The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'

pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"



Scroll down - to read the inserts which exemplify
how I study "Abraham/Hick's" teachings
about learning "Good-Feeling-Thoughts
and how I apply what I learn in sculpting MY DESIRE TODAY during six days of the week
from December 8-30,2009

from December 3-7,2009 in "Original Introduction to Right Use of Will, p. VIb-XI
from November 29-December 2,2009 in "Original Introduction to Right Use of Will, p. I-VIa"
from November 10-27,2009 in "Michael on Right Use of Will"
continuation of the inserts from November 1-9, 2009 in "About the Books called Right Use of Will"
continuation of the inserts from October 16-31, 2009 in "The Mother's Eruption"
which is the
continuation of the first inserts from October 1-16, 2009 in "I honor all their experiences"

The Blue Book    p. 8-19
and at the end of the page (please scroll down!)

the continuation to pages 38-57 of both

the Violet Book
and the Purple Book


In pp 14 I told how I encountered the Blue Book
Back to General Information about all eight Books

Original INTRODUCTION (and principles
of editing the book on this site)

Right Use of Will........................................1
Clearing Illness and Habits.......................2

Free Will in the presence of Opposition..8
Limits on the Self......................................9

Discipline, death and Reincarnation
     Resulting from the Original Spilt
     of Spirit and Will................................12

Inner Listening........................          .. ...15
Judgment Release..........     ..      .........19
Realities Precipitating toward Earth   23
Emotional Release.............     ...     ......32
Right Use of Will as a Healing
   Power  for Yourself and Earth.     ....37

The Influence away from Free Will... .42
Denials shared by Many....    .. ............44
The Feminine Principle...........     .......49

Sex and Children................    . ...........50
Free Will between People...    .. .........55

Form and Graven Images..   .... ..........61

Acceptance...............  ................. 64
Twists and Turns on Judgments  68

The Land of Pan...........................74

Understandings on Denial..........118

Steps to Healing
     & Complete Recovery..    ....  127

Intimidating Form........................132

Version of 2010 [discovered in 2013, when my young friend Boris ordered "The Blue Book" for himself']

FOUR WINDS Publications

Copyright 1984, 1986, 2010,

Ceanne DeRohan-
All rights reserved...
Four Winds Publications
551 Cordova Rd. # 112
Santa Fe, New Mexico,
87505, USA


Healing and Evolving
the Emotional Body

by Ceanne DeRohan

Dedicated to the Earth

INTRODUCTION ...............................

RIGHT USE OF WILL........................1


LIMITS ON THE SELF.......................9

INNER LISTENING......................... 12

SELF................................... 15

FREE WILL IN THE PRESENCE OF         OPPOSITION.........................15

JUDGMENT RELEASE....................17

EMOTIONAL RELEASE................20



THE FEMININE PRINCIPLE.............................41

SEX AND CHILDREN......................................42

FREE WILL BETWEEN PEOPLE......................49


DENIALS SHARED BY MANY...........................55



THE LAND OF PAN............................ ..74

2003_05_16 / 2013-06-06

The chapter "Clearing Illness and Habits"
in the 1984 version of "Right Use of Will"
is followed by the chapter:

"Free Will in the presence of Opposition"

In the 2010 version this chapter
appears only after 3 more chapters -
on 2010- p. 15








Images on this page [2002-2003]:
from Nakhal Yishai at the Salt Sea
through water, light and shade in a swimming-pool
to the Mikhmoret-Beach at the Mediterranean Sea.

Water and its movement
symbolize the Will, the Feelings



1984 - page 8 [as to this chapter in the 2010 version, see after the chapter "Inner Listening"]


Light and Water and the shadows of swimmers in the Neve-Shalom swimming pool
The question of Free Will
in an atmosphere
that doesn't accept it

is the next issue to be discussed.

The question of
practicing Right Use of Will among people
who do not accept and understand these ideas

is a matter of choice.

It should be understood, however,
that a strong Will is necessary
to do this in a restrictive atmosphere
and also
that overpowering in any direction
is not the practice of Free Will.

Many people may need
to be among others with the same goals
so that there will be some support
for changing the mental concepts and conditioning
that society has created.
This mutual support can give the necessary strength
required to break away from the conditioning,
which is partly personal karma
and partly just being present in a belief system
held so strongly by so many.

The practice of Right Use of Will does not include
forcing ideas on anyone or on society at large.
The space to practice Right Use of Will
comes from within the person himself.
Society has taken the stance of being so limiting,
because it has reflected indiduals' denial of the Will.

If you recover your own lost Will,
you will find it much easier
to change your reality to suit you

than to try to change an outward reflection of denial
that you have not changed within yourself.
page 9
The present state of affairs on Earth
is the result of confusion and misunderstanding about lost Will.
Restore your own Will and you will be able to be free.


Next Chapter:

1984- page 9


The attuned Will is able to take you anywhere you want to go
and has the ability to feed you and keep you warm.
Holding the condition or judgment
that these things must be worked for
is part of the reason
that Will isn't able to provide these things in another way.
Release of these limitations is an important part
of recovering the ability to enjoy yourself in the physical plane
without having to work at something you don't want to do.

Remember also,
that if the feeling of the Will is to rest for a while,
this is alright too.
Judgments against allowing yourself to do what you want to do
need release
as these beliefs participate in the creation of your own reality.

The judgments or unnecessary limitations you are holding
can be seen in your daily dialogue with yourself and others.

2010- page 9b


The next step in evolving your own spiritual presence is
to accept all of the reality you were meant to have on Earth.
In accepting this reality,
unconditional acceptance of the feelings is necessary.
Feelings are meant to balance the Spirit's overview
with the Will's perception
of what is pleasant and possible for any given moment.
Finding this balance in the Heart creates a reality
in which all needs can be met without overriding in any directin.

An attuned Will has the ability to take you anywhere you want to go
and to feed you and keep you warm.
Holding the condition, or judgment,
that these things must be worked for
is part of the reason
the Will hasn't been able to provide these things in another way.
Release of these limitations
is an important part of being able to enjoy yourself in the physical plane without having to work at something you do not want to do.
Remember also, that if the feeling in the Will is to rest for a while,
this is alright, too.

Judgments against allowing yourself to do what you want to do
need release,
as these held beliefs participate in the creation of
1984- still page 9

What do you say, feel and believe
that keeps you in the prison of lost Will?
The release of attitudes and opinions you don't want to hold
about what it takes to live on Earth
will open the space for things to change for you.

Free Will offers the gift of a much richer reality
and feelings attuned enough
to warn you of any impending harm.
Old conditioning
does not let you assess a situation for what it is.
Old conditioning
takes the role of keeping your responses the same.
When you no longer want it,
you can feel imprisoned by it.
Release of old conditioning
lets present feelings tell you
whether something is actually for you or not.

The next step in evolving your own Spiritual presence
is to accept all of the reality you were meant to have on Earth.
In accepting this reality,
the unconditional acceptance of the feelings is necessary.
Feelings balance
the Spiritual overview
with the Will's reality
of what is pleasant
and possible
at any given moment.
This balance takes place in the Heart
and this balance creates a reality
that allows needs to be met
without overriding anyone of anything.

If your needs are being denied you by someone else

1984- page 10

and it is not your own limits on yourself doing this,
then change your approach to fulfilling your needs;
find another place and/or another way in which to fulfill them.
Instead of making any judgments,
give freedom a chance to work by allowing yourself to do
whatever the situation calls for.
Don't question your feelings here;
allow them to show you what to do.
Even if you are not balanced yet, remember
that if your intent is to seek the balance of Spirit and Will,
you are not going to harm yourself or anyone else.
Instead, the alternative needed will be created this way.
Being open to allowing anything
is the process of creating alternatives.
This process can create alternatives
that did not exist before you needed them.
2010- page 10

your own reality.
The release of attitudes and opinions about what it takes to live on Earth
can open the space for things to change for you.

Old conditioning does not let you assess a situation for what it s.
Old conditioning takes the role of keeping your responses the same.
When you no longer want it,
you can feel imprisoned by it and not know how to get out.
Trying to escape by rearranging your thoughts is only partially successfull.
When you understand how to release old conditioning,
present feelings can let you know if something is right for you or not.

have placed a great burden of limiting beliefs upon the self.
Longstanding conditioning layered onto these limitations
has been diminishing human possibilities instead of expanding them.
Many have continued to accept limitations on the self
because these many layers of conditioning
have convinced them of their reality, or of their necessity.
Some have been seeing these limitations
as if they are what defines them as a person.
Many limitations have been disguised as truisms,
such as "Jack of all trades, master of none,"
or even, "I am a mathematician",
when this statement excludes other things, even subtly.

Limiting beliefs need to be lifted off of the self as you feel ready.
Whether you presently have the words for them or not,
these limitations take the form of judgments held against the self.
Many of the judgments, or limitations,
that you may not want to continue living within
can be seen in your daily dialogue with yourself and others.
What do you do, say and believe
that has been keeping you in the prison of limitations on the self?

Expressing yourself freely is the way to call for the reality you want,
and yet, desire has long been judged to be a sin.
In fact,desire is magnetic energy of the Will.
Magnetic energy attracts,
so it is important that you give acceptance to your desire
so that you can know what it is that you are attracting.
including desiring something other than what has been happening to you,
needs loving acceptance and understanding just like anything else
that has been judged against and, thus, placed in a state of being denied.

Love can be present when you open the space for it,
and love can manifest in many forms.
Loving acceptance for everything is the Divine Plan for all,
so there is no need to continue fearing that My Plan calls for anything else.
Bondage to others, self-denial, sacrifice,
strife, struggle, starvation and scarcity
are not the way of Limitless Love.
These are the manifestations of misunderstandings
closing down the openings through which love can manifest until

1984- still page 10 ["Limits on the Self"]

Expressing yourself freely
is the way to call for the reality you need

and yet desire has long been thought to be a sin.
In fact, desire is the magnetic energy that attracts the Light
and the essence of the light is Love.

Love is present when you desire it to be
and Love manifests
in as many forms as there are.

Desire needs acceptance and understanding
just like anything else
that has been judged against on Earth
and thus placed in a state of being denied.

Loving acceptance for everything
is the Divine plan for all,

so there is no need to continue fearing
that the plan calls for anything else.

Bondage to others,
strife, struggle, starvation and scarcity
are not the way of Limitless Love.
They are the manifestation of Love
expressing as best it can
within the limits man has placed on it.

Is it not logical then,
that Love will provide if it is allowed to,
since this is Love's way?

Feelings of being undeserving must be released also.
Judging yourself
to be more deserving or less deserving than others
is not being open to what is simply appropriate.
Feelings of superiority or inferiority are off balance.

Love accepts all as perfect,
and yet Love loves everything exactly

as it needs to be loved
and as it can accept Love.

The path of
recovering the balance of Spirit and Will in the Heart
will show you
that your own right place can be recognized by you
because it will feel just perfect to you.

Finding your own right place
is an outer reflection
of finding your own inner balance.

Finding inner balance
is going to create an outer reality that will match iit.

The path to your own inner balance
will be reflected by changes in you outer LIfe.

2010- page 11 ["Limits on the Self"]

love can even appear to be punishment.
Other than the beliefs, limitatins and judgments
you have been holding against yourself,
there is nothing to punish you.

Is it not logical, then, that Love will provide if it is allowed to,
since this is Love's way?
Feelings of being undeserving must be released also.
Judging yourself to be more, or less, deserving than others
is not being open to what is simply appropriate,
which is what you are capable of receiving in any given moment.
Feelings of superiority, or inferiority, are off balance.
Unconditional love accepts all as perfect in the moment,
and yet love loves everything
as it needs to be loved and as it can accept love,
which also means
that everything can also shift, change,grow and evolve.

The path of bringing the balance of Spirit and Will into your Heart
will show you what is right for you,
and you will be able to recognize the perfection of it as you move along.
Finding your own right place
is a reflection of finding your own inner balance.
In other words,, as you are finding your inner balance,
your outer reality will match it.
In freeing your own Will,
you cannot help but have your outer reality respond.
It will also reflect whatever you have not found in yourself
that needs to be brought within your loving acceptance.
The longer it takes; the more conditioning you have to work through.

Right Use of Will works if you know it is the path for you.
The Will is more than ready to receive the Love and Light of the Spirit.
It is the individual Spirits
who must accept the question of free Will
and decide if it is right time or not.

The feelng that recovery and healing of the Will is too difficult
is part of the illusion
that has kept the physical plane of existence seemingly separate
from the other planes of existence, or speeds of vibration.
This belief had been involved in the immense loss of vbration in the Will,
and goes along with the belief
that gifts are the reward of much dedication and hard work.
The release of these judgments is necessary.
Many spiritual teachers have said this
because they have believed in separations that are not real
or because they are confused
and have taken the path of struggle and punishment.

Attuning our Spirit and your Will can be accomplished
if you have the intention to do it.
Spiritual teaching should not be directing you
to lift above and drop off the physical and emotional bodies
in order to return to God, the light, the Source or whatever it is being called, without Them.
These are old misunderstandings
that have placed many limitations on the self.
The reality is that this approach will not work.
What is yours is yours, and you
1984- still page 11 ["Limits on the Self"]

In freeing your own will,
you cannot help but have outer reality respond.

Each person needs Right Use of Will;
only each person needs to decide for himself how it will be practiced
and when it is time to begin.
Right Use of Will works if you know that it is the path for you.
Will is the receiver of the Spirit,
so the Will is more than ready to practice Right Use of Will.
It is the Spirit
that must accept the question of when the gifts of the physical plain,
which stem from the alignment of Spirit and Will,
are to be sought.

Many people have misunderstandings
that Right Use of Will is too hard to do
or means giving up habits in a spirit of sacrifice or self-deial.

However, it is not as hard to free your Will
as it is to live in a Body
that has to carry blockage,
resistance, denial and rigidity
of an imprisoned Will.

2010- page 12 ["Limits on the Self"]

What is yours is yours, and you cannot solve anythng by dropping it off.
The way is to evolve
and to evolve
you must begin to accept all of yourself
in whatever state it is in.

In the path of each person there is what is called
"Original Cause."
Right Use of Will is beginning with what you are able to accept at first,
so that a foundation can be built for understanding
how these spiritual misunderstandings originated.

For now, all that can really be said is
that it is not possible to return to essence
by dropping off parts of the self.
Undercurrent here, are judgments against Creation.

Manifested Creation is not to be denied or gotten rid of as a mistake.
The essence of Creation needs to be allowed to vibrate and evolve
so that Form can come into alignment with Loving Essence.
Manifestation is the way
in which essence experiences itself so that it can evolve.
Beginning with yourself, by releasing your llimitations
so that you can expand into your full self,
you can gradually expand your loving acceptance
to include all of Creation.

[2010: end of chapter "Limits on the Self"

1984- still page 11 ["Limits on the Self"]

Feeling that the healing of recovery of the Will is too hard
is part of the illusion
that keeps the physical plane of Earth seemingly separate
from the other planes.

This goes along with the belief
that gifts are the reward of much dedication and hard work.
The release of this judgment is necessary.

Many of earth's spiritual teachers have said this
because they believe in separations that are not real
or because they are confused and have taken the path of struggle.
The understanding needed here is this:

there is no reason to believe
you cannot attune your Will and your Spirit if you want to.
This really can be done by anyone
who decides yo dedicate himself to accomplishing it.
Your intent determines whether you have success or not.

Spiritual teaching should not be directing you
to lift above and drop off
the physical and emotional bodies
and try to return to essence in the Godhead
without them.
This has been a massive spiritual misunderstanding
on earth.
The reality is that this approach will not work

1984- still page 11 ["Limits on the Self"]

because what is yours, is yours,
and you cannot drop it off;
the way is to evolve,
and to evolve it
you must accept it.



In the carmic path of each person there is
what is called

"Original Cause."
Right Use of Will is beginning
with what people can accept now
so that a foundation can be built
by clearing the physical,
and mental bodies.

This process will build personal power
so that Original Cause
can be faced, accepted and understood.

When Original Cause is brought forward

1984- page 12 ["Limits on the Self"]

it will become clear
how these Spiritual misunderstandings originated.

For now, all that can really be said is
that it is not possible
to return to essence
by dropping off parts of yourself.
Undercurrent here is a judgment against the Creation.
The Creation is not to be denied.

Essence is living ,
expanding and evolving,
and manifests as the Creation.
Manifestation is the experience
through which Loving Essence evolves.


In the 1984 version of "Right Use of Will" the chapter "Limits on the Self " is followed by the chapter:
In the 2010 version this chapter - changed into "Ego/Self" - appears after "Inner Listening" on 2010- page 15

1984 - page 12

Healing your disconnections
and non self-acceptance
is a matter of personal choice and timing,
yet personal choice is not a constant, -
it changes and expands as a person evolves.
What may not seem right to you now
may become right at any moment.

Spiritual growth has been thought
to require death of the ego.

This is not true understanding.

There is no problem with ego.

Denying the ego its right function
has created disease in the ego
and this disease is the problem.
Death of the ego is not a necessary part of Spiritual growth.

Ego in fact is the part of you
that recognizes yourself as you.
The ego operates to protect
your present level of ability
to accept and express.

Ego is as Divine as anything else.
There is no problem with ego
if it sees itself as evolving with the rest of you.
You cannot tell the difference between yourself and anything else without ego.


to the next chapter in the 1984 version of the Blue Book>Discipline, Death and Reincarnation







I follow my understanding and new lekh-lekhâ on January 1, 2009,
  that - after 7 years - I should no longer create new pages on my 2 websites,
but intermingle the evidence of new experiences with that on existing pages.


My study and application of "Abraham/Hick's" teachings

about learning "Good-Feeling-Thoughts
from December 8-30,2009
from December 3-7,2009 in "Original Introduction to Right Use of Will, p. VIb-XI
from November 29-December 2,2009 in "Original Introduction to Right Use of Will, p. I-VIa"
from November 10-27,2009 in "Michael on Right Use of Will"
continuation of the inserts from November 1-9, 2009 in "About the Books called Right Use of Will"
continuation of the inserts from October 16-31, 2009 in "The Mother's Eruption"
which is the
continuation of the first inserts from October 1-16, 2009 in "I honor all their experiences"

"the ability to flow my personal energy in any situation
without needing to exert control and domination"
[from the July-message of Archangel Michael]

I am having plenty of opportunities to practice

whenever I feel a dis-agreeable feeling,
i.e. a feeling to which I do not naturally agree with,
a feeling, which I would prefer to dis-own,
a feeling which has to be brought home,
home into my womb,
home into my own,
home into my love.

This in truth is 'Unconditional Love',
and everything else, which will anchor Heaven on Earth,
will follow from this.








December 7 , evening – December 8, morning, Tuesday,
in my sanctuary at Arad

On this new (though continued) page I want to finally address,
what in my eyes is the biggest bug in "Abraham's Teachings":
the quality and content of our conscious, deliberate desires
which we 'launch like rockets' towards manifestation through the Law of Attraction.


My desire is - that I and all my loved ones give attention
to what I and each of my loved ones long and yearn for,
but - please! - that 'Source' and the 'Law of Attraction'
may manifest solely,
what is in our best interest, and in the interest of all around us
and in the interest of our World!

I want to tell two stories which exemplify
the Danger of Desires which do Damage.

"Breaking the Waves" is on the German DVD subtitled: "a Love until the End of the World".
Bess, a simple, childlike l woman, is deeply in love with an oil rig worker.
She has difficulty living without Jan when he is away on the oil platform.
She prays for his return with utmost devotion and desire.
He does return, but paralyzed after an industrial accident.
She believes it is her fault. "If I hadn't desired so hard...

Franz Rosenzweig's love for Gritli was also perceived as a love until the end of life.
This end came, when my father-in-love was not yet 41, and his heart was broken.
Watching from above I view two desires which staged a terrible drama, a tragedy.

FR loved his best friend's wife, "Eugen's Gritli", whom he would never be able to marry.
After his 'service' in World War I, he desired, yearned to be married by the end of 1919.
FR was deeply disappointed, when "God" seemed to not be willing to fulfill this desire...

Somewhere else there was a girl, who had met FR in 1914 and fallen in love with him.
They had nothing in common - except the wish to revive their Jewishness in their lives,
While FR had no feelings for Edith, Edith wrote a diary about desiring him, only "HIM".

On the sixth day of the new year,1920, they met and right there ~~they got engaged.
Edith desired "HIM" so much, that she swallowed FR's "neverending" love for Gritli.
FR desired to lead a married Jewish life so much, that he forced himself to fake love.

"God himself couldn't help shoving toward this heart, for what it asked.

I never knew, writes FR to
Gritli 28.I.20 , that a child can thus guide His Will.
"...quietly and tirelessly did this "he" (in her diary) force my destiny into its realm,
till it could transform into a "you".... and my heart lies before her on its knees!"

Unlike Edith, who seemed to swallow..., Franz felt torture and unfathomable suffering
as expressed in heartbreaking metaphors in his ongoing daily letters to his love, Gritly.

So, "Abraham"! the Law of Attraction brought my parents-in-love what they desired.
But what good did it do to them and to their son and even to the children of their son?

The minute FR heared about Edith's pregnancy, FR's suffering rushed into lethal disease.
He had reached at least one aim, a child. The doctors gave him 2 years. He lived seven...
It was then, that Edith proved her value, without her his work would have been doomed.
And Gritli's love failed, she could not deal with the work-obsessed paralyzed, mute lover.
Is that what a "Vibrational Match" of a desire can bring me?

One of the many beautiful love-songs which I sing to myself





December 8, evening – December 9, morning, Wednesday,
in my sanctuary at Arad
~~~ half an hour playing with Amit, my landlord's son
My eyes fell on a sentence in Right Use of Will -above - which suits today's desire:
"However, it is not as hard to free your Will
as it is to live in a Body that has to carry
blockage, resistance, denial and rigidity
of an imprisoned Will.

My desire is - that Irene may learn "to walk humbly with your God"
[Micah 6:8]
and retreat -at this stage- from her job despite her great giving in it,
and return to health and wholeness, zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment
in devoting herself to her house and family
until she will understand
why - in her life's drama - she gave such a difficult role to her beloved!

Much of my thinking and many hours of sculpting in my e-mail response
has, since yesterday, been dedicated to my firstly born starchild (1965) Irene.
OUR work was sealed by a rainbow, which I was led to see "by chance",
a splendid rainbow above the Wadi of Compassion and my neighborhood

When, as a guest-lecturer at the Theologian Faculty in Berlin winter 1986/87, I opened a class by:
"please write a note for me with your desires for this course!" --- one of the notes said:

"Wie schoen, dass Du gekommen bist", "how lovely that you have come"

Thus a deep relationship started - between Israel and Germany - with no need for constant contact.
In June-July 2006, I needed her for my "Nebo-Let-Go"! now she needs me as her sounding-board!

Maya, my dog, was with me in Berlin.
While I was at a Rebirthing-Ski workshop
Irene took Maya home to her own dog.

When I went to Germany,2004, for my sister's funeral, she asked me to visit her & sent the train-money.
It was then, that I met her 2 sons, (David became 11 on Dec.7) and her husband, 30 years older than her.
He had been her supervisor during her internship, and both were fired by the Church, when they married.
It was at one of Irene's stays in Succah in the Desert, when she said to me:
"Er ist es nun eben!" meaning: "It's this man after all, there is nothing to be done!"
Despite his age, despite being married at that time and still grieved about the suicide of one of his sons.
After some time the Church received her back as a vicar and today she facilitates workshops and retreats.
"Here it's not about consolation", she says to the participants, "here tears are welcome!"
Three years ago, Hans-Martin, Irene's husband, fell from a ladder!
It seems (!) that his damaged brain allows but a reduce existence ...
Irene's sudden letter was a horrible outcry from a "burnt-out" soul

Today's e-mail quote - "Abraham" 2004

You cannot be separated from that which you are calling God~~~
People hear us say, "Reach for the thought that feels the best."
And they think, "Oh no, I need to listen to what God wants."
But aren't we talking about the same thing?
Aren't your emotions guiding you to that Connection?
And doesn't the word God just set you off on all kinds of tangents
that don't have anything to do with your relationship
with that which is this Eternal Energy of Love
that is your Source?





December 9, evening – December 10, morning, Thursday,
[see about the mysterious vortex in the sky over Northern Norway!]


My desire is - that Cornelia may visit me on Christmas,
with her son!
in order to heal the past with the father of her son!
and in order to find re-creation in Judaea's Desert!
and thus - the first step towards her live's vocation!

When out of my bed it hit me: I haven't told the other message of the rainbow yesterday:
seeing it above my house it came to me: Irene should be my guest and re-create herself!
But Christmas holiday is the busiest time for her...Yet Cornelia! it is Cornelia's holy-day!

Cornelia's hair band is exactly in line and in color ~~ with the rainbow above "my" house.
On my veranda-2005: guests who are close to Cornelia: Renata, Michal, her daughter Maya.
Maya like Cornelia's son was born, because husband-less mothers desired a child so much.

Today's e-mail quote - "Abraham" 2002

The joyous place you may be standing is temporary,
and the abhorrent place that you may be standing is temporary.
Your now reality is only a temporary, momentary culmination
of what youve been thinking about.





Two of my grandsons (2003?)~ from a loveless liaison...

Abraham/Hicks: The Vortex p.222

Oh, but Abraham, that doesn't seem logical.
you want me to pretend that i'm slender when I'm fat?"

You want me to pretend that i'm prosperous when I'm poor?"
We want you to think the thoughts that match what you want
until you believe them.
And when you think the thoughts that match what you want
until you believe them,
Universal Forces will give you the proof of your belief.
But if you need to see it before you believe it,
it cannot come.
You have to believe it before you see it.

You have to keep thinking the thought until it becomes;
you have to keep thinking the thought until you believe it
- and when you believe it - it is.
It's so simple
Everything that you see that you call reality
is just coagulated, coalesced, combined thought
- a thought that somebody thought long enough.


And there are all kinds of things in your environment
that you believe that defy what you want.
How would you ever sort them out?
How do you know the active beliefs within you that serve you well
and the active beliefs that are within you that don't serve you?
How do you know the beneficial ones from the detrimental ones?
[if only "Abraham" would make this distinction also
with regard to desires:
how do you know the beneficial desires from the detrimental desires?]

The beneficial beliefs feel better when you think them.
The detrimental ones feel worse when you think them.

"Oh, but Abraham, there are a lot of thoughts I think
that I don't really have much feeling around."

Keep thinking them; the'll get bigger and pretty soon, you'' know.
In other words, that's the beauty of the Law of Attraction:
In the early, subtle stages, you might not be able to feel the difference.
But the longer you think them, the more active they become;
the more active they become, the more attraction power;
the more attraction power, the more obvious the results.
Just like you knew it would be~~~
This is the perfect environment for a creator to create,
and you knew it when you came.

Abraham/Hicks: The Vortex p.224-229

Must a Child Earn its Well-being?

the only thing that you want to be aware of is,
if you are giving from your desire to give,
not from your responsibility to give,
it can never get out of whack.

when you teach them (your children) alignment
through the offering of your own alignment,
and you let that be the cornerstone of your relationship with them
- now you've given them something that they can always, always count on.

So the perfect answer,
when he asks for something that doesn't feel good to you, is
"You know, I don't know why, but this feels really off to me.
And there's one thing that I've always promised myelf,
especially when it regards you.
If it doesn't feel good,
I'm not going to do it
until I can bring it into alignment.

So, if I can make this sound like a good idea to me,
which mans I'm in alignment with the whole of me,
then we'll proceed.

But until then, don't ask me to do somethng that feels so off to me."
That's the example that you want to give to your children.
I never take action when I'm out of alignment.
I never take action when somethng feels off ~~~
I never take action when something feels off~~~
and it doesn't have anything to do with how much you want it ~
I never take action when something feels Off.

Haven't you ever had that experience yourself
when someone sees you and loves you and expects the best of you?
Don't you shine in ways you never shined before?

And don't you find it really hard to shine
when somebody doesn't feel that way about

Abraham/Hicks: The Vortex p.230

Are there Proper expectations of Lovers?

… you come right up to the edge of saying that ~~~
that might include expectations of monogamy.
Or that might include expectations of somebody
being there for you when times are hard.
Or other kinds of expectations.
Are there any expectations of another in a relationship
that are not unrealistic and too rigid?

... it is appropriate for you to sift through your buffet of choices
and find your preferences.
What's screwy is picking one person
and asking them to match your preference
rather than put your preferences over there in your Vibrational Reality,
letting the Law of Attraction bring it all together-
and then you are reaping the benefit of what you've sown.
… You … choose, with great definition, the details of what pleases you.
And every bit of that is wonderful.
Just don't ask that person now to be all those things

Let your Vibrational Escrow percolate,
and you do your best to give it your undivided attention
so that you become a Vibrational Match to it.
And then, when the Law of Attracton brings all of it together
and brings you, because you're a match, together with it –
then there aren't any bugs to work out.

[In the face of my story about Franz and Edith Rosenzweig, see left,
I cannot help feeling cynical towards this passage and the last line!]


2001-My 15 souls (Mika was not yet born) parted from me before I set out for my pilgrimage in the Pyrenees

But what you are describing goes more like this:
You sift through the data, and you define what you want,
but you don't work on becoming a match to what you want.
So, you give your attention to what you've got.
In giving your attention to what you got,
you're not a Vibrational Match to what you want.

And now you say,
"I'm not disciplined enough to look at what I want;
I'm looking at what I've got.
So I guess you need to change to meet all my expectations.
If you'd be like that, then I'd be whole."

That's what goes screwy.

Don't ask the person, or people,
that helped you to define what you want
to become what you want
so that you can have what you want.

Instead, let them be the Step One part of it (the asking part).
Use your willpower and your decision to focus upon what you want -
and then the Universe will bring you what you want.
[again: will it bring to me really what I want - without bugs?
And what about "willpower"? Will it deny feelings?]

[Are there Proper expectations of Lovers?
page 232]
There are so many people who are going about it from a flawed-premise, backwards way, where they say,
"I'd feel better if you'd act more like that,
and I resent that you don't love me enough to try."

And if the others could speak it like it really is, they'd say,
"Hey, it's not my job to be everything that you want.
It was my job to harass you into clarity
about what you want
And now that you're clear about what you want,
can't you see I'm not it?
Don't try to make me be it.

Focus upon what you want and let that come to you,
and leave me alone!"

"No, I want you to be it.
You inspired my desire,
and if you hadn't made me grow,
I wouldn't be having this problem.
So, you owe it to me to be what I grew to."

[great laughter]

…let's say that you are interacting with someone who causes you to want this.
And if you could give this that you want your undivided attention,
then you would stand there
and the Universe would have to deliver to you that.
So, it is really a common thing that someone who wasn't giving it to you
now gives it to you because you've lined up your Vibration,
and so anything less than that is illogical.
[Again: check this face to face with the story of Edith & Franz Rosenzweig!]

And you threw in some words like monogamy.
If you were someone who wants that,
and you are interacting with someone who doesn't,
or the other way around ...
and you focus upon what you want and why you want it -
the Universe has to bring you what you want.
But if you focus upon what the other wants, which you don't want,
then, without meaning to, you train your Vibration to what you don't want,
and then you can't get what you want.
And you're thinking it's the other person's fault,
when the only thing that ever comes to you is what's active in your Vibration
[I'm disappointed with You, "Abraham",
that you never ever warn people
of desiring things that, indeed, will be "brought by the Universe,"
but will be harmful to the one who desired or to others or to both!]

[Are there Proper expectations of Lovers?
page 233]

This is just another way of saying to you,
you've got to let everybody else off the hook,
and you've just got to develop your own deliberate pattern of thought
by focusing upon what you want.
Stop asking other people to be big players
in giving you what you want,
and you be the only player in becoming a match to what you want -
and to watch how fast the Universe delivers to you exactly what you want.
And when that happens, then you're able to live and let live.
Then you're able to let the world be whatever it individually chooses to be,
because it can't hinder you or keep you from what you want.
It never could, but sometimes it feels like it could,

It's like the Tabasco-sauce-in-the-pie story that we used to tell.
"There's Tabasco sauce in this kitchen; I know it's going to get in my pie."
….And we say, it didn't get in your pie because it's in the kitchen.
It got in your pie because you couldn't get your eyes off of it.
It got in your pie because you kept talking about it,
kept activating the Vibration of it.

[This is an opportunity to give thanks to a very, very wise woman,
though 16 years my junior, Mona Yahia, my love for 7 years,
who in 1981 - when my firstborn was recruited into the Airforce-
screamed at me: "Stop worrying and always imagining the worst!
By constantly talking about what could happen, you make it happen!"

Since then I trained myself in "good-feeling-thoughts" for my son!]

2001- Lake Zuerich, Efrat & Immanuel visited Rafael
in the year of his death. This lake this morning reinforced my plan to go to the Dead Sea.

It really is more irrelevant than you think
what the other people in your life want,
but what is relevant is what you think they want.

So, if you could just eternally look toward what you want
and disregard everything else,
the Universe would have to give you what you want,
and in so many more cases than you would believe,
from where you currently stand.

Often, you can get exactly what you want
from the components that are already present in your life.
You don't have to go to a whole new place;
you just have to chronically define
a whole new Vibration.

[Are there Proper expectations of Lovers? page 234=last page]

The relationship
between your expectation and what you're seeing
is the only thing that you ever have the ability
to feel around.

(We just wanted to get that premise established.)


Questioner: Okay, thank you.

This is the end of

Abraham/Hicks: The Vortex
As a closure I am inserting the e-mail quote of Oct. 4, 2009,

The Law of Attraction Assembles Happy Relationships...
Asking your relationship with any other
to be the basis of buoying you up
is never a good idea,
because the Law of Attraction cannot bring to you
something different from the way you feel.
The Law of Attraction cannot bring you a well-balanced, happy person
if you are not yourself already that.
The Law of Attraction, no matter what you do or say,
will bring to you those
who predominantly match the person
who you predominantly are.

Everything that everyone desires is for one reason only:
they believe they will feel better in the having of it.

We just want you to understand
that you must feel better before it can come to you.
In simple terms,
if you are not happy with yourself, or with your life,
the attraction of a partner will only exaggerate the discord,
because any action taken from a place of lack is always counterproductive.

Excerpted from Abraham's newest book, The Vortex,
Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships

Closure of Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam on Dec. 10, 2009:

The info about "Abraham" came to me in June 2009 through Yaacov.
I was not enthusiastic about the videos to which he helped me to link,
but I registered for receiving "Abraham/Hick's" Daily e-mail Quotes
That's how on Aug. 24, 2009 I learnt about The Vortex and ordered it!

Addition on April 8, 2010:
This very concise advice from "Process Coaching"
[based on Right Use of Will and Godchannel]
complements what's missing in "Abraham"!
The article with its links needs to be read in the original

Arad, December 10, 2009, 5 PM

Yesterday Sharon, one of the people with whom I walked "The Walk about Love",
asked us - in a facebook message - to join a group-clean-up at the Dead Sea,
on the Metzoqe-Beach , with its ambivalent memories of "The Camp of the Angels at the Sea of Salts" in 2006
Since the Dead Sea is my true home,
and since that beach, which we are to clean within 3 hours on Friday, Dec. 11, 2009,
is the one, to which Tamir, my "peer", brought me in April 1999, and where I fell in love with "My" Salt-Sea.
and is also the only beach, where the authorities allow people to camp,
I felt immediately that this time I should participate.

Today it turned out, that I've finished the excerpting and editing of "The Vortex",
and I do not yet know, how or even if to go one with juxtaposing "Abraham's' teaching with "MY DESIRE TODAY".
So - hitchhiking to the Dead Sea tomorrow, for the first time since Dec. 25, 2008 - is a good reason,
to take a break from this intense learning and creating ever since September 19, 2009

Arad, December 28, 2009

It turned out, that the urge to follow the call to my SaltSea, was only for a teaching experience:
I'm no longer supposed to go to a beach which is (hardly known even to me) on occupied territory.

The real coming-home - after an entire year - was yesterday, with Cornelia and her son.
See my last DESIRE above and how magnificently it manifested in Bedouin Self-Determination

Arad, January 11, 2010

I am now free and ready to continue the work, which I interrupted on Dec. 10,
but with a different purpose: CELEBRATE ! WHAT IS RIGHT ! WITH THE WORLD !

About the Authors
—a group of obviously evolved Non-Physical teachers—
speak their Broader Perspective through Esther.
And as they speak to our level of comprehension

through a series of loving, allowing, brilliant, yet comprehensively simple essays in print and in sound,
they guide us
to a clear Connection with our loving, guiding Inner Being
and to uplifting self-empowerment from our Total Self.

Featuring the concept of the Universal Law of Attraction,
the Hickses have published more than 800 Abraham-Hicks books, cassettes, CDs, and DVDs
(now translated into more than 30 different languages).
They may be contacted through their extensive interactive Website at:;
or by mail at Abraham- Hicks Publications, P.O. Box 690070, San Antonio, TX 78269.

[appears in the part of The Vortex which is online]
Preface by Jerry Hicks
-see below!..............................................................xi
[this preface is interesting to read, but it doesn't add anything to what I excerpted from "Abraham" ]

PART I: Your Vortex, and the Law of Attraction:
Learning to Attract Joyous Co-creators
• Learning to Attract Joyous Co-creators.............................................. 3
• Life Is about Our Relationships.......................................................... 6
• Find Alignment First and Then Take Action...................................... 7
• Are We Living Under Flawed Premises?............................................. 8
• Gaining a Clear View by Stepping Back........................................... 11
• Before Your Birth into This Physical Body....................................... 12
• The Moment of Your Birth............................................................... 12
• Your Relationship with Your Parents............................................... 14
• Your Relationship with Your Siblings............................................... 16
• Our Vortex, and the Law of Attraction.............................................. 17
• The Powerful, Eternal, Universal Law of Attraction.......................... 22
• Are We Tolerating Others, or Allowing Them?................................ 24
• Learning the Art of Allowing............................................................. 27
• Do We Have Power to Influence Others
     Rather Than Control Them?............................................................ 29
• How Do We Harmonize a Diverse Family?...................................... 30
• To the Child . . ................................................................................. 33
• To the Parents . . .............................................................................. 34
• To You Who Are Asking the Question . . ........................................ 35
• Will the Law of Attraction Do Household Chores?........................... 36
• But What about When Our Interests No Longer Match?................ 38
• What If One Doesn’t Want the Relationship to End?...................... 39
• A 30-Minute Energy-Alignment Process.......................................... 41
• Is There One Perfect Person for Me?................................................ 42
• How Does One Find the Perfect Business Partner?.......................... 44
• Who Is Best Qualified to Govern Us?............................................... 46
• What Is the Perfect Form of Government?...................................... 47
• What Is Our Natural Relationship with the Animals?.................... 48
• The Three-Step Process of Creation................................................. 49
• Can We Influence Animals, or Only Control Them?...................... 50
• What about Our Optimal Physical/Non-Physical
     Relationship?..................................................................................... 51
• What If One’s Workplace Feels Uncomfortable?.............................. 53
• How Can We All “Have It All”?........................................................ 55
• Are Legal Contracts Counterproductive to Creativity?................... 57
• What Perpetuates Chronic Therapeutic Problems?......................... 58
• What Is Our Greatest Value to Those in Need?............................... 59
• Why Do Some People Repeatedly Attract
    Painful Relationships?...................................................................... 61
• Are Some Doomed by Their Childhood Influence?........................ 62
• Are You Blessed with a Difficult Child?........................................... 64
• How Can One Move from Disharmony to Harmony?..................... 65
• Must a Negative Childhood Lead to a Negative Adulthood?.......... 66
• Blaming Past Suffering Magnifies Current Suffering...................... 67
• When Does “Fixing Problems” Simply Increase Problems?............ 69
• Abraham, Speak to Us of Love.......................................................... 70
• When Is It Time to Quit Trying?...................................................... 71
(until here the books is online and could be studied by me)

PART II: Mating, and the Law of Attraction:
The Perfect Mate—Getting One, Being One, Attracting One
• Why Haven’t I Yet Attracted My Mate?............................................ 77
• I’ll Focus on What I Want in a Relationship.................................... 78
• Haven’t You Observed Many Disharmonious Relationships?......... 82
• But What If My Relationship Doesn’t Last?..................................... 83
• Why Does the Relationship with Abraham Feel So Right?............. 85
• Shouldn’t a Soul Mate’s Mind Be Beautiful?..................................... 88
• Nothing Is More Important Than Feeling Good............................. 89
• She Wants Someone, but Not That One........................................... 91
• Relationships, and the List-of-Positive-Aspects Process.................... 92
• By Virtue of My Vibration, I’m Attracting....................................... 93
• But What about When Others Choose Our Mates for Us?.............. 94
• Finding, Evoking, or Being the Perfect Mate................................... 95
• Wanting a Mate, or Needing a Mate................................................. 96
• Is There a Way of Staying Positive Around “Lackful” Others?........ 97
• A Brief Bedtime Exercise That Transforms Relationships................ 98
• What Am I Expecting from a Relationship?.................................... 99
• What Are the Desired Characteristics of a Perfect Mate?.............. 100
• Do Nature’s Laws Not Govern Our Mating?.................................. 101
• What Is Natural for Mating Humans?............................................ 103
• Will Feeling Good Always Attract Good-Feelers?.......................... 105
• Couldn’t Anyone Become My Perfect Mate?.................................. 106

PART III: Sexuality, and the Law of Attraction:
Sexuality, Sensuality, and the Opinions of Others
• The Topics Are Sex, Sexuality, and Sensuality................................111
• Are Our Sexual Laws Decreed by Non-Physical Dimensions?........115
• Sexuality Is Guided by Impulses, Not Laws....................................116
• What If Humans Behaved, Sexually, Like the Wild Animals?..........118
• What about When Society Disapproves of Sexual Individuality? .......119
• Who Gets to Set Humans’ Sexual Hierarchy?................................ 123
• How Can We Coordinate Our Sexual Co-creations?..................... 126
• Fear of Sex Spoils the Pleasure of Being Touched.......................... 127
• We Can Always Have a Fresh Start................................................. 130
• How Does One Regain the Frequency of Pleasurable Sexuality?.......131
• Sex, Religion, and Mental-Hospital Incarcerations?...................... 133
• Why Do People Use God and Sex in Vain?..................................... 134
• Why Does the Media Broadcast Pain, but Censor Pleasure?......... 135
• Monogamy: Is It Natural or Unnatural?......................................... 136
• Sex, Art, Religion, and Monogamy................................................ 138
• What Is the Ultimate Sensual/Sexual Experience?........................ 140
• Each Marriage Was Different but Not Better................................. 142
• Abraham Offers Some “Coming Together” Vows.......................... 144

PART IV: Parenting, and the Law of Attraction:
Creating Positive Parent/Child Relationships in a World of Contrast
• What Is the Supervising Adult’s Role in the Child's Behavior?...149
• What Is a Child’s Relationship with Other Children, without Adults?150
• What Are the Natural Father/Mother Roles?..................................151
• A Perspective of a Perfect Parent.................................................... 152
• What Are the Familial Inner Beings of Parents and Children?....155
• Do Families Have Specific Prebirth Mutual Intentions?................ 156
• To Whom Are We Most Responsible?..............................................157
• What Could Parents Learn from Children?....................................157
• Why Do Siblings Respond Differently to Similar Influences........158
• Must Children “Take After” Their Parents?................................... 159
• Must Inherited Traits Determine My Future Experience?............. 160
• Shouldn’t Children Be Taken from “Abusive” Parents?................. 160
• Without Discipline, Would Children Perform Household Chores? ..162
• Must “Family Harmony” Inhibit Personal Freedom?.................... 163
• Which Family Member Should Be in Charge?............................... 165
• Parents and Children, and Harmonizing vs. Traumatizing.......... 165
• Must Children Be Imprinted with Their Parents’ Beliefs?..............167
• Who’s to Blame for This Dysfunctional Family?........................... 168
• But How Could Babies “Attract” Unwanted Experiences?............. 170
• Why Are Some Children Born Autistic?........................................ 172

PART V: Self-Appreciation, and the Law of Attraction:
Appreciation, the “Magical” Key to Your Vortex
• Appreciation, Your Key to the Vortex.............................................175
• Why Would Someone Lose Self-Confidence?................................ 180
• What Is a First Step Toward Self-Appreciation?............................. 182
• How Does the Law of Attraction Affect Competition?................... 183
• What about Comparing Ourselves Unfavorably to Others?.......... 184
• What If We’re Fearing a Worldwide Financial Crisis?................... 184
• Selfishness, and the Law of Attraction?............................................187
• Must We Be Guided by the Intentions of Others?......................... 188
• How Can I Feel More Self-Appreciation?....................................... 188
• What Is My Purpose for Life?......................................................... 190
• Some Processes to Get into the Vortex........................................... 191
• A Bedtime-Visualization Process........................................................ 192
• When You Find Yourself Awake..................................................... 192
• The Focus-Wheel Process.................................................................. 192
• The List-of-Positive-Aspects Process................................................... 195
• The Rampage-of-Appreciation Process............................................... 197
• What Life Is Like, from Inside the Vortex...................................... 198

PART VI: Transcript of Abraham Live: A Law of Attraction Workshop
• Were You, as an Infant, Trained Negatively?................................. 203
• Your Universe Is Managed by the Law of Attraction....................... 205
• Is Your Friend Harassing You into Expansion?.............................. 208
• All Cooperative Components Are Being Assembled.......................211
• Getting into Your Powerful Vortex of Attraction.......................... 212
• Contrast Really Isn’t about Something Going Wrong.....................214
• Are You Ready to Meet Your Vortex?.............................................. 215
• The Law of Attraction and Law-Based Premises...............................218
• Must a Child Earn Its Well-Being?.................................................. 224
• Are There Proper Expectations of Lovers?..................................... 230
• Asheville, North Carolina, Sunday Close...................................... 234

Flawed Premises..................................................................................... 235
About the Authors.................................................................................... 237

(2003) e-mail quote today, on November 24, 2011

We want to help you regain clarity about your individual power. Everyone has it.
No one can ever take it away from you.
No one can ever do anything "bad" to you.
No one can assert into your experience.
Everything, without exception,
comes only by your individual invitation to it.
Do you understand the process of asking?
When you give something your attention
and it becomes your dominant vibration relative to the subject—
that is your asking.
So, deliberate creating
is not so much about looking out into the world and saying,
"Oh, there are things that are good
that I want to create or attract into my experience,
and there are things that are bad
that I don't want to create or attract into my experience."
Deliberate creating is more about deliberate allowing.
Deliberate allowing is more like deliberate vibration.

[on this very day I learnt, that Jerry,
the husband of Esther Hicks ,
"made his transition into the non-Physical"]



November 24, 2011

On November 1, 2011, I felt,
that I should re-read and copy the second and third RUOW book, as much as linear "TIME" will allow, and juxtapose them to the first, the BLUE BOOK.
Below I "managed" to insert
(max space: 1300 kb!) the pages 38-57 of each of the two books. In time I'll add links to the content titles.

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
"If there is a God who has any power,
then why is it the way that it is on Earth?"
The ways in which people have answered this question
have consisted mostly of rationalizations designed to help better accept what their feelings do not want to accept.
The Unseen Role of Denial is why it's been the way it's been.
When we deny parts of ourselves,
these parts can become so lost from us
that they find other ways to express,
even expressing through other people.

This book begins the story of our ancient beginnings
and the misunderstandings born from lack of experience".
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations
When the Will receives judgment instead of love and light,
it becomes lost from the light and thus the term, "Lost Will."
The definition of love needs to be expanded
to include emotions that have been labeled "negative."

Much of what we've judged to be negative
became lost so long ago no one remembers what happened to it.
These lost memories go as far back as our origins.
How you really feel
is what needs expression
and in the most natural way possible.

..., suspend words and emphasize non-verbal sounds.
Doing this in private can evolve these emotions.

                            WHICH HINDSIGHT GAVE ME THERE ......64
                            AND APPEAL TO HEART FOR BALANCE ......94
                            THAT NOT ALL SPIRITS ARE SPIRITS OF THE LIGHT ......129
                           THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMES NEED NOW ......142

              BETWEEN SPIRIT, HEART      AND WILL, BODY......88
GAPPED RAGE ......146

Continuation from Violet and Purple Book, pages 28-37 at the bottom of the page

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

Mother, that She allowed this pain to build and now wanted Me to heal it. I felt like She was trying to hold Me responsible for Her pain. I did not like feeling any of these things, and it seemed as though mentioning them might only make matters worse.

The Mother felt guilty here and was trying to arouse passion in Me in an effort to get Me to overlook what We were feeling. I allowed Her to succeed, because I did have feelings of love for Her which I could not overlook anymore. I plunged into Her, and She let Me know She loved it by exploding in light. She felt delicious to Me, and I had light in every place I could find in Her now. Instead of guilt, I was now feeling immense relief that she still loved Me and could still respond so delightfully to My advances. She opened to Me like never before, and We felt Ourselves expanding in light until We had to explode in the happiness of it.

I knew that Heart was present, but I did not let Myself realize at the time that Body was also present.I was feeling so much joy and release in the expanding light that I did not look around to see where the Father of Manifestation was

The Mother was thrilled and exhilarated, and lifted higher than I had ever seen Her before. I felt as though I had done it until I realized that Heart had affected Her also. I then felt ashamed of My feelings of wanting the Mother all to Myself. I felt a rush of guilt that not only did I have those feelings, but I also wanted Her to wait for Me and not open to others in this way when I was not around. The Mother would have loved it if I had come forward with this and made Her feel wanted, but I did not tell Her because at that moment I realized that Our great ecstasy was not just due to the presence of Heart. The Father of Manifestation, I now realized, was with Us also.

I really had fear then that I was no longer enough for the Mother. I feared that I could not accept having the Father of Manifestation going into the Mother at the same time that I was, and yet, Body was there with Us because He felt He could not miss it. Even though He was unsure whether His presence was accepted or not, He had gone into the Mother and had not come out when She had come to Me. The Mother felt ashamed and guilty that She had deceived Me by not letting Me know the Father of Manifestation had presence within Her and the Father of Manifestation was afraid He had felt desire that was not right.

Heart let Me know that the Father of Manifestation had been present with Us long before He manifested, and I knew this to

be true. Nonetheless, I had feelings that were not at peace, and also a preference for ignoring these feelings because I did not like them. The Mother already had desire to get everything out in the open and make light of it, so to speak, but She was afraid of displeasing Me and did not feel She could dare to try to prevail over Me. She had felt Me already, and so remained quiet for fear that an attempt to work it out might not bring the resolution She wanted.

The Father of Manifestation did not like feeling afraid of Me, and so, He got angry at Me instead, and told Me that it was not right to feel like excluding Him now that He had emerged since He had been present all along. He said He wished He had not manifested if it meant that now He was going to be left out. He took the Mother and stomped Off without allwoing Me to answer Him.

I felt guilty now, that I had been unloving toward Him, and I felt as though I should share the Mother with Him, even though I had feelings that were not aligned with this. I went after Them to make peace. I told Them that Heart had given Me the understandings I needed, but I was having trouble accepting them. Will and Body said that they were having trouble also and that they did not understand why there was only one feminine manifestation. Heart beamed His presence upon Us and we reached alignment at that time.


We found Ourselves lovemaking again, and many planets and stars burst forth from the explosions of pleasure that We experienced. We had a desire to go forth and see them, then, to make sure they had reason to be out there and were not mistakes that had desire to come back in.

It seemed natural to begin by visiting the closest stars and planets first, and then moving outward in a progression. Our initial experiences took place in what has been referred to by some as the Central Universe. These planets had a lot of light and We had a wonderful time there. Feeling the planets was not hard because they began responding to Us. We found light in many colors that had feelings of many kinds. It was not only emotional feelings now, but sensations also.

and joining Heart as I wanted to. I had denial for My feelings then and they need to be brought forward now.

I felt it was not right for Me to allow Myself to join Heart and open freely to the pleasure of bathing in the light of the Rainbow Spirits for fear that My response to receivng this pleasure might become orgasmic. I saw Heart as another man and I saw the Rainbow Spirits as children of mine. I had guilt telling Me it was not right to risk sexual response here and I was not sure whether or not I could experience such intense pleasure without having an orgasm.

I had no reason I could name not to allow orgasm here except that I had guilt telling Me it was not right. Inasmuch as I had guilt, guilt had presence in My light. The spirits who opened to receive Me here received My light mixed with guilt, but they have always thought that all of it was Me. This is why the image they ave held of Me has sounded like a loving God at times and like an unloving God at other times. Because the guilt was never recognized for what it was, it has never moved out. Guilt has continually told these spirits things that I, Myself, have moved past since then. These Rainbow Spirits need to recognize this guilt and move it out now.

Many of the Rainbow Spirits took My behavior to mean that they were in some way unworthy of My close presence, or that they were not interesting enough or appealing enough. Some thought that there weren't enough of them to merit a visit from Me. Some thought I was rebuffing them because Rainbow Spirits had made Me feel unwelcome earlier.

Some, who caught the sexual undercurrents, thought they might be sexually seductive in ways that I did not think were right. This reactivated and increased their original sexual shame. Some of these spirits later appeared as the prostitutes around Jesus, but some were too ashamed to come forward with it then. Others thought that my reluctance to join them meant I felt that the kind of relationship I might have with them was somehow not acceptable in the presence of Heart. Because Heart was not originally present in His manifested form, most of the Rainbow Spirits who were receiving Him here still had some fear that the relationship they were now having with Heart was illegitimate in some way.

Manifested Heart presence has been missing in the sexual relationships of most of the Rainbow Spirits. Heart's absence during the emergence of the Rainbow Spirits gave many of them the belief that Heart could not be present for the kind of sexual expres-

sion they liked. They have believed that their sexual expression was a Will and Body affair because Heart was missing and God didn't really approve of it. The Rainbow Spirits have guilt that Heart was not present at their emergence and that I didn't fully approve. This guilt has taken the form of shame that is deeply hidden in "good behavior" patterns that are designed not to trigger this shame.

Even though there were not many Rainbow Spirits present in this particular scene, sexual shame that was present here involves them all, and is a large part of the Original Cause that needs healing in them now.

The Will essence is very sensitive and takes in the complete impression of what it is given, including every subtlety that is there. The Will essence then reflects back what it has received by the way it behaves. The unseen role played by the denials involved is this: The Will essence involved gives a perfect reflection of what the judgment pattern says the reality is. As long as the judgments have presence there, the Will essence cannot show you how else it could be. judgments made in advance of the experience allow no way of knowing what the experience might really have been.

The judgments present here when Heart invited Me to join Him with the Rainbow Spirits were not new ones. I had had guilt nagging Me from the time of Heart's emergence on the issue of having sexual experience in the presence of others, especially in the presence of spirits I saw as children. I had no luck here either in getting any privacy without going into the darkness.

The light and energy involved in My sexual relationships meant it was not possible to hide it. To the extent that guilt succeeded in making Me feel that sexual expression was not right in the presence of children, the spirits have been unable to receive a large amount of the light they need to receive from Me.

The judgments around the pictures of having sex in the presence of children make these Lost Will pictures seem very lurid indeed, and considering the amount of denial involved in sexual relationships at present, it's no wonder the general feeling is that children shouldn't see it.

The undercurrents of violence are an important feature to recognize here and these undercurrents come from sexual rage that is not moving. You will have to get it in motion to know what it is, but you have some good clues in the story of Original Cause. Getting your emotions in motion will connect you to the reality of Original Cause in your own Will. Your evolutionary process

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations


We felt fluttering feelings that intensified into orgasm and found Ourselves surrounded by winged creatures. These first spirits were very large creatures. We had Ancient ones now, the first Order of Spirits to emerge. They had great wings and hoary faces. Light streamed forth from their heads like hair dancing in the currents of the ethers, almost as though having life of its own. Eyes looked back at Us now; great deep eyes that saw everything and had the reflection of it to give.

These great creatures began fighting almost immediately about who had emerged first. The Mother had immediate guilt that She had made this happen, although She could not say how. We finally got them to line up and show Us what each of them had experienced. Once we saw what they had all experienced, We could see that although there was a progression, they had emerged as a group and not one at a time as We had.

There were twenty-four in the original order of Ancient Ones that Serve the Light, but these spirits are very fragmented now so there appear to be many more. When these spirits originally emerged, they had just enough room to move around on their planet without getting in one another's way. The Ancient Ones had a desire to get smaller even then, and We had a desire to make them more space. even though we got them to settle down and stop fighting, the Ancient Ones still had undercurrents that made them feel they could not remain in the forms in which they had emerged. The Ancient Ones had guilt that they had emerged looking so much like Us, but at that time, they were not aware that they had guilt. They had, in fact, been sitting within Us, looking out at Us and saying to themselves how much better life would be without guilt. They had resolved to emerge without guilt and were sure that they had succeeded. Only now are they realizing that they got rid of their guilt by shoving it out of themselves, leaving it to find a home wherever it could.

The Ancient Ones had a reflection to give Us then that We did not recognize at the time; it was the reflection of how Our judgments thought it would look to be without guilt. We were horrified by their lack of concern over what happened to others. These Spirits were very self-serving, big, and bright. As much as We enjoyed having company around Us now, We also could not

help but feel that they had perhaps grabbed too much light for themselves; a guilt We later had to realize We also had.

The Ancient Ones said that they had emerged to have fun, and they did not like to be interfered with. They had appetites for more experience and they intended to have it now. They began to romp around Us in a ring, teasing Us that we could not move past them unless they allowed it. They were claiming to have, as a group, more power than we had. We did not know if their claim was true or not, and We had fear that we had created something that We did not like.

The Ancient Ones then claimed that We did not create them. They said that they had God-like powers, and that they had created themselves. I knew that they had not created themselves, but I had some guilt that it was not right of Me to have become so attached to being God. I felt that I was wrong to have this attachment. I also did not like the way these Ancient Ones felt. Their guiltlessness had a hardness to it that I did not feel to be loving. I had not realized that they were reflecting to Me My Own picture of how I feared a God without guilt would be. I had a feeling that I could not allow them to seize power over Me.

We had a great fight there in the beginning, during which I had to depend on the Father of Manifestation much more than I would have liked if I really was God. I felt that I had been there first. I had gone through a lot to get where I was, and I did not want to allow anyone to stop Me from fulfilling the plans Heart and I had spent so long working out. I had plenty of fear as to what I would be like if the Ancient Ones gained control. I had a great desire to win this battle.

Heart did not battle. He stood by and shone love on the situation. Body stood by Me like the brother that Heart had said He was. The Mother grew enraged at these new spirits, and when she gave them Her rage, the Ancient Ones moved back. This was the first time I really saw how powerful emotion could be. The Ancient Ones fluttered before the Mother like leaves in a wind. The Mother did not allow Herself to rage for long when She saw what it could do, because Her guilt stopped Her. As soon as She stopped raging, these spirits had a desire to get away from Her, but they could not move. Somehow, she was holding them magnetized in place.

Since this time, the Ancient Ones have learned to love the Mother, but it took them a very long time, and they still have much Lost Will that still holds the hatred they originally felt. The [continued below]

has been stopped by lack of expression in these areas and you may have to go back a long way, to what you consider to be an infantile level, to find the level at which you were stopped here.

The image of having privacy for My sexual relationships was an image based on pretenses that other spirits participated in along with Me. The attempt to create space to give another privacy is based on major denials that got started in the feeling that spirits had to shut down their ability to know what was happening around them and pretend they no longer noticed what had before been obvious. This pretense now seems to be reality in the same way that other judgments and denials seem to be reality. We were becoming trapped in Our denials and did not want to let Ourselves know how trapped we were really feeling.

At that time, We still had the power of feeling Ourselves to be One, but We were already presenting One another with the pretense of not knowing what We thought We weren't supposed to know about One another's activities. We were already training Ourselves to ignore certain things by telling Ourselves it was a way of giving privacy and space to others and to Ourselves. The Will was receiving these impressions of preference for pretense and becoming lost in the fear that pretense was preferred over direct expression.

When Lost Will has expressed, it has been controlled by the judgments it holds. Lost Will cannot change this unless it receives release from the judgment patterns while it is moving. The reason for this is that once the movement subsides, you can no longer penetrate this essence because guilt tells it it has done wrong to express. The essence then closes again and hides. The people holding this Lost Will present themselves as different sorts of people from the ones they become when they lose control of what they are holding.

Since understanding has been lacking and guilt has had control, the Lost Will's expression has always seemed to prove the judgment pattern it is holding. It is not possible for the Lost Will to do otherwise unless there is real understanding and acceptance for it.

Because the Will was receiving the impression that indirectness was preferred, tact and politeness were also getting born here in the name of not hurting other people's feelings; yet all of these approaches avoid triggering people into moving the very emotions that are making tact and polite avoidance necessary. Indirectness became the mode of society because it was not originally

understood that We were looking at the pictures Our judgments were creating rather than open-mindedly looking at situations that could evolve.

Be careful here if you think you're not involved in this, because open-mindedness as imaged by most people on Earth today is still very closed in ways that are not yet recognized, or those calling themselves open-minded would recognize this as more a statement of intent than reality. Almost everything you think and feel right now is involved in belief systems that are going to have to become more recognized than they have been so far if true freedom is what you seek.

There is a judgment that could be recognized now and released by allowing yourselves to notice more and by allowing yourselves to respond to what you notice. Most people do not allow themselves to notice they hold this judgment or to notice to what extent they hold this judgment.

The judgment goes like this: I cannot allow myself to notice everything that is happening because it is too overwhelming and if I allow myself to notice everything, I'll be too overwhelmed by my response to it.

There is another judgment that is really the same judgment that says: I cannot allow myself to know everything I am really doing because I can't face the responsibility this may mean that I have.

I hesitated to join Heart because of the feelings I have just been explaining to you. The Rainbow Spirits took this hesitation to mean that they did not feel good to Me, or that they were somehow not acceptable to Me, or perhaps not good enough for Me, or maybe lacking in some way physically, spiritually, or in what they had to offer Me. We all had a moment of uncomfortableness there. We tried to ignore it and move past it, but what went into the Lost Will was, and still is, significant.

Heart felt the guilt that was present also, and did not know how to handle it. He wondered if He was displeasing Me with His actions or if I now found Him unacceptable to Me in some way. Since We had been so close so many times in the past and shared so much excitement and ecstasy over what We thought could pour forth into manifestation, Heart did not think I would find fault with His suggestion that We now allow Ourselves to enjoy something outwardly in its manifested form.

Lost Will has reflected these fears and uncertainties ever since then in the form of people who feel they have to hold back the
[continued below]

(Rivka Gottesmann - The Way of Feelings -3-)
On Nov. 25, 2011, I discovered that
Rivka Gottesmann's in "derekh he-regashot"
[the Way of Feelings],
presents a long list of denial-phrases which we all keep using, in order to NOT feel..


Rivka Gottesmann - The Way of Feelings - (2)

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p. 42
Mother both frightened them and commanded their respect, but they did not love Her for a long time. The Ancient Ones were furious that they were not God, and they have had a lot of karma to work out in order to accept the position of close companions instead. The Ancient Ones have all worked on their original cause in their Spirit vibration that is not on Earth, but they have a lot of Lost Will on Earth, including Spirit-polarized Lost Will, that has not yet been healed and balanced.

Once the Mother again allowed the Ancient Ones to move, they resumed their emergence pattern. They had felt power as a group in this pattern, and returning to it gave them the strength to feel that they could tell Us they had no guilt over what they had done. They said that they felt they were right and not wrong, and that they had council to give. In fact, they told Me that God would be better as a council than as three men fighting over one woman.

The Ancient Ones had council to give alright, but it was not the council they thought it was. The reflection they have given Me of Myself has been the most important teaching I have received from them. At the time the Ancient Ones gave Me these original reflections, I denied them, and thus did not gain the understandings at the time. I denied the reflection then because I did not think it was possible that all I could see were reflections of Myself.

Guilt told Me it was egotistical to think that spirits could only reflect Me. I was ready to believe it was not just My reflection that I saw because I did not like everything I saw. I had an image of Myself as God at that time that did not include acting as these spirits had done. Lost Will is healing this now. These spirits had challenged My position as God and I had wanted companions instead. Guilt made Me feel that I should not hold back another spirit from being God if that spirit could do a better job than I could. I did not want the Ancient Ones to get My job, but I felt that I had to open to the possibility that I might get replaced as God.


I had doubts now. Perhaps I had not created Myself. Perhaps I had just come forward from the vastness in the same way that other spirits were now going to come forth. In the same way I had originally feared that I only thought I existed, I now had

some fear saying that I may just have thought I created Myself and everything else.

For a long time I held onto the idea that another God might come forth, and even tricked Myself into believing that this was actually happening. In the beginning I had had the understanding that I am God and that I created everything, but I had to go through a cycle of guilt and doubt, during which I feared that I had deluded Myself. It was My "delusions of grandeur" paranoia phase. I could not allow myself to feel certain I was right to be God until I had experienced the possibility of God in other spirits.

At the time, I had denial in this area that did not allow Me to recognize what was actually taking place. There was so much movement in My consciousness that I did not even realize how I was handling some things, they were just handled before I even noticed them.

The healing I mean to bring to earth now is of the Lost Will that received everything I did not understand in Myself at that time. Then, I did not have intent to notice some things because I had fear I could not handle them. I did not know I had this intent to avoid and I did such a good job of avoiding myself here that I did not even realize that I had fear motivating Me.

Then, I was a roaring nebulus of light, unsure if everything was Me or not. Already, I had spirits near the center of the nebulus telling Me that they had intent to be God instead of Me. We had searched the without and I had already gone into the mother so many times that I thought I knew Her. I thought I knew Myself, and yet,

feelings they have toward one another for fear that they might be wrong feelings to have, might be misinterpreted or might lead into wrong avenues of expression.

Heart wanted to understand me here but He also had guilt saying We should not make the Rainbow Spirits feel that once again We couldn't join them because We were continuing to have personal problems that were more important. Heart knew the Rainbow Spirits had many times believed that We did not come to them because there were so many other things that merited Our attention first.

Heart hoped that whatever was troubling Me this time would be quickly solved within Me so that I would be able to join Him for a bath in colored light. Heart also felt that there were so few Rainbow Spirits acting receptive to Us that He wanted to give them a positive experience.

I had a moment's hesitation and I have been trying to help you notice how much Lost Will can be created even in a brief moment's denials.
[See an e-mail quote by "Abraham" on Nov. 25, 2011: What you do is miniscule in comparison with what you choose to think, because your vibration is so much more powerful and so much more important.1996]
I tried to cover it up in Myself by voicing My concern about the rest of the Rainbow Spirits. I even told Heart that I questioned whether He should be indulging Himself like that when others might be needing His help. Heart had some guilt here or I could not have given Him this reflection at all, but He also saw Me as being unduly hard on Him. He felt that I was being punitive, lacking in compassion and understanding, and even cold and unloving to tell Him that He did not really deserve even a few moments of pleasure as a resting point amidst all the service He was rendering in My name on behalf of the Rainbow Spirits.

What Heart saw here was a picture of guilt that did not love or accept what He was doing, and since it went into Lost Will, it was not resolved then.

The patterns I am describing hid themselves in the Lost Will and reappeared later in Heart's life as Jesus.
So much Original Cause for the Rainbow Spirits gave its Lost Will reflection in the life of Jesus that much Original Cause can be understood by studying the life of Jesus in the light of the understandings I am giving here.

Judas, for example was a Lost Will image that Heart and I created here. Judas implied that Jesus was not doing a good enough job to be My Son and criticized Jesus in the same ways I was doing here.

The same Spirits that were present here were among the fol-

lowers of Jesus, but the unresolved impressions they received from Me caused them to appear as the riff-raff of society, or at least as dissident from the main body of Rainbow Spirits in the life of Jesus.

Actually since they were open to receive My light, these spirits should have been among the most abundant, and since abundance has been such a societal measuring stick these spirits should have been among the elite of their society. The presence of the guilt made it otherwise.

These spirits were already repeating even older impressons that had made them believe they had to have problems to get My attention and these impressions had many times received additional conditioning indicating that they were accurate impressions. When I reacted the way I did to Heart's invitation to join them, these spirits received another dose of impressions that went into the Lost Will because these impressions did not come forward for processing.

The guilt these spirits received here told them it was not right for them to be luxuriating in the splendor of the light because the main body of Rainbow Spirits was not participatory. The inference was that they were indulging at the expense of others. When it seemed that I wanted Heart to withdraw from them and seek out the others, they took it to mean that for some reason, I was more interested in the others. They all thought I wanted them to sacrifice their happiness in favor of the others.

These impressions began to manifest in the lives of these spirits as never letting themselves have something that others did not have. At first they had abundance and made themselves share it more than they really wanted to, but the guilt that was demanding sacrifice continually demanded more and more until these spirits were at the bottom of society and all of their power was in the hands of the others who had not opened to receive Me.

Now this is going to make some Jews mad because they have felt all along that Jesus was not necessarily the key to Me. There is a lot of rage that needs to move here and it is not wrong if this helps to trigger it.

The Rainbow Spirits have a process that will manifest Heart for them, but they have not wanted to admit they had to evolve to Heart presence because they did not want to look like they were lagging behind anyone in their evolutionary process. The pride and defensiveness here is really a lack of self-acceptance.

The duality of the feelings that have desire for Heart to manifest, shows tonight's close encounter of Moon and Venus

Macrocosm & Microcosm, while I'm copying from 2 RUOW books on Nov. 24-27, 2011
Beauty on my washing-machine in my bathroom- oranges&figs are gifts, persimmons are bought.
Days are growing short around the Arctic Circle,"but we still have Northern Lights to illuminate
our village," says Miika Sirkiä from Kittilä in the Finnish Lapland,"Around midnight, the auroras
were very bright--enough to turn the river Ounasjoki green," These displays are not caused by
major solar activity. Instead, they are prompted by small magnetic fluctuations in the solar wind.

2 days later I read in "GoodNews", that this year Israel reached a record in producing fruits, in this order: bananas, apples, peaches, nectarines, grapes, avocado, and a surplus in pomegranates
The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

to take place. They wanted to have a democratic council and hold meetings about how it was going to be. I wanted to make love and let it happen. Heart said We needed a balance and He would help find it. Heart thought We could not all meet at once anyway because everyone had too much to say. Heart thought committees would be good.

The Mother could not stand to be present for any of these latest discussions. She felt it was unendurable enough that Heart and I had already gone through it and figured it all out. It made Her furious that suddenly here were a bunch of upstart spirits acting like We did not know what We were doing. Her guilt over raging at them almost immediately upon their emergence caused Her to stand present and act interested and open minded when this was not what She was really feeling. She heard more than She wanted to hear until it gave Her a desire to go off someplace and not return.

The Ancient Ones had denied the Mother in the beginning anyway and had challenged only Myself and the Father of Manifestation. The Mother felt that these spirits did not see Her as a valid part of God. The Mother was still feeling both hurt and enraged at these spritits' rejection of Her, and this was a large part, once again, of Her desire to go off and not return. She wanted to rage at the Ancient Ones some more, but guilt was telling Her that this would not be loving, and that She might not be right. The Father of Manifestation also had a desire to go forth and get away from these spirits, but He did not tell Me at the time. He tried to act in a manner He deemed to be reasonable, and so He also sat and listened to these spirits more than He really wanted to. Our false attention span gave these spirits an exagerated sense of their own importance and profundity.

I stayed longer than the Father of Manifestation, though He had feelings for the Mother that He could not hold back for long. He took to carrying Her off and making love to Her while I was sitting in council meetings with the Ancient Ones.

I had feelings that it was not right to be sitting there instead of going ahead with what I wanted to do, but I had guilt holding Me back. Guilt told Me it was selfish not to give time to the Ancient Ones. I had a judgment now that guilt was giving Me. I had impatience with these children, and I had realized that they were children who thought they knew better than their parents. guilt told Me it was unloving to be impatient with them. Guilt said that I did not have time for others and that I preferred to

p. 45
indulge My Own selfish interests instead; sexual interests in fact. Guilt also said that having sex was just going to get Me more children when I was not even willing to do right by the ones I already had.

I had a furious reaction to guilt then. An overkill reaction, guilt told Me later. I stood up, taller than I ever remembered standing before and gave the Ancient Ones a lecture they have never forgotten, although they have Lost Will still trying to prove Me wrong. I told them that they were not God, but that they only thought they were. I told them that it was clear to Me that they were only children meddling in the affairs of adults, and that while they thought they knew how to create, they had to realize that they had only formed things with essence that already existed. They could not create the essence itself, and so, I told them they had to admit they were one step removed from the source.

The Ancient Ones had fear of Me now, but they also had a desire to challenge Me. I had a desire to go forth and not be held back anymore. I felt that I had to join the Mother and the Father of Manifestation. They had been holding back orgasm hoping I would join them. In spite of My feelings that it might not be right, I could no longer hold Myself back. I no sooner joined them, than We had a great explosion of light. Space filled with many more stars than were already there. We had a great loving feeling that We felt could not be wrong, but We also had a desire to make sure. We had a great soaring joy now that We had gotten release. There was more light than before and also more speed.


We wanted to go forth and We wanted to go forth in an orderly manner so that We did not have the feeling that We had missed anything. The Mother felt that We could be orderly and thorough, and yet, be guided by Our feelings. She felt called from deep in space, and, remembering Her own terror, wanted to go first to the manifestations that indicated they were in need of help. Heart, Body and I felt that We had to go forth in an orderly progression, a little at a time, starting with what was closest to us, or We would not be able to keep track of everything. The Mother felt that We did not have that kind of time, in case something

but don't want to admit that Heart is not already present
[shouldn't the correct grammar here be: "that Heart is already present"? by the way, I, as a Christian who has become Jewish and who has the deepest knowledge and understanding of Israel's path on this planet, , have bad feelings about this entire issue here, Nov. 27, 2011] has manifested in the form of their prophet still not having come to fill the place they have set for Him. [see the old song: "In the coming of the Messiah I believe"] The Rainbow Spirits have had this problem from the beginning when they began making a show of getting ready to receive Me while not really wanting Me to come close because they feared facing feelings they had that I didn't really accept them. The karma of the Jews can most easily be summarized by saying they have wanted to call themselves chosen while fearing in their Lost Will that they are not. [this may be true for those Jews who have the belief system of being chosen, and understand "being chosen", as being better than others. But this interpretation is even on a psychological level simply a defense-mechanism, and has nothing to do with the real task of Israel within the puzzle of humankind! I must say, that I feel quite disgusted with this part of "God's" "understanding", and if the general info in these books would not so strongly resonate with me as "right" and "exact", I would doubt the rest of the info too!]

I have given you quite a bit of information here to explain what took place in a brief moment, and yet, this is but a sketch of it. The complexity of what can be created in a moment's denials is a substantial part of why I need to tell the story and let you do the work of understanding it.

The purpose of My explanation now has been so that you can see enough to begin grasping the understandings you need and also so that you can see why it is too cumbersome to continually stop the story and go through these explanations.

Lost Will is created every moment there is lack of self-acceptance, which, so far, has been all the time. What you see on Earth right now is a reflection of Lost Will that needs to move and to be understood.

Lost Will is not what judgment says it is. Lost Will is reflection of judgments that cut it off from Our consciousness because We did not like it as we judged it was. We now have to go back and find the ways to reconnect to these lost parts of Ourselves and help them evolve from the places where they have been held.

Lost Will has been told to go away but has not known where to go. It has gone into hiding for the most part, allowing Us to notice it only at times. Lost Will has existed like shadows around the ones who have denied it. Judas was a very dark and shadowy figure as were many of the people around Jesus. Jesus sought to gain understanding by letting Lost Will show itself to Him.

My hesitation to join Heart with the Rainbow Spirits gave them more Lost Will than they already had, but I could not let Myself be free there. I felt that I had to hold back. It seemed true to Me at the time that I could even hurt them with My greater size and intensity. I held back because I thought it was the loving thing to do, and yet, I hurt these spirits anyway. Lost will needs to move the fear that my actions meant I did not love these spirits as much as, or in the ways that, they wanted Me to.

I decided that rather than get any closer, I woul hover above

them. This was actually not the wrong decision to make but greater acceptance for it would have allowed inclusion of the Lost Will We are having to recover now.

I allowed a little increase in My light and watched to see how the Rainbow Spirits responded to it. It felt good and the rainbow Spirits seemed open to receive Me, but there was another Lost Will reflection that needs mention now. Because of the earlier uncleared feelings, the Rainbow Spirits were trying to prove themselves to Me and I to them. This imbalance caused some self-consciousness all the way around. Nonetheless, we still enjoyed Ouselves.

I hovered above them like sunlight, seeking to be just the intensity they would enjoy most. Heart was glowing like an inviting meadow of green and the Rainbow Spirits were like exquisite flowers in the meadow of Heart's green glow. I felt good as sunlight because I could light everything that received Me and I had time to enjoy the intricate and beautiful characteristics of each spirit there. The Lost Will that fell away here did not have this experience of feeling itself receive Me or of pleasing Me in return, and yet, I did not have a sense of essence being lost because I was only looking at the expanding parts of the light.

In a little while, Heart began having a discussion with Me about the Rainbow Spirits. He told Me that He had not found any other Rainbow Spirits who indicated interest in receiving Us in this way. He said the other Rainbow Spirits had indicated preference for the Angels and had made Him feel that they preferred receiving Us from a distance. I had reservations about this, but I did not mention My thoughts. I wanted to study the situation more.


Heart then began to talk about the Heart Spirits of the Rainbow. Heart said that most of the Green Rainbow Spirits had indicated desire to receive Us and that He would like them to be present with Us now. I indicated My acceptance for this, and as though they had been waiting in the wings, the Green spirits appeared around us. Their presence felt good to Me. Our sunny meadow was now wreathed by a glowing forest of green. Even the shadowy greens had a cool and good feeling to them. I revved

Nov. 27, 2011 - I was very impressed by an interview with Prof. Gottfried Schatz in 3 SAT, Sternstunden der Menschheit, and this is what I found in an article by him, written 10 years ago: What Mitochondria Have Told Me

".....The fourth lesson mitochondria have taught me is about myself.

The origin of mitochondria from free-living bacteria is an impressive tribute to the inventiveness and unity of life on earth. It gives a new dimension to the concept of individuality and answers two age-old questions of humankind: “who am I?” and “where do I come from?” This is what mitochondria answer: you are an assembly of two different organisms that decided to live together 1.5 billion years ago. We know that this assembly is still evolving. Our nuclear genome contains many scattered fragments of mitochondrial genes. These inactive fragments are probably molecular footprints of puzzling evolutionary pressures, which continue to push for even tighter integration of the two partners, perhaps even for a complete loss of mitochondrial DNA. These two organisms, which are us, must still come to terms with each other, they are still trying to sort things out. Each of our cells is an ecological battleground. Mitochondria seem to be quick fighters because the mutational clock of their DNA ticks 10 times faster than that of nuclear DNA. We are not yet the final product.

These are just a few of the things that mitochondria have told me. Few human beings I have known have been as profound. What I have learned from my life in research now enriches me much more than I had imagined. In fact, this impact still grows as I now have more time to reflect on what I have found. Is this armchair science? It is indeed, but I do not see this term as derogatory. Today's science has become so busy, so competitive, and often so noisy that all of us should perhaps get an armchair and spend enough time in it, thinking about what we do. As mitochondria are now trying to tell their message to the next generation of scientists, they must do so against a much higher background noise. Those of us who help shape universities and research policies must do all we can to keep this background noise down. Noise is the enemy of science: every experiment is a conversation with nature, and we must be able to hear what nature tells us."

What I heard Gottfried Schatz saying several times in different phrases, is
that the purpose of Nature seems to be to create ever greater diversity. This also means, he said, that even an atomary war, designed to wipe out everything known on this planet, would be defeated by Nature, which incessantly invents new ways of life and living.
This reminded me of another wonder I learnt about recently: the creatures which live in water deeper that's deeper than 1500 m, where there are neither plants nor oxigen, but they live in symbiosis with bacteria, which turn the hydrogen, freed by volcanos into nourishment.

Dewitt Jones' weekly e-mail gift on November 28, 2011

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p. 46
out there was in danger of going back on itself. Heart felt that it was not right to hold back if something needed Us, but that it was also not right to go forth guided totally befeelings. He said that the Mother was remembering Her own experience, and that She should not project that onto what was happening now. He said these manifestations had burst forth on Our love which was not the same as the Mother's experience of being pushed out before there was even realization that it had been one.

"Mother," Heart said, "You were pushed out by instinct, by impulsive response before consciousness was aware enough to love. You had a loneliness that these stars don't have because We were not present with You. These stars have everything they need because love is present with them."

The Mother looked out into space and saw that Heart was not wrong, but She did not feel that He was totally right either. She kept feeling that there was something out there calling to Her; something that was not happy with its plight. The Mother wanted to make Us go forth and find out if there was any problem or not, but She feared it was not right to try to prevail when She felt the three of Us against Her. Heart was making Her feel judged against, as though She were only projecting an old experience onto a new one.She felt that Heart was telling Her She was being overprotective as a Mother and worrying Herself unduly. Voices echoed within Her saying She didn't want to allow anything to go forth.

"She wanted to keep everything right near Her so She could watch over it and protect it~~~control it, " some murmurings said.

The Mother began to feel unsure that there really was anything calling Her from out in space. She no longer felt sure where the weeping and cries of terror were coming from and She wept Herself. Her tears fell in streams that gave birth to the Milky Way.

The Mother feared it was not right to try to prevail over Us in case Her fears were wrong, but She could not keep still on the subject without holding back feelings in Herself. She stared and stared into space, but could not see anything falling in darkness that did not seem to like it.

"Maybe the fear is all in Me," She thought. "Maybe I'm the only one that is afraid of it." She dried Her eyes and tried to smile, but Her face had fear and uncertainty in it.

Heart proposed a compromise that did not sound like a bad idea. He suggested that we visit all the planets and stars in an orderly progression, but in any given area where We already were,

p. 47
We would go first to the ones that indicated they needed Us first. The desire to go forth without compromise went into the Lost Will, because We believed at that time that compromise was necessary to be able to act as a group.

We had dismal pictures of how it would go if We did not compromise, and all of them have been acted out by Lost Will. For example, all four of Us had pictures of the fear that the Mother might be trying to use emotion to manipulate Us. The Mother especially feared that She could not express Herself freely if it was going to Make Us feel manipulated. Her feelings of needing to be free with Her emotions gave Her Lost Will pictures of the three of Us as cold, arbitrary, unresponsive to needs, and given to lecturing about things which We had not experienced. She felt overridden, as though she had to give in to Us or She would not get light at all. We gave Lost Will the feelings that the Mother always wanted Us to give in more no matter how much We gave in to Her. The Mother received these pictures from Us and felt guilt that We might be right. The guilt increased the problems She already had.

There were other pictures that also flashed between Us, but I will not go into them now, because they will be given in other parts of the story. All of these pictues went through Us so fast that We hardly realized they were there. The glimmers We did recognize gave Us feelings We did not want to feel about Ourselves and one another. We hoped that by avoiding these pictures, We would not have to live them. We did not want these pictures to dominate Us, and We did not know how to get rid of them except by looking away and focusing into the pictures We did like.


At that time, We focused on going forth to visit all that had manifested outward from Us. We had fun in mind and did not want more hassling between Us. Going forth was not as easy as it sounds now to someone that has moved from one place to another. We had not done it, and We did not know how. We had rolled around together in a big ball and We had felt as though We were moving, but We had not, up until now, had any point of reference for movement, or any place that existed that could be considered a destination. We did not express Our fear that maybe We could not do this, and We did not want to look like

up My light a little more and watched to see how the Green Spirits felt about it. They had a good response to Me and I felt they were open to receive Me. I asked the Green Spirits to tell Me what problems they were having.

Some Lost Will immediately took in the impression that I had invited the Green Spirits because they were having problems. The Green Spirits wanted to focus on something more positive than this fear and so they started out by saying that they were grateful for My presence, and that they loved Heart also. They did not mention the Mother or the Father of Manifestation. I told Myself it was because They were not present, but something in Me was made uneasy by their tone, as though it was all going to be downhill from here. I told Myself that I needed to hear them no matter what they were going to say.

The Green Spirits had feelings of rejection that they wanted to talk about but they had a problem coming forward with everything they felt because they were afraid of receiving My rejection.

Heart had been a spokesman for them, so I had understandings of how they felt, but Heart wanted Me to get the full picture from them. He could see now, by their hesitation, that they were not going to give it to Me.

The Green Spirits were having problems with the Mother and the Father of Manifestation that they needed to mention, but they were too uncertain of how I might take it. Heart tried to speak for them when He saw their hesitation, but His guilt told Him He should not bring it forward if they were not ready to bring it forward themselves.

Heart decided to broach the subject by saying that He was feeling better in the company of the Rainbow Spirits than He had been feeling on His own because He had been suffering from what felt like an imbalance between the Mother and I. He said that He did not like the feeling He was having because He was not receiving as much light as He would like to have. He said that He had called Me in because He could not be much help to the Rainbow Spirits when He was suffering from a lack of light Himself. Heart then indicated that He felt guilt for being in the place the Heart of the Rainbow Spirits should have.

Heart indicated willingness to give His place to the Green Spirits, but the Green Spirits said they were having a good time receiving the light from where they were. They said they were very much enjoying it that Heart had called this gathering because

it was giving all of them a better opportunity to receive light than when they had been mixed in with the other Rainbow Spirits.

The Green Spirits indicated guilt for having said this but they were having the same feelings many of you have had when you have wanted to gather together in the woods without other people around who you feel do not seek the light you want to have.

I'm going to give the Green Rainbow Spirits a name now so that I can refer to them more easily. I'm going to refer to them as the Verdeloka, which means that their location in the spectrum of light is green.

The Verdeloka then told Me they were still experiencing rejection from the other Rainbow Spirits and that even though they had tried to follow my earlier advice, it had not really seemed to help.

"When we tried to love everyone more and wait for them to love us back," the Verdeloka said, "it didn't seem to help. If anything, the other spirits got more angry at us than they aready were."

"Maybe it was your expectation of getting love back that made them mad," I suggested.

I noticed the Verdeloka grew darker when I said this. I sensed that I had made them mad and that they were trying not to let Me know this because they were afraid anger would be interpreted as not being receptive to Me. I gave the Verdeloka the impression that I did not mind their anger but that it was impossible to pressure others to be more loving than they were.

Lost Will received some misunderstandings here that need to be mentioned now. First of all, anger was again seen as not loving and as something that loving spirits had to learn to tolerate in others without allowing it in themselves. This patronizing attitude toward anger has turned it into rage.

Heart spoke for the Green spirits again and said that the Verdeloka had fear that they were not getting the flow they needed from the other Rainbow Spirits and that it was very hard for the Verdeloka not to pressure the others to give them what they needed.

Heart then said that earlier they had all felt hatred passing through in overwhelming waves and that they were all afraid of what it meant. Heart said that it had felt like annihilation to them and that that was another reason He had called for Me. Heart said that He and the Verdeloka felt like They were being annihi-

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

fools in front of the Ancient Ones, who would have been happy to tell Us that We were not successful.

Instead, We got together in a ball and rolled around because this had been Our earlier manner of moving. We felt that love-making was a good beginning anyway. We celebrated having manifested anything at all. We celebrated having more companion spirits. Even if We had had a rough beginning with these new spirits, we also loved them and were thrilled to have their company.

The Ancient Ones had begun to play while we were looking out into space and it gave Us a lot of joy to watch them.They had emerged to play, and they had games already. The began imitating Us and we had to laugh at Ourselves.

They wanted to go with Us when We went forth, but We did not allow them to. They did not want to feel that We were holding them back, but they allowed Us to, because they really had more desire to play than to go out and look at what We had already created. The Ancient Ones' mockery of the Mother worriedly looking out into space had made Her laugh, but She was also afraid She was just being foolish, and She felt guilty that She was even pushing Us to go at all.

We all felt it was right to go forth, even if the Ancient Ones were making fun of Us, and so, we did not allow their reflection to hold Us back. We had feelings We did not know We had that were giving the Ancient Ones the power to make Us question Ourselves. We had no desire to give in to their point of view, but We also were having a hard time ridding Ourselves of the uncertainty that had arisen in Us around their emergence. Lost Will has the feelings We did not move then in the form of people who need the agreement of those around them to feel that they are right.

Now it was time to go forth if We were going to, and if We did not go soon, We were going to have to admit that We did not know how. We had the desire to go to other planets, and We did not know how to get there. Our first attempts to move toward a specific place did not amount to much and made Us wonder if We had ever moved at all, or if Our sensations of movement had only been a rolling in place.

The Ancient Ones did not appear to notice Our difficulties at first. They were busy playing games that had movement in them. They were having contests and races to see who could move the fastests in the most different ways. Watching them made Us


feel they had noticed Our difficulties and that they were trying to show us that they knew how to move better than We did.

The Mother did not like having to try everything with the Ancient Ones watching Us. She said She didn't want to look at them making fun of Us if it made Her feel like they thought We weren't good enough to do the job.

"It feels like the're just waiting to grab our job away from Us," She said.

As I watched the Ancient Ones playing, I realized that We were held back by a feeling We had that there was no place to go. Everything was Us and was moving with Us. The Ancient Ones could move freely about within Us, but We had the problem of only being able to move toward something if We reached for it with a part of Ourselves. I realized that a part of Us could go forth and that the rest of Us must stay at home. If We went in totality, everything would move with Us and We would never get there.

We had form now, and Our form had various parts. we made up an entity of all the essence that wanted to go forth from each of Us. This entity had the same form that We had; light, magnetism, balance and movement. This entity had very much of the look that people have pictured as God because, in one form or another, this entity is what people have seen when they have seen God. What went forth from Us did not have as much essence as I thought it would have, but what there was, was very exuberant in its desire to embark on this adventue.


We had a great explosion of light in response to this excitement. The Mother was very embarrassed about having an orgasm over the realization that We were really going to go forth, but She had it because She gave in to Me. I had filled Her with My Own excitement about getting to create at last. When I filled Her with Light, Her response was always orgasmic. She was immediately relieved of Her embarrassment by the shock of finding that She had emerged more spirits.

These spirits had great speed and light. Each one was slightly different than the others, but nonetheless, they were an order of spirits that I came to call the Great Arc Angels. The Arc Angels

lated when They didn't get the flow of love that They needed, and that They didn't know how to proceed.

I could sense the Verdeloka's fear then even more strongly than their anger and I now wished that We could have gathererings such as this to give receptive spirits the light they needed so that they would not have to worry about what happened to them the rest of the time. What I didn't realize was that they needed this light all the time. I also did not realize that guilt was making it impossible for them to receive all of what they needed even now, and that its increasing presence was going to make it increasingly difficult to gather this way anymore.

The Verdeloka heared My thoughts but were more interested in why I thought they could not make the others give them what they needed.

"They have to want to give it to you," I told them.

Lost Will received the fear here that there was something wrong with them because the other Rainbow Spirits didn't want to give them what they needed. This guilty fear of unworthiness has affected the Verdeloka from the beginning but has been overlaid by the guilt they felt about blaming others.

The Verdeloka felt defensive and had anger and blame toward the other Rainbow Spirits, but here's what guilt caused them to say.

"We're not angry and we're not blaming them, but the other Rainbow Spirits are very greedy and possessive of what they have. They don't want to share with us and they don't include us in their inner circle. As far as they're concerned, we're outcasts. we can't make them give us anything because everything they give has strings attached and we don't want that; we want a free flow."

Heart felt guilty again that He also was wrongly placing the Verdeloka on the edge of things. He tried again to change places with them but the Verdeloka wouldn't allow it. They told Us it was not the same thing to be shoved out as to move back by choice.

We questioned their alignment with this because We were sensing the presence of Lost Will whether We knew it or not. Because the emotions didn't move here, the patterns described have remained the same.Lost Will, therefore, has continued to hold the image that the way it has been is the way it is going to continue to be. I had evolution in mind when I said that spirits could not be pressured to be more loving then they wee, but Lost Will took this statement to mean that it was not possible to make more love happen.

p. 49

The misunderstandings around Heart presence have caused the Verdeloka to remain apart from the main body of Rainbow Spirits. At the time of Jesus, many of them were Essenes.

The Rainbow Spirits have not evolved into acceptance of their manifested Heart presence because they have not yet accepted themselves as they are. The Verdeloka have felt rejected because they were not any more accepting of their true feelings than were the rest of the Rainbow Spirits. What they all need to realize is that Heart will be manifest with them as soon as they have enough self-acceptance to realize that all their essence is loving.

The biggest problem for the Rainbow Spirits has been that they have judged and denied themselves extensively for having emerged where they did. They had begun vibrating in response to what was happening around them with strong enthusiasm to emerge and then immediately felt they had responded to something for which I didn't have full acceptance. Since it was not clear exactly what all My displeasure was about, the Rainbow Spirits felt paranoid.

Ever since then, most of the Rainbow Spirits have felt more comfortable in the presence of their own kind than they have in the presence of other kinds of spirits, but some have not felt comfortable, even when they have been alone, because they have a feeling they're being watched by Me.

This has not let the Rainbow Spirits have peace within themselves and it needs to move now.

The Rainbow Spirits began manifested existence by vibrating strongly enough to emerge in response to the Mother of Everything and the Father of Manifestation. They responded to the intensity of feeling and color. They emerged in great excitement and had felt that I was strongly present for them.

No matter how well they have hidden it, the Rainbow Spirits have a lot of emotion to move. They have terrible fear, shame and gult and a terible grief over being who they are. This all needs to move. Underneath these emotions, the Rainbow Spirits have denied rage and blame toward Me and anyone else who has ever denied them. This also needs to move and clear now so that the Rainbow Spirits can feel more light coming in from finding self-acceptance at last. Along the way, the Rainbow Spirits are going to find that they had an original lack of self-acceptance that exactly matched Mine. Understanding will allow them to experience blame and guilt in their proper perspective as flip sides of one

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

were less in number than the Ancient Ones, twelve originally, but they were greater in power and light. Each one had a mission in Creation in relationship to the specialty each one felt himself to have. These spirits did not feel threatening to us and they had a great joy at having finally emerged. We had a celebration party that included all of the Ancient Ones. Entertainment at this party included each Arc Angel giving Us a display of his particular skills and talents.

[see Lucifer tries to take my place, in the Purple Book: p. 27]

It seemed perfect to Us that they had emerged just as we were going forth. We felt like they could help Us. We had some guilt about it, but we gave them permission to come with Us if they wanted to, even though we still did not want the Ancient Ones to come along. We had just settled into Our mode of travel, which was flying in groups of four, when we were all startled to see an incredibly bright light coming toward Us from out in space.

We had a mixed response, of joy that there was someone out there who had found Us now, and fear that this light might be bigger and brighter than Us and take our position away from Us. We turned toward him as he flew toward Us. He grew bigger and bigger until he loomed over Us. Lucifer is the name by which he came to be known, but then he was only a light in the heavens of the greatest brilliance We had ever seen. He was so brilliant that it was painful to look at him, but We denied this pain. He introduced himself as another Arc Angel who had gone to take a look around before coming to join Us. We did not feel that he fit in with the rest, but We did not feel We should say that, and We did not see where else he fit in either.

The mother suggested to Me that he might be an Ancient One that had been out looking around longer than he thought. She said this because She liked Lucifer even less than She liked them. I didn't think so because he was not like the Ancient Ones in form. His brilliance was overwhelming to Me, and I wondered where he could have come from and who he was. He did not feel loving, but I gave him access to Us anyhow, because Iwas reluctant to judge him so quickly. I was beset with a secret horror that my desire to create was already not working out the way I wanted it to. I wanted to be able to love what manifested from Me.

I was not alone in My feelings. The Mother hated him al-

p. 51

ready and he hated Her. We did not realize then what was happening to Us, but we allowed guilt to make Us pretend to like him when We should not have even allowed him to hang around. He in turn pretended to like Us because he felt he could not have power over anyone if there was no one else around, and he wanted to be God in My place. Hatred was manifested then.

When Lucifer finished studying Us, he moved to the place he claimed was his point of emergence. It was at the head of the order of the Great Arc Angels. He challenged Us to go forth and leave him to be God while We were gone. I had grave reservations about this at the time which I ignored in favor of giving him a chance. I told Myself that I was also leaving enough of Myself behind that he would be no problem.


We moved out now, and the joy of it was overpowering. We played in the ethers like children romping in a fountain . There was no time to worry about what Lucifer was going to do. If anything, we felt late in the response to the Mother's desire. She flew slightly ahead in Her urgency, and Her magnetism drew Us on. We held Her back a little bit and made Her have some fun with Us which was not hard to do once We got Her involved. Guilt did not allow the Mother to get angry at Me, but She had feelings of anger because I would not focus on going to find out if what We had manifested was happy out there or not.

She said only, "The planets and stars are out there and we have not even gone past the first ring of light."

Her voice sounded guilty, but I did not want to know why. The Mother had an intense feeling she could not calm, that all was not right out in space, but She also feared it was wrong to pressure Us about Her feelings. At the time, She did not know how to balance the situation. She tried to deny Her feelings of urgency in favor of Our desire to have an orderly, pleasant and calm time, but Her undercurrent of urgency bled through nonetheless.

As We approached what We saw as the edge of a ring of light around us, we felt another orgasm growing within Us. We were enjoying a feeling of light fluttering past Us. We were feeling held for a moment (sic) and then let go.

another and allow the Rainbow Spirits to take responsibility along with Me now.

The problem has not been a lack of love; it has been a lack of recognition for the many forms love could take. Judgments were made, especially against certain emotions, which made the things judged against appear to be unloving and unlovable. When Heart holds back response to anything it feels or receives, it cannot do the job of joining Spirit and Will.


Just recognizing the presence of judgments and letting go of the intent to hold them anymore can allow quite a bit of energy to move, especially if these recognitions are accompanied by a burst of emotion over the recognition of something that has been holding yu back. Accompanying this with increasing freedom of emotional expression will bring the profound changes that need to take place.

When you have gained enough personal power in this way, you will learn to cross the gap that has separated you from your Lost Will. These levels of existence aren't vibrating enough to know what changes you are making in the conscious parts of yourselves. These levels are where the greatest darkness resides on Earth, and this darkness has been gapping farther and farther from the evolution of the light, growing more and more dense and inpenetrable.

Saying this darkness has chosen this path for itself was My old explanation, but it is no longer an acceptable explanation because My understanding has deepened.

I know that many of you feel that you are not involved in this darkness because you have tried to live as purely and harmoniously as you can. I have sympathy for your feelings here. The feelings you have here have been My feelings, but I have now realized that I am responsible for what has been labeled darkness, negativity or evil on Erth, and you need to move along with Me here.

Anytime we have pushed down something that has appeared in Our consciousness, no matter how minimal its presence was thought to be, that act of non-acceptance has been Our partici-


pation in the creation of Lost Will. Lost Will has been reflecting back to Us the unlovingness it received from Us, and yet, We thought that it was not Us because we did not allow Ourselves to be as Lost Will was. Many of Us have been so good at denying things we did not love or accept in Ourselves that We were sure these thngs had no pesence in Us.

In facing My unintentional creations here, I have found that it is not possible to solve this by trying to get rid of them. Efforts to be spiritually pure and harmonious have involved so much denial that these efforts have actually increased the presence of the opposite on Earth. This has been done by moving more and more of the judged against essence into the Lost Will without realizing that the originating points in these patterns must be allowed to express freely until they naturally come into alignment. Most spiritual people literally have a funnel of darkness moving out from behind them that is not only the ceator of what they most deplore about Earth, but is also holding them to the Earth they long to rise above because it is so full of what they want to leave behind.
[Nov. 29-30, 2011: Today I mentioned two ancient "righteous" people, but I see them every day every where, and , of course, I tended or - God forbid! - perhaps still tend to be one of them!]

Spiritual people are no longer the pretty sight to Me that they once were now that I have gone behind the scenes to look at what has been hidden, but don't worry about loss of My love. Your lack of self-acceptance has been no greater than My own.

The Hell that is present on Earth is what needs to move now and you are going to have to move your share of it by allowing it to trigger you into the emotions it is reflecting to you. Our attempts to love this reality have been within a narrow definition of love, patronizing and unreal. You need to notice this now.

How you really feel is what needs expression and in the most natural way possible. Let this temporarily, at least, exclude lengthy speeches and emphasize gutteral sounds. In view of this, understanding is that the definition of love needs to be expanded to include emotions that have been labeled "negative."

It is not wrong to give your response to what you feel you have received, no matter what it is. Reflections of non-acceptance for this expressions are reflections of your own Lost Will in which you do not have acceptance.

Lack of understanding around these reflections is the reason I have suggested that you not try to impress your emotional release on other people. If you even have projections of rejection from others, you have parts of yourself that do not have acceptance for what you see others rejecting. Expressing emotion with yourself until you no longer feel that others will reject you for it is

Coincidence 1: "a ring of light"
The Sombrero Galaxy-NGC 4594 (M104)
Exhibited on the Israeli website TheGoodNews on Nov. 27, 2011

Coincidence 2 : "The Appearance of Lucifer"
Big_Tropicasol_ by_Lucifer4671
In Meshi's e-mail: inviting us to celebrate 7 years of the starchildren's encounter

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

It gave Us a feeling of almost bouncing along. We began to laugh and exaggerate the movemment Ourselves. We had a great explosion of light and laughter. We had a feeling that more spirits might have emerged, as We had felt a great fluttering go through Us as We gave in to the orgasmic feelings

The new spirits were all fluttering around nearby in the ball of light in which they had been born. They appeared more like a sunburst than like spirits at first. As We looked more closely, We could see that they had forms that were more interesting to Us than undefined light. They had faces that were merry and bright, and they were looking out at Us with great delight. They also had great eyes as dark as night that opened to take in light. They had great long golden streaming hairs and green hearts that gave out a bright light. There were many more of these spirits than of the orders that had come before. They had great glee in their numbers and did not want to fight. They were like merry children who had a desire to come forth when they saw Us romping.

They wanted to get out of their bubble, but they needed some help. We pulled their bubble back as though we were opening curtains on a stage. The spirits appeared in the middle and emerged one by one. We gave them names as they introduced themselves.

This was the first order We had named individually
, and We felt We were going to have to go back and name the others when We returned from Our journey outward. We had named Ourselves, but names had not yet occurred to Us for others until now We were getting more definiton as we went along.

The Mother was very pleased with these new spirits and had an immediate love for them. She also feared that it was not right that they appeared to have no partners. She did not like it that We had only male children, and wanted to know why none of the spirits were taking after Her. She did not want every spirit that manifested to be Her mate. She felt annoyed, but did not want to be complaining again, so She ony questioned Me about Her concerns.

I felt that the manifestations were alright, but I could not tell Her why. She said She did not think She was loved by any of the children or they would have taken more after Her.

I wanted to celebrate the emergence of these new spirits rather than have them feel that We did not think they did it right. They had something to offer, no question about it. They had merri-


ment, playfulness and they also had some powers. These new spirits filled the space around Us and gave birth to dancing in a circle. They whirled and danced in a way that increased their light. The Father of Manifestation made sounds that He called music now. These sounds were similar to the sounds We had heard when He emerged, but these sounds had patterns and progressions that repeated and took form as songs.

The Mother said that She also had sounds and gave Her own version of the sounds She felt within Her in response to these new spirits and everything that was happening, I also had a feeling for song and did not hold Myself back. In reality, We had Our first chorus in the heavens. everyone joined in, including the great Arc Angels, and Our sounds became more musical than what We had experienced in the past.

One of the Great Arc Angels had the power to focus sound, and He showed the Mother a way in which She could send light out into the universe on a focus of sound and give a presence of Mother love to anything that needed it without having to go there Herself. Immediately the Mother's Heart filled with love for the help She could now give. She began to sing forth now without holding Herself back, and Her light and love streamed forth toward all the planets and stars in space. She had a feeling of great joy that She could send love to everything and leave nothing alone and without it. I also had reat joy that the Mother found She had some power now. I wanted Her to believe in Herself. She had not listened to Me earlier when I had told Her that she had powers She did not know She had. The feelings of powerlessness that She had gotten from Her first experiences with Me persisted with Her in spite of all My efforts to help Her understand Herself. Seeing another spirit demonstrate a power that She could feel within Herself had given Her the courage to try. The Mother had faith in this Arc Angel and felt that He was loving and of good intent. She believed Him when He told Her that His power was Her power also. I felt content now that We cold progress as I had planned, and that the Mother could now accept this without feeling that what had already manifeted outward into space was getting ignored.

We gave this new order of spirits the name of Lesser Arc Angels, because they were so similar to the Great Arc Angels except that they were smaller in size and greater in number. They seemed to be self-sufficient already, and strong in their relationship as a group. we did not feel there was any problem in leav-

your starting point. Once you are comfortable with the expression of your feelings, it will be easier to express them around others.

You have understanding on this when you want to respond to something you view as positive. Whether what you receive feels negative or positive, it does not make you unloving to respond in ways you have viewed as negative if that is what you really feel. It is the presence of the judgments against these kinds of expressions that make them seem unloving. Refusing to accept what you do not want, or giving back what you have already accepted that you no longer want to hold does not make you unloving. It is not necessary to make a place in yourself for these things anymore.

Guilt has told you that responding to something negative with negativity makes you just like that thing. This is not true understanding. The magnetic energy receives the impressions of what is happening to you and if it does not like what it is receiving, it must be allowed to clear these things out by vibrating its essence until these impressions are no longer present.

You cannot get rid of negativity by taking it in and holding it or by trying to get rid of the essece that is holding it. Even if you succeed in getting rid of the essence that holds this negativity, as many of Us have done in the past, the magnetic impression has not been changed and it will return to haunt you in some way.

These magnetic impressions are changed by the expressions that vibrate them. If you are expressing something that is passing through you, it does not mean that this is what you are or what you are becoming. It means that you are letting your Will move. There is evolution in this movement that needs to be understood now.

All the way along, the Will's response was thought to be what the Will was. If the Will's response was judged to be negative the Will was seen as negative, and the essence giving the response was seen as ngative essence and something to be gotten rid of All too often, the situation was not examined for understandings as to why the Will was giving such a response. Instead, there has been heavy preference in the Spirit Polarity for suppressing the Will's response whenever it seemed to be negative.

The Spirit Polarity has done this because it has not wanted to look at its own reflection here. Negative response from the Will is a signal that something needs change or improvement. As long


as Spirit has a need to see itself and It's creations as perfect, it cannot allow this reflection. There is a lot of denial involved in this narrow view of a perfection that is not evolving and, therefore, not really living. Even though I was able to go on for a long time denying in these ways, I finally had to realize that I was going to die if I did not face Myself here, and it is the same for you.

In fact, We have ignored so much for so long that nothing the Will responds to with true feelings is going to feel all positive. The Will has held back so much for so long that has been judged unacceptably negative that its expression, once it really gets moving, is going to make it seem that the judgments against it are true. Your Will is going to make you feel very negative for quite some time. How much negativity your Will gives you is going to be a direct reflection of how much denial you have given it, but negativity needs to be understood now as the Mother of evolution because it points out what needs improvement.

The Will has desire to be loving in its response and to do this, it must receive loving acceptance. Where the Will's response does not appear to be loving, it has not been receiving loving acceptance. Negativity from the Will indicates it has been receiving denial and judgment instead of light and love.

Negativity from the Will originally intimidated Me because I thought it meant that the Will rejected Me or something I had done. Since I viewed Creation as a manifestation of Myself, I was very touchy on the subject of whether the Will liked it or not. When there seemed to be so many things the Will did not like, I preferred to blame the Will for being negative rather than to look at what it was the Will was trying to show Me.

I was afraid to look at this reflection because I thought it meant that I was inadequate. I feared that it meant that what I had done already was not good enough and that I might not be able to do better. I was actually enraged at Myself whenever My manifestation fell short of My vision and I did not want to let Myself know this because I was terrified of what it might mean. I want to apologize now for having taken the path of blaming others to avoid facing Myself here. Even though I had these understandings long ago, there is sitll a large presence of Lost Will on Earth that has not been able to move with these understandings yet.

When Spirit overlooked its own causal role and blamed Will and Body instead, Spirit became gapped from the emotions of rage and terror that needed to move in order to bring this Lost Will into alignment with Spirit's evolution of understanding. This

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

ing them and continuing Our journey outward. As We were preparing to leave, the Mother told Me that She still felt there was some problem that these spirits did not have mates. She felt that without mates, they had no way to make light on their own. It was Her feeling that if We did not return to these spirits when they needed to receive light from Us, they would not be able to remain manifested. The Mother felt that the spirits We had manifested so far were going to run down if We were not around to give them light. I told Her it was not going to be a problem for long because We were going to go forth and come back.

The Mother had a feeling of being overwhelmed by the image of having to make light for all the spirits and give it to them continuously.

"What if I'm just not in the mood/" She asked.

The Mother wanted the spirits to have a way to make their own light so that She did not have to feel that Our position was to continuously take care of them. I told Her that We had a long way to go before that could happen and that for now, She was going to have to accept that the role of the Mother was to nurture the children.

"Look at these spirits," I told Her, "they are not ready to have a relationship such as Ours. They are like children. They are playing. Imitating Us does not mean that they understnad what they are trying to do and it does not mean that they are ready to do it."

The Mother could see that these spirits all had a masculine form, but that indeed there was a sexlessness to them. She had been unable to give them Will essence because they had rejected it. She did not know why they had rejected Her. She felt guilt that She had just assumed they did not love Her, because they had obviously accepted Her as their Mother. She tried to accept My counsel here and what She could not lay to rest in Herself went into the Lost Will.

Before We left, We told these spirits that We did not want to pressure them to try to be anything other than what they felt comfortable being, but that perhaps as they grew in their experiences, they might find that they wanted to have more Will presence, and that if they did, they should come to the Mother and ask Her to give it to them. The guilt and fear these spirits had felt in response to Our discussion moved back now and their glee returned.



We felt that We could not stay any longer. We felt a great pressure to expand and to open the space to do it. We had been relatively still for awhile and We felt it would be very pleasant to move again. We moved out into the space just around Us and began to float there as though drifting in gentle breezes. We felt showered by a soft loving light. It was an exquisite shimmering that made Us feel like acing backwards and lifting Our hearts into it. Receiving this light, we orgasmed in the Heart, and another order of spirits emerged. These spirits were obviously Heart spirits. These spirits were similar to the arc Angels in that they had faces, hearts, wings, and forms of shimmering light that were not very defined, but they were smaller in size than the previous orders. These spirits had more Will presence than the earlier ones because they had the balance of Heart Himself. They were not intimidating because they had Heart's feeling of softness. These spirits had a feeling of arms that could stretch forth and give love. Trailing streamers of light came forth from all parts of their bodies. They shimmered in all colors, but definitely emanated greens and pinks like Heart. We decided to call them Heart Angels, although later they were often called the First Order of Angels.

These Angels were glittering and shimmering with the light of love,and We could not help but fall in love with them because they were love personified. Heart was very pleased. He had a bunch of little spirits to keep Him company now and they were already playing around him.

Later, many of the Angels were going to come to feel that they were not man enough compared to the other spirits they saw come forth, but at the time of their emergence, they had great self-acceptance and they have to regain it now. There is nothing wrong with having Angelic origins, and the shame over men having softness needs to move out now. It is the same shame that gives this softness its unpleasantness, not the softness itself.

Heart had an idea of how We could celebrate this emergence. He felt that loving presence of a balanced Heart was essential to anything that We did, and He suggested a party, inviting everyone who had emerged so far, so that they could feel this loving presence and give their response to it.

The Heart Angels had a pattern to their emergence. They had emerged in partnerships which were all interconnected in such a way

gap was created by Spirit pushing these feelings away, which meant that the essence then moved out of the spirit Polarity and into the growing mass of Lost Will.

The Mother was receiving most of these denials and holding them within Her because She did not know what else to do with them. Spirit Polarity was blaming Her for what was being denied and was not giving this essence any place within Itself.

The Mother feared that Spirit was right and that She had originated negativity. The Mother did not like having to receive these denials and hold them, but we were not allowing Her to reflect them back to Us. It was as though we were all giving Her Our garbage and telling Her that it was Hers and that She was responsible for getting rid of it. Since no space that had been opened agreed to be designated as a dump, She had no way to get rid of it. Since We were not allowing Her to reflect any of this to Us, She did not find out that expressing the feelings involved could have transformed this essence into something We all would have liked better.

The Mother felt that She had no other option but to hold what She was receiving and try to make the best of it. Since She was being told that She was responsible for it, She felt all the more as though She could not hand any of it back to Us. The more denial the Mother received and held, the worse She felt. The worse She felt, the worse She looked and smelled until I was no longer attracted as I once was, because She was so full of the very things I was trying to avoid. I was avoiding the Mother and pretending I was not. This amplified Her problems by increasing Her guilt and shame and Her feelings of unwothiness and inadequacy to unbearable levels. She was too frightened most of the time to even acknowledge Her rage and blame.

Most of the spirits feared the Mother because of what was happening to Her. They shunned Her for the same reasons I did, and misunderstood Her in the same ways that I did.The spirits did not want what was happening to the Mother to happen to them and this was an undercurrent motivation in their efforts to please Me.

I wanted the spirits to be receptive to Me and I did not like it when they presented Me with the pretense of receiving Me. In fact, they made Me very angry when I felt that I could not even look around my Creation without having the spirits present Me with phony behavior. I did not move my anger, though. My reasoning was that the spirits were already afraid of Me and that


this was what was affecting their behavior. I believed that expressing My anger would only frighten them more and worsen the problem.

Because I did not move my anger here, I was not able to find out that part of the reflection the spirits were giving Me here was the fear that what was happening to the Mother might happen to them if they displeased Me.. the spirits were showing Me that they perceived the Mother's problems to be a result of My rejection of Her but I did not understand it and neither did the spirits. Because We were all so focused on the side of things that saw Her as being rejected because of the way She was, We did not see the possibility that She was the way She was because She was being rejected

Instead of bringing everything forward and allowing it movement, the spirits were busy trying not to be like the Mother and I was busy ignoring what was really happening in favor of My images of what was happening. None of Us realized that the cause of the problem could have been solved by allowing the movement We were so busy avoiding and We were not letting Ourselves know that fear was the reason We were avoiding it.

Fear, after all, had lacked acceptance in Me from the very beginning and every time I looked at it, it seemed to be getting worse and there seemed to be more of it. Because of this, we all preferred denial. I could not convince Myself to go into this fear until I finally realized what was causing it. Since the Mother received these denials of Will essence, We found it hard to like Her any more than We liked what We were denying.

When the Mother could no longer hold what She was receiving, She began to fragment. The essence She couldn't hold anymore began to slip out of Her and manifest in the darkness as an increasing presence of Lost Will.

I saw this happening and I at first thought the mother was manifesting spirits without Me. I had blame for Her here but I did not move it; I simply told Her not to have sex without Me. The Mother tried to respond to Me here by holding back Her sexual expression as much as She could. She could feel Me enough to know that I thought She was wrongly manifesting spirits without Me, and She feared that I saw Her as a creator of dark spirits who were not good enough to be accepted by Me. I did not realize that it was my own Lost Will manifesting here, or that it was My own denied blame that was attacking the Mother in the darkness.
The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

that they felt themselves to be individuals, but all one Heart .They had begun to see the beauty of the visions in My Heart and had emerged to help manifest them. They had an ability to project these visions, rather like showing movies, and they began to show Us how lovingly they envisioned the Creation could come into being. We felt We had found the most balanced method of going forth now; in Heart's vision of how it could be.

These Angels had guardian spirits manifest in their order already, and these spirits felt attuned with parenting roles. The Guardian Angels felt guilty immediately, as though their calling indicated a breech of faith in Our perfection by indicating We needed help parenting the Spirits. The Mother felt they should not have this guilt. She still felt that Heart was not allowing enough room for the evolution She felt was going to be necessary in the Manifested Spirits. The Mother did not believe that help and parenting necessarily indicated shortcomings in the spirits receiving this and She was relieved that some spirits had emerged to help Her do the job.

I felt that the Mother's emphasis on parenting had an undercurrent of lack of trust for manifesting Creation according to the vision Heart and I had. I gave Her a nod that let Her know I did not appreciate Her undercurrent that I was not doing the job right. The Mother decided to try to wait for a more appropriate time to express Her feelings. Heart felt the Mother at that moment, and received understanding that She was not wrong, but He did not accord Her viewpoint its full validity then, because He did not like feeling what She felt here. Heart wanted to hold the vision of the path He saw to be the most loving, and therefore, the path that looked easiest and most appealing to Him.

The Mother wanted this path also, no question about it and She felt very guilty that She could not make Herself feel that this was what was going to happen. All the way along, the Mother tried everything She knew to try, including denying Her true feelings and presuring Herself to focus on the positive, in an effort to manifest the path of Heart's first choice. At that time, I shared Heart's feeling that it might be the Mother's lack of ability to align with Us that was undermining the unfolding of Our vision. Try as She did, the Mother was not able to make Herself feel that the easiest path was going to be the path taken.

I am sorry to have to say to you now that Heart, Body and I all joined together and blamed the Mother for everything that did not manifest exactly according to the way We had envisioned it.


You also need to know that almost every single spirit in Creation joined Us in this viewpoint. This story is now in the beginning stages of the blame and denial that the Will has received. You need to see how this develops to understand why Lost Will is now so massive that it threatens the very ability of the Creation to go on.

At that time, We did not know everything that We needed to know to help Us manifest what We were looking for. If We had opened to what the Will had to teach Us then, the Will would have been able to align with Us. You are going to have to go through everything to really understand, in your Will, that it also was not possible to have a better alignment here than We had. We did not, at that time, understand the Mother, or the Mother's process.

The Mother needed more help from Us to help Her move the feelings that kept magnetizing Her to the worst possibilities that lay within Us. At that time, though, We had avoidance in mind because We did not know another way to get away from these troublesome possibilities. This was not right, but it was not wrong either. Do not take in this information in the form of judgments if you can avoid it. Lost Will is already holding judgments here that need to be healed now.

The avoidance here took the form of wanting to go on with the party, without having to feel the dampening effect of the feelings the Mother was holding. We asked Her to put Her feelings aside in favor of Ours. We felt some guilt here. but We also did not like the feeling that We might have to put Our desire for joy aside in favor of what then appeared to be Her continual unhappiness with one thing or another. She was already appearing to Me, in parts of Herself, as a continual nag who could not be made happy no matter what I did. Lost Will received this and everything else that was not given acceptance here, including the Mother's fear that She really was at fault.

All the spirits that had emerged so far had the ability to move around in the space that we had opened for them, and so they began to assemble themselves for a celebration. They were all very interested in getting to know one another, and there was a social buzz in the air that lent an atmosphere of excitement. It was Our first great gathering.

The Ancient Ones had games to show the others, and the Heart Angels had begun to project their visions in a manner that could now perhaps be roughly approximated by a multi-media presentation.

I did not let the Mother know why I was avoiding Her. When she felt the reasons and feared that She was no longer appealing to Me, I denied Her and made up excuses for My lack of presence with Her. This compounded Her problems by making Her even more afraid that She could not trust Her own intuition.


When the Mother could no longer stand to hold everything She was feeling, She often turned to Body for help. The Mother knew that the Father of Manifestation had healing power and She wanted Him to help Her. The Mother had guilt in the way of asking for much attention from the Father of Manifestation because She knew He was already so busy trying to help so many other spirits. The Mother felt these spirits deserved His attention more than She did because She was afraid that She was the cause of their problems. She had jealousy and possessiveness that She denied heavily here in favor of trying to be the kind of Mother who wanted to make sure the children were given everything they could receive before She would ask for anything for Herself. Of course, it was not known at that time that healing the Mother would have healed the children.

When the Mother would finally turn to the Father of Manifestation, He had a lot of work to do to help Her feel better. The Father of Manifestation often called upon Me to help Him heal the Mother because He felt so overwhelmed by Her problems. I hesitated to be drawn into it because I did not want to touch what I was trying to avoid. I did not like the undercurrent feelings the Mother had that Her problems were Our fault and that We should help Her. I thought She should help Herself. I also held back because of all the feelings I had around the Father of Manifestation being a competitor of mine. Consequently, I gave the Father of Manifestation more presence when He wanted to help the children than I did when He wanted to help the Mother.

The Mother tried to ignore My lack of presence, both be cause She was afraid to face what it might mean, and because She thought I wanted all of Us to sacrifice Ourselves in favor of the Manifested Spirits. She felt that My lack of response here was My way of saying that She was wrong to have asked for anything for Herself.


The Father of Manifestation had rage at Me for not giving Him more help, but He was also afraid that I had grown tired of helping him because of his lack of success. He also could feel Me blaming Him and He was afraid He was inadequate in some way. He could heal spirits but they could not maintain it because we were not understanding the cause of their problems. Lost Will still has a large presence that can only remedy symptoms, and where the Father of Manifestation feared He had failed, Lost Will has reflected the inability to effect healing.

Where the Mother was concerned, the Father of Manifestation could make Her feel better, but not fully healed. The Mother tried not to complain but it leaked out all over Her. When the Father of Manifestation could no longer stand to face the reflection that He might be unable to heal the Mother, He often sought to avoid facing this by shifting the focus of His energy from healing to sexual arousal, The Mother always tried to resist this because of what I had told Her, but it felt good to Her and made Her feel that She was loved. She also had guilt telling Her it was not right to receive the help She did get from the Father of Manifestation without returning anything pleasant to Him. The Mother often succumbed to the Father of Manifestations's adavances and everytime She did, She felt the fear of displeasing Me growing within Her.

The Mother became especially terrified of the possibility of emerging spirits without My approval. She sought to hold back Her response, to deter the Father of Manifestation as much as possible and to hide what They did together as much as She could. The Mother's behavior caused the Father of Manifestation to question Her love for Him. He feared that the Mother loved Me more than She loved Him, or at least feared Me more, which to Him meant that She saw Me as more powerful than Him.

The Father of Manifestation had guilt involved in how He felt about the Mother because He had come forth second. He viewed Heart as a child, but He did not view Himself as one. He felt that He was my equal and that I was not recognizing Him in this way. I, however, felt that He was nothing without Me and, therefore, I felt that He was not My equal. I now know it is not possible to manifest without Him, but I did not know it then.

The Father of Manifestation was enraged at Me over this, but His guilt and His fear, which He did not want to admit He had, did not allow Him to confront Me directly. Instead, He seemed

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
"If there is a God who has any power,
then why is it the way that it is on Earth?"
The ways in which people have answered this question
have consisted mostly of rationalizations designed to help better accept what their feelings do not want to accept.
The Unseen Role of Denial is why it's been the way it's been.
When we deny parts of ourselves,
these parts can become so lost from us
that they find other ways to express,
even expressing through other people.

This book begins the story of our ancient beginnings
and the misunderstandings born from lack of experience".
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations
When the Will receives judgment instead of love and light,
it becomes lost from the light and thus the term, "Lost Will."
The definition of love needs to be expanded
to include emotions that have been labeled "negative."

Much of what we've judged to be negative
became lost so long ago no one remembers what happened to it.
These lost memories go as far back as our origins.
How you really feel
is what needs expression
and in the most natural way possible.

..., suspend words and emphasize non-verbal sounds.
Doing this in private can evolve these emotions.
Continuation of both books on the next Blue-Book-Page

This technically bad photo was taken by me, when - at the end of our adventure on the historical 29th of November to my peninsula, pond and cave -
Boris left me here at the entry of the Yishai Waterfall, with our backpacks, so that he could run all the way to Ein-Gedi/ Nakhal David, to fetch the car.
The moon is twisted, the kettle-like wall of rocks is threatening, and so are the shadows behind the pinnacles.
I associated it to the horrid saga of God/s / Our beginnings, reported in the violet and purple book.

See two lighter, prettier images of the Yishai Waterfall at the bottom of the following page.