I follow my
understanding and new lekh-lekhâ on January 1, 2009,
that - after 7 years
- I should no longer create new pages on my 2 websites,
but intermingle the evidence of new experiences with that on existing
pages.
Since March 2009 I am "synchronizing" the chronological
process of the Godchannel.com files
with the chronological process of my photos and -
if there should be time - observations of the
"Walk About Love"
continuation
of March 21, 2009 ;
last update of this page: June 29, 2009
If it wouldn't have been so cold, it could
have been nice after all
Mika sits among far relatives, whom she
doesn't know nor is she introduced to them
The second program was
to descend into an ancient Roman channel of spring water, 250
m long and up to 70 cm filled with water.
Only about ten from among the 48 people present did, what I did,
among them Micha and his two children.
 |
With Micha, my younger son,
and Arnon and Ayelet
in the Roman underground channel |
It was interesting, but
what did this have to do with those three sisters?
I didn't even hear their names being mentioned.
Dita, my stepdaughter had asked in an e-mail,
if I could tell a story.
I had prepared more than one,
but when Efrat and I could no longer stand the cold,
I said to Dita:
"If you want, please tell them
this one, short story:
A few weeks, before aunt Gertrud died, I came to visit her.
I asked her: "What was the most beautiful time in your life
until now?"
She answered: "When we were all working together!"
meaning the first time after their immigration in the thirties,
when everything had to be built from the scratch,
- in those glorious period of early Zionism...."
Then we excused ourselves and drove away,
afraid, that we would loose our way,
since on the way here Efrat and Mika had joined Ra'ayah and Ayelet,
while I had joined Micha and Arnon.
And of course, since fear tends to manifest what it fears,
we did get lost and we did get angry and even more frustrated.
But we also found out, why we had staged this situation.
As to me:
Who are my true relatives?
My original family - father, brother, mother, sister - they are
all dead.
My present family, 3 children, 10 grandchildren, all born because
of me,
and 3 children-in-love, who chose those whom I've given birth
to,
are around me, close even physically, though some have their problems
with me.
I have nothing to do with the descendants of Gertrud Hahn-Yarden
and Ilse Hahn-Strauss.
And nowadays even my stepchildren Dita and Joel are not in my
life,
and definitely not their descendants, despite the
wedding of Hagar in September.
I am free to choose the people, who are on a similar
wavelength.
I am free to support those who can heal and grow through me,
and through whom I can grow and heal myself.
There are many such people among the Walkers-about-Love!
When we drove back, Mika , the only one who might
have enjoyed herself, fell asleep,
with an Arab cigarette box in her hands,
filled with the beans from seed pouches of some trees there at
Alona Park near Benjamina...
Still grieved that I didn't see my daughter, I
planned something daring for the next day.
And indeed, on Sunday, March 22, at 11 AM, so as to arrive 1 1/2
hours before the children would be back from school,
I set out from Bet Nehemya to hitchhike to Modi'in and appear
before my daughter.
After three times ringing the bell she did open.
"I knew it was you", she
said later, not pleased.
Now she said:
"We've told everyone not to come and
not to connect!"
"I know, but is there any other chance for me than simply
falling upon you?"
She looked even more terrible than I had feared.
If I only could have taken her into my arms.
But even touching her hair slightly, when she lay down again,
was too much for her,
yes even just being close and holding my hands over her head without
touching,
I said:
"Neither me nor Efrat would have gone
to that gathering yesterday,
had we known, that you would not come."
There was blaming in my voice: Why didn't you tell us?
But I also wanted to let her know, how important it was for me,
to just have a glance at her while she was with other people.
Among the few things that were said, I heard this:
"I don't need to feel your pain about
my behaving towards you as I do.
I have enough pain of my own because of that."
I said, that she had the choice to make me leave rightaway.
She: "No, stay here until the children
come home, they'll be glad!"
And then she had a good idea:
"You can fold the laundry in the meanwhile."
So this is what I did,
for 1 1/2 hours I worked on folding the laundry of six family
members,
who probably throw everything into the machine every day.
My daughter went back to sleep and I was grateful for this small
favor
of being allowed to be near her.
At 1:36 Jonathan, the eldest, and the owner
of a license, came home from the Democratic School,
bringing with him Itamar (11) and Rotem (15), but not Yael (12),
who had another lesson at school.
Ronnit greeted her children and went over to her bedroom,
while Rotem immediately helped me with the laundry.
We had some good interaction until Uri came home.
He said, that in about 20 minutes he had to go and fetch Yael,
and agreed to drive me to the main road outside Modi'in.
I wasn't sure, if it was advisable to go to Ronnit and part,
but luckily she came out herself for some reason,
and when I said: "May I kiss
you?"
she smiled a fine smile and nodded.
I was glad I had followed my heart,
even if I had made it more difficult for my daughter.
On the main road I soon was picked up by an elderly woman:
"Does ever someone take you
in?" she asked provocatively.
"What do you mean! I've been
hitchhiking for 50 years!"
"If so, you should come right with me to where I'm going,
I'm walking the Israel National Trail!"
"But I'm walking that Trail too and you are not with me!"
It's how I found out more about that parallel Walk,
called "Meeting
on Shvil Yisrael"....
I couldn't help comparing in a competitive manner:
I envy those people for one device in their concept,
which is so much missing in ours:
Every day around 10 o'clock a loudspeaker gathers all walkers
together,
and - while sitting in groups up to ten - they discuss some subject
together,
like a chapter in the Bible.
"Then later, when walking again",
said Elisheva, my driver (perhaps 55 years old),
"I may meet someone who was
with me in my group, and be very happy about it."
Of course, I would prefer "support-groups"
to intellectual discussions,
but even those make people know each other and adhere to each
other...
What is "better" in the concept of the three months
Walk about Love?
For instance:
That we are totally independent and pay for ourselves, with no
support from any organization.
When Mika came home from kindergarden with
her friend Galli,
I mounted my new tent for the first time,
and - lo and behold! - succeeded in doing so.
The little girls bring in blankets and cushions and enjoy themselves
enormously.
During this first experiment all the zips
were working well.
This stopped to be the case, when I mounted the tent for the second
time,
out there in the cold desert.
The zip of the entry "door" got stuck after a third
of its length
and would no longer move back or forth.
Still, it's wonderful to have a real and new tent, in which I
can be alone,
and which gives some protection from wind and cold.
On the last evening before I go out
again, Monday, March 23, 2009,
I charge the battery of my camera and when returning it into its
case, make a photo of myself.
It wasn't meant to be saved, but since the countenance is so different
from what I imagine myself to appear,
I'll insert it here.
Why is there still so much sadness in my face?
Haven't I come such a far way in
"healing myself into wholeness
and by extension all of creation"?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Again my daughter-in-love drives me to the entry of the nearby
Highway 6.
Again it is raining, like the first time on Friday, February 27.
Again I'm picked up rightaway and taken to Bet Kama.
Since it kept raining there too, I was happy, when a bus to Beersheva
came just then.
Everything went smoothly, also with the bus in Beersheva, which
brought me to Dimona.
But then I got stuck. Nobody picked me up, not for an entire hour.
As I never wait standing in one place, unless the kind of road
- a highway - forbids me to walk,
I kept walking east and east, far beyond Dimona, and the wind
became fiercer and fiercer.
The kind driver, who finally had pity on me, entered the road
to the south, to the Large Makhtesh.
"Try to hitchhike from here!
If I still find you after I'll have finished my business here,
I'll take you further."
This was a nice proposal, but it meant, that I couldn't walk on.
I had to stay put.
I put more and more clothes on my body, but to no avail.
I froze.
It was the first time, that I had come that close
to this "Industrial Park" - to my regret also called
"Rotem".
How neat it looks! Far from hinting at
the damage it does to the environment...
Finally a truck picked me up, with drivers who
spoke Russian and hardly any Hebrew.
Since I couldn't make myself understood, where I wanted to go,
they let me off some kilometers past the entry to the Large Makhtesh.
Luckily I found a group of people with a
guide. He pointed out the correct junction.
I read: "Yeroham!" and understood, why Lior and her
friend Maya were told to travel to Yeroham!
Since I had screamed at them, who were hitchhiking from the Dead
Sea, i.e. from the east:
"Why did you go to Dimona, instead
of getting off at the junction to "Rotem", like I did
- coming from the west?"
they hitchhiked back again , and we decided, that I would wait
for them at the entry to the large Makhtesh.
It was so cold, that I decided to hide under
some shrubs in a little wadi next to the road
It didn't take long and they called me - they
had been picked up quickly.
After all, they were good looking young girls,
and not an old woman hidden under layers and layers of odd clothes.
When the three of us arrived at the camp,
the walkers had not yet arrived.
The site - called "Colored Sands" - was especially beautiful.
Sharon was there to help me put up my tent - for the first time
outside.
 |
This
is me, with my Indian salvar,
inherited from my daughter-in-love years ago,
and the woolen cloak, also from her,
and her sun-hat (here worn because of the cold),
which she gave me for the Walk about Love,
and underneath a sweater,
which I knitted for my daughter 22 years ago,
and which I later inherited from her,
and finally the practical greenish pouch,
given to me for the Walk
by Immanuel, my son
|
Was I warmer that night than before? Probably.
Though I could not feel it.
The trauma of the cold is still overwhelming
(written on April 2!)
But the next morning, March
25,
I opened my tent
and this is what my eyes saw:
