Tel-Aviv into that situation in England,
which really gave him no choice but becoming our third partner.
The consistency and intensity, with which we fostered
this partnership, was remarkable.
Even when I moved back from England & Tel-Aviv to Eilat, with
no convenient phone available,
the three of us would talk day after day, often for an hour,
until we had shared and discussed information, problems and new ideas.
I would go every night to a public phone,
or when I was writing on the computer in the Institute for Maritime
Agriculture,
they would call me there. It was also then, that I purchased my first
mobile phone,
but strangely enough, a short rain - so rare in Eilat - caught the
phone on a table outside the bus, and ruined it.
In any case, mobile phones were for short messages, not for the kind
of partnership talks we engaged in.
When visitors were deliberately attracted to come,
first to my bus on the sun beach, east of the hotels,
and then to the FourNationTent , erected next to it,
it happened time and again, that someone was on the verge of joining
as a partner.
The one, who did join and even lived in one of the tents and shared
my meals with me,
Fawaaz,
didn't stay long after that desaster in Aqaba. I didn't turn him out, but some time after that
he just left,
without having fulfilled any of his promises,
without even returning to me the sweater I had lent him, a sweater I loved, because it
was comfortable and because Ra'ayah,
my daughter-in-love, had knitted it for me.
Then, shortly before the fireworks
of the 1998 NewYear exploded above the hotels, my Sinai angel Ran Lichtner came to visit
me, together with his friends in Eilat,
Albert and Mali and Shalev, their baby son (see
them in 2009).
The "click" was there within a second,
the new partnership was celebrated right away,
and when the Mayor of Eilat came
the next morning,
Albert was there for the welcome and for the photos.
Again, the consistency and the intensity, with which we fostered this
partnership, was remarkable.
David and Ya'acov were quite trained in healing and evolving emotions,
but Albert and Mali were not.
I taught them, trained them, often day after day, at my place, or
at their flat in Eilat.
This in addition to all the work we did together, the three of us,
or Albert and me,
or any other combination with the two in Tel-Aviv.
.
For it is Ya'acov,
whom YHWH chose for himself Psalm 135:4-see now -
in January 2011- as
a song
The Story of Ya'acov,
written in England, August 1997
as to the song about
"the lame that will leap like a deer (not 'dear'...)
" see
now in SongGame
Yod-Yod-Yod
Yekhidim-Yotzrim-Yakhad [individuals - create - together -
but the point gets lost:
Yekhidim and Yakhad are the same root ,
and the letter Yod - Y - signifies God]
In a puzzle everyone is responsible for him/herself
and wins over all those on whom s/he is dependent .
We emphasized consistently, that in our small partnership,
as in the future partnership of nations, all are equal.
We all are parts in a puzzle, and as long as even the smallest piece is missing,
there is no whole puzzle.
To demonstrate our analogy, we glued our images on puzzle-pieces.
Above Albert and Mali, and Ya'acov and Orit, with their kids.
And me, as I talked to the Mayor of Eilat in the Jordanian tent.
Below: Tamir in the middle,
to the left David and Eilat, while visiting my Bedouin trainees in Sinai,
after I was cut off from them,
and to the right, I myself amidst my 3 children, 3 children-in-love, and 8
grandchildren [Ayelet would be born in August 1998 and Mika
in December 2005]
First
Glimpse 
tragic "PARTNEROR" 
-Ya%27acov.gif)
