The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'

pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"





re-edited between July 13 and September 16, 2013 -
with an addition about my present thinking/feeling/living ,
sculpted during the weeks before my 75th birthday on August 15, 2013

"I   am   a   pioneer   of   Evolution  in   learning - to - feel !!!"

My PH.D.-Thesis, 1966-1982, delivered in Hebrew to the Jerusalem University 1972
Original Theme,1966 : The Concept of VICARIOUS SUFFERING as an ANSWER to INNOCENT SUFFERING
(i.e. my coping with the holocaust).
Final Hebrew Title 1972: "The  PERCEPTION    of    SUFFERING    and    SOLIDARITY    with the    SUFFERERS
in the Thought of the Jewish Sages from the time of the second Commonwealth till the End of the Talmudic Era"
(i.e. in Bible, Apocryphes, Qumran, New Testament, Talmud, Midrash)

Title of the German Book 1978    (Rachel Rosenzweig)
Solidaritaet mit den Leidenden im Judentum
"Solidarity with the Sufferers in Judaism"

Title of the Hebrew Book 1982 (Rachel Bat-Adam)
"kol yisrael 'arevim zeh la-zeh"
"All Israel are guarantors for each other"

See the overview of "MY BOOK" in the context of "MY LIFE's HARVEST"

"All Israel are Guarantors for Each Other"
Maryam, alias Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam, married Rachel Rosenzweig, born Eva-Maria-Christa Guth

Etrog, Myrtle, Date, and Willow
-- these are Israel!
Knowing and doing do exist or do not
-- these are Israel!
They shall make one union - Israel!
They will atone for each other -Israel!
An ancient psalm was given to the nation!
A redeeming psalm also for the World!
Without leaves- there won't be grapes!

The Cross: my old belief in struggling!
The Etrog: my rejoicing in fulfillment!

Click and hear my song created in December 2008,
based on the metaphor of "The Four Species,
connected to the Succot-Festival and the motto of my book:

Each is special, UNIQUE , but none is preferable!
Only by integrating, coalescing into ONE UNION
can we LIVE and LOVE in zest and full-fill-ment

and Links to all chapters

Scanned Pages of the German Book and the Hebrew Book           

I marked names and quotations to convey the message:

"Whoever says something in the name of the person who said it,
brings redemption to the world"
[Avot 6,6 & Siddur]
red: Hebrew Bible and New Testament
orange-filled: Qumran, Apocrypha, Talmud&Midrash
green: other names, mainly of modern researchers

On this website each "bundle" [of pages in the paper-books] begins with the overview of all parts of the books.
Titles in blue refer to the content on the page you open.    Titles in grey refer to the rest of the books' titles

Bundle 1 / g10-15 / h28-34
Bundle 2 / g15-19 / h34-38
Bundle 3 / g20-27 / h39-47
Bundle 4
/ g27-30 / h47-49
Bundle 5 / g30-35 / h50-55
Bundle 6 / g35-47 / h55-66
Bundle 7 / g47-53 / h67-72
Bundle  8  / g 53-  56  / h 72- 75
Bundle  9  / g 59 -  65 / h 78- 84
Bundle 10
/ g 65- 68  / h 84- 87
Bundle 11 / g 69- 77  / h 87- 95
Bundle 12
/ g 77- 83 / h 95-101
Bundle 13 / g85- 96 / h105-116
Bundle 14
/g100-110 /h117-127
Bundle15 /g111-120 / h128-138
Bundle 16
/g121-130 / h139-147
Bundle 17/g130-138 / h147-154
Bundle 18/g138-148 / h154-163
Bundle 19
/g148-153 / h163-168
Bundle 20/g155-166 / h171-182
Bundle 21
/g166-176 / h182-191
Bundle 22 /g176-187 / h191-201
Bundle 23 /g189-200 / h203-215
Bundle 24 /g201-210 / h215-225
Bundle 25 /g210-222 / h225-237
Bundle 26 /g226-233 / h240-247
Bundle 27 /g233-245 / h247-259
Bundle 28
/g248-262 / h261-274

2002_09_17, a day after Yom-Kippur, 3 days before Succot ; last updates: 2009_07_11; 2013-07-13--08-14

After the exit of Yom-Kippur I saw a German documentary: "Hunting Scenes from South Spain"!
about a "Crystal-Night", a raid by the masses against "Moros", guestworkers from Marokko and Algeria,
in the Spanish province Almeria around the town Aljido, in February 2000, with the police standing idly by.
"One man has killed a woman out of jealousy, and many thousands of his kind are persecuted on his behalf."

This phenomenon among human beings
expressed in that ancient Jewish proverb is the title of my book:
"All Israel are guarantors for each other",
i.e. - are held responsible for each other.
My research shows,
how victimhood (I'm held responsible) is transformed
into mastership (I am responsible, I take responsibility).

When I walked down my path, back from my collapsed figtree, the next morning,
I had another breakthrough or "break-back".
"Start scanning both editions of your main book, the Hebrew and the German one,
without worrying about an English translation!"

It's time to integrate my full identity, which is German and Jewish/Israeli,
and my own languages, which are German and Hebrew
indicated in the names "Eva Maria Christa Guth" and "Rachel Rosenzweig"
with a seemingly additional identity, which I adopted for "God is Evolving",
the identity of Maryam, who writes in English.
"Seemingly" - for my twofold nationality and my universality are already One
in the surname I chose in 1981: "Bat-Adam", "Daughter of Hu/Man".


May I, the foreigner to the English language, be forgiven for inventing some new words
in order to convey the message expressed in the main Hebrew terms:

like "mastership" [ribbonut], the contrary of "victimhood" [qorbanut],

The main problem is with the translation of the noun
in the ancient proverb, which is the title of the Hebrew book.

When my husband translated the summary of my thesis in 1972,
he finally came up with a certain term, which - as I see today - is no equivalent at all.
With "Roget's Thesaurus" and "Babylon" - English-Hebrew, German-English - at hand today,

I now -
2002_09_19 - decided
to translate
'arev as "being a guarantor"
'arevut as "guarantorship",

and not to use verbs like: "to vouch for", or "to pledge", or nouns like: "warranty" or "surety"
because I cannot derive from them "vouchers" or "pledgers".
The verb "to guarantee" on the other hand has too many additional meanings to be an equivalent.

For the word in Hebrew can have an intransitive, even passive meaning:
"I am a guarantor,
i.e. I am held responsible for something that was done by someone else."

or an active meaning:
"I am a guarantor,
i.e. I take responsibility for preventing something from being done by someone else."

I still need to derive a new word: "guarantorship".
For the word "suretyship" is too confined as a legal term.

2002_09_18 ; last update: 2003_06_03

The Source of the Concept of "guarantor" and "guarantorship":
Juda, Josef and Benjamin

The noun 'arevim is derived from the verb,
which Juda, one of the 12 sons of Jacob, uses twice in the story of "Joseph and his brothers".
This story, on which I wrote a paper in Jerusalem in 1961, always moves me to tears.

Yehuda is to become the one
who will give the Hebrews, the Israelites their later name:
"Juden" in German.

I believe, there is deep meaning in how this story lets Juda,
who is the fourth son, not the firstborn, evolve into a leader:

Josef, formerly sold into slavery by the brothers , recognizes them,
when they come to buy grain in Egypt
at a time of famine in their own country, Canaan.
He demands from them to bring their youngest brother with them,
if they ever want to buy food again.
Jacob, who still mourns for his favorite son, assumed to be dead,
refuses to let Benjamin go.

It's then, that Yehuda steps forward and says:

"Send the lad with me,
and we will arise and go,
that we may live and not die,
so we, so you, so our little-ones
I will act as his pledge
[the whole sentence is one word, ae'aervaennu, from the root "arav"]
at my hand you may seek him!
If I do not bring him back to you
and set him in your presence,
I will be culpable-for-sin against you all the days
(to come).
[Genesis 43,9, translation of Everett Fox, s. "wholeness of the Bible"]

On their way back from Egypt,
Josef sends his servants to catch up with them
and to blame them for having stolen Josef's silver goblet.
The goblet is found in Benjamin's pack
(where Josef had ordered to put it secretly).

This is their test!
Will they betray, abandon, extradite, sell a brother again?

Since I now possess the translation of Fox, I'll scan Yehuda's second speech in full,
a speech to the powerful Deputy of Pharao, his disguised brother Josef [Gn 44].
It shows clearly, how Yehuda becomes an 'arev, a guarantor, in the active sense:


2002_10_05; last update; 2003_06_03

I marked names and quotations to convey the message:

"Whoever says something in the name of the person who said it,
brings redemption to the world"
[Avot 6,6 & Siddur]
red: Hebrew Bible and New Testament
orange-filled: Qumran, Apocrypha,
Talmud and Midrash
green: other names, mainly of modern researchers

Emphasizing so many individual names and quoting so many other people
demonstrates the main message of my study:
The Biblical and Talmudic literature is overflooding with personal names of individuals,

which contrasts sharply
with the ghastly hierarchical community of Qumran,
which they called the "Yakhad", Togetherness,
and which left us not a single personal name
of a "yakhid", "an individual".
The "yekhidim", the individuals, who composed that community,
may forgive me for judging their hypocrite "Yakhad" so harshly.
Know that I am grateful for the contrast
which your false "Yakhad" provides.,
So far we all learn best by contrasting and polarizing.

Israel's Sages even had an expressive principle for quoting,
expressed both in negative and in positive form:

"Whoever says something
not in the name of the one who said it,
has killed a soul."
"Whoever says something
in the name of the person who said it,
brings redemption to the world


I set out to understand the suffering of innocent individuals
I soon was led to understand the dependency of the individual on his/her community.
And I ended up in understanding, how from this dependency follows the individual's uniqueness.

A Biblical and a Talmudic episode about Moses may exemplify this:
Moses had liberated the Hebrews from external slavery in Egypt
and led them to the desert to make them grow towards internal freedom.

Instead, time and again, (the Torah mentions 7 times), the slaves wanted to return to the meat pots in Egypt.
Moses feels unfit and depressed to death,
until God shows him 70 elders to help him carry the burden.
He gathers them around the Tent of Appointment, so God would take from his spirit and give it unto them.
Two of them, Eldad and Medad, did not come to the Tent, but started to prophesy outside, in the camp.
Josua, later a leader himself, but then a sheepish assistant, projects on Moses his own fear for his honor:

"My lord Moses, imprison them!"
It's then that Moses rises to his full stature and says:
"Is it for my sake, that you are jealous?
Who'd give, that all HIS people were prophets!"

[Numeri 11]

see this song about "My three Peers" in Song-Game 2007

On April 20, 2012, Meirav Meidan told me the interpretation of Rashi to
"imprison them" - "kal'em"
"hatêl alehem tzorkhê ha-tzibbur ve-hem kalim me-atzmam"
"put on them the needs of the public and by themselves they perish"

A Talmudic story depicts another incident of slavish behavior.
In this case God told depressed Moses,
that he would destroy the people once and for all.
Moses jumps to his feet and defies God himself:

"zae talui bi"
this depends on ME!"


2002_10_19; last update: 2003_06_03

The immense endeavor to facilitate convenient navigation
concerning the spreading of my books on the Internet
drags me deeper and deeper into that old research.
And often I emerge and glare with new wonder.

Isn't this root 'arav of the noun 'arev mystical?

The words 'ivrim', Hebrews and 'aravim, Arabs,
have the same 3 consonants "ayin, beth/veth, resh",
in both Semitic languages, Arabic and Hebrew,
except that in 'arav the latter two are inverted.
'ivrim comes from the word "to pass", "to move beyond",
and 'aravim from a root, that has produced many meanings;
among them "evening/west" and "steppe", desert like land.

For the word to mean guarantor, it has to be pronounced 'arev in the singular,
and until now I never doubted that in the plural it must be pronounced 'arevim.
But since books are usually not equipped with the kind of dots that indicate vocals,
the title of my Hebrew book can be easily read as :
"All Israel are Arabs - 'aravim - to each other".

In fact, some time after the publication of the Hebrew book,
Khaled, an Arab journalist, called me and asked for a copy.
He said with admiration:
"That you would write such a book!"
I sent him to the shop and never heard a word from him.
It dawned on me then, how he must have read the title.
I ached - imagining his shame and his disappointment.

Now I came across a note in my books saying,
that, in fact, the correct plural of
'arev is 'aravim,
but the wrong usage - 'arevim - is too ingrained.

What does this mean?

2002_10_21; 8 o'clock in the morning - Just look at today's 'deja vu'!

and Links to all chapters






While re-reading pages in my archive, I came across this passage in my letter,
which I wrote to Abraham Margaliot, the only one who had turned to me by his own initiative
after my lecture in the Jerusalem University, in March 1973, about the theme of my thesis.


I also discovered a letter from Prof. Ernst Akiba Simon,
a pupil of Franz Rosenzweig and a friend of our family,
in which he wrote:

"What secularization, that I wouldn't be able to accept, are you talking about?
In the words I read
[probably in the "English Summary"], I couldn't find any such secularization.
[Rachel] made dwell (the same root as 'shechina') the Shechina in her appointed place,
which is in the impurity of the camp
[of the Hebrew slaves during their 40 desert years]!"

This sentence was first of all an acknowledgement of my stunning discovery
of God's Solidarity with the Sinner
(which is very different from the Christian ideology about "Atonement",
i.e. God had to send his own son to suffer as an atonement for our sins)

See "All Israel are Guarantors for Each Other">bundle 24:


THIRD     P A R T :

Second Chapter: The Identification with the Sinner

1. The identification of the emissary with the sinning community

  a) Moses' solidarity with the sinners
     b) HIS Servant

  c) Refusing solidarity with the sinners
     d) God's identification with the sinners

As I read Simon's sentence, written in 1973, in the year 2009,
"You made dwell the Shechina in her appointed place,
which is in the impurity of the camp !"

I see better than before,
that the Shechina's solidarity with the sinners,
is a notion which comes close to
"Loving Light is truly worthy of the title 'God.'
It is Light that's willing to somehow find its way ~
to dwell with the Mother and her most painful realities in
[see Godchannel, "Awareness" , quoted in puzzle piece 54: Light's way to dwell in Hell]

except that according to the understanding of that Midrash and of Simon,
God or I have to descend to the Hell of the people, "the camp",
while in Godchannel it is the Shechina, The Mother, God's Feeling aspect, who is herself in Hell.

[See the blessing + my tune - of Uniting The-Holy-One-Blessed-Be-He with his Shechina at the bottom of each of the AUschwitz-BirkenAU pages]

As I now insert that chapter about the Shechina-in-their-impurity,
though a translation into English is still missing
tears come to my eyes...

and Links to all chapters








 From this day, July 11, 2013 onward - - - - till August 27
- before and after my 75th birthday on August 15, 2013
I was being jolted into re-understanding my vocation:
All my former goals since the ages of 7, 13, 27, 50, 67,
were meant to create training-grounds for becoming:

a   pioneer   of    Evolution    in    learning-how-to-feel.

It is fitting, that I could squirm myself towards this understanding not in a linear way.
And so now - on Yom-Kippur 2013 - on the 17th FELT day of the next 15 FELT years,
  I want to collect, harvest and savor the fruits as they ripened - as - insights-in-stages,
just like the fruits of my pomegranate-tree have been ripening since July 11 till now!
[2013-10-05- Today I peeled the last pomegranate- and ate/drank it (from the blender! because of my temporary dentures).
Since July 11 , I ate one fruit every day - many of them were not "whole", of course - but also Ofir's friend picked about 20 fruits
and when Tamir's family visited and little Re'i was so enthusiastic about eating fruits from the tree, we picked another 20

This spring-flower (kova' nazir/monk's cress) photographed by me in 2003, decided to blossom (in a planter) now, in Arad, in August-Sept. 2013!!!

July 16-August 15, 2013 [my 75th birthday]:
My endeavor to once again re-phrase my vocation
inspired by experiences and by re-studying my book
"kol Yisrael arevim zae la-zae"

My progression from the term "vicariousness" to the term "pioneership":
I am a pioneer of Evolution in learning how to feel
The thinking-feeling here has to be complemented by the parallel thinking-feeling in "Waking the Tiger"


[I've re-written these passages so often, that I forgot when I first phrased them,]

The decision to add the numbers of the pages in the two paper-books,
scanned and inserted in 2002, forces me to read them.
This is a "Driving Backward" of the first order.
Until the inserting of the books (which took half a year, every day half an hour)
I could never bring myself to seriously read,
what I had written, neither in German nor in Hebrew.
Shame and pain were keeping me away.
Shame, because I might not like my creation.
[2013: I like it so much, that I can't believe I, my persona, created this!]
Pain, because my creation was not received.
[2013: This no longer pains me even as a persona, since I know who I am!]
Except for 3 feedbacks to the German book (2 positive, 1 negative)
no reaction ever reached me.

The Hebrew book was not even read , leave alone received, by the man I loved:
"Too many quotations! As if you had nothing to say on your own accord."
And this despite my immense effort to read and grasp his own thesis/book.
He believes, that no one but him has really understood Immanuel Kant so far.
I even invested many hours in trying to translate it from Hebrew into German,
hoping, that in this way I might grasp sentence after sentence and the message.
I had to give up.

But my book is intelligible for an average educated person, isn't it?

I had believed, my books would "make a difference" in the world.
Even now, I fear being judged for having indulged in such illusions.
And the desillusion right now causes me to sob and sob and sob.

Before sleep I zapped into an Hebrew interview with an Israeli woman.
Tsippi Fleischer has composed several operas.
Her "Cain&Hevel" is about to be performed in front of a small audience.

"It takes one hundred years, until new music becomes digestible for the audience,"
Franz Rosenzweig, my father-in-law, wrote some time before he died in 1929:
"I'll open my mouth only posthumously", i.e. after my death.
But I, Rachel, don't believe, that humankind will last for another 100 years,
if the message of Judaism, as distilled in my book, is not applied NOW.

July 16-August 1, 2013

Who was this human being, Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam, who sobbed,
because she was "not

During our last encounter in her home - on July 5, 2013 -
Mika, my tenth and youngest grandchild, now 7 1/2, said:

"Do you know, that nobody enters your website ever?"

Though I was not hurt - having heard this "inquiry" so many times -
Mika suddenly had the impression that, indeed, I was hurt,
and this was not what she wanted, she who feels with other people like I do.
Even after I had made it clear to her, that I understand people's difficulty,
and that what I need to teach - and exemplify in my own living - ,
will reach them in another way,
she carried some guilt with her, as I realized in other contexts.

In the poem to my 70th birthday, which Efrat, her mother, created in 2008,
adapted to the song for the 60th birthday of the State of Israel,
it is said
"she knows how to loose" .

On a personal level, this is true. But this is not the point.

Already as a pupil I used to say:
"It is not relevant, WHAT someone says and be it the wisest thing on earth,
what is relevant, is WHO says something and be it the dumbest thing on earth."

Later I've asked myself innumerable times concerning "successful" people:

what did s/he do that I didn't do to become "someone who is received"?
I wanted to be received not so much as a person, but as a "messenger".
That's why I invested such superhuman endeavor in what I came to call:
"my tragic Petioning" and "my tragic Partneroring"

Slowly, slowly I understood, that I was NOT MEANT to be "someone",
because I was NOT MEANT to succeed in my doing in the exterior world.
Had I succeeded with my superhuman investment in my marriage,
my superhuman investment in learning Arabic , and not only Hebrew
(in addition to learning English, Latin, Greek, French, Swedish, Russian, Spanish),
my superhuman investment in the 3 stages of publishing my book,
my superhuman investment in my "Partnership" work in the seventies,
or in the realization of my Desert-Economy Vision
in the Negev of Israel, in the Sinai of Egypt, at the Red Sea of Israel and Jordan,
at the Dead Sea of Israel and Palestine, and with the Bedouins of the Zealots' Valley,

I would have forfeited my calling,
I would have failed to focus on

becoming a pioneer of Evolution in learning to feel. 

All my "doing-creating-teaching" for "saving Israel and the World",
were "only" circumstances, were only training-grounds
in which to learn and understand, train and train and train more
to become capable of putting to beneficial, effective, not damaging , use
what has been my talent and skill to begin with:
understanding humans and identifying with all they are and do and suffer.

[Once I quoted the French:
"tout comprendre c'est tout pardonner"'
"to comprehend everything means to pardon everything",

my husband went out of his mind in reproaching me for "such a dangerous idea".]

What people and peoples do or miss to do = "sins" in the ancient belief,
and what people/peoples suffer = "punishment" in the ancient belief,
is the dire result of their incapability to feel!
There must stand up one wo/man and say:
this is my task, my only, though overwhelming, vocation:
to feel~vibrate~womb~understand what people cannot feel,
don't even know they don't feel,
don't want to feel,
judge or find ridiculous what they feel in many situations,
should they even become aware of it for a moment.

In the spiral of growing and understanding
I've reached another level - exactly a year ago...:
I've just one task: to redeem Lost Will and dissolve Guilt
(see the song at the entry of the Intro-page to Healing-K.i.s.s.)
or - in a metaphor, that was deeply relevant concerning Ya'acov-
to open the holes in the harmonica, which are blocked by cement
- i.e. denied feelings, denied needs, denied qualities, denied greatness, -
so that they can play the full musical scala of their being.

See what I wrote on April 26,2013

* And yet , I am responsible for all the perpetration
as well as all the empowerment.
It is not enough to know that "others create their reality",
for the "others" are me!
And as long as someone else creates victimhood for him/herself ,
I know, that Lost Will is still not redeemed.
It is the task of me - and hopefully of millions of others - to redeem Lost Will,
so that not 1-3 of the 10 holes of the harmonica will sound, but all ten,
which are so far blocked
, cemented by Lost Will ,
i.e. denied feelings, despised qualities, overridden needs, dwarfed greatness.

See 2013 songs April Nr.3
"I love my life", which I completed creating and learning today .


At the beginning of this month, July 2013,
the task became even more concise:
I'm here to become
I am a pioneer in the evolution of the Will-Body aspects of Deity.

I'm like that first creature, billions of years ago,
that made its move from water to land.
Just as - from there - evolution took a quantum leap,
it is vital for our very survival,
that evolution will take this quantum leap:

When I came this far - in the last 2 weeks
(see my consciousness-work at the end of July 11 in 2008/2013, )
I re--remembered my book - my research in 3 stages, from 1967-1982 -
and that Israel's ancestors - 2500 till 1500 years ago, had known it "all".
This may be the deepest reason for the more than weird fact,
that Israel is still alive, and more alive than ever.

Through the immense work of my Mind concerning the old Jewish sources
as well as
through the intense work of my Feeling concerning the "modern" Holocaust
I understood the "concept" and the fact of
"Mutual Guarantorship" and "Solidarity"
and as a consequence
"Responsibility of the individual
[yakhid] for the community [yakhad]."
[August 1, 2013: Perhaps this is everyone's "PIONEERSHIP"?????]
But it seems to me now,
that I did not fully grasp the concept of "Vicariousness"
or why did it take me so many decades to understand,
that this is all I have to "do", and that it is ALL that can be "done":
and not only
"to heal myself into wholeness and by extension all of Creation"-
or in the version above each of the 1400 pages of Healing-K.i.s.s.
"to heal myself into wholeness and - as a hologram - all of Creation"-

Feeling~moving~understanding "vicariously" is, perhaps, the same idea,
and yet - I now feel, that something is different!
it's not: first become whole yourself, then everybody else will become whole,
it is: not "then", in some far future,
It is NOW, in this present feeling which I feel vicariously for all.

That more wholeness will come out of it - is my hope, but it's not my business.
And to make this more palpable, more concrete, more physical,
I've been "afflicted" with Ya'aqov-Israel's paining, limping hip.
Both, the pain, and the necessity to move slowly, if at all,
remind me of hatzne'a lekhet - vicariously, NO! AS A PIONEER!
with no goal, not even the goal of wholeness.

"Feeling with" - "mitfuehlen" in German - has been my nature ever since.
And though I was judged for it (by Franz Rosenzweig's physician Dr. Prager, for instance)
and often ridiculed or even reprimanded for it ("you destroy yourself")
I held onto this "quality" of my 'persona'.
But since I didn't know, that feelings have to be vibrated physically
in order to heal and in order to show the way and in order to "open the harmonica",
I was really destroying myself and rarely helping anybody else, or so it seems to me.

Now that I have come full circle, back to my book and back to my very nature,
I can move my Mitgefuehl, just as much as any other feeling with each breath!
I do this vicariously -NO! AS A PIONEER! -
for whoever cannot yet feel~vibrate~womb~understand his/her feeling.

Does this make sense?

I longed for an image When it appeared,
the song to it appeared too
(2013 Songs, May, Nr. 6, 3rd stanza, s. another song about a "cypress", though this here is a fir?)

l must say it again and again:
"to feel vicariously" does NOT mean to "suffer vicariously".
The suffering of many kinds is the consequence of NOT feeling at the right time.
It is the result of ignoring, denying, repressing or simply not caring for a feeling.
It's the result of not taking myself seriously, not accepting, not loving myself.

And I - that is God!

The horrid concept of suffering/dying vicariously has caused havoc
ever since Jesus, the Jewish "messiah", and up to Edith von Stein, the Jewish nun .
The people, for whom this Jew was crucified -
not only did they not feel redeemed,
on the contrary, they only felt their "sinning" more intensely.
For if "God" has to sacrifice his own son for our sins,
how gigantic must this sin be!
What was (is?) just as terrible a consequence, is
that people found a justification for acting out the evil
that attached itself to their Lost Will, i.e. their denied shame and guilt,
and persecuted>tortured>slaughtered millions and millions of Jews over the ages.

"Feeling vicariously" and of course "moving = vibrating" this feeling physically,

means to feel whatever people still cannot allow themselves to feel,
because it's too pain-or shameful,
or because they are not skilled in feeling it,
since they - up to now - do not train their feeling,
like they train their minds and their bodies.
[see my term "imun-regesh" = training of feeling in "Search"]

I never understood, what Jesus' error was,
that caused his followers to interpret the "suffering servant" in Isaiah chapter 53
as a prophecy of his death and as an interpretation of the task of his death.
I've learnt by heart Isaiah 53 already as a child in German and later in Hebrew,
Towards my PH.D. I've read many dozens of books about it,
I finally put most of the song into a tune and use to sing it often.
It's about time, that I understand
how the horrid misunderstanding of "vicarious suffering" infested people's beliefs,
and get to the root of the concept of "feeling vicariously".
NO! of being a pioneer of feeling~vibrating~wombing~
and finding goldmines in it!

It doesn't even make sense to "heal" vicariously.
For, let's say, people won't suffer anymore,
but they still can't feel.

Haven't we seen exactly this?
If there is not enough "drama" in the life of a person or a family or a nation,
some individuals in a family and some leaders of a nation
will do everything to cause drama.
Moshe Dayan said: "there is nothing more   e x c i t i n g    than war!"
[Reading this again on Sept.12, the eve of the Eve of Yom-Kippur,
on which the media are overflowing with reminding us of the incredible failure
despite Israel's "victory" -of the Yom-Kippur war- 40 years ago, I feel .............].
And look at the young people,
who drug themselves in order to not feel their boredome and emptiness.
So, there is not only no use, but danger in doing away with suffering.
To feel zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment
people have to get better at feeling,
and then they will feel better.

A persistent training is needed - in a "hatzne'a lekhet rhythm"..

This was also the reason, why my endless Fuerbitten [intercessions?] ,
the quests to God or to another person's Higher Self, to ease specific sufferings,
were not heading in the right direction!
The suffering was attracted by the Higher Self, so the person could stop denying.
So what would have been gained,
if the suffering left, but the denying stayed?

Also, if I ask "God" to take away my physical suffering from my hip's joint,
it's a senseless quest.
Even if in this case, the suffering doesn't come from denial,
but from wanting to better fulfil my task of vicariously feeling.
NO! of being a pioneer of feeling~vibrating~wombing~
and finding goldmines in it!

If "God" says: "I'm dwelling with them within their impurities",
[see the insert of the German/Hebrew pages below]
"he" or "the Shekhinah" does just that:
s/he does not take away their sins nor their sufferings,
S/He simply feels with them, or feels in their place, vicariously,
NO! of being a pioneer of feeling~vibrating~wombing~
and finding goldmines in it!

What for? so that they will be able to heal from within ,
to heal their denials, which cause sin and suffering.

Evening, 21:20 Having watched people in TV news items,
I no longer understand, what it means to feel vicariously.
I'm so confused,
that I even don't know to ask what it is that I want to understand.

Please help!
August 1, 2013: You were led to understand,
that the time has come
to replace the term and concept "vicariousness"
by the term and concept "PIONEERSHIP'

July 17, 2013

On my way to the pool!
I'm constantly thinking of what other people feel.
But this is not the point at all NOW:
I see Shalom, my challenging neighbor, walk around with his grandchild baby.
I do not need to feel what he, Shalom, feels at this moment.
I need to feel, that I , I, feel, - that his almost constant presence outside
d i s t u r b s    me,
though my mind says :' how great, that he spends so much time outside the house
and that he spends so much time with his grandchildren.'
Also that right now, in walking down the wadi, I feel  d i s t u r b e d
by the noise of someone cutting branches with an electrical saw!
-Instead of automatically transforming this into anger and judgment-
I desire to be able to feel~vibrate~womb~understand what in me is disturbed!
Also - when I -before leaving for the pool - read an e-mail from Rick in Montana,
that he belongs to "CUFI" , "Christians United For Israel"
and during a conference in Washington will have Israel's primeminister as a speaker,
[while recording this thought - in German - there was a sweet bird-twitter,
but I only heard this now, while transcribing here what I recorded on the way!
What a missing-out of something to enjoy in the presence!]

I have to feel my ambivalent feelings -
gladness about people who support Israel,
sadness about their failing to help Israel with its dangerous failing!
How to feel both and feel it vicariously

NO! of being a pioneer of feeling~vibrating~wombing~
and finding goldmines in it!

- this is what I want to learn! Help me!

July 18, 2013

What about adopting the term
"bigger or smaller RESOLUTION" of a picture-
for "bigger or smaller RESOLUTION of a FEELING"?
What about "using" -
not only every incident of judging or feeling "disturbed"
be it by noise or be it by the kind of people in my surroundings,
but also by identifying with someone's pain or shame
or by judging someone as having "a blocked harmonica",
in order to become aware
- b e y o n d   t h e   j u d g i n g -
of my own feeling at that moment?

For instance :
what about the idea & feeling of translating my BOOK into English,
not systematically, but whenever I come across one of the many fantastic passages,
that   w e r e  w r i t t e n  4 5   y e a r s    a g o -
s e e m i n g l y ,   w o n d r o u s l y   b y    m e , R a c h e l?

For instance:
What about my decision & feeling to step back from the idea of traveling to the SaltSea once a week,
since it's too strenuous, at least during the hot season?..

For instance:
What about the former idea & feeling, that I, just once a week, that's free of traveling to my children-
s h o u l d   force myself into a situation that brings up more feelings than my daily holy routine?..

For instance:
What about my need & feeling to cope with my children's feeling of obligation and guilt?

July 19,2013
While still confused, what I should do with this not really new insight of
"feeling~vibrating~wombing~understanding vicariously"
I pulled out the daily book next to my bed: It was a small booklet,
poems by Ilana Horesh , 1995,
who was a friend during the RedSeaPartnerSHIPtime in 1997-98.

While still living in my bus at the Red Sea, Ilana gave me her poems as a gift.
She also suggested a solution for 50 copies of my book,
which I was forced to take over from the widow of Abraham Lisod.
"Store them in my cellar and take them, when you have room for them".
The other 50 I somehow squeezed into my mobile home,
until I had to bequeathe this to Tamir on Oct. 31, 1999.
How I dragged the 50 copies from there, and there, and there -
till my temporary abode in a rented flat at Modi'in since July 2001, I don't recall.
But when I was asked to give a seminar on Shavuot 2002 at "Yakhad" in Modi'in,
a school, which tries to integrate pupils from religious and "free" communities,
I distributed all these copies to the parents of the pupils,
and kept for myself only one copy in addition to the one I had used since 1983.
I don't remember, if it was before or after that, that I called Ilana,
seeing a chance to transport my copies from Eilat and bring them "home".
And what did she say?
"Oh , Rachel, I'm so sorry, that you have to hear this now:
This cellar was flooded by water because of a bug in the water-system.
Everything drowned, including your books!"

I wasn't even shocked! It seemed to be only right,
that my book does have no place in the exterior world at this time.

shuv khashti

But now, this poem of Ilana, and parallel to it the other poem,
which both "touched " me, and then 5 minutes later,
when I - still in bed - continued to read a bit in my German Kol-Yisrael-Arevim-book,
I came across a verse which intrigued me:
I opened the Hebrew original in the copy of the Hebrew Bible next to my bed,
and now I was struck:

These were the words, that "were sent to my heart"! as Ilana's poem says.
It's not the adverb "vicariously"!
It's the verb "to pioneer", which indicates my task!


I omitted the line about "light".
and replaced the last 2 lines [s. right]
when a tune added itself to both poems
See now in 2013 songs, August
The other words that "were sent to my heart"
are encoded in the chorus: Proverbs 3:6 and my modification:


Shabbat, July 21

The concept of "vicariousness",
or as my new song
[2013 songs July Nr. 3] says:
"Ich spuere, fuehle, weine an eurer Statt"
"I sense, feel, cry instead of you, vicariously for you,"
has proven to be only a bridge to what is not new to me either,
but is beginning (!) to be grasped by me only now:
I am a pioneer, I am pioneering
both in front of the Children of Israel as in front of YHWH their God
and not only of feelings , which have been cried and screamed,
but also of those, which should be expressed as joy and rejoicing,
like when I go into "my" garden or through "my" Wadi of Compassion
or look around my room from my bed
and see all those wondrous things and "systems" , all these puzzles.
Aviv Gefen said on TV in "Ma'agal Dan Shiloh" on Shabbat Eve,
what dismay he feels seeing people all crouched (?) over their i-phones
and no longer seeing a sunset!
They glide their touch over the tiny screen to see a multitude of virtual pictures,
but don't see, what or who is in their direct present.

For me, this judgment is not helpful,

it's me who has to be a pioneer
in seeing, hearing, smelling, touching
what is here with me in every moment!

I zapped into some beautiful music by Mozart, piano, clarinet, violin
and I asked myself again, why am I rarely really full-filled by music,
unless it's connected to words which touch my mind.
And I compared this with my incessant appetite for food.

Like my Body needs and wants food and "exercise",
so my mind needs food as well as "exercise".
I want to let go of judging myself for both,
as if both were a way to escape feelings.
I'm grate-full, that I never lack food
neither for Body nor for Mind.
But what nourishment and "exercise"
does FEELING need and want,
to be in balance with Body and Mind?

As to my research on the term "khalutzim" - pioneers in the Bible, see further down.

By the way: I now read about Zionest pioneers in industry,
without which the Zionist pioneers in agriculture
would not have been able to draw enough water for their orchards!

See a movie of 1924 (!!) about Zionist pioneers

July 21, 2013
what is new now is,
a) not 'vicariously" ,
but "as a pioneer of evolution"
b) neither "plights" or "dramas"
or even"problems", "bugs","chores"
are the first step to feel and vibrate
but this, this "little feeling"-
either gladness and grate-full-ness
or dullness, "stamiut" or discomfort!
K.i.s.s.-log Dec.15, 2008
"Since I KNOW
that I am a ray of the sun,
a wave of the one ocean,
a color of the one rainbow,
I desire to always be aware,
that the PURPOSE of attracting
--- a nano-problem in Body or Soul,
or a technical "bug", or "chores" like phone-calls,
or an interaction not chosen consciously, is:
--- to vicariously feel and sense this ,
to vicariously vibrate, move & sound this,
to vicariously accept & evolve this -
to vicariously being parental to this and not victim"
July 21, 2013
Having to get up slowly from my chair in front of the computer
and walk slowly to the stove for getting a second cup of porridge,
slowly because of the pain in the joint of my hip,
forces me to become aware of what I feel.
I really should replace the "feel what you feel now"
with "become aware of what you feel now and then vibrate it".
Ever more often now people in interviews are asked:
'what do you feel with this?'
But, of course, this question always refers to something "big' ,
be it joy or sorrow.

July 22, 2013:

I need to add to every single file connected to the book,
what has changed .
Up to now I only said, that "vicarious suffering" was NOT Sacrifice of Life.
Even in Learn&Live, Edith Stein, I repeated this.
Even the expression "to feel vicariously" , which I adopted in recent years,
is misleading.
And yet without these 60 years of learning from the concept of vicariousness,
I may not have come to this new understanding:
I am meant to become a pioneer of evolution in feeling~vibrating~wombing~understanding,
or in integrating consciousness and sentience, thinking and feeling , in Body

In my book (German p. 237, Hebrew p.250) I read about Jesus and Zachaeus
So hat seine Identifikation ohne Zweifel auf viele Menschen gewirkt:
D i e   S t u m p f h e i t    d e s    G e f u e h l s
musste einem wachen Bewusstsein vom eigenen Fehlverhalten Platz machen.

In German I use the term Fehlverhalten
instead of the English "wrongdoing" or similar terms
for 3 reasons: a) "Verhalten" is not always "doing", it might be "not-doing"
b) because the "Fehl" (connected to the word "verfehlen", "to fail")
is close in sound to "fuehlen", to feel.
c) because it is not immediately associating "sin"

July 23, 2013

This is not enough, that someone becomes aware of his "failing".
Look at Rabbi, R. Yehuda the President, who was sick for 13 years,
because he didn't show that calf enough compassion.
So far there has been no bigger "resolution of a picture" than that of feeling guilt.

"To feel more", in general, might mean:
to feel more my past suffering or my past "failing".
If suffering or "failing" are the consequence of "Lost Will",
. i.e. denied feelings, despised qualities, overridden needs and dwarfed greatness
both has, indeed, to be felt.
But why can't s/he feel it?
It would be like trying to climb a high mountain or swim a long distance,
without having trained before.
If people do not get better at feeling, they cannot redeem Lost Will .
This means, the "resolution" of feeling must be highly "enlarged"

(is this the technical term?)
And this, this alone, is my task.
And it, obviously, cannot be taught by words.
I can only enlarge this resolution in my own life, moment by moment

See my two songs: "I breathe and embrace every movement in my feeling"
and "ani noshemet tzil, tzaeva, tzurah"

July 24, 2013

quoted also in English digests4 and German&Hebrew digests

In this research - first completed 41 years ago -
I can only hint at how
the central concept of "SIN" has to be radically transmuted.
Sin is "Suende" in German, which derives from "sondern"= to separate.
The actual "Suende" is "Denial", i.e. the separation between Thinking and Feeling,
i.e. the lack of awareness - by ignoring, overriding, repressing -
of what I do not want in my life - a) feelings, b) needs, c) qualities, d) greatness.

These denied parts of myself do not simply disappear ,
but survive in body and soul and all around me,
they even attract more of the same denials, become monstrous,
produce evil doing, perpetration,
or evil suffering, victimhood.

The redemption from "Sin", i.e. from "Denial" and "Lost Will"-
and from there the redemption from suffering and death,
begins with learning to feel, i.e. to accept, "to womb" what I feel,
to move it physically and then to understand...
In other words: I can allow myself to feel unpleasant feelings, needs, qualities,
only if I KNOW and PRACTISE - that every feeling, from the tiniest to the biggest -
must be   V I B R A T E D ,  i.e. physically breathed, sounded, moved,
in order to heal and evolve, and then fulfill its task: to guide me and to full-fill me.

Once there was a quantum-leap in evolution,
when humans understood that there was a connection between suffering and doing.
Since they knew from the beginning (unlike humankind today), that the many and the one were tied together,
their "solution" then was, to uproot the one evil-doer from the community, so as to spare it the consequences.

The next quantum-leap in evolution, was,
when it was understood that this "solution" caused even more suffering,
and they evolved the idea of "reproach and protest".
This, also, caused more damage than benefit.

The "solution" people then came up with, was not an evolution,
but a re-volution, a re-gression:
it was to deny the connection between doing and suffering altogether
and to ignore the mutual guarantorship between the one and the many.
As the present time-period shows, this was/is a horrendous denial,
yes, the culmination of an absurd, monstrous illusion.
Now the time has come, to go down to the deepest roots of both:
the connection between doing/notdoing (=denial) and suffering,
and the connection between me, the individual, and everybody else .
addition on July 31, 2013
The root is the disconnection between the aspects of "God" or humans:
Spirit-Will-Body --or thinking-feeling-sensing...
When Spirit/Mind denies feelings or needs or qualities and greatness,
then these feelings, needs, qualities and greatness become "Lost Will".
Lost Will either undermines myself and - as its worst - causes "cancer",
or attaches itself to other people who are weak in their self-acceptance,
who then - in order "to do" something - produce havoc all around them.

In one of his shocking sermons of reproof and rebuke,
Jeremiah [6:19] expressed it ever so clearly,
that the plights and catestrophes which befell
"this people"

"the fruit of their thoughts"!

July 25, 2013

[after p. 44 of the Hebrew version]

I'll give one - terrible - example of the fact,
that behind the horrid
"slaughter of their sons and daughters" [verse 37],
which Psalm 106 mentions as the culmination of an endless history of Israel's wrongdoing,
The judgment or belief was at that time (and is in armies till today!!!! )
that people could live only, if the firstborns would be sacrificed.
This belief caused them to deny the most instinctive feelings of parents,
which is to do everything to keep their children alive!

While again re-studying what I wrote in kisslog2008-07-11
- in order to reach clarity about
"feeling>vibrating>wombing" vicariously,
I wondered if I should delete the text, which I quoted here in small letters::
But how would you be able to genuinely take upon yourself the suffering of both
"those who are acting out and hate themselves
and who feel victims all their lives"

as your prayer-song says, [s.2013 Songs May Nr.1 ]
if you would not train yourself first and second and third
in feeling>vibrating>wombing
millions of "nano"-feelings/experiences of both,

the perpetration of ..., which you did not "see",
since you were often out of the house, busy with your peace-work,
and the victimhood of ...,
which you did not grasp into its abysmal depth, even after ... let you know
and despite your being "contaminated" for ever by your own horrid stories
of having succumbed to sexual manipulation, though not inside the family.

Pioneer of FEELING - don't FAIL to FEEL - verFehle nicht zu Fuehlen

July 27, 2013 -
re-read in the page about Edith Stein [June 10, 2010]

......."The Servant's" task is not to "suffer vicariously",
but to vicariously take on his people's and all peoples'
denied feelings of guilt and unworthiness
and thus to "intoxicate" them!

July 27, 2013:

No ! this is still too limited, or- using my new metaphor,
it's looking at the picture in too small a resolution.
My task is not to "intoxicate" people's denied feelings.
My task is to be a pioneer of evolution in:

No more big dramas, but specific momentary feelings!
No more constructing judgments and beliefs,
in order to make sense of harsh experiences/feelings.
On the contrary: releasing judgments, so they will NOT
attract the harsh experiences/feelings over and over again.
A quantum-leap in evolution!
I'm meant to be like that first creature,
that stepped out of the water onto land

Since I intuit, I should leave behind the term "vicariousness", which served me for 55 years,
and replace it with "being a pioneer of Evolution in feeling~vibrating~wombing~understanding,
I return to "my" Hebrew Bible and research the terms "
khalutz", "le-hekhaletz", "le-hakhlitz"

Research in July 2013

See above:
my progression from the term "vicariousness" to the term "pioneership"

I refer to a video which I saw on Facebook,
where the participants of a band,
which performed at Mitzpe-Ramon,
roamed through the streets and shops
and asked people - humorously:
"how frequently do you sense
what you feel?"

The double appearance of the rare root
not in the meaning: to sense, but in the meaning to hasten

the one who trusts, does not make haste
Isaiah 28:16

I in its time shall hasten it
Isaiah 60:22

has always been important for me,
I had even written the two verses
above the steering-wheel of my bus.

The song that includes both messages,
has created itself only recently
[2013 songs January Nr. 2].

In this first context in which I find the verb
there is hidden a word, which is not really clear:
The translators related it to the verb "
la-khush", "to hasten",
but perhaps it relates to "
la-khush" -"to sense",
though the latter appears only in Job
[as a verb: 31:5, clearer as a noun: 20:2]
I would like to make a "midrash" of "
nekhaletz khushim"
and connect the khalutzim of armies with the khalutzim of this time:
"Let's become pioneers in feeling, sensing!"

see Part II, Chapter III - the Teaching of Solidarity



Further research of the root of khalutz=pioneer

See my song of Isaiah 58:11 "atzmotaekha yakhlitz"

the verb "kh-l-tz"

the noun "kha-la-tza-im"

August 14, 2013:
I did not have "time" to analyze these findings mentally.
What is important for me, is, how this composition inspires my intuition
concerning the understanding, that "I am a pioneer in learning to feel"!

What a pretty coincidence, an interview today with Roi Halevi of "Har-El"
I won't name or describe it! Just open the video uploaded on August 10!
Dov Yannai introduced me to another "Har-El" pioneer: Orna Horovitz!
"This is the woman who set up "Succah in the Desert", and she knew:
"You lived there in your bus! How on earth did you tackle bureaucracy!"

August 29,2013:
See what I wrote about the Pioneers of Zionism - the Kibbutzim!

August 2, 2013
Ezechiel 39, 23

Israel have been and still are pioneering awareness,
the awareness, that no one is a victim of "destiny",
but what happens to him/her/us,
is attracted to him/her/us
by our denial ,
the denial of so many things in any moment of an erronous decision,
or the denial of feelings in hours, days, years, lives of non-decision,
like when we let it happen, that enmity grows and grows around us,
until we are attacked and "have no choice" but sacrificing our sons.

[maybe the following should be inserted in "Waking the Tiger"]
My progression from the term "feeling"
to "being aware of what I feel", or "la-da'at"
in the Hebrew double sense of la-da'at:
to distinguish
(between good and bad - the tree of Eden)
and to unite in body
(Adam and Eve)

Walking back from the pool I - among other songs - rehearsed the song

"betakh ael ha-SHEM be-khol libaekha    ve-al binatkha al tisha'en"
When I heard myself singing "ha-shen" (the tooth) instead of "ha-Shem", I laughed,
and when reaching "binatkha"
(your wisdom) I thought of "shen-binah"-wisdom-tooth
But then came "the point": be-khol drakhaekha da'ehu
In all your ways learn-to-know Him,
and He will straighten-out your paths.

Be aware of what you feel in each and every moment.
Neil Diamond's famous song:
"All I have is what I feel and what I feel is what I am"

Wherever the Hebrew Bible says, that
"da'at elohim" - "yada'tikha" - "da'ehu"
is what is demanded
[See 2013 songs March Nr. 2]!
It is more than the knowing of the mind!
[in German: "erkennen"] also means:
"knowing each other - man and woman!"
la-da'at in mind as well as in flesh means:
to be aware of what I FEEL - in my Body.
to "know you", God-Shekhinah, in Body.

To feel in every moment, is not yet sufficient understanding:
I need to be aware of what I feel, and in this "la'da'at elohim",
like I walk to the kitchen, fetch the grey water jar, bring it to a planter next to the gate into my garden
and while placing my feet carefully, spreading my toes, so as to minimize the pain of my hip joint,

I keep saying: be-khol drakhaekha da'ehu, or be-khol rigshotayikh da'ihu,
and then in between these aware feelings comes a feeling of pain or shame
-without association, just out of nowhere, often connected to "child-abuse",
then this is the moment to not only be "aware of feeling", fulfilled by feeling,
but to vibrate this 'dramatic emotion'- by breathing it, moving it, sounding it,
and to "womb" it, accept, not judge, not ignore, not make wrong the feeling.
That is how I may imprint in my brain once again,
that I am a pioneer of Evolution in learning to feel.

(please give me words that are less cumbersome!
what about an exchange of letters?)

My evolution occurs far from the changes that occur in the world                         ,
like that of the first creature that stepped on land from the sea,                      
Or even like any tree that grows in the earth, in darkness,             
            far from any eye that sees or ear that hears.  

I want to explore this deep da'at once again

see 2013 Songs, March Nr. 1
see an old song of Proverbs 3,6
and the chorus of a new song, 2013 songs, August
sung in the original: drakhaekha-your ways
and in its"update": rigshotaekha-your feelings
On my birthday I woke up with "my" psalm 139
{see in right frame: ve-nafshi yoda'at me'od}
put into tune in 1986, one time and another time

all these are verses, which I put into tune
the first two, which are almost the same wording in 2 different biblical books
in "ve-gar ze'ev im keves"
the third, Jeremiah, in the 3rd stanza of "Yesurun",
the fourth , in the 3rd stanza of Psalm 46, 2012 songs Nr. 6
The fifth, Hosea, is the beginning of a 2013 song (March Nr. 2)

August 4, 2013

From Moses who exemplifies
how to identify with the Community

(Hebrew p.140 & 144)
to the mother who learns to receive from others
so that the givers will love themselves

August 5, 2013

About "Learning to feel"
see what I quoted in "Waking the Tiger" from Learn&Live7:

This is NOT genuine emotion.
It is just more preoccupation with control
that has leapt into the sensory realm.
[I don't understand]

You are sad, because something happened that you did not like.
You are happy, because something came to you that you wanted.
You are worried, because something might "get out of control,"
or you became angry, and it was you, yourself that got "out of control!"

[I wonder, if "control" is related to Godchannel's term "judgment"?]

Genuine e-motion flows gently, freely---
unhindered by the need or the desire for control.
It simply is what it is.
It also allows others to be what they are.
Being unattached to outcomes,
e-motion actually seems to move right through any obstacles,
like a fog moving through a sleeping city.

Each and everyone of you
has thousands upon thousands of e-motions
going on within you at any one moment.

However, most of you miss them

Do you wish to unblock those daily stalemates
that are playing themselves out in your bodies and minds?
All you have to do is shift your attention away from them for a moment
and begin to focus upon the more subtle energies
that have been flowing in and around you since the very beginning.

One must learn to focus upon what is moving, not what is BLOCKED.

[Mirjam Goldberg: Konzentrative Bewegungstherapie?]

You must learn to read between the lines!

What you focus upon is what gets perpetuated and energized.
Blocked "feelings" were created to slow you down.
They are self-imposed tethers that have been installed
to keep you from advancing in your consciousness too quickly.
You will never be able to solve them.
And seeking to understand them, beyond what we just told you, is even more of a waste of time.

[I don't understand!~~~~ Nov. 24, 2010: I understand a little more now!]

Whatever "understanding" you may require, concerning a genuine e-motion,
will be given to you as you move along with it.
It is as though you are a swimmer, hanging onto the fin of a dolphin, being pulled along in its wake.
You feel what it feels, even as its thoughts become your thoughts.
The ride is over when you begin trying to control this creature---


Dealing properly with e-motion becomes an art unto itself.

It begins with a decision to look away from what screams at you--
-from what demands that you react---
opting instead

to focus upon what sings to you and inspires you.

Then, once your energy has cleared itself and become calm,
you can deal with your world with new eyes and an open heart.

[They say nothing about healing, healing God, healing human,
and nothing about Body's role in it.
So who is the one, who'll "focus attention " elsewhere?
Isn't it Body?
But what they say about "control" is very helpful].

August 9, 2013
Purposes of my present predicament with my hip-joint and my teeth

There is much to cope with for me, now,
My daughter-in-love thinks
that I did not behave as a partner to my body,
and that therefore
"the sceleton" (not the health) is damaged.
She asks me to inquire
about megagluflex + G10
and agree to take these "food-additions".
I cannot possibly convey to her,
that I attracted these "problems",
teeth and hip-joint,
so as to learn to feel more,
so as to be a pioneer of evolution in feeling, what others still can't feel.
Even when I still had my own teeth,
I always ate slowly,
so as to enjoy taste and food longer and more.
But I definitely never walked slowly,
and the pain in the hip now forces me to do so,
so as to be aware of what I feel
from step to step
and from pain to non-pain to pain.
If am wrong, I ask YOU
to send me messages or experiences
Solidarity with the "old, fat and ugly"
There is actually a very simple purpose of this predicament,
one that has been discussed by the Sages concerning sickness and pain:
it teaches you humbleness, compassion and solidarity !
Why do I, out of all persons, need this?
"Laughter is the final stage of healing", says Godchannel,
and, indeed, I've always been aware during the 7 years of
sitting in the Jacuzzi almost every day and judging, judging,
awarely judging the "old, fat, ugly people" sitting there with me.
I even felt disgust sometimes and could only laugh at myself.
I also laughed and still laugh, when I see myself competing!
This is the one and only realm, I want "to be better",
i.e. "younger than other people my age",
"healthier than other people my age",
"good-looking more than other people my age"
and most ridiculous, since I've never been keen on living,
"living longer than other people my age".
Perhaps, since I also judged myself for this competing,
I attracted the "blai" (wear and tear)
in the joint of my hip and my lower back and in my teeth,
so as to feel solidarity with the people who are old, ugly and sick.
But I can already guess, that there is a third purpose for my painful handicap:
which I, indeed, have to cope with
on an individual, personal level:
accepting that my children and landlords 
 d e s i r e    to help me,
and if this gives me the feeling
of being dependent on them more than is necessary
or if it means to give in to their advices
more than I would do naturally,
then this is something I have to understand
and see if I can accept it.
Please help me with this and prevent me
from making it more difficult for my children,
as it is anyway to have this mother in their drama.
My problem has always been,
that I wanted to give too much.
[Last shameful lesson with Gabriela, the Hungarian new immigrant in my neighborhood, in January 2013].
Maybe, the entire "guarantorship -responsibility"
is not about "doing" for others
but about "receiving" from others?
I choke on this possibility.
The background to this triptych are photos of my thumb, made in 2002


August 13, 2013

I read again and again what I sculpted so painstakingly, so often
in the right frame of the top of my introduction ot Healing-K.i.s.s.

 The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.
- as stated 12 years ago - was and is
  to help me and my potential P E E R s 
"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,
and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Since Oct. 2012, I almost succeed to heed:
"cease creating New Manifestations!!"
and to focus my learning~~~living on:
 redeeming "Lost Will" + dissolving"Guilt".
I pioneer the evolution of feeling~vibrating~'wombing'
human pain and shame, fear and powerlessness,
so all emotions can heal > evolve > guide us all!
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

SEARCH on both websites: Healing-K.i.s.s. & ARARAT-HEART
If you look for a word or a name on any of the 1400 pages,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "FIND"

In June 2001,  I set up "Healing-K.i.s.s."
in order to study the info of
On Oct. 9, 2012,
I  completed the copying and graphically editing of
the 8 books of   R I G H T     U S E     O F     W I L L

I practice wandering between linear time~spherical "time"
by following the 365 pages of K.i.s.s-log 2008/2012/2013

Until April 15, 2012 - I naively believed, that
25 years of focusing on  "Healing into Wholeness"  had healed me.
 But the next 80 days whipped me  towards  the disillusioning insight,
that the presence of GUILT indicates there is still DENIAL of feelings,
and that s in & around me is still suffocating living~loving.
Yet I feel~~I know, that LOVE's Evolution is close to a quantum-leap!

"they have lost many of their powers because Guilt told them
it was not right to be what they were, ...
Self-acceptance is what they seek.
Guilt and blame, pride and shame
are all imbalances around the search for self-acceptance.
[Violet Book p. 144]
"The recognition of guilt comes with the evolution of love
understanding it self"
[Green Book p.3-4]  
"Guilt is held in place by judgments.
Release the judgments, and the guilt goes too..."
[quoted from in "Judgment Release" 2005]
Back to "HOME", water from above merging with water from below, which symbolizes that this is the time for SPIRIT and WILL [feelings] to unite in the HEART of BODY on EARTH

I t    i s    t h e      S K I L L - t o - F E E L      w h i c h   i s    h e r a l d i n g "       H U M A N I T Y ' S       A W A K E N I N G


It now has become simplified [below], but - in this context of my diary - I want to also guard the 2012 version [above]:

 The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

SEARCH on both websites: Healing-K.i.s.s. & ARARAT-HEART
If you look for a word or a name on any of the 1400 pages,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "FIND"

In June 2001,  I set up "Healing-K.i.s.s."
in order to study the info of
On Oct. 9, 2012,
I  completed the copying and graphically editing of
the 8 books of   R I G H T     U S E     O F     W I L L

I practice wandering between linear time~spherical "time"
by following the 365 pages of K.i.s.s-log 2008/2012/2013
as well as all other files of Healing-K.i.s.s. & Ararat-Heart
2013-08-15: I focus my learning~living on

becoming  a   pioneer of   Evolution

in feeling~vibrating~'wombing'--with awareness

human pain and shame, fear and powerlessness,

so feelings can heal >evolve >guide>fulfill us all!
Back to "HOME", water from above merging with water from below, which symbolizes that this is the time for SPIRIT and WILL [feelings] to unite in the HEART of BODY on EARTH

I t    i s    t h e      S K I L L - t o - F E E L      w h i c h   i s    h e r a l d i n g "       H U M A N I T Y ' S       A W A K E N I N G


What do these terms -"my Purpose" and "My Focus" - mean?

I not only keep experiencing and exploring what comes into my living~thinking
but I'm also very disciplined in limiting and eliminating both: input and output,
input of info that is "interesting", "important", but not benefitting my goal,

the output of actions and almost all interactions, of teaching and almost all creating.
Also, the need "to function" - household, garden - is turned into all kinds of games.
Thus I have time to "walk humbly-hatzne'a lekhet", yes to limp slowly-litzlo'a lekhet
and become aware of what I feel, and when what I feel, needs to be vibrated~wombed!
Thus I'm reaching a greater and greater "resolution" of the picture of Manifestation,
by becoming aware of the microscopic details of the movement of energy, called feeling

("e-motion" could be a fitting term, but since it has been affixed to the "big", the "dramatic" feelings,
I want to distinguish between these "emotions" , of which people are aware more or less

and the feelings - the flow of energy - in every moment of my living, even when I dream while sleeping.)

August 14, 2013
Two coincidences

I traveled to Beer-sheva, in order - after 10 years - to meet Dov Yannai,
who was to give a lecture at the ceremony of handing over the certificates
to Ethopian students who had studied with the NGO "Startup".
Though Dov had looked for the address before meeting me at the bus-station,
he had difficulty to find the Khalutz-Street 33 in the old city of Beer-sheva.
I laughed! "Khalutz" ! Pioneer!
In the make-shift place between two old buildings, where the students sat,
I saw a big poster in front of me:

I didn't have a camera with me, but I now found it rightaway
on the website of this NGO of modern, impressive pioneers

Another coincidence happened
when I got up from bed
and - as usual - grabbed the book
the turn of which it was today
to be looked into in order to be nourished.
It was a German translation of the Qur'an,
but I didn't even look into it,
since a clipping attracted me,
which I must have written 30-40 years ago,
about suffering and vicariousness in Islam!
I copied it to the page
with the chapter about "The Servant", Isaiah 53

August 15, 2013
- my 75th birthday -
not "lekhi-lakh!" but "khugi-lakh"

I woke up with these beloved lines in Psalm 139, which I sing
[probably because of the research about "la-da'at", s. above.]
The book, the turn of which it was to be grabbed from my shelf, was my edition of excerpts from Franz Rosenzweig's intense work
before his death -on the translation of the Bible with Martin Buber.
[see more in bundle 13 of "kol Yisrael arevim zae la-zae"]
I wanted "a sign" and opened p. 300, "List of Biblical Words",
to which the passages, excerpted by me, payed attention
My eyes fell on dealt with twice:
Genesis 17, 1-2; 6; 20 [Nr. 44]
Following the command of "walking to-and-fro and being whole", which is so meaningful to me,
I find the - doubled -
me'od three times, for both - Abraham and Yishmael!!!
Deuteronomy 6:5 [Nr. 141]
The second time, me'od appears
in my Rosenzweig edition,
is "of course" in the "Shma' Yisrael"

"...So liebe denn...
mit all deinem Herzen, mit all deiner Seele,
mit all deiner Macht "

My purpose is -
to be a pioneer of evolution
in feeling awarely,
in feeling
  bekhol  drakhaekha
da'e-hu   bekhol rigshotaekha

[one of my oldest songs, June 1983]
"And again I start
from the beginning
as one of the smallest
in your kingdom,

longing to comprehend!

yearning to apply!

craving to be consistent!

The next morning: August 16, 2013

A meaningful SMS -blessing from starchild Tzippi:

And from Hagar, my stepdaughter's daughter
I had wanted this last composition to be the bombastic summary of my birthday feeling-thinking
but then I couldn't fall asleep,
because I needed to digest all the interactions, so rare now, because I myself am limiting them:
3 little sweet gifts from my landlords, including a teddy-bear, the only one, I think, I got in my life,
short e-mail and SMS exchanges with Ra'ayah, my daughter-in-love, Ayelet, my granddaughter,
Dita, my stepdaughter, Dov Yannai, whom I met again, Na'ama Ya'ari, Ya'acov after 13 months...
a long letter in English from Barbara, my classmate, old as I, more handicapped than me,
who was such an "Angel on the Abyss" during "Noah's Shore",
and 4 hour-long phone-calls, with loyal Felicia, who knows that our relationship is not mutual,
with Gadi Lybrock who updated me about all the good news about Mitzpe-Ramon and his family,
with Lior Oren from some wild place "in the Territories" near Jerusalem. who knows how to listen,
and with Rotem, my granddaughter from Modi'in, now 5 months in the army as an army journalist.
Late at night... I discovered. ...a sentence.... with a smiley.... from my daughter.... on Facebook....
and a poetic letter that says everything about "my former grandmotherhood",
from Itamar, her son, now like Ayelet 15, two grandchildren of what was once the "Quartet".
[ Yael "forgot" my birthday, but compensated greatly a few weeks later, with her blessing and - yes- with her 2 days visit!]

When I woke up long before dawn and had enough of turning, twisting, moaning,
I opened my recorder on one of the channels where I record "things to think about",
and this is what I found! underlining my "craving to be consistent",
for lo! - the word "pioneer" appeared already in
a Communication with Deity in Dec. 2008

"....Second: Your main talent is put to use
intensely, constantly, continuously and awarely:
the talent to feel all there is to feel and to evolve feelings in a way,
that you have become a pioneer of humankind
in understanding the conditions of heavon on earth:
to feel zest-full and full-filled all the time
and when a cloud comes or even some hail,
you just enjoy the feeling and- very important
- you let Body do work via any of its thousands possibilities."
Yes this is what I understood again this morning:
The very experiencing of my feelings is my creative act,
and so is the movement in Body
, [s.2013 Songs July Nr.3)

Later I found another entry:
"Heritage 2012"
perhaps directed at me indirectly?
She mentions
"Grandfather Siegfried and Grandmother Maria from Germany ( from the wrong side of the war)" .
It was in 1976,
when my mother
was finally trans-ferred to a home,
that I chose this "Meissner
in her flat
and brought it to my home in Israel




 From this day, July 11, 2013 onward - - - - till August 27
- before and after my 75th birthday on August 15, 2013
I was being jolted into re-understanding my vocation:
All my former goals since the ages of 7, 13, 27, 50, 67,
were meant to create training-grounds for becoming:

a   pioneer   of    Evolution    in    learning-how-to-feel.

It is fitting, that I could squirm myself towards this understanding not in a linear way.
And so now - on Yom-Kippur 2013 - on the 17th FELT day of the next 15 FELT years,
  I want to collect, harvest and savor the fruits as they ripened - as - insights-in-stages,
just like the fruits of my pomegranate-tree have been ripening since July 11 till now!

This spring-flower (kova' nazir/monk's cress) photographed by me in 2003, decided to blossom (in a planter) now, in Arad, in August-Sept. 2013!!!