The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries


[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]


I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'

pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill
>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

 

 

 

Scroll down to my inner experience with "the Journey of the Four" - to Poland, in October 2009

 

"AU"schwitz-Birken"AU"
Retreat - November 2003_11_3-10
Coping with Evil

NOAH'S VISION

     
  Grief and Grace
Coping with Evil
 
  Preparing in Israel   Marian's Auschwitz-BirkenAU
  Preparing in Germany   Marian's Drawn Memories I-II
  Preparing in Polish Krakov   Harmeze - Harm&Harmony I-II
  Preparing in Jewish Krakov
  Christa-Rachel's List
The Ashes Pond I-II  

 

 

 

 

OUR  VOICES'  SHOFAR  
around  the  EARTH

2012-03-30 - I discovered this "Sharing" by a participant in our retreat

(I'm now - January 29, 2009) inserting a familiar song, Peat Bog Soldiers, about the importance of which I only now learn
(see a youtube video)

Die Moorsoldaten

Wohin auch das Auge blicket.
Moor und Heide nur ringsum.
Vogelsang uns nicht erquicket.
Eichen stehen kahl und krumm.

Wir sind die Moorsoldaten
und ziehen mit dem Spaten ins Moor.
Wir sind die Moorsoldaten
und ziehen mit dem Spaten ins Moor.
Hier in dieser öden Heide
ist das Lager aufgebaut,
wo wir fern von jeder Freude
hinter Stacheldraht verstaut.

Wir sind die Moorsoldaten etc
Morgens ziehen die Kolonnen
in das Moor zur Arbeit hin.
Graben bei dem Brand der Sonne,
doch zur Heimat steht der Sinn.

Wir sind die Moorsoldaten etc
Heimwärts, heimwärts jeder sehnet,
zu den Eltern, Weib und Kind.
Manche Brust ein Seufzer dehnet,
weil wir hier gefangen sind.

Wir sind die Moorsoldaten etc
Auf und nieder geh´n die Posten,
keiner, keiner kann hindurch.
Flucht wird nur das Leben kosten,
vierfach ist umzäunt die Burg.

Wir sind die Moorsoldaten etc
Doch für uns gibt es kein Klagen,
ewig kann nicht Winter sein,
einmal werden froh wir sagen:
Heimat du bist wieder mein.

Dann zieh´n die Moorsoldaten
nicht mehr mit dem Spaten ins Moor.
Dann zieh´n die Moorsoldaten
nicht mehr mit dem Spaten ins Moor

Literal translation

 

2003_11_20 ; Christa-Rachel Maryam Bat-Adam

[See also pp25 "Denial Spirits and Asuras" and the updates of Febr. 19, 2010 in the Godchannel file "The Asuras"

and the two Godchannel messages, which appeared on March 25 and March 27, 2012 :
6th Interview with the Folks>The Destroyer>Working with Denial Energy & Denial Entities + Mother Pages>The Destroyer and the Mother's Love

 

 

How dare I approach EVIL as a "subject"?
Marian's horrifying Rolling Barrel, called "The Capo", seems to rush towards me.

If anyone should read this page,
I implore you to believe, that this is nothing but a faint fragmentary attempt to hint at what I know and apply

 

2003_11_17; updated on 2009_01_15 , re-edited on 2012-03-27-30
I am adding the background of "Finetuning" as used throughout the year of K.i.s.s.-log 2008


This morning - playing as I do twice a day like a coiling dolphin in the pool -
I found an encouraging analogy:

The four little ones came back with me
from our Wednesday 4 o'clock- sunset thermos-tea on the "Titorah".
This is a blood-soaked hill, famous since the Maccabeans,
infamous since that evildoer Bar-Kokhba, pitiable since the crusaders.
Arnon - age seven - suddenly told me:

"So far I understood that numbers from 1-10-1000-1 000 000 are infinite.
Now I see, that also the minus-numbers are infinite."
"That's right, but how do you know about 'minus' ?"
I asked surprised.
"Oh, I've known about it for quite some time.
I once asked Abba, if there are numbers under 1,
and he told me about the numbers with the minus-sign before them."


As to coping with EVIL - I believe, that I now know the numbers.
But I don't know yet to put 2 and 2 together,
leave alone handle Einstein's Equation.


Using the concept of time, the God of www.Godchannel.com ,
who is "an evolving God"
claims to be finally able to differentiate between three aspects of evil,
two [metaphors: Lucifer and Ahriman] can be healed and one
[metaphor: The Asuras] cannot.

But all three can only effect us
because of the denial of part of the Self.



So what I'm trying to clarify and sculpt here,
are only the basic conditions for the attraction of EVIL,
and these have to do with the DENIAL of FEELINGS,
i.e. with the DENIAL of parts of SELF.

Since the age of six I was desperately trying to be "good".
"Objectively" I became better and better in being "good",
but I internalized my mother's blaming of how bad I was.


At the age of 31, I read a book, which turned the tables on that aspiration:
Erich Neumann (a pupil of C.G.Jung): Depth Psychology and New Ethics.

(I mention him often, for instance in puzzle piece 17 and on Yom Kippur 2008)
A German immigrant to Palestine he had written it
in the shadow of AUschwitz in the beginning of 1945,
when he could not have known the dimensions of the EVIL
committed there.

"New Ethics" means:
not "to be good", but to be "whole".

If we do not take responsibility for our shadow,
it will raise its head "out there" away from our control.
And he quoted the famous Rabbi Nachman of Brezlav:
"Not :
Love thy fellow [re'ekha] as yourself" [Bible,Leviticus 19:18],
but "Love thy evil [ra'akha] as yourself."


I felt, as if the book had pulled the carpet from under my feet.
I started to drown.
And there was no one except Yanina to whom I could even talk to.
Neumann tried to explain, how this wholeness could be achieved,
but I couldn't grasp it then.


It took 8 years more,
until I started to learn about feelings and how to cope with them.
It started with the theory and the techniques of Reevaluation Counseling.


I now differentiate between being 'evil', 'wicked' and 'bad'.


Having observed myself for 60 years,
I find nothing in me that would deserve the term "evil".
But I do find a "wicked" "trait", only one, but it's wicked enough:
I unwittingly enjoy making people feel guilty.
I don't mean open, direct blaming.
I mean surreptitious, "smiling" blaming,
which often can't be even traced or pinpointed by the blamed.
It's even worse than the famous guilt-induction of so many mothers
and one of my mother's favorite proverbs:

"A mother does everything for her seven children.
But seven children cannot do one thing for their mother."


What is teaching about this wickedness,
that it is clearly not a "trait", but a "pattern", i.e. a defense mechanism.
I have been hurt over and over and over again (like everyone else...)
and have not healed this hurt,
have not breathed, sounded and physically moved it.


There is a simple rule:

Whatever painful emotion is not voiced through the mouth,
escapes as fart through the ass,
when I have no control over it.
These stinking farts can be more dangerous
than direct explosions
(- also the result of unhealed pain),
because the person who receives the stench
often isn't even aware
of what has been directed against him/her
or doesn't feel justified in reacting
because of the subtlety of the blame.


As to "being bad", I have come a long way in understanding,
that this is not me,
but a projection of a hole in the wholeness of the other person.
But I am responsible for coping with the suffering
that results from such a projection.

In the beginning of our marriage
I once overheard my husband say to someone:

"There is nothing worse than living with a person, who is only good."
And to me he once said:
"Why is it always me who turns out to be the bad one?"

My learning between Erich Neumann and Reevaluation Counseling
let me see,

how I was NOT taking responsibility for my shadow.
Talking in terms of electricity:
the stronger I loaded the plus-pole
the stronger became the minus-pole.

When I finally understood this,
I gathered my children, explained
how wrong my path had been all those years and told them:

"You so often have seen your father yell at me,
even throw things at me or you,
and I, what have I been doing? I have cried. That was all.
You'll now experience more yelling, because I'm going to yell back.
But understand, that this is a way - one way only -
to take responsibility for balancing our relationship."



But it was too late.
If I had been "bad" before in my husband's eyes,
now I became the most abominal devil ever invented.

I could have lived with this, if he could have lived with it.
But his self-respect deteriorated from day to day,
and the less he loved himself, the more he humiliated me.
And the more he humiliated me, the more he hated himself.



That was the opposite
of what my love had intended to achieve.
Love does NOT overcome everything ,
as I had wanted to believe...

It was for love's sake that I finally parted...

This has occurred 23 years ago,
and still I'm creating so much shadow outside of me,
so much hostility against me, such horrifying judgments.
I want people to feel good about themselves,
I want them to love themselves in my presence.
The opposite happens, because the kind of mirror I am for them:
someone who fulfils her dreams, while they don't, for instance....

This is my ongoing failure so far,
but this has nothing to do with being "bad".
It has to do with being not yet healed and whole,
of attracting the reflection of the greatness I deny, for instance...


I hope, I am now able to take a more exact look
at the EVIL of AUschwitz-BirkenAU.

There is no clearcut line between my badness (in the eyes of other people),
my wickedness (my defense-patterns)
and "Evil".

Nor is it helpful to repeat the general statement,
that "the perpetrator is within each of us",
as I heard often during the retreat.
It is true, but so what?

2003_11_17

I am inserting an Hebrew article, which appeared in last weekend's edition (2003_11_21) of the Israeli newspaper "Ha-aretz".
Ruth brought it to the post-retreat of the ten Israeli participants
in the Auschwitz Bearing Witness Retreat.

The confession of a soldier
4 years after his 3 years' service in Gaza,
mostly at checkpoints - proves my point.


A judgmental approach will not be useful.
The question - as towards AUschwitz-BirkenAU - has to be:


How am I
- by resisting, ignoring, denying, deadening
my own feelings -
participating in the perpetration of the "evil-doers".


[See now - on Oct.26-27, 2009, the quote from "As above, so below"]

It is not that those soldiers are different from other people.
The difference is, that they were placed in a situation,
where they were allowed to compensate
for their denied-deadened feelings
by inventing "kicks",
the kicks of torturing and humiliating human beings,
who - in turn - had deadened their feelings so much,
that they had no strength etc. to not attract the perpetration.

(This is a really bad phrasing, and I am ashamed, but I cannot skip this aspect.)







Does this truth help me
to truly take responsibility
for balancing between the plus and the minus in myself,
for truly "walking to-and-fro with God"?
No! the very next moment I'll judge someone as "bad",
for instance, the terrorists or even the Palestinians altogether,
or the Sharon-Government or even the Israelis and the Jews altogether,
or I'll be hurt by being judged as "bad" by someone else.

Marian's medieval images of Evil
are his way of coping with experiences,
which none of us, who were not there,
can imagine or identify with.
We are therefore not allowed to adopt these images.

We are called to cope with the one reality
which is common to all humans,
be they victims or victimizers,
be they the generation of the holocaust
or the generation of 2003 or of 2012:
the denial of Emotion and Body
in favor of the focus on Mind and Spirit.

The question that I always have been asking,
I never heard someone else ask:
If the Nazis took their "Final Solution" seriously -
why didn't they kill everyone in the gas-chambers right away,
once this method had been developed efficiently?


The answer, that they needed people to work for them, is stupid,
to say the least.
Like Pater Staniswov in Harmeze said to me:

"People, who are needed for work, must be fed and kept in good shape."
But the purpose was not the need to get slaves.
The purpose was the need to torture.
And why was there the need to torture?

Simply, because this was the only way,
the deadened feelings could get "a kick" for a moment.

Again, this is not so far away from what people do,
who seek out movies of action and horror.

 

 

Their living is lifeless,
for their feelings are are dead.
No one taught them,
how to vibrate feelings physically,
no one trained them to move emotions,
to breathe and sound and move
pain, shame and fear,
humilation, boredom and powerlessness.
That's why they couldn't bear their feelings,
so they killed their feelings,
so they need their kicks.


 


"the cruelty that arises from disconnecting with feelings"
Genine Bar-El's photo of the ashes' pond

From a Letter from Adina Rosen, Safed, Israel , a participant in the Retreat

"... In order to honor the souls who went through the Holocaust ,
I need to work
on finding the subtle expressions of suffering they went through.

There is not only no need,
but it is impossible to experience what they experienced.
What I need to do is understand the victim/persecutor mode before it gets to an extreme expression.
For example, someone pointed out at the retreat
that we do subtle "selection" when we look at a person
and judge them worthy or not worthy of our attention.

Also I was inspired from the story by the desire to live.
Living in this world without a Heart, is not living.
Living without truely feeling is the internal Auschwitz.
When we don't feel with our Mind and Heart together,
then we are continuously stuck in victim /persecutor.

I don't need to say these things to you
because I know that this is your main message/work on the planet.
...
the essential teaching of what I got from the "rainbow"
is so connected to your life work.
I heard a beautiful teaching on the rainbow the week before the retreat
since it was Parshat Noach....

 

 

Letter from Genine BarEl, Safed, Israel, a participant in the Retreat

Dearest beloved Friends and fellow Journeyers,

It’s so hard to put into words how I feel after Auschwitz-Birkenau. I’ve been home one week and feel an oppressive weight inside. I feel so detached from my world. I haven’t talked much about Poland; it doesn’t seem to want to emerge from my depths. Yet I want to share. Where to begin?

Let me follow the council rule – TALK ONLY FROM THE HEART.

OK heart …I feel longing. Longing for our circle of caring hearts that drew close for five wintry days under the grey skies of Auschwitz/Oswecim, which, remarkably and significantly, revealed to us the most beautiful, complete and inspiring rainbow I have ever seen, just as we entered the Birkenau death camp. After a morning spent at the Auschwitz Museum witnessing one of mankind’s darkest cruelest times, we entered Birkenau – ‘place of the Birch trees’ and Zyklon B and deaths of millions – where we would spend the next four days. Just then, we were sent a message: a rainbow, a symbol of hope, just days after we read the Chapter of Noah in the Torah reading at synagogue.

Auschwitz-Birkenau today is not a place of darkness but a place of hope. It takes darkness to reveal light. I felt in Auschwitz such a light, a grace, a promise of a better future if we remember the past, remember the cruelty that arises from hatred, from disconnecting from feeling and from caring about other human beings.

So Auschwitz for me was feeling. Feeling the pain of those murdered, torn from their lives and families. Feeling my pain, my pain as a Jew, carrying the wounds of thousands of years of hatred and persecution. I didn’t realize I had so much Jewish pain. I thought I was just angry with my father. Or the nasty girls in my bunk at summer camp.

I went to Auschwitz to go into my pain, to “plunge” into the darkness inside which I have spent a lifetime escaping. I recently discovered that I have been running from feeling. I kept myself so busy doing, “Accomplishing,” aspiring, regretting, projecting, thinking – that I lost myself. I operated from the throat up and lost touch with my heart, because my heart was filled with so much pain it was too frightening to really feel. So I went to Auschwitz to feel the pain. What better place to encounter pain and suffering than Auschwitz?

And I encountered the pain in my heart. And the pain, concern and love in the hearts of the other participants who came to Auschwitz for their own reasons. And I opened my heart to them. And then I was able to open my heart to God, the ultimate light. [Genine! God is not only "Light-Spirit", God is also "Will-Feelings"!]

It’s been really hard to return to mundane life after Auschwitz. It’s great to see the kids, the husband. I really love them. But the daily grind: the chores, the appointments, the business commitments – I feel like an automaton, doing what I need to do, but something is missing.

My open heart, that’s what is missing. In Auschwitz we plunged into the pain, I entered into my broken heart and stayed there the entire retreat. I cried from my broken heart, I mourned from my broken heart, I listened from my broken heart, I understood from my broken heart, I loved, I sang and even laughed from my broken, now healing heart. For good measure I then fell on my head (for those present late Friday night).

So how do I keep my heart open when all around me are closing theirs? Adinah my holy sister has told me to turn every question, or every should statement (“I should do this or that”) into a prayer, so…

May the One who created my heart give me the courage and strength to keep it open and loving even when the enviroment is less than supportive and may I always be one with my feelings and sensitive to the feelings of others.

May all you dear friends, be blessed with maintaining your open and loving hearts, and may we continue to love and support each other as we did for five wintry days in Auschwitz.

Thank you all so much for making this retreat so profound and meaningful. Thanks especially to the organizers and facilitators. I miss you all very much.

A giant hug to you all. And thank you all for your thoughtful emails and wonderful stories.

Lots of love,

GENINE


 

For the sake of uniting
the Holy-One-Blessed-be-He and his Shekhina
(Divine Presence in female gender)
to unite Y-H with W-H in complete/whole unity
in the name of all Israel and let's say: Amen.
These Aramaic words are said
before blessing over the fulfillment of
certain kinds of commandments.
YHWH is the so-called name of God,
but is actually a verb: he who happens
 

 

The Journey of the Four to Poland, October 2009

October 24, 2009
All seven days of Rotem and Jonathan, Yahel and Shira in Poland
are documented in daily videos!


Continuation of the sequence of scenes,
which I cropped from the official videos,
prepared by the "Documentation Team" of three Israeli "Democratic Schools"

Sixth Day



Rotem and Michal Zimmermann

Rotem and Michal and Shira



Shira

Yahel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Yahel receives a letter from home , like most other pupils


Seventh day



Rotem spoke with high respect and love about their guide through all their journey
 









   

Continuation of the sequence of scenes, which I cropped from the official videos, prepared by the "Documentation Team" of three Israeli "Democratic Schools"

 

2013


July 2013, after I watched an interview with Zimmermann:

Prof. Moshe Zimmermann brings to awareness,
that the real test for understanding racism
is the situation,
where not enemies,
not occupiers and occupied,
not elite and underdog,
but Germans of the same upbringing
did to other Germans of the same upbringing
what they did.

I assume that Zimmermann did not find the answer,
which can be found only ,
if one understands "Cain" on the psychological level
and "Lost Will" on the metaphysical level....