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Keep It Simple Sweetheart

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August 25/ Av 24, Monday, 11th day after "the Death of my Righteousness & my Perfectionism" - at Bet Nehemya , with Efrat & Mika
Parting from my obsession to complete this page--- on August 29

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I put "Compassion" in Google-Search - Images and I breathe out our Cultural Conditioning!

hodayot [thanksgivings] for today 7:30 My Body, my Partner, my God I give thanks to you for having tolerated one more time !!!!!!!!!! that I ignored your needs, especially your need for going to bed IN TIME. But even more I give thanks to your brain, which - with the help of whoever makes it aware of what I have to learn - has shown me - yesterday evening for the very first time - following my attempt to "share" my Tomer-lessons with traumatized Efrat - that the real reason for her, his father's & my relapses into our "allowing" and becoming accomplices of T's egotistic, overriding , exploitive attitude, his "I'll take from you and then throw you away" , the real reason - like in the case of Daniel, her drug addicted brother & her parents - is our addiction to our righteousness, our natural so-called "compassion". I give thanks to the cooperation between your brain & those who guide us that we - after 2000 years of unbalanced preaching of "compassion" - can begin to grasp that compassion towards "T" mixed with denial of Self is devastating for Self, for "T" , yes for the entire world, and - I again emphasize this new insight - that this denial of Self is really rooted in the addiction to our 'righteousness' ~ the patterned need ~ the imprinted judgment ~the cultural conditioning that the value of "being compassionate towards the other" - is "absolute". 8:35 I'm grate-full for this sculpture!!!

song of the day , chosen again on September 1 Ruth-Efrat, who is that - YOU? kalah, warm , loving! A stepmother, but not killing, wombing her son as her daughter! A sign of redemption! Heaven on Earth! You chose actors for the entire drama! This song for Efrat's birthday - adapted to a Schubert-Shakespeare song - needs modification, at least in its interpretation and application. For the line "wombing her son" might be understood as unbalanced, patterned compassion. Since I haven't yet found the exact term, I'm explaining, what I mean by "unbalanced": It is the "ethical" belief and attitude which amplifies the plus-pole in a way that the minus-pole will be amplified as well! See an excerpt of the English translation of Erich Neumann's book, Depth Psychology and a New Ethic, which - ever since the year 1969 - has begun to shatter my belief "that one has to be good". And the compassion is "patterned", if it is not strictly directed to the needs of "T", of "T" as an actor chosen to play in my drama, but derives from my egotistic-egocentric need to be 'righteous' in my own as in others' eyes!

Finetuning to my Present There were not as many hours with Mika as I thought, but those which we had, were magnificent- and free of all ambivalence. I regret, that I didn't take more photos. There are only these about the encounter with the dumb-deaf (Arab?) shepherd, who drove the herd of his boss into the pens - right across our veranda-lawn-fence and the little slope beyond it - exactly when we left the house, in order to go to the grocery for grapes, and to the playground in the center of the village. Since the first thing we wanted to do, was to discover the cock or cocks, which are "alerting us " so often and not only before sunrise... we ran right into the herd. When Imma later asked Mika about this experience, Mika focused on the shepherd and didn't mention how she touched some kids. "The sheep were running fast (they were afraid of us), and the man did not talk!" "But what did he show you, where did he take you, Mika", I tried to help her. "The man did not talk!" she repeated, as if nothing else had mattered. I can see on the photo, that she somehow grasped this man's handicap but couldn't integrate it in her frame of reference. The shepherd and I talked with signs, but he, for instance, did not understand, that I asked him about his name. He understood instead: "Where do you come from?" and pointed into the direction east of Bet Nehemya. On the other hand, when he showed us the ewe ('rachel' in Hebrew] with two kids drinking from her udders, I understood, that the mother was a bit sick. I also understood, when he gestured with regret in his face, that those young sheep over there would be led to slaughter soon. Of course, I had to remember "my" verse, the verse about 'rachel'- Isaiah 53:7 -........ But again - I didn't get, what he gestured, when the cock and the hen escaped, while several white egrets flew around the roofs above the different pens. It "sounded" , as if all these birds found worms in the soil, but why should this cause him to worry?

There seems to happen something with the "triggering children" after all, at least with Yael and Itamar.
After Efrat and I had "rested our case" with the "Quartet" yesterday and let go,
Ronnit called Efrat today , and among other issues brought up the question:
"Isn't there going to be any Grandma-Day?"
"I came down on her like a thunderstorm", told Efrat, "how do you dare... " etc. etc.
As a result Yael wrote an SMS to me : "Would it suit to do tomorrow?"
Would it suit to do what?
And later: "Grandma, I'm sorry, that I didn't call or send a message,
the entire week I had something else
and yesterday there was a Bat Mitzvah from 3 to 12 in the night.
bla- bla-bla.

As we had fixed yesterday, the communication was up to Efrat.
I warned her: "remember not to get messed up with those children.
You and I need all our energy to fight - not on one front - but among cross-firing from all sides."
She knew, I meant our superhuman lesson with Tomer.
"No, I'll call Yael and when she'll say she wants to come, when and with whom,
I'll ask for her mother and fix the details with her."
"MIND YOU!" I repeated, "BE CAREFUL, we have had enough disappointments!"
She promised.

We still don't know, if Arnon and Ayelet will "change their program" and come after all.
I am angry, I am triggered, and I am fed up with these youngsters,
who are so over-fed with "programs", that they don't know what to prefer,
leave alone respond to an invitation with either "yes" or "no"!
I can very well understand,
that after they had dedicated so much time to their presentation for my 70th birthday,
they felt no need for a "Grandma-Day",
and I, even at a time, when I still initiated such days, wouldn't have done so in this case.
But I felt compassion with Efrat, who so much wants company for Mika,
now that Mika is on holiday from her kindergarden,
and I am proud, that Efrat prefers the company of my grandchildren.

And yet, I do not want to give time and energy to coping with this trigger.
It's small and will dissipate the moment, the kids or some of them will come here.
I want to stay focused on the "Tomer-less Lesson" of yesterday morning,
And though I've written about it, thought about it, screamed about it,
talked about it with Efrat,
I again and again go through the scene at the gate
(and I'll now, though it's almost night - 19:18 - ) go there and take a photo -
- I feel, as if something crucial could have happened there,
but I missed it, I failed, I was in the clutches of fears, of which I wasn't even aware...

I'm back: 19:42

When I reached the gate in the security fence which surrounds Bet Nehemya,
I found it wide open - unlike yesterday morning - when only the lock was open.
The traces of animals - perhaps our shepherd's sheep - were in the center of the gateway.

With some effort I succeeded in restoring the gate as I had found it:
I saw how symbolic the state of the gate was, when we reached it:
It looked closed, but when looking close, there was an opening.
The opening which my fear made me forgo...
Does the wide open gate today also symbolize something?????


I photographed the closed-open opening with and without flash

Here are more images of my Tomer-less walk in the early morning yesterday , along the fence and east of the highway


The marked path passes by a huge area of deserted hen-houses - to an underpass which leads back into the security-fenced-in Bet-Nehemia

Pink Floyd are an English rock band (1964-1994) who initially earned recognition for their psychedelic or space rock music, and, as they evolved, for their progressive rock music. They are known for philosophical lyrics, sonic experimentation, ..., the group have sold over 200 million albums worldwide.. Pink Floyd have influenced progressive rock artists of the 1970s such as Genesis... One of Genesis' Songs which Tomer taught me on Shabbat during that hour which I should have dedicated to Body's wish to sleep... ("what means 'Genesis'?" he asked)) Genesis : Firth of Fifth The path is clear Though no eyes can see The course laid down long before. And so with gods and men The sheep remain inside their pen, Though many times they've seen the way to leave. He rides majestic Past homes of men Who care not or gaze with joy, To see reflected there The trees, the sky, the lily fair, The scene of death is lying just below. The mountain cuts off the town from view, Like a cancer growth is removed by skill. Let it be revealed. A waterfall, his madrigal. An inland sea, his symphony. Undinal songs Urge the sailors on Till lured by the sirens' cry. Now as the river dissolves in sea, So Neptune has claimed another soul. And so with gods and men The sheep remain inside their pen, Until the Shepherd leads his flock away. The sands of time were eroded by The river of constant change,

I discover some spots of beauty: the fruits on a "Sabres"- cactus (when I first came to Israel in 1960, Jews who were born in Israel, - unlike most others who had immigrated - were called "Sabres", meaning: outside thorny, but inside sweet... And then - hanging on the bare branch of a tree: the skin of a snake! Just before I reached the western "outskirts" of Bet-Nehemya, where the fence runs along the road Shoham-Ben-Shemen junction, I turned into a street to the north, which led into the village. The first house was a kitschy marvel in ever so many respects: First some stalks of Hatzav , one of them particularly huge totally out of place - in front of cultivated Geranium flowers (Hatzav is a wild flower which announces the end of the summer).     Then I watched the strange composition of "utensils" around the strange family name Khushkho, the old pail with the address: farm 11, the old milk-can and the rocket or whatever this is between two flags above a bombastic gate with the words: Welcome!

Mika - before going to sleep in my room:
"Imma, it's your birthday [actually on July 5], I want to put this wreath on you"
(it's a chain of wooden beads, which I once received from Ayelet).
Then she played "Flour-Sack", but instead of "Flour-Sack on the Back",
she sang "Flour-Sack on the head" and laughed her grand laughter,
until she fell off her mother's back on her own back!...

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Intro to k.i.s.s.-l o g + all dates ~ Library of 7 years ~ HOME ~ contact ~ SEARCH ( of Latin characters only!)                  my eldest granddaughter's video-gallery

whole&full-filled, never perfect&complete

Keep It Simple Sweetheart
K.I.S.S. - L O G    2 0 0 8