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continuation of "The Plight of the Indigo Seer", i.e. the Mother in Delphi

"Does that mean everyone hates and blames me?" she implored.

"They know they don't want you to lead them anymore. You had better look closely at where your way has taken not only you, but all of us! For someone who has claimed to be so much more all seeing and knowing than the rest of us, you sure have made a mess of things!" he said.

"That's not true!" She cried out again.

He grabbed her hard by the wrist then, as though he was going to take her to her room, but while he was thinking about this, she was fighting him and resisting his grip. He let her go, but he let her go in such a way that he backhanded her in the face.

Oh, how I hated having to watch them fighting in that way there, unable to get through to them any more than they were getting through to each other. In that moment, when he could have saved her or at least gotten her out of there to a place where they could have moved some emotions, there was only a gap that could not be crossed yet.

Sickened by her bitterness and self-hatred there, he was barely able to move past his own desire to get violent with her. He was full of blame for her and saw her as singlehandedly ruining their situation there. He walked away and left her there alone. Suddenly the temple was overwhelmingly empty in feeling to her, as if he had gone already and left her behind. She wanted to run after him, but she was too frozen in emotional pain to do anything other than hold her body in the most rigid control that she could. She especially feared going after him in another emotional outburst, which it would surely have become if she had moved at all.

He got to his room and moved past all of the emotion he felt there to get to the place of being able to implement the plan of departure he had made for himself and all of his temple people who wanted to go with him. He had made the plan the night before when she had finally told him what was going on, and he now saw that it was necessary to flee immediately. The head of the Delphi city state had something up his sleeve, and he could now see that the sense of timing was to take them by surprise.

She sat back down where she had been with a long list of anguished "if onlys" running through her mind as he went through the motions of getting the departure in order. He gave no outer sign of his feelings, other than the tone of held rage in his voice as he moved forward with his plans, but she felt, whether she was near

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him or not, a continual blame from him that he had done nothing wrong and that it was all her fault.

He had his own inner dialogue going on, too, as he moved through his preparations. He was furious at her that he was going to have to leave so many of the writings he was working on behind. He had several works in progress that he was "never going to finish now," he said to himself. He felt like she had ripped from him everything that had made his life worth living and, without even consulting him about it as though he had no say in the matter, had pulled him down with her.

"Well, she can go further down if she wants to, but I am not going to go down with her! For what? So we can both go down?" He hated her guilt that was just going to let herself go down there and not even try to save herself or go with him. He hated guilt and called it the miserable yoke of the masses. He told himself he couldn't get far enough away from her fast enough and didn't know it was a broken heart he was feeling there.

His plan was to go to a place far away which he simply knew as the Isle, and later as Avalon, known today as Glastonbury, England. He already felt some old familiarity with it from the days of Atlantis, a feeling shared by a number of the temple people, but he was not going to let her know in case he could not make her go with him and the Romans made her talk. He did not like her decision not to go, but he was so angry at her that he convinced himself he no longer cared and did not know that he was empowering the gap that was moving against them just as much or more than she [?????] was with his unmoved emotion.

He felt an attack of overwhelming tiredness which he felt he must overcome immediately. He had so much to do, and they needed to leave as soon as they possibly could. He had the people gathered by a heart man who had been close to him there in the temple. He attended to the last of the things he was taking with them, and when they had made sure they had everyone who was going, they left with what they had in readiness. The last thing he did before leaving was go to get her, but when he reached the place where she had been sitting, she was not there. He looked for her in her room, and she was not there, either. He was feeling panicky about where she had gone and what she might be doing there but felt he dared not take time to look for her anymore.

He joined the rest of the temple people, and each carrying bundles, servants and temple people alike, they made their way quietly and unobtrusively, in small groups, through the streets in a

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She had told him "no" before, when she felt he had sexual designs on her but had felt an uncomfortable dishonesty when her fear said, "We both have to be above such things," only to hear this rage tell him later, "No! I love another in this way!" and then refuse to tell him who. When he told her not to talk to the head of the temple specifically , she had felt sure he already knew, but now she feared he knew even more than that. She had a resurgence of fear from the frightening, sexual pictures she did not like looking at. She hesitated in a hidden place outside his quarters for some time, feeling quite frozen in terror and wonderng if she should be making this move. She wanted to run back and plead with the head of the temple to take her with him, but rage told her to get control of herself and go ahead.

She did not know how long she had been standing there when she came back to herself enough to realize that even though the guards at his door were sleeping, she was likely to be discovered by the dogs if she did not reveal herself. The voice of rage was in her ear again, saying, "Are you crazy? You have nothing to lose. You have nothing to go back to. It doesn't mattr what they think of you."

She knocked on his door. The startled guards came to and the dogs started barking at the same time that a servant answered the door. The guards pretended that they had already questioned her before they had knocked and were relieved when she revealed herself as the head oracle at the temple, rather than as someone who should not have had access to the promenade.

She movied quickly to step into the entranceway before the guards could think any further about whether she should have been there anyway. After all, rage told her to posture, she did have a position and should use it to gain access there. She told the servant that she had to have an audience with the head of the city state as soon as possible, even if it meant calling him out of the party.She realized that it had to look like urgent business, or she had no business at all not waiting for him to seek an audience with her. The servant, after looking at her for a few moments, went to call him from the party.

The head of the city state did not come to his quarters, and the longer she waited there, the less she felt she wanted to face him or that she had anything to say that he would listen to. She was pacing up and down in fear and rage, almost leaving several times, and feeling strong urges to run back to the temple and go with the rest of the people.

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Several times, it felt as if the head of the temple was strongly drawing her there, but whenever she tried to feel or see what that was, the voice that was holding her there would say something to which she was vulnerable, such as, "You wish!" or "You have no reason to leave here except your own fear," or, "You've always tried to avoid facing certain things; you need to face this and find out what is going to happen here," or just plain, "You can't run away,' or "Where are you going to run to? You have nowhere to run! You are not wanted at the temple, or anywhere else. Stay here and see this through. You're so vacillating!" It even told her that fear had no use, and she should get it out of the way.

She was just about to leave when the head of the city state came in. He seemed quite drunk to her and had a girl with him who was making sexual advances on him as though they had come into his chambers to have sex.

When they saw her there, standing by his door, the head of the city state acted surprised and drew himself up. "What are you doing here at this time of night, uninvited and unescorted?" he demanded to know in a drunken and surly tone of voice. "How did you get in here?' And then, to the girl with him, "She must be someone off the street." (sic)

She stepped forward then, actually thinking, he did not recognize her. "Don't you recognize your own temple's head oracle?" she said. He looked at her face which she could not see, but which was reddened and somewhat swollen, and then her wrist, which she noticed for the first time. It was red and swollen.

"See, I told you she likes bondage," he said as an aside to the girl who was assessing her with eyes of positioning superiority, as though she was standing there as naked as she suddenly felt she was. It was the purple look again.

She, feeling very small and unimportant suddenly, could not get her mouth together to speak to him and could not remember anything she might have wanted to say. Awkwardly, she stumbled out with the words, "I had wanted to speak with you, but I can see that now is not the right time." Her voice did not even seem ike her voice and it sounded far away to her ears.

"It's not the right time unless I request an audience" he told her gruffly.

"Please excuse my intrusion," she replied, feeling rage leaving her in a rush as though she was falling down some horrible hole, "It was something private and urgent." She hoped he would not ask

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her what it was now since she could nto remember and her mind was going blank.

He did not even respond. He just gestured to his man-servant to put her out and turned his attenton back to the girl. Her feelings of displacement were now complete.

"Stand up!" rage kept sceaming at her in her head. "Stand up, and tell him what you really think!" But it was as though she was hearing rage from a distance now, and she was swirling in terror.

"The audacity!" she heard him say as she felt herself taken by the arm and put out of the door. He felt gleefully playful now, because she had just played into his hands. He could have her guarded now, know where she was and get her taken out of there wihtout causing a stir in the temple.

[Sept.19, 2012-I remember, how I let my own rage take over and crossed the border to Egypt and when the last drop of water had run out, approached a Beduin camp and was smoothly delivered into the hands of the Egyptian authorities. I was in prison, I was interrogated, but the end of this self-delivery and "playing into their hands" was better than the end of the Mother in Delphi]

She felt emotionally numb when her brown feet touched the cold stones outside. By the temperature of them, she knew it must be late by now. She felt a sudden urge to rush back to the temple, to fly as fast as she could, but she was having trouble gettng her feet to move.

The guards took hold of her to keep her from falling down. They had been told to take her across a different colonnade to a place in the city state's palace and make sure she stayed there, but she did not know it. She so wanted someone to extend some hand of helpfulness to her that she actually thought they were being helpful when they startedto walk her back.

As they took her across the colonnade, her legs were still going out from under her in terror when she realized they were not taking her back. She was frantic to have them let her go then, vain as her hopes might be there, but she did not want to let them know this. She didn't want them to go back with her, either, and find the temple people either gone or leaving.

"Let me go, I'm all right now," she said to them then. She tried to calm herself, but she was trembling all over her body. The guards were holding her, as well as not letting her go. She felt she must get control of herself. She asked them if she could sit down for a few moments. She looked over to the temple, but in her emotional state, she could not be sure if the people were gone. The guards seemed impatient, but she wanted to see if the temple people were really gone.

She pled with them to let her go back to her room alone, telling them that she really was all right, she had just needed a few moments, but they would not let her go and she could not say any-

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thing to make them let her go by herself. She now had to face it that her hopes were lost.

Walking with the guards, she could only look at her feet, focusing on them getting her there, one step at a time. She was experiencing herself as if in a dream, or some place that was not reality as she knew it. She was having feelings swirling through her in emotional chaos, and the guards were having to hold her up most of the way. She felt drugged and seemed to be vaguely remembering having had this feeling before. She had fears the guards were going to rape her there, stemming from pictures of disgust she had seen arise from them, as though they had seen her there, in that doorway, in that state before, but it was all so confusing she could not seem to tell if it was just now or sometime before.

She was swirlng as if she was going to throw up and seeing strange pictures, as thouh the head of the city state had taken her sexually. She felt as if she was trying to come out of a deep trance and could not do it. She had strange pictures of him undressing her, or maybe dressing her with the help of his man-servant, of her resisting him, of him slapping her. It was all so confusing she did not know what was happening to her. She didn't know if this was real or just pictures she was seeing around him again. She felt love for him; maybe she had hidden, sexual desire for him and wasn't letting herself notice it. She did, but it was my light she saw there in a state of denial.

I tried to let her know what was happening to her there, but she did not trust it when I said to her, "He has given you drugs and traumatized you into not remembering," because it was not happening to her right then, and she did not know what was really happening to her anymore.

When they got her to where they were taking her, they sat her down on a stone bench and withdrew a short distance to a place where they could play a game and still watch her. She sat there, too numb to move anything anymore, but she was making bitter judgments, and they were powerful judgments, given the amount of held emotion she had that was going with them there, and given how deeply she was triggered into her subconscious.

I'm not going to mention all of them, but her stream of judgments went something like this, "I never want to have another position of any power or even a position of any kind ever again as long as I have to reincarnate on this Earth. I cannot make a difference, no matter how hard I try. Those who really have the power can take mine away, as though I am nothing anyway. They have

I am not a killer.
A killer at least has enough decency
to stop torturing people.
He kills to stop pain.
Terror is his entourage until he reaches his victim,
and then it's over.
I am more of a torturing kind, just as certain,
but slow and mean.

I crawl into your bed while you are asleep.
I creep into your dreams
and attack you from the inside where you can't fight me.
I torture you with passion, with persistency
only a rejected lover knows.
I rejoice in endless shades of my brutality,
spurred by sick fantasies and thirst for revenge.

After all this time I've learned your every step
before you even make it.
I am whispering horror in your sleeping brain
as you leave your body out in the open,
helplessly depending entirely on my mercy.
Until morning comes to deliver you from your hell.

I suck you clean
leaving you willess, exhausted and powerless to the day.
I won't stop till there's nothing left of you for the world,
for others,
especially for your lover.
Finally, he too gets tired of you and leaves.
Only then I am completely satisfied.

I enjoy my role of torturer
in your long sleepless nights full of nightmares,
knowing you can't close your eyes for fear of terror
you might find in endless corners of your mind.

This is how I want you to wait for the dawn!

I know you are being secretly fed by hope
that the dawn will come and deliver you from this dread.
Sometimes I feel generous.
I allow you your hope,
only to make you realize again and again,
how barren it really is.
It has lead you nowhere.

The real morning never comes for you,
there is no deliverance from this,
only a new day, weary and gray like your every day.
Your tears and pain don't move me.

This is my revenge for your stupid obstinacy and defiance.

The new day has come.
A gentle touch with a painter's brush,
a sign at the bottom of my canvas.
Here! It is finished. And I am proud of my creation.

Rembrandt of all master torturers ­ that's who I am!

And your lover, your secret lover,
the one you keep hiding from me,
the one with whom you've been plotting against me
- with your stupid secret plans,
the very same one you are clinging onto,
holding him with a spasmodic grasp,
begging him not to leave you helpless and alone, y
our last hope in your endless battle with me IS ME!

HA! I have been playing this game within you
through Eternity,
through the centuries and days,
hours and minutes.
And all the while I've been asking myself,
when will you finally get it that YOU ARE ME?

"Like all reactionary contraction in manifestation,
the original cause of the Torturer
is in the imploding of the Psychopathic Killer.
In this Creation he is quintessential Lucifer
[see Healing-K.i.s.s.>puzzle-piece 24: Lucifer and Ahriman]
trying to dominate the Will essence
and therefore take Creation away from God.

"This was the trait of Spirit that the Mother hated the most,
and it was the first thing Spirit put outside of himself
when he used the dividing line
to separate out everything he believed the Mother didn't like about him.
[Linked to Healing Class - Lesson Two-The Spirit Polarity-Part Two: Divine Codependency]


It started innocently enough for Spirit;
torture began with his curiosity about the Feminine
soon after he first discovered her.
Spirit initially distrusted her,
and rather than engage with her in communication as an equal,
Spirit poked and prodded her to find out what would happen.
[Linked to Healing Class - Lesson Three: Reclaiming Lost Spirit. Part One: Ahriman]

"He wanted information, but rather than ask for it, he simply took it.
That trait became part of Lucifer's strategy of dominion over the Mother,
and therefore over Creation.
The voice of the Torturer you find now in the recesses of your mind
is the voice of Lucifer
still sowing doubt and skepticism about love and life,
still trying to break the Mother, the Will of Creation.

"When you believe his lies,
your spirit unconsciously sides with Lucifer,
and the Mother in you becomes weak and powerless,
and often crumbles in despair.
Lucifer, the Torturer, can then use your Will against you.
You may even hear yourself say, "I want to die."
And the Torturer's response may go like this,
"You don't deserve that, you were meant to suffer forever."
Inflicting pain to break the Will is the way of the Torturer,
and standard operating procedure for Lucifer.

"There are two ways you can work with the Torturer.
The first is to realize that although his voice is within you, it not your own voice.
Even though it may often sound like your own inner voice,
it did not begin with you.
These are the ancient taunts and insults of Lucifer
whispering in the ear of the Universal Feminine over the eons.
Realizing this, you can choose to either ignore the voice, or to talk back to it.

"You want to be careful to not oppose the voice,
because your opposition will only make it stronger and louder.
You can, however, say something like this to the voice,
'I hear what you're saying, now let's watch and see what happens next.'

"Then find some of the energy in your body
that was triggered by what you just heard from the voice in your head,
and feel into that energy where it centers in Body.
Your shift of attention from the thoughts of the voice
to the feeling of the energy
will quiet the mind, and therefore the voice.

"When you feel the energy in Body that was triggered by the voice,
you may want to do a judgment release
or deep denial release
[linked to "Releasing Deep Denial Energy" in "True Sacrifice"]
before bringing your unconditional loving acceptance
to the feeling energy of the part of the sentient essence
that had just been triggered.
When you do this, Lucifer leaves this part of the Mother in you.
You can then replace him
by channeling loving Spirit's energy to this part of your Will.

"The second way you can work with the Torturer
is to follow the process outlined in Redeeming the Devils.
With this approach, you essentially align with loving Spirit
and take full responsibility
for the qualities and traits of the Torturer
a s     y o u r     o w n .
When you are the Torturer, you can then simply stop torturing.

"As Spirit mentions on the page about redeeming the devils,
this is advanced work
and it requires a firm sense of your fundamental innocence
and deep alignment with loving Spirit.
This approach is good to use
only after you have fully felt and given your unconditional loving acceptance
to the tortured Will essence in you."

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only domination in mind and don't care about life, love or happiness on this Earth. I wish I never had to live again. It is only a fantasy of mine that love could ever prevail on this Earth. I want to make them fall in any way I can, because I never want to be used by them like this again. I can't have the love of my life so there is no life for me anymore."

[September 19, 2012]

SOME MORE INFORMATION
ON HOW THE GAP
MOVED DOWN THROUGH THE CHAKRAS

In the gap I have been describing here, it as been very hard to look at the light and see what has really been going on in there, because it has been harsh to blinding, and those lookng have felt they could not look into it very well or for very long. The light has said it has been because most people cannot handle looking upon the light of God, but that is not it. We did not want what we were really doing there to be seen. We had our unmoving rage out in front of us as the protection we thought we needed from a gap we did not understand or want to look at. We preferred to make most people feel pushed back and as though they dared not question the light of God, but this was not the real light of God. IT WAS NOT LOVING LIGHT, BECAUSE WE wERE NOT ALLOWING ENOUGH wILL PRESENCE TO HAVE THE MOVEMENT NECESSARY TO SOFTEN THAT LIGHT.wE PERCEIVED THAT ONLY AS MAKING OPENINGs FOR INROADS WE DID NOT WANT TO HAVE THERE. [????]

i PREFERRED THEN TO USE mY UNMOVED RAGE TO KEEP THIS GAP IN PLACE SO THAT i DID NOT HAVE TO LOOK AT IT OR EVEN NOTICE IT THERE, BUT i HAVE MOVED PAST THIS POSITION, AND YOU NEED TO NOW, TOO.

tHErE HAS BEEN A MAJOR GAP BETWEEN THE UPPER AND LOWER CHaKRAS THAT NEEDS A LOT OF WORK TO CLOSE. tHIS HAS bEEN LOCATEd BETWEEN BLUE AND GREEN, BUT THErE ARE GAPS BETWEEN ALL OF THE CHAKRAS THAT NEED TO CLOSE NOW FOR THIS TO HEAL. wE HaVE NOT BEEN tAKING ENOUGH RESPONSIBILITY IN THE UPPER CHAKRAS, BUT IT IS NOW TIME FOR ALL OF THE CHAKRAS TO HELP uS HEAL THIS BY NOT HOLDING BACK ANYMOrE THE KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING THEY DO HAVE, BUT MOST OF ALL, THIS NEEDS MOVEMENT EMOTIONAL MOVEMENT.

Lost Will has felt it cannot handle this light of unmoved rage [????????????] , because it feels it and it hurts, but lost Will has pressured itself to handle it anyway [????????] because of what it has had pounded into it by Our refusal to look at Ourselves there. Because We would not let them look, they could not look without hurting themselves. Many backed away, saying they could not understand God but must do

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His bidding anyway, somehow, but underneath it, slipping down and out of the fear's acceptance of what We said here, embarrassing and terrifying to the rest of the Will, was a simmering, smoldering rage that began to be increasingly present as"other spirits" who were angry at the rest of the Will for presenting only the acceptance for what We said there. These "other spirits" said they knew what was really going on and that the light was lying about it.

I have already been describing the gap in purple, the gap between blue and purple and indigo's problems in trying to find its right place between them. Purple's gap always took spiritual truth and twisted it to make it work for them, while blue made worldly power and reversals of it the subject of the twists in their gap, both always involving sex as the power they needed but would not admit to needing or wanting to have, so love could not be present htere.

Indigo could never get the pictures of what life could be like without these gaps, and whenever indigo tried, indigo was always sneered at by these gaps as trying to give out fantasies from the romantic heart that were not real and never were going to be real. as long as these gaps have been able to be held in place, this has been true, and the means that have been used to hold them in place have been brutal, because the unloving light there has believed that it must not let love prevail, or it was going to be hurt [?????] in ways it had already heavily judged it never wanted to have to feel. It was sure it preferred lovelessness to ever having to be hurt, itself, and saw nothing else there to the extent of not even knowing what it was really doing when it sent that out into denial later when it wanted to change its mind.

There is no changing your mind without changing your feelings, too. No matter how much you work with the conscious mind, you will still revert to imprinting when those ancient, unmoved feelings that have been called the battle between the sexes are stirred. The battle between the sexes is also the battle between the upper and lower chakras and has been taking place not only outside, but also inside the self.

This has taken place as blue shoving yellow back down the throat with its rage whenever yellow has wanted to say anything about what blue has been presenting as all that needs to be looked at there. This has often configured in torture scenes as large, blue, or blue-dominated, males thrustng their penises down the throats of the Will presence or perceived Will presence there until the recipient is suffocating, gagging, choking and vomiting and then

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continuing to shove the vomit back down with more thrusts until there has been nothing left of the person's ability to say anything to blue for several lives.

This ended green's chances there, as far as green could tell, until something shifts between blue and yellow in the gap, and this is not wrong.[?????] Similar to indigo's problems in getting any loving or good feeling pictures between blue and purple in the gap there, green has not been able to find any heart presence in this approach from blue to what blue has called the upward surge from yellow that made blue feel justified in anything it decided to do there. There was no heart presence in that.

Blue never even looked at what yellow was trying to do. That was the heart of the Mother trying to move up toward it there, and blue never looked there to consider whether the Mother even had a heart, blue just took what it wanted, which was sexual gratification, a pretty face and a quiet mouth except as an orifice for sex. Whenever hatred got invovled, it was sex to the death; punishment deserved, and hatred was often involved, because green as a heart presence was not being allowed.

Green became only a tunnel that had better open for blue to thrust yellow down or suffer the consequences. If yellow vomited, it was not blue's fault; it was yellow's for not opening right to begin with. If yellow had such extended periods of nausea that it couldn't eat, blue didn't care. Blue just annihilated yellow's food, which would have mostly come from green, in its hatred for yellow's terror and made yellow eat its food, which was mostly flesh, even yellow's own flesh.

You cannot find heart presence where there is none, and you can't make a heart presence where it is not welcome. so far, there has been only a sickening and very thin yellow-green, around the edges, of yellow trying to love blue anyway or a dark, sickening green of blue pretending to love yellow without letting it vibrate the way it needs to.

Blue has not moved past its position there for a long time and needs to move off its position there as much as it possibly can and as fast as it possibly can before it is too late to heal it in this way, because orange has been going down fast and red with it. These colors have been backed down into the feet and beyond, into the Earth, where they are gong to move as more violent retribution and erupt as more earthquakes and volcanoes if blue does not move off of its position and get this healed soon. Blue urgently needs movement in its own held emotional charge around what it

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has called the surge wars [sic] between blue and yellow. What it has been perceiving as a surge from yellow is its own rage trying to come back [????] , and it needs to take responsibility for this.

Orange has been put into a position similar to indigo and green in that it cannot vibrate in the place left to it there. Yellow has been so backed down that orange has felt it had to squeeze up and get out of the way, which it did, or be shoved down under yellow, which also happened. Red, going down under these two, was also pushed out the back. Having no place to survive where it can have sex in a safe and loving way, orange has also felt that it must divorce itself [?????] from the heart of the Mother and become red again to survive.

Between red's fall from purple to let purple appear blue and organge's withdrawal in terror from what was happening to yellow' and appearing to be red again, red got an overload of displaced sexuality which blue was actually going after when it began battering yellow in a rage, both that yellow was not letting it in and that yellow was blocking it from what it wanted to have there, which was immense sexual gratification, but this was sex without love blue was demanding in the gap there, and without the mitigating secondary colors between the primary colors of blue, yellow and red, true Heart and balance will not be found in the chakras, or in the whole being, for that matter, because without balance in all of the parts, there is no such thing as a whole being.

Given the large amount of blockage in the chakra system that has pushed so much down and out, there is a lot of emotional movement that needs to take place and a lot of recall of past enactments that needs movement and understanding, especially sexual re-enactments with trauma surrounding them, even subtle trauma.

Once you get to the place of having moved enough to get to the core judgments here, you will find that they are some version of, "I must hold back my heart because I can't care," in your back, behind your heart, and in the front, "I can't ever let my heart get out in front of me like that again because it will cause me unbearable pain and suffering," which you wil feel if you try to let your heart go toward something without movement in these judgments.

In the back of yellow near the kidneys, it is, "I can never put back out the pain and suffering I have taken in because there is no place to receive me. I can never nourish myself and will be forever backed down if I try to lift up to say anything about it," and, "I will only swirl into nausea, terror and death if I open up to this, so I

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have to control this expansion I want to feel in there and not show anything that looks like I might have any power or expansion needs of my own. I especially cannot let blue see or know anything about me here, so if I have to go someplace with this, the only way I have to go is down," in the front of yellow, which is located in the stomach and small intestine region.

In orange, there is a strong current of energy running between the kidney-adrenal nerve plexus and the reproductive organs that has been holding the backed up expansion of vibration here behind judgments that said, "I do not dare vibrate. I don't dare show anyone anything or I will have to have sex whether I want to or not and in ways that I do not like or want. I can't come forward, because if I do, I am going to get into trouble. I caused all the trouble. I don't dare show anyone anything because it is going to be preyed upon."

Whenever orange has tried to come up, yellow has felt pressured in its terror that has not known which way to go behind the judgments that in women have said, "If I vibrate what I have here, I will be judged as trying to overwhelm everything, and instead of moving terror to find out if this is true, men will put me back down in cruel ways and tell me that either I am an insatiable nymphomaniac or a whore, and if I do not give them what they want, I am a frigid, controlling bitch." In men, it has been, "If this vibrates in her, she is either going to reject me or trap me in cruel ways."

Red said, "I cannot survive this way, so I am going back down and giving up," but it met, when it was pushed down that way, a Will presence that did not want to allow itself to be pushed down any further into terror and free-fall in darkness. It turned on red, grabbed it as its salvation, and said, "You're crazy! You're going the wrong direction! Go back and fight! You've got nothing to lose because going this way is death for sure!"

The white light this red had taken in, though, that had pushed it down, was not loving, and this red has felt that it must fight its way to the top with a cruel vengeance to get heard, and the route it has taken had been acts of terrorism and worse.

This simmering rage is what most needs movement in the Will to help heal the situation here, and then, when it is ready, the release of judgments that have said, "There is no loving light for me, and if there is no loving light for me, there is no loving light at all, because any light that does not feel us and what we're going through here is not a loving light and never will be. It is only a selfish, controlling, self-absorbed unloving light, and I want no part of it, except maybe if I get the chance to kill it."

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Red has been filled with this from both sides and does not know how to move anymore. Having this all compounded by an overload of displaced sexuality with no place to go, red has turned on itself and participated in cutting off all of the parts of its own genitals that have any feeling of sexuality in them except what is necessary for reproduction in the most minimal sort of way and, finding that even to be too much, has struck out at others for not giving them enough space in which to live and blamed their women more and more for drawng them into this sexuality. They have also resorted to sex in any opening that did not result in reproduction and have brought many diseases into the human race this way.

Going down into the chakras this way was a huge amount of rage, most of which was acted out, and not much moved as rage. None of it moved without judgment. This is a rage that needs to come back up and have responsibility taken for it in the upper chakras for what it really is, which is a male rage that has been made to look female [?????] and blamed on females when it is not really theirs, and no matter how much they may try to take responsibility for it, they cannot really do it because it is not really theirs. It was shoved into them long ago, and they were made to hold it. [???????] Whenever it has tried to come back up out of the Will and return to us, we have said it was the Will attacking, rejecting and blaming us again for no real reason. The repelling of this rage in this way has never let it heal because it has forever been displaced from its right place and it must heal from its right place and be owned by its originator.[?????]

This has confused a lot of the Will polarity. It has had so much self-hatred that much of it has not wanted to be female and has thought it must be male because of the presence of this rage. This rage needs a lot of movement to be able to sort this out, because there is also a presence in the Will that is not really female but is the lost Will presence of the males at the top.

There needs to be an openness brought to the presence of this rage movement that can really evolve in its ability to feel what needs movement there. Blue cannot overpower everybody and everything else anymore to avoid looking at its own problems and taking responsibility for what it has to take responsibility for here. In addtion to trying to eliminate all the primary colors or make them subservient to blue, its early actions are majorly responsible for knocking out the true presence of the secondary colors, as though it viewed them just as adversaries to be eliminated instead of realizing what those presences were really there for.

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When red did turn around and try to go back up in response to the terror in the Will polarity of going any further down, rage became its conversion, too, in response to the light it had taken in already. Red thought it needed rage to go past its fear of even turning around and trying to go back up, and red has been similarly abused in the attachment to survival and the accompanying fear of death but, as in all gaps left by the removal of heart presence, has used this in most cruel ways to torture people who were hanging on for dear life in torture scenes and other long and drawn out death scenarios.

Since red has known the most about what it means to the survival chakra, in the gap, loveless light has then been able to take this information and use it in the most cruelly effective ways, and this is why this also most needs to move as rage and terror and heartbreak and not as more enactments. Red needs to take resonsibility for this and gain the understanding that it has mostly hurt itself this way by blaming everyone else for finding itself at the bottom. It only needs to have love there to find out it can feel all right about this.

To find this love, it is going to first have to find it for itself by moving enough rage to understand that status is not a matter of positioning relative to the top. As long as red believes that, it is going to have problems and be unhappy wherever it goes, because its right place is not at the top and never has been, but having to be at the bottom holding what has been shoved into it and feeling it has no place to go where it will really feel received is not right, either.

When it is at the bottom, red cannot be happy if it does not take responsibility for the feelings it has held for so long. The denied part needs to move but not just by blaming everyone else for having put it there or by insisting that everyone else give way to it so it can move where it wants to by pushing everyone else around.

Red's gap has been terribly fierce, hostile and cruel with no mercy for its opponents or anyone else it has found in the path of its blame, infants included. It has gone after whatever it has blamed with a vengeance that has gone way past its initial idea of giving back what it claimed was done to it. Cruelty is the most important thing for red to look at in its gap, not only with itself, but with everyone else, mindless cruelty are the words that come to mind, since they have shut everyone else out so much there. It needs to be mentioned, however, that if there is no longer resistance to this rage coming back up to the top where it belongs [????], red won't look or act like this anymore.

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Orange has been horribly used sexually in the gap but also needs to look at how it has used sex for manipulation and revenge to gain power and position it felt it would not have otherwise instead of moving this emotionally. Orange, too, felt it could not handle moving this emotionally, because it could not handle feeling any more pain and terror and thought rage, especially the held, acted out form of rage, represented relief, protection and the power it thought it was without ability to find otherwise.

There has been a feeling of revenge in orange that has done a lot of this in the gapped areas, and these have often been the rage fragments who have not actually experienced the abuse but have coldly noticed that since there was so much going on with sex in the gap, sex must be the seat of power, and they were going to take it and use it as such without heart. This has done a lot of damage and has reproduced things on Earth that might never have manifested otherwise, because they would not have found such loveless places through which to enter.

Orange needs to take responsibility for its misuse of sexuality in addition to healing its abuse from being misused sexually. The held rage misused the sexuality, and the split here has made the feelings that were left behind, when this rage went up to the top and got itself involved in this, feel like they have only been a victim here, and were, because the power sex orange got involved in at the top has sent the denied and fragmented fear, terror and heartbreak out in those orgasms as victims of the light that was created and intensified in unloving ways there. [????]

When these feelings get to the rage they feel about what happened up at the top, they will know how to heal this problem. Orange also needs to look at loss of consciousness here because in many cases, orange does not even know what really happened. Use of drugs and alcohol are very involved here, but they are not the only problems. Gapping and splitting are also needing to be looked at.

Yellow has not wanted to look at its control issues or its held rage behind them. In the gapped areas in yellow, yellow has had a split that has, on one side, not wanted to allow anything up toward blue that might trigger blue into thrusting anything more back down into yellow, and in the rage backed up behind that has wanted to give all the rage back as, "Not fair, so take that!" This needs to move out now as rage, terror, nausea and disgust. Blue deserves some consideration for how terrified it was of yellow in the beginning that the gap in yellow has not wanted to consider at all.

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Moving out the unloving light it has been holding for so long will help it to see this.

Trying to give this rage back has not been easy, though, and yellow needs recognition for the problems it has had there. Even the sunny, little children described first in Original Cause stories were more affected by how they had to present than I was wanting to notice there then.

When yellow tried to control everything to not trigger blue and then started telling green it was just like blue and didn't want to be pressured by green there, yellow did not see its own role in making green too blue by withholding its yellow. Yellow would do better to move its own held emotions and be able to be more loving and understanding toward green instead of makng green feel so pressured there by terror turning into rage and judgments. [?????]

Yellow got true power mixed up with the power and dominance struggle up at the top. That yellow looked so much to the top and did not respect the understandings it could have received from the Will side to which it has claimed to be so close says a lot about the gap in yellow, but if yellow will look at the light it had crammed into it from the top it will be able to understand itself more there, too.[?????]

Green reacted to what happened at the top by shutting their heart presence out of there and by trying to shut the top out of being able to come down and further into the chakras than it already had. While this was not gapped in and of itself, it turned out to be more gapped than they thought it was when they initially started doing it, especially when it opened up a major gap between the top chakras and all of the rest of the colors. [?????]

Green then avoided looking at its own role in making this gap and holding it in place by diverting blame and focus into a "get the top" mentality that did not question who it served when they decided they did not need My light there with them anymore because they knew better than that on their own . [?????]


Green then gave room to a lot of witchcraft that was not loving toward others, believing the ends justified the means. Green needs to look at the light that rolled over it as a motivating force there and realize it needs to move this light back out, as well as move the terror it felt in the beginning as caught between blue and yellow, to be able to take in loving light in those places now.

Green needs to take some responsibility for blocking the Will from reaching blue in time when it originally tried to, [?????] as well as the other participants who blocked the Will there. Green did this based

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on the experience it had observed in purple and from what it was assessing about blue, but blue is a part of green, and holding a judgment in place about the upper chakras without movement for this long is not loving and has become more gapped as time has gone on. If green doesn't love a part of itself, it can't help find love between the two colors to either side that so need it, blue and yellow.

When the Will approached green in the urgency and desperation to reach blue that it was feeling there, the urgency and desperation it felt at the time was about the only thing that would make it dare try again. There were unmoved emotions that green interpreted as pressure on itself, but the problem with holding a judgment in place [????] like this is that green saw this only as pressure on itself [????] and an attempt to run over it, which it blocked by taking an "I know better than you" attitude [????] which was already in place there toward the Mother, because it was just loving [????] and didn't have any of our problems except for what we had inflicted on green. [????] Well, inflicted or not, you were involved and need to move out what you took in and find the love that needs to be in place of what you have held there for so long. [????]

Green gapped itself from the responsibility it needs to take here more than it has wanted to see by only wanting to say, "but you were pushing past me; you were pressuring me. I felt pressured from the top and the bottom, and it wasn't fair."

Green has so often viewed themselves as only protecting themselves and the rest of the chakras that they have made themselves into some kind of a sacred cow here, seeing themselves so much as the only ones protecting the Earth and the lower chakras from the damage that has been being inflicted from the top that they have not even noticed themselves as not moving out this same light that they have held the judgments against .

Moving this rage is an important part of letting go of the judgment that says, "We know what is loving, and the way the rest of you have wanted to move is not loving." Green needs to look at its own vested interest in keeping the gap in place so it can continue to feel superior here. Since they have held this position, they need to move past it, too, or they will not notice when everyone else does.

Without better light coming down from the upper chakras than the gaps there have provided, the lower chakras could not understand what love there was in blue's interpretations of purple's inspiration [wasn't the Jesus scenario played out among purple people? See later in this book or, for the time being, in pp47 Mary and the Mother] or have the images from indigo of how life could be lived that would really make them want to live it, and they turned more toward the Will for these things to arise as feelings with occa-

While the TV reports from the cemetery at Ein Harod,
where Haim Hefer is being buried at this moment
(5 PM, Sept. 19, 2012 -
" please no religious symbols!" , he had ordered!)
Police, Ambulance, media and the people
of the Beduoin town Rahat
gather inside and in front of a house,

where a mother just cut her 4 children
with a knife.
Three (8 years, 4 years, 2 months)
are dead for sure.
The 3 year old struggles for his life.


Still nothing is known about the background,
but my heart aches with such pain,
and my tears flow, as if I knew :
The mother is 26 years old,
she must have been married off
at the age of 17.
She must have had no saying
in giving birth to 4 children at this young age.
She must be nobody in her own eyes,
and in the eyes of husband, parents, society.




And I want to scream, scream, scream.

aet bitî ha-ahuvâh -- hashivaenna
aet bitî ha-ahuvâh --hashivaenna
ve-nafshâh ha-me'unah ripêta
ve-nafshâh ha-de'avah milêta
hervta

my beloved daughter - bring-her-back
my beloved daughter - bring-her-back
and-her soul, the tortured, you are healing
and-her-soul, the pining, you are satiating.

My little song also talks about mother and children,
about mother and daughter, in this case,
about the mother's yearning
that after 10 years of estrangement
the daughter will forgive and re-embrace her mother,
despite the mother's "not having known",
"not having put her heart (=payed attention)" to the fact,
that the daughter was abused, even from bathtub's times...

The original verse is from Jeremia's little book of consolation.
"For I have satiated the weary soul,
and every pining soul have I replenished."
Jeremiah 31:24, see SongGame last song on page 2007_03_01

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sional visions from the Great Spirit so high above them and removed.

Calling the spirit more present within the self will result from this movement , and needs to, because even though the Will side's approach was more the reality of what the Earth needs to have than what the upper chakras were perpetrating there it was still far from the perfect life that needs to be attained as reality now.

All of these imprints in the chakras need to move to change now and the gaps be healed along with release of judgments that have long been held to be truths, some of which I am going to list now.

I forgive myself for having judged and believed for so long that:

~~ no matter how much I move, there is never going to be any real change.

~~I deserve punishment whether it looks like I do or not.

~~ if I did not deserve punishment, it would not be happening to me.

~~ I cannot question this punishment as unlovingness, because it has been done in the name of love, God, or whatever the spirit has been called there, as necessary for my salvation for so long that I cannot imagine that this was not loving toward me, necessary, the right thing, called for or that this could have all been wrong from the beginning.

~~ if I ever speak my truth from rage's point of view, I will get smacked somehow.

~~ if I ever speak my truth from fear's point of view, it is going to happen to me.

~~ if I ever speak my truth from heatbreak's point of view, I will be told I am a romantic and that I had better accept reality as it is.

~~ if I ever dare to hope, my hopes wioll be dashed.

~~ if I have expectations, they will not be fulfilled.

~~ people only get what they want when they no longer want it.

~~my desire is wrong.

~~ the journey back up toward my spirit is a tortuous journey that I cannot accomplish, because I will be pushed back down every step of the way.

~~ there is no precedent for what I am doing, so it can't be right.

~~ it is not possible to live longer lives than we are already living with the help of medical science.

~~ when I submit to medical science, I am not torturing my body.

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~~ the tortures of Lucifer are not going on anymore, because this was just somethng that happened to the Mother long ago.

~~ old age is not the tortures of Lucifer in slow motion, because it is just a natural process.

~~ I must be crazy to think that I can be any different than the other people around me who are not doing this process.

There are many other judgments that have also encumbered the flow in and between the chakras for so long that it is not possible to know what a healthy chakra system is anymore. For it to change, the Will polarity has to move out what it has to move out that has believed, for so long, it has deserved this, and as it does, the upper chakras are going to have to face the reflection of what they have really done there and not push this reflection down and out, denying it its validity again. You are all gong to find out anyway, and soon, so you might as well face this now. It will be easier now than if you let it go to the point of the whole planet seeming to have gone wild in terror and blaming rage.

When this rage comes back to you, you need to move rage first, but do not shove it back, move it as the primordial rage it really was in the beginning and let it show you how full of confusion, misunderstanding and terror it is, and then move the terror you never moved in the beginning, because that also has been in the Will in disproportionate amounts making the Will look more terrified and enraged than it has felt it really has the capacity to hold.

Lik ewise, the Will needs to move its own smoldering rage it has felt over all of this and not shove that back onto spirit as though there is nothing for which the Will has to take responsibility. Then the Will can move toward taking its responsibility for not opening these parts of itself to the light in the beginning because it had its own confusions and misunderstandings.

It is necessary to understand that "the voice' is the voice of this held and denied rage and blame. It is necessary to move the emotions triggered by "the voice" in order to let this light become free to turn around and let go of the judgments that were locked in place there.

If this is done, the next approach from this light will not be so misunderstood anymore and neither will the Will side's response. Once each side has more feeling for the other, the heartbreak can move over all of the pain and suffering these original confusions and misunderstandings have cost us, and heartbreak can heal this by bringing the two extremes of rage and terror together. This is necessary, not only for Our own healing and balance and the bring-

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ging in of fragmentation that should not be out there anymore, but for the delicacy of Our own basic nature which does not want to be torn apart by these extremes anymore.



THE ROMANS "TEACH" THE MOTHER
HOW SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BEHAVE.

Believing now that she deserved punishment for every small infraction, from first talking back to her mother and leaving home, to her latest episodes of gapping without realizing what was happening to her, the priestess, which she could have called herself but never really believed she was, sat, in terrified, numb and frozen loneliness, waiting for what she saw as her inevitable fate to catch up with her, "unless I can find some way to love Rome and see for Rome" she said to herself, but she did not think she could really do that.

But even that would not have worked. They were going to kill her. As long as they were going to kill her, although they did not say it, they might as well enjoy themselves, and so they were going to torture her. They licensed themselves to do this because she had failed to give them an adequate amount of cooperation and self-control with less drastic measures, and, being in the gap, they did not ask themselves whether they had the right or whether it even was right to impose this on an individual, Will polarized, or not.

Soldiers came to get her just as she had been foreseeing it. From where she sat, she saw them in her mind's eye, approaching from the colonnade, not the public side. They marched right in, so now she knew she had not seen incorrectly; the city state was not opposing their presence. Just as she expected to see and hear them, there they were, coming to take her away to [sic] she had not dared see where.

"We have orders to take you with us," one of them gruffly said.

They quickly gagged her, bound her hands behind her back and took her from the room. They carried her like a gunny sack, quickly across the colonnade, under the palace, and out through a tunnel that went to a river where they quickly put her into a small boat and rowed it away, just as quickly and efficiently.

They were taking her downstream, out of Delphi, and as they went, she found herself still hoping for a rescue from the temple people if they might see her and notice that there were only six guarding her and many of them [sic]. She was studying the riverbanks without daring to be obvious about it, and caught glimpses of peo-

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ple she thought might be temple people, but dared not cry out, and could not cry out anyway.

They took her to an old, stone fortress, more a tower than a castle, that stood down near the coast; an old one that she did not even think was used anymore. It smelled like the sea to her there and when they pulled her, none too gently , from the boat, she was actually relieved, because the entire way there, she had been in terror, not nowing if they had intended to throw her into the river and drown her, if the temple people would be noticed by the ones taking her there, or if she would have to see the temple people fighting with soldiers and fear who might be being killed. She wondered why she was having so much drowning terror if she wasn't going to die that way.

They half pulled, half pushed her toward the stone tower, up the stairs, and into a stone room and locked her in with no explanation of anything that was going to happen from there. The door, she noticed, had a little barred opening with something they could slide to look in. She didn't like that.

In this room, there was nothing but a single bed with a straw mattress that smelled badly of mildew, like it had not been freshened for a long time. She was severely frightened of what was going to happen next. She was shivering and noticed a small open window with a cold wind off the sea; the kind that brings storms. She sat down on the bed and began to weep uncontrollably.

The door opened, and one of them, Roman, came in, slapped her, and told her, "Answers when questions are asked of you is what we want to hear from you, nothing more."

This silenced her, but pretty soon a noise slipped out of her again. The door opened agiain. The guard came in and hit her again. "Not off to a very good start, are you!" he said, pushing her down on her back on the bed.

Sometime later, one of them, Roman again, came in and chained her to the bed on her stomach. She couldn't breathe very well and couldn't clear her nose. A feeling of terror grew in her until it became nearly unbearable. She made a little sound without realizing it and decided to use temple practices to lift out of these feelings. This time, she did grow silent. It was already first light.

Her heart yearned to see the head of the temple as she always had at this time of the day. She fervently hoped he had gotten away. As much as she had felt she hated him in their fight, her love for him had now returned. She hated to think he had been captured,

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too and was locked up in some other place, or maybe even this place, and they could not know or see each other anymore.

She was having a terrible feeling around trying to look for him with her mind's eye and could not find him anyplace. She wondered if he had shut her out that much, or if something was wrong. She did not like the feelings she was getting when she tried to look for him. Her heart hurt her . It was hurting her so much she nearly had to cry out again but knew she didn't dare. She drifted out in meditation and did not make another sound until she was startled by the door opening again.

This time, she was given a lash with a whip across her behind. "Quite a fall for the high priestess of the temple at Delphi," one of them growled, and then he began to approach her, always without her being able to see him. He asked her just the kind of questions she did not want to have to answer about where the temple people had gone, and when she refused to answer, he said "all right, have it your way," which was not her way at all, and raped her brutally, even cutting her to suck her blood at the same time. He did not force her to tell him, because he did not really care if they caught the other temple people or not; he was focused on what he wanted in that moment, which was to have her first, sexually.

A little while later, she realized she needed to empty her body waste, too, but there was no opportunity for that. She was sure she smelled bad and looked disheveled. She wanted to wash, but there was no possibility of that. She was very thirsty, but they did not bring her any water. She was hungry, but they brought her no food. Instead, they came to take her to her first interrogaton.

When she say her interrogator, she stiffened. She felt he was the one who had raped he, but she did not know that for sure. He gave her an invitation to talk to him about Greeks she knew who were on a list he handed to her. When she remained silent, he said, "I said, talk to me about the Greeks on this list. I know you can tell me things about every one of them."

When she remained silent, he gave her a hard slap across the face. While she was still reeling and stinging from that, he said, "Do not look away. Face me."

She could hardly face him, she hated him so much already. Stinging tears were beginning to come down her face, as she only glared at him. He called a man in who whipped her in his presence with the kind of whip that has several knotted ends. When he was finished, he threw her into her chair, and the interrogator calmly

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growled at her, "I said, talk to me. If you do not talk to me, it is only going to get worse."

"I do not know anything I would tell you," she said then, "and you know it."

He had the man with the whip come in again. After that, she was nearly unconscious and had put herself into a trance from which she would not let them rouse her. He had the guards throw cold water on her, from which she startled. He commanded her to talk to him again, and when she would not, he talked to her. "This is nothing compared to what you are going to have to suffer if you do not cooperate better than this. Now, the list!" When she was still silent, he hit her again."You are being very, very foolish," he said. "You do not know how foolish you are being. You think you are protecting people, but your silence tells me as much as if you were talking. Your hatred for Rome is well known and not well founded. You are making too much of yourself, as though you know when you do not know. You do not know the half of it. You do not even know who has been selling you out behind your back. So much for the oracle who cannot be fooled! If you want to think you are protecting such people, you will pay for it, but they will not. They will only feel the pleasure of getting revenge for having been made to feel like you know better than them when you do not. Now, where is the head of the temple?"

After she had insisted for long enough that she did not know in spite of repeated slaps, he had her returned to her room. She begged the guards to let her attend to her body's needs there, which they did, but they watched her and insulted her, both in Latin and in Greek, using the worst slang of the times, the equivalent of which would be, "The high priestess's piss stinks just like common soldier's . Wonder what that would taste like? The nectar of the gods? Bitter? Sweet?" Someone said "Sour!"

"Does your shit smell like the rest of us too? I didn't think the high priestess had to piss and shit like a common soldier, and if she did, I didn't think it would smell like a common soldier. Did you?" She felt like a dog. They gave her no water, ony her own urine to drink. They chained her face down to the bed again.

That night, her interrogator came to her room and raped her in every orifice, cutting her more, also and sucking her blood, which she felt all over her body like a spreading sickness. He raped her even more cruelly this time, beating her, smashing her face into the mattress so she could not breathe, holding his hand over her nose and mouth until she felt like she could not live through it and tell-

p.146

ing her. "You are not going to refuse me like that. You are going to tell me what I want to know, or you will not even live until tomorrow."

"All right!" she screamed in terror, "Tomorrow, I will tell you what you want to know abut the people on the list."

"Oh, no," he said like he was playing a game, "Now the anti [sic] goes up. Everytime you do not comply, the anti goes up. Tomorrow, you will tell me a lot more than that. I already know as much as I need to know about the people on that list. That list was just to see if you were going to tell me the truth. I have many other people who already cooperate very much better than you do. You are not even the most important person I question. You are foolish to think that refusing to answer does any good. It only gets you more physical pain and torture. There is a lot more I want than that. You could be my wife, for example, and then you would not have to go through any of these problems."

"Never, if you were the last man on Earth," she said.

He left the room, and she spent the night in terror, not knowing what he really did know and what she might be able to tell him. She wished she could go ahead and kill herself, but there was no way to do it there.

The next mornng, after her shame and modesty were pressured again, she was taken to the interrogation room. Still, no water. When he began to question her again, she said, "Please, may I have some water." He went silently to his own pitcher of water from which he was drinking freely in front of her poured some water in a vessel, said, "Physical needs? Why don't you just rise above them, my little high priestess?" and threw it scornfully in her face.

She looked at him with hatred in her eyes again. "I'm not your little high priestess."

"Whose are you then? Whoever he is, he is not a very powerful or caring man, because I have you. You are beautiful, but foolish and you don't learn very fast. You had better learn to obey my commands, or you will not last much longer."

"I will not last much longer anyway," she said to him.

He said in a barely controlled rage, "You don't tell me what's going to happen. I tell you. You are in no position to tell me anything. I give the orders, not you. You will last however long I decide you will last. You can't even die unless I decide to let you, and you can't live unless I let you! Remember that!"

He beat her up furiously then, and she began to tell him things, but not much of it was what he wanted to hear. He kept her there

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the rest of the day, slapping her, bringing her to with something like smelling salts, and badgering her with questions, which she did not know how to answer, until she did not know which end was up, what she was really saying yes to, what she was saying no to, or even what she was saying.

Several times , she had felt as though the head of the temple was nearby somehow. She saw him vividly in her mind. She began to talk to him, and from this, her interrogator learned a lot. she did not know if she was in a delirium, in a bad dream, or if she was even really there, or back with the head of the temple, begging his forgiveness and being punished by him for not having listened to him before when he had told her how dangerous these men were that she had been talking to.

She could not think straight and was mumbling because her mouth was so swollen and running with blood. When she mumbled, her interrogator commanded that she repeat things, and she did not know anymore whose voice it was talking to her, but she gave up talking to the head of the temple when he did not give her the answers she wanted to hear.

She was so tired; so tired. Her heart felt so very heavy. If only she could just sleep, but every time she started to slip away, her interrogator had a way of bringing her back. "Please," she begged,"Please, leave me alone." Then she was afraid she had said that to the head of the temple and cried out the opposite, "Please, don't leave me alone."

But ist was not the head of the temple, and neither could he rescue her, either. She did not know that he was dead, already, of a heart attack on the way to the boat, and that she was seeing his spirit standing over her, unable to help her physically there.

He was there, but he could see what was going on and didn't want to give her answers that would encourage her to say more. He was desperately trying to lift her out of her body there and come to him "on the other side," but she could not do it yet. She was pouring her heart out to him and telling him she loved him as she had never dared to tell him before, as well as telling him everything he wished she had told him about what was going on when she had not known who to be loyal to when these men were making her swear to secrecy at the temple, and from this, her interrogator learned a lot.

I was there, too, and almost everytime she got to the place where she might have been able to let go and come to us, that man would manage to bring her back. She was experiencing it as

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though she was beng ripped apart. She felt she had so much forgiveness to beg that she felt she could not really go with us, and she did not seem to be able to trust that we were actually there. When she became too confused, she became silent, and her interrogator would slap her again. When she would almost come to us then, he would bring her to.

"You're causing this ourself," she kept dimly hearing voices say. "If you would only cooperate, it would go much easier for you. We are trying to help you here, but you are not letting us. You are still stubbornly behaving as though you know best. Look at what thinking you know best has gotten you now. You deserve all of this and more. Since you are not cooperating, we are going to have to use force."

We did not even know how much our denied rage at her for not moving the way we wanted her to was one with her interrogator's voice. With everything swirling around her as it was, she did not know who or what to trust there or which way to go. She did not even know whether she had cooperated with her interrogator or not, but she was afraid that she had, and way too much.


THE MOVEMENT GOES UNDERGROUND

The next time they came for her, it was dark. They took her, hands till bound behind her back as they had been, and marched her down the long stairway that wound around the outer wall of the tower until they were underground; given how far it seemed to her that they went down, probably way underground. Her face was to swollen to see well, but she tried to note where she was in some strange, self-distracting way as though it made a difference anymore, as though she was still harboring some dim hopes of being physically rescued. "Getting free is not possible", they said to her as if they could read her mind. "You'll never be free again," and when she saw where they were taking her, she couldn't hope anymore. Even if she could scream which she dared not, it could not be heard by anyone from the outside to know there was anything going on that was wrong there or that they should invervene.

When they were almost to the bottom, less than half a turn of stairs to go, the glimpse she got from her swollen eyes of their torture machinery made her legs buckle and go out from underneath her. She was again overwhelmed with the feeling of knowing she was lost and was going to die thee. They acted enraged that she

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had fallen to her knees, screaming, "It's your fate, and you have to face it."

They kicked her over the side of the stairs and let her fall to the stone floor. Once again, she could not break her fall, and her shoulder was broken there. They did not care. They grabbed her by that shoulder and forced her to lie down on her back on a stone slab that had rings in the sides they could chain her to, which they did.

The chains were heavy in case she became very strong in resistance to their torture as they had noticed others had, but she could not move. She was in too much pain; the kind of pain that sets in from ongoing, cold abuse.

Still, when they told her not to move, she wanted to. They put the screws to her head and to her hips then. Being told not to move seemed to bring alive in stinging intensity an itching that was screaming at her, not only from the wounds and vinegar on her back and many other places, but from everywhere. While she was lying there twitching from itching, they were commanding her to be still, tightening the screws whenever she wasn't and shaving off her hair. She hated it! It was her beautiful, dark, wavy hair! They were burning it like it was incense to them and remarking on how horrible smelling she was.

After what seemed like an interminably long time of this, two other torturers entered the room, one of whom was deformed, seemed demented and possibly retarded. Her terror was shaking and shivering with cold.

"What's the matter, can't yo make yourself warm with your great powers?" one of them sneered.

One of them built a fire in a little raised fire pit next to her. "If the high priestess is cold, hungry, or thirsty, we have to give her something to drink, feed her and warm her up; whatever the high priestess wants, we must make sure and do!"

They gave her something to drink, but it was a potion of drugs to amplify everything and she did not know. They fussed around then heating irons in the fire. She could not stop shaking. "Look at her! We don't have to do anything to gain her favors; she's already lost control of herself in desire for us!" another said.

"Let's fuck her! Let's fuck her now before she has an orgasm without us," the deformed one said.

"Make her stop! It's not the right time yet," the one in charge said. "We have to clean her up and improve her first, she's not really good enough for us yet."

"Let me have her; let me have her," the demented one said.

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[September 20, 2012 - I know, that this will be the most unbearable day of copying and I'm crying already. I'll - sometimes - listen to Brahms' Requiem again - "wes soll ich mich troesten -......keine Qualen" - and hope to finish copying and graphically editing all the pages which describe the epitome of all evil and all suffering - every possible "model" of physical torture and sexual torment, terror, horror and humiliation, which was and - oh, still is! - the result of denial, of the split between spirit and will and body and heart.

"Shut up and make her stop!" the one in charge said. "Tighten her screws, that'll make her stop."

They burned off her pubic hair. Then the one in charge went to her feet and began burning them on the bottoms. As pain shot up through her meridians like fire, she knew she was lost. Even if she was rescued now, she didn't want to try to live without feet to walk on, and it didn't seem like there were going to be any feet left the way he was burning her.

"Are you warm now? Are you warm now?" the demented one kept asking her, drooling on her and leering over her like he was giong to have sex with her anyway, no matter what they said. She shut her eyes and did not see it, but it felt to her like he had his penis in his hand already, and he did.

In fact, she was dripping in cold sweat from the pain now. She cried out. They cursed her in Latin and in Greek, told her the equivalent of, "Shut up and hold still," and tightented the screws. She cursed them back and began screaming, "Stop, stop,stop! Stop it right now!"

She had sickening, burning pain shootng through her entire body, so intensely that she did not know if they were burning her feet or her entire body, and voices screaming in pain in her head. They were pounding a small tube into her skull through which they could blow drugs directly into her brain to alter her consciousness in whatever ways they wanted to to suit their purposes, punging her down into hellish lower astral planes and shooting her up into explosion and shattering terrors. She felt that she was going to go absolutely crazy if she could not jump from that table and rescue herself immediately, but of course, she couldn't. She was chained, and they were destroying her feet. "By the power of the gods, I curse you if you do not stop!" she screamed.

They demanded that she be silent. Then they laughed and said, "Stop? If you have power, make us stop! You should be able to handle this. It doesn't matter about the gods. Who do you think is going to save you? There are no gods with the power to save you."

When she closed her eyes, one of them said, "Open your eyes! Look at us! You do not see! You think others don't see what they need to see! You don't see what you need to see! You're going to look at everything you haven't wanted to see! We want you to see everything! We don't want you to be able to look away from anything you need to see." This was the gap talking as though it wanted her to see everything that was going on there but then was not going to let her live to do anything about it.

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They told her she was now going to look at everything they did, because they were going to cut her eyelids off. This they did very slowly and precisely, commanding her to hold still he entire time, tightening the screws if she even flinched when hey cut or returned with the blade after wiping blood off of it. They did everything slowly and precisely, as though they were only doing medical experiments and did not care what the tortured person experienced. [Of course, I'm forced to remember that horrible description of "Spirit" himself in the third interview with God in Godchannel.com, inserted in puzzle piece 42, Victim and Victimizer, which begins with the words: "It was during your last planetary war...]

They gave her some little time for the bleeding to stop which they helped with more salt water and burning with a very small iron, which, of course, burned some of the white of the eye as if by design, because they would say, "Oops" to deliberately frighten her that she would be plunged into blindness next but their slips were mostly deliberate, and they enjoyed heightening her terror that way as long as she was still going to be able to see what they wanted her to see, telling her only that they were not going to blind her until such time as they wanted to blind her, but, of couse, not telling her when that might be. When they got to the end of that, she was passed out in an exhaustion of pain.

Then they laughed again, derisebely, and said, "Where have your gods gotten you? [See the psalmist quoting people's mockery: "where is your God?" in one of my songs!] Did you think you are favored by the gods? If you were favored by the gods, they needed to save you before now. So much for how perfect and good and superior and smart you pretended to be! You're less favored than us; we have the power now!"

They took a little break then and let her suffer with that pain. Then another one at her feet began breaking the bones in her feet, one by one, very slowly and deliberately. With each bone he broke, he said something. "You deserve this and so much more. You have not helped anyone. You have made yourself much too important and not litstened to others the way you should have. You think you know what you are doing, but you do not. You think you are so right, but you are not. You think you are right to hate Romans, but you are not. I thought you were supposed to be loving. What is the high priestess doing hating anyone? I thought the high priestess was supposed to love everyone and help everyone who came to her, but you have not helped anyone and have hated everyone. You are no high priestess and never should have been sitting in her seat. You should not even be allowed to walk on the face of the Earth."

When it looked like she wanted to say something, they commanded her again, "Be silent, unless we tell you to talk. Everytime you are not silent when we tell you to be, we are going to give you

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another turn of the screws." Of course, these were very little turns of the screws, because they wanted her to lat a lng time, but the gradual increase of pressure and the terror of how much worse it could get was terrible.

She fell back in terror and the feeling that she needed to sob, but at the first move toward a sob, they tightened the screws. When he finished breaking all of her toes, he went back the other way on her metatarsals. He was doing this very slowly, stretching them as much as possible first, making the tension unbearable before he finally broke them.

The cracking noises were as frightenng to her as the pain, and her back was tightening horribly in anticipation of each break. She tried to rise above it with her temple skills in breathing, but it wasn't really possible when it was so prolonged. [Sept. 20, 2012:Towards the birth of my youngest child I had joined a course, in which we also, perhaps mostly, learnt to breathe in a way that should have been helpful. But I remember telling the teacher later, that it had helped only for a while, and then the pain became too much . - During the labors with my first son I often thought: if someone would suggest to shoot me now, I would say gladly: "Please do!" I didn't care for my life, I even didn't care for the child-to-be-born. I only wanted to die..] She found that crying out helped her pain, but they would not let her. [As I told already: I would never have allowed myself to utter as much as a moaning, and then was proud, when the midwifes said later: "today we had an easy job, because this woman, who was suffering more than the others, kept silent, so all the other women didn't dare to make noise either."] If she twitched when they broke the bone, they tightened the screws.

They were questioning her relentlessly again about everything they thought she might know, including the power and magic of the temple, about its wealth and even about its library. When she didn't want to talk, even about the librrary, one of them said, "Surely there is no problem telling us about the library. I'm sure you would like Romans to read these things and think like you do." She felt like it was not possible to stand the cold, slow, deliberately inflicted pain and hatred and only wanted to beg them to stop. She felt like she was breaking apart and could not stop it or hold herself together anymore. She was fragmenting.

"No! No!" she screamed. "Stop! Stop!"

"Silence! You cannot stop us. There is no stopping us," they replied. They tightened the screws. "You have no power as high priestess anymore. You had no real power anyway, only what was given to you. You have been thrown down from your high position, and no one cares! We can do anything with you, and no one cares! You have no value to yourself or others unless you talk to us and tell us what we want to hear," one of them said who she could not see. "Why were you so silly as to try to help people who don't care about you? You think you have power in the world? You do not! You are ours now, but then, you are always ours, and we can do whatever we want with you. We are going to have as much fun as possible with you and then throw you away!"
[On a psychological level it's clear throughout the process here, that the torturers feel like "Cain", not worthy, not equal, and therefore in need to humiliate others. But this story is about the metaphysical reasons for this scene!]

All the others there affirmed this loudly and enthusiastically with grunts and roars, shrieks and hideous laughter, accompanied by every sort of social grossness they could muster from stomping,

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farting and belching to stirring up the dogs and moving around the room like it was a major party. "We can even eat you if we want to, and we will," they told her, and all the while, the deformed one seemed to take delight in repeating, over and over, certain phrases that seemed to be the most key ones for penetrating deep into her subconscious such as, "thrown down from your high place! no one cares!" and "eat you, eat you if we want to! no one cares!" [It now occurs to me, what I should have become aware of already long ago, that such experiences are not done with after the victim's death. They will be present in the subconscious of another life, perhaps many other lives and cause havoc in the life of the person and perhaps in the lives of many persons around her.]

She was in terror more at the heartlessness even than the physical pain they were inflicting on her, although knowing it was going to get much, much worse only deepened her terror, because heartlessness to her meant no limits to the cruelty. She passed out and came to nearly drowning from water they had thrown on her.

She screamed at them this time, "You cannot do these horrible things to me and make me be silent! You cannot give me this horrible pain and tell me I cannot make any sound. Have you no feelngs? How can you be so heartless? I hate you! You are not even human!" She began screeching and screaming in rage, and like all of the beasts in hell, it came reverberating back into her ears; barking, hissing, growling, hooting, howling and derisive laughter along with the repetitious reciting of, "You're the one who is not human. You say we are heartless, but you are the one who is screaming in hatred here. You are the one who needs to look at who is heartless here!"

"We have plenty of feelings, and one of them is feelings of hatred toward women who have not learned their place", one of them she could not see said.

She groweled and made sounds of rage. "You are no better than the rest of the Romans who want to overrun people and don't care what they think or feel about it! Why don't you see what you are doing? You are all stupid! You don't see what you are really doing! You don't see what I was trying to do. You don't see anything. You are just stupid to be helping the Romans!"

Laughter agian, "The high priestess is going to enlighten us by telling us how stupid we are! You can't enlighten stupid people; you should know that already! You are the one who is stupid! That is why we are here and you are there. Now be silent!"

"This is the great high priestess who knows everything and was going to save Greece!' They laughed as though this was really a delusional joke. "She thinks she's going to save the world!' one of them sneered. "You cannot save the world! We're all too stupid! How stupid of you to have squandered yourself like this to save people you do not care about because they are all too stupid. You

listen to the youtube
with the music and these pictures,
especially the passage from 19:50

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are not going to save anything! You can't even save yourself! If you're so all knowing, what good has it done you?" another said.

"Be silent, woman! You never learned your place! The head of the temple must not have been much of a man if he let you behave like this there!"

"You wouldn't know!" she said in a smoldering rage tone. They tightened the screws so much she did not think she could endure it without her head bursting open. She began rolling her body back and forth in her chains on the stone slab. This wracked her shoulder with pain, but she hardly noticed it compared to the pain they were inflicting now. "Silence," they commanded again, "or you're going to force us to cut your tongue out!"

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! She's stupid, stupid, stupid!" the demented one kept repeating as they made plans to cut her tongue out and discussed all of the grisly ways they could do it, from going down her throat and drowning her in all the blood to giving her little pieces at a time and making her swallow them. "Oh, they're all good! Why don't we do all of them!" the demented one would say to every new idea. "Let's go down her throat right now and cut her tongue out later," another said. "Why wait to have fun!" This put her down into her terror again and made her grow silent, which was when they seemed to like saying a lot of things because they penetrated so deeply, like the way they planned to go down her throat.

"Now you're going to learn what your mouth is for!" one said.

She wasn't allowed to answer. She could not answer, because they were forcing her mouth open and sticking their fingers in there like they were going to pull her teeth. "Not yet," one of them said. "Let's see if she bites us first."

She tried to bite them then, and they told her it was not a good idea unless she wanted to make it worse for herself. They began raping her in ther throat, deeply raping her pounding her, sticking objects in her other orifices and doing other things she could not keep track of in the desperate nausea and gagging suffocation terror. She could still hear them screaming at her, "If you know so much, why can't you even save yourself? Where are all of your powers now? You have no right to question us! You ae no right to tell us what to do! You don't know anything we need to know. We don't need to be told what to do! Who are you to tell us what to do! This has already been decided by more important people than you! If you and your gods know so much, where are your gods now? Your gods can't help you now, because you don't receive the gods.

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"You don't listen to anybody. You think you know better even than the gods. You're a fake! Rome has gods that are more powerful than Greece. Your gods have failed you, or Rome could not take over Greece. The Roman gods do not like the Greek gods."

Blue, with purple secretly behind it, was cramming her yellow, orange and red back down her throat there with no green to speak of to be seen there. She had only the briefest moments to gasp for air there, gagging back her vomit.

When they finally let off, she was not conscious anymore, and when she came to, she knew she hurt worse than ever and did not dare make any sound or say anything about it. She did not move either. She was cowered in terror now. She hardly breathed, hoping they would not notice that she had come to, but that was not much comfort, because she realized that they were still doing things. They threw salt water on her feet. She angrily jerked her feet without even realizing she had done it.

"She's not learning!" one of them said and angrily unchained her. She could not stand on her feelt, but they dragged her across the floor to the rack on her feet anyway, roughing them up as they went. The pain of it was so excruciating to her that she began screaming at them that they were heartless beasts. That was when she saw a big snake moving on the floor that looked like the python from the temple. It lifted its head threateningly toward her.

She was fighting them as much as possible with a broken shoulder as though she actually thought she was going to get loose and was calling them heartless beasts. They were in a fury when they laid her on the rack, and they began slowly stretching her then, giving her fits of pain.

She began to rage at them with a sound I wished she had been able to make much earlier in her life there. It was a growling rage from between gritted teeth that grew in intensity the more they stretched her on the rack, until she was raging like a wild animal and was making so much noise that they had the thought that she might have the power to break loose from the rack.

She could not even hear them commanding her to be silent. When they did not feel powerful enough to stop her rage with their commands, they began suffocating her with wet rags; enough of them that she could not bite them if she got her head loose. "Who's the beast?" they growled at her in their fury. "You're every bit as much a beast as everyone else, and don't forget it!"

Their suffocation was artful, letting off just enough to extend the terror by not quite letting her pass out until they wanted her to.

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This sent her down into a terror that had no trust and seemed to have no end to its increasing intensity, or any bottom to it, until she passed out only for as long as they let her.

We tried to get her then, but she had too much self-hatred and shame and too many judgments against herself to let go that easily or even to know which direction to go, up or down, in or out of her body; she was compleely confused, as she had been for a long time. She was experiencing My light and the Father of Manifestation, too, as just out of reach, and , as though they somehow knew what was happening, the torturers were stopping their suffocation of her just before she died. They knew, too, just how much to let her catch her breath, yet not enough to get over the exhaustion of her struggle and then did it again, each time exhausting her further into the terror that she could not stand the compression that was oeverwhelming her strength.

One time , they were telling her she was a fool to fight for her life, had nothng to live for and if she would just give up and let go, she could die and get it over with, then bring her back just before she could, telling her she could not even die unless they decided to let her. Another time, they would tell her she couldn't let go and die because she had to control everything so much that she could not even let go and die, and they were only trying to help her by teaching her how to let go and surrender to death.

Over and over, they did this, their plan being to exhaust her so that she could not ever make such a noise again or gain whatever power they feared she was gaining there. In moments of consciousness during this, she could hear the one she feared was the most demented, because they all looked this way to her now repeating over and over, "Yeah, beasts, we're all beasts. You're a beast, too, little girlie, don't forget that!"

This was punctuated by bouts of hideous laughter. In another moment of consciousness, she saw him standing in the midst of the dogs, exciting hmself and them sexually, moving into her field of vision again, as though they were all in a strobe lighting situation, she saw him having sex with one of the dogs in a frenzy, while the other dogs there were barking and jumping around him and jerking as though they were ejaculating, too, When she tried to focus for an instant to see if she was really seeing this, she could not see anything with her physcal eyes and feared she was becoming as demented as they were.

When pain from the rack jerked her body there, they said, "Look, she's jerking , too! she likes it! Do it some more. She has been

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hiding this from us! She's orgasming here, too! She's having secret orgasms."

She was too weak to do anything but try to gain some air that her body was desperately driving her for, although she could not understand why her body would continue to struggle for life there.

"She's been hiding her sexuality here, but now she has to give it to us!" one of them said. She shuddered, and they made that out to be an orgasm, too, and tormented her with more comments such as, "Look , she likes it! Do it some more! She wants it! She's just pretending she doesn't! Let's give her some!"

She was babblng to the head of the temple again, and of course, it was My light and the Father of Manifestation that she was talking to. They intended to play with her desire to be rescued and her feeling that she was seeing someone she knew and loved coming to rescue her. They were laughing at her all the while because they could not hold it back, but she kept insisting it was true. He was right there.

They decided to play along with this and see what would happen. In her babblng, she was saying all sorts of things. They already had some plans of their own, that they were also taking their cues from her, and one they chose to cruelly play with there was her saying to the head of the temple, "My hair! My hair! You're finally coming to get me, and I don't even look good anymore."

"No one is ever rescued! Unless you really have magic powers, you're not going to be able to rescue yourself, either! If you have magic powers, where are they? You waited too long to rescue yourself, you're too damaged now!" They took her off the rack then and carried her back to the stone table, limp.

"If he's real, why doesn't he come get you now?" to which she had no reply. They went on, "He must want you to suffer; he must want you to pay a lot and sacrifice yourself here. He must be empowering us to do this, or he would carry you away already. He must not be as powerful even as Roman chains, " laughing coarsely at their own cleverness and her presumed hallucinations.

They were saying these things while she was limp there, while at the same time doing some internal work on her that they did not want her to know about. They began to talk abround it like this, "She doesn't think she looks good, but she doesn't know what he is really after. That's where she isn't good enough. If she' s going to be rescued now, let's improve her for him first."

They had been experimenting with twisting dull knives inside of women that damaged the nerves behind the clitoris so that any

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orgasms were going to be very painful orgasms. They were doing this to her now, and of course, they were going to manipulate her into having orgasms and lay it deep into her subconscious that surrender to orgasm was going to mean pain.

Orgasm was now going to be deeply associated with excruciating pain that she wished she never had to experience so that she would fear giving in to orgasm and want to avoid it without knowing why, and the problem did not go away at the end of the life in which they did it, because the deep association in the subconscious there was carried onward from life to life, interfering with ability to give in to orgasm, and often, to experience any intensity of orgasm without a lot of pain.

The Romans did this to many women, because they tortured many women in various places and in various times and could do this without outward sign of mutiltion if they were going to let the woman live. The Romans also passed this knowledge to the Christian Church who used it heavily during the Inquisition and other medieval torture scenes where they wanted to punish women for their sexuality. Once pain and orgasm are associated together in the subconscious in scenes such as this, it's a very hard thing for the person to unravel and straighten out, especially if they do not remember what happened.

They gave her the impression that her most powerful orgasms were going to happen while she was experiencing pain and powerfully associated this in her subconscious by driving her into orgasm with such intense pain that her nervous system lost its ability to differentiate between pain and pleasure, who she was having sex with and whether there was love present or not, and orgasming in such pain and confusion, she feared they were right. She did not have very much sexual experience with which to know they were not right, either.

Then they said, "Wait! She's not ready yet. She doesn't like her hair anymore. Let's fix her hair for him, too. We don't want her to feel like she's not looking good if she's going to be rescued now. Let's fix her up. Let's make her even better than she was. Let's improve her so he'll want her even more. We know what he wants. Let's make her even more beautiful."

She stirred into consciousness from a dream she did not want to leave that she was being restored to herself and to the Father of Manifestation to the pain of the knife being twisted inside of her and nails being pounded into her skiull, just enough to almost penetrate and sometimes crack it as though she was being given a new

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hairdo of nails. When she screamed in pain, they made her be silent by threatening to suffocate her some more. "You're all ready for him now," they told her.

Suddenly, there was a wind that came into the room, as though a great doorway had been opened, and they told her it must be true, she was going to be rescued after all, because a great wind was rushing into the room. They put out all the light sources except the fire by her side, as though the wind had done it, and acted like they were being blown back by the wind , too. They told her they were all afraid of his power if he could do that, and maybe she was right. Maybe, if he could do that, he was going to be able to rescue her in spite of all of them.

Then the head of the Delphi city state, who had been watching her torture from a secret place, entered the room through that doorway, imitating the head of the temple. Framed in the doorway, he was a Greek-garbed silhouette, and in her confused state of physical torment, she really thought it was the head of the temple there to rescue her, which did not seem as preposterous to her as it did to them, but he was not there physically.

The head of the city state came in like he was going to rescue her, saying, "I'm here my darling, I'm here at last!" He mounted the stone slab where she lay like he was going to take her from her bondage there, and when he took her sexually instead, she invited him into her body as though he really was the one she loved. He raped her in this state, and driving her to orgasm was not difficult. She was barely conscious, drugged, didn't know what to expect yet and thought it was the head of the temple. When her orgasm was horribly painful, they all laughed uproariously.

"There is no rescue for you. There is no way out of here. You are a fool who is only deluding herself!"

We were not able to prevent this and did not know how long it was going to take her to ever be able to trust us again, because her subconscious was so wide open to her imprinting. We did not want to abandon her there but fell back after that, fearing that Our presence so close to her was causing her more problems than We were helping her with.

Still, I felt We needed to stay as nearby as we could, because I felt sure We needed to see everything that was happening. I had a fast healing in mind that just was not possible there. We were desperately trying to lift her out of there, but We could not lift her out of herself without leaving behind parts that could not be left behind anymore.

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When We pulled back, this gave her more problems and confusions, too, but Our continued strong presence was prolonging her ability to continue staying alive in this, and We did not want to do that anymore. Not only was she not rescued, now she had a dark silence around her in which she felt verya bandoned again. This was utterly terrifying to her, because at least she had had our light to turn to in her moments of almost leaving her body there, but she was losing some consciousness now and might have to suffer less because of it. Her subconscious was experiencing all of it vividly, though and the drugs were making it much worse than it would have been otherwise, vivifying all of the sensory perceptions and opening her subconscious mind to them.

She was making judgments there. Even though her mind was barely functioning, they were all in the subconscious as a heavy recharge of original imprinting. She judged she couldn't count on My light to be there for her when she really needed it, that I wasn't capable of rescuing her from anything, that I wasn't going to rescue her from anything, that she couldn't trust her own perceptions and that I had no intention of rescuing her, only of setting her up to be played for a fool. She also judged that she had better not speak anything of what I, supposedly, told to her, because I would make her into a fool by backing away at the last minute. She was going into bitterness, and while I could hardly blame her, I could not stop her either. She didn't know it needed to move as heartbroken, terrified reage, and there was no way to do that there anyway.

She was lying there full of all these emotions, unable to move any of them, while they were having a frightening discussion in front of her, as though what she had experienced already was no problem to them. Of all the horrile things they discussed they could do, and wanted to do, they decided that they were going to peel the skin off of he right arm. They told her that they were going to do this because she should be beyond the need for air if she was really such a high, spiritual priestess, and that since she did not appear to be able to breathe through her skin, they were going to help her.

As they peeled the skin off with more slow, cold, precision and cruelty, they let the air sting it as long as that gave her a lot of pain and then put alum [sic] on the arm to keep it from bleeding much or getting infected so they could keep her alive and make her suffer a lot more. She did not know how she could possibly be living through all of this and was fearing that she really could not die.


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"We're not going to let you die," they told her.

"Yeah, an we're going to feed you, too, so you don't starve to death," one of them told her.

"to yourself!" the deformed one told her.

She quailed in fear at that for a while and then realized she did not want to let them see her fear. "Will you please give me some water?' she begged them.

"Oh, yes of course! Anything else, your most high priestess? How can we serve you?" Then the deformed one urinated into her mouth. When she tried to shut her mouth, another forced it open, she was forced to swallow it.

"See, she likes it. She just does not let herself know what she really likes! Let's give her some more! We want to give her what she wants, whether she pretends she doesn't like it or not!" They all urinated on her then. They had been taking drugs that had various psychedelic effects, and she soon found herself plunged into a new hell of strange visions, distorted sounds and amplified feelings; worse than a bad trip.

It did not seem like long to her before she was roused by obnoxious smells. Her head was turned, and she could see that they had built a fire and were throwing things into it that smelled terrible. It was pieces of skin, hair, bones and shit. Anything to make the room smell more obnoxious than anything she had ever smelled before. She thought she was going to throw up but was terrified to allow that. "Just cleaning up after you," they said, laughing horribly at her. "You are so gross, like a sow who can't clean up after herself. You think we're repulsive. You're repulsive," they told her.

Then they put her through several surgical operations, leaving her passed out from pain exhaustion at the end of each one until she started to come to on her own, but she did not know that, because as soon as she stirred, they jolted her back into conscious awareness she wished was not returning to her, as though they were completely manipulating her.

They removed parts of her liver, ate some and forced her to eat some, They removed her gall bladder and poured the bile down her throat. They removed most of her right breast and ate it right in front of her, giving her small pieces and commanding her to swallow them. They gave her no anaesthetic, of course, and gave her maximum pain by doing it all very slowly and precisely, making sure, also that she remained still by increasing her pain of bondage with the screws. They didn't know what was keeping her alive for

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so long. They had never had anyone last so long, and they were openly congratulating themselves on their skill.

Torture victims were better than cadavers because they were living flesh and they could see how living flesh reacted. Torturers enjoyed maximizing the pain this way, also, and orgasmed frequently, and better than if they were having regular sex, when they were cutting on people. They took great pride in precision work, even competing among themselves and arguing as to who could do the most damage and keep the victim alive the longest and getting angry when they didn't think the one doing the procedure was doing it well enough, slowly enough or tortuously enough. They learned a lot this way about how much a person could take without dying, and about how to keep them alive through tortured torment and shock. You might be surprised to find how many of them were, also, actually doctors. [How can I be surprised, after having lived at the time of Doctor Mengele?]

It was seeming to Us that the presence of Our light might have been giving them some of their horrible ideas inadvertently because We knew her so well. We decided We should withdraw a little farther, and get her as soon as she died there, but it frightened her so much to go into the dark aloneness that she experienced then that it was very difficult for Us to do this emotionally. I had so wanted to avert this fate for her that I was still wanting to lift her somehow and get her out of there more intact than she was going to be if they got to finish with her the way I could see they wanted to.

When We moved back, though, I noticed as more than coincidental that they were now moved into more sexual activity, themselves. They now felt they had gotten all of the information they were going to get, and she seemed too mentally stupefied with Our light withdrawn there to say anything more, either, They began talking about going to go down her throat again, but one of them complained about having gotten bitten. They decided they were going to have to "improve" her mouth first by pulling her teeth. ""Please, no!" she murmured.

"She's still 'lippy'," one of them said. "You're taking a very long time to learn one simple command of silence" another one scsreamed at her. 'We're going to have to help you learn by giving you another lesson."

She looked at them in terror. They opened her mouth. She went deeper into terror. They began pulling her teeth one by one, starting with the top center. She did not know how far they were going to go. They dropped the teeth, one by one, down her throat and commanded her to swallow them. When she could not, they gave

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her an incentive by breaking one of her fingers or holding their hands over her nose until she had to gulp them down.

When that didn't work very well on one and they had to hold her head up for a few moments to keep her from choking to death because they were not ready to kill her yet, they didn't like having it appear that they were showing any sign of mercy, so they used the opportunity to cauterize her gums to stop the bleeding and to throw some alum in her mouth, which made her so dry she could not stand it. She moaned piteousy, but only once. "That's it," one of them cried out. "Now we have to cut your tongue out. You have left us no other recourse!"

They gave her no time to speak there, as if she could have. They grabbed her tongue with hot tongs that burned right through it as they gripped it and cut off the front part of her tongue, "You cannot speak now," they told her, "so forever hold your peace!" her tongue was cut out slowly in their usual fashion and burned right along behind the cut to keep the bleeding down. They roasted it and ate it.

"More like a real vagina now," the deformed one said.

She felt an overwhelming desire to sob, but dared not because of them, but also because she had noticed already that she did not have the possibility of breathing through her mouth if her nose stopped up. She could not swallow, and fear of swallowing what remained of her tongue now cast her into utter terror of having to.

They raped her in the mouth again then, vigorously and viciously, over and over, giving everyone a turn who wanted it. She went unconscious in the same desperate terror she had experienced in previous episodes of this.

There was almost nothing left of her then, and several times, I thought surely she would die there, expecially because of the vomit being rammed back down her throat by their pounding penises, but at the last moment possible to still have anything left of her, they turned her on her side and pounded on her back, complaining all the while about how dull it was to try to get orgasms out of someone who would not give them what they wanted, and insulting her as the reason they were not getting the orgasms they wanted out of her even yet. Long after I would have thought they would have given up on her and let her go, she coughed.

They began a brutally pounding raping of her with phallic-type objects.With each round of it, they would insert a larger diameter and longer phallic type of object, screaming at her, "Is this enough? Is this enough? If it's not enough, we can certainly accom-

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modate her highness, the would-be-goddess of Earth! What does it take to get a goddess to orgasm?" Every time they said, "Is this enough?" with their held rage vengeance in their voice, they were slamming her pelvis against the stone slab she was lying on, breaking first the place where her pelvis joined her spine, then her spine in many places and finally her pelvis as the fury of their slams increased.

They gave her a little "rest" then. She was unconscious. She was bleeding from all of her orifices, and the demented one was licking it up, as were the dogs who were jumping on top of her now,too. During her little 'rest," they were still insulting her as the cause of how sexually dissatisfied they were and trying to decide what to do next that might get them the orgasm they were still looking for, but they did not move for a while. When they did, they gave her the last horrible torture for which she had any consciousness left.

They had been raping her in all available orifices, at intervals, all during the torturee and complaining about not getting the orgasms they wanted there. She had belittled them in her rage when they raped her pelvicly, telling them they were not men, only animals, and that they wouldn't know how to have loving sex because they were too twisted and depraved. This had been simmering in them, and they were now gettng themselves very cranked up repeating these comments of hers to themselves in their discussion there.

Still not satisfied, they melted some lead, insulting her ability to satisfy them sexually all the while they were doing this. As soon as the lead was molten enough, they flipped her over in a twisted position, because they did not unchain her, put a funnel in her rectum and poured it in. She screamed in agony and was not visibly conscious after that. They turned her back then, and as soon as the lead was cool enough, they began taking turns with thrusting rapes that were pounding against the lead.

They rested after that and during her "little break," as they called them, they decided to cut off her leg, and cut out her womb and heart as well. They cooked and ate them and tossed the leg bone to the dogs. When the dogs had gnawed it clean to their satisfaction, they took it back.

They got on top of her and began going down her throat again, one after the other, with another one battering up from her vagina with her leg bone until they were, literally, furiously pounding down her throat and pounding up at themselves with the leg bone,

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harder and hard, until they spasmed in some kind of insane, driven orgasm, killing the woman who was supposed to give it to them. They would get as much orgasm as they could that way, stumble off of her, still jerking like the dogs had been doing earlier, stumbling around the room like madmen until they collapsed on the floor and lay where they fell for a while.

I was so horrified by this I could hardly even look at it. They lay there as if in a stupor, like drunks with hangovers, which indeed they probably were, given the drugs they had been taking and the alcohol they had been drinking. They fell into a sleep that lasted quite a while. Still, she could not come to Us and we did not know why.

They began to ocme to and decided they weren't finished yet. They stomped on her, they pissed on her, they shit on her and smeared it all over her, they twisted her neck until it broke. They pulverized her in every way they could think of until there was no way to recognize her and almost no way to tell she was even a human.

While they were doing this, they were screaming at her, "Go ahead and die, because now, we want you to, and we never want to see your face on this Earth again."

They threw her on the floor then and gave her to the snake and the dogs, who wanted to tear her apart. The snake seemed to take his time in gliding over the floor to her, as if slithering indifferently, exploring this and that discarded lump of whatever as he came [sic]. the snake cruised the length of her body, and then, ignoring the dogs, wrapped himself around her entire body and began to squeeze.

As the snake squeezed, she let out an extremely powerful and prolonged scream which did not seem to be at all humanly possible. It scared her torturers so much they almost bolted from the room. The snake continued to squeeze until the scream subsided and then bit her in her third eye, as he had always wanted to do.

A few days later, when they finally threw the high priestess's mangled body down on the steps of the temple, she, and the rest of the temple people who had fled, had already been heavily discredited in the eyes of the people. They wanted the temple's power to be reduced and many even did not mind that she had had that fate. They had become afraid of her and of the fear that she had been controlling all of Delphi and their lives in ways they did not know

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about. they did not want her have power over them anymore as they had been told she had.

Curious, how the common people, as they are usually called, are not seen as useful or as having any opinions that matter until their opinions are needed by those who have manipulated them to serve the dark purposes hiddin there. Curious, also, how these same people, who apparently feel so disenfranchised, have gone for this so easily and repeatedly as though, in these scenarios, they are finally going to have their way without seeming to even realize it is not their way, that they don't even know what their way is or that this is the way of those controlling their minds and feelings.

Just as the seer had moved past her fear to go to the head of the city state one more time and the head of the temple had moved past her when he thought she was wrong and she past him when she thought he was wrong, others have moved past the common people when they have thought they were wrong and empowered them only when they have had opinions they wanted them to have. It is as if (???????) it has not been known how to process disagreements, other than letting words go to arguments and, rather quickly, to wars, big or small.

While the common people of Delphi were feeling themselves being stirred against the temple, the various possibilities were being mulled over by the various political spokesmen who were going to tell them how to behave as soon as they figured out what they wanted them to do by feeding them what information they wanted them to have that would fuel them to do as they wanted them to do.

They were already configuring as a mob of people to come and tear the temple down when they were met with the spectacle of the head oracle's mangled body as though they had been already vincidated, and by the very authorities who wanted to make it appear that they agreed with the people, were doing what the people wanted there, had the situation under control and so the people did not need to do it themselves.

When they threw her body down there, they said that whatever her powers were, they were not the right and good powers to have, or she would have been more favored by the gods and she could not, then, have come to this end. The general populace gave a cry of outrage which was quickly stifled when they said, "We are mere mortals, the tools of the gods. We found her this way. This could not have happened if it was not meant to happen because the gods wanted it this way."

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When people came foward in defense of the temple and the high prietess, they were told, "Hit or miss! If you say enough things, some of them are going to be right." (????)

All of the things that were wrong were quickly cited. No attempt was encouraged or even allowed to look any deeper to see what was right and what was wrong and why or how the seers (sic) could have been helped to become more accurate. Her teachings and seeings were proclaimed inaccurate, unfounded, unacceptable and wrong, after which enough of the people appeared to accept this without much further murmor of protest.




[Sept. 20, 2012, 2:21 P.M.: I've worked like mad to get this chapter done by the time I 'll go to the pool as usual (2:30). I need to breathe and sound and swim and swirl and run through the desert down and up the Wadi of Compassion. And I need to remember, what I inserted above (before p. 130)- without knowing, that this would be the page with the "story" about "The Mother's tortures in Delphi":
..... and take full responsibility
for the qualities and traits of the Torturer
a s     y o u r     o w n .

At a time, when Muslims on the planet are outraged by a silly movie about Prophet Muhammed and threaten the entire world,
in the Christian world - Zuerich - appears a theater-drama "GENESIS", of 5 hours [Stefan Bachmann], based on quotes "without omissions" [of course of the German translation of the first book of the Hebrew Bible), all the horrible things that "happened " in the beginning, and "Und dass Gott ein Dilettant ist, der erst mühsam lernen muss, Gott zu sein, die Welt zu erschaffen. "
I've known this for 30 years, that "God" needed to learn, how to create.
See in "AU-schwitz-Birken-AU>The Rainbow between "God" and "Noah"
Nor was it easy for the Biblical God to accept himself.
The Flood and Noah were an enormous lesson for him.
It's good, that artists - even if they lack the deeper understanding of both, the biblical text and the info from Right Use of Will and Godchannel, dare to dismantle old beliefs. But they have no idea, what humans should do, if they would really grasp, that they can no longer make "God" responsible for what happens to them or to the World.THE DEPARTURE

THE DEPARTURE

The group heading out from the temple, after moving in a feeling of great peril through the streets of Delphi at the fastest pace they could muster without attracting attention to themselves from others, did not make it far down through the mountain pathways to the coast before they had the feeling that the head of the temple was not going to make it. This was very frightening to many of them, but he told them they must go on no matter what, and they agreed that this was necessary. They tried to help him get down the pathway to the sea, hoping he would feel better once he was on the boat.

They followed the river, thnking it was the easiest way to go, hiding from any boats that went past them, even small ones. The head of the temple had to lie down several times by the side of the path because his heart was palpitating so much he could not keep walking. He told them they must not stop because of him, but they could not imagine abondoning their guide and mentor on the pathway like that.

He was frightened for his own life there, but he was even more frightened for the rest of the temple people, for whom he felt so responsible, being able to find their way without him. He meant to go the whole way with them and thought that if he could just rest, he would be alright. He did not think he was having a heart attack, because he was not very old and it did not hurt very much, but he could not breathe enough to walk with them, and the pain increased each time he tried.

The boat with the head oracle in it passed by them without his knowing it, and his heart hurt so much that he sank to his knees in the middle of the pathway. He told himself there that he must at

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least get the people to the boat before he could let go of this life if, indeed, he had to. He felt urgent to accomplish this task, though he could not even stand up in that moment. He felt somethng pressing down on him so hard that he could not even draw a breath without feeling it was too much for him. He tried to relax and go into his healing meditation, which helped him get to his feet a few minutes later. Many people from the temple put their hands on him, too, and prayed for the gods to help him. He hesitated to tell them he was not going to make it, but that was what he really feared there.

He told them instead that he was going to tell them where the boat was, just in case. They prayed over him and did every healing thing they knew to do there for him in those moments, but he could not regain his strength. He told them to go past the old watch tower at the bottom of the pathway and along the coastline. They would not let him tell them any more, telling him he must try to make it to the boat and that, if they had to, they would carry him there. His pride would not succumb to this. He forced himself to his feet, staggered a little and began to walk slowly with them again.

They began to walk past the old fortification. He thought it might be guarded by some who would question their passing if they did not remain hidden, especially if their departure had been discovered, given how slowly he had made their way now. even though it was Greek soldiers they saw, they began to feel an ominous presence there, which they denied as only fear that their departure had been discovered. They were extremely quiet and remained as hidden as possible as they passed by, moving toward their goal of reaching the boat.

They gained some speed once they had passed that place and had the feeling they were out of its sight. They found the pathway to be easier, and it felt easier for them all to breathe, too, even the head of the temple seemed to be breathing easier, but they had to cross one more rocky, desolate looking crag before they reached the town where the boat was going to take them by sea.

He tried to make it over this rocky place, but he could not. It felt too difficult and too inhospitable for him to make it over the top and reach his goal of the boat. It felt like his life right then [sic], and he was giving up. He struggled there to get his breath, trying to move forward a little at a time, and while he was doing that, a large piece of his rage was leaving him, feeling disdainful toward him for not holding his heart more apart from the head oracle there and going forward to the life it wanted to have.

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Finally, when he realized he just could not go on, he told them they were close enough that they could find the boat without him if they had to, but he died of the heart attack he had been having all the way down the mountain before he could tell them where it was. The girl was crying over him, as though she did not even realize he was already dead, telling him she did not want to leave him there and that he must find the strength to make it to the boat somehow.

When she found that he was dead, she had rage that he had abandoned her right there, but she did not move it. That was a denied thing to feel in such circumstances. She, instead, only drew herself up with a deep breath while someone told the people. They all sat down for some moments in the shock of it all but realized rather quickly that they must move on and needed to take his body with them and bury it at sea.

They all sat together there and tried to see where the boat really was. They all got at least glimpses of where it was located, and working together, they were able to find it with a minimum of difficulty except for how they felt having to carry the head of the temple like pall bearers without a casket. When they found the boat, the man in charge of it refused to take a body with them and made them take the time to bury thim there. They gave him a small, unmarked grave and gave him their prayers as they left him there.

The head of the temple could not go on as he was, given the huge pile of judgments against himself his heart was laboring under and the huge amount of unmoved emotion he was triggered into once he was in the head oracle's presence there. It was too much to move all at once; he had no time in which to do it, no feeling to do it and no knowledge of how to do it. He had now hit his original cause place of heartbreak and could not move past it anymore.

The ceremony they gave im there did not mention any of the problems he had in that life, only his good points, as they so often do.

Judgments need release here, though, and they are important ones for many people for their hearts to heal. I'm am suggesting formal and ceremonial release, because these judgments against rage have been so powerfully in place for so long. Make your own ceremony at the time that feels right to you, but do not fail to take Me seriously here. If you have rage at ceremonies, rage about ceremonies, and then give it your best effort. Ceremonies themselves are not bad things; it is just the ways in which you may have experienced them in the past that felt bad to you.

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Here is a list of judgments to start you off toward finding your own in addition to these.

I forgive myself for having judged and for having believed for so long:

~~ that I cannot have rage and love in the same place at the same time.

~~ that if I rage, it will destroy every shred of love I have in my life.

~~ that if I rage , no one will ever trust me again because they will always be wondering when I am going to rage again.

~~ that I have or will frighten everyone with my rage that they will never love me again.

~~ that I have so frightened myself by having rage that I will never trust myself again, love myself again or be able to forgive myself.

~~that my rage is a beast, unloving and cruel, that must be stopped every time it begins to rear its ugly head.

~~ that if I cannot control my rage, I am not really a human or a worhty person.

~~ that i must not let myself rage at the people I love, or I will lose all of them.

~~ that I can only make matters worse by raging.

~~ that no matter how much emotion I move it never makes any difference.

~~ that no matter how much rage I move, it never makes any difference; I always have more rage.

~~ that no matter how much rage I move, I can never shift my position because I see terror as having even less value and less power than rage, and I hate the way it feels.

~~ that I cannot stand to feel terror, no matter what; rage at least feels better than that.

~~ that I can't possibly let terror rule, and rage at least helps me escape from that and protects me.

~~ that I was so rejected, hurt, displaced and repelled that I can never rage enough or make the one that did it pay enough at the hands of my rage.

~~ that I never intend to let go of my position here, because then I might have to look at my own responsibility.

~~ that my own responsibility simply cannot be there, because the other one did it all to me.

~~ that I cannot give in and admit any of this to anyone, not even myself, because then I will be wrong and my whole world will come tumbling down.

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~~that if my rage has to take responsibility here, it will be all my fault; I will have no way to forgive myself, and then the tables will be turned and I will be punished the way my rage has been punishing others.

~~ that I can never recover from the damage.

~~ that my heart cannot take the stress.

~~ that my heartbreak has been protected by my rage, because I can never give my heart away like I did the first time and risk being hurt like that again.

~~ that my body cannot handle feeling emotions that are unpleasant to feel.

There are many other judgments there which you need to find also.



THE ISLE

The man who put himself forward, when they were trying to find the boat, as the one who should guide them gave them orders that sounded definite, like the previous head of the temple, on his last day, when he was getting them together to leave. They did not notice it, at first, as anything other than using the tone the previous temple head had used, and they wanted to be told what to do. They liked it that this man was taking charge now and even taking on some of the former temple head's physical mannerisms to a startling degree, and rather suddenly, right when they most needed someone to help them escape the peril they were in, because they needed to get to the boat and board it quickly, and they weren't sure exactly where it was or how to approach and make sure it was not the wrong one.

They did not notice that it was a piece of the head of the temple's held rage he really had there, because they were still in need of the certainty that it could present. They had needed to be focused and guided to leave in a rush and now, they gave him the power to guide them in this. He was able to do it with the help of this rage that was configuring around him, wanting to make sure they got out of there safely and did not get caught instead.

When the temple head's heartsickness over what had happened there and feeling of wanting to go back toward the oracle killed him on the pathway to his own escape, this piece of his rage did not want to let go of that life. It was determined, not only to protect the people he had wanted to save there, but to go onward also.

youtube; Brahms Requiem, 3. Herr, lehre doch mich

Herr, lehre doch mich,
daß es ein Ende mit mir haben muß.
und mein Leben ein Ziel hat,
und ich davon muß.
Siehe, meine Tage sind
einer Hand breit vor Dir,
und mein Leben ist wie nichts vor Dir.

Ach wie gar nichts sind alle Menschen,
die doch so sicher leben.
Sie gehen daher wie ein Schemen
und machen ihnen viel vergebliche Unruhe;
sie sammeln und wissen nicht,
wer es kriegen wird.
Nun Herr, wes soll ich mich trösten?

Ich hoffe auf Dich.
(Psalm 39, 5-8)

Der Gerechten Seelen sind in Gottes Hand
und keine Qual rühret sie an.
(Weisheit Salomos 3, 1)