I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
"to
feel better requires that you become better at feeling"
June 22/ Sivan 19, Sunday, still 55 days -
at Arad Parting from my obsession to complete
this page--- on June 26
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may! 10:40 I desire to unite my consciousness
(electric energy)
with my feeling (magnetic
essence) with every breath
I desire to embrace the "farest
feeling", but also the smallest, most absurd or ridiculous
shame
I desire to realize my desire for wholeness and joy, full-fill-ment
and love
through this process of unification ~~~from moment to moment,
i.e. from feeling to feeling
in my Heart ~~~ in my Body,
I desire to thus create the condition-sine-qua-non for Heaven-on-Earth
in all Creation - NOW.
My
Morning Prayer "For the sake
of uniting
the Holy-One-Blessed-be-He
and his Shekhinah
to unite the name YH with WH
in whole union" and to all Israel compassion in my womb (rakhamim
be-rakhmi)
baraka-charisma khibah
I've a need (a feeling, a desire!)
to explain this sculpture: the left photo was taken with flash,
the right photo in natural light.
After the sculpting of my Solstice altar
yesterday morning I went to the
pool and on my way discerned a tiny stone triangle!
Climbing down and up the Wadi
of Compassion requires caution, i.e. focused watching of
the stones on the difficult path.
How come, that among millions of stones my eyes caught the sight
of the little triangle and a few steps later of the big one?.
The small stone fits exactly into a woven triangle in the cloth,
which covers the lower shelf next to my computer keyboard,
The big stone 'by chance' leans on the back of my German
book, while to its left can be seen the back of my Hebrew
book.
It means: My personal HeART-Work from moment-to-moment, i.e.
feeling-to-feeling, is interwoven with all of creation,
and with those epitomes, embodiments, of my thinking about the
interconnectedness of all humans, nations and societies.
electric-magnetic
"Original Heart is like the symbol
of infinity~~~
with its indrawing, magnetic, Will essence
in one loop,
and outgoing, electric, Spirit essence in
the other.
baraka-charisma khibah
[the 3 terms are borrowed
from the Islamic, Christian, Hebrew mystical traditions
and - intertwined in the 8 tones of an octave - present the
love (khibah)
born of the union between the female feeling essence and the
male spiritual essence. See,
what page I just discovered - 19:12 -!!!!!
Finetuning
to my Present
First scribbled at 8:00
During my waking-up-consciousness
a strange question came up:
"What am I looking forward to today?", with
an even stranger answer: "nothing"!
How could this be? The very fact that in English
there is no verb for "joy", like in German
& in Hebrew,
what does this teach? 'I feel joy or joyous', but
not 'ich freue mich', 'ani sameakh'!
And when I 'saw' nothing, I 'saw' that old woman on
my way to the bus-station.
Aren't most people: either steeped in labor and slavery
or they have nothing to do,
except to look "forward" to something? I then KNEW clearer than ever
before, that joy arises instantly from the
"yikhud" which I make -in any moment.
-between my consciousness and my feeling.
The first line of my song:
"I breathe and enjoy every
movement in my feeling"
or in Hebrew: "I sense and
celebrate every movement in my feeling", could be applied to the very
desire to FEEL JOY right now
and more specifically I could apply it to what I'll
code the Bet
Nehemya shame:
What have I done that causes me shame,
concerning my SMS to Efrat and the two letters to
Immanuel
and the fact, that they "simply" do not
answer or come in any contact with me?
More than the pain it is indeed the shame and feelings
of guilt,
which want to be embraced,
since it is a feeling pattern developed in this and
probably many lifetimes:
"I am always and forever to be blamed, I am never
okay" (Remember
the first book: "I'm Okay, you're Okay",
by Thomas Harris
which began - in 1972-
to make me aware of my lack of self-acceptance!)
I felt, then, I knew then, that
if I could truly embrace the very feeling,
without trying to "solve" the situation
which seems to cause the feeling,
then I would know not only joy, continuous joy, but
also love, continuous love,
and it would , as "New
Heart" says,
also empower my ability to attract the love from "another".
It is this acquired ability to let go of any desire
concerning an exteriorcircumstance as
the reason for my joy and love,
and instead to find joy in this moment ofunifying
YH with WH, Spirit and Will, which will change all I desire
to change
in the exterior world and in the people around me
and with me,
Oh if I only could hold on to this old-new understanding!
If I only could live this understanding
in every moment of feeling, sensing and thinking,
with the code"le-yakhed
YH with WH".
These are the letters,
with which I wanted to "correct", what I had "done
wrong",
though the feeling of having done something "wrong"
was only a projection.
Synchronicity
11:30
While recording the baraka-charisma-khibah tune above,
an SMS reaches me from Immanuel, my son, from the
Court in Tel-Aviv: "The agreement concerning
the transference of custody for Tomer
was confirmed".
I am sending back an SMS: "AMEN!"
Why this coincidence with my coping
with this exemplary incidence of "groundless"
SHAME,
which really is my shame of being in this world,
where I "only disturb", as I said when I
lacked the theory
of "triggering",
or where I am "the trigger
number one", as Tamir
once said.
So whatever I do, in order to make it easy for people,
leave alone to bring love and joy, it triggers people.
And if it doesn't in "reality", I project
it onto them from my big hole...
I've been suffering ever since I didn't get an answer
to my SMS to Efrat on Thursday, 14:20
It referred to the option, that they would rent a
house at Bet Nehemya,
which has only 4 rooms, while a fifth room would be
needed
once Tomer would join the family, the family which
also includes me.
Efrat had hinted to me, that I might live in a caravan
in the garden.
In order to emphasize that this was not only possible,
but could be accomplished without the expenses for
a caravan,
I sent an SMS: Bet Nehemya
If you release some judgments
and perhaps also some feelings have to be healed,
then you will be capable of allowing me to live in
my tent.
No answer came, instead came
SHAME.
This shame has kept wafting over me like an ever stronger
wind,
especially since after two letters
- phrased "innocently" so as to not make
my fear too conspicuous,
there was no answer, though my son always responds
to an e-mail.
What is the SHAME?
I cannot even pin it down.
What did I do that would make them
blame and make me feel shame?
That I "planned" something!
My planning and plans trigger my children intensely.
But wasn't the reason for "planning", that
it could have helped them
to decide that the house in Beit-Nehemia was right?
Yet - I interfered instead of waiting for them to
ask me!
I, as usual, wanted to make it easy and only made
it difficult!
Why didn't I trust them and trust "the Universe"?
Why did I regress to proposing my tent, when there
is no need for it? Did I want to make a statement:
"Look, my real life is in a tent?"
Or did I have a hidden hope
- after all this work yesterday
on The
Future of the Pyramidion -
that someone might "see" the pyramidal tent
and kick of the molecule
which eventually will become the avalanche of my Desert
Peace Vision?
In any case, why did I have to bring myself to the
front of the stage,
while Immanuel was probably much more worried
about the outcome of the Court's Custody decision
than about the house,
where Tomer could integrate into the trinity Immanuel-Efrat-Mika
without driving Efrat mad right from the start?
But by having written this last line, am I not saying,
that the Custody issue is tightly connected to the
House issue,
and that therefore my SMS
- which escaped me before I even knew what I was doing
-
was truly to the point and RELEVANT?. "Bet
Nehemya" : the house of God who comforts!
Still, this isn't at all my
point today,
and I felt the need to finetune to these exterior
circumstances
only because of the sudden SMS from Immanuel about
the Custody.
The point is that there is a lesson! the chance for
a training! A training in embracing
that overwhelming feeling of shame and also of fear
of blame.
However my children reacted
to my "Tent-Idea" for Bet Nehemya,
- my feeling of shame and fear of blame have nothing
to do with them! It's MY feeling of shame, it's
MY fear of blame,
and I must do nothing but accept and move it
and release all judgments about myselves
and most definitely about those whom I fear might
blame me.
Thank YOU for the tiny triangular
stone!
Though it's only on its way to become a three-dimensional
pyramid,
the fact that there is an inner brown triangle within
an outer whitish one,
fitting the bigger ones among the woven brown triangles
in the cloth,
gives me somehow comfort,
though my mind finds the connection between stone
and lesson absurd.
More Finetuning to my Present
When I came home from the noon-pool
and prepared my lunch, Immanuel called me, first by phone,
then by skype.
He shared the feelings of joy- about the end of a tedious
endless struggle to receive ABSOLUTE Custody over Tomer,
but he also mentioned the fears, which are such , that I cannot
write about them here...
Then he told - without any reference to my SMS and my letters
- that they visited that 4 room house at Bet Nehemya.
When the owner saw, that his house didn't suit them, he sent
them to another landlord at Bet Nehemya.
And lo - what a miracle! While they were searching for the
recommended house - which also turned out to be "not
right",
they saw a poster along the road: "a 5 room house with
a garden etc.", which belongs to a woman who lives in
Tel-Aviv.
They found the mother of this woman and learnt it would cost
6000 NIS! they were taken aback and tried to lower the price.
But their experience in and around Shoham taught them, that
the woman would have no difficulty to find people to pay that
price. "The mother liked us , but now
the daughter has to decide and needs time to think.
The house suits our needs perfectly and one even has a pretty
view from there,
and how this house let itself be found by us, gives me the
feeling, that it is where we'll live." When, if at all? What about breaking
the contract of the present flat? What about Mika's kindergarden
at Shoham?
Oh, so many problems and decisions are coming towards my children
now.
And I? "Did you get my letters? You usually
respond!"
"Was there something to respond?"
"Well, not really, now, that the caravan matter is no
longer relevant"... [A day later, I did find an opportunity
to mention, that I HAD - in the past- thought of my tent.
It was then, that I could see, that my fear was more than
a projection! The shame was justified.
For Immanuel reacted with excessive sharpness: "Under no circumstances will
you ever live in a tent where we live, don't ever mention
this again!"]
In any case - everything is alright now,
except the problem with my next assignment in Shoham:
Efrat was supposed to join her pilot-husband for a "quickie"
to Paris,
which would have meant, that I would travel to them already
tomorrow evening,
so as to take care of Mika from Tuesday morning 7 o'clock.
But an insect stung Efrat - to which she, as so often, reacted
with such allergy, that she needed antibiotica,
and those haven't helped yet.
So I pray, that she might get better,
- after the dread of the custody has become FINAL,
and before Immanuel will fly to Bangkok from Thursday to Sunday,
my daughter-in-love truly needs two days of time-out in Paris!
I had just typed "Paris!" when I got a call from
Immanuel: "Efrat wants to go to Paris in
any case, hoping, that her pain will recede until then." What a quick fulfillment of a desire,
a prayer!
So, it's clear now: I'll travel north again tomorrow!
And what is more, it's clear now, that Efrat will entrust
me with Mika for 2 days and 1 night!
In contrast to the joy which is
only dependent
on the moment-to-moment unification of YH with WH,
- of consciousness with feeling,
- of Spirit with Will,
I want to quote the poems by Fernando Pessoa, recited
by Lutz Goerner today.
Folge 132 -Fernando
Pessoa Teil 1
Als nächstes sollen sie einige Dichter vom südwestlichen
Rande Europas, aus Portugal kennenlernen.
Beginnen wir mit Álvaro de Campos.
Glücklich sind sie alle, weil sie nicht ich sind.
Doch Sonntag fahre ich wie die andern aufs Land.
Sonntag bin ich so glücklich wie sie.
Sonntag ...
Heute ist Donnerstag.
In einer Woche,
Die keinen Sonntag kennt.
Keinen Sonntag.
So geht das Leben vorbei.
Doch immer fahren die andern am Sonntag aufs Land!!
Welch großes Glück, nicht ich sein zu müssen!
Álvaro de Campos, der die Langzeile
gebraucht und Rhythmus und Reim vernachlässigt,
war Schüler von Alberto Caeiro, dem Meister, wie er genannt
wurde.
Sein Gegner war Ricardo Reis, der de Campos beschuldigt, schwere
Kunstfehler zu begehen.
Zu diesem Kreis gehört auch der ausschließlich
englisch dichtende Portugiese Alexander Search.
Aber wenn Ihnen das zu kompliziert ist, was ich da erzählt
habe, vergessen Sie diese vier Dichter,
denn alle vier sind sie Pseudonyme von Fernando Pessoa, dem
ersten modernen Dichter Portugals.
In Lissabon ist er 1888 geboren. In Südafrika ist er
zweisprachig aufgewachsen, da sein Stiefvater dort portugiesischer
Konsul war.
Mit 13 Jahren ist er zurück nach Portugal, nach Lissabon,
wo er bis zu seinem Tod als unscheinbarer Handelskorrespondent
gearbeitet hat.
So konnte er sich zwar ganz seinem Werk widmen,
aber so lebte er auch am Rande der Armut und am Rande der
europäischen Kunstwelt,
wodurch er aber einen ganz eigenen Stil entwickeln konnte.
Geschult, wenn überhaupt, an Walt Whitman.
Lisbon
revisited
Nein: ich will nichts.
Ich sagte schon: ich will nichts.
Kommt mir nur nicht mit Schlussfolgerungen!
Die einzige Schlussfolgerung heißt sterben.
Verschont mich mit allen Kunstdoktrinen!
Sprecht mir nicht von Moral!
Schafft mir die Metaphysik fort!
Zählt mir nicht die Eroberungen der Wissenschaft
auf!
(Der Wissenschaft, o mein Gott, der Wissenschaft!) –
Im übrigen bin ich verrückt und bin es mit
vollem Recht.
Mit vollem Recht, habt ihr verstanden?
Lasst mich um Himmels willen in Ruhe!
Wollt ihr mich alltäglich, nichtig, verheiratet,
steuerpflichtig?
Ich bin wie ich bin, lasst es gut sein!
Geht ohne mich zum Teufel
Oder lasst mich allein zum Teufel gehen!
Warum müssen wir denn gemeinsam gehen?
Packt mich nicht am Arm!
Ich mag es nicht, wenn man mich am Arm packt.
Ich will allein sein.
Ich sagte es schon: ich will allein sein.
Wie lästig, dass ich gesellig sein soll!
Das war wieder ein Gedicht von Álvaro
de Campos, den Fernando Pessoa, sein Schöpfer, so beschreibt:
»Álvaro de Campos
ist, wie Sie wissen, in Glasgow ausgebildeter Schiffsingenieur,
lebt aber heute untätig hier in Lissabon.
Physisch sollten sie sich Campos als den Typ des portugiesischen
Juden vorstellen, mit Monokel und glattem, gescheiteltem Haar.
Außerdem ist er 1,70 m groß, mager und geht gebückt.
Aber all das ist recht nebensächlich!«
Mitternacht
naht, und die Stille hebt an,
Überall
In den verschiednen Stockwerken des Lebens ...
Im dritten Stock verstummt das Klavier ...
Im zweiten Stock ist kein Schritt mehr zu hören
...
Im Erdgeschoss schweigt das Radio ...
Alles geht schlafen ...
Ich bleibe allein mit dem ganzen Weltall.
Ich will nicht ans Fenster gehen:
Wenn ich hinausschaue, so viele Sterne!
Welch großes Schweigen dort oben!
Lieber lausche ich einsam,
Mit dem Wunsche, nicht einsam zu sein,
Ruhelos auf die Straßengeräusche ...
Ein Auto – zu schnell! –
Doppelschritte, gesprächsvertieft ...
Alles geht schlafen ...
Ich allein wache und lausche schläfrig
Und hoffe auf irgendetwas,
Bevor der Schlaf kommt ...
Auf irgendetwas ...
Diese Grundstimmung durchzieht wie der Fado, der traurige
Gesang der Lissaboner Altstadt,
die Gedichte von Fernando Pessoa und seiner vier Pseudonyme,
die alle auf unterschiedliche
Weise mit Leben erfüllt sind, und die er durchlebt,
fast wie eine gespaltene Persönlichkeit.
Einmal schreibt er:
Wir alle haben zwei Leben:
Das wahre, das wir uns in der Kindheit erträumten
Und als Erwachsene manchmal weiterträumen auf Nebelgrund;
Und das falsche, das wir gemeinsam mit andern verbringen.
Das praktische, nützliche,
Das Leben, worin man uns schließlich in einen
Sarg legt.
Zu
seinen Lebzeiten ist kein einziges Buch mit seinen Texten
erschienen. Aber über 25.000 Manuskript-Fragmente
fand man nach seinem Tod in seiner Wohnung. Und man
fing an, sie zu drucken. Fing an sie zu lesen. Fernando
Pessoa wurde berühmt.
So berühmt, dass seine Gebeine 50 Jahre nach seinem
Tod
ins portugiesische Nationalheiligtum nach Belém,
dort wo die portugiesischen Könige begraben liegen,
überführt wurden.
Am Vorabend einer nie vollzogenen
Abfahrt
Braucht man zumindest nicht Koffer zu packen
Und auch keine Pläne zu machen.
Man braucht gar nichts zu tun
Am Vorabend der nie vollzogenen Abfahrt.
Große Stille,
Große Ruhe,
Große Freude, nicht unbedingt fröhlich sein
zu müssen.
Wie lange schon lebe ich
Das vegetative, nicht vom Willen gesteuerte Leben!
Stille, ja, Stille ...
Und tiefe Ruhe ...
Schlummere, Seele,
Nutz die Gelegenheit,
Schlummere!
An Leberzirrhose ist Fernando
Pessoa alkoholkrank
mit 47 Jahren, 1935, gestorben.
Und mit ihm seine Pseudonyme.
Now it's you who say, what I've been saying for so long:
"It was a good experience, though it is difficult to say
what can be achieved with this very sporadic involvement"
I say it again,
with sadness that there is no understanding between us:
It is of no use to "do" all this work "for people",
as long as there is
no self-acceptance, no self-esteem, no self-love,
in the receivers as well as in the givers.
There will always be "reversals"
(the term in Godchannel),
which may make things worse than they were before.
I don't say, that we should not have been doers, you and me.
It was a lesson we had to learn through yet another life-time.
But though you are 5 years younger than me,
I am grieved, that you - Magdalena -
rush on with your "sporadic involvements".
All the issues and people you mention -
of course you, we, care about them deeply.
But once we rule out - heal - our guilt
because of the world's suffering,
as well as our personal need for "helping"
and for "feeling fulfilled by acting and interacting",
we come to know,
that HEALING MYSELF into WHOLENESS,
i.e. into TOTAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE,
will - by extension ("each one is a hologram")
and intention ("thought creates energy") -
Accomplish what we desire for the World
- without guilt, without blame, without denial.
As to the dismantling of patriarchy, I'm
all for it,
but that Jesus saying [Mark
10, 29] must not be used for it.
It has been and still is leading people astray!
Beyond life we chose each other as family members,
because mainly in the mutual dependency of a family
can we do our work of growing and healing, if at all.
And by the way, talking about reversals,
I learnt,
that it is exactly the misunderstood "equality" in
a family,
which since the last 20 years keeps producing "tyrants"
in one third of the children , for instance in Germany!
As to the Gospel of Mary of Magdala, I've
heard quotes
but not seen the entire thing.
Please understand, I do not judge you.
But you and I also chose each other for a reason,
I, therefore, sometimes loose my patience and scream:
"When shall we be ready to work as co-creators?"
I came back from two weeks
in Nagaland, where i did work with Nalini and several groups
of friends. It was a good experience, though it is difficult
to say what can be achieved with this very sporadic involvement.
I visited your Healing Kiss website, by clicking on it where
you had put my article. You really did a lot of work on all
this.The thing you did not find was Sozialistischer Frauenbund.
I had translated this name into English, because the German
cannot be understood.I was also puzzled to see that this interview
was loaded down from some website of Aruna Gnanadason, with
whom i am not at all in touch.The photographs show Ilina Sen,
whose husband was in the jail now for one year (on 14th May),
but he is out of the solitary confinement and he's getting lots
of awards while in jail, because he is an alumnus of Vellore
Hospital College and those Medicos are extremely well connected.Some
Nobel price winners have also written letters to get him out
and generally, there was very good mobilisation going on.Ilina
and the children will go to the US the end of the week to collect
another award and put some international pressure on this case.
There was a very nice progamme Artists for Freeing Binayak Sen
on the 14th May in Delhi, with good music and poems and Arundhati
Roy making one of her poignant speeches.I'll also send you an
interview with Ilina, which was published in Mainstream and
which was also published in Hindi, Tamil and Malayalam. It will
give you an idea how absurd this case really is. But i think
the government feels the heat now and it all becomes a bit embarrassing.
We have also made some headway regarding preventing
the dismantling of the Manual Labourers Act in Tamil Nadu, one
of the most progressive legislations in the country. The government
will not give the workers registration over to the revenue department.
The Labour Boards will be retained.It means with enormous struggles
since March 3,08 in all the districts, we have had a minor victory.This
is very important for the larger struggle for comprehensive
legislation for unorganised sector workers at the na
tional level.
The other photo was taken in Varanasi and shows
Alli, Gita's daughter (who became a mother of a very sweet and
energetic daughter recently). She is a lawyer. At that time
we immersed the ashes of her Grandfather SRK in the Ganga, because
he once studied in Benares Hindu University.He was a very well
known communist. The boy standing with us i cannot identify.It
could be Maju from Trivandrum, who is now in slum struggles
in Mumbai, but it's not quite clear to me.
I did not quite manage do figure out who all
the young people on your initial photos were (your star children).
I hope to be able to get into your website some other time.Right
now i have to catch up with all the backlog accumulated in my
absence. Then i go to Trivandrum for a Discussion of friends
celebrating Nalini's sixtieth Birthday (which was last December).
Straight after this, we will have the Tamil Nadu NAPM conference,
and then we travel to Kushinagar in Uttar Pradesh, which is
actually the place where the Buddha died. It is now a famous
religious site where all sorts of Buddhist institutions from
Thailand, Sri Lanka, Burma, Japan and God knows who else, are
all trying to make
tourist business. They are grabbing land from the poor. There
is a struggle against a big Buddha statue going on, because
of the land problem, and our conference has the slogan "The
Buddha is Rising with People's Movements". This is to undo
some of the rightist capturing of Buddhist history. E.g. the
Pokhran nuclear blast was done under the code name "The
Buddha is Smiling".There were very good posters in the
movement wit the caption "The Buddha would not have Smiled".
It always exasperates me a bit how very unterbelichtet
you are regarding some of the feminist analysis. So let me just
say that what you said, dear Jesus, regarding the new family,
was really quite intelligent.You have done enough damage addressing
God as FATHER ALL THE TIME, THOUGH YOU KNEW VERY WELL ABOUT
THE WISDOM TRADITION. Obviously, nobody here is objecting against
fathers looking after children and all that stuff which belongs
to the production of life. But patriarchy, the rule of the pater
familias over the slave household, as it still permeates the
institutions of society,and of religions, for that matter, definitely
needs to be dismantled, as it contributes to so much exploitation,
violence and warfare. There has been an enormous amount of publication
on all this, also on how patriarchy has permeated Science and
Technology and how it is at the root of ecological desaster,-
i can't start to go into the details of it. But two very well
known titles are Vandana Shiva: Staying Alive and Carolyn Merchant:
The Death of Nature.
Anyway, this is a bad note to end on, because
it is likely to trigger you again and then we can go on
along these lines forever, which won't lead us anywhere.So you
can as well forget this, or silently meditate over it before
you jump again.By thr way, have you ever looked into the Gospel
of May of Magdala as published by Karen L.King? It is really
very interesting.
I am closing and getting back to my office.
Love and solidarity, Gabriele
....You are invited today to
explore these 9 agreements.
Pay attention to your feelings, bodily sensations,
Stacey Robyn and the ground crew of Go Gratitude
Nine Agreements for Co-Creating through the
Higher Laws of Love and Gratitude:
1. I agree that
a world of Love and Gratitude begins with me.
I choose to be a conscious mirror and model
of the change I wish to see in the world.
2. I agree to consciously
set an intention for
manifesting something miraculous in my life --
every day and in every way.
3. I agree to tap
into Gratitude on a daily basis
and as much as possible in every waking moment.
I know that the rewards of doing so
flow through and extend beyond me,
strengthening the collective field of Gratitude
from which we may all derive benefit.
4. I agree to be
a consistently uplifting inspiration in all my interactions.
I commit
to see and mirror back the greatness of each soul
who crosses my path.
I choose to discover and nurture the light within
so that it may shine forth to others and magnify their
life.
Rising Gratitude
5. I agree to honor
each individual's right
to choose their own belief system and life path.
6. I agree to be
open to both give and receive
within my local and global community.
In all my dealings,
I seek win-win, mutually edifying interactions and
transactions.
7. I agree to be
my word in my exchanges with others.
I realize that my personal influence is magnified
to the degree
I am able to keep my word with myself and others.
If something comes up and I decide to change what
I had agreed upon,
then I agree to make that communication as soon as
possible
to the affected party.
8. I agree to love
and enjoy my life as much as possible!
9. And, last but certainly not least, I agree to be Grateful
for ME!
Arnon: "You promised me a birthday-talk!"
Since it wasn't certain, that we would have the time to do this
in the circle of the others, we simply sat on a rock and started.
His Abba and Imma had taken him alone - without his sister -
to a restaurant, after his 12th birthday
on June 12 -
in order to talk to him about this new year,
which would lead up to his Bar-Mitzvah
on June 12, 2009.
"Imma says, if someone doesn't intend to keep the Mitzvot,
then it doesn't matter, at what age he celebrates his growing-up." "Do you know the origin of this tradition
- to celebrate the Bar-Mitzvah at the age of 13?
It is, I think, because Abraham's son from Hagar was 13,
when Abraham and Yishma'el were circumsized together!" Genesis
17: 23-27
And from there I continued - without having been asked....: ["Grandma is available, but never takes
the initiative, hey!!"] "Some rituals should be followed
because of the solidarity with our people." Since he didn't know, what solidarity
was
[nor that the name of my book is "Solidarity
with the Sufferers"],
I explained how the term came into being, as I believe
- with the laborers being exploited in the 19th century like
slaves,
and how people stood up and encouraged each other
to appear united against the employers,
instead of each seeking his private interest with the boss,
often at the expense of his co-workers.
Arnon found an example in his school-life - pupils against teachers.
He followed me that far, but then I talked to him about Leon
Pinsker,
and how after the pogroms of 1881 (this term I had to explain
too...)
he learnt to accept that he was a Jew,
though before he had preached assimilation (explanation...).
And that he was not religious as were none of the first Zionists.
But they felt they had to stand up as Jews for themselves
and not longer wait for a Messiah to rescue them,
nor for the heathen to receive them into their rangs.
{I now found this part phrased well in "A
Time of Fruition": Zionism, in
its original sense, means "Jewish Self-Determination".
The physician
Leon Pinsker, who
all his life had advocated "assimilation",
was so shocked by a Russian pogrom in the eighties of the
19th century,
that he left Odessa, escaped to Berlin, hid in an attic, and
wrote
" AUTO-EMANCIPATION":
" Until when shall
we make ourselves dependent on the Messiah's redemption?
For how long shall we implore the nations to accept us as
part of humankind?"]
And he, Arnon, therefore should use
this year to understand,
why he is a Jew and what it means to him.
I mentioned Yael's "Journey"
several times,
but to my surprise he mumbled,
that he found it strange, "too
grownup",
Nor does he want to "go up to the
Torah", see
"parashah" in "search"
as Yael or her
brother Jonathan did, "it doesn't talk to me",
which is Hebrew slang for: it doesn't
interest me.
This too surprised me.
Nor did my speech about solidarity and Pinsker and sovereignty
make sense to him.
At least, he couldn't say that he liked it or understood it.
And when I voiced: "well, I seem to not know you really,
Arnon, please share with me..." he couldn't say a word,
he had tears in his eyes,
and I saw that I had "done it again", overwhelmed
him.
And when I wanted to sidetrack him to the plan of a "birthday
-talk with grandma"
12 thanksgivings about his life so far, and 3 dreams about
the future,
he said in a timid way:"But
I said already 10 thanksgivings,
when we had that talk on my10th birthday,
so I would have to add only two more." I hugged him warmly and let go of my
questioning, my pressure.
But I am truly bewildered as to my not "reading him"
correctly!
Am I projecting wishful thinking?
These photos above are mine, the photos below
are Rotem's
and again - and obviously,
since Rotem is part of the game -
my photos
Ayelet and Itamar came back,
surprised that I wasn't angry.
Under the rising full moon:
three cousins,
a daughter of each of my 3 children...
A closeup of the three sitting,
while in the background
the other three are waiting for us
- to go home to Mika's house.
See
tomorrow the last composition of experiences&images
of the Grandma-Day with the Six on June
17
