The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.i.s.s. as stated 10 years ago - was and is to help me and my potential PEERS to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness, and - as holograms - all of Creation!

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2011 and Overview of its main libraries [If you look for a word on this page, click ctrl/F and put a word in "search"]

As the fruit of becoming whole = accepting all of myself, I desire: to live and explore and evolve   L O V E   in my personal life and to play my part in creating the conditions for Heaven-on-Earth by radiating grate-full-ness, zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment on the actors in my individual life-drama and on all human beings!

 

A recycled bicycle-wheel , covered with palm fronds, served as moving flag above the first Abraham succah, representing the source of energy in 'Desert Economy'. May the sun       cycling       in the wind move us towards fulfilling our dreams.

A month ago I took Tomer and Alon down to the Succah for 2 days and 2 nights.
We traveled by train & busses and finally walked the 7 km to the Succah like pilgrims.
In Mitzpe-Ramon we passed by Gadi's and Efrat's house.
I hoped, this would stir up Gadi from his too long lethargy.
And it did.
On the last day of the year 2002 Gadi sent me a document.
It was surprisingly satisfactory.
With only minor corrections and a better edition of the graphics I sent it back

This bad photo, Gadi, the professional photographer, made with his first digital camera.
"But I want you to remember this meeting with your grandkids and my sons on 2002_12_27."

The racing clouds the next morning gave hope for rain.
But the storm calmed down and my heart darkened.
A walk to the northern side of the desert road to Egypt,
which is "Firing Zone" and therefore not accessed by "usual" folks
brought no relief to my soul, but mysterious tiredness to my body.
I wanted to visit the ruins of the Nabataean town
of what may have been our region in that incarnation,
and further north the large cave high up in a hill, which I call "Elia's Cave",
in order to remember both my hellish and my heavenly experiences there.
Instead I lay down several times on the desert earth, tired and depressed,
and only some tiny first spring flowers, so lonely in the brownish vastness,
moved my stony heart.
I returned, crawling back to "Isaac" and did what Elia was told to do:
I slept, woke up and slept.

I decided to walk to the highest ridge of the crater,
not along any path, but up and down the stony hills.

What did I want to achieve with Gadi and Avi?
Just to sign the document was not satisfactory.

So often had I fallen into this trap : My ardent desire for reconciliation had carried the adversaries away! Each one overrode hidden feelings.

Drawing clarity from the clear desert
I felt, how pieces of reality coalesced.

Ascending the ridge and descending to the path back,
I kept composing and rehearsing these pieces -aloud.

"I do not aspire any longer to heal your pain.
I don't even ask you to face each other.
What I want is that all of us face our fear.
For it is fear, what runs the world:

"What you, Avi, did, was clearly in the interest of the Succah:
Without you the Succah had not survived and will not survive.
But instead of overriding Gadi, you should have won him over.
Why did you make Gadi feel, he was deceived like Esau?
Because you, Avi, were afraid of Gadi.
Or better: afraid of your own weakness.
Afraid you couldn't cope with Gadi's feelings.

Is Avi exceptional among humans?

Look at yourself, Gadi!

"We agreed, that you would call Avi before he returns to the Succah,
so that you can really reach him and fix with him our meeting today.
But instead of calling him before 5 PM, you left a message at 10PM.
For you are too afraid to meet him on the phone rightaway.
You prefer to leave a message, so that he has to call YOU.

"On January 1, I urged you to not fax your document to Avi,
but to go and see him and stay next to him, while he reads.
But you only called Avi with regard to that Succah dinner.
On January 6, after the dinner of the group you'd brought,
you gave Avi the document without awaiting his response.
Since I had prepared Avi for this encounter,
he was a bit pissed off by your fast depart.
Still he promised to call you after digesting.

"Some days later he met you at the supermarket.
He approached you: "Hi, Gadi!"
But you, instead of opening up to this opportunity,
hardly lifted your head and voice and Avi felt hurt.
Did you want to take revenge and hurt him? - No!
Your terrible shyness, i.e. fear ruined your interest.

"'I should have gone after him up to the cash counter,
but I'm not that great yet,' Avi had admitted to me.

" Before you went abroad, Gadi, you and Avi agreed,
that before the middle of November we would meet
 for bringing our peace-process to an official closure.
You returned home and called neither Avi nor me.
It was me, who after 2 months took the initiative.

"You justified yourself saying: 'I needed time.'
If you needed time, you could have told us so.
What you needed, was - to express your fear.

"And now remember, how in 2001 you said to Avi:
'I want to stay away from the Succah for a while.'
You were afraid to tell him, why, how, until when.
You just disappeared, for months on end.
If not for Avi's "guillotine" ten months later,
you may still be fretting silently in your house.
When you ran into each other at the gas station,
you faked not to notice Avi, and so did he.
None of you could cope with the other.
Both of you were nurturing your pain.

"You, Gadi, at least got tools from me to cope.
while you, Avi, were never trained by me,
except in that one day workshop in 1999,
to which I came to you from the Dead Sea.
But the effect of that training vanished fast.
You had adopted the defense-mechanism,
that anger, pain and fear are best ignored.

"Gadi and Efrat never heard from you,
why you showed such unfriendliness.

"Why? Because you were afraid,
you could not handle the outcome
 of making them face what you felt.

"And what about Gadi's bomb - his son's Bar-Mitzwa,
telling you to leave the Succah during the celebration?
You feared to cope and preferred to let rage destroy.

"That was a big fear, but what about the small fears?
Hadn't we agreed that you would visit me last week?
You couldn't make it, but why did you not tell me so?
When I asked you on the phone, you were defensive.
Wasn't this fear?
Face to face you admitted you should have told me.

 

"And now to all of you the centerpiece of fear:
Nov. 1999: my quest to be the Succah's guest,
in silence& solitude, not to be seen by anyone.

"You invited me into this tent and - refused me.

"You, Avi, at least expressed your fright openly:
"You'll sit like the Dalai Lama on the hill of the Angels' Flight
and folks will flock around you and lift their hands in adoration."

Also Dorit, your partner, was honest about her fear:
"I can't be around all these emotions, which you radiate."

I don't remember, how you Efrat justified your refusal.
But when we met again after almost 3 years, you said:
"We had hardly gained some balance with Avi & Dorit.
We feared that your presence would ruin this balance."

"You, Gadi, said, you didn't mind me being a guest,
but that you felt you needed to join the majority.

"There you have fear in its full monstrosity:
Couldn't you two have come and said to me:
"Rachel, we are ashamed to refuse you!
But we are so afraid of Avi and Dorit,
can you understand us and forgive us?"
And you know, I would have understood.

"You were terrified of your partners,
and you were terrified of facing me.

"There you see, fear on all parts.
Fear is also, what now threatens the planet's survival:

The Third World fears the West's arrogance/domination. They fight their fear with terror. The West fears annihilation and fights its fear with war. The Palestinians fear Israel's arrogance/domination. They fight their fear with terror. Israel fears annihilation and fights its fear with anti-terror.

"And for you to see, that I don't see myself above you,
let me tell you two experiences, which dictated my life:

I "grew" up with being smacked and screamed at.
As a result I developed a strong phobia of grownups.
I was ten, when a 14 year old boy said: lets fuck.
Since he was a grownup, I did not dare to resist.
When I was 22 and returned from my scholarship year in Israel,
I, one of the first Germans, during the year of the Eichman trial,
I invited my mother to Venice, compensating for my long absence.
Sleeping beside her in the hotel, I woke up from a nightmare:
In a Nazi jail, my fiance Martin Fincke was about to be hanged.
It was not fear for my life, which paralyzed my interfering,
but terror of opposing "the grownups".

Up to this day I may catch myself crawling before anyone
who is older in age or "higher in rank" or simply "popular".

"I do not know, how to heal your fear, Avi, Gadi, Efrat.
But I believe, that more awareness of our common fear
will make us compassionate with our own fearful selves
and therefore with those who hurt us out of their fear."

I then gave each a scrap of paper with two of my songs.
Songs about self-acception
I didn't sing but read them, looking into everyone's eyes.

"I do not know, how to heal your fear, Avi, Gadi, Efrat.
But I believe, that more awareness of our common fear
will make us compassionate with our own fearful selves
and therefore with those who hurt us out of their fear."

I then gave each a scrap of paper with two of my songs.
Songs about self-acception
I didn't sing but read them, looking into everyone's eyes.

 

I felt, they had listened intently and understood deeply.
I then asked Gadi to read the document aloud.
The discussion of some points made me see with great joy,
that our consensus about the Succah's character & message
was perfect and total!

Three of Avi's stories may exemplify this:

ONE: The ordeal of achieving legalization has ended lately.
17,5 hectare are registered at the Israel Land Administration.
This includes the absurdity, that 0.4 ha are "building space".
The mayor of Mitzpe-Ramon, who is informed of this fact,
now brings along real estate agents with all too known aims.
Avi shoves them out of the Abraham succah:
"In 10-15 years you will visit with your grandkids
and still discover the same relation and proportion
between human structures and untouched nature.
For they make Desert Hosting Economy possible."

TWO: Last Sunday the Succah was closed down.
But, as it happens, towards the evening guests arrived.
They pleaded to not be turned away and Avi agreed.
Later he found out, it was the US deputy ambassador
and probably a CIA man, with their wifes.
In one of the succahs the gas-heater stopped.
The guests came down for help and were told,
that the empty gas tank needed to be replaced.
"It was 9 PM and the team-workers had gone to sleep.
I fetched the tank and started to carry it to that succah.
The guests were perplex.
'But why YOU? Aren't you the boss?'
'There is no boss here. We all do our share of work.'
They were pleased and insisted in helping me carry."

THREE: Among all the touristic enterprises here,
only the Succah has to pay Arnona [municipal taxes].
The others have too many debts already.
The hotel, which belongs to a man who owns 4 hotels in Eilat,
got exempted, and received a large sum of money in addition,
since he threatened to close the hotel and fire 70 workers.
I asked: "So how much do you pay for taxes, licenses etc?"
"6000 NIS per month, among a budget of about 30000.
It's like a salary, but since I don't take a salary, I manage.
People think, I'm an idealist, they don't understand,
that I just love to live here and love to do, what I do."

We signed the agreement, wholeheartedly, I think.

Then Avi offered his thoughtful gesture:
"The Purim festival is not too far away.
It's the only Jewish festival,
that starts with sorrow and ends with joy.
If it suits you and all your kids, and Rachel too,
you'll be not just Succah guests, but MY guests.
Before you'll go to sleep in the Ismael succah,
We'll do, what tradition asks for: drink wine,
until we can't discern between enemy and friend."

Efrat said: "A stone fell from my heart."
Gadi said the same, but only at the end of the day.
During the meeting Gadi's face showed pain, especially later,
when he entered "Nebo" to take back some personal stuff.
I had erected "Nebo" as an open structure,
from which visitors could view the succah,
like Moses on Mount Nebo could view the Land,
but without entering it, unless they were guests.
When Gadi's family moved to Mitzpe-Ramon,
he wanted to live in a succah of his own,
and turned Nebo into a closed geodesic structure.
Like the Tent of Appointment - Nebo was wrong.
1) It's structure and interior were beautiful,
but too hot in summer, too cold in winter.
2) It exceeded the appointed number of 12 sleeping spaces.
3) Visitors again had no place to inform themselves,
unless they entered the "Abraham" and weighed down on the team.

In his "Lekh-Lekha", as Gadi too calls his parting from the Succah,

Gadi renounces any right to the Succah, except one:

if ever Avi would leave the Succah,
for reasons of health or any other reason,
Gadi, Efrat and Rachel would decide - together with Avi-
on the Succah's future.

And - of course - no one can inherit the Succah, should Avi die.

He added one of the best photos he ever made in the Succah:
It is full of future:
the pyramidal tent and the sun bursting through the clouds

"How great is your goodness
which you have concealed
for those who fear you
(=are communicating with you )
You hide them in the hiddenness of your face,
you conceal them in the succah"

There was nothing spectacular
in the closure
of our peace-process.

When I felt
that something was missing,
Efrat said:
"But for me it's alright not to talk or have a ceremony.
I just want to enjoy
the "nofesh la-nefesh"
in our succah."
They stayed in the Isaac succah,
and "nofesh la-nefesh"
- recreation for the soul -
was my slogan,
when I advertised the Succah.

"Do you remember this cat?"
asked Gadi, pointing to the piano.
"Ten years ago
you had two cats in the Succah, one you called Yang
and he is gone,
and one you called Yin."
"And you want to tell me,
that this is Yin?"

"Yes, this is YOUR YIN!"