BlueBook-intro-VI-b

The Purpose of HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

to help me and my potential P E E R s

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"

Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries

[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]

I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

Introduction p. VIb of the 2010 version

The energy locked up in denial
does not want to be held outside of the nourishment of Loving Light.
In coming to you, drawn by the denial ,
unpleasant experiences have not come to punish.
They have come to draw your attention to the denials.
They are drawn to you
in an attempt to release the energy that is being held there,
outside of your loving acceptance.
By allowing yourself
to be easily triggered into releasing your held denials,
the intensity of these reflections can lessen
until you no longer need to draw to yourself any unpleasantness.
Try it before you judge it.

Some of you can help each other by doing group release work
if you have an agreement with one another about what is happening there.
By allowing yourselves to express your boundaries
and draw definite guidelines
according to what you feel is necessary,
you may be able to helpfully re-enact traumatic experiences
in order to trigger yourself to release them.
Because many people have received harm at the hands of others
and have not yet released or expressed the pain of this,
some may want, or need, the help of being triggerec by others
acting as though they are going to do harm.
If you try this approach,
only do what is needed to trigger the emotional release
that will relieve the person;
do not cause additional pain.

Introduction p. VI b of the 1984 version

Without Will, the Spirit has no selection process.
The Will polarity is your individual magnetic energy field
["Abraham" calls this: "your emotional Guidance System"]
and draws the experiences you are going to have.
So, if you hold something in your Will
which is not allowed free movement
or free expression,
but which is denied,
you will then draw a reflection of this to yourself;
even if denied,
it is still there in your magnetic energy field,
disconnected from conscious awareness.
[November 2011: "Abraham" would say: it is still in your Vibration
and according to "the Law of Attraction" will attract what you don't want]

You need to realize, then, that in triggering yourself
and releasing denial from your own energy field,
you will no longer need to draw to yourself any unpleasantness.
Unpleasantness is not sent from God as punishment for misdeeds.
Unpleasantness is only drawn in response
to what has been denied or judged against.
The denial is what gives the experience its unpleasant qualities.
[November 2011: The problem with "Abraham" is, that the way
to "releasing denial", "releasing judgments" and "moving emotions"
is not known to them.
They are not even aware of "denial"!
"Good-Feeling Thoughts" is the only solution which is suggested,
in order to come in alignment with "Source" and be "who-you-really-are".
For "Abraham" everything is "thought",
and the "Emotional Guidance System" only helps us to diagnoze our problem,
while the solution must come from "thought".

You need to realize another thing here:
you can still take the path of letting experience come to you from without
and balance yourself in that way.
If you want to, in fact,
you can even call for the karmic experiences necessary
so that you can be triggered to release your own denial.
Pleasant experiences will still happen.
We are just addressing unpleasant ones right now.
You can create even more pleasant experiences and better ones
when you have lessened or eliminated denial.
But in coming to you, drawn by the denial,
the unpleasant experiences have not come to punish.
They have come to point out that you have the denial.
They are drawn to you in an attempt to release the energy
that is being held there outside of acceptance.

The energy locked up in denial

Introduction p.VII of the 2010 version,

I also want to say
that you can still take the path
of letting experience come to you from without
and balance yourself in that way.
If you want to, in fact,
you can even call for the carmic experiences necessary
so that you can be triggered to release your own denial.
Pleasant experiences will still happen.
My Light is just addressing unpleasant ones right now.
As you lessen and eliminate denial,
you can create even more pleasant experiences and better ones.
By shifting the power
from a state of externalized disconnection
to internalized conscious acceptance,
you can always know what is going to happen
You might not have complete detail
because you might have the kind of Will that likes surprises,
but you will know it will be pleasant.
This can give great peace to everyone.

My Light has been compelled
to impart Right Use of Will to Earth at this time
because the situation there has become very perilous.
People on Earth,
and even animals,
because of being confined and controlled,
have not been expressing freely enough
to adequately vibrate their space
and hold it open for themselves.
My created beings on Earth have been experiencing their reality
as seeming to close in on them,
and their power as seeming to be insufficient
to meet the situation facing Earth now.
Please realize it does not have to be this way;
the lost light of misunderstandings and denial of the Will
have made it this way.
If you want to be able to live on Earth,
you must now start reversing the situation within yourself.
It is not going to be easy at first,
but it will become easier the longer you work on it.

My guidance is to preserve the balance points
that provide the most freedom for everyone without eclipsing anyone,
and are necessary to maintain Spirits and the Creation in which they live.
Earlier, it was apparent to Me
that many Spirits could not accept My Guidance
because they did not have enough experience to understand
why these balance points were so important.
I have seen that the Spirits on Earth now have had enough experience
to be able to accept, understand and respect these balance points,
and so, I want to make it clear
that I am decisive on several points
where I was open to allowing Spirits to transgress earlier.
These decisions are decrees.

All Spirits wishing to remain on Earth must recognize Me
and come to Me for Loving Light.
No Spirit can continue to deny Me
and take My Light underhandedly from others.

Introduction p. VII of the 1984 version

The energy locked up in denial
does not want to be held outside of the nourishment of the Light.
The denial wants to draw something to itself that will release it.
The intensity needed to trigger you
will exactly equal the intensity of your denial.

You can release what you have held and denied
by your own volition.

This is felt to be by the Source of these understandings
the easiest path now available for individuals
that would like to heal themselves on Earth.
You need to try it before you judge it.

When something comes from outside,
and you did not know it was coming,
it's just because you were disconnected from it.
By shifting the power from a state of externalized disconnection
to internalized conscious acceptance,
you can always know what is going to happen.
You might not have complete detail
because you might have the kind of Will that likes surprises,
but you will know it will be pleasant.
This can give great peace to everyone.

Another understanding you need is:
clearing out the Will
is going to call for release of the limitations you have placed on yourself
that have not allowed the energy to release and express previously.
These limitations can be called
denials, judgments, misunderstandings,
conditions on acceptance of the self,
or whatever you want to call them.
The fastest way to dissolve them is to give them a formal release.
You can say whatever you want to say
as long as you say it out loud
and say that you now forgive yourself,
or no longer believe these things,
or now give release to them,
or whatever wording that carries the intent of release for you.

In mentioning the necessity of giving a formal release out loud,
it's also necessary to bring this forward :
in doing emotional release,
sound is very important.
This Creation is based on vibration.
Sound is vibration.
To release something and vibrate it away from you
if you do not want it,
or to get it moving
so it will evolve into something you do want to have with you,

["here the language is like the language of "Abraham":
"what I don't want, what I do want"," Vibration - vibrating",
but how strange, that "Abraham" ignores,
that "vibration" is something physical!]
you need to use sound
and even body movement
that will vibrate your physical being.
You need to do whatever the feelings suggest to you.

If you have a lot of blockage,
you might need to start by making any sound you can make
and doing anything you can do;
and if you do this enough in each situation,
you will loosen yourself up and reach what is called ignition.
Ignition is the point where the release takes you over temporarily
and directs you to do exactly what you need to do.
You need not control it in any way
except to make sure you do not really hurt anyone.

Introduction p. VIII of the 2010 version

Now , in physical Body,
the reality of this is one thing and one thing only.
No one can survive anymore in My Creation
unless they acknowledge Me
and accept my Loving Light openly in some form.
I am flexible here.
I have many ways to come to a Spirit.
I can adjust Myself infinitely,
but I will no longer tolerate complete denial of Me any place in My Creation.
This means that no Spirits can survive what is happening now,
any place in My Creation,
unless they open to directly receive My Loving Light.
You must not think you are not involved
if you accept Me as God and worship Me.
You must find your denials,
bring them within your love and find them acceptable to Me.

I am not being unloving or unmerciful here.
If I am unlimited, and I am, I can no longer tolerate Spirits
who want to limit Me to the extent of being in My Creation
and refusing to allow Me to be there with them.
I have said this to give you the opportunity to reverse your own denials.
If you feel a need to critique this message
or attack Me for what is not being said here,
this is your pathway into the emotions you need to express
in order to find out how you really feel about Me.
I have many understandings to give
on why I have made these decrees,
but they are not appropriate to give right now.
Trust that they will be given at the right time.

I have also made another decree.
I have no further tolerance for any Spirits giving pain to others
who have not overtly agreed to receive it.
There has been such a thing as overriding of Free Will
in the experience of My created Spirits.
I have let this go on only long enough for the Spirits to see
why the Will is so necessary.
Now, I have discerned that there has been enough experience.
There is no longer any power to override another's Will, period.
Your own Will can only be overridden by your own denials.
This has to be understood.
Free Will between people means
that you have the freedom to do whatever you want,
but you are not to encroach on another
or try to make anyone else function within your own limits.
You only have the power to make them take it away from you
or to take yourself away from them.
There is no power anymore to stop anyone
from experiencing themselves in the way they want to experience themselves.
If you go against this, you are going against Me.

There is still some time on Earth for Spirits to show My Loving Light
whether it is their intention to align with Me, or not.
I have heard the cries of the Spirits
who cannot handle anymore pain, control and unlovingness.
I am offering the understandings needed for My Spirits to release themselves from the path of struggle, strife

Introduction p. IX of the 2010 version

and suffering.
Because there are still many who do not believe
that this is My Loving Light talking here,
they are going to have to learn from the experiences they create themselves.
I am going to put them in their right place.
If you do not want to go with them,
you need to find and recover your own lost Will and lost Light involvement in this.

In accepting these understandings, you only need to try them out,
stop judging them and allow them to be in process.
You will find that they work for you
and everyone else who is ready to try them.
Some on Earth have not yet had enough experience to try them,
so I am reminding you again not to try to force these ideas on anyone.
Just take them in if they are for you.

In studying this book, connect to the spirit of the message,
and do not pass judgment on what has been left out.
If there seems to be a gap
that you cannot readily fil in with your logical, sequential thinking,
you need to remain open,
and trust that it will be given to you when you have the readiness to receive it.
Many things that can be available to you
through direct communication with my Loving Light
have to be withheld from the public domain
until the general population has more open acceptance
This is necessary also in order to protect and insure
that those of you who choose to practice these teachings are not overloaded,
since, at present,
the mind is much more capable of quickly receiving these understandings than is the Will.

If you now temporarily stop the mental acquisition of this writing
and give it time to sink into your feelings,
you are going to have a response.
If you do not have a response,
then you have either lost your Will or you are not connecting to it.
Some people have disconnected so much
that they actually have to search out and find their missing Will
It is not impossible to do this.
You can start by calling for it, if it's not present with you, and draw it back to you.
Acceptance is the key once again.
You must make a place for your Will.

If you are responding, let it happen
and do not assume you have all the understandings needed.
Allow your response and seek more understandings.

I now ivite you to read, when you're ready, the rest of this book.

End of the 2010 version

April 17, 2002:
standing in the water and looking towards the shore
with its springs, falls and ponds,
tamarisks and - the bright green cushion -
a special plant growing around "my" place

Then, on April 17, 2002, the tamarisks were still so low, that the tiny pond reflected the blue sky.
Now, in this rainy winter, the sea has risenby 40 cm & washed away the shore almost up to the pool

Introduction p. X of the 1984 version

It appears later in this book
because He is needing to prepare people's understandings
in order to receive it.

Now, in closing this introduction,
it has been given to me to say this:
In accepting these understandings,
you only need to try them out.
You only need to stop judging them
and allow them to be in process,
and you will find they work for you
and everyone else that is ready to try them.
Some on Earth have not yet had enough experience to try them,
so do not force these ideas on anyone.
Just take them in if they are for you.
God is going to mercifully remove the ones
that need more experiences
before they can accept certain understandings
and place them on planets
that can accept their need for more experience.

You need also to realize, in studying this book,
that you have to connect to the spirit of the message,
and not pick over the wording,
and not make judgments on what has been left out.
If there seems to be a gap
that you cannot readily fill in
with your logical sequential thinking,
you need to remain open
and trust that it will be given to you
when you have the readiness to receive it.

You need to realize that many things
that are available too you through direct communication with God
have to be withheld from the public domain
until the public domain has more open acceptance.
This is necessary also in order to protect and insure
that the ones practicing these teachings are not overloaded
since at present the mind is much more capable
of quickly receiving these understandings
than is the Will.

If you now temporarily stop the mental acquisition of this writing
and give it time to sink into your feelings,
you are definitely going to have a response.
If you do not have response to this,
either you have entirely lost your Will
or you are not connected to it.
If your feelings do not respond to this,
you need to find out what is really happening with yourself.

Some people have disconnected so much
that they actually have to search out and find their missing Will.
It is not impossible to do this.
You can start calling for it, if it's not present with you,
and draw it back to you.
Acceptance is the key once again.
You must make a place for your Will.
In fact, if you feel you have no feelings with which to respond to this,
you have a strong indication
that you might need to suspect complete disconnection
from your own Will.

Introduction p. XI of the 1984 version

If you are responding, let it happen
and do not assume you have all the understandings needed.
Allow your response and seek more understandings.

I now invite you to read, when you're ready, the rest of this book.

- CEANNE -

On April 17, 2002,
the then sulfurous, now almost wholly sweet , water left the pond
and created a rivulet, another tiny fall and tiny pond,
before it merged with the salty Sea.

Plus beau que ciel

May be silent the firearms
in the meadows and woods
may be southed the ruckus
of the injured on the roofs
may be quietened the tears
of the children in their terror
may the rope of the alarm
rot away in the belltower

Hear my singing in French
in SongGame2007
Chorus:
Better than heaven,
sweeter than honey
Will Love embrace
our race.
Purer than the Sea
harder than iron
will Love surround
finally the Earth.

And may sing my mother
near the countrymen's fire
and may sing my brothers
of knowing that God lives.
And may never be buried
the queen of the gipsies,
and may never despair
who ever survives.

2009
My study and application of "Abraham/Hick's" teachings
about learning "Good-Feeling-Thoughts
from December 3-7,2009
from November 29-December 2,2009 in "Original Introduction to Right Use of Will, p. I-VIa"
from November 10-27,2009 in "Michael on Right Use of Will"
continuation of the inserts from November 1-9, 2009 in "About the Books called Right Use of Will"
continuation of the inserts from October 16-31, 2009 in "The Mother's Eruption"
which is the continuation of the first inserts from October 1-16, 2009 in "I honor all their experiences"

MY DESIRE on EACH and EVERY DAY
the ability to flow my personal energy in any situation
without needing to exert control and domination

I am having plenty of opportunities to practice
"INHALE GOD - EXHALE LOVE
LOVE TO THIS PRESENT FEELING",
whenever I feel a dis-agreeable feeling,
i.e. a feeling to which I do not naturally agree with,
a feeling, which I would prefer to dis-own,
a feeling which has to be brought home,
home into my womb,
home into my own,
home into my love.

This in truth is 'Unconditional Love',
and everything else, which will anchor Heaven on Earth,
will follow from this.

December 2 , evening – December 3, morning, Thursday
Shoham , Dec 2 PM: Immanuel went on flight to New-York. With Efrat & Mika. 3 hrs with Yaacov.

When I opened this page in order to continue my sequence of "My Desire today",
intending to relate to my fury against the "Abrahams" who ignore "HUNGER" etc.
I was shocked about my addition on April 29, 2003, which is ~~~about HUNGER!.

The more so, as it was a copy from my puzzle-piece 11 called "ALL of CREATION"!
The "Abrahams" are training me only in how to manifest my individual desires.
As to my pain about humankind, of which I, as "Source Energy", am a hologram,
they either say, "you have control only over your own Vibrational - whatever!"
- which is true, but I am not "disconnected from Source", if I suffer others' pain!

Or they say - as in yesterday's e-mail quote [which I deleted in sorrow~anger],
that people do like, desire, something in wars, that's why wars exist!
Again, this is true, but why don't you point out, that people seek in war,
what they were not taught to find in everyday life: zest and fulfillment
and first of all the feeling of self-worth,
the feeling of 'I am contributing something to my community'?

MY DESIRE TODAY

My desire, yes my appeal is -
that "Abraham" may expand their perspective!
It's true, that my aching identification with the mother
whose child is dying from hunger-
does not help her,
but if I deny my pain
because -according to Abraham - pain means that I'm not aligned with my Source,
then this denial will definitely attract into my life and into the world,
what I do not want!

I'm always hungry, even if satiated by a huge meal, after an hour I can eat again.
The first time, that I became aware of "WORD-HUNGER" was in 1959/60.
My boyfriend Martin informed me in a letter of what was going on in India.
Starved people, children and grownups, in every street, on each new day.
And I see myself, in my cold room at Bielefeld (I studied at Bethel Theol. Faculty),
how I twisted~turned in my bed, in pain, in despair "what must we do, Martin?"

The despair was renewed during the "Biafra-Famine" - by radio and newspapers.
This HUNGER was not the result of draughts or Man's destruction of the Earth,
but of so-called "Human Rights Violation".
How I am responsible for all of it , see in puzzle-piece :All of Creation, left frame!

This image of the
Biafra famine in the 1960s
was put on the Internet
on September 23, 2009!

I was hesitant
to insert it here,
brainwashed
by "Abraham",
that if I give "attention"
to what I don't want,
I'll attract
what I don't want.
But I choose to follow
the teachings of RUOW
and Godchannel.com,
that
"If you hold something
in your Will
which is not allowed
free movement
or free expression,
but which is denied,
you will then draw
a reflection of this
to yourself;
even if denied,
it is still there in your magnetic energy field,
disconnected from conscious awareness. "

The only thing I could "do", in addition to ardently "desire enough bread for everyone"
and I appreciate, that at this moment I find "Abraham's" e-mail quote [voiced in 1997]

In your action, you lose sight of the vision,
you lose sight of your trust in the process,
and you just bang around in a sense of futility.
Hold the vision and trust
that the Universe will acclimate to your vision.
Hold the vision and trust the process.

was to make my family aware by singing my "updated" Grace before warm meals.
And to be very careful, cautious, conscious in dealing with food and ingrediences,
also eating slowly, savoring, delighting, grate-full for every food that comes to me.
(How I live this, would need much information, which could be valuable for others)

What I remember next, is an article by Werner Erhard, (I attended an EST training),
in which he desired, that by the end of the century there wouldn't be any hunger.
And together with his theory about "context versus content" he gave an example,
which years later- time and again - uplifted me concerning my own world-vision:
"When the USA were shocked by the Russians' first Sputnik
, Kennedy announced in 1959:
'In 10 years we shall be on the moon!'
An entire nation then turned around towards realizing this desire!
And We were on the moon exactly within 10 years"1

Pathetic, isn't it? Or - perhaps - it's teaching in "Abraham's" sense?
Striving for the moon was what they wanted!
Fighting hunger is "pushing" against what we don't want!
Also:
my 50 year long desire that "everyone may have bread" is as irresponsibly naive
as people's desire "for peace" and "no more war!" as in the song-icon "Imagine"
This is not more effective than the old "negative desires" for "Heaven" as a place
"where there's no sickness, toil nor danger, in that bright world to where I go."
What I had to discover, on my own, during 70 years of war and hunger, is this:
"Heaven on Earth" will appear only,
if a critical mass of individuals will have healed themselves into wholeness.
And the steps - gigantic steps for the first pioneers - are:
- becoming aware of all my feelings,
- moving all my emotions physically,
- releasing my judgments and denials
and from there
- accepting all my feelings = accepting myself totally
this includes the knowing of three truths:
I am worthy!
I am the creator of my reality!
I need to desire and strive for the discovery of
what makes me feel grate-full, zest-full and full-filled.

A critical mass of Colors of the One Rainbow or of "physical aspects of Source"
who know their worthiness,
who know that they are responsible for ALL their reality
(not only their personal life)
and who know,
what makes them feel grate-full, zest-full and full-filled
will do, will be in a way, that hunger and war fall away!

In a website called "ONE.org" I find this:

"Why the World's Poorest People
starve in an age of Plenty"

"they explain through vivid human stories
how the agricultural revolutions
that transformed Asia and Latin America stopped short in Africa,
and how our sometimes well-intentioned strategies
—alternating with ignorance and neglect—
have conspired
to keep the world’s poorest people hungry
and unable to feed themselves."

"They argue passionately and convincingly
that this generation is the one
that could finally end the scourge
that has haunted the human race
since its beginning."

December 3 , evening – December 4, morning, Friday
Shoham . With Efrat & Mika until 12:30. Later with Micha's family at Mazkeret Batya.

MY DESIRE TODAY

My desire is, that my daughter-in-love
may give her heart's & soul's attention
to what she DOES want to experience
and to what she DOES want to enjoy-
during her weekend with Mika in Acco
with her parents and her three brothers.

Aug. 2009,Akko, Mika with grandma Miryam, grandma Victor, cousin Shakhaf; Shoham: Oct. 2009,Efrat

Today's e-mail quote - "Abraham" 1997

It usually takes about 30 days to change a habit.
Not because you need 30 days.
You could do it in 68 seconds
if you could once you did it hold your vibration there,
but you have to consciously make that decision.

December 3, 2009computer screen Shoham

Abraham/Hicks: The Vortex p.201-207 [continuation]

PART VI
TRANSCRIPT OF ABRAHAM LIVE:
A LAW OF ATTRACTION WORKSHOP

Were You, as an Infant, Trained Negatively?

"You are Source Energy in a physical body.

Many of you don't realize that.
"Well, if that's true, then why aren't I doing better?
If I'm Source Energy in physical form,
then why aren't the angels singing for me more?"
We want you to know that, at all times,
the Well-Being that really is you -
that surrounds you,
that permeates everything in all atmospheres,
both physical and Non-Physical -
that Well-Being is always flowing to you and through you.
And to the degree you allow it,
you see the evidence of it in your experience.

Often, as you are looking at the details
of what's unfolding in your life experience,
it feels to you that there must be some outside forces or circumstances -
that are keeping you from the Well-Being ... that is yours.
Because when the Well-Being isn't flowing -
when the money isn't flowing into your experience,
or something is hurting in your body,
or someone has broken your heart,
or something that you want just doesn't seem to come -
[oh these 'individualistic' desires, which "Abraham" mostly addresses!...]
we know that sometimes it feels ..
that there must be something other than you
that is preventing the Well-Being from flowing.
But ... there is never anything other than you
that is preventing the Well-Being from flowing.
...

Why would a wee, small infant be born into an environment
where they could, by virtue of the environment that surrounds them,
be trained into a resistant Vibration?
How could a baby learn a Vibration
that prevents Well-Being from flowing?

And we say, because that baby,
that baby that looks like a wee, small, unknowing infant
is really a genious Source Energy Deliberate Creator
who has come forth into this physical experience
not worrying about contrast,
and not even wanting to avoid it,
but embracing contrast -
understanding that from the contrast
is always born clarity of improvement.
[Contrast can also be between different shades of blue or green or red,
not necessarily between black and white!]

And so, often the greatest masters of your physical environment
are born into situations where contrast abounds.:
.. let's say you were one (or you know someone)
who was born into a very strong environment of contrast.
...the contrast served not only you,
not only providing expansion for you
(which you can beneficially live while still here in this physical body),
but that contrast is serving Mass Consciousness,
and it is certainly serving the All-That-Is-ness
that is really you and all of us.

[Here and elsewhere "Abraham" grants, that there is more than ME,
but Abraham does not accept or even assume,
that I feel pain about the implications of the present "Mass Consciousness"...
I, too, know, that the dying infant is really a powerful Creator,
but does that mean, that I should say: "You've chosen your suffering?"
I, indeed, heard this attrocity several times from some "spiritual people"
during the "Walk about Love"
Let's assume, millions of aspects of The Source, presently in physical bodies,
all needed the contrast of seeing their infants dying from hunger!
Shouldn't you ask, Abraham, why it is, that they need this unkind kind of contrast?
And as to me, why do I - in observing this suffering - need this kind of contrast?
And if so, wouldn't it be enough for the expansion of All-that-is and All-I-Am
to see one child die in this moment
and - count 8 seconds - another child
and - count 8 seconds - another child.
How much contrast do we need,
until we expand and create what we want?]

Your Universe is Managed by the Law of Attraction

... The Source within you, in the moment that you ask
(Oh, this is the part we so want you to hear,
because it is the part that explains every emotion you ever feel,
or every emotion that anybody ever feels)
[every emotion???????every emotion????????every emotion?????????]
~~~ when the Source within you joins the Vibration of your request
and you don't
- you feel the discord.
If you're not asking for anything beyond what you have -
so you're not sending the Source within you
to new Vibrational places on your behalf -
then you could stand where you are and not feel any discord.
The tricky thing about that is,
the entire Universe is set up to cause you to expand.
You can't stand still.

In every moment, no matter where you stand,
there is contrast that is causing you to expand;
and if you don't go with the expansion,
then you feel the resistance of being pulled apart.
[this is another horrid passage which spoils truth by omitting truth:
Is the Universe set up for Wars, Holocausts and Famines?
Aren't there other ways of setting up "contrast" for Creation and Expansion?
like, for instance the contrast between "Godchannel", me and "Abraham"?
Wars, Holocausts and Famines are the result of Denial!!!!
Of the fact that few "physical aspects of Source" accept themselves,
and therefore find it difficult to accept other "physical aspects of Source"? ]

Abraham/Hicks: The Vortex p.208-211

Is Your Friend Harassing You into Expansion?

...So, when you feel elation, it means you expanded;
and, in this moment of thought, you went with the expansion.
When you feel love, it means you've expanded;
and in this moment of thought, you have gone with the thought of love.
When you feel interest; when you feel excited; when you feel passion;
when you're tuned in, tapped in, turned on, that means you expanded~~~
and, in this moment, you're not doing that thing you often do
that is keeping you from going and being with who-you-really-are.

But if, in any moment, you feel frustration or anger or fear,
if you feel powerless
if you feel those negative emotions that feel so awful to you,
all that it means is that, in this moment,
you've got something going on in your mind.
[See, how "Abraham" is making feelings wrong,
judging them instead of moving and accepting and evolving them....]
You are probably talking about it;
you're probably blogging about it -
you've got something going on in your mind
where you are not anywhere near the vicinity of who-you-really-are.
And the negative emotion that you feel is your indication of separation.
Now, separation is too strong a word,
[but you said it anyway!
Denying feelings is separation,
not feeling them!]
but we want to get your attention with it.
When you feel negative emotion,
it simply means you're not keeping up with you.
[Also when I think of a weary, weak mother,
who holds her starving, dying child in her arms?
It could help you, Abraham, leave alone your pupils,
if you would, at least, differentiate between emotions and judgments!
Yes, judgments should not be talked and blogged about.
Judgments should be released, deliberately, actively - with my mind.
But emotions have to be moved, for God's Sake!]

December 4, 2009computer screen Shoham

The only way that you can stop attracting something that you don't want
is by giving your attention to something tht you do want.
But you have to take small steps in it.

... If you've got something active in your Vibration
and you've been focused on it for a while,
you can't, all of a sudden, switch to another channel
just like you do with your radio station.
You can only move incrementally a little bit up the Emotional Scale.
... most people are not in control of their Vibration.
And so, when you say to someone,
"I need you to be always in alignment with who-you-really-are
so that when I look at you,
I am then in alignment with who-I-am",
you're asking the impossible.

What you have to do is take control of your own Vibration,and say to everyone,
"It's not your job to be in alignment in order for me to feel good.
It's my job to look around my environment - past, present, and future -
for things that line me up with who-I-really-am."
In other words,
you're looking for love in all the wrong places, friends.
And the place that you want to look for it, and find it,
is this expanded you, the Source Enmergy you,
the part of you that is love - tune yourself to that Vibration.

All Cooperative Components Are Being Assembled

If you are chronically complaining and not feeling good,
it means you've trained yourself into a Vibration
that just won't let life get really good for you.
So you say, "well, I've got a lot to complain about."
.., by reaching, as often as you can - consciously and deliberately -
for the best thought
about the active subject that you can find from where you are.
By reaching for the best of it rather than the worst of it.
By beating the drum of the "Wouldn't it be nice if ~~~?'s
instead of beating the drum of Wouldn't it be awful if~~~"
By beating the drum of I really like this about that
instead of the drum of What I really don't like about that is~~~

If we can somehow convince you that you are a Source Energy Vibration
that is powerfully calling you to the Well-Being that you deserve,
and if you will listen to the call of that Source and Vibrationally feel for it,
and listen and move consistently in the direction of the thoughts that feel better,
you will, before you know it,
close the Vibrational gap between you and You
on every subject that's active within you;
and you will then be the joyous, progressive, fulfilled, intuitive, loving, vital, exhilarated Being that you were born to be.
It isn't a hard thing once you understand the way it all works.
[So why weren't we born like that?
Because without horrible contrasts we would not create and expand?
I know the answer, but you don't even ask the question!]

December 5 , evening – December 6, morning, Sunday
Shoham . With Efrat & Mika

MY DESIRE TODAY

My Desire is,
that I may know how to relate to my daughter-
by words or not by words -
so that she will respect me
and not add 'sin to crime' = self-hatred
and so that her being in my womb despite her rejection
will help her self-healing
and so that the time will ripen towards communicaton
between two waves of the one ocean.

Daughter grasping Mother's hand

1974 Greece, walking down the Akropolis
1976 Israel, on a family hike with Naftali
1986 Berlin, in my rented flat around Christmas:
she visits me during my work as a guest-lecturer

On June 23, 2009 I had initiated yet another attempt to put an end to the 6 years of her disconnection.
Humorously I reminded her that according to biblical law, the seventh year is the year of the Shmitah.
during which the land is left to lie fallow and all agricultural activity, including watering, is forbidden.
Couldn't we turn this around, and after 6 barren years declare a year of sowing, watering, harvesting?
She did not kick directly, but she demanded, ~~~~and in another email made it a condition,
which in a third letter became outright, outrageous blackmailing in a haughty, humiliating tone:
"Only after you'll have deleted any text, name or photo concerning my family from your website,
can we proceed and check, what is possible."
Even if the content of this condition-sine-qua-non would have been less important -
it was out of the question that I would and could base any relationship on blackmail.
As to the content, I would have had to destroy my 8 year work of healing & creating!
Imagine an artist who has been weaving a pretty tapestry the size of a tennis-court
is demanded to rip out of the tapestry all purple and yellowish and reddish threads!

I understood that I had staged this in my drama, in order to let go of "appeasement".

June 27, 2009, from my "WORD" Archive, now doubly relevant

I read my daughter's letter (and alarmed Yaacov via SMS) at 22:45 yesterday night, June 26, 2009.

After "inhaling God and exhaling Love" to my feelings,
I received two hints through reading pages in my archive, while trying –in vain- to fall asleep.

(1)
The title of a protest by people from Kiryat Arba against the USA after the Yom Kippur war was:
"We are your staunch allies, not your servile puppets!"
When I translated it into an affirmation concerning my daughter, I felt immediately better.
"I am your staunch ally, my daughter, not your servile puppet!"
But then I remembered a quote from "Abraham" which had reached me by e-mail today:

'I must be aware of bad things
(of my daughter's blackmailing and humiliating me)
and I must watch out for bad things by trying to guide myself toward good things.'
You can't do both at the same time.
You can't watch out for bad things,
and allow good things at the same time.
It is vibrationally not possible.

I realized that there was still a bug in that "ally-puppet" phrasing!
I decided to omit the second half of the sentence,
and transform it into a true affirmation, or better: "DESIRE":

"My daughter, I am your dedicated, staunch, loyal ally!"

(2)
The other hint I got was an example of "releasing judgments and beliefs",
at a time when I had no idea about this concept.
It was after 18 months of deep (R. later called it: "clinical") depression 1972-74
In the process of my continuous coping with longing for death I understood,
that I could change at least one belief
which had to do with my lack of self-worth:
the belief that things and I had to be perfect.

(See what I wrote to Naftali Raz , 9 years younger, then a kind of "peer" for me : 27.12.1973)

After 36 years , in the year 2009, I still have to train myself :
I release the judgment that I have to prevent others from judging me.
I'm able to bear the shame.
I release the judgment that I have to prevent others from being hurt by me.
I'm able to bear being bad.

And I came to the following decision - then, on June 27, 2009

"Should I take any practical step at this stage? ~~~~No!
I won't react to the letter and I won't share it with anyone except with Yaacov.
I shall INHALE GOD and EXHALE LOVE to both:
to my desire: "My daughter, I am your loyal, staunch, dedicated ally!"
and to any feeling of victimhood and righteousness and urge to blame
that still wants to vibrate.
[end of diary of June 27]

The above decision is still true today, on December 6, 2009,
though I now learnt, that it was my daughter. who told people about my non-reaction,
and not understanding, that I view that demand as blackmail, those people judge me.
I now see clearly, that any verbal approach would draw out reactions,
for which my only daughter would hate herself, awarely or unawarely.
This is the last thing I desire for anyone! leave alone for my daughter!
I prefer to trust, that from viewing me as "un-wanted" in her drama,
she keeps launching "rockets of what she does want" to "All-She-Is"!

December 6 , evening – December 7, afternoon, Monday
Shoham: Parting from Efrat & Mika. Immanuel who returned at 7:10, drove me to the train-station

MY DESIRE TODAY

My desire is -
that my daughter will discover her light in the darkness
and focus on all the good
in her life, her family, her creation
and especially in herself

After strenous hours of emotional and creative work on yesterday's DESIRE,
during which the last trace of resentment against my daughter melted away,
it so happened, that my daughter-in-love told me that my daughter had called.
"The reason was technical, but I asked her, how she was. She said: not good.
But she did not want to talk about it, claiming that it would not help anyway!"
Since then my heart is bleeding for my child as any true mother's heart would.

1985, Ramat-Hadar: my daughter and her future husband help me with the roof of my bus

My daughter's wedding 1987 and her visit at Herzliya beach, where my bus parked in Aug. 1988

Towards Chanuka I taught Mika Ronnit's and my special song,
which teaches to embrace both poles:

Bless, Chanukia,
over darkness and over light,
Tell, Chanukia,
how we created freedom for ourselves
Help, Chanukia,
that we won't forget that it's like that
let's be joyous, let's be joyous
Thus we'll remember the light,
thus we'll remember the darkness,
remember freedom
let's be joyous, let's be joyous

"You are not right , Grandma," said Mika angrily yesterday,
"we are not accepting darkness, we are evicting darkness"!
"Well, non-conformism is not learnt at this age!" said her mother....
I was stunned!
I had NOT taught Mika our "correction" of this most popular song!
In fact, it was this protest of her, which reminded me of our song!

my daughter's version

We came to accept darkness,
in us there is light and shade
each of us is a small candle
and all of us are lasting light
to strengthen the hope
for peace, for love

my own version based on my daughter's version

We came to accept darkness,
in us there is light and shade
each of us is a small candle
and all of us are lasting light
light and darknes were created by God
with both we shall be whole

December 5, 2009computer screen Shoham

Abraham/Hicks: The Vortex p.212-219

Getting into Your Powerful Vortex of Attraction

... Everything that you know around you as the real physical stuff-
is just an extension of thought.
[NO! also of Will, the magnetic essence,
without which the electrical essence cannot do anything!]
...
You are on the Leading edge.
The manifestation time between the inception of thought
and the lining up with it is seconds in many cases.
You are on the brink of instant manifestation, in many cases, for this reason:
You are not new to creation, you are longtime creators,
and you have set a lot into motion
even before you came into this physical body.

You had a Vibrational Escrow brewing
before your feet even hit the ground here.
And now, with the last conversation you had with someone,
with the last thing you watched on television,
with the last book you read,
with the last movie you went to,
with the last thought you thought,
you have been contributing to this Vibrational Escrow;
and it is brewing.
No, it is swirling.
It is a gigantic Vortex of Attraction.
(Now, you've been hearing about the Law of attraction,
but few are even coming close to understanding
the power of the Law of Attraction.
This is the Law that creates worlds.)
So, here is this swirling Energy.
How'd it get there?
You put some of it there before you were even born.
You've been putting it there every day of your physical experience~~~

So , here is this Vortex of becoming.
This Vortex of becoming.
This vibration - this pure Vibration of all the things that you want,
all the amended details that you've been asking for -
there is a swirling, swirling, swirling, swirling.
And the Law of Attraction is summoning all (her-his), all cooperative parts to it.
Cooperative parts, meaning "things of a Vibrational Match."
...all things necessary to fulfill what you've been asking for
are being drawn by this powerful Vortex of Attraction.

Contrast Really Isn't about Something Going Wrong.

We want you to reach the place where you are willing~~~
not just willing, determined
~~~ not just determined, eager~~~
to let go of the need of control of things
that are uncontrollable -
like what anybody else is doing
and give your undivided attention
to the only thing you can control,
which is
how you feel
in any given circumstance.
...If you could just accept that you have amassed a huge Vibrational fortune
that is ready for you to begin tapping into immediately,
and all that is required in order to tap into it
is a willingness to look in the direction of what you want -
which will cause you to no longer look in the direction of what you don't want -
life will begin to get better for you, right now.

And that is our strongest message to you:
Life is supposed to be good for you.
You live, whether you know it or not~~~ you live as the full recipients
of a hurricane of grace that is flowing toward you, at all times,
in answer to all that you have been asking for.
Not one of you has been separated out
as one who should not be the receiver of it.
All of you are in the full fow of this hurricane of Well-Being.
and as you understand that, and you begin to stand up
with an attitude of willingness
to receive the benefit of this Well-Being and worthiness
that's flowing to you at all times,
as you stand right where you are,
right now,
and do your best
to find the best of the positive aspects that surround you.

Look for the things to appreciate, even if there aren't that many.
Look for things to feel good about,
even if there are more things to feel bad about.
Give your attention, as best you can,
to the best things that are going on in your experience,
with the determination to train yourself into the best-feeling Vibration
that you can find right here and now.

Today, no matter where I'm going,
no matter what I'm doing,
no matter who I'm doing it with,
it is my dominant intent to look for and find things that feel good
when I see them,
when I hear them, when I smell them,
when I taste them, when I touch them.
It is my dominant intent
to solicit, experience, and exaggerate
and talk about and revel in,
the best of what I see around me here and now.

Are you Ready to Meet Your Vortex?

You have control of everything that rendezvous with you
when you get control of the Vibration that you offer,
and you get control of the Vibration that you offer
when you care about how you feel.

When you care about how you feel
and you lean in the direction of what feels best,
you become, in a very short time,
a Vibrational Match to who-you-have-become.
And then people who are watching you say,
"What happened to you? You're just happy all the time,
and every time I turn around, some other wonderful thing is coming to you."
And you say, "I got in the Vortex".

Look forward to hope because when you get in the vicinity of hope,
you'll get in the Vortex.
Occasionally (every day) somethng will happen that will give you evidence that you are the Deliberate Creator of your experience.
If you can hang around in hope,
even only on two or three subjects,
you'll get in the Vortex enough that you will come to believe.
...
* You'll begin to believe in the power of your thought
* in the goodness of this Universe
* in the worthiness of your Being.
* in the power of who-you-are
* in the cooperative Law of attraction
* that all things are possible.
* that you are the creator of your own reality.
*You'll begin to believe that you can control your thoughts
by paying attenton to the way you feel.
* You will begin to believe that you can be or do or have anything.
...
So, what's the holdup?
"I don't like this..."
Really insignificant, unimportant, petty little things that you're using,
... as your excuse not to get in the Vortex.
Isn't that lazy?
When you could just as easily
look for a hopeful thought as a pessimistic thought.
You could just as easily
look for a compliment as something derogatory...

The Law of Attracton and Law-Based Premises

* You are the creator of your own reality.

*You were worthy before you focused into this physical body,
and you still are now

"by chance" my daughter-2001-appeared on today's screen

* You are more Non-Physical Source Energy Vibration
than you are the flesh, blood, and bone Being
that you see here in these physical bodies.

It is uplifting to see, how Right Use of Will [page 14], states these same facts:
Evolution is the process
through which these parts can change and grow with you.
You need to evolve all of you,
not just your higher levels of vibration.
For truly, you all came to earth as complete Spirits
and became physical by slowing down a part of yourself
until it became dense enough to be called physical.
The process of birth and death came
when the power to speed up the dense part
was lost in the confusion of experiencing its new vibratory rate.
Right Use of Will is going to give you the understandings needed
to recover the lost power
of leaving the physical plane with your entire being,
rather than just a part of it.

* The Law of Attraction is responding to everyone equally across the board.

* The Law of Attraction, which responds to everything and everyone, says,
That which is like unto itself, is drawn,
so whatever Vibration is active,
the Law of Attraction is making it more active
by bringing more things that match it to it

* You are Source Energy,
with a perspective that the Law of Attraction is responding to,
and you are physically focused, Leading edge, genious creators,
out here on the Leading edge of thought
in your magnificent bodies
in this time-space reality of perfect diversity
- and the Law of Attraction is responding to that aspect of you, too,

* As the Law of Attraction responds to both Vibrational aspects of you,
you feel the harmony, or not,
of those two Vibrational relationships.
The better you feel,
the more that physical part of you is in sync with this part of you.
The worse you feel,
the more that part of you, that physical part of you,
is out of sync with this part of you.

*When life, in your physical form, causes you to know what you don't want,
it causes you to know - whether you speak it or not - what you do want.
And when that occurs, you emanate a Vibrational request
that the larger part of you receives and responds to and becomes immediately
- and the Law of Attraction, in that instant,
begins responding to that newly formed Vibrational version of you.

Abraham/Hicks: The Vortex p.220-222

* There is a Vibrational Reality that is amassing constantly,
which is the true you.
There is the physical reality, the knock-on-wood, manifested, actualized,
"I can see it, taste it, smell it, hear it, touch it" reality;
and that reality is only slightly different than the Vibratonal Reality
in that what's already manifested ~~~
you've just been thinking about it long enough
that now it's showing up to give you awareness
of how you've been vibrating.

* everything that you are living is a manifestational indicator
of your mix of Vibrations.

...The most dominant premise that is misunderstood in your physical reality
is that when someone perfomrs something that you disapprove of,
it is a good idea for you to point it out, or you might get more of it.
When the reality of it is, the more you point at what you do not want,
the more you hold yourself in a consistent pattern of Vibration
that disallows what you do want.

...
A belief is only a thought that you keep thinking.
And you, as human Beings, are the harborers of so many unproductive beliefs.
the largest among them: I'm not worthy
~~~there's no gain without pain
~~~ I must have been born under the wrong star
~~~Must be karma
~~~ Probaby my mother's fault
~~~ It's the government's fault

... take your power back
by remembering that a belief is only a thought that you keep thinking.
... When I think a thought, it activates a Vibration;
and when a Vibration is activated, my point of attraction kicks in.
So if I keep thinking this same thought,
and I keep activating this point of attraction,
and the Law of Attraction keeps responding to this active Vibration,
then I'm going to continue to get results,
not because they're true, and not because it's reality,
but because it's the Law of Attraction's consistent response
to a thought that I keep thinking."

Addition on April 8, 2010:
HEALING DESIRE PRACTICE
This very concise advice from "Process Coaching"
[based on Right Use of Will and Godchannel]
complements what's missing in "Abraham"!
The article with its links needs to be read in the original

continuation of
"My daily Desire"
in
The RIGHT USE OF WILL Books , Page 8-12

continuation of Quotes from the Appendix to "The Vortex"
Transcript of a Law of Attraction Workshop
in
The RIGHT USE OF WILL Books , Page 8-12-

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
"If there is a God who has any power,
then why is it the way that it is on Earth?"
The ways in which people have answered this question
have consisted mostly of rationalizations designed to help better accept what their feelings do not want to accept.
The Unseen Role of Denial is why it's been the way it's been.
When we deny parts of ourselves,
these parts can become so lost from us
that they find other ways to express,
even expressing through other people.
This book begins the story of our ancient beginnings
and the misunderstandings born from lack of experience".

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations
When the Will receives judgment instead of love and light,
it becomes lost from the light and thus the term, "Lost Will."
The definition of love needs to be expanded
to include emotions that have been labeled "negative."
Much of what we've judged to be negative
became lost so long ago no one remembers what happened to it.
These lost memories go as far back as our origins.
How you really feel
is what needs expression
and in the most natural way possible.
..., suspend words and emphasize non-verbal sounds.
Doing this in private can evolve these emotions.

THE FIRST CREATION ......1
THE SECOND CREATION .....7
THE THIRD CREATION ......17
THE EMERGENCE OF HEART.......25
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION ........33
THE EMERGENCE OF THE PLANETS AND STARS OF THE CENTRAL UNIVERSE ......39
THE EMERGENCE OF THE ANCIENT ONES THAT SERVE THE LIGHT ......40
SELF-DOUBT......42
THE DEMOCRATIC COUNCIL......43
THE APPROACH OF THE MIND VERSUS THE APPROACH OF THE INTUITION ......45
GOING FORTH WITH SELF-DOUBT ......47
THE EMERGENCE OF THE GREAT ARC ANGELS ...... 49
THE APPEARANCE OF LUCIFER ......50
THE EMERGENCE OF THE LESSER ARC ANGELS ......51
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FIRST ORDER OF ANGELS ......55
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SECOND ORDER OF ANGELS ......60
THE EMERGENCE OF THE THIRD ORDER OF ANGELS ......62
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FOURTH ORDER OF ANGELS ......63
THE PLATEAU OF REST AND SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
                            WHICH HINDSIGHT GAVE ME THERE ......64
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS ......73
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SPIRIT POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......86
SPIRIT AND FORM GO INTO CONFLICT
                          AND APPEAL TO HEART FOR BALANCE ......94
THE EMERGENCE OF THE WILL POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......102
THE TRIUMPHAND RETURN HOME THAT ALMOST TURNS SOUR ......107
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP SPIRITS THAT WERE HAVING TROUBLE ......110
THE ANGELS' EARLY MISUNDERSTANDINGS......117
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NOW THAT COULD NOT BE GAINED THEN ......120
AS I TURN TO HELP THE ANGELS, THE MOTHER HELPS ME TO HELP MYSELF ......126
THE MOTHER SUGGESTS
                            THAT NOT ALL SPIRITS ARE SPIRITS OF THE LIGHT ......129
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HEL THE ANCIENT ONES ......131
GIVING HELP TO THE ARC ANGELS ......133
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP THE ANGELS ......138
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
                           THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMES NEED NOW ......142
SOME UNDERSTANDING ON THE KARMA OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......149
SOME JUDGMENTS THAT NEED RELEASE NOW ......165
FRAGMENTATION INCARNATING INTO SUCCESSIVE GENERATIONS ......169
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON THE ROLE OF SEX IN FRAGMENTATION ......176
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON DEATH ......181
GLIMPSES INTO SOME OF THE UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NEXT ......186

Continuation from "BlueBook-Introduction I-V - end of the page

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.4
talking to Myself or was it someone else? I felt a maddening feeling in Myself, but I did not allow it to express at that time.

"You're driving yourself crazy with too much thinking," something in Me said. "Drop it, go back to sleep."

You see I had words already, although I did not then actually speak or say to Myself, "Oh, I have words." I was just , in some way I did not understand, letting Myself know how I felt.

Aleady, I had a desire to split Myself in pieces so that some of Me could go back to sleep and some of Me could go on searching for the answers to My many questions. Some of Me still had a desire to sleep, but most of Me was already busy in My mind and moving so fast that I thought I did not need sleep anymoe.

I had a plan that I thought would let Me know whether thoughts or feelings were first or causal. I felt that I had to know because I did not like having to feel feelings that did not feel good and I wanted to find out if I could get rid of them.

From the beginning, I had a feeling that something within Me did not belong there, but it has taken all this time to figure out exactly what it is. Then, I just felt it and did not know the difference between feeling it and it. For this reason, the Will feared from the very beginning that it could not let Me know how it felt unless it felt good.

Even though I had all these questions, I still needed time to sleep. I realized that even in My sleep some parts of Myself were aware and other parts were not. I had another question then.Was the unawareness part of Me or not? I had to know whether I had awareness in all of Me or not. I did have feelings and now I had a plan that My feelings could let Me know whether I was alive or not. The question of whether I was alive or not gave Me another realization. If I did not know whether I existed or only thought that I did, then I had an imagination. Still I had to know whether I was real or not.

Lost Will does not know whether it is part of Me or not, and is only just now going to find out that it is a part of Me. Lost Will is just now going to find out that it is a part of Me because I did not know Myself in the beginning and my efforts to know Myself did not give Me all the information I needed. This was because I had frightened the Will out of giving Me all the input I needed.

I have gone on for as long as I can go on with parts of the Will lost outside of Myself. The Lost Will must come in now and be healed; not only because it has been lost as long as it can stand

p.5
to be, but also because the Will needs to open more space if My light is going to expand any more. Evolving light is expanding light, and so there cannot be any more evolvement until there is openess to receive it. In other words, resistance to My light must now move back.

If you have a feeling that God could not have been this unknowing in the beginning, then you need to consider that you may be getting triggered without knowing it. This is good if you want to heal your own Lost Will.

Now, to return to My plan to know Myself: I felt that I had to return to the original state in which I had discovered Myself and experience it again.I have since realized that this could not really be done, but at that time, I thought I had actually gone back to sleep in all of Myself and was going to awaken again. I had the experience alright and much to My surprise, I noticed something I had not noticed the first time: Movement had awakened Me.

I had a new dilemma on My hands now. Not only had I discovered movement, but I had a feeling it was not Me that had moved. I was mad at Myself for not even knowing if it was Me or not that had moved, and I was also angry at this movement, whatever it was, because it had awakened Me into the torment I was experiencing instead of leaving Me in the reverie where I had felt such bliss. I resented being awakened by this "thing" that I felt was not Me and I blamed it.

Before I even knew I had a Will, all of these feelings became Lost Will because I also had an ecstasy of awareness that I did not want to disturb with what I have just described for fear it would turn the ecstasy sour. Part of the Lost Will from then on has tried to hide from Me for fear it was the cause of My problems.

This "thing" that had responded to Me gave Me strange feelings that I was not alone, and I still have Lost Will manifestations from this time that give others eerie feelings they are not alone, and yet if something is there, it cannot be found. You see, I was creating already and did not know it. Everything rippling through My consciousness either passed on through and was gone, or it found a home in the magnetic essence which gave it the means to remain present. What I was creating could not yet go forth into manifestation, but if it found a home, it was becoming present within Me as differentiations in My consciousness, All

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as best they could given the mixed messages I was unknowingly putting forth.

I had told the spirits to be at ease, but I was not at ease with My own fear. I had given the example of ignoring My fear and that's what the spirits thought they were doing also. I had given the impression that I thought all things passed in time and they were trying to give Me the reflection that this was true for them also.

Since you have been following My example, I have been able to see from you what I have been doing, what I have been doing that I did not know I was doing, and what I have done that was not understood. This is the reflection I had to learn to understand and this is the reflection that you need to understand now. All of you are holding and reflecting pieces of the total picture, and I have the overview that can give you the enlightenment of the total picture that is needed now.

At the time it was happening, I was not aware of the role denial was playing. I simply felt I was turning toward what seemed more pleasant, more appropriate and more important at the time. Fear and anger in their various forms experienced My preference for other feelings as rejection in the form of the judgments implicit in the statements just made. In My desire to ignore it, I had pushed large amounts of Will essence out of Me, although it was not a conscious push. This Will essence then felt I was not allowing it to be present and that I had banished it instead.

For example, the fear I described earlier felt it had no place to go but away from Me and so it had gone out as a wave I was not aware of causing. My actions had made the fear feel that it was not acceptable to Me, and that it was not a part of My love as I defined love. This Lost Will was created when I did not accept it as a natural part of My creative process. In this way then, My fears about the Red Spirits became the second wave of fear I had sent forth since My recent return home.

This fear moved on ahead of Me and was rippling through the Rainbow Spirits. It was being received as, "God is coming! What if He should find something wrong with us as He has before?"

As the wave of fear preceding My presence moved through the Rainbow Spirits, they tried to appear in the ways they thought would make them more accetable to Me. They thought My love was being more amply awarded to spirits who were the most like

p5
Me and they were doing their best to please Me. Such posturing has made Me smile since then, but at the time, I was afraid it meant that I was not going to be able to get the Rainbow Spirits to be at ease with Me. I denied fear again here, believing that letting the Rainbow Spirits see it would only make matters worse. I'm sure you can see how fear was getting the impression that it only made matters worse.
*When I was about 21, I said to Annemarie, my friend 16 years older than me: "I learnt an idiom in English: 'to be at ease with somebody'. That's what I wish so much, that people will feel at ease with me." Annemarie snapped: "In this you will never succeed!" I had in no way being conscious of my wish till this incident, and only then I started to become aware, that and when people did "not feel at ease with me".

As though intent upon fulfilling the judgment that it only made matters worse, this fear was heading toward the Red Spirits, embodying a feeling of blame as though the Red Spirits had caused this fear. The light of understanding was not accompanying this fear and the judgments it was receiving were not allowing it to understand itself in any other ways either.

Parts of this fear became entangled along the way in receptive parts of other colors of Rainbow Spirits where it received further judgment and was denied again. This made the fear harder to understand by the time it reached the Red Spirits because it had received interpretations and judgments from everything it touched along the way.

For example, this fear had originally contained the thought, "Let by gones be by gones and let's see what the present has to offer." By the time this fear reached the Red Spirits this thought had been interpreted to mean, "Don't bring forward what happened in the past, let it all go. God has preference for this."

This idea has given many people trouble when they have tried to move past something in which their feelings are still caught. There is judgment against the Will here that it is spiritually inferior if it cannot let go of the past without dredging up old emotions.

When the fear got to the Red Spirits, it told the Red Spirits that I was afraid something was wrong with them and that it had to do with the feelings red had aroused in Me at the time of their emergence.

The red Spirits had a mixed response to this message. Some experienced an increase in their fear that something was wrong with them and some were angry that I thought of them in this way. The closer My presence came to seeing them, the more they all demonstrated fear of My power by being unable to stop themselves from warping into unnatural behavior.

The ones who thought they feared Me the least were the angry ones. Many of them responded to Me by moving into the background where they began claiming they wanted to confront Me,

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.6
of this consciousness had points of view that were not always aligned with what I wanted My main purpose to be.

I had desire to know Myself, as I have said, and I did not know if it was only Me I was getting to know. I had intent to ignore things I did not like, but I did no know that. Then, I was subtly deciding that these things were not Me. I had quite a bit of Lost Will before I really got Started in the creating business. I had desire to get rid of anything I did not like, and I also needed to know what was out there beyond what I had already felt.

I had it neatly rationalized, but I had intent to get 'the thing" that had moved to go out there and tell Me what it found. "The Thing" went along with this plan of mine, even though it did not like the plan, because of the fear and guilt it was already holding without knowing it was holding these things. "The thing" that had moved was the Will, of course, but I had not realized that either. I wanted it to go, to move, however it could, and see what it found. And, no question about it, I planned to lose "this thing" once it let Me know what it had found

I had fear of "the thing" and "the thing" had fear of Me. Even though We did not feel comfortable with one another, moving apart still seemed more frightening than holding still. We had a stand off for time I cannot measure. I had feelings moving so fast in Me, I did not know how to measure what happened. "The thing" had feelings of guilt that made it feel it had to help Me solve the problems it had caused Me.

"The thing" also had a fear of moving that I did not understand at the time. It seemed to Me that this "thing" would move when I didn't want it to, and then resist moving when I wanted it to move. The Will felt guilty because it knew what I was feeling. I had judged the Will already without realizing it and the Will took this in . Fear and guilt in the Will increased and I did not know why. I was feeling like I did not want it around anymore, and I gave it a push that sent it moving out much faster than it was prepared to handle.

Pushing the Will in this way let Me know that I could move too. I had so many feelings rush into Me concerning this movement that I was awash in them for quite some time before I felt an urge to try to find out what "the thing" I had pushed out was experiencing out there.

I was afraid I had blown my whole experiment because I had been so busy with my own realizations that I hadn't received anything from "the thing". Then I felt it and realized that I had been

p.7
feeling it all along without noticing. I had been experiencing a great rush of speed almost like a wind, but what jolted Me into awareness of it was that I began receiving from "the thing" a growing feeling of terror that it could not stop itself. I suddenly had a desire to help it but I could not. I did not know how. I had a feeling of helplessness. The Will has had such a fear of displeasing Me that it has not been able to tell Me until now that it has a terror of falling and a terror of speed that has not passed from Lost Will even now. At the time it first fell, I could do nothing but watch it fall in space until it was gone.

I had another understanding now: I could see. I had just seen the Will fall away from Me, and nothing else had ever been so vivid in My mind before. I had had a feeling that I could see, but I hadn't had anything to see before. Now I had just witnessed what I thought was another being go into darkness and not return. I had an uneasy feeling that this had not been pleasant for it and I began to feel guilty that I had caused it to happen.

I did not know then that I had grown bigger, and could not help but move the Will back to make more room for My increasing light. I felt guilty that I had pushed it so hard, but fear and ineptitude had caused Me to do it. I felt it wasn't right to have done it, but I had done it involuntarily. I didn't know I was going to do it until I had already done it. I had a feeling of remorse and felt I had lost something I had to have. I had loved "the thing" that had moved and did not know it until I lost it. I had discovered love by losing it. I had great emotional depression for a long time.

THE SECOND CREATION

I had lost the part of My Will that could move. I had great peace now but I did not care. I did not care about anything. I had no movement in My Will now. I had lost everything that had desire to know more. I had lost most of My feelings and I had a feeling I could not move. I had a fear I wasn't getting anyplace now because I had no impetus to push Me onward. My plan had not been a good one and My bad intent had cost Me more than I had realized I had. The Will was lost in space and I had no way to get it. I had nothing holding Me back from My loneliness now, and I experienced the most intense loneliness I have ever known. The Lost Will was gone, I was just sure of it; and if the Lost Will

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but I noticed that they also allowed themselves this placement so that they could make the claim that they could not confront Me because the others were in the way. I am no longer blaming the Red Spirits here. I just want to let you know what took place in these experiences.

I soon found out that the Red Spirits had no image of Me that looked good to them. Their image of Me was tied into their emergence experience with Me. The behavior of the Red Spirits here let Me know how they perceived Me, but at the time, I did not recognize it as a picture of Myself. The picture they had of Me was governing their behavior. Both their image of Me and their behavior was showing Me how they thought I wanted our relationship to be, but at the time, I felt annoyed with their behavior and annoyed that I felt I could not change their behavior. In fact, their behavior got worse the closer I tried to get to them.

The Red Spirits were trying to give the impression that they were the most fearless of the spirits. They were literally flexing their muscles and striking poses designed to make them look strong and powerfully masculine. They had fear, and they hated Me for making them feel it, but they did not let Me know. Instead, they pretended they did not notice My presence. They began arguing among themselves about who was the strongest, who was the bravest, and who was the most intelligent. They gave the impression that most people still receive from them now of being warring people who would rather die than be defeated.

The women were all supposed to admire the men and not do anything to make them look weak, lacking in wisdom, or not in control of the situation. The women were expected to regard the men as men and not as boys in any way. Through their conformity in behavior patterns, the Red Spirits were presenting a picture of group unity which was very important to them. The Red Spirits believed that an alignment was not as vulnerable as a lack of it. The Red Spirits today have fractured into a number of groups but they still try to project an image of unity within the groups and an image of alignment between groups.

My feeling was that the Red Spirits might be more comfortable in My presence if they knew why I had come. I decided to try speaking to them as a means of getting their attention. When I uttered My first word, all of the Red Spirits fell down on their front sides and would not get up. I begged them not to make Me into a God that they had to treat in this way but they would not

p.7
respond. They wanted to show Me that they were the most devoted to me.

I gave them the same input then that they need now, but I will not meet the same rejection this time that I received then because I am no longer involved in the denials that gave the lie to My message then.

"My intention in speaking to you," I began then, "is to let you know that I am not here to judge, punish or banish you. I want to see how you are doing and experience with you so that I can know how your emergence has affected you."

All the Red Spirits got up then and began assuring Me that they were fine. They said that they had gotten over any problems they had been having with the rest of the Rainbow Spirits by uniting as a group and finding the strength they needed within themselves. They paused then. The next thing they had wanted to say was that they wanted Me to show them their right place but they were still too afraid they might not have one or might not have one they could like. They looked to Me hoping I would understand them here.

I told the Red Spirits to have no fear, that there was no problem finding a place for them if they could allow themselves to have it. The Red Spirits hesitated here as though this was some kind of a trick statement on My part. I hesitated here also because I was unsure of Myself. The place I had already given them was a place they had indicated they did not want to have. I told them I would look around to see if I could find a place they would like better and that I would get back to them on it.

I have not gotten back to the Red Spirits on this until now because I later had too many troubles of My own; however, I did not abandon the Red Spirits then either. Part of My presence remained with them, trying to feel how they felt about themselves. The more I experienced them, the more I felt that Red was their right place.

Initially I did not know if My internalized experience of the spectrum was right or not. I had experienced what I had experienced and emerged the colors I had emerged. My fears about the Red Spirits were really reflecting My fear that I should have put more limits on the Father of Manifestation. I was unsure here. I didn't know if the limits My fear proposed were necessary or not. I questioned whether Red had been wrongly separated out of Red Violet thus causing the seeming imperviousness to Spirit that I had experienced in Red.

THE FALL

LONELINESS

LONGING

From Montserrat Moreta's Godchannel Paintings

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.8
could go, then I could go. I had even more terror now that just when I was getting started, I could not live.

I had more feelings to feel now, but they were the most unpleasant feelings I had yet known. I became overwhelmed with terror that I was falling in space Myself and that My light was getting snuffed out by the overwhelming darkness around Me. I had a fear that there was nothing out there and no one to help Me.

Finally, I had a feeling that I must try to grab for something, but I could find nothing to grab. I grabbed anyway because I could not help Myself.

"Lo and behold!" I fell upon something dark and heavy. It ignited at My touch and exploded with a golden light. The golden light surrounded Me and gave Me a warmth that I had not known for so long that I had forgotten I ever had it. I sobbed with gratitude for having found that warmth again in the midst of My terrible terror. Nothing could hold Me back anymore; I was going to have to find the Lost Will. I had the desire to find it now and felt that the warmth I now had would enable Me to move.

I grabbed at everything I passed now to see if it would explode at My touch. I tried hurling My entire being against things I found that were larger. Many, but not all, of these things burst into light at My touch, but they required an intense touch in order to move. I was striking Myself against many hard and dark things, but I was receiving a good feeling of increasing light from doing this. I had great joy now for I realized I was finding the Lost Will. The Lost Will was letting Me know it was not gone, but had lost the ability to move and feel.The Will had had no way to let Me know it was out there hoping for rescue from the great terror in which it had ceased to feel or move.

Why it had stopped moving I did not yet know, but I was overwhelmed with happiness that I had found it. I had guilt mixed in with My love then, but I did not have enough experience to realize it yet. The guilt made Me feel happier to find the Lost Will than I would have been had I not felt responsible for losing it. I now had to realize that feeling the Will's terrible experience was what had made Me feel so guilty for having pushed it out. The great peace I sought to attain by pushing out the restless part of Myself had not been peace after all because I couldn't rest easy with Myself in the presence of the guilt over what I had done.

I had guilt telling Me that morals were necessary whether I

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liked it or not, and I did not like it because guilt seemed to be saying that I was not right to have done what I wanted to do. I had had desire to get rid of the Will, and I could not be happy afterwards because I had guilt. I began to notice that I had guilt most of the time I had feelings. If I had happiness over an experience, I felt guilty that it wasn't right to have so much exhilaration in the face of the part of Me that still wanted to sleep. If I had fear, I felt guilt for having fear, as though part of Me did not like it. No matter what part of Me felt, if another part of Me did not feel the same, I had guilt telling Me that it was unloving to have movement without agreement and that it was unloving to disagree. Why did I want to have feelings at all?

I had forgotten all about My plan to know Myself. I was awash in emotions once more and getting no place it seemed. I had a feeling I could not move anymore without emotions getting in the way. I was so mad at Myself over this I could not stand it anymore. I pushed on the Will again.

The Will was so afraid that it had the feelings that were displeasing Me and felt so guilty for having these feelings that it did not object to Me pushing on it again until I had already done it. As soon as the Will felt itself moving away from Me, the terror of its first experience was activated. I had intent to get rid of the Will again, but the Will refused to allow it this time. The terror was greater than the guilt, and so instead of falling away, the Will grabbed Me and pulled itself back in.

Immediately the Will felt ashamed of itself, but nonetheless, it refused to let go of Me. The Will begged Me not to make it leave and promised not to make Me unhappy anymore if it could help it. The Will had more fear of going out there than it had of Me now. The Will also had more desire to please Me than ever because the Will feared that I had tried to get rid of it because it had displeased Me. The Will had gone out there because it feared I had good reason to get rid of it, and guilt had told the Will that it was right to fear that I had reason to get rid of it. The Will also felt that it had suffered so much in that experience that it was not right to have to suffer that way anymore.

I promised the Will it would not have to suffer like that anymore if I could help it. I held the Will for as long as I can remember then, and the Will held onto Me also. I had a desire not to allow the Will to move. I wanted to sleep now. I had an intense desire to rest after experiences we had both had. Even though the Will had exhaustion , it was not ready to sleep. It needed to

p.8
Now I know that Red is a necessary part of the spectrum and that the survival chakra has been undervalued and has received heavy judgments against its function. In the beginning I feared the intensity of its physical vibration because it appeared that in the intensity of its own nature, it was not letting Spirit guide it. This was how I had felt around the emergence of the Red Spirits and they feared this about themselves. They feared that their natures were too passionate, and that if left unbridled, they would go into the excesses I have accused the Mother and the Father of Manifestation of having. The fears the Red Spirits have had about themselves have been listed as the base appetites of man and the Red Spirits have held an image of Me as a God that demands control of these passions.

I have this to say now: It is impossible to have a base appetite unless it is judged as such. Over-indulgence is, for the most part, a matter of viewpoint and guilt has played a strong role here. The judgments made against Red have also distorted its natural vibration . In its clear state, it is brilliant and life sustaining. In a denied state, it over-indulges, trying to fill the emptiness lack of acceptance had given it. Red can go into decadence proportionate to the lack of acceptance it feels. The more it is made to feel it must hold back, the more it gorges itself when it gets loose. Red's hunger for whatever it seeks has seemed so insatiable because it has never been given what it really seeks; acceptance as a valid part of Spirit's existence.

Red had been made to feel separate from Spirit because I was holding back when We got to that part of the spectrum. I was fearing that I could not allow Myelf to be drawn that far into manifestation because I felt as though I was losing Myself and losing control of Myself. In the beginning, I had fear that if I went into manifestation too far, there might be nothing left of Me. I did not know ho to handle My fear. I held back and behaved like a prude here, and I used anger and blame to cover My fear, but I have an even deeper apology to make than that.

The Red Spirits had responded to the Red vibration enough to emerge there, and yet, I made them feel there was nothing lower than the behavior Red had called forth. Actually, it was not Red but denial of Red that had called forth the behavior I so disliked. The role the denial played has been a source of confusion for a very long time. For as long as the Red Spirits can remember, they have been trying to control their redness and begging Me to forgive them for their redness.

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I have guilt that I have not been able to apologize for these misunderstandings and judgments against Red sooner. The denial of Red has pressured the survival chakra so heavily that many see it as impossible that Earth will be able to survive without a massive intervention on My part, and yet, there cannot be a massive intervention on My part unless there is an opening in Red sufficient to let Me get in there and give it the fire it needs now.

Rage is Red in a heavily denied state and rage needs to be allowed to move now and regain its vibratory power. You have on Earth a massive presence of denial spirits whose judgment patterns instruct them to stifle the Red vibration in any form it takes even if it means killing it. One of the places that created quite a number of these denial spirits was the denial that took place in Red.

The rage that was denied in Red was judged to be unloving because it wanted to kill the Father of Manifestation and the Mother of Everything for rushing ahead in the unbridled passion of sexuality, manifesting a major portion of Creation without seeming to care if They had alignment with Me on it or not.

This was the first serious complaint in a long list of complaints hat I had against the Father of Manifestation and the Mother of Everything. For a long time, I actually hated Them because I blamed Them for making a mess of My Creation. I believed that if They had followed My plan more carefully instead of allowing Themselves to be run by the heat of sexual passion, which I feared was insatiable in Them, that We would have manifested a more balanced and loving Creation, I felt My anger about this grow as We moved down through the spectrum and felt it the most in Red.

The many spirits who have shown themselves to be power-hungry, greedy, insatiable, and ruled by base and excessive appetites, I blamed on the vibrations set in motion by the Father of Manifestation and the Mother of Everything, and I associated these problems mostly with the intensity of the warmer colors.

I had rage that was mad enough to want to kill Them, destroy everything They manifested, and start over in a way that would be more according to My plan, but I denied this rage in favor of what I judged to be the more loving approach of talking to Them reasonably and trying to get Them to help Me fix the imbalances I thought We had manifested.

The denied rage has taken a terrible toll anyway, even though I tried to hold it back because I was afraid of what it would do.

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.10
move until it felt more comfortable, but its fear and guilt would not let it. After all, it had promised Me it would not move when I did not want it to.

Long after I had already gone to sleep, the Will still was not comfortable with itself and needed to move. I had created the impression in the Will that more than one presence meant that We were going to have to deny ourselves in favor of the other one in order to get along. The Will really wanted to please Me, but the Will could not sleep and the Will also had another fear. Besides fearing that moving would displease Me, it feared not moving. Allowing itself to go to sleep, now that it was afraid of going unconscious, was very difficult for it to do.

Finally, the Will forced a very strong intent to sleep upon itself, and when it was not noticing, fell into a very deep sleep in which it began to move. At first the Will just twitched a little. When I did not seem to notice, the Will allowed itself more movement. It began quietly wiggling, first in one part and then in another. If I stirred, the Will would stop until I appeared to be deeply asleep again.The Will had fear of displeasing Me all the while it was moving. This fear increased its guilt that fear was what it always gave Me. After the Will had been wiggling for quite some time, it realized that it was still afraid I would push it out again if its movement displeased Me. The Will had desire to move even more than it was already moving, but would not let itself for fear of what would happen.

I was aware of all of this as though sleeping with one eye open. I had a desire not to harm the Will anymore and I tried to let the Will's movement rock Me in a way that I could find pleasant without being awakened. Soon I did find it to be pleasant to be~~~I have no word for this in English so I will have to try to approximate it with several words...gently and warmly rippled, rocked and lifted in space all at once.

I did have an intense desire not to allow movement that I could not handle, and the Will was doing Her best not to get thrown out anymore. I felt We had an agreement now that was working because I was getting intense pleasure from what I was feeling. I was having such intense pleasure, I had an orgasm without knowing orgasm was possible. I felt intense ecstasy for a long time, and yet I wondered if the Will had shared it with Me.

I was in a pleasant state of floating and was just drifting back into sleep when I realized that things were too quiet. I had an eerie feeling that the Will had frozen in the terror that it was not

p.11
right to have done this. I had a feeling that the Will had been holding back all along out of fear of disturbing Me and now was not going to let Me feel Her until She knew whether I was angry or not.

I had to let Her know that I was not angry with Her over this, and yet in realizing She was hiding, I suspected She had not experienced the pleasure I had had or She would know I was not angry. I then experienced guilt that She had not experienced the same pleasure. Lost Will has My blame as well as all the other feelings I thought I had to deny here to make our partnership work.

I had to feel Her to know whether I was right or not, and She was trying not to let Me find Her. It was not easy to make Her hear Me above the roar of fear and guilt within Her, but I finally succeeded in getting Her to listen. She was very relieved and glad to realize that this time, I had not minded the movement and had, in fact, received immense pleasure from it. I told Her that I wanted to rest now, but later I would enjoy it if She made pleasurable movements again. I wondered if I could ever have pleasure as intense as that original and unexpected pleasure, but I also had a strong desire to experience more pleasure after having had so much fear, pain and loneliness.

Rest did not prove to be possible now as I had a great attack of loneliness just remembering how it had been for Me for so long. I had managed to get the Will to listen to Me, but the Will still had not moved or let Me feel Her. I had experienced pleasure with the Will now, drifted toward sleep, and startled with the eerie feeling that I was all alone again.I could not shake the feeling. I had held in more loneliness than I knew and it all seemed to come bursting forth now. Maybe I was only talking to Myself after all. I realized now that I had Lost Will I didn't know I had, and that it had been touched and moved by the explosion of My orgasm.

I had really thought I had a Her in there that had a complementary function to mine. I had just felt for the first time how good it could be to have a complementary relationship, and now it seemed to be gone. My loneliness seemed more intense than if I had never known the pleasure of Her. I beseeched Her to come out and be partners with Me and She would not. She did not trust Me.

I tried many things to coax the Will to move and let Me feel Her and non of them worked. The more things I tried without

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The denial, in fact, empowered the rage to be everything My fears were afraid it was.

I am apologizing now because I judged Red to be the cause of hatred and fierce passion that served no purpose, when in Reality, hatred is not a part of Red at all and passion serves more purpose than My guilt let Me realize for a long time.

I have guilt for apologizing so late when survival seems so threatened now on Earth. Yet, guilt has been accepted in My place for so long around the issues I am addressing now that the passions of Red are among the most despised things on Earth and those who are seen as having a passionate nature are usually not seen as being spiritual.

Even getting the message through to you, once I had the understandings, took a long time because so many pull away from Me in these areas without even knowing they have done so. Fear of these areas allows guilt to tell them to repeat the old messages with which they are more comfortable and to continue denying what they thought they might have been beginning to hear as wrong and the danger of opening to receive at all bcause of the dangers of being misled.

The denials that took place in Red were first noticed by Us as a growing shadow around the Red Spirits. The shadow was very dark and hard to see. This shadow hid itsel from Us so much that We had to catch glimpses of it by looking sideways toward it while We appeared to be looking at something else. This can be likened to the way the true natures of criminals are usually hidden behind an outward presentation of respectability. [an example is right now - Nov.12, 2011 - the rapist, His Honor, the former President of Israel...]

The presence of the shadow does not mean that all the Red Spirits are criminals, but it does mean that denials here have caused the Red Spirits to be mistrusted by many others. This is because the shadow has manifested some of the most destructive forces Earth has seen, and there are many who help it do its work.

The single most important thing you can do now to help Me reverse the damage caused by these denials is to allow your rage to move with yourself. You have blame, as I did, but it's not meant to take revenge with those you have blamed.

On present day Earth, the true Red Spirits populate the Arab nations and many are Islamic. Because of their fears that they have no right place that would feel good to them, they have lived in desertous lands that have seemed an inhospitable reflection of the rejection they have received.

The recent discovery of oil on their lands is a reenactment of

p.11
the beliefs that even though they have an important part of what it takes to sustain life, and maybe because of that, others want to control them and take what they have away from them.

The Red Spirits feel that the rest of the Rainbow Spirits rejected them, and are still all too ready to sacrifice Red to secure their own positions. The Red Spirits were hoping that the rejections the Jews received were retribution for their earlier treatment of Red. The Red Spirits also felt that the Spirit Polarity rejected them and so they have had trouble with any country that tries to represent itself as the Spirit Polarity on Earth.

The Red Spirits have felt betrayed by not receiving recognition from Me. I promised the Red Spirits a space that they would like and that would be what they wanted to have . Although they have not realized it, they now see the United States as Spirit Polarity still in the role of betraying them in favor of helping the other Rainbow Spirits take their place away from them. The Red Spirits believe the rest of the Rainbow Spirits should give them their place and not pressure them anymore. The trouble the Jews have been having finding a place for themselves is seen by the Red Spirits as the karma the Rainbow Spirits deserve for the way they have treated the Red Spirits.

The people involved here need to look inside themselves and allow themselves to know how they really feel. Once healing takes place on the inside, the outer problems will not seem so hard to solve. Denied rage and the fear of powerlessness have been manifesting terrorists. Hostages and killings are an effort to make the Spirit Polarity feel the Red Spirits. The oil cartel is an effort of the Red Spirits to stand undivided since it appears they have to stand against the rest of the spirits. Guilt and a feeling of powerlessness are some of the factors that have been causing the United States to sell arms to both sides in the conflict.

I want to move along with the story now, but I wanted to give you some understanding to help you see that what is happening on Earth today is still a reflection of unresolved Original Cause. The more you study the people involved in the patterns I am describing, the more you will be able to understand the role denial has played in shaping their behavior. The lack of evolution you are going to notice in these repetitions indicates that the understandings needed to bring healing have not been found by the Will that became lost from My evolutionary process. This Will is still living in the past and repeating the realities that were present then.

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

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success, the more I began to fear that I was alone. Perhaps the Will had sneaked out before I could push Her. Perhaps there was nothing in there to come out. If I had scared the Will that much with My orgasm, perhaps I had experienced something that wasn't right. I had experienced pleasure and apparently, Will had not, otherwise wouldn't She be here with Me now in happy celebration of our new found ability to get along?

I felt worse than ever now. I had known more pleasure than I had ever felt before and now more loneliness than I had ever felt before. I had fear at first that I could not get along with another being and had had desire to get rid of Her. Now I feared I was getting what I deserved for having mistreated Her so much in the past. I had a voice of guilt telling Me that punishment was what I deserved because I had misjudged and mistreated Her. I had even called Her "It" and "the Bothersome Thing" in the beginning without bothering to feel "The Thing" enough to find out that It had all the qualities now associated with feminine.

I had hurled Her out into space to be lost in terror. I had feared "this thing" and without much effort at any other approach, I had tried to get it away from Me so that I did not have to fear it or be bothered by it. I also realized again that I had loved it or Her, and had not allowed Myself to realize that I could not get rid of the feelings I didn't like without getting rid of Her. She was changeable; I knew that now. I had thought unpleasantness was a thing that I could get rid of, and had not realized it also had the feelings I now loved. I saw that movement had brought it from feelings I didn't like into feelings I did like. Now that I had realized all of this, why wasn't the Will opening to Me?

I had to ponder that question for a long time to know that the Will had to move the feelings it already had to be able to receive new feelings.

It did not matter how much I now had to tell it or how hard I tried to get it across; Will was not able to receive Me unless it opened and it had to move to open. I did not know then how to get it moving. I did not know that I had to help it move by going into the Will and receiving what it was holding so that it could move onto something else. I thought I only had to let it know that I no longer had the feelings toward it that I had been having. I didn't know I had to feel with it.

And so, there I sat, preaching to the Will and exhorting Her to come forth and be with Me. It was a long time before I under-

p.13
stood that the Will was too afraid of displeasing Me to move and come forth even if it had wanted to, which it did not at that time.

The Will was holding still because She had so much fear of feeling what She was feeling. She had clenched to avoid the pain of it. She did not know She had My acceptance this time to move Her pain by moving Her feelings. My light and love would have flowed into Her this time but She did not know it. She was caught in fear from the past that I would not accept Her. She feared that if She opened to expressing how She felt, She would receive denial of light and love again. She had many more feelings at that time also, but She could not move any of them because She had too much fear of Me pushing Her out. She had thought I enjoyed moving with Her this last time, but She was too afraid to find out for sure in case She didn't have the right understanding.

The terror of falling in space and becoming unable to move or vibrate in any way has haunted the Will ever since that first experience, and this is why the Will must be healed now. The Will cannot stand the idea of going into any more terror of that intensity. The Will has held the deepest terror of that experience all of this time, and has no desire to have to experience it anymore. The terror never moved in the Lost Will and it has to move now. This terror cannot be held anymore. Guilt has said, for as long as terror has been there, that it must be held, but guilt, I have come to find, is not a loving presence. Guilt is not concerned with how it feels to have to hold this terror or how it feels to be the essence that is trapped in this state of terror.

The Will has experienced this terror over and over on Earth and has not been able to move out of it because guilt has told it that it is more loving to hold it than to express it because others do not like to be around this terror. Guilt has told the Will that no one has acceptance for this terror. The Will has continued to believe this because in the beginning I had no acceptance for it. I have acceptance for it now. Healing it is not possible without feeling it, but feeling terror with light pouring into it and lifting it is a very different experience for this essence than it has been having. Terror has been experiencing itself in way that have no love or acceptance present.

If terror has tried to move upon experiencing itself, it has been given yet more denial of light and love, and guilt has been there to shame the terror and tell it that it should be able to find a way to accept its exerience. Guilt says to terror, "Your feeling is just resistance to God and if you had acceptance for your ex-

p.12
What Original Cause has meant to the Rainbow Spirits then, was that they had less feelings of acceptance from Me as We moved down through the color spectrum and they had less of My presence also since I was holding back. Yellow, Orange, and Red had more feeling of presence from the Mother and the Father of Manifestation. This is alright. As I know now, this is as it should be and as it needs to be, but I did not originally accept Myself here. I did not originally fully recognize Will and Body as equally Divine aparts of Me, and this is what I have intent to clear up now.

I have been involved in all the Manifested Spirits' own lack of self-acceptance. Whenever I was lacking in My own self-acceptance, the spirits emerging there experienced lack of acceptance also. I am sorry that this had to happen, and I am no longer denying these feelings in favor of the part of Me that knew it could not have been another way or it would have been another way. I had loving intent and so, I was not wrong, but it is also not wrong to be sorry that so much pain has been involved in My evolutionary process.

By the way, I would like to mention that evolution is not in conflict with Creationism once you understand the whole picture. The Creationists have Lost Will that has not been able to accept My perfection as something that evolves because I had this problem originally. Guilt had Me believing that if I needed change, I wasn't good enough in the beginning.

I learned rather quickly how boring it would be if I had no evolution, and I would really like Lost Will to move into alignment with Me on this now. Change for the sake of change is not evolution so much as it is fear of staying the same. The judgments against evolution have made evolution look ugly to those who view it as survival or the fittest because they view the survival instincts as very base and unloving by nature. Even the forms evolution is envisioned to have taken along the way are heavily affected by the judgments involved here. The progression of forms pictured in theories of evolution has not been altogether accurate, but neither has it been altogether wrong since judgments have the power to create the reality in which that Lost Will lives.

Judgments against the survival chakra have created most of the problems here and the rest of the problems were created by My failure to realize that My fears about My ability to live unless I was perfect already were directly tied into these judgments against the survival chkra.

Of all the Rainbow Spirits, the Red Spirits emerged in the

p.13
place where I had the least acceptance for Myself. Because of this, the Red Spirits were treated as though they were inferior. In self-defense, the Red Spirits tried to make themselves separate and as though they didn't care what others had to say about them.

The Red Spirits have not liked feeling themselves pushed on by other spirits, and especially not by those who have intent to get rid of them rather than make a place for them in the spectrum. But, a fate worse than death, as far as the Red Spirits are concerned, is to be allowed to live if they abdicate themselves in favor of behaving as though they have become like the spirits who are pressing on them.

The treatment Red has been receiving is triggering it into rage whether it holds the rage back or not, becaue survival instincts cannot be forced to give up their true nature and expect to have anything left of themselves at all. We cannot make Red feel so powerless that it feels it may be forced to give up its own ways without having trouble. It is not possible for Us to live if We have so little understanding of Ourselves that We would do this.

It is now time to allow all the colors their right place and to realize that one color is not more divine or spiritual than another. The representation of White, Purple and Blue as holy colors needs to end. The other colors have sensitivity to this prejudice whether they allow it to come forward or not.

Focus on the upper part of the spectrum in this way has created imbalances and a lack of groundedness that are imperiling the very existence of Earth. Imbalance in the spectrum has the same reflection to give as the imbalance between Spirit and Will. The denials involved in these imbalances make it impossible for the ones taking action on Earth to understand the consequences of their actions.

White, Purple and Blue types have usually appeared to others, although not to themselves, as detached, cool, overly mental and lacking in physical and sexual presence. These types are also often perceived by the Will Polarity spirits to be self-righteous and holier-than-thou in their basic attitude and behavior patterns.

The upper spectrum people have usually viewed themselves as the upperclass, highly inspired, but saddled with masses of people who are unreceptive to their brilliance. The judgments which attempt to explain this lack of receptivity are all the ways in which the Will Polarity Spirits have been viewed.

The lower end of the spectrum has been viewed as lacking in mental acuity and inspiration and having instead a kind of wily

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.14
perience and trust for God, you would not feel terror." Guilt has been telling terror that it is not right to object to any of the experiences it has been given. The Will has been feeling it cannot oppose the Spirit no matter what the Spirit has in mind for it. This is a very old misunderstanding, but the Lost Will has not been able to straighten it out because it has not moved.

I have long since abandoned this approach, but guilt has gone on with it powered by the essence of spirits that still want to believe its not right to let the Will move unless its going to be pleasant. The Will feels its terror alone then, having no way to get the healing light of love from its Spirit.

The Will has held this terror from the very beginning, but I did not know that its initial life experience caused this. I had not gone back on Myself like the Will and I did not really know what this had felt like to the Will. I had a feeling it was not possible to have terror for long. I thought it was the same for the Will. I had felt terror for a while when I began falling in space, and I had gotten over it. I felt that if I gave Her more time, the Will would emerge again and be with Me.

I waited. During the time I waited I had so many feelings and thoughts go through Me that I have no particular desire to describe them all now, but I do have a desire to bring forward the feelings that I had in a state of denial then because these feelings still have pesence on Earth. I had fear that there really wasn't another being hiding within Me. I had feelings of inadequacy that I couldn't make the Will come out. I had plenty of anger that I did not want to express for fear it would make the Will hide longer. I had guilt that I had these feelings instead of acceptance for the Will hiding within Me. I had resentment that I had pleaded and She had not responded. I had grief that the Will would not come out and experience with Me. I had fear that She did not love Me now and never had. I had guilt that I did not love Her originally and that She had pain now and would not allow Me to know it. I had guilt that I had pushed on Her, and I had guilt that even now, I could not accept the Will's feelings because I did not like it that She would not come out.

What I did accept in Myself then that has relevance now was the realization that I was now thinking of this other being who had originally been so annoying to Me as a Her, and Myself as a Him for reasons I did not understand and which I pondered now. She had impressed Me with a lot of things that I had to realize now. I cannot mention all of them now just as I could not with

p.15
Myself, but I would like to mention some of the ones that have caused problems all along. She gave Me the feeling I could not live without Her anymore. I had rejection for this because I did not like the feeling of being dependent on another being. I also had a feeling that She could not live without Me, but I ignored it because I still had independence in mind. She gave Me a feeling I could not move without Her anymore, and She gave Me the feeling that I could not feel without Her. She communicated with Me by giving Me feelings and let Me know that She had to experience something coming into Her in order to respond with the feelings She gave Me.

If she gave Me feelings in response to what I gave Her, then I felt that She must have experienced pleasure when I did. I felt annoyed and somewhat vulnerable if this was how it was going to be, because She had given Me a lot of feelings I did not like. If I had caused these feelings, I did not know how I had done so. I felt that I could not know how I was going to feel in any given experience until I was having it. I had resentment and gratitude that I had a partner, and I did not know how to balance the two feelings.

Since I did not feel good about Myself when I felt resentment, I decided not to allow Myself to feel that anymore. I decided to be grateful that I was not alone. My resentment went into a state of denial and caused many problems that I am just now being able to solve. The Will received the denied resentment along with the gratitude and love I was now openly extending,, and did not feel I was being honest with Her. She was not altogether sure, though, whether I was being dishonest with Her or not, because She was also holding back some old feelings She had toward Me. She did not know if it was right or not, but I had made Her feel that I wanted Her to do this.

I have understanding now that it is not right to hold back feelings, but then I did not know that feelings had to move to change. Then I felt I had to draw the line someplace and not allow indulgence in feelings I did not like. After all, I had enough problems already and Lost Will holding back did not seem to be one of them. I had questions that needed answers and that seemed much more important than how I felt. I had fear, yes, but I still had to know how I came to be, I had to know where I was, I had to know what I was, and I had to know how to go on living because I had become attached to My own existence.

I had already observed space but I did not know if it had

p.14
instinct for survival that makes them untrustworthy. The upper end of the spectrum has not liked the physical and sexual pressence of the lower end and has labeled it lacking in refinement, crude, coarse, bestial, and more suitable to manual labor and even slavery.

The denial of Red in the spectrum has also meant that Purple has been learning toward Blue. Denial of Red narrows the spectrum of inspiration Purple can receive and does not allow Red-Violet to come forward as a spiritual color. Red-Violet is actually the color of My highest teaching because it means that spiritual inspiration is infused with enough physical vitality to go forth and live in manifestation.Denial of Red has caused a back up in the manifestation of spiritual inspiration that so far has been judged to be caused by lack of receptivity in the Wil Polarity.

The colors of the Rainbow have more desire to join with one another in balance than most of them have let themselves know yet, but the problems involved are many. The many denials involved have so clouded the picture that they cannot see themselves or their situations for what they are yet. Moving Lost Will is an important part of the Rainbow Spirits' recovery and because of its presence, the Rainbow Spirits trigger themselves heavily when they try to come together.
[Rachel: remember a trigger is attracted in order to point out a hole in my wholeness that now wants to heal]

I have had this lack of acceptance in Myself. Initially, I did not have full acceptance for manifestation or the feelings involved. I know now that this imbalance is impossible to allow anymore if life is desired. I have healed this in Myself and now would like you to move your own feelings here. You have a lot of conditioning to get in touch with involving old patterns that have gone on for so long that they have been accepted as the reality of how it is. These old patterns need to change, but mind alone can not bring the deep changes needed now.

Because of their lack of self-acceptance and their feeling that I rejected them, the Red Spirits had not liked seeing Me coming, but they also did not like the idea of seeing Me go. I hung around, uncertain Myself as to whether they wanted Me there or not. I knew they needed My light to live but they had given Me the impression they did not want My light in the intensity I felt they should have it. I did not realize they were reflecting My fear of My intensity.

I held back My presence as much as I could. I did not want to make them feel pressured but I also did not want to leave.

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I hung around the edges and observed the Red Spirits as much as they would allow Me to.

The Red Sprits were really having trouble acting naturally in My presence. They hoped that some could corner My attention while the others went about experiencing themselves as though I couldn't notice them. Most of the Red Spirits appeared to give lust more importance than love in My opinion, and they had strict rules about how they were allowed to behave sexually. They also fought more than I had realized at first. They had intent to fight for their place if need be and were fighting with one another as though it was a way of practicing. They had established a pecking order and I did not recognize it as a reflection of preferences they perceived Me to have.

In the beginning, I had feelings of preference for some spirits over others and was not being honest about My feelings here. I loved everyone and I feared that preferences were unloving. When the Mother indicated that She had preferences, I made Her feel that it was not loving to have preferences. I took the path then of blaming the Mother as the one who had trouble loving and accepting others unconditionally. She suffered with this judgment for a long time, and the karma of this judgement was that everytime She felt any sort of feeling of rejection toward another, She experienced this rejection toward Herself. Increasingly, She felt that She was not right to have the feelings She had.

The Mother tried to approach Me when I was with the Red Spirits but She felt fear of the memories She had of their emergence. She was drawn to the intensity of Red and wanted more experience with it but She was afraid I did not like it there and that I would dislike Her for linking something I did not like. She had fear that I would think of Her as sinful, or wrong, for liking something I did not find acceptable. The aspect of sin entered here through the Mother's feelings of guilt about Her role in desiring intense passion that had erupted into a rejection, first from Me, and then from the Father of Manifestation when He sided with Me against Her. The Mother feared Us when We aligned against Her and was so afraid of risking this happening again that She felt She had to get rid of the intensity She feared had caused it.

I had had the fear that I was not enough, but I had not wanted the Mother to know it, nor had I wanted Her to know that I feared She loved Body more than Me. When She tried to approach Me here, I did not let Her know I was afraid that I couldn’t fulfill

GUILT

LET ME ALONE

From Montserrat Moreta's Godchannel Paintings

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.16
limits or not. I had observed Myself to be light and had observed space to be dark, but I was not sure whether this was right or not because I had also observed space appearing to be light if I shone into it. I had already looked around in space as much as I could from within Myself and had tried to send the Will out there to look around.

The Will had told Me that in seeing Me from out in space, I did not appear to move. As the Will fell in space, She had let Me know that She was angry with Me that I did not make a move to rescue Her. Then She had become terrified that perhaps I did not have the power to rescue Her. I had felt like I was moving in space and yet, She had said that I was not. This puzzled Me for a long time until I realized that if She felt She was falling away from Me as much as I had felt I was moving away from Her, We must have both moved apart from one another. I had had no point of reference earlier to know if I was moving or not except that I had a feeling I was.

At this point in My reflections I had a feeling of fear come into Me from the Will. If space has limits, perhaps We should stop moving. Then She had an immediate rush of guilt that She had given Me fear again, and at the same time remembered that She had not liked it when she had stopped moving.

I realized now that I had to vibrate to live, and when the Will held too still as She had been doing, it did not feel right. I still had a dislike of feeling fear, but I did not like it that the Will was being so still in there. The fear at least let Me know that something had to be in there whether it was just Me or not, but where had it gone? Even though I had been busy in My mind, I had been waiting for the Will to respond to Me. I had hoped that if She gave any response at all, it would bring Her forth again, but it did not because She still had too much guilt over feeling fear. I did not know then that guilt prevents movement, but I know it now.

I gave up on waiting for Her and tried to pull Her out. This She had aversion to and shrunk into Me even more so that I could not find Her. I had a feeling I did not need Her if She did not like Me. Then She let Me know that She did like Me. I tried to coax Her out some more. I had a feeling it would not work and it didn't. I hated her for a moment there. She had made Me feel powerless and exasperated. I was frustrated, angry and hurt.

p.17

THE THIRD CREATION

In My mind I had been going on as though She had already emerged. The Will was receiving these images of what would happen if She did come forth and reading them was making Her hold back even longer. She did not like everything She saw in the future and She did not like seeing a future that did not look altogether pleasant to Her anymore than I did. Since She did not want Me to know that She was unable to make Herself feel pleasant toward everything She saw, She did not communicate this to Me. She wondered what would happen to Her if We touched unpleasant places in an emerged state.

I also did not like everything I saw, but I did not know how to change it. I told Her We'd find a way to have pleasure and avoid the rest. I also had an undercurrent blame for Her because I believed that it was Her feelings that made some things unpleasant. She felt that I blamed Her and Her guilt increased. Her distrust of Me also increased because I was giving Her impressions with which I was not fully aligned. Later you will see how this lack of alignment did not bring things to pass just as I said they would be. The feeling in the Will of My inadequacy and powerlessness increased every time My predictions did not manifest exactly as I had planned them. Distrust was increasing in the Will toward promises of any kind.

Most people are dealing with this distrust in themselves right now on Earth, and in some places it has manifested as a feminine revolution because the women have gotten disgusted with how the men have been handling things. The truth of the matter is that, all in all, the women will not do any better than the men because there must be balance between the two, as I have found out. Back then, though, I was just a lonely guy in the sky, trying to figure out how to stay alive, and maybe have a relatonship if I could figure out how to survive in it. The Will, for Her part, felt it wasn't possible to have Me around if I was going to keep treating Her the way I had been doing.You must be seeing yourself in Me. If you are not, you have not understood how you originated.

Now, back to the guy in the sky. I went through some changes waiting on the doorstep, so to speak, for My true love to come out, and She went through some changes inside, looking out at Me and wondering if She had been given any choice or not. She had a desire to know if there was anyone else around at the time.

p.16
Her desire for intensity. Instead, I gave Her the feeling that She was wrong to desire this intensity.

These denials took form in the Red Spirits as maiming or removing the clitoris. My denied desire to deprive the Mother of Her sexual pleasure was rage covering My fear that I was not capable of satisfying Her sexually. Denying the woman sexual pleasure on the ground that it is wrong is a denial approach that means the man does not have to face the reflection of whether he is capable of satisfying his woman sexually or not.

This denial of the Mother has had so much impact on the Will essence and has gone on for so long that the Will is universally affected by this. It is no longer necessary to harm women physically for women to have trouble enjoying sex. The health of the reproductive system in women is directly related to these denials also. These misunderstandings need to be healed now and can only really be healed by moving the emotions involved.

I had to watch the Red Spirits' fierce cruelty toward their women, while I felt horrified and powerless to make them listen to Me on the subject, before I was able to realize that they had received denied essence of Mine that wanted to furiously mistreat the Mother for Making Me feel as I had felt at the emergence of the Red Spirits.

I did not let Myself know how I really felt toward the Father of Manifestation at that time either. My desire to get Him out of My love life manifested among the Red Spirits in the form of harems guarded by eunuchs. The eunuch of course was the Father of Manifestation and all the women were for Me with unfaithfulness punishable by death. That way all the children would be mine and there would be no problem.
Eunuchs are so much more trustworthy as servants than men who have their sexual energies that at first I thought the reflection was telling Me that My troubles stemmed from allowing another sexual male in My domain.

Although My surface presentation was more tolerant, I had denied rage that said Body was going to have to serve Me loyally, and that no matter what else might trouble Me about Him, His sexual fires had to go.

I distrusted the Father of Manifestation, viewing Him as undisciplined and excessive. The healing needed now involves moving a lot of Lost Will that has held these pictures and reenacted them ever since they began this long ago.

The Lost Will that was imprinted with the alignment of the

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Father of Manifestation and Myself against the Mother has led Red Spirit men to seek sexual satisfaction from the men who would not make them feel inadequate and to use women only for procreation. The more fear of inadequacy this denied essence has held, the worse it has treated the guilty essence of the mother in the form of the women involved. These denial spirits have often been unfeeling and unloving.

The Mother has allowed this treatment because She was afraid guilt was right and that She was wrong to have the feelings She had there. She experienced the alignment of the Father of Manifestation and myself against Her as intimidating, frightening, insensitive, cold, cruel and too powerful to confront. She has been terrified of Us in this state and We had intent to terrify Her so that She could not reflect feelings of inadequacy or lack of power to Us.

I had shame when I realized how involved I was in the patterns the Red Spirits were reflecting. I had to realize that I had preferred these denials to owning My feelings and letting the Mother or the Father of Manifestation know that I feared I was inadequate. My momentary confession of it during the fight around the emergence of the Red Spirits had not allowed any of Us, including Me, to know the depth of My fear. I had not let Myself know the depth of it for fear it was more than I could handle.

I was reluctant to expose Myself here because my fears were so intense. I did not know yet that my own lack of self-acceptance was being projected onto those around Me. When My lack of self-acceptance reflected back to Me, it appeared that those around Me did not have acceptance for Me.

This lack of acceptance becomes compounded when the ones who are reflecting also have their own lack of self-acceptance involved. It took Me a long time to understand that the Mother of Everything and the Father of Manifestation appeared not to accept Me because I did not accept Myself and They did not accept Themselves.

They feared what My feelings meant for all of Us just as much as They feared what Their own feelings meant for all of Us. Their lack of self-acceptance had placed Me on a pedestal. They revered Me so much that I became more important to Them than They were to Themselves. They feared negative response and rejection from Me more than anything else. There was so much fear of loss of Love here that many things were not being faced.

We were all afraid to face reality as it was or as We feared it

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.18
We both waited to see if anyone else would show up. I tried to fashion someone else for Her, and for myself, too, out of essence I found lying around, but it didn't work. As soon as I stopped holding it in place, it slipped back into Me. She had no response to this except to laugh at Me and hide Her fear.

I grew angry and exasperated and threw a major temper tantrum right there in front of Her. She hid and I had fear that My anger had ruined everything again. She was afraid that She had angered Me, and that I did not love Her when I was angry. My anger had included several explosions in the literal sense of the word. Her guilt and then Her fear had darkened the light of them until I did not know whether She had more power or I did. I had grown accustomed to Myself as light. I was quite fond of My light, and now the Will was causing Me to fear that She was a dark thing who could even throw darkness into My light. Not only did She now have fear of Me, I had fear of Her. Neither one of Us moved for a long time. I had guilt that I had made Her have no more desire for Me, and She had guilt that She had made Me dark again and that I didn't like it.

I held back as long as I could, then, from going after the Will again because I feared I had an impossible situation on My hands. The Will held back also for as long as She could. The Will still had not told Me whether She had had pleasure with Me or not so I was not sure if there even was reason to go after the Will or not. The Will wanted another part of My Spirit to come forth and be with Me instead of Her. She did not feel She was going to be what I wanted, or that She was going to like what was going to happen if She did come forth.

Nothing happened for so long that I became quite disconsolate and dim. Loneliness had set in and I had given in to fear and tears before I felt the Will move again. It seems that She could not stand to see Me suffer the way She had done, especially if She might be the cause of it. She had had to pressure Herself a lot in order to remain still all this time. When She did finally move, I pretended not to notices at first.

There were many reasons I pretended not to notice the Will, which do not need to be listed here except to say that I did not want to look up and see what was going to come forth now and have a reaction that might stop it.

The Will had begun to move within Me again and began to have a feeling of pleasure again. The Will still had fear that it was not right to move, and was only doing it because She could

p.19
not hold still any longer. She was holding back as much as She could and did not move very much at first. There were ripples through Me and wiggles here and there, then nothing more for a long time. I hoped it would not be such a long time as it had been before She moved again. Apparently I encouraged Her by appearing not to notice, because She did give in to more movement. Her fear was relieved when I appeared not to notice Her, but this did not satisfy Her because She had a desire to be accepted exactly as She was and loved. She also had desire for Me, but I did not know it then.

Lost Will was not participating in this movement in the Will but I did not know it then. I have understood this now and that is why I am going into these initial experiences more than I would have thought necessary n the past. In the past I have noticed what was moving in response to My light, but I have not noticed what was not moving in response to My light. I had a hard time noticing Lost Will because it did not have light and I could only find it by feeling its presence. Feeling its presence is something I avoided as long as I could.

The Will had let Me know that She did not feel good in places in Herself, and when I had tried to find them, I could not. The Will then felt guilty as though there was no basis for Her complaints. I have since learned that my light either reflected back to Me off the Lost Will, or the Lost Will hid from Me altogether. Either way, it was a long time before I knew it was really there.

Now, many have said that it is impossible for God not to know everything, but I have not realized anything without having experience to tell Me what it is. I hesitate to say this now, but I had to have My Will have an experience outside of Me so that I could know what it was like to be without My light. Lost Will was without My light but had desire to receive it. At the time I was having this experience, I did not realize I was having it, for reality is I could not have done it if I had known what I was doing. I had to understand my experience after it happened, because at the time it was happening, I received such a shock from My feeling body that I could not stay present for it. I had no way of knowing, without having My Will go outside of Me, what it was like to be without light or love present. I had to push My Will outside of Me and have Her feel what it was like to be Lost Will in space.

I had to push My Will outside of Me on a wave of hate; otherwise there would have been some light and love present to sustain Her, and She would not have had the experience We needed.

p.18
was going to be and so We all held back and preferred that the others held back. We feared that movement in one of Us would mean that all of Us were going to have to experience what We were afraid to face.

The pressure to hold back was actually an agreement We made without realizing We had made it. The agreement was that We were so afraid of Our feelings here that We preferred holding them back to facing them. Lost Will received these impressions and so Lost Will has had the pattern of not moving until it cannot hold back anymore. Loss of control has allowed expression temporarily but guilt has judged heavily against loss of control. Lost Will also received the impression that other people's response is more important than your own.

The Red Spirits and, indeed, most people repress one another emotionally, as well as themselves, for the same reasons I have mentioned here.

Besides emotional repression of the feelings We had had in red, there was also sexual repression. Red, in an undenied state, has great heat and passion but guilt has caused it to hold back so much that you cannot know what it feels like until you have moved more rage than you even know yet that you have.

The Mother had great problems her because She loved the heat and passion of Red and was deeply frightened and ashamed that I appeared to have such an aversion to it. Lost Will received these impressions also and began to fear allowing freedom of sexual expression. Women especially began holding back, fearing that anything more intense than what the man was putting forth would bring rejection from him. Many women have feared giving any hint of passion.

Fear and guilt here have caused "good" women to be portrayed without noticable sexual passion. The "bad" women are no less afraid, but their behavior is reactonary. The appearance of lust and sinfulness in these women is the reflection of the judgments made here. Many of these women have even flaunted their behavior to see what would happen to them. Acting like they are not afraid or guilty does not mean that they are not and guilt has punished these women many times with everything from disease to sexual abusle, torture and murder.

These are some of the ways that Lost Will has reflected the problems We had in Red. Some Lost Will essence received the impression that the problems were so great that it couldn't relate sexually to men at all. Lost Will here has believed that only an-

p. 19
other woman could know how a woman wanted to express and receive sexually because a man could not have acceptance for it. Inasmuch as the Mother felt that Her fear of Us caused Her to betray Her true feelings, this Lost Will has desired, but also felt afraid, to trust even another woman for fear that she would reject or betray because of her fear of men's judgments against female sexuality.

The masculine energy has also been a loser in its own plot to win because it is impossible to diminish the sexual pleasure of one partner without diminishing the pleasure of the other. Lost Will has acted this out in the pattern of men seeking "sinful" women when they want to enjoy sex while believing that love is supposed to be separate and above this sort of lustful passion.

Many women have shut down their sexual fires and many have felt there was no one they could turn to fulfill their needs because their needs were sinful and wrong. Women have suffered with this long enough now and it is time to express these emotions and move out the guilt that held them back.

Sexual shame is more present, even beyond Red Spirits, than most people acknowledge, but this shame often does not present itself unless sexual behavior is varied from accepted habits. This does not mean I am suggesting that you pressure yourself into behavior you find unacceptable. I am suggesting, however, that you open more to how you really feel sexually, how you really feel about violence and how you really feel about the mixing of violence and sex that has been taking place on Earth.

It may look easier to deny that this reflection has anything to do with you, but you cannot find the healing this way. It is important not to let the guilt hold you back from allowing yourself to notice how you really feel about sexual expression and what you really want here, but it is equally important not to pressure yourself to go past guilt into sexual behavior for which you are not ready. The thing to heal here is the fear that your sexual desires are wrong and that the ways in which you would like to satisfy them are wrong.

It is not possible to allow fragments to go on acting out the sexual denials of others, but it is also not possible to stop them unless the ones doing the denials learn what their denials are, what their denials are doing and how to stop these fragments from being empowered to act them out anymore.

Certain compulsions to kill women, for example, cannot be healed in the forms they are trapped in. These fragments

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.20
I did not know how this would feel to Her, and when I did feel it, the feeling was so terrible, I had to disconnect from Her. She had to receive this denial in order to have the experience We needed, and in the passionate fury I had worked Myself into in order to hate Her, I thought I did not care what She had to experience.

Later, I realized that this action had increased the Lost Will tremendously. I did not know whether I could ever heal it or not and yet, I have responded to an instinct in Me that knew this experience could not be avoided.Why? Because My instinct knew that I had to know what death was in order to live.

I had already experienced growing dim and falling in space, and I did not know why. I did know I had to have light to live and that I had to know how to sustain it. The Will was holding back Her emergence because She already felt that I was going to push Her out again. She had such a dread of it that She could not even allow Herself to find out whether I really had to do this again or not. She could not stand to feel anything about it, and therefore, I did not receive the full feeling of Her experience at that time. It was the best We could do given the circumstances. It was difficult enough to realize We were already fading again and yet had attachment to continuing, without going into My plan to solve it.

We tried to detach Ourselves from the desire to go on living. Each of Us ignored the Other and Ourselves in an attempt to ignore Our existence, Our feelings about existence, an Our impending death. It was only a matter of time. We both knew it. We told Ourselves it was alright. We told Ourselves we didn't care. We told Ourselves it would be better than the struggle it took to live. We told Ourselves we had come into being and We could do it again. This only served to remind the Will of the terror She had felt at going back on Herself. She begged Me to tell Her it wouldn't happen anymore. I told Her I could not promise Her anything, but perhaps dissipation would be less painful than compression. Perhaps We wouldn't feel anything.

The Will tried not to feel anything. We floated there for unmeasured time growing more and more dim. We tried to get rid of Our desire to live and could not. The Will wished ardently, so ardently that I regard it as the birth of prayer, for some other chunk of Us to come forward and do the job instead of Her.

In reality, neither of Us could stand to look at the future. The past looked better to Me than the dismal prospects ahead.

p.21
The Will didn't want to look at anything everytime We had a desire for anything other than what was happening, We noticed that We grew more dim. Actually, Lost Will was increasing, but We did not know it then. The Will feared that desire and preference were not right, and She felt guilty that She had preferences.

I had great impatience now. I had a great desire to go forth and not be held back by fear that could not be handled.

"One thing is sure", I told the Will, "We're going down if We stay here, so come forth and get moving and make Me warm again."

The Will moved somewhat and gave Me some warmth, and then lay still again in spite of all My entreaties toward Her.

I had just about resigned Myself to dying, because I had realized that I had to have the Will to survive. I had already tried everything I could to try not to grow dimmer. I could think of nothing more. The Will had to move, and it seemed that the Will had decided it would be better to die than to have to feel what She would feel if She moved. I had an attack of fury that the Will seemed to be free to do as She pleased in spite of My wishes. I wished She did not have that freedom. I thought I had tried everything I knew, but I had not realized I could have tried just loving and wooing Her and helping Her to desire to come out of Me. I did not know that to Her, loving Her meant accepting Her as She was and helping Her to go through Her fear first. I thought I had not had time for Her fear. I thought We would never move if Her fear were allowed to get the upper hand.

She was already holding back out of fear anyway, so I finally got the impression from Her that I needed to help Her with Her fear. How? Most of the time I felt like I didn't have fear, only anger at her for having fear. Whenever I allowed My anger, Her fear seemed to worsen.

"I try not to have anger, You should try not to have fear," I told her.

She had even more guilt then for having fear.

"You really are impossible", I told Her. "Your fear is what's killing Us, not My anger."

She gave Me the feeling then that My anger had caused Her fear. I had just felt blame toward Her, and now I was feeling guilty about blaming Her and angry that She blamed Me. I hated Her for that and for not letting Me live. She hated Me for not allowing Her Her fear; not because She had a good time feeling fear, but because She couldn't stand holding it. We turned Our backs

p.20
reincarnated over and over, down through history, stalking the Will essence that has sexual energy. These fragments have made it appear to be so dangerous to have sexual energy that most women have suppressed theirs as much as possible.

It was hard for Me to recognize the denials I am describing to you now as reflections of Myself. For a long time, I much preferred to blame them on the Will and the Body and say that They were not a part of God. I made these denials before I even knew what I was denying which also made them hard to recognize when they reappeared.The judgments I had made against what I had denied had so twisted these things that I thought I had been right to deny them. At first, I also did not have intent to recognize My denials because I was hoping they would go away. I had sympathy for the pain held here, though, and this drew Me to understand it.

For a long time, I didn't know why My sympathy wasn't enough to help the situation. Finally I recognized the deep denial of hatred that I felt for the feelings involved. Then I had to recognize how much I had denied these feelings in Myself as unloving and something a God was beyond. Well, if I was beyond them, then they were there all alone without Me. I realized I was going to have to go back for them and when I went back, I found I had been there all along in a state of denial.

I was shocked to find how much of myself had not evolved because I had denied it initially. I did not even know it. I hadn't recognized the reflection because it was showing Me a picture of what My judgments and denials had created and I hadn't known what judgment and denial could do to the essence involved. I had tremendous power to warp and twist things just by withdrawing My light from them. Not knowing I had so much power in a state of denial, I didn't know that it was Me doing these things. I had been fearing it was happening because I didn't have enough power, and with so much of my power not aligned with Me, that was a true observation as far as it went. Many things that have been said are not wrong but have to be expanded now.

You also have denials here, and it is not possible to allow them anymore. It is time for the Mother energy to be allowed to express without fear of being attacked for it. You need to allow fantasies to surface and teach you what you need to know about yourselves. You need to know that because of denial, fantasies are taking on more living forms in a state of denial than they are in the lives of those having the fantasies. You have great fear

p.21
around allowing yourselves to know how you really feel here, but you must face the fear and feel yourself until you realize that you must move the hatred you have denied before you can really have love.

My sexual activities had the appearance of violence at times, and My denied hatred actually was hurting the Mother while I wasn't allowing Myself to know She had been hurt. This confused many spirits into thinking they had to avoid this area altogether, while others practiced denying what they were really doing.

You are going to need to give some time to what I have just said. This is an area that may not make itself known to you as quickly as you might hope. Serious intent to heal in this area is what you need to establish now. Understanding is, you cannot have real, hateful violence and loving , sexual pleasure at the same time.

Although the Red Spirits reflect sexual denials I had there, there were sexual denials all the way along. Earlier denials were more subtle, but, nonetheless, present. The healing of sexual denial is an important part of this healing process.

Another clearing you need here is of the problems you are having in thinking of Me as a sexual God. The practice of placing sex outside of God is most of the reason Earth is having so many problems and imbalances today, and all of these imbalances originated with Me.

I originated everything and I am everything. You have to understand this as you look around now on Earth.You have had examples from Me that have been reenacted on earth over and over and over. The repetition here is partly My fault as I did not know how to get the movement necessary, but you have denials involved also. Now that I have been able to clear up My denials, I am able to help you with yours. All you need is openness to receiving this healing.

If you think that you do not have a problem with God as a sexual being, see how you feel as the story goes on. See if you don't want to put limits on how this sexuality is supposed to be expressed. See if you don't find yourself feeling that some of this material could not be right because God could not have done such a thing, which is a way of saying that God could not have been present for such actions. Everything that has been placed outside of God is the biggest part of the problem you face now on Earth. Everything that has been placed outside of Me but has

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.22
on one another, so to speak. Each of Us felt it was the Other's fault that We were not going to live. Neither One of Us felt there was any point in making up because We did not know how to save Ourselves anyway.

I grew very disconsolate and just sat there in abject resignation. I had grief and could not move it. I could not move anything anymore because the Will would not help Me move. I had grown more and more dim and did not have much consciousness left. I had feelings of fear now that I had done Myself in by not being able to learn how to stay alive. I had a feeling there was nothing else that could help Me now. The Will had to move or die.

I felt frozen and feared the Will was not conscious anymore. I had guilt that I had not treated Her well, and that that was why She wouldn't help Me now. No matter what thought I had, there was a feeling of nothing responding to Me now. I felt utterly alone.

I had given in to death when I felt a movement in My Will. It was just a little movement at first and it had an edge on it of anger and fear that even now I would not really let it move. It had decided to live! I knew it now!

"No such thing," the Will let Me know. "I just have a terrible time holding still and can't stand it anymore."

She gave Me a little push to let Me know She had anger as though I didn't already know it. Then I felt Her encircle Me with Her warmth as though loving arms were around Me. I grew warmer than I had been in a long time.

The Will had intended not to let Me know that She wanted to live in case I might push on Her before She had a chance to grab Me. I was weeping with relief and tried not to let Her see it. She hoped that She could avoid going outside of Me by claiming She did not care if We lived or died. I held My breath, not wanting to make Her give in to death instead of living. She continued to wrestle with Her fear of emerging. Her dilemma was literally causing Her to twitch and wiggle and shake inside Me. I began to get warm.

I had a desire to laugh. My first laugh! I held it in for fear of scaring Her with another explosion as I did not know how a laugh would express. She felt Me laughing anyway, and was afraid I was laughing at Her fear until I told Her that I was laughing at Us.

When I gave Her this understanding, She gave in to more wiggling and I gave in to laughing. I realized that She had partially emerged and that the rest of Her was still wrestling with Her dilemma about it. I had a desire to let Her know She was already

p.23
partially emerged, but thought better of it. I had a feeling now that I had to hold still and let Her move however She was going to move, but holding still was not possible for Me anymore either; I had millions of realizations rushing through Me now.

I cannot mention now all the realizations that burst upon Me then, but I would like to mention some that need to be looked at now. I felt I was now going to get to have the relationship that I had had it in mind to have. I sought to make the Will happy this time and to not frighten Her into not moving. At the time, I did not realize the importance this judgment against Myself was going to have as time went on. Already I did not feel I could let Myself be spontaneous with My feelings. I did not realize that this attempt of Mine to lessen the Will's fear of Me actually increased it instead, but the Will could not find peace with Me while sensing that I was holding back. I have guilt now that I had so little faith in Myself, but then I had all the feelings that humans have now about getting to have a mate and a relationhsip and no longer having to be alone. I had great desire not to make a mess of it anymore, and I gave this desire the place of uppermost importance with Myself. In advance of experiencing the Will in Her new emerged state, I judged everything I had thought to be a problem in the past to still be a problem now. i judged all of that behavior to be unloving and literally shoved it aside.

When I had done this, I looked toward the Will in expectation of having Her love Me for it. I found beside Me a huge golden light that encircled Me in Her arms and I took this as a sign, although I later found it was not a sign. For the Will had no love of My denials. At that time, I had desire to overlook this and She did also because We had had such a long and difficult time achieving enough balance that the Will even could emerge. We wanted to go on now, and We feared that looking at any problems might put Us right back where We had been.

I asked Her how She had gotten Herself out of Me without being pushed and She responded by saying that She had been pushed on.

But," She said, "it was a gentle shove this time."

I told Her I had not done it. She wanted to know then if I thought someone else was in there. I told Her We would find out, but now was not the right time.

[The pages from here till 28
are quoted in puzzle-piece 52
Loving and Healing Sexuality]

"Now," I said, "I want to celebrate our renewed friendship and the balance that has finally brought You forth. I have pleasure in mind."

p.22
willingness to open and receive light needs to be allowed to do so now.

Fear of their own intensity is most of the Red Spirits' Original Cause. The Red Spirits feared that I liked them the least and it is because I did not like Myself there.

I have gone back over all of the emergences and found that they all happened as they were meant to happen and as they needed to happen. I have looked at all the plans Heart and I so carefully made and found that We did not stray from them. The problem was lack of understanding and lack of acceptance for What happened because We didn't know how it was going to feel.

Because I was valuing reason over intuition, I was unable to accept what I couldn't understand. This was a problem for Me for a long time until I finally realized I couldn't really understand anything unless I accepted it first.

In Our exuberance over having creative power, Heart and I did not take into account how it was going to feel to experience Creating. We only wanted to look at what was exhilarating and We did not want to look at the fear that was mounting in the Will polarity. I want to apologize now for not having given the feelings equality with Me.

My own lack of self-acceptance was manifesting in My feeling body and I had preference for blaming My feeling body for how I felt instead of allowing myself to realize that the Will's feelings were a reflection of Myself. I did not like how I felt as We went down through the colors in the emergence of the Rainbow Spirits and this was most pronounced in Red. It is no wonder that the Red Spirits have had so much trouble accepting themselves here. Even when spirits emerged later with bigger problems than the Red Spirits, it did not mean that the problems of the Red Spirits went away or were less important.

The Red Spirits have held back for so long the fear that they are My least favorites in favor of presenting an image if being My chosen ones that they have a lot to move to discover what is hidden beneath the images they have been presenting of themselves. So far, the Red Spirits have not been able to admit to their fears here, but I am not wrong in noticing that the more spirits have wanted to claim that they are My chosen ones, the more likely it is that they fear they are not.

Many spirits have feared so much that they were not My favorits that they have hoped it was a mistake and that they were going to be My chosen ones after all. When such a fear is present, spirits

p. 23
can embrace the image of being chosen, and yet, the presence of the unmoving fear makes it so that being pointed out as My favorites never comes to pass. Denial is the problem here, but instead of understanding this, many spirits have watched everything that has happened to themselves and others trying to figure out what it all means in relationship to the question of who are my favorites.

The questions around this issue go like this: Does God have preference among the spirits or not? How does God explain the difference in treatment some spirits receive over others? If Karma is the answer, why can't I find within myself the reasons I get treated the way I do? If God does have preferences, does He prefer the ones who have suffered the most or the ones who have suffered the least? If God is going to deliver us in the end, when is this end ever going to come? If this deliverance does come, how can I be sure I won't be left out just as I am now? What does it mean if God treats His favorite spirits worse than the others? If justice is going to prevail later, why can't I see it happen now so that I can understand it? If this is justice, then I must not know the rules of the game. What kind of God likes to see how much people can suffer and then reward them in the end if they suffer well? I'm afraid I don't like this God but I'm too afraid to turn against Him; it's easier to tell myself that I can't really understand Him.

I have not answered these kinds of questions very will in the past, but I am going to answer them now in the material that is being given.

All the spirits who feared they were My least favorites have, at times, tried to present themselves as though the opposite were true. All the spirits who had guilt that they might be My favorites have also had times when they have tried to present the opposite impression. Guilt is most of the reason why these feelings even manifested at all. Guilt has made people feel that it is wrong to love some more than others or differently than others. I have gone through this guilt also.

Lost Will reflects the beliefs about My preferences in pattern such as the preference for the first born and for male children. Lines of ascendency in the throne also have had a reflection to give there.

Even though the forms of some of these old patterns are breaking up now, there is still more guilt and Lost Will here than meets the eye. Preferences among children have been especially

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

p.24
I pulled Her to Me and began to feel Her as I had done so long ago.

She was soft and warm and glowing. She felt good and She let Me know that I felt good to Her also. She told Me I was cooling linke a breeze, which She welcomed because She had grown too hot within Me. She warmed Me and I cooled Her, and Our motions became like a rippling dance in an ocean of rainbows. She was like an ocean of golden liquid light, and I was rippling through Her with an excitement I had not known for a long time.

We allowed Ouselves to float within it, to move it and be moved by it. The more We allowed ourselves to open to it, the more pleasure We had until finally We had a large and intense burst of prolonged pleasure. Then I did not have a name for an explosion of pleasure, but I have since called it "orgasm." We floated high within it feeling as though We were moving upward in one another's arms. I realized that We both had eyes streaming with tears of joy and relief that were healing Us in their soothing waters. Our tears streamed down and fell away from Us, cleansng Us and making Us new again.

I had a feeling that it would never end now. The increase in Our light was tremendous. Perhaps we had found the way to live. We floated together in the light, full of the realization that We were One, and yet not, because We had each other now. We drifted for a length of time I do not really know, and then the Will began to move again.

This time She had a feeling of needing to move closer to Me and She wanted Me to hold Her. I took Her in My arms and made love to Her this time by giving in to Her feelings and responding to them. She had feelings I had not known before that were more pleasant than what We had already found. She had ecstasy and joy now and She gave Me the same feelings. She had love expanding and opening to My light.She had many nuances of emotion I shall not describe here, but I thrilled Her and She let Me know it. She also had an intense lust to know more pleasure, which I did not mind at all. There was nothing We knew to hold Us back then because the morals of guilt had not yet stepped forward to tell Us it was wrong. The Will touched Me with such passionate hunger that I almost lost Myself giving in to Her. Each time I gave in to Her, I had intense pleasure, and each time, I emerged with more light than I had had going into Her.

The Will was growing bigger and brighter also, which I had not noticed at first. She had such a lovely light, so golden and warm and full of colors. Sometimes She was still and limpid, and

p.25
sometimes She gave Me a feeling of effervescence. She could be a warm bath, She cold shower Me with love. She gave Me both calm and excitement, and I began to see things in response to how She made Me feel.

I saw Her as a woman now, of great beauty in My eyes, but the ways I envisioned Her form changed quickly. If She was holding Me, I saw her as though Her arms became wings as We began to soar. I had an internal vision in which Her wings had feathers that became streaming flames of colors as we flew. Colors changed with Our feelings, and I began to associate some colors with warmth and others with coolness. Sometimes when we would be flying very quickly, She would roll over in flight and hug Me very tightly as We soared downward into the night . There was always a little more terror in Her then than I would have liked to feel, and She grew to know it and tried very hard not to be afraid.

Our flights did not bring Us to the limits of space, and so space had grown huge in Our minds, making Us feel like small lights in a vast darkness. We had found no other light in all of Our travels, nor anything that felt alive except Us. We had a great desire to find someone else by now and had not [what?]. I suggested that We should not look outside of Ourselves anymore, but should go inside and see if there was anyone else in there.

The Will immediately got grumpy on Me, and wanted Me to know without having to tell Me that She had fear I might find someone else in there to love better than I loved Her.The Will had feelings of love for Me now that She had not allowed Herself to feel earlier. I reassured Her that I could not love someone else more than I aleady loved Her. She did not know if it was Her fear or My lack of love, but She was afraid to tell Me that She did not wholeheartedly believe Me. She had desire to believe Me and so She did not oppose Me. She held Me in Her arms and We made love on the promise that She had emerged first and She was My mate and nothing would ever change that .We had balance in mind now, a partnership. Whatever We did had to feel right to both of Us or it was not right. We had a feeling of loving now, intensely bound together by a feeling of needing one another to feel whole.

THE EMERGENCE OF HEART

We found so much pleasure floating in one another's arms that We did not feel like moving for a long time. Finally I felt like We should look inside and see what was going on in there. We

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frowned upon by many, even though true feelings have often had these preferences. The preferred children have reflected what We have loved and accepted rather than what We have denied and hated.

The pretense of not having preferences has meant these preferences have usually been hidden. Social justification has hidden true feelings many times in laws, procedures and policies. For example many rewards that are claimed to be based strictly on merit are really just plan favoritism and policies that are really meant for a few affect everyone.

I no longer have preferences in the imagery Lost Will has been holding here. I do have preferences for everyone in imagery you do not understand yet. The images you have been experiencing on Earth are not mine anymore except that I have to heal the Lost Will that still holds them. A long time ago, I understood how denials were making Me misunderstood and My own process here has now given you readiness to understand what I have to say.

In the parts of you that you do not allow to express, you hold many secrets that must be brought out now and aired, so that they have a chance to balance with the other realities you have preferred about yourself. It is impossible to know in advance how this is going to feel, but there is much fear here around the issue of being totally open, even with yourself. This fear needs to move first. As I go into My secrets, allow your fear to move around what you have experienced in relationship to Me.

You need to understand that it is almost impossible not to prefer the spirits who have received. Me the most, but I have understanding now of why many other spirits have not been able to receive Me. It is not the right time for Me to recognize any spirits as My favorites and lift them up above any others. There is too much guilt preventing this from happening in the way it needs to be done, and yet, there are many I am no longer going to allow to remain near Me. Once you understand who you are and why you have the feelings you have, you will be able to understand why I am not going to allow certain spirits to remain near Me anymore.

You need to understand why I have to "separate the flocks", and the "wheat from the chaff", so to speak. This process may make it look to you as though I have lifted some spirits as though they are favorites of mine and this is why you need to understand what is really happening. The Manifested Spirits need to lay the

p.25
question of favoritism to rest by first moving the old emotions that have been held back for so long.

Most of the reason you have mixed feelings about having to let go of some of the spirits that have to move back now is that guilt has caused you to deny essence into these spirits. It is your own lost essence that needs reclaiming now so that you can see these spirits for what they really are and allow them to move back. They really have no substance anyway, other than what has been lost in them.

November 17, 2011: this is one of the passages which are no longer "up-to-date". The message about "embedded denial", which has been given only since 2005 , shows, that the reality of evil is much more complex than it appears to be in this channeling of 1987!

Those that have the power to cause you pain and suffering are the ones that have to move back now. Unrecognized guilt is what is allowing them to remain present. To be moved out, guilt must be recognized. To recognize guilt, you must allow all your feelings to move so that you can find out what feelings you have that you do not know you have.

You have guilt any time you do not allow yourself spontaneous expression because lack of spontaneity indicates lack of self-acceptance. Lack of self-acceptance means you have guilt about who you are, how you are and how you are going to express yourself.

If you are having trouble accepting this information, you need to know why, and what denial here is going to mean for you. You may be Lost Will of another that needs to move into another to feel good and you may hate your right place for denying you. [??????]

Sexual imbalance is really the underlying cause of everything that needs healing now on Earth. Even though sexual denials have reached into every area of life and manifested in many patterns that may not appear to be sexual anymore, the denials involved in these imbalances can all be traced to be original sexual imbalances I had when Creation emerged. If this is an uncomfortable area for you, you have more work to do than you may think. The more you want to believe that you and life on Earth are evolving past the lower chakras, the more you need to look at your own intent and purpose here.

I am not imploring you to open to what I say here in any effort to divert you from having the experience you want to have You are free to go on, if you want to, trying to rise above what has been labeled "the base nature of man"', and you can find out where this leads you. If you have openness to receive Me here, though , I can already tell you where this will lead you. You will die at all levels and sooner than you think.

The lower chakras are the Mother, and Her energy is not some-

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything

The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

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decided to go inside together and feel everything that We could find in there. Having gotten to know the Will now, I realized that movement had allowed Me to know I was alive in the beginning, and if there were other beings inside of Me, perhaps movement would help make them aware of themselves also. I had already looked around outside in every way that I knew to do it. I had a feeling that inside lay essence that hadn't moved yet.

We had little sense of inside and outside of Ourselves then except for the realization that We were light and everything else was darkness. We had found a little more lost Will outside of Ourselves and had brought it in where it desired to be, but We had found no light of another being outside of Ourselves. I had already gone into the Will and emerged with more light, but it had stayed with Me and had not produced another Spirit. The Will wondered if Her fear of losing Me was preventing Her from allowing any others to come forth. She also had a desire to please Me, and a loving intent not to make anything stay inside that didn't want to.

I had intent to look around inside now which I had not really done since My earlier experience which had led to fear of what I might find. I felt more readiness now and turned My attention inside of Myself as I had done in the past. The Will opened to receive Me and I gave in to the movement and feelings within Us. She felt with Me and opened to receive the realizations I had to give in response. She helped Me to know whether or not something was responding to Us by letting Me know how it felt within Her. There were many different speeds of movement within Her and I noticed then that speed had a lot to do with color.

I had not been inside for long when I began to have a fear that I could not get out again. Why now when I had not feared it before? I noticed that the Will was holding quite still as though She were holding Her breath. Did I have a fear of slowing down? I began to feel pulled on and held onto, as though I were being trapped inside of Myself. I felt I had to get free of it, but I did not know what it was. Perhaps it needed help and did not know another way to ask for it. The way I was being grabbed and held onto, I began to fear that whatever it was, it wanted Me to stay in there with it. I didn't like the feelings I was having. I pushed on it to let Me go, but I could not get free.

The Will felt fear and guilt now that I didn't like something I had found inside of Her. She feared that I was finding what She had been trying to hide from Me.

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"What is it?" I asked Her.

"I'm afraid it's everything you don't like about Me, " She replied.

I had touched Her now in places She had been trying to hide from Me, and She could not hold back Her emotions. She shook with fear and openly cried in My arms. I held Her for a long time. Finally I felt a peace in the Mother. She let go of Me now.

"Don't go" , I felt Her say, but She did not say this out loud. I had not moved to leave yet, but She had felt that if She allowed Me to pull away from Her, I would.

"Hold Me," She cried out suddenly. I took Her in My arms and a huge Spirit popped out of Her.

"That's why I have called You Mother," I cried.

Heart had just emerged, but We did not realize yet that this Spirit was Heart. We both looked in wonder at the presence of another being. The Mother was so startled that She did not know how to react at first. She had feelings of fear and love all at once. This Spirit looked simply huge to Us, but We had not realized how huge We had grown.

I had to pull out of the Mother now and give Heart some help. This new Spirit was not looking well and needed some help learning to vibrate on His own. He was both gold and silver, but I instinctively knew that He was a He, nonetheless. He was feeling cold and frightened because the Mother had not opened to receive Him yet. He was not sure whether He should have emerged or not. The help I gave was to let the Mother know that She had to open and receive Him so that He could get warm. Heart felt like beating in a vibration of love, but He could not move yet. I needed to give Him something now, too - My acceptance. Once I accepted Him, He was able to vibrate himself and hold himself present between the two of Us.

He felt loving - immensely loving. I realized I was a Father now and that the Mother had given birth to another Spirit to be present with Us. We held Him between Us and rested for a long time in the loving feelings that His birth had brought forth. Nothing seemed more appropriate than having Him with Us now. He seemed to balance Us and improve Our relationship with one another. We felt a great increase in Our loving feelings toward one another and He was not left out. His presence seemed to be love itself.

So soft and shimmering was His light that it was exquisite to feel Him. We all made love together now and the increase in

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thing you can avoid or try to leave behind any longer if life is your choice. If you are on the other side of this viewpoint, saying you have always had a happy sex life and so you don't see any problem, you are not seeing the limits you are holding there or the feelings you are denying . If you cannot connect to what I am saying here, you may have behavior patterns to avoid triggering yourself into denied feelings you no longer know you have.

In a sense, I am sorry to burst your bubble, but there is no other way if true healing is what you really want.

I have been using the Red Spirits as an example here because the sexual denial they experienced at their emergence was more pronounced than it had been with the spirits who emerged ahead of them.I am trying to help you see the reflections you need from the places where these reflections can be seen most easily, but you have to understand that it is not as cut and dried as a generalization may make it appear. There are, of course, exceptions within groups, and lack of alignment within groups, but even though I am generally applying them, the understandings I am giving you are not wrong understandings. Groups of spirits who emergeed together share many things including their denials and their misunderstandings.

The Red Spirits have fighting and sexuality mixed together in ways that have often brought violence right into their sex lives. I had denied feelings of wanting to punish the Mother and the Father of Manifestation f o r h o w I p e r c e i v e d t h e m t o b e m a k i n g M e f e e l . These denials literally bled into the Red Spirits in ways I did not see at the time and began manifesting as the demands for respect and obedience the men were placing on the women, the punishment of death for adultery on the womens part and the practice of making eunuchs of the men involved .

I was appalled when I had to realize that My feelings of hatred had gone that far, but My feelings of hatred had no light in them. I did not look at My feelings of hatred then. In fact, I did not admit that I had them. Hatred was the most hated experience I had encountered and I did not let Myself know it other than to know that hatred had existence. I believed that the less I fed it, the less existence it could have. I thought that pushing it away meant I was not feeding it.

When I looked in on the Red Spirits, I hurried past these feelings, talking to Myself and not allowing Myself to see what was happening there. I was afraid of hatred and did not want to let Myself know that either. I had feelings that it was impossible for

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My presence to feel or to know hatred if I was love. I wanted to be love. I did not want to consider that I might be hatred also and I did not realize that feeling hatred did not necessarily mean that I was hating instead of loving.

The part of Me that realized I was feeling hatred saw Me as a hypocrite for denying it. This essence then became a rather large presence of Lost Will that began to feel hatred toward Me as a hypocritical God who only looked at what He liked about Himself and His Creation and did not allow any input He did not like. There are many people who have reflected this image of Me by only looking at the reflections which make them look good.

Now it is your turn to see the hatred you have felt and to see how it has manifested its reflectons in your life. Many of the things on Earth that seem as though they have strong presence are only illusions, but you cannot move them back unless you know how to do it. I am giving you these understandings as I am healing Myself here on Earth, and so you are going to see movement whether or not you understand what is causing it.

Whether you go with what is leaving Earth now or stay here with what is healing is being determined by your response to what is happening around you. It is My Creation, but you create your own reality within it. You have the responsibility of finding your own right place within Me by how it feels to you. If you do not allow yourself to know how you feel, you cannot find your right place.

LUCIFER TRIES TO TAKE MY PLACE

As I was looking in upon the Red Spirits, I felt many of the Angels tugging at Me, trying to get more of My attention at home. I allowed Myself to feel them and gave them what I could, but I also continued looking in upon the Red Spirits.

I had gotten quite absorbed, more than I realized. The Angels were exhibiting their fear of what had happened in Red by trying to pull Me away from it. The Angels had feelings here, but it was not possible for them to know what they were. The Angels just thought that they had to have more of My attention.

There was guilt here that also needs to be understood now. If there had not been guilt, the Angels would have been more direct with Me. The Angels had desire for Me and desire to get

See about the birth of Heart in Godchannel>Language of Heaven, quoted in my puzzle piece 39-Deity and Manifestation

[continuation to p. 28 of the Violet Book - as well as to p. 28 of the Purple Book
at the end of the following "Blue Book" page]