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The Purpose of HEALING - K.i.s.s.
as stated 10 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential PEERS
to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,
and - as holograms - all of Creation!
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As the fruit of becoming whole = accepting all of myself, I
desire:
to live and explore and evolve L O V E in
my personal life
and to play my part in creating the conditions for Heaven-on-Earth
by radiating grate-full-ness, zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment
on the actors in my individual life-drama and on all human beings!
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2003/2011
The RIGHT USE OF WILL Books
The Blue Book
and at the end of the page (please scroll down!)
the continuation to pages 28-37 of both
the Violet Book and
the Purple Book
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RIGHT
USE
OF
WILL
page
1-7
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In
pp 14 I told how I encountered the Blue Book
Back to General Information
about all eight Books
Original INTRODUCTION
(and principles of editing the book on this site)
2003_04_30
page 1
RIGHT USE OF WILL
The unconditional Love of the Spirit is understood by
many on Earth at present.
There is another energy, though,
that is also part of the Divine Creation,
which has not yet been fully understood -
the Divine Will.
Nakhal Yishai, the Jesse Wadi, falls into
the Salt Sea above "my"
Springs.
I like to discern the details in every new perspective. All photos: 2002_04_27
The
Will expresses as feelings.
The Spirit and the Will are partners
in the Body
and must find their balance in the Heart.
If there is any dis-ease or aging of the
Body,
the Spirit and the Will are at odds in some way.
If there is balance between the Spirit and the Will,
only health, agelessness and vitality are manifested
and the physical plane is no longer experienced
as cut off from any other plane of existence.
Everyone on earth today has undermined his Will in some way.
This undermining of the Will is equal to lost unconditional Love, then;
for anyone that is not accepting part of himself
unconditionally
is not truly loving unconditionally.
The Will in many people is now seeking alignment.
Many people on Earth can learn the balance of Spirit and Will
and are, in fact, already moving in this direction.
It could be easily judged, then,
that the teaching of Right Use of Will isn't essential,
that things will just take care of themselves.
However, help for the process is actually necessary,
and some people want this help so that they can move faster.
Others who see little need to speed things up
can make the choice to find this alignment later.
This teaching is intended to be a manual for those
who wish to speed up the process
of reclaiming the natural heritage given to all at the
time of Creation.
The information given here may not all be new information to you,
but it is meant to outline the steps necessary to
recover the powers of the Will.
This outline will enable you to see where you are on this
path and most likely will help you to go further.
page 2
CLEARING ILLNESS AND HABITS
To begin with,
illness can be cleared
by learning to listen
to what the Body is trying to say to you
when you are ill.
Understanding this message gives the Body
a most needed feeling of acceptance
instead of the feeling
that it is you against your Body trying to defeat illness
as though illness is some kind of sabotage by the Body.
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2003_05_02
Illness
is not sabotage ;
it is the Body's statement
that it has been having to hold the
imbalance of denied Will
and needs release.
If you can accept the message
and regain the necessary balance,
illness disappears and health prevails.
A way to work with this is
to allow your full consciousness to be with the illness
by entering the distress
rather than blocking it,
ignoring it
or masking the symptoms with medication.
With your full consciousness present,
you can ask your Body what the message is
and receive an answer about how to restore balance.
Then do what Body asks and see the results.
If complete healing is not reached,
ask again and do again what Body asks
until healing is reached.
This process will evolve your ability to listen to your Body.
No
person needs to die from illness
if Body has another option that is real for it.
Body also has its own Free Will to decide
if it can heal now or not.
If you are seriously trying to align,
Body will not die unless
its only option for healing is rebirth.
Even though some diseases indicate drastic imbalance,
the idea of seeing certain diseases as fatal
has been accepted by many only
because the way of treating them has been
to deny the message of the Body.
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Instead of
seeking to restore the balance,
healing has attempted to suppress all symptoms.
Then Body is incapable of recovering health.
Suppression
of symptoms is not the way Body heals itself.
The practice of taking drugs for pain often masks early symptoms
so that the person is not aware of the problem
until it is acute and advanced.
Then healing takes a tremendous amount
of energy, concentration and dedication.
It is much easier to deal with imbalance in its beginning stages
than to wait until it is damaging the Body seriously.
The understanding needed is this:
the natural state is health;
disease equals an imbalance
that can be rectified.
page 3
For
the person experiencing physical imbalance,
a change in mental concepts of disease is also necessary.
Through denial,
the imbalance that produces disease
has gone unnoticed
until the symptoms have had to demand attention
by becoming intense.
As soon as balance is restored when signs are still at subtle levels,
disease doesn't need to appear.
Once the balance necessary for health has been gained,
this energy is freed to create something for itself other than disease.
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2003_05_04
Health is an offering to Spirits
that can understand the way to live
in the physical plane on this particular planet.
The other abilities of Right Use of Will
are based on a foundation of good health
because a Body blocked by imbalance
cannot express the capabilities inherent in balance.
The practice of Right Use of Will may at first bring forward
illness
because a suppressed Will is bound to have had suppressed symptoms.
If Will needs to take strong action when it begins to clear,
illness may temporarily result.
If that happens,
the next step is understanding the illness
and then balancing the Body
so that illness disappears.
Health can be the permanent state of affairs
when the Will and the Spirit
balance with each other
unconditionally in the Heart.
If imbalance is not rectified,
illness is "healed" only temporarily.
Aging indicates longstanding and ongoing imbalances.
Illness, aging and death do not need to be.
The fear with which society has surrounded illness
is a conditioning in need of strong attention.
So many people have come to feel
that illness is inevitable
and that all must die of something,
that the energy field emanated by these
attitudes
is actually attracting illness
through the acceptance of it as unevitable.
Health is actually the way,
But it has not been the way for such a very long time on Earth
that it seems as though no one even remembers that this is the way.
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More immediate than regaining health for
some people
is the need to examine habits
which are running the Body down.
Another way to look at this is to make a choice
between living as you are for a short time or living long
if you are willing to grow and make the called for changes.
Once again, this is a matter of personal choice.
page 4
Right Use of Will offers an opportunity to accomplish more
and also give oneself the opportunity
to learn to come and go at Will once again from the physical plane
without having to use the birth-death approach.
This allows the Spirit to leave Earth with its entire self
rather than only the less dense levels of vibration.
This is necessary
because the physical part of everyone
is just as much a part of the Spirit
as any other part.
Those that judged the physical self to be base and dense
found themselves to be trapped in this
and they began to break off from what they did not love
and leave the physical Body behind
when they longed for other planes of existence
and found
they could no longer speed up their physical Body
and take it along.
2003_05_05
More immediate than leaving
Earth at Will
is the offering Right Use Of Will has
of enjoying life to its fullest.
{See
pp13, 2003_05_07}
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This
is what most people say they are doing
when they indulge in habits,
but habits actually set the Body up
for physical death.
Habits appeal to memories of feeling good.
Habits are a problem
because they override
the sensitive response
of the Body
to a particular situation
and, instead,
impose a ritualized response of learned behavior
the person has used in the past,
whether the present calls for the same response
or not.
Response from habit prohibits response
that is attuned to that particular situation.
The Body and the Body's actions remain imbalanced
unless the person is willing to respond to the true needs
of the moment
rather than taking a habit learned in the past
and projecting it onto the present
because it seems to apply.
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All habits need attention,
for many;
such as ways of breathing,
making love,
eating by the clock, etc.;
can be easily overlooked.
Habits can only be released
if the person is ready to see why the habit is there.
All the feelings around the habit pattern
need to be accepted
and expressed also.
Body needs to express its feelings about habit patterns.
If habits are suppressing this communication,
but intent is
to end the habit
of overriding parts of the self,
it will be necessary to let habits lapse
to see what has been suppressed.
The feelings underneath habitual responses
are often feelings that are being denied
by the person
who is using habits instead
of true response.
Then there is also present
a habit of avoiding feelings.
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In this case,
the person needs to look at his habit of avoiding feelings
and decide
if this is what he really wants to continue doing or not.
If the feelings are allowed total acceptance and expression,
they can begin telling the person what he needs
in place of the suppressing habit forms.
Breaking out of habits may
look like a stumbling block for many,
but realizing the goal and seeing habits for what they are
is going to allow the process through which they can drop away.
The immediate goal is to feel better,
to be more free and to enjoy life more.
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Habits are to the Body
what judgments are to the consciousness.
Both have a rigidity.
Habitual behavior is a judgment
that what was called for once
is what is called for now
and therefore, no change of growth has taken places.
In actuality, change is needing to be constantly ongoing.
In the same way
that judgments stop and control movement of the consciousness,
habits stop and control the movement of the Body.
Body is run down by this lack of sensitivity to its always changing needs.
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The term
"JUDGMENTS'
is central to both
'Right Use of Will'
and
Godchannel.com.
For a long time,
I had trouble
understanding
this term
for which
other sources
use the term
"beliefs"..
The left frame
of the
puzzle piece
about
"Releasing
Judgments"
lists the files
in Godchannel
pertaining
to this
essential concept.
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All the habits and appetites that man has had and enjoyed,
for the most part, have been judged against
as harmful to Spiritual development.
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Lists
of things to avoid have included
alcohol, sugar, red meat, drugs, caffeine, marijuana, tobacco,
sex and extremes of any kind.
The understanding is needed
that the problem is not the substances themselves
but the habit patterns
and the extremes often associated with these substances.
The substances have been thought to be causal,
but it is consciousness that is causal and nothing else.
For example, eating meat, especially red meat,
has long been thought to make men too dense
to receive Spiritual illumination
and yet it is not causal here.
The desire to eat meat
has accompanied the consciousness needing it.
Nourishment must match the vibration
of the consciousness taking it in.
All habits drop away
when the consciousness is released from the need for them.
In not understanding what was causal here,
many have tried to break out of habits,
page 6
giving up meat, for example
by using discipline and control |
2003_05_07
This approach only causes the pattern of habit to change its form.
The reason for the habit pattern needs to be found,
and then accepted and understood,
not condemned and disciplined away.
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The Will
is meant to guide you in this
so that whatever is appropriate to any particular situation
is what you feel like doing and also do.
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[so leave the pool that
is crowded
for one that's less crowded,
but what if I don't have a choice,
where can my feelings guide me to?]
see today's entry in pp13 |
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The undermining of Free Will
on Earth has been accompanied by another habit;
the habit of looking outside the self for the answers.
This habit has another aspect to it;
that of denying your own Will
in favor of someone else's concept of what is best for you.
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Yes, but what, if something
that's best for me,
is overriding someone else?
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This imbalance has opened the way for rules
and generalized procedure
because no one really knows
what each and every moment calls for
in someone else.
Freeing of the Will to do what it is meant to do
is going to return to each person
the sensitive and appropriate attunement to the self and everything
the self does.
No amount of refining or improving standardized procedures, applied programs,
rules or regulations
is ever going to come close to the individualized fine-tuning
that Free Will has to offer.
Habits are attempts to compensate for the loss of this attunement
with generalized and externalized rules and procedures.
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2003_05_09
Feelings of being unable to receive
the Body's messages
or understand them adequately enough to balance the Body
are the result of a longstanding gap between the Spirit, the Will and
the Body.
This gap will resolve itself with practice
and the feeling of fear will dissolve
as success gives confidence to the process.
If at present the fear
is overpowering the ability to receive Body's messages and respond to
them,
you can seek reassurances from others that already understand,
but reassurance only helps
if you seek your own feelings in this processs also,
rather than abdicating to another's reality.
Feelings of confidence and fear both
need acceptance.
They need to be allowed to bring understandings
through the process they generate.
Fear could be hidden in habitual dependency upon your helpers.
The origin of the fear needs exploration and understanding.
Do not judge in advance what the fear is;
feel the fear
and let it give you the understandings.
Release of any block improves clarity.
Clarity improves communication.
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When you really listen to yourself,
page 7
you can heal yourself.
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Then you can seek help in
the spirit of confidence,
knowing you want and need the help you request
rather than being dependent and confused
because you don't know yourself.
Because of past
denial,
the Will at first may feel it necessary
to test the Spirit
to see if it is going to respond to its message.
In the past, many have ignored
the messages,
so the Will may need some time and experience in order to believe
that this pattern is really changing.
If this is the case,
do not feel you should give up.
The harmony needed for health can become the balance experienced.
Physical plane existence can be as enjoyable
as any other plane of existence,
if a person allows this to be his experience.
The physical
plane experience can evolve
to include all possibilities and potentials.
The understanding needed here is this;
when Will is balanced in the Heart with Spirit,
health prevails
and you have the starting point
for evolving in harmony.
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2003_05_13
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This
is the pattern,
which the water has engraved
in the rock bed.
During rain it rushes with deadly power towards the abyss
[see first photo on following
page].
I say "deadly",
because I was close, almost too close
to a horrible event
in the Dargah Wadi further north,
in 1999.
Six people,
who belonged to a Peace-Group,
among them an Arab ,
who had been in Israeli prisons
a long time
and wanted to finally spend
some time
with his 13 year old son,
walked into the canyon,
after the ranger had said
that it was safe.
A sudden rain in Jerusalem
rushed down down the wadi
and 3 people,
an Arab from Bethlehem,
the father of the son,
a Jew from the US
and an Israeli woman
were drowned in the torrent.
I still feel the horror of this.
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On
November 1, 2011, I felt,
that I should re-read and copy the second and third
RUOW book, as much as linear "TIME" will allow, and juxtapose
them to the first, the BLUE BOOK.
Below I "managed" to insert (max space:
1300 kb!) the pages 28-37
of each of the two books. In time I'll add links to the content titles.
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
THE FIRST CREATION ......1
THE SECOND CREATION .....7
THE THIRD CREATION ......17
THE EMERGENCE OF HEART.......25
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION ........33
THE EMERGENCE OF THE PLANETS AND STARS OF THE CENTRAL UNIVERSE ......39
THE EMERGENCE OF THE ANCIENT ONES THAT SERVE THE LIGHT ......40
SELF-DOUBT......42
THE DEMOCRATIC COUNCIL......43
THE APPROACH OF THE MIND VERSUS THE APPROACH OF THE INTUITION ......45
GOING FORTH WITH SELF-DOUBT ......47
THE EMERGENCE OF THE GREAT ARC ANGELS ...... 49
THE APPEARANCE OF LUCIFER ......50
THE EMERGENCE OF THE LESSER ARC ANGELS ......51
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FIRST ORDER OF ANGELS ......55
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SECOND ORDER OF ANGELS ......60
THE EMERGENCE OF THE THIRD ORDER OF ANGELS ......62
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FOURTH ORDER OF ANGELS ......63
THE PLATEAU OF REST AND SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
WHICH HINDSIGHT GAVE ME THERE ......64
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS ......73
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SPIRIT POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......86
SPIRIT AND FORM GO INTO CONFLICT
AND APPEAL TO HEART FOR BALANCE ......94
THE EMERGENCE OF THE WILL POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......102
THE TRIUMPHAND RETURN HOME THAT ALMOST TURNS SOUR ......107
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP SPIRITS THAT WERE HAVING TROUBLE ......110
THE ANGELS' EARLY MISUNDERSTANDINGS......117
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NOW THAT COULD NOT BE GAINED THEN ......120
AS I TURN TO HELP THE ANGELS, THE MOTHER HELPS ME TO HELP MYSELF ......126
THE MOTHER SUGGESTS
THAT NOT ALL SPIRITS ARE SPIRITS OF THE LIGHT ......129
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HEL THE ANCIENT ONES ......131
GIVING HELP TO THE ARC ANGELS ......133
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP THE ANGELS ......138
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
THE
SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMES NEED NOW ......142
SOME UNDERSTANDING ON THE KARMA OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......149
SOME JUDGMENTS THAT NEED RELEASE NOW ......165
FRAGMENTATION INCARNATING INTO SUCCESSIVE GENERATIONS ......169
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON THE ROLE OF SEX IN FRAGMENTATION ......176
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON DEATH ......181
GLIMPSES INTO SOME OF THE UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NEXT ......186
|
DENIALS
EMANATING FROM THE GODHEAD TOWARD THE SURVIVAL CHAKRA
AND SOME REFLECTIONS OF THESE DENIALS.......1
LUCIFER TRIES TO TAKE MY PLACE.......27
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON HOW THE WILL BECOMES LOST........37
THE HEART SPIRITS ASK FOR HELP.......45
THE SPIRIT POLARITY AS CAUSAL IN THE CREATION OF LOST WILL.......50
THE MOTHER TURNS MORE TOWARD FROM THAN SPIRIT..........6
HEART SPIRITS POLARIZE TOWARD THE GODHEAD........59
CHILDREN IN THE ROLE OF HEART OF THE PARENTS........62
HEART DENIES THE MOTHER........63
SPIRIT AND HEART PUSH WILL AND BODY AWAY.......67
GAPPED FEELINGS AND SEXUAL INADEQUACY.........75
LUCIFER TRIES TO FILL THE GAP.........77
BODY MOVES TOWARD SPIRIT......80
BLAME......83
DENIAL SPIRITS......86
DENIED BLAME AND SELF-SACRIFICE WIDEN THE GAP
BETWEEN
SPIRIT, HEART AND WILL, BODY......88
SEX IN A STATE OF DENIAL ......90
THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION EXPERIENCES HIDDEN DENIALS ......94
THE MOTHER SEDUCES THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION ......98
THE EMERGENCE OF EARTH ......100
SPIRIT FEELS DRAWN TO RETURN TO THE GODHEAD ......105
THE WILL IS ABANDONED ON EARTH ......107
THE GODHEAD CELEBRATES ......108
THE GODHEAD AND MANIFESTATION WITHOUT THE MOTHER ......109
HEART SHARES SOME FEELINGS
ABOUT THE IMBALANCE BETWEEN SPIRIT AND WILL .....112
THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION BRINGS BACK THE MOTHER ......114
DENIED WILL MAKES A BRIEF APPEARANCE IN THE GODHEAD ......120
DENIED WILL CANNOT REMAIN IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LIGHT ......126
THE MESSAGE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS ......128
THE MOTHER FEELS SHE HAS NO RIGHT PLACE ......130
THE EMERGENCE OF THE GOLD LIGHT SPIRITS ......131
GAPPED RAGE ......146
THE EMERGENCE OF THE WARRIORS AND THE WAR IN THE HEAVENS......148
SPIRIT TRIES TO REDUCE THE POWER OF NEGATIVITY ......152
SPIRIT GOES FORTH IN THE HOPE OF BRINGING PEACE TO CREATION ......155
SPIRIT LOOKS AT THE MOTHER WARRIORS ......157
SPIRIT FACES THE FATHER WARRIORS ......161
THE MOTHER WARRIORS AND THE GOLD LIGHT SPIRITS ......166
THE WARRIORS CONTINUE TO BATTLE ......167
SPIRIT LIGHT APPROACHES THE RONALOKAS ......171
CONCLUDING COMMENTS ......181 |
Continuation
from "BlueBook-Introduction + Violet and Purple Book, pages 4-27 at the
bottom of the page
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.28
Our light was tremendous. The Mother seemed to have
an endless capacity for taking in Our light and making more of it than
it had been before. It felt wonderful. The three of Us frolicked through
the Heavens in a state of ecstatic joy and lovingness, moving in and
out of one another according to how We felt We had Our best balance
at any given time.
We enjoyed flying and now even free falling
in space. The Mother did not seem to be afraid as long as She had Us
with Her. She always hung on tight though, letting Me know that She
did not want Me to let Her go. We had learned to move in other ways
now also. We had feelings of flying upwards and sideways, of rolling
, and of moving in spirals, dips swerves.
Colors changed with Our feelings, but
Heart was already glowing a rose pink most of the time. I had
internal visions of how We looked, but I could not get outside of Myself
to see it. To Me, We looked like balls of light with flames of many
colors streaming forth. At times sparkling light fell away from Us which
frightened the Mother until She saw that this light continued to sparkle
for as long as We watched it and was still there whenever We looked
for it. At times We experienced great explosions of colored light.
I had many questions about what was happening to Us. I
had realized that Our Son was Our Heart, and that He represented the
balance between Us. Heart helped Me to realize and understand many things.
Heart gave Us input that only Heart could give, because He was the balance
between the Father and the Mother or, in other words, between the Spirit
and the Will.
I found Myself consulting with Heart more and more because He could
give Me the balance I was seeking. The Mother also had a great love
for Heart and wanted to be with Him. I was glad. I felt We had a little
family now. I felt We had a new role as parents in which We needed to
give a lot of Our attention to the child We held between Us.
As Heart received from Us, His light grew so
quickly that He seemed no longer a child, once He got used to being
emerged. As He grew, I felt drawn to be with
Him more than with the Mother. He and I shared visions and realizations
of so many things that I did not think the Mother could really enjoy
with Us, because Her emotional nature did not allow Her mind to follow
Us. If She had an adverse reaction to anything We were doing
She could not follow the rest. Heart and I had great excitement
about a lot of things She did not seem to care much about.
She
p.29
began turning away from Us to feel Her moods; turning back to Us when
She felt interested again.
We were busy looking around at what was happening within Our light and
understanding it. We were seeing forms within Us that had begun to talk
to Us as though they had a life of their own. We listened to them and
felt they had to have a voice in how We lived Our life, but We did not
know how We were all going to get along together. Once these
voices began to speak their minds, it did not look possible for Us to
have agreement on all things such as I thought the Mother and I had
achieved.
My Son loved all of them and had a strong feeling
that love could make everything alright. He was giving
Me images of how We could have a big family and move space back for
it. He was sure We could make everyone a place in which they could be
happy. He felt that loving interdependence would
allow Us all to help one another and be independent at the same time.
Heart felt no one should be held back if there was a
desire to come forth. Heart, however, had some guilt
that was unrecognized at the time, for having
emerged first, and this
guilt made Him more ready to give in to the needs of others than He
would have been had He been balanced in this area. At
that time, Heart did not realize how much evolution was going to be
necessary before His vision could be fulfilled.
I had Heart's vision so I could not see how much evolution was
involved either, but I also had some reservatons about the rosy picture
Heart was painting. I knew that something
was wrong because I felt the Mother less and less present with Us now.
I could see Her turning Her attention out into space and brooding.
"Sounds good," I could hear Her thinking,"But
feeling it and liking it is not going to be as easy as your vision is
making it look."
The Mother did not like it that We had not
sought Her input more often. She felt that We had gone ahead without
Her into so many of Our visions that now She really might not be able
to follow them. She knew that She did not like a lot of what She felt
around Our work, but She could not argue with Us on the practical
points. She could not tell Us why She felt as She did;
She just knew She did not feel altogether
good about the way Creation was going to go if it unfolded according
to the pictures Heart and I already had. In the end, Her
uncertainty allowed guilt to get the upperhand
with Her and She gave in to Us without being able to
make Us understand why She felt as She did.
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p.28
Me away from feelings that they feared.
The Angels also did not want to appear to be short changing the Rainbow
Spirits again and the Angels, therefore, tried to make a reason why
they needed My attention. They said that they had trouble at home, and
reality was that they did. The Godhead was
manifesting many problems as a result of the lack of acceptance for
how it had felt to focus into Red, but I did not realize at the time
that these problems in the White Light were because of denial of the
red part of the spectrum.
I felt as though I were being torn in two by the needs of the Godhead
and the needs of the Red Spirits. I felt
inadequate and, therefore, guilty. I
did not know yet that healing one set of problems would have healed
the other.
The red Spirits received the vibration here and took it to mean that
the Godhead had priority over their problems. The Red Spirits presented
a response of denial that seemed to
say they had had enough of Me and that they
had no real problems anyway. I had wanted to avoid the problems
in Red, and yet, guilt had made Me hesitant
to turn My attention away from the Red Spirits. They felt that I did
not really want to be there and this made them uncomfortable with My
presence. They covered their feelings with
defensiveness and I covered mine by
manifesting an excuse to make an apologetic departure.
The Angels let Me know that Lucifer was making them feel very pressured
to give him My place. When I got home, Lucifer was suddenly and emphatically
demanding My attention. He addressed Me very gruffly, stating that he
had feelings of denial also and that
he had not gotten much attention from
anyone for a long time. He felt defensive
and said that he was the most wrongly judged
against and most denied spirit. He was very angry and his approach
was very pushy and rude. He demanded to know what his right place was
if it was not as head of the Arc Angels.
I told him I could not tell him what his right
place was because I did not know.
"How can You claim to be God and not know?" Lucifer screamed
at Me.
I shrank from him, but tried not to let it
show. His voice was so shrill and strident that I felt like I
was having My ears rasped.
Guilt was upon Me immediately.
"Why don't You know what his right place is? Isn't God supposed
to know everything?/"
p.29
Guilt's voice sounded self-righteous and accusatory.
I heard it speak so plainly, I looked around expecting to see that it
had manifested a presence I could see as plainly as Lucifer standing
before Me. I saw nothing but a gray innocuousness around Me.
Guilt was nothing I could get a hold of like Lucifer. I wanted
to grab Lucifer and throw him as far as I could fling him, but I
did not allow Myself to try it.
I looked back at Lucifer. He had drawn himself up quite tall and was
eyeing Me from arched eyes as though waiting for Me to show him how
stupid I really was. I hated him in
that moment for how he was making Me feel
and it looked like he was not going away until I told him something.
He wanted Me to show him, through My stupidity, that his right place
was actually what I regarded as My place; I could see that clearly now.
I had a fleeting moment of desperation
in which I hoped for help from Heart or the Father of Manifestation.
I felt angry at Them for not being
present when I needed Them, but I also felt
turning to Them for help might make Me look weak. Lucifer's merciless
stare made Me feel like a fool and
I began to fidget uncomfortably in
front of him. Lucifer really felt superior then and I was hating
my position. I tried to give Lucifer a look of knowing, but
it was not real.
Lucifer sneered at Me and then began
to laugh derisively.His laughter seemed
to shake Heaven in a very destructive way. I actually feared
for a moment that the sound he was making might crack Heaven open and
I would look up to find Myself surrounded
by monsters who hated Me for not being the God I represented
Myself to be. I did not know that I was experiencing
a reality I actually had created without knowing it.
Lucifer laughed all the louder then
as though he had read My mind. It felt as
though I were being hacked to death right in My own home. For
some reason, I desperately wanted to get the Mother's attention.
I wanted help now, anyone's help.
I was feeling overwhelmed, powerless and frightened,
but I knew that I had to get Lucifer off of Me. I could
not stand the vibration of Lucifer's laughter,
and yet, I could not move to push him away from Me. I hesitated to think
that I might not survive what was happening to Me, but it seemed possible
that Lucifer had the power to annihilate Me with
sound.
"Where was everyone? Why wasn't I getting any help?"
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.30
Heart had also been noticing that the Mother could not stay present
with Us. Heart had not envisioned the Mother having the feelings She
was having now. He felt guilty about
Her lack of interest in what was gong on between Us, but He
also felt it was right to go ahead with a manifested Creation.
The Mother did not like it that everything had to emerge through Her,
but She too had love in Her essence and knew that it was right
to allow Creation to come forth. She felt jealous
of Heart and Spirit because We had the role
of conceiving and She had the role of doing.
She stamped Her foot and said that She did not like the role We had
envisioned for Her or the image We had of how She was supposed to fulfill
it. She said that We did not know what it was going to be like.
She got angry, but She also feared
Her role because She knew it was not going to be the fun We kept
telling Her it was going to be.
Heart tried to reassure Her that loving balance could be reached,
but She knew more than He did about what was going to be involved in
reaching it. The Mother could not understand why We had not
included Her more and why it could not
feel better than it felt. Heart and I
could not see Her point of View then because We were
not really feeling everything, as We found out later. We were
so excited by the visions of spirits and planets and so forth that We
considered the Mother a drag on Our speed
when she wanted Us to feel details that didn't seem important then.
When We did not open to Her point of view, guilt
began telling Her that She might be the cause of the negativity She
saw, since Heart and I did not see it the way She did.
The Mother held back Her feelings during
Our preparatory discussions because She felt We were not pleased with
Her response. She had tried to change Herself
by letting Her feelings move on Her own, but after all
Her efforts, She said She still felt the same as She had felt in the
beginning; Heart and I had a way of envisioning that moved faster than
She felt She could go, and that left
Her feeling out of place. She also said that some things We had
envisioned felt so bad to Her that She could not imagine doing
them at all. She had guilt for feeling
the way She did, but still, She could not see how moving through
it could feel the same to Her that envisioning it had appeared to feel
to Us. She blamed Herself, fearing
that it was because of Her that Creation was going to go the way it
was going to go. She feared She was not the right Mother
and She had feelings of wanting another spirit to come forth
and replace Her.
She had fear that She could not do
p.31
the job and live through it, but
Her attachment to Me also did not want to give way to another
Mother to replace Her.
She struggled with this for a long time and even had a desire to go
off alone, but could not bring Herself to be separated from Me. She
finally wept and begged Me not to go ahead without feeling Her first.
We had not made love for a long time because I had been so busy with
Heart. She had a desire for Me to hold Her now and feel Her and let
my love and light pour into Her. She also feared
that doing this might bring forth another spirit, whether She felt readiness
for it or not. Her fear, though, was
not great enough to suppress Her desire for Me and so She tried to be
with Me without letting another spirit come forth until She felt ready
for it.
Fear and guilt
did not have the power to make Her hold back what was moving in Her
now. She moaned and cried in My arms with the realization of what was
going to happen. looking at Her from the point of view of Spirit, it
was hard for Me to see what She was so upset about. I asked Her if She
did not want to have Spirits come forth and be with Us. She said that
She did, but that She did not want to be separated from Me.
"I do not understand what you mean," I told Her, "I thought
that You had been as present with Me as You wanted to be."
"You do not understand" She told Me, "I want
to feel You loving Me."
"I do love You," I responded, "and Heart loves You too."
"Then why don't I feel it?" She asked Me.
"Why do I feel that I'm just sitting around waiting for You to
have time for Me? I have been waiting for You to receive Me."
I hesitated to feel that Heart could be an interference in My life with
the Mother, but perhaps it was true. I knew I could not give up what
Heart and I were able to do together. I felt
resentment toward the Mother that She could not just give Us
that space in good spirits. She wondered why We could not find time
to include Her in Our process, but She sensed Our response to Her and
felt too frightened and guilty to press Us
further.
"There now," I told Her, "all You need to do is trust
in Me, and let Me know if I am ignoring You too much."
The Mother was somewhat placated by this, but
more than anything She quieted down because She feared
that She had not really let Me know how She
felt and that She was being too possessive of Me. The Will had
a desire for Me to want Her without Her having to ask, and She did not
want to have to say this. She
|
p.30
Every reason I could imagine why I wasn't getting any help ran through
My head in one of those eternities that is only a moment . I had terrible
visions of other spirits having been annihilated already, being
too frightened to help, or being unable
to help because they were as paralyzed
as I was. I feared the spirits
were frozen, waiting to see who
really was the most powerful.
I feared help
was not possible or even allowable if I was really powerful
enough to be God. I feared
My plight was unnoticed by others. I feared
I had not allowed any other psirits to be powerful enough
to help Me. I feared I was not getting help because no one wanted
to help Me.
I was a riot of feelings
and most of them were falling away from Me
into the Lost Will. Much of this Lost Will fell into
the karma of being murder victims
but the rest of Me survived by an act of Will.
I found My voice and I screamed at Lucifer. I
screamed until the Heavens shook.
I had held so much of my
power back for so long out of fear of hurting others
that now I feared I had no
more power sufficient to save Myself. I hated everyone else in
that moment for not giving Me the help I needed. I believed I
had been so busy helping everyone else that I had exhausted Myself
and was now totally desperate.
I had been telling myself that it was not
right to scream with all My might or to throw lightning and thunder
around. I didn't want to hurt or frighten
the other living things I had created. Guilt
had been making Me hold back.
This same guilt was making
Me feel guilty now for feeling the way I did. I shouldn't need help.
I shouldn't be angry at others for not helping Me.
The truth of the matter was that the forced field around Lucifer and
Myself was so intense that no one else could get near us.
Guilt seemed to be helping Lucifer by making
Me feel paralyzed. It was telling Me that all
the so-called help I had given the spirits had
left them feeling as much without help as I was feeling now and
that I had no right to resent My situaton
because I was only getting what I deserved.
Guilt was trying to make Me accept My fate,
but somethng in Me could not give up here. I had to react. I
had to move in spite of Myself and that's why I said it was an act of
sheer Will. From someplace My strength returned. It was
Red energy from
p.31
My survival chakra but I didn't realize it then. I exploded
in a fury I could not hold back and threw Lucifer off of Me.
Lucifer backed off, but
He was still reflecting hatred that I was still
feeling. He was still laughing at Me
like I was not right to be God, and yet, I was struck with how
much he himself was a perfect picture of everything
I did not want to have be God. [?]
He was even harming any spirits that got in his way as he moved away
from Me. I felt like I had to get rid of him, but I did not know how.
There seemed to be no place he could go that was far enough away from
Me. I hated him and he hated Me; that was obvious now. It looked to
Me like Lucifer had teamed
up with guilt to overpower Me and become God in My place.
As obvious as it looks, looking at it now, I
did not realize then how I had created this. I had not created it with
My conscious intent the way I had been emerging spirits and making homes
for them, but I had created it, nonetheless. I
had created it with My denials. I did not yet quite realize
that I was creating all the time and not just when I
thought I was creating. I had feelings of needing
more control over what was happening because I knew I was creating things
I did not want to ceate, but I hadn't realized how I was creating them.
Lucifer did not accept Me and I sensed
that he was not alone. There was trouble brewing in the Heavens. I wanted
to find the Mother and tell Her that Her feelings toward Lucifer were
not wrong. I went to look for the Mother and when I found Her, She was
locked in Lucifer's grip. It appeared the Mother was also having a struggle
with him, but I was not sure, I feared She
might have desire for him that I had not allowed Myself to notice.
I was shaken, and unsure of My perceptions.
I thought the Mother hated Lucifer but the position in which they were
struggling made it look as though Lucifer
might be making love to Her. It was very hard for Me to look
at Them but I made Myself look more closely. I hated the feeling that
he might be Her choice now instead of Me and I
had more fear than I realized.
I felt an instant relief in one sense but not
in another when I managed to take a closer look at them. It appeared
that Lucifer was overpowering the Mother
and that She was doing everything She could to resist him. I rushed
to Her aid feeling fear that We were
losing power. Lucifer was only one
spirit. Why couldn't the Mother blow him away with Her rage as She had
the Ancient Ones in the beginning? How was it that I had had to struggle
so hard with him?
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.32
also felt enraged about the way She was being treated and She
did not express it because She was afraid it
was unloving of Her to be angry. She did not
like My attitude, but She especially feared the feeling of rsenting
Her own child.
Heart felt all of these things in the Mother along with Me. Heart felt
He had not been made aware that the Mother
felt He was, at times, in the way of Her relationship
with Me. He did not know how to feel
at first because His guilt was in the way now.
He had been as enthusiastic as I had been about Our work together, and
yet, He did not want the Mother to feel left out.
None of Us knew then that simply expressing Ourselves
to the end of how We felt would have made the difference in how everything
went from that point on. We had not understood that emotions could evolve
if they were freely felt and expressed. Then,
We believed Our situation would become impossible if we did not find
ways to give in to one another.
Heart and I began to make more of an effort after
that not to leave the Mother out, and still, She never felt
sure that We really wanted Her.
The Mother had such great beauty in My eyes that I could not help but
look at Her most of the time. It was easier, though, for Me to feel
Heart's feelings because Heart had the balance I needed. Heart
was just allowing Me to feel the balance of Spirit and Will, but I did
not realize it then, nor did I understand how the process of attaining
this balance took place. I wanted the Mother to also let Herself
feel Heart more instead of always having to feel Me. The Mother did
not like this and even felt that I wanted
Her to feel Heart more in the hope that She would become more like Him.
She began to feel even more displaced and inadequate.
The Mother had a desire to be with both of Us
all the time and did not want to be with one or the other of Us. She
did not know how this was going to be possible if She was so disinterested
in what We were doing. She feared
She was was being self-centered to want more attention focused on Her.
She complained of pains within Her
that She said She could not move without help. These pains
were the places My light was not touching Her, but We did not realize
it then. The Mother felt guilty that
She complained so much of the time. We
have had to have a lot of experience to finally understand what was
causing these feelings in the Will. All the Mother could
tell Me then was, "I need to be touched in here. I need loving
hands here."
I would go in and find Her pain. It would
be gone when I
p.33
touched it, and yet, I did not realize why. I would withdraw
and She would have pain again immediately,
and yet, I did not know why. I feared
the way She held on to Me in there and thought I could not stay
manifested as Myself, if I remained more within the Mother than I already
was. Guilt told the Mother that She
was just having pain to get My attention and so She
held back until She couldn't stand it anymore. All the way along,
the Mother held back more than anyone
realized, because guilt told Her it
was wrong to express what others did not want to receive.
Lost Will has been holding all that was held
back including the anger the Mother had toward Me.
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION.
In spite of Our held
back feelings, what happened next was not wrong. The part of
Me that has known it was not wrong has struggled
with the part of Me that could not align with it ever since it
happened. I was flooded with emotions that
I denied at the time, because I
judged these feelings to be out of alignment with the understanding
that I did have. I have not seen how
to balance the two points of view within Myself
until now, when I can finally heal them.
The Mother had desire for a lover that would hold Her all the
time and never let Her go. She wanted it to be Me, but did
not see how it could be Me, since I had not demonstrated any innate
talents in this direction. She had guilt
that She had such a strong desire for continuous loving contact,
but She could not quiet Her desire. She had tried Me many more times
than I had even realized, without being quite
direct about it, because She had wanted Me to take the initiative,
so that She could know I really desired Her as much as She desired Me.
I seemed to Her to be all too satisfied with Heart, and too ready to
let Her needs go unnoticed. She feared I
thought She was too trivial, and that
I did not want to concern Myself with Her when Heart and I were poring
over matters of the Spirit.
The Mother watched Heart and Myself for a long time before She made
Her move. Heart and I were involved in the weighty matters of
how to create without overriding the essence involved,
while the Mother stared out into space and longed for
a lover that would understand Her and have the desire and abil-
|
p.32
Her guilt was the reason, but She was
also more diminished than I had realized. I asked Myself then if We
were only manifesting Ourselves outwardly and losing power and essence
to the manifesting spirits as We went along. I
hadn't realized that it was Our denials that
were diminishing Us. I knew that manifesting
was depleting Us in some way, but I hadn't realized that
Our denials were manifesting outwardly and giving
Us the reflections that were so troubling.
For example, I thought all of Me loved the
Mother and that all of Me wanted to help Her throw off Lucifer. At the
time, this was all that I acknowledged as part of Me and
so I hadn't realized that We had trouble finding the power to throw
off Lucifer because denied parts of Myself were empowering
Lucifer to attack Us.
Essentially, I was
engaged in a struggle with Myself but I did not recognize all the component
parts as parts of Myself. Even though I knew intellectually that everything
came from Me, I was not connecting to this in My Will. I had not realized
how fully I was personifying everything I felt within Me because I thought
My conscious intent could control what I was manifesting. I had not
yet realized that what I wasn't letting Myself know in Myself, was also
manifesting as though separate from Me.
I felt fear when I drew near the areas of
these denials, but I did not stop to contemplate it.
I dove for the Mother and threw Lucifer off of Her. She collapsed in
My arms and sobbed.
I feared We had a serious problem on
Our hands now. The Mother appeared not to have the power to protect
Herself anymore. It looked like One of Us was going to need to protect
Her all the time.
I had fears that
the Will was weak but have since found that the
Will needs to receive light or it cannot move in the ways it needs to
move. To the extent to which
the Mother was receiving denials instead of love, She was weakened and
diminished.
I asked the Mother what had happened to Her. She answered Me at such
length that I realized She had not seen this encounter with Lucifer
as an isolated event. She told Me the story of how increasingly powerless
She was feeling against all the spirits who had rejection for Her. She
said it felt to Her as though almost all the
spirits had rejection for Her and did not want Her in their presence.
She said She had feelings of Mother love for these spirits but
hated them at the same time because they did not allow Her to
love them and did not want what She had to offer but
wanted Her to give them something else instead. She said these
p.33
spirits were making Her feel that She was not a good Mother, not the
right Mother and not giving them the kind of Mother love they wanted
to have.
"I have been wandering from place to place, feeling that no one
loves Me anymore.
"Not even You, God." I heard her inner
voice say, although She feared to say that
outloud.
"Everyplace I have tried to get involved,
I have been made to feel unwelcome. Every
spirit I have tried to help has made Me feel as though I'm the
reason they even even need help. I have tried
to love them. I have tried to Mother them. I have tried to give them
what I have to offer and still, the spirits
do not accept Me."
The Mother was still crying and telling Me this
caused Her to wail even more pitifully. I
felt She was hysterical but I felt sorry for Her as I
had not in a long time.
I also had feelings of pity for My own plight
but I didn't mention them because it
didn't seem to be the right time. I
thought I needed to be strong and help Her first.
I was not sure that theMother was going
to get to the point I wanted to understand without telling Me everything
else She had been wanting to tell Me first and so I tried to focus Her
by saying, "What about Lucifer?"
The Mother received a feeling from Me that She
was not giving Me what I wanted to hear and so She resumed by trying
to explain Herself to Me.
"Feeling heartbroken, rejected and unloved,'
She said, "amplified My feelings of separation from You, God, and
I think that's what made Me vulnerable to Lucifer."
I looked at Her questioningly and She continued
Her explanation.
"It feels like Lucifer stalks Me and waits for the perfect moment
to pounce on Me. This time he pounced when
I was feeling I had no more reason to live."
I felt shocked that She had these feelings
and I looked at Her to see if She really meant it.
The Mother felt She needed to explain Herself
to Me, but She was not sure I had the desire
or the patience to hear Her out. She wanted Me to let Her know
what I wanted to hear, but I did not feel like making any comment here;
I just indicated that I wanted Her to go on.
The Mother was feeling very uncomfortable
around Me for someone who had been so close to Me in the past.
She seemed
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.34
ity to fulfill even Her unspoken needs. She had a sad longing
within Herself because She did not know where such a lover
could come from. She felt He could not be Her child and there was no
one out in space that We had found. She feared
She was wrong to have this longing and tried to hide it from Me, but
She called for this lover from Her Heart.
I felt the movement of His emergence, but I did not look up. Heart had
told Me that this was an emergence that needed to come forth now. Heart
and I were busy anyway, and felt it was not
necessary to see what the Mother was going to do with Him. Lost
Will holds this now in the form of not looking at reality, but being
flooded with inner pictures instead.
I was terrified that I had not done right
by the Mother and did not allow those feelings to move at the time.
I was also angry that the Mother
did not love me enough to wait for Me. Lost
Will has the feelings I did not move then in the form of believing
the man should not let the woman know how He feels no matter
how hard it is to hold the feelings back.
Heart told Me it was going to be alright and
that I should not allow My feelings to get
in the way of His emergence, because He had an important role
to play. Lost Will here is not yet sure whether
I can heal it or not. It has been holding the fear that
I am not adequate for the job of God and cannot do everything
that needs doing all at once. There are many more things in the Lost
Will around this emergence, but I am going to bring them forward
as they become more relevant to the unfolding story.
Now I have acceptance
for this emergence, who was the Father of Manifestation or My
own Body, but then, My
emotions could not understand why He had to come forth and make Me feel
threatened. I didn't recognize Him as My Body then. Then, I just
saw His huge size and felt diminished in His
presence which was a feeling
I did not like. This new emergence
looked as though He could envelope
Us all. His light was dazzling. He had the soft, warm gold of the Mother
and the silvery white light I had become. Not only that, He had the
colors Heart had begun to glow, and in addition, a brilliant rainbow
of colors arced over Him. He was beautiful. I was awestruck.
"He has the power to make
form come forth," I heard
Heart tell Me.
I looked at the Mother and She avoided Me, because She was afraid
of how I might react to this. I was flooded with fear Myself
that She thought I was not enough for Her and did not
p. 35
want to tell Me. I
brushed these feelings aside in favor of welcoming a
newcomer. Lost Will got the fear.
The Mother allowed the Father of Manifestation to present Himself to
Me without accompanying Him because She still was
not sure of Me. She and this new emergence had made love as soon
as He came forth and She was not sure if I
knew it or not.
Of course I knew it, just as I really did know everything that had happened,
but I had not allowed it into My conscious
mind. At that time, I did not want
to know, because it felt too overwhelming to Me. I feared that the Mother
loved Him more than She loved Me, and I was greatly relieved
when She joined Us and gave Me a loving response for My acceptance
of Him. I hated Her for trapping
Me in this, and Lost Will got the hatred. I did not let Them
know how I felt. I even held back from Heart on this. Heart
noticed this right away and felt some guilt
that He had not correctly ascertained the effect this emergence was
going to have on Me.
"We can't manifest the Creation without Him, " I heard Heart
telling Me. "It will be alright, You'll see."
Heart did not seem at all perturbed, which gave Me a passing annoyance
with Him. I became ashamed
of Myself and began rushing
aside more of My feelings of inadequacy and
fear that I was not needed anymore. I listened to Heart tell
Me how We would be brothers and how We would all love the Mother
together. That part sounded ludicrous
to Me. Why only one Mother, I found myself thinking now. I had hoped
for an emergence that would be a mate for My Son. I had
fears around the balance here that
went into the Lost Will and became original cause for many gay men.
They have no joy in themselves, but at least they can be gay.
I watched My Son to see how He treated this new manifestation. They
treated one another very lovingly, but were not
openly sexual. I had fears about
what might be happening when I was not looking now. I
accused Myself of having the morals of a prude. If Heart had
desire for another man, it was not My place
to tell Him how He should behave. I did not allow
Myself to realize yet that the Mother had actually called for
this lover and that Heart had not been responsible for calling Him forth.
I could have known all of this if I had not
been afraid to feel it then, but I did recognize that Heart
felt more open now that the Father of Manifestation had appeared and
I wondered why. I also had understanding that the Mother now had someone
to help her with
|
p.34
to be so paranoid of rejection from Me
that She wanted to feel I was going to accept what She had to say before
She could even say it. I didn't feel that I could accept something before
I knew what it was. I felt annoyed with the
Mother's fear of rejection. I wondered how
far She was willing to go to get approval, how much She was
holding back out of fear of rejection and whether
I could trust Her to be honest with Me anymore or not. She felt
My disapproval of Her fear and then
became so paranoid She didn't know
what to do.
She began talking, nervously, I thought, and
it seemed as though She was trying to change the subject rather than
getting to the point of understanding about Lucifer that I wanted to
have. I felt exasperated but I decided to humor Her.
"I felt You looking at the Red Spirits," She said, "and
I was afraid You blamed Me for everything
You didn't like there."
"How could I blame You for everything when the Father of Manifestation
had such a big part in it?" I asked.
"I don't know," the Mother answered. "I just feel that
You do. Even when it's the Father of Manifestation, I
feel like it's My fault because I'm the One that called for Him.
I'm the One that has wanted Him with Us."
Now this I had to consider, but I answered Her by saying that She was
not the only One that wanted Him with Us.
"I love You," She said then, "and My heart is breaking
over Us I long for You and You do not come. I cry for You and You do
not hear Me. I feel guilty that I have so
much need for You because I know You are trying to be there for
all the other spirits, but I liked it better before all this creating.
Sometimes I hate the other spirits for taking
You away from Me. It feels like you love them more than You love Me."
I had to consider that also, but I answered Her
by saying, "The spirits are just children, and they have to be
given the parenting they need now. They'll grow up in time."
The Mother had a feeling
that I was not right here but She didn't want to go into it.
I didn't want to go into it either. I was feeling desperate
for Her to get to the point about Lucifer when all of a sudden,
the Mother said, "I have to know now. I can't go on like this anymore.
Did You give Me to Lucifer or not?"
"What!" I screamed, jumping back from Her as though I had
been shocked.
The Mother feared then that She had been lacking
in trust for Me to think I would do such a thing as give Her
to Lucifer.She
p.35
hastened to explain Herself lest Her question
look like She had a low opinion of Me.
"He said that you did." She paused, looking at Me. I needed
for Her to continue.
"I don't know what happened," She said. "I was
feeling so many emotions that I was afraid they were overwhelming
Me. Then a great terror came upon Me
that I was never going to see You again. I
feared that You had made Me a terrible place and You were sending
Me there so You could get rid of Me
and everyone else could be happy. I tried to reach for You and cry out
to You and I could not. I felt like I was being pushed
away from You and couldn't do anything about it. I felt
like You were Me because I wasn't giving You the help You needed. I
was terrified and I could not move.
I felt powerless and totally inadequate.
I felt unworthy of Your love, and yet,
I felt heartbreaking feelings of wanting You anyway.
"The next thing I knew, Lucifer was on Me, hissing in My ear that
I was his now and that You did not want Me
anymore. I was already paralyzed with
the terror I had and Lucifer was amplifying it. I could not move
to get him off of Me and I felt I could not stand it. Just as I felt
I was being compressed beyond anything I could stand, You rescued Me.
I'm so thankful You saved Me this time. I wish You
were with Me all the time so I would never have to be terrified like
that again."
I asked the Mother if there had been other times that Lucifer had pounced
on Her and She said that Lucifer had assaulted Her many times, always
making Her feel that She had done wrong and was a bad Mother who displeased
everyone, especially Me.
"But this was the worst," She said.
I felt amazed that I had not been informed of this. The Mother said
nothing, but I could feel that Her fear Lucifer
might be right had caused Her to hold this back from Me.
"Don't You see/" I told Her. "He
gets power over You by making You feel he's right."
The Mother felt ashamed of Herself
for not knowing if Lucifer was right or not.
"I have the desire to protect You," I told Her, "but
I have troubles too. Lucifer came after Me first."
The Mother looked horrified to realize that I could have trouble with
Lucifer.
"We need to stick together," I heard Her say, but I was not
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.36
the manifestation. I continued to feel uneasy,
but Heart kept reassuring Me that when He and I were busy with the within
(sic) the Mother of
Everything, as Heart called Her now,
and the Father of Manifestation had work to do on the without. This
gave Me a suspicion that went into the Lost
Will that Heart and I were gay. I resolved to watch everything
more closely so that I could know the truth, but
I did not have the focus I needed at that time to know everything at
once. I have since developed much more mastery over this,
but I still have Lost Will to heal that did
not want to look at everything,
Lost Will is massive in this area, as you can tell by
the reflection of how many people there are who do not want to know
everything that is really going on.
[My mother-in-law, when she
heard by accident, that I was pregnant with the son of her son (Oct.
1992) : "Oh why did I need to hear that! Was ich nicht weiss, macht
mich nicht heiss - what I don't know, doesn't make me hot!" or
this son, perhaps in 2009, when I let him know an old, but terrible
family-secret: "I wished you hadn't told me that!"]
A that time, Heart and I still felt much of Our attention being drawn
inward. We wanted to get to know all that was
within Me that wanted to manifest. We were having a lot of fun looking
within and discovering so many things that were not out in Creation
yet as Heart and I grew acquainted with what lay within Me, We began
to feel the need to know more about how to manifest it.
Many things within did not have voices; they had only
the sounds of their own vibrations. I
sensed that they were not spirits in the same sense that the voices
were.There was a different feeling about their mass also.This essence
had to become planets and stars, but
I did not know what they had to do to come forth. I did not want to
push anything and risk having it fall in space as the Mother had originally
done. I had been pondering this for quite some time when I noticed that
the Mother had been trying to get My attention. She complained that
I was ignoring Her again and that I had not been making love to Her.
She said She had realized that what had to happen could not
be held back, but She wanted to have My love to help Her through it.
She had a strong desire to make love and had been
holding back for quite some time waiting for Me. I felt guilty
again then that I had not included the Mother more in what Heart and
I had been doing.
She answered Me before I spoke, saying that She did not want to be involved
that way, She wanted to make love the way We used to.
"I want to play I want to move, I do not want to sit around thinking
all the time," She told Me.
I had a feeling that I did not know
all that the Mother had been doing while I had been so busy within Myself.
I suspected She had been making love
with the other Spirit Heart had called
p.37
My Brother, but I was not sure. She
had such desire for Me now that I did not want to know just then whether
She had or not. I pushed more of my
fears about My relationship with both of them into a
state of denial just as they were doing with their
fears about Heart and I.
We had just given manifestation to the Four Parts
of the One and only God there is, but We did not know it. We
had already become fearful, angry and jealous toward
one another. When guilt told Us it was unloving to express these
feelings we denied having them. Guilt was already telling Us We should
not be having the relatonship we were having with one another, and fear
kept Us from bringing these feelings forward. Each of Us feared that
working Our situation out might not mean it would work out the way We
wanted it to. At that time, it seemed easier to try to ignore Our problems.
Heart, Body and I all feared the Mother
would choose another if She had to settle for One of Us. The Mother
feared there was something wrong with Her
that She did not want another Will spirit to be present with
Us in the ways that She was.We all had fear
that it was not right to make love all together. I feared
I was inadequate or the
Mother wouldn't have that other Spirit, and that other Spirit feared
it was not right for Him to be with the Mother since I had been
with Her first. Heart was also interested in the Mother, but felt
like a Son that received Her, and did not
feel He could fulfill Her without My presence. The
Mother had desire for Spirit, Heart, Will and Body to be together as
One, but She feared it might
be wrong of Her to want all of Us to Herself, and so She did
not want to suggest it. Instead, She hoped One of Us would mention
it. We had no understanding as to why We had these
fears, but they nagged Us continually.
All of these feelings
and more were undercurrently present with Us
when the Mother approached Me this time. She wanted to
forget about all of it for awhile because She felt We could not
understand. She began to stroke Me now saying that She wanted to feel
as She had felt when it was only She and I. She pulled on Me and I took
ahold of Her. She wanted Me to touch Her pains
again. I had resistance to this
at first, but then I remembered I had had the greatest pleasure
when I had made Her feel good first.
I touched Her and found more places of pain
in Her than I had ever found before. I didn't
know why, but I wanted to blame the Father of Manifestation for
this. I also felt blame toward the
|
p.36
sure if it was the answer or just Her desire to find a reason why We
should be closer than We had been lately.
I had feelings of needing to know where Lucifer had gone next. I called
for the Father of Manifestation, annoyed that He was not already there
since I thought I had left the Mother with Him.
Since the Father of Manifeestaton already knew of the trouble We had
had, He came quickly in response to My call.
"Quick!" I said to the Father of Manifestation. "Give
the Mother what She needs. I have to find out what Lucifer is doing
now!"
I left without giving a direct answer to the
Mother's question of whether I had given Her to Lucifer or not
and dashed for home.
I reached My place just before Lucifer did. He was sauntering across
the Godhead as though he had just been selected to take over the throne.
I felt that it was only because he was so thrilled with himself that
he did not notice Me. If he had noticed Me, it seemed to Me that he
could have easily gotten to My place ahead of Me.
As it were, I sat down in My place just ahead of Lucifer who almost
sat on Me.
"Trying to be everywhere at once" I laughed breathlessly,
covering My fear. It could have been
a moment of comic relief except that it did not seem funny at the time.
I had reservations about letting others
know how attached I was to being God. I also did not
like the idea of letting others know what a hard time I was having being
God for fear I looked too inadequate. I
felt silly. I didn't know what this
place had to do with being God since I felt that I was God everywhere
that I went, but I felt that I could
not allow Lucifer to take My place. I
couldn't stand the idea of having someone else take the place that felt
best to Me.
Lucifer responded to the discovery of My presence
with insolence and scorn. He said that I
was really being small not to allow anyone else to see how
it felt to be in My place.
"I'm just trying to see how it feels to be You," he said,
but it didn't feel as innocent as he was trying to make it seem.
I had the definite impression that he wanted to take as much power as
he could and that it did not matter to him how he did it. I also saw
that he was being less flexible about position than he thought I should
be. Again I was amazed
at the way he accused Me of just what I perceived him to be doing.
p.37
I made up My mind that I had to prevent Lucifer from taking My place
no matter what I had to do. I knew then that I had to make a place for
him where he would not bother Me anymore.
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON HOW THE WILL BECOMES LOST
No sooner had I handled this incident than I
felt Heart. He felt troubled and was calling for Me.
"What now!" I thought.
I wasn't sure how much of Me had gone forth to the Mother, but I suspected
it was more than Heart needed now. I decided home would be safe enough
if I allowed part of Myself to go forth to Heart.
To My surprise, I found Heart lying in the midst of the most
beautifully vibrating. Rainbow Spirits I had seen since the
Rainbow's emergence. Heart did not look to Me like He was having trouble.
In fact, quite the opposite; the scene gave Me a feeling of upliftment
and relief. Perhaps Heart was succeeding after all in helping the Rainbow
Spirits.
Heart quickly let Me know that this was not the case. "These are
still among the Rainbow Spirits that I have found willing to receive
Me, " Heart said.
I felt let down, but denied these
feelings in favor of the feelings of upliftment that I liked
more.
"It's true that there are not many spirits here, " I told
Heart, "but it's not necessary to have a
lot of spirits to plant the seed of love."
Heart did not comment. He was holding back
feelings also. He felt there was a rejection
of Heart presence going on and He did
not know how to handle it.
"It feels good here," Heart said. "I'd like You to join
Me."
The Rainbow Spirits who were there had arranged their colors so beautifully
around Heart that I could not take My eyes off of them. Heart was bathing
in their light and they were receiving Him also. Heart was pulsating
between rose red and a green glow that was truly beautiful, but I hesitated
to join Him. As much as His invitation tempted Me, it also made Me
feel uneasy. I tried to avoid My uneasiness
by talking about My worries.
Guilt was the reason I continued talking instead of giving in
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
Arad, Shabbat, November 19, 2011
When I started to work on this old page today and saw the images of Nakhal Yishai,
I felt such yearning, that I jumped up from the computer: "NOW I'll go
and be there!"
See more info and pictures in "Full-Fill-ment
in Godchannel's message" on Nov. 19-23.
Sitting at the edge of the lower Jesse Waterfall
That's how I once experienced the Jesse waterfall, when
I finally reached it, after I could safely leave Noah's flooded Cave , on
December 15, 2003
Fascinating sculptures on the northern edge of the lower
waterfall
