2005_03_24-31 Planning of this page.

part of the planning was carried out on April 13-14,

the rest will be "not completed"....:

"This might also be a page of Stages!
I want to compare the apple tree story with the former tree stories
and the not yet Passiflora story.
[My "Partners" , Hagai and Tamir, promised me Passiflora plants
as a contribution on their part to my new home and garden,
So far the promise, repeated several times, has not been fulfilled.]
I want to express my anger in a way,
that allows my star-children
to differentiate between feelings
and knowing
that i'm not my "partners" victim,
and to share with them the decision
not to confront my "partners" with my anger and blame,
but instead to use the trigger, whenever it comes up ,
to breathe, move and sound more pain of the past.
[2005_04_15-
yesterday, a day after I gave this passage its "final" wording,
I came back to Arad from Grandma Day at Mazkeret Batya,
and found on my veranda table ~~~
two little pots and a badly scribbled note:
"Passiflora Plants" - Hagai.
If anything, this "surprise" triggered me even more:
"Too late, too few plants, too small plants,
and the worst: no sign from Tamir,
no loving handing-over of a gift,
no blessing for "my" garden,
just the technical fulfilment of a duty."]

"Too often
in the human level of this work natural allies
have become enemies,
because they lost track of the fact
that they're here working together
to help heal themselves and Creation.

"Too often
they've taken the triggering of each other seriously,
and forgotten
that the true cause of their immediate pain
is not their friend who has triggered them in present time,
but something from long ago,
and until now hidden deep within themselves."
[From "Godchannel>Healingclass III"]

I also plan to insert the Sacrifice page
and refer to it from the puzzle piece 31.
I think I'll not update quotes of Godchannel in the Puzzle Pieces,
but only link from those quotes to the edited Godchannel file
or, if I have time, to what I managed to quote on "Ararat".

I want to make my starchildren read
the chapter about Self-acceptance.
I still must add to this the shocking passage about the denials of "Loving Hearts",
so they can really make the difference
between acceptance of self and acceptance of others.

I want to tell about the day with making the path.
I want to mention the new Godchannel files:
folksinterview2 and .quest2
And I want to place here
my letter to God in my letter to the Channelers [see right box]
and cope more with this problem of "two many desires",
part of which, at least, stems from my pattern of "completing things".

But I want to talk also about the opposite:
depression which is lack of any desire.
And this quote of Nietzsche, I read yesterday:
"In the end we love our desires, not the object of our desire"
or something like that.

3 problems with desire are unsolved:
(1) too many desires at once,
(2) no desire at all = depression
(3) the gap between desires and their fulfilment
(in my case:
the desire to accomplish certain specific tasks.
I have no problem with the gap
between my grand vision and the progress of its realization,
nor do I have a problem with the gap
between something, or someone I want (peers) and the lack of them.)

On 2005_02_28 I sent an e-mail to God via the Channelers:

....But allow me first to ask God a question, or you, for that matter, to
which I simply cannot find the answer in myself:
>
"God, in that wonderful dialog "Healing and Judgment" - you say:

"stop judging and start living,
and feeling,
and being in the moment
what it is you want to be and feel in the moment,
and release any and all judgment you have around
what that should look like and just be."
and
"My desire for you is for you to have all that you desire,"

I feel, that I am what I desire to be, have what I desire to have
and do what I desire to do..
But what, if I always desire to do five things at once?
In former times I felt pressure to do things
because of my mission on this planet,
because of other people's needs etc. etc.
Now I have integrated the needs of the planet and the people with my desires.
The guilt, about which the contributor to .channelingd talks , is gone.
Moreover; my addiction to work, my workaholism, is gone.
There is now simply the desire of a small child of doing something all the time,
On every Grandma Wednesday with the four youngest of my nine grandchildren
(now between 6 and 8)
I watch , how they do not sit idle for one moment.
One of them, Arnon, already has the same problem: wanting to do too many things at once.

I've limited my work and the people in my life to the utmost minimum.
I may stay in my one-room flat and not leave it for days on end, not even see anybody,
and there are still too many stimulations, too many desires that want to be fulfilled.

I experienced this for the first time in 1987,
when I drove my mobile home to the desert.
I wanted to be alone for 40 days.
I hardly did work I "needed" to do
and rarely saw people.
This was still at a time, when I was obsessed with my vocation, and "time-pressured",
because I thought, certain things simply "needed" to be done.
Reducing those needs to what had to be done for my own physical survival,
I should have had plenty of "free" time at my hand.
Then there was no computer, no Internet, no phone, no TV, no video,
no keyboard, no websites to create,
and still my problem was that whenever I followed a desire,
there were two-three other desires, which also wanted to be fulfilled.

So far I have never found anyone who addressed such "a problem".
And your info, God, helps me only in so far,
that I try not to judge myself for having such a "ridiculous" problem.
And that I know how to constantly move the irritation by this "too much"."


I know, that you, Channelers, have "no time" either to do all you want to do,
and since God and the Mother and Heart and Body make themselves dependent on you
in giving us info and responses from the outside,
they have "no time" either to respond to my predicament.

Still , I wanted to voice what troubles and puzzles me,
and not judge in advance, that "they won't relate to it anyway".

There came no direct response,
but the Channelers wrote,
that I might find an answer in the next channeling,
which turned out to be about DESIRE!

And there came the experience of "relapsing" into Depression,
the lack of any Desire.

I'm listening~~~ I'm embracing ~~~ I'm learning ~~~ I'm healing~~~

............