I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
Then those who see Ha-Shem, will talk
among each other,
and he listens and he
hears
yatakaalamuna allathina
yarau'na-hu ,
va-yusri va-yasma'
Dann die IHN schauen, werden reden miteinander,
und er lauscht und er
hoert
Puis ceux qu'ils voient Ha-Shem, se parlent
l'un a l'autre
il entends,
il ecoute
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may
I don't exist to realize my desires, rather my desires exist
to give me reason for creative action and pretext for loving
interaction! 4:21 I desire to derive an optimum
of understandings from the Big Brother Drama and then let go.
I desire to heal the still existing gaps in my own wholeness
fast, so that I can focus on those conditions for Heaven-on-Earth,
which have nothing to do with "Cain"
or Self-Acceptance,
but with "excitement and full-fill-ment" - a condition
only hinted at in Godchannel or elsewhere
I desire to complete my August pages, so as to be free for "Driving
Backward further & deeper".
Live
at 4:35 AM- Asher's book "The Service of Ha-Shem"
and microphone-equipment:
My retreat from my virtual participation in the Big Brother
Community
saying "Salaam" especially
to Renin Bolus
from Neve-Shalom
f
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
4:50 My Body,
my Partner,
my God
I give thanks to your support for our mind's and feeling's
desire
to interrupt your sleep and sit down at the computer at this
hour.
I am grate-full to the producers of
the artificial life-drama "The Big Brother",
from which I learnt so much within one week.
I am grate-full to the sixteen people who - for what reasons
ever -
have been taking part in this drama in front of my eyes for
7x24 hours.
I am grate-full to my inner guidance which tells me: "you've
learnt enough".
I am grate-full to my strength to not let myself be tempted
to go on.
I am grate-full for all the understandings which run around
in my mind,
and which I desire to sculpt this today.
5:37
I am grate-full that the first draft is already complete!
and this without the need to judge Miki (top-right, above
Renin Bolus),
who so enraged me, that I woke up and couldn't fall asleep
again. Thank you, Miki, for having forced me
to part from my participation.
Thank you also for having me shown one act of caring and lovingness,
- when you were the first to run, hug and console the frustrated
Renin,
as she returned crying, "not belonging", from "the
room of confession".
Big Brother Drama - Understandings
[the background was taken from a scene with Einav and others
sitting in the garden of the villa]
I watched the
Big Brother Drama as "Reality" in the most literal
meaning,
an uncensored, unedited demonstration of "Living"
and "Living Together".
The differences between this reality and all present human
reality on this planet
were at least three:
(1) no "Cain"!
each one of the sixteen seemed to be self-confident, self-acceptant!
(2) no "avodat adamah" nor "avdut", i.e.
no occupation:
- no exterior obligations, tasks, commitments,
like making a living, caring for household and children
- no exterior attractions, distractions, entertainments,
like books, TV, computer, cultural events
- no "usual" occupations like learning or creating
(though both could have been discovered!)
helped the people to forget the real task, as Renin once expressed: "What am I going to do with MYSELF?"
And the stupid act of Yossi had one aim, as he himself hinted
at: "What should I do? Be in the pool
all the time? I wanted action!"
(3) "stumbling-blocks" are intentionally staged
from the outside,
so as to introduce excitement into the boredom,
if these stumbling-blocks
would only put trust ,integrity, solidarity between the people
to a test,
the drama would be a simulation of the old view of life:
God tests us, and therefore the prayer: "don't lead us
to temptation".
But even this view was an escape from reality:
that we each stage our own drama and choose our own actors.
Yet the Big Brother drama is based on something so vicious,
that this alone is reason enough for me to no longer take
part:
the excitement should come from the fear,
that "I'll be removed, disposed of",
and by whom ? not by an exterior authority, the Big Brother
or "God",
but by my own peers.
And what is a million times worse and undermining every trust:
I shall not know, who is against me , who will denounce me.
It could be everyone, because the rules for our very being
here demand this.
So despite "Cain"
and despite all the results of lack of self-acceptance and
lack of full-fill-ment "real" life is torturous,
but it is not vicious!
And the fact, that only viciousness promises an exciting drama,
proves,
that the Big Brother is still stuck in Shakespearean "dramatism".
Finetuning
to my Present
I came up the Wadi
of Compassion, rehearsing songs, a
short one came like a confirmation of yesterday's pool-talk
with Deity:
the source of the song is a Talmudic proverb,
which seems to point out the
pathetic situation of Ehud Olmert, the present Israeli Prime-Minister "If a flame falls into the cedars,
what will say the mosses on the wall?" In May 2000 , I turned the meaning around
wanting to give a message to "Erez" - cedar - a man
with a low self-esteem: If
the cedars will rejoice in their hight,
the mosses on the wall will raise their heads.
Fine! Accepting "greatness"
doesn't seem to be a great problem any longer -
knowing who I am,
not only a ray of the one sun, a wave of the one ocean, a color
of the one light,
but Deity's peer, and United Heart Embodied.
But what is my color of the light meant to understand and to
accomplish?
All this work on Self-Acceptance! It cannot really advance without taking
into consideration that great condition: excitement and full-fill-ment. A human who is not excited to create and
therefore not satisfied and full-filled can not feel worthy, can not achieve
self-acceptance. It doesn't help to hear:
"You are ok as you are, you don't have to do anything,
just be yourself!"
The boredom and ennui of the Big Brother community proved this
one more time.
I now - coming out of the Wadi of Compassion -
understood an additional aspect
in Genesis
2:5 which I've always been quoting when explaining "Cain".
"and there was not yet adam, a human,
to work the adamah, the earth"
implies this condition: Adam without working the Adamah will
not only not survive!
S/he will not live! for there will be no challenge=excitement,
and therefore no satisfaction = full-fill-ment.
Adam and Eve were not yet really human
in the sense of our present reality.
They did not work the adamah,
and probably, if they were indeed human, they got bored ,
and that's where the challenge put to them by the snake brought
the solution:
The possibility to know, and from there - to choose
would bring excitement.
(My question has always been - isn't
"God" bored?
One single time this question appears in
a dialog with "God" in Godchannel -
"I had always suspected
that boredom and loneliness was possible in oneness",
But the answer is evasive.
And when the questioner wants confirmation: "So boredom and loneliness
was the original impetus for Form! " the answer again refers only to
"loneliness",
not to"boredom"! "Yes. Form's purpose has been
to find the healing for that profound loneliness." I still believe,
that the real reason for and purpose of manifestation
was
- not only to
find "another" to love,
but to find excitement
in knowing, in coping, in solving problems, in creating,
and from there to find satisfaction and full-fill-ment!)
Back to Adam.
The firstadam to
work the adamahwas
Cain. And he harvested the "fruit
of the adamah". Genesis
4:2-3 So why wasn't he full-filled by that?
Why did he need to DO something additional:
to GIVE part of the fruit as a gift?
Was it only, because he needed to be received by another = to
get recognition?
Is excitement, full-fill-ment, satisfaction from working the
adamah not enough?
I am perplexed by the complexity of the need of humans
which I always conceptualized as: for a human it's not enough to exist
- as it is for flowers and most animals -
a human needs to justify, to legitimate his/her existence.
While I was in the middle of this old-new
turmoil of "what brings full-fill-ment"?
I opened a recent e-mail, which I hadn't read yet, nor was I
truly interested.
But now, that I no longer zap into the Big Brother living while
eating my meals,
and opening 3 SAT, as I used to do before, could be too tempting
(Big Brother!)
I read that e-mail,
and as annoying and unsatisfactory as most of the spiritual
bla-bla was,
I did discover "my issue" somehow enfolded in it.
Nourishment
from Others
"Once your Divine Natures are stabilized
you are going to receivean assignmentfrom the Universe. The assignment will be a plan of graceful
action that will lead you right into what you
came to planet Earthto do in regard to inaugurating your shift from
fate into destiny,
from human nature into Divine Nature.
It won't, like in times gone by, define you, for remember, you
are defined.
You are God formed. It will however fulfill you,
something that few humans have truly had
the experience of ~~~ being fulfilled.
Though many have accomplished much
during this incarnation,
accomplishment and fulfillment
are not the same.
"Everything you have done and
been up to this point in your life
will have prepared you for your Divine assignment.
What it will be may surprise many of you,
because your mind and ego will likely tell you
that you can't do it or it's just "not your nature."
.....
"If you have made space within you and
made peace
with no longer claiming and chasing a false identity,
what is meant to be yours is on its way into you, .....
... Planet Earth is no longer a schoolroom
where you have to learn lesson after lesson after lesson
unless you desire the confinement of a classroom.
Certainly there will be opportunities to help you refine your
Divine Nature,
though you need not suffer, as your human nature seemed to
readily accept.
This is humanity's butterfly moment and you can, if you wish,
fly free."
Driving
Backward
I wanted to link to
puzzle piece 33 Grandeur and Greatness,
and though I felt, I shouldn't open the page , for "lack
of time",
I did open it! I scrolled fast and
--- my eyes were caught by an entry on
2002_09_14-15, i.e. 6 years ago: "I met a couple there,
Ruthi and Shalom,
who remembered a visit in
my bus in 1987,
on the shore of the Mediterranean, "Ha-bonim".
Ruthi touched my arm with great warmth: "The encounter with
you had great meaning for me.
I was always frustrated with not fulfilling my dreams.
But when I met you, a person,
who does not recoil from any difficulty,
it comforted me a lot and also helped me
to achieve smaller goals in my life,
without letting difficulties deter me." I had forgotten about the meeting
in 1987 as about the on in 2002,
but the coincidence of coming across this right now
is pleasant! But this example of "challenge
and full-fill-ment" is dangerous,
it is too extra-!-ordinary, and I'm explaining this
in that context.
How could the Big Brother community find excitement
and full-fill-ment? Even the question seems to be
in nobody's awareness....
Your
nation has despised itself to death*
You atone for the wrong you have not done,
If integrity, honesty, purity, if faith and love
Can generate the miracle?
Who
knows?
We
know:
There are no reparations for the heart of a mother
Whose infant was smashed against a wall
And how will they wipe off the squalor of blood
and tears
From a generation's heart of horror?
From where do you, beloved daughter of a foolish
generation,
Take the strength to begin all over again and
to arouse
Respect and love towards humans created in the
image**
Despite of everything? Be blessed for this!
*variation
of "lost itself to mind"- which is the
Hebrew idiom for "he committed suicide".
- ** of the Creator,
Genesis1:27
Rafael Rosenzweig, my ex-husband and father of
my 3 children and father of his children with Ines, would have become
86 years today.
For the traditional Memorial-Day on the Thirtieth day after the death
of a close person, Immanuel
our eldest son, created a presentation, which I shall start to
insert on K.is.s.-Log on this day. (As to Rafael, see also
puzzle-piece 1b, and "The
Heart is Awake" III, and IV)
Rafael and his five children and - at that
time - nine grandchildren (Mika was born only 4 years later after
his death, in Dec. 2005)
As a volunteer soldier in the British
Army
towards the end of World War II
and after it ,
Rafael came to Holland,
where he met his first wife Ines,
who was in hiding during the Holocaust.
Rafael brought Ines to his Kibbutz Ma'abaroth,
and there their children Joel and Dita were born.
Nourishment
from Television
There were three moving programs
3SAT,
Kultur:
Goethe nach Afrika:
About an approach of mediating German language and culture
to people in Africa, which pleases me very much:
Far from imposing cultural colonialism, the Goethe-Institute
adapts itself to local needs. For instance: since there
is no "labour-office" in
Dar-es-Salaam", the capital of Tanzania, they
have set up a huge board on a street wall,
provided glue and pencils etc., so that people can do
both: ask for jobs and propose jobs.
A theater group with actors from
6 neighboring countries brings the problems of rape
and aids to awareness ("Goethe"?........)
With flashbacks to what they called the "bellowing
Germans" (this bellowing , which came from the
mouth of even the best of actors, makes watching even
good old movies unbearable for me) of shoving around
the local people, I even now have tears in my eyes when
watching this fantastic change within a hundred years!
Vermittlung der deutschen Sprache und Kultur
"Eröffnung einer neuen Kulturinstitution in
Tansania am 3. September 2008. Erst am 2. September
2008 hatte der Präsident der Goethe-Institute,
Klaus-Dieter Lehmann, in Johannesburg die "Afrika-Initiative"
seiner Organisation vorgestellt. Deutschland will in
Afrika über seine Goethe-Institute und die Deutsche
Welle neue Akzente in der auswärtigen Kulturpolitik
setzen. "Afrika ist wieder ganz oben auf unserer
Agenda",
"Über seine unterschiedlichen Repräsentanzen
werde das Goethe-Institut bis zum Jahresende in mehr
als der Hälfte der 47 Staaten südlich der
Sahara vertreten sein. Dank einer Aufstockung des Budgets
um 5,6 Millionen Euro für die Projektarbeit wird
die Zahl der Goethe-Institute 2008 in Schwarzafrika
um zwei auf elf aufgestockt werden. . Zusätzlich
sind drei neue Sprachzentren in Afrika geplant. Lehmann
betonte mit Blick auf frühere Budgetsorgen seines
Hauses: "Nach Jahren der
Budgetkürzungen und Schließungen haben wir
das Gefühl, dass eine neue Ära anbricht."
Channel
2 Israel: "In
full Nakedness-video" again with Aviad
Kisos
and this time with an even "bigger" woman.
Though I don't believe in the lasting effect of such exterior
"manipulations", I'm deeply moved by the very
awareness that there is an enormous problem in the affluent
society, and by the tenderness, with which Aviad tries
to empower these women. Nor does he hide from them, that
it's really all in their head - the lack of self-acceptance,
but of course he has no idea of the overall problem of
self-acceptance in humankind.
Especially important was Aliya's meeting with her sister,
her "authority", to whom Aviad sent her on her
own.
"It doesn't matter to me, that
you are fat, it matters that you blame all your failures,
-not having a job, not having a boy-friend, not cleaning
mother's kitchen- on being fat."
Aliyah:"And isn't this
the reason?" -
And then this sister finds ways to point out Aliyah's
strength: "See the courage
you had to travel alone in the USA, - I have a job, yes,
but I would never have had this kind of courage, I envy
you!" "You envy MEEE?"
Channel
2 Israel:"Becoming bald", [the
entire movie as video] Aviad appeared as a secondary
actor,
but the main actor Tal
Berman was just that,
not only the facilitator of a program, but an actor
himself
in showing the pain of men with becoming bald,
and how they go through five stages:
denial, fury, bargaining, depression, acceptance.
Especially the bargaining -
Tal went from one "device" to the other to
get rid of the baldness!
A woman says:
" we at least have the option of going on diet,
you, once the balding process starts, cannot reverse
it. "
I myself, by the way, had no idea,
that balding men suffer from lack of self-acceptance
just as much as women who believe they are overweight.
Again: Putting the very problem
into focus,
and showing, that the problem is not the baldness,
but the way people do not accept themselves,
was one fantastic thing about this show.
The other was the way, this problem was conveyed,
not by interviewing people and letting experts make
statements,
but by a kind of reality show,
which let us both identify with the balding man
and enjoy the humor which was put into the show. A new hair patch in "Hair
Saloon Albert" "Having met so many people
while making this movie,
caused me to look at myself differently" He made his peace with his baldness,
even shaved his head "Not amazing, but I love
it" at the end: with Aviad Kisos in
their radio-studio
During
the commercials
in between the scenes about "baldness"
I zapped into
the Eurovision
Dance Contest at Glasgow and watched a dream-couple
dancing my dream-dance - Tango.
The couple told,
how popular Tango
is in Finland!
and that their dance
was a mix of many kinds of Tango.
Oh, how much I long to fulfill this dream,
to find my "Peer", [see
Aug.23]
who, among more important qualities,
should also delight in dancing Tango.
My only experience - in 1960 - was this: When I visited
my fiancee Martin
Fincke
in his home in Frankfurt,
he told me about this dance
with great excitement,
and - did he have a record ? -
began to teach me Tango right there
in the living-room of his family....
During the Tango dance,
I had made three photos of my TV screen,
and arranged them as a triptych.
But for an unknown reason the entire file
of jpg.images and .gif-texts from September 1-9 disappeared.
Everything I had synchronized until yesterday night,
I could retrieve from the Internet,
but not the images of the last 2 hours.
As to the images of "Fully Naked"
and "Becoming Bald", it was only a matter
of time - to again choose those or similar photos
from the online videos of Channel 2.
But my photos of the Finland Tango are lost,
since I had already deleted them even from the Recycling
bin. (this is , by the way,
an example of the technical problems
with which an author of a website has to deal...
and coping with such problems is part of the challenge
and therefore excitement of creating...
The image I found about the Glasgow
Festival
does not show the Finnish Tango,
but it suits my desire nonetheless...
Does the disappearance of those photos
indicate, that the time for "MY TANGO"
is still far away?????
