The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]


I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

 

 

2003-2013
The RIGHT USE OF WILL Books
The Blue Book
and at the end of the page (please scroll down!)
the continuation to pages 28-37 of both
the Violet Book and the Purple Book


RIGHT
USE
OF
WILL


page
1-7
In pp 14 I told how I encountered the Blue Book
Back to General Information about all eight Books

Original INTRODUCTION (and principles
of editing the book on this site)
Right Use of Will........................................1
Clearing Illness and Habits.......................2
Free Will in the presence of Opposition..8
Limits on the Self......................................9
Ego...........................................................12
Discipline, death and Reincarnation
     Resulting from the Original Spilt
     of Spirit and Will................................12
Inner Listening........................          .. ...15
 		Judgment Release..........     ..      .........19
Realities Precipitating toward Earth   23
Emotional Release.............     ...     ......32
Right Use of Will as a Healing
   Power  for Yourself and Earth.     ....37
The Influence away from Free Will... .42
Denials shared by Many....    .. ............44
The Feminine Principle...........     .......49
Sex and Children................    . ...........50
Free Will between People...    .. .........55
Form and Graven Images..   .... ..........61

Acceptance...............  ................. 64
Twists and Turns on Judgments  68
The Land of Pan...........................74
Lemuria.........................................94
Atlantis..........................................99
Drugs...........................................116
Understandings on Denial..........118
Steps to Healing
     & Complete Recovery..    ....  127
Intimidating Form........................132

Version of 2010 [discovered in 2013, when my young friend Boris ordered "The Blue Book" for himself']

FOUR WINDS Publications

Copyright 1984, 1986, 2010,
Ceanne DeRohan-
All rights reserved...
Four Winds Publications
551 Cordova Rd. # 112
Santa Fe, New Mexico,
87505, USA

RIGHT USE OF WILL

Healing and Evolving
the Emotional Body

Received
by Ceanne DeRohan
Dedicated to the Earth

INTRODUCTION ...............................

RIGHT USE OF WILL........................1

CLEARING ILLNESS AND HABITS.....3

LIMITS ON THE SELF.......................9

INNER LISTENING......................... 12

EGO/SELF................................... 15

FREE WILL IN THE PRESENCE OF         OPPOSITION.........................15

JUDGMENT RELEASE....................17

EMOTIONAL RELEASE................20

REALITIES PRECIPITATING TOWARD EARTH..28

DISCIPLINE, DEATH AND REINCARNATION....39

THE FEMININE PRINCIPLE.............................41

SEX AND CHILDREN......................................42

FREE WILL BETWEEN PEOPLE......................49

THE INFLUENCE AWAY FROM FREEWILL.......54

DENIALS SHARED BY MANY...........................55

TWISTS AND TURNS ON JUDGMENTS............62

ACCEPTANCE......................................69

THE LAND OF PAN............................ ..74


2003_04_30/2013-06-06

1984- page 1

RIGHT USE OF WILL  p.1-8

The unconditional Love of the Spirit is understood by many [people] on Earth at present.

There is another energy, though,
that is also part of the Divine Creation,
which has not yet been fully understood -
the Divine Will.

Nakhal Yishai, the Jesse Wadi, falls into the Salt Sea above "my" Springs.
I like to discern the details in every new perspective. All photos: 2002_04_27

The Will expresses as feelings.
The Spirit and the Will are partners
[Spirit and Will are partners ]
in the Body
and must find their balance in the Heart.

If there is any dis-ease or aging of the Body,
the Spirit and the Will [Spirit and Will] are at odds in some way.
If [when] there is balance [balance in the heart] between the Spirit and the Will,
only health, agelessness and vitality are manifested
[Body manifedsts this internal balance as health,agelessness and vitality,]
and the physical plane [the physical level of existence] is no longer experienced
as cut off from any other plane [from other levels] of existence.

It is significant,
that RUOW
starts right away
with BODY,
not "the body",
but BODY,
like we say:
GOD,
not "the god".


See the links
to the same info
in Godchannel
in
pp9 BODY,
the Master Healer
of Creation

and in

pp50 "Let Consciousness
Serve
Sentience!"



Everyone on earth today has undermined his Will in some way.
This undermining of the Will is equal to lost unconditional Love [love], then;
for anyone that is not accepting part of himself unconditionally
[for anyone who is judging against parts of the self]
is not truly loving unconditionally.

The Will in many people is now seeking alignment.
Many people on Earth can learn the balance of Spirit and Will
and are, in fact, already moving in this direction.
It could be easily judged, then,
that the teaching of Right Use of Will isn't essential,
that things will just take care of themselves.
However, help for the process [for the understanding of this process] is actually necessary,
and some people want this help so that they can move faster.
Others, who see little need to speed things up
can make the choice to find this alignment later.
++ What may not seem necessary to you now,
may become relevant at any moment.++

This teaching is intended to be a manual [a guide] for those who wish to speed up the process
of reclaiming the natural heritage given to all at the time of Creation.
[of finding the necessary balance between Spirt and Will in the Heart/]
The information given here may not all be new information to you,
but it is meant to outline [but it will outline] the steps necessary
to recover the powers of the Will.
[to heal the disconnections and lack of self-acceptance so that balance with the Spirit can be willingly found.]
This outline will enable you [It can also enable you] to see where you are on this path
and most likely will help you to go further.
[and can help you to go further.]





page 2 of both versions: 1984 and 2010

CLEARING ILLNESS AND HABITS



To begin with,
illness can be cleared
by learning to listen
to what the Body [what Body] is trying to say to you
when you are ill.
Understanding this message [these messages, without subjugating your Body to pre-formed opinions,]
gives the Body [gives your Body]
a most needed feeling of acceptance
instead of [in place of] the feeling
that it is you against your Body trying to defeat illness
[that it is you dominating and controlling your Body or that Body is against you]
as though illness is [and that you must defeat or banish illness as though it is]
some kind of sabotage by the [your] Body.

 

Illness is not sabotage ;
it is the Body's statement
that it has been having to hold the imbalance of denied Will
[that it is unable to continue holding blockages to My Loving Light]
and needs release.
[and also maintain health.]


++ Messages from your Body can take many forms.
Your Body may want and need many different things.++

If you can accept the message and
[Attuning to and accepting these messages can help you to]
regain the necessary balance, [regain the balance]
illness disappears and health prevails.
[that enables illness to disappear and health to prevail]

++ This statement, however, does not mean
that you need to heal everything without whatever help you feel you need,
that you must go the entire way with the first illness that appears
or blame yourself if this interaction with your Body
is more than you feel able to master right away.
Unconditional acceptance and love means
accepting whatever state of imbalance you have with your Body
and understanding it as the reflection you need
in order to notice and heal your imbalances
without judgment about how spiritually evolved you are or are not.
Being conscientious and doing what you can each time
will carry you toward balance..++

A way to work with this is to allow your full consciousness
to be with the illness by entering the distress rather than
[A way to work with healing in this way
is to give the disease your full attention by breathing into
and bringing your consciousness into the distress rather than]
blocking it, ignoring it or masking the symptoms with medication.

1984 - still page.2 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

With your full consciousness present,
you can ask your Body what the message is
and receive an answer about how to restore balance.
Then do what Body asks and see the results.
If complete healing is not reached,
ask again and do again what Body asks
until healing is reached.
This process will evolve your ability to listen to your Body.

No person needs to die from illness
if Body has another option that is real for it.
Body also has its own Free Will to decide
if it can heal now or not.
If you are seriously trying to align,
Body will not die unless
its only option for healing is rebirth.
Even though some diseases indicate drastic imbalance,
the idea of seeing certain diseases as fatal
has been accepted by many only
because the way of treating them has been
to deny the message of the Body.
2010 - still page 2 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

See if you can feel what is going on in this distress.
Ask your Body what it needs to restore balance.
You can encourage your Body to communicate by letting it know
that you have acceptance for its pain.
You can apologize to your Body for overriding and ignoring it.
Becoming aware of beliefs
you have been holding about your Body and what it needs,
and releasing them
is another helpful part of any shifts you make
in the way you have been treating your Fody
When you receive information from your Body,
do what is asked and see the results.

If complete healing is not reached,
you can repeat this process until healng is reached.
This practice can evolve your ability
to listen to your Body
and to bring it the healing it needs.
1984 - still page.2 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

Instead of seeking to restore the balance,
healing has attempted to suppress all symptoms.
Then Body is incapable of recovering health.

Suppression of symptoms is not the way Body heals itself.
The practice of taking drugs for pain often masks early symptoms
so that the person is not aware of the problem
until it is acute and advanced.
Then healing takes a tremendous amount
of energy, concentration and dedication.
It is much easier to deal with imbalance in its beginning stages
than to wait until it is damaging the Body seriously.

The understanding needed is this:
the natural state is health;
disease equals an imbalance
that can be rectified.
2010 - page 3 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

When treatment seeks to cure by suppressing symptoms,
balance is not truly restored.
The practice of suppressing symptoms is not the way Body heals itself.
The practice of ignoring how Body feels
or taking drugs for pain
can often obscure early sumptoms
so that the person is not aware of the problem
until it is acute and advanced.
These denials can allow the imbalances
that produce dis-ease to go unnoticed
until the symptoms have had to demand attention by becoming intense.
Then, healing can take a tremendous amount of time, energy, concentration, dedication and also money.
It is really much easier to pay attention to Body
and deal with imbalances in the beginning stages,
than to wait until your Body is seriously challenged.
If balance can be restored
while symptoms are still at subtle levels,
dis-ease may not need to appear.


2010 - still page 3 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

Modern science has been spending a lot of time and money
searching for 'the cure" for dis-eases,
but has not usually identified the cause as internal, spiritual imbalance.
Illness can provide opportunities for clearance
of more than just physical symptoms.
The need for this sort of clearance always gives warnings in some way.
You can help yourself by paying attention to how you feel
about having to interrupt what you have been doing
in order to respond to warning signals.
Most people, though, have had a habit of ignoring such warnings,
and also of suppressing symptoms,
until the Body is holding so much
that symptoms are only the tip of the iceberg of undermined Will.


Lack of loving acceptance for parts of the self
originates every imbalance that manifests in the Body.
When these imbalances become more than the Body can handle,
physical problems arise.
This is when pathogens can multiply into illness.


Denial creates energy blockages,
and blockages create stagnation
which can be hospitable to disease organisms.
These blockages are places
where my Loving Light is not very present or not present at all.


Disease organisms have always been present
as physical manifestation of denial.
To find full healing,
you need to find the cause,
not only in your physical body,
but also in your consciousness, or lack of it.


Symptoms can help you find their cause.
If you want to receive and understand their messages
in order to find full healing,
Symptoms should not be routinely relieved or suppressed.
Treatments that only address symptoms
do not bring a full healing;
however, this does not mean
that symptoms should never be treated.
Treating symptoms while also seeking the cause

 

1984, page 3 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]





For the person experiencing physical imbalance,
a change in mental concepts of disease is also necessary.
Through denial,
the imbalance that produces disease
has gone unnoticed
until the symptoms have had to demand attention
by becoming intense.
As soon as balance is restored
when signs are still at subtle levels,
disease doesn't need to appear.
Once the balance necessary for health has been gained,
this energy is freed
to create something for itself other than disease.

 

 


Health is an offering to Spirits
that can understand the way to live
in the physical plane on this particular planet.
The other abilities of Right Use of Will
are based on a foundation of good health
because a Body blocked by imbalance
cannot express the capabilities inherent in balance.

The practice of Right Use of Will may at first bring forward illness
because a suppressed Will is bound to have had suppressed symptoms.
If Will needs to take strong action when it begins to clear,
illness may temporarily result.
If that happens,
the next step is understanding the illness
and then balancing the Body
so that illness disappears.
Health can be the permanent state of affairs
when the Will and the Spirit
balance with each other
unconditionally in the Heart.
If imbalance is not rectified,
illness is "healed" only temporarily.

Aging indicates longstanding and ongoing imbalances.

Illness, aging and death do not need to be.

The fear with which society has surrounded illness
is a conditioning in need of strong attention.
2010 - page 4 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

is different from suppressing them
so that you can ignore them and go on as you were before.

When imbalances manifest as physical problems,
there are many feelings involved that need exploration.
All of these feelings need unconditional acceptance;
however, mentalizing feelings by only talking about them
is not the way full healing is going to take place.
The more you attune to and express from Will/Body i
n the ways They want and need to express,
the more you will be able to clear
before illness or unpleasant experiences manifest
as an attempt to bring clearing.

Even though some dis-eases indicate drastic imbalance,
the idea that certain diseases are fatal
has been accepted by many only because the way of treating them
has been to deny the message of the Body
and treat Body like it is something to manipulate.
Instad of seeking to restore the balance,
this approach has attempted to suppress all symptoms.
Then, Body is rendered incapable of healing,
Body has its own free Will to decide if it can heal now or not.
No person needs to die from illness
if Body has another option that is real for it.
If you are seriously trying to align,
Body will not die
unless it needs the option of rebirth for full healing.

Many people have felt guilty
if they have begun to think that they have caused their own dis-ease.
It is important to have self-acceptance
for whatever form your lessons take
and compassion for yourself for wherever you are on your path
and for whatever you are able to evolve.
Love and compassion coming in the place of old misunderstandings
can bring healing.
No matter how far you are able to progress toward full healing,
continuing to seek the cause and working with your problems
is a healing path.

When there is the balance needed for health,
an individual's energy is freed to create something other than dis-ease.
Health is an offering to Spirits
who can understand the way to live in the physical plane on Earth.
The other abilities of Right Use of Will
are based on a foundation of good health,
because a Body blocked by imbalance
cannot expess the capabilities inherent in balance.
Health can be the permanent state of affairs
when Spirit and Will balance unconditonally in the Heart.
The practice of Right Use of Will
may at first, however, bring forward illness
because a supprssed Will is bound to have suppressed symptoms
which Body has had to hold.
If imbalance is not rectified, illness is "healed" ony temporarily

The fear with which society has surrounded illness and death
is a conditioning in need of strong attention.
So many people


1984 - still page 3 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"] ~~~~ 2010- page 5 [ "ClearingIllness and Habits"]

So many people have come to feel
that illness is inevitable
and that all must die of something,
that the energy field emanated by these attitudes [by these deep-seated beliefs]
is actually attracting illness [has actually been perpetuating itself]
through the acceptance of it as unevitable.
Health is actually the way, but [even though health is the way,]
it has not been the way for such a very long time on Earth
that it seems [that it has appeared] as though no one even remembers [any longer still believes]
that this is the way. [that this really is the way.]

More immediate than regaining health for some people
is the need to examine habits
which are running the Body down.
Another way to look at this is to make a choice
between living as you are for a short time or living long
if you are willing to grow
and make the called for changes.
[and make the changes necessary for good health.]
Once again, this is a matter of personal choice.

1984 - page 4 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

Right Use of Will offers an opportunity to accomplish more
and also give oneself the opportunity
to learn to come and go at Will once again from the physical plane
without having to use the birth-death approach.
This allows the Spirit to leave Earth with its entire self
rather than only the less dense levels of vibration.
This is necessary
because the physical part of everyone
is just as much a part of the Spirit
as any other part.

Those that judged the physical self to be base and dense
found themselves to be trapped in this
and they began to break off from what they did not love
and leave the physical Body behind
when they longed for other planes of existence and found
they could no longer speed up their physical Body
and take it along.

 

 


 
1984 - still page 4 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

More immediate than leaving Earth at Will
is the offering Right Use Of Will has
of enjoying life to its fullest.
{See pp13, 2003_05_07}

This is what most people say they are doing
when they indulge in habits,
but habits actually set the Body up
for physical death.
Habits appeal to memories of feeling good.
Habits are a problem
because they override
the sensitive response of the Body
to a particular situation
and, instead,
impose a ritualized response of learned behavior
the person has used in the past,
whether the present calls for the same response or not.
Response from habit prohibits response
that is attuned to that particular situation.

The Body and the Body's actions remain imbalanced
unless the person is willing to respond to the true needs of the moment
rather than taking a habit learned in the past
and projecting it onto the present because it seems to apply.



All habits need attention, for many
such as ways of breathing,
making love,
eating by the clock, etc.;
can be easily overlooked.

Habits can only be released
if the person is ready to see why the habit is there.
All the feelings around the habit pattern
need to be accepted and expressed also.
Body needs to express its feelings about habit patterns.
If habits are suppressing this communication,
but intent is to end the habit
of overriding parts of the self,
it will be necessary to let habits lapse
to see what has been suppressed.
The feelings underneath habitual responses
are often feelings that are being deniedby the person
who is using habits instead of true response.
Then there is also present a habit of avoiding feelings.

2010 - still page 5 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

Right Use of Will offers the opportunity
of enjoying life to its fullest.




This is what many people say they are doing
when they indulge in habits.
Habits appeal to memories of having felt good,
but habits actually set the Body up for physical death.
Habits are a problem
because they override the sensitive response of Body
to a particular situation,



and instead,
impose a ritualized response of learned behavior
that a person has used in the past,
whether the present calls for the same response or not.


Response from habit precludes response
that is attuned to the particular situaton.

Habits are to the Body
what judgments are to the awareness.
Both have a rigidity.
Habitual behavior is a judgment
that what was called for once is also called for now,
and, therefore, no growth or change has taken place.
In the same way
that judgments stop and control the evolution of the consciousness,
habits stop and control the evolution of the Body.
Just as all levels of the being are run down by rigidity
that suppresses the vibration,
Body is run down by the rigidity of habit patterns
that lack sensitivity to its changing needs.
The reasons for the habit need to be found
and then accepted and understood,
not condemned and disciplined away.


The Body and the Body's actions remain imbalanced
unless the person is willng to respond to the true needs of the moment
rather than taking a habit learned in the past
and projecting it onto the present because it seems to apply.
All habits need attention, for many
such as ways of breathing,
making love,
eating by the clock,
reacting to situations without fully perceiving them first
and also, habitual verbal responses can be easily overlooked.

Encouraging the self is more healing than forcing the self,
holding the self back or suppressing the self.
Dictatorship to end

1984 - page 5 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]










In this case,
the person needs to look at his habit of avoiding feelings
and decide
if this is what he really wants to continue doing or not.
If the feelings are allowed total acceptance and expression,
they can begin telling the person what he needs
in place of the suppressing habit forms.

Breaking out of habits may look like a stumbling block for many,
but realizing the goal and seeing habits for what they are
is going to allow the process through which they can drop away.

The immediate goal is to feel better,
to be more free and to enjoy life more.

Habits are to the Body
what judgments are to the consciousness.
Both have a rigidity.
Habitual behavior is a judgment
that what was called for once is what is called for now
and therefore, no change of growth has taken places.
In actuality, change is needing to be constantly ongoing.
In the same way
that judgments stop and control movement of the consciousness,
habits stop and control the movement of the Body.
Body is run down by this lack of sensitivity to its always changing needs.

All the habits and appetites that man has had and enjoyed,
for the most part, have been judged against
as harmful to Spiritual development.
Lists of things to avoid have included
alcohol, sugar, red meat, drugs, caffeine, marijuana, tobacco,
sex and extremes of any kind.
The understanding is needed
that the problem is not the substances themselves
but the habit patterns
and the extremes often associated with these substances.
The substances have been thought to be causal,
but it is consciousness that is causal and nothing else.
For example, eating meat, especially red meat,
has long been thought to make men too dense
to receive Spiritual illumination
and yet it is not causal here.
The desire to eat meat
has accompanied the consciousness needing it.
Nourishment must match the vibration
of the consciousness taking it in.
All habits drop away
when the consciousness is released from the need for them.
In not understanding what was causal here,
many have tried to break out of habits,

2010 - page 6 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]
habits is another form of suppression.
Habits can only really be released
when the person is ready to see why the habit is there.
All of the emotions and beliefs around the habit
need to be accepted and allowed to express
so that they can participate in the person's spectrum of awareness.

Body also needs to express its feelings about habits.
If habits have been suppressing this communication,
but intent is to end the habit of overriding parts of the self,
letting habits lapse to find out what has been suppressed
can be helpful.
The feelings underneath habits
are often feelings that are being denied by the person
who is using habits in place of true response.
Then, there is also present a habit of avoiding feelings.
In this case,
the person needs to look at his habit of avoiding feelings
and decide
if this is what he/she really wants to continue doing or not.
If all the feelings are allowed total acceptance and expression,
they can begin to tell the person
what is needed in place of the habit patterns.

All of the habits and appetites that people have thought they enjoyed have been judged against by various spiritual belief systems
as harmful to spiritual development.
Lists of things to avoid have included such things as
alcohol, sugar, red meat or any animal products,
drugs, caffeine, marijuana, tobacceo,
sexual enjoyment and extremes of any kind.
An understnading needed here is
that the problem has not been these things, themselves,
so much as the habit patterns and extremes of imbalance
that have been so often associated with them.

Substances have been thought to be causal,
but it is the consciousness that is causal and nothing else.
For example, eathing meat, and especially red meat,
has long been thought
to make people too dense to receive spiritual illumination
and yet, it is not causal here.
The desire and need to eat meat
has accompanied the consciousness needing to eat it.
As loss of vibratory rate increased on Earth,
density of the physical plane increased.
Nourishment must match the vibratory rate of the consciousness taking it in.
In not understanding what was causal here,
many judgments have been made,
and many have tried to break out of habits,
giving up meat for example,
by using discipline and control.
This method only causes the habit pattern to change its form.

Breaking out of habits may look like a stumbling block to many,
but realizing the goal, and seeng habits for what they are,
is going to allow the process through which they can drop away.
The immediate goal is to free yourself emotionally,
which will enable you to feel better,
to be more free and to enjoy life more.
Once
The term
"JUDGMENTS'
is central to both
'Right Use of Will'
and
Godchannel.com.
For a long time,
I had trouble
understanding
this term
for which
other sources
use the term
"beliefs"..

The left frame
of the
puzzle piece
about
"Releasing
Judgments"
lists the files
in Godchannel
pertaining
to this
essential concept.
1984 - page 6

giving up meat, for example by using discipline and control.
This approach only causes the pattern of habit to change its form.
The reason for the habit pattern needs to be found,
and then accepted and understood,
not condemned and disciplined away.

The Will is meant to guide you in this
so that whatever is appropriate
to any particular situation
is what you feel like doing and also do.
[so leave the pool that is crowded
for one that's less crowded,
but what if I don't have a choice,
where can my feelings guide me to?]
see today's entry in pp13 2003-05-07

The undermining of Free Will on Earth
has been accompanied by another habit;
the habit of looking outside the self for the answers.
This habit has another aspect to it;
that of denying your own Will
in favor of someone else's concept
of what is best for you.
Yes, but what, if something
that's best for me,
is overriding someone else?

This imbalance has opened the way
for rules and generalized procedure
because no one really knows
what each and every moment calls for
in someone else.

Freeing of the Will to do what it is meant to do
is going to return to each person
the sensitive and appropriate attunement to the self and everything the self does.
No amount of refining or improving
standardized procedures, applied programs,
rules or regulations
is ever going to come close
to the individualized fine-tuning
that Free Will has to offer.
Habits are attempts to compensate for the loss of this attunement
with generalized and externalized rules and procedures.

2010 - page 7 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

Once you begin this path,
you may find that the gratification of finding acceptance for parts of yourself
that were formerly suppressed
is gradually and steadily replacing your need for your habits.

Many people have thought that Right Use of Will is too difficult to do
or means giving up habits in a spirit of sacrifice or self-denial
however, whatever you can do toward freeing your Will
is not as difficult as living in a Body that has to hold
the blockage, resistance, denial and rigidity of an imprisoned Will.
This loss of vibration can produce intense symptoms in the Body
which draws attention to these held places.
Even though many have been intimidated by their symptoms
and have felt they must take medicine to suppress them,
this is also an opportunity to deeply connect to Body.

Feelings of being unable to receive Body's messages,
or understand them adequately enough to balance the Body,
are the result of a longstanding gap between Spirit, Will and Body.
This gap will resolve with practice,
and the feelings of fear will dissolve
as success gives confidence to the process.
If, at present, the fear is overpowering the ability to receive Body's messages
and respond to them,
reassurance can be sought from others.
However, reasurance only helps if you also seek your own feelings here,
rather than abdicate to another's reality.
Feelings of confidence and fear both need acceptance.
They need to be allowed
to bring understandings through the process they generate.
Fear could be hidden in habitual dependency upon your helpers.
The origin of th fear needs exploration and understanding.
Do not judge in advance what the fear is.
Feel the fear,and let it give you the understandings.
Release of any block improves clarity.
Clarity improves communication.
When you really listen to yourself,
you can heal yourself.
Then you can seek help in the spirit of confidence,
knowing you need and want the help you request,
rather than being dependent and confused because you don't know yourself.

The undermining of free Will on Earth
has been accompanied by another habit;
the habit of looking outside the self for the answers.
This habit has another aspect to it;
that of denying your own Will
in favor of someone else's idea of what is best for you.
This inbalance has opened the way for rules and generalized procedure because no one really knows
what each and every moment calls for in someone else.

This lack of attunement is a direct result of denying the Will its right place.
freeing of the Will to do what it is meant to do

1984 - still page 6

Feelings of being unable to receive the Body's messages
or understand them adequately enough to balance the Body
are the result of a longstanding gap
between the Spirit, the Will and the Body.
This gap will resolve itself with practice
and the feeling of fear will dissolve
as success gives confidence to the process.
If at present the fear is overpowering the ability
to receive Body's messages and respond to them,
you can seek reassurances from others that already understand,
but reassurance only helps
if you seek your own feelings in this processs also,
rather than abdicating to another's reality.

Feelings of confidence and fear both need acceptance.
They need to be allowed to bring understandings
through the process they generate.
Fear could be hidden in habitual dependency upon your helpers.
The origin of the fear needs exploration and understanding.
Do not judge in advance what the fear is;
feel the fear
and let it give you the understandings.
Release of any block improves clarity.
Clarity improves communication.

When you really listen to yourself,
1984 - page 7
you can heal yourself.

Then you can seek help in the spirit of confidence,
knowing you want and need the help you request
rather than being dependent and confused
because you don't know yourself.

Because of past denial
the Will at first may feel it necessary to test the Spirit
to see if it is going to respond to its message.
In the past, many have ignored the messages,
so the Will may need some time and experience
in order to believe that this pattern is really changing.
If this is the case,
do not feel you should give up.
The harmony needed for health
can become the balance experienced.
Physical plane existence can be as enjoyable
as any other plane of existence,
if a person allows this to be his experience.
The physical plane experience can evolve
to include all possibilities and potentials.

The understanding needed here is this;
when Will is balanced in the Heart with Spirit,
health prevails
and you have the starting point
for evolving in harmony.

2010 - page 8 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

is going to return to each person
the sensitive and appropriate attunement of the self
and everything the self does.
No amount of refining or improving
standardized procedures, applied programs, rules, regulations
or, for that matter, manners
is ever going to come close to the individualized fine-tuning
that free Will has to offer.
Your Will is meant to guide you in this
so that what is appropriate to any given situation
is what you feel like doing and also do.
When the Will has been suppressed, it cannot give clear guidance.
It has becme clouded by what it has had to hold.
Habits are substitutions in the place of attunement
and attempts to compensate for the loss of attunement.


Because of past denials,
Will and Body may not, at first, trust the Spirit to be responsive
and may not fully trust for quite some time.
Since so many messages have been ignored in the past,
some time and experience may be needed for Will and Body to believe
that this pattern is really changing.
If this is the cae,
it doesn't need to mean that you should give up.
You can accept your feelngs of wanting to give up
and also continue on this path.
Learning through experience gives the best understanding.
At present, almost all individuals are holding conditions on this.
Conditions limit growth in that they are judgments
that can color perceptions of experience.
Free Will allows the evolution that can learn from experience,
while the rigidity of judgmens and habits creates repetitive experiences.
A person's experience is his/her own individually unique experience
and may or may not be the same as anyone else's.
Learning from your own experience
allows each of you to evolve in your own way.
Learning in this way doesn't preclude
the acceptance of advice or the sharing of observations and insights,
and it allows everyone to be free.
Your Will needs to be allowed to recover and evolve with the rest of your being
in order for you to experience and express
the full gift of your spiritual presence on Earth.

The balance of Spirit andWill in the Heart
can be attained and can produce the health in the Body
that is the starting point for evolving in harmony with your outer reality.
When there is balance, harmony and joy accompanying the way of evolving ,
physcal existence can be as enjoyable as any other place of existence
and can evolve to include all possibilities.
You are then able to do what you want to do
when you want to be doing it
and for no other reason than that it is what you truly feel like doing.


In the process of balancing, allow yourself to notice whatever attracts you.
The Spirit can see all possibilities.
The Will is meant

1984 - still page 7


When harmony and joy accompany the way of evolving,
you always do exactly what you should be doing
and for no other reason except that it is what you feel like doing.
even though everything that happens is what should be happening,

Free Will allows personal choice
to increase the joy, harmony and everything else you like.
The alignment of Spirit and Will will allow you to understand ,
how Predestination and Free Will are the same thing.

Will needs to be allowed to evolve
and recover for you all of its power
to express the full gift of Spiritual presence on Earth.

In the process of balancing,
allow the self to experience whatever is attractive to it.

This attraction is going to be guided
by the increasing balance between Spirit, Heart, Will and Body.

The Spirit sees all possibilities.
The Will is meant to select
what is right for the moment
among all possibilities.
The Will does this through its feelings.

Unconditional acceptance of feelings, then, allows the person
maximum learning, evolvement and attunement.
In Right Use of Will, the Spirit and the Will
are unconditionally communicating in the Heart at all times.

Everything that is experienced
is accepted as valid and perfect for the moment in which it occurs.
The evolvement comes from looking at it for what can be learned.
Learning through experience gives the best understanding.

2010 - page 9 ["Clearing Illness and Habits"]

The Will is meant
to select what is right for the moment among the possibilities.
The Will does this through its feelings.
Unconditional acceptance of feelings,
including receiving input from Body,
then allows the maximum learning, evolvement and attunement.

Everything that is experienced
can be accepted as a part of the process you need
in order to find this balance.

As your Spirit and Will come into alignment,
this increasing balance will allow you to see
how predestination and free Will are not in conflict with one another
because all people are destined to find the balance of free Will.


This is still a matter of personal choice, however.
no one can make you free your Will,
and yet, you cannot force your Will to be a prisoner indefinitely, either.
If freeing your own Will feels like the path for your now,
you are ready to do it.
If you don't know, you can let free Will unfold.
If you don't want to free your Will at this time,
you can go on as you are and see how that really feels to you.
Respect yourself here.
There may be reasons that you are not ready
Respect for others is also necessary.
Do not try to convince anyone else that they should take this path,
have to take this path or do this now.
The gift that free Will has to offer is for everyone,
but at the time that feels right for each person.

1984- page 8

At present almost all individuals are holding conditions on this.
Conditions limit growth.

Free Will says
that a persons' experience is his own individually unique experience
and may or may not be the same as anyone else's.
This allows everyone to evolve in his own way.

Learning this way does not deny the acceptance of advice,
but it does leave each person free.

This is still a matter of personal choice;
you cannot be forced to free your own Will,
and yet you cannot force your Will to be a prisoner indefinitely either.
If freeing your own Will feels like the path for you now,
you are ready to do it.
If you don't know,
let Free Will unfold.
The gift that Right Use of Will offers is for everyone,
but only at the time that is right for each person.


2003_05_13
This is the pattern,
which the water has engraved
in the rock bed.
During rain it rushes with deadly power towards the abyss
[see first photo on following page].

I say "deadly",
because I was close, almost too close
to a horrible event
in the Dargah Wadi further north, in 1999.
Six people,
who belonged to a Peace-Group,
among them an Arab ,
who had been in Israeli prisons
and wanted to finally spend some time
with his 13 year old son,
walked into the canyon,
after the ranger had said
that it was safe.
A sudden rain in Jerusalem
rushed down down the wadi
and 3 people,
that Arab from Bethlehem,
the father of the son,
together with a Jew from the US
and an Israeli woman
were drowned in the torrent.

I still feel the horror of this.

 







On November 1, 2011, I felt,
that I should re-read and copy the second and third RUOW book, as much as linear "TIME" will allow, and juxtapose them to the first, the BLUE BOOK.
Below I "managed" to insert (max space: 1300 kb!) the pages 28-37 of each of the two books. In time I'll add links to the content titles.

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
"If there is a God who has any power,
then why is it the way that it is on Earth?"
The ways in which people have answered this question
have consisted mostly of rationalizations designed to help better accept what their feelings do not want to accept.
The Unseen Role of Denial is why it's been the way it's been.
When we deny parts of ourselves,
these parts can become so lost from us
that they find other ways to express,
even expressing through other people.
This book begins the story of our ancient beginnings
and the misunderstandings born from lack of experience".
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations
When the Will receives judgment instead of love and light,
it becomes lost from the light and thus the term, "Lost Will."
The definition of love needs to be expanded
to include emotions that have been labeled "negative."
Much of what we've judged to be negative
became lost so long ago no one remembers what happened to it.
These lost memories go as far back as our origins.
How you really feel
is what needs expression
and in the most natural way possible.
..., suspend words and emphasize non-verbal sounds.
Doing this in private can evolve these emotions.

THE FIRST CREATION ......1
THE SECOND CREATION .....7
THE THIRD CREATION ......17
THE EMERGENCE OF HEART.......25
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION ........33
THE EMERGENCE OF THE PLANETS AND STARS OF THE CENTRAL UNIVERSE ......39
THE EMERGENCE OF THE ANCIENT ONES THAT SERVE THE LIGHT ......40
SELF-DOUBT......42
THE DEMOCRATIC COUNCIL......43
THE APPROACH OF THE MIND VERSUS THE APPROACH OF THE INTUITION ......45
GOING FORTH WITH SELF-DOUBT ......47
THE EMERGENCE OF THE GREAT ARC ANGELS ...... 49
THE APPEARANCE OF LUCIFER ......50
THE EMERGENCE OF THE LESSER ARC ANGELS ......51
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FIRST ORDER OF ANGELS ......55
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SECOND ORDER OF ANGELS ......60
THE EMERGENCE OF THE THIRD ORDER OF ANGELS ......62
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FOURTH ORDER OF ANGELS ......63
THE PLATEAU OF REST AND SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
                            WHICH HINDSIGHT GAVE ME THERE ......64
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS ......73
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SPIRIT POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......86
SPIRIT AND FORM GO INTO CONFLICT
                            AND APPEAL TO HEART FOR BALANCE ......94
THE EMERGENCE OF THE WILL POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......102
THE TRIUMPHAND RETURN HOME THAT ALMOST TURNS SOUR ......107
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP SPIRITS THAT WERE HAVING TROUBLE ......110
THE ANGELS' EARLY MISUNDERSTANDINGS......117
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NOW THAT COULD NOT BE GAINED THEN ......120
AS I TURN TO HELP THE ANGELS, THE MOTHER HELPS ME TO HELP MYSELF ......126
THE MOTHER SUGGESTS
                            THAT NOT ALL SPIRITS ARE SPIRITS OF THE LIGHT ......129
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HEL THE ANCIENT ONES ......131
GIVING HELP TO THE ARC ANGELS ......133
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP THE ANGELS ......138
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
                           THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMES NEED NOW ......142
SOME UNDERSTANDING ON THE KARMA OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......149
SOME JUDGMENTS THAT NEED RELEASE NOW ......165
FRAGMENTATION INCARNATING INTO SUCCESSIVE GENERATIONS ......169
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON THE ROLE OF SEX IN FRAGMENTATION ......176
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON DEATH ......181
GLIMPSES INTO SOME OF THE UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NEXT ......186
DENIALS EMANATING FROM THE GODHEAD TOWARD THE SURVIVAL CHAKRA
       AND SOME REFLECTIONS OF THESE DENIALS.......1
LUCIFER TRIES TO TAKE MY PLACE.......27
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON HOW THE WILL BECOMES LOST........37
THE HEART SPIRITS ASK FOR HELP.......45
THE SPIRIT POLARITY AS CAUSAL IN THE CREATION OF LOST WILL.......50
THE MOTHER TURNS MORE TOWARD FROM THAN SPIRIT..........6
HEART SPIRITS POLARIZE TOWARD THE GODHEAD........59
CHILDREN IN THE ROLE OF HEART OF THE PARENTS........62
HEART DENIES THE MOTHER........63
SPIRIT AND HEART PUSH WILL AND BODY AWAY.......67
GAPPED FEELINGS AND SEXUAL INADEQUACY.........75
LUCIFER TRIES TO FILL THE GAP.........77
BODY MOVES TOWARD SPIRIT......80
BLAME......83
DENIAL SPIRITS......86
DENIED BLAME AND SELF-SACRIFICE WIDEN THE GAP
              BETWEEN SPIRIT, HEART      AND WILL, BODY......88
SEX IN A STATE OF DENIAL ......90
THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION EXPERIENCES HIDDEN DENIALS ......94
THE MOTHER SEDUCES THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION ......98
THE EMERGENCE OF EARTH ......100
SPIRIT FEELS DRAWN TO RETURN TO THE GODHEAD ......105
THE WILL IS ABANDONED ON EARTH ......107
THE GODHEAD CELEBRATES ......108
THE GODHEAD AND MANIFESTATION WITHOUT THE MOTHER ......109
HEART SHARES SOME FEELINGS
               ABOUT THE IMBALANCE BETWEEN SPIRIT AND WILL .....112
THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION BRINGS BACK THE MOTHER ......114
DENIED WILL MAKES A BRIEF APPEARANCE IN THE GODHEAD ......120
DENIED WILL CANNOT REMAIN IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LIGHT ......126
THE MESSAGE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS ......128
THE MOTHER FEELS SHE HAS NO RIGHT PLACE ......130
THE EMERGENCE OF THE GOLD LIGHT SPIRITS ......131
GAPPED RAGE ......146
THE EMERGENCE OF THE WARRIORS AND THE WAR IN THE HEAVENS......148
SPIRIT TRIES TO REDUCE THE POWER OF NEGATIVITY ......152
SPIRIT GOES FORTH IN THE HOPE OF BRINGING PEACE TO CREATION ......155
SPIRIT LOOKS AT THE MOTHER WARRIORS ......157
SPIRIT FACES THE FATHER WARRIORS ......161
THE MOTHER WARRIORS AND THE GOLD LIGHT SPIRITS ......166
THE WARRIORS CONTINUE TO BATTLE ......167
SPIRIT LIGHT APPROACHES THE RONALOKAS ......171
CONCLUDING COMMENTS ......181

Continuation from "BlueBook-Introduction + Violet and Purple Book, pages 4-27 at the bottom of the page


The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.28
Our light was tremendous. The Mother seemed to have an endless capacity for taking in Our light and making more of it than it had been before. It felt wonderful. The three of Us frolicked through the Heavens in a state of ecstatic joy and lovingness, moving in and out of one another according to how We felt We had Our best balance at any given time.

We enjoyed flying and now even free falling in space. The Mother did not seem to be afraid as long as She had Us with Her. She always hung on tight though, letting Me know that She did not want Me to let Her go. We had learned to move in other ways now also. We had feelings of flying upwards and sideways, of rolling , and of moving in spirals, dips swerves.

Colors changed with Our feelings, but Heart was already glowing a rose pink most of the time. I had internal visions of how We looked, but I could not get outside of Myself to see it. To Me, We looked like balls of light with flames of many colors streaming forth. At times sparkling light fell away from Us which frightened the Mother until She saw that this light continued to sparkle for as long as We watched it and was still there whenever We looked for it. At times We experienced great explosions of colored light.

I had many questions about what was happening to Us. I had realized that Our Son was Our Heart, and that He represented the balance between Us. Heart helped Me to realize and understand many things. Heart gave Us input that only Heart could give, because He was the balance between the Father and the Mother or, in other words, between the Spirit and the Will.

I found Myself consulting with Heart more and more because He could give Me the balance I was seeking. The Mother also had a great love for Heart and wanted to be with Him. I was glad. I felt We had a little family now. I felt We had a new role as parents in which We needed to give a lot of Our attention to the child We held between Us.

As Heart received from Us, His light grew so quickly that He seemed no longer a child, once He got used to being emerged. As He grew, I felt drawn to be with Him more than with the Mother. He and I shared visions and realizations of so many things that I did not think the Mother could really enjoy with Us, because Her emotional nature did not allow Her mind to follow Us. If She had an adverse reaction to anything We were doing She could not follow the rest. Heart and I had great excitement about a lot of things She did not seem to care much about. She


p.29
began turning away from Us to feel Her moods; turning back to Us when She felt interested again.

We were busy looking around at what was happening within Our light and understanding it. We were seeing forms within Us that had begun to talk to Us as though they had a life of their own. We listened to them and felt they had to have a voice in how We lived Our life, but We did not know how We were all going to get along together. Once these voices began to speak their minds, it did not look possible for Us to have agreement on all things such as I thought the Mother and I had achieved.

My Son loved all of them and had a strong feeling that love could make everything alright. He was giving Me images of how We could have a big family and move space back for it. He was sure We could make everyone a place in which they could be happy. He felt that loving interdependence would allow Us all to help one another and be independent at the same time. Heart felt no one should be held back if there was a desire to come forth. Heart, however, had some guilt that was unrecognized at the time, for having emerged first, and this guilt made Him more ready to give in to the needs of others than He would have been had He been balanced in this area. At that time, Heart did not realize how much evolution was going to be necessary before His vision could be fulfilled.

I had Heart's vision so I could not see how much evolution was involved either, but I also had some reservatons about the rosy picture Heart was painting. I knew that something was wrong because I felt the Mother less and less present with Us now. I could see Her turning Her attention out into space and brooding.

"Sounds good," I could hear Her thinking,"But feeling it and liking it is not going to be as easy as your vision is making it look."

The Mother did not like it that We had not sought Her input more often. She felt that We had gone ahead without Her into so many of Our visions that now She really might not be able to follow them. She knew that She did not like a lot of what She felt around Our work, but She could not argue with Us on the practical points. She could not tell Us why She felt as She did; She just knew She did not feel altogether good about the way Creation was going to go if it unfolded according to the pictures Heart and I already had. In the end, Her uncertainty allowed guilt to get the upperhand with Her and She gave in to Us without being able to make Us understand why She felt as She did.

p.28
Me away from feelings that they feared. The Angels also did not want to appear to be short changing the Rainbow Spirits again and the Angels, therefore, tried to make a reason why they needed My attention. They said that they had trouble at home, and reality was that they did. The Godhead was manifesting many problems as a result of the lack of acceptance for how it had felt to focus into Red, but I did not realize at the time that these problems in the White Light were because of denial of the red part of the spectrum.

I felt as though I were being torn in two by the needs of the Godhead and the needs of the Red Spirits. I felt inadequate and, therefore, guilty. I did not know yet that healing one set of problems would have healed the other.

The red Spirits received the vibration here and took it to mean that the Godhead had priority over their problems. The Red Spirits presented a response of denial that seemed to say they had had enough of Me and that they had no real problems anyway. I had wanted to avoid the problems in Red, and yet, guilt had made Me hesitant to turn My attention away from the Red Spirits. They felt that I did not really want to be there and this made them uncomfortable with My presence. They covered their feelings with defensiveness and I covered mine by manifesting an excuse to make an apologetic departure.

The Angels let Me know that Lucifer was making them feel very pressured to give him My place. When I got home, Lucifer was suddenly and emphatically demanding My attention. He addressed Me very gruffly, stating that he had feelings of denial also and that he had not gotten much attention from anyone for a long time. He felt defensive and said that he was the most wrongly judged against and most denied spirit. He was very angry and his approach was very pushy and rude. He demanded to know what his right place was if it was not as head of the Arc Angels.

I told him I could not tell him what his right place was because I did not know.

"How can You claim to be God and not know?" Lucifer screamed at Me.

I shrank from him, but tried not to let it show. His voice was so shrill and strident that I felt like I was having My ears rasped.

Guilt was upon Me immediately.

"Why don't You know what his right place is? Isn't God supposed to know everything?/"


p.29
Guilt's voice sounded self-righteous and accusatory. I heard it speak so plainly, I looked around expecting to see that it had manifested a presence I could see as plainly as Lucifer standing before Me. I saw nothing but a gray innocuousness around Me. Guilt was nothing I could get a hold of like Lucifer. I wanted to grab Lucifer and throw him as far as I could fling him, but I did not allow Myself to try it.

I looked back at Lucifer. He had drawn himself up quite tall and was eyeing Me from arched eyes as though waiting for Me to show him how stupid I really was. I hated him in that moment for how he was making Me feel and it looked like he was not going away until I told him something.

He wanted Me to show him, through My stupidity, that his right place was actually what I regarded as My place; I could see that clearly now.

I had a fleeting moment of desperation in which I hoped for help from Heart or the Father of Manifestation. I felt angry at Them for not being present when I needed Them, but I also felt turning to Them for help might make Me look weak. Lucifer's merciless stare made Me feel like a fool and I began to fidget uncomfortably in front of him. Lucifer really felt superior then and I was hating my position. I tried to give Lucifer a look of knowing, but it was not real.

Lucifer sneered at Me and then began to laugh derisively.His laughter seemed to shake Heaven in a very destructive way. I actually feared for a moment that the sound he was making might crack Heaven open and I would look up to find Myself surrounded by monsters who hated Me for not being the God I represented Myself to be. I did not know that I was experiencing a reality I actually had created without knowing it.

Lucifer laughed all the louder then as though he had read My mind. It felt as though I were being hacked to death right in My own home. For some reason, I desperately wanted to get the Mother's attention.

I wanted help now, anyone's help. I was feeling overwhelmed, powerless and frightened, but I knew that I had to get Lucifer off of Me. I could not stand the vibration of Lucifer's laughter, and yet, I could not move to push him away from Me. I hesitated to think that I might not survive what was happening to Me, but it seemed possible that Lucifer had the power to annihilate Me with sound.

"Where was everyone? Why wasn't I getting any help?"
The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.30
Heart had also been noticing that the Mother could not stay present with Us. Heart had not envisioned the Mother having the feelings She was having now. He felt guilty about Her lack of interest in what was gong on between Us, but He also felt it was right to go ahead with a manifested Creation.

The Mother did not like it that everything had to emerge through Her, but She too had love in Her essence and knew that it was right to allow Creation to come forth. She felt jealous of Heart and Spirit because We had the role of conceiving and She had the role of doing. She stamped Her foot and said that She did not like the role We had envisioned for Her or the image We had of how She was supposed to fulfill it. She said that We did not know what it was going to be like. She got angry, but She also feared Her role because She knew it was not going to be the fun We kept telling Her it was going to be.

Heart tried to reassure Her that loving balance could be reached, but She knew more than He did about what was going to be involved in reaching it. The Mother could not understand why We had not included Her more and why it could not feel better than it felt. Heart and I could not see Her point of View then because We were not really feeling everything, as We found out later. We were so excited by the visions of spirits and planets and so forth that We considered the Mother a drag on Our speed when she wanted Us to feel details that didn't seem important then.

When We did not open to Her point of view, guilt began telling Her that She might be the cause of the negativity She saw, since Heart and I did not see it the way She did.

The Mother held back Her feelings during Our preparatory discussions because She felt We were not pleased with Her response. She had tried to change Herself by letting Her feelings move on Her own, but after all Her efforts, She said She still felt the same as She had felt in the beginning; Heart and I had a way of envisioning that moved faster than She felt She could go, and that left Her feeling out of place. She also said that some things We had envisioned felt so bad to Her that She could not imagine doing them at all. She had guilt for feeling the way She did, but still, She could not see how moving through it could feel the same to Her that envisioning it had appeared to feel to Us. She blamed Herself, fearing that it was because of Her that Creation was going to go the way it was going to go. She feared She was not the right Mother and She had feelings of wanting another spirit to come forth and replace Her. She had fear that She could not do

p.31
the job and live through it, but Her attachment to Me also did not want to give way to another Mother to replace Her.

She struggled with this for a long time and even had a desire to go off alone, but could not bring Herself to be separated from Me. She finally wept and begged Me not to go ahead without feeling Her first. We had not made love for a long time because I had been so busy with Heart. She had a desire for Me to hold Her now and feel Her and let my love and light pour into Her. She also feared that doing this might bring forth another spirit, whether She felt readiness for it or not. Her fear, though, was not great enough to suppress Her desire for Me and so She tried to be with Me without letting another spirit come forth until She felt ready for it.

Fear and guilt did not have the power to make Her hold back what was moving in Her now. She moaned and cried in My arms with the realization of what was going to happen. looking at Her from the point of view of Spirit, it was hard for Me to see what She was so upset about. I asked Her if She did not want to have Spirits come forth and be with Us. She said that She did, but that She did not want to be separated from Me.

"I do not understand what you mean," I told Her, "I thought that You had been as present with Me as You wanted to be."

"You do not understand" She told Me, "I want to feel You loving Me."

"I do love You," I responded, "and Heart loves You too."

"Then why don't I feel it?" She asked Me. "Why do I feel that I'm just sitting around waiting for You to have time for Me? I have been waiting for You to receive Me."

I hesitated to feel that Heart could be an interference in My life with the Mother, but perhaps it was true. I knew I could not give up what Heart and I were able to do together. I felt resentment toward the Mother that She could not just give Us that space in good spirits. She wondered why We could not find time to include Her in Our process, but She sensed Our response to Her and felt too frightened and guilty to press Us further.

"There now," I told Her, "all You need to do is trust in Me, and let Me know if I am ignoring You too much."

The Mother was somewhat placated by this, but more than anything She quieted down because She feared that She had not really let Me know how She felt and that She was being too possessive of Me. The Will had a desire for Me to want Her without Her having to ask, and She did not want to have to say this. She

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Every reason I could imagine why I wasn't getting any help ran through My head in one of those eternities that is only a moment . I had terrible visions of other spirits having been annihilated already, being too frightened to help, or being unable to help because they were as paralyzed as I was. I feared the spirits were frozen, waiting to see who really was the most powerful. I feared help was not possible or even allowable if I was really powerful enough to be God. I feared My plight was unnoticed by others. I feared I had not allowed any other psirits to be powerful enough to help Me. I feared I was not getting help because no one wanted to help Me.

I was a riot of feelings and most of them were falling away from Me into the Lost Will. Much of this Lost Will fell into the karma of being murder victims but the rest of Me survived by an act of Will.

I found My voice and I screamed at Lucifer. I screamed until the Heavens shook.

I had held so much of my power back for so long out of fear of hurting others that now I feared I had no more power sufficient to save Myself. I hated everyone else in that moment for not giving Me the help I needed. I believed I had been so busy helping everyone else that I had exhausted Myself and was now totally desperate.

I had been telling myself that it was not right to scream with all My might or to throw lightning and thunder around. I didn't want to hurt or frighten the other living things I had created. Guilt had been making Me hold back.

This same guilt was making Me feel guilty now for feeling the way I did. I shouldn't need help. I shouldn't be angry at others for not helping Me.

The truth of the matter was that the forced field around Lucifer and Myself was so intense that no one else could get near us.

Guilt seemed to be helping Lucifer by making Me feel paralyzed. It was telling Me that all the so-called help I had given the spirits had left them feeling as much without help as I was feeling now and that I had no right to resent My situaton because I was only getting what I deserved.

Guilt was trying to make Me accept My fate, but somethng in Me could not give up here. I had to react. I had to move in spite of Myself and that's why I said it was an act of sheer Will. From someplace My strength returned. It was Red energy from

p.31
My survival chakra but I didn't realize it then. I exploded in a fury I could not hold back and threw Lucifer off of Me.

Lucifer backed off, but He was still reflecting hatred that I was still feeling. He was still laughing at Me like I was not right to be God, and yet, I was struck with how much he himself was a perfect picture of everything I did not want to have be God. [?] He was even harming any spirits that got in his way as he moved away from Me. I felt like I had to get rid of him, but I did not know how. There seemed to be no place he could go that was far enough away from Me. I hated him and he hated Me; that was obvious now. It looked to Me like Lucifer had teamed up with guilt to overpower Me and become God in My place.

As obvious as it looks, looking at it now, I did not realize then how I had created this. I had not created it with My conscious intent the way I had been emerging spirits and making homes for them, but I had created it, nonetheless. I had created it with My denials. I did not yet quite realize that I was creating all the time and not just when I thought I was creating. I had feelings of needing more control over what was happening because I knew I was creating things I did not want to ceate, but I hadn't realized how I was creating them.

Lucifer did not accept Me and I sensed that he was not alone. There was trouble brewing in the Heavens. I wanted to find the Mother and tell Her that Her feelings toward Lucifer were not wrong. I went to look for the Mother and when I found Her, She was locked in Lucifer's grip. It appeared the Mother was also having a struggle with him, but I was not sure, I feared She might have desire for him that I had not allowed Myself to notice. I was shaken, and unsure of My perceptions. I thought the Mother hated Lucifer but the position in which they were struggling made it look as though Lucifer might be making love to Her. It was very hard for Me to look at Them but I made Myself look more closely. I hated the feeling that he might be Her choice now instead of Me and I had more fear than I realized.

I felt an instant relief in one sense but not in another when I managed to take a closer look at them. It appeared that Lucifer was overpowering the Mother and that She was doing everything She could to resist him. I rushed to Her aid feeling fear that We were losing power. Lucifer was only one spirit. Why couldn't the Mother blow him away with Her rage as She had the Ancient Ones in the beginning? How was it that I had had to struggle so hard with him?



The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.32
also felt enraged about the way She was being treated and She did not express it because She was afraid it was unloving of Her to be angry. She did not like My attitude, but She especially feared the feeling of rsenting Her own child.

Heart felt all of these things in the Mother along with Me. Heart felt He had not been made aware that the Mother felt He was, at times, in the way of Her relationship with Me. He did not know how to feel at first because His guilt was in the way now. He had been as enthusiastic as I had been about Our work together, and yet, He did not want the Mother to feel left out.

None of Us knew then that simply expressing Ourselves to the end of how We felt would have made the difference in how everything went from that point on. We had not understood that emotions could evolve if they were freely felt and expressed. Then, We believed Our situation would become impossible if we did not find ways to give in to one another. Heart and I began to make more of an effort after that not to leave the Mother out, and still, She never felt sure that We really wanted Her.

The Mother had such great beauty in My eyes that I could not help but look at Her most of the time. It was easier, though, for Me to feel Heart's feelings because Heart had the balance I needed. Heart was just allowing Me to feel the balance of Spirit and Will, but I did not realize it then, nor did I understand how the process of attaining this balance took place. I wanted the Mother to also let Herself feel Heart more instead of always having to feel Me. The Mother did not like this and even felt that I wanted Her to feel Heart more in the hope that She would become more like Him. She began to feel even more displaced and inadequate.

The Mother had a desire to be with both of Us all the time and did not want to be with one or the other of Us. She did not know how this was going to be possible if She was so disinterested in what We were doing. She feared She was was being self-centered to want more attention focused on Her. She complained of pains within Her that She said She could not move without help. These pains were the places My light was not touching Her, but We did not realize it then. The Mother felt guilty that She complained so much of the time. We have had to have a lot of experience to finally understand what was causing these feelings in the Will. All the Mother could tell Me then was, "I need to be touched in here. I need loving hands here."

I would go in and find Her pain. It would be gone when I


p.33
touched it, and yet, I did not realize why. I would withdraw and She would have pain again immediately, and yet, I did not know why. I feared the way She held on to Me in there and thought I could not stay manifested as Myself, if I remained more within the Mother than I already was. Guilt told the Mother that She was just having pain to get My attention and so She held back until She couldn't stand it anymore. All the way along, the Mother held back more than anyone realized, because guilt told Her it was wrong to express what others did not want to receive. Lost Will has been holding all that was held back including the anger the Mother had toward Me.


THE EMERGENCE OF THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION.

In spite of Our held back feelings, what happened next was not wrong. The part of Me that has known it was not wrong has struggled with the part of Me that could not align with it ever since it happened. I was flooded with emotions that I denied at the time, because I judged these feelings to be out of alignment with the understanding that I did have. I have not seen how to balance the two points of view within Myself until now, when I can finally heal them.

The Mother had desire for a lover that would hold Her all the time and never let Her go. She wanted it to be Me, but did not see how it could be Me, since I had not demonstrated any innate talents in this direction. She had guilt that She had such a strong desire for continuous loving contact, but She could not quiet Her desire. She had tried Me many more times than I had even realized, without being quite direct about it, because She had wanted Me to take the initiative, so that She could know I really desired Her as much as She desired Me. I seemed to Her to be all too satisfied with Heart, and too ready to let Her needs go unnoticed. She feared I thought She was too trivial, and that I did not want to concern Myself with Her when Heart and I were poring over matters of the Spirit.

The Mother watched Heart and Myself for a long time before She made Her move. Heart and I were involved in the weighty matters of how to create without overriding the essence involved, while the Mother stared out into space and longed for a lover that would understand Her and have the desire and abil-

p.32
Her guilt was the reason, but She was also more diminished than I had realized. I asked Myself then if We were only manifesting Ourselves outwardly and losing power and essence to the manifesting spirits as We went along. I hadn't realized that it was Our denials that were diminishing Us. I knew that manifesting was depleting Us in some way, but I hadn't realized that Our denials were manifesting outwardly and giving Us the reflections that were so troubling.

For example, I thought all of Me loved the Mother and that all of Me wanted to help Her throw off Lucifer. At the time, this was all that I acknowledged as part of Me and so I hadn't realized that We had trouble finding the power to throw off Lucifer because denied parts of Myself were empowering Lucifer to attack Us.

Essentially, I was engaged in a struggle with Myself but I did not recognize all the component parts as parts of Myself. Even though I knew intellectually that everything came from Me, I was not connecting to this in My Will. I had not realized how fully I was personifying everything I felt within Me because I thought My conscious intent could control what I was manifesting. I had not yet realized that what I wasn't letting Myself know in Myself, was also manifesting as though separate from Me.

I felt fear when I drew near the areas of these denials, but I did not stop to contemplate it. I dove for the Mother and threw Lucifer off of Her. She collapsed in My arms and sobbed.

I feared We had a serious problem on Our hands now. The Mother appeared not to have the power to protect Herself anymore. It looked like One of Us was going to need to protect Her all the time.

I had fears that the Will was weak but have since found that the Will needs to receive light or it cannot move in the ways it needs to move. To the extent to which the Mother was receiving denials instead of love, She was weakened and diminished.

I asked the Mother what had happened to Her. She answered Me at such length that I realized She had not seen this encounter with Lucifer as an isolated event. She told Me the story of how increasingly powerless She was feeling against all the spirits who had rejection for Her. She said it felt to Her as though almost all the spirits had rejection for Her and did not want Her in their presence. She said She had feelings of Mother love for these spirits but hated them at the same time because they did not allow Her to love them and did not want what She had to offer but wanted Her to give them something else instead. She said these


p.33
spirits were making Her feel that She was not a good Mother, not the right Mother and not giving them the kind of Mother love they wanted to have.

"I have been wandering from place to place, feeling that no one loves Me anymore.

"Not even You, God." I heard her inner voice say, although She feared to say that outloud.

"Everyplace I have tried to get involved, I have been made to feel unwelcome. Every spirit I have tried to help has made Me feel as though I'm the reason they even even need help. I have tried to love them. I have tried to Mother them. I have tried to give them what I have to offer and still, the spirits do not accept Me."

The Mother was still crying and telling Me this caused Her to wail even more pitifully. I felt She was hysterical but I felt sorry for Her as I had not in a long time.

I also had feelings of pity for My own plight but I didn't mention them because it didn't seem to be the right time. I thought I needed to be strong and help Her first.

I was not sure that theMother was going to get to the point I wanted to understand without telling Me everything else She had been wanting to tell Me first and so I tried to focus Her by saying, "What about Lucifer?"

The Mother received a feeling from Me that She was not giving Me what I wanted to hear and so She resumed by trying to explain Herself to Me.

"Feeling heartbroken, rejected and unloved,' She said, "amplified My feelings of separation from You, God, and I think that's what made Me vulnerable to Lucifer."

I looked at Her questioningly and She continued Her explanation.

"It feels like Lucifer stalks Me and waits for the perfect moment to pounce on Me. This time he pounced when I was feeling I had no more reason to live."

I felt shocked that She had these feelings and I looked at Her to see if She really meant it.

The Mother felt She needed to explain Herself to Me, but She was not sure I had the desire or the patience to hear Her out. She wanted Me to let Her know what I wanted to hear, but I did not feel like making any comment here; I just indicated that I wanted Her to go on.

The Mother was feeling very uncomfortable around Me for someone who had been so close to Me in the past. She seemed
The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.34
ity to fulfill even Her unspoken needs. She had a sad longing within Herself because She did not know where such a lover could come from. She felt He could not be Her child and there was no one out in space that We had found. She feared She was wrong to have this longing and tried to hide it from Me, but She called for this lover from Her Heart.

I felt the movement of His emergence, but I did not look up. Heart had told Me that this was an emergence that needed to come forth now. Heart and I were busy anyway, and felt it was not necessary to see what the Mother was going to do with Him. Lost Will holds this now in the form of not looking at reality, but being flooded with inner pictures instead.

I was terrified that I had not done right by the Mother and did not allow those feelings to move at the time. I was also angry that the Mother did not love me enough to wait for Me. Lost Will has the feelings I did not move then in the form of believing the man should not let the woman know how He feels no matter how hard it is to hold the feelings back.

Heart told Me it was going to be alright and that I should not allow My feelings to get in the way of His emergence, because He had an important role to play. Lost Will here is not yet sure whether I can heal it or not. It has been holding the fear that I am not adequate for the job of God and cannot do everything that needs doing all at once. There are many more things in the Lost Will around this emergence, but I am going to bring them forward as they become more relevant to the unfolding story.

Now I have acceptance for this emergence, who was the Father of Manifestation or My own Body, but then, My emotions could not understand why He had to come forth and make Me feel threatened. I didn't recognize Him as My Body then. Then, I just saw His huge size and felt diminished in His presence which was a feeling I did not like. This new emergence looked as though He could envelope Us all. His light was dazzling. He had the soft, warm gold of the Mother and the silvery white light I had become. Not only that, He had the colors Heart had begun to glow, and in addition, a brilliant rainbow of colors arced over Him. He was beautiful. I was awestruck.

"He has the power to make form come forth," I heard Heart tell Me.

I looked at the Mother and She avoided Me, because She was afraid of how I might react to this. I was flooded with fear Myself that She thought I was not enough for Her and did not


p. 35
want to tell Me. I brushed these feelings aside in favor of welcoming a newcomer. Lost Will got the fear.

The Mother allowed the Father of Manifestation to present Himself to Me without accompanying Him because She still was not sure of Me. She and this new emergence had made love as soon as He came forth and She was not sure if I knew it or not.

Of course I knew it, just as I really did know everything that had happened, but I had not allowed it into My conscious mind. At that time, I did not want to know, because it felt too overwhelming to Me. I feared that the Mother loved Him more than She loved Me, and I was greatly relieved when She joined Us and gave Me a loving response for My acceptance of Him. I hated Her for trapping Me in this, and Lost Will got the hatred. I did not let Them know how I felt. I even held back from Heart on this. Heart noticed this right away and felt some guilt that He had not correctly ascertained the effect this emergence was going to have on Me.

"We can't manifest the Creation without Him, " I heard Heart telling Me. "It will be alright, You'll see."

Heart did not seem at all perturbed, which gave Me a passing annoyance with Him. I became ashamed of Myself and began rushing aside more of My feelings of inadequacy and fear that I was not needed anymore. I listened to Heart tell Me how We would be brothers and how We would all love the Mother together. That part sounded ludicrous to Me. Why only one Mother, I found myself thinking now. I had hoped for an emergence that would be a mate for My Son. I had fears around the balance here that went into the Lost Will and became original cause for many gay men. They have no joy in themselves, but at least they can be gay.

I watched My Son to see how He treated this new manifestation. They treated one another very lovingly, but were not openly sexual. I had fears about what might be happening when I was not looking now. I accused Myself of having the morals of a prude. If Heart had desire for another man, it was not My place to tell Him how He should behave. I did not allow Myself to realize yet that the Mother had actually called for this lover and that Heart had not been responsible for calling Him forth. I could have known all of this if I had not been afraid to feel it then, but I did recognize that Heart felt more open now that the Father of Manifestation had appeared and I wondered why. I also had understanding that the Mother now had someone to help her with

p.34
to be so paranoid of rejection from Me that She wanted to feel I was going to accept what She had to say before She could even say it. I didn't feel that I could accept something before I knew what it was. I felt annoyed with the Mother's fear of rejection. I wondered how far She was willing to go to get approval, how much She was holding back out of fear of rejection and whether I could trust Her to be honest with Me anymore or not. She felt My disapproval of Her fear and then became so paranoid She didn't know what to do.

She began talking, nervously, I thought, and it seemed as though She was trying to change the subject rather than getting to the point of understanding about Lucifer that I wanted to have. I felt exasperated but I decided to humor Her.

"I felt You looking at the Red Spirits," She said, "and I was afraid You blamed Me for everything You didn't like there."

"How could I blame You for everything when the Father of Manifestation had such a big part in it?" I asked.

"I don't know," the Mother answered. "I just feel that You do. Even when it's the Father of Manifestation, I feel like it's My fault because I'm the One that called for Him. I'm the One that has wanted Him with Us."

Now this I had to consider, but I answered Her by saying that She was not the only One that wanted Him with Us.

"I love You," She said then, "and My heart is breaking over Us I long for You and You do not come. I cry for You and You do not hear Me. I feel guilty that I have so much need for You because I know You are trying to be there for all the other spirits, but I liked it better before all this creating. Sometimes I hate the other spirits for taking You away from Me. It feels like you love them more than You love Me."

I had to consider that also, but I answered Her by saying, "The spirits are just children, and they have to be given the parenting they need now. They'll grow up in time."

The Mother had a feeling that I was not right here but She didn't want to go into it. I didn't want to go into it either. I was feeling desperate for Her to get to the point about Lucifer when all of a sudden, the Mother said, "I have to know now. I can't go on like this anymore. Did You give Me to Lucifer or not?"

"What!" I screamed, jumping back from Her as though I had been shocked.

The Mother feared then that She had been lacking in trust for Me to think I would do such a thing as give Her to Lucifer.She


p.35
hastened to explain Herself lest Her question look like She had a low opinion of Me.

"He said that you did." She paused, looking at Me. I needed for Her to continue.

"I don't know what happened," She said. "I was feeling so many emotions that I was afraid they were overwhelming Me. Then a great terror came upon Me that I was never going to see You again. I feared that You had made Me a terrible place and You were sending Me there so You could get rid of Me and everyone else could be happy. I tried to reach for You and cry out to You and I could not. I felt like I was being pushed away from You and couldn't do anything about it. I felt like You were Me because I wasn't giving You the help You needed. I was terrified and I could not move. I felt powerless and totally inadequate. I felt unworthy of Your love, and yet, I felt heartbreaking feelings of wanting You anyway.

"The next thing I knew, Lucifer was on Me, hissing in My ear that I was his now and that You did not want Me anymore. I was already paralyzed with the terror I had and Lucifer was amplifying it. I could not move to get him off of Me and I felt I could not stand it. Just as I felt I was being compressed beyond anything I could stand, You rescued Me. I'm so thankful You saved Me this time. I wish You were with Me all the time so I would never have to be terrified like that again."

I asked the Mother if there had been other times that Lucifer had pounced on Her and She said that Lucifer had assaulted Her many times, always making Her feel that She had done wrong and was a bad Mother who displeased everyone, especially Me.

"But this was the worst," She said.

I felt amazed that I had not been informed of this. The Mother said nothing, but I could feel that Her fear Lucifer might be right had caused Her to hold this back from Me.

"Don't You see/" I told Her. "He gets power over You by making You feel he's right."

The Mother felt ashamed of Herself for not knowing if Lucifer was right or not.

"I have the desire to protect You," I told Her, "but I have troubles too. Lucifer came after Me first."

The Mother looked horrified to realize that I could have trouble with Lucifer.

"We need to stick together," I heard Her say, but I was not
The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.36
the manifestation. I continued to feel uneasy, but Heart kept reassuring Me that when He and I were busy with the within (sic) the Mother of Everything, as Heart called Her now, and the Father of Manifestation had work to do on the without. This gave Me a suspicion that went into the Lost Will that Heart and I were gay. I resolved to watch everything more closely so that I could know the truth, but I did not have the focus I needed at that time to know everything at once. I have since developed much more mastery over this, but I still have Lost Will to heal that did not want to look at everything, Lost Will is massive in this area, as you can tell by the reflection of how many people there are who do not want to know everything that is really going on.
[My mother-in-law, when she heard by accident, that I was pregnant with the son of her son (Oct. 1992) : "Oh why did I need to hear that! Was ich nicht weiss, macht mich nicht heiss - what I don't know, doesn't make me hot!" or this son, perhaps in 2009, when I let him know an old, but terrible family-secret: "I wished you hadn't told me that!"]

A that time, Heart and I still felt much of Our attention being drawn inward. We wanted to get to know all that was within Me that wanted to manifest. We were having a lot of fun looking within and discovering so many things that were not out in Creation yet as Heart and I grew acquainted with what lay within Me, We began to feel the need to know more about how to manifest it.

Many things within did not have voices; they had only the sounds of their own vibrations. I sensed that they were not spirits in the same sense that the voices were.There was a different feeling about their mass also.This essence had to become planets and stars, but I did not know what they had to do to come forth. I did not want to push anything and risk having it fall in space as the Mother had originally done. I had been pondering this for quite some time when I noticed that the Mother had been trying to get My attention. She complained that I was ignoring Her again and that I had not been making love to Her. She said She had realized that what had to happen could not be held back, but She wanted to have My love to help Her through it. She had a strong desire to make love and had been holding back for quite some time waiting for Me. I felt guilty again then that I had not included the Mother more in what Heart and I had been doing.

She answered Me before I spoke, saying that She did not want to be involved that way, She wanted to make love the way We used to.

"I want to play I want to move, I do not want to sit around thinking all the time," She told Me.

I had a feeling that I did not know all that the Mother had been doing while I had been so busy within Myself. I suspected She had been making love with the other Spirit Heart had called


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My Brother, but I was not sure. She had such desire for Me now that I did not want to know just then whether She had or not. I pushed more of my fears about My relationship with both of them into a state of denial just as they were doing with their fears about Heart and I.

We had just given manifestation to the Four Parts of the One and only God there is, but We did not know it. We had already become fearful, angry and jealous toward one another. When guilt told Us it was unloving to express these feelings we denied having them. Guilt was already telling Us We should not be having the relatonship we were having with one another, and fear kept Us from bringing these feelings forward. Each of Us feared that working Our situation out might not mean it would work out the way We wanted it to. At that time, it seemed easier to try to ignore Our problems. Heart, Body and I all feared the Mother would choose another if She had to settle for One of Us. The Mother feared there was something wrong with Her that She did not want another Will spirit to be present with Us in the ways that She was.We all had fear that it was not right to make love all together. I feared I was inadequate or the Mother wouldn't have that other Spirit, and that other Spirit feared it was not right for Him to be with the Mother since I had been with Her first. Heart was also interested in the Mother, but felt like a Son that received Her, and did not feel He could fulfill Her without My presence. The Mother had desire for Spirit, Heart, Will and Body to be together as One, but She feared it might be wrong of Her to want all of Us to Herself, and so She did not want to suggest it. Instead, She hoped One of Us would mention it. We had no understanding as to why We had these fears, but they nagged Us continually.

All of these feelings and more were undercurrently present with Us when the Mother approached Me this time. She wanted to forget about all of it for awhile because She felt We could not understand. She began to stroke Me now saying that She wanted to feel as She had felt when it was only She and I. She pulled on Me and I took ahold of Her. She wanted Me to touch Her pains again. I had resistance to this at first, but then I remembered I had had the greatest pleasure when I had made Her feel good first.

I touched Her and found more places of pain in Her than I had ever found before. I didn't know why, but I wanted to blame the Father of Manifestation for this. I also felt blame toward the

p.36
sure if it was the answer or just Her desire to find a reason why We should be closer than We had been lately.

I had feelings of needing to know where Lucifer had gone next. I called for the Father of Manifestation, annoyed that He was not already there since I thought I had left the Mother with Him.

Since the Father of Manifeestaton already knew of the trouble We had had, He came quickly in response to My call.

"Quick!" I said to the Father of Manifestation. "Give the Mother what She needs. I have to find out what Lucifer is doing now!"

I left without giving a direct answer to the Mother's question of whether I had given Her to Lucifer or not and dashed for home.

I reached My place just before Lucifer did. He was sauntering across the Godhead as though he had just been selected to take over the throne. I felt that it was only because he was so thrilled with himself that he did not notice Me. If he had noticed Me, it seemed to Me that he could have easily gotten to My place ahead of Me.

As it were, I sat down in My place just ahead of Lucifer who almost sat on Me.

"Trying to be everywhere at once" I laughed breathlessly, covering My fear. It could have been a moment of comic relief except that it did not seem funny at the time.

I had reservations about letting others know how attached I was to being God. I also did not like the idea of letting others know what a hard time I was having being God for fear I looked too inadequate. I felt silly. I didn't know what this place had to do with being God since I felt that I was God everywhere that I went, but I felt that I could not allow Lucifer to take My place. I couldn't stand the idea of having someone else take the place that felt best to Me.

Lucifer responded to the discovery of My presence with insolence and scorn. He said that I was really being small not to allow anyone else to see how it felt to be in My place.

"I'm just trying to see how it feels to be You," he said, but it didn't feel as innocent as he was trying to make it seem.

I had the definite impression that he wanted to take as much power as he could and that it did not matter to him how he did it. I also saw that he was being less flexible about position than he thought I should be. Again I was amazed at the way he accused Me of just what I perceived him to be doing.


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I made up My mind that I had to prevent Lucifer from taking My place no matter what I had to do. I knew then that I had to make a place for him where he would not bother Me anymore.


SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON HOW THE WILL BECOMES LOST

No sooner had I handled this incident than I felt Heart. He felt troubled and was calling for Me.

"What now!" I thought.

I wasn't sure how much of Me had gone forth to the Mother, but I suspected it was more than Heart needed now. I decided home would be safe enough if I allowed part of Myself to go forth to Heart.

To My surprise, I found Heart lying in the midst of the most beautifully vibrating. Rainbow Spirits I had seen since the Rainbow's emergence. Heart did not look to Me like He was having trouble. In fact, quite the opposite; the scene gave Me a feeling of upliftment and relief. Perhaps Heart was succeeding after all in helping the Rainbow Spirits.

Heart quickly let Me know that this was not the case. "These are still among the Rainbow Spirits that I have found willing to receive Me, " Heart said.

I felt let down, but denied these feelings in favor of the feelings of upliftment that I liked more.

"It's true that there are not many spirits here, " I told Heart, "but it's not necessary to have a lot of spirits to plant the seed of love."

Heart did not comment. He was holding back feelings also. He felt there was a rejection of Heart presence going on and He did not know how to handle it.

"It feels good here," Heart said. "I'd like You to join Me."

The Rainbow Spirits who were there had arranged their colors so beautifully around Heart that I could not take My eyes off of them. Heart was bathing in their light and they were receiving Him also. Heart was pulsating between rose red and a green glow that was truly beautiful, but I hesitated to join Him. As much as His invitation tempted Me, it also made Me feel uneasy. I tried to avoid My uneasiness by talking about My worries.

Guilt was the reason I continued talking instead of giving in
The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations
Continuation of both books on the next Blue-Book-Page


Arad, Shabbat, November 19, 2011
When I started to work on this old page today and saw the images of Nakhal Yishai,
I felt such yearning, that I jumped up from the computer: "NOW I'll go and be there!"
See more info and pictures in "Full-Fill-ment in Godchannel's message" on Nov. 19-23.


Sitting at the edge of the lower Jesse Waterfall


That's how I once experienced the Jesse waterfall, when I finally reached it, after I could safely leave Noah's flooded Cave , on December 15, 2003


Fascinating sculptures on the northern edge of the lower waterfall

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
"If there is a God who has any power,
then why is it the way that it is on Earth?"
The ways in which people have answered this question
have consisted mostly of rationalizations designed to help better accept what their feelings do not want to accept.
The Unseen Role of Denial is why it's been the way it's been.
When we deny parts of ourselves,
these parts can become so lost from us
that they find other ways to express,
even expressing through other people.
This book begins the story of our ancient beginnings
and the misunderstandings born from lack of experience".
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations
When the Will receives judgment instead of love and light,
it becomes lost from the light and thus the term, "Lost Will."
The definition of love needs to be expanded
to include emotions that have been labeled "negative."
Much of what we've judged to be negative
became lost so long ago no one remembers what happened to it.
These lost memories go as far back as our origins.
How you really feel
is what needs expression
and in the most natural way possible.
..., suspend words and emphasize non-verbal sounds.
Doing this in private can evolve these emotions.

[continuation to p. 38 of the Violet Book - as well as to p. 38 of the Purple Book
at the end of the following "Blue Book" page]