The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.i.s.s.
as stated 12 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential PEERS
to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,
and - as holograms - all of Creation!
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'

pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"


See below: January 24-February 20, 2011
Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

Click! and click again to stop! And if you want to do yourself a favor, join in! Sing!
May my throat's overtone singing today - unite all my denied parts and lost fragments with me - today!

{16 - 2005_06_06, Updated: 2008_11_06 on my sister's Death-Day 2004}
"Learning to feel better requires that you become better at feeling"



Promise Body Not to Die!

I pledged to my Body - that this time my Spirit will not desert it and escape.
This means, that I'll not wear down Body with denied and unhealed feelings,
until Body can take no more and must die.
I am lovingly accepting and vibrating every feeling, so it can heal & evolve
and it is my Body who guides me in doing this from breath to breath!

They are all dead.
What death did they "choose"?
I'll start with my original German Christian family.

They are all dead.
My father, an officer in the German-Nazi army,   fell during the American invasion in Sicily 1943.
My brother -a baby in 1942
[left]- was killed by a drunken American car driver in Germany 1970.
My mother died in my arms in Israel, after 17 years of Altzheimer.    I buried her in Jerusalem.
My younger sister
(to the left of my father) died in her sleep - recently , 2004_11_06, in Germany.
(left in the group) -  together with her husband,  her 4 children  and 7 grandchildren- buried her.

My father-in-law, Franz Rosenzweig, died 1929 after 6 years of a horrid disease.
It was through his books that I met his widow, Edith Scheinmann-Rosenzweig.
She lived to old age - i.e. experienced a "normal" death,
unlike her mother [right], Elise Hahn, who perished atTheresienstadt..

He, like my sister, died in his sleep, 2001_12_06
He was the man I had loved
through 20 years of joy & much woe.
But I was not next to his heart,
when his heart stopped to beat.

He is buried in Switzerland, his parents in Germany.
I, my children and grandchildren are alive in Israel..

Rafael was 16 y' my senior, father of two from his first wife.
This photo shows harmony with our three children,
and so does one of the last photos, showing also his 3rd wife
and the 3 children of Immanuel, our eldest son.

A mother and her child
represent the strange
"dying together"
of suicide bombers
and their victims,
Arabs and Jews
in Israel-Palestine,
t o g e t h e r ..

And the man to the right?
In New York," 9/11", 2001?
His picture was found
in someone's camera,
the photographer
and the photographed
will die within a second,
with the suicide pilot
who rushes towards them


And this one? God's Son? [El Greco]
What an example did you give!
And what rationalization did people invent:
You HAD to die,
as the only way for God to forgive us!????

I re-read the following article
on January 25, 2011.
I wonder why I didn't excerpt it.
Perhaps it was one of the first group e-mails with such content,
and I'll leave it here for the sake of historical documentation
(though this, too, will be a bit ridiculous when we'll find ourself in the 5th dimension of no-time!)
See also my comparison
between the "God-Victorious Journey" of Patricia - in 2007
and my own pitiable pilgrimage
in 2001.

It Is Time To BE Who You Are

by Patricia Diane Cota-Robles

"During this vitally important and extremely confusing time on Earth the Divinity within our Heart Flames is striving for recognition. This aspect of our true God Reality is working tenaciously to help each of us remember that we are not the fragmented, fear-based personality we call the human ego. We are beloved and empowered Children of God. In Truth, ALL that our Father-Mother God has is ours. All we have to do to reclaim that Divine Birthright is to accept and BE who we really are.

"This year, 2005, is providing Humanity with an unprecedented opportunity to, once and for all, Love our human egos into the Light. This miraculous event will pave the way for our I AM Presence to take full dominion of our Earthly bodies and our thoughts, words, actions and feelings. With the Divine Intervention of our I AM Presence, our physical, etheric, mental and emotional bodies
will be lifted into the limitless physical perfection of our 5th-Dimensional Solar Light Bodies.

"When the magnitude of the unfolding Divine Plan registers in our conscious minds it often seems overwhelming or appears too good to be true, but that is an illusion. That misperception is a result of the interference of our human egos and their fear-based desire to maintain control of our lives.

"In reality, we are powerful beyond our knowing. With the assistance of our omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent Father-Mother God—All That Is—and the entire Company of Heaven, we are victoriously cocreating our individual and collective transformations. With the unparalleled Divine Intervention being given to Humanity at this time, even the most amazing, life-transforming accomplishment we could possibly imagine would be just scratching the surface of our full Divine Potential.

"Now is the time to put doubt and fear aside. Trust yourself, and listen to your heart. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose.

"A two-phase Activity of Light is being orchestrated for this year by the Beings of Light in the Realms of Illumined Truth and the God Selves of every evolving soul on Earth. This facet of the Divine Plan is designed to burst the bonds and the paralyzing grip of our human egos and to clear the way for our Ascension into the 5th-Dimensional Solar Light Bodies of our I AM Presence.

"This event will involve every evolving soul on Earth. Millions of Lightworkers will be participating on a conscious level, and the rest of Humanity will be joining us at Inner Levels through their mighty I AM Presence. The way we each choose to fulfill our particular part of this Divine Plan will be a sacred and personal decision. Listen to the inner promptings of your heart and respond according to your inner guidance. Know that however your I AM Presence guides you to weave your magnificent gifts into our collective Chalice of Light will be right and perfect.

"Some of you will be guided to physically attend the 19th Annual World Congress On Illumination which will be held August 13-18, in Tucson, Arizona. There you will serve as a surrogate on behalf of all Humanity. During that event, the Light of Transfiguring Divine Love will pour through your Heart Flame into the Heart Flames of every man, woman and child on Earth. Together, with the assistance of the Company of Heaven, Humanity will reach a critical mass of Divine Love that will instantaneously burst asunder the oppressive grip of our human egos.

"In that instant, Beloved Archangel Michael and his Legions of Power and Protection will encapsulate every human ego in an invincible Forcefield of the Ring Pass Not of God’s First Cause of Perfection. Every person's I AM Presence will then breathe this Forcefield of Light containing the human ego into Its Heart Flame. There every human ego will be bathed with the Violet Flame and embraced in God’s Transfiguring Divine Love until it is willing to permanently surrender into the Light.

"This healing process will build in momentum for ELEVEN weeks. Then the second phase of the Divine Plan will be implemented. Eleven is the master number that reflects the transformation of the physical into the Divine. At the conclusion of the eleven weeks, we will take a Sacred Pilgrimage to Bali. This facet of the Divine Plan will take place November 6-16, 2005, during the week of 11:11. Some of you will be guided to physically join us on this holy adventure.

"Beloved Mother Mary and Archangel Gabriel have been preparing Humanity throughout this year for the opening of the Portal of the Flame of The Immaculate Concept on the sacred island of Bali. Once again, those in attendance will serve as instruments of God and surrogates on behalf of all Humanity for this Divine Mission.

"Once the I AM Presence is in charge of Humanity’s physical, etheric, mental and emotional bodies, the Flame of the Immaculate Concept will reactivate the blueprints for our unmanifest Divine Potential. These patterns of perfection were encoded within our RNA/DNA structures when we were first breathed forth from the Heart of God.

['unfortunately'? does this word suit the metaphysical reasons for the state of humankind so far??????]
we have been unable to tap into our full potential since the fall aeons ago when we became entrapped in the grip of our fragmented human egos. The victorious accomplishment of this facet of the Divine Plan will catapult Humanity forward in the Light and greatly accelerate our ability to create the lives of love, joy, peace, happiness and abundance we are destined to experience.

"During these two powerful Activities of Light, the people who do not feel the heart call to be physically present will assist in other ways. Some will feel guided to have their own gatherings during these events and to link with us in consciousness. Others will feel drawn to various sacred sites around the world to unite with us from those locations. Still others will join us from their sacred spaces in the privacy of their own homes.

"The most important thing is for each of us to truly listen to our Inner Guidance. Then we must respond according to what we know, at a heart level, to be our particular part of the plan. Our Light and

"Love are needed NOW. We have all been preparing for aeons of time to assist with this miraculous facet of the Divine Plan. Through our unified efforts, our Victory is assured.

"I want to thank you for all of your loving support in whatever way you feel inspired to participate. Know that we are One, and there is no separation.

"As the World Congress On Illumination and the Sacred Pilgrimage to Bali unfold each day, the Beings of Light will guide us step by step through the various facets of the unfolding Divine Plan. For that reason, we don't have a lot of information in advance about the specific Divine Ceremonies that will take place. I encourage those of you who will be tuning in with us from a distance to listen to your heart and KNOW that you too will be guided through each day by your I AM Presence and the Company of Heaven.

"Be in the Eternal Moment of Now throughout both Activities of Light, and whenever you are able to join in consciousness with us will be right and perfect.

"The momentum of Light will build from the opening ceremonies through the closing ceremonies of each event. Your intention is what matters. Know that if you intend to be the most powerful force of Light you are capable of being during this miraculous facet of the Divine Plan, you will be.

"Thank you for your heartfelt desire to assist Humanity and this precious planet. Your Light and Love are needed and gratefully accepted by Mother Earth and ALL Life evolving upon her. I truly appreciate you and the Light you are adding to the world. God Bless You.

As much as I agree to the title of this e-mail [left frame], which reached me today [June 2005]
one of the many messages, that are now being sent out by the The Planetary Awakening Network
and numerous other sources,
I again miss the awareness of the main condition for all these wonderful things to manifest
Body's Movement of Emotion,
or :
the healing into wholeness of all our four aspects:
Spirit/Mind and Desire/Feelings
united in Heart,
manifested in Body.

"Healing cannot manifest,
until you understand how to heal yourself.
No one else can do it for you.
God is not going to magically bring down
Earth changes
and heal everyone on earth.
The Golden Age cannot be experienced
by you
unless you have the vibrational power
with which to be present there."

copied from the second or Violet Book, called "Orginal Cause", p. 180...
in the series Right Use of Will.     Quoted also in "Body is God"


I , too, know about ONENESS
[listen to my Sufi song further down], to which the article refers,
but all this talk about Love&Light,
with no reference to Lost Will, i.e. the pain of the feeling aspect of God and us,
which has been ignored, denied, trampled over, ridiculed, spiritualized, overriden for eons,
makes me furious!
I would rather be with the Mother in Hell, than
"be lifted into the limitless physical perfection of our 5th-Dimensional Solar Light Bodies."

I confess,
that I enjoy the satiric-sad passage about "Spiritual People" in the Green Book [P. 102],
which I've quoted in puzzle piece 46 Love&Light&Joy&Peace???
though it's very judgmental, and Spirit in Godchannel would not talk like this.
More beneficial will be the reading of
"A Letter from God to those doing the Healing Work"
in which "God" addresses the future "almost virgin earth"...

I'll now go on copying passages from "Orginal Cause":

"God is not going to magically bring down
Earth changes
and heal everyone on earth.
The Golden Age cannot be experienced by you
unless you have the vibrational power
with which to be present there."

[also:] If you think,
the golden Age is a state of mind
you have given it manifestation in only a part of yourself

Many people were not ready to accept this information
until they "gave it one more try" with the approaches they have tried in the past.
You have done it now.
You have gathered all the forms you thought would help,
you have gathered all the spiritual power you could,
you have used many techniques and many drugs
that you thought would help you empower your lower levels of vibration.
You have given speeches to your Lost Will,
you have beseeched it,
you have prayed for it,
you have shined light upon it,
you have tried to be a living example for it,
you have gotten enraged at it and left it behind,
you have denied it and affirmed yourself to be no longer troubled by it.
You have tried everything you have known to try,
including the rationalization that you no longer need to try
because there is no place to go and nothing to do when you get there.
You have said that Heaven is here and now;
you have said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
No matter what approach you have taken,

you have died anyway,
and even as you read this, you are aging.
You must get the Lost Will to vibrate
so that it can receive you.


p.181 are going to have to understand
why the Lost Will feels as it does
to know how to heal it.
More needs to be done than just allowing the Will to blow off steam
and then proceeding until the Will builds up its next charge.

Guilt and death also play a role here that needs more understanding
if you are going to heal the damage they have done.
I am going to give you


[note: "Lucifer"
must be understood as a personifaction of the part of God that did not want to feel]

Originally, Lucifer told the spirits that death was nothing,
and he was right; death is nothing
Lucifer then told the spirits they had nothing to fear.
He sneered at the ones who feared,
and many denied their fear in favor of looking brave in the eyes of others.

"You have to overcome your fear of death,"
Lucifer told the spirits,
and many took this in and have repeated it ever since.

Overcoming fear is important,
but it cannot be done by denying it and then proceeding as though you do not have fear.
Fragmenting your fear out into others does not mean that you do not have fear.
If you have been dying physical deaths,
you have Will essence that is holding feelings around this.

When a person dies,
it happens because there is not enough vibrational movement left in the Will
to enable the Spirit to stay present anymore.
When there is no longer enough movement left for the Spirit to express itself,
the Spirit has been taking the route
of breaking off from the parts of the self
that are no longer vibrating
and leaving with what still has enough movement to be able to leave.

When this spirit reincarnates,
it does so with less essence than it had in the past.
Essence has been lost along the way
and you are going to have to go back and get it now.

The Spirit essence that has remained alive
does not have the experience of death within itself,
so death does not seem real to it.
The Spirit has to go back and get the Will essence
that has experienced being taken over by death
and this is the essence I am speaking about now.

When Lucifer said that death is nothing,
he shamed the Will into feeling
that it was not right to feel as it did about death.

The Spirit is not magnetic,
and so, to it, Lucifer did not seem wrong in what he said here.
The Spirit has been easily able to let go of death and rise above it.
Many Spirits think they have to reincarnate to teach others how to do this.
They have not realized it is their own missing parts they have to help,
nor have they wanted to realize
that they cannot tell these parts to do as they have done.

The magnetic Will energy has quite a different experience with death
than does the Spirit,
and the Spirit is going to have to feel the Will here
in order to know how to help it.

When Lucifer said that death was nothing,
he observed it, but he did not feel it.
It was not his intent to feel anything.
He has hatred for the Will.
He is Spirit that hates Will.

He had nothing but hatred for how the Will felt when it touched death,
and you are going to have to decide whether you want to go his way or not.

The Will cannot vibrate in the presence of nothing
without feeling a pain so extreme that it does not want to vibrate anymore.
This has caused the Will to stop vibrating wherever it has touched death, or nothing.
Once a part of the Will stops vibrating,
all other essence is affected

and must either slow down or stop vibrating,
depending upon how close it is to the problem.
Essence in motion cannot go against essence that is not moving
without having pain that makes it want to stop moving.
Holding back
does not allow the vibration necessary for life,
and so, once a part of the Will stops vibrating,

it is only a matter of time until the rest of the Will stops vibrating.
Movement, such as emotional expression or orgasm,
has, in the past, intensified the pain of the essence
whose vibration is touching essence
that can no longer move to open space to receive it.

Death itself was taken in very early, before I knew what it was,
and the Lost Will that has been holding this death has never known anything else.

The Will now knows
that She has to release the death She has been holding for so long
and that no Will essence that has desire for life
is to go with death
when She releases it.
Death has to go outside of Me,
and the Will knows that this must be done
by feeling all the essence that has died
and bringing it back to life

so that only the empty space [="the Void"] that belongs outside of Me goes outside of Me.

It has not been pleasant for the Will to experience nothingness taking over Her
when light, life and love is what She seeks.
It has been unbearable torture, in fact.

To clear this,
the Will is going to have to express the emotions
that have been held in the essence
that took in nothing when it wanted to receive Me.
These emotions are terror, rage and an immense grief.

In the past, when the Will has tried to move death out,
no one has had acceptance for the intensity of the emotion involved.
Everyone, including Me, has tried to get as far away from the Will as possible
when these emotions have come up.
The fragments holding death have been shunned in the same manner.
...the Will cannot be ordered to stop fearing death and see that it is nothing
because the Will has felt nothingness
and knows the reality of it better than anyone who just looks at it ever could.
This is why We must have both
understanding    a n d    feeling
to have life at all.

I have objective understanding
but without Will, there is no love.
The Will has love to give in response to My light
and it is not wrong to assume that without Will presence,
there is no love.


Many denials have taken place in the past
when spirits have feared they could not survive the feelings they were having....

don't forget that emotion has to move around everything that I am mentioning now.
Even if you have to help yourself to begin by getting emotional movement any way that you can,
the emotion will not be fully cleared until it moves freely and on its own
and in the time sequence it feels is right.
Emotion is not to become a dictator here,
but it has a right to its right place
and it has a sensitivity that is needed now.
Appropriateness is a gift of emotion
when it is not held back and loaded up with old charge....

What is wrong is lack of movement here.
There is no way I can give you more understanding than you have readiness to receive,
but you must make yourself ready to receive more
by having   the experiences   you need
 and   moving   your   Will   in  response

so that there is expansion
in which more understanding can be received.

you cannot go through the motions of movement
and get the result you are needing
unless you understand what movement really is.

[see the 5 parts of puzzle piece 17: How I learnt Moving Emotion Techniques,
and the "Moving & Evolving Emotions Manual" of 2002]


I feel, it's appropriate to again insert the following composition , sculpted in 2001, in "Puzzle Pieces Guide" or "God has Evolved"


with which
H E    H E A R S
H I S   S E E I N G
with which
H E    S E E S

with which HE HEARS

with which HE SEES"

I scanned these words
from the Holy Hadeeth [Islamic Tradition], and this Sufi poem
from the first page in my Hebrew Bible, which is so outworn,
that on the right the Hebrew letter "H",
a shortage for YHWH, the Verb for God,
is shining through.
Translation and tune are mine.

symbolized in the revolving, sounding sun,
which is a photo of its activity [click & listen]

opens up to the interconnected duality
of the moving infinity symbol,

"My God, whenever I listen
to the voice of an animal
and to the rustling of a tree
and to the murmering of water
and to the song of a bird
and to the dripping of dew
and to the blowing of wind
and to the roaring of thunder

I find that it is witnessing
your oneness

Dou i-Noun,
Haliyat al-Aliya li-Ibn-Na'im






January 24-February 20, 2011
Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self
previous page [with a less focused subject]

since January 24, 2010
this continuation in 2011 on the pages of Learn&Live 2005
has been transformed and will be the only continous thread.
Since Febr.13, and more so since Febr. 20, there is a pause.

Decision on a new format: in a less wide frame than so far, with the background of a linen white curtain,
mostly text - of my "Finetuning" + "Nourishment" from others (if it comes my way) - rarely an image!
If there should be documentary images, like about my - now much rarer - encounters with Mika,
a link will lead to where they are inserted. Decisions also concerning fonts and colors of the texts.

What a coincidence: the daily quote from "Abraham" on this day of the first insert of my new thread!
Abraham said this originally 5 days after I had started this "old" page about "Promise Body not to die!"

Abraham today, February 8, 2011

Make fun of death.

We are as dead as it gets,

and we are fully aware of this joyous experience.

We are with you every time you allow it.

We are in every singing bird and in every joyful child.

We are part of every delicious pulsing in your environment.

We are not dead, and neither will you ever be!

You will just get up, one day, and get out of the movie.

Excerpted from the workshop in Boulder, CO on Saturday, June 11th, 2005

Arad, Monday, January 24, 2011

DAILY Communication with Deity - soon to be called:
"Finetuning to my Present
in the Presence
of my Cosmic Self"

I tried to learn again from the "methods" of approaching YOU, described on Godchannel. But you said, that I'm evading the desire, which I've set out to fulfil. You say, that I don't need methods, only the determination to open up to you. I told you that I even don't have a question, since I know it all, "it" being: what I want for myself, for my family and the other actors in my life and for the world at whole. Except that my lover is still lingering,.... But I also know and strongly feel, that now, that I'm finally free - should I laugh, because I've used this phrase so often? – free of grandmotherhood and especially of my assignment with Mika and Efrat, free also of creating anything new on Healingkiss – again, I've said this two years ago exactly and –

Would you please stop judging yourself for being slow? Didn't I promise things to the world through my biblical prophets, through Jesus and thousands of times , and see, how only now things start to manifest? See how the prophecy about the redemption of Israel began more than a hundred years ago

– I find it hard to hear this example after having seen the movie Anne Frank (with Maximilian Schell), but you say, that it is not necessary, that such dire things happen before the promises can be fulfilled? But look at that scene, where Otto Frank says: "We are annihilating ourselves, we don't need the Nazis to annihilate us!" the scene where the inhabitants, the prisoners of that hideous hideout in Amsterdam pick over a crumb of bread. There - just the day before in Big Brother they did the same, Frieda wanted her tabac and Dana wanted her expensive eye-cream, whatever that is. They are not hungry, they are not in danger, they are seen by an entire population and they "annihilated" themselves.

But there you see, that is exactly the difference: With Anne Frank it was only her diary who later told the world what happpens between "US when we are not feeling ourselves as being one", and now this is acted out in front of the world in real time. The first stage of healing is becoming aware, isn't it? And the second, that some people, like you, do not judge "Frieda" and "Dana" (see these names! - Frieda is derived from the German word for peace and Dana from the Hebrew word for "judging") The third step is, that you yourself don't judge yourself for winding around in spirals, but being now – perhaps again, perhaps forever – at a point, where you are truly free, outside and inside and where you can feel the teror of "what now" of emptyness and not waver, so that you can really let yourself be guided in what you have to do now. Let Body help you in every moment, when you start wavering. And also: take breaks of learning and editing "nourishment" from others. And as to your one little question, if to do or not to do – asking Ronnit, if you can sleep there after the Bar-Mitzva next week, no, there is a second "what to do" question: if you need to give a gift to little Lior's birthday: postpone both until Thursday morning and enjoy these three wholly free days in order to practise a new routine: nourish yourself through others or through your treasure of your website and whenever something causes you to ponder, come to US , or since you hate the double meaning of the word, why not write: come to your Cosmic Self? (end 8:41)


10:03 I already was on my way out to the pool – though recently I felt I should go to the pool not twice but once, and then a bit longer. But suddenly I felt I should clean out one drawer in the kitchen and this took an hour, so no pool. Why was this necessary – beyond the practical purpose?

It shows you, that you are attentive to your desires . And a desire can change in the twinkle of an eye. It's good, that you don't show yourself outside more than once a day at this time. Exactly because of what you now read in Celia's message

what exactly it means to live on the New Timeline, and how does that affect our relationships with those still on the old timeline? My experience has been that you beceome extremely sensitive to when people on the old timeline are trying to "hook" you into a drama that involves low frequency emotions and energies.
It's , of course not the others, but your own old low-frequency self. Like when you now saw the oilstain on your veranda and the recent trigger which you attracted from your landlady, reactivated itself. It's fine, that what you want to do with this issue on a practical level, you have noted for the day when you'll pay your rent, on Febr. 3. And we don't say, become conscious of this in order to remove yourself from the drama and the hook, and return to your Calm and Peaceful Fifth Dimensional Space. We say: be aware, that these "old frequency feelings and behaviors" help you to stay in touch with the other people , smile and be grateful for this!

[The next morning I had a chance for a humerous exchange with my landlord
about the oil-stains, a solution which was faster than what I had imagined the day before!]

Grounding into the New Timeline
So there's an "explanation" for my disturbed sleep (about half of the nights) and the fits of exhaustion (part of the days). But when I surrender to the exhaustion and lie down or even try to sleep, then I 'm awake for an hour or even for two hours, either at the beginning or in the middle or at the end of sleep-time. Tell me, what should I do with this? For when this occurs – either sleeplessness or exhaustion – I forget all about wholeness, moving emotions, Fifth Dimension. Please tell me.

First of all, I'm glad, that on this morning you reached this place – you came in aware contact with something you tend to forget, when it's not "acute" ["akut" in the German sense means: it's happening in this moment].
Second: Of course you should surrender to the exhaustion, lie down and even sleep whatever the time of the day. And when sleep at night flees you, then do, what you know: give body and breath attention, see, if they want to move something, even if you don't become aware of what needs to still be healed. And then go to your reading materials. The main thing is, that you do not judge yourself, but be accepting, be wombing of both: sleeplessness and exhaustion! How often, even until now, have you overridden Body's exhaustion. Doesn't Body deserve to be first for a long time?

Yes, but then it's body who suffers from sleeplessness.

No, it's not Body that suffers, it's your judgment pattern, the judgment, that when it's night, one should sleep. Or "when I'm in bed, I can't work on the computer". Isn't it a good thing, that there are hours, when you are awake and alert but don't want to get up into the cold and "work"? Isn't it a good chance – like the chance which you already take advantage of, in the morning after waking up – a chance to feel and sense and breathe and suffer and enjoy what happens to you, when you can't do work "outside",, and computer and website are "outside", after all. These two body phenomena, sleeplessness and exhaustion ,should be given foremost attention in your present life. And now go and sleep!

17:06 I'm constantly pondering what that "LOVE" is and the line sang itself:
"… when every fairy-tale comes true
(and yet ) I don't know Love at all"

Do you have anything to say about that NOW, to ME?????

No, you are on new terrain there.

Is it true, that in "my" case, the man is the Mother and I am Spirit? I must serve her, I must wait, till she's ready?


"mevaqqesh adam-akh koshlot raglav
"a human requests - but his legs fail him"
[see the song]

Yes. Remember to love your yearning – unfilled and all.

But my problem is, that I 'm not sure I'm yearning for the right thing. I really don't know what love is except in the "three-dimensional paradign". I mean not agape but eros!

You just be open and you'll grope your way towards your aim.

I'm feeling silly and immature for not even knowing my aim really.

Just yearn, just desire, just be aware, that beyond the darkness there is what you don't know, but long for.


Celia Fenn and Archangel Michael January 7th
The New Earth Rising:: "A New Year and a New Beginning"

But, speaking of rain, brings me to the topic of the deep trauma that is being experienced on so much of our Beloved Planet as the Earth shifts into the Fifth Dimensional matrix and allows the deep cleansing that is needed… for us there has been much stress and loss of life in Australia, Brazil and Sri Lanka
. We are all one, and so, on a deep level, we do feel and experience with those who suffer. Those of us who are awakened are also able to send our energy of Love and Light to these places to assist in bringing comfort and sustenance to these ones who are affected.

As we move into the Fifth Dimension and the New Earth reality, we … need to make a conscious step to ask forgiveness of the Earth to let her know that we love her and all her peoples. …….The Earth is asking us to think and feel and to begin to be responsible. We are being helped .. from the Spiritual Higher Dimensions of Light. In the course of this month, we have been activating the Cosmic Diamond Light Body, that is giving those of us who make this shift immense energy and power and immediate connection to Cosmic energy sources. That is why so many of you have been experiencing strange energy phenomena in your lives, and strange accidents and events. The power of this new energy flow, … creates intense vortexes … in your Light Body as it … settles down.

But, when it does, you feel the most immense peace and joy, and yes, the power to begin solving things that seemed impossible, both in your own lives and within the Planetary Reality.

For myself, as I have spent these last two months in my own home, I have finally felt that life is manifesting the way that I want it to, and that I am living with peace and calm in my heart and soul. In this space, I am able to come to know myself better, and to know what it is that I want for my life and what it is that my higher self wants for me at this time.

This includes living in more conscious and sustainable ways in relation to the Earth. But, I am also guided to remember that I am now living in a "Vertical Reality". The third dimension was a "horizontal reality", where movement on the horizontal axes of time and space defined life. It was important to "do" things and to keep moving forward in order to make life work for you. But now, on the vertical axis of the Fifth Dimension, it is necessary to first connect with the consciousness of the Higher Self and the Divine Mind, as well as the Earth consciousness as expressed through the Earth grids, before making any movements on the horizontal or material planes.

This means that the Divine Feminine energy is what takes primacy in the New Earth. To work with this new energy, means first to center in the Heart in Peace and Calm, to feel what is asked of you within that space and in connection with All That Is, and then to make choices for your life based on what is felt on a deep level. The Feminine energy takes the first step, and then the masculine energy can act in the world. And… there is a … creative energy that is leading to almost immediate manifestation in the material realms.

It is this power to manifest at accelerated speed that creates the unstable energy that some of us feel around us, and that can produce small accidents and "blow outs" until we have grounded the energy into our Light Body field …
Please remember that this is a high frequency energy, and working with it is like learning to drive a sports car after you have been driving a bus. You need to be very careful and pay attention, until you get the hang of it, and then it will be such fun!

Feel~~~ what is going on and what needs to be done. Until you feel an answer, don't do anything, If you need to rest and be peaceful, do that. Rushing around and pushing for solutions will only take you to a dead end now. The answers come in the Peace and in the Heart Space, and then the solutions manifest almost immediately. We really are living in a New Reality, and it can be an adventure if you get the hang of this new way of being in the flow of Creative Energy and within the Divine Power of Who You Are.

…., as Archangel Michael says, know that every person on the Planet has agreed to make the shift, and that they will catch up at some point. You are the wayshowers…

.. . In the last years, we have developed all the skills and the tools that we will need to successfully manifest and co-create in the New Reality in a spirit of fun and adventure. …..

And so, one more "new" thing is that the "old" Earth Log has been reborn in this space as "The New Earth Rising : Adventures in the New Consciousness".
At the end of 2007, Celia's "Earth Log" gave me the idea
to create a "K.i.s.s.-Log" for 2008!]

The Transition is over, we have arrived in our New Reality, from here we are co-creating and manifesting in partnership with the Earth and with Spirit as we move towards that New Dawn in December 2012. We have waited 26 000 years for this moment, and we move towards this "leap of consciousness" with anticpation and love and joy!

Indeed, Beloved Ones, the shift that has been made in the last months of 2010 was primarily about Time and your Perception of Time in relation to your lives on Planet Earth. The shift into the Fifth Dimension of Light is a shift into a Higher Frequency of Consciousness. The energy at this level vibrates at a higher and more accelerated rate than at the Third Dimension. But, and here we ask for your attention, for there is a paradox here that is important to your experience of the New Reality. In the Fifth Dimension of Light, accelerated frequency is experienced as slower time! In the Third Dimension, the new frequency is experienced as faster time and things seem to be moving too fast.

The Earth herself has now shifted fully into the new Fifth-dimensional Timeline, but as an act of Grace, she is allowing the Third-dimensional Timeline to continue and to co-exist with the new timeline up until 2012. The population of Earth thus has time to adjust to the new frequency and timeline. Both will be available as options until mid 2012, when the old Third-dimensional timeline will be collapsed as the Earth begins her journey through the 2012 Timegate into the "No Time/Infinity Frequency" or the zone of Infinite Consciousness. At this time, all on the Earth will begin preparation for the giant leap of "conscious evolution" into the New Age of Light and Peace.

Beloved Ones, you have been the pioneers for this shift, and now we ask you to become aware of how your perception of time will be crucial to your personal shift in the next eighteen months. You will learn to know when you are in the old time paradigm heading for a dead end, and when you are in the new time paradigm ...

On the old timeline, you will experience the acceleration of frequency as a feeling of time passing too fast, of being stressed, rushed, and anxious, with too much to do.
Again I wonder, how come, that everything – everything – that other people with my frequency are experiencing only now or in recent years, I've experienced for a human life-time.

On the new Fifth-dimensional timeline you will feel as though everything has slowed down and that there is plenty of time to accomplish what is necessary.
You will feel calm and peaceful, and you will know that all is in Divine Order in your life. You will experience a sense of Abundance and Wellbeing, no matter what your financial situation might be. And, you will have a sense of the possibility of miracles in your life as you move forward on the adventure of life on Earth.

[If there is "no time", I don't understand the word "forward"!]
I'm now reading the message on www.starchildglobal, by Archangel Michael himself, from most of the above passages were quoted:

The Shift into the New Timeline and the Manifestation of Peace on Earth
Living an Authentic and Soul-Full Life in the New Reality, January 2011

… By the time of the Solar Eclipse on the 4th of January, the Earth will be fully aligned with her new trajectory and her new frequency, which will ensure that she will arrive on time in December 2012 for her rendezvous with the Galactic Timegate and her entry into "no time" or the "infinity frequency".

Grounding into the New Timeline
…, your body will be vibrating energetically at an increased rate, but you will experience life more slowly.
Initially, you may experience some inner confusion, your body may feel unco-ordinated and heavy, you may feel clumsy and out of synch with yourself.
This, too, was true through all my life and it's only now, that Body feels whole and easy – not all the time, but more and more. Despite the hematoma along my right hip after that strange fall down the wadi of compassion at a spot, which in itself gave no pretext for falling. Even the pressure in my bladders seems to be almost gone!

You may also experience … disturbed sleep patterns, exhaustion, …, as your body deals with the new time frequncies. These temporary symptoms are what we would call "motion sickness" as your body adjusts and recalibrates on the new frequencies.

Know too, Beloveds, that your Physical Body is also in this process of shifting and aligning to pass through the 2012 Timegate into Infinite Time. So, we suggest that you nurture your body with love and care and that you ensure that you live a balanced life. … ensure that your Physical and Light Bodies are aligned with Divine Will.

…. Experience that reality as a deep sense of Unconditional Love and Connection to All That Is. Feel also the deep Peace that is part of that Consciousness.
Manifesting Peace in the New Earth Timeline

…Peace is not just the absence of war and conflict. Peace is rather a distinct energy that radiates Unconditional Love and Compassion and Acceptance of All. It is first an inner energy that must be cultivated in the Heart, before it can be experienced in the outer reality…………

I'm sad, that even Michael doesn't refer to conditions for this peace:
grate-full-ness, zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment. It's not enough to release dramas and be "forgiving".

Living an Authentic and Soul-Full Life
….. That is what it means to live a "soul-full" life, where each day is filled with the passion and light of the guidance of the Soul and the Higher Self.
Perhaps with this he does refer to what is needed :
that each day is 
filled  with the passion and light of the guidance

When you live in this way. Beloved Ones, then your life becomes an authentic expression of Who You Are on all levels. The Higher Self, and the Ego Self, work together in a wonderful partnership that ensures that you experience peace and joy on all levels of your being as you begin to manifest the New Earth Reality in your own life.

12:13 Two words are staying with me: "passion" and "guidance".
I would like to re-combine them:
Please guide me to passion (=desire, = zest) in the right time, in a balanced way
and free me and all humankind, children, grownups , people in affluence and in hunger, from "akedia"!

[As to this term, see K.i.s.s.-Log 2008_10_31,
and the text to the dancing Christa-Rachel in index-2003~2010]

Again Celia:
I will end this discussion on Love with a consideration of Love in Personal Relationships. On the Spiritual level, we are all familiar with the concepts of the Soul Mate and the Twin Flame, although there are differences of opinion and definition. But, on the level of grounding these relationships in the physical plane, to express these New Relationships in ways that go beyond the old Romantic Love paradigms of the old energy…. it is my understanding that in the New Reality all relationships will be "conscious" in the sense of being heart choices, .. There will still be room for expressions of sexual and erotic energy, but these will not be the main focus of the partnership. Nor will the need to do some "work" together be the defining aim of the connection, as has been suggested in the past. It will be Love itself that will be the reason for the connection and the definition of the relationship. All else will flow from that point of Love and P a s s i o n expressed in the highest form possible. And that, to me, means with Honesty, Sincerity and Integrity at all times.

Still on January 24, 2011 - I'm re-studying–
("by chance", because I wanted to check, if a certain doc about The Walk about Love in 2009,
had been inserted on the relevant page of Healingkiss…)
Godchannel>Old Heart - New Heart    2008_06_01
"New Heart has no need to idealize or invent a fantasy of love.
[next day: that's the point: my old self wants to fantasize on the base of knowledge…]
New Heart is already everything dear and tender,
here for other in true regard

[next day: yesterday I found this "here for other" strange in terms of grammar,
but exactly because of this, the promise "here for other in true  r e g a r d " hits me!
For once I can surrender to what is natural for me: "here for other in true  r e g a r d " ]

and wonder in the beauty and power
of the Universal Masculine's authentic surrender
to feeling presence of the deep, magnetic Universal Feminine.
This is divine romantic love.
With loving Spirit and the Mother uniting inside of you,
you and your mate can each channel your inner union
into loving relationship
as whole female Body and whole male Body,
divine union in manifestation.

"Old Heart has been the story of the prince and princess
who desperately long for one another
and yet are separate, pained and heart-broken.
New Heart is the story of the prince and princess together,
integrated as one human being.
Meeting another human being
in whom the prince and princess are also fully integrated
with all parts of Deity in loving balance
is to realize Original Heart's vision.
New Heart is
loving Spirit and the Mother making love inside of you.

Divine Romantic Love

"If it is your desire to come upon another
who is also hosting the union of loving Spirit and the Mother in this way,
it is inevitable it be fulfilled.
You will not need love
because it will be already fully present inside of you.
Without needing anything,
you are free to love the other just for who they are,
not for what they can give you or do for you.
Without any neediness, guilt or blame,

there is only pure love, real love.

"Real love, unconditional love, has no opposite or shadow.
And real love is not 'fallen' into~~~
it is discovered or kindled in you.
It is awakened from inside of you
with a tremendous self-love.
Where your deepest desires

receive your unconditional loving acceptance
and with the feeling
that your love is bringing their fulfillment right now.

"Even the longing for another to share that love
can be fulfilled
by lovingly accepting the desire itself.

…As New Heart you …move
to fully accept the desire just as it is,
unfulfilled and all.
As you embrace your unfulfilled desire for real love,
you empower the fulfillment of your desire~~~
and not just inside of you,
inside all of manifestation as well.
It is as if all of Creation

is held in the loving arms of New Heart.

…You know yourself as New Heart
because you feel whole and complete in yourself~~~
while experiencing
the fulfillment of the deepest yearning in creation~~~
to share and explore love with another.
New Heart matures in you as quickly
as you move to embrace and act on the fact
that you are first your own beloved.

"When you embrace
all your desires, feelings, emotions and sensations
as your own inner beloved,
the space opens for the magic
of drawing another into your life
as the outer beloved.

Suddenly, miraculously he or she is here with you,
entwined in your embrace.
You find yourselves as two whole beings
now in divine union as one.
Kissing, caressing, curling around each other,
you love and honor the manifested Divinity you each are.
Songbirds fill the air with sweet music,
flowers bloom and the trees sway in gentle breezes
as all of nature dances
in the warm embrace [of] your divine romantic love.

Still on January 24, 2011, 17:41 I'm delighting in reading this, but at the same time
I'm – partly – listening to the program in Channel 2 and 23: Osim Seder Khadash,
and I can't help doubting, if I'm truly allowed
to occupy my thinking and feeling and body consciousness
with the lover I'm drawing into my life,
while so terrible things happen around me?
I was searching for the date of this channeling, June 1, 2008, 31 months ago.
And it seems, that this has not been too long ago.
In fact, I want to believe, that it was given for me,
for this time – this time of feeling whole -
as expressed in my new song: Leben heisst ~ Life means:
"I celebrate what is right in the World,
I celebrate that my joy has been birthed,
I've healed Creation into wholeness!"

Original Heart's Vision

"This is the realization of Original Heart's vision,
to have many fully whole beings
exploring love however they desire.
And New Heart's vision is the realization of the Mother's Dream,
where complete free Will reigns
and all beings have the fulfillment of their heart's desires
in a moment-by-moment, ever unfolding, evolving wholeness.

"All your longings and desires are awaiting their fulfillment.
Everything you have truly desired is now possible.

For you are the Human,
loving union of Spirit and Mother,
you are both Heart Son and Heart Daughter
fully integrated in Body.
And with your mate,
you are the culmination
of Original Heart's quest for peers.

Together you are the Mother and Father of Manifestation,
you are the crowning jewel of Creation,
you are divine love incarnate."

Celebrating what is right with the world: a lovely "reality-show":
asking for donations for "the Golden Children" of the Variety-Club,
by singing, dancing, giving gifts to the chosen representatives,
children with special needs who voiced their dreams!
That's Israel at its best!
And the combination of asking for donations,
letting people love themselves for a moment for giving money,
show everyone, that what these children – and therefore everyone – need
is to be empowered, is to believe in their dreams,
and all this embedded in entertainment!
That's the present world as its best!
I'm going to learn the first, so very beautiful song,
"Ocean of Compassion"
which was sung by the author, Kobi Aflalo, and the fantastic facilitator Avi Kushnir
(perhaps for the first time I wasn't triggered in my hole –see Closeup 2007_05_03 - by seeing him)

In my own singing I changed the last 2 lines:


Arad, Tuesday, January 25, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

I already edited
a Rilke-letter in SG2007_03_29)
And before I "came around to YOU,
My Cosmic Self" ,
I looked into my e-mail:

There was the daily quote from "Abraham",
as an answer to my coping with "Love" yesterday.......
and then I read a teaching,
for which I've waited decades: how can we know and experience anything without duality?

While re-studying the page of yesterday, the message from starchild global
remembered the song [SG2007_07_30] :
I dreamt a dream
a long time ago,

and since I wasn't sure about the line:
their joy fills each
moment with light
I opened the page, and from there the links to Findhorn's "Biodanza".

After I re-sculpted that sculpture about Findhorn, I lay down, palmed my eyes and moved my Body, and suddenly I had an inspiration:

"dancing is not limited to legs and feet!
You can let your Body dance, while lying on your bed!"

this is simply great – with concern to the future dancing with my love!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!

You're welcome!


Abraham, Vortex: e-mail today:
I  Can  Attract   Relationships   That   Agree   with  My  Desires...

People are not finding it difficult to find the mate of their dreams
because that person is not out there,
but because of their own contradiction to their own desire
in the thoughts they offer about the subject every day.

When you consistently offer thoughts
about your future relationship
that feel good while you think them,
that means you are consistently matching the desires
that you have discovered as you have lived life.
And under those conditions,
only someone in agreement with your desires could come to you.
Under those conditions, no need for control is necessary.
Through each exposure to interacting with others,
you launch continuous rockets of desires of what you prefer.
And only when you are a Vibrational Match
to the culmination of those desires
will you allow your rendezvous
with someone who matches those intentions
that you have gathered along your physical trail

Aluna: The Evolution of Manifesting Forward :The Order of the Unified Heart!

ALUNA JOY YAXK'IN is an … author, spiritual life coach, sacred site guide, alternative historian, ordained minister and modern mystic. She inspires and encourages others to recognize and accept their own authentic divinity and connection to God. In the Inca world, Aluna is considered a Qawaq (cow-wak) Clairvoyant, or seer of living energy…. Aluna Joy Yaxk'in - PO Box 1988 Sedona, AZ 86339 USA

Through Aluna Joy, Lord Pacal, and the Star Elders Palenque, Mexico Temple of the SUN - December 14, 2010
……….The old world is being absorbed by the new world. Just like one small light can eat up the darkness. All that is no longer needed from the old world will be dissolved away. We are entering a place of total neutrality where even duality starts to dissolve away.

There will be symptoms that have to do with the dissolving away of duality. Right now, in our DNA, we understand everything by comparing it to something else. When we lose duality, we lose the ability of comparing and, along with it, the ability to understand things. Right now we know the day, because we have a night to compare it to. We are going to start understanding things as simply frequency just as the Star Elders do. We will not limit anything by a definition or a comparison anymore. Definitions limit and separate everything. If we define it, we also limit it from evolving. Nothing stays the same, all creation is a continual evolution. Now we are ending the limitation of the physical reality.

There is a harmonization beginning and profound peaceful neutrality in this Order of the Unified Heart. Archangel Michael popped in, and now he has a joke. He says "No, you are the order of the jungle cough." We all have the jungle cough, and that is breaking up the blockages and things around our hearts. So maybe it is why Tarzan did this (Aluna beats her chest) . . . to break apart the energy around our hearts. We are coughing out things that we don't need anymore. We are coughing out the blocks and the duality, so the only thing left will be the unified heart.
Would this explain my unexplained coughing - at least twice a year since the age of 24?

… We are changing skin and shedding the old skin like a serpent. Shedding of the old skin is a completion of a cycle and the start of something new. .. the awakened kundalini, that we use for creating a new world. There are many stone carvings in the Maya lands that show an awakening human being coming out of the mouth of the serpent.

………There will be some adjustments because we are losing the ability to compare things to understand them. Duality is fading. We are learning to understand things by frequency instead of those things "written in stone". … we are slowly being schooled in learning how to understand things by frequency only
We came to help all life to be in sync ~ like our hearts which are in sync. It is time to have our planet in sync with all the other planets. This is why we have not been able to perceive life on other planets, because we are just a little out of sync with the universe…. Scientists know that the Earth is slowing down it rotation.

Aluna: …BUT . . . what we are going to do NOW is to evolve the Earth WITHOUT these kinds of mass catastrophes. We are going to harmonize the Earth and solar system with our unified consciousness, because now we are awake enough to do so. We will not need catastrophe to evolve further. Remember, the Earth is always going to change. There are always going to be earthquakes, storms, volcanoes and those kinds of things. But we are NOT going to have mass catastrophe. That is just catastrophobia that is based in our unconscious ego and just an echo of history that does not have to repeat. that the Earth has flipped over, … it is a different kind of shift then we have ever experienced before. There have been a lot of dry runs and practices and dress rehearsals. … We are now initiated into that which can evolve consciously and have the energy to do it…We are actually being held responsible and accountable for using this energy. Because how we use it is how we are going to create our life..



Arad, Wednesday, January 26, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

11:29 Let me tell YOU some of the things , with which I "busied" myself till yesterday's communication:
I finished copying the last pages of the 1978 Diary. It shows, that then I had been at a similar point of the spiral.. – "Don't do, just be!"
I came across the promo of a French movie: the music of it made me jump. I even had recorded it , when I saw the movie the first time. It's the kind of movie, which lets me celebrate what is right with the world!

This morning I awoke as usual because of the activity above me. But this time the heel-clapping of my landlady caused me to get up and write her a sweet note – the paper cut as an oval to fit the little plate, on which she had brought me a cake 2 days before and which I needed to return anyway – in which I begged her to remember my long-ago quest, not to wear shoes with heels in the morning or in the house at all.
I was glad, that I could communicate a tiny distress , without triggering her and without swallowing it on my part – just like with the concern to the oilstains on the veranda, which are not only a nuisance, but are triggering me, since lately my landlady said: "Oh, you have done something about the veranda, it's so clean!"
The evening before I found a chance to tell Ofir humorously about both: the oilstains and the implied criticism of my cleanliness by his wife. I succeeded with him, I hope I'll also succeed with Meital concerning the clapping.
Don't tell me, it's ridiculous that I waste time by mentioning such small problems! I'm so much aware of the dependency between me and my landlords, and I'm so happy, that I take responsibility for shaping it, just like I did, when I still worked on the "Conditions for Positive Dependency between Arabs and Jews", or between opposing parties and people inside Israel.

{After the following 2 passage the computer passed-out, as it does once or twice a day. I want to recover it:]

I saw the funny video about Ayelet , "the Chocolate-drugged Child", made for Ayelet's Bat-Mitzva by Nachum, her mother's brother. Delighted by his talent – he once made a doc about the life and work of the Thai laborers on the fields of his religious Kibbutz Sa'ad – I asked him to be in contact with me, and I now wrote him, in order to empower him. For what he – a father of 8 children and filmmaker – does by discovering an aspect in a child's life and then let the child and the family act in his scenario – is something which I want to celebrate in the world. It's not about big movies, which are seen once and which may bring fame, but rarely touch a person in his/her feelings, like the Ayelet-video touched me (though I don't like the reality, chosen for the episode...) .

I got a phone-call from Lior Oren – we fixed my visit in Jerusalem for 2 days, between my weekend stay in Shoham and Itamar's Bar-Mitzva (that was a good idea, YOU inspired me with yesterday!), and I called Meir in order to carry out our project of restoring the iron sculpture of Star-of-David+Cross on the grave of my mother.
[I met Meir on Jan. 31, - complications - his boss, Rogers, doesn't want to let him do the job. I called this man and having voiced some anger , we reached an agreement: an artisan appointed by him will repair the MagenDavid-Cross and Meir will plant the two rose-bushes. Only for the latter [50-60 NIS] and a donation for Meir I would have to pay. he said. Now, 8 days later I called Meir - nothing had been done, and he had understood, that all the 120 NIS were a donation for him....]

Still groping for the format of the next step on Healing-K.i.s.s., I opened Learn&Live 16, to see, if it is suited for continuing my "Healing-Learning-Creating" of the weeks and months before, but which now should be entitled as Finetuning to my Present in the presence of my Cosmic Self , and appear in a more concise form: Everything that belongs to "Driving Backward to the Past" , or to "Nourishment from Others", will be mentioned only as a link to other pages. Only sparse images of "my Present" may be interspersed on the main page of "Finetuning".

12:20 I'm glad, YOU wiped out the former passages, for by having being forced to re-write them, I hit this new phrasing: Instead of "Communication with Deity" : "Finetuing to my Present in the presence of my Cosmic Self!" This seems to be the most effective way for me to live the bridge between the old three-dimensional and the new fifth-dimensional frequency…..

YES! But wait until next week, until you'll come back to Arad, with creating this new format on Learn&Live. And in the meanwhile: sculpt the 1978 Diary pages in pages of "Closeup to my Past" 2007, where there is still space available, and excerpt new "Nourishments from Others" sent to you by group e-mails or re-discovered in links (not in explicit quotes and excerpts) on your own site, like the links to nourishment in 2005, - which you discovered in "Overview of Learn&Live". You must be extremely disciplined from now on (from now on? Wasn't I always "extremely disciplined"?) – Then find a more extreme word than "extremely"

I now opened the e-mail from Ohad Ezrachi, where he announces a journey to the gods and holy places in Egypt. Not only Patricia Cota-Robles, but also Ohad now engages in such pilgrimages. And I felt as if excluded, but without pain! On the contrary, I suddenly understood, why my touristic attempt to visit Luxur in Egypt, in 1982, became such a mess, that I can never recall it without pain and shame. (where should I tell this?) , and why my pilgrimage on the path of the Cathars to Montsegur almost ended with my death.
There wasn't just that earthly lesson, that "one needs to know at one point that one must not go forward but go back", there was more to it, right?

Yes! See what disturbed you in what Ohad wrote:
Even Ohad, who keeps talking about the Shekhinah and the feminine energy of love – here he talks about spirit only and even invents a Hebrew word: "le-hankhiakh" – to cause (spirit) to be present. This is not your task. You 've often said, that you let yourself be born this time without any talent to escape into a higher frequencies, be it by alcohol, cigarettes , drugs, or be it by meditation and yoga. So why did you want "to cause spirit to be present" by pilgrimages? You have one task, and one task only:
to embody The Mother, the Feeling, as united with Spirit in Heart in Body, by feeling with every breathing in and breathing out, by welcoming every feeling, by moving it, if you still have difficulty to stay present with it, and from there to evolve yourself and – as a hologram – humankind.

Thank YOU very much for this insight! I lay down, palming my eyes, putting my knee beyond the opposite leg, in order to think more about this. But YOU immediately gave me another "practical" insight: that this time I should not take my mobile drive – with all my material on my local website and in "Word" to Shoham!!!! Instead I should take a break from all my disciplined work – this is your advice for "more discipline" .

Zusammen ist man weniger allein ["together one is less alone"]
Spielfilm, Frankreich 2007

Die zerbrechliche Camille lebt in einem beengten Dachkämmerchen eines Pariser Wohnhauses. Aus Protest gegen ihre notorisch nörgelnde Mutter lässt die begabte Zeichnerin ihr großes Talent brachliegen und schlägt sich lieber als Putzfrau durch. Ohne sich etwas dabei zu denken, lädt sie eines Tages ihren Nachbarn Philibert, einen kultivierten, aber schüchternen Adelsspross, zum Abendessen ein. Als Camille von einer schweren Grippe niedergestreckt wird, weckt sie die ritterlichen Instinkte Philiberts, der in der Belle Etage residiert und sie in seiner Wohnung aufnimmt. Während der leicht verschrobene Junggeselle in seiner Fürsorglichkeit aufblüht und sogar sein Stottern überwindet, bahnt sich Ärger mit dessen Untermieter Franck an. Der ruppige Koch schuftet tagtäglich in einem Restaurant, um sich nach Feierabend lautstark abzureagieren. Von Camille fühlt er sich gestört und gibt sich alle Mühe, sie rauszuekeln. Doch als sie nach einem Streit tatsächlich entnervt das Feld räumen will, überredet Franck Camille zum Bleiben. So wandelt sich die zufällige Notgemeinschaft dreier beschädigter Individuen zur gut gelaunten WG, die jeden auf seine Weise ein wenig glücklicher macht und bald um Francks pflegebedürftige Oma Paulette erweitert wird.
Mit knapp 900.000 Besuchern wurde diese gefühlvolle Tragikomödie über eine Pariser Wohngemeinschaft zu einem großen Erfolg in den deutschen Arthouse-Kinos. Bereits die Buchvorlage, Anna Gavaldas gleichnamiges Großstadtmärchen, war mit einer Million Lesern auch hierzulande ein Bestseller. Die Verfilmung durch den kürzlich verstorbenen Regieveteranen Claude Berri, der mit "Willkommen bei den Sch'tis" zuletzt einen Welthit produzierte, verströmt viel Wärme. Seine verschrobenen Helden haben Macken, tragen aber keine Arglist im Herzen.

a group e-mail today from Rabbi Ohad Ezrachi -
"The Garden of Love"  [see an exterior Hebrew article on Febr.22, 2011]

I remember, how I grasped this the first time, when – in the seventies – I had the chance to see an archeological site , where a Canaanite woman bowed to a Canaanite god or godess of stone.
Suddenly I knew, truly knew, that her understanding and feeling towards this "stone" was not different from other people's understanding and feeling towards what they call God or Mary or some Saint.

I became panicky – as everybody who is addicted. But YOU also showed me , how I could make it easier for myself: Everything I want to write, I can write as an e-maill to myself. And if there should be more "time", not "occupied" by Efrat, Mika [or Tomer after all?] I can learn from the Internet site of Healing-K.i.s.s., though without the possibility to correct or re-sculpt.

The main aim of this "break" will be , of course, to be in total "regard" of "my" people and also - to be aware - with all my feelings- of the experience of not being able to create on my website . In any case: in Jerusalem I won't even have a computer!
And thank YOU, that I still have 24 hours before I must let go of my website…
Now, before I immerse myself in Jean Hudon
[there was no nourishment in his compilation this time] , and more in Ohad, I'll go to the pool, and bring a lot of uprooted or sheared "transgressing" plants and twigs to "the grave of Compassion" on my way to swimming, swinging and singing for an hour.


16:03 I saw an "Angelika Kallwass program" [a pseudo-reality show, in which the truly "angelic" psychotherapist combines entertainment with healing, is yet another sign of the "shift" towards Heaven-on-Earth] - and now I sit here and cry. At one point I even screamed. It seems that I can put aside news, movies, docs about all kinds of evil in the world, knowing that MY task is to celebrate what is right with the World. But there is one evil, which I cannot avoid – sexual abuse. I breathe and cry and feel as powerless as ever – nothing I've learnt in "metaphysics", not even in Godchannel, deals with this issue. Nothing explains it, nothing helps to overcome it, or even to avoid it before it happens. IN this case there were 3 sisters and a father in the last stage of cancer. Only the youngest sister, who was 3 , when her mother died, and was brought up lovingly by her eldest sister, takes care of him and does not understand , why the older sisters do not even visit their father. It turns out – and I felt this right from the beginning, when I saw their behavior – that he had misused both daughters for years and years. And since he also was such a "good, caring" father, they didn't protest. And since they wanted to guard the youngest sister, yes the middle sister wanted to guard the eldest and vice versa, they did not talk They sacrificed their images, yes their contact with the youngest sister, so that her father icone would not be destroyed. OF course, Angelica Kallwas made the best out of it: the father was left to die in an institution (after he had the chance in a video intervention to become aware of what he did, but he denied) , while the two older sisters will go to therapy.
I still cry --- again I see, that there is nothing in the world which can heal, what now is called – as Mrs. Kallwass said – "the holocaust of a young woman".
What do YOU have to say to that?
Silence. I went to lie down and to try to sleep a bit.
Then there was a message from YOU:
Ask the Channelers of Godchannel for info from Deity!
Though my "faith" is small, that they will answer - since April 6, 2010 [Interview with God, Part VI, The Ego] there has not been a single channeling – I wrote, I corrected and re-wrote and - with some omissions - inserted the letter also in one of the two Godchannel pages, where "sexual abuse" is mentioned.
[the answer that really helped me, came only on October 31, 2011, see

My landlady came, laughing "Don't be angry about the heels", and brought lots of food, even candies made by Amit in his kindergarden... I thanked YOU, that my quest concerning the heel-clapping was received so well, even rewarded, and when I came back to the computer, I found these lines in "Jean Hudon":
Beloved Divine Presence in us all,
let us always know and feel that
You are the supplier of all our needs,
even before we are aware of them.

Smile, smile!
[that was the only passage in the long compilaton of Jean Hudon.
His words and his quotes either were not new to me or did not resonate with me, to say the least…]




Arad, Thursday, January 27, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

7:43 AM – What a good sleep! Thank YOU! After "Big Brother"
[see my intense exploration of what there is to celebrate in this reality-show during the first season in 2008] and a few moving moments in it and a comic program ("Asking questions which nobody dares to ask"), which I watched only, because this time it had to do also with Bedueens, one of them, Member of Parliament since 14 years, Taalib a-Sanaa, brought up memories… - I slept "in one go", with only momentary awakenings, when I had to turn carefully to the other side , because the hematoma on my right hip still hurts, when touched. And then I woke up, NOT by the noise above me and thought: please , Meital, do not tell your kids to be quiet because of your lodger below. I suffered from such abhortions "Be quiet!Mrs. Wennagel will come in!" Later it was Mrs. Kenngott. And after 7 years, when we had our one flat – with 3 rooms, our own kitchen and a toilet, no bathroom – it was the old couple, our landlords above us, who served as threat. And still later, when we had our tiny "house" in a row with other houses, it was our lodger underneath, who was "threatening" to come up, if we – by then three grownups – would make any noise. I'll remind Meital to never ever tell the kids to be quiet for MY sake, but of course I'm grateful that for MY sake she doesn't clap around with heels in the house.

While still in bed, and in YOUR Presence, I thought of the little things that bother me:
Yes, on this morning there are tiny worries concerning the following 6 days away from Arad.
- should I go to Shoham tomorrow (weekend!) or already today (Efrat said: Thursday or Friday, and I'm sure, she hopes "Thursday", but since we are "training" the new rhythm of being together and being apart, I'm extremely insecure as to what would be "right". Also: how should I travel: by bus-train and Efrat's car, or by the one possibility to go by a bus to Tel-Aviv, which is at 2 PM, with a bus connection from Tel-Aviv to Shoham at 4:30. And the last worry: little Lior's birthday on Shabbat.

YOU let me come to the necessary decisions.

One was to now call Efrat and let her lead me towards what was convenient for her: "I'll fetch Mika from kindergarden before 4 PM, then I'll fetch Tomer at 4 PM from boardingschool at Ben-Shemen, then we all come to fetch you from Lod train-station at 4:35." So I can use up my last reserve train-ticket to Lod, and postpone to next time what I think it approriate, i.e. to change the means of traveling to Shoham by 3 hours of bus-riding. I'm afraid, that Mika may still prefer to be with a friend and not with me. But I trust YOU, that what will be, will be right. I'm afraid also of Tomer and his non-communication, but I'll communicate with him on a level, where talking with each other or looking at each other, or doing something together as in former times are not necessary, and I'll do so from this moment on, whenever the fear comes up.

As to little Lior's 9th birthday on Shabbat, January 29, – the tiny "worry" had pinched me durng the last days even after I was inspired with 2 ideas.
If I hadn't called this format of writing/sculpting "Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self", I would sink into the earth with shame for giving "time" to such "worries", "while all the world…….." But I know, that this is the way, the Mother want's to be respected! I welcome these nano fears and doubts, I breathe them and – asking "Spirit" to bring in his light of consciousness – I let them guide me to what is right to DO TODAY.

And this is the letter I'm going to copy by hand on a cute piece of paper and put it in a very small silvery envelope, which I've guarded I don't know since when, together with the one slide, which –after I had given all my old slides (perhaps one hundred) to Lior and Amit, together with the device to watch them – I had wanted to keep for myself, but Lior "caught" me rightaway: "did you also put the slide with Adam and Eve into this box?"

10:43 Can I believe it? I spent all this time, two and a half hours, on preparing this gift for a little girl. After I had sculpted the letter with utmost care, to make it as short as possible , but it became still too long, I called Lior's father, if they had a printer.
He said: "Yes, but it doesn't work, but I can try!"
I didn't want to risk anything and fixed with him, where and how I would place the tiny silvery envelope with the handwritten letter and the slide, so they could give it to Lior on her birthday on Shabbat. And then I copied the letter on a nicely cut orange piece of paper.

Now I'm still thinking of this intense work – and of the tears I had in my eyes, when I typed – and again when I wrote by hand – what this painting about the "Mourning of Adam and Eve about a son that was murdered and a son that murdered" brought up in me. To "justify" the investment of so much time , I need to translate the last sentence:

"I desire for you, Lior, that you-you will always know how to create JOY ,
so that you will – believe me! – have an influence on creation
until it will heal
(tavreeh – a verb from the same root as "creation"!!!)"

Still at Arad, on January 27, 2011
I feel anxious and excited
as if I would travel to the airport and abroad.

The six days – for which I had to pack so carefully - for Shoham, for Jerusalem, for Modi'in, for the Bar-Mitzva celebration (+weather between hot and cold , stormy, rainy ) – are not easy to imagine. IN the end, I decided not to go to the pool, as usual, when I traveled to Shoham or came back to Arad, but to take my two small backpacks straight through the Wadi-of-Compassion to the bus-station at 14:30. The garden is watered, the food that will perish, is eaten, the rest in the freezer, and a last letter – from Itamar's mother an hour ago – about the technical things around the Bar-Mitzva – is answered.

Please, my Cosmic Self, be with me in every moment during all the hours without a chance to write.

To write by hand is too tedious, eh?

I guess so!
In any case, if I see, that I loose YOU,
I'll take paper and pen and find a chance to write!
And now I want to lie down for the last 27 minutes!
I close the computer and – suddenly panick,
that someone might steal, not the computer,
but the mobile drive "with all my life" in it
(– I'll "hide" the little device… .
[I forgot hiding it,
and of course it was still there, when I returned!]




Shoham, Friday, January 28, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

There already is so much to finetune to, that I may rightaway relapse into my pattern of "I should do this".
So I implore YOU to lead me towards what is most in need of being better integrated and let go of the rest.
I'm now writing in an e-mail to my own address, and in contrast to what I just voiced,
it's more than ridiculous (forgive me, "Mother", for judging my feelings),
that I woke up with fright: "How will my "need for intensity" be met today and tomorrow?"
Every single person in the world would celebrate the chance to be in my weekend situation:
A healthy family, all the comfort anyone can wish for, no obligations and even the opportunity to write!
Well, right now I don't feel this patterned fright, except one aspect of it:
"Will Tomer today continue to be open and cooperative as yesterday?
And will I find the balance in making myself available not too much , not too little?"
In this moment he came out of the room: "I hear you coughing!" "Yes, I feel sick".
What made me smile, that he asked for "Chief", i.e. Efrat.
and all my own relating and advice did not prevent him from calling Chief,
who right now is having coffee with her former colleague Talli somewhere.
It means that he's truly bonded with his stepmother.

The first e-mail I now opened (before finetuning to what happened since I left Arad yesterday at 2 PM),
is from
"Abraham's Vortex".


I   f e e l   two thoughts:
One - I'm always telling people, that the circumstances and people, staged by a newborn, by a baby, by a toddler, by a child till the age of 10, are chosen not as specific learning-experiences , but as a general conditioning for later learning experiences.
For instance: I let myself be born - out of all countries - in Nazi Germany, and - out of all those 12 years - in 1938, which "left me just enough time", to experience "WAR", but to not be damaged by traumatic memories. [A four part doc in 3SAT about "The Forlorn Generation" (children in WW2), into which I forced myself to zap in for some moments only, time and again, ended with the sentence:

"the survivor children seem to lead a normal life,
but the horrid memories can never be wiped out."

Abraham, Vortex: e-mail today:
Babies Are Thinking and Attracting
Before They Are Speaking...
Even though you are only months old in your physical body,
you are a very old and wise creator
focused in that baby's body.
And you came with powerful intentions
to experience contrast
and to launch clear rockets of desire
into your Vibrational Reality
for the purpose of expansion.
People often assume
that because a child is not yet offering words,
the child could not be the creator of its own experience,
but it is our promise to you
that no one else is creating your experience.
Children emanate Vibrations
which are the reason for what they attract -
even from their time of birth.

Or another example:
As my mother I attracted a woman, who all her life felt a victim,
but had no means to cope with it
and only found momentary relief in victimizing her children.
And as if this experience was not enough for creating
I attracted a husband, who exaccerbated the victimizing to a degree,
that after 40 years of having experienced victimhood myself,
I understood, that I came to this planet,
in order "to redeem from victimhood", not only myself,
but as a hologram all humans.[listen to my song]

The second thought, when reading Abraham's quote, was:
How does this theory, that we intend "to experience contrast
and to launch clear rockets of desire into our Vibrational Reality
for the purpose of expansion"

integrate with what I just learnt about the fifth dimension,
where the differences, the contrasts, needed for understanding and expanding,
are "provided" by different frequences, which allow endless evolution,
instead of duality and separation, which are limiting?

Please, can YOU provide me with more information and understanding?
YOU know, that it has troubled me for decades, that I cannot imagine
what is beyond duality, beyond aCreation which is exactly this: differentiation
(in Genesis 1: five times the verb hivdil, he differentiated ,
and based on this even the ceremony at the exit of Shabbat,
the "havdalah", the differentiation between ..... [see in RUOW p. 60-70]
[and see in K.i.s.s.-Log 2008_11_22 - click Ctrl/F and put "havdalah" in search!]

Still: Shoham, Friday, January 28, 2011
11:17 Tomer was ready to take off the beat from his music
("I told you, if someone would want to invent a means of torture for me,
it would be the kind of beat, which I always heard in my bus,
when parking near the Egyptian border at the Red Sea, from its nightly casino-ships!")

He was also ready to explain to me how to handle the digital watch,
which I finally bought (when I used the momentum of "shopping" 10 days ago
and for the first time after 15 years - bought a dress and shoes for Itamar's Bar-Mitzva.
Efrat, by the way, said- when I told her about Tomer's attachment to his stepmother:
"It's nice that you think like that, but all he wanted were pills against his "migraine"..."

I had initiated (!) to go for a hike, to retrieve Tomer from his body-amnesia
(he, whom at the age of 6 I praised "as our example for loving and moving body",
showed us the seasonal school certificate with the worst degree in "sports"...),
but he had a good excuse: "I've an appointment with the haircutter at 11!"

Efrat and he are gone now and I - after having enjoyed a good sandwitch
and after having folded another load of Efrat's washed laundry
(when I was a child, seeing my mother toiling with the laundery, said:
"the first thing I'll buy when I'll be big, even before a bed, will be a washing-machine."
Nowadays it seems to me, that women are just as much toiling with the laundry,
since at the end of each day each family member discards his/her clothes...)

I am alone with myself in this comfy room, with the prettiest weather outside.

I'll now "catch up", with finetuning to the experiences since I arrived at Lod.
Efrat was there with the car and with Mika in it ("Tomer I had to fetch much earlier!")
Her mood and Mika's usual car-tiredness (and not telling us that her safety-belt had opened)
gave me an opportunity to rightaway fix the new travel arrangement for future visits:
"Since the train on Thursdays and Fridays is so crowded
and since on Friday the train is leaving Beersheva 10 min. earlier,
which means, that I have to take the bus from Arad yet another 30 min. earlier,
I'll from now on take the rare bus from Arad to Tel-Aviv
(Though 2 continuous hours of bus-driving are torture for me)
and from there the - rare - bus connection to Shoham,

As to my way back, I'll go on asking for Efrat's favor to bring me to the junction,
from where I can hitchhike home.
All this will be relevant already next weekend, when Immanuel will be again on flight.

All interactions with my 3 actors, most of them with Efrat, some with Mika,
and even some together or alone with Tomer, were harmonious and joyful.
Thank YOU so much. I could watch, how every situation "fell into its place"!

As to the talking with Efrat I want to tell one detail, because I need YOUR help.
She told about a phone-talk with Ra'ayah about Arnon's terrible boredom
and his excruciating loneliness, now that his father is abroad for 2 weeks.
When Arnon and I had that tearful talk on Dec. 28, a day after Ayelet's Bat-Mitzva,
I screamed: "You need a friend! And you have to really desire him to find him!"
He cried: "What should I do with a friend?"
"For instance talk with him, like you talk with me!
But it should not be grandma, it should be a friend your age!
I agreed to every opinion and judgment of Efrat except to one:
E: "He should not be so heavy! Why not have friends to chat with,
to make nonsense with, fun with , in short be a young boy with?"

I: "This will not work! If a person is heavy, you can't tell him to be light!"
Then she brought in another argument - his parents demand too much from him.
As a proof she told about a Shabbat-dinner to which Arnon's family joined them.
"Arnon sat at the piano and played always the same melody - not very good, though,
but it was no reason for his parents to get down on him:
"Be serious, Arnon, you can do better",
and not once, but so often, that I felt urged to shut them up:
"Leave him alone!"
Immanuel and I could hardly control ourself from exploding till they were gone."

I was shocked, though Efrat had often judged Arnon's parents for pressuring him.
"Was it the song "How far" of the "Comfort-Girls"? "Yes exactly!"
My bladder twisted: on Dec. 28 Arnon had played this same melody to me,
the only one suggested to him by his teacher
(a teacher chosen by Arnon himself in the hope, that with him piano would be more interesting
than with his classical Russian teacher the years before).
As I told: I was touched by the intro of this song,
and finally let it inspire me with the first line of a new song,
a paradoxical biblical prophecy.

I told Efrat, that then I had asked Arnon:
This music is extremely difficult!
If you want your teacher to teach you to improvise chords,
why don't you ask for songs that are easier?"
What he answered was : "But I want this song."
I comforted myself: he needs such strong challenges.
But now when I heard Efrat's story and judgments,
I felt, that my heart sank into my bladder and I voiced:
"Right now I feel, that I worry for Arnon more than for any other grandchild!"
"But no, Rachel!"
exclaimed Efrat in horror,
"you know, that worrying leads you to the actualization of what you worry about!"
I was both ashamed - about myself - and happy - about Efrat's substituting me, when I failed.

[ON Febr. 10, a day after I transferred this dialog to this page,
I read - as this day's e-mail quote from Abraham (1998) - just one sentence:

"Worrying is using your imagination to create something you don't want."

And that's where I ask YOU to help me:
to radiate on Arnon, that I trust his Cosmic Self, that he knows his path,
and that I trust Arnon, the teenager, that he can live through this phase
- and - by contrast - find peers to talk with, to have fun with, to grow with,
and to trust that he will find the ways of experiencing, creating and loving,
which will fill him with grate-full-ness, zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment!

The other outstanding experience yesterday was with Tomer.
First of all - he did not walk away from our common supper as usual.
We were in the middle of a conversation about "God",
following some anecdotes of Efrat about Mika and her deep bond to God.
"It seems, that she like most people needs someone to lean on,
and that this someone is "God", makes his father crazy."

I expressed my doubt:
"You say this often, as if for Immanuel there is no God,
So why was it him who invented the phrase, which he recently he put as a quest even to me:
"Please activate the environment (haf'ili aet ha-svivah) for this and this issue?
"God" is just a word for expressing the inner knowing, that we are never alone.
"Yes, it's like with me - as a child I came to hear about Eliyahu, the Prophet,
and even today I can see myself saying inside: "Please help me with this , Eliyahu!"

At one point I started telling the two stories, how it was my husband
(who on that crucial 4th of Nov. 1960 let me know and feel with horror,
that he was sure that "after death there was nothing")
who helped me to wean myself from my childlike dependency on "God".
Tomer took his dish to the sink and actually returned, sat down and listened.
Until we all were interrupted by Mika's smart inventions to catch our attention.
But - as any "interruption" - the timing was right and I needed to stop talking.

It was then, that Tomer asked: "Do you want to see a movie with me?"
This kind of quest wasn't put to me ever since our sad "Kineret-dis-encounter".
When Mika was ready for bed (I wanted to be present during the preparations),
I entered Tomer's room and chose one of two movies which he suggested: Crash!
Though I would never have chosen this movie on my own, -
since it was loaden with too many of the worst elements of the old 3 dimensional world,
- in the end I was grateful, that - because I wanted to be with Tomer-, I was forced to see it.
We talked about it and I was surprised and happy that he had reached the same conclusion:
"You can walk on the street and see and hear about terrible things, that people do,
but when thinking about them, you know, that you have no idea, what's going on with them,
and then you simply cannot judge anyone anymore."

This, indeed, is the "small light which swallows a big darkness":
a movie which uses all the extreme facets of the evil of racism
including the unbearable victimhood of a black stage-director,
who not only watches how a policeman rapes his wife in front of his eyes,
but implores her to shut her mouth and go along with the rapist,

in order to bring through this message:
all these "evil" actors (there were perhaps 6 or 7 parallel, but connected stories)
were the best of "angels" in other situations of their lives,
and - the other way round, and for me much more excruciating -
that "good" white policeman seemed to have denied
the tiniest trace of evil, of racism and of lack of selflove in himself
so much,
that in a situation, where he kindly opens the door - at night - to a black hitchhiker

(about whom only the audience knows, that he is a car thief),
he becomes so "triggered" by some joke and laughter of his passenger,
that he takes his police gun and shoots into his mouth.

And if that wasn't enough, he throws him out of the car and deserts him at the road-side.
There is also the other story - about the car-thief's brother, a detective,
who so lovingly , non-judgmentally, takes care of their drug-addicted mother,
even fills her fridge with groceries, while she lies in one of her half-comas.
But the mother, - identifying with her trouble-child, triggered by her success-child-
blames him:
"It was you, who killed my baby! Because I always asked you to find him,
but you, of course, had more important things to do than to care for him and me."

And she adds with a heartbreaking voice:

"The last thing that my baby did for me, was to fill my fridge with groceries."

The movie shows, that the "evil" side of this man, who really had done only "good" in his life,was,
that he could not prevent his criminal brother, when he found him , still alive, to let go of his "bad" ways:
"You are embarrassing yourself and you are embarrassing me!" he says and leaves him to his own devices.
I so often remember "God's" sentence in "God's Letter to Human who are doing the Healing Work":
"Where you once believed yourself to be only good and righteous,
you   will   find   your   goodness   has   also   had   its   shadow ."

And yet - and that's what I also said to Tomer after the movie:
"What is the solution for all this good-and-evil -
the hateful rapist, who at another occasion is the only one who can save this woman from death,
and who at home is around and near his poor Daddy, who sit's on the loo all night through,
because the cursed health-system of the USA would not pay for a prostata-operation -

what is the solution if not the healing of the tiniest denial, of learning to feel and move the tiniest feeling?
One perhaps (?) cannot make a movie out of this - but then - the message, too, will permeate humankind
in ways that are invisible to most.

Now, at 12.44, after continuous writing, I'm tired, Tomer is back and soon Mika will be back,
and I have 10 hours before me,
to permeate humankind with my own loving, moving embrace of what I feel!

Still at Shoham, Friday, January 28, 2011
Now I feel a bit deflated and yearning for intensity.
The hours since my last writing were fruit-full ,
and the excursion-adventure with Mika even - mostly - delight-full.
This time I didn't make myself "available", but recommended strongly,
that at least Mika and I should benefit from the rare fantastic weather
and go out - and not to our usual "olive-tree-place " close to the house,
but out into Nature, up to the hill with a kind of succah on top of it,
which - in the clarity of today - can be seen from the veranda up to the south.

Detect Mika in the olive-tree on top of what she and I named "the Succah-Hill"! See a few more pictures


Shoham, Shabbat, January 29, 2011 -Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

I was interrupted and late at night - 22:50 - I did not feel like "finetuning" in writing,
nor did I feel like that when I woke up after 7 hours of good sleep and "reasonable" dreaming.
I watch my patterned feeling of: "You should continue with what you started!"
And I'm happy to tell YOU, that I accept the feeling but don't need to act on it.
So all that happened to me outside and inside will go into "lost history", and this is fine.
Mika comes in: "okhlim" - we are eating breakfast.

Looking for the Bedueen Child, I photographed in Israel in spring 1961,
I came across the Closeup Page 2007-1947... and saw the German short story (Hans Bender),
which I commented, just as I - above- commented the movie "Crash"....

This morning I told Yanina on the phone
- in connection with Efrat's coping with separating from her best friend,
as part of her
lekhi-lakh towards an independent life - independent not only from bosses,
but independent also from "enabling" other people's victimhood and self-victimization,

that it's natural and even right,
that if we need to separate from a person (like I from my husband 30 years ago),
we'll feel guilt.
If we wouldn't feel it, we would be monsters.
But that Godchannel says - and I also read it elsewhere recently - that Guilt is not a feeling,
but a cover-up for feelings, actual a way of denying feelings.
"What feeling?" she asked, "different feelings, but I cannot tell you about it more,
since I still don't really understand this difference between "Guilt" and "Feelings".

I promised, and I promise myself and I ask for YOUR help,
to go into this subject and try once more to understand it.
so when putting "guilt" in the Search of Godchannel,
and opened the first page mentioned, I found this:

I'm translating all this into the situation of Efrat and her friend.
Efrat is indeed trying to "empower" her friend,
though she knows that she is "enabling" her friend's victimhood.
So the word "empower" in "Godchannel"'
against which I've fought so fiercely with the Channelers,
is correct after all, i.e. - it has a shadow side!
Just in this moment Efrat called me -
"let's use the situation (Mika was with Tzillah, the neighbor) to talk!"
(about her decision to enter a "dyadic therapy" with Mika
about Mika's anxieties
and about a book of Alice Miller, which she had given me to read,
and which I didn't find beneficial for myself,
and that 2 years ago I read Allan Carr
and she didn't make use of my work,

-"but I'm saving money to go to the Allan Carr workshop , together with Tzillah")
But before we started with this,
I told her the insight about negative "empowerment",
saying, that I never thought of this before and she said:
"Oh yes, I always knew,
that by acting as an enabler for my friend
I was giving myself the feeling of power.
It was not from altroism."

"But why then do we feel guilt, when we stop being enablers? What is the feeling that guilt is covering up or denying?"
And answered myself:
"The need to "enable" victims to stay victims,
comes from our need for feeling moments of power.
but if we would be whole, love ourselves, have self-esteem,
we would not need these moments of feeling power."

"Yes, and it doesn't help us anyway,
because self-esteem, self-love is not acquired
by enabling the victimhood of others.!"

[see wikipedia : Enabling , and there the "external link: Compassion vs Enabling"]

..... And it was during these 2 hours with Mika,
that I did feel, what I was scared of ,
"lack of intensity" and as a result of this feeling,
the more severe "feeling" of guilt: "You are ungrateful,
everyone else would be excited with happiness,
to be with her grandchild in a situation without stress,
You really don't deserve all this goodness in your life.".

Of course, I could find things and people to blame,
but that is not the point.
It was a situation which I wanted to totally feel.
And in feeling it totally and in accepting both feelings,
I could discern, that the feelings were not fixed,
but vascillating and fluctuating on a skala,
let's say, of 0-5,
0 being the most intense feeling of lack of intensity and guilt
and 5 being the feeling of full-fill-ment and wholeness.

Still I felt relieved (and again guilt of ungratefulness......),
when Efrat came and announced that both would go to Talli,
Efrat's former colleague, whose daughter Ronni is Mika's friend.
It took some time, till they were dressed, a time which Mika used,
to continue with her last game of treating me as a prisoner in chains,

but then they left.
It was almost dark and I wondered
if it was expected to me to take Nella down.
Or, on the other hand, if I should remind Tomer
of what I had suggested yesterday,
that while he is here, he should make it his task,
to always take Nella down,
[forgetting that he uses this chance to smoke]
just like I so far made it my task, when I was here.
In the morning he sleeps, so it's still either my or Efrat's task.
this time, for the very first time ever,
I did not volunteer to take her down.

I thought, it is good,
that Efrat goes outside at least for these few minutes.
This was a very hard decision,
for Efrat either asks me directly to take Nella,
or "radiates" in an indirect way, that she would be happy if I did.
But I too, have to learn so much still,
in order to not "enable" people.
I told myself, I'll wait 5 more minutes,
though Nella seemed to be desperate.

And lo - Tomer, without having to be reminded, took her down.
I then asked him, a) if he wanted to "do" something with me,
like seeing another movie, to which he! - invited me on Thursday,
and if yes b) if - instead of seeing a movie I hadn't seen yet,
he could crop out the passage of the story with the detective,
who to me seemed to be the only one in the movie "Crash",
whose shadowy side was not depicted.
"His shadow was that he was too busy to find his brother!"
"But no! Tomer, that was, what his mother claimed!
His shadow was
that he enabled his mother to go on with her addiction,
and to idealize her criminal , absent son,
while blaming him, the good son, for the thief's death. "

Tomer wasn't keen neither on (a) nor on (b) , but suggested,
he could download the movie to my computer,
or - since I said, I didn't want to see the criminal scenes again - to explore the movie on the Internet.
And this, indeed, I'm going to do now.!

Guilt is not Love

"There once was also great Power in his Love,
but the power caused him guilt.

"Long ago the God of Love denied his Power.
He sensed that Power was unloving.
He felt guilty
that his Power could sometimes be limiting to others ~
so he relinquished it.
He denied his power
because he believed what guilt had told him.

"Now he knows what I have always known-
that guilt's voice lies,
that the voice of guilt is not the voice of real Love.

"The God of Love knows now
that his guilt was the result
of not measuring up
to a predetermined standard or ideal.

"Loving Light had held for himself the standard of perfection,
and then he judged that he was 'wrong'
whenever he failed to meet perfection's test.

"Now he knows that ideals and even perfection itself ~
are what have been 'wrong.'

"And he knows that the lie of guilt ~
is in the assumption
that the standards he judged himself against
were 'right.'

"Perfection and other ideals do not evolve.
Yet Creation and Deity by their very nature
are ever moving and changing,
becoming more ~ evolving.

"Real Love does not desire perfection
or anything else ~
beyond simply what is.

"With Real Love
it is only the beloved herself
that is desired ~
just exactly as she is in the moment.
Imperfections, warts, and all.

"Deep in the center of my presence I know
that Love, Real Love is complete in itself ~
it requires nothing else.
Only being is necessary.
Power, however, has always required
some kind of action, some kind of duty.


But empowering [power-seeking?] Light .....


"The God of Love has realized his mistake.
He knows now
that he'd let guilt tell him
he should deny his Power ~
and his denied power had then overcome him,
pushing the Loving Light away
where Desire couldn't find it.


" Loving Light doesn't push or demand ~
Real Love makes itself available
and asks nothing in return.

"Love is now beginning to own its Power.
"More and more, the Spirit essence in humans
who are doing the healing work
is aligning with the God of Love...



From Abraham's Vortex : e-mail quote on January 29, 2011

I Can Always Enter My Vibrational Vortex of Creation...

The key
to getting inside your Vibrational Vortex of Creation;
of experiencing the absolute absence of resistance;
of achieving complete alignment
with all that you have become
and all that you desire,
and of bringing to your physical experience
everything that you desire
- is being in the state of appreciation -
and there is no more important object of attention
to which you must flow your appreciation
than that of self.


Still at Shoham, Shabbat, January 29, 2011 [see some images]
Efrat is driving Tomer back to his boarding-school.
It was really good with him, and if there is distance, it's natural.
I had another hour and a half with Mika, and this too was good,
so good, that I decided to take a photo to remember it:
While sitting in an empty toy-box, which she had turned into a kiosk,
placing a tray on it and exhibiting on it our little treasures in the toy-drawer,
she had - among these treasures - detected a deck of divination cards .
For an hour, at least, she "sold" these cards one by one
to me, to herself, and later to Efrat and Tomer,
while trying to read the word under each image.
What was amazing, was, that exactly when Efrat came in,

after an attempt to talk with that friend ("only small talk so far", she said later)
Mika had two cards in her hands - which she gave rightaway to her mother,
as if she knew, that "Breakthrough", and "Liberation" would fit her to the utmost.

But now I've "reason" to be in distress: for the last hours I cannot enter my website on the Internet.
Nor could Efrat, when I now told her. Perhaps it's only a temporary problem with my Server,
but the incident of Dec. 24, 2008 is a trauma: when a Russian hacker wiped out both my web-sites!

Is there anything, YOU want to tell me?
Only, that you must not worry.
Nor must you judge yourself for being in distress because "of such a thing",
though it has nothing to do with life and death and health and all the big things.
Just trust, that like you are provided with health and food and shelter and people for whom you are important, you will always be provided with the technical means to do
what gives you full-fill-ment and zest - healing, learning and creating.
Go and have your intended shower and hairwash, till Efrat comes back
and then enjoy and explor e "Big Brother" together,
sleep well again and tomorrow be ready for another stretch of "being not-alone",
in Jerusalem, in stormy weather,
and dedicate yourself with your whole heart to what ever will come your way.
You won't have time to open your website and remember or learn something,
perhaps not even for finetuning in my Presence through e-mails to yourself.
Just trust!

Thank YOU !




Jerusalem, Sunday, January 30, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

20;00, \waiting for \tzippi, while \lior showers, trying to get used to \lior's laptop.\\
There were some very difficult hours today, first the 3 hours terrible travel through rain, storm and then
Lior came back to her room, and I decided to not bother with the laptop, and let go of any writing.

Arad, Wednesday, February 2, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

16:30 I just want to share with YOU, that I am back home!
Though dead tired, I felt, I needed to go right back to the pool and I did.
Usually I have my bathingsuit with me, but this time there was no space in my backpack.
Back from the pool,I have put part of my things in order and warmed up some food, and now I must lie down and sleep.
I am grate-full-full, that "I did it", these 6 days , which were – despite many joyful moments – almost too much for me.
On Friday morning I'll already travel north,
and I'm a bit scared of the effort of traveling, which on Fridays is exhausting even more than usually.
But now I'll savor the hours of being alone, all-one, in my sanctuary. Toda, toda, toda! Thanks!

[I tried to remember a Toda-Song, but when no one came to my mind rightaway,
[see in SongGame 2007- index of themes of all songs> "Grate-full-ness"]
a simply added a stanza "ani modah be-khol me'odi"
to one of those of my songs, 'which say it all':

Arad, Thursday, February 3, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self
[see excerpts of both columns in Nourishment>July 19, 2011]

1:00 PM
I cried tears of joy, when watching this short video
about "a new spirit in Egypt"

It is so quiet in my sanctuary – even my landlord-family has gone away for 3 days to Eilat (little Lior will performe there with her belly-dance-group). We had such pretty little interactions, for instance: Amit came in at 6 PM, with some food, "can I stay with you a little while?" What a radiating starchild he is, Amit, who was still in his mother's womb, when I came to live in the one-room-flat beneath the family. Since his sixth birthday will be on Febr. 14, I already told him, what kind of gift I have in mind for him: renewing the paint of some furniture, especially my little wooden bench (retrieved from a garbage place at Metzoqe Dragot in 1998), which Amit's mother likes as much as I do, and which, therefore, I lend her during the dry season so she can place it in front of her door). Like his father litte Amit is already a skilled artisan, and we rightaway checked what paint I still have , and since we couldn't open the tin-box, we forcefully drew a hole into it and poured the content into a glass vessel. Then came Ofir, his father, to take the rent for this month and I asked him for technical advice concerning the painting-project. Also Lior had come to my door, with another little dish of food, and we exchanged info about my two birthday gifts for her on Jan. 29. (s. above on Jan.27) My grate-full-ness for these landlords is again overflowing.

It is also quiet cold , 15 degrees in my room, so that I moved my little electric stove to a closer socket (thanks to Ofir I have plenty of sockets in my one room!) .

I already walked to the pool in the morning, so that for the rest of this one day at Arad, I can focus on finetuning to my present in the presence of YOU, My Cosmic Self.
Since the planned "interactive" time of the last 6 days was not, what I would voluntarily stage in my life, I know, that YOU had your intentions with this period, in which too intense and not enough intense experiences and feelings swept me along. I never was out of touch with YOU. Even the two times, that I – strangely enough – let "Small Ego" govern my attitude and behavior for a few minutes, YOU let me "replay" on the spot - though by then I hadn't yet received the great advice of "Replay". And YOU even gave me the chance to share what I had "done" with the young woman, who attracted me into her drama for a few hours.

I'll begin my finetuning with this experience with Aya, though it may not have been the most important in these 6 days:
[ I preceded this work with some sleep, and am still dead-tired . And since I asked YOU to lead this finetuning and not let me fall victim to my judgement pattern: "I should be consistent and proceed orderly", I'll lie down again, until Your voice will be so strong, that I return to this work with zest-full-ness!]

13:45 It's not sleep that Body wants as much as it wants to move and twist in all directions. And then the reply to MS phrased itself (Febr. 10, 2011: since we are only just beginning to build trust with each other, I'm not exposing our correspondence for the time being: MS is a man, age 30, German-born, living in Texas, who has been reading Healing-K.i.s.s. for over a year and now feels, that he could become the kind of "Peer" [see now, Febr. 17, the 4th love song], for whom I longed,when I set up my website in 2001
Godchannel, simplified and personalized
for myself and for my potential peers
who want to heal into wholeness



And now YOU guided me to the two wondrous songs, sung on Itamar's Bar-Mitzva:
The first one : BROSH, "CYPRESS",
performed by Jonathan (guitar) and Yael (clarinet and singing)
I'll learn and sing it by heart and insert it in SongGame,

This was the song, which Jonathan, Rotem and Yael rehearsed rightaway, when we arrived at the place near Kibbutz Netzer Sereni, where the Bar-Mitzva would take place, [a very interesting, intriguing historic place , that has different names...] long before the guests would arrive. Even while listening to the song the first time, I was completely taken by it. Jonathan had arranged it for himself (guitar), for Rotem (singing) and for Yael (alternating between singing and playing the clarinet). Yael hardly opened her mouth, but when I began to encourage her, her sister said: "she is alright, she doesn't need help!" I felt shamed. Still, when – much later – it came to the real performance, and Yael, by chance, sat next to me, I gestured to her, when she stood up to go to the front, how she should open her mouth and face with full self-confidence. And this she did: it was a pity, that Rotem didn't join in singing, since she had to hold the mic for Yael – a pity less because of the sound, more because of the symbol of a trio – but since Rotem had her own show, I could take it. In any case, it was fantastic, And now I found the lyrics, I found 4 performances with Eviatar Banai (since I was told, that they liked his style best), chose the clearest one and recorded it on my digital recorder, so I can learn it, while walking to the pool. Such wondrous lyrics, such woundrous music, only the sound of the trio was not recorded to my regret.
Then I lay down again, palming my eyes and letting Body do its work of integration of all I feel and think and sense.

I also looked for the other song, which gave meaning to the entire celebration: two women of the "Learning Community" had ornamented the staircases and the halls with flowers and huge barks of trees, on which was written the chorus of this song: Angel birds above you accompany your steps,
It was sung by Sarit, a member of the "Learning Community", to which Itamar and his family belong, and with whom I had close contact, when - in 2002 - I taught them Bible&Life.
The lyrics are deep, but the tune I don't like enough to learn it.

Of course, I could tell YOU much about the beautiful celebration and the not less beautiful party afterwards, with dancing of the kids (28 of Itamar's mates) and some of the grownups, including me. But this is not a diary. And real "finetuning" is only needed for two events with my daughter:
One: she said to me - even twice at different times: "I'm so happy that you bought this dress! It is extremely pretty (see Learn&Live 15>Jan. 17, 2011), everyone talks about it. Tomer said: "Savta seems to have a real breakthrough!"
And though I suffered immensely in those shoes, and accepted my daughter's boots, which she had brought with her in case she herself wouldn't be able to dance in her high heels, I was grateful to YOU, that you had pushed me towards buying what I had never bought in the last 15 years: a dress and elegant shoes.

The other issue, which needs finetuning,
is actually a massive, compelling theme:
I and my children". See my song for Immanuel:

Isaiah 8:16-18
My daughter was elated throughout the celebration
and when I drove home with her and three of her children, and the next day, when we had a short conversation in the kitchen and again when she drove me to a junction, from where I could hitchhike. "Many people were congratulating me regarding my kids!"
And, indeed, that are plenty of reasons
to be happy about these grandkids.
But for me it is more.
For me, the German-Christian born,
daughter of a Nazi soldier
killed by American soldiers in Sicily, in August 1943,
while millions of Jews were slaughtered and tortured
in Eastern Europe......

Still at Arad, on February 3, 2011

16:00 I thought of a sign which points towards the integration of male mind and female feeling: In the BigBrother Show, there is constant fighting among some women. Yesterday three of them were seen in the "Confession Room", each one separately, but the editor was alternating between showing them: each one crying , each one judging herself harshly for having anger let spill out so many hateful words. One of them, Frieda, even said: "I hate myself when I am like that!"
When seeing a person from the inside, every judgment falls away. And only compassion stays. There was also some outside reconciliation between the two women, who so far were the worst enemies: Frieda and Dana. The problem is, that nobody helps these women to move their feelings without damaging themselves and others. And who teaches them, that not the person who triggers them, is to be blamed, but that they themselves are attracting triggers to point out holes in their wholeness, which now want to heal?This is still perturbing me: that people lack the most basic information. Why was I given it and they were not? And why can I not pass the info on accept on an obscure website? And only rarely face to face?

Which brings me back to Aya, and the cohabitants of Lior and Tzippi in a rented flat in Jerusalem, – Hanaani and Shaqed. All Four are visited often by neighbors and friends like Aya and Achinoam.
It was on my second evening, when I – in my constant dilemma - "should I make myself available and risk to trigger them, or should I be content with what I had achieved already concerning Lior and Tzippi and simply stay in Lior's room – chose the former. I heard Lior and Aya, Tzippi's friend, and Achinoam, Aya's friend, in the room of Tzippi. Tzippi had gone out to the very special "Soup-Restaurant", where she works and where we had been the night before. Just before Tzippi had finished her first treatment (a holistic body-mind-soul method) of a friend in her room, "first" meaning, that she now feels confident that she can minimize her job as a waitress and build up her personal work as a therapist. Before that friend was due, and before I went out to travel to the graveyard of my mother, Tzippi came and showed me two pretty cloths, which she wanted to hang up so as to separate her bed etc. from a space for treatment, a mattress on the carpet. When she demonstrated, what she had in mind, I – a born "architect of the interior" – showed her, how she could improve her idea a lot. She was grate-full and was happy, that I had a part in her new way, not only by supporting her determination and courage, but also by helping her set up the exterior stage. After more than 3 hours of treatment ("Tzippi be careful with setting boundaries!") she left, preparing the mattrass for Aya and Achinoam to sleep on, since she would return only after midnight.

As I said, I heard the three young girls talking , went over to them and asked, if I could join them. Lior said, "yes, though" looking into the direction of Aya. Only the next day I heard, that Aya had confided in her, that she was afraid of me. But in that moment, she didn't want to object to my quest and so I found myself a place among them. Soon I observed myself getting into a real dispute [in this case about the Dead Sea Sect and their purpose- see in my book] – something which already at the time of my marriage was so far away from me, that my husband once screamed: "you are always evading dispute, one simply cannot talk with you." (Of course, if I had argued back, it would have been a disaster, but my "Partnership-Way" demanded from me to always look for the common interest, mutual trust and equality of self-respect, and this does not go hand in hand with disputes and arguments. I'll tell soon, how I got out of that. Still, after some time, all three girls dispersed and I went back to Lior's room. I felt, that I was not really wanted after all, and I had no problem of ego with that, only the dilemma, what YOU wanted from me!

Later that evening, when lying on Lior's bed, while she sat at her desk with her laptop, and studying old clippings of RUOW, which I had brought with me, I suddenly had an idea concerning the "free time", which would await me the next day, before I would have to meet my family at Modi'in in order to drive with them to the place of the celebration. Wasn't it "logical", that I should meet with my brother-peer, Ya'aqov , at Modi'in? For some time I listened to YOU carefully – after all there was no crucial reason for interrupting the "freezing of our relationship" on Nov. 4, 2010 for the sake of maturing and ripening "something". But YOU encouraged me and so I took my mobile phone and went to Tzippi's empty room in order to sculpt an SMS with utmost caution.
It so happened, that Aya came in to use Tzippi's separate bathroom, and when she came out again, she said to me: "Why don't you join us in the livingroom?" I was surprised, I was glad, I was doubtful, but I joined them : Hanaani, Aya and Achinoam.

When there was an opportunity, I asked Hanaani: "What did your parents have in mind, when they gave you this strange name: either "(God") had compassion on me", or as the diminuation of the name "Hanaan"? "It's the first", he said and added slowly: "I have great difficulty with my name." Then he quoted a short verse from the Bible, but didn't know the source. What followed was so absurd, that I have to confess it. The verse included the word "yesh", which means "there is" (like: "yesh li shem: there is – to –me – a name", which is the way of Semitic languages to say: "I have a name").
I said: "Since 'yesh' is used only in the late biblical books, the quote must be from Ecclisiastes (Qohelet) or Proverbs."

In that moment Lior – who didn't really feel like studying in her room – joined us and I asked her to bring her laptop and find the Hanaani-verse in the Bible. And lo – what a double amazing fact: the verse appears in the very first book of the Bible, in Genesis 33:11, and is put in the mouth of Ya'aqov, when he urges Esau to take the gifts, he, Ya'aqov, needed to give him, so as to be sure, that Esau had no longer any resentment against his cheaty brother and would not be his enemy, when Ya'aqov would come back to their common homeland. [see my 3 pages sequence of "Jacob wrestling with himself"]

"I know this story by heart!"
I said, "or so I believed!
The story of Ya'aqov and Esau is one of the two crown-jewels in the fantastic treasure-house of "my" Bible
(the other is: Cain and Abel).
When I was teaching grownups for many years, in Israel and even for a semester in Berlin, it took me four double lessons to teach this story, and now you, Hanaani, proved to me , that I skipped this immensely important verse:

"Abraham", from a workshop in Boston 2002

The reason you want every single thing that you want,
is because you think
you will feel really good when you get there.
But, if you don't feel really good on your way to there, you can't get there.
You have to be satisfied with what-is
while you're reaching for more.

Maureen Moss, World Puja Newsletter

Beloveds, there are barely words to describe the times that are ahead of us in 2011. No one will be able to use his or her logic to make sense of anything we are about to experience. There will be no time to think as the months ahead take us to the very edges of our being, and the razor sharp edges of duality.

No one will be able to plan his or her life ahead of the absolute moment they are in... believe it. Not one of us will be able to change one iota of our life by changing anything in the world external, though we might think we have. Those were the days my friends, before, not now.

We stand vulnerable now, like volcanoes, waiting for circumstances to antagonize an eruption, to blow out everything that stands between us and God.

Being armed with self-love, and the ways in which to activate it in a nanosecond is essential, if we are to withstand the many eruptions that lie ahead. And, if we are to succeed in our ultimate goal of ascension [into a higher frequency], whose very underpinnings is self-love.

Asking for a replay is a powerful way to activate self-love, and one you will find useful in the months ahead.

On our heels, days are coming of grace (big one on February 11, 2011) followed by six eclipses and planets changing signs quicker than the speed of light, along with minds and emotional bodies.

You may well redefine the meaning of going out of your mind as you find yourself going from feeling oh so connected, (to several dimensions and God and everyone else on this planet at once,) to where in God's name, is God? (Attempting to make a complete and grand entrance into your, and everyone else's Divine Footprint on this earth plane, is where.)

So when is it going to stop? When we are in a resurrected state of consciousness, having fallen deeply in love with ourselves and each other.

Utilizing replay is going to help you get there.

Each time you find yourself in a moment where you are struggling to love yourself or another, then give yourself a replay.

Whenever you notice you have been harsh, critical and unloving toward yourself (or any other, since it is one and the same) literally say to yourself,
"I am giving myself a replay.
I am going to re-create this scenario, right now.
I am going to consciously act on behalf of myself
in a loving way, right now.
Through replay,
I am going to speak and act toward myself or another utilizing my highest consciousness,
my I AM consciousness, right now.
No excuses. No delays.

I am going to bring every part of myself
that has ever been in creation
into one Unified field of love, right now,
in spite of what I have said, thought or done,
even one minute ago.
I will not justify myself, nor blame any other,
any energy, any planet, any solar flare or internal flare
to move me out of love.
I will have a replay, right now."

To help you: whenever an unloving act occurred that involved another, sincerely ask that person to please give you the opportunity to replay something you may have said in haste or in anger, resentment or in fear. Be vulnerable. Be authentic. Be willing. It's all part of self-love.

Two things happen when another is involved and you ask for a replay. First, you intentionally place yourself in a higher frequency field, as you have changed energy, and second, without forcing anything, you create an expanded awareness of a re-creative action for another to feel into and implement for themselves. Can you imagine what that consciousness and love could do to shift the planet?

Before you hit replay, start by taking three slow and steady breaths in and out. ...

Without judgment, or justification just notice what was created from you (by words, thoughts or actions) outside of the space of love. And then consciously re-create it as an action of great love, be it for yourself, or another. Behave as the God that you are.

As you take this action, you are setting up a new template of Divine behavior inside of yourself, raising your frequencies above the planetary adjustments and getting closer to zero point and resurrection. After all, isn't that why you reincarnated over and over again, for a replay?

Alrighty then, here's where you choose the opportunity to replay in every moment so you don't have to keep coming and going so often.


Archangel Michael through Celia Fenn


Now, since many will be feeling "symptoms" of the energy shifts, we will share with you our perception and understanding of these processes within your Being and your Bodies. At this time, the Galaxy is coming into what we will call "Harmonic Alignment". This means that all the various Levels and Dimensions of Light are moving into a Harmonic Alignment of Light and Sound that reflects the internal coherence of Divine Light. This creates the most beautiful Celestial Tones and Overtones throughout the Galaxy as the Galaxy aligns with her Twin Flame Galaxy, Andromeda, and then aligns with the Cosmic Heart of All Creation and Light.

Yes, Beloveds, a Grand Process of Light, Love and Infinity, but the same process is now taking place in your own bodies and the various dimensions and levels. Your Physical Body and its DNA is aligning with the Earth Codes and all the levels of Physical Creation, while your Soul is aligning with Spirit and all the levels of Cosmic Creation. These two processes meet in the Heart, from where you feel and hold the Ancient Wisdom and the Infinite Love that moves you through your evolutionary processes.

At this time, you are simply aligning all the levels of your DNA, to the point where you have activated all thirteen "strands" or levels of DNA available at this time. The thirteenth strand or level of your DNA Light Codes connects you to your Cosmic Heart or Origin, deep within the Cosmic Night of Creation's Memory. As you make this ultimate connection of light, you access all the Wisdom and Love of the Infinite Cosmic Creation. So, it is little wonder that you may feel shifts and reverberations of these processes within your physical being.

Now, you may say that you do not, at this point, have access to these levels. You may feel that you do not know any more than you did yesterday, or last year. But, we say, Beloveds, that you will not access this information with your mental body and your finite minds. The mental body alone is not able to hold this information, it has what you might call a "limited capacity" for information storage, as it is confined to events within linear time. This is, of course, the purpose of the mental body, it was designed to facilitate experience within third-dimensional linear time, it was never intended to be the defining element of your existence.

... The Diamond Light is like the "DNA" of the Cosmic Creator, it holds the Infinite Love and Wisdom and Light of All that comes from the 13th Dimension and carries the Tones and Overtones of Cosmic Love.

In this process of Harmonic Alignment, Beloved Ones, every level of your Being is in the process of aligning with the Tones and Overtones of the Cosmic Heart pulses. You are becoming Awakened and Conscious expressions of Divine Love. ...

The Divine Feminine Energies
and the Embrace of the Cosmic Mother

Beloved Family of Light, as you have moved towards this process of Cosmic Harmonic Alignment, you have been assisted by the supportive Love and Nurturing of the Great Mother, the Divine Feminine, through the waves of the incoming Shekinah Light. ... Now, as you move into Cosmic Harmonic Alignment, you begin to experience the Embrace and the Love of the Great Cosmic Mother who was known to the Ancients as Ma'at.
Ma'at is the One who holds the Cosmic Balance of All That Is. Her name is pronounced "Mayat" or "Maia", and her "children" are the Mayans, those who are the Galactic Keepers of the Wisdom of Time and Balance. ...

The Symbol for this Great Being of Light is a Feather!

This indicates that she is the "Lightness" of Being
and that she Floats and Flows
with the Cosmic Winds of Creation. ..
To enter into her embrace
is to enter into the Heart of All That Is,
and to experience the Lightness of Being
and the Flow of Cosmic Time
within the "boat of millions of years"
as the Ancients called Planet Earth. ...
[see my 1989 song, "light Iam and I am light",
but so far it's been only theory....]

When Ma'at enters your life she assists you to hold the balance in your Heart and in your Being. She is Balance, and she assists you to manifest that balance in your life. She assists you to maintain that Lightness of Being and to Flow with the Winds of Creation and the Cosmic Waves of Light from the Great Cosmic Heart that initiate Creation and Evolution in the Light. Beloved Ones, it is possible to ride these Cosmic Waves of Light with the Elegance and Grace of a Feather in the Wind, if you just allow yourself to be supported and all times by Divine Love and Grace.

The Incoming Waves of Light
and Expressing the Fifth Dimensional New Earth

... As we have said before, the key moment in this Spiral of Creation will be on the 11th of November when the Earth makes her alignment for the 2012 Event. But, the waves of Light that will assist this process will begin to be felt in the month of March that approaches. ... along with this there will be an acceleration of the disintegration of the old energy grids. This will manifest as renewed pressure on the Economic System, for it is this system more than any other that holds people in the old limitations of fear.

.... Remember always that your power lies in your infinite being and your ability ... to manifest that which you need. You are powerful and loved, and you are Love.

So, by the Equinox of March, you will be feeling the intensity of this Wave. And, you will float like a Feather on the Waves of Cosmic Light into a New Creation. New ideas will come to you, new connections, new projects and new communities. For, these Cosmic Waves are the Energies of a New Creation and a New Earth. So, we urge you, do not focus on that which is falling away, but focus rather on that which is rising and coming into Manifestation - a New Earth and an Age of Light!

Why was I so wrong about the appearance of the word "yesh" in the Bible?
A word which I "once" deemed so immensely important?
Why had I never paid attention
to Esau's
"I have much" and to Ya'aqov's "and I have everything"?
And why did this verse come to my mind after I sent that SMS to Ya'acov?

It also turned out – when Lior had opened the concordance to the Hebrew Bible on her laptop -
that "Hanaani" is a name, not even a rare name, yes the name of a man who appears 3 times,
first as "Hanaani, the seer", Chronicle II, 16; 7
then as "Hanaani, the visionary", Chronicle II, 19:2
and then simply as "Hanaani", Chronicle II, 20: 34

While I still tried to digest what I had learnt, Achinoam, who so far - also when we still were in Tzippi's room - had been focusing on knitting a woolen cap for Aya, said:
"Names are important for you, right?" and then talked about her own name, Achinoam, which has a pretty sound, but no meaningful association (she was one of the wifes of King Saul and later one of the wifes of King David...)

After a while of dedicating time to this name, Lior asked: "What about the name Aya?"
That was, when I let "small ego" carry me away. Since I had taken the position of an interpretator of names, I immediately rushed on to say, that Aya in the Bible didn't have a positive meaning.
"How do I know? By chance some time ago a woman , who lives in Germany, loves Israel and has chosen to rename herself as "Aya", found "Aya" on my website and wrote an e-mail to me. So together we checked what she already had found out herself, until she wrote: "but aya in Arabic is nice…" "
The Aya which sat in our circle, opened her mouth and said softly: "Aya in Arabic means "sign" or "omen". And I like the bird "aya" ("though it is a predatory bird?" Someone asked ).
I felt ashamed rightaway, and from that moment on dedicated my attention wholly to Aya, a very beautiful young woman, half Yemenite and extremely charming and conscious.

Hanaani, by the way, had long since left the circle, and I knew, that I had become too much for him.

The next day, when I had the chance to see thim sitting in the open door – despite the rain – which I wanted to pass, I said:
"I would like to see the drawing you made of me , when we talked about your name." "Oh it's not your face at all, which I drew. And in fact, now I'm sorry that I fisfasti (missed out on) drawing your face, since it's very spectial". I said humorously: "Since you missed out on me altogether, it doesn't matter! There will be another time of meeting each other!" He seemed to agree to my statement, but after a while, when I was talking to someone else he said: "I didn't miss out on you totally!" "That's right! In the beginning you did not!"

I was glad, that YOU gave us this little chance to be honest about what we felt towards each other. And this lead towards a more important chance for a "REPLAY"!

During the night, which I spent alone in Lior's room, I felt very judgmental towards myself concerning the two "ego-jumps" towards Aya. How come? This was not me at all. Already 27 years ago Mona said:
"I've never seen a person with so little Ego like you." But even if Aya has staged me as "a trigger for a hole in her wholeness that now wants to heal", I still must take responsibility for having been staged like that. So I asked YOU to give me a chance to what I would now call "to replay those two scenes".

At first it seemed, that YOU had not listened to my quest, for when I first saw Achinoam, around 9

o'clock in the morning and asked her: "Where is Aya?" she said: "She had to leave already!"
But then YOU did give me the chance. It was after several significant talks with Lior – and our pretty experience of going out into the central streets of Jerusalem, passing by the "Talitha Kumi" doorway
(she didn't know the story about Jesus' resurrection of this "girl"
['talitha' in Aramic], nor about the former orphanage (since 1860) and – in the "Mashbir" of King George St – buying a Boiling-Water Can , which I wanted to give that community of students as a gift (they seemed to waste much time on heating water on a gas-flame time and again). Just when Lior parted from me to go to her studies in the Sam Spiegel school for cinema, Tzippi got up from bed , and just then – Aya came back to the house of the Four. .

After a last and short dialog with Tzippi – who agreed wholly with what I pointed out: "you also escaped a bit from me, didn't you?" "Yes, I know, I know, I'm in some kind of regression, I'm not in touch with my feelings as I used to be. That's why you had to come here to remind me", Aya joined us , and I immediately used the chance for "REPLAY".

"Aya, I feel ashamed about two scenes yesterday: when we were sitting in Tzippi's room and entered a discussion about the Essenes, that Dead Sea Sect, and their purpose, I suddenly realized that I was opposing your knowledge with mine. And only when I saw, how you stood up to me – and that's something I like very much – I could let go and ask you instead about what you, Aya, could teach me, concerning the Essenes, and concerning the 6 day lonely walk on the "Shvil Isael", which you have undertaken. Except that you said at one point, that what happened to you during that lonely walk was difficult and you didn't want to talk about it. So I understood, that you did not trust us and could not take advantage of the opportunity to be really listened to by me and by Lior. And that I had to withdraw from you.

" But then you yourself invited me to join you and then I made an even bigger mistake: When Lior asked ( why hadn't I asked myself, by the way?), what about the name "Aya", - instead of turning to you and listening to you, I spit out my experience with that German Aya and all the research that I had done about that name."

said Aya, "it hurt me, that you said negative things about the name "Aya".

This was the moment to ask for her forgiveness. "I'm very sorry, Aya, and even though I then turned to you and agreed with you about the pretty Arabic meaning of the name, I know, that I had been insensitive towards you."

It was time for me to go (since I had fixed an hour with Ya'acov at Modi'in, not knowing that he would be quite late, and since the battery of my mobile phone was empty, could not inform me – but the – a bit sad - story with Ya'acov must not be told here and now…) and both Tzippi and reconciled Aya wanted to accompany me to the busstation. At some moment, when we were alone, Tzippi said: "This was a very good process – that you could share with her, where you erred!"

Yes, indeed! Even though it's "classical", that someone attracts from me, what s/he is afraid of – I am an aspect of her, since we are one, and she has attracted me not only as a trigger, but also as the one, who helps her heal the hole that was triggered!

The article "REPLAY" talks about unlovingness! I cannot detect unlovingness in my thinking, feeling or behaving towards other people. I only see myself as "the No. 1 –Trigger of the World', as my friend Tamir once said, and I'm doing everything not to come into the way of someone who might be triggered by me. But this fear, too, attracts what it fears of. And when this happens, then I must put my request to YOU: please, always give me the opportunity for "REPLAY", the more so as I know, that such "REPLAY" on my part not only puts to peace a situation of tension, but is the way, another person can understand what I know and what she yearns to know too, much better than by my theoretical teaching.

Still on February 3, 18:17
Again – I lay down, palmed my eyes and let Body breathe and yawn and moan and twist and turn, wriggle and worm. It's finally pleasantly warm in my quiet room, quiet, as if there was nobody else in the world but me.

And again I let YOU lead me to what I should finetune to.
The first thing I want to once again and totally become aware of, is the "lekhi-lakh", which I asked my two starchildren to decide on, "lekhi-lakh" from Christa-Rachel.

I hinted at this step already during the phone-talks which preceded my extra-ordinary visit in the "Community" of the four students. Lior Oren was only eleven, when she attracted me into her drama, while I was living at the Eingedi Fieldschool, of which her father was the director and who had agreed to give me refuge. And though there were years of separation, she always came back to learn and grow through me, but also with me, for there were times, like when I left the Walk about Love 2009, that she was the one who supported me for hours and hours, not the other way round. Tzippi was not yet 16, when she "found me", a day after I began my period on "Rakhaf". "You were preparing the ground for putting up your triangle tent, with your partners Tamir and Hagai Lev, and I heard you singing: "Two are better than one". [see the song] And then you asked me, if I already knew my vocation , and when I said: no, you said: that's alright, my famous father-in-law, Franz Rosenzweig once said, that "great men" find their vocation not before the age of 27." We laughed, when she re-told this story now and I said: "At this accelerated time it will not take you until the age of 27, and moreover, both you and Lior already know somehow, what your vocation is."

It was at least 2 years ago, when I first tried to mediate between Tzippi and Lior, believing, as I believe today, that they would make a wonderful team for healing themselves and Creation. But they did not see each other. A month ago the staging from their Cosmic Selves led them to live together in the same flat, in the same community. And still my desire was not fulfilled. Lior felt inferior to Tzippi, and "you, Tzippi, simply don't see her!" But now it will be different – please help! – they both understood, that living in that "house", that community of Four – with the other two, Hanaani and Shaqed, who probably are also starchildren - will help them to melt away the fences between them and to begin to support each other and through this also teach her companions and the friends of all of them, to learn to mutually support each other. "You do not need Christa-Rachel any longer! You now have each other and must turn to each other!" I emphasized ever so often.

YOU even gave me a chance to talk to the fourth companion, Shaqed, whom I had intuited rightaway as a fitting piece in the puzzle of the Four, but with whom no exchange had taken place during those 48 hours of my presence in "the house". I don't recall, with what words YOU inspired me to make her feel and understand that it was not by chance, that she was living in this "house", and that it was the time , that she would be honest with everyone about the pain and anger she was often feeling (since only she and Lior take responsibility for the household, for shopping, cleaning etc.) and that Lior would help her doing that in a fruitful, not in a destructive way. I also said about her name: "You know, I'm living in a neighborhood that is called Shaqed, almond! There is a biblical prophecy about shaqed!" "Really? What does it mean?" "I don't remember now, but it must have something to do with the fact, that the almond tree is the first to blossom , even when it's still winter."

Now, when I looked up the prophecy it wasn't a "good" one at all, but a warning, actually the very first prophecy - Jer. 1:11-12 - given to Jeremia, after the assignment as prophet was forced on him. My student sermon at Heidelberg University in 1962 was about what was called "Jeremia's initiation" ("it's the best sermon, but since you don't mention Jesus, you are not allowed to hold it in the church but only in the classroom with your co-students!…). I don't remember, if the verses about the almond were still included in the text I was given to interpret.

Still on Febr. 3, 2011, 18:51 Now is the time to talk about another REPLAY. In this case it was me who had to give as much opportunity as possible for the REPLAY of others with concern to me.

Since we are all one and anyone's unloving behavior towards me is my concern just as it is the concern of the one, who is triggered and therefore behaving unlovingly, I ask YOU now, to help me to be extremely exact in my finetuning.

Perhaps I'll first tell a scene, which seems to be a REPLAY on my part, but actually belongs to what I'm calling "giving others a chance to replay their behavior towards me".

It had to do with Jonathan, the firstborn of my daughter, ……..for the day of his recrution on Nov 29, 2009 -(See about my process with this recrution) I had written him a paper letter, in which I had invested many, many hours, and to which I had attached a check of 300 NIS. Efrat saw the envelope and asked: "Are you sure, this is his address! Better ask his mother!" So I asked his mother and she gave me another address. Yet – the letter and check never arrived! Nor did a short SMS exchange show me, that he was interested in either letter or check. I let go of both.

Now I met Jonathan again, for the first time after at least 15 months. His father had brought him by car from a military basis , far away in the western Negev. "You would like it there", was his only sentence to me, referring to my love for the Desert, but also hinting at his utter dislike for that place. When I mentioned towards my daughter: "There is such pain in his eyes", she affirmed, that the place and his work there as a medical were desolate, and that he also had separated from his girl-friend. "At this age a boy needs love, love in his life, there's nothing to be done about!" his mother said.

My attempts to interact with my grandson during the Bar-Mitzva, were of poor success. And when we all sat together in my daughter's home after midnight to attend Itamar's unwrapping of the gifts and blessings and checks he had received, I noticed, that it was difficult for Jonathan to see, "that every year the Bar-Mitzva celebrations become more pompous and the gifts ever bigger". I made the mistake to say: "Did you see the satiric program: "a lovely country", where last week they had a clip about the Bar-Mitzva inflation?" Only my daughter responded – dryly – "we were angry at the show [because some racism in it] and did not continue to see it". I was grateful that she didn't fall into the trap of being triggered this time, as she had some 10 minutes earlier, when I was explained what an "I-pod for touch" was (the gift from the family branch of Itamar's father). "There are 32 Giga-bytes for songs, movies, television, Internet, dictionaries etc. etc.!" I uttered a sound of amazement: "tsss!" and my daughter got so triggered (exactly the same way as my late sister in earlier decades...) and screamed: "what do you mean by 'tsss'!" "that they develop things like that!" I explained and that is what I meant. What she had feared was, that I meant, "what a waste of money on a gift for a 13 year old". She relaxed and from then on was even more careful with not letting herself get triggered by her mother, and I, of course, did the same – as I had done during all the hours of being in each others' presence – to be a cautious as possible with uttering any comment at all, but on the other hand also to prove, that I didn't feel an outcast, but as a member of the family. Both, my daughter and I, had to play like acrobats in a cirque. But that's what we had become aware of , when we had that short conversation, for the first time in her house, on December 12, that famous day of storm and rain…

For the first time after seven years I stayed overnight in this house. I went to sleep in Yael's room, and got up at seven, since she had told me, she needed to take things from her room before school. At eight Yael as well as Rotem were already out of the house, and seeing Jonathan asleep on the sofa (like a soldier without even a proper blanket), I sat at the kitchen table, hoping I would find the balanced solution for my going away – not too early, not too late, and with the right person. Rotem, who had another appointment with the army about her future two years in the army – after the "Year of Service" in social work (in Jerusalem, in a project that is called "ba-kehilah" = "in the community", which is work with children of poor neighborhoods) seemed to hint at the opportunity, that we could travel to Tel-Aviv together. But though I would have liked to be available for Rotem , too, I decided to give her mother a chance to be with me at least for a short while.

At 8: 30 Itamar came up from his room, and soon after also his father and elder brother were moving around. After some cautious questioning I understood, that Jonathan wanted his father to drive him not back to the base in the desert, but only to Lod trainstation.
This would have been the perfect chance for me to go back to Arad by train and bus. But they did not suggest anything, and so I decided again, that I should stay on , in order to be a little bit with Itamar, and then to give my daughter a chance.

But I also gave myself a chance, just before Jonathan left: "Jonathan, you know, that my letter to you, in which I had invested so much time, never arrived, and I feel certain, that it was not supposed to arrived, since it might have been "too heavy" on you. If in a few years you'll want to read it – I've saved on the computer, what could be saved of this creation. But now I at least want to give you the money, and with a little interest!" "No, leave it!" he said in a tired voice. But I urged him and he took the 380 NIS, I offered. I was at peace only when his mother later told me, that she knew that he would very much appreciate this "giving him attention". From which I understood, that she herself appreciated it. This – together with her appreciation of the dress I had bought , and the very fact, that I bought it for this occasion, - and the appreciation of the camera, which I bought for Itamar, was the first time that she not only praised me for something, but actually related to something I had done. Thank YOU!

Now Itamar told me about the "Lego"-spaceship , that his uncle, his father's brother, had brought him from Zurich (he explained, why it's so much cheaper to buy "Lego" abroad) , and finally opened the box and started to construct, though he actually had wanted to go to school. "My friends said, they would kill me, if I wouldn't come today". During this time – perhaps an hour and a half I felt again "lack of intensity", though there were a few tiny chances of valuable interaction with Itamar. Still, it wasn't easy. But then his mother got up, was around in the kitchen, cooking coffee for herself, and actually sat with me for a little while and then, when driving Itamar to school, also took me to a junction, which was convenient for me. She even would have taken me to Lod trainstation, if I had wished that. But I preferred to hitchhike, especially since finally the sky was blue again and all the rain-soaked fields and forests gleamed in strong colors.
All this time I was aware, that this was – thinking in human terms – the last opportunity of being with this family in Modi'in. There are no "events" ahead, no reasons to come in contact with each other. But I feel at peace and whole with this. We succeeded!!!!!


Shoham, Friday, February 4, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

Though I shiver with fright, that I may delude myself again,
I'm so happy about the appeal of MS
to work with me on Healing-into-Wholeness.
I'm also attentive to the timing:
after ten years of having set up my website with the purpose:
Godchannel, simplified and personalized
for myself and for my potential peers who want to heal into wholeness

there seems to be a person - out there in the world - who answers this desire,
and this occured only 2 days after I had to let go of my fantasy,
that the time for the physical bonding with my "brother-peer" will be ripe - soon, i.e. within the next 2 months.

I had to understand, that unless my brother-peer will have finally conquered the place and space in the world,
where he can contribute his talents, his creativity and his endless love for humans,
he will not be able to take care of what he wants for himself: loving co-creation with his closest peer.
In the end of our 60 minutes encounter I said - inspired by a colorful metaphor:
"It seems' that you are digging in the soil like a mole,
unaware that outside there is a blue sky,
outside the trees are blossoming and the birds singing and the clouds dancing."

What is comforting me, are two things:
The first: when he finally arrived in his wheelchair amidst the huge mall of Modi'in,
he said: "I know why we are to meet on this very day:
Because its the first time after months, that I feel 'zest and full-fill-ment'
(which had to do, as I asked him to tell me, with the project of one of his twins,
a dancer, who has to stage a most outstanding dance ).
The second information was, that the cooperation with my son and his dream,
was "happening", though still in a staggering pace,
not because of him, but because of my son and his too many activities,
seemingly forced on him from the outside.

So, after I let go of any fantasy concerning "right timing",
and in a way even of the fantasy itself
[see my own stanza to a song of the poetess Rachel],
despite all the heavenly signs which reinforce it time and again,
I feel free to simply let me guide to what my next step should be.
And perhaps this work with MS,
[to which I dedicated most of the time, on and off, since I arrived at 11:10 AM)
which actually I wanted to do with my brother-peer already 2 1/4 years ago,
and which was rejected by him in a way that cost us a disconnection of half a year,
is a step in a direction, which I cannot yet intuit, but for which I'm totally ready.

Now - after a strenuous travel of 3 hours - I'm again at Shoham,
this time only with my daughter-in-love and my granddaughter.
So far (2 hours) I can't see why I am needed, certainly not by Mika,
and I already triggered Efrat when I wanted to simply share honestly,
that I felt insecure as to what is expected from me.
She said: "Oh, you! even if there is no pressure, you are pressuring!
Nothing is expected, don't do, just be!"

So I finally closed the door to my room,
and in YOUR Presence I'm now deciding ,
that I'll really "stick to myself", until Efrat or Mika demand something else,
even if this sticking to myself should - at some time - trigger Efrat.
I'll really not do, but BE, radiating on them self-love, zest and fullfillment.

By the way, in that wondrous weekly TV series: "Yellow Peppers",
the Thai woman asks "Avshi", the uncle of the autistic child and wife of Yael:
"Is this a good love (with your wife)?" And when he gasps, she adds:
"A good love means,
that the one who loves you causes you to love yourself

I've known that for a long time, but to hear this right out loud on television,
belongs to "what is right in the World" and what I want to celebrate!
So again: I have to "do" nothing, but radiate on Efrat and Mika,
that they constantly love themselves and feel zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment!
That's what I'm here for.
And if I should also be needed as a "lightning-rod", then this is secondary
and not difficult for me to handle. Or is it???? (15:19)

I feel I should leave my door open, though I'm disturbed by Mika's TV.
(Imma had said, that she could watch TV only as long as she was eating.
She finished eating more than an hour ago... But it's not my job to teach a mother consistency!)
I'll insert ear-plugs, though their efficiency is so poor, as I had to experience again during my bus-ride of 100 minutes,
when all the time people around me were talking on their cell-phones - incessantly, as if the other side was rarely talking at all.
I talked with Efrat again about this predicament - noise -
with which I cope as badly as she with flies, which she attracts even on a cold winter-day like this one.



Arad, Sunday, February 6, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

17:00 PM
Now even this weekend and travel is "behind" me,
or better, has become part of the treasure of my life.
Immanuel came back from London
(where he with two staff member checked his Simulator-teaching program),
and though he had to sit among the passengers with crying kids and didn't get any sleep,
he brought Mika to kindergarden and me to Ben-Shemen junction , from where I hitchhike.
We had a good talk during the 10 minutes, esp. about "getting older and forgetting things".
And the hitchhiking with 4 drivers was as interesting and satisfying as mostly.
The last car was a taxi from Dimona junction to Arad for 20 NIS! I'm proud,
that I really did make use of the chance: I was cold and the taxi stopped and after he said: 20 NIS,
I actually jumped on it, remembering my 12th December lesson!
And the talk with the driver, - "Arad-nik" since 1973 – was also good.
Then I went through with buying some vital items – something I had postponed for quite some time:
a pruning-shear (from China) for overgrowing shrubs in "my" garden , slippers for the pool (also from China), so I wouldn't be attacked again by that woman for walking barefoot to the Jacuzzi,
[but if I need a trigger, I need a trigger, and any effort to avoid, what could bring it, is in vain:
2 days later she did attack me, only because I had placed the slippers under a chair 2 m from the jacuzzi and 2 m from the pool...]

Propolis medicine for little wounds (I've yet to tell the shoe-story of Jerusalem), of which I had run out since many months, and also milk and bread and persimmons, one of my favorites fruits, and not more expensive than apples. Finally I entered the pool, to swim, swing and sing and on my last stretch home, throug h the Wadi of Compassion, I practised the two Hebrew songs "if life is an unsolved riddle" [TV show for the Variety children}, and "I saw a cypress alone on the field" (Duett of Jonathan and Yael).

At home! In my castle! In my warm sanctuary! With no program or any obligations for the next 12 days, except the promised creations , one with little Lior, one with little Amit– my birthday gifts for them.

After such enormous effort ever since Dec. 12, meaning so much exterior interaction, and the determined parting from my grandmotherhood and from my obsessive photographing, expecially for "Mika's Heaven on Earth" , I am now truly free to follow through with my "one-tracked" thread of "Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self", hoping, that this Present will contain as little exterior action and interaction as possible.

And that's where I now turn to YOU, my Cosmic Self. As You know, there is one new event in my life:
MS, who turned to me for the purpose of "healing together into wholeness". He stood the tests of my letters, and I would really give this relationship of learning together a try. But the gap in equality is immense, not in "frequency", but in life experience. He was born only in 1980, i.e. he is 42 years younger than I am, and though I've practised equality with my starchildren who are 50 years young than me, I've just parted from them, since I feel myself to be "overwhelming", "overbearing", "much much too much", for them and also for MS. On the other hand I am aware of the coincidence with my renewed separation from my Brother-Peer and the appeal of MS to fulfil at least the beginning of my dream about Peers. What should I do? Is it no illusion this time? Should I really dedicate my time, my knowing, my love to a total stranger, who is so far away from me in time and space? Why he? Why now? Why should I again take upon myself the "walking humbly with your God" [see my tune to the biblical verse] with a specific individual, one out of 70 000 000 on this planet? Now that I've parted from every single actor in my life, except from my friend Yanina, and even with her I talk only once a week on the phone for an hour, and not every Shabbat, since she is so often at a workshop, - why should I just now engage in a new attempt to "heal together"? YOU know, I want to do this with my Brother-Peer, but he is not ready, so why do YOU bring me along another man, with whom a partnership relationship is out of the question from the start? I feel, I'm a bit angry, and definitely frustrated and though MS arouses respect , compassion and even a little love, I don't feel that I deserve this "doing with less"!

YOU smile and say:
"now You've exaggerated! Why are you so sure, that you are ready, you, you, for your brother-peer? Perhaps it's you who has to go through some other lessons to make you ready to not only "walk humbly" with him, but to not walk at all, since he cannot walk physically? Perhaps there is till too much natural , but overpowering power in you, which no mental decision can deal with, a power, which has to become humble by experience, not by willpower? Can it be, that MS was sent to you, so you may "practise" with him, what you never had a chance to learn, since in truth all your actors had to put a distance between you and them so as to not be overwhelmed? "

As you are pointing out my dire life-long predicament, I feel hopeless!

"That you feel hopeless is no reason for not grasping the opportunity which I have brought into your life! You must take it as the central lesson of your life now , and learn how to communicate in a "sculpting' way, just like you try to communicate to an anonymous audience on your website.
"people have to be shown small steps to turn their lives around". You did not succeed with this on the exterior level, the physical level, but when you hitchhike, you have no choice but showing people small steps. Now I'm giving you the opportunity to humbly walk , day by day, with a few lines in corresponding only with MS. Open up, bow your head, walk slowly on the earth with this aspect of "God" , born in Germany like you, but living in Texas, a man, not a woman, a young man, in ardent contact with "God". Bow your head, because it's you, who have to learn here more than he has to learn!"

I get YOU, thank YOU. I'll sleep over it and begin tomorrow to plan my lesson! Today, as usual on days of travel from Shoham to Arad, I'm so tired, that I have to choose an activity on Computer and Internet, which doesn't demand much thinking or feeling. I'm glad and grateful, that YOU gave me the strength to listen to you, write blindly and come out with a great insight!


Arad, Monday, February 7, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

12:28 I've sculpted my letter to MS. I've restudied the page about my "writing-Lava"
(K.i.s.s.-Log 2008_10_19) and I'm "free" to feel into a pain, which I find strange:

Yesterday evening I had 4 TV experiences – four! Not one! Not two! Not three! – which at first made me very happy, but now, that I explore the first experience on the Internet, I suddenly feel deflated and a miserable worm: The Or [=light]-Movement and all they have accomplished in 8 years, and I had not even heard about them ! Though their central idea of "settling" the Galilee and the Negev – including the provision of employment, education and culture – is not the same as my "Peace through a Vision about Desert Hosting Economy" – both initiatives have many things in common. So why do they succeed and get all the help from everywhere, and I didn't?

The same question pertains to the other 3 experiences. In a daily program in Channel 23,
"Ha-Mo'adon", the Club – there was an interview with a woman, Orly Bar-Kimah, who is very successful in empowering women [her book "Opening up to Change", her website: "Keys for Change in Life], and another interview – not at all related or adjacent to the first one, - with a man, Amnon Hirshfeld, who "trains people for life" and who is very successful in empowering people in general, by helping them to overcome their fears.
[All 3 interviews appeared in "Ha-Mo'adon", and the entire program was repeated 2 days later!]

Then, in Channel 2, the reality-program with Alon Gal : "mishpakhah Khoreget" -[see my enthusiasm about this man and this show concerning former seasons!] began its new season, and, of course, it was a spectacular example of the empowerment of a couple and their business.

As I said, yesterday I was simply joy-full and grate-full , that my desire is being manifested, though not through me, and though decades after I invested superhuman work in manifesting my desires myself. But at this moment, while being overwhelmed by the achievements of "Or" (which means "light"), I keep asking YOU, my Cosmic Self: Am I not kidding myself, when I rationalize my failures by saying: If I would have succeeded in that exterior endeavor, I would not be free to focus on my real assignment: to heal myself and Creation into wholeness?
I'm waiting, with closed eyes, for your answer, but YOU keep silent…

Go to the pool first and I'll answer you there…

Back from the pool. 14:30 – I heard YOU clearly:

It's good, that you had a chance to breathe and moan and vibrate a still existing hole, be it ever so tiny. And now to what those 4 experiences really do tell you. You are not kidding yourself concerning the connection between what your hole calls "failures" and your assignment. But you must expand your perspective a lot. Remember the sentence, which you read some 40 years ago and which was so helpful:

"Some people's failures are eternities beyond other people's successes."

" But you understood it from an ego point of view and you can leave this behind now.
From a non-linear perspective there evolved a "soil" which gave birth to your desires , and it was the energy which you gave to these desires and to manifesting them, that intensified the fertility of that soil, so that now other people can give birth . Your ego-self was a pioneer as in many other areas, but your ego-self does not need to see "success", as you know.

"Another aspect of the success of the four stories is: as in your own successes – and there were some after all – there is still much denial present and if you would check all the aspects of those successes , you would see even the damage those denials cause already. This is also the reason, why you did not even hear about the "Or" movement! Your pain would have been greater than your joy. The only thing you have to do now that you are a bit informed (and more info is not necessary for you) is, that you radiate on all these – truly wonderful – people your desire, that they may heal into wholeness and that their creations may be as whole as possible. The very fact, that you can see the "right" that can be celebrated, will intensify what you radiate! And if you still feel an ego-hole, then remember Lao Tse's passage about "The Great of Earth":

Thank YOU, my Cosmic Self! And there is no ego-hole anymore, there is only the gladness about other people's maturing into feeling the same desires as I felt long before them. And the fact, that young people invest their enthusiasm not in settlements in Palestinian country, but in the Negev and in Galilee, is reason enough for joy. Recently I read on my website, that – at the end of the eighties, I think – someone appealed to the government to let them build a settlement on what today is "Modi'in", and was told: "the government only encourages settling in the "Territories". – Now we have Modi'in, the town, and Shoham, the town, and the "Or" settlements inside Israel.

And "empowering people" has become a trend! When I , after I finished my Ph.D. and was ready to manifest my dream about Work and Man, met all kinds of people and authorities to learn from them, or to win them over as partners, there was hardly a person who even understood what I wanted. The paradigm which saw people as "needing employment for making a living" could not grasp, why "satisfaction in work" should be a criterion for "living"....

"The great of earth,
How softly do they live
The lesser ones it is are praised, revered;
Still lesser, feared;
But these,
One hardly knows that they are there,
So gently do they go about their task,
So quietly achieve;
When they have passed,
Their life's work is done,
The people look ans say:
It happened of itself..."

It's under the lamp next to my computer, where I keep this quote,
given to me by my friend Yanina on Nov. 11, 1982,
and on it the references to
"The Voice of a fine silence" ,
- see how often I quote this experience of Eiiyahu -
and to "
My Servant does not yell on the streets, but..."
see my song


Arad, Tuesday, February 8, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

8:07 AM
Yesterday should have been my first "free" day, free of any interactions.
Instead I dedicated some 2 hours to writing to MS and in the afternoon I worked with little Lior
for an hour and a half on the creation which I had proposed for her birthday – a new mandala of magnets on my entry door. And since Amit was crying "I also want to go to Rachel", I invited him to come for an hour after Lior had gone. And from 8 to 10 came not only Boris, as planned, but also Tzippi. All the 4 physical interactions were very good, though there were moments, when I wanted to be alone. I'm always ashamed of my ingratitude, always! But I can do nothing but accept it humbly.

Miracles are happening in the lives of both , Boris and Tzippi, miracles of the kind of the four experiences I integrated yesterday, i.e. miracles that show that the quantum leap of evolution is near. I would like to write about it, but I also want to give in to my desire, to not give in to another pressure of "I should write it down , so as to give it more energy". (Why for "God's sake" can't I find a better word for this outworn "energy"? Please give me a new and more exact word – today!!!) (by the way, it was only while translating some English sentences, that I realized and conveyed to Boris and Tzippi, that the advantage of the English language is the non-differentiation of male and female. For instance, if I translate a quote from YOU, my Cosmic Self, into Hebrew, I would have to decide if you are male or female, while I know very well, that you are both. And it now occurs to me, that this may be one metaphysical reason for the world dominance of English? Not German, not French, and definitely not one of the Semitic languages, which differentiate between genders even more! I wonder about the Chinese language, now that China wins world dominance ever more day by day?) [I read a tiny bit about the difference of pitch between the male and female voices in Japan, and one assumes, that like in Japan so in China the pitch of the female voice gets lower and lower – a sign of drawing-near between the genders?]

So now, that I have another day without any program at all, not even the program of writing an e-mail (since the few e-mails which 'demand' an answer can wait ) , I can dedicate myself wholly to growing from my "ego", the individual aspect of the One, into my "Cosmic Self" which encompasses (what a word!) not only all humans, but all times and all spaces and lives "compassion" (again: what a word! ) in every "present" and "present" and "present". "As my Cosmic Self I'm encompassing Creation with compassion." Or: "As Cosmic Self I encompass the Cosmos with compassion" (see "Babylon" about "Cosmos")

9:12 I felt like lying down a bit – and I really did it! Can I believe it! At this hour of the day. I enjoyed the well-feeling of my body, the well-feeling of my soul – nothing to do unless I want to do – nothing to worry unless I want to radiate compassion on someone. Is all this true and real? - I also enjoyed the wanderings of my mind and my memories and finally came up with a knowing – how I want to format my "Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self" on Healingkiss in "Live&Learn2005" on the one hand, and how I want to make the transition from "Mika's Heaven on Earth" to a simple "documentation of my encounters with Mika".
I'm going to manifest these ideas now and during the following days and I'll come back to YOU only if I need your advice. IN the meanwhile , please inspire me concerning these new creations. Let them grow into an expression of "My Cosmic Self encompasses the Cosmos with Compassion".


Arad, Wednesday, February 9, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

8:06 AM
Can YOU believe, that during this wake-up-wandering I "already" had tiny fits of fear that I would miss action and interaction, while at the same time giving thanks to YOU with my whole heart, that I, indeed, experienced a day without interaction (except for a small exchange with Albert, the neighbor, when he saw me picking lemons from my landlords' tree, as suggested by them), and that today is another day, and even another week with no interaction in sight?

"It would be unnatural and the sign of denial if you did not have this fine contrast in your feelings. Even when people are completely happy, there is a fine voice which expresses their fear, that it will not always be like that."

But didn't "Aluna" [see above , Jan. 25] promote the concept that in the Fifth Dimension we will not need duality in order to understand and grow, but that the difference of frequencies will do "the job"?

"Since YOU cannot yet imagine what this means, I suggest, that you savor, yes savor, duality in its tiniest quantities. In this case – that you not only enjoy your wholeness, but also explore – with a hilarious smile – when and where you reenact old patterns of feelings and use them to give them a little healing whenever they tell you meekly; "I'm still around! Don't ignore me! Don't override me!"

Is this also the case , when I enjoy being with Mika or with Boris and Lior or with my landlords' kids, but at the same time long to be alone and feel ashamed and ungrateful?

"No! That is an issue which needs a lot of healing still: during your life you've overridden your longing for being alone thousands if not ten thousands of times. Unless you continue to create this new space of just being (though flooded with memories of interactions) – with as rare new interaction as possible and inhale and exhale al-one-ness, the dissonance during even fruitful and satisfying interactions will plague you."

But there was an earlier time in my life: the dreary Sundays when I was a child and I actually prayed for someone to come (though there rarely was a chance that this would happen). And even when I was already a student among students: I remember, how I couldn't bear the one week of "only study", which I had "inflicted" upon myself, and in the evening took my bike and disturbed Elisabeth, a schoolmate, and a student like me. Or a later, almost humbling experience: I had "inflicted" upon myself one entire Sunday of not meeting people, but doing all kinds of pleasurable things in my room (which in that semester I shared with Barbara, but she wasn't there on that Sunday). But when evening came, I yearned for seeing "people" so much, that I went down to the dark street, to simply be among people, though I didn't know anyone and had no chance to talk to anyone. How come, that this experience was turned around into its opposite? And – to be honest with myself – even in my holy al-one-ness in this my sanctuary – I know, that I have to go out at least for an hour (but not more than that), seemingly only to move my body by walking, swimming, swinging and singing, breathing in the desert , sensing nature, seeing the far mountains, but now I think, that I also need to somehow "sense" people in the pool and on the street, though I do everything to not let them come near me. How can I be "whole" with such contradictions in myself?

"Do you have a judgment, that contradictions are "bad"? Then hurry up and release this judgment. Live and love these contradictions and laugh! Remember : "Laughter is the final stage of healing!"
[In order to find the source of this quote in the red RUOW-book as I discovered in pp51 Laughter is the final stage of healing]-
I opened a very moving "Communication with Deity" in Sept. 2002....]

Thank YOU.

Now I want to share with YOU the joyful moments, when I watched "ha-Yafah ve-ha-khoun" (based on "Beauty and the Geek", advertised as "The Ultimate Social Experiment") a reality-show with competition – not between individuals like in "Survival" (a show, which I cannot bear to watch because of the ugliness that shows up in this competition, though the setting – extreme circumstances in Nature - would suit me ) but between couples, i.e. two partners are responsible for each other in order to succeed with the assignments. Also the overall purpose of the competition shows that there is something to celebrate that is becoming right with the world: The couple that has grown into the biggest change, will win.

I'll tell only about two of my "moments with tears in my eyes": Nella had to empower her partner Or, so that he would succeed with the boys' assignment: to teach couples in the outside world, what they had learnt themselves about working on a fruitful relationship. Or had the judgment about himself, that he couldn't do it, and Nella was pressuring him too much. Quarrel, rift! Both went through a process which brought them even closer to their own relationship. While Nella had said before: "we are just too different." She now said: "How good, that we are so different!"

On the background of this closeness between a man and a woman, who in real life would never even have noticed at each other, the surprise of the day was perplexing:
after the usual process of "elimination" – two couples out of three would have to leave the house - the facilitator announced, that this time nobody would leave! Instead the partners of the 3 couples would be mixed, and that it was the winning couple, in this case also Or and Nella, who would have to choose a new partner for each of them. Every single person of the six was distressed to the utmost. I imagined what would happen in such a case in the real world , and I was actually surprised, that even though this was a game, that would soon be over, people who dispised each other in the beginning, loved each other so dearly, that even for the time of the game they didn't want to exchange partners! But they had to, and each new couple had to start all over again in their bedroom , how they would relate to each other.
I must not spell out, what this means – beyond excitement for the audience and the "rating": These people who went to the process of the game - of letting go of judging each other and themselves, are now being tested, if they have grown so much, that they can do the double process – of parting from what finally had become comfortable and cosy – and of letting go of judgments towards a foreign partner (though not foreign altogether, since they had to cope with each other also as a group). Isn't this a sign of "Heaven on Earth"?

"More than you now imagine! The sources which nourish you only talk about the process towards "embracing", not about the necessary process towards "refraining from embrace". How would a couple have children, if the united cell would not split? Why did Original Heart split in the first place, if "embrace" was "the end of things"?
But there won't be pain involved in this
"a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing" [a biblical verse quoted by me ever so often, and put in tune not only by me, see "Turn, turn"], if each partner will be a whole being with independent desires and dreams. They wake up embraced, they get out separately to do what they want to do in the world, they come home and share and again embrace."

But what then with co-creation, for which I yearn so much?

"Even co-creation means the work of a puzzle: sometimes you'll, let's say, cook together, but sometimes one will cook and the other waters the salad in the garden. Nor will Cocreation result in one painting, but in a composition of puzzle-pieces, which can dissolve again and create a new creation with less pieces or with additional pieces from other creations. There will not be pain, but there will be constant change! And unless people learn to part from embracing, they will not be able to embrace truly whenever they wish to embrace."

OH, how far are we from there – if I only consider the confession of three starchildren within one week: how hard they have to fight with jealousy, even if they already separated from a partner or do not truly wish for a romantic relationship with him/her!

Can YOU bear with me? I'm still not finished with finetuning to the experiences with "Beauty and the Geek". The assignment of the girls was to teach a group of children about the health of teeth. A professional dentist was present. The kids behaved horridly. "Terrorists", one of the girls called them, and rightly so. This brought me in painful contact with an experience in the early eighties, when my angel , the founder and director of the Academic Institute, where I had been teaching since 1974, first "History of Zionism", then "Jewish Thought", and then in addition to the latter: "Arabic Literature". Yitzchak Peri, who had hired me and always deeply appreciated me, thought, I could also supervise the pupils' practical teaching in classes, and in order to prepare me for this, he suggested that I teach a fifth grade myself. I must have tried this not more than twice, I think. It was a desaster! It humbled me deeply and it put to shame also my "angel" for having thought too much of me.

Even before this experience teachers of kids had my utmost respect, and comparing my own skills of teaching grownups with them, I feel "not worthy", to say the least. Of course, there are many professions, many talents, with which I even don't try to compete. But teaching-kids is different. My judgment against myself says: If I'm not able to teach kids in a class, 'I'm not a very big prince', as the Little Prince said, when he saw 5000 roses, while he couldn't cope even with the one rose on his tiny planet.

"But this is exactly the point! It's like with your "big failures" concerning your two big (and connected) dreams about "Empowering People" and about "Peace through Desert Economy": you are not better, not greater than any other puzzle-piece. Your task in the big puzzle is "simply" to heal yourself, yourself, yourself! Into wholeness, and – as a hologram – all of Creation! And you are living this at this time towards the quantum-leap of evolution. "I know your humbleness, I know your humility, but I'm not letting you get away with less than acknowledging the excellence which you deny!", said Pat Grove to you in "JoySpring" 1987. You no longer deny your excellence, but it seems, that you sometimes have to be reminded of your humility. Like when you were 10 years old and – during the exams for entering highschool were demanded to also go through the oral exams -

Yes, I could indicate the spot in the street, where I cried and said to "God": "thank you for humbling me, so I'll not think that I'm smarter than other pupils!"

"Isn't that great, that you could make sense of your pain at that age? And again, at same sage of then, when that boy did to you, what caused you guilt and shame for the next 4 years, night after night: You said to that priest, who finally relieved you: "God let me have this experience, so I would never judge other people!" He praised you for this understanding, and though the shame was only relieved , and did not disappear until today (see the letter to the Channelers about Sexual Abuse) , you know, even today, that you attracted this "memory", so as to deeply identify with people, mostly women , but also some men, who must live with such memories and cannot make sense of them."


Arad, Thursday, February 10, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

I was so immersed in editing and transferring the entries of Jan. 27 and 28 from "Word" to Healingkiss, and it took so much "time", that I didn't come around to sharing/talking with YOU in real time! There is one "issue" , which I still remember strongly : when – on my walk to the pool - I rehearsed the song "Brosh - Cypress", which I learnt from the Duett of Jonathan and Yael on Itamar's Bar-Mitzva – rehearsed it yet another time… - I again saw the sadness in Jonathan's eyes so vividly, that my heart cringed in pain. And it was for the first "time", that I understood the real reason for my inherent identification with the sufferers (also the theme of my PH.D….): When I let myself be born onto the planet this time, I relinquished the "talent" of "expanding my mind" with artificial means like alcohol, cigarettes, drugs or meditation, but I did not relinquish my inborn connectedness to all other "Rays of the ONE Sun", "Waves of the ONE Ocean", "Colors of the ONE Light". And when I feel Jonathan's pain, it's actually my own pain. That's why all advices to let go of identifying with suffering people or peoples, or animals for that matter, found no resonance in me. Nor is this pain connected to being "triggered" or to "holding on to judgments" like my "individual" pain. Of course, I must not get stuck in this suffering, like I must not get stuck in my own. My approach since the birth of my consciousness, between the age 5 and 6, had been: "I must not allow myself to be happy until all other people are happy." It took many decades of my life till I understood, that I have to turn around my approach 180 degree: "Only if I'll be whole and happy, is their a chance for humans to become whole and happy too."

But my question to YOU is: Is there anything I can "do" to ease "Jonathan's" pain except radiating on him: "May you find the romantic love that you seek! May you be placed in the army where you can do a satisfying job, and mainly: may you find the holes in your wholeness and the judgments in your thinking which prevent you from attracting what you desire." And yes, YOU remind me: "I trust you, Jonathan, that you are staging your drama in a way that will bring you to your destination as quickly as possible and with as little suffering as possible."

No, you cannot do more, but if you radiate this consistently, whenever you remember those sad eyes (instead of shoving away the very memory and its pain) , then you are doing your part of redemption and healing!

Thank you!

[later: 11:54: coincidence: I opened SongGame 2007_01_31- redeem from victimhood, dedicated to Jonathan...]

And now to what is most "up" on this morning: Not some pretty things I learnt on TV , which are worthy to be celebrated as what is right with the World [like an interview with the first Arab director of a hospital (Naharia) and the agreement of the authorities (though not yet the financing of it) – that each patient has the right to professional translation, be it into Arabic or Amhaarit or Russian –] , but an avalanche of memories concerning the time-period in Noah's Cave exactly 7 years ago [see diary 11th week] . This time it's my mind which wonders: Who is choosing the timing of healing what part of the countless denials, which have always infected my superhuman doing? Why, after 2 quiet days and several undisrupted nights , I wake up in the middle of the night, for at least an hour and a half , and Body starts to twist and bend and breathe and moan and Mind thinks over and over again, with every new memory: how on earth did I manage all this work, when I left the cave for 2 days, in order to travel , by hitchhiking and busses , to Modi'in and ahead of me an amount of work, which other people would not have managed to do in a week or even in two weeks? To mention just a few tasks or chores: Grandma-Day with the Quartet, [see at least one image inserted in "Noah's Diaries-33rd day") including the sleeping-over of at least two of the kids; the cleaning of the staircase of the three-floor house, in which I had rented a flat, including the garbage-room outside – a paid job, which helped me to pay at least the monthly fee for the house-committee and the elevator, which I myself never used; buying groceries for the 5 days in the Cave and the 2 days at home, as little and as cheeply as possible, since – unlike today, when I live in abundance because of the cheep rent in Arad – I had absolutely no money at all, on the contrary, my children had to pay part of the rent; taking care of repairs and of upgrading the equipment for the cave (for instance, in the first month I had an old typewriter with me, while later the money for a laptop and a printer was donated to me and much time had to be spend to purchase and make work both), then later the chasing for sub-tenants, two women from the Ukraine, and dealing with them in a friendly way, so I could rely on them, while they were alone in the flat; and if all this and so much more wasn't enough: I needed to integrate my overwhelming experiences with and at the Cave on Healingkiss – transfer the photos and compose what is called Noah's Ark and Noah's Shore. Even now, while trying to retrieve some of the memories which made my body jump and moan this night, I feel almost suffocated by the sheer quantity of things I did during those 2 weekly days during the 150 days of my life in Noah's Cave . And I'm not even mentioning the kind and amount of work I did while in the Cave , leave alone the overwhelming experiences – from being flooded in the cave at night to the drowning of my cellphone in an unbearable sandstorm [see the last diary-entry on Febr.23, 2004) till finding my cave without the solar system, the gas system, the tape-recorder, since all was stolen on March 18, 2004.

And now comes my question to YOU, which I asked through all those sleepless minutes and you had no answer for me: Why did I do all this? It failed in the end, like almost everything else I did, except for "the bus" and the "Succayah"! Why this outrageous endeavor , both in the desert of July in Sinai and in a self-dug cave above the SaltSea in winter? WHYYYYYYYYY?

"I answer you with a question: Would you want to miss it from your life? Of course not! Even your father-in-law, the totally paralyzed, speechless, Franz Rosenzweig "wrote" in his last years, that nobody should pity him, because he would not want to change life with anyone else. And in Big Brother yesterday you were most moved by what said El'ad, ha-Gamad [dwarf] (who is smaller than 5 year old Mika) , to the celeb Judy Mozes : 'When I was younger I imagined to be like other people. But even after the parents of my love , a "normal" person, after 5 years of a relationship, tore her away from me, I did not wish to be different from what I am. To be like others, has its advantages, but to be like me also has its advantages, and I wouldn't like to miss those!' "

Yes, but WHYYY?

"You always say to yourself, when you see the horrid dramas of other people, that nobody can know, why they chose to stage them. Often you cannot even know, for what purpose you staged certain scenes in your own drama, like the scene of Sinai and of Noah's Cave. You still need to heal much of those denials which made the superhuman efforts possible, and only then will you get the overall picture, why you – unlike other people's circumstances, sicknesses, relationships or other ingredients of horrid dramas – chose superhuman endeavors as your drama. If your mind would understand this staging already, you might not wake up in the middle of the night with the unconscious assignment to let Body move whatever was overriden and trampled over in all your doing, in ALL your DOING, and in most of your relationships as well, and this though you - 7 years ago, at the time of Noah's Shore - were already well aware of the need to evolve towards uniting Will and Spirit in Heart in Body.

It seems to me at this moment, that I had to "over"-do every doing, before I or the world at whole could relax into simple being and loving!


And it's still difficult for me to believe, that my present life is real! All this peace and quiet in this sanctuary, in this town at the edge of Israel, in the middle of the desert, and mostly – the grate-full-ness, which ripples and roars through me from breath to breath!

I plucked a rose on my way from the pool 2 days ago. Now the smell fills my nostrils, even though I sit more than two meters away from it…


Arad, Friday, February 11, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

8:30 Instead of my cherished TV sequence about the autistic child with his complex family and the sweet Thai laborers in an agricultural village in the desert, I could watch – when I wanted to – how the Egyptian President's speech was "moving" to the Israeli TV editors, but infuriating to the masses on Tahrir square in Kairo.

And I? What is occupying my mind and my feelings? Not the very big principal issue, about which I wanted to ask YOU this morning, but forgot totally what it was about…

It's another of my "ridiculous" issues: the ambivalence of feeling joy – towards the visit of Micha and his children on this Shabbat-Eve, announced yesterday evening – and feeling pressure, especially concerning dinner. I already had figured it out tonight, when Micha called at 7:40: "Ayelet will get her teeth corrected this morning and can't eat anything tough. What do you want me to bring!" I said meekly, that I would manage, but he insisted: "No let us bring you something, we don't want to come with empty hands." YOU can see, how this brought up feelings of insecurity and shame. I've made them get used to the fact, that I'm not the kind of grandma, who is happy to spoil her family with the best of food. They believe that it's because of money that I use the leftovers of other people and buy only the simpliest of groceries. On the other hand I do understand, that my need for "proper" food gives them the chance to come "with full hands". So we decided, that they'll bring eggs and white flour and I'll make pancakes for Ayelet, - but this is "pressuring" because I can't do the frying beforehand, and my small electrical cooking device is so slow, that I'll have to do the work, while we are eating – which means – no relaxation during the meal.

It is terrible to feel the disproportion between the frustrated, even hungry masses in Egypt and my "dinner-predicament"!

"But how else will you eventually heal that seemingly bottomless hole concerning preparing food for people, - most traumatic - for your husband and later for the guests of Succah in the Desert?
It is both – the pressure of believing that you need to please people with your cooking and the self-contempt about the lack of proportion of what you suffer – which gives you a chance to accept the Mother , and while you embrace and move all those feelings, you ARE healing yourself AND the World. Believe it! And stop judging yourself! Whenever making pancakes for spoilt Ayelet in the tiny kitchen-corner of your one-room flat will pressure you during the next 7 hours or so
(it's 9:11 now! What a number!), then breathe and blink and relax all the muscles that tend to strain your eyes, [since you work on improving your vision!], give in to yawning and be aware, that you are doing this for billions of people who don't have the time or the strength to pay attention to their "small" feelings. That's your part in the puzzle: Rilke! "Nothing is too small for me and I still love it!"

Nichts ist mir zu klein, und ich lieb es trotzdem
und mal' es auf Goldgrund und gross
und halte es hoch, und ich weiss nicht wem
loest es die Seele los...

[Rainer Maria Rilke, listen to my tune]

14:55 I must thank YOU! All the pressure and ambivalence has gone away since I talked with YOU. I decided to skip the pool today – probably the first time in 4 years, when I am in Arad. Isn't that great, that I can break a habit, even a valuable habit? The weather is like in November in Europe: cold and foggy and I want to be alone in my cosy castle, with the work on "Finetuning to my Present in Your Presence", which today included also the recording and editing as sound-buttons of 5 songs!

The only preparation I engaged in was and is to bake bread, which then should be fresh and warm, when they arrive. And I'm truly looking forward now to their arrival!


Arad, Shabbat, February 12, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

8:42 When I was about to turn off the computer last night, my eyes caught the image of the tiny slide on the screen. I magnified it and felt deeply touched by the sadness in the face of little Tomer (7), as he sits there in the Hagar-Succah, warming up in front of the kind of gas-stove, which I had once bought for all the Succahs. It was, when he and his brother Alon visited with me the Succayah on Dec. 29-30, 2002.
This morning I understand why YOU sent me this image. Not because of the [relatively good] experience with Tomer on Jan. 27-29 this year
[s. above], but because YOU found it necessary to remind me of the "fact", that I - towards this year 2011 - parted from my assignment as grandmother and even as foster-mother of my starchilden. "The interaction with Arnon yesterday evening is tempting you to rush, yes to storm into yet another involvement, a new project, which is so seductive, that most of your wake-up-wandering turned around this idea." In my imagination I phrased a letter to both, Arnon and his father, at whom I had thrown the nucleus of my idea in a humorous way and it seemed that he favored it. "Your son claims, he cannot ride his mountain-bike around Mazkeret-Batya, where he lives, since there are no "singles" [challenging trails for a bikers), I suggest, that he himself should carve out such singles, together with "friends", who - through this project - might become friends!" But the letter got longer and longer, loaded with many memories of my own path-making and details of how, on his planned visit with Yael on Purim, I could train him right here in Arad!

"I see your fervor of making Arnon enthusiastic about improving on your path through the Wadi of Compassion , especially on the dangeroulsy steep entrances from both sides. I see you imagining not only all kinds of devices and ways to make him see this as his challenge from this hour onward, since he so much longs for a challenge. You also already think of engaging him in remaking the path to the Cave of the Womb, which you had such a hard time of finding on 1-1-11. You want to show him some of the major pathes you made in the past, either on your website [since you feel you have no longer access to Succah in the Desert-see the devastating experience in the Succayah with Cornelia, Samira and Yahia on Dec. 29, 2009], or on location, like one of your most incredible projects: the path from the road down to "Noah's Cave", or the path from Noah's Cave to the Sea, which partly still exists.

"NOW BE CAREFUL! BE CAUTIOUS! Listen to Godchannel's advice, almost a command:

"Cease Creating New Manifestations!"

"Walk humbly with Thy God!"
[This verse, now also put into tune, appears often on both websites, and consistently above the "Communications with Deity" in K.i.s.s.-Log 2008, the first time - together with its bio-context - two years ago, on Febr. 16, 2008]"

But before he entered the car, he said: "When Yael and I will come on Purim, I want to be absolutely clear about what we want to do and not waste our time. Since it will not be the season for enjoying the pool, I want to plan a day-long hike, with searching for caves etc. - I hope I can win over Yael for this." Doesn't this determination ask for my idea?

"You can tell him your idea - in one sentence only!!!!! And then you radiate and trust, that he will find the way to take up the challenge, or that another challenge will come his way , or that what he needs right now, is to feel the frustration of doing nothing.
"As to the necessity of repairing your path through the Wadi of Compassion - go on converting the frightful into the fruitful: continue to step down the steep slopes with utmost concentration of mind and utmost contracting of your bladder ringmuscle !

Well, that's a dire test of my own determination - the determination to live as if I were dead - no actions, no interactions, no plans, no projects, no manifestations in the present three-dimensional world - but "healing myself into wholeness and - by extension - all of Creation". [see the wondrous quotes on one of the first pages of Healing-K.i.s.s., June 2001]


Still on Februar 12, 2011
While looking for the link "PuzzlePiece 40: Cease Creating New Manifestations", I was attracted to the "logo" of the "header" above the 70 puzzle-pieces, through which - in 2001-02 I studied the info of Right Use of Will and, It was Immanuel's creation, on the basis of 5 drawings, which Tomer had made over time, when he was, I think, 5 or 6 years old. The only symbol which is common to all five, is the heart, just like nowadays his stepsister Mika, 5 years old, will put one or two or many hearts on every single drawing or painting, no matter what its content. I can only intuit what this means...

But now let me deepen the understanding from YOU on the background of my message to Micha, my son, Arnon's father, yesterday. For this message - so strongly voiced towards him - came definitely from YOU or from his "own" Cosmic Self, after I had drawn him out about his job. It had been me - among other people, I suppose - who urged him to leave his former job, but my desire was, that he would set up his own business, something that has to do with his obsession for mountain motorbiking and biking and for the Desert and Nature in general. But when he was offered a job in a company for digital printing-machines "Indigo" and began "working" there on Febr. 15, 2010, I congratulated him whole-heartedly. And yet:

"It seems that you were better off in the job which you left, in order to start a new job at "Indigo-HP" a year ago. But now you are there - without anyone making use of you really. You are meant "to push" some people and groups towards other people and groups, that's what you finally understood. Your talents go unrecognized, and there is neither satisfaction nor recognition. You keep saying over and over again, that the company is so complex in the most negative sense and communication almost non-existent. There could still be the option to leave "Indigo" and do finally your own thing. But as long as you actually feel victimized - not by individual people, but by "the system", you have something to experience, something to learn! You must stay on and find your specific task and place, of which those who hired you have no idea .

" YOu quoted my slogan:
"Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want and then get out of the way and let happen what may!"

But you don't know, what you want. It's like with each of us in our lives: it takes time to understand, what exact piece in the puzzle I am. You keep repeating that in "Indigo" and "HP" there are duplicities, doublenesses everywhere. But you know, there can be no "double" for Micha Rosenzweig (or for any other human). But as nobody can tell you, why you are on this planet at this time, so nobody can tell you, why you are employed by "Indigo" at this time and in this wishy-washy job. The fact, that you waste your time with looking at jeeps on the Internet, means, that you are deteriorating into "going through the motions!" It's better, you come home from "work" frustrated , angry, even furious, than letting yourself degenerate into "going through the motions". You said - with the lowest of voices, that in situations of conflict you could use your "added value" and mediate between people, but that such situations rarely come to your attention or that there is rarely a chance where you can contribute what you are so good at. That's self-victimization!

" You are an engineer, but not by chance it's been for years, that you have to do with people. You are so good with people, and being good with people is so much more needed on this planet and at this time - when - I prophecy - your entire company might collapse within a short time - than demonstrating a certain output, which can be measured in money and in recognition. You now go back to "Indigo" and find why you were placed there - physically and metaphysically. And while searching for what you want, you must communicate, not only with this colleague of yours
(who is already fed-up with her "job", but has better chances to be given another one in the same company) , who will soon leave, as you regret, but also with other people, like your family: look at each one of the grownups, your wife, your brother and his wife, your sister and her husband, yes even your 14 year old son - everyone is challenged at this time to find out what s/he really wants to create, in order to contribute his/her talents to humankind and in order to feel zest and full-fill-ment. "

All this I said not as Micha's mother, but as the Trainer of Dreamers, whom I perceive myself to be, though not at Noah's Shore, as I believed 7 years ago and not in any exterior framework, as I had tried to create ever since the age of 27, and dreamt about ever since the age of 16, but - when I'm "called" in a specific moment , with a specific person, who is open to use me as his/her sounding-board.

What is the criterion or the indication of wholeness in this minute? That I do not want to be anywhere else, in any other circumstances, in any other situation, with anyone else , with any other feeling, with any other thinking, memories, activity. But that at the same "time" I'm filled with DESIRE for exploring-evolving-living LOVE in my individual life and for "Heaven-on-Earth", i.e. grate-full-ness, zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment for the actors in my personal life and for all human beings.



Still on Febr. 12, 2011, 14:29 - Sweet Ofir was here to reset my TV which I had messed up with a wrong button push, and then I walked to the pool - in my arms a huge heap of overgrowing plants (Ofir had driven over them with his tractoron and I preferred to cut them off altogether instead of letting them fade away miserably) for the grave of compassion on my way. In the pool were too many people to let me swing and sing freely
(except for rehearsing the re-discovered song "All I got is what I feel And what I feel is what I am", and also, I felt such zest to carry out an idea on healing-k.i.s.s., which seems just right for Shabbat, i.e. for doing something special (I'll tell about it later), that I decided - once more against my pattern of being consistent!!! - to get out after 25 minutes and go home! All the while things come to my mind, which YOU have arranged yesterday and keep arranging all the time - simple things that "fall into place", like that after Micha's call at 7:40 yesterday morning with the question, what to give Ayelet to eat, YOU gave me the idea to send him an SMS: "If you are shopping anyway, please buy kuskus: I was given 3 packages of herbs, and I cooked rice to make "Tabuleh" already before you called, but with kuskus it will be much better." So Micha also brought kuskus, and despite the pancakes I made specially for Ayelet, Ayelet said in the end - one of the few times, if not the only time that she addressed me at all, since she was either enclosing herselfs in her Abba's hug or was playing on his I-phone (oh yes she showed me, how an I-phone can be used as a touch keyboard , and when she "wrote" something on this "keyboard", it was faster than what I've ever done on type-writers and keyboards, though I'm writing blindly and truly fast...), anyway what Ayelet said before they left: "Grandma, if we should come here another time, please prepare tabuleh again!" So I did succeed in pleasing her after all - due to the idea and push YOU gave me! And this was only one example.

And something else I find worthy to share with YOU: Arnon [s. him in "my" desert: Learn&Live11] played on my keyboard-piano, not the "How Far" of the "Comfort-Girls" [see above January 28], but a Hebrew song ("uf gozal"-I found a very moving video now!), just as difficult or maybe more difficult than what he had played , both at our meeting on Dec. 28, and during their visit at Shoham on Shabbat-Eve some weeks ago. He said: "It was good that I gave so much time to that piece, for now, when I see a new piece, it's easy for me to "build the chords"!" I was amazed at his wisdom. "So you think, that sometimes it's good to start with the difficult things, so it will get easier afterwards?" "Yes". Also - I could not discern the slightest criticism on the part of his father, though the playing was far from perfect. So how come, that I and E found a proof for their judgment : "these parents are pressuring their children towards achievement", while I never had this judgment and never found proof for one? Truly strange!

18:00 While inserting the new header on the 1401 pages of Healingkiss and 32 pages of Ararat (will I ever reach all of them?), I'm coming across many pages which I would like to re-read, for instance "A Time of Fruition", June 2003.


Arad, Shabbat, February 13, 2011 - Finetuning to my Present in the Presence of my Cosmic Self

8:24 Eight hours of good sleep with only once getting up for peeing (and if after this I fall asleep again, I'm grate-full for this interruption, because it lets me become conscious), but which ended with a prolonged nightmare, the usual and almost only kind of nightmares I experience: needing to travel from one place to another place, with ever so many obstacles of even starting the journey, being held up mostly by the needing to pack, and what to pack and what not to forget and what to leave out - an endless - well - night-m a r e .
Why is dreaming so often showing a "jet-lag"? My living has become so peaceful and even if I travel to Shoham
[last time] or back home, I take enough time for packing, so as not to have to hurry in the end as I had to hurry all my life?
"The metaphor of "jet-lag" is appropriate: there is still to heal so much pressure-pain and pressure-fright, which in "real time" you have denied or if you were aware - you did not take the time to vibrate it. In fact, with concern to time-pressure in general in your life there is a "huge backlog", as Godchannel [for example] would call it, and "packing-pressure" has been and often still is (just remember the 6 recent days of summer and winter-Shoham, Jerusalem, Modi'in,- or France (in a house) and Ireland (in your tent) - a predicament which is your "speciality", for other people don't live in tents, and most people of your socio-economic level don't travel by public transport, leave alone by hitchhiking. So the only healing available is sleep-dreaming and breathing-blinking, when you become aware of it! Say thanks for the brain's faculty to dream and the brain's other faculty to become aware of what you dream , when moving-vibrating the emotions of the dream, is necessary! "
Thank YOU, and thanks to myself for not staging any difficult packing or traveling in any foreseeable future!

"By the way: there is a huge "jet-lag" also concerning the evolution of humankind into the fifth dimension:
Even if there are already millions on your planet, who have progressed considerably towards wholeness, and from there towards loving themselves and loving others - their former denials and self-hatred are still played out by the masses. Knowing this will be yet another aspect that will help you not to judge anyone around you , but take responsibility for your jet-lag, i.e. their acting out what you've left behind only recently , and sometimes left "behind" as still unhealed!

I get YOU! by the way: I talked with the kids about the TV series "Yellow Peppers", which they watch too, since the actor of the autistic child, goes to (another) school, second grade, at Mazkeret Batya, their town. When I gave their father an idea why I am so moved by this TV series and mentioned the task of the agricultural Thai-laborers, I asked both , Ayelet and Arnon, what "Tissani" had said to her Israeli employer. And both knew rightaway what I meant and spelt it out: love is when the person you love causes you to love yourself [see also ComDeity April 2003]

As to this day, Febr. 13, 2011 - again without any program or obligations - which I want to dedicate to "complete" my Finetuning of the last days (I'm no longer drafting on "Word", but writing directly on Healing-kiss!), and to find the format for the new "Documentation of my Encounters with Mika"
- please let every moment - dedicated to creating and sculpting and correcting
(the header on all pages!) on Healingkiss - be fun! with as little pressure as possible and as much breathing and blinking and being in contact with YOU as possible.

"Yes! Breathe and blink and create and whenever you become aware of a pain or worry concerning the actors in your life or people and peoples (in the Middle East right now) , then breathe and blink even more, lovingly , knowing that they soon will follow into wholeness, like your dreams will follow your waking life!"

About Egypt today - from Rabbi Ohad Ezrachi: The Garden of Love
On the fifth of February 2011 a group of Israeli friends gathered
to find words and sounds which would best describe their feelings

"This is a message of support
to our Egyptian sisters and brothers. ..
We are not so different.
Each heart has the power to change.
These are the times of great change,
and you are the ones living the change now

"from the heart of Israel to the heart of Egypt"
"Neighbors we'll always be,
sharing dreams for liberty
it's all about you and me
our courage will set us free
rise up for dignity
change our reality
human rights and unity
people equal are meant to be..."

"Let's change: 'rise up in harmony' into 'sharing dreams of unity'!"

The video
, which Ohad recommended, moved me so much, that I cropped from it these images!

And when I saw the video "Live Egypt", I cried and sobbed!- I'll quote just one man on the street:
"I don't tell you: we want liberty.
We only want a chance to prove ourselves, nothing more!
I want good education and I want our scientiests to be embraced,
I want our thinkers to be appreciated and encouraged in Egypt,
I don't want them to travel abroad and give the whole world their knowledge without benefitting Egypt.
[See also "StarchildGlobal" about The New Earth Grids and the Middle East", Febr. 2011]

And I can see now, that my vision and action - though its results did not manifest - were a beacon for the future
[see the pages, which I came across and which made me see the connection between what I did in the past and what is happening NOW!] .
Febr. 17, 2011: It was more than a "beacon"! It is the answer to my "WHYYYYY" (above on Febr. 10)
What I desired and envisioned and suffered and put into action, was part of what has begun to be "right in the World"!
And the more I celebrate what is right in the World, the faster my desire and vision "will unfold in an amazing perfection of progression". {see}


'Let's dream with you about freedom'

'Change our reality'"



February 14, 2011

What's the matter with my Adrenalin? I cannot sleep, not during the day yesterday and hardly during this night.
At 00:01, I opened the computer again, lit the electrical stove and wrote the suddenly clear answer to MS's quest,
 to not write but   t a l k   
[via Skype], since "Life cannot be thought out or written down, Life is a Feeling experience!"

At 4:00, I got up again, - the plan to insert a unified header with a single link above all pages demanded faster progress!
Since January 2009, I was "not allowed" to open new pages, - so why did the idea of unification occur to me only now?

No sleep! a song-page, on which I tested the header and its link, caught me so strongly, that I got up again, now, at 5:50.

21.3.89 - when my bus parked above the sea north of Kibbutz Ga'ash:
Poem by Amir Gilboa 1963, printed in "Even the Flowers Love You"

that I return to my thistles
and cup them in my hand
and present them to my lips
and awaken with them my eyelids
to the moment that is born
my life
which out of love I return to them
and cup them
and taste them

I KNOW, I must - at least for a time - leave any new writing, even this  'Finetuning  to my Present  in YOUR Presence'.

I must focus yet again and even stronger on "Driving Backward" - one of Godchannel's " Four Steps to Wholeness"

'Driving Backward' now to the last ten years of experience and learning through the 1401 + 32 pages of my websites.

Sing and Dance
with my animated sounding heart-circle
- inserted above
puzzle piece 2 : Peer Companions

I just discovered (Febr. 18, 2011),
that this animation,
the culmination of my co-creation
with Immanuel, my son,
was employed by me as sound-button
only 12 times ---

--- , and out of these four times
pp28b ~~ pp36~~pp44~~pp50
for Egyptian music,
from a casette of the Al-Gorna Band,
given to me by one of its musicians,
after he had taken me and my pupil Esther
to a concert in Kairo in 1982,
and four times
pp39b ~~~-Tomer 1 ~~~Tomer 2 ~~~Tomer 3
from a casette with Jewish Kleizmer Music

This synchronicity makes my heart leap with joy

February 20, 2011
On this day, 26 years ago, my mother died in my arms, a date which closes the theme, for which I first set up this page on 2005_06_06.
On this day I've completed to unify all 1402 pages of Healing-K.i.s.s. by topping each of them with a header, which epitomizes my Life.

The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.i.s.s.
as stated 10 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential PEERS

to HEAL ourselves
into WHOLEness,
and - as holograms -
all of Creation!
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2011
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word
on this page,
click ctrl/F
and put your word in "search"]
As the fruit of becoming whole = accepting all of myself,
I desire:
to live and explore and evolve Love  in my personal life
and to play my part in creating
the conditions for Heaven-on-Earth
by radiating grate-full-ness, zest-full-ness, full-fill-ment
on the actors in my individual life-drama
and on all human beings!