| The
Purpose of HEALING - K.I.S.S.
- as stated 12 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential P E E R s
"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,
and - by extension - all of CREATion!" |
|
I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
|
|
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
| |
1
|
2
|
3
|
4
|
5
|
6
|
7
|
|
1
2
3
|
How
Learn
And |
I
The
Train
|
Heal
Conditions
In |
Myself
For
Creating
|
Into
Heaven
Those
|
Whole
On
Conditions
|
Self-acceptance
Earth
Daily |
sanctus-qadosh
sanctus-holy
sanctus-heilig
|
|
Intro
to
k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
dates
~ Library of
7 years ~ HOME
~ contact ~
SEARCH
( of Latin characters only!) my
eldest granddaughter's video-gallery
July
30/ Tammuz 27, Wednesday, still 16 days until my 70th birthday -at
Shoham
Parting from my
obsession to complete this page--- on August 4
back to past ~~~~~
forward to future
The FOCUS of MY INTENTION
TODAY
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may!
7:11
I desire an
intimate relationship with my six children, in which each child
can heal and grow.
I desire that Tomer become parental to his life and use "Bnei-Arazim"
to become his true self.
I desire that I&E only "womb" Tomer, share their
feelings, but not "move" them in his presence
I desire this unusual day - the last day at Shoham;
my son is packing, and as to me - for the first time in 7 months
all previous kisslog pages are "completed" -
to be exciting and full-filling and loving.
I desire to not override my
back-pain, but - for want of swimming-swinging
- to ease it by dancing.
|
image
of the day
Bnei-Arazim and the Foursome
|
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today
19:24
My Body, my Partner,
my God
I give thanks to the 24
vertebrae of our spine,
especially to the 5 lumbar vertebrae above the sacrum,
which "carry the most amount of body weight
and are subject to the largest forces and stresses along the
spine. "
I give thanks to you for healing the result of this stress
again and again!
I'm grate-full for the relatively smooth encounter at Bnei-Arazim
I'm grate-full that I relied on radiating my desires towards
the Foursome,
instead of radiating worry, leave alone intervening with words.
I'm grate-full for my deep trust, that the sequence of scenes
in the life-drama of the Four suits the right progression
of their learning.
I'm grate-full that there exists such a place as Bnei-Arazim,
hoping like my children, that here Tomer will decide to be
his true self.
I'm grate-full for the move from town to village, especially
for Mika, Tomer
I'm grate-full that the stress&excitement of getting the
move done,
draws out the powers of my children and deepens their unity.
|
Continuation of the experience
of "Bnei-Arazim"
First Immanuel arrived from Los Angeles - at 15:35,
Then Efrat came back from work - at 16:50.
Then the three of us drove to the kindergarden and fetched Mika.
Then the four of us drove to Rishon
Le-Zion - the "First of Zion"
First to Zion are they, and I shall give herald
to Jerusalem
[Isaiah 41:27]
- often through jammed 3 track highways (oh State of Israel in 2008!)
I paid attention to the route, in case, I would once need to drive
to Tomer myself.
"When have you last been in Rishon-Le-Zion?
" asked my son.
"I cannot remember!"
I remembered, how I taught about this second town founded by the early
pioneers in 1882,
in my courses about the "History of Zionism" between 1974
and 1977.
And I remembered that I always drove through the main road,
first with my bus, then with my jeep, then with my pickup,
on my way between the Desert and my children in the center of the
country.
 |
|
 |
The
front of
the main building
is impressive.
The building to the left,
towards which Efrat is heading
is the "Mo'adonit",
the house
where newcomers
are absorbed |
We had fixed, that at first I would take
Mika to a little pretty park,
so that Tomer would have to meet only his father and stepmother,
and not be overwhelmed.
Mika didn't like this arrangement at all,
put on a most miserable face and even cried and screamed,
an unusual behavior for her.
But already after 10 minutes the three arrived
together,
("Tomer is allowed to stay with us for
half an hour!")
and from then on Mika and I sat in the sand
and played.
The sand was dirty with cigarette butts, hidden glass shards and other
garbage
and probably soaked with dog-urine.
Efrat expressed her worry - the risk of more worms for Mika etc. -
but I said:
"one can't do everything together!"
meaning that this was the best solution:
One the one hand Tomer and Mika should meet - which was Efrat's right
idea,
even for the price of Mika's forgoing the end-of-the-year party in
Hanni's circle,
but neither should Mika impair the communication between Tomer~father~stepmother.
We therefore should be grateful for this
chance to play in the sand
(with the little vessels among the standard equipment
I take to the outings with Mika.)
Yet Efrat responded poignantly: "Yes
one can't do everything together"...
probably meaning: being both - a stepmother
of a child at Bnei-Arazim and a mother.
I do not want to report about the attempt
of communication.
I sat in the sand and played and radiated compassion to all.
When Immanuel had accompanied Tomer back
to what Tomer perceives as a prison,
Mika could finally get rid of an enormous amount of shit, which had
plagued her already on the way,
and which may have been one reason for her 'unfriendly' behavior in
the car and on that bench.
Now the splendour of that little old park in that famous old town
could come to the foreground.
 |
"Come
up with me",
she said,
again her hilarious self,
and we slid down together.
Then:
"Now photograph me
and let me see it!"
I did so,
but since she posed,
the picture came out bad
and had to be deleted.
A few moments later
we heard her singing
a song
in the loudest of voices.
This was the picture
I liked! |
It became darker and we returned.
Did we? Not yet! 'Oh', I said inside, 'not another
restaurant!'
It wasn't a restaurant, but a very pretty cafe across an even prettier
building with reflecting windows:
Immanuel pondered what he just had gone through.
The only thing I dared to say, was:
"How do you feel?" "As expected!"
"I'm glad, you hold on to your opinion, that stroking Tomer's
head is right!"
(i.e. does not contradict the method of "the
stick", which has proven itself at Bnei-Arazim).
"Do you want choco, Rachel? You deserve
it!" asked Efrat
"Yes, of course!"
And I wasn't strong enough to resist another
offer: "with whipping cream?"
and "what
cake?" though this one, at least,
was only a tiny apple-strudel.
These were Immanuel's questions, when he ordered at the counter.
I felt shame, when I realized, that Immanuel and Efrat made do with
a cup of coffee...
 |
As
to the couple's need for a pause in a neutral area,
it was truly justified this time:
for digesting the encounter with Tomer,
for updating each other about the time of the pilot's absence,
and for planning for the two stressful days ahead.
I listened quietly and later joined Mika,
who took the little bags of sugar etc. from several tables
and exhibited them on the low sill of the open window.
|
On this morning of the last full day at
Shoham,
I took Nella out before everyone woke up.
I'm still the only one, with whom Nella behaves normally.
As much as both Efrat and Immanuel do to soothe Nella and heal her
trauma,
their calling her - ever so gently - still makes her pee...
Well - soon dog-walking will be superfluous and Nella will be able
to pee around the clock...
Back in the flat, I got a chance to take a picture of the wonderful
waking-up scene.
I envied Mika for receiving so much attention and love.
After Abba had fed and dressed and
teeth-brushed Mika,
I heard him saying to her:
"Now go to Imma and tell her
that you are ready!"
When she'll come home today, she will find an empty room
with nothing but a mattress where once was her parents' bed.
And soon there won't be a button to press in an elevator. |
 |
At one time Immanuel entered my room: "Do
you remember those paintings of Tomer,
shortly before his mother grabbed him back from us at Kfar Wradim
(in Sept. 2004)?
See how rich and colorful and deep these paintings are..."
I remembered the existence of these paintings but not their content,
and set out right away to photograph them and insert them on K.is.s.-log.
Here is one of them, not the best, but the most symbolic:
See more tomorrow
 |
When I now - at 12:30 - had a look
at my son's hard working
and took the two photos of his repairing the holes in the wall,
he suddenly became mad at me for "all
the time photographing".
I had been so cautious with taking pictures in that park near
Bnei-Arazim,
but thought it was justifiable to document this last day.
I was sad and yet -
I had been asked to stay on for 2 days despite my son's presence,
not in order to be a burden, but in order to ease the burden!
I therefore decide now - at least for the next 3 days -
to not take a single photo in the presence of Immanuel or Efrat
until they themselves will miss my documenting.
|
Another time this morning
I pulled out a very heavy cardboard
which had been stored under my bed,
and added it to the hill of boxes all over.
My son peeped at it:
"Perhaps you know,
who would want this
"Encyclopedia of Cooking"?
"I'm sorry, no!"
I remembered how I didn't know
what to do with the 12 volumes
of my encyclopedia
of general knowledge.
I had dragged it with me
ever since Ramat-Hadar,
which I left when I divorced
in 1981,
through all my wanderings in
my bus
and found a way to store it
even
in my tent in my daughter's garden,
Since the access to the Internet
became easier and easier (2001),
I finally placed it outside a garbage room,
for everyone to see and maybe take it.
And this precisely in the moment,
in which I moved into a proper flat,
with plenty of room to store books.
What Immanuel now did, was simpler,
he wrote with big letters,
what was in the box
and recommended warmly
to make use of it!
What a pity about all the paper-books,
which have become redundant
because of the Internet.
"I subscribed on this encyclopedia
in 1984,
and in time received 16 volumes.
Half of my knowledge in cooking
derives from these !"
said Immanuel.
|
|
Since it troubles me every morning anew,
if I use or don't use the correct grammatical constructions with the
verb "I desire",
I finally decided to find out about it by putting "I desire"
in Google's Search.
The
first entries the Search came up with
pertained to the all-too-familiar denial of desire,
so completely opposed to Godchannel's teaching,
that without Desire - the magnetic polarity of Deity -
nothing would come into manifestaion. :
I desire not to desire,
for my will is without value, since I am ignorant in any case.
Therefore choose Thou for me what thou knowest to be best
and do not put my perdition in what my autonomy and free choice
prefer.
Bayazid Al-Bistami
More Quotes about Desire
[only those which are relevant for me]
Desire is a powerful force that can be
used to make things happen.
Marcia Wieder, American Speaker,
Trainer, Author
If you care enough for a result, you
will most certainly attain it.
William James 1842-1910, American
Psychologist, Professor, Author
Life is a progress from want to want,
not from enjoyment to enjoyment.
Samuel Johnson, 1709-1784,
British Author
There are confessable agonies,
sufferings of which one can positively be proud.
Of bereavement, of parting, of the sense of sin and the fear
of death
the poets have eloquently spoken. They command the world's
sympathy.
But there are also discreditable anguishes,
no less excruciating than the others,
but of which the sufferer dare not, cannot speak.
The anguish of thwarted desire, for example.
Aldous Huxley, 1894-1963, British
Author
We trifle when we assign limits to our
desires, since nature hath set none.
Christian Nevell Bovee, 1820-1904,
American Author, Lawye
Ignore what a man desires and you ignore
the very source of his power
Walter Lippmann, 1889-1974,
American Journalist
Where there is no power... there is never
any desire to do a thing;
and where there is strong desire to do a thing...
the power to do it is strong.
Wallace D. Wattles
All human activity is prompted by desire.
Bertrand Russell, 1872-1970,
British Philosopher, Mathematician, Essayist
The key that unlocks energy is ''Desire.''
It's also the key to a long and interesting life.
If we expect to create any drive, any real force within ourselves,
we have to get excited.
Earl Nightingale, 1921-1989,
American Radio Announcer, Author, Motivator, Speaker
|
Then I leafed through an article
in logics which was beyond my IQ,
but seems to talk about
the difference between belief and desire - can they contradict
each other?
My incoherent quotes are relevant only
for the grammar of "desiring",
they say nothing about what the author wanted to prove.
A PUZZLE ABOUT RATIONAL DESIRE
Chase B. Wrenn, Department
of Philosophy, University of Alabama
"She never desires the
world to be any different than she thinks it is."
" she thinks her team is losing and desires
that they not be losing.
she desires that she believe
they are losing only if they are losing
for she would desire that the Yankees
be losing
and also desire that they not be losing.
Thus Sarah does not both believe they are losing
and desire that they not be losing."
" it is irrational to believe something while desiring
its denial."
"The ideal rational agent desires
to fulfill her basic intellectual obligation."
" the rational person deeply desires
that her beliefs be true. "
"Rational people do desire,
in general, to believe only truths,
but that is different from desiring-true
every proposition one believes.
For example, I believe that there is now injustice in the
world,
but I do not desire it true that
there now be injustice in the world. "
" Epistemic Responsibility is incorrect
because it says we desire-true
every proposition we believe,
when it should say we desire to
believe only truths."
"That is why the Wishful Thinking Puzzle is puzzling.
Rationality seems to pull one in incompatible directions
—toward desiring that there
be injustice (on pain of having a false belief)
and also toward desiring that there
be no injustice (because injustice is bad)."
"So, it seems, desiring the
universally quantified conditional
(‘All my students do well’, in this case)
commits me to desiring its instance
(‘Mr. Ornery does well if he is one of my students’,
in this case )"
.
"We frequently desire things
we believe to be false.
Often, we desire them
because we think they are false."
" Most of our desires
are matters of more and less, not all
or nothing affairs."
" to desire that I not then
be suffering agonizing pain.
to desire not to be suffering agony"
"Suppose I know I am now being tortured,
and I desire that I not now be
tortured."
"A taxidermist’s desire
that kangaroos lack tails
might well have a different content from a biologist’s
desire"
" His previous desire for
the torte does not commit him to
desiring it now.
He might well find that he no longer desires
the torte,
because he finds the cheesecake possibility preferable to
it."
" she desires not to have
false beliefs. ...
the idea that one should desire
to make one’s beliefs fit the world. "
|
Precisely today amidst all the upheaval of
packing Efrat was asked, if she could take Mika's friend Hadar home
from kindergarden.
Since the family lives at Bet Nehemya, which means there will be a
kind of mutual dependency between Hadar's parents and my children,
saying "no" was not an option.
And see, what happened:
When Efrat had placed the two little girls in front of the kids' TV
(Mika: "oh, a tent!"),
as long as they would lick their "artiq",
Immanuel passed by and mumbled in a way that I had to hear it: "This
is a scene which I would photograph!"
So I "retrieved" my camera and took 3 pictures - 5 hours
after I had decided to not anger my son with my paparazzo behavior...
To my regret, the face of Hadar is distorted!
if not for that decision, which hampered me, I would have made more
than one photo and might now have an alternative photo.
 |
 |
After a long search I discovered the pictures
of Mika and Hadar and their mothers on an unexpected page:
interspersed in "A
Letter from God to those doing the Healing Work", as I edited
it in November 2007 .......
|
An e-mail
from Moshe Klein, the first among my old friends,
with whom I froze the relationship
for the reasons I explained in the letter to Gabriele.
I'm glad, that with this document Moshe wants to put me up to
date,
without expressing the desire to unfreeze our communication.
Dialog in Mathematics [ Gan Adam L.t.d
]
1) Introduction :"Dialog
in mathematics" is a unique approach to teaching mathematics
in kindergarten. Children between the ages of 4-6 are still
very open-minded as they haven't studied mathematics in the
traditional way of the regular education system. Our approach
is applied today in 7 kindergartens at Kiryat Tivon, a small
town near Haifa with a populationof approximately 20,000 citizens.
Our project received the professional support of the Ministry
of Education of Israel. The financial support comes from the
local municipality. We also serve as academic advisor for an
experiment in mathematics in kindergarten held in Benei-Yeuda
village for the Ministry of Education.
2) Rational: The traditional mathematics
is mostly based on logic while the thinkingof young children
is balanced between logic intuition, imagination andfeeling.
After long mathematical and educational research we have defined
this way of thinking, as "Organic thinking".
The main target of our project is to bring the adult (In this
case the kindergarten teachers) to the ability to use Organic
thinking as a tool. When they reach that level they will be
able to support the development of mathematics of young children
by interaction and dialog that can help the children develop
mathematics concepts independently. In this method the teacher
and the children perform a mathematical investigation together
into the nature of numbers.
3) Organic thinking: In traditional mathematics
there is an assumption which says that a line is a collection
of infinitely many points. In "Organic thinking" we
assume that a point and a line are individual elements and the
language is based on the interaction between them. A very rich
and surprising universe can be discovered with this new attitude
to mathematics.
4) Gan Adam project:The Gan Adam project and
vision of education were established in 1990 by the mathematician
Moshe Klein. We developed a program "Genesis"in teaching
science in kindergarten which was applied in 1,200 kindergartens
in Israel. Next year the first course of "Dialog in Mathematics"
for kindergartens will be opened. We are establishing now the
model in Kiryat Tivon and we are looking for a partner to expand
and develop the project in other places in Israel and in other
countries.
5) Published Book of the Gan Adam Project:
* Genesis – Science for kindergartens: Gan Adam
Book Publishers 1993
* Shaltiel the Curious: Am Oved
Book Publishers 1994
* Journey to the Unknown with Dan Lasri : Tel
Chai Academy BookPublishers 1997
* Love letters to Mathematics:
Recesh Book Publishers 2002
* Dialog in Mathematics: Gan Adam Book Publishers 2008
6) Lectures by Moshe Klein:
* "Complementary Mathematics":
With Doron Shadmy, short communication which was delivered at
the International Conference of Mathematics ICM 2006 August
2006
* "Organic mathematics":
Will be presented at the Fifth International Conference of Applied
Mathematics and Computing in Plovdiv Bulgaria August, 2008.
Gan Adam L.t.d ~~~[P.Box 5024
Tivon 36087 ~~~(972)(4)9535339~gan_adam@netvision.net.il]
My
answer on August 4
On August 5
he sent me his lecture
prepared for a conference in Bulgaria.
It ends with the Star of David!
I inserted it on the same
day,
on a page which starts with
another Star of David...
|
 |
|
Response to a
letter which arrived from India on July 6.
Gabriele,
Watch out, here comes the "Drama-Queen"!
I'm grate-full that you wrote in a way,
which allows me to finally freeze this "friendship",
- something I've hinted at desiring for a long time .
I wonder, how you can write "Love and Solidarity"
to somebody,
whom you suspect reacting "with glee" to your sickness
or pain.
I want to make it clear to myself one more time:
a) Triggers
There can be and will be mutual triggering between people related
to each other ,
("A trigger comes to point out a hole in my wholeness which
now wants to heal"),
and if their is a mutual dependency - as in a family -
then these triggers are attracted for the sake of healing and
growing.
A family is the cast of a drama, to which all actors have agreed
beyond this life.
To play this drama effectively takes all the time and energy
of the actors.
After a certain degree of growth-through-interaction in the
life of a person,
it becomes a waste of time to deal with people outside this
drama,
since those will either run away from each other sooner or later,
when triggered,
or they will deny themselves so much, that only a superficial
relationship will be possibe.
b) Mutual Nurturing
What I came to understand at the age of almost seventy is this:
I no longer wish to communicate with old friends,
leave alone with people who try to make friends with me at present,
if I cannot receive from them what makes me heal and grow and
love myself,
and if they are unable to receive from me what helps them heal
and grow and love themselves.
Some of my old friends have understood and accepted this and
agreed to freeze the friendship,
- while agreeing also that in a case of emergency we'll be there
for each other as before.
The same I ask from you now,
let's freeze our relationship - perhaps until I'll be 75 and
you'll be 70.
I believe, that around 2012 a quantum-leap will happen
following many human's nitty-gritty work of healing and growing
and learning self-acceptance
in relationships of daily mutual dependencies.
I would be happy, if you would agree.
It will make the unfreezing in the right time much easier.
Remember old Fritz Perls, the founder of Gestalt
Therapy:
"I do my thing and you do your thing.
I don't have to live up to your expectations,
nor do you have to live up to mine.
If we meet, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped."
Grate-full for what we could give each other in the past
and hope-full for what we'll give each other in the future
Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam
Gabriele answered rightaway:
"Dear Rachel, I agree, Love and Solidarity
(Yes, really!) Gabriele." |
"Driving
Backward into the Future" = "Closeups
to the Past" = Healing&Harvesting my Past
Communication with Deity on August 28, 2006.
(Some "problems" have fallen
away, others persist and I keep learning-healing)
Dearest, most beloved, most yearned-for Mother!
Tell me, not if, but how I can let go of the documentation of
my past,
and also – for the millionst time – how can I write
letters, if at all,
that are encouraging my addressees to talk about themselves,
instead of forcing them to relate to my overwhelming living
and thinking.
both in the presence and in the past.
You have given me the computer as a way-out for my writeritis
and talkitis,
and if I care too much, even my website,
why must I bother others, bother others, bother others,
o Mother, make me free of this need,
and make them free of me!
Isn't it great that you could phrase
this quest?
Isn't it wonderful that you create more and more time for
yourself?
Do not force the change that you know has to happen.
You are guided in this slow turning around from your need
for
see me, pasture me, have compassion
on me
You still need this, and yes, you got your computer and scanner
and website
for imagining, that people "learn from you, see you,
womb you".
It is enough that you imagine it, its enough that you write
,
even if nobody will ever read it,
if nobody will benefit from it,
if nobody will see and pity you .
WE help you to create all the time
you need
for letting go of this threefold need
teaching-helping people, being seen and being pitied.
That's why your daughter and her family
are apart from you,
and now also Efrat and Immanuel.
Be grateful that you have this great family,
without being needed by anybody.
Not now, anyway!
Now it's you and you only, your body, your soul.
Again, do not force, do not accelerate
anything:
Go on scanning and writing , even if you think
"how silly, in six years the world will be so different,
nobody will read biographies, neither in books nor on the
Internet,
the children won't even be interested in the photos of their
history".
When you will have healed and also
matured enough,
the present occupation will fall away,
like so many things, you thought would save the world, have
fallen away.
Just love yourself the way you are now:
still such a needy child,
needy for attention and compassion,
needy for fulfilling her vocation and justify her existence
by helping others.
You already know, that by your very living among them you
are helping them.
But your patterned feelings forget this time and again.
Be patient, be loving, be compassionate with yourself.
|
Tell me, how could I have been so wrong,
exactly when I wanted you to be joyful
tell me, my beloved child,
how was I not worthy to be good for you.
and tell me how come you know
when one should not touch
the close soul
Tell me how at my age I was wrong
how everything I saw did not give you an answer
tell me, my beloved child, tell me
how come that I did not identify:
you only wanted me to be listening
and tell me how come you know
when one should not touch
a hurting soul
Tell me how come that I did not shut up
how come that I didn't give only a hug and a kiss,
Tell me how come that I was so worried
how come I did not believe you were strong
And tell me how come you know
not to be afraid to touch
love?
|
Mother and child'
Ronnit's drawing at the age of ten
A letter to Deqel which I did NOT send,
following the above communication:
It is of no use to overwhelm people
with my need for being
"seen, received, pitied"
|
|
|
back to past ~~~~~
forward to future
Intro
to
k.i.s.s.-l o g + all
dates
~ Library of
7 years ~ HOME
~ contact ~
SEARCH
( of Latin characters only!) my
eldest granddaughter's video-gallery
whole&full-filled,
never perfect&complete
Keep It
Simple Sweetheart
K.I.S.S.
- L O G 2
0 0 8
|
