The insights presented in this book have been channeled from the highest source,
And have been practiced by those who have received them,
and have been found to work.
The understandings in this book
have been received from God in the first person.

In the beginning,
the channeler could not, like so many others on Earth, believe
it was actually possible to hear from God,
so God spoke through the form of His close companions,
the Ancient Ones that Serve the Light.
Many psychics are accustomed to hearing from guides,
but few have acknowledged
that they can actually hear directly from God in the first person.

In the course of studying with the Ancient Ones,
the channeler became receptive
to God's direct communication in the first person.

God wants it to be known
that He is open to and is willing
to communicate directly with any Spirit on Earth,
who will open to receive Him.
You need only to be receptive.
When you are truly open,
you will begin to experience a direct communication.
Anything you need to know is then available
because of the connection we all have with our Creator

You will need to open to the consciousness of the Spirit
and the feelings of the Will to receive Him.
The Will has long been misunderstood
because the Spirit was seen to be the essence of the Body,
but the understanding is this:

The Spirit, in fact, has only polarized itself in order to experience.
The Will is the magnetic polarity of the Spirit.
The splits in consciousness that have taken place on Earth
have created a situation
where the Will is felt to be disconnected from,
and not even a useful part of the Spirit.
However, Will and Spirit are the expanding limits of a connected whole.
Polarities need to be realized as evolving extensions of the same thing.

Introduction p.III of the 1984 version ---copied on 2003_04_21

The creation exists because it has both the Spiritual Essence which powers it
and the Magnetic Polarity which opens the space to receive it.
The same is true within each individual.
The Spirit and the Will are not meant to be separate from each other in any individual
anymore than the Spiritual Essence of God is meant to be separate from His Divine Will.
Each Will is connected to the Divine Will,
and each Spirit is connected to the Divine Spiritual Essence;
and so, everything is one.

The understanding you need now about how to evolve the Will quickly is, in short:
express everything you feel,
and do not stop expressing,
emotionally and otherwise,
until you have really finished.
You must not impose this on others that do not want it,
for just as it is not spiritual balance to deny yourself in favor of others,
it is not spiritual balance to deny others in favor of yourself, either.
Then when you have cleared out, truly, all emotional charge any given situation triggers in you,
you will have allowed release of old emotions
that have accumulated when the free expression of the Will was denied.
[2013-03-31 - setting up "triggering   s i t u a t i o n s" is only the beginning of learning to feel and fulfill.
The tricky part is the subtle "not feeling good" in ever so many nano-moments of my day and my night!
It is Moving, Breathing and SOUNDING MY VOICE, which transforms those feelings into full-fill-ment!!!]
Controlling rather than expressing the Will means you do not have acceptance for it.
If you do not have acceptance for it, you are not loving it.
If you are not loving it, you are denying it.
When you deny, you do not have all of yourself with you,
because you're not accepting all of yourself.
If you do not have all of yourself present with you in a loving acceptance,
then you do not love yourself unconditionally.
You cannot love anyone else unconditionally
if you do not have all of yourself there to love them.
Unconditional love exists
when all of you is loving all of that which you love.

Now many people have thought
they were evolving into unconditional love on Earth,
but they have forgotten that they must accept all of themselves first.
There is no way around it.
If you do not totally accept yourself first,
you cannot totally open to anything else.

The understanding needed next is:
when anything is denied and not accepted by the individual to which it belongs,
then this part of the individual is placed outside of his love.
In putting something outside of love,
you have fed another reality that has troubled Earth for a long time.
Because of its negative polarity,
most people have attributed the Will to the devil and darkness.
Everything negative has been assumed to be the trouble of the Earth.
You need to realize this is not true.

Darkness is the part of Creation which receives the Light.
Where you will not open to receive the Light, you have denial.
where your will has not been allowed to open to receive loving light.

Introduction p. IV of the 2010 version

only Loving Light,
but what they have attracted
is the conditional love that results from denial.

Because the Will has been so misunderstood,
the need to allow the Will to evolve is great right now on Earth.
To evolve It, you must first accept It.
You cannot beat It into the appropriate shape.
It must be accepted as It is now in order to evolve.
Denial of unlovingness will not clear It.
You cannot just mentally insist that you are all loving.
You must really be there.
All levels of your being must really be there.
Where your Will has not been allowed to open and receive Loving Light,
you have denial.
Your denials are yours to heal.
In healing your Will,
you must allow It to tell you how upset It has become.
In hearing from your Will unconditionally,
You have taken the step of accepting It,
wherever It is.

Denial does not allow Loving Light in.
controlling and imposing limits and conditions on your Will
means you do not have unconditional acceptance for It.
Where you do not have acceptance for It,
you are not loving It.
Where you are not loving It,
you are denying It.
When you deny parts of yourself'
you are not accepting all of yourself,
and , so, you do not have all of yourself present with you.
If you do not have all of yourself present with you
in loving acceptance,
you are not loving yourself unconditionally.
You cannot love anyone or anything else unconditionally
if you do not have all of yourself with which to love them.
You must accept all of yourself unconditionally
by bringing all parts of yourself within loving acceptance
and allowing them to evolve.

When a person is denying parts of the self,
that person will be denying others, too.
No one who wants to continue
on the path of self-denial or of denying others,
(a path of imbalance, in other words),
will be able to remain on Earth.
It is not a loving, nourishing, life-giving policy
to be living in a state of imbalance,
but in saying this, a threat is not intended.
Major spiritual misunderstandings
have been in place from the very beginning
and have beleaguered Earth from the beginning.
this information is meant to help you understand
how to release yourself
from the path of strife, struggle and suffering
that denial has brought to Earth.

Earth has been imbalanced to the point of feeling
her life is threatened,
and is not going to tolerate any more imbalance.
The Earth, herself, is going to clear out of herself,
and off of herself,
everything that has not been loving toward her.
As she is doing this,
all those who want to remain on Earth
must also clear out of themselves everything that has not been loving

page IV of the 1984 version

Denial does not allow the Light in.
This has to be resolved on Earth.

The problem with the free expression of the Will on Earth right now is
that it has been denied for so long
that its attempts to express itself look out of balance, and they are.

In healing your Will,
you must allow it to tell you how upset it has become.
The understanding needed is:
in hearing from your Will unconditionally,
You must accept it in order to evolve it.
You cannot beat it into the appropriate shape.
It must be accepted as it is and then evolved.

The need to evolve the Will on Earth right now is great.
The Earth Herself is going to evolve
by clearing off of Herself and out of Herself
everything that has not been loving toward Her.
Just as She is doing it,
all those that want to remain on Earth
must clear out of themselves everything that has not been loving.

Denial of the unloving energy will not clear it.
You cannot just mentally insist that you are unconditionally loving.
You must really be there.
That means all levels of your being must be there.
You must accept all of yourself unconditionally,
bringing all the parts of yourself
within loving acceptance
and allowing them to evolve.

This understanding is needed now,
because the Earth has decided to stop accepting denial of Herself.
If any individual living on Earth is denying self,
it will be denying others, too.
No one who wants to continue on the path of self-denial or denying others
(no Spirit that wants to continue on the path of imbalance, in other words)
can remain on Earth.
Earth has been imbalanced to the point of feeling Her life is threatened,
and no more imbalance is going to be tolerated by Her.

It is not a loving, nourishing, life-giving policy for individual Spirits
to be living in a state of imbalance,
but in saying this a threat is not meant.
Threat is felt to be there only if the person reading this
is pressuring himself to continue denying things.
Otherwise, the information is welcomed
as a release from the path of separation and struggle
that has beleaguered Earth ever since the beginning.
Yes, the major spiritual misunderstandings on Earth
have been there "from the very beginning."

You need to realize another thing:
many spiritual teachers have tried to give the true teaching to Earth,
and power-seeking individuals have eliminated these teachings
from the public domain.
Instead of wanting people to realize they could free themselves,

Introduction p.V of the 2010 version

The understandings you need now
are about how to help and allow your own Will to evolve.
In short, allow your will to express everything you feel,
and do not stop until you are really finished.
The problem with the free expression of the Will on Earth right now is
that it has been denied for so long
that its attempts to express itself have looked out of balance,
and they often have been.
For this reason,
let your Will release in a private place,
as the Will naturally would with sounds,
especially at first.
The emotional release My Light is talking about
is direct emotional expression as sounds,
so, be careful not to hurt yourself or anyone else,
and do not go forward and act out on a wave of emotions.


In reading this book and trying out these understandings,
it is important not to impose this on others who do not want it,
for just as it is not spiritual balance to deny yourself in favor of others,
it is also not spiritual balance to deny others in favor of yourself.
It is also not necessary to believe
that you must have teachers or intermediaries
to help you find the healing you need.
While others can have help to offer,
you are the one who knows, and can know, yourself best.
Take responsibility for yourself
and what you need to do to heal your imbalances.
While emotional release
has been a long-neglected part of this healing process,
understanding must also enter in where denial was,
acceptance must take the place of non-acceptance
and openness must come where you were closed.
Your Will has a progression that can help you
if you can allow it to unfold.
You can also ask My Loving Light to help you.


Denial does not allow the release back out
of what has been taken in.
when you take in and do not release back out,
your receptive centers get filled up
and can no longer receive clearly,
and sooner or later, not at all.
Blocking the free expression of the Will
has not been allowing the release back out
of what the Will has taken in.
This makes it very difficult to exercise discernment
and is one of the main reasons
that most people on Earth do not, at present,
have direct experience of My Presence.

Much of what has shut down evolution of consciousness on Earth
is fear, held in common by many,
that free expression will result in harm to others,
societal chaos or both.
This fear is accompanied by another fear
that so many who have claimed Divine Authority
have done harmful things,
and many who have claimed to hear Divine Impulses
have done the bidding of voices
that have told them to do harmful things.
You can be sure
that these claims of Divine Guidance are not My Loving light
if they have influenced people to do harmful things.

page V of the 1984 version

these individuals have wanted people to feel
it was a very difficult struggle
and that they must have teachers.

In fact, in reading this book
and in trying out the understandings given here,
you need to accept responsibility for yourselves
and not try to find someone to teach this to you;
unless you have done as much as the book has to offer you,
and you still have strong direction from your own Spirit and Will
that you must seek out the people that have channeled this book.
Otherwise,
it is not necessary to have a teacher
to practice Right Use of Will.
You can really do this yourself;
it will empower the Will to do it.


You need to realize that emotional release is only part of what is needed.
The rest is that understandings must enter in where denial was before;
that acceptance must take the place of nonacceptance;
that openeness must come where you were closed.

If you have open acceptance,
you will receive understandings without fail.
If you have frustration and feel you cannot get the understandings you need,
you have not released enough emotionally.

When you release, you must not hurt anyone else or yourself to any extent.
This is mentioned
because many Spirits on Earth can do group release work
if they have complete understanding of what is happeninbg there,
and allow themselves to reenact situations
they have to reenact to be able
to trigger themselves to release.
This release technique has to have definite lines drawn
according to what the participants feel is necessary.
Only do what is needed to trigger the emotional release
which will relieve the person; do not cause additional pain.

In fact, direct harm is not necessary;
but someone may require triggering by another person
acting as though he is going to do harm.
This is because so many people on Earth have received harm at the hand of others
and have not yet released or expressed the pain of this.
You need to realize something about denial now:
denial does not allow the release back out of what has been taken in.
If you take in and do not release back out,
your receptive centers get filled up,
and they can no longer receive clearly,
and finally, not at all.
This is the main reason
why most people on Earth do not hear the Divine Impulses at present.

November 28 , evening – November 28, morning, Sunday
In my sanctuary at Arad

See more on the page of my song: "To redeem from victimhood I came" !!


"By chance" I came across "Renata, the Succayah's carpenter,
with my daughter Ronnit and her firstborn Jonathan",

: unlike Jesus Isaac was NOT sacrificed!
and in "The Levites' Vocation": they don't get land like their brothers,
for they have to do the service vicariously for the other eleven tribes.

November 29 , evening – November 30, morning, Monday
November 29 was not only the day of the drafting of Jonathan, my firstborn grandson.
it was also ~ in 2003 ~ the day I had chosen for beginning to carve out "Noah's Cave"!
The kaf-Tet be-November commemorates The United Nations vote to partition Palestine
Since then, 1947, even before the declaration of the State of Israel, the war is ongoing.
It was in Noah's Cave , where Haggai Lev had that vision, which made me understand,
that it will be through the Bedouins, the genuine sons of our mythical father Abraham,
that my vision about Peace-through-Desert-SPS-Hosting-Economy will first manifest.

See the my two dolphins in Intro to Noah's Diary                               Information about me:     "Be honest ...................you won't loose anything,    try to touch reality and don't live in illu             sions    which will make you hate yourself    And rely on God!" (translation into English: Christa-Rachel)

November 30 , evening – December 1, morning, Tuesday
In my sanctuary at Arad
Wanting to focus on a DESIRE connected to my brother's birth on Nov. 30, 1942, Germany,
I wondered and wondered: what do I desire? Suddenly at about 7 AM, while still in bed,
my eyes were "forced" into the direction of Eberhard's painting: The State of Israel

This is a photo from the time, when the painting was in my bus,
squeezed into the roof window, which I never opened anyway,
because of the foldable palmfrond-penthouse on top of the roof.

It was only once, that Eberhard (with his wife Heidi) visited me in Israel.
as a result of my self-victimization towards my husband: s. 2001_12_07
Perhaps he would have come to me every year- until his death in 1970...

And this is what he prophezied , when he handed me his painting for me:
"This is the State of Israel with all its achievements, technical and otherwise.
It will cause itself a lot of darkness, lightenings and thunderbolds.
But out of Israel itself there will finally come the light.

It was to be his last painting in his life!
See my mourning today, 40 years later!

From my sculpture "brotherhood">2003_01_07 ....And like in a caleidoscope - all the pieces fall into a new place: maybe - it was that mutual "Greek-Latin-Resentment", which forced and forged the closeness between us? [this image appeared in the tiny size of the slide-show on the morning-screen on Nov. 25, right frame and my explanation.]

December 1 , evening – December 2, morning, Wednesday
At Arad- later traveling to Shoham
From evening to morning my desire concerned Ayelet and my younger son's family.
Suddenly pain-fury pierced my brain, following a doc about "No Bread in the World".
This was in such contrast to "Abraham", that I decided to dedicate my desire to this.
But! when I opened the computer, the tiny image showed my granddaughter Ayelet!

MY DESIRE TODAY My desire is - that my children may choose small steps that will give them "a breath" - instead of insisting on 'the problem has to be solved' - for instance, as I suggested, that they hire a pupil-teacher who will - every day- sit with their daughter and help her to make her homework. In a rare photo of my entire clan of 16: taken on my 70th brithday, 2008, the family of Micha, my youngest, is in the center, Micha, Arnon, Ra'ayah, Ayelet (above me, Mika and her dog)

In 2007, when Micha's family was on a holiday abroad, a camera error produced a mystical image of~~ Ayelet in the snow and with a huge shadow in the sunny sky above ... An image of 2003, taken on one of the weekly "Grandma-Days" shows a typical situation: Arnon comforts his sister. There is NO image of how Arnon lets his sister bother and annoy him, and not only with words...

If you want your dream to be
Build it slow and surely.
Do few things but do them well
Heartfelt work grows purely.

Day by day,
Stone by stone,
Build your secret slowly.
Day by day,
You'll grow too,
Simple joys are holy.

If you want your dream to be
Build it slow and surely.
Small beginnings, greater ends,
Heartfelt work grows purely.

If you want to live life free
Take your time go slowly.

THE FIRST CREATION ......1
THE SECOND CREATION .....7
THE THIRD CREATION ......17
THE EMERGENCE OF HEART.......25
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION ........33
THE EMERGENCE OF THE PLANETS AND STARS OF THE CENTRAL UNIVERSE ......39
THE EMERGENCE OF THE ANCIENT ONES THAT SERVE THE LIGHT ......40
SELF-DOUBT......42
THE DEMOCRATIC COUNCIL......43
THE APPROACH OF THE MIND VERSUS THE APPROACH OF THE INTUITION ......45
GOING FORTH WITH SELF-DOUBT ......47
THE EMERGENCE OF THE GREAT ARC ANGELS ...... 49
THE APPEARANCE OF LUCIFER ......50
THE EMERGENCE OF THE LESSER ARC ANGELS ......51
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FIRST ORDER OF ANGELS ......55
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SECOND ORDER OF ANGELS ......60
THE EMERGENCE OF THE THIRD ORDER OF ANGELS ......62
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FOURTH ORDER OF ANGELS ......63
THE PLATEAU OF REST AND SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
                            WHICH HINDSIGHT GAVE ME THERE ......64
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS ......73
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SPIRIT POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......86
SPIRIT AND FORM GO INTO CONFLICT
                            AND APPEAL TO HEART FOR BALANCE ......94
THE EMERGENCE OF THE WILL POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......102
THE TRIUMPHAND RETURN HOME THAT ALMOST TURNS SOUR ......107
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP SPIRITS THAT WERE HAVING TROUBLE ......110
THE ANGELS' EARLY MISUNDERSTANDINGS......117
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NOW THAT COULD NOT BE GAINED THEN ......120
AS I TURN TO HELP THE ANGELS, THE MOTHER HELPS ME TO HELP MYSELF ......126
THE MOTHER SUGGESTS
                            THAT NOT ALL SPIRITS ARE SPIRITS OF THE LIGHT ......129
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HEL THE ANCIENT ONES ......131
GIVING HELP TO THE ARC ANGELS ......133
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP THE ANGELS ......138
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
                           THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMES NEED NOW ......142
SOME UNDERSTANDING ON THE KARMA OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......149
SOME JUDGMENTS THAT NEED RELEASE NOW ......165
FRAGMENTATION INCARNATING INTO SUCCESSIVE GENERATIONS ......169
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON THE ROLE OF SEX IN FRAGMENTATION ......176
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON DEATH ......181
GLIMPSES INTO SOME OF THE UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NEXT ......186

INTRODUCTION

p.I
I know that you have at some time said to yourselves, "If there is a God who has any power, then why is it the way that it is on Earth?"

The ways in which people have answered this question to themselves have consisted mostly of rationalizations designed to help them feel better able to accept what their true feelings do not want to accept. Lost Will is the reason why things are as they are on Earth.

In the beginning I had feelings I did not know I had. Now that I know I have these feelings, I must accept them as part of Myself, and no longer say that God is not feeling angry when He is. I have many feelings I am now owning, but I would like to focus on anger first because anger has been judged against more than any other emotion in Creation.

I have said for a long time that I am not angry and have never been angry. When men have said that I am an angry God, I have not liked it, nor have I liked the things that men have done to try to appease Me. If anything, the anger I saw around Me made Me more angry, and yet, I have said that I am not angry and that God does not get angry. At other times I have said that I really wished I had never created man; so sinful are his ways.

The misunderstanding here needs to be cleared up now. I have had, and still have, great anger, but it is not the kind of anger that men have feared that I have.

The only anger that has been seen on Earth is anger that is laden with judgments against it and acted out according to these


p.II
judgments. When men have said that I have anger, and I have seen the pictures of what man on Earth knows as anger, I have not then been able to agree with man that I had this anger.

I had an image of Myself that did not include this anger, and so, Lost Will has held the anger that I said I did not have. I have long since let go of what made My anger look like anger has been looking on Earth, but I lacked understanding as to why that kind of anger has been held present in the Will for so long.

The Spiritual essence is not magnetic; it is electric, it moves quickly, and does not hold onto anything for long. The Will, on the other hand, has never seemed to move certain things out of itself. I have felt the magnetic energy to be maddeningly slow at times, and too frenetically fast at other times. The magnetic energy has not had the balance I have found to be so necessary to longevity and immortality. I have blamed the Will for not getting rid of the things that I have found are not beneficial to living. If the Spirit knows that certain Body habits produce death sooner or later, then why do the emotions desire these things?

I have pondered this problem with the Will for so long, that Body has felt maybe it is meant to die. Death has been especially hard for Body when it has enjoyed serving the Spirit and has not wanted the partner-ship to end. It has even seemed at times as though the Will has deliberately drawn death into the Body just to oppose Spirit, which has desire to live forever. Spirit has found that the Will has the power to kill the manifested Body, but did not believe the Will had the power to kill the Spirit Itself.

I have recently recognized that Will also has the power to kill Me; it's just that I go last, after everything else. Lost Will has had the desire to kill Me because I have not accepted it and given it the light it needs in order to live. Lost Will is not wrong in having the desire to kill Me, because I would have continued to ignore Lost Will if it had not thrown this reality in My face.

I had ignored Lost Will for so long that I had convinced Myself that it was not even a part of Me. Even though a place in Myself kept telling Me I was wrong, I had Myself quite thoroughly convinced that there was evil in My Creation, and somehow, I was going to have to defeat it. Even the part of Me that told Me I was wrong did not have the understandings I am going to give now.

One part of Me said that I had a devil in My Creation, who was My adversary, and that I had to defeat him because I would never have peace as long as he was present. The other part of Me


p.III
said that what I perceived as "evil to be eradicated" was actually a necessary part of Creation, and that I must learn to live with it because it provided the counterbalance I needed. One side said I couldn't live with it and the other side said I couldn't live without it. One side set Me up to feel like a potential murderer, and the other side made Me feel like I was going to have to sacrifice Myself. I had aversion to either side prevailing, but I could not see for a long time any way to bring the two sides together in any way that really had validity.

I saw spirits sacrificing themselves in the name of love to an unloving and uncaring evil, and I saw the spirits that marched forth to fight this evil suffering the same end. I even saw spirits that tried not to take sides getting overrun by evil for no apparent reason.

I had to watch this for a long time in order to understand it; for so long, in fact, that I had guilt over the spirits that were having to suffer through it. I have found now that I am almost too late to heal it. I have a massive healing job on My hands and may not even be able to do it without the help the Manifested Spirits can give Me.

Even though I now know this to be true understanding, I am still having trouble getting anyone other than My own Heart to take Me seriously.
I must take the responsibility that is mine for the problems I am having in getting the Spirits to listen to Me, and to know that it is God they are hearing; however, the Manifeted Spirits must now take responsibility for themselves also.
I have responsibility for having projected images of Myself as God, including the one that said I have no anger as men have anger. I fell prey to any things that threatened My feeling that it was alright that I was God. Guilt and the evil I had to face, without realizing where they had come from, were two of the big ones, although there are many more that I cannot list here.

The Manifested Spirits need to take responsibility for having looked upon the images of Myself that were passing through Me, fixing on the ones they liked, and refusing to look at anything else about Me.

One of the images the Manifested Spirits have most liked to fix upon is one that lets them out of their own responsibility by giving it all to Me. I'm supposed to be the one that has all the answers and the power to fix anything no matter what it is.

The other polarity says that there is no God consciousness
[Introduction to the Violet Book continued below in both frames]

p.I
I have given two books previous to this one and it is My feeling that it is not possible to understand this one unless you have read the others. If you are the sort of reader who skips the introduction, you will not find everything you need, so now is a good time to change that habit.

There are a lot of things moving on Earth right now and a lot more are going to move, if you want to move with it, do not hold back the feelings you need to allow now. Feelings give movement to Creation. Without feelings, there is no desire and without desire, vibration would stop. Vibration is life and so it follows that you must have desire to have life.

There is no reason on Earth that spiritual teachers should instruct you to let go of desire except that they are holding old images of Me that do not know how to live and readying you for death while telling you it is life everlasting they are readying you for instead. If you cannot allow desire to lead you into pleasant experiences, you may be heading yourself for Hell without realizing it. Desire has been told by guilt that it is not possible to both feel good and be good, especially where sexual energy is involved. Love has intent to be good and does not need a guilty conscience telling it that it is not being good enough. Guilt criticizes without giving forth a feeling of love toward those it is criticizing.

Guilt is God in My place on Earth right now and needs to move out so that My light can move in. You need to allow your magnetic centers to move so that they can release the guilt they

p.II
are holding present and allow My light to come in. You have been seeing what guilt does when you hold it present but you have not recognized it. I am giving you the understandings you need now to recognize guilt and be able to let go of it if you so choose. If you choose guilt over Me, you need to know what that choice means for you also, so that I have done My job of letting you know what is going to happen in My absence. Formerly, I have allowed guilt to co-exist with Me, but no more. Guilt is not loving and I have decided that I can no longer tolerate unloving presence in My Creation.

This statement of Mine is going to terrify many people who aren't sure they have the ability to tell the difference between love and guilt , or to love without guilt telling them how they should do it. Many others who see that this understanding is right will meet their terror when they try to practice moving guilt out of their lives. Most people cannot fully understand what guilt is unless they receive the understandings I am giving now. Guilt can be such a subtle thing that it is not possible to know all the forms it can take without feeling the Lost will that needs to move now.

This book is subtitled "The Reflection Lost Will Has to Give," because the first step is to see it. You need My help, because although you have been seeing it, you have not recognized what you have been seeing. Some have already pointed out reflections of the self in others, and some have said that the things most denied in the self are the things most hated in others. I want you to look at this more deeply now. Recognition of the problem needs also the understanding of how to heal it so that you do not have to continue to face the reflection you are now facing on Earth.

I have given these understandings in many ways that have not gotten across to you and so I have to insist that you not let yourself read past any point that triggers you or stirs even the slightest emotion. When you feel anything, put the book down, go into your feelings and allow as much movement as you can. Do not allow talking about feelings to control you here. Allow breathing changes and noises. Allow Body to respond to what is happening with whatever movements it needs to make. Give in to more emotional movement than you have in the past. It is the holding patterns in the magnetic, or emotional body, that are not allowing these understandings to penetrate deeply enough to make the vibrational changes that can alter the ways you are living and dying.

p.III
It is not possible anymore to let you go on as you are. The "high-tech' replacement of the Will is only going to give you a little time in which to heal this, and if you do not move when you can, it will be much more difficult later. You are the one deciding how much pressure you need to move by how much you resist the movement.

I do want to repeat that this does not mean that you need to be pressuring others because you are afraid that they are not healing themselves, or allowing you to heal.
I would like to get this understanding across now: Others are not going to take kindly to pressuring from you if you have not first moved in yourself what you feel needs movement in them.

So many times I have felt that I sound like I am almost contradicting Myself in My attempts to explain this without having My explanations look like rules. You cannot take the form of what I have given in one situation and seek to apply it to situations where it does not apply. You must have a feeling for the essence of the situation. If not, it does not matter what approach I take; you will not get the understandings involved. The understandings to have present with you now is that it is not possible to give you a rule for every situation you are going to meet, nor would it be desirable;

that's why I have given you a Will instead.

In the next part of the story you are going to see how following My example, and sometimes trying not to follow My example, gave you the misunderstandings you need to heal now. Most people are also laden with additional misunderstandings because they did not understand the example I was trying to give, or tried to make the example fit situations in which it did not apply.

Please open to receive what I am giving now.

p.IV
or power other than what is manifest in man himself. Neither one of these images are correct; but the ways in which these images are correct and the ways in which these images are incorrect has to be seen in light of the understandings I need to give now.

Because I have tried to give these understandings many times before and have not been able to get them across, I must point out that understanding them is dependent on you opening to receive them. If you have intent to understand, you will not fail to get the understandings you need, even if you have to go through fear, anger, doubt and even terror and rage in the process of coming to know whether these understandings are right or not. I know that these understandings are right and I want you to feel whatever emotion you need to feel to know in your Will that these understandings are right. I do not want you to accept these understandings because someone says it is My word.

I have to introduce material you have not wanted to look at. I had an aversion to looking at it Myself, but I had to look in order to understand how to heal it; and more than that, I had to experience the feelings involved in order to know whether or not I had true understanding of the forms I was seeing. This meant that I had to experience the situation; I could not project My view-point of My feelings unto it. When I have not really experienced the situation, I have failed to heal Lost Will.

And what is Lost Will? To get the understandings on what Lost Will is and what it means to Creation, I had to go back to the very beginning, long before the spirits manifested individual consciousness. I had to understand why I had felt all along that something was not right within the Mother. She had fear from the very beginning and I had to understand why, and I had to understand in terms that wold help Her.

I had tried to heal the Mother of fearing all the time and had had little or no success. Many times I thought I had healed Her, only to have a reversal take Her down again. I finally figured out that it must be something She held in Her magnetic field that did not allow Her to take in My light and hold it. I hated Her for this, although I originally denied My hatred. I have to own this hatred now that I have realized it is not wrong to hate what She has been holding, although it was not right to hate Her for having held it.

The Will has been holding death and the guilt that told Her that She had to make a place for everything. The feeling in the [continued in right frame]

p. VI
[was deleted by accident , probably because I've again become obsessive in "getting it done".. -3 days later, on Nov. 9, 2011, I copy these two pages again]
are living outside of Me, and She is barely able to stand healing what they have gone through; however, if you cannot accept these teachings from Me now, you will have to gain the experience needed by going outside of Me. Mercy in this case means that if you have aversion to freeing the Will, the Will that wants life now will not accompany into the experience, because this Will has no more desire to feel what it feels when outside of Me. You will have consciousness for as long as you need to have it, to see what you need to see, but you will not be able to feel very much at all. You must not think that this lack of feeling means you have mastered the experience of going outside of Me. If you have feelings now that love will be missing, you are not wrong, and you will have to decide whether love is important to you or not, for without it, life everlasting is impossible.

If you decide that you want to go on living, you will have to be rescued by the Mother, and you will have to beg Her to come to you and to forgive you for not respecting Her in the first place. Everything else said on this subject in the other book was the Mother influencing the channeling in an attempt to bring more mercy and more time forward for the Manifested Spirits. I let Her do this because She needed more time to understand and so did you. What you must understand now is that time has run out. I can give no more. The maximum time allotment has been given. I cannot wait any longer to heal the Will that has desire to live.

And why would the Mother, who has suffered the pain that must now be healed in the Will, want to beg for more mercy for the ones that have denied Her? Because the Mother could not bear to feel that She might cut off someone who might still turn toward the light. The Mother has also had to deal with guilt around this issue. For one thing, She did not want God to be seen as a fanatical dictator telling others how they must live. Guilt around My power has made unloving dictatorships on Earth reflect the judgments involved.

I also had guilt holding Me back on these two points for a long time, but I have come to understand that the loving thing is to have guilt move out and to then give the Manifested Spirits the lessons they need.

Reality is that the Mother does not like it because She has such aversion to the experience of being outside of Me and because She has aversion to having to go back out there to rescue anything; but She does understand now that I am right on this point and She has aligned with Me on it. Once My Body aligns [continued in right frame]

p. VII
with Me it will happen. Body is not yet quite aligned with Me on this issue because some of His essence will go outside of Me to give form to what happens there, and He does not like it that We have to go to such great lengths to let some spirits learn what He feels they should know already. The Father of Manifestation, who is My Body, is enraged over this and still feels guilty that He is enraged. He is still letting guilt tell Him that it is unloving to put some spirits out, but I have seen that He will soon align with Me.

Lost Will seeking life needs to know that it is not going outside of Me. Lost Will has already been out there and is not going to remain there unless it has no desire to live anymore. What is going outside of Me is Spirit polarity essence that has shown Me it does not love the Will and does not intend to open to its healing. This essence has lived "high on the hog" while its own Lost Will has struggled for life at the subsistence level. This essence has always insisted that the Lost Will created its own reality and had the same chances and opportunities the Spirit had. The Spirit essence that has to go outside of Me has always insisted that it is right, and has turned a deaf ear on all pleas from the Will polarity for help. This essence will at first notice little change in its life when it goes outside of Me, until it tries to feel something.

If you have questions as to what the Lost Will is and how to heal it, you need to read all the books I am giving now because I cannot give you a simple and short understanding that will help you. I must tell you, though, that Lost Will has been possessed by unlovingness and forced to do its bidding. This is how evil got started in My Creation. The amount of unlovingness there is on Earth tells you how much Lost Will has to be healed. But amount is not all there is; the feelings held in the Lost Will have been compressed and are not moving. The expansion these feelings must go through to again vibrate as light is something you need to experience to understand.

You have to know already that guilt has great power on Earth and death is considered inescapable. The Will has been conditioned to believe this for so long that it is not easy to turn it around now. The Will has believed that it must sacrifice in the name of love by taking in denial and death and holding it so that the Spirit can have everlasting life. The Will has actually been loving enough that it has tried to do this, and has believed that I am so loving that I could not have assigned it this role unless it was deserved.

The Mother has tried everything to make Herself give in and [continued below in left frame]

p.XII
but denial, guilt and death. Not only must Lost Will realize that it can throw these things off, it is going to have to gather the vibratory power to do it and the ability to know Me. Lost Will is going to have to open, and it must receive Me this time instead of death. Anything that looks like death to it is going to make it move to close up again in fear that death is what it is again receiving. Your Body holds some of this Lost Will, but much of it is in other people that you do not know are you. Healing lost Will out there in others is not possible. You are going to have to learn how to bring this essence within you and heal it there. Lost Will has literally been fragmented out of the parent spirits to whom it belongs and cannot respond to anything you tell it until you learn how to vibrate it.

You must understand that fragmentation is most of the reason there are so many people on Earth now. Fragmentation is a subject unto itself. During the course of this story, I will refer to what Lost Will holds. When I mention it, you need to know that something has fragmented out that must be recovered later. At times I will not even mention it because I want you to learn to notice this on your own.

I am not going to give any more understanding on Lost Will right now because you are going to have to feel it more to be able to understand it. Suffice it to say that most of the people on Earth are not real. If you have a feeling of shock now, then shock is what you are going to have to feel to understand this. Getting through shock is an important skill to have if you want to recover your Lost Will. Getting through shock involves movement in the Will rather than shutting down the emotional body and making judgments that allow you to lift out of the experience.

Even though I know it was a necessary experience for everyone involved, I still would have rather that We did not have to have the experience of Lost Will. I tried to spare as many as I could the experience of feeling it, but most of the spirits would not listen to Me and thought I was having an experience that they should also have to be like Me. Now that the Manifested Spirits have Lost Will, it must be recovered either by the ones who created it or by the Mother; if not, it is only a matter of time until death takes over.

I have nothing more to say in this introduction so I will end it with My blessing and the hope that each of you who has intent to live takes these teachings in and finds the help you need there.

p.1
THE FIRST CREATION
I have always been, but realizing I had existence took a long time. There was a point in My progression when I became aware that I had existence. When I became aware of Myself, I already knew many things but I had to realize them.

When consciousness became aware that it had existence, it had to realize everything. nothing was realized yet except that I had become aware of Myself. Consciousness had to feel also or it could not know. In fact, a feeling of having consciousness is the way in which I realized I had consciousness. There were no words at first, only a feeling that I had existence. I had desire to know more.

Already although I did not know it, I had Lost Will that did not believe I could know more. I had given birth to fear and did not know it because I had no understanding. This fear then became Lost Will because I did not realize that I had to allow Myself to feel it. I had a desire not to believe that I could know nothing more about Myself and so I ignored the fear. Ignoring this fear gave birth to denial which the fear then received from Me.

I did not know then that I was love, and I did not realize I had given unlovingness in the form of denial of My love to My fear. I did realize that something did not feel good. I had had an experience and I pondered it. I had a beginning concept of progression or time, although no way to measure it. I realized that I had pondered this "not feeling good" someplace in Myself for awhile.

p.2
I had the concept of a place within Myself then also. I tried to find the place that did not feel good so I could know it. I had just started My search when I realized there were many more places that did not feel good than I had realized before I began looking for them. In realizing I felt bad, I realized I had been feeling good. I wondered if it was right to try to feel Myself. I wondered if it was right to feel that some places felt good and others did not. I wondered if trying to feel them made these places not feel good. I felt confusion and fear. I wanted something that could explain it to Me so I could know. I felt lonely and somewhat timid about trying to feel Myself for fear of what I might find.

All of this passed fleetingly through My consciousness while I was trying to ignore it in favor of My desire to know more. My desire to know more was leading Me on, I found out many things in My own way at that time. I stumbled onto most of them by having an experience and then realizing it. I felt most impatient with Myself. Already guilt had been born in Me as a little voice telling Me that I should be doing better than I was doing.

I had realized many more things than I could list. You must feel within yourselves to find your memory of what you experienced in a latent state of consciousness, for you were all there in a state of slumber, and you have the ability to know how existence began.These original experiences have affected you ever since. You need to go back to the origins of your consciousness to know what your earliest experiences were, just as I had to understand mine, because Lost Will has its origins there also.

Most of My worshippers tell me I have always been because they have preference for a God who understands everything and tells them what they are ready to hear. You have to understand that it is not possible to know understanding unless you have the ability to feel whether it is right or not. And so, some things cannot be told now because you must work your way back, starting with where you are now, and it is going to take you a long time to get to the Lost Will that knows what your original experiences were.You need to feel Lost Will moving in Me now to know whether you shared the experience with Me or not.

My earliest memory is that of having a feeling that I was. This feeling was vague at first, but it startled Me out of a reverie that I felt I had been in. I had a feeling at tht time that I wished I had not startled Myself out of that reverie. Lost Will has this feeling now. Some Lost Will does not want to move for fear movement will take it out of its reverie.

p.3
As I tell this story, you need to realize that everything I say is being acted out on Earth right now because it has not yet been resolved. As you look around you and see that this is true, you must also let yourself feel it, because this cannot be fully understood just by seeing and thinking. I have found this out.

I had a growing fear of feeling, as you may have already noticed. I wanted to feel only the bliss in which I had awakened, but I could no longer sleep all the time. I had a dilemma. Even though I had questions, I did not know   
how   to    e n t e r t a i n   Myself
if I could not sleep all the time. At the same time, My great excitement over realizing that I was - was interfering with My sleep.

"I am," I kept telling Myself, "I am, but what am I, who am I, where am I and what does it mean to be?" I had questions, so many questions about Myself.

Most of the time I felt that I should not have so many questions because the questions were not allowing Me to be peaceful with Myself. *) I felt urged on to find answers. I had discussions with Myself. Part of Me did not like it that I had awakened at all. Part of Me felt alright about having consciousness as long as it could be peaceful consciousness. There were many other small voices with points of view I will not mention now because I barely heard them then. Most of the rest of Me wanted to find answers to the questions I had.

I had guilt then, to, but I did not know it was guilt that said that My search to know should not bother the part of Me that had desire for peace. I felt guilty just for being and for not wanting to stay asleep.

The first thing I felt I had to figure out was how to know. I had a lot of questions and almost no answers, I had desire to know and I had feelings. I was not sure whether I had feelings or thoughts first. In My memory, it seemed as though I had experienced feelings and thoughts as one and the same thing. Perhaps only as I reflected upon them did they seem at all different or separate. I wanted to experience something more to know if I had feelings and thoughts. I was not sure if I had feelings and thoughts or even if I had experiences. Perhaps I only thought that this was happening and it was not really happening. Absurd as it may sound, I was seized by the fear that I did not exist but only thought that that I did. Perhaps thought was all there was to Me. And yet, something reminded Me that I had responded to Myself somehow. What was it that had responded? Was it Me [continuation further down]

p.2
Even though the Godhead Spirits denied it and did not let Me approach them on it, I still felt they had fear of Me and that they were holding back from Me somewhat. Was the increase in My presence too much for them to handle all at once? Had I become a frightening God to them?

I knew that I had had fear at seeing the possibility of My place opening space to something other than My light and I wondered why the Godhead Spirits had denied feeling this fear. I had leaped to fill the void before the filminess became actual holes in my light. I had exploded in an effort to fill everyplace that needed it, and yet, it was not an explosion that I had forced because I did have great joy at returning to what felt like My right place. I felt like everything in Me had moved at once and given the increase to the light that was needed then.

There was no way I could verify that what I had done was right except that I had a feeling it was good. I had great faith in good feelings and did not realize that I had denials involved even in them. I just had a nagging guilt that never let Me be totally at peace.

I tried to ignore it, but I always had the feeling that I was never quite good enough or right enough in anything I did. I always had an uneasy undercurrent feeling that doing what I wanted to do was unacceptable to others for one reason or another and that I had to hold back in order to be loving and careful of others. I actually feared I could hurt others with My light and I have much Lost Will that believes it cannot receive Me fully because I will be too intense for it. [see about my own predicament in "Nourishment, Lightness&Joy">Nov.9,2011]

The Godhead Sprits did not seem interested in addressing Me here and I did not want to press it with them. Instead, I preferred to shake these feelings off because I had feeling good in mind now. I began to ruminate upon the many pleasant experiences I had had.

Ruminating was, in My mind, a way of looking over Creation to see how I had done. I had experiences now that I had not had the first time I experienced these parts of Creation, and feelings of love poured forth for things that had troubled Me earlier. I was able to smile now at so many things that had seemed humorless earlier. I felt there were many places where love had been present even though I had at first feared it wa not.

I felt I had more insights on Heart, the Mother, and the Father of Manifestation, and I resolved to try harder for a better alignment with Them. I looked at the Rainbow Spirits and found that

p.3
I had more love there than I had found in the beginning. Later, I found that in some situations, it was still not as easy for Me to recognize the presence of love when I was directly involved as it was from the perspective of the overview I was having now.

When I got to the bottom and the Red Spirits, I avoided looking at the feelings I had had there. I felt that I needed to look at the Red Spirits but told Myself it was btter to focus upon how they were doing in the present than to go back over the past. I somewhat feared the possibility that they might not be doing well, but I denied it in favor of my belief that I should take a calm approach and just allow Myself to see them. I decided to look in upon the red Spirits without leaving home, just as I had been doing with the other spirits.

As I focused my vision down through the colors of the Rainbow Spirits, I found their reaction to be similar to what the Godhead Spirits had shown Me earlier. The Rainbow Spirits also had what appeared to be a reaction of fear. At the time, I did not understand what was causing this, but I know now that I had unwittingly denied fear by not allowing it expression and my own denied fear had gone out like a wave before Me. The spirits denied it because I had denied it, and they feared Me because I was not accepting Myself in the areas they were reflecting. Lost Will has reflected these moments back to Me for so long that I am surprised I did not understand it sooner than I did, but I did not.

The images of God as an All-seeing Eye that spies and even knows what is hidden has roots here, as does the approach of most people to the visit of anyone deemed to be more important or more powerful than they are. There are varying degrees to the Lost Will but all involve at least some amount of the flurry of preparation designed to present the best possible appearance and assure putting the best foot forward. The guilt involved is quite immense really and is present because of the unmoving fear that says it is not alright to just be as you are.

Since I had not realized the role My own denials were playing in the patterns I was seeing, I tried the approach of reassuring the spirits involved that they had nothing to fear and that I was not the sort of God who was looking at them to judge and punish as so many seemed to fear. This got Me no place, of course, except that I received back even more denials that they had the fears I was addressing. This gave Me some confusion until much later when I finally realized that the spirits were responding to [continuation further down]