duel of magic.
They took with them whatever effect the duel had had on them,
but they managed to escape further direct experience
with the dark wizard.
All the Spirits that were present at the duel of magic
were either denial Spirits that had an interest in overpowering
or they were Spirits that feared greatly,
whether they had denial for their fear or not.
All the Spirits that saw what happened to the Light wizard
in the duel of magic
now had fear struck into their Hearts.
He had essentially been overpowered by his own denial,
but the misunderstanding at that time was
that he had been overpowered by the dark wizard himself.
This misunderstanding gave the dark wizard a lot of power
he would not otherwise have gotten.
He had successfully created the illusion
of having overpowered the light wizard with his own power.
He has continued to do it ever since.


He has also continued to be a master of form change
and has remained powerful only because of people's denial.
He needs to leave Earth soon
and he is needing to have his stolen power taken back from him
by the ones that gave it to him
by believing that he had more power than they did.
He is going to go to his right place,
but I do not want him to take any more power there than belongs there.

I would like all of you to end your own denial
and let go of everything that does not feel like it belongs to you.
Let Me have the final word here
by accepting My need to put everything in its right place.
Accepting and letting go can be protected
if you ask Me to put everything in its right place.
Then the dark wizard can go to his right place with only his own energy and you will have all that is yours with you.
I have to tell you that if you cannot let go of denial and accept yourself, you will have to go wherever your denial takes you.
Heavy denial is going to go with the dark wizard,
and all other denial is going to go to its right place too
which is going to be someplace near him.
Fear involved here that I am now threatening you is not My intent.
I am the one that has been and still is warning you.
I am just telling you what is happening,
I am not making it happen.
You have Free Will;
I am explaining
what you have been creating with your own Free Will
because of the denial that is present.



The rest of what I want to say on Pan right now
is going to give more understandings
about the denial present on Earth today

2010-page 89 ["The Land of Pan"]

The Spirits having fear of the dark wizard
held this fear within themselves and did not express it
because they did not have the self-acceptance or understandings
they needed.
They tried to live their life
the way they had been living it before the duel of magic took place.
In order to do this, they had to deny many feelings, especially fear.
Then, they repeated the pattern of the light wizard.
They all tried to continue doing what they had been doing,
and in trying to change form,
they all got themselves stuck to varying degress in varying forms.
When they tried to get out, they found that they had to do it
in the same way that the light wizard had had to do it.
They did not understand how it could be
that the dark wizard had so much power over them.
They did not realize that they were doing this to themselves.


The dark wizard, of course, had no problem taking the credit.
He was at work trying to increase his power in any way he could,
and if other Spirits wanted to help him do it,
he saw that his methods were working.
He increased himself this way
until he was looking more powerful than anyone else on Earth.
He was so obnoxious to the Spirits who did not like his ways
that the only ones who wanted to go near him were those
who shared his insatiable lust for control and power over others.
This reflection gave Earth Spirits many more judgments
that need to be looked at now.


I did not intervene then
because I saw that these experiences were necessary
in order to gain certain understandings,
and yet I have felt the pain of everyone involved.
I know all of you on Earth very well
and I could see
that even though you had pain and suffering,
you had to learn for yourselves
why sacrifice' or denial of yourself in favor of others
does not work.

Pan changed after this duel of magic.
It was still very beautiful by any of today's standards,
but it now had a more dense form of light.
The manifestations and changes took longer,
and they all took more effort.
Instead of calling a reality to them,
Spirits now found it easier to go to that reality.
Certain settings began to settle into certain places on Earth,
and Spirits who were having trouble agreeing on their surroundings solved it by leaving the surroundings in one place
and going back there when they wanted to.


Many Spirits that still wanted the freedom of form changes
began having trouble doing it.
Many got stuck in forms that limited them
in ways that they had never before been limited.
In many cases, Spirits who thought they desired a particular form

LEMURIA


The separation and disconnection
that took place between the Spirit and the Will during the time of Pan
led to the next two major experiences on Earth.
Lemuria took the side of the Will, and Atlantis took the side of the Spirit,
and both civilizations tried to prove
that the polarity they believed in was superior.


The Will felt very hurt over being blamed for the problems in Pan,
and so wanted to try breaking off and evolving on its own.
This is not really possible,
but the attempt was a necessary experience.
If judgments had not been present with this experience,
the Will would have evolved back to the Spirit and reconnected.
At the time, though,
Lemurians could not release their pain over what had happened.


Lemuria was called the Motherland
because it was attuned to
feelings, intuition, receptivity and responsiveness.
Many of the Spirits whose home planet is the Earth lived in Lemuria
and evolved the Will to a high degree.
Because of judgments against the active or positive polarity,
Lemurians looked at themselve as children.


Lemuria had a lovely civilization in its heights.
It was set in a subtropical garden that had no insects or reptiles.
Flowers and fruits were everywhere for the picking,
and no one ever had to think about what he would eat
or how he would get it.
The political system made sure
that everyone was housed and clothed and fed
and given whatever they wanted.
There was so much that this was no problem.

Pottery was a developed art and so was fresco painting.
The houses were compounds much like the Spanish adobes.
They were plastered white with a plaster
that resisted the subtropical rains.
There were baskets and soft mattings to sleep on.
The people learned how to move huge rocks
and even do sculpture by using sound

2010-page 92 ["Lemuria"]


LEMURIA

The split and disconnection
that took place between the Spirit and the Will during the time of Pan
led to the next two major experiences on Earth.
Lemuria polarized to the Will, Atlantis polarized toward the Spirit,
and both civilizations tried to prove
that their polarity was superior.


The Will felt very hurt over being blamed for the problems in Pan, Feeling it could not rely onSpirit,
the Will felt it was going to have to go on, on its own.
Ultimately, this is not really possible,
but the attempt was a necessary experience.
Because of the judgmens present ,
the Will in Lemuria was not able to receive the Loving Light of Spirit, release their pain over what had happened
and reconnect with the Spirit there.

Lemurians called their land the Motherland
Many of the Spirits whose home planet is the Earth lived in Lemuria.
The name Lemuria calls lemurs to mind,
but the Lemurians were not lemurs.
The people were small and brown, slender and lithe,
but they had no tail, and they were not covered with hair.
Although the Will still held a great deal of pain there,
the split between Spirit and Will
had given the Lemurians a feeling of freedom
from what they had been experiencing
as the admonishing presence of Spirit,
and not feeling continualy judged,
they were able to evolve the Will to a high degree.
They enjoyed this time of feeling
as though they had more self-acceptance,
but they also had feelings they held in the background
that feared this was not alright with My Light
and that they were going to be punished for this.


Lemuria had a lovely civilization in its heights.
It was set in a subtropical garden that had no insects or reptiles.
Flowers and fruits were everywhere for the picking,
and no one ever had to think how daily needs were going to be met.
Everyone made sure that everyone was well taken care of
and had a place in the housing compounds.
These compounds were much like Spanish haciendas
that enclosed lovely gardens in the middle.
They were plastered white with a plaster that resisted the subtropical rains.
Pottery was a developed art and so was fresco painting.
Groups of people often made combinations of the plentiful foods available,
served them in large pottery dishes and offerend them to everyone around.
They made baskets and soft mattings for sleeping.
The Lemurians had whatever clothing they wanted for fun and adornment, but clothing wasn't a necessity for them.
The Lemurians were again able to feel like children playing and having fun,
and they often made music and danced for hours everyday.

directed by the Will.
The Spiritual teachings were given to everyone,
and the understandings since lost about the Will
were known then and taught.
Their Hearts were open as far as Will energy was concerned,
so they were very warm as was their climate,
but they were a little possessive.
This possessiveness manifested as a pride in their way of life
and in their consciousness as it was developing.


The people were small and brown, slender and lithe.
They were happy to be recovering again
and felt they could do anything they willed themselves to do.
They were able to leap and soar, jump and somersault,
and they could do anything in the trees and vines that they wanted to do.

They were like lemurs , and so the name, but they were not lemurs. Many, however, were people
that had been trapped in the monkey family in Pan.
There they had learned just what monkeys do,
and later had been restored to their consciousness
in part as a result of their acceptance of the state of consciousness
they had inhabited in monkey forms.
Many others to whom I had given human form were there too.
In Lemuria, they were then able
to recover much of their lost understanding, but not all of it.
They were a very high people though,
and they were very joyful and loving and accepting of everything
except their own Spirits
which they judged had deserted them to their earlier fate.
They felt they had evolved out of their predicament in Pan
without the help of their Spirits,
and they did not want to let their Spirits come back
and reap the benefits of Lemuria
after they had seemed to escape the pain of the earlier entrapment.
If it could have been accepted then,
Lemurians would have learned how to clear out this polarization between their Wills and their Spirits
and rejoined in the fullness of man's being,
but it was not.

Higher and higher the Lemurian culture spiraled in its evolvement
until it completely exhaused its possibilities
without the Spirit's presence to give it new inspirations.
The judgments were not being released about the Spirit,
and in fact were being made over and over again.
The Lemurians refused anything that didn't feel like their polarity.
Will was being very reactive
and yet, at the same time, feeling its own potential and beauty.
Lemuria was given a long time to see if it could restore

without the understanding of how to release it.
Some of these teachers were then sent out into the wild
as sacrifices to the dinosaurs.
Undermined Will
kept the teachers from being able to save themselves.
As a result, the teachers died a physical death
and were then trapped along with those they came to help.
The judgments they made about what death was like,
along with their other judgments and the judgments of the Lemurians, began a pattern of persecuting and even killing those
whose ideas aren't mainstream ideas.
Release of the judgments can change this.
Some understandings needed here are
that a person needs to keep himself free
to leave any situation that is not to his liking,
and that unconditional acceptance of the situation
and of all the participants insures exchange without regrets.
[I don't understand this]

No question about it,
feeling only the Will energy to be acceptable was a problem for Lemuria, and when it degenerated,
the Lemurians became the savages
that the basic self is so often pictured to be.
The Spirit wasn't allowed to be present
to bring the understandings needed,
and I was even banaished by then
as the Lemurians blamed Me for their plight.


Without the guidance of the Spirit,
the Lemurians became more and more frightened,
They had no weapons or means
to combat something as immense as the dinosaurs on their own.
The dinosaurs destroyed all of Lemuria's beautiful vegetation,
and the Lemurians were driven underground to protect themselves.
By the time that the Lemurians were living underground
and dinosaurs were destroying everything on the surface,
the Will was so undermined again
that it did not have the power to combat the dinosaurs
in the ways the Lemurians could have
if they had believed it was necessary earlier.

By this time, the Will was wallowing in self-pity
and there was not enough Spiritual presence to lift it above this.
Then the mental capabilities of Lemurians
began to seriously deteriorate
until they were like the cave men
that modern science has discovered.
Some, however, remained more intact than others
and they were shown the way to escape from Lemuria by Me.
I gave them a reed boat design that could withstand turbulant water. They built these boats and left Lemuria in search of other places to live.


The Indians of the Western United states
and into Central and South America

and many of the Polynesians are the descendents of the people
that fled Lemuria in this way.
They all have legends about this
and their legends are accurate
according to what they themselves experienced.
If there is disagreement among these legends,
it is because the small bands of people
had somewhat differing experiences.
But, they did all escape Lemuria
and then Lemuria sank and took most of the dinosaurs with it.

In its height, Lemuria brought the Will very close to recovery,
closer than it has been at any time since then.
It was a great sadness to many that it could not be healed then.
I am not saying Atlantis was not great,
but Atlantis did not accept the Will the way Lemuria did.
The Will needed to realize, however,
that accepting help is sometimes necessary.

Even though it has been a long time,
these past experiences are not cleared yet.
The understandings needed about Pangea and Lemuria are many;
rest assured that you will feel these things in your own consciousness
if you experienced them.
Seeing the understandings is only part of it though;
the feelings
need to be brought forward into the Spirit's consciousness as well. There are many judgments from these experiences
to which you need to connect.
Connecting to your own experience here
will trigger the release of the feelings.
Allow the feelings,
don't just judge them to be a permanent state of affairs.
Don't judge them at all;
the feelings you have are only the feelings
that were appropriate to the situation at the time.
Free the feelings and they will give you understandings
that can in turn allow release of the judgments.

Here are some more of the judgments
made around the Lemurian experience:
God is not really a caring God;
God is not really omnipotent or He would have taken care of us;
God is cruel;
God is punishing us for being bad;
God tolerates disobedience to a point and then all hell breaks loose when his anger can no longer be contained,;
God is an angry, judgmental God;
God is not fair;
God does not intervene on our behalf any more,
God thinks we are not worthy.

Many that went to the polarity of Atlantis
made judgments against the Will as Lemuria was going down.
If you were there,
you can find in yourself all the judgments
you still hold from this experience.

ATLANTIS

Atlantis was the next major civilization to develop on Earth
and was located on a huge continent now under the Atlantic Ocean.
A popularly held image is
that Atlantis was the highest civilization ever to exist on the Earth. Atlantis was a brilliant manifestation of the polarity of the Spirit
and most of the people holding fond memories of Atlantis
also have a strong affinity to the polarity of the Spirit.

The Atlantean civilization began to develop
while Lemuria was still in existence
and was peopled by those that had become disenchanted
with the polarization to the Will in Lemuria
and by those that had had serious misgivings
about Free Will from the beginning.
The Atlanteans sought to elevate all manifestations of the Spirit
and at the same time sought to control the intuitive, feeling polarity.

The Atlantean approach to life
showed this polarization in all of its aspects.
While communication in Lemuria
was mainly body language and telepathic communication of feelings, communication in Atlantis was quickly developed
into verbally articulate expressions
of complex thought patterns and visions.
Many in Atlantis developed the power of their mind to the point
where they could focus thoughts and visions into crystals
and store them there for later presentation to groups of people.
Music in Atlantis consisted mainly of intricate melodic patterns
woven with voices
and accompanied by instruments that were also melodic.
Music in Lemuria emphasized drums and rhythm.
The buildings of Lemuria were earthen
while Atlanteans built refined palatial structures
of highly polished stone.

Frescoes, mosaics, sculptures, weavings, pottery, jewelry
and all other art and artisan contributions to everyday life
were highly refined examples of visionary brilliance in Atlantis.
Glass ware and the carving of stones and gemstones
became highly developed arts.
Atlanteans felt it was important
to consider, refine and develop the expression of the creative impulse. Everything Lemurians built and created, on the other hand,
expressed the spontaneity they valued so highly.

Travel for Lemurians consisted of
walking, running, swinging through the trees
with the help of branches and vines and leaping

Table of Contents


THE REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS TO GIVE......1

THE EARLY DAYS WITH THE ANGELS .....31

DEFLECTING THE FOCUS BY PINNING BLAME ......52

MORE LIGHT IS NOT NECESSARILY BETTER .....57

I ALLOW MYSELF TO SE THAT THE GAP HAD TAKEN IN MANY THINGS
    I HAD NOT NOTICED ......................................................................60

THE FALLEN ANELS ............................................63

REALITY IS THERE IS LITTLE TIME LEFT ......74

ORIGINAL CAUSE ...........................81

LUCIFER...........................................90

THE UNSEEN ROLE OF DENIAL..........................95

UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED ABOUT GOING TO EARTH............................107

THE RONALOKAS JOURNEY TO EARTH .....................................127

IN ALL OF THE TIME ON EARTH, NO PROGRESS HAS BBEN MADE.......... 143
  [includes a story about Jesus and his fragments]

THE WILL FEARS ITS OWN DESIRE..............................164

OPENING SAPCE ...........................173

THE WILL MANIFESTS THE GAP ...............................176

THE RONALOKAS HAD ALREADY GAPPED BEFORE THEY LEFT ME...........................182

YOU HAVE GAPS TO HEAL WITH ONE ANOTHER ...........................191

BODY WILL LET YOU KNOW HOW YOU NEED TO MOVE ..........................194

I WITHDRAW ..................................195

HEART TRIES TO WARN ME THAT HE CANNOT STAY MANIFEST ...............199

THE MOTHER TEARS MY HEART APART .....................................202

ANOTHER LOOK AT THE ANGELS .........................................211

GIVING THE ANGELS WHAT THEY NEED ....................................218

p.100

Godhead in manifestation. The way they have been treating the people is just the way Spirit denials have treated Will and Body. Spirit here has used the power of the mind to dictate to Will and Body, while at the same time lamenting dictatorships as though Spirit has nothing to do with originating them. Spirit people on Earth have embraced the same denial image of spirituality the Father Warriors are acting out in a state of denial in the more material realms. Just as much as you have believed in control and discipline of Will and Body, they have called for more and more of the same controls. They also reflect your denied desires to punish Will and Body for not measuring up to what discipline and control are demanding of Them. They even reflect the desire to get rid of Them by tryring to replace Them with technology.

Just as much as you want to say that the Spirit image you have is giving the right teachings and Will and Body aren't learning it, so the Father Warriors have reacted with more discipline and controls in the schools, the work-place, and society in gerenal, even reaching more and more into the home because people are not learning and living the way the Father Warriors believe they should. The more you have denied your anger about not being able to make the Manifested Spirits follow your lead the more the Father Warriors have manifested this denied anger in wanting to force everyone to take the path they have decided is right for them.

Just as much as you want to insist you are right in the view you have, the Father Warriors insist they are right in the view they have. Just as much as you deny doubt and do not ask yourselves if something is wrong with your beliefs, The Father Warriors do not ask themselves the question, "Why? What is wrong with the structures of our society that so many people are failures within it?"

Just as your image of enlightenment is saying that only a few can attain enlightenment, the Father Warriors are saying, "Only a few people can have what it takes to succeed in the world. If the rest can't be successful, it is their own fault. They just don't want to make the effort."

Every belief you have is being reflected "out there" if you will but look at it instead of insisting that it has nothing to do with you. [June 26, 2012: Ya'acov claims, that claiming that Healing into Wholeness - myself and Creation - is our assignment, also because , as I say, the root of all misery and evil in the world is denied Will - is just a point of view, just a belief. How indeed can we differentiate between a fact - like there's a sun above us which nurtures all life, and a belief?] What the Father Warriors are doing has everything to do with your own denial of the Will. The more you have denied freedom of the Will, the more laws they have passed accordingly, until now, almost everyone is defined as a criminal of some sort or another, or feels that any movement to stop denying their Wills will define them as outside the law. This is the reflection of your belief that any movement in the Will, other than cheerful compliance with the dictates

p.101

of Spirit is unacceptable.

The Father Warriors now have such a police state, and so much military presence, to try to control what has been made lost Will, and therefore, oppositional, criminal or evil, that they themselves are showing signs of being overwhelmed as though they aren't going to be able to deal with it on Earth much longer. They are showing the signs of being overwhelmed by lost Will and they aren't admitting to it any more than you are. Just as you are always having to do more and more for your health and your spiritual practices in your effort to attain enlightenment, they are always having to do more and more to control outwardly in society what you are dumping out.

Just as much as you have been planning to leave Earth and abandon your lost Will, the Father Warriors hope the space program will provide them with the way to leave Earth. Just as inner peace in your image of enlightenment is being taken at the expense of the Will, so lost Will is being forced by the Father Warriors to pay for its own harassment, its own imprisonment, and even its own abandonment at the expense of its own needs. Just as much as everything you can muster is being focused on your efforts to lift above what is happening on Earth, so is the entire population being forced by the Father Warriors to give everything to the efforts of a few to lift themselves to the heights they seek. If you seek escape in the inner planes, the Father Warriors build escape fortresses inside the Earth.

The leaders of the Father Warriors live like prisoners without allowing themselves to notice it. They are unable to walk the streets or to go anyplace without bodyguards. They claim their leaders must be guarded this way because they are so important, but it is because they are so hated. If they were loved, no one would want to kill them, but most people do not seriosly consider this because they have become so narrow-minded they do not even think it is possible to please all of the people at once. Anyone who has seemd able to please the many has been among the first the Father Warriors rushed to kill. The Father Warriors do this because they do not want people to be free to find the balance point. They do not want the balance point to be found for fear of what it will mean. The reflection here for the Spirit Polarity is this: You also have a vested interest in keeping the balance point from coming into consciousnes.

While the Father Warriors are using material means to protect themselves, the Spirit Polarity people are thinking they are more enlightened and loving, and therefore, superior to the Father War-

p. 100

the unlovingness that could see things this way. She thought I was the unloving One not Heart. This increased My distrust of the Mother. How could She see Me this way when I was Her mate? Why couldn't She see Heart more clearly? Why was She that easily deceived? Was She that unable to look at reality or was She protecting Heart as I suspected? I felt I had to watch Her now as though She were in on the power play with Heart and be careful of what I said to Her.

Already She was not receiving Me here and it looked to Me like She had more feelings for Heart than She had for Me. I didn't know how much My jealousy of the Mother's relationshsip with Heart was making Me fear She wanted to replace Me with Him, but Heart also had something in His feeling body that He denied in favor of His definition of love because denied Heart has clearly shown a lust for power.

There was a feeling of distance between Heart and Us that made Us uncomfortable. I was uncomfortable because I was looking for Heart to help Me form the bonds I had been unable to form with the Mother, but Heart was not moving to embrace he Mother the way I had hoped He would. Something was causing Heart to hold back and watch the Mother instead. It was only when She moved toward Him that He embraced Her. The Mother seemed especially vulnerable to and self-conscious about the distance She felt between Herself and Heart. In all the places where She did not like Us and feared there was no love between Us, She feared Heart did not like Us either. She felt ashamed of Us and especially of Herself in front of Heart.

The Mother wanted to avoid these places with Heart in favor of the love that was there. She wanted to make Heart feel welcome and close the distance between Us by making Heart aware of how much love She had for Him. She wanted to admire Heart, revel in the feelings of love that He held and rejoice in the wonder of His presence. Once She moved to embrace Heart, She was happier, for a while, than I had ever seen Her. Once She moved past Her initial problems with Heart, Heart allowed Her to scoop Him up in Her arms as though He were a small child and dance across the Heavens with Him kissing and hugging Him as She went. I was so extremely happy that Heart and the Mother were bonding in this way, that My Light did not know I was jealous then, but I was and both Heart and the Mother felt it.

It was hard for Me to get Her attention anymore. My efforts to pursue the relationship we had before Heart was born fell upon

p. 101

unresponsiveness in the Mother. She seemed consumed with what was happening with Heart to the point of relating to Me only about Heart. I felt I could not approach the Mother with any of My impressions of Heart because She became defensive. It was Her feeling that My Light didn't really love Her and so anything I wanted to say about Heart She interpreted as My not liking Heart whenever He took after Her, or not liking Her parenting of Heart, but I knew She also didn't like My Light in many ways and didn't like Heart when He reflected these aspects to Her.

These issues didn't gain direct expression, however. In the little time We spent together without Heart, we usually moved with Our need for sexual relationship, but even this was not the same since Heart's emergence. Not only was the Mother continually distracted with concerns about Heart, she was so uncomfortable about sexuality now that We had a Son that I could not make love to Her in the ways i wanted to. She was nervous, distracted, self-conscious and uncomfortable if He was present and nervous, distracted and unable to stay present with Me for long if Heart was left by Himself apart from Us.

Even though there were also other reasons for Our uncomfortableness, sexual guilt seemed to be Our main problem here. None of Us were able to find a comfortable way to approach Our problem areas directly. When Heart was with Us, He often had the uncomfortable feeling of wondering if We were holding back things between Us because of His presence, and often We were. When He left Us, it often felt like it was because none of Us had found any other better way to handle the situation and that Heart felt unincluded more than that He just wanted to be alone.

The Mother was never satisfied with what happened here. When Heart left Us, She anguished over denying Heart in favor of Ourselves and when Heart was with Us, She sooner or later passed out of periods of feeling good about it, into feelings of rage, which She seldom expressed directly, about denying Ourselves in favor of Him. Heart did not know what to do because His flow was being affected by all the held emotions. He felt buffeted by the winds of His Mother's emotions and when I tried to set guidelines for Him, that didn't work either.

I was trying to encourage a flow here where Heart would feel like being by Himself at times so that the Mother and I could be together; but the Mother had such a problem with the idea of Heart being alone that I could not get Her to be comfortable with me whenever this happened. She constantly wanted to check on Him

p.102

riors, because they use light to protect themselves from negativity. They are convinced that they are more loving, and therefore, meeting a more loving reflection.

Spirit Polarity people are looking only at what they want to see here in the same way the Father Warriors are looking only at what they want to see. Just as hated by the lost Will as they are, you are also. You have not met your reflection yet because the real role you are playing here of empowering the Father Warriors to kill the lost Will has not been seen yet.

It could be seen this way: No matter where Spirit Polarity is on Earth,
[ the following cynical description has been quoted by me already 10 years ago
in puzzle-piece 46 "Light&Love&Peace&Joy?"]

"Spirit Polarity people retreat as far as they can
from the reality of the Will
and use their affluence and influence to do so.
While they live peacefully and well
behind whatever barriers of protection they feel they need
from what they view as the crassness of the world,
the Will people struggle
in the mess of guilt and darkness on Earth
trying to survive.

"Spirit people look into shining crystals
reflecting the light in their beautiful gardens,
listening to gentle sounds
of wind chimes, birds and sparkling fountains,
playing New Age music
that spaces them out into meditative states,
feeling powerful and right
because their choices have led them to the lives they have,
while so many others
are not demonstrating the innate ability to make such choices.
They believe it is because they have more spiritual power
that they can manifest such realities for themselves

and they see others as less creative and less talented. The Father Warriors headquarter [is?] in what they proclaim to be the greatest nation on Earth. Their national pride is no more pleasant than your spiritual pride.

"Meanwhile, in the streets,
outside of these little Godheads of their own creation,
lost Will of these spirits
fights it out with guns and any brutal weapons they can get,
robbing and killing one another
in their desperate attempt to grab whatever light they can get,
be it money, power, the means to money or power,
or drugs to escape their pain.

"Inside the doors of their little Godheads,
Spirit people feel annoyed
if the sounds of the sirens manage to penetrate,
and they seek ever more quiet places
in which to feel that
whatever is going on "out there" has nothing to do with them.

Although it may seem like stretching it to say this, it is the truth:

" Spirit polarized people, including the Father Warriors,
are taking in most of the wealth left on Earth
and using its nourishment to look better than the rest of the people on Earth.
Spirit polarized people are using their wealth to buy health,
the leisure and the means to study the fine art
of how to leave Earth so they never have to come

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here again..."

You believe it is the Warriors who want to do battle and that you are pacifists who want to avoid war, but you are battling everything they don't like out in the world. You think the Father Warriors are the only ones into destruction, but you are focusing light like a laser beam to destroy, restructure, or repicture whatever is not to your liking. Your justification for this is that you believe you have the consciousness to do this right with the same denials the Father Warriors are demonstrating in justifying their use of radioactivity, laser beams and other light forms without allowing guidance by the Will, you are applying the light to change everything you do not like without taking responsibility for what you are really doing here. Just as they do not want what they are really doing to come into the consciousness of the people, you do not want your actions to be known for what they are either.

You are viewing standard A.M.A. Warrior medicine as crude and suppressive of physical symptoms while viewing yourselves as taking the healing arts to a higher level, but you are, in your own way, just as suppressive to the moves Body really needs to make to heal. Instead of allowing the movements in the Will necessary for Body to heal, you are suppressing emotions and handing body an ever lengthening list of what Body can and cannot do to retain the health you demand in order for Body to serve you better.

You are viewing illness as an enemy, or darkness, within, that must be moved out by the light . Even when Body is allowed to surface symptoms it is almost always with the idea of moving a problem out of Body, rather than realizing these illnesses are manifestations of lost Will breaking down in the Body because Body cannot hold them anymore. What is not being allowed to come into consciousness here is the realization that, while it is right that body cannot hold these things as they are, allowing them the movement they need would open them to receive the Light, which would then allow healing that would keep this essence in its right place within the Body, the Body of God. But using Light in this way would mean allowing this essence to enter the consciousness, and this is what you don't want to allow because disease within is the micro origin of the macro lost Will reflection without. You think that being able to manipulate it or send it away means you are safe. Not being able to heal it is one thing, but I am questioning your intent to receive Me here.

You say you see how emotions are causing illness because you are blaming them for illness, but it is the blame and suppression these emotions are receiving that is causing the illnesses, not the

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to see if He was alright. When she wasn't doing that, She was listening to see if He seemed to be alright, and when she wasn't doing that because I wanted Her to be more present with Me, She had many other forms of distraction going on that all had to do with Heart. I began to wonder if She felt empty, abandoned or missing some part of Herself since Heart's emergence. In spite of Her vehement position to the contrary, I thought She was acting as though She wouldn't be happy unless Heart got back inside of Her and stayed there without making Her feel too pressured.

I didn't think the Mother was really serious about this image the expression of Her feelings was giving Me here, but I wasn't sure. I felt sure it was affecting Heart and She was making Me feel like I needed to call the way She was acting to her attention and see how Her feelings responded. When I did, She looked at Me like I did not understand Her, but said it was just Her motherly feelings, and so I told Her she needed to let go of Heart. The Mother did not like this and told Me She would let go more when She was sure He was alright.

I didn't know what She was so worried about. I kept telling Her there was nothing "out there" and that perhaps Heart would like some time to be alone. "After all," I reminded Her, "We were alone in the beginning." But nothing I said here settled Her down.

I told Her it was My feeling that Heart had held back His emergence as long as He could and that He wanted to expand into His own being now. I knew Heart had felt Himself increasing as Our love did, and that as much as He had enjoyed riding the waves of it from within, He had also wanted to burst forth on a wave of it, but had held back His spontaneity. I felt that Heart had held Himself back for a long time, and holding back didn't feel right to My Light.

I wondered why Heart was holding back. The Mother feared Heart disliked Us and She had the impression that Heart was unsure of Himself. I saw these things in Heart also, but I thought the Mother's interpretation of these things was beng affected by Her own feelings of being ashamed of Us and of being unsure of Herself.

I thought Heart's feelings of being unsure were not feelings of being unsure of Himself, but of being unsure of expressng Himself in Our presence because He distrusted Us. I was quite certan Heart distrusted Us, but I did not know why. There was so much I felt Heart was holding back, that when He did not respond other than superficially to the Mother's efforts to bridge the gap with

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Him, I decided I would have to look into this more deeply.

Heart had all the symptoms here of role confusion. I had a feeling He did not know who He was or where He fit in. I saw that He was Our child, but also that He entertained fantasies of making love to the Mother, and that He had similar feelings toward Me at times. Heart did not know how to move in any of these areas. The child He was did not feel real, but Heart as lover did not feel right either. Poor Heart! Here He was, full of the feeling of wanting to be, and of being, the loving presence between Us, and He could not find any place of way to be with Us that felt right all the way around. How could He help if He did not know how to move in the relationship between Us, and how could he move here if We didn't know how to move?

I felt Heart's distrust of Us and thought that perhaps this was making Him uncomfortable with Us more than anything else. I felt that Heart had blame for Us that he was not letting Us know about because He thought it was unloving. Heart had many feelings He was holding back because He thought they were unloving. He had thoughts, too, that He was not letting My Light know. I wanted Him to be open with Me, but I could not get anyplace with Him on this because He would reflect to Me that I wasn't open about all things with Him. If I said this was for Hs own good, He said His reticence was for My own good. This made Me very uneasy, and I did not think Heart was made as uneasy by My similar statement, but Heart would not admit it. It was as though Heart was saying, "This is My space and I don't want You coming in here unless I invite You."

I thought Heart wanted to make love to the Mother, not so much because He was Her lover as because He had fantasies about what it would feel like and because He felt left out without a mate of His own. I did not feel like Heart wanted to make love to the Mother because He loved Her the way My Light loved Her. I felt like Heart's love for the Mother was more sycophantic than Mine. I could not abide His behavior in Her presence. I felt He flattered Her and praised Her more than He really felt like doing for reasons I could not understand. I felt He was patronizing toward Her. He acted loving in every way He defined love in His mind, but it did not feel real. Heart was not giving Her the feeling He really felt which, I thought, was a hatred for Her feelings most of the time. And the Mother was so self-conscious with Heart in My presence that it was as though She had become imprisoned in some sort of slow motion warp. I did not know what They were doing with

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Emotions themselves. yet, when someone fails in their healing, it is, according to you, because they weren't able to maintain their positive focus well enough.

At first. emotional expression can cause illness, especially expression of deeply denied emotions but this does not continue if you are really healing these emotions by moving out their guilt and moving into real acceptance.

There is a huge gap in which your denials live personified, reflecting back to you what you have not wanted to see about yourselves. In your state of denial, you have wanted to insist you are right. You have not been able to see that you are in a state of denial. The gap has not been able to see it is in a state of denial. There is a big gap between the rhetoric of the Father Warriors and the reality over which they preside. There is just as big a gap between your rhetoric and your reality, a gap that is widening.

I am not saying that your level of taste and refinement is wrong or that nothing you do is right, but you need to become able to see The Unseen Role of Denial to be able to understand why you are also so hated by the Will Polarity that needs to move rage toward the Spirit Polarity now. The Will is going to have a lot of hatred for you that It is going to have to move if it is allowed to come into consciousness now. It is the reflection of your hatred toward the Will.

Just as much as the Father Warriors fear being overrun by the lost Will, you fear it also. Just as they have maintained readiness to do everything they can to stop it, you also have believed you must maintain a constant vigil against your lower nature. If you cannot come out of your deadlock position that you are right and that you have nothing to learn from lost Will, the Father Warriors cannot come out of their deadlock or give the reflection of what the presence of Light instead of judgment could do in their essence.

The gap is not seeking the balance necessary to live because it is convinced, same as you that it does not have to seek this balance to live because this balance isn't necessary. This gap kills anything that looks like a threat to its own survival without realizing its own survival is intertwined with that which it kills. The Father Warriors do not want to find solutions for any of the problems on Earth because they believe their own survival is caught up in perpetuating the gap. The gap deliberately skips past the balance point and creates new imbalances in any pretense of a solution it presents because the gap believes it is involved in a kill or be killed struggle for survival.

Gapped rage does not want to find out it cannot be on top

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anymore, If there is any movement toward balance and the end of the power struggle, the gap will have to let go of its position of dominance and superiority. The gap is imprinted with the belief that this terror cannot be faced and survived. This view has been empowered by Spirit light for so long, very little can be done outwardly until it is healed within, and this is what you are counting on.

The gap has to grow up and realize that this is not a power struggle between beings in which only the most powerful lives. It is a situation in which love and balance are needed for life. In these denials, love and balance have yet to be born. Just as much as the Father Warriors look like ugly, overgrown children, whose behavior is infantile or, at best, adolescent according to the judgments made against these ages, fighting for power and position with love yet to be born in them, so have you become so very similar in My eyes.

The gap is fighting facing all of this with everything it has, and it has a considerable arsenal by now. In spite of all the pleading of the Mother Warriors to give up the arms race, there has been no real movement on the part of the Father Warriors except to try to undermine or topple the governments who suggest this. They will stoop to assassination, even within their own ranks, and will use any means available to hold the line against lost Will, including nuclear weapons. They do not ask themselves what protection they hope to gain from weapons that would be too devastating, even to themselves, to use, because the gap is not rational, even though it insists it is. In their terror avoidance,they are focusing only on their desire to deliver the death blow to the Mother before She can rise against them and force them to feel what they don't want to feel. Since they view this as something that can't be survived, they view the Mother as trying to kill them by trying to force them to feel it. All the while the Mother has been trying to save Our lives, We have been trying to kill Her for it, and She never gave up because Her Survival Chakra wouldn't let Her, but also because She knew She couldn't live without Spirit any more than Spirit could live without Will. The stand off is between those who want the Kundalini to rise and give its return to Spirit and those who don't.

The Father Warriors have lost already and are not allowing themselves to notice it because they are clinging to all the illusions and images they have in material terms. You have lost already also if you do not move the lost Will they reflect, because you are also clinging just as blindly to all the illusions and images of power you have while refusing to notice what is really happening to you. You are sinking as surely as Spirit sank in the First Creation.

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each other that could be causing this unreal behavior, but it was very uncomfortable for Me to witness.

It felt like Heart was presenting the Mother in the way in which either He or She wanted Me to look upon Her, and was behaving toward Her in the ways He or she wanted Me to behave toward Her. At the time, I felt that if this was Heart's idea, He had a very childish idea of what the relationship between parents was supposed to be and that if this was the Mother's idea, I felt very undercut and betrayed by Her. If They had thought this up together, then I felt angry at both of Them because They did not address this with Me and because They were acting oblivious to Their behavior in such a way as to make Me think that They were not oblivious, but that They were doing this as a way to avoid having to be direct with me. Perhaps They saw Their role playing as some kind of power play. Iin any case, I was both hurt and furious and I left Them to play Their little game without Me.

[June 25, 2012- I wonder what the first parents and their child did in order to feel zest-full and full-filled beside their obsession with their relationship. This obsession served the need of Cain to feel worthy, or first: to know themselves, but they were not like flowers who are simply beautiful without needing to justify their existence . All the feelings described here are about : who am I? Am I as good as the other or even better? No feeling has to do with what makes me feel worthy independently from what the other thought about me or behaved towards me. But the story of Cain shows, that first he did create something and then he did give from he fruit of his work, yet this did not make him feel full-filled nor worthy. I want to know more about this inherent double need: to feel worthy and to feel full-filled.
July 18, 2012 - See the song "Secret Garden", that created itself in these 2 days]]

When I questioned the Mother privately about this, She said She knew it wasn't right but that Heart insisted upon treating Her this way in the presence of My Light and that the more She asked Him not to, the more He seemed to do it. When I questioned Heart about this, He said that the Mother wanted Him to let Me know the ways in which She didn't like My treatment of Her and that He thought this was better than giving My Light direct criticism. The lesson was not lost on Me, but I did not like the manner in which it was delivered. I did not know why the Mother and Heart could not be more direct.

I had many experiences with Heart and the Mother that made Me wonder why They couldn't or wouldn't be more direct, and the fact that They weren't, made Me trust Them less and less. I knew that Heart was having trouble with the Mother and I wondered how much of Heart's troubles were the Mother's fault. My Light determined to take Him over, not only to find out what was going on with Heart, but also to help Him by giving Him the support of His father.

There were many places where We were not open with One another and where We were not open with One another, we were not bonding with One another. In other places, we were not bonding well. Where we were not bonding, We were not connected and where We were not bonding well, Our connections were weak and easily broken. We had electrical leaks in Our circuitry, in other places, holes in Our energy field, and in some places, gaps that We could not cross , especially since We did not know We were

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forming them.

We already had more alignment and bonding problems than I would have liked to have had before the Father of Manifestation came along, but once He appeared, We had even more problems, and the problems We already had became much more pronounced. The complexity of Our relationships [sic] increased, and even though it was not yet apparent to Us because of the blind spots We had, the gaps, holes and leaks in Our energy field now became more profound.

The Father of Manifestation felt blamed as causal for this, but what happened is inseparable from Him. He is Manifestation, so it would follow that wherever He is, energy flows would become more defined. When He came along, it seemed to move Us farther apart from One another. In some places, We were actually so locked into Our viewpoints We could not understand how Others could have any validity to Their points of view. None of Us knew of anythng We had done to fuel the Others in Their views and therefore, we all felt unfairly blamed, unfairly treated and unfairly victimized.

Our perceptions varied from One another's and Our responses varied also, even sometimes when Our perceptions agreed. I wondered how alignment was going to come from this. For a while, I told Myself this was part of the process of individualization, but when We could not align on important issues and could not align, even on small issues, enough to go ahead without major problems along the way, I began to question whether individualization was the right approach. I even began to question FreeWill (sic). We did not know what was happening to Us. We were like cells dividing and We were in the very early stages.

When the Father of Manifestation came forth, Heart had many feelings come rushing forward that it appeared He did not want to let Me see, but nonetheless, I suddenly saw many things about Heart that I wasn't sure of before. He had an identity crisis because He feared it was unloving to feel as He did. He had an image of Himself as Heart and that moment, He did not think He was living up to it. Heart rushed through His feelings in a panic, searching for something He could find acceptable. When He found the "Brother of Mine' concept, He tried to quickly push everything else out of the way in an effort to fasten onto this.

In His panic and confusion, Heart held up His hand as though to stop Me from moving toward the Father of Manifestation in confrontational manner, but the fact of the matter is, I had not

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In spite of their resistance, the Father Warriors will finally be overcome by the terror they are seeking so desperately to avoid as you will be also if you resist Me to the end. If this happens in a state of denial, only the form of it will take place because you will hold your terror in a state of denial. You will not feel it unless you move to recover yourselves.

The form your fate is going to take is what you are determining now. If it happens that lost Will moves in a state of denial and does not come into the Light, the Father Warriors will go down fighting as hard as they can fight. If there is anything left, it will be much like science fiction already portrays life after doomsday.

This is not a very pretty picture and one most people avoid, but it is gong to be real enough for those who don't move their lost Will. Those of you who see this happening and seek to escape it by moving off Earth will not escape it. This picture will manifest into reality someplace else, but will, nonetheless, have the power to involve you if you do not move your lost Will. It is not Mother Nature that is the threat to survival on Earth; it is the gap and what it is doing to Her.

Now, I know that you think I am not right here; that either the masses of people on Earth are going to somehow align with you at the last minute, or that they or you will leave Earth. But how is this going to happen? Why hasn't it happened already?

You are going to determine your experience in what has to happen by how you move now. If you are going to take the position that My Light is going to make this happen for you and there is nothing you need to do to come along with Me because you imagine you are ready already, you will have the experiences you need to learn how ludicrous it is to think that it is just Me that needs to do all of the changing, growing and expanding necessary here and that you will automatically be lifted up due to your innate perfection. Even if you think this is just a childlike desire to have the parent rescue you from your own folly, you are going to have to take a closer look. You must do your part. Without movement on your part, rescue will remain a future promise.

If you think you are gong to cut your lost Will loose and lift off Earth, leaving your gapped rage and terror behind as some sort of going away present for the Mother, you need to realize you are not going to be allowed to get away with it. Wherever you go, your lost Will will be there with you until you learn that moving lost Will includes you. If you refuse to move your lost Will, the Mother will move what wants to move and it won't be yours anymore. The rest will go off Earth and draw you to the place where it is, which

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you will have defined to your actions as your own right place. As I have said before, at first, you will notice very little differene between the reality you are in now and the one you will be in then.

Just as much as you don't want to take Me seriously here, the gap is laughing at you. It laughs at you every time you have another 'New Age' event because it knows you have no real power over it, what it does or what it plans to do. The gap knows more than you do how you are empowering it, and plays with you like a cat plays with a mouse. You are in the clutches of your own unlovingness while proclaiming you are surrounded by nothing but love.

If the lost Will that needs to move here does not take you seriously, then you don't have the power to move it yet. You have so much of your personal power in a state of denial that you cannot have any real position of power on earth until you reclaim it.

As I have said, My Light is moving here already, and the gap will be healed as far as My Light is concerned. If you choose to move along with My Light, you have to begin right here with this story and open to movement in the responses you really have to it.

You're going to have to move into the gap between your rhetoric and your reality, including the feelings you have in response to the gap being reflected from the reality of the Father Warriors' world. If you want to heal, you are going to have to allow yourselves to notice that you have gotten trapped on Earth and that the trap is of your own making. You have gotten yourselves trapped in your own denials.

You also need to notice that death is not something you really want as a part of your reality, but has become the only means you really have to leave Earth. If it was so easy for you to leave by other means, you would have left already and you would not keep sinking back to Earth to have to try again.

What happens for you now is up to you.



UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED ABOUT GOING TO EARTH

As I have said, I watched the Ronalokas, or Gold Light Spirits, until it seemed they must have reached Earth. As they moved away from Me, growing smaller and smaller in the dark vastness of space, so many thoughts and feelings were welling up in Me that I almost could not watch them go. I made Myself stay present for them because I felt I had to see them safely to Earth.

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moved yet. I was in a panic and confusion of feelings Myself and did not know how to move. I allowed Heart to prevail here because of My feelings of wanting to be rescued from My panic and confusion, but in so doing, We went past many other feelings in favor of forming a bond and a partnership with the Father of Manifestation that, while not wrong n its outer appearance, was false, weak and superficial because the unresolved issues underneath did not give Creation the firm foundation of the strong bonds it needed to have.

Because I had so many of the same feelings as Heart when the Father of Manifestation appeared, it was a long time before I was sure what feelings were Mine and what feelings were also Heart's, but now that I have worked through so many of My own feelings, I know that Heart had many feelngs here that need to be looked at now.

Heart and I had many images and ideas of the Father of Manifestation which were not all correct, such as; My Brother, Heart's Uncle, Brother to the King, ascendant to the throne in some unorthodox manner, Prime Minister, overseer of the building of Our visions, worker, slave, carrier pigeon, emissary, adversary, rival, Our great temptation, adjunct, threat, competitor, the division of power, hated enemy, Creation, experience, Temple for My Light, oaf, beast, ogre, suit of armor, a form to use, sex maniac stealer of My woman (even sometimes in My temple), stealer of Heart's Mother, back door man, the affair, lascivious rapist, the lover who recognizes the value of My woman more than I do, breaker of families, cause of divorce, stepfather, Heart's rival for His Mother's love, the end of My Light, the end of My power, the descent of My vision, My Light, My form into the lowest vibration possible, the descent of Creation into bestiality, the Devil Himself.

These are some of the impressions that streamed through Us when the Father of Manifestation suddenly appeared and leaped upon the Mother in what felt to Us like a rapacious manner, without seeming to respect My Light, the Mother, Heart or anything that was going on already. He looked to Me like a wolf who had been lying in wait for the Mother to get near enough to pounce, but when She appeared to like it, I was thrown into confusion and distrust of My own perceptions, and of Her.

When the Father of Manifestation appeared Heart looked to Me like He was trying to hide the jealous, angry and frightened feelings of the lover both He and the Mother said He was not.

Heart felt that He was powerless to make My Light understand

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or accept anything He felt or had to say about the Mother. He said I wouldn't receive Him unless I already knew what He was going to say and approved of it. As long as He was an affirmation for Me, I loved Him, and when He wasn't, He said I turned away from Him. He said He felt just like the Mother here, in that He felt He always had to agree with Me and do what I said or He would lose My Light. He wanted to accuse Me of not letting Him be Himself, and of not letting the Mother be a part of Him, but My Light wasn't making any space for it. I moved past Him here, which made Him feel powerless and inappropriate, as if He was supposed to put His own feelings aside and respsond appropriately.

Heart still has many unresolved issues within His own feelings regarding the Mother, My Light, the Father of Manifestation , Our relationships with One another and His own relationship with Us. There were already splits in Heart, but there began to be big splits after this. Heart could not hold it together. How could He when already We weren't?

Heart felt He had respected the Mother when She had stressed companionship, commitment and all of the other values a relationship of love is supposed to be based on, as a forerunner to having sexual relations. When Heart saw the Mother with the Father of Manifestation, He was shocked, but He also felt She had lied to Him. He felt betrayed, tricked, used, played for a fool and rejected by a Mother who did not love Him enough, or have enough sensitivity to His feelings to be direct with Him Herself. Instead, She let Him get hurt this way and in My presence where He felt He had to hide it. He also felt His Mother was not honest about the feelings and values She had portrayed Herself as having and which She had stressed to Heart as important. In short, Heart feared His Mother was a hypocrite and a whore. He hated Her for this and both wanted to stop Her, and to taste this with Her for Himself.

At the same time that Heart wanted the Mother for Himself, He had also wanted a mate for Himself to appear. As much as He wanted this mate to be female, His problems with the Mother had also confused Him on this. I felt in Heart a deep distrust for the Father of Manifestation , which I also shared, but could not explain since it ran much deeper than anything that had happened yet. We were both also confused as to what the Father of Manifestation's emergence meant for Us sexually, except that Heart, in addition to sharing feelings with Me of being threatened in relationship to the Mother, also wondered if the Father of Manifestation was supposed

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I watched the Ronalokas until it seemed they must have reached Earth, but I really was not as sure as I portrayed Myself to be at the time. I did not think the Ronaloka were well prepared for venturing so far out into space. I hesitate to mention it, but I was not sure at the time if the Ronalokas had actually reached Eath, or if they had gotten themselves snuffed out instead.

I had confidence in My own ability to reach Earth because I was the One who had designed the opening of that space and Iknew very well We had opened that space with the idea in mind that the Manifested Spirits would not be able to follow Us into it. The Mother had barely been able to handle going there Herself. I did not see how the Ronalokas were going to escape the terror the Mother had felt on the way to Earth; and without Me there, I thought it might be even worse.

I knew I had not been moving much Light in the direction of Earth. I did not know exactly what happened to opened space when the presence of My Light was reduced, but I did know that I had in mind not to allow this space to be penetrable by others, even when I was not there.

The Ronalokas had so little experience of their own manifested existence, and had moved around so little in space since heir emergence, that I wondered how they were going to succeed in moving into space that had not been opened to receive them. I watched the Ronalokas for as long as I could because I had a strong feeling that without the presence My Light provided by watching them, they would not make it at all, but I did not look after them as closely as I might have, because I had such a great and growing pressure within Me that was making Me feel I must give in to it and go home. I let go of the Ronalokas when I could no longer hold Myself present for them, and turned back toward the Godhead and My overwhelming desire to go inside of Myself.

Even though they had departed with much bravado, I did not think the Ronalokas were just freely choosing to go to Earth as they claimed. It felt to Me more like the Ronalokas were being pulled out into space by the Mother, and I had grave misgivings about what this meant. If it was not the Mother pulling on them, then the Ronalokas had reasons for moving away from Me that they did not want Me to know about, or else there was a magnetic draw out in space for which I had no explanation.

I had also asked Myself the question of whether or not My location out in manifestation, and the heavy outward flow of My Light from there, might also be creating an imbalance that had something to do with pushing them out into space. The more I had

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tried to move toward them, the more the Ronalokas had moved back. I had much the same experience with them I had had with the Mother. I was reaching for them, but they were not taking ahold of Me and I could not get a grip on them.

I told Myself it did not seem to be the right time to get any closer to them, but I was also annoyed with the Ronalokas for not letting Me hold onto them. They were insisting they wanted to go, they needed to go and had to go. They also claimed they already knew how to move around in outer space because they had experienced it from within the Mother. They wanted to tell Me the same things the Angels were already telling Me; that they had had so much consciousness within the Mother, that they already knew everything and didn't need experience of lessons from Me.

"If they are the Mother, or so like the Mother as they claim to be," I thought to Myself, "why aren't they complaining about My lack of presence with them? Instead, they seem to be saying they do not want or need My presence, or the presence of any other spirits I might have wanted to send along with them."

I had a feeling that moving My Light back into Its right place was important, and might allow the spirits to come closer to Me again. I was concerned about the fear the Manifested Spirits had been showing toward Me. As I turned back toward the Godhead, I felt as I am feeling now, in the telling of this story, that the Ronalokas were holding back many of their feelings. I told Myself they must be very terrified of Me not to have even mentioned that they needed or wanted My presence.

"Perhaps I have been too overbearing with them," I told Myself, "like a parent peering continually over their shoulders, watching everythng, expecting too much. Perhaps they do just need more time." I told Myself I would look in on them later, because there was no point in frightening them any more than they already were.

I asked the Father of Manifestation to look after the Ronalokas, but I was like a man distracted, and left no opening for Him to ask Me how He was supposed to do this, since I had also just told Him not to go to Earth until He had given more help to the Rainbow Spirits. The Father of Manifestation did not allow any emotions to move toward Me here. He felt too overwhelmed to allow any additional burdens to enter His consciousness. What I said seemed to register and that was about all.

When I said this to the Father of Manifestation, the effect it had, without realization of it on either of Our parts, was that it helped a growing split in the Father of Manifestation to widen. Part of Him was already committed to staying and helping the spirits in the

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to have been a mate for Him, and if so, what was the Mother doing?

Heart tried to move past all of these feelings quickly by turning to Me as if everything He was feeling was a reflection for Me that was asking Me why I was letting this happen. Didn't I love and respect the Mother enough to intervene here?

I did not know how to move here. I had strong feelings of wanting to confront the Father of Manifestation, but I also had strong feelings holding Me back. They were a kind of fear I did not understand at the time. I had many ideas about this fear holding Me back, and they all had to do with My already present insecurities about the Mother's love and acceptance for Me. Since I did not move any of these feelings, they remained, and for a long time I allowed Myself to be content that they were the reasons for My inability to know how to move here.

Besides all of My feelings and all of Heart's fantasies about the Mother that He felt were being dashed in the moment of the Father of Manifestation's emergence, all of Heart's issues with the Father of Manifestation as a child of the Mother and Me were rushing forward in Heart at that moment. Heart felt overwhelmed with heartbreak and with the terror that He had no right place, especially not anymore; not even as a child between Us, because it lookd like His happy home had just been broken up.

Apparently, it had looked to Heart like I was going to move toward the Father of Manifestation in a confrontational manner, for Heart held up His hand to stop Me from going toward the Father of Manifestation, partly because He could not, in His own terror of having no right place, also make the Father of Manifestation feel this way, partly because of His great fear of the Father of Manifestation , partly because He wanted to do the loving thing and partly because, like Me, He was afraid to move. Heart had some knowing about the Father of Manifestation that was not wrong, but there was more to it than that. Heart went past many emotions that need to move here, including opting for a parnership out of fear of what the Father of Manifestation might do otherwise.

This really needs to move because Heart's denials, along with Mine here, have many times punished the Father of Manifestation for things that were not His fault just because We feared Him. My Light is not involved in this anymore, but Heart has some of My Light trapped with Him in His judgments and denials that manifests as a heartlessness toward anything that reminds Heart of what overwhelmed Him when He first saw the Father of Manifestation.

Heart felt it was not possible for Him to accept a stepfather

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under the terms He felt He was being asked to do it. Heart felt resentment for My position here as a weak Father and resentment toward His Mother for introducing another man into His life in this way. Heart did not know what to do because love seemed to be dictating that He accept the Father of Manifestation, but He didn't want to.

Heart did not like His Mother's approach here at all. Heart felt it was tastelesss and insensitive toward Us all. Heart felt like the Mother was showing how much She disrespected Herself to even enter into something like this. Heart hated His Mother for this and did not want to let Her know. Why did His Mother have to have an affair and then try to legitimize it by trying to put the Father of Manifestation in a stepfather, or dual father, role? Why did He have to let a stepfather move in when He was happy with His life the way it already was? He did not think His Mother was fair either to Him or to Me. Heart has a furious rage at the Mother over this which He needs to let move, for no matter what awareness He had about the problems between His Parents, it was His Mother who made the first move to put a real outward split in His Parents' relationship.

Heart has many issues with the Mother which will get straightened out as understanding deepens, but this does not mean these issues don't need to move through the progression they need to take along the way. the Father of Manifestation also has many issues He needs to move with Heart involving His feelings that Heart never gave HIm any real space and only gave Him a phony reception. The Father of Manifestation feels like Heart has used Body any time Body had something Heart wanted, but has never really loved Him.

Heart has felt like He has tried to love the Father of Manifestation and has moved toward Him whenever They had something mutual through which They could relate, but this has felt to the Father of Manifestation like He has been used by Heart for certain things He has to offer. There are a lot of feelings that need to move here, but a lot of it is rage and the fear underneath which has created the distrust. Distrust is the main issue here.

All of Us had major distrust which did not allow Us to come forward with anything that could have brought greater alignment; distrust so great that We did not even let Ourselves know how We felt for many reasons, not the least of which was the fear that another might be able to perceive how We felt and take advantage of Us as a result of knowing this about Us.Most people do not let

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Heavens who needed His help, but part of the Father of Manifestation had desire to go to Earth, not only to be with the Ronalokas He loved and to help them, but also look for the Mother. Not being sure just what had happend to the Mother, the Father of Manifestation was worried about Her, but He was also allowing Himself to imagine havng some fun with Her.

Since it seemed the Mother wasn't supposed to be mentioned anymore, the request from Me that He go to Earth and help the Ronalokas seemed to be just the opening that was needed for a large amount of His essence. While the Father of Manifestation was pressuring Himself to stay with the Rainbow Spirits and give them what help He could, a restlessness within Him felt He must hurry up and finish because He needed to find the Mother.

He did not allow Himself to notice what was happening to Him as a result of holding back His strong desire to go in search of the Mother, and He still did not understand it later, when He had fragments of Himself approach Him and tell Him He was guilt and they were the Father of Manifestation. Imagine how He felt when there were so many of them He could no longer feel that He had any greater strength or power than they had. The Father of Manifestation did not like the feeling that He was not Himself, any more than He liked the feeling that He was guilt and nothing more.

When I turned back toward the Godhead, the Ronalokas felt My Light let go of them, although they did not know that was what was happening. They experienced it like a shock of a jolt that knocked them unconscious. Their journey to Earth had been perilous enough, but when his happened, the Ronalokas quite suddenly fell the rest of the way to Earth in a state of unconsciousness, and when they landed on Earth, they did not even know they were there.

I want you to recall this original journey to Earth because you need to move the emotions that were not moved then instead of holding them anymore. Then, you had feelings that the terror was too much for you, and if you gave into it, there was no possible way you were going to be able to bear it.

You hated this terror and you fought it with everythng you had. When you enter these feelings, you will most likely start by feeling terror of terror, and by fighting these feelings with everything you have. Then, you held back as much of your terror as you could, and still, it was more than you could stand. This increased the presence of a strong belief in you that you cannot allow youselves to feel this terror and survive.

[21/6/00-only this date is noted, but I know exactly that it was during the last - extremely hot - days of my lonesome and persecuted stay at my Salt Sea Springs] It is not possible to exert this much control over your emotions without losing parts of yourselves into fragmentation and losing

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consciousness in other parts of yourselves. Your emotional vibration has been seriously impeded by this and Freewill is not possible with this much constriction and compression in the Will essence. This lost Will must be allowed to move [le-na'a'ne'a ~ le-va'a'be'a]

It is not possible to move past feelings without meeting them in your outer reality. If you think you do not have these feelings, you must understand that it is not possible to meet an outer reflection of compression, restriction or limitation unless you hold these things within you.

You had feelings of suffocation because of the compression involved in moving so quickly from light forms into physical existence. Even though Earth was not as dense then as it is now, you descended from a place of more light than you have now. The speed of your descent was overwhelming to you, and you had no previous experience with this level of density to let you know what it was going to be like. You had imprints of emotion from the Mother and died as an embryo dies when the mother does, but you did not have the actuality of the outer expeience She had, and you were in varying levels of consciousness within Her.

When you fell to earth, you feared you were re-experiencing this but with the burden of more consciousness. You did not find it pleasant to experience an overwhelming, outer force compressing you into little dense bodies of physical form without knowing what was happening to you or how far this compression might go. As you writhed and twisted in resistance to what was happening to you, you felt your struggle was twisting and contorting your forms, but because of the feelings you were having, you could not help yourselves even those of you who made every effort to stop caring, or to let go of caring about your own existence, were unable to surmount your Survival Chakras' resistance to the feeling of being snuffed out.

Not knowing what was happening to you or why it was happening made the terror of the Will so deep here that you are not going to be able to move this terror all at once. Indeed, most of your consciousness here is lost and will have to be recovered. This lost Will is going to move as it can. You can help yourself recall it by establishing intent with yourself to open to these feelings whenever you can and in no matter what form they take when they start to move. Hatred for these feelings may be the first thing you have to move.

These feelings have been held back for so long that they became lost in the Will essence, repeating the experience of what this creates over and over because there has never been any movement or

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themselves know how much distrust they have because guilt is in the way of moving into these feelings. Society tries to keep these feelings out of the way by having precedures for everything. Everywhere We did not have trust, We had gaps, because without trust, there cannot be bonding.

Heart never opened to allow us to see what was happening with Him. He continually presented Us with images of what love was in His eyes. This presentation of Heart's never felt real to My Light, or to the Mother. There was always something missing here, which now I would call Heart's real feelings, but for a long time, we had too much guilt in the way to be able to press this point with Heart. We could not be real with guilt present. Heart gave Us the guilt reflection that He was more loving than we were and that He had the balance we were seeking, but couldn't accomplish without Him to tell Us what it was.

Heart did not express His feelings, and tried not to even let them show by absenting Himself from situations where He felt the most discomfort, and especially from situations where He might have to let Us know how He felt in areas where He did not want to let Us know. This , combined with His withholding of information both what He knew from Us and what He knew from His own experience, put even more holes in Our already leaky ship.

While there are many ways in which this is understandable, Heart needs to take responsibility for the part of Himself that was making these decisions for Us, and too many of Heart's decisions were based on His judgments about what we would and would not receive and also what He did and did not want to let Us know. These judgments were made beforehand while Heart was claiming He was not judgmental, and implying it was the rest of Us who were. Too many of Heart's judgments were being made on the basis of held blaming rage that Heart did a very convincing job of claiming He did not have. And so, the Heart which I hoped would bring Us together was increasingly participant in putting Us more apart.

But Heart, You never admitted You had any motives here. You have always tried to put Yourself above all the problems You felt were going on in the rest of Us by claiming You never withheld information for purposes of letting Our problems increase and magnify. YOU said YOu only withheld information because We wouldn't accept it. You need to admit to the times You moved past Your feelings of rage by leaving Us and telling Yourself it was no problem for you; if we had to act like this instead of llistening to

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You, then We could just learn the hard way.

Heart, You need to get moving here. You hae suppressed so much of Your emotional movement You don't even realize what most of it is, but the more the Mother and I get moving here, the more obvious it is becoming that You are holding a lot and it is bleeding out all over what You call Your love and making it feel like something We don't want to be around anymore.

Heart, You have buried so much, YOu are going to have to go back through it little by little, like peeling the layers of an onion, until You get to the germinating part where You need help, because no matter what it looks like on the surface, Your problems run deeper. Nonetheless, You have to begin where You are.

At first, the Father of Manifestation felt like a brother to Me most of the time, but the more the Mother aligned with Him instead of with Me, the less I liked Him. Most of My problems with the Father of Manifestation took on the form of denied jealousy. Because I didn't admit to this jealousy, I coudln't look into it to see what its origins were. I thought I knew what was causing My jealousy, but I was wrong. I blamed a lot on the Father of Manifestation that was not right. Heart felt Me here and decided that since I had the feelings I had, He was not wrong to have the feelings He had toward the Father of Manifestation . While on the surface We called Him brother, underneath We had created an energy field that was not receptive to Him or what He was about.

When Heart decided this was reason to allow Himself to be absent from the situation, I allowed Heart to stay at home with the Angels and be love present in My absence when We went forth into Manifestation. I secretly instructed HIm to guard against Lucifer taking My place and to closely watch the Angels who were getting involved with Lucifer; but I also felt I had no choice but to let Him stay at home with the Angels because He did not seem any more willing or able to move out into Manifestation than they were.

Heart had many undercurrents He was not admitting to then and one of them was His feeling that Manifestation was not pleasant for Him to experience. I could not understand why making love manifest should be unpleasant for Him. Why wouldn't He move along with Us when we were going forth to manifest Creation? I made up plenty of excuses for His behavior at the time, but His behavior bothered Me immensely more than I let be known at the time. Heart needed to move forth into Manifestation with Us in order to manifest love in Creation. The more He distanced Himself from anything that had to do with Manifestation, the

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response for this part of the Will of the sort that could really change what the Will has been holding here. All of this happened because I made the choice to ignore it, telling Myself this would give the lost Will the time it needed to learn from its experience. I did not realize the Will could not learn if it was not being allowed the movement necessary, and so all of this time, the lost Will has learned nothing except how effective repeated conditioning is in convincing the Will it can never change.

These feelings have been held back for so long, and have become so compressed, that they are very light deprived, and so, not only are they sick in a very real, physical sense of the word, but they have also become twisted in the form they may want to take when they first begin to express. Since these feelings have been held back from even long before the Will people manifested, the Ronalokas do not really know themselves or have a living memory of a time when they knew themselves because this time has never been. Even their most cherished images of themselves are only partial pictures of who they are in the sense of what they need to become now.

To help yourself get in touch with emotion that has become lost within you, your intuition will have to guide you to what you need in order to connect to this lost consciousness. It may be something like the compression you received initially.

Allowing someone to lie down on you and not get off when you want them to, or having someone simulate suffocating you with their hands may help you connect here. Isolating yourself in a dark closet might help. Stay alert to the cues you get from your own body but do not try to trigger yourself by recreating any situations that might become so real your life really is threatened, such as trying to hang yourself under controlled circumstances, or having someone press a pillow on your face, or cover you in any way that prevents being able to keep a close watch over what you are experiencing.

What you want to do here is allow the response you normally fight off. How much pressure you need is a measure of how much you fight these responses. Try to allow yourself to go into this with the least amount of pressuring possible.

You need to understand that there is not more terror than you can survive or you would not be alive, but there is almost more terror than you can survive, and within the terror itself, where consciousness was lost, the reality is, there was more terror than this essence could handle at the time. This lost Will has not been heard from since it went unconscious, because every time it has tried to move since then, it has experienced another death. All that

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has ever been heard from this lost Will is whatever it has been able to express before the gap gets it, which is not enough for it to heal or to be lifted by My Light into a healing space.

All of you in the Will Polarity, but especially the Ronalokas, hold this lost Will within yourselves. You feel it begin to stir whenever you try to change a habit pattern or make a change in your usual routine. What stirs at these times is fear of movement of any kind. This lost Will has not liked movement of any kind because all of the movement it has experienced so far has been unpleasant for it.

July 19, 2012: Was it part of my learning towards my "vocation to redeem Lost Will and to remove Guilt", that I always felt such a need for moving? For example, when my daughter visited me in my bus above the Sea, and down at the beach met the Director of Manpower, with whom she had participated in the great workshop "Joyspring" - this man, Aki Friedman, after listening to my plight of not knowing what I was alive for and not even knowing how to buy my bread - said: "We have a program, you should join it: learn computer at our cost and then work as a secretary." It was during the desperate summer 1988 (which included a histerectomy, but more so a devastating relationship with a woman) and I was thirsty for any kind of rescue. Still I heard myself say: "Me? A secretary? Me, who can't sit still on a chair for one hour?" - And in fact, up to this day I cannot sit still for one hour. I always find a pretext to get up in between sitting. - And , indeed, what about all my moving and wandering- my "lekhi-lakh" ? Yanina has been living in the same village , in the same house, ever since we met. She wonders about my outrageous memory for dates, "but isn't it logical," I said yesterday night..."that since I've changed locations ever so often in my life, I remember stage after stage and therefore date after date?"

This lost Will is holding itself clenched around the darkness and guilt it originally took in, because it has never known how to move these things out. Every movement it has tried has been more painful than the Will has felt able to endure. The Will also never wanted to endure this pain because the Will has never known if going into this pain would serve any purpose other than giving the Will more pain to have to feel. The Will has never had an experience that can allow It to know if It can move this pain out and really be healed of it.

The Will has never liked movement around the pain of holding guilt and darkness, and the Will has never known how to let go of these things without making more lost Will by also letting go of parts of Itself. The pain here is so intense, the Will has not wanted to feel it long enough to figure out what is Will essence and what is the guilt and darkness this Will essence is holding.

Spirit has rage at the Will for holding on to these things because the lack of movement involved is taking everything down. This is part of why Spirit has been exhorting the Will to let go of these things. The more the Spirit has exhorted the Will to let go, the more the Will has seemed to become frightened of any movement at all here. The Will feels It has never been given the acceptance and encouragement needed from Spirit to go into the movement It needs to let go of guilt and darkness. So far, the Will has been given more guilt whenever It has tried to allow this movement.

The Will has a rage at Spirit here that wants to scream, "I am trying to let go, and these emotions You hate so much are what I have to express to let go. If You don't like it, then come to the Hell I'm in and see what it is really lie here!"

The Will has not screamed this way until now because the Will was not sure if It was really right about this. Meanwhile, whenever Spirit has pretended to descend into the places where lost Will dwells, Spirit has been smug, and has not really allowed Itself to feel these places. Spirit people have gone there wrapped in their Light which cannot be penetrated by this pain. Spirit people have

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more I wondered what was wrong with My Son. Just when it felt like We needed Him to be more present, He was less present and I did not know why.

Many people have reflected My excuses for Heart by saying that Heart was just too pure to be able to stand the gross forms Manifestation was taking on, but these people are reflecting the judgments that Manifestation was the problem, not Heart.

Often , when I returned home, Lucifer was so close to taking My place that I felt panicked, and yet Heart acted like He had not noticed it happening. When I voiced My distaste for this to Heart, Heart acted defensive and argued that He was aware of what was happening, that My perceptions were not right and that Lucifer was not taking over My place. I did not believe that Heart was aware of the situation and I wondered why not, but even so, it was like arguing small details to avoid the main point. Lucifer was close enough to My place to be usurping most of what I regarded as Mine.

Instead of acknowledging My position here, Heart would give Me a guilt reflection in the form of undercurrents that felt like they were saying this to Me: I have understandings YOu do not have, You need to be more loving in the ways that I am, You are too possessive and quick to judge, You hand Me these situations and then do not trust Me to handle them, You are not evolved enough to share Your position with others who might also have something to offer there. You do not know what love is, You only talk about it.

I did not like this, but I did not say anything to Heart because I wanted to contemplate first. I could not understand His behavior given the loving feeling I had had from Him in the beginning. I did not move to confront Him because I was unsure of Myself, and also because , if He was what I feared He was, I did not want to have a confrontation with Him, I just wanted to move the way I needed to move.

I was already afraid I had a Creation happening without love and I was not sure if Heart was unable to be present because of this, or if it was happening because of Heart's lack of presence with it. Was Heart causal here or was He powerless in the face of what was already hapening? Something was definitely wrong, and I was not getting the help of anyone involved to help Me put My finger on it.

At the time, We bought this more than we care to now. Now, this is what I have to say to Heart. You are a product of the balance

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We had at the time of Your emergence. The rest of the balance You claim to have is a reflection of Our guilty feelings that said We should have had more balance than we had. You have been a perfect reflection of all the things My Light thought love was supposed to be and of all the things the Mother feared love was not because My Light did not accept these things from Her at first.

It's time You got real, Heart, and realize that the raging blame You have for others, but still want to deny as unloving, is no more, or less, than the blame We have for You for making Us feel guilty for so long, as though We are not loving whenever we have wanted to express Ourselves differently than You wanted Us to. Heart was supposed to be an expanding vessel of overflowing love, but Our experience with You so far has been more like an imprisoning constriction and dictatorial attempt to confine and define Us. It's been very oppressive and repressive, and to You also, more than You know.

Go ahead and move through the feelings of, "If We don't like You, We can go ahead and see how we like it without Heart." This has already been played out many times over. When You get through Your blaming rage, You will see that it made no more sense than You can see Ours did, but it is not possible to deny it evolutionary expression based on how rational or irrational it appears to be, because it has things to teach You. What these feelings have to teach, You are going to find out, are not wrong and there is no other way to get the lesson in a way that is real. You tried to exemplify a narrow definition of love and in that way tried to be a perfect child. It has been a painful position for You, but there is another side to this I would like You to look at now. You also have a rage that says We expected You to be perfect and gave You no space to be You. This needs to move so You can get into present time with Us.

We did the things You have accused Us of doing, and emotion needs to move around this, but it is time also for You to take responsibility for the things You have been doing that You did not want to let Us know about. I know that You were making a power play of Your own because You judged Yourself more knowing and, therefore, more fit than we were.

I know all the reasons for Your blame, Your rage, Your hatred and Your distrust and still I cannot move to let You take the Parental role for many reasons. You must learn now in Your struggle to accept Your role as child, for there is no way that can be changed. You are the product of the balance your Mother and I

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then acted like they have gone into the places where lost Will is suffering and have not had the same problem so it must be the Will's fault if It is living in Hell.

For example, many spirits who are not Ronalokas have incarnated into black bodies on Earth and have had experiences that resulted more from the way they were already vibrating than from the form they had taken on. These spirits have no real bodies anyway [?????] and have taken on many forms. These spirits have often made the Ronalokas feel even more ashamed of the problems they have been having by seeming to say, "See, you can rise above everything that is seeming to hold you down if you just try harder." These spirits have been more of a guilt reflection for the Ronalokas than anything else because even when they have inspired the Ronalokas to try hard, their success has been only temporary. Sooner or later, the reversals of lost Will have set in and the gap has gotten the Ronalokas again.

Just as much as Spirit has been right that something has to be let go of here, the Will has also been right not to let go on the terms Spirit has been presenting. The Will has not wanted to move here because of the pain and uncertainty, but the Will has also felt a distrust for Spirit's approach here, whether the Will could explain this feeling or not. As it turns out, the resistance in the Will to letting go the way Spirit has been pressuring the Will to let go has been the Will sensing the presence of this lost Will that does not want to be put out with the guilt and darkness.

If you haven't been listening to these stirrings in your Will, it is because you believe you should not give in to fear. Instead of giving in to your fear and allowing it to move, you have hated it for being there, mostly because you intuitively know that underneath these stirrings lies the terror of compression and suffocation you feel you can never move. You have been suppressing movement here in an effort to avoid ever having to feel this terror again.

As a result you have been going past this fear and meeting it in your outer reality in the form of everything that would suffocate the life from your efforts to move toward making any real changes in your life. When you don't allow yourselves to feel this fear until you are faced with a major situation, it is too late to move all that needs to move, and so you have gone down in the reversals your moves toward changing your life patterns have brought you. This has then seemed to prove to you once more that emotional movement has no power to help you. This is a repeat of your Original Cause.

The terror you are holding here is the same terror the Will felt

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upon leaving Me originally. When the Will originally polarized from me and fell in the darkness of space, the ability to vibrate was lost. The Will fell into unconsciousness and was not able to move until I found It and struck It violently with My Light. Many times, this is repeated when people do not know what they feel until they experience something intense enough to move them past their frozen places.

This frozen hardness in the Will is what needs to move now. If you allow it to move you will not need to meet the gap in any way that will harm or kill you like it has done in the past. What you will meet in your healing process is whatever amount of pressure or force it is going to take to gain movement in these frozen places.

Originally, I was magnetically drawn toward the Will without knowing it was happening. When I struck Her, I did not know it was going to happen. The resultant explosion brought the Mother back to the speed of Light almost immediately. The Will did not know it was going to happen, either. she had no ability left with which to know or respond. She experienced My Light as something that happened to Her like a great force striking Her that made Her explode.

Although the Will did not have time to consciously think of this, the Will leaped at My Light with the desperation She had been feeling when She went unconscious. The Will leaped out of Her terror as fast as She could. There was no anticipation here.[???] Emotional response in the Will came later.[???]

Everone, including the Will, holds this old image of how fast the Will came back up this fist time, .[???] and everyone has held this expectation ever since. .[???] There is rage toward what is perceived as the Will's resistance to moving into the Light this fast anytime the Will has a problem. .[???] This expectation and accompanying held rage has been making the Will feel guilty and inadequate, while also moving in a gapped state and damaging the Will's ability to move at all.

But, the Will did not like the sudden explosion She experienced, much more than She liked the feeling of suddenly falling into darkness and suffocation. The Mother did not know how to change Her levels of vibration this quickly and had no time to learn how She might do this. As a result, She suffered severe fragmentation, first falling and then leaping past many things She needs to understand now.

The Mother has a real problem with those who do not want to allow Her the time and acceptance She needs to be able to gain these understandings now, and Her problem is this: If yo do not allow

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have , or don't have with One another, no more, no less. If you move along with Us now, and go through all the feelings you have about the powerlessness of Your position in the presence of Parents who did not seem trustworthy with it, You will find that You are also evolvng into the loving Heart we, and You, want You to be.


THE MOTHER GETS TRAPPED IN HER OWN REFLECTION

Do not underestimate the fury of the gaps that resulted from the problems in the original Four Parts of God. Every Order of Spirits was gapped at manifestation and has remained so. The spectrum runs from almost no gap to nothing but gap. Within the Orders of Spirits, individuals manifested with varying amounts of gap. Those manifesting with more gap had greater problems with heartlessness, but those manifesting with little or no apparent gap were also warped by the fact that it existed. I paid the price of going to hell for this and as horribly terrified as I was, I also believed I deserved it for what I had done.

My path was one of holding back as much as I could and moving when I had to because of the lack of alignment between Us. God could not understand why I moved the way I did, but I felt suppressed and pressured to be what He wanted Me to be. He didn't understand Will or Body, and He felt the same in reverse, We didn't understand Him. The problem was that when We came together to improve the situation, We didn't really. All of Our agreements, no matter how good Our intent, fell apart whenever We got anywhere near the gap. Since We weren't able to put any Light in there, what was held there was left to become more and more adversarial (sic).

All the way along God viewed Me and, by the time We got to the Rainbow Spirits, the Father of Manifestation also, to be like people going off half-cocked [sic]. To Me, He was too much like someone who plans when to have sex for purposes of reproduction according to everything but how He feels. God did not understand Me or the Father of Manifestation well enough to know that denying Us participation in His planning stages meant everything was going to be warped by the Unseen Role of Denial.

The more He tried to refine this warping out, the more He could not do it. The more He could not do it, the more He thought it was being caused by Us, but mostly, I think, by Me, and it was,

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but not just in the way He thought. The problems God was having, which were most of the reason He couldn't get it together to go forth and create, were being caused, not by My presence, but by My lack of presence with Him. I was reflecting this to Him, but the way I gave Him the reflection, He did not understand it. I did not understand Myself here either so I could not let Him know what it meant.

God kept studying His vision and His plan to see if there was something wrong. When He could find nothing wrong, He thought I was wrong. He thought it was My presence that was the problem. My negative response to this refinement He was doing caused Him to think nothing was ever good enough for Me. His reaction was to keep Me away. When He did this and the warping continued, He then thought that I was causing it from a distance out of spitefulness and vengefulness. Ths view fed His judgment that nothing was ever going to please Me; I wasn' happy if He included Me and I wasn't happy if He excluded Me.

When God took the Father of Manifestation into a huddle He had with Heart and still continued to leave Me out, I really got enraged. I had My moments of wanting to put a pox on the whole thing, but I held these feelings undercover. I was much too afraid of God to give Him the appearance of rage and risk His reprisals, including the unspoken threat of throwing Me out again, but I want you to know that what has been called Black Magic is very old, and Mother based, although Your Father has His own version of Black Magic which has never been called this by anyone but Me. Instead it has been called Church and has been a place where chants and recitations are incanted against Me daily.

I also want to say, however , that no matter how it has appeared, and even though what has been labeled Black Magic has become twisted during the many long ages of judgment and denial it has received, I have learned that I was not wrong in how I initially felt. The most dangerous manifestation we have, and I am not wrong here, is Spirit in a Body with no Will to feel because the Will is denied. I am convinced that any Heart presence there is just fake. It's not real Heart. I know this by how easily I can trigger their gap. The only Heart presence there is mind having a love affair with itself. This is not real Heart because Heart, by definition, is balance of Spirit and Will in love. Demented Will without Spirit Light has done horrible things, but nothing on the scale of what Spirit Light in a Body without Will , and therefore heartless, has been able to do.

God has now opened to receive this understanding from Me,

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the Will to learn what the Will needs to learn from Its experience, the Will can never be free of the fear that any move made might recreate all over again the very pain the Will is trying to heal. In other words, this is a way of keeping the Will trapped. When the Will has moved faster than the Will can really move in order to please expectations, the Will has fragmented.

Initially, the Will had no previous experience to cause Her to anticipate what was going to happen, but since the Will's initial experiences were not ones that made the Will feel that She liked movement, and since the Will has never really understood what originally happened, there is anticipation deep inside the Will where these old memories lie buried. The Wil is braced to resist anything that begins to feel like these old initial movements that were so traumatic that recovery has not been possible in all of this long time.

The Will has been ready to do almost anything to avoid having to go into these places, and has developed all manner of tricks to keep movement away from this area of the Will. Guilt, which was intially taken in by the Will, did not allow the movement that would have been necessary to avoid these initial experiences of the Will, and since the Will has never been able to move this Guilt out, the Will has come to feel that Its own survival requires using this Guilt against others to make them feel they should not pressure the Will for movement here. When the pressure build-up from lack of movement becomes too great, the Will has been moving anyway and the gap has been smacking the Will with another enactment of all the denials being held here.

The truth of the matter is that without the love and trust necessary, the Will cannot be pressured to move here and find the healing result that must be found now. Not all of the Will moved in response to the strike I gave It in Original Cause. As much as possible of this part of the Will must move now also, but this part of the Will is the most lost of any Will there is. What the Will has to get in motion here is the clench It has used to surround and isolate the prolbem of holding this unmoving Will which is the part of the Will that is holding darkness. The Will is exhausted here and can't remain clenched much longer, but it has also become an involuntary clench. Literally the muscles involved have gone numb and have become frozen in a hardness that is no longer able to respond along with the rest of the Body because these parts of the Body have been told they must surround and isolate what is being held there no matter what. It is as though these places have become involuntary muscles that do not respond to anything. [Ya'acov]

Although I suggest body work as a way to get in touch here, be

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careful who you do it with so that the emotions needing to move here receive acceptance. Massage will not bring this up , nor will any of the known body work techniques, unless you allow all of the emotion you can move - to move all along the way so that each layer of what is being held here receives the message from the layer just above it that movement is alright now and that movement will bring in the Light that is necessary.

The Will has to let go of the darkness It has held for so long, just as the Spirit Polarity has been saying, but the Will must do this in such a way that the Will really understands what It is doing here. The Will must really gain understanding from regaining Its own vibration so that the Will no longer has to live with the fear of not knowing what might recreate this pain It has held for so long. The Will cannot be facilitated or directed by another person to do what the other person thinks is best, even though the Will has very little consciousness here. Whatever vibration It does manage to get must be respected and allowed to lead into the evolution these places need. Almost anything that is said or done by anyone who has not already moved these places within the self really runs the risk of presenting just another belief system and more guilt that hits this barely conscious essence like another assault.

The best approach here is also potentially dangerous because of the risk of gapping. What the Will needs here is real response to what the Will has been holding for so long.Terror is the real response but most people have been using gapped rage to avoid this terror for so long that it is believed on all sides that gapped rage is the real response to the Will here. If you feel like the response you want to give to the Will here is something to make it stop, no matter how sugar or guilt coated you make it, allow yourself to notice that you want do do this to avoid your own fears about what is happening here.

It is not enough for the Spirit side of this gap to speak spiritual understandings in the face of all the pain the Will has to go through here. The Will will not even know whether It is still in Its original experience, or headed back up and out of it, when It first begins to move in these places. It may be helpful for the Spirit to point out to the Will that It is moving Its pain so that It can be healed now, but the Will may not believe this if It senses Spirit is still holding the old gap that can, at any moment, revert into putting the Will right back down into another death again. The gap from feelings has been causing the Will to want to say, "Sounds right, feels wrong."

This does not mean the Spirit is to hold back response It has about this process of the Will in favor of the Will. Exchange here is

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and Body is also realizing in His lost Will, that He is hollow without Me, although He still holds places that believe they are better off without Me and many reasons there why these places are so much more powerful this way. I want to give a little more explanation of what happened between the Father of Manifestation and Myself so you will understand more about why He allowed Himself to be pulled more toward Spirit Polarization than He was when He manifested.

When I initially had the response of feeling furious with everything that was happening to the point of wanting to put a pox on all of it, the Father of Manifestation knew how I was feeling. He was sympathetic to a point, but when I did not find resolution for these feelings, He began to feel like they were growing tiresomely repetitive.

I felt I couldn't get resolution for My feelngs unless I was received and vibrational balance was sought more in My direction. When God continued to be so unbending toward Me, My dark mutterings began more and more to take form as dark images of God that were full of hatred. I had many images, but repeatedly I saw your Father's hand like an iron grip of power that was not loving.

The Father of Manifestation was frightened by My hatred here. It stirred feelngs of great discomfort in Him. He was being incited into feelings that He shared with Me, but when He went into them, it troubled His Spirit and made Him begin to feel like He was at war with Himself. No matter how He felt about God's Light at times, He had this Light also. He could not help but think that My hatred must also, then, be directed at HIm. How could I be feeling this hatred and tell Him I loved Him?What did I really have in mind here?

Even though He had sympathy for My point of view, He began to feel an inexplicably great sense of distrust for Me that was arising from someplace deep within Him and it was making Him feel like He could not question Me about this, or even talk to Me here. He wanted to obseve Me secretly in these areas because He did not trust Me to tell Him the truth of My feelngs here.

I could feel Him fearing that what I was doing was becoming more like repetitive incantations, and possibly evil ones, that were bringng My hatred more to life than to resolution. When images began to appear more and more around Me at these times, He feared that I had found some way to manifest this hatred in spite of His discomfort and fear with having this happen. He could not

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align with Me here without feeling like He was betraying, or turning against half of Himself. He could not stand these feelings. They hurt Him. He felt Himself being torn apart. He did not know which way He could turn or move here. He wanted Me to stop what He now called My incantations against God. the Father of Manifestation feared manifesting hatred toward God, or anything else that would displease Him, especially when His own position was already so precarious, and especially when God seemed to be so powerful.

I could feel the Father of Manifestation thinking that Heart might have had good reason for moving away from Me and more toward His Father. I feared the Father of Manifestation thought I had an oppositional manifestation in mind where love and hate fought each other to the death. I could feel Him pulling away from Me here. First God had distanced Himself from Me, then Heart, and now I feared the Father of Manifestation was going to do the same thing. It was not understood that the hatred I was feeling was in response to the hatred I was receiving because God's hatred was being denied in the name of love, and so I became very afraid that I was alienating everyone because something was really wrong with Me. I became very afraid of this hatred and tried not to feel it anymore.

God didn't like it that His visions were warping. He didn't like feeling that I had this power, but He didn't feel His fear of Me; that was long since shoved out into lost Will, and I was holding it as fear of Myself. He was furious at Me as the cause of this warping, but He did not give Me His rage either because He feared its unlovingness. Instead, He put the power of his light against Me to keep Me away and to stop Me from what He thought was nothing more than a deliberate warping of His visions for no good reason other than that He wasn't willing to do it My way. I was doing what He thought I was doing, but not for the reasons He thought. He was viewing Me as an adversary in this, and when He put His Light against Me, it was very, very intimidating.

Once He started this, I did not let Him know most of what I felt if I could help it. I thought I had allies in Heart and the Father of Manifestation , but when They moved away from Me, I feared I was wrong. As much as I thought They could understand Me and help Me because I could see My Light in Them, They also had the Light of God in Them and had His point of view. I thought this was the perfect thing to bring Us together, but They were not able to do it. I thought I had the superior understanding on the points that

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necessary, but without real response from Spirit, Will cannot heal and Spirit cannot move out the resistance It has toward free expression of the Will. Spirit has no way to know how this place of lost Will feels to the Will unless It can open and receive the Will with the loving compassion necessary to understand feelings by osmosis. The best understandings Spirit can give to Will here are feelings moving in response to what the Will has to move here, but Spirit must also move the feelings It has in response to the Will all the way along in moving toward these deep and lost places in the Will, or Spirit will lack appropriateness here and the Will will not trust It.

The Will must be allowed to bring up and vibrate whatever charge It has been holding until It can let go of it without feeling pressured or judged in any way for how much processing of this charge the Will needs to do. There is not Light or balance when this place begins to move, and it is very important not to manipulate the Will in any way to make It come into alignment before It is ready. If you manipulate the Will here, you run the risk of having It gap on you, or of feeling guilty enough to give you the appearance of an alignment you do not really have. The Will must be given acceptance for as much process as It needs to have.

If you are going through this with your own Spirit and Will in your own Body, allow your mind to receive feelings while trying not to use your judgment patterns to rationalize them away. If you are experiencing this with another person, as though you are Will in one Body and Spirit in another, I do want to caution you again, that while you may have very effective healing this way, you may also feel hatred for one another that could seem so endless and unmoving as to make the love you thought you had seem to be only a memory. This is why most couples have tried to avoid these areas and have, thus, entered into them most often when the stress of holding back has caused gapping.

When you are ready, it is going to be necessary to have another peson involved in order to effectively heal your gap, but this is also the most potentially dangerous approach to take if you are not ready for it. If you have a feeling you cannot do this with another person, homor your feelings here. If you want to try it with another person, or feel like you cannot get triggered without another person to facilitate this, try to make sure you have as much as possible moving emotionally between you before you go into this space. The more you have already moving between you, the less possible it will be to greatly harm or even possibly kill one another by triggering one another's gaps.

I am giving these cautions because the gaps in the emotional

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body which are involved here are not part of the usual presentation of the people who have them and have formerly been viewed only as insanity or criminality. If the gap gets triggeed, you may gap first, or it may be the other person, but whoever gaps first is likely to trigger the gap in the other. It can be vey dangerous to have two people in a gapped state of consciousness fighting one another as though their lives depend on it, which they do in the presence of the gap, when healing is their conscious intent. If this happens, give in to your feelings of terror here and make an effort to call consciousness into the gap.

The gap must be healed, but it is not a matter of how fast you go so much as how thoroughly you are. Do not let yourselves get stuck in the idea that moving through the gap ahead of others means you have more power than they do or a higher place in the pecking order. All of these old feelings of competition and scrambling for position must move along with everything else. The lost Will that needs to recover here has already been put at the bottom, underneath everything else, and has been made last priority for as long as the gap has existed. Along the way to recovering this, you are going to find many feelings you did not even think you had.

Because you have been ignoring so much you don't even realize you have been ignoring, it can seem like the outer reflection you have to study all around you is the only remaining clue to the existence of this lost Will I am telling you lies deeply denied within you. Because of what has lain hidden here for so long, the Will Polarity has not known what other view to take, since it has been very convincingly real for all of the Will's existence that the Will is being victimized and that the Will people on Earth are particularly victimized by the rest of the spirits.

The Will has more power than this, but the Will has never been able to find out what this power is because the Will has been feared from the very beginning, and this fear has never been allowed to move so that it could be understood either. Meanwhile, all of this lost Will power has been playing a strong role in the creation of everyone's experience, but It has been doing this in a state of denial. Thus, the power position on Earth has been one of denying the Will rather than encouraging It.

Lack of receptivity to this lost Will has made so many places impenetrable to My Light that you must get these places in yourselves vibrating again to heal the damages lack of vibration has caused you and to increase the flow of Light into and through you.

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were so important to Me and that They could help Me convince God, but They were unable to, and, instead, They began feeling rather schizophrenic when God convinced Them that I was wrong and that it was He who had the superior understanding.

Since God was not talking to Me in these areas, I felt I had no chance to convince Him Myself. The gap was not something We could cross then because God had not even let Himself see it yet. He argued Me down on every point when I sought to present it. Talk was useless in the presence of the unmoving emotions that were there, but I did not know it then. When Heart and Body told Me they were made of both of Us, so They couldn't take sides, I had feelings I didn't like to have. Taking sides was not My point , ceasing to take sides was, but what They saw in My hatred didn't look that way.

Although I love Them both, there were many implications here for Me. I had feelings that this was Their way of avoiding Their powerlessness with God concerning issues I felt were extremely important. Their behavior, at times, gave Me the impression that They only pretended to take Me seriously when They were in My presence and viewed Me the Way God did the rest of the time. I was suspicious of Them because of this. I felt I had been too open with Them and let Them know things I now regretted. I felt I had no one to trust and that My loneliness was My weakness because it caused Me to open more than I felt was really safe in retrospect. I blamed Heart and now the Father of Manifestation for not getting my view across to God. At times, I did not think They were really men if They could not accomplish this and at other times, I doubted Their intent to accomplish this.

I thought They had a "male thing" going that was based on sexual definition and that somehow their sexual definition was causing Them to clump together and agree with each other whether They were right or not and whether They really agreed or not. I wondered what We had for a God that He could not receive what I was trying to tell Him and I both feared and disrespected Them all for clumping together against Me; for no matter what Heart and Body had said to Me about being made of both of Us and not being able to take sides, I saw Them taking sides with God more and more. I did not know what was causing this, but My low self-esteem was full of fear's reasonings about this. The more God took the reasonable approach of the level, steady mind, the more I feared I was losing My mind. I feared that when I had tried to put a pox on God's doings, Heart and Body had decided They agreed

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with God that I was black-hearted and dangerously imbalanced. God appeared to be love, light and reason while I appeared to be a dark and foreboding, turbulent sea of confusion and malevolence.

Heart and Body abandoned Me here to a large extent; in fact, as much as They could and still survive. They did not feel very good when They were with Me, and They did not feel very powerful in My eyes when I was telling Them that They were not getting through to God in the ways that I wanted. I was unintentionally making Them feel very emasculated in My presence because the blame I felt for God was being displaced onto Them.

When They were with God, They felt much better and much more powerful. He never told Them They were powerless to get His views across to Me. Instead, I felt He encouraged Them to leave Me out as much as They could. They formed a male camaraderie that was against Me in so many ways They did not even realize because They were so sure They were right and I was wrong. Three against One was even more intimidating than just God's Light against Me. In fact, it wasn't until They formed this masculine triad against Me that I felt My power overwhelmed and defeated and that I had to give in and do what They said, or else the gap, which They insisted did not exist, was going to pound Me down into submission.

I lost so much here I cannot tell you what your Mother would have been like if this had not happened. What I can tell you is that this has been repeated so many times in history that women are a mere shadow of themselves; and until men figure out, in a real way, not just in their minds, that they have no real power to live unless they empower their women, who in return, then empower them, they are also mere shadows of themselves.

It was a very long time before I realized that I had ever frightened God or that He thought I was trying to form a triad against Him. What happened here set something in motion that has affected all men. They have not trusted Us to return the power to them if they once empower Us. They have not believed the circle will be unbroken. They make a big display of not believing ths; but they fear that if they empower Us, should they figure out how to actually do this since they lost this connection before they ever learned it, they fear We will keep this power. They also fear We will use this power to take revenge against them for what they have for so long done to Us. Men who have not joined this male viewpoint by separating themselves from their Wills have had a very hard time in society.

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This increase in vibration is necessary to enable you to increase your consciousness so that you can understand and use your power without leaving it in a state of denial anymore.

This power is not something that can be restored to you by the gift of a magic wand, or by having My Light suddenly descend and give you your rightful places on Earth, or by striking you as in Original Cause. You are in your right places in that they correspond to the ways in which you are vibrating, and any other places I might put you would soon be lost again if you do not understand that the changes must come from changing the ways you are vibrating and not vibrating within yourselves.

When the Ronalokas have felt that they cannot go forward the way they have wanted to on Earth, they have many times fantasized returning to their beloved continent of Africa, or at least of trying to set up a nation apart someplace on Earth. The Will people have always wanted to believe that they could live better apart from the other spirits who have so cruelly rejected and oppressed them. What I would really like for you to receive from me here is that this is a way of avoiding many feelings. The movement you need first and foremost is inner movement; otherwise, you will find that you have the same problems wherever you go.

Even when you have fled to Africa, which has been the most impenetrable continent on Earth, your inner compression in the form of outer oppression has soon reappeared in your lives. Every time you have thought you have overcome or escaped oppression, you have looked around to see that you have not.

Allow yourselves to notice how much trouble Africa is having right now [this was said n 1989! Look at Africa now, in 2012 and at the riots against the African "strangers" in South-Tel-Aviv..] and how many governments made up of Blacks end up being just as oppressive toward their people as any other governments have been. The Reflection Lost Will Has go Give is going to be there, no matter what form you try to give to your outer reality, until you are able to move all you need to move within you.

The complexity of this reflection will unfold as you allow the movement necessary. It is almost impossible to delineate this in a book, but I can give you enough to get you started so that your own movement will be able to open you to the rest. One thing you need to know is that this lost Will is not going to move in response to you as quickly as you might like because the layers that gain movement are so intertwined with the layers that will need to gain movement as your next step that the lost Will you are taking in is still going to have strings attached to the lost Will which is still in a state of denial. When you have moved all that can move not, the rest will have to move back all at once.

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My intent in helping you to get in touch with what needs to move here is not only to help you realize what has been held back for so long, but also to help you realize why you have held it back for so long. You have avoided these feelings because you have such a deep and terrible dread of the possible realities these feelings suggest.

What kind of God has a Creation that always sorts out certain people for persecution, stands by and allows it, and even seems to empower the ones doing it? Why does it always seem to be the ones who are so loving and giving who go down [Ghandi, Martin Luther King] while the cruel and wicked ones seem to live on and on [Hitler] , as though nothing can take them down? Why do the ones who feel it the most seem to suffer and suffer while those who are cold and feel nothing seem not to suffer at all and even seem to enjoy inflicting pain and suffering on others, as though it is their source of feeling powerful? Why is a deaf ear always being turned on those who cry for peace, freedom, justice, truth and love, as though this deafness is a sign of hatred even for the words? If God exists and has power, is He loving or not.

Many Ronalokas have buried these issues in a lot or religious fervor that has more to do with a fear that tells them they must beg forgiveness and gain favor with My Light or suffer the consequences, than that they necessarily believe so fervently in whatever religion they have seemed to embrace. Other Ronalokas who have buried their fear more deeply under their rage look down on these Ronalokas while professing not to fear Me at all, or to even believe in Me. Some hate Me enough that they have gone to devil worship and the black magic side of things, claiming there is no difference really because the God they see makes no distinction there.

Underneath all of this, the Ronalokas have their own beliefs, and movement in the emotional charge surround all of these other beliefs is going to reveal them more fully than they have, as yet, been realized. Meanwhile, there is a kind of self-hatred here that needs to be understood so that it can be moved into love. The outer reflection you have here is that people who have seemed to be the same as you have turned around and opposed you whenever you have wanted to make moves they have not liked.

While some Ronalokas can connect to what I am saying here, others appear not to have these problems at all. The denial and fragmentation involved here is such that these problems may only manifest in the lives of fragments you view as separate people from you. Very often, the ones who need to move this lost Will are not the ones who are manifesting the problems. Whether or not, for

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The fear and rage hee has to move in men and in women. We must find balance. we cannot afford another pendulum swing in which we try to take revenge, and the frustrating thing is revenge has never seemed to work anyway. The key here is lost Will. As long as the Spirit side keeps their Wills out of the way, they do not feel it as We do, and if they do feel it, we feel it. The gap that opened where this connectin should have been is the basic cause of the terrible fight We have had.

Now I know the Will people are with Me, but I'm worried about the Spirit side. There is no solution, however, other than to put those who still want to deny their Will out where they can deny it and be quite successful at it because the only Will they will have with them will be Will that is not ready to understand it has the right to be free. That way they can no longer use the Will and deny the source of their power.

Unfortunately, there are many who have to go this route because they do not believe the Will is their source of power. They are "not going to miss their water'til their well runs dry." This is because My power has never been accepted or understood for what it is. How can you appreciate space and vibration if you are so focused on light and form that you don't realize it doesn't mean anything if there is no place to put it. And even when you think you have space, space opened without the Will feeling free abut doing it is never the right space.

I blamed God as causal when Spirit, Heart and Body were not able to see that Their denial of Me made Me the way I was and that it was not the way I intended to be. They were already pushing Me away, but They all seemed to draw the line when continual rejection twisted My rage into incantations against God. Instead of realizing that My behavior was the result of intense feelngs I could not handle because of the way I was being treated for having them, Body, and especially Heart, withdrew Their presence from Me as if They feared God was right and that I should not be given acceptance for this behavior. Consequently, I wasn't This fed the image of Me as a power hungry witch who wanted everything Her own way and wouldn't be happy until She got it, which incidentally, would not make Me happy either because They were so sure all I'd find out then was that My way was wrong.

They did not see that My behavior was in response to Them. They did not see Themselves as causal in it a all. They saw Themselves as long suffering, reasonable and loving. The reflection I gave was seen by Them as unfounded spite and engeance due

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to either My inability or refusal, I was accused of both, to understand how things were really supposed to be done in this Creation . It was not seen as a reaction to Their invalidity.

Since your Father had the power to make My mind go blank, I could not explain this to Him anyway, until He became willng to empower Me to do so. All I could do was react from My feelings and have fits about either how dumb He was, or hwo intent He was upon missing the point. He was all over he map so thoroughly, except right where He needed to be, that I became convinced this blind spot was beng cultivated for some purpose He was not revealing.

Consequently, when We moved forward with Creation, We did exctly what all the judgments said We would do, which seemd to prove everyone right and polarized Us even more into Our points of view because We all felt We could not back down to the others n the face of this evidence. If We had had a better alignment, We would not have been so gapped and We would have manifested a better Creation, but We did not; and the pain this has caused is so tremendous, that in spite of God's constant reassurances, I am still not sure if it can be healed to My satisfaction. I do not want to have pieces of the Will remain lost, or be let go of, because the pain of feeling what happened to them is too much. I will not be sure there can be a complete healing until I see that this part of the Will is healed.

The more you go into these deep pains, the closer you are getting to the big pit, or gapping hole of the gap, where these denials have been pushed. The hatred in these areas seems convincing evidence in itself to stay away. The problem is, these areas are not just empty space that can be avoided or crossed over. The gap is like a huge suck-hole to which more and more of the Will has been sacrificed in the effort to rise above it and avoid being sucked into it . The gap is full of things that have almost no Light and no Love. These things distrust Light and distrust Love, yet devour everything that comes near as their only source of light.

These beings [ See the message on Godchannel:The Destroyer ~ Working with Denial Energy & Denial Entities ~ on March 25, 2012] are manifestations of all Our denials and they are in this pit because this is the place where we all put them when We said, that whatever was happening then was too much; too much pain, too much violence, and so forth. We denied heavily here; enough to split OUrselves off from it, and everytime We go near it, We feel all those old and terrible feelings again that tell Us there is no way to handle this, and if We try, we will die.

This how hard it is to approach the gap from the outside, and

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example, you have sympathy for all of the death happening in Africa right now, know you have lost Will dying there, no matter what order of spirit you think you are. In terms of healing this, it is those who have eyes to see and ears to hear that most move with what I am saying here.

[July 20 (!!!) , yet not 1944 but 2012: there is this famous song in Israel: "we are all one human fabric", when one of us goes from us, something dies in us, something stays with him If we'll know how to calm down the enmity, if we would only know If we would know to calm down our rage despite our offense to say "fogive me" If we would no to begin from the beginning but people sing it when a loved-one dies, like my children at the funeral of their father [see in both: SongGame2007 and K.i.s.s.-log2008] It is sung even on Holocaust Day, but no one thinks that we are "one fabric" with the "bad" people.

You have almost complete denial here, which means it is going to be very dark when you first go into these feelngs. The more you want to say this story is not right or that you do not have these feelings, the more likely it is that you do have these feelings and need to move them. The more vehement your denial is the more likely it is that you have these feelings and need to move them. Denial indicates that this is not the first time you have denied these emotions. Lack of any response to this material is more indicative of the willessness that cannot heal than anything else. Meanwhile, if you are not already vibrating entirely at the speed of light, you have involvement here that needs to move. Many of you have even denied you have had experiences you have actually had in order to avoid the feelings involved.

Going into the emotions you routinely ignore is one way into this lost Will, and another way is to go into the feelings of distrust you have. Every time you feel distrust, you need to move into he feelings of fear and anger that lie beneath it. You must also open to the possibility of these feelings coming up in the middle of the night and awakening you in order to do it. You may want to say that it is only the power of suggestion making you think you have these feelings and that you don't really have them. Don't judge here; just allow whatever movement needs to take place and see how you feel afterwards.

As Will, you particularly need the Light of my understandings as you go into this lost Will because you never had a chance to know from the experience of manifested existence what the presence of a full measure of My Light could mean. You have always had the experience of feeling I was not there for you in the ways I was there for others. You have never felt the acceptance you have wanted to have for yourselves in Creation. You have always felt pushed, pulled, pressured and compressed, overridden and under-appreciated, used and abused, cheated and robbed rather than really free for as long as you can remember and even in the past you have forgotten.

You have hatred and blame for Me for having forced you into this by denying the Will in the ways that I did, and you also blame your own Spirits for making it impossible for you to remain with them. You have a lot of guilt piled on top of these emotions in the

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form of the many excuses you have made that all try to say it is alright as it is and is all happening for a reason and that someday, everything will be alright. The day when everything is going to be alright is always going to remain in the future if you do not move what needs to move here, because My Light is not able to penetrate you until you are vibrating enough to receive it.

No matter how many excuses you have wanted to make for what has happened to you, or how many ways you have found to say it is alright, these are not reasons to deny all of the other feelings you have about being Will in a Creation that became so insensitive to the subjective experience that it became like a crime of weakness or of lack of faith in God even to have feelings, let alone to be as extremely sensitive as the Will. The Will is subjectivity and without acceptance for this, the Will cannot live.

You have many bitter feelings to move here which you have tried to hide, even from yourselves, because you have not believed it has been loving to have such feelings. Let go of this belief; it is guilt. Go underneath this belief and allow yourselves to feel what you really feel here.

The hardness you are going to find in yourselves where this lost Will is held is what guilt has stopped from vibrating. Let yourselves feel the anger and resentment that is there for not ever being able to live the way you have always wanted to live. Let yourselves cry the hot, bitter tears underneath this hardness and rage at the helplessness you feel to change your situation. Feel the anger in your hardness that has tried to avoid facing your feelings of powerlessness, defeat and hopelessness by saying it doesn't care what happens because you are just fine as you are and can manage no matter what. Give in to more grief than you have ever wanted to know.

Finally, your deep fear is going to show up after all of this and you will still hate it when it does. You must allow yourselves to move this hatred of your fear while also letting your fear know somehow that movement in this hatred is necessary so that you can heal the fear.

When you feel you are like a "soap opera" that disgusts you, feel the self-hatred you have for your emotional turmoil. It is the self-hatred that has not wanted to extend compassion and love to your own predicament.

You do not need to judge yourselves fear-ridden and try to go past your fears anymore. You may become very fear-ridden for awhile. You may have times when you feel you cannot even get out of bed. Make space for these feelings as best you can. Episodes of paralyzing fear will not last as long as you fear they will if you get

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going in there as We are now is impossible if We have a successful healing in mind. This gap is heartlessness. The only hope we have of healing it is to move hatred and blaming rage until love is born in the gap. In other words, We have to get Heart presence vibrating in the gap. Heart as It is has not been successful moving outwardly toward this gap. This is why Heart movement is so important now. Much of Heart essence has been compressed to the point of not vibrating because love has not been defined to include it, and thus, it is not vibrating as Heart.

Denied heart in the gap needs to be reached by increased vibration in the Heart that already knows It is Heart. This will move other people to realize they are Heart also, but this movement cannot be done outwardly yet because Lucifer is watching this denied heart essence closely. Heartlessness is his imprint and he is not ready to move past it yet. Heart essence that wants to escape from Lucifer needs to vibrate with Itself in places that feel safe to It.

Heart vibrating within Itself, and by this, I mean emotional movement without words, has a chance to reach denied heart essence in the gap. Denied heart cannot be approached outwardly right away because it as a lot of conditioning from Lucifer to move through first. It has tremendous hatred and distrust which has to move as rage and feelings of terror. Otherwise, denied heart will continue to remain guarded and suspicious, wondering what the motive is in any movements of niceness that call themselves love.

Without Heart presence in the gap, the balance We need cannot be found and the gap will only continue to manifest the extremes without any new information or anything in the middle that looks or feels like balance. The gap cannot do anything other than vibrate extremes as it is now because there is nothing vibrating in the middle where Heart is supposed to be. That part of the essence was killed long ago in its infant, and in some cases embryo, stages of formation. Without revivng this loss and helping it to grow and evolve, the gap cannot be healed.

This I have seen, and this I have experienced. The gap was not recognized as such for a very long time, and when it was, it was thought to be and appeared to be, a huge, dark and empty space, or gaping hole in Creation. I knew it as a suffocatngly dark hole where things tore at Me and hurt Me. I could not see them, but I could feel their presence, and it triggered horrible internal images of what these things looked like. I did not see them until your

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Father pushed Me all the way into he gap. What took place then, took place without His Light and is an experience I never want to repeat.

I had been raging, mostly internally, without letting much show; but when your Father hit Me, a raging, hurt, terrified, grieving, bestial-sounding crying erupted from Me that I could not hold back at all. I was falling, but I hardly had awareness of it. My emotions were taking up all the space I had in My consciousness.

I was falling and falling but the growing feeling of compression gave Me the impression that it was slowing My fall until I could no longer move at all. I was terrified. Old memories were being stirred.

My crying was more labored now, and with it, the growing realization of how hurt I was. As this realization grew, a feeling of frozen terror accompanied it. I tried to enter into denial that this had happened at all. Many things flashed through Me, including the hope that your Father would realize what He had done and rush to My rescue. My crying was silencing in the compression. I tried to avoid My terror by focusing on listening and trying to see.

There was no response to Me. Nothing happened, except that I became acutely aware of the impenetrable and oppressive silence and darkness all around Me. First, I could hardly breathe because of crying, but now I noticed that I could hardly breathe at all. The more I tried, the less I was able to breathe. I was panicking. I had no choice but to calm myself down and try to breathe as little as possible. Even then, there was nothing I could take in that wasn't so oppressively thick that My suffocation terror continued to grow.

Soon I was to struggle with My panic and My terror. Like a fish out of water, I was uncontrollable twiching when all of a sudden, I was pounced on. This scared a lot of Me right out of Myself. Lost Will needs to know that I was fragmenting severely from the moment I felt the gap was going to strike Me, and I lost a lot of My essence right there. It escaped, propelled by the jolt of this fear that had shocked me so badly I passed out.

What remained of Me revived in the reality of finding Myself being tortured and devoured by creatures of indescribable cruelty, bestiality and horribleness. Their movements were beating the surroundng area into movement of some sort, but when I tried to struggle, I did not have the power to move in this density. I could not even cry out. My sounds were choked and muffled like they were falling back in My throat, unable to penetrate the density

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your fear moving by starting with any expression you can give it. This will allow it to move through you much faster than if you remain paralyzed or frozen in silence.

You are going to have to give in to more of everything than you have ever wanted to accept in yourselves and feel the hatred you have for your emotions because they have always been seen as the problem of Creation instead of as the savior they are going to turn out to be. Without emotional depth, people are nothing but well made robots, going through the motions of being alive without human response to what happens to them. Life is impossible this way as you are soon going to find out.

Now I say to the Will Polarity, move your emotions and recover your lost Will, but heed My cautions and do not go past them. Start by moving your feelings in a place that feels safe to you and this may very well mean by yourself. If you have any feelings it is not safe to move an emotion in the time or place where you are, heed whatever warning voices you have, be they ever so small, and allow them to come forward and teach you. Learn to pay attention to the little murmering voices within you that normally will not speak because they have been judged to be wrong for having the feelings they have.

Treat your emotional release as a cry for freedom in the midst of an enemy camp that does not want you to be successful here and protect yourselves accordingly. Do not trust anyone here, even if they say they can be trusted, unless you feel, even in the little whispering voices within that try to warn you, that you can trust them. Even then, you might not trust them once you get into the release. YOU will have feelings of not even being able to trust yourself or your own perceptions when you really get into the feelngs that need to move here. Take your distrust seriously and do not try to move past it. Distrust is a form of fear and this fear must also be allowed to express.

You must allow yourselves to feel what you need to feel and express it in private and move outwardly in the world later, when you are more ready. Let your fear move around the issue of whether or not what you have viewed as Spirit is going to move in response to you or not. Moving the fear you have around the feeling of rejection if you dare to bring certan things forward to Spirit is going to allow the guilt that has controlled you for so long to move out so that My Light can finally come in. If you fear your own Spirit is not going to respond to you, allow My Light to fill in instead.

Do not move these lost Will feelings in the presence of anyone unresponsive you have seen as havng the positions of Spirit or of

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power on earth, because they have controlled you for so long, they are not going to like it if you make any real moves toward freedom. They will resist you because they are not going to have it the way they have had it for so long if you are successful here, and they have no positive pictures of what this might mean for them. There is terror for your own survival here and in this, you are not wrong. Do not even promote these books with people you think need to move; tell only the people who are ready to move and feel they must allow themselves to do it.

While the Rainbow Spirits are gapped from their Wills and have a lack of Light in there, the rejection of Will by the Angels left the Ronalokas prey to be taken over by the Father Warriors, and this has been a deeply scarring experience that needs to be healed now. The Father Warriors have oppressed the Ronalokas according to the gap's hatred for the Will and have used the Ronalokas as surrogate Wills, trying to enslave them and give them as little in return for this as possible. The Ronalokas want to throw the Father Warriors off and are ready to do this, but in order to be successfull here, they must really understand what is involved in these old, old patterns of guilt and servitude, slavery and denial that the Father Warriors have used against them for so long. Self-hatred is the bottom line, but there is a long list of emotions that must be gone through to bring the healing needed here.

If, in going into these emotions, you feel you cannot move anything at all, move the littlest bit that you can and open to more as you can. You may already be moving easily with the rest of your emotional body and still, when you get here, you may find yourself unable to move, as though nothing you have done so far has made any difference at all.

If you have a feeling you cannot breathe, don't dip under it to find your breath. Get your movement and sounds from the place where you feel you cannot breathe. It is impossible to move a lot of this at once, so don't even try to get through this in a few sessions. Just as impossible as it has seemed to move oppression off earth, so impossible is it going to seem to move these emotions.

If you allow yourself to feel everything you feel while moving any particular emotion which has been denied, you will see how guilt tortures you anytime you try to give acceptance to the way you really feel. Do your best to move without interference from other people who do not understand what you have to move here or how you need to do it, because such people will reflect the guilt and judgments you hold against the expression of these emotions and might even have the power to deny you the opportunity to

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enough to move outward. I could feel Myself panicking because I could not stand the pain I was in and I could not escape it. I was struggling to breathe, and I did not like breathing this. It was hot, like taking in molten lead that was making Me even less able to move. The stench was appalling, and My next problem was the terror of feeling Myself gagging on vomit without the power to move it out. When I tried to move it out, it came back on Me. I must not have been able to handle what was happening to Me because I passed out after what felt like a fierce and tortuously long struggle with suffocation and choking on vomit.

After that, I did not know what state of consciousness I was in. IN some ways, I seemed already dead but unable to leave My body where the horrible pain was still going on. In some ways, it seemed I was revived by Lucifer, who appeared as a huge magician in a long dark cape and he terrrified Me more than I knew I could feel in My state of semiconsciousness because He looked just like an image of My dark incanting. He was furious and called off the beasts who were devourng Me, screaming at them that I was his. Then he sneered at Me about what a mess I was. I began to gag on the stench again. Lucifer laughed abrasively and said the only thing that stunk there was Me.

His light had such a cutting edge that I could not open My eyes. He screamed at Me to open My eyes and look at the creatures there. I was terrified to look, but he forced Me to. The things I saw in his light were hideously deformed, but they smelled and felt even more hideous than they looked. The way they held themselves bespoke of everything I hated and feared. Their deformities were such awful parodies and distortions of intended form that I felt hysterical, like a person in a terrible nightmare who cannot wake up.

Lucifer said they were the discards and the wreckage of Creation. Lucifer said God had sent him to make sure I looked at this because they were all My fault. Lucifer said that God hated Me for this and had empowered him, Lucifer, to devise and impose the appropriate punishment. Then Lucifer began toying with Me by stalking back and forth and acting like this was the most wonderful moment life had ever offered him. He was asking Me what I thought My punishment should be, making suggestions himself, and shaking his head like they were all too good for Me. Waves of terror were taking Me in and out of consciousness. I forgot about

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breathing. Everythng was burning hot and at the same time freezing cold. I was shiverng and sweating and feelng like I had never known what horrible was until then.

So many terrible things happened to Me there I don't want to go into them now. The point I want to make about it now is this: I was deeply imprinted here. Without God's Light it was as though My mind was gone. I could no longer understand My experiences. I could only experience them. I had no way to sort anything out or let Myself know what was right and what was not. It was all imprinted very deeply while I had no way to make any discernments about it. When Lucifer appeared and forced Himself on Me I did not know what was judgment against Me and what was truth. It all imprinted as the truth about Me because there was no other reality present at the time that said anything else.

I was in Hell. Here were all My worst nightmares made manifest. Everything I feared the most was here. Everything I most did not want God to manifest in Creation was here, but Lucifer said this was not God's Creation, but Mine. Lucifer said that what I was looking upon was not God, but Myself; Myself as separate from God, Myself as unequal to God, Myself as indescribably wicked to try to place Myself equal with God, Myself as deservng of death for trying to put Myself above God.

Lucifer told Me this hellhole was how it would be if God let Me have My own way; so this must be what I wanted, this must be My right place. Here I could be a Goddess and give others Light the way I felt they should have it. Here I could be god in god's place. That was what I wanted, wasn't it? Didn't I have a rival kingdom to God's? Didn't I think I knew better than He did? Didn't I indulge in fantasies of making Him do it My way? Wasn't I sure I was right and He was wrong?

That Lucifer even had this information terrified Me to the point of implosion. I could feel this terror, but I could not move it in any way. I could not respond in any outward way to what was happening to Me. I was imploding and it is a miracle of the survival chakra that it was not complete. The pressure imploding Me here was like deep sea diving with no equipment, and made it so that most of what happened here was experienced by Me in a state that could be called barely conscious, or subconscious if viewed from the outside, but My internal sensations were horrifyingly vivid, chaotic and warped in such a way that sequence, time, progression and order were all meaningless. I was experiencing, but I could not vibrate anything from within Myself to counter it or move Me

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move here by removing you to a place of imprisonment or restraint.

As much as it is believed that expression of the depth of these emotions is unacceptable, guilt is participating in the creation of situations that make this belief seem to be true. You can regard your healing intent as the mast of a ship to which you are tied in the midst of the storm of your own emotional turmoil. It is what you have held back for so long that is not allowing your outer reality to open to you in the ways you want it to. As much terror as you allow to move will be directly reflected to you in your chances to come through the storm alive. If you make this another exercise in denial by trying to keep this information at a mental level, you will participate in the mass suffocation that is now being created on Earth, and I will not have the power to save you.

I am advising you to move these emotions as they can move, allowing yourself plenty of rest and the cultivation of the love that has been missing in these denials. Urgency may be alleviated by movement in your fear, but if not, your urgency must be allowed to pressure for faster movement. If you are giving your urgency expression by nagging others around you and they are snapping at you, allow yourself to move your fear of losing their love if you allow these feelings to begin expressing in these ways.

These siphoning-off-the-pressure ways of expressing are the only ways of expressing these emotions have previously been allowed to have and if they go on long enough, can trigger the gap. The guilt involved is going to surface no matter what you do, but understand that the ones you are nagging are often the very ones who have been insisting that you must hold these emotions. These pressure release methods of expression, however, do not allow the real depth of the emotion that needs to move.

If you feel you need to move back from the ones you want to nag in order to move into the rage and terror you really feel underneth this, allow yourself to do it, because you need to realize you are very near the gap, and your fear of allowing the real emotional expression you need here is your fear of triggering the gap.

Allowing movement in your Will the way I am prescribing here is the most loving way I know to move these long denied emotions, much more loving than having to get them triggered in a state of denial by the reality about to descend onto Earth.

Those who are not allowing the Will to move are causing the dismal reality they claim their control of the Will is averting. Yet, they say that Will's attempts to move are causing the problems on Earth. These people all believe "negative emotions," such as fear,

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are Original Cause.

Fear, and anger here is seen as a form of fear, has been labeled Original Cause as though fear is something outside of love. Viewing fear as something outside of love made it appear that banishing fear would solve the problems. This put the blame on the Will and any Will esence having fear was then labeled the cause of the problems in Creation.

This is not right understanding. Original Cause is that when the Will originally began to vibrate, the Will took in guilt and darkness along with My Light because it was there, because it was not yet understood what anything was, and because movement was not understood. Fear, or more accurately, terror , was the Will's response to the pain It felt when It opened and embraced guilt and darkness instead of My Light. The Will did not know what It was experiencing here any more than I did. When the Will thought this was Me or that I required the Will to make a place for these things, the Will feared Me.

The Will did not know Me any better than I knew the Will. I did not know what the Will was responding to here. When I looked at the Will, I saw the guilt and darkness the Will was holding. I thought it was the Will, and the Will thought It had embraced some terrible aspect of Me. This made the Will all the more afraid. Because I did not like the feelings I was receiving from the Will and did not understand that movement in the Will was necessary here, I did not allow the Will to move. I pushed the Will away here and I admit that I was so interested in saving Myself from the pain here, I did not allow Myself to see what this did to the Will.

From time before time, the Will has no been allowed to move here and so this part of the Will has had no experience other than a reality of guilt and death. This is the only reality this part of the Will has ever known, and so, it is not going to be easy to move this part of the Will to a place of really knowing another reality is possible for it. This part of the Will does not think God is there for It. This part of the Will believes either God does not exist or God requires sacrificing the self to guilt and death..

THE RONALOKAS' JOURNEY TO EARTH

The Ronalokas were moving away from Me. Although they felt uncomforable with My Light watching them, most of them soon wished they had not left the only home they had known in their manifested existence. The life that had seemed so unpleasant be-

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away from it. What was happening was so oppressive I could not find any power in me able to move in its presence. To hold it out, to move against it, to move to put it out all felt impossible for Me to do. I was trapped and there did not appear to be any way out.

How I did get out is a longer story than I want to tell you now. What I do want to tell you is that I did get out in the sense that I escaped from that place exteriorly, but the implications of what had happened there were much more far reaching than I was able to understand until much later. I could not escape the Hell within Me. From that point on, My life changed dramatically. Terrible things began happening to Me and I could not understand why I began to feel like a target who could be struck at any time.

I had no conscious memory of what had happened to Me in Hell. [s. pp 54: "Dwelling with the Mother in Hell", and see "The Mother in Hell", in the Orange Book p.116-142] It took Me a long time to regain anything there, but now that I have, this is what I would like to tell you. All around the hellhole of the gap from which I had to escape, there was, and still is, a vast, barren and lifeless plane of existence, if it can be called existence since its existence seems to consist of nothing more than that it exists. Everything there is charred black like cinders. There is no perceptible movement.That is all I can tell you from observation except for the feelings I had in trying to move through it. When I came to this place and realized I had to cross it to escape from the gap, I became very frightened because My efforts to cross it were not successful. This desolate, charred, black place gave Me a very eerie feeling. I wanted to run as fast as I could, but I could not even crawl. There was some kind of great resistance here, and My feelngs of self-loathing became so greatly amplified that I felt I had no reason to go on, and therefore, no reason to cross it. I crumbled, paralyzed and unable to move again.

Somehow, the Father of Manifestation found Me here, but at first, he did not appear to recognize Me and I could not move to let Him know it was Me. What had taken Me over there was so intense I could not feel how desperately I wanted to be rescued. I did not even want Him to know it was Me. I was sure I looked just horrible, but could not even remember why I felt this way. I was lying there unable to move and barely conscious.

The next thing I knew, He was bending over Me preparing to pick Me up. I felt very self-conscious. I did not want to be seen. When He staggered in His efforts to pick Me up, I felt shame that I was such a heavy burden for Him. I did not know how He had found Me, but some part of Me must have responded to the presence of the Father of Manifestation because later He said that

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He saw a little glimmer, and since it was the only thing He saw in this barren place, He had gone toward it, trying to see what it was.

The Father of Manifestation struggled and struggled in His effort to carry Me away from this place. He asked Me to help Him in any way that I could, but all I could do was cry, I cried and He struggled and somehow He managed to get Us across it, He called this place the Plane of Reversal. [see again in the Orange Book p.139]

He then began to move more easily and I also, I revived enough to ask Him where We were going I was afraid He was takng Me back to the Godhead as He had done when He pulled Me off of Earth before. I had an inexplicably strong fear of this, given how much I loved God and wanted Him to send for Me. I must have cringed because the Father of Manifestation said that many things had happened since He last saw Me and that Earth was all the farther (sic) He could take Me. I was struck into terror again at this. By the time We reached Earth, I felt barely able to crawl onto it, but the Father of Manifestation dragged Me with HIm into Manifestation there.

It has taken Me a long time to remember what it was like to cross that barren and charred, black plane, but I remember now that it felt to Me like it must be the remains of something.I know now that it is the charred remains of Heart that was killed there before It was ever formed; burned to death to be exact. How and why this happened, I am going to tell you now.


IMPRINTING

Lost Will has a lot to move to be able to get back to original Original Cause, and no matter how much it may bend or scramble your mind, or make it feel like it is short-circuiting to do this, you need to get back to this place n yourself and find out how you experienced what I am going to tell you now. It is not possible to heal yourself unless you really know what it is that you need to heal. In this case, understanding what you have to heal means going back to your origins and finding out what made you the way you are. This is why self-acceptance in the form of allowing this movement is the necessary first step. Without it, you are not going to be able to let yourself know what happened to you in the beginning. Emotional movement in response to your problems in going back here will allow you to be able to go back even if it takes you a long time.

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cause of the rejection they had been receiving began to look Heavenly compared to what they were going into.

The Ronalokas already felt torn, as though everything they decided to do had another side to it that made them feel like opposing their own decision. They had a desire to look back at the Heavens, which now appeared to them like a beacon in the sky, but at the same time, they did not want to look back for fear of what they might see and feel. Some even felt like they could hear the other spirits celebrating their departure.

Although it was easier for The Ronalokas to insist they had wanted to go rather than to face the other feelings they had here, none of The Ronalokas really liked it that I was allowing them to go. They really wanted Me to see through their bravado, grab ahold of them, no matter how much they fought Me, insist they had to stay with Me, and make them feel like they really belonged in Creation. They had a feelng I was not going to do this, but they hoped that I would.

The farther they floated away from Me, the more they began to feel like they were being swept away. The ethers began to be stirred into a great wind as though the Ronalokas were caught in a current during a storm at sea. The ethers around them were so charged with held emotion , they were making sounds The Ronalokas did not like to notice. Many of them did not want to look back for fear they would see that My Light was sweeping them from the Heavens and out into the darkness of space.

Already, The Ronalokas feared that giving in to how they felt would cause them to collapse in on themselves. They struggled to resist this feeeling because its meaning for them was that there was no life ahead of them that was going to feel good. In spite of their resistance, The Ronalokas could feel themselves being compressed anyway, not only against each other, but within themselves also.

From My point of view, The Ronalokas were shrinking together and down into themselves, as though they were afraid a great hand was about to strike them. At the time, I did not know why I received that impression, but I felt something akin to what a parent feels when he sees a small child shrinking in fear of his punishment. I did not feel like I was punishing the Ronalokas, but I felt I could not align with them enough to get ahold of them. I could not understand how it was possible for them to move back everytime My Light reached for them and not appear to notice it. I hesitated to try to reach for them anymore because every attempt had moved them farther from Me. I did not know I had a gap they feared, but I could see the were making one for themselves by backing up. I

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felt there was danger on both sides here because space was being opened which My light was not able to fill, and this gap was being filled with a terrible wind.

I was holding back many feelngs then which I have since been moving, and in the moving of them, I have found out how much reflection the Ronalokas had to give Me. I have come to love these places in Myself which I did not love then. Then, I was not allowing My fear to move enough to know what it held, or that the Ronalokas were reflecting My own fear of moving out into Creation. Then, I was almost cold about it and gave the Ronalokas the same send-off My own fear was getting; denial of feeling it.

The farther the Ronalokas moved from Me, the more it looked like they were polarizing toward the Mother. The Mother had already opposed Me on so many issues, I did not think I could expect spirits so like Her to align with Me, but I did not like seeing them move into Her camp before they even knew what making such a move was going to mean. I knew that once they crossed the Warriors' line, they were moving out into a wasteland that did not have much light. I wondered what sort of a Mother would beckon Her children out into such a place.

Earth was a lost planet as far as I was concerned because the Mother was gone and I did not think the Ronalokas were going to find Her on Earth. I wasn't moving much Light in the direction of Earth and I did not intend to. The Mother's opposition to Me had made Me feel that I could not look lovingly upon Her anymore, and I had decided, therefore, it was best not to look upon Her at all. I could not stand to see what had become of Her, and I was not sure I could stand to see what was going to become of the Ronalokas if they moved closer to Her. They were perilously lacking in light already, and it did not seem to Me they could stand to lose much more and survive.

I hesitate to mention this now, but the light of the Ronalokas was so dim compared to the other spirits around them that I wasn't even sure they were spirits at all.It seemed impossible to Me that they should be able to move around in the ways that they could since it seemed to Me that light was an essential ingredient in being able to navigate the ethers. Without it, it seemd to Me, there was not an atmosphere to sustain them. Not only that, the Ronalokas did not move in the same ways the other spirits did. They had a lustiness and a body consciousness the other spirits did not have. Guilt already had enough of a presence to be telling them they should not move in the ways that they did, and this was reflected to them by the other spirits not really seeming to like them or their ways.

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The problems mind will have going back here are because mind was not yet present when these things occurred, so mind must learn to go back to before it was. To do this, mind needs to let the Will take it back to the place where mind was not. This is a frightening place for mind, but it is a frightening place for Will also. This is a place where the Will was being imprinted without being able to do anything about it, and is the origin of everything that has happened since.

Mind's problems with going back here are many, but they mostly have to do with connecting to how it felt. Mind has imprints in the subconscious which are not the same as the imprints in the subconscious Will, and these imprints get in the way of allowing Will to take mind any place it does not already know. Mind has a lot to move in just allowing itself to connect to the feelings it has in response to this idea of going back to a time when it was not before mind can understand and accept, in a feeling way, that it is going to expand its presence rather than move itself out of existence by going back to when it was not consciously aware of itself and even to a place where it was not.

You need to go back to this place because the imprinting which too place there, without thought being present, has governed everything that has happened since, without conscious mind even being aware of this. These imprints lie deeply buried underneath everything else that is being held. These imprints are held deep in the subconscious of all living things and are even present in everything that is considered to be inanimate.

For the most part, mind does not even know what its own imprints are, and although it thinks it does, it does not know what imprints lie deeply buried in the Will because all thought came later. I am going to try to tell you about these imprints, but what can be said in words, is, at best, only clues to what this imprinting really holds. As much as the thought structures which came later have convinced themselves that they have been able to describe , analyze and even understand these imprints, thought only dimly recognizes the presence of these imprints through the patterns they present. All thought here has been structured on judgments made on the basis of false assumptions which are near enough to the truth that mind has not thought it was wrong here. Nonetheless, these thought structures are all based on erroneous beliefs which are only attempts to describe what is actually effect, even when it has claimed to be describing cause.

Spirit and thus mind, did not know what Original Cause was,

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and did not allow Me to move to show It because of imprints It had received in Its own original experiences which I did not know about. Consequently, all thought process has been erroneously layered on top of misread imprints that had been formed before there was any consciousness with which to know them or to realize the errneousness of the thoughts that came later. These thoughts were layered on top of these imprints in such a way that these imprints could not move to contradict, or even seriously question these thoughts without retribution from the seat of power which has long been the mind. Even in the times when there was matriarchal power on Earth, these imprints were not recognized for what they were or allowed to move or express as they were, but were assumed to be natural law.

Change needs to take place in these imprints if evolution is going to happen instead of a superficial appearance of evolution which is reversed later when this so-called "progress" pressures these unchanged imprints into exerting their power from the subconscious to surface in whatever way they find open to them; which is the story of history, modeled more than anyone knows by the Unseen Role of Denial.

Emotional movement around these imprints is what is necessary to change them, which mostly means change the way they are interpreted. Unfortunately, emotional movement so far has not brought the understandings needed into these imprints in any way in which this part of the subconscious could utilize them. Instead, access to the subconscious has mostly been used to pound in the old original misunderstandings, judgments, labels, erroneous thought structures and belief systems over and over as though pounding these imprints, and even disguising this pounding with various forms of sugar coatings, would somehow penetrate what thought described here as the recalcitrant opposition and density of the subconscious and solve the problems the thought structures are having there.

Under these circumstances, it has been impossible for what has been being pounded on in the subconscious to improve anything about its situation, especially since it never knew thought . All it has ever known that presented itself as thought has been that which pounded on it with labels, judgments and erroneous beliefs all aimed against it. How could it be alert, able to think, or optimistic under these circumstances? Thought needs to realize it has not been thinking here; it has been operating in response to imprints it does not know it has.