The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S. - as stated 12 years ago - was and is   to help me and my potential P E E R s  "to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness, and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013 and Overview of its main libraries [If you look for a word on this page, click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being "a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel": I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb' pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness, so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve, and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!! "I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

 

K.I.S.S. - L O G    2 0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Schubert's Missa Solemnis 1 2 3 How Learn And I The Train   Heal Conditions In Myself For Creating Into Heaven Those Whole On Conditions Self-acceptance Earth Daily sanctus-qadosh sanctus-holy sanctus-heilig

intro to k.i.s.s.-l o g+all dates ~ library of seven years ~ HOME ~ contact

March 30, Sunday, -between Shoham and Arad
+ 30/03/13 , Shabbat,
Karsamstag/Holy Saturday,
Arad

back to past ~~~~~ forward to future

MY INTENTION and PLAN for TODAY Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want, then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what may! 5:50 I desire to heal - at least in myself - what immense pain resulted from yesterday's Intention, I desire to finally grasp - after 64 years of consciously endeavoring to create "harmony" how by this very endeavor, this "Loving Heart", this "Moses-identification with the oppressed", I cast such a huge shadow, cause such reversals, destroy what I built.

image of the day: this is the street, where yesterday's drama took place. "Mitzpe" means "observation point"! Across the Banana- cluster the Dommim-Hill= two tiny triangular mounds can be spotted, as if no ugly "Commercial Center" was under construction around them..

hodayot [thanksgivings] for today 6:16 I am not able to thank - after too little sleep and such back-ache, that I can't even sit upright in my chair. My soul's pain and despair, - personal as transpersonal - are all-pervading, the pain and despair concerning the impossible mission of "doing right", with no "values", no teachings nor teachers to rely on. No chances for Heaven-on-Earth, or so it seems at this hour... 13:37 I'm exhausted , but I am home! todah, todah, todah! I am grate-full for the relative convenience of my travel [Immanuel drove me to the train-station. Thanks for the good talk!] and for the repaired power pack of my computer, I'm grate-full to Eduard and to Maxim, who take care of it so fast, without money (Eduard) and almost no money (Maxim) for their work, even though Maxim picked me up when I reached Arad and drove me home , together with the computer, which he re-mounted: "Those who assembled your computer, did excellent work. It's nobody's fault, that the power pack got burnt, it just happened!" I'm grateful again to my son and to Gid'on, his stepsister Dita's husband, for having assembled the best parts into my wondrous tool, the computer!

This is what I saw, when I opened a letter from Spaceweather.com in my Gmail:
I've chosen 3 images from the latest Aurora-photos
taken in Alaska (USA) and in Quebeck (Canada) and in Shetland (England), between March 27 and 28.

And this is what I saw, when I woke up from a good 80 min. afternoon sleep:
moving-sparkling lights and shades on the red curtain and the closed window of frosted glass!
I was so fascinated - and awake -
that I took the time to experiment with my camera in order to catch this moving sparkling
caused by a strong and cold wind outside which vigorously shook the apricot-branches.

As to light and darkness, Spaceweather also links to a site about "Earthhour" 3 days ago
with over 500 photos from all the 20 cities, in which this event was organized.

 

 

By chance I opened TV, when a doc. on "Google" started. I only now understand, that "Gmail" means Google mail! I'll quote a few passages: "Kostenlose Software, die andere Firmen für viel Geld verkaufen – Google ködert seine Nutzer jenseits der eigentlichen Suchmaschine mit mittlerweile Dutzenden von online verfügbaren Produkten und Diensten. In den Google Laboren wird getüftelt, die Computeringenieure basteln an allen digitalen Fronten. Einen Tag pro Woche haben sie sogar zur freien Verfügung, um an eigenen Ideen zu arbeiten. Daraus können sich Produkte entwickeln oder auch nicht. So entstehen Innovationen. Eines dieser neueren Produkte ist ein Software Paket namens Applikationen, das E-Mail, Kalender und sogar Textverarbeitung, Tabellen und Präsentationen bietet. Das Programm und die Speicherung der Daten läuft über Google und seine Server Jeder Nutzer hat 10 Gigabyte frei zur Verfügung. So viel gibt es kaum bei einem anderen Anbieter. Alles umsonst! Und was hat Google eigentlich davon? "Googles Datenspeicherung ist geheimnisumwoben. Weltweit verarbeiten nach Schätzungen fast eine halbe Million Server die ungeheuren Datenmengen. Niemand soll wissen, wo die Serverfarmen stehen. Auf Druck von Datenschützern anonymisiert Google seit kurzem die Daten und hat die Speicherung von Suchanfragen weltweit auf 18 Monate begrenzt. " Die rastlose Suche nach neuen Datenquellen hat längst auch das gedruckte Wort erreicht. Das tollkühne Ziel: Google will alle Bücher der Welt digitalisieren. Die bayerische Staatsbibliothek ist der erste deutsche Kooperationspartner für „Google Book Search“. Sergey Brin Google-Gründer: “Man hat immer gedacht, dass man nur entweder grün oder profitabel sein kann. Und grün zu sein, sei eine riesige Belastung für ein Unternehmen. Aber wir finden gerade heraus, dass das nicht wahr ist. ..." " Das Unternehmen der Ingenieure schreckt vor nichts zurück. Es will wirklich alle vorhandenen Informationen universell verfügbar machen. Was nicht bereits digitalisiert oder allgemein zugänglich ist, sollen die Nutzer eben selber den nimmersatten Servern anvertrauen." Viktor Mayer-Schönberger: „Wenn es ein Unternehmen gibt in den nächsten Jahren, und Google könnte dieses Unternehmen sein, das nicht nur über unsere Informationsflüsse Bescheid weiß, sondern auch über unser Erbmaterial, über das, was uns ausmacht, als Menschen, über unsere Gesundheiten und Krankheiten informiert ist, nicht nur was wir schon hatten, sondern was wir in Zukunft vielleicht haben werden, dann ist das schon eine enorme Macht, nicht nur über die gesellschaftliche Kommunikation, sondern über das Leben und das Sterben jedes Einzelnen. Und das ist schon bedrückend, wenn es einem Unternehmen gelingt, quasi monopolistisch Information über Leben ..."

The computer works, the Internet works, Gmail works and I could send a letter to Immanuel reporting, how "at least technically everything is alright", wishing him, them, strength to cope, and announcing, that I would live a few days as "Days of Atonement" to learn the lessons from my great "fishul" (missing the point) (slang from Arabic, a word badly missing in English). Response soon after:

 

last communication next communication see in "and walking humbly with your God" [ Micah 6:8] To act according to this slogan ~~~ "is truly your mission!"

Finetuning to my Present Back to the beach on Shabbat. Arnon and I, after having informed Immanuel and Micha, walked south - through passages of sharp shells or water soaked sand - and reached the lovely bay with the ancient ruins nestled in the huge rock. "Of course" I wanted to see more of it. Having come so far and simply go back? That is unimaginable for Christa-Rachel. I called Immanuel, I called Micha, no answer. We climbed up the rock and found surprising information about this site. We moved towards the edge of the rock, when Micha and Ayelet appeared behind us. "You have to come back, one wants to go home." Only later I understood, that they didn't mean their own family, for they stayed on, when the Shoham family left. Believing that he meant himself, I didn't hurry. Micha is one of the few persons in my life of whom I 'm not afraid... I wanted to take some wonderful shots [see tomorrow]. For one of them I even cleaned away some garbage. Then we returned.

 

Mika is tired. So I volunteer to go up to the parking-lot and fetch some warm things from the car.
I always volunteer. Wouldn't it have been better, if E. had done this herself and moved her body?
But if I hadn't done it, Immanuel would have done it.
Both of us always try to make it easy for everybody,
how can they grow?
how can they train their body and soul?

 

At first Efrat accepted it, that I - without words - sat down next to Mika to guard her.
Micha, who had played frisbee with his kids for a while, returned to his chair,
and both he and Efrat turned their chairs around, looking into the direction of Mika and me.
It didn't take long until E. came and said, that now she would take over.
And soon enough she lay down beside her daughter and fell asleep herself.

This was the time to take a walk, or so I thought.
But the sleepers were cruelly disturbed by a "tractoron",
a small tractor for racing through the sand.
[On April 2, I'll tell about another bothering tractoron..]
When we saw it coming from the south, I said to Arnon:
"The beach has not yet opened officially,
otherwise those crazy boys wouldn't endanger us like that."
I felt like killing them, without even knowing
how they exacerbated E's predicament and therefore mine.
It was the end of Mika's and poor Efrat's short rest.
I. later expressed the same rage:
"I would have liked to make them overthrow."
But the point was, that now E. definitely wanted to go home,
yet where was Rachel?
[continuation of finetuning to my enormous "fishul" see tomorrow]

Yet another scene, before Arnon and I left

Tomer wanted me to play frisbee with him, but since I was so bad at it, he soon gave up. It's then that I passed by Ayelet and she called: "can you take a picture of these faces?" Trying to get enough contrast into the photo was the last activity, before I proposed to Arnon, to walk to the southern part of the "Palmachim-Beach", where from far away seemed to be a lovely bay. Arnon agreed. We passed by the sleeping mother and daughter, informed Micha and Immanuel traced our path through shell covered passages, and enjoying the barefoot walk only after some time.   Then we reached the bay, and saw ancient ruins nestled in the rock. I was so enchanted by rock and bay, sparkling water and {see above: "finetuning"

 

Do all those photos look the same? Not in MY eyes!

We'll now climb up the rock of the Yavne-Yam site

 

song of the day "Heal me and I'll be healed"

 

back to past ~~~~~ forward to future

home ~ library of seven years ~ intro to k.i.s.s.-log ~ contact

whole&full-filled, never perfect&complete

Keep It Simple Sweetheart
K.I.S.S. - L O G    2 0 0 8

No nourishing quote today!
Just the question on this page- above and this page below:

How to cope with the new Godchannel infos
The Destroyer>Working with Denial Energy & Denial Entities + The Destroyer and the Mother's Love

November 2003

Using the concept of time, the God of www.Godchannel.com ,
who is "an evolving God"
claims to be finally able to differentiate between three aspects of evil,
two [metaphors: Lucifer and Ahriman] can be healed and one
[metaphor: The Asuras] cannot.
But all three can only effect us
because of the denial of part of the Self.


So what I'm trying to clarify and sculpt here,
are only the basic conditions for the attraction of EVIL,
and these have to do with the DENIAL of FEELINGS,
i.e. with the DENIAL of parts of SELF.

Since the age of six I was desperately trying to be "good".
"Objectively" I became better and better in being "good",
but I internalized my mother's blaming of how bad I was.


At the age of 31, I read a book, which turned the tables on that aspiration:
Erich Neumann (a pupil of C.G.Jung): Depth Psychology and New Ethics.
(I mention him often, for instance in puzzle piece 17 and on Yom Kippur 2008)
A German immigrant to Palestine he had written it
in the Shadow of AUschwitz in the beginning of 1945,
when he could not have known
the dimensions of the EVIL committed there.
"New Ethics" means:
not "to be good", but to be "whole".
If we do not take responsibility for our shadow,
it will raise its head "out there" away from our control.
And he quoted the famous Rabbi Nachman of Brezlav:
"Not : Love thy fellow [re'ekha] as yourself" [Bible,Leviticus 19:18],
but "Love thy evil [ra'akha] as yourself."

I felt, as if the book had pulled the carpet from under my feet.
I started to drown.
And there was no one except Yanina to whom I could even talk to.
Neumann tried to explain, how this wholeness could be achieved,
but I couldn't grasp it then.


It took 8 years more,
until I started to learn about feelings and how to cope with them.
It started with the theory and the techniques of Reevaluation Counseling.

I now differentiate between being 'evil', 'wicked' and 'bad'.

Having observed myself for 60 years,
I find nothing in me that would deserve the term "evil".
But I do find a "wicked" "trait", only one, but it's wicked enough:
I unwittingly enjoy making people feel guilty.
I don't mean open, direct blaming.
I mean surreptitious, "smiling" blaming,
which often can't be even traced or pinpointed by the blamed.
It's even worse than the famous guilt-induction of so many mothers
and one of my mother's favorite proverbs:
"A mother does everything for her seven children.
But seven children cannot do one thing for their mother."

What is teaching about this wickedness,
that it is clearly not a "trait", but a "pattern", i.e. a defense mechanism.
I have been hurt over and over and over again (like everyone else...)
and have not healed this hurt,
have not breathed, sounded and physically moved it.


There is a simple rule:
Whatever painful emotion is not voiced through the mouth,
escapes as fart through the ass,
when I have no control over it.
These stinking farts can be more dangerous
than direct explosions (- also the result of unhealed pain),
because the person who receives the stench
often isn't even aware
of what has been directed against him/her
or doesn't feel justified in reacting
because of the subtlety of the blame.

As to "being bad", I have come a long way in understanding,
that this is not me,
but a projection of a hole in the wholeness of the other person.
But I am responsible for coping with the suffering
that results from such a projection.

In the beginning of our marriage
I once overheard my husband say to someone:
"There is nothing worse than living with a person, who is only good."
And to me he once said:
"Why is it always me who turns out to be the bad one?"

My learning between Erich Neumann and Reevaluation Counseling
let me see,
how I was NOT taking responsibility for my shadow.
Talking in terms of electricity:
the stronger I loaded the plus-pole
the stronger became the minus-pole.
When I finally understood this,
I gathered my children, explained
how wrong my path had been all those years and told them:
"You so often have seen your father yell at me,
even throw things at me or you,
and I, what have I been doing? I have cried. That was all.
You'll now experience more yelling, because I'm going to yell back.
But understand, that this is a way - one way only -
to take responsibility for balancing our relationship."


But it was too late.
If I had been "bad" before in my husband's eyes,
now I became the most abominal devil ever invented.

I could have lived with this, if he could have lived with it.
But his self-respect deteriorated from day to day,
and the less he loved himself, the more he humiliated me.
And the more he humiliated me, the more he hated himself.


That was the opposite
of what my love had intended to achieve.
Love does NOT overcome everything ,
as I had wanted to believe...
It was for love's sake that I finally parted...

This has occurred 23 years ago,
and still I'm creating so much shadow outside of me,
so much hostility against me, such horrifying judgments.
I want people to feel good about themselves,
I want them to love themselves in my presence.
The opposite happens, because the kind of mirror I am for them:
someone who fulfils her dreams, while they don't, for instance....

This is my ongoing failure so far,
but this has nothing to do with being "bad".
It has to do with being not yet healed and whole,
of attracting the reflection of the greatness I deny, for instance...

I hope, I am now able to take a more exact look
at the EVIL of AUschwitz-BirkenAU.

There is no clearcut line between my badness (in the eyes of other people),
my wickedness (my defense-patterns)
and "Evil".

Nor is it helpful to repeat the general statement,
that "the perpetrator is within each of us",
as I heard often during the retreat.
It is true, but so what?

November 2003

Does this truth help me
to truly take responsibility
for balancing between the plus and the minus in myself,
for truly "walking to-and-fro with God"?
No! the very next moment I'll judge someone as "bad",
for instance, the terrorists or even the Palestinians altogether,
or the Sharon-Government or even the Israelis and the Jews altogether,
or be hurt by being judged as "bad" by someone else.

 

Marian's medieval images of Evil
are his way of coping with experiences,
which none of us, who were not there,
can imagine or identify with.
We are therefore not allowed to adopt these images.
We are called to cope with the one reality
which is common to all humans,
be they victims or victimizers,
be they the generation of the holocaust
or the generation of 2003 or of 2012:
the denial of Emotion and Body
in favor of the embrace of Mind and Spirit.

 

The question that I always have been asking,
I never heard someone else ask:
If the Nazis took their "Final Solution" seriously -
why didn't they kill everyone in the gas-chambers right away,
once this method had been developed efficiently?

The answer, that they needed people to work for them, is stupid, to say the least.
Like Pater Staniswov in Harmeze said to me:
"People, who are needed for work, must be fed and kept in good shape."
But the purpose was not the need to get slaves.
The purpose was the need to torture.
And why was there the need to torture?

Simply, because this was the only way,
the deadened feelings could get "a kick" for a moment.

Again, this is not so far away from what people do,
who seek out movies of action and horror.

 

 

Their living is lifeless,
for their feelings are dead.
No one taught them,
how to vibrate feelings physically,
no one trained them to move emotions,
to breathe and sound and move
pain, shame and fear,
humilation, boredom and powerlessness.
That's why they couldn't bear their feelings,
so they killed their feelings,
so they need their kicks.

 

 

 

[2012: In the right frame of my 2003 "Coping with Evil"
appears an article, which I do not want to copy here:]

 

 

2003_11_17

I am inserting an Hebrew article, which appeared in last weekend's edition (2003_11_21) of the Israeli newspaper "Ha-aretz".
Ruth brought it to the post-retreat of the ten Israeli participants
in the Auschwitz Bearing Witness Retreat.
The confession of a soldier
4 years after his 3 years' service in Gaza,
mostly at checkpoints - proves my point.

A judgmental approach will not be useful.
The question - as towards AUschwitz-BirkenAU - has to be:

How am I
- by resisting, ignoring, denying, deadening
my own feelings -
participating in the perpetration of the "evil-doers".

[See now - on Oct.26-27, 2009, the quote from "As above, so below"]

It is not that those soldiers are different from other people.
The difference is, that they were placed in a situation,
where they were allowed to compensate
for their denied-deadened feelings
by inventing "kicks",
the kicks of torturing and humiliating human beings,
who - in turn - had deadened their feelings so much,
that they had no strength etc. to not attract the perpetration.
(This is a really bad phrasing, and I am ashamed, but I cannot skip this aspect.)

 

 

 

 

 

Instead of inserting Marian's "pictures"
I want to show this image

Like the other participants Yahel in Holocaust-Poland receives a letter from home, from Israel
I again sob - combining the experiences from a holographic perspective:
1941-44 versus 2009 - Majdanek in Poland versus Modi'in in Israel

10 Hebrew lines daily between Ya-Ra towards the doomed-to fail shemshem.org
2012_03_30- 2013_03_13DELICIOUS      DELETION

In April 2009 Ya'acov wrote 9 articles for an intended website "To Be More" 2009- 2013_03_13DELICIOUS      DELETION

2013:I do not want to delete the following response to something Ya. wrote:

April 2009 Nitzanim-Beach

A bus is rented from the 10000 NIS,
which "the Walk" is about to earn
by doing hard labor for two days
after a Boombamela festival of 20000 teenagers
We reach Nitzanim Beach at night,
set up our tents at a compound, which is "safe",
work all day , April 12, and April 13,
and the meaning as well as the pain and joy of those days
will have to be told later...

['later' on Healing-K.i.s.s. usually means 'never', but now on July 27, 2009,I want to at least recall, what I saw as the meaning of this terrible cleaning-up: What those 20000 youngsters left behind - [and I won't even start to mention what kind of things that included] ..................................................... is symbolic for all the feelings, which are left behind ignored denied unhealed by humankind in general and by the Walkers-about-Love in particular...]

I came to understand, what Godchannel calls "the subtlety of guilt."
It's even more subtle than my former "only vice" - enjoying to make people feel guilty,
which I called "The Snake of the Messiah"
[in"coping with Evil" I wrote:
I don't mean open, direct blaming.
I mean surreptitious, "smiling" blaming,
which often can't be even traced or pinpointed by the blamed.
It's even worse than the famous guilt-induction of so many mothers ]

I succeeded in healing "having expectations"
and I no longer enjoyed it
when people felt guilty towards me.
I even tried "desperately" to convince them,
that I didn't have expectations,
and if I had, they didn't have to fulfil them,
or feel guilty if not fulfilling them.

I found out, that this was not helpful at all.
"guilt is a subtle thing"

It's the devilishly subtle fact,
that parents and children
feel guilty towards each other "by definition",
trying "desperately" to fulfil expectations
and even with the greatest effort
failing to fulfil them all.
A feast like Pesach is the "perfect" circumstance for watching this.
[a series in TV channel 2 : Sabri Maranan, feeds on this, but I have no strength to watch it.]

is it this, what is encoded in Rafael's "prophecy" 52 years ago,
when he suggested that I write a book
about Jesus?
an understanding that can be won only
" by a process of constant elimination"?

 

the Voca People in Israel

Meet the Voca People
Voca People live medley with all song names