|
The Purpose of HEALING - K.i.s.s.
as stated 10 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential PEERS
to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,
and - as holograms - all of Creation!
|
|
As the fruit of becoming whole = accepting all of myself, I
desire:
to live and explore and evolve L O V E in
my personal life
and to play my part in creating the conditions for Heaven-on-Earth
by radiating grate-full-ness, zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment
on the actors in my individual life-drama and on all human beings!
|
|
2003_04_29
"Right Use of Will",
page VI-b
Without Will, the Spirit has no selection process.
The Will polarity is your individual magnetic energy field
["Abraham" calls this:
"your emotional Guidance System"]
and draws the experiences you are going to have.
So, if you hold something in your Will
which is not allowed free movement
or free expression,
but which is denied,
you will then draw a reflection of this to yourself;
even if denied,
it is still there in your magnetic energy field,
disconnected from conscious awareness.
[ November 2011: "Abraham"
would say: it is still in your Vibration
and according to "the Law of Attraction" will attract what you don't
want]
You need to realize, then,
that in triggering yourself
and releasing denial from your own energy field,
you will no longer need to draw to yourself any unpleasantness.
Unpleasantness is not sent from God as punishment for misdeeds.
Unpleasantness is only drawn in response
to what has been denied or judged against.
The denial is what gives the experience its unpleasant qualities.
[November 2011: The problem with
"Abraham" is, that the way
to "releasing denial", "releasing judgments" and "moving
emotions"
is not known to them.
They are not even aware of "denial"!
"Good-Feeling Thoughts" is the only solution which is suggested,
in order to come in alignment with "Source" and be "who-you-really-are".
For "Abraham" everything is "thought",
and the "Emotional Guidance System" only helps us to diagnoze our
problem,
while the solution must come from "thought".
I've inserted these reflections on the morning of December 3, 2009,
and will now jump to sculpting "My Desire Today", see below,
and through that also state
the "contrast" between my knowing and belief and that of "Abraham"!]
View of the biblical Moab mountains on the Jordanian
side of the Salt Sea - 2002_11_17
You need to realize another thing here:
you can still take the path of letting experience come to you from without
and balance yourself in that way.
If you want to, in fact,
you can even call for the karmic experiences necessary
so that you can be triggered to release your own denial.
Pleasant experiences will still happen.
We are just addressing unpleasant ones right now.
You can create even more pleasant experiences and better ones
when you have lessened or eliminated denial.
But in coming to you, drawn by the denial,
the unpleasant experiences have not come to punish.
They have come to point out that you have the denial.
They are drawn to you in an attempt to release the energy
that is being held there outside of acceptance.
A few steps aside, a few moments later - and
the composition of shapes and hues has changed...
The energy locked up in denial
page VII
does not want to be held outside of the nourishment of the Light.
The denial wants to draw something to itself that will release it.
The intensity needed to trigger you
will exactly equal the intensity of your denial.
You can release what you have held and denied
by your own volition.
This is felt to be by the Source of these understandings
the easiest path now available for individuals
that would like to heal themselves on Earth.
You need to try it before you judge it.
When something comes from outside,
and you did not know it was coming,
it's just because you were disconnected from it.
By shifting the power from a state of externalized disconnection
to internalized conscious acceptance,
you can always know what is going to happen.
You might not have complete detail
because you might have the kind of Will that likes surprises,
but you will know it will be pleasant.
This can give great peace to everyone.
Another understanding you need is:
clearing out the Will
is going to call for release of the limitations you have placed on
yourself
that have not allowed the energy to release and express previously.
These limitations can be called
denials, judgments, misunderstandings,
conditions on acceptance of the self,
or whatever you want to call them.
The fastest way to dissolve them is to give them a formal release.
You can say whatever you want to say
as long as you say it out loud
and say that you now forgive yourself,
or no longer believe these things,
or now give release to them,
or whatever wording that carries the intent of release for you.
In mentioning the necessity of giving a formal release out
loud,
it's also necessary to bring this forward :
in doing emotional release,
sound is very important.
This Creation is based on vibration.
Sound is vibration.
To release something and vibrate it away from you
if you do not want it,
or to get it moving
so it will evolve into something you do want to
have with you,
["here
the language is like the language of "Abraham":
"what I don't want, what I do want"," Vibration - vibrating",
but how strange, that "Abraham" ignores,
that "vibration" is something physical!]
you need to use sound
and even body movement
that will vibrate your physical being.
You need to do whatever the feelings suggest to you.
|
|
If you have a lot of blockage,
you might need to start by making any sound you can make
and doing anything you can do;
and if you do this enough in each situation,
you will loosen yourself up and reach what is called ignition.
Ignition is the point where the release takes you over temporarily
and directs you to do exactly what you need to do.
You need not control it in any way
except to make sure you do not really hurt anyone.
page VIII
You need also to accept that sometimes injury
in a minor way may take place.
If your body has been really blocked and has received a lot of physical harm,
it may need the feeling that it's going to receive harm again
in order to trigger the deeply held and controlled pain.
Let the Will guide this rather than imposing a technique.
None of these tamarisks grew here 3 years ago,
and when I came yesterday -2003_04_24 -
with Jonathan
I found those on the waterfront washed out.
Another understanding you need is
that you might have to start with judgment
release.
so that held energy can start moving.
Follow this with the release of emotions,
and then, understandings will come.
Release, of you reach ignition, will bring understandings.
You need only practice this to find out what it has to teach you.
You will heal yourself
and the Earth changes will not be difficult for you to survive.
Then, on April 17, 2002, the tamarisks
were still so low, that the tiny pond reflected the blue sky.
Now, in this rainy winter, the sea has risenby 40 cm & washed away
the shore almost up to the pool |
I am now going to quote, in this
introduction,
what I have received directly from God in the first person,
which He has indicated He wants quoted here.
"I have been impelled to channel
Right Use Of Will to earth
at this time
because the beings there have not been expressing freely enough
to adequately vibrate their spaces
and hold it open for themselves.
My created beings on Earth
have been experiencing their reality
as seeming to close in on them,
and their power as seeming to be insufficient
to meet the situation facing Earth now.
You need to realize, it's not true;
denial of the Will has made it that way.
You must now start reversing the situation.
It is not going to be easy at first,
but it will become easier the longer you work on it.
2003_04_26
"You also
need to know
that I am now decisive on several points
where I was open to allowing Spirits to transgress earlier.
When I allowed the transgression,
it was because I saw
that these limits could not be accepted at the time I gave them
without experience to enable the understanding of them.
My limits are only balance points
which provide the most freedom for everyone
without eclipsing anyone.
These balance points maintain Spirits
and the Creation in which they live.
"You have,
on Earth, overstepped the balance points to the maximum I will allow.
I must now intervene.
You will now see Me taking action on Earth.
|
I will bring
the Earth changes down,
and I am going to remove all Spirits
that have not dedicated their entire beings
to coming into harmony with My principles
and with the Earth's path of evolvement at this time.
page IX
"I have
recently made some new decrees
that will help solve some of the problems you've been faced with on
Earth.
They are:
No one can take Light overtly or covertly from anyone else anymore.
All Spirits must recognize Me and come to Me for their Light.
No Spirits can deny Me and take My Light underhandedly from others.
In hearing this decree,
you must not think you are not involved
if you accept Me as God and worship Me.
You must realize that any place within yourself
that you have denied
is not going to get any more Light in any way
except by you yourself bringing it within your own acceptance
and finding it acceptable to Me.
"Now,
in physical Body,
the reality of this is one thing and one thing only:
No one can survive anymore in My Creation
unless they accept Me openly in some form.
I am flexible here.
I have many ways to come to a Spirit.
I will adjust Myself infinitely,
but I will no longer tolerate complete denial
any place in My Creation.
This means that no one can survive what is happening now any place
in Creation
unless they open to directly receive My Light.
2003_04_27
"I am
not being unloving or unmerciful here.
I have realized that if I am unlimited; which I am;
I will not accept Spirits limiting me
to the extent of being in my Creation
and refusing to allow Me to be there with them.
I have only said this to give you the opportunity to reverse your
own denials,
and not to be attacked for what is not being said here.
I have many understandings to give on why I have made this decree,
but they are not appropriate to give right now.
|
On April 17, 2002,
the then sulfurous, now almost wholly sweet , water left the pond
and created a rivulet, another tiny fall and tiny pond,
before it merged with the salty Sea. |
April 17, 2002:
standing in the water and looking towards the shore
with its springs, falls and ponds,
tamarisks and - the bright green cushion -
a special plant growing around "my" place |
"Another
decree I have made is:
I have no further tolerance
for any Spirits giving pain to others
that do not overtly agree to receive it.
There has been such a thing as
overriding of Free Will
in the experience of My created Spirits.
I have allowed it only long enough for these Spirits to see
why the Will is so necessary.
Now I have discerned that there
has been enough experience.
No one can override
another's Will anymore,
period.
This has to be understood.
Free Will between people means
that you have the freedom to do whatever you want
but that you no longer have the freedom
to make anyone else function within your own limits.
You only have the power to make them take it away from you
or to take yourself away from them.
There is no power
anymore
to stop anyone from experiencing themselves
the way they want to experience themselves."
I have only quoted what I have been directed to
include here.
There is another decree that God has also made.
page X
It appears later in this book
because He is needing to prepare people's understandings in order
to receive it.
|
Now, in closing this
introduction,
it has been given to me to say this:
In accepting these understandings,
you only need to try them out.
You only need to stop judging them
and allow them to be in process,
and you will find they work for you
and everyone else that is ready to try them.
Some on Earth have not yet had enough experience to try them,
so do not force these ideas on anyone.
Just take them in if they are for you.
God is going ot mercifully remove the ones that need more
experiences
before they can accept certain understandings
and place them on planets that can accept their need for more experience.
You need also to realize,
in studying this book,
that you have to connect to the spirit of the message,
and not pick over the wording,
and not make judgments on what has been left out.
If there seems to be a gap
that you cannot readily fill in
with your logical sequential thinking,
you need to remain open
and trust that it will be given to you
when you have the readiness to receive it.
You need to realize that
many things that are available too you through direct communication with God
have to be withheld from the public domain until the public domain has more
open acceptance.
This is necessary also in order to protect and insure that the ones practicing
these teachings are not overloaded
since at present the mind is much more capable
of quickly receiving these understandings
than is the Will.
If you now temporarily stop the mental acquisition
of this writing
and give it time to sink into your feelings,
you are definitely going to have a response.
If you do not have response to this,
either you have entirely lost your Will or you are not connected to it.
If your feelings do not respond to this, you need to find out what is really
happening with yourself.
Some people have disconnected
so much
that they actually have to search out and find their missing Will.
It is not impossible to do this.
You can start calling for it, if it's not present with you, and draw it back
to you.
Acceptance is the key once again.
You must make a place for your Will.
In fact, if you feel you have no feelings with which to
respond to this,
you have a strong indication that you might need to suspect complete disconnection
from your own Will.
page XI
If you are responding, let it happen
and do not assume you have all the understandings needed.
Allow your response and seek more understandings.
I now invite you to read,
when you're ready, the rest of this book.
- CEANNE -
2003_04_29
Before closing this page and going on to copy and internalize more,
I feel, I must contrast these beautiful images with "the real world".
The book warns me, not to get mad at what has been
left out,
because vital aspects are dealt with elsewhere in God's teachings.
[If "Abraham"
had expressed the same kind of warning,
I would not waste my energy on getting "mad" at them]
But there is one aspect missing, which I must fill in here & now:
the connectedness of the individual spirit to the whole humankind.
It's exactly this aspect
that I am missing in "Abraham".
I was not aware, until this morning, December 3, 2009,
that I had had this same problem with Right Use of Will.
This is the central truth of Judaism, which attracted
me to Israel,
and I re-learn it day by day, when
inserting my book on this site.
Of course, for "God", too, this is an obvious, all
pervading truth.
From pp11 - All of Creation
, 2003_04_28:
Panic in China: another 21 SARS infected people
died.
And at the sidelines: the Israeli army destroyed the house of a suicide terrorist
in Qalqiliya
and two soldiers were wounded in a fire exchange when they took prisoners in
Sichem/Nablous.
The US war against Iraq seems to be "over",
and nothing of what I expected to happen, did.
Except, that the declared motivation for this war,
to save mankind from mass-destruction & terror,
has become ridiculed by the parallel "soaring" of a "mass-epidemy".
What Bush will save us from the fear, which attracts what we fear?
I am sarcastic, but I am also shaking and sobbing.
Not for the sake of little girls masked like terrorists,
but for the sake of the little kids dying of hunger.
Every eight second a child dies of hunger.
Count:
one
two
three
four
five
six
seven
eight
and watch the uncounted death of a child,
not a sudden, bomb-caused, merciful death,
not even a death after wrestling with breath,
but a death after protracted torture
in front of its starving mother's eyes.
I saw a documentary about the mysterious decline of the Old Empire of Egypt
around 4200 years ago.
They found out, that it was a worldwide change in climate, which lead to draught,
to starving, to death.
First died the children, then they were eaten, and when there were no more children
to be eaten~~~
The doc conveyed the shock of this discovery.
The world fears no draught today.
The world is save of Iraq's Sadam.
The word is free to panic of SARS.
But since I started this sculpture,
525 kids died of hunger
The question is,
why do I create this in my life?
From pp36
- September 11, 2003_04_29, Holocaust
Remembrance Day:
I must be schizophrenic!
Yesterday I contrasted my sarcasm about
the SARS panic,
with my grief over a child dying of hunger every 8 seconds.
Then I heard, that some countries have "contained" SARS,
and I felt "not pleased",
as I felt "not pleased" with the speedy US victory over Iraq.
Why?
Because I so yearn for "A new earth and a new heaven"
[Bible, Isaiah 65:17].
And because my beliefs say this will "happen" only after "apokalyptic
events".
These beliefs derive not only from "my" Hebrew Bible and the New Testament
but, sad to say, are nourished by what I just now copied from Right Use
of Will.
On the other hand: this morning I read,
that Syria proposed to talk with Israel
and I sense tears of hope in my eyes!
And at noon I'm impressed,
that the new Palestinian Primeminister
has intent and power to lead this region.
Plus beau
que ciel
| May
be silent the firearms
in the meadows and woods
may be southed the ruckus
of the injured on the roofs
may be quietened the tears
of the children in their terror
may the rope of the alarm
rot away in the belltower |
Hear
my singing in French
in SongGame2007
Chorus:
Better than heaven,
sweeter than honey
Will Love embrace
our race.
Purer than the Sea
harder than iron
will Love surround
finally the Earth. |
And
may sing my mother
near the countrymen's fire
and may sing my brothers
of knowing that God lives.
And may never be buried
the queen of the gipsies,
and may never despair
who ever survives. |
|
I follow my
understanding and new lekh-lekhâ on January 1, 2009,
that - after 7 years - I
should no longer create new pages on my 2 websites,
but intermingle the evidence of new experiences with that on existing pages.
MY DESIRE on EACH and EVERY
DAY
the ability to flow my personal energy
in any situation
without needing to exert control and domination
I am having plenty of opportunities to practice
"INHALE GOD - EXHALE LOVE
LOVE TO THIS PRESENT FEELING",
whenever I feel a
dis-agreeable feeling,
i.e. a feeling to which I do not naturally agree with,
a feeling, which I would prefer to dis-own,
a feeling which has to be brought home,
home into my womb,
home into my own,
home into my love.
This in truth is 'Unconditional
Love',
and everything else, which will anchor Heaven on Earth,
will follow from this.
|
December
2 , evening – December 3, morning, Thursday
Shoham
, Dec 2 PM: Immanuel went on flight to New-York. With Efrat &
Mika. 3 hrs with Yaacov.
When I opened this page in order to continue my sequence of "My
Desire today",
intending to relate to my fury against the "Abrahams" who
ignore "HUNGER" etc.
I was shocked about my addition on April 29, 2003, which is ~~~about
HUNGER!.
The more so, as it was a copy from my
puzzle-piece 11 called "ALL of CREATION"!
The "Abrahams" are training me only in how to manifest my
individual desires.
As to my pain about humankind, of which I, as "Source Energy",
am a hologram,
they either say, "you have control only over your own Vibrational
- whatever!"
- which is true, but I am not "disconnected from Source",
if I suffer others' pain!
Or they say - as in yesterday's e-mail quote [which I deleted in sorrow~anger],
that people do like, desire, something in wars, that's why wars exist!
Again, this is true, but why don't you point out, that people seek
in war,
what they were not taught to find in everyday life: zest and fulfillment
and first of all the feeling of self-worth,
the feeling of 'I am contributing something to my community'?
MY
DESIRE TODAY
My desire, yes my appeal is
-
that "Abraham" may expand their perspective!
It's true, that my aching identification with the mother
whose child is dying from hunger-
does not help her,
but if I deny my pain
because -according to Abraham - pain means
that I'm not aligned with my Source,
then this denial will definitely attract into my life and into
the world,
what I do not want! |
I'm always hungry, even if satiated by a huge
meal, after an hour I can eat again.
The first time, that I became aware of "WORD-HUNGER" was
in 1959/60.
My boyfriend Martin
informed me in a letter of what was going on in India.
Starved people, children and grownups, in every
street, on each new day.
And I see myself, in my cold room at Bielefeld
(I studied at Bethel Theol. Faculty),
how I twisted~turned in my bed, in pain,
in despair "what must we do, Martin?"
The despair was renewed during the "Biafra-Famine"
- by radio and newspapers.
This HUNGER was not the result of draughts or Man's destruction of
the Earth,
but of so-called "Human Rights Violation".
How I am responsible for all of it , see in puzzle-piece
:All of Creation, left frame!
 |
This
image of the
Biafra famine in the 1960s
was put on the Internet
on September 23, 2009!
I was hesitant
to insert it here,
brainwashed
by "Abraham",
that if I give "attention"
to what I don't want,
I'll attract
what I don't want.
But I choose to follow
the teachings of RUOW
and Godchannel.com,
that
"If you hold
something
in your Will
which is not allowed
free movement
or free expression,
but which is denied,
you will then draw
a reflection of this
to yourself;
even if denied,
it is still there in your magnetic energy field,
disconnected from conscious awareness.
" |
The only thing I could "do", in addition
to ardently "desire enough bread for everyone"
and I appreciate, that at this
moment I find "Abraham's" e-mail quote [voiced in 1997]
|
In
your action, you lose sight of the vision,
you lose sight of your trust in the process,
and you just bang around in a sense of futility.
Hold the vision and trust
that the Universe will acclimate to your vision.
Hold the vision and trust the process. |
was to make my family aware by singing my
"updated" Grace before warm meals.
And to be very careful, cautious, conscious in dealing with food and
ingrediences,
also eating slowly, savoring, delighting, grate-full for every food
that comes to me.
(How I live this, would need much information, which could be
valuable for others)
What I remember next, is an article by Werner
Erhard, (I attended an
EST training),
in which he desired, that by the end of the century there wouldn't
be any hunger.
And together with his theory about "context versus content"
he gave an example,
which years later- time and again - uplifted me concerning my
own world-vision:
"When the USA were shocked by the Russians'
first Sputnik
, Kennedy announced in 1959:
'In 10 years we shall be on the moon!'
An entire nation then turned around towards realizing this desire!
And We were on the moon exactly within 10 years"1
Pathetic, isn't it? Or - perhaps - it's teaching in "Abraham's"
sense?
Striving for the moon was what they wanted!
Fighting hunger is "pushing" against what we don't want!
Also:
my 50 year long desire that "everyone may have bread" is
as irresponsibly naive
as people's desire "for peace" and "no more war!"
as in the
song-icon "Imagine"
This is not more effective than the old "negative desires"
for "Heaven" as a place
"where
there's no sickness, toil nor danger, in that bright world to where
I go."
What I had to discover, on my own, during 70 years of war and hunger,
is this:
"Heaven on Earth" will appear only,
if a critical mass of individuals will have healed themselves into
wholeness.
And the steps - gigantic steps for the first pioneers - are:
- becoming aware of all my feelings,
- moving all my emotions physically,
- releasing my judgments and denials
and from there
-
accepting all my feelings = accepting myself totally
this includes the knowing of three truths:
I am worthy!
I am the creator of my reality!
I need to desire and strive for the discovery
of
what makes me feel grate-full, zest-full and full-filled.
A critical mass of Colors of the One Rainbow or of "physical
aspects of Source"
who know their worthiness,
who know that they are responsible for ALL their reality
(not only their personal life)
and who know,
what makes them feel grate-full, zest-full and full-filled
will do, will be
in a way, that hunger and war fall away!
|
"Why the World's
Poorest People
starve in an age of Plenty"
"they explain through vivid human stories
how the agricultural revolutions
that transformed Asia and Latin America stopped short in Africa,
and how our sometimes well-intentioned strategies
—alternating with ignorance and neglect—
have conspired
to keep the world’s poorest people hungry
and unable to feed themselves."
"They argue passionately
and convincingly
that this generation is the one
that could finally end the scourge
that has haunted the human race
since its beginning."
|
|
December
3 , evening – December 4, morning, Friday
Shoham
. With Efrat & Mika until 12:30. Later with Micha's family at
Mazkeret Batya.
MY DESIRE TODAY
My desire is, that my daughter-in-love
may give her heart's & soul's attention
to what she DOES want to experience
and to what she DOES want to enjoy-
during her weekend with Mika in Acco
with her parents and her three brothers.
|
 
Aug. 2009,Akko, Mika with grandma Miryam,
grandma Victor, cousin Shakhaf; Shoham: Oct. 2009,Efrat
Today's
e-mail quote - "Abraham" 1997
It usually
takes about 30 days to change a habit.
Not because you need 30 days.
You could do it in 68 seconds
if you could once you did it hold your vibration there,
but you have to consciously make that decision. |
|
|
|
December
5 , evening – December 6, morning, Sunday
Shoham
. With Efrat & Mika
MY DESIRE TODAY
My Desire is,
that I may know how to relate to my daughter-
by words or not by words -
so that she will respect me
and not add 'sin to crime' = self-hatred
and so that her being in my womb despite
her rejection
will help her self-healing
and so that the time will ripen towards communicaton
between two
waves of the one ocean.
|
Daughter grasping Mother's
hand
|
1974 Greece, walking down the Akropolis
1976 Israel, on a family hike with Naftali
1986 Berlin, in my rented flat around Christmas:
she visits me during my work as a guest-lecturer |
On June 23, 2009 I had initiated yet
another attempt to put an end to the 6 years of her disconnection.
Humorously I reminded her that according to biblical law, the seventh
year is the year of the Shmitah.
during which the land is left to lie fallow and all agricultural activity,
including watering, is forbidden.
Couldn't we turn this around, and after 6 barren years declare a year
of sowing, watering, harvesting?
She did not kick directly, but she demanded, ~~~~and
in another email made it a condition,
which in a third letter became outright, outrageous blackmailing in
a haughty, humiliating tone:
"Only after you'll have deleted any text,
name or photo concerning my family from your website,
can we proceed and check, what is possible."
Even if the content of this condition-sine-qua-non
would have been less important -
it was out of the question that I would and could base any relationship
on blackmail.
As to the content, I would have had to destroy my 8 year work of healing
& creating!
Imagine an artist who has been weaving a pretty tapestry the size of
a tennis-court
is demanded to rip out of the tapestry all purple and yellowish and
reddish threads!
I understood that I had staged this in my drama, in order to let go
of "appeasement".
June 27, 2009, from my "WORD" Archive,
now doubly relevant
I read my daughter's letter (and alarmed
Yaacov via SMS) at 22:45 yesterday night, June 26, 2009.
After "inhaling God and exhaling Love" to my feelings,
I received two hints through reading pages in my
archive, while trying –in vain- to fall asleep.
(1)
The title of a protest by people from Kiryat Arba against the USA
after the Yom Kippur war was:
"We are your staunch allies, not your servile
puppets!"
When I translated it into an affirmation
concerning my daughter, I felt immediately better.
"I am your staunch ally, my daughter, not
your servile puppet!"
But then I remembered a quote from
"Abraham" which
had reached me by e-mail today:
'I
must be aware of bad things
(of my daughter's blackmailing and humiliating me)
and I must watch out for bad things by trying to guide myself
toward good things.'
You can't do both at the same
time.
You can't watch out for bad things,
and allow good things at the same time.
It is vibrationally not possible.
|
I realized that there was
still a bug in that "ally-puppet" phrasing!
I decided to omit the second half of the sentence,
and transform it into a true affirmation, or better: "DESIRE":
"My daughter,
I am your dedicated, staunch, loyal ally!"
(2)
The other hint I got was an example
of "releasing judgments and beliefs",
at a time when I had no idea about
this concept.
It was after 18 months of deep (R.
later called it: "clinical")
depression 1972-74
In the process of my continuous coping with longing for death I understood,
that I could change at least one belief
which had to do with my lack of self-worth:
the belief that things and I had to be perfect.
(See what I wrote to Naftali
Raz , 9 years younger, then a kind of "peer" for
me :
27.12.1973)
After 36 years , in the year 2009, I still have to train myself
:
I release the judgment that I have to
prevent others from judging me.
I'm able to bear the shame.
I release the judgment that I have to prevent others
from being hurt by me.
I'm able to bear being bad.
And I came
to the following decision - then, on June 27, 2009
"Should I take any
practical step at this stage? ~~~~No!
I won't react to the letter and I won't share it with anyone except
with Yaacov.
I shall INHALE GOD and EXHALE LOVE
to both:
to my desire: "My daughter, I am your loyal, staunch,
dedicated ally!"
and to any feeling of victimhood and righteousness and urge
to blame
that still wants to vibrate.
[end of diary
of June 27]
The above decision
is still true today, on December 6, 2009,
though I now learnt, that it was my
daughter. who told people about my non-reaction,
and not understanding, that I view that demand as blackmail, those
people judge me.
I now see clearly, that any verbal approach
would draw out reactions,
for which my only daughter would hate herself, awarely or unawarely.
This is the last thing I desire for anyone! leave alone for my daughter!
I prefer to trust, that from viewing
me as "un-wanted" in her drama,
she keeps launching "rockets of what she does want" to "All-She-Is"!
December
6 , evening – December 7, afternoon, Monday
Shoham:
Parting from Efrat & Mika. Immanuel who returned at 7:10, drove
me to the train-station
MY DESIRE TODAY
My desire is -
that my daughter will discover her light in the darkness
and focus on all the good
in her life, her family, her creation
and especially in herself
|
After strenous hours of emotional and creative
work on yesterday's DESIRE,
during which the last trace of resentment against my daughter melted
away,
it so happened, that my daughter-in-love told me that my daughter had
called.
"The reason was technical, but I asked her,
how she was. She said: not good.
But she did not want to talk about it, claiming that it would not help
anyway!"
Since then my heart is bleeding for my child as any true mother's heart
would.
1985, Ramat-Hadar: my daughter and her
future husband help me with the roof of my bus
My daughter's wedding 1987 and her visit
at Herzliya beach, where my bus parked in Aug. 1988
Towards
Chanuka I taught Mika Ronnit's and my special song,
which teaches to embrace both poles:
Bless,
Chanukia,
over darkness and over light,
Tell, Chanukia,
how we created freedom for ourselves
Help, Chanukia,
that we won't forget that it's like that
let's be joyous, let's be joyous
Thus we'll remember the light,
thus we'll remember the darkness,
remember freedom
let's be joyous, let's be joyous
|
|
"You are not right , Grandma,"
said Mika angrily yesterday,
"we
are not accepting darkness, we are evicting darkness"!
"Well, non-conformism is not learnt at
this age!" said her mother....
I was stunned!
I had NOT taught Mika our "correction" of this most popular
song!
In fact, it was this protest of her, which reminded me of our song!
my
daughter's version
We came to accept darkness,
in us there is light and shade
each of us is a small candle
and all of us are lasting light
to strengthen the hope
for peace, for love |
my
own version based on my daughter's version
We came to accept darkness,
in us there is light and shade
each of us is a small candle
and all of us are lasting light
light and darknes were created by God
with both we shall be whole |
|
Abraham/Hicks:
The Vortex p.212-219
Getting into Your Powerful Vortex of Attraction
... Everything that
you know around you as the real physical stuff-
is just an extension of thought.
[NO! also of Will,
the magnetic essence,
without which the electrical essence cannot do anything!]
...
You are on the Leading edge.
The
manifestation time between the inception of thought
and the lining up with it is seconds in many cases.
You are on the brink of instant manifestation, in many cases, for
this reason:
You are not new to creation, you are longtime creators,
and you have set a lot into motion
even before you came into this physical body.
You had a Vibrational
Escrow brewing
before your feet even hit the ground here.
And now, with the last conversation you had with someone,
with the last thing you watched on television,
with the last book you read,
with the last movie you went to,
with the last thought
you thought,
you have been contributing to this Vibrational Escrow;
and it is brewing.
No, it is swirling.
It is a gigantic Vortex of Attraction.
(Now, you've been hearing about the Law of attraction,
but few are even coming close to understanding
the power of the Law of Attraction.
This is the Law that creates worlds.)
So, here is this swirling Energy.
How'd it get there?
You put some of it there before you were even born.
You've been putting it there every day of your physical experience~~~
So , here is this Vortex of becoming.
This Vortex of becoming.
This vibration - this pure Vibration of all the things that
you want,
all the amended details that you've been asking for -
there is a swirling, swirling, swirling, swirling.
And the Law of Attraction is summoning all (her-his), all
cooperative parts to it.
Cooperative parts, meaning "things of a Vibrational
Match."
...all things necessary to fulfill what you've been asking for
are being drawn by this powerful Vortex of Attraction.
Contrast
Really Isn't about Something Going Wrong.
We want you to reach the place where you are willing~~~
not just willing, determined
~~~ not just determined, eager~~~
to let go of the need of control of
things
that are uncontrollable -
like what anybody else is doing
and give your undivided attention
to the only thing you can control,
which is
how you feel
in any given circumstance.
...If
you could just accept that you have amassed a huge Vibrational fortune
that is ready for you to begin tapping into immediately,
and all that is required
in order to tap into it
is a willingness to look in the direction of what you want
-
which will cause you to no longer look in the direction of what you
don't want -
life will begin to get better for you, right now.
And that is our strongest message to
you:
Life is supposed to be good for you.
You live, whether you know it or not~~~ you live as the full
recipients
of a hurricane of grace that is flowing toward you, at all times,
in answer to all that you have been asking
for.
Not one of you has been separated out
as one who should not be the receiver of it.
All of you are in the full fow of this hurricane of Well-Being.
and as you understand that, and you begin to stand up
with an attitude of willingness
to receive the benefit of this Well-Being and worthiness
that's flowing to you at all times,
as you stand right where you are,
right now,
and do your best
to find the best of the positive aspects that surround you.
Look for the things
to appreciate, even if there aren't that many.
Look for things to feel good about,
even if there are more things to feel bad about.
Give your attention, as best you can,
to the best things that are going on in your experience,
with the determination to train yourself into the best-feeling
Vibration
that you can find right here and now.
Today, no matter where I'm going,
no matter what I'm doing,
no matter who I'm doing it with,
it is my dominant intent to look for and find things that feel good
when I see them,
when I hear them, when I smell them,
when I taste them, when I touch them.
It is my dominant intent
to solicit, experience, and exaggerate
and talk about and revel in,
the best of what I see around me here and now.
Are
you Ready to Meet Your Vortex?
You have control of everything that rendezvous with you
when you get control of the Vibration that you offer,
and you get control of the Vibration that you offer
when you care about how you feel.
When you care about how you feel
and you lean in the direction of what feels best,
you become, in a very short time,
a Vibrational Match to who-you-have-become.
And then people who are watching you say,
"What happened to you? You're just happy all the time,
and every time I turn around, some other wonderful thing is coming
to you."
And you say, "I got in the Vortex".
Look forward to hope because when you get in
the vicinity of hope,
you'll get in the Vortex.
Occasionally (every day) somethng will happen that will give you evidence
that you are the Deliberate Creator of your experience.
If you can hang around in hope,
even only on two or three subjects,
you'll get in the Vortex enough that you will come to believe.
...
* You'll begin to believe in the power of your thought
* in the goodness of this Universe
* in the worthiness of your Being.
* in the power of who-you-are
* in the cooperative Law of attraction
* that all things are possible.
* that you are the creator of your own reality.
*You'll begin to believe that you can control your thoughts
by paying attenton to the way you feel.
* You will begin to believe that you can be or do or have anything.
...
So, what's the holdup?
"I don't like this..."
Really insignificant, unimportant, petty little things that you're
using,
... as your excuse not to get in the Vortex.
Isn't that lazy?
When you could just as easily
look for a hopeful thought as a pessimistic thought.
You could just as easily
look for a compliment as something derogatory...
The Law of Attracton
and Law-Based Premises
* You are the creator of your own reality.
*You were worthy before you focused into this physical body,
and you still are now
  "by
chance" my daughter-2001-appeared on today's screen
* You are more Non-Physical Source Energy Vibration
than you are the flesh, blood, and bone Being
that you see here in these physical bodies.
It is uplifting to
see, how Right Use of Will [page 14],
states these same facts:
Evolution is the process
through which these parts can change and grow with you.
You need to evolve all of you,
not just your higher levels of vibration.
For truly, you all came to earth as complete Spirits
and became physical by slowing down a part of yourself
until it became dense enough to be called physical.
The process of birth and death came
when the power to speed up the dense part
was lost in the confusion of experiencing its new vibratory
rate.
Right Use of Will is going to give you the understandings
needed
to recover the lost power
of leaving the physical plane with your entire being,
rather than just a part of it.
|
* The Law of Attraction
is responding to everyone equally across the board.
* The Law of Attraction, which
responds to everything and everyone, says,
That which is like unto itself, is drawn,
so whatever Vibration is active,
the Law of Attraction is making it more active
by bringing more things that match it to it
* You are Source Energy,
with a perspective that the Law of Attraction is responding
to,
and you are physically focused, Leading edge, genious creators,
out here on the Leading edge of thought
in your magnificent bodies
in this time-space reality of perfect diversity
- and the Law of Attraction is responding to that aspect
of you, too,
* As the Law of Attraction
responds to both Vibrational aspects of you,
you feel the harmony, or not,
of those two Vibrational relationships.
The better you feel,
the more that physical part of you is in sync with this part of you.
The worse you feel,
the more that part of you, that physical part of you,
is out of sync with this part of you.
*When life, in your physical form, causes you to know what
you don't want,
it causes you to know - whether you speak it or not - what
you do want.
And when that occurs, you emanate
a Vibrational request
that the larger part of you receives and responds to and becomes immediately
- and the Law of Attraction, in that instant,
begins responding to that newly formed Vibrational version of you.
Abraham/Hicks:
The Vortex p.220-222
* There is a Vibrational Reality that is amassing constantly,
which is the true you.
There is the physical reality, the knock-on-wood, manifested, actualized,
"I can see it, taste it, smell it, hear it, touch it" reality;
and that reality is only slightly different than the Vibratonal
Reality
in that what's already manifested ~~~
you've just been thinking about it long enough
that now it's showing up to give you awareness
of how you've been vibrating.
* everything
that you are living is a manifestational indicator
of your mix of Vibrations.
...The most dominant premise
that is misunderstood in your physical reality
is that when someone perfomrs something that you disapprove
of,
it is a good idea for you to point it out, or you might get more of
it.
When the reality of it is, the more you point at what you do not want,
the more you hold yourself in a consistent pattern of Vibration
that disallows what you do want.
...
A belief is only a thought that you keep thinking.
And you, as human Beings, are the harborers of so many unproductive
beliefs.
the largest among them: I'm not
worthy
~~~there's no gain without pain
~~~ I must have been born under the wrong star
~~~Must be karma
~~~ Probaby my mother's fault
~~~ It's the government's fault
... take your power
back
by remembering that a belief is only a thought that you keep thinking.
... When I think a thought, it activates a Vibration;
and when a Vibration is activated, my point of attraction kicks in.
So if I keep thinking this same thought,
and I keep activating this point of attraction,
and the Law of Attraction keeps responding to this active
Vibration,
then I'm going to continue to get results,
not because they're true, and not because it's reality,
but because it's the Law of Attraction's consistent response
to a thought that I keep thinking."
|
Addition on April 8, 2010:
HEALING
DESIRE PRACTICE
This very concise advice from "Process
Coaching"
[based on Right Use of Will and Godchannel]
complements what's missing in "Abraham"!
The article with its links needs to be read in the original
November 2011
On
November 1, 2011, I felt,
that I should re-read and copy the second and third
RUOW book, as much as linear "TIME" will allow, and juxtapose
them to the first, the BLUE BOOK.
Below I "managed" to insert (max space:
1300 kb!) the pages 4-27
of each of the two books. In time I'll add links to the content titles.
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
THE FIRST CREATION ......1
THE SECOND CREATION .....7
THE THIRD CREATION ......17
THE EMERGENCE OF HEART.......25
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION ........33
THE EMERGENCE OF THE PLANETS AND STARS OF THE CENTRAL UNIVERSE ......39
THE EMERGENCE OF THE ANCIENT ONES THAT SERVE THE LIGHT ......40
SELF-DOUBT......42
THE DEMOCRATIC COUNCIL......43
THE APPROACH OF THE MIND VERSUS THE APPROACH OF THE INTUITION ......45
GOING FORTH WITH SELF-DOUBT ......47
THE EMERGENCE OF THE GREAT ARC ANGELS ...... 49
THE APPEARANCE OF LUCIFER ......50
THE EMERGENCE OF THE LESSER ARC ANGELS ......51
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FIRST ORDER OF ANGELS ......55
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SECOND ORDER OF ANGELS ......60
THE EMERGENCE OF THE THIRD ORDER OF ANGELS ......62
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FOURTH ORDER OF ANGELS ......63
THE PLATEAU OF REST AND SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
WHICH HINDSIGHT GAVE ME THERE ......64
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS ......73
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SPIRIT POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......86
SPIRIT AND FORM GO INTO CONFLICT
AND APPEAL TO HEART FOR BALANCE ......94
THE EMERGENCE OF THE WILL POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......102
THE TRIUMPHAND RETURN HOME THAT ALMOST TURNS SOUR ......107
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP SPIRITS THAT WERE HAVING TROUBLE ......110
THE ANGELS' EARLY MISUNDERSTANDINGS......117
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NOW THAT COULD NOT BE GAINED THEN ......120
AS I TURN TO HELP THE ANGELS, THE MOTHER HELPS ME TO HELP MYSELF ......126
THE MOTHER SUGGESTS
THAT NOT ALL SPIRITS ARE SPIRITS OF THE LIGHT ......129
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HEL THE ANCIENT ONES ......131
GIVING HELP TO THE ARC ANGELS ......133
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP THE ANGELS ......138
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
THE
SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMES NEED NOW ......142
SOME UNDERSTANDING ON THE KARMA OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......149
SOME JUDGMENTS THAT NEED RELEASE NOW ......165
FRAGMENTATION INCARNATING INTO SUCCESSIVE GENERATIONS ......169
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON THE ROLE OF SEX IN FRAGMENTATION ......176
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON DEATH ......181
GLIMPSES INTO SOME OF THE UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NEXT ......186
|
DENIALS
EMANATING FROM THE GODHEAD TOWARD THE SURVIVAL CHAKRA
AND SOME REFLECTIONS OF THESE DENIALS.......1
LUCIFER TRIES TO TAKE MY PLACE.......27
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON HOW THE WILL BECOMES LOST........37
THE HEART SPIRITS ASK FOR HELP.......45
THE SPIRIT POLARITY AS CAUSAL IN THE CREATION OF LOST WILL.......50
THE MOTHER TURNS MORE TOWARD FROM THAN SPIRIT..........6
HEART SPIRITS POLARIZE TOWARD THE GODHEAD........59
CHILDREN IN THE ROLE OF HEART OF THE PARENTS........62
HEART DENIES THE MOTHER........63
SPIRIT AND HEART PUSH WILL AND BODY AWAY.......67
GAPPED FEELINGS AND SEXUAL INADEQUACY.........75
LUCIFER TRIES TO FILL THE GAP.........77
BODY MOVES TOWARD SPIRIT......80
BLAME......83
DENIAL SPIRITS......86
DENIED BLAME AND SELF-SACRIFICE WIDEN THE GAP
BETWEEN
SPIRIT, HEART AND WILL, BODY......88
SEX IN A STATE OF DENIAL ......90
THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION EXPERIENCES HIDDEN DENIALS ......94
THE MOTHER SEDUCES THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION ......98
THE EMERGENCE OF EARTH ......100
SPIRIT FEELS DRAWN TO RETURN TO THE GODHEAD ......105
THE WILL IS ABANDONED ON EARTH ......107
THE GODHEAD CELEBRATES ......108
THE GODHEAD AND MANIFESTATION WITHOUT THE MOTHER ......109
HEART SHARES SOME FEELINGS
ABOUT THE IMBALANCE BETWEEN SPIRIT AND WILL .....112
THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION BRINGS BACK THE MOTHER ......114
DENIED WILL MAKES A BRIEF APPEARANCE IN THE GODHEAD ......120
DENIED WILL CANNOT REMAIN IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LIGHT ......126
THE MESSAGE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS ......128
THE MOTHER FEELS SHE HAS NO RIGHT PLACE ......130
THE EMERGENCE OF THE GOLD LIGHT SPIRITS ......131
GAPPED RAGE ......146
THE EMERGENCE OF THE WARRIORS AND THE WAR IN THE HEAVENS......148
SPIRIT TRIES TO REDUCE THE POWER OF NEGATIVITY ......152
SPIRIT GOES FORTH IN THE HOPE OF BRINGING PEACE TO CREATION ......155
SPIRIT LOOKS AT THE MOTHER WARRIORS ......157
SPIRIT FACES THE FATHER WARRIORS ......161
THE MOTHER WARRIORS AND THE GOLD LIGHT SPIRITS ......166
THE WARRIORS CONTINUE TO BATTLE ......167
SPIRIT LIGHT APPROACHES THE RONALOKAS ......171
CONCLUDING COMMENTS ......181 |
Continuation
from "BlueBook-Introduction I-V - end of the page
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.4
talking to Myself or was it someone else? I felt a
maddening feeling in Myself, but I did not allow it to express at
that time.
"You're driving yourself crazy with too
much thinking," something in Me said. "Drop it, go back
to sleep."
You see I had words already, although I did not then
actually speak or say to Myself, "Oh, I have words." I was
just , in some way I did not understand, letting Myself know
how I felt.
Aleady, I had a desire to split Myself in pieces so that some of Me
could go back to sleep and some of Me could go on searching for the
answers to My many questions. Some of Me still had a desire to sleep,
but most of Me was already busy in My mind and moving so fast that
I thought I did not need sleep anymoe.
I had a plan that I thought would let Me know
whether thoughts or feelings were first or causal. I felt that I had
to know because I did not like having to
feel feelings that did not feel good and I wanted to find out if I
could get rid of them.
From the beginning, I had a feeling that something within Me did not
belong there, but it has taken all this time to figure out exactly
what it is. Then, I just felt it and did not know the difference between
feeling it and it. For this reason, the Will
feared from the very beginning that it could not let Me know how it
felt unless it felt good.
Even though I had all these questions, I still needed time to sleep.
I realized that even in My sleep some parts of Myself were aware and
other parts were not. I had another question then.Was the
unawareness part of Me or not? I had to know whether I had awareness
in all of Me or not. I did have feelings and now I
had a plan that My feelings could let Me know whether I was alive
or not. The question of whether I was alive or not
gave Me another realization. If I did not know whether I existed or
only thought that I did, then I had an imagination. Still I had to
know whether I was real or not.
Lost Will does not know whether it is part of Me or not, and is only
just now going to find out that it is a part of Me.
Lost Will is just now going to find out that it is a part
of Me because I did not know Myself in the beginning and my
efforts to know Myself did not give Me all the information I needed.
This was because I had frightened the Will out of giving Me all the
input I needed.
I have gone on for as long as I can go on with parts of the Will lost
outside of Myself. The Lost Will must come
in now and be healed; not only because it has been lost as long as
it can stand
p.5
to be, but also because the Will needs to open
more space if My light is going to expand any more. Evolving light
is expanding light, and so there cannot be any more evolvement until
there is openess to receive it. In other words, resistance
to My light must now move back.
If you have a feeling that God could not have been this
unknowing in the beginning, then you need to consider that you may
be getting triggered without knowing it. This is good if you want
to heal your own Lost Will.
Now, to return to My plan to know Myself: I felt that I had to return
to the original state in which I had discovered Myself and experience
it again.I have since realized that this could not really be done,
but at that time, I thought I had actually gone back to sleep in all
of Myself and was going to awaken again. I had the experience alright
and much to My surprise, I noticed something I had not noticed the
first time: Movement had awakened Me.
I had a new dilemma on My hands now.
Not only had I discovered movement, but I had a feeling it was not
Me that had moved. I was mad at Myself for
not even knowing if it was Me or not that had moved, and I was also
angry at this movement, whatever
it was, because it had awakened Me into the torment
I was experiencing instead of leaving Me in the reverie where
I had felt such bliss. I resented
being awakened by this "thing" that I felt was not Me and
I blamed it.
Before I even knew I had
a Will, all of these feelings became Lost Will because
I also had an ecstasy of awareness that I did not want to disturb
with what I have just described for fear
it would turn the ecstasy sour. Part of the Lost
Will from then on has tried to hide from Me for fear
it was the cause of My problems.
This "thing" that had responded to Me gave Me strange feelings
that I was not alone, and I still have Lost Will manifestations from
this time that give others eerie feelings they are not alone, and
yet if something is there, it cannot be found. You see, I
was creating already and did not know it. Everything rippling through
My consciousness either passed on through and was gone, or it found
a home in the magnetic essence which gave it the means to remain present.
What I was creating could not yet go forth into manifestation, but
if it found a home, it was becoming present within Me as differentiations
in My consciousness, All
|
p4
as best they could given the mixed messages I was unknowingly putting
forth.
I had told the spirits to be at ease, but I
was not at ease with My own fear. I had given the example of
ignoring My fear and that's what
the spirits thought they were doing also. I had given the
impression that I thought all things passed in time and they were
trying to give Me the reflection that this was true for them also.
Since you have been following My example, I have been able to see
from you what I have been doing, what I have been doing that I
did not know I was doing, and what I have done that was not
understood. This is the reflection I had to learn to understand and
this is the reflection that you need to understand now. All
of you are holding and reflecting pieces of the total picture, and
I have the overview that can give you the enlightenment of the total
picture that is needed now.
At the time it was happening, I was not
aware of the role denial was playing. I simply felt
I was turning toward what seemed more pleasant, more appropriate and
more important at the time. Fear
and anger in their various forms experienced My preference for other
feelings as rejection in the form of the judgments implicit
in the statements just made. In My desire
to ignore it, I had pushed large amounts of Will essence out of Me,
although it was not a conscious push. This
Will essence then felt I was not allowing it to be present and that
I had banished it instead.
For example, the fear I described
earlier felt it had no place to go but away from Me and so it had
gone out as a wave I was not aware of causing. My
actions had made the fear feel that it was not acceptable to Me, and
that it was not a part of My love as I defined love. This Lost Will
was created when I did not accept it as a natural part of My creative
process. In this way then, My fears
about the Red Spirits became the second wave of fear I had
sent forth since My recent return home.
This fear moved on ahead of Me and
was rippling through the Rainbow Spirits. It was being received as,
"God is coming! What if He should find something wrong with us
as He has before?"
As the wave of fear preceding My
presence moved through the Rainbow Spirits, they tried to
appear in the ways they thought would make them more accetable to
Me. They thought My love was being more amply awarded to
spirits who were the most like
p5
Me and they were doing their best to please Me. Such
posturing has made Me smile since then, but at the time,
I was afraid it meant that I was not
going to be able to get the Rainbow Spirits to be at ease with Me.
I denied fear again here, believing
that letting the Rainbow Spirits see it would only make matters worse.
I'm sure you can see how fear was
getting the impression that it only made matters worse.
*When
I was about 21, I said to Annemarie, my friend 16 years older than
me: "I learnt an idiom in English: 'to be at ease with somebody'.
That's what I wish so much, that people will feel at ease with me."
Annemarie snapped: "In this you will never succeed!" I had
in no way being conscious of my wish till this incident, and only
then I started to become aware, that and when people did "not
feel at ease with me".
As though intent upon fulfilling the
judgment that it only made matters worse, this fear
was heading toward the Red Spirits, embodying a feeling of blame as
though the Red Spirits had caused this fear. The light
of understanding was not accompanying this fear and the judgments
it was receiving were not allowing it to understand itself in any
other ways either.
Parts of this fear
became entangled along the way in receptive parts of other
colors of Rainbow Spirits where it received further judgment and was
denied again. This made the
fear harder to understand by the time it reached the
Red Spirits because it had received interpretations and judgments
from everything it touched along the way.
For example, this fear
had originally contained the thought, "Let
by gones be by gones and let's see what the present has to offer."
By the time this fear reached the
Red Spirits this thought had been interpreted to mean, "Don't
bring forward what happened in the past, let it all go. God has preference
for this."
This idea has given
many people trouble when they have tried to move past something in
which their feelings are still caught. There is judgment against the
Will here that it is spiritually inferior if it cannot let go of the
past without dredging up old emotions.
When the fear
got to the Red Spirits, it told the Red Spirits that I was afraid
something was wrong with them and that it had to do with the feelings
red had aroused in Me at the time of their emergence.
The red Spirits had a mixed response to this
message. Some experienced an increase in their fear
that something was wrong with them and some were angry
that I thought of them in this way. The closer My presence came to
seeing them, the more they all demonstrated
fear of My power by being
unable to stop themselves from warping into unnatural behavior.
The ones who thought they feared
Me the least were the angry
ones. Many of them responded to Me by moving into the background where
they began claiming they wanted to confront Me,
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.6
of this consciousness had points of view that were not always aligned
with what I wanted My main purpose to be.
I had desire to know Myself, as I have said, and I did not know if
it was only Me I was getting to know. I
had intent to ignore things I did not like, but I did no know that.
Then, I was subtly deciding that these things were not Me. I had quite
a bit of Lost Will before I really got Started in the creating business.
I had desire to get rid of anything I did not like, and I also
needed to know what was out there beyond what I had already felt.
I had it neatly rationalized, but I had intent to
get 'the thing" that had moved to go out there and tell Me what
it found. "The Thing" went along with this plan of mine,
even though it did not like the plan, because of the fear
and guilt it was already holding without knowing it was holding
these things. "The thing" that had moved was the Will, of
course, but I had not realized that either. I wanted it to go, to
move, however it could, and see what it found. And, no question about
it, I planned to lose "this thing"
once it let Me know what it had found
I had fear of "the thing" and
"the thing" had fear of Me. Even though We did not
feel comfortable with one another, moving apart still seemed
more frightening than holding still. We had a stand off for time I
cannot measure. I had feelings moving so fast in Me, I did not know
how to measure what happened. "The thing" had feelings of
guilt that made it feel it had to
help Me solve the problems it had caused Me.
"The thing" also had a fear of
moving that I did not understand at the time. It seemed to
Me that this "thing" would move when I didn't want it to,
and then resist moving when I wanted it to move. The Will felt guilty
because it knew what I was feeling. I
had judged the Will already without realizing it and the Will took
this in . Fear and guilt
in the Will increased and I did not know why.
I was feeling like I did
not want it around anymore, and I gave it a push that
sent it moving out much faster than it was prepared to handle.
Pushing the Will in this way let Me know that I could move too. I
had so many feelings rush into Me concerning this movement that I
was awash in them for quite some time before I felt an urge to try
to find out what "the thing" I had pushed out was experiencing
out there.
I was afraid I had blown my whole experiment because I had been so
busy with my own realizations that I hadn't received anything from
"the thing". Then I felt it and realized that I had been
p.7
feeling it all along without noticing. I had been experiencing a great
rush of speed almost like a wind, but what jolted Me into awareness
of it was that I began receiving from "the thing" a
growing feeling of terror that it could not stop itself. I
suddenly had a desire to help it but I could not. I did not know how.
I had a feeling of helplessness.
The Will has had such a fear of displeasing
Me that it has not been able to tell Me until now that it has
a terror of falling and a terror
of speed that has not passed from Lost Will even now. At the
time it first fell, I could do nothing but watch it fall in space
until it was gone.
I had another understanding now: I could see. I had just seen the
Will fall away from Me, and nothing else had ever been so vivid in
My mind before. I had had a feeling that I could see, but I hadn't
had anything to see before. Now I had just witnessed what I thought
was another being go into darkness and not return. I had an uneasy
feeling that this had not been pleasant for it and I began
to feel guilty that I had caused
it to happen.
I did not know then that I had grown bigger, and could not help but
move the Will back to make more room for My increasing light. I
felt guilty that I had pushed it so hard, but fear and ineptitude
had caused Me to do it. I felt it wasn't right to have done it, but
I had done it involuntarily. I didn't know I was going to do it until
I had already done it. I had a feeling of remorse and felt I had lost
something I had to have. I had loved
"the thing" that had moved and did not know it until I lost
it. I had discovered love by losing it. I had great
emotional depression for a long time.
THE SECOND CREATION
I had lost the part of My Will that could move. I had great peace
now but I did not care. I did not care about
anything. I had no movement in My Will now. I had lost everything
that had desire to know more. I had lost most of My feelings and I
had a feeling I could not move. I had a fear I wasn't getting anyplace
now because I had no impetus to push Me onward. My plan had
not been a good one and My bad intent had cost Me more than I had
realized I had. The Will was lost in space and I had no way to get
it. I had nothing holding Me back from My
loneliness now, and I experienced the most intense
loneliness I have ever known. The Lost Will was gone, I was
just sure of it; and if the Lost Will
|
p.6
but I noticed that they also allowed themselves this placement so that
they could make the claim that they could not confront Me because the
others were in the way. I am no longer blaming the Red Spirits here.
I just want to let you know what took place in these experiences.
I soon found out that the Red Spirits had no image of Me
that looked good to them. Their image of Me was tied into
their emergence experience with Me. The behavior of the Red Spirits
here let Me know how they perceived Me, but at the time, I did not
recognize it as a picture of Myself. The picture they had of Me was
governing their behavior. Both their image of Me and their behavior
was showing Me how they thought I wanted our relationship to be, but
at the time, I felt annoyed with
their behavior and annoyed that I
felt I could not change their behavior. In fact, their behavior got
worse the closer I tried to get to them.
The Red Spirits were trying to give the
impression that they were the most fearless of the spirits.
They were literally flexing their muscles and striking poses designed
to make them look strong and powerfully
masculine. They had fear, and they
hated Me for making them feel it, but they
did not let Me know. Instead, they pretended they did not notice My
presence. They began arguing among themselves about who was
the strongest, who was the bravest, and who was the most intelligent.
They gave the impression that most
people still receive from them now of being warring people
who would rather die than be defeated.
The women were all supposed to admire the men and not do anything
to make them look weak, lacking in
wisdom, or not in control of the situation. The women were expected
to regard the men as men and not as boys in any way. Through their
conformity in behavior patterns, the Red Spirits were presenting
a picture of group unity which was very important to them. The Red
Spirits believed that an alignment was not as vulnerable as a lack
of it. The Red Spirits today have fractured into a number of groups
but they still try to project an
image of unity within the groups and an image of alignment between
groups.
My feeling was that the Red Spirits might be more comfortable in
My presence if they knew why I had come. I decided to try speaking
to them as a means of getting their attention. When I uttered My first
word, all of the Red Spirits fell down on their front sides and would
not get up. I begged them not to make Me into a God that they had
to treat in this way but they would not
p.7
respond. They wanted to show Me that
they were the most devoted to me.
I gave them the same input then that they need now, but I will not
meet the same rejection this time that I received then because
I am no longer involved in the denials that gave the lie to My message
then.
"My intention in speaking to you," I began then,
"is to let you know that I am not here to judge, punish or banish
you. I want to see how you are doing and experience with you so that
I can know how your emergence has affected you."
All the Red Spirits got up then and began assuring
Me that they were fine. They said that they had gotten over
any problems they had been having with the rest of the Rainbow Spirits
by uniting as a group and finding the strength they needed within
themselves. They paused then. The next thing they had wanted to say
was that they wanted Me to show them their right place but they were
still too afraid they might not have one or might not have one they
could like. They looked to Me hoping I would understand them here.
I told the Red Spirits to have no fear, that there was no problem
finding a place for them if they could allow themselves to have it.
The Red Spirits hesitated here as though this was some kind of a trick
statement on My part. I hesitated here also
because I was unsure of Myself. The place I had already given
them was a place they had indicated they did not want to have. I told
them I would look around to see if I could find a place they would
like better and that I would get back to them on it.
I have not gotten back to the Red Spirits
on this until now because I later had too many troubles of My own;
however, I did not abandon the Red Spirits then either. Part of My
presence remained with them, trying to feel how they felt about themselves.
The more I experienced them, the more I felt that Red was
their right place.
Initially I did not know if My internalized
experience of the spectrum was right or not. I had experienced what
I had experienced and emerged the colors I had emerged.
My fears about the Red Spirits were
really reflecting My fear that I should
have put more limits on the Father of Manifestation. I was
unsure here. I didn't know if the
limits My fear proposed were necessary or not. I questioned whether
Red had been wrongly separated out of Red Violet thus causing the
seeming imperviousness to Spirit that I had experienced in Red.
|
THE FALL
LONELINESS |
LONGING |
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.8
could go, then I could go. I had even more
terror now that just when I was getting started, I could not
live.
I had more feelings to feel now, but they
were the most unpleasant feelings I had yet known. I became
overwhelmed with terror that I was
falling in space Myself and that My light was getting snuffed out
by the overwhelming darkness around Me. I had a fear
that there was nothing out there and no one to help Me.
Finally, I had a feeling that I must try to grab for something, but
I could find nothing to grab. I grabbed anyway because I could not
help Myself.
"Lo and behold!" I fell upon something dark and heavy. It
ignited at My touch and exploded with a golden light. The golden light
surrounded Me and gave Me a warmth that I had not known for so long
that I had forgotten I ever had it. I sobbed
with gratitude for having found that
warmth again in the midst of My terrible terror. Nothing
could hold Me back anymore; I was going to have to find the Lost Will.
I had the desire to find it now and felt that the warmth I
now had would enable Me to move.
I grabbed at everything I passed now to see if it would explode at
My touch. I tried hurling My entire being against things I found that
were larger. Many, but not all, of these things burst into light at
My touch, but they required an intense touch in order to move. I was
striking Myself against many hard and dark things, but I was
receiving a good feeling of increasing light
from doing this. I had great joy now for I realized
I was finding the Lost Will. The
Lost Will was letting Me know it was not gone, but had lost the ability
to move and feel.The Will had had no way to let Me know it
was out there hoping for rescue from the
great terror in which it had ceased to feel or move.
Why it had stopped moving I did not yet know, but I was overwhelmed
with happiness that I had found
it. I had guilt mixed in with My
love then, but
I did not have enough experience to realize it yet. The guilt
made Me feel happier to find the Lost Will than I would have
been had I not felt responsible for losing it. I now had to realize
that feeling the Will's terrible experience
was what had made Me feel so guilty for having pushed it out. The
great peace I sought to attain by pushing out the restless part of
Myself had not been peace after all because I couldn't rest easy with
Myself in the presence of the guilt
over what I had done.
I had guilt telling Me that morals
were necessary whether I
p. 9
liked it or not, and I did not like it because guilt
seemed to be saying that I was not right to have done what I wanted
to do. I had had desire to get rid of the
Will, and I could not be happy afterwards because I had guilt. I
began to notice that I had guilt most of the time I had feelings.
If I had happiness over an experience, I felt guilty that it wasn't
right to have so much exhilaration in the face of the part of Me that
still wanted to sleep. If I had fear, I felt guilt for having fear,
as though part of Me did not like it. No matter what part of Me felt,
if another part of Me did not feel the same, I had guilt telling Me
that it was unloving to have movement without agreement and that it
was unloving to disagree. Why did I want to have feelings
at all?
I had forgotten all about My plan to know Myself.
I was awash in emotions once more and getting no place it seemed.
I had a feeling I could not move anymore
without emotions getting in the way. I was so mad at Myself over this
I could not stand it anymore. I pushed on the Will again.
The Will was so afraid that it had the feelings
that were displeasing Me and felt so guilty for having these feelings
that it did not object to Me pushing on it again until I had
already done it. As soon as the Will felt itself moving away from
Me, the terror of its first experience was activated. I
had intent to get rid of the Will again, but the Will
refused to allow it this time. The terror was greater than
the guilt, and so instead of falling away, the Will grabbed Me and
pulled itself back in.
Immediately the Will felt ashamed
of itself, but nonetheless, it refused to let go of Me. The
Will begged Me not to make it leave and promised not to make Me unhappy
anymore if it could help it. The Will had more fear of going
out there than it had of Me now. The Will also had more desire to
please Me than ever because the Will feared that I had tried
to get rid of it because it had displeased
Me. The Will had gone out there because it feared
I had good reason to get rid of it, and guilt
had told the Will that it was right to fear
that I had reason to get rid of it. The Will also felt that it had
suffered so much in that experience that it was not right
to have to suffer that way anymore.
I promised the Will it would not have to suffer like that
anymore if I could help it. I held the Will for as long as I can remember
then, and the Will held onto Me also. I had a desire not
to allow the Will to move. I wanted to sleep now. I had an
intense desire to rest after experiences we had both had. Even though
the Will had exhaustion , it was not ready to sleep. It
needed to
|
p.8
Now I know that Red is a necessary part of the spectrum and
that the survival chakra has been undervalued and has received heavy
judgments against its function. In the beginning I
feared the intensity of its physical vibration because it appeared
that in the intensity of its own nature, it was not letting Spirit guide
it. This was how I had felt around
the emergence of the Red Spirits and they
feared this about themselves. They feared
that their natures were too passionate,
and that if left unbridled, they would go into the excesses
I have accused the Mother and the Father of Manifestation of having.
The fears the Red Spirits have had
about themselves have been listed as the base
appetites of man and the Red Spirits have held an image
of Me as a God that demands control of these passions.
I have this to say now: It is impossible to
have a base appetite unless it is judged as such.
Over-indulgence is, for the most part, a matter of viewpoint and guilt
has played a strong role here. The judgments
made against Red have also distorted
its natural vibration . In its clear state, it is brilliant and life
sustaining. In a denied
state, it over-indulges, trying to fill the
emptiness lack of acceptance had given it. Red can go into
decadence proportionate to the lack of acceptance
it feels. The more it is made to feel it must hold back, the more
it gorges itself when it gets loose. Red's hunger for whatever it
seeks has seemed so insatiable because it has never been given what
it really seeks; acceptance as a valid
part of Spirit's existence.
Red had been made to feel separate from Spirit because I
was holding back when We got to that part of the spectrum. I was fearing
that I could not allow Myelf to be drawn that far into manifestation
because I felt as though I was losing Myself and losing control of
Myself. In the beginning, I had fear
that if I went into manifestation too far, there might be nothing
left of Me. I did not know ho to handle My fear. I held back and behaved
like a prude here, and I used anger and blame to cover My fear,
but I have an even deeper apology to make than that.
The Red Spirits had responded to the Red vibration enough to emerge
there, and yet, I made them feel there was nothing lower than the
behavior Red had called forth. Actually, it
was not Red but denial of Red that had called forth the behavior I
so disliked. The role the denial played has been a source of
confusion for a very long time. For as long as the Red Spirits can
remember, they have been trying to control
their redness and begging Me to forgive them for their redness.
p.9
I have guilt that I have not been
able to apologize for these misunderstandings
and judgments against Red sooner. The
denial of Red has pressured the survival chakra so
heavily that many see it as impossible that Earth will be able to
survive without a massive intervention on My part, and yet, there
cannot be a massive intervention on My part unless there is an opening
in Red sufficient to let Me get in there and give it the fire it needs
now.
Rage is Red in a heavily denied
state and rage needs to be allowed to move
now and regain its vibratory power. You have on Earth a massive
presence of denial spirits whose
judgment patterns instruct them to stifle the Red vibration in any
form it takes even if it means killing it. One of the places that
created quite a number of these denial spirits
was the denial that took place in Red.
The rage that was denied in Red was judged
to be unloving because it wanted to kill the Father of Manifestation
and the Mother of Everything for rushing ahead in the
unbridled passion of sexuality, manifesting a major portion
of Creation without seeming to care if They had alignment with Me
on it or not.
This was the first serious complaint in a long list of complaints
hat I had against the Father of Manifestation and the Mother of Everything.
For a long time, I actually hated Them
because I blamed Them for making a mess of My Creation. I believed
that if They had followed My plan more carefully instead of allowing
Themselves to be run by the heat of sexual
passion, which I feared was insatiable in Them, that We would
have manifested a more balanced and loving Creation, I
felt My anger about this grow as We moved down through the
spectrum and felt it the most in Red.
The many spirits who have shown themselves to be power-hungry, greedy,
insatiable, and ruled by base and excessive appetites, I blamed on
the vibrations set in motion by the Father of Manifestation and the
Mother of Everything, and I associated these problems mostly with
the intensity of the warmer colors.
I had rage that was mad enough to
want to kill Them, destroy everything They manifested, and
start over in a way that would be more according to My plan,
but I denied this rage in favor of
what I judged to be the more loving approach of talking to Them reasonably
and trying to get Them to help Me fix the imbalances I thought We
had manifested.
The denied rage has taken a terrible toll
anyway, even though I tried to hold it back because I was afraid
of what it would do.
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.10
move until it felt more comfortable,
but its fear and guilt would not
let it. After all, it had promised Me it would not move when I did
not want it to.
Long after I had already gone to sleep, the Will still was not comfortable
with itself and needed to move. I had created the impression in
the Will that more than one presence meant that We were going to have
to deny ourselves in favor of the other one in order to get along.
The Will really wanted to please Me, but the Will could not sleep
and the Will also had another fear. Besides
fearing that moving would displease Me, it feared not moving. Allowing
itself to go to sleep, now that it was afraid of going unconscious,
was very difficult for it to do.
Finally, the Will forced a very strong intent to sleep upon itself,
and when it was not noticing, fell into a very deep sleep in which
it began to move. At first the Will just
twitched a little. When I did not seem to notice, the Will
allowed itself more movement. It began quietly wiggling,
first in one part and then in another. If I stirred,
the Will would stop until I appeared to be deeply asleep again.The
Will had fear of displeasing Me all the
while it was moving. This fear increased its guilt that fear was
what it always gave Me. After the Will had been wiggling for
quite some time, it realized that it was still afraid
I would push it out again if its movement displeased Me. The
Will had desire to move even more than it was already
moving, but would not let itself for fear
of what would happen.
I was aware of all of this as though sleeping with one eye open. I
had a desire not to harm the Will anymore and I tried to let the Will's
movement rock Me in a way that I could find pleasant without being
awakened. Soon I did find it to be pleasant to be~~~I have
no word for this in English so I will have to try to approximate it
with several words...gently and warmly rippled,
rocked and lifted in space all at once.
I did have an intense desire not to allow
movement that I could not handle, and the Will was doing Her
best not to get thrown out anymore. I felt We had an agreement now
that was working because I was getting intense
pleasure from what I was feeling. I was having such intense pleasure,
I had an orgasm without knowing orgasm was possible. I felt intense
ecstasy for a long time, and yet I wondered if the Will had shared
it with Me.
I was in a pleasant state of floating and was
just drifting back into sleep when I realized that things were too
quiet. I had an eerie feeling that the Will had frozen in the terror
that it was not
p.11
right to have done this. I had a feeling that the Will had been holding
back all along out of fear of disturbing Me and now was not going
to let Me feel Her until She knew whether I was angry or not.
I had to let Her know that I was not angry with Her over this, and
yet in realizing She was hiding, I suspected She had not experienced
the pleasure I had had or She would know I was not angry. I then experienced
guilt that She had not experienced the same
pleasure. Lost Will has My blame as well as all the other feelings
I thought I had to deny here to make our partnership work.
I had to feel Her to know whether I was right
or not, and She was trying not to let Me
find Her. It was not easy to make Her hear
Me above the roar of fear and guilt within
Her, but I finally succeeded in getting Her to listen. She was very
relieved and glad to realize that this time, I had not minded
the movement and had, in fact, received immense pleasure from it.
I told Her that I wanted to rest now, but later I would enjoy it if
She made pleasurable movements again. I wondered
if I could ever have pleasure as intense as that original
and unexpected pleasure, but I also had a strong
desire to experience more pleasure after having had so much
fear, pain and loneliness.
Rest did not prove to be possible now as I had a
great attack of loneliness just remembering
how it had been for Me for so long. I had managed to get the Will
to listen to Me, but the Will still had not moved or let Me feel Her.
I had experienced pleasure with the Will now, drifted toward sleep,
and startled with the eerie feeling that
I was all alone again.I could not shake the feeling. I had held in
more loneliness than I knew and it all seemed to come bursting forth
now. Maybe I was only talking to Myself after all. I realized
now that I had Lost Will I
didn't know I had, and that it had been touched and moved
by the explosion of My orgasm.
I had really thought I had a Her in there that had
a complementary function to mine. I had just felt for the first time
how good it could be to have a complementary relationship,
and now it seemed to be gone. My loneliness
seemed more intense than if I had never known the pleasure of Her.
I beseeched Her to come out and be partners
with Me and She would not.
She did not trust Me.
I tried many things to coax the Will to move and let Me feel Her and
non of them worked. The more things I tried without
|
p.10
The denial, in fact, empowered the
rage to be everything My fears were
afraid it was.
I am apologizing now because I judged Red
to be the cause of hatred and fierce passion that served no
purpose, when in Reality, hatred is not a part of Red at all
and passion serves more purpose than My
guilt let Me realize for a long time.
I have guilt for apologizing so
late when survival seems so threatened now on Earth. Yet, guilt
has been accepted in My place for so long around the
issues I am addressing now that the passions
of Red are among the most despised things on Earth and those who are
seen as having a passionate nature are usually not seen as being spiritual.
Even getting the message through to you, once I had the understandings,
took a long time because so many pull away from Me in these areas
without even knowing they have done so. Fear
of these areas allows guilt to tell them to repeat the old
messages with which they are more comfortable and to continue
denying what they thought they might have been beginning to
hear as wrong and the danger of opening to receive at all bcause of
the dangers of being misled.
The denials that took place in Red
were first noticed by Us as a growing shadow around the Red Spirits.
The shadow was very dark and hard to see. This shadow hid itsel from
Us so much that We had to catch glimpses of it by looking sideways
toward it while We appeared to be looking at something else. This
can be likened to the way the true natures of criminals are usually
hidden behind an outward presentation of respectability. [an
example is right now - Nov.12, 2011 - the rapist, His Honor, the former
President of Israel...]
The presence of the shadow does not mean that all the Red Spirits
are criminals, but it does mean that denials
here have caused the Red Spirits to be mistrusted by many others.
This is because the shadow has manifested some of the most destructive
forces Earth has seen, and there are many who help it do its work.
The single most important thing you can do now to help Me
reverse the damage caused by these denials
is to allow your rage to move with yourself. You have blame, as I
did, but it's not meant to take revenge with those
you have blamed.
On present day Earth, the true Red Spirits
populate the Arab nations and many are Islamic.
Because of their fears that they have no right place that would feel
good to them, they have lived in desertous lands
that have seemed an inhospitable reflection of the rejection they
have received.
The recent discovery of oil on their lands is a reenactment of
p.11
the beliefs that even though they have an important part of what it
takes to sustain life, and maybe because of that, others want to control
them and take what they have away from them.
The Red Spirits feel that the rest of the Rainbow Spirits rejected
them, and are still all too ready to sacrifice Red to secure their
own positions. The Red Spirits were hoping
that the rejections the Jews received were retribution
for their earlier treatment of Red. The
Red Spirits also felt that the Spirit Polarity rejected them and so
they have had trouble with any country that tries to represent
itself as the Spirit Polarity on Earth.
The Red Spirits have felt betrayed by not receiving recognition from
Me. I promised the Red Spirits a space that they would like and that
would be what they wanted to have . Although they have not realized
it, they now see the United States as Spirit
Polarity still in the role of betraying them in favor
of helping the other Rainbow Spirits take their place away from them.
The Red Spirits believe the rest of the Rainbow Spirits should give
them their place and not pressure them anymore. The trouble
the Jews have been having finding a place for themselves
is seen by the Red Spirits as the karma the Rainbow Spirits deserve
for the way they have treated the Red Spirits.
The people involved here need to look inside
themselves and allow themselves to know how they really feel. Once
healing takes place on the inside, the outer problems will not seem
so hard to solve. Denied
rage and the fear of powerlessness have been manifesting terrorists.
Hostages and killings are an effort to make the Spirit Polarity feel
the Red Spirits. The oil cartel is an effort of the Red Spirits
to stand undivided since it appears they have to stand against the
rest of the spirits. Guilt and a feeling
of powerlessness are some of the factors that have been causing
the United States to sell arms
to both sides in the conflict.
I want to move along with the story now, but I wanted
to give you some understanding to help you see that what is happening
on Earth today is still a reflection of unresolved Original Cause.
The more you study the people involved in the patterns I am
describing, the more you will be able to understand the
role denial has played in shaping their behavior. The lack
of evolution you are going to notice in these repetitions indicates
that the understandings needed to bring healing have not been found
by the Will that became lost from My evolutionary
process. This Will is still living in the past and repeating
the realities that were present then.
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.12
success, the more I began to fear that I was alone. Perhaps the Will
had sneaked out before I could push Her. Perhaps there was nothing
in there to come out. If I had scared the
Will that much with My orgasm, perhaps I had experienced something
that wasn't right. I had experienced pleasure and apparently,
Will had not, otherwise wouldn't She be here with Me now in happy
celebration of our new found ability to get along?
I felt worse than ever now. I
had known more pleasure than I had ever felt before and now
more loneliness than I had ever felt
before. I had fear at first that I could
not get along with another being and had had desire to get rid of
Her. Now I feared I was getting what I deserved for having mistreated
Her so much in the past. I had a voice of guilt telling Me that punishment
was what I deserved because I had misjudged and mistreated Her. I
had even called Her "It" and "the Bothersome Thing"
in the beginning without bothering to feel "The Thing" enough
to find out that It had all the qualities now
associated with feminine.
I had hurled Her out into space to be lost
in terror. I had feared "this thing" and without
much effort at any other approach, I had
tried to get it away from Me so that I did not have to fear it or
be bothered by it. I also realized again that
I had loved it or Her, and had not allowed Myself to realize that
I could not get rid of the feelings I didn't like without getting
rid of Her. She was changeable; I knew that now. I
had thought unpleasantness was a thing that I could get rid of, and
had not realized it also had the feelings I
now loved. I saw that movement had brought it from feelings I didn't
like into feelings I did like. Now that I had realized
all of this, why wasn't the Will opening to Me?
I had to ponder that question for a long time to know
that the Will had to move the feelings it already had to be able to
receive new feelings.
It did not matter how much I now had to tell it or how hard I tried
to get it across; Will was not able to receive Me unless it
opened and it had to move to open. I did not know then how
to get it moving. I did not know that I had to help it move
by going into the Will and receiving what it
was holding so that it could move onto something else. I thought I
only had to let it know that I no longer had the feelings toward it
that I had been having. I didn't know I had to feel with it.
And so, there I sat, preaching to the Will and exhorting Her to come
forth and be with Me. It was a long time before I under-
p.13
stood that the Will was too afraid of displeasing
Me to move and come forth even if it had wanted to, which it
did not at that time.
The Will was holding still because She had
so much fear of feeling what She was feeling. She had clenched to
avoid the pain of it. She did not know
She had My acceptance this time to move Her pain by moving Her feelings.
My light and love would have flowed into Her this time but She did
not know it. She was caught in
fear from the past that I would not accept Her. She feared
that if She opened to expressing how She felt, She
would receive denial of light and love again. She had many
more feelings at that time also, but She could not move any of them
because She had too much fear of Me pushing
Her out. She had thought I enjoyed moving with Her this last
time, but She was too afraid to find out
for sure in case She didn't have the right understanding.
The terror of falling in space and becoming unable to move or vibrate
in any way has haunted the Will ever since that first experience,
and this is why the Will must be healed now. The Will cannot stand
the idea of going into any more terror of that intensity. The Will
has held the deepest terror of that experience all of this time, and
has no desire to have to experience it anymore. The terror never moved
in the Lost Will and it has to move now. This terror cannot be held
anymore. Guilt
has said, for as long as terror has been there, that it must be
held, but guilt, I have come to find, is not a loving presence.
Guilt is not concerned with how it feels to
have to hold this terror or how it feels to be the essence that is
trapped in this state of terror.
The Will has experienced this terror over and over on Earth and has
not been able to move out of it because
guilt has told it that it is more loving to hold it than to express
it because others do not like to be around this terror. Guilt has
told the Will that no one has acceptance for this terror. The Will
has continued to believe this because in the beginning I had no acceptance
for it. I have acceptance for it now. Healing
it is not possible without feeling it, but feeling
terror with light pouring into it and lifting it is a very
different experience for this essence than it has been having. Terror
has been experiencing itself in way that have no love or acceptance
present.
If terror has tried to move upon experiencing itself, it has been
given yet more denial of light and
love, and guilt has been there to shame the terror and
tell it that it should be able to find a way to accept its exerience.
Guilt says to terror, "Your feeling
is just resistance to God and if you had acceptance for your ex-
|
p.12
What Original Cause has meant to the Rainbow Spirits then, was that
they had less feelings of acceptance from
Me as We moved down through the color spectrum and they had less
of My presence also since I was holding back.
Yellow, Orange, and Red had more feeling of presence from the Mother
and the Father of Manifestation. This is alright. As I know now, this
is as it should be and as it needs to be, but
I did not originally accept Myself here. I did not originally fully
recognize Will and Body as equally Divine aparts of Me,
and this is what I have intent to clear up now.
I have been involved in all the Manifested Spirits' own lack
of self-acceptance. Whenever I was lacking in
My own self-acceptance, the spirits emerging there experienced
lack of acceptance also. I am sorry that this had to happen,
and I am no longer denying these feelings in favor of the
part of Me that knew it could not have been another way or it would
have been another way. I had loving intent and so, I was not wrong,
but it is also not wrong to be sorry that so much pain
has been involved in My evolutionary process.
By the way, I would like to mention that evolution is not in
conflict with Creationism once you understand the whole picture. The
Creationists have Lost Will that has not been able to accept My perfection
as something that evolves because I had this problem originally. Guilt
had Me believing that if I needed change, I wasn't good enough in
the beginning.
I learned rather quickly how boring it would
be if I had no evolution, and I would really like
Lost Will to move into alignment with Me on this now. Change for the
sake of change is not evolution so much as it is fear of staying the
same. The judgments against evolution have
made evolution look ugly to those who view
it as survival or the fittest because they view the survival instincts
as very base and unloving by nature. Even the forms evolution
is envisioned to have taken along the way are heavily affected by
the judgments involved here. The progression of forms pictured in
theories of evolution has not been altogether accurate, but neither
has it been altogether wrong since judgments
have the power to create the reality in which that Lost Will lives.
Judgments against the survival chakra
have created most of the problems here and the rest of the problems
were created by My failure to realize that
My fears about My ability to live unless I was perfect
already were directly tied into these judgments against the
survival chkra.
Of all the Rainbow Spirits, the Red Spirits emerged in
the
p.13
place where I had the least
acceptance for Myself. Because of this, the Red Spirits
were treated as though they were inferior.
In self-defense, the Red Spirits
tried to make themselves separate and as though they didn't care what
others had to say about them.
The Red Spirits have not liked feeling themselves pushed on by other
spirits, and especially not by those who have intent
to get rid of them rather than make a place for them in the
spectrum. But, a fate worse than death, as far as the Red Spirits
are concerned, is to be allowed to live if
they abdicate themselves in favor of behaving as though they
have become like the spirits who are pressing on them.
The treatment Red has been receiving is triggering it into rage
whether it holds the rage back or not, becaue survival
instincts cannot be forced to give up their true nature and
expect to have anything left of themselves at all. We cannot make
Red feel so powerless that it feels it may be forced to give up its
own ways without having trouble. It is not possible for Us
to live if We have so little understanding of Ourselves that We would
do this.
It is now time to allow all the colors their
right place and to realize that one color is not more divine or spiritual
than another. The representation of White, Purple and Blue as holy
colors needs to end. The other colors have sensitivity
to this prejudice whether they allow it to come forward or not.
Focus on the upper part of the spectrum in
this way has created imbalances and a lack of groundedness that are
imperiling the very existence of Earth. Imbalance in the spectrum
has the same reflection to give as the imbalance between Spirit and
Will. The denials involved
in these imbalances make it impossible for the ones taking
action on Earth to understand the consequences of their actions.
White, Purple and Blue types have usually appeared
to others, although not to themselves, as detached,
cool, overly mental and lacking in physical and sexual presence. These
types are also often perceived by the Will
Polarity spirits to be self-righteous and holier-than-thou in their
basic attitude and behavior patterns.
The upper spectrum people have usually viewed themselves as the upperclass,
highly inspired, but saddled with masses of people who are unreceptive
to their brilliance. The judgments which
attempt to explain this lack of receptivity are all the ways
in which the Will Polarity Spirits have been viewed.
The lower end of the spectrum has been viewed as lacking in mental
acuity and inspiration and having instead a kind of wily
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.14
perience and trust for God, you would not
feel terror." Guilt has been telling terror
that it is not right to object to any of the experiences it has been
given. The Will has been feeling it cannot
oppose the Spirit no matter what the Spirit has in mind for it. This
is a very old misunderstanding, but
the Lost Will has not been able to
straighten it out because it has not moved.
I have long since abandoned this approach, but
guilt has gone on with it powered by
the essence of spirits that still want to believe its
not right to let the Will move unless its going to be pleasant.
The Will feels its terror alone then, having no way to get the healing
light of love from its Spirit.
The Will has held this terror from the very beginning, but I did not
know that its initial life experience caused this. I had not gone
back on Myself like the Will and I did not really know what this had
felt like to the Will. I had a feeling it was not possible to have
terror for long. I thought it was the same for the Will. I had felt
terror for a while when I began falling in space, and I had gotten
over it. I felt that if I gave Her more time, the Will would emerge
again and be with Me.
I waited. During the time I waited I had so many feelings and thoughts
go through Me that I have no particular desire to describe them all
now, but I do have a desire to bring forward
the feelings that
I had in a state of denial then
because these feelings still have pesence on Earth.
I had fear that there really wasn't another being hiding within Me.
I had feelings of inadequacy
that I couldn't make the Will come out. I had plenty of anger
that I did not want to express for fear it would make the Will
hide longer. I had guilt that I had these
feelings instead of acceptance for the Will hiding within Me.
I had resentment that I had pleaded
and She had not responded. I had grief that
the Will would not come out and experience with Me. I had
fear that She did not love Me now and never had. I had guilt
that I did not love Her originally and that She had pain now and would
not allow Me to know it. I had guilt
that I had pushed on Her, and I had guilt
that even now, I could not accept the Will's feelings because I did
not like it that She would not come out.
What I did accept in Myself then that has relevance now was
the realization that I was now thinking of this other being
who had originally been so annoying to Me as a Her, and Myself
as a Him for reasons I did not understand and which I pondered
now. She had impressed Me with a lot of things that I had
to realize now. I cannot mention all of them now just as
I could not with
p.15
Myself, but I would like to mention some of the ones that have caused
problems all along. She gave Me the feeling I could not live without
Her anymore. I had rejection for
this because I did not like the feeling of being dependent
on another being. I also had a feeling that She could not
live without Me, but I ignored it because
I still had independence in mind. She gave Me a feeling I
could not move without Her anymore, and She gave Me the feeling that
I could not feel without Her. She communicated with
Me by giving Me feelings and let Me know that She had to experience
something coming into Her in order to respond with the feelings She
gave Me.
If she gave Me feelings in response to what I gave Her, then I felt
that She must have experienced pleasure when I did. I felt annoyed
and somewhat vulnerable if this was
how it was going to be, because She had
given Me a lot of feelings I did not like. If I had caused
these feelings, I did not know how I had done so. I felt that I could
not know how I was going to feel in any given experience until I was
having it. I had resentment and gratitude
that I had a partner, and I did not know how
to balance the two feelings.
Since I did not feel good
about Myself when I felt resentment, I decided not
to allow Myself to feel that anymore. I decided to be
grateful that I was not alone.
My resentment went into a state of denial and caused many problems
that I am just now being able to solve. The
Will received the denied resentment along with the gratitude
and love I was now openly extending,, and did
not feel I was being honest with Her. She was not altogether
sure, though, whether I was being dishonest
with Her or not, because She was
also holding back some old feelings She had toward Me. She
did not know if it was right or not, but I had made Her feel that
I wanted Her to do this.
I have understanding now that it is not
right to hold back feelings, but then
I did not know that feelings had to move to change. Then I felt I
had to draw the line someplace and not allow indulgence in feelings
I did not like. After all, I had enough problems already and Lost
Will holding back did not seem to be one of them.
I had questions that needed answers and that seemed much more important
than how I felt. I had fear, yes,
but I still had to know how I came to be, I had to know where I was,
I had to know what I was, and I had to know how to go on living because
I had become attached to My own existence.
I had already observed space but I did not know if it had
|
p.14
instinct for survival that makes them untrustworthy. The
upper end of the spectrum has not liked the physical and sexual pressence
of the lower end and has labeled it lacking in refinement, crude, coarse,
bestial, and more suitable to manual labor and even slavery.
The denial of Red in the spectrum
has also meant that Purple has been learning toward Blue. Denial
of Red narrows the spectrum of inspiration Purple can
receive and does not allow Red-Violet to come forward as a spiritual
color. Red-Violet is actually the color of My highest teaching because
it means that spiritual inspiration is infused with enough physical
vitality to go forth and live in manifestation.Denial
of Red has caused a back up in the manifestation of spiritual
inspiration that so far has been judged
to be caused by lack of receptivity in the Wil Polarity.
The colors of the Rainbow have more desire to
join with one another in balance
than most of them have let themselves know yet, but the problems
involved are many. The many denials
involved have so clouded the picture that they cannot see themselves
or their situations for what they are yet. Moving
Lost Will is an important part of the Rainbow Spirits' recovery and
because of its presence, the Rainbow Spirits trigger themselves heavily
when they try to come together.
[Rachel: remember a trigger is attracted
in order to point out a hole in my wholeness that now wants to heal]
I have had this lack of
acceptance in Myself. Initially, I did not have full acceptance
for manifestation or the feelings involved. I
know now that this imbalance is impossible to allow anymore if life
is desired. I have healed this in Myself and now would like you to
move your own feelings here. You have a lot of conditioning
to get in touch with involving old patterns that have gone on for
so long that they have been accepted as the reality of how it is.
These old patterns need to change, but mind alone can not bring the
deep changes needed now.
Because of their lack of self-acceptance and their
feeling that I rejected them, the Red Spirits had not liked seeing Me
coming, but they also did not like the idea of seeing Me go. I
hung around, uncertain Myself as to whether they wanted Me there or
not. I knew they needed My light to live but they had given Me the impression
they did not want My light in the intensity I
felt they should have it. I did not realize they were reflecting
My fear of My intensity.
I held back My presence as much as I could.
I did not want to make them feel pressured but I also did not want
to leave.
p.15
I hung around the edges and observed the Red Spirits as much
as they would allow Me to.
The Red Sprits were really having trouble acting naturally in My
presence. They hoped that some could corner My attention while the
others went about experiencing themselves as though I couldn't notice
them. Most of the Red Spirits appeared to give lust more importance
than love in My opinion, and they had strict rules about how they
were allowed to behave sexually. They also fought more than I had
realized at first. They had intent to fight for their place if need
be and were fighting with one another as though it was a way of practicing.
They had established a pecking order and I did not recognize it as
a reflection of preferences they
perceived Me to have.
In the beginning, I had feelings of preference for some spirits over
others and was not being honest about My
feelings here. I loved everyone and I feared
that preferences were unloving. When the Mother indicated that
She had preferences, I made Her feel that it was not loving to have
preferences. I took the path then of blaming
the Mother as the one who had trouble loving and accepting
others unconditionally. She suffered with this judgment
for a long time, and the karma of this judgement
was that everytime She felt any sort of feeling of rejection toward
another, She experienced this rejection toward Herself. Increasingly,
She felt that She was not right to have the feelings She had.
The Mother tried to approach Me when I was with the Red Spirits but
She felt fear of the memories She
had of their emergence. She was drawn to the intensity
of Red and wanted more experience with it but She was afraid I did
not like it there and that I would dislike Her for linking something
I did not like. She had fear that I would
think of Her as sinful, or wrong, for liking something I did not find
acceptable. The aspect of sin entered
here through the Mother's feelings of guilt
about Her role in desiring intense passion that had
erupted into a rejection, first from Me, and then from the
Father of Manifestation when He sided with Me against Her.
The Mother feared Us when We aligned against Her and was so afraid
of risking this happening again that She felt She
had to get rid of the intensity She feared had caused
it.
I had had the fear that I was not enough,
but I had not wanted the Mother to know
it, nor had I wanted Her to know that
I feared She loved Body more than Me. When She tried to approach
Me here, I did not let Her
know I was afraid that I couldn’t fulfill
|
GUILT |
LET ME ALONE |
From Montserrat
Moreta's Godchannel Paintings
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.16
limits or not. I had observed Myself to be light and had observed
space to be dark, but I was not sure whether this was right or not
because I had also observed space appearing to be light if I shone
into it. I had already looked around in space as much as I could from
within Myself and had tried to send the Will out there to look around.
The Will had told Me that in seeing Me from out in space, I did not
appear to move. As the Will fell in space, She had let Me know that
She was angry with Me that I did not make a move to rescue Her. Then
She had become terrified that perhaps I did not have the power to
rescue Her. I had felt like I was moving in space and yet, She had
said that I was not. This puzzled Me for a long time until I realized
that if She felt She was falling away from Me as much as I had felt
I was moving away from Her, We must have both moved apart from one
another. I had had no point of reference earlier to know if I was
moving or not except that I had a feeling I was.
At this point in My reflections I had a feeling of fear
come into Me from the Will. If space has limits, perhaps We
should stop moving. Then She had an immediate rush of guilt
that She had given Me fear again,
and at the same time remembered that She had not liked it
when she had stopped moving.
I realized now that I had to vibrate to live,
and when the Will held too still as She had been doing, it did not
feel right. I still had a
dislike of feeling fear, but I did not like it that the Will
was being so still in there. The fear
at least let Me know that something had to be in there whether it
was just Me or not, but where had it gone? Even though I
had been busy in My mind, I had been waiting for the Will to respond
to Me. I had hoped that if She gave any response at all, it would
bring Her forth again, but it did not because She still had too much
guilt over feeling fear. I
did not know then that guilt
prevents movement, but I know it now.
I gave up on waiting for Her and tried to pull Her out. This She had
aversion to and shrunk into Me even
more so that I could not find Her. I had a
feeling I did not need Her if She did not like Me. Then She
let Me know that She did like Me. I tried to coax Her out some more.
I had a feeling it would not work and it didn't. I hated
her for a moment there. She had made Me
feel powerless and exasperated. I was frustrated, angry and hurt.
p.17
THE THIRD CREATION
In My mind I had been going on as though She had already emerged.
The Will was receiving these images of what would happen if She did
come forth and reading them was making Her hold back even longer.
She did not like everything She saw in the future and She did not
like seeing a future that did not look altogether pleasant to Her
anymore than I did. Since She did not want Me to know that
She was unable to make Herself feel pleasant toward everything She
saw, She did not communicate this
to Me. She wondered what would happen to Her if We touched
unpleasant places in an emerged state.
I also did not like everything I saw, but I did not know how
to change it. I told Her We'd find a way to have pleasure
and avoid the rest. I also had an
undercurrent blame for Her because
I believed that it was Her feelings that made some
things unpleasant. She felt that I blamed Her and Her
guilt increased. Her distrust
of Me also increased because I was giving Her impressions with
which I was not fully aligned. Later
you will see how this lack of alignment
did not bring things to pass just as I said they would be.
The feeling in the Will of
My inadequacy and powerlessness
increased every time My predictions did not manifest exactly as I
had planned them. Distrust was increasing in the Will toward promises
of any kind.
Most people are dealing with this distrust
in themselves right now on Earth, and in some places it has manifested
as a feminine revolution because the women have gotten disgusted with
how the men have been handling things. The truth of the matter
is that, all in all, the women will not do any better than the men
because there must be balance between the two, as I have
found out. Back then, though, I
was just a lonely guy in the sky, trying
to figure out how to stay alive, and maybe have a relatonship if I
could figure out how to survive in it. The Will, for Her part, felt
it wasn't possible to have Me around if I was going to keep treating
Her the way I had been doing.You must be seeing yourself
in Me. If you are not, you have not understood how you originated.
Now, back to the guy
in the sky. I went through some changes waiting
on the doorstep, so to speak, for My true love to come out, and She
went through some changes inside, looking out at Me and wondering
if She had been given any choice or not. She had a desire to know
if there was anyone else around at the time.
|
p.16
Her desire for intensity. Instead,
I gave Her the feeling that She was wrong to desire this intensity.
These denials took form in the Red Spirits
as maiming or removing the clitoris. My denied desire to deprive the
Mother of Her sexual pleasure was rage covering My
fear that I was not capable of satisfying Her sexually. Denying
the woman sexual pleasure on the ground that it is wrong is a denial
approach that means the man does not have to face the
reflection of whether he is capable of satisfying his woman sexually
or not.
This denial of the Mother has had so much impact on the Will
essence and has gone on for so long that the Will is universally affected
by this. It is no longer necessary to harm women physically for women
to have trouble enjoying sex. The health of the reproductive system
in women is directly related to these denials also. These misunderstandings
need to be healed now and can only really be healed by moving the
emotions involved.
I had to watch the Red Spirits' fierce
cruelty toward their women, while I felt horrified
and powerless to make them listen to Me on the subject, before
I was able to realize that they had received
denied essence of Mine that wanted to furiously mistreat the Mother
for Making Me feel as I had felt at the emergence
of the Red Spirits.
I did not let Myself know how I really
felt toward the Father
of Manifestation at that time either. My desire
to get Him out of My love life manifested among the Red Spirits in
the form of harems guarded by eunuchs.
The eunuch of course was the Father of Manifestation and all the women
were for Me with unfaithfulness punishable by death.
That way all the children would be mine and there would be no problem.
Eunuchs are so much more trustworthy as servants than men who have
their sexual energies that at first I thought the reflection was telling
Me that My troubles stemmed from allowing another sexual male in My
domain.
Although My surface presentation was more tolerant, I had denied
rage that said Body was going to
have to serve Me loyally, and that no matter what else might
trouble Me about Him, His sexual fires had
to go.
I distrusted the Father of Manifestation, viewing Him as undisciplined
and excessive. The healing needed now involves moving a lot
of Lost Will that has held these pictures and reenacted them ever
since they began this long ago.
The Lost Will that was imprinted with the alignment
of the
p.17
Father of Manifestation and Myself against
the Mother has led Red Spirit men to seek sexual satisfaction
from the men who would not make them feel inadequate
and to use women only for procreation. The more fear of inadequacy
this denied essence has held, the worse it has treated
the guilty essence of the mother in the form
of the women involved. These denial spirits have often been
unfeeling and unloving.
The Mother has allowed this treatment because She was afraid guilt
was right and that She was wrong
to have the feelings She had there. She experienced the alignment
of the Father of Manifestation and myself against Her as intimidating,
frightening, insensitive, cold, cruel and too powerful to confront.
She has been terrified of Us in this state and We
had intent to terrify Her so that She could not reflect feelings of
inadequacy or lack of power to Us.
I had shame when I realized how
involved I was in the patterns the Red Spirits were reflecting. I
had to realize that I had preferred these
denials to owning My feelings and letting the Mother
or the Father of Manifestation know that I
feared I was inadequate. My
momentary confession of it during the fight around the emergence of
the Red Spirits had not allowed any of Us, including Me, to know the
depth of My fear. I had not let Myself know the depth of it
for fear it was more than I could handle.
I was reluctant to expose Myself
here because my fears were so intense.
I did not know yet that my own lack of self-acceptance
was being projected onto those around Me. When My lack of self-acceptance
reflected back to Me, it appeared that those around Me did not have
acceptance for Me.
This lack of acceptance becomes compounded when the ones
who are reflecting also have their own lack of self-acceptance involved.
It took Me a long time to understand that the Mother of Everything
and the Father of Manifestation appeared not to accept Me because
I did not accept Myself and They did not accept Themselves.
They feared what My feelings meant
for all of Us just as much as They feared what Their own feelings
meant for all of Us. Their lack of self-acceptance
had placed Me on a pedestal. They
revered Me so much that I became more important to Them than They
were to Themselves. They feared negative response
and rejection from Me more than anything else. There was so
much fear of loss of Love here that many things were not being
faced.
We were all afraid to face reality as
it was or as We feared it
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.18
We both waited to see if anyone else would show up. I tried to fashion
someone else for Her, and for myself, too, out of essence I found
lying around, but it didn't work. As soon as I stopped holding it
in place, it slipped back into Me. She had no response to this except
to laugh at Me and hide Her fear.
I grew angry and exasperated and threw a major temper tantrum right
there in front of Her. She hid and I had fear
that My anger had ruined everything
again. She was afraid that She had
angered Me, and that I did not
love Her when I was angry. My anger
had included several explosions in the literal sense of the word.
Her guilt and then Her fear
had darkened the light of them until I did not know whether
She had more power or I did. I had grown accustomed to Myself as light.
I was quite fond of My light, and now the Will was causing
Me to fear that She was a dark thing who could even throw darkness
into My light. Not only did She now have fear of Me, I had fear of
Her. Neither one of Us moved for a long time. I had
guilt that
I had made Her have no more desire for Me, and She had guilt
that She had made Me dark again and that I didn't like it.
I held back as long as I could, then,
from going after the Will again because I feared
I had an impossible situation on My hands. The Will held
back also for as long as She could. The Will still
had not told Me whether She had had pleasure with Me or not
so I was not sure if there even was reason to go after the Will or
not. The Will wanted another part of My Spirit to come forth and
be with Me instead of Her. She did not feel She was going to
be what I wanted, or that She was going to like what was going to
happen if She did come forth.
Nothing happened for so long that I became quite disconsolate
and dim. Loneliness had set
in and I had given in to fear and
tears before I felt the Will
move again. It seems that She could not stand to see Me suffer the
way She had done, especially if She might be the cause of it. She
had had to pressure Herself a lot in order to remain still all this
time. When She did finally move, I pretended not to notices at first.
There were many reasons I pretended not to notice the Will, which
do not need to be listed here except to say that
I did not want to look up and see what was going to come forth
now and have a reaction that might stop it.
The Will had begun to move within Me again and began to have
a feeling of pleasure again. The Will still had fear that
it was not right to move, and was only doing it because She could
p.19
not hold still any longer. She was holding back as
much as She could and did not move very much at first. There
were ripples through Me and wiggles here and there, then
nothing more for a long time. I hoped it would not be such
a long time as it had been before She moved again. Apparently I encouraged
Her by appearing not to notice, because She did give in to more movement.
Her fear was relieved when I appeared not to notice Her, but this
did not satisfy Her because She had a desire to be
accepted exactly as She was and loved. She also had desire
for Me, but I did not know it then.
Lost Will was not participating in this movement in the Will but
I did not know it then. I have understood this now
and that is why I am going into these initial experiences
more than I would have thought necessary n the past. In the past I
have noticed what was moving in response to My light, but I have not
noticed what was not moving in response to My light. I
had a hard time noticing Lost Will because it did not have light and
I could only find it by feeling its presence. Feeling its presence
is something I avoided as long as I could.
The Will had let Me know that She did not feel
good in places in Herself, and when I had tried to find them, I could
not. The Will then felt guilty as though there was no basis for Her
complaints. I have since learned that my light either
reflected back to Me off the Lost Will,
or the Lost Will hid from Me altogether.
Either way, it was a long time before I knew it was really there.
Now, many have said that it is impossible for
God not to know everything, but I have not realized anything without
having experience to tell Me what it is. I hesitate
to say this now, but I had to have My Will have an experience outside
of Me so that I could know what it was like to be without My light.
Lost Will was without My light but
had desire to receive it. At the time I was
having this experience, I did not realize I was having it, for reality
is I could not have done it if I had known what I was doing. I had
to understand my experience after it happened, because
at the time it was happening, I received such a shock from My feeling
body that I could not stay present for it. I
had no way of knowing, without having My Will
go outside of Me, what it was like to be without light or love present.
I had to push My Will outside of Me and have Her feel what
it was like to be Lost Will in space.
I had to push My Will outside of Me on a wave of hate;
otherwise there would have been some light and love present to sustain
Her, and She would not have had the experience We needed.
|
p.18
was going to be and so We all held
back and preferred that the others held back. We feared that movement
in one of Us would mean that all of Us were going to have to experience
what We were afraid to face.
The pressure to hold back was actually
an agreement We made without realizing We had made it. The
agreement was that We were so afraid of
Our feelings here that We preferred holding them back to facing them.
Lost Will received these impressions and so Lost
Will has had the pattern of not moving until it cannot hold
back anymore. Loss of control has allowed expression temporarily but
guilt has judged heavily against
loss of control. Lost Will also
received the impression that other people's response is more important
than your own.
The Red Spirits and, indeed, most
people repress one another emotionally,
as well as themselves, for the same reasons I have mentioned here.
Besides emotional
repression of the feelings We had had in red, there was also
sexual repression. Red, in an undenied
state, has great heat and passion but guilt
has caused it to hold back so much that you cannot know what it feels
like until you have moved more rage
than you even know yet that you have.
The Mother had great problems her because She
loved the heat and passion of Red and was deeply frightened
and ashamed that I appeared to have such an aversion
to it. Lost Will received these impressions
also and began to fear allowing freedom
of sexual expression. Women especially
began holding back, fearing
that anything more intense than what the man was putting forth
would bring rejection from him. Many
women have feared giving any hint of passion.
Fear and guilt
here have caused "good" women to be portrayed without
noticable sexual passion. The "bad" women are no less afraid,
but their behavior is reactonary. The appearance of lust and sinfulness
in these women is the reflection of the judgments made here.
Many of these women have even flaunted their behavior to see what
would happen to them. Acting like
they are not afraid or guilty does not mean that they are not and
guilt has punished these women many times with everything from
disease to sexual abusle, torture and murder.
These are some of the ways that Lost
Will has reflected the problems We had in Red. Some Lost
Will essence received the impression that the problems were
so great that it couldn't relate sexually to men at all. Lost
Will here has believed that only an-
p. 19
other woman could know how a woman wanted to express and receive sexually
because a man could not have acceptance for it. Inasmuch as the Mother
felt that Her fear of Us caused Her to betray
Her true feelings, this Lost Will
has desired, but also felt afraid, to trust even another woman for
fear that she would reject or betray
because of her fear of men's judgments against
female sexuality.
The mascline energy has also been
a loser in its own plot to win because it is impossible
to diminish the sexual pleasure of one partner without diminishing
the pleasure of the other. Lost Will
has acted this out in the pattern of men seeking "sinful"
women when they want to enjoy sex while believing that love is supposed
to be separate and above this sort of lustful passion.
Many women have shut down their sexual fires
and many have felt there was no one they could turn to fulfill their
needs because their needs were sinful and
wrong. Women have suffered with this long enough now
and it is time to express these emotions and move out the guilt that
held them back.
Sexual shame is
more present, even beyond Red Spirits, than most people acknowledge,
but this shame often does not present itself unless sexual behavior
is varied from accepted habits. This does not mean I am suggesting
that you pressure yourself into behavior you find unacceptable. I
am suggesting, however, that you open more to how you really feel
sexually, how you really feel about violence and how you really feel
about the mixing of violence and sex that has been taking place on
Earth.
It may look easier to
deny that this reflection has anything to do with you, but
you cannot find the healing this way. It is
important not to let the guilt hold
you back from allowing yourself to notice how you really feel about
sexual expression and what you really want here, but it is equally
important not to pressure yourself to go past guilt
into sexual behavior for which you are not ready. The thing
to heal here is the fear that your sexual desires are wrong and that
the ways in which you would like to satisfy them are wrong.
It is not possible to allow fragments to
go on acting out the sexual denials of others,
but it is also not possible to stop them unless the ones doing
the denials learn what their denials are, what their denials
are doing and how to stop these fragments from being empowered to
act them out anymore.
Certain compulsions to kill women, for example, cannot be healed
in the forms they are trapped in. These fragments
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.20
I did not know how this would feel to Her, and when I did feel it, the
feeling was so terrible, I had to disconnect from Her. She
had to receive this denial in order to have the experience We
needed, and in the passionate fury
I had worked Myself into in order to hate
Her, I thought I did not care what She had to experience.
Later, I realized that this action had increased the Lost
Will tremendously. I did not know whether I could ever heal it
or not and yet, I have responded to an instinct
in Me that knew this experience could not be avoided.Why? Because My
instinct knew that I had to know what death was in order to live.
I had already experienced growing dim and falling in space, and I did
not know why. I did know I had to have light to live and that I had
to know how to sustain it. The Will was holding back Her emergence because
She already felt that I was going to push Her out again. She had such
a dread of it that She could not even allow Herself to find out whether
I really had to do this again or not. She could not stand to
feel anything about it, and therefore, I did not receive the full feeling
of Her experience at that time. It was the best We could do
given the circumstances. It was difficult enough to realize We were
already fading again and yet had attachment to continuing, without going
into My plan to solve it.
We tried to detach Ourselves from the desire to go on living.
Each of Us ignored the Other and Ourselves in an attempt to ignore Our
existence, Our feelings about existence, an Our impending death. It
was only a matter of time. We both knew it. We told Ourselves it was
alright. We told Ourselves we didn't care. We told Ourselves it would
be better than the struggle it took to live. We told Ourselves
we had come into being and We could do it again. This only served to
remind the Will of the terror She had
felt at going back on Herself. She begged Me to tell Her it wouldn't
happen anymore. I told Her I could not promise Her anything, but perhaps
dissipation would be less painful than compression. Perhaps
We wouldn't feel anything.
The Will tried not to feel anything.
We floated there for unmeasured time growing more and
more dim. We tried to get rid of Our desire to live and could
not. The Will wished ardently, so ardently that I regard it as the birth
of prayer, for some other chunk of Us to come forward and do the job
instead of Her.
In reality, neither of Us could stand to look at the future. The past
looked better to Me than the dismal prospects ahead.
p.21
The Will didn't want to look at anything everytime We had a desire for
anything other than what was happening, We noticed that We grew more
dim. Actually, Lost Will was increasing, but We did not know it then.
The Will feared that desire and preference were not right, and
She felt guilty that She had preferences.
I had great impatience now. I had a great desire to go forth
and not be held back by fear that could not be handled.
"One thing is sure", I told the Will, "We're going down
if We stay here, so come forth and get moving and make Me warm again."
The Will moved somewhat and gave Me some warmth, and then lay still
again in spite of all My entreaties toward Her.
I had just about resigned Myself to dying, because
I had realized that I had to have the Will to
survive. I had already tried everything I could to try
not to grow dimmer. I could think of nothing more. The
Will had to move, and it seemed that the Will had decided it would be
better to die than to have to feel what She would feel if She moved.
I had an attack of fury
that the Will seemed to be free to do as She pleased in spite
of My wishes. I wished She did not
have that freedom. I thought I had tried everything I knew, but
I had not realized I could have tried just loving
and wooing Her and helping Her to desire to come out
of Me. I did not know that to Her, loving Her
meant accepting Her as She was and helping Her to go through Her fear
first. I thought I had not had time for Her fear. I
thought We would never move if Her fear were allowed to get the upper
hand.
She was already holding back out of fear anyway,
so I finally got the impression from Her that I needed to help
Her with Her fear. How? Most of the time I felt like I didn't
have fear, only anger
at her for having fear. Whenever I allowed My anger,
Her fear seemed to worsen.
"I try not to have anger, You should
try not to have fear," I told her.
She had even more guilt then for having fear.
"You really are impossible", I told Her. "Your
fear is what's killing Us, not My anger."
She gave Me the feeling then that My anger
had caused Her fear. I had just felt blame
toward Her, and now I was feeling guilty about
blaming Her and angry that She blamed Me. I hated Her for that
and for not letting Me live. She hated Me
for not allowing Her Her fear; not because She
had a good time feeling fear, but because She couldn't stand holding
it. We turned Our backs
|
p.20
reincarnated over and over, down through history, stalking the
Will essence that has sexual energy. These fragments have made it appear
to be so dangerous to have sexual energy that most women have suppressed
theirs as much as possible.
It was hard for Me to recognize the denials
I am describing to you now as reflections
of Myself. For a long time, I much preferred to
blame them on the Will and the Body and say that They
were not a part of God. I made these
denials before I even knew what I was
denying which also made them hard to
recognize when they reappeared.The
judgments
I had made against what I had denied had to twisted these things that
I thought I had been right to deny them. At first, I
also did not have intent to recognize My denials because I was hoping
they would go away. I had sympathy for the pain held here, though, and
this drew Me to understand it.
For a long time, I didn't know why My sympathy waasn't enough to help
the situation. Finally I recognized the deep
denial of hatred that I felt for the feelings involved. Then
I had to recognize how much I had denied
these feelings in Myself as unloving and something a
God was beyond. Well, if I was beyond them, then they were there all
alone without Me. I realized I was going to have to go back for
them and when I went back, I found I had been there all along in a state
of denial.
I was shocked to find how much of myself had
not evolved because I had denied
it initially. I did not even know it. I hadn't recognized the reflection
because it was showing Me a picture of what My judgments
and denials had created and I hadn't known what judgment
and denial could do to the essence involved. I had tremendous
power to warp and twist things just by withdrawing My light from
them. Not knowing I had so much power in a state of
denial, I didn't know that it was Me doing these things. I had been
fearing it was happening because I didn't have enough power,
and with so much of my power not aligned with Me, that was a true observation
as far as it went. Many things that have been said are not wrong but
have to be expanded now.
You also have denials
here, and it is not possible to allow them anymore. It is time for the
Mother energy to be allowed to express without fear of being attacked
for it. You need to allow fantasies to surface and teach you
what you need to know about yourselves. You need to know that because
of denial, fantasies are taking on
more living forms in a state of denial than
they are in the lives of those having the fantasies. You
have great fear
p.21
around allowing themselves to know how you
really feel here, but you must face the
fear and feel yourself until you realize that you must move
the hatred you have denied before you can really have love.
My sexual activities had the appearance of violence
at times, and My denied hatred actually
was hurting the Mother while I wasn't allowing
Myself to know She had been hurt. This
confused many spirits into thinking they had to avoid this area altogether,
while others practiced denying what they were really doing.
You are going to need to give some time to what I have just said.This
is an area that may not make itself known to you as quickly as you might
hope. Serious intent to heal in this area is what you need to establish
now. Understanding is, you cannot have real, hateful violence and loving
, sexual pleasure at the same time.
Although the Red Spirits reflect sexual denials
I had there, there were sexual denials all
the way along. Earlier denials were
more subtle, but, nonetheless, present. The healing
of sexual denial is an important part of this healing process.
Another clearing you need here is of the problems you are having in
thinking of Me as a sexual God. The practice of placing
sex outside of God is most of the reason Earth is having so many problems
and imbalances today, and all of these imbalances originated with Me.
I originated everything and I am everything. You have to understand
this as you look around now on Earth.You have had examples from Me that
have been reenacted on earth over and over and over. The repetition
here is partly My fault as I did not know how to get the movement
necessary, but you have denials involved also. Now that I have been
able to clear up My denials, I am able to help you with yours. All you
need is openness to receiving this healing.
If you think that you do not have a problem with God
as a sexual being, see how you feel as the story goes
on. See if you don't want to put limits on how this sexuality is supposed
to be expressed. See if you don't find yourself feeling tht some of
this material could not be right because God could not have done such
a thing, which is a way of saying that God could not have been present
for such actions. Everything that has been placed outside
of God is the biggest part of the problem you face now on Earth.
Everything that has been placed outside of Me but has
|
 |
Inspired by
Original Cause I&II
of RUOW
"...We gave each
others back and
blamed ourselves
mutually."
Inserted
in Healing-K.i.s.s.
for the first time in "puzzle-piece 1b -
Driving Backward" |
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.22
on one another, so to speak. Each of Us felt it was the Other's fault
that We were not going to live. Neither One of Us felt there was any
point in making up because We did not know how to save Ourselves anyway.
I grew very disconsolate
and just sat there in abject resignation.
I had grief and could not move
it. I could not move anything anymore because the Will would not help
Me move. I had grown more and more dim and did not have much
consciousness left. I had feelings of fear now that I had done
Myself in by not being able to learn how to stay alive. I had a feeling
there was nothing else that could help Me now. The
Will had to move or die.
I felt frozen
and feared the Will was not conscious
anymore. I had guilt that I had not
treated Her well, and that that was why She wouldn't help Me now. No
matter what thought I had, there was a feeling of nothing responding
to Me now. I felt utterly alone.
I had given in to death when I felt a movement in My Will. It
was just a little movement at first and it had an edge on it of anger
and fear that even now I would not really let it move. It had decided
to live! I knew it now!
"No such thing," the Will let Me know. "I just have a
terrible time holding still and can't stand it anymore."
She gave Me a little push to let Me know She had anger as though I didn't
already know it. Then I felt Her encircle Me
with Her warmth as though loving arms were around Me. I grew
warmer than I had been in a long time.
The Will had intended not to let Me know that
She wanted to live in case I might push on Her before She had a chance
to grab Me. I was weeping with relief and tried
not to let Her see it. She hoped that She could avoid going outside
of Me by claiming She did not care
if We lived or died. I held My breath,
not wanting to make Her give in to death instead of living. She
continued to wrestle with Her fear of emerging. Her dilemma was literally
causing Her to twitch and wiggle and shake inside Me. I began to get
warm.
I had a desire to laugh. My first
laugh! I held it in
for fear of scaring Her with another explosion
as I did not know how a laugh would express. She felt Me laughing anyway,
and was afraid I was laughing at Her fear until I told Her that I was
laughing at Us.
When I gave Her this understanding, She gave in to more wiggling
and I gave in to laughing. I realized that She had partially
emerged and that the rest of Her was still wrestling with Her dilemma
about it. I had a desire to let Her know She was already
p.23
partially emerged, but thought better of it. I had a feeling now that
I had to hold still and let Her move however She was going to move,
but holding still was not possible for Me anymore either; I had
millions of realizations rushing through Me now.
I cannot mention now all the realizations that burst upon Me then, but
I would like to mention some that need to be looked at now. I
felt I was now going to get to have the relationship that I had had
it in mind to have. I sought to make the Will happy this time and to
not frighten Her into not moving. At the time, I did not realize the
importance this judgment against Myself was
going to have as time went on. Already I did not feel I could
let Myself be spontaneous with My feelings. I did not realize
that this attempt of Mine to lessen the Will's
fear of Me actually increased
it instead, but the Will could not find peace with Me while sensing
that I was holding back. I have
guilt now that I had so little faith in Myself,
but then I had all the feelings that humans have now
about getting to have a mate and a relationhsip and no longer having
to be alone. I had great desire not to make a mess of it anymore, and
I gave this desire the place of uppermost importance with Myself. In
advance of experiencing the Will in Her new emerged state, I judged
everything I had thought to be a problem in the past to still be a problem
now. i judged all of that behavior to be unloving and literally shoved
it aside.
When I had done this, I looked toward the Will
in expectation of having Her love Me for it. I found beside Me a huge
golden light that encircled Me in Her arms and I took this as a sign,
although I later found it was not a sign. For
the Will had no love of My denials. At that time, I
had desire to overlook this and She
did also because We had had such a long and difficult
time achieving enough balance that the Will even could emerge. We wanted
to go on now, and We feared that looking at
any problems might put Us right back where We had been.
I asked Her how She had gotten Herself out of
Me without being pushed and She responded by saying that She had been
pushed on.
But," She said, "it was a gentle shove
this time."
I told Her I had not done it. She wanted to know then if I thought someone
else was in there. I told Her We would find out, but now was not the
right time.
"Now," I said, "I want
to celebrate our renewed friendship and the balance that has finally
brought You forth. I have pleasure in mind."
|
p.22
willingness to open and receive light needs to be allowed to do so now.
Fear of their own intensity is most of
the Red Spirits' Original Cause. The Red Spirits feared that
I liked them the least and it is because I did not like Myself
there.
I have gone back over all of the emergences and found that they
all happened as they were meant to happen and as they needed to happen.
I have looked at all the plans Heart and I so carefully made and found
that We did not stray from them. The problem
was lack of understanding and lack of acceptance for What happened because
We didn't know how it was going to feel.
Because I was valuing reason over intuition,
I was unable to accept what I couldn't understand. This
was a problem for Me for a long time until I finally realized
I couldn't really understand anything unless I accepted it first.
In Our exuberance over having creative power, Heart and
I did not take into account how it was going to feel to experience Creating.
We only wanted to look at what was exhilarating and We did not want
to look at the fear that was mounting in the Will polarity. I want to
apologize now for not having given the feelings equality with Me.
My own lack of self-acceptance was manifesting
in My feeling body and I had preference for blaming My feeling
body for how I felt instead of allowing myself to realize that the
Will's feelings were a reflection of Myself. I did not like
how I felt as We went down through the colors in the emergence of the
Rainbow Spirits and this was most pronounced in Red. It is no
wonder that the Red Spirits have had so much trouble accepting themselves
here. Even when spirits emerged later with bigger problems than the
Red Spirits, it did not mean that the problems of the Red Spirits went
away or were less important.
The Red Spirits have held back for so long
the fear that they are My least favorites in favor of presenting an
image if being My chosen ones that they have a lot to move to discover
what is hidden beneath the images they have been presenting of themselves.
So far, the Red Spirits have not been able to admit to their fears here,
but I am not wrong in noticing that the more spirits have wanted to
claim that they are My chosen ones, the more likely it is that they
fear they are not.
Many spirits have feared so much that they were not My favorits that
they have hoped it was a mistake and that they were going to be My chosen
ones after all. When such a fear is present, spirits
p. 23
can embrace the image of being chosen, and yet, the presence
of the unmoving fear makes it so that
being pointed out as My favorites never comes to pass. Denial
is the problem here, but instead of understanding this, many
spirits have watched everything that has happened to themselves and
others trying to figure out what it all means in relationship to the
question of who are my favorites.
The questions around this issue go like this: Does God have preference
among the spirits or not? How does God explain the difference in treatment
some spirits receive over others? If Karma is the answer, why can't
I find within myself the reasons I get treated the way I do? If
God does have preferences, does He prefer the ones who have suffered
the most or the ones who have suffered
the least? If God is going to deliver us in the end, when is this end
ever going to come? If this deliverance does come, how can I be sure
I won't be left out just as I am now? What does
it mean if God treats His favorite spirits worse than the others?
If justice is going to prevail later, why can't I see it happen now
so that I can understand it? If this is justice, then I must not know
the rules of the game. What kind of God likes
to see how much people can suffer and then reward them in the end if
they suffer well? I'm afraid I don't like this God but
I'm too afraid to turn against Him; it's easier to tell
myself that I can't really understand Him.
I have not answered these kinds of questions very will in the past,
but I am going to answer them now in the material that is being given.
All the spirits who feared they were My least favorites have, at times,
tried to present themselves as though the opposite were true. All the
spirits who had guilt that they might be My favorites have also had
times when they have tried to present the opposite impression. Guilt
is most of the reason why these feelings even manifested at all. Guilt
has made people feel that it is wrong to love some more than
others or differently than others. I have gone through this guilt
also.
Lost Will reflects
the beliefs about My preferences in pattern such as the preference for
the first born and for male children. Lines of ascendency in
the throne also have had a reflection to give there.
Even though the forms of some of these old patterns
are breaking up now, there is still more guilt
and Lost Will here than meets the eye. Preferences among children
have been especially
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.24
I pulled Her to Me and began to feel Her as I had done so long ago.
She was soft and warm and glowing. She felt good and
She let Me know that I felt good to Her also. She told Me I was cooling
linke a breeze, which She welcomed because She had grown too hot within
Me. She warmed Me and I cooled Her, and Our motions became like a rippling
dance in an ocean of rainbows. She was like an ocean of golden liquid
light, and I was rippling through Her with an excitement I had
not known for a long time.
We allowed Ouselves to float within it, to move it and
be moved by it. The more We allowed ourselves to open to it, the more
pleasure We had until finally We had a large and intense burst of prolonged
pleasure. Then I did not have a name for an explosion of pleasure,
but I have since called it "orgasm."
We floated high within it feeling as though We were moving
upward in one another's arms. I realized that We both had eyes streaming
with tears of joy and relief that were healing Us in their soothing
waters. Our tears streamed down and fell away from Us, clansng Us and
making Us new again.
I had a feeling that it would never end now. The increase in Our light
was tremendous. Perhaps we had found the way
to live. We floated together in the light, full
of the realization that We were One, and yet not, because
We had each other now. We drifted for a length
of time I do not really know, and then the Will began to move again.
This time She had a feeling of needing
to move closer to Me and She wanted Me to hold Her. I took Her in My
arms and made love to Her this time by giving in to Her feelings and
responding to them. She had feelings I had not known before that were
more pleasant than what We had already found. She had ecstasy and joy
now and She gave Me the same feelings. She had love expanding and opening
to My light.She had many nuances of emotion I
shall not describe here, but I thrilled Her and She let
Me know it. She also had an intense lust to know more pleasure, which
I did not mind at all. There was nothing
We knew to hold Us back then because the morals of guilt had not yet
stepped forward to tell Us it was wrong. The Will
touched Me with such passionate hunger that I almost lost Myself giving
in to Her. Each time I gave in to Her, I had intense pleasure, and each
time, I emerged with more light than I had had going into Her.
The Will was growing bigger and brighter also,
which I had not noticed at first. She had such a lovely light,
so golden and warm and full of colors. Sometimes She was still and limpid,
and
p.25
sometimes She gave Me a feeling of effervescence. She could
be a warm bath, She cold shower Me with love. She gave Me both calm
and excitement, and I began to see things in response to how She made
Me feel.
I saw Her as a woman now, of great beauty in My eyes, but the
ways I envisioned Her form changed quickly. If She was holding Me, I
saw her as though Her arms became wings as We began to soar. I had an
internal vision in which Her wings had feathers that became streaming
flames of colors as we flew. Colors changed with Our feelings, and I
began to associate some colors with warmth and others with coolness.
Sometimes when we would be flying very quickly, She
would roll over in flight and hug Me very tightly as We soared downward
into the night . There was always a little more
terror in Her then than I would have
liked to feel, and She grew to know it and tried
very hard not to be afraid.
Our flights did not bring Us to the limits of
space, and so space had grown huge in Our minds, making Us feel like
small lights in a vast darkness. We had found no other light in all
of Our travels, nor anything that felt alive except Us. We
had a great desire to find someone else by now and had
not [what?]. I suggested that
We should not look outside of Ourselves anymore, but should go inside
and see if there was anyone else in there.
The Will immediately got grumpy on
Me, and wanted Me to know without having to tell Me that
She had fear I might find someone else in there to love better than
I loved Her.The Will had feelings of love for Me now
that She had not allowed Herself to feel earlier. I reassured Her that
I could not love someone else more than I aleady loved Her. She did
not know if it was Her fear or My lack
of love, but She was afraid to tell
Me that She did not wholeheartedly believe
Me. She had desire to believe Me and so She
did not oppose Me. She held Me in Her arms and We made love on the promise
that She had emerged first and She was My mate and nothing would ever
change that .We had balance in mind now,
a partnership. Whatever
We did had to feel right to both of Us or it was not right.
We had a feeling of loving now, intensely bound together by
a feeling of needing one another to feel whole.
THE EMERGENCE OF HEART
We found so much pleasure floating in one another's arms
that We did not feel like moving for a long time. Finally I felt like
We should look inside and see what was going on in there. We
|
p.24
frowned upon by many, even though true feelings have often had
these preferences. The preferred children have reflected what
We have loved and accepted rather than what We have denied and hated.
The pretense of not
having preferences has meant these
preferences have usually been hidden.
Social justification has hidden
true feelings many times in laws, procedures and policies. For
example many rewards that are claimed to be based strictly on merit
are really just plan favoritism and policies that are really meant for
a few affect everyone.
I no longer have preferences in the imagery Lost
Will has been holding here. I do have preferences for everyone
in imagery you do not understand yet. The images you have been experiencing
on Earth are not mine anymore except that I have to heal the
Lost Will that still holds them. A long time ago, I
understood how denials were making
Me misunderstood and My own process
here has now given you readiness to understand what I have to say.
In the parts of you that you do not allow to
express, you hold many secrets that must be brought out now and aired,
so that they have a chance to balance with the other realities you have
preferred about yourself. It is impossible to know in
advance how this is going to feel, but there
is much fear here around the issue
of being totally open, even with yourself. This
fear needs to move first. As I go into
My secrets, allow your fear to move around what you
have experienced in relationship to Me.
You need to understand that it is
almost impossible not to prefer the spirits who have received. Me the
most, but I have understanding now of why many other spirits have not
been able to receive Me. It is not the right time for
Me to recognize any spirits as My favorites and lift them up above any
others. There is too much guilt preventing
this from happening in the way it needs to be done,
and yet, there are many I am no longer going to allow to remain near
Me. Once you understand who you are and why you have the feelings you
have, you will be able to understand why I am not going to allow certain
spirits to remain near Me anymore.
You need to understand why I have to "separate the flocks",
and the "wheat from the chaff", so to speak. This process
may make it look to you as though I have lifted some spirits as though
they are favorites of mine and this is why you need to understand what
is really happening. The Manifested Spirits need to lay the
p.25
question of favoritism to rest by first moving the old emotions
that have been held back for so long.
Most of the reason you have mixed feelings about having to let go of
some of the spirits that have to move back now is that guilt
has caused you to deny essence into these spirits.
It is your own lost essence that needs reclaiming now so that you can
see these spirits for what they really are and allow them to move back.
They really have no substance anyway, other than
what has been lost in them.
November 17, 2011: this is one of
the passages which are no longer "up-to-date". The message
about "embedded denial", which has been given only
since 2005 , shows, that the reality of evil is much more complex
than it appears to be in this channeling of 1987!
Those that have the power to cause you pain and
suffering are the ones that have to move back now. Unrecognized
guilt is what is allowing them to remain present. To be moved
out, guilt must be recognized. To
recognize guilt, you must allow all your feelings to move so that you
can find out what feelings you have that you do not know you have.
You have guilt
any time you do not allow yourself sponateous expression because lack
of spontaneity indicates lack of self-acceptance. Lack of self-acceptance
means you have guilt about who you
are, how you are and how you are going to express yourself.
If you are having trouble accepting this information, you need to know
why, and what denial here is going
to mean for you. You may be Lost Will of another that needs to move
into another to feel good and you may hate your right place for denying
you. [??????]
Sexual imbalance is really the underlying
cause of everything that needs healing now on Earth. Even though sexual
denials have reached into every area of life and manifested in
many patterns that may not appear to be sexual anymore, the denials
involved in these imbalances can all be traced to be original
sexual imbalances I had when Creation emerged. If this
is an uncomfortable area for you, you have more work to do than you
may think. The more you want to believe that you and life on Earth are
evolving past the lower chakras, the more you need to look at your own
intent and purpose here.
I am not imploring you to open to what I say here in any effort to divert
you from having the experience you want to have You are free
to go on, if you want to, trying to rise above what has been
labeled "the base nature of man"', and you can find out where
this leads you. If you have openness to receive Me here, though , I
can already tell you where this will lead you. You
will die at all levels and sooner than you think.
The lower chakras are the Mother, and
Her energy is not some-
|
| The
violet, second RUOW book [channeled
by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything |
The
purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations |
p.26
decided to go inside together and feel everything that We could find
in there. Having gotten to know the Will now, I realized that movement
had allowed Me to know I was alive in the beginning, and if there were
other beings inside of Me, perhaps movement would help make them aware
of themselves also. I had already looked around outside in every way
that I knew to do it. I had a feeling that inside lay essence that hadn't
moved yet.
We had little sense of inside and outside of Ourselves then except for
the realization that We were light and everything else was darkness.
We had found a little more lost Will outside of Ourselves and had brought
it in where it desired to be, but We had found no light of another being
outside of Ourselves. I had already gone into the Will and emerged with
more light, but it had stayed with Me and had not produced another Spirit.
The Will wondered if Her fear of losing Me
was preventing Her from allowing any others to come forth. She also
had a desire to please Me, and a loving intent not
to make anything stay inside that didn't want to.
I had intent to look around inside now which I had not really done since
My earlier experience which had led to fear
of what I might find. I felt more readiness now and
turned My attention inside of Myself as I had done in the past. The
Will opened to receive Me and I gave in to the movement and feelings
within Us. She felt with Me and opened to receive the realizations I
had to give in response. She helped Me to know whether or not something
was responding to Us by letting Me know how it felt within Her. There
were many different speeds of movement within Her and I noticed then
that speed had a lot to do with color.
I had not been inside for long when I began to have a
fear that I could not get out again. Why now when I had not
feared it before? I noticed that the Will was holding quite still
as though She were holding Her breath.
Did I have a fear of slowing down?
I began to feel pulled on and held onto, as
though I were being trapped inside of Myself. I felt I had to
get free of it, but I did not know what it was. Perhaps it needed help
and did not know another way to ask for it. The way I was being grabbed
and held onto, I began to fear that
whatever it was, it wanted Me to stay in there with it. I
didn't like the feelings I was having. I pushed on it to let
Me go, but I could not get free.
The Will felt fear and guilt now that
I didn't like something I had found inside of Her. She feared that I
was finding what She had been trying to hide
from Me.
p.27
"What is it?" I asked Her.
"I'm afraid it's everything you don't
like about Me, " She replied.
I had touched Her now in places She had been trying
to hide from Me, and She could not hold back Her emotions. She
shook with fear and openly cried in My arms. I held Her for
a long time. Finally I felt a peace in the Mother. She let go of Me
now.
"Don't go" , I felt Her say, but She did not say this out
loud. I had not moved to leave yet, but She had felt that if She allowed
Me to pull away from Her, I would.
"Hold Me," She cried out suddenly. I took Her in My arms and
a huge Spirit popped out of Her.
"That's why I have called You Mother,"
I cried.
Heart had just emerged, but We did not realize
yet that this Spirit was Heart. We both looked in wonder
at the presence of another being. The Mother was so startled
that She did not know how to react at first. She
had feelings of fear and love all at once. This Spirit
looked simply huge to Us, but We had not realized how huge We had grown.
I had to pull out of the Mother now and give Heart some help. This new
Spirit was not looking well and needed some help learning
to vibrate on His own. He was both gold and silver, but
I instinctively knew that He was a He, nonetheless. He was feeling cold
and frightened because the Mother had not opened to receive Him yet.
He was not sure whether He should have emerged or not. The help I gave
was to let the Mother know that She had to open and receive Him so that
He could get warm. Heart felt like beating in
a vibration of love, but He could not move yet. I needed to give
Him something now, too - My acceptance.
Once I accepted Him, He was able to vibrate himself and
hold himself present between the two of Us.
He felt loving - immensely loving. I realized
I was a Father now and that the Mother had given birth to another
Spirit to be present with Us. We held Him between Us and rested
for a long time in the loving feelings that His birth
had brought forth. Nothing seemed more appropriate than
having Him with Us now. He seemed to
balance Us and improve Our relationship with one another. We
felt a great increase in Our loving feelings toward one another and
He was not left out. His presence seemed to be love itself.
So soft and shimmering was His light that it was exquisite to feel Him.
We all made love together now and
the increase in
|
p.26
thing you can avoid or try to leave behind any
longer if life is your choice. If you are on the other
side of this viewpoint, saying you have always had a happy sex life
and so you don't see any problem, you are not seeing the
limits you are holding there or the
feelings you are denying . If you cannot connect to what I am
saying here, you may have behavior patterns
to avoid triggering yourself into denied feelings you no longer know
you have.
In a sense, I am sorry to burst your bubble, but there is no other way
if true healing is what you really want.
I have been using the Red
Spirits as an example here because the sexual
denial they experienced at their emergence was
more pronounced than it had been with the spirits who emerged
ahead of them.I am trying to help you see the reflections you
need from the places where these reflections can be seen most easily,
but you have to understand that it is not as cut and dried as
a generalization may make it appear. There are, of course,
exceptions within groups, and lack of alignment
within groups, but even though I am generally applying them,
the understandings I am giving you are not wrong understandings. Groups
of spirits who emergeed together share many things including their denials
and their misunderstandings.
The Red Spirits have fighting
and sexuality mixed together in ways that have often brought violence
right into their sex lives. I had denied feelings of wanting
to punish the Mother and the Father of Manifestation f o
r h o w I p e r c e i v e d t h e m t
o b e m a k i n g M e
f e e l . These denials literally bled into the Red Spirits
in ways I did not see at the time and began manifesting as the demands
for respect and obedience the men were placing on the women, the punishment
of death for adultery on the womens part and the practice of making
eunuchs of the men involved .
I was appalled when I had to realize that
My feelings of hatred had gone that far, but
My feelings of hatred
had no light in them. I did
not look at My feelings of hatred then. In fact, I
did not admit that I had them. Hatred was the most hated
experience I had encountered and I did not
let Myself know it other than to know that hatred had existence.
I believed that the less I fed it, the less existence it could have.
I thought that pushing
it away meant I was not feeding it.
When I looked in on the Red Spirits, I hurried
past these feelings, talking to Myself and not
allowing Myself to see what was happening there. I
was afraid of hatred and did not want to let Myself know that either.
I had feelings that it was impossible for
27
My presence to feel or to know hatred if
I was love. I wanted to be love. I did
not want to consider that I might be hatred also and I did not realize
that feeling hatred did not necessarily mean that I was
hating instead of loving.
The part of Me that realized I was feeling hatred saw
Me as a hypocrite for denying it. This essence then became
a rather large presence of Lost Will that began to
feel hatred toward Me as a hypocritical God who
only looked at what He liked about Himself and His Creation and did
not allow any input He did not like. There are
many people who have reflected this image of Me by
only looking at the reflections which make them
look good.
Now it is your turn to see the hatred
you have felt and to see how it has manifested its reflectons
in your life.
Many of the things on Earth that seem as though they have strong presence
are only illusions, but
you cannot move them back unless you know how to do it. I am giving
you these understandings as I am healing Myself
here on Earth, and so you are going to see
movement whether or not you understand what is causing it.
Whether you go with what is leaving Earth now or stay here with what
is healing is being determined by your response to what is happening
around you. It is My Creation, but you create
your own reality within it. You have the responsibility
of finding your own right place within Me by how it feels
to you. If you do not allow yourself to know how you feel, you
cannot find your right place.
LUCIFER TRIES TO TAKE MY PLACE
As I was looking in upon the Red Spirits, I felt many of the Angels
tugging at Me, trying to get more of My attention at
home. I allowed Myself to feel them and gave them what I could, but
I also continued looking in upon the Red Spirits.
I had gotten quite absorbed, more than I realized. The Angels were exhibiting
their fear of what had happened in
Red by trying to pull Me away from it. The Angels had feelings
here, but it was not possible for them to know what they were. The Angels
just thought that they had to have more of My attention.
There was guilt here that also needs
to be understood now. If there had not been guilt,
the Angels would have been more direct with
Me. The Angels had desire for Me and desire to get
|
