I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
1
2
3
4
5
6
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"AZ
NIDBERU"
- My
new Midrash and song
in 5 languages
about the prophecy of Malachi
3, 16
["YHWH" is named "HA-SHEM"= The
Name]
Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk
among each other,
and he listens and he
hears
yatakaalamuna allathina
yarau'na-hu ,
va-yusri va-yasma'
Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander,
und er lauscht und er
hoert
Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent
l'un a l'autre
il entends,
il ecoute
It seems that I chose 26 actors
for my life's drama and those 26 actors chose me! One
common trait of all roles is "mutual dependency"
between them and me.
With 16 actors - my family - the mutual
dependency is life-long! With my landlords
at Arad & with my
6 starchildren, born
between 1986-88, it may be temporary. My children: Immanuel, Ronnit, Micha; my
children-in-love: Efrat, Uri, Ra'ayah; my 10 grandchildren [born
1987-2005): Elah-Alon-Tomer-Mika; Jonathan-Rotem-Yael-Itamar;
Arnon-Ayelet
My landlords: Ofir & Meital+ Lior (2002) & Amit (2005).
My starchildren: Lior Oren, Zipi Winkler , Dina Strat , Meshi
Taib, Gal Mor, Boris Arons [26=YHWH=13+13=ahavah+ahavah =LOVE!]
Actions: Washed my hair
Kisslog: healing-creating
8:00 private BD w. Mika
Being with Tomer and his songs on the computer
Celebrating Birthday
Washing many dishes
Interactions:
with all my family except
for Jonathan who didn't come though he promised to Immanuel.
Intense interaction with Yael & indirectly with her mother,
also with Arnon, a
bit with Alon,
very good communication at night between Immanuel, Efrat and
Me.
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may
9:25 I desire to feel, vibrate & accept
my fears of this day & transform them into intention &
creation I desire to balance between being present-radiating-available,even if I am not really needed,
and being al-one, - embracing and moving my body - even if I
cannot retreat physically
I desire - in particular - to vibrate Body, when
I feel embarrassed & when feeling that others are embarrassed
by me
I desire to savor each situation of harmony & fun and to
be grate-full IN each moment of joy.
I desire to flow with my making mistakes, like missing chances
to savor a person or a moment!
a
trinity and 3 years....
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
9:41 My Body,
my Partner,
my God
I give thanks to you for usually being awake and alive,
and please heal that tiredness and fatigue which is paralyzing
me.
I give thanks to you for your capacity to vibrate and heal
my feelings,
if I only LET you!
I am grate-full , immensely
grate-full
for Mika's coming to this planet,
and for having been chosen by her
as a main actor in her drama!
I'm grate-full for the way I coped with the quests of old
"partners",
the hidden quest of Hagai Lev and the open quest of Margrit.
I'm grate-full that I can accept the "ingratitude"
of my "ridiculous" fears
and that I can thank for the very fact that I feel these
"I breathe and embrace every moment in my feeling" --- to
vicariously feel and sense this , vibrate, move &
sound this...
Birthday breakfast with Mika's big sister Elah
and big brother Alon
Sometimes Mika knows to play with herself
so wonderfully
15:04 Thanks for a really good afternoon nap
of one hour!
Tomer - who was brought from Ben-Shemen by Immanuel around 12:20
-
asked me exceptionally politely:"Can
I be with you, grandma?" only
after an hour
(we blew up balloons, after I had tried to make a rope of wool
for hanging them up)
So he let me listen to all kinds of songs, in Hebrew, English,
even German,
most songs were "oriental-depressive", as he explained,
somebody who describes prison life, asking his parents for forgiveness
etc.
Though I was truly interested, I still was overcome with that
tiredness and fatigue,
which - as I discerned now - stems from "lack of intensity",
from needing to be "receptive" instead of active and
creative for "too long".
The other main feeling during the time after breakfast with
Elah and Alon,
who came around 10:oo ,
was the eternal fear, that "something is expected from
me, but I don't know what",
and also the urge "to take advantage of the presence"
of this or that child, grandchild,
but I don't know, how they would like me to do that, if at all.
This is the situation right now, too:
Mika already woke up from her nap, crying,
because she wasn't given the "right" clothing at first
( now, that she is content, I don't like the combination at
all, "but that's how one goes today",
explained Efrat,
when I couldn't help expressing my discontent. "I know, but that doesn't mean that
I like it. .") Alon is at the piano again -
"I learn't from my teacher how to improvise". Which is very nice, but my attempt to
show my - true -interest, wasn't "bonding".
His father explained, that Alon by his own free will changed
class recently,
so that he'll be able to make his "bagrut" in music.
Elah orders Mika's toys in the corner of the living-room,
Immanuel, as usual, is busy with baking.
Efrat does many different things,
she asked me now - to cut mint in the garden for tea,
and while I was doing so, Tomer came out of the house,
slamming the door behind him, seeing my face:"Sorry", meaning, that now I couldn't enter through
it, "no, what I'm sorry for, is a) that
you promised we would talk,
b) that you go out smoking, I hoped this was over."
"What made you think this?" "After all that happened
and also after I explained to you, that with smoking it's either
yes or no
I'm really me'vu'aesaet..." Now 3:36 I'll be "around", and
feel and vibrate all I feel,
and try to savor whatever I can catch
without ruining it by my feelings.... [See more tomorrow...]
Mika you are a star that's
born
The world opens slowly-slowly
to your seeing eyes,
to your hearing ears.
"I have a big heart", you say,
love, compassion you guard
for every human, creature,
the light of a star you radiate.
Yael,
with her clarinet, plays
and Arnon sings
my tune, improved by Arnon.
Ayelet
and Itamar sing their own tune,
with an addition of 4 lines:
Mika you are a good friend,
Mika you are a wonderful cousin,
Mika you are always in our head,
celebrating today that you are three.
Actions: Washed my hair
Kisslog: healing-creating
8:00 private BD w. Mika
Being with Tomer and his songs on the computer
Celebrating Birthday
Washing many dishes
Interactions:
with all my family except
for Jonathan who didn't come though he promised to Immanuel.
Intense interaction with Yael & indirectly with her mother,
also with Arnon, a
bit with Alon,
very good communication at night between Immanuel, Efrat and
Me.
