Discipline is a point of real confusion
among most of the people on Earth today.
Suffice it to say that an aligned Will is always appropriate.
Disruptive behavior or opposition of any sort
is always an attempt of the Will to recover its own lost alignment.
If the reason for the disruptive behavior
is sought, accepted, expressed, understood and given
what you feel like giving it
1984- page 13 ["Discipline, Death and Reincarnation"]
without judgment,
the disruptive behavior will disappear.
The process of aligning your own Will
has to show you the true understandings here
because the misunderstandings around the concept of discipline
are at present so massive on Earth
that it is best approached by letting go of preconceived notions
and trying out the process of recovering your own freedom of Will.

Will must be unconditionally accepted by the Spirit
to be able to balance with it in the Heart.
The Will has been so severely disciplined on Earth
that it is extremely confused
and in fact is very much like an abused child in most people.

Inner listening is an important step
in the process of Right Use of Will,
but is difficult and nearly impossible to find
in an atmosphere of judgment.
Judgment release is necessary
to allow the misunderstandings
that judgments hold rigid
to move and clear the space for inner listening.

Judgments see the situation as unable to change.
Judgments always carry a denial of some sort,
and what the judgments have denied
is usually seeking acceptance,
in order to clear itself
because it does not feel good
to be a denied part of the self.

In most people there has been an ongoing conflict
between the judgments and the denied truth
which has made inner listening impossible without the use of control.
Here meditation can be very helpful
for listening and improving receptivity.

Health is not often achieved in a background of clamor
that is in conflict about what to do or how to do it
or what others will think of it, etc.
Habits aren't easily released in this atmosphere either
because the Body's voice can be lost in the ruckus.
The practice of listening to everything in you
is necessary to align all the parts of the being
by ending the denials that have perpetuated the lack of alignment.
Learning to listen does not require meditation
but it can definitely help if you are having trouble listening to yourself.
Listening also needs to go beyond the self
by opening to hear more and more
until you can hear everything in Creation.

The whole yin aspect of man is needing to be understood
as an evolving aspect of Creation.
It is not just actions that must evolve;
understanding and receptivity must evolve also.
The yin aspect of man's development
has been proceeding with a maximum of imbalance.
East and West,
feminine and masculine,
intuition and thought,
feeling and reason,
nature and man
are still seen as adversaries by many people.
[Here ends the sequence of the Re-study of the Blue Book
- together with the Hebrew translation - in .reality4 ]

When polarities are seen as conflicting opposites,
and especially when one is favored,
the harmony that brings inner silence in which to hear
is obscured by the conflict.
Polarities are the expanding limits of one principle
and so the answer naturally lies
in allowing all of them
to come into balance and complementary function.
Within each of you is all of these things;
the receptive needs to balance with the outgoing,
inner reality needs to balance with outer reality,
and the Spirit needs to balance with the Will.

Accepting everything and allowing complementary function
enables you to meet any situation
with exactly what is felt to be truly appropriate;
nothing more, nothing less.
In this way you are not needing to deny anything;
and yet, in trying to allow everything,
many people felt overwhelmed
because they had denied something without realizing it.
There was a denial involved here of right time
tied into a misunderstanding about acceptance.

The denying consciousness
often attempts to fill the gap left by the denial.
Denial of the Will is often filled in by what is actually a false Will.
This consists of false feelings
the person convinces himself he actually has.

Denial of feelings has created an imbalance in the Heart.
Unconditional Love cannot manifest itself when there is this imbalance.
The alignment and balancing of polarities
aligns and balances everything in-between them.
Ending your own imbalance of feelings
and the accompanying judgmental patterns
is going to allow you to manifest unconditional Love.
The ones that say only a few can do this have not understood Me,
the One God that Created everything.

I gave the ability to manifest unconditional Love to every Spirit
that would accept it from Me.
Some refused to accept this gift from Me,
and it is mainly these Spirits
who themselves refused to accept unconditional Love
that have been claiming
unconditional Love is only possible for Me
and a very few of My closest Created Spirits.
Many Spirits that have the potential to manifest unconditional Love
have accepted this false claim
and have thus endangered their own loving essence by denying it.

This denial has gone as close as I want to see it go
to appearing to prove that it is right
by keeping loving essence unmanifested.
Hear Me on this: I want this denial ended now.
The pain present in that which is loving
but which is being held outside of Love
is unbearable and must be healed.

Denial has temporarily allowed many to ignore this pain,
but I am not disconnected from it
and I want you to take responsibility for your own denial.
There was perfection and balance of the polarities
before the physical plane experience
and there will be again.
This balance will return in the Age now coming on Earth.
The recognition of the validity of intuition is unfolding
as is the recognition
of the masculine and feminine principles within each sex.
East and West are meeting.

1984- page 18 ["Inner Listening"]
many have denied themselves the ability to receive Light from Me.
This has been more the cause of death than anything else on earth.
Many people in not understanding this
have been neglecting to get nourishment from Me.
It is necessary to ask Me to fill you with Light... often.

The actual fact of the matter is that you may not be soon
if you do not end your own personal denial and your denial of Me.
I am not threatening; I am once again telling you what you are creating for yourselves.
And, in fact, this reality is much closer than your denial is so far letting you realize.
My earlier warnings have gone mostly unheeded
and so I am now warning strongly and for the last time on Earth.

I am Love .
The denial of the Loving Essence on Earth needs to end
The reality is that few people on Earth are now choosing to end their denial.
I have to respect their choice and they will get their own pesonal choice,
but they will not get to have it on Earth.
This process for ending denial that I am now offering here
is the only process I have seen to work.
The attrunement of inner listening is an important part of this process
because you need to learn to hear Me
and to hear your own Spirit clearly
so that you can get the specifics of your own denial.
fear is going to come up around this and it needs extensive release.

The gift of Right Use of Will here is that inner listening is easier
1984- still page 19 ["Inner Listening"]
when all the levels of your being realize
that the nourishment of and receptivity to the Divine Impulses
are to benefit all of your being and not just some of it.
Then polarities can harmonize
and, without the conflict,
true listening can be reached.

Ego/self is as Divine as anything else.
It is the part of you that recognizes you as you,
and without it,
you cannot tell the difference between yourself and anything else.
Ego /self operates to protect your present level of ability
to accept, experience and express.
Many have judged self-love to be selfish
and have had a habit of self-denial
as though this is more loving than love of self.
To be without ego, or to cultivate selflessness,
has often been equated with oneness,
but this would be a oneness without differentiation
and, thus, no manifestation of Creation.
While this has been a goal for some,
this is an unrealistic image of Oneness.


As soon as there is a recognition of consciousness,
there is differentiation through recognition of the self that noticed this.
The awareness of self was blamed as the initial cause of separation.
Creation manifests from consciousness.
Without recognition of consciousness
there is no way to experience it,
and thus, no experience or evolution,
and ultimately, no existence.


Healing the ego/self with understanding and loving acceptance
is another aspect of personal growth.
Balance between love of self and love of everything else is what is needed.

2010- still on page 15

FREE WILL IN THE PRESENCE OF OPPOSITION

The question of freeing you Will in an atmosphere that doesn't accept it
is the next issue to be discussed.


The question of practicing Right Use of Will among people



2010- page 16
who do not accept and understand these ideas
is a matter of personal choice.

It should be understood, however,
that there are many obstacles to doing this in an atmosphere of restriction,
and that overpowering of others in any direction,
even with ideas,
is not the practice of Free Will.


Free Will is an old confusion in Creation,
which is why so many do not appear to be in acceptance of it.
Many have thought that free Will couldn't work
because the Spirits were too foolish to make wise choices.
Many have feared that they couldn't conduct their own lives well.
Many have thought it was not possible
because there would never be an alignment.
These are some of the reasons that many began to abdicate their own Will
in favor of what they thought was My Will.


Many people know
that the reality around them is of their own creation
and that it is also their reflection,
but many have not yet understood
how much of their reality has been created
by what they have been holding in denial,
outside the spectrum of their awareness,
and thus, their acceptance.
The reflecton of non-acceptance for free Will is going to be found
to be based in your own misunderstandings, denials and judgments.


Evolution of the individual Will is an important part of spiritual growth,
and learning from experience is an important part of evolving the individual Will.
Because others are not the cause of the suppression of your own free Will,
the practice of Right Use of Will
does not need to force ideas on anyone or on society at large
The space to practiice freeing your Will comes from within you.


Some people want to seek ways to find others
who understand and accept these ideas.
Some may want to talk with others about the idea of freeing their Will
because they don't want to feel alone in what they are doing.
Mutual support can be good.
Any lack of receptivity here, is a signal
to find these places of judgment and lack of acceptance within yourself.
Any seeming conflicts or disagreements
can be more easily resolved by finding alignment within yourself first.

If you recover your own lost Will,
you will find it much easier to change your reality to suit you
than to try to change an outward reflection of denial
that you have not changed within yourself.
Finding the balance point
between changing the circumstances around you
and changing your circmstances
is something that each person needs to find, according to how it feels.


If your needs are being denied you by someone else,
and you feel you have done all you can
to release limits you have been holding on yourself,

All of the gifts of Right Use of Will can come to you
when you really align with accepting them
by releasing through expression everything
that feels you cannot have them.
The fastest way to open the space for change
is to release judgments
and the pent-up emotional energy around them
so energy can more.
This seems so simple
and yet societal conditioning has taught everyone to talk in generalizations
and to control emotions and thus lock up the free flow of experience.

Lost energy, lost Love, lost power, lost anything
is the result of denial,
of holding it away from you by not accepting it.
What was lost returns
when you forgive yourself for denying it and accept it.
This does not mean forgiving yourself for the behavior.
It means accepting the behavior
and forgiving yourself for not having accepted it before
as part of you and your learning experience.
Denial does not open space for improvement
because it disconnects from that which could teach it.
Denial is held in place with judgments and emotional control.
If, instead of understanding and accepting your experiences, you judge them,
you lock the energy into that rigid pattern of perception.

1984 - still page 19 ["Judgment Release"]

Finally, an experience with enough intensity
to bring release of the pattern
will be drawn.
This is learning by resisting the lessons
until you meet your match.
Holding rigid energy patterns
that must be broken through by intense experiences
is not the only way to learn.

Judgments are not necessary steps on the way to understanding.

1984 - page 20 ["Judgment Release"]

Observation and evaluation,
learning and experiencing
can all take place without judgments.
Judgments are outside of time.
Judgments exist after the situation
in which they were made
no longer exists
and yet they continue to have power
to limit your possibilities.

Most judgments are made
when experience confuses the person's sense of understanding
and the person feels the need to define the situation.
Judgments do label and structure the situation,
but then they also limit energy movement
to the patterns the judgments have created.
In this way feelings
of not having enough understanding or personal power
are compensated for by imposing misunderstandings and judgments
that bring the illusion of control.
This pattern keeps the pendulum of karma swinging
until the balance is found.

Judgment release must be real and deeply felt,
not just given lip service or intellectual understanding.
Love is the way to release judgments.
Specifically, with Love and understanding forgive yourself for judging. Judgments are a way of giving conditional acceptance by saying,
"I can accept it if it is the way I say it is."
Unconditional Love doesn't judge,
it accepts the actuality.
Many times the actuality is so unacceptable
that the person insists the judgment is the actuality.
This is denial of making judgments.
Intent determines the judgmental nature.
It is the spirit not the letter of the law that determines judgment.
If Love and acceptance are present,
something may even have seemingly judgmental words
without being a judgment.

Judgment-making stops the situation from changing.
A judgment sets you up to repeat situations until understanding is gained.
A judgment says something is such and such.
The label impedes change
and the more it is repeated, the more it conditions you.
For example, "Water is frightening" is a judgment.
The actual truth is: "I almost drowned once, was frightened at that time
and have not yet released the fear."

2010- page 18 ["Judgment Release"]

intensifies. For example.
"I'm not a nice person," is a judgment
and a label in place of compassion and introspection
that could realize why you could have this judgment against yourself.


When negative judgments are held against the self,
repetitious experiences will reflect those judgments.
Resistance to what is held there can,
sooner or later, build up pressure in what is held
until it may burst forth as an explosion
in which the judgments usually spew forth
propelled by denied emotions.
This is learning by resisting the lessons
until you "meet your match."
Reiterating the judgments then, intensifies them,
While seeming to prove these judgments to be correct


Intense judgments are usually made amidst a wave of strong emotion when a person's usual sense of things is overwhelmed,
and there is a feeling of needing to push back,
make sense of the situation, or define it.
While judgments do label and structure the situation,
and therefore, can give a person a sense of making sense of things,
they are also limiting.
In this way, feelings
of not having enough understanding, or personal power,
are compensated for by imposing misunderstandings and judgments that bring an illusion of understanding, power and control.


Holding rigid energy patterns
that must be broken trhough by intense experiences
is not the only way to learn.
Judgments are not necessary steps on the way to understanding
Judgments obscure the ability to use discernment.
Discernment in observation and evaluation,
learning and experiencing
can all take place without judgment.
Judgments simplify and rigidify.


Judgments are outside of time.
They exist after the experience in which they were made,
and when the judgmens remain,
they have the power to influence future experiences
to conform to the judgments.
This limits your possibilities.


Some people need to release judgments first,
before they can accept another possibility
or allow their emotions to express.
Others need to let their emotions express
until they feel readi to release judgments.
Don't judge your approach;
it may be one way sometimes and another way at other times.
Self-acceptance is a necessary component of genuine judgment release.


Heart-felt self-forgiveness
has a powerful effect on a person's energy field,
but it is also importnat to use the words
that feel right to you at the time.
Silent, internal release of held beliefs and judgments is helpful,
however, saying the words out loud
adds the aspect of manifested vibration.
Since this entire creation is vibration based,
actually voicing your release
can have a more profound effect than silent release.

1984 - still page 20 ["Judgment Release"]

People have thought that I was judgmental,
and that karma was punishment or a balance of payments for sins or debts. Actually karma is old conditioning
which is drawing the experience that could release it
and allow growth and change.
Emotional response to your karma r
eleases old conditioning of the Will
and judgment release frees the mind.
All karma then is essentially with yourself
since what you hold in your own energy

1984 - page 21 ["Judgment Release"]

field draws your experiences to you.
You yourself can release
to change what you do not want to keep the same.
Judgments, karma, misunderstandings and conditioning
are all words to describe the same concept.
People have judged and misunderstood and even made laws
based on the idea that the nature of man must be controlled.
This control is slowing evolution drastically.
You can avoid making judgments by talking specifically,
and by not projecting your present opinions as eternal laws;
for if you do, you are the one controlled by them.

Judgment release is necessary
because the Spirit and Will
can't be free in an energy field literally clouded by judgments.
The Will seeks understanding.
The Will must feel trust in the Spirit to be comfortable in its search.
The Will can temporarily be forced to go ahead anyway,
but then the price paid is exhaustion, ill health, aging and death.

The ability to live a long life comes
when the Body is not forced to do what it doesn't want to do.
Many fear that doing what they want to do
will lead to inertia with resulting starvation,
but any Will that is not totally undermined
at least understands survival needs
and will take care of them one way or another.
Release of the judgment that you must work for everything
allows more freedom in creating solutions.

The inner conflicts that keep attunement away
are misunderstandings that are seeking understandings.
However, if true understanding is to come,
full attention to the conflict is necessary.
Past experiences are a source of wisdom,
but judgments give false wisdom.
Judgments do not see the situation for what it really is and also say that the next experience
will be the same as the past experience.
This is the same as saying
that nothing has been learned
that could change this for the better.

2010- page 20 ["Judgment Release"]

rather than projecting
your present opinions or assessments of a situation into the future
with your words,
as though this is how it is going to be foresever.


The following are some statements
that have been believed to be reality,
but are actually judgments:
"It is a sin to love self; one must love only God.
God doesn't talk to people like me.
If I think I hear voices, I'll be labeled 'crazy'.
No one is going to accept me unless I conform to their expectations.
Everyone has to compromise to get along in this world.
If I have it my way, I'm being selfish!
There's no way out of death or taxes.
I have to die of something, so I may as well enjoy myself.
There is a certain order to things on Earth, and I can't go against it.
The earth has settled down, so big upheavals are in the past.
So many people have prophesied things that haven't happened,
that no one can predict the future.
God doesn't work miracles on Earth anymore, so maybe He never did.
Reality stays pretty much the same.
This reality is the way it is, the way it's always been
and the way it'll always be."


Judgments are a way of giving conditional acceptance.
When the actuality has seemed so overwhelming or unacceptable,
people can want to insist that their judgments are the actuality.
This is denial of making judgments.
However, sometimes people are not ready
to face actuality of certain experiences
or the feelings surrounding them.
Even though denial has been a survival mechanism at those times,
if the intention is for full healing,
these denials have to be faced, accepted and understood
when the person is able.

Since making judgments stops the situation from changing
and sets you up to repeat situations
that are held within the framework of your judgments,
this has the effect of reducing your perceptions of reality
to something that may have seemed more manageable
at the time the judgments were made.
As I said, these judgments are often forgotten,
mistaken for reality and lost into the "subconscious."
These situations will, then, repeat until you realize
that you are not getting the evolution, change or personal growth
that you want in your life.

2010- page 25 "EMOTIONAL RELEASE"
In the 1984 version, this chapter appears only after the next chapter ['Realities precipitating toward Earth"].


make whatever sound you can,
even if it is a little moan or peep.
If you need to start with words, let yourself do that.
If you do this enough in each situation,
you can loosen yourself up and reach what is called ignition .
Ignition is the point when your emotions take you over temporarily
and do exactly what they need to do
You need not control this in any way other than to make sure you do not really hurt anyone.

Part of this expression may be movements such as thrashing, kicking or rolling.
If you feel you must act out in some way,
you can use a pillow, or something else, as a symbol of what you want to act out on.
You can hit or beat,
but bring your awareness present so that you realize you are acting out,
and do not do this to another living being.
If your emotions want to make sounds, do your best to allow it.
It is important to surrender to the expression while it is happening,
and let it take its course freely.
Be in a state of openness and acceptance as much as possible,
and express in this way until you feel no further need to do it.
Let your emotional movement show you
what it has been holding and what it has to teach.


Pay attention to everything that comes into your consciousness at this time.
Other emotions may have some presence there.
Let everything that happens find acceptance with you, instead of denial.
When the expression, or movement, of your emotional release subsides,
rest, drink water
and remain open to what else may want to surface in your consciousness.
Judgments may surface.
If not, seek the judgments you feel ready to release.
Threads in other similar incidents may appear.
If not, seek the threads, or patterns,
that connect this experience to other similar situations.
Be open to understandings.
This may take many more sessions than you realize
when you first begin to contact what you have been holding.


If you do not find love right away
for the parts of yourself that have been held outside of your acceptance,
you can start by finding compassion for yourself.
Looking deeper may be what you need,
or you may not be finished with those feelings and viewpoints.
You can let more movement happen when you are ready.
You can ask for My Loving Light to come into these places.


The understandings you can receive from doing this
are not anything I can put in a book.
Each of you has your own karmic path to resolve
and this process can greatly accelerate it.
You may find
that your emotions have so much to teach you that you did not realize previously,
that you may soon find you want your

THE FIRST CREATION ......1
THE SECOND CREATION .....7
THE THIRD CREATION ......17
THE EMERGENCE OF HEART.......25
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FATHER OF MANIFESTATION ........33
THE EMERGENCE OF THE PLANETS AND STARS OF THE CENTRAL UNIVERSE ......39
THE EMERGENCE OF THE ANCIENT ONES THAT SERVE THE LIGHT ......40
SELF-DOUBT......42
THE DEMOCRATIC COUNCIL......43
THE APPROACH OF THE MIND VERSUS THE APPROACH OF THE INTUITION ......45
GOING FORTH WITH SELF-DOUBT ......47
THE EMERGENCE OF THE GREAT ARC ANGELS ...... 49
THE APPEARANCE OF LUCIFER ......50
THE EMERGENCE OF THE LESSER ARC ANGELS ......51
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FIRST ORDER OF ANGELS ......55
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SECOND ORDER OF ANGELS ......60
THE EMERGENCE OF THE THIRD ORDER OF ANGELS ......62
THE EMERGENCE OF THE FOURTH ORDER OF ANGELS ......63
THE PLATEAU OF REST AND SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
                            WHICH HINDSIGHT GAVE ME THERE ......64
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMS ......73
THE EMERGENCE OF THE SPIRIT POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......86
SPIRIT AND FORM GO INTO CONFLICT
                            AND APPEAL TO HEART FOR BALANCE ......94
THE EMERGENCE OF THE WILL POLARITY OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......102
THE TRIUMPHAND RETURN HOME THAT ALMOST TURNS SOUR ......107
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP SPIRITS THAT WERE HAVING TROUBLE ......110
THE ANGELS' EARLY MISUNDERSTANDINGS......117
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NOW THAT COULD NOT BE GAINED THEN ......120
AS I TURN TO HELP THE ANGELS, THE MOTHER HELPS ME TO HELP MYSELF ......126
THE MOTHER SUGGESTS
                            THAT NOT ALL SPIRITS ARE SPIRITS OF THE LIGHT ......129
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HEL THE ANCIENT ONES ......131
GIVING HELP TO THE ARC ANGELS ......133
EARLY ATTEMPTS TO HELP THE ANGELS ......138
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
                           THE SERAPHIMS AND THE CHERUBIMES NEED NOW ......142
SOME UNDERSTANDING ON THE KARMA OF THE RAINBOW SPIRITS ......149
SOME JUDGMENTS THAT NEED RELEASE NOW ......165
FRAGMENTATION INCARNATING INTO SUCCESSIVE GENERATIONS ......169
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON THE ROLE OF SEX IN FRAGMENTATION ......176
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS ON DEATH ......181
GLIMPSES INTO SOME OF THE UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED NEXT ......186

p.58
We were also naming the older spirits now and having a little ceremony to accompany the naming, sort of like a Christening might be thought of now.

Lucifer located himself to one side. The Mother felt that his laughter was a smirking rather than a joining in the merriment of the others. She hated him for smirking, but did not know if hating him was alright or not. She had guilt about Her own lack of acceptance for everything; perhaps Lucifer was only more honest about it than she was. She did not know that the judgments She held against Herself for feeling at odds with Me were being reflected to Her by Lucifer. She feared being like him because he felt could, critical and unloving.

As soon as Lucifer noticed Her having these thoughts, he told Her that She was not right to feel about him as She did, because he was just there to let Her know that it was Her own inability to accept reality that made Her fear it. The Mother feared that Lucifer was right; that She had not opened to experience and that She had judged it in advance of experiencing it.

The Mother had a confusion here that has gone on for so long, it is not easy to straighten it out now: There is a great difference between judging against something without opening to find out what it is, and opening to receive something and then allowing yourself to know that it is not for you. You also need to understand that the length of time spent in the presence of something does not necessarily determine openess to it or understanding of it. It is highly possible to know something the instant you focus on it and it is also possible to live in the presence of something and never know it. You must feel something to know what it is and this is the most important lesson the Will has to teach, even now.

The Mother was not understood in the beginning. Because We did not understand how to clear the original conditioning the Mother received, We did not clearly understand what effect this conditioning was having on the present. I knew that the Mother was not allowing Me to have the experience I wanted to have, but I did not know why She was having this effect on me, and I did not understand why feelings from Her past pursued Her into the present. I had blame for Her, but not understanding. Because the Will's original conditioning was not released, We did not get a chance to see how the Creation could have gone if this conditioning had not been there.

Because of the original denials, the Mother was not clear.

p.59

When there is old charge held in the Will, you cannot see the present clearly. The Mother had old feelings that did not allow Her to know whether She was responding accurately to the situation or judging it before She allowed Herself to know it. As time went on, We found that it is not even possible to know a situation for what it really is when old conditioning is present.

Lucifer took advantage of the Mother here because it was His intent to undermine the Will. Lucifer told the Mother that She could not know what the experience of the Creation was going to be because She was judging everything in advance. He told Her that Her judgments gave Her the experience She expected to have.

The Mother was very frightened and upset by what Lucifer told Her, because it sounded right but it felt terrible. The Mother was so frightened about Herself that She could not realize, at that time, that it felt terrible to receive this from Lucifer, because there was no love present in what lucifer said.

Since it was not known how to change the feelings the Mother had, she felt that She could not gain acceptance unless She played the role that we all seemed to want Her to play. She feared that She was wrong to have the other feelings that seemed so displeasing to the rest of Us, and She resolved to try very hard to be more positve about what was happening. The more She did this, the more denial went into Lost Will.

The Mother tried to act gay and not look at the pictures She didn't like. She had fun in spite of Herself, and even joined the father of Manifestation in making music to go along with the visions We were having. The music seemed to lift the visions higher, and the visions in turn inspired the music until we were all feeling nearly orgasmic together. When there was a vision that We all particularly wanted to have happen, We had a great burst of light around it and these visions, then, began to have a greater life within Us than the others.

It seemed as though focus on the positive worked. We were innocent then and did not know how it felt to be ignored by the light, until guilt began to point it out later. We were having fun as innocently as an audience applauding in a movie theater.

The Mother watched the "applause meter" closely to see if Her choices were going to be the choices of others. The Mother's fear that She was alone in Her choices seemed to be confirmed, as most of the visions that received the biggest response did not include the Mother's presence. She then feared even more that

p.58
to prefer flaunting His actions as though overstepping My limits meant I was not the boss.

When the Father of Manifestation disregarded My limits, the Mother became even more terrified than She already was, but She was too terrified to express Her terror. She knew we hated Her fear but She also knew that it enraged the Father of Manifestation even more than He already was when She did not respond to Him as a being of power and wisdom who also deserved Her respect.

The Father of Manifestation could feel the presence of Her terror although He did not know the depth of it. He did not want to face the reflection here so He chose to view Her fear as a sign of fearful respect for Him similar to the fearful respect He knew She had for Me.

The Father of Manifestation viewed fearful respect as better than nothing because He already feared that the Mother saw Me as being more important than He was. He feared this meant that if the Mother had to make a choice she would choose Me.

The Father of Manifestation had fears similar to Mine about letting go of the Mother. Neither One of Us had the feeling that there was another partner that was really right for Us, but neither of Us could stand what was happening when we were with the Mother either. We were frightened and angry enough to fight over who had the best claim on the Mother, but We weren't allowing these feelings to surface.

On the surface, We were acting aloof and detached, waiting to see what Her move was going to be. The Mother was awash in the guilt of having two lovers and feeling unable to choose between Them. The Father of Manifestation let go of Her to see what She was going to do because He did not feel certain of His position with Her. He feared He might be trying to make more of Himself than He really was when He felt that the Mother was his right Partner. Just as much as His rage wanted to assert that He was My equal, His fear said that He was not and that He was not even a rightful part of the Godhead. Guilt caused Him to hold back His feelings so well here that I did not find out what they were until I understood their Lost Will reflection.

I, on the other hand, did not yet know that I had any fears of the Mother being above Me. I feared She had diminished Herself so seriously that She could no longer keep up with Me. I viewed this as the reason She was not in My presence any more than She was. I had many reasons for avoiding the issue of My fading

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relationship with the Mother, many of which I have already given, but I would like to mention another one now. I had the impression that the Mother loved the Father of Manifestation more than She loved Me and I did not want to give Her a chance to reject Me. I had Angels in Her place already and I was trying to groom them to fill Her role if necessary.

When I saw the Mother and the Father of Manifestation making love against My wishes it amplified My fears, but I also had blame and rage toward both of Them.They had not even invited Me! The Mother appeared to be trying to hide, and the Father of Manifestation appeared to be inviting a confrontation. This gave Me the impression that They were being willfully defiant and even in opposition to My wishes.

I thought the Mother was diminishing Herself everytime She made love. I also saw that when She did this, She was opening Herself to take in darkness. I thought She was doing this because She wanted to take in darkness. I saw Her as turning against Me and I hated Her for it.

I hated the Father of Manifestation also. I thought He was the cause of many of the Mother's problems and when I saw Her trying to resist Him, I blamed Him for taking advantage of the Mother's need to feel loved. I thought He should do as I had done and give Her more of a chance to choose. I did not realize that Will and Body could not hold off from love-making the way I could. I viewed them as lower than Me because of this.

I was enraged at Them but I did not let it into My consciousness. I only told Myself that They needed lessons in discipline. I felt that I could not trust Will and Body to follow my lead anymore and that I was going to have to find ways to make Them align with Me. These unresolved feelings of Ours which had moved into the LostWill were already engaged in battles with each other, but I did not know it yet.


THE HEART SPIRITS POLARIZE TOWARD THE GODHEAD

When I told the Heart Spirits not to pressure others, I did not know how involved in pressuring I already was. The Verdeloka could not follow My advice because I was not following it Myself.

My Lost Will was moving out and reflecting realities that were

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She was not accepted or loved. She feared again that the only place in Creation She would be given was outside of Me. Nothing looked good to Her, in that case, and in addition to Her many other feelings, She had a rage over it that She was afraid to show.

Lucifer liked it that the Mother felt rejected, and he made use of it by telling Her that She could never be sure She was loved, if She had to ask for love. The undercurrent his message carried to the Mother was that it was inappropriate and self-defeating to express the feelings of hurt and rejecton that She felt. She already knew that Lucifer did not make Her feel good, but now She was unsure as to whether Her feelings toward him were a fault in Her or unlovingness coming from him. It was very confusing to the Mother that Lucifer seemed to make sense and even speak truth, and yet, he made Her feel so bad. The Mother wanted the truth to feel good to Her, and She feared that if Lucifer was speaking truth, She had preference for living a lie. She could not see another way then, given the understandings She had, and so she wanted to try even more not to feel the feelings that did not feel good.

The Mother then turned to Me with Her fear and confusion. She opened to receive Me, hoping I would help Her. I turned Her down saying that I was too involved in what was going on to make room right then for Her fears and doubts. She knew that I felt like She was being a drag on My good time again, and even though I had sympathy for Her, I did not want to have to deal with Her right then.

The spirits that felt what happened between Myself and the Mother right then took it to mean that they were more interesting to Me than She was, because they had the visions that I wanted to see and the Mother did not. I actually did not have preference for one over another, but in their eyes, I had acted as though I did. Ever since then, many of the Heart Angels have had an aggrandized image of the importance of their relationship with Me. This misunderstanding got acted out later in the Angelic experience in ways which you are later going to have to accept, even though it may be hard to understand at first.


THE EMERGENCE OF THE SECOND ORDER OF ANGELS

When I turned down the Mother, She turned to the Father of Manifestation because He felt warm and good to Her, and I

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was feeling cool and detached. He felt Her pain and moved it as He found it, reassuring Her all the while that She had to have a place in Creation or there would not be a Creation. The Mother felt that He was not wrong, but She could not shake the feeling that She was going to have to go through too much to prove it right.

The Father of Manifestation held the Mother of Everything and tried to comfort Her. Pretty soon, They were making love. They felt guilty about not including all of Us, but They could not hold Themselves back. The Mother did not allow any emergences, but having an orgasm could not be hidden. I saw it and I had to flood Them with love because the beauty of the light was so great.

Everyone saw the light and had expectation of more emergences. They were not disappointed. Receiving my acceptance allowed the Mother to give in and the Second Order of Angels appeared. These Angels had more gold light than any of the others.

"At last," the Mother thought, "some spirits have taken after Me."

She felt joy at their emergence because She believed that these spirits would be able to understand Her. These Angels had well defined hands and more body definition than the others had had. they were also winged and did not have feet.

These spirits had some guilt that they had emerged in the middle of the Heart Angels' festivities, but they said that they could not hold back anymore because they so much wanted to see the visions manifest. I named their order Manifesting Angels and gave them a warm welcome. At first I thought that these Angels could help the Mother, but I soon realized that they had taken after the Father of Manifestation. The Father of Manifestation loved the Mother and so did these Angels, but they did not like having to receive Her pain or Her complaints. Several of them came forward right away and told the Mother that She should quit worrying because they were going to help with the manifestation and make sure that everything went alright.

The Manifesting Angels had a desire to show Us right away how they could manifest things with their hands. They had greetings for all and made speeches that had certain visions as their focus. The First Order of Angels were able to project these visions and the Second Order of Angels were able to hold the visions steady and give them a vividness they didn't have before. The Second Order of Angels had the power to give more form to

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in opposition to My teachings and I did not understand what was causing this to happen.

When the Verdeloka wanted to tell Me that they were having trouble with the Mother of Everything and the Father of Manifestation, they were not sure how I would respond if they brought this forward since I was not bringing forward My own problems here. My lack of straightforwardness was making others feel they could not be straightforward either.

The Verdeloka thought the Mother's negativity meant that She was not loving. They feared Her and wanted to avoid Her as I did. They did not know how to respond to Her if they responded in the ways that She made them feel. They hated Her for not loving them in the ways they wanted Her to, but they did not allow themselves to acknowledge this hatred for fear it meant that they were no more loving than they thought She was. The Heart Spirits have always feared that responding to negativity with negativity makes them the same as the thing they are responding to. They have never let go of the fear that no matter what, they have to be accepting in order to set the example.

Heart Spirits have often seen themselves as being more loving than those around them while those around them have often viewed the Heart Spirits as holier-than-thou types. They need to let this fear move now by giving a broader definition to love than it has been given in the past.

Bringing 'negative' emotions within love by accepting them without patronization is very necessary now, not only for personal happiness and wholeness, but also because the reflection of unlovingness on Earth at this time is directly related to Heart denials. Unlovingness is a direct result of loving essence being told that it is unloving. The reasons why this essence has believed the charges against it for so long are the reasons being explained in the story I am telling you now. There is no faster way to heal unlovingness on Earth than to feel your own hating, blaming rage move until you understand it and learn how to evolve it.

Hating others for what you feel sure you would never do yourself in your starting point. Let yourself hate them and let this hatred move in you until you are able to know that it is really you out there and no one else giving you the reflection of what you have not found acceptable in yourself.

Recognizing these patterns intellectually is not going to move them enough to stop what is happening on Earth. You need to

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move through anger and into the kind of rage that works you like a bellows to move the essence that has been denied here. You need to move rage until you feel its loving presence as essence that seeks to protect you from threats to your own survival.

Heart presence has a direct link to survival that has been heavily denied but needs to be understood now. Survival is not meant to be judged a dirty word that calls up ugly pictures of "Me first at all costs". Survival is loving the self first and loving the self enough not to allow it to be harmed.

You must love yourself first or you cannot love another, but guilt has said that this is the opposite of My teaching, Guilt has said that I have taught by example that it is more loving to think of everyone else first and the self last. The judgments against the survival chakra have given the reflection of ugliness so often seen when people put themselves first no matter what.

Everyone has thought that sacrifice is loving and that the ones who sacrifice themselves are more loving than the ones who do not. The ones who have received benefit from the sacrifice of others have the guilt that they are not as loving as the ones who have sacrificed themselves. Among some spiritual people, there has even been undercurrent competition to see who could sacrifice the most and thus be the most holy.

Guilt has been directing this behavior and it leads to the ruination of Us all. Heart Spirits especially need to understand this, but all spirits are involved. Guilt wants sacrifice.Love knows that what is good for the one is good for the One, but guilt, judgment and denial have caused so much confusion that We have taken Ourselves nearly to the brink of ruin and death and We are still trying to hold back Our survival chakra from trying to save Us.

Heart is involved here because Heart thought He would be selfishly thinking of Himself if He came to Me with His complaints about the lack of alignment between the Mother and Me. He held back as long as He could until He finally realized that it was not possible to hold back anymore. I have involvement in the form of Lost Will that needs to move now on Earth. The Mother has involvement in that Her fear made Her hold back Her response to the denials She was receiving. Body has involvement in that He did not bring His point of view forward either, but I have the causal role because I originated the examples that everyone else followed.

It is imperative that this pattern of self-sacrifice move now.The survival of everthing is at stake. Nothing can be denied and

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the visions and this gave the visions more of a feeling of life within themselves. The Second Order had a focus on detail that We had not had manifest [sic] before. This focus allowed more intricate patterns. The First Order was bringing forward visions they selected from the vastness within My Heart and the Second Order was defining the details and giving the visions a feeling of living form.

The Second Order of Angels wanted to join the party we were already having rather than have a separate party of their own. The Second Order wanted to add their vividness to everything that was already happening. They began manifesting right there, and for the first time, We had instruments upon which to play music.

The spirits that had already emerged had a desire to go to the Second Order and have them refine their forms.The Filmy white of the spirits began to take on more definition. The tendencies to billowing, cloudlike forms, wispy, trailing streamers and featheriness began to appear more clearly as well as the qualities within those forms of bounce, resilience, soft openess, whirling power, wind, stir of breezes and the rippling and rocking of light waters in the air. The ethers began to manifest smells associated with each form, and everything began to sparkle more intensely with the many colors the ethers held within. The beauty of Our luminescence increased.

I wept with joy and happiness at the beauty of it, and also with the fear that I was not good enough to be God anymore. Spirit had already begun to feel like a backround presence that was ignored and taken for granted.


THE EMERGENCE OF THE THIRD ORDER OF ANGELS

The spirits did not seem to notice My state, so swept up were they in what they were doing. It was as though they were trying on costumes at a magnificent costume ball, and dancing in and out of the multi-media visions of the Heart. They were accompanied by the Music of the Heavens that drew its inspiration from both the celebration and the backdrop of stars sparkling in the vastness of the space around Us.

I found the Mother near Me immediately, holding Me as I wept and making love to Me. I filled Her with all I felt at the time. I feared She might fairly burst with it, but Her acceptance of Me made Me unable to hold back. Her left hand was holding

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My heart when I had another burst of light and the Third Order of Angels came forth. They also had a desire to make sure that everything was alright, and came to Me immediately to report that as far as they were concerned, I had nothing to fear. They told Me that they knew that I was the Source of All Life and that all any spirit could do was refine the inspiration that I had to give them. They said that they were sure that everything manifest was Me allowing myself to express the vast complexities of My Own Being.

"We," they said, "are only a part of You telling You what You need to hear now."

The Third Order of Angels were not desirous of running off after form. They were more interested in sitting with Me and remaining as close to Me as possible. These Angels had very highly developed inner senses of hearing, seeing, smelling, feeling love's presence, touching, feeling emotion of Spirit and sensing the perfect response to give.

If the Second Order of Angels were the outher, these Angels were the inner. The Third Order of Angels had a feeling for Me because they understood that I was the inner, just as the Father of Manifestation was the outer. They told Me that the Father of Manifestation was the source of power for the Second Order of Angels.


THE EMERGENCE OF THE FOURTH ORDER OF ANGELS

The Mother now wanted to know where She fit in, and I had a desire to help Her that I had not had earlier. I told Her to give in to Her response to everything around Her and allow emotion to give a depth and magnitude to everything manifest.

"Feeling joy is the Mother," I told Her, but I also let Her know that I had realized that fear and sadness are also the Mother. She gave in then and allowed Me to love Her while She felt everything and gave Her response.

The mother came forth with a great song that moved all in the heavens except one. When the Mother felt that one and could not move him no matter what She tried, She felt hatred for Herself, and did not realize it was him that she felt. The Mother, I then realized, had mirrored every spirit to himself, and if a spirit had no love, She mirrored that also.

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sacrificed in favor of anything else because it takes all the parts to make the whole that can live. Rage has understood this all along, but it has been told it was being ugly and selfish. No one has wanted to listen to it. Rage has a lot to say, and the more you let it move; the more you will know what it is.

While you are moving the emotions you need to move to get to the underlying rage I am talking about here, there is a Lost Will reflection o Heart that you can understand now.


CHILDREN IN THE ROLE OF HEART OF THE PARENTS

Inasmuch as children represent the heart balance of the parents at the time of conception, most children reflect the denied emotions of their parents at that time. As long as these emotions remain denied in the parents, they will deny their children here and not be able to find alignment with them in these areas. If your children enrage you, let them trigger you into rage, but do not direct it at them because you really have this rage toward the other parent and toward yourself. If you can't express this to the other parent, then you need to move it in yourself first.

It is not possible to reach alignment when there is not love, so I am not saying I am against divorce, but I am pointing out that it is not possible to have aligned children when there is not an alignment between parents. When parents cannot align, the children need to be free to seek their own alignment. This may mean that the parents need to be sensitive to the shifts between parents that these children need to make while growing up.

Instead of applying a rigid form to custody cases, children need to be allowed to indicate which parent they prefer to live with and not be judged for it. If their choice changes later, the need to be allowed to make this change also. These children need to be given the space to find out who they are in the middle of a wrench that has often torn them in two. The pretense of having two homes is not helpful if they are only aligned with one of them. If you are faced with a child who reminds you of a parent you no longer love and who you feel a need to criticize in front of the child, you probably need to let the child go and live with that parent. If you don't have that option, then try moving the emotions the child triggers in you without directing them at him.

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HEART DENIES THE MOTHER

The Verdeloka were really afraid of the hatred they felt moving around Lucifer but they were afraid to show their feelings. Their fear was that it was not possible to feel hatred and be love at the same time. They were not wrong, but they had confusion that needs to move out now.

When the Heart Spirits took in feelings they recognized as love, it was alright, but when they took in feelings that felt unloving, the Heart Spirits did not move them back out again for fear their expression would mean that Heart had become unloving. Thus Heart took in and held unlovingness, and because it held unlovingness within, it began to meet this reflection in outward experience.

The Heart Spirits did not realize how similar the Mother's problems were to their own. They had a feeling of blame for the Mother because they felt the Mother was trying to give them Will essence that did not feel good. This essence had to pass through Heart for the Spirit Polarity to receive and enlighten it but the Heart Spirits felt like rejecting it instead.

Heart was denying the Mother here because Heart did not know that once these negative feelings received love, they could transform rather quickly. But Heart was also denying the Mother because Heart was feeling Me and I was not open to receive the Mother here. Ths denial on My part gapped the Mother from Us and gave Her the problems that now need to heal. I am sorry this happened and sorry that the Mother got blamed for the reflection She had to give.

Negative feelings have to be responding to something and that is what needs to be looked at now. I was causal here more than I realized and my denials were creating a negative reaction in the Will. The understandings I am giving now will allow Heart to heal and manifest the Love that is needed now because Heart must have My help to transform the denials the Will has been holding.

I am sorry that Heart was hurt by the lack of alignment between its parents and I have guilt that Creation has not had an easier path to follow, but I also have understanding that it was this way because it had to be this way.
[the following passage was quoted by me already 2009_06_26 in puzzle piece 26]
We can change this now if you are willing to take this path of increasing self-acceptance. We all had a lack of self-acceptance in the beginning, and I originated

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The Third Order of Angels confirmed that I had felt the Mother's worth and had given Her an acceptance that She had not had before. My acceptance of Her encouraged Her to open to Me in a way She had not opened before, and with a great cry of emotion gave Me another orgasm. The light was brilliant golden white, and it gave birth to the Fourth Order of Angels. The Fourth Order felt immediate guilt over the great passion that had excited them to come forth, but they had not felt the depth that could move them earlier.

The Fourth Order of Angels had great passion, compassion and love. They had power of emotion similar to the Mother, and felt that emotion could give movement to the forms that were manifesting, and could even propel them out into the Creation to find their right place. Manifested forms could now go forth and find the right place to fulfill what they had emerged to live.

As much as I had felt the Third Order of Angels to be the Father's Angels, I now felt the Fourth Order to be the Mother's Angels. The Mother finally had some children who took after Her. Everything felt balanced now, and We felt that We really could celebrate life, Creation, and everything that had happened so far. We had a feeling of what you might call being on top of the universe. We felt that We had completely touched the inner circle of light. A great step had been completed in Our great journey to the stars. we alll felt the rightness of the desire to go forth now and felt not only fulfilled but also uplifted and full of excitement of the great adventure We had undertaken.


THE PLATEAU OF REST AND
SOME UNDERSTANDINGS
WHICH HINDSIGHT GAVE ME THERE

We had a feeling of needing to rest for a while and of wanting to get to know the spirits that had already emerged. We had done a lot of creating and manifesting already, and We did not want to proceed until We felt sure We were doing it right.

We knew that We had to allow essence the freedom to emerge as it wanted to and when it wanted to, but We had questions about some of the emergences already. We already wondered how much guidance could be given to spirits without overriding the freedom they needed to define themselves . We felt that spirits


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that were maniesting needed some help and parenting , and yet the Mother had already experienced rejection when She told the spirits they needed Will presence to stay manifested.

We tried to teach the spirits by telling them stories about Our long struggles to learn so many things that We could so easily show them now. Although We had fun telling these stories, We also found that many spirits rejected at least some of the understandings We gave them. Heart realized then that more experience than He had foreseen was going to be necessary before many teachings could be accepted as understandings.

We had Lost Will then that could not open to receive the understandings We were trying to give. We did not understand then why this Will could not open to receive Us, but I have since learned that Will must move in order to open and receive. The rejection the Will was already receiving was creating the Lost Will, which was not moving because it was not being given the accetance it needed to be able to move. The Will must have acceptance before it can move; it cannot move and hope it will gain acceptance later.

When the Will holds back, it is not possible to evolve it. It does not matter what you tell it or how many times it has a particular experience, it cannot learn anything new unless it is allowed to move all of the old feelings it is holding.

Old denials in the form of held feelings, and the judgments that make the feelings feel they have to hold back, can make you feel like future experiences will be pretty much the same as experiences you have had in the past. These feelings of projecting the past onto the future are not wrong; they happen because the Will is holding old conditioning from the past. As long as the Will is doing this, the Will cannot help but project the past onto the present and into the future.

Effective release from old patterns involves effective release of the Will's held emotion and the judgments that have made the Will hold back. There is no real evolution unless release from old conditioning is gained effectively in this manner. Every other approach involves denial of one kind or another.

When you have denial, reversals come sooner or later because the denial is part of you whether you like it or not. You need to understand that denial takes many forms; some are very subtle and others are not so subtle. No matter how much or how little you deny, the part of yourself you have denied will not allow you to go on for long without it.

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it. I have always had loving intent but I also have had an evolutionary process. Love is evolving, which is the concept of expanding love.

Heart is manifest more in a state of denial on Earth than it is in a form that is open to the light. As long as denial is involved, love cannot be unconditional.

It is impossible not to notice how hard it is to give anger acceptance within love but it has to be done now. Guilt is the reason you fear it feels better to hold anger back than it feels to express it. The more you hold back the more guilt is able to increase its power and presence. The fear that there will be even more violence and murder on Earth if you do not all hold back is misunderstanding, not reality. Fear of losing control needs to be faced. If you hold back expression, you will still lose control of what you have tried to suppress. Then you have loss of control in a state of denial, and this you do have reason to fear because this is the way most violence and murder is produced.

I would like to mention now that all people do not have the same ability to hold back their emotions. Those with the least Will presence have been the most heavily rewarded as the reasonable people on Earth while Will Polarity people are more often institutionalized for their failures in this area because of their stronger emotions. The most heavily penalized people on Earth are usually denied fragments of the most heavily rewarded people on Earth, so, you can see that the gap that needs healing is a large one.

The denial of the Mother allowed all Will essence to get denied in the same ways. Will denial on Earth is so substantial that most people feel afraid to allow the direct expression of any emotion at all, and usually apologize when they do express emotion. Guilt's punishment for emotional expression runs from being labeled infantile all the way to being killed for expressing emotion.

It is not any better to be mentally polarized than it is to be emotionally polarized. In other words, reason is not meant to be regarded as superior to emotion. The depth of the denial of the Will is reflected in how far society is from living these understandings. Neither Spirit nor Will do as well alone as They do when They are balanced with One another. Spirit has been able to look like It fares better because of the judgments against the Will. Once the Will is judged against, It cannot get the light It needs to feel good.

Many Will people deny how they really feel in favor of trying


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to act like they feel good because they believe Spirit will then have acceptance for them. The Heart Spirits have also tried to act as though they were feeling better than they actually were.

Guilt told the Will that It was being denied because It was not being loving enough to get acceptance from Me. The Will then believed even more deeply that It was unworthy and unloving whenever It felt emotions that had been labeled "negative". Heart participated in this belief system and behaved accordingly by reflecting these beliefs back to the Will as though they were correct understandings. I also participated in this belief system. I projected this negativity of the Will as an image of evil. Thus, the Will, seeing the lack of acceptance for Its so-called negative emotions, became even more afraid to express them. The thought of expression was becoming more and more associated with images of punishment and rejection for the expression of these emotions. The Will fears receiving unlovingness and so had held back as much as it can.

Heart has suffered from this because it has been unable to receive the Will energy It needs to balance with Me. Because of this imbalance, Heart has felt pressured by more Spirit energy than It has been able to receive or utilize. This has made Heart feel inadequate and Heart failure, in terms of actual physical problems, has been the frequent result. Imbalance in the chakras causes Heart problems.

The Heart Spirits received Me when I originally gave them these understandings but I was not at that time recognizing my own role in creating their problems. Because of My causal role, The Heart Spirits were unable to implement My advice until I implemented it Myself. I have done this now, but Lost Will doesn't know it yet. Lost Will must move but it is not going to be easy to convince its massive conditioning that expression will now bring it the acceptance it needs.

There is much Lost Will to move and I understand that you are not sure how to go about it. It seems overwhelming. It has seemed overwhelming even to Me at times. I have felt hopelessness many times and I have indulged in feelings of wishing it had never happened to begin with. No matter how overwhelmed I have felt, I know We can heal it and that We have no choice but to heal it. Love cannot knowingly leave Lost Will where it is.

Since reality emanates from consciousness, you must deal within youself first. Reality is going to change as the healing progresses within. I am healing My Lost Will now and you are not

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Most people have rationalized the reversals, caused by Lost Will's attempts to gain recognition, as the inevitable swings of the pendulum. Some people have anger that they cannot just get rid of Lost Will and many of these people have tried to do just that by redoubling their efforts to deny it whenever Lost Will has tried to make its presence known. Others are afraid of Lost Will and do not want to allow themselves to feel what it is holding for fear they will have to experience it. These people, too, have tried to fight off any sign of emotion that is not aligned with the self as they want to see it.

I would like to say somethng here about anger and fear. Anger and fear are not really separate, and as long as they are expressed as though they are separate, they have not been expressed effectively enough to find the connecting link between them. Healing the imbalance here involves finding the connecting link between them.

For example, if a person is expressing anger over and over and healing is not taking place, the failure to evolve indicates that the understandings needed are not being gained. In this case, the person most likely needs to notice what emotions are not being expressed. Repeated expression of some emotions can indicate emotional habit patterns that may give the appearance of emotional release, but are actually participating in furthering the denials of other emotions. In the case of repeated anger, the denied emotions are likely to be fears. Grief can be present here also and some people use grief to deny both anger and fear that lie guilt-ridden beneath the grief. Grief comes from a feeling of powerlessness which arises from the splits an individual is experiencing such as the split between anger and fear. These splits can be within the individual or between individuals.

In the beginning, We did not have the understandings on Lost Will; then, We only knew that experience was going to be necessary, since without it, it did not appear that the spirits could understand the teachings We had to offer. We looked at the spirits' need for experience as an opportunity for them and  a l s o   f o r   Us. We needed to have space from them just as much as they seemed to need room to experience without their parents standing over them. The spirits were going to have to experience things that We had already experienced in order to understand what We had been trying to teach them, and We were going to have to go on with the experience we needed to have.

Even though we knew this was true, we also had plenty of

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things We enjoyed sharing with the Manifested Spirits. When We told the spirits how hard it had been for Us to figure out how to manifest them, they had fun telling Us what they had experienced from within Us; knowing they had awareness of themselves and not knowing how to come forth. Lost Will received the unexpressed fear We all had had that the spirits could not find a way to manifest, and that We could not find the way to manifest the.

In getting to know the spirits, We found that they all had understandings based on what interested them, and areas that did ot interest them were often a blank. These early emergences had focused on certain aspects of Us and gained their awareness in these areas. They all had a feeling of universality because they all had white light like I did, but they all had feelings that did not allow them to open to everything that I had to offer. The spirits were all given the opportunity to embrace more awareness than they had, but they all turned the opportunity down. All the spirits had emerged with aspects of Me, but did not, at that time, demonstrate interest in utilizing their full potential to receive more. The time has come for understandings not gained then to be gained now because the necessary experience has been had.

The reason that the experience gained has not brought the healing needed now is that the experience has not been understood. The reason the experience has not been understood is that the spirits who set out to have these experiences had the intent to prove to Me that their misunderstandings were right and that what I had to offer to them was wrong. These spirits originally denied that they had misunderstandings. Rebellion against Me is the one karmic tie that all beings on Earth have in common. It was not wrong to rebel against Me, and it is not wrong to continue rebelling against Me if you want to continue going it alone. If you do want My help now, these teachings are being made available to bring you the help you need.

Denial, as you know, created Lost Will, and all of these original spirits had denials. Much of the Lost Will of these spirits is on Earth holding the original misunderstandings of these spirits. This Lost Will has lived repetitions of these misunderstandings until it has deep conditioning that it cannot change anything. This is not true, but the Lost Will has to realize that it is not true by moving all the old conditioning that says it is going to have to accept the misunderstandings it was given and go on with them. Lost Will needs to know that it is right for it to now

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going to be far behind Me. I did not create lost Will intentionally. I had to learn what focusing away from something could do to it. I had to learn about the role judgments have in creating reality. I had to learn that the fluidity of reality is stopped by judgment patterns.

I have put the blame for everything I didn't know on others for long enough. These are old images that were designed to protect the perfection of God. I am not insecure in those ways anymore. Those images of perfection were unreal. Real perfection has space for the evolution of increasing love and light.

Understanding is light and the light of understanding now knows that even though everything that happened was necessary for all of Us so that We could learn what We needed to learn, the Will still has to heal the terrible pain of this experience. This pain has to heal for the Will to take Its right place as an equal to Spirit. The Will especially has to move the rage of having had the answers from the beginning but also the fear and guilt that did not allow the answers to be given to Me.

The Mother of Everything is an equal part of Me and if guilt had not held back Our process, She could have given Me the understandings long ago. Because She was denied Her right place, it is only now that I have been able to receive the information from Her that is making these understandings possible.

Guilt and lack of self-acceptance that went all the way to self-hatred interfered with our process here and resulted in what We have to heal now. The gap between how Creation is now and what My vision seeks for it is huge; as huge as the gap between Spirit and Will became.

I have come to peace with Myself now and know that I am not wrongly attached to My place, but I do have lost essence on Earth that needs to return to Me now. I am taking it in as fast as it has readiness to receive Me, but I cannot make essence align with Me just because I see that it has to. This essence has to feel ready and this essence has to understand Me more than it did in the past. This essence has to align with Me willingly.

You are going to have to go through your process to come to peace with yourself and to align with Me here. Following My example, you have denied a lot to try to align yourselves with Me as I was. Now you have a lot to move to align with Me as I am now. You are going to have periods of blame for Me and periods of doubt and fear. You are going to need to rage at Me and finally come to peace with My role and yours.

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As mad as you may be at Me for allowing this to happen, you did not figure out what was happening or how to heal it either. Many of you have rage that feels you should be God and that you could do a better job than Me. Moving this rage will help you understand why you have the role of following Me and why you have the blame hindsight often has for what it calls lack of foresight. Some of you may feel you had these understandings in advance of these teachings, but you did not have them in advance of Me. I would also like to say that I have given these teachings to the channel most likely to convey them as I had in mind so you do not need to harbor feelings that these books should have been given to you instead. In other words, move any feelings of resentment that you have so that you can move forward into the expansion that will allow you to feel good about yourself.


SPIRIT AND HEART PUSH WILL AND BODY AWAY

The Mother could feel Heart rejecting Her and She took it to mean that He did not love Her. She did not understand that Heart needed My help to process what He received from Her. Heart didn't know this either, He just felt like He couldn't allow the Mother to give Him certain emotions anymore.

The Mother was more and more left having to hold these emotions along with the judgment that they were unacceptable to Heart and to Me. The longer She held them, the more they appeared to be Her constant state and that this was what She was rather than what She was being forced to hold. The more this pain went on in Her, the more twisted She became until it was not easy to look at Her anymore. What had once been abundant beauty and charming pleasure was becoming more and more something I sought to avoid.

I acted like I did not want the Mother and yet I could not let the Mother go either. I was afraid She would turn against Me for I could feel Her blaming Me for what was wrong with Her. I did not want to receive this blame from Her because I was busy trying to avoid My fears in this area by blaming Her. The Father of Manifestation had a role in this that needs mention now.

Form reflects essence, and yet, We were blaming the Father of Manifestation as though this wasn't true. As the Mother's form

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come forward with what it has to offer. Its true input is going to be very old information but information that is needed now.

All the spirits that emerged in the beginnng of Creation fragmented because they did not have enough Will presence to hold themselves together. Not only that, [sic] these spirits had a lack of alignment within all the essence they emerged with, because some parts of them had understandings and agreements that other parts of them did not have. Not only that, there are many parts to the Lost Will. There is Lost Will which has fragmented into many beings manifesting the many aspects of what it has taken in and there is also Lost Will which is Spirit polarized. This is spirit essence that has operated around the judgment patterns whose core belief is that the Will is not meant to be free but is meant to serve the Spirit, hold it present, and give it the response it wants to have. The only Will essence this Lost Spirit has is essence that accepted those beliefs and holds present the Spirit essence that enforces those beliefs. These beings have little or no other Will essence present with them and so appear to be Spirit polarized. These people actually are pieces of spirits that embraced misunderstandings that led them to their present situations on Earth. These people are meant to vibrate as light and are not really meant to be the physical part of their manifestation. Body also has a large physical presence on earth that appears to be very spirit polarized due to misunderstandings about its role.

I had to have many experiences, as did these spirits, to be able to understand why these spirits preferred to operate within the misunderstandings they held rather than release them to receive the true understandings they needed, even when the misunderstandings gave them a problem living. These misunderstandings have been going on for so long that they are not going to be easy to reverse now, but it must be done.

If you are having feelings that you had manifested presence as early as the spirits I have mentioned so far, you need to consider that you may be a piece of lost essence that belongs with these spirits.

You are going to have to feel within yourself to know if you had presence then or not. You may find out by having an emotional or physical reaction to this material. You may respond by feeling pain you did not know you had or even by getting sick. Feelings of nausea, aching or symptoms as though you have a sudden flu would not be wrong response here. You have to understand that Lost Will has been suffering for so long that it knows

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no other way to express itself once its pretense of being alright has been broken through. If you feel that you have a pretense of not needing or wanting help, you need to allow this to be broken down, if you really do want help, so that you can receive the help you need.

All the spirits that emerged have subsequently fragmented because they were unable to hold themselves together without the Will presence which they rejected, denied or lost. I have the parental parts of these Spirits with Me now, and they are still a great presence even without their missing parts. These spirits, however, must heal what has happened to them, just as I must heal what has happened to Me. They have healed in spirit, as I have, but they still have Lost Will on Earth, as I have, that must heal now. If you have feelings that you might be a part of these great spirits, you need to open to the possibility that you may have true understanding here. These spirits want to contact their own Lost Will on Earth and heal it now.

Many times these spirits have tried to contact their missing parts. Hearing voices or seeing visions has, for the most part, drawn punishment to the Lost Will having these experiences. Guilt held in the Lost Will has drawn this punishment, and this guilt needs to move out now so that Lost Will can receive the understandings needed. In the past, guilt has not allowed Lost Will to realize why it was receiving such visions and voices, and Lost Will's mistrust for its own Spirit has created the reflection of being misguided. Many times over, Lost Will has been punished whenever it tried to move and regain psychic receptivity.

Having been denied from the beginning, Lost Will has not felt sure of its right place, and feared that it was wrong for even daring to think itself worthy of receiving such grand visitations. Lost Will then drew to itself the punishment it feared it deserved, even if the conscious part of the person was very angry about receiving such punishment. This fear of unworthiness and guilt needs to be cleared so that the spirit part of yourself can reach you with the teachings you need to bring about your own healing. If you cannot open to the possibilities of what your true identity and origin may be, you cannot allow your true feelings to move, or understand and accept them when they do.

Having been lost for so long, you are holding judgments that you deeply believe to be reality, including the ones that say your higher self cannot be fully integrated with your lower self, and even the judgment that calls one aspect high and another low

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warped more and more, I blamed him for it and told Him He must be causing it in some way. Many of the spirits had form problems for which the Father of Manifestation was also being blamed.

Many spirits wanted to say that He had given them forms that were not good enough. The Father of Manifestation was susceptible to the blame because He did feel that He was responsible in some way that He could not explain. His guilt here caused Him to feel that He had to continually heal the spirits' form problems. Because the cause of the form problems was not understood to be denial, the problems continually recurred in spite of all the healing efforts.

When the Father of Manifestation was feeling frightened over this, He blamed Himself and felt increasingly inadequate. When He grew tired of feeling this way, He often became enraged and His rage blamed everyone else.

The Father of Manifestation had blame for Me but it got very seriously denied because the more I polarized away from the Mother the more He could not help but polarize along with Me since He is Me although We did not know it yet. This made it appear to the Mother that We had more alignment with each other and in opposition to Her than We really had, but I was not consciously very aligned with My Body. I did not even recognize It as Me. I found it annoying when it looked like Body opposed Me but I was also annoyed if He copied Me.

The alignment of Spirit, Will, Heart and Body will bring healing to form and health. Guilt is the reason that most people suffer from these problems anyway because guilt in the place of My light does not nourish life but brings the punishment of death instead. Lack of alignment, guilt, and denial twisted Form and Form will untwist Itself in response to the regaining of alignment.

Along the way, Form may need some help. There may be periods of time when you feel that you need medical help or the help of wholistic healers. You may need help adjusting your dietary patterns to your changing emotional patterns. Your muscles may need massage, your bones may need to move. Do not force things faster than you have readiness to heal them is My caution to those who want to rush ahead to the day when they are totally healed. To those who view this process as agonizingly slow, I want to say that the perseverance to go through everything that has to be gone through will bring healing to everything in the end.

Just because you are moving with this healing does not mean

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that you are always going to be balanced within it. When you feel you need help, get it, and learn from it rather than judging yourself a failure because you had to have help. Healing yourself means doing all you can in the way of moving emotions, letting go of old belief systems and listening to your changing needs. Help from others is not wrong when this is what you feel you need. Taking responsibility for the help you seek and being the director of your own healing is the key issue here that determines whether you are healing yourself or not.

Pressuring yourself not to be sick is valuing the appearance of health over true health and is not the right approach to this healing. Trying to make others responsible for how you feel is not right approach either, but you have to accept it as part of the process along the way and move the feelings you have here because you do have a lot of blame, based on od pictures of how things were in the past. As long as these feelings remain, the old pictures that go with them will be acted out.

The Verdeloka and the other Rainbow Spirits have blame they have held back from the beginning for the Mother and the Father of Manifestation for not being more aligned with Me at their emergence. Even more denied is blame toward Me for not being aligned. The Rainbow Spirits have always felt that a better alignment at their emerence would have given them a better start in life.

Many behavior patterns have resulted from this, including the many Jewish parents who are so intent on making sure their children get a good start in life that they are often overbearing with their children and pushy about helping them get started in the world. Fear and anger are hidden in these behavior patterns.

The Verdeloka, along with everyone else, held back the feelings they had toward the Mother and the Father of Manifestation. When this happened, the true feelings emerged in other ways and I have had to learn to read them. The understandings I have given the Heart Spirits now are the same understandings I gave them so long ago except for the parts involving My own responsibility because I did not have those understandings then.

Having taken responsibility for Myself, other spirits can now take responsibility for themselves and healing will succeed this time.Just as I have found that it is your position to follow Me, I have also found that you cannot precede Me, even when I try to help you do it. This is very angering to spirits who like to think that they have a position equal with Me.

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relative to its worth. Many people hold the judgment that they cannot ever receive contact from their own higher self. In reality, this contact is just blocked out by fear and guilt that is not moving. You can move what you need to move to hear what you need to hear, and the more you move in response to what you hear, the more you will be able to hear.

If you have the judgment that Earthlings are not as divine or high in origin as Angels, you need to let this judgment go now also. There are even Ancient Ones on Earth in fragmented form. You will understand more about how and why this fragmenting took place as you go on with this material. For now, it is enough to know that you may meet others who feel they are a part of the same spirit as you. You need to understand that this is not necessarily wrong.

Guilt has not allowed most people to admit that they have a sense of identity that they don't feel they can reveal, and I am not suggesting that you need to reveal it publicly now. Those that have revealed these feelings have, so far, most often received reflections that have made it look very convincing that it is best not to mention these things, and probably best not to even entertain the thoughts. Guilt and judgments create the reflection that has been met on Earth so far. You must open the space within yourself to know if these things could be true or not, and you must work with it there. In other words, I am not suggesting that you put on wings and run to the neighbors' as a testimony to your new found acceptance of yourself. You are not all angels anyway, but even if you were, it would not bring the results you might hope for. The Lost Will is not the part of you that has conscious vibration right now. The Lost Will is something that you have been holding, and it does not want to move unless true healing can be brought to it this time.

I have given as much as I am going to give on this right now. You are going to have to go through a lot to know for sure if you have your origins among the Godhead spirits or not. You may have to go back farther than you have ever remembered in your life to know if you had consciousness that early or not. The reason for this is that many of the early realities of the Manifested spirits were quite similar. The more you move within yourself and get to know what you are holding, the more information you will have to go on. Lost Will holds everything that you need to know to go forward with your own healing now, but you can not get true information from your Lost Will unless you learn

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how to help Lost Will get the light it needs. Open yourself to receive contact from the part of your spirit that can help you and you will not fail to get the help you need.

Healing Lost Will is not a matter of having these understandings just penetrate the part of you that is still vibrating. If that were the case, you would have been healed long ago. Not only do you need all the understandings I am giving now, you need to learn how to bring your Lost Will back into conscious awareness so that it can receive he understandings it needs also.

The understanding is this: You cannot move old patterns without moving that which is holding them in place. These holding patterns are not conscious anymore; they have been called the great subconscious. It is now time to open to this and bring it forward to participate with your conscious awareness.

I have many more stories to give now of how it happened that these parts of the Will lost conscoiusness. If you have not found yourself yet, hold on; great emergences are yet to come.

There has long been a dispute as to whether older is better or not, wiser and more powerful or not, and the stories I am going to give will also help you to understand this issue. I cannot bring forward all the understandings you may feel you want in the beginning here because the understandings are too many, too vast, too multi-leveled and too overwhelming. Understandings must be given as you are prepared to receive them, and therefore may not be given until much farther on. This is also necessary in order for you to get triggered in the ways that you need to get triggered, and for the story to have the teaching effect that it needs to have; therefore, some things may appear at first to be understandings. Further information may then make them appear to be misunderstandings, and then even later, they may fall into place in another way as fuller understandings. All of this process is necessary to be able to gain the profound levels of understanding you need if you really do have full healing in mind for yourself at this time.

I am going to tell this story from My point of view, including the aspects of all Four of My Parts. I have to tell the story of the Mother because She is My Own Will, and I feel Her thoroughly now. You must allow yourselves to feel, and thus to know, what of this story you have lived. All spirits have lived a part of this, but none have lived all of it. The Mother's story is the story of the Will, and all Wills find their experience within Her Will. The Mother Will [sic] has lived all of this, but even She could not hold

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You are all going to have to move the emotions you have around the issue of who I am, what I am, and what your relationship is to Me. Some of you have put yourselves above Me, some equal with Me and some so far below Me that it is not realistic, but none of you have put yourselves in your right place yet. Guilt and lack of self-acceptance have caused most people to hide their true feelings about their relationship to Me. There are feelings around the images of Me as a higher being and feelings around the image of Me as nothing more than the consciousness manifest on Earth that need to move now. You have both wanted Me to lift you out of your predicaments and feared that there is nothing to lift you but the consciousness you find among yourselves.

[see , what I just re-read (in Hebrew), on Dec. 14, 2011, in the context of my research (1969-71), called "Israel's Coping with its destiny, about the danger of 'believing' in "God"]

For a long time the feelings toward Me were being held so undercurrent that I was not receiving them. The Mother knew these feelings were there but She seldom approached Me with them because She felt too guilty and because She had been unable to get Me to accept anything I could not feel for Myself. When She did try to bring these feelings forward, She received so much denial She feared that She wasn't right.

In addtion to the undercurrents toward Me, the Mother could feel Heart rejecting Her and blaming Her for Our troubles, and She could feel the Verdeloka doing the same. She could feel the blame for the Father of Manifestation and feared it was Her fault for calling Him forth. She could feel the rest of the Rainbow Spirits rejecting everyone except a few of the Angels and She could feel the Godhead rejecting the Father of Manifestation and Herself.

She hated to feel like an outcast in Her own creation but She felt like there was no place that had acceptance for Her. She longed for it to be different and felt that there was so much lack of acceptance among the spirits that it had to be healed.

Everywhere She went, she felt the spirits rejecting one another based, it seemed to Her, on what they didn't like about the Godhead. Most of the rejections were going on undercurrently and so the Mother got denied when She tried to point them out.

The Mother began to feel She was going crazy from the roar of unspoken things everyone else was pretending not to notice. Her attempts to get others to bring these unspoken things forward for resolution were met with so much rejection that the Mother felt the spirits did not even want to see Her coming because then they would have to think about what She had to reflect to them.

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The Mother feared more and more that Her perceptions were not right and that perhaps it was ony Her own reality that had the roar of unspoken unlovingness in it. Considering all the denials She had taken in, it was no wonder Her reality was roaring with them.

Lucifer sensed the Mother here, as He so often did in Her times of greatest uncertainty, and he told Her what She was most afraid to hear. Lucifer told the Mother that others were not making Her crazy because She had already made Herself crazy and that She was hearing the voices of Her own insanity inside of Herself. He told Her that other people did not see or hear or feel these things and that they were much more calm and peaceful than She was. He also told Her that the spirits behaved much more harmoniously when she was not around because She had a very disturbing effect on them.

The Mother really wanted to let Me know what She was experiencing and how rejected She was feeling, but the rejection She was feeling from Me did not encourage Her to think She should give Me even more of the kinds of communications She felt were already causing Me to distance Myself from Her.

It was true that I was avoiding Her while pretending not to, and even when she was in My company, I still avoided certain areas with Her. The innuendoes She got from Me made Her feel that I did not find these areas of Her acceptable to Me and that I was not open to receive them. She increasingly felt that it was Her own inadequacies and shortcomings that were giving Her the problems She was experiencing.

The Mother had no one to turn to because the Father of Manifestation was also avoiding Her in these areas.

The Mother had guilt telling Her all the times that She was not right to feel as She did and that other spirits were more loving than She was because they did not feel the negative things that She felt.

The Mother held back Her feelings even more then, and tried to look and act happier and more positive than She really felt because She thought this was the good and right thing to do and that it was more loving. The Mother tried to be more loving by trying to behave as much as She could in the ways She thought others wanted Her to behave.

The Mother needed and wanted My love and She also wanted to have the love of the rest of the spirits, and so, She sought to win Our love by trying to be what She thought We all wanted

THE PAIN

Listen to my own singing He is the One, He is the One. He threw Her out, He threw Her out like She was scum. Everything He did not like, He thought She had become. And all that He denied, And all that He despised Is what She held. Until He gave Her one great smack Sent Her reeling back To Hell.   She held the pain, She held the pain. She felt the shame, She took the blame For all He feared... That His great image was not all that it appeared. And under that facade of goodness... Was a cold and hateful strike That sent her falling back in horror, struggling for Her life. All the pain,      All the pain.

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Her to be. In so doing, the Mother created many images of the Holy Mother that even now people do not know are not the real thing. These imgages are false Will presence that became role models for the Will. These false Will image say by example that the Will is supposed to strive to be totally and happily subservient to Me. My desire is supposed to be the Will's command and the Will's desire is supposed to be to obey My every wish and command. Discordant emotions were viewed as a lack of faith in Me.

In other words, the Will was supposed to be a testimony to My boundless perfection and flawless wisdom through its joyful surrender, and this was supposed to glorify Me.

Long ago I thought this was what I wanted, but when I think of it now, it makes Me sick. It would have made Me sick back then too, but then I was not allowing Myself to know that this was what I was asking the Will to do. I was insecure here and so I didn't allow Myself to face the issues involved. I was playing a game of pretending I was allowing the Will to be free but all the while wanting Her to give Me the desired reflection of My perfection. My insecurities did not at first allow Me to realize I was projecting the image that I was perfect already and that everyone else needed evolution. The Mother knew from the beginning that this was not right and I did not let Her give Me the reflection for a long time.

I wanted the Mother to give Me the reflection I was seeking without having to go through any process of winning Her trust or anything else. I didn't want to have any process at all because I thought She should have automatic, immediate and unfaltering faith in Me because I was Her man. Her questions seemed like a faithless undermining of the masculine image I wanted to have of Myself.

I had rage that wanted to force Her compliance building around this issue because I was pretending to go along with Her more than I wanted to. Because I had to see Myself as the narrow kind of perfect [sic] that did not need process and did not make mistakes, I either had to pretend nothing was wrong or blame everything negative on someone else. Increasingly I found Myself doing these things.

I pretended that nothing was wrong between the Mother and Me and that I was just allowing Her the freedom to "do Her thing" when We were not together. Actually I disliked and even hated Her in the places where We were not aligned. I was blaming Her there, saying everything that was wrong was Her fault because

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She was not aligned with Me, and yet claiming, on the surface, that I had no blame for anyone because everything was just fine as it was.

When I was home, I found Myself being entertained more and more by the Angels and even finding lovers among them.

The Mother wasn't coming home with Me anymore because I wasn't bringing Her with Me and I wasn't allowing Myself to know that She had lost the vibratory power to come on Her own. The Mother tried to use Heart as a middle man. She wanted Heart to intercede with Me on Her behalf and Heart did not deliver the messages. He felt that I would not receive them and He judged that the Mother was wrong to want Him to intercede for Her.

When Heart did try to approach the subject by mentioning the imbalances He felt between the Mother and Me, I gave Heart only token response. When Heart felt My lack of response here, He did not press Me further because He felt that if I was not ready to respond to Him on the issue of the Mother, I was not ready to respond to the Mother. Heart made assumptions here and when He saw what it cost Creation, His guilt caused Him to punish Himself.

Heart did not at first think it was His right place to deliver messages to Me from the Will. He felt the Mother and I needed to contact one another directly and not use Him as a go-between. Heart now knows that both approaches are fine, but We all had to learn that He was more involved in Our relationship than We at first thought since We viewed Him as a child of Our relationship.

There are many Lost Will images of children involved in the sexual relationships, intrigues, and push-pulls between adults that make it look as though their involvement in their parents' relationship is as terrible for them as we originally judged it was going to be for Heart.

Light in these areas will reveal new realities because it is not possible to see other ways these relationships could take place until the judgments are released enough to let in new pictures. Lost Will receives everything through the filter of what it is already holding and so cannot receive anything new until it moves the old programming and the conditioning that says the old programming is right. Guilt is the reason this has not happened already.

Although I did not respond to Heart on the issue of the Mother the way He would have liked Me to, Heart did succeed in making Me feel guilty about the Mother and guilt then caused Me to go and seek Her out more often than I might have otherwise.

"Abraham" , e-mail quote on December 17, 2011

You're never satisfied.
That's what life is,
it's just this ongoing, neverending vacation adventure, you see.
You can't get it wrong and you never get it done.....)

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suade Him. He was not wrong as it turns out, but We did not know it at the time.

We proceeded outward, feeling rejected by Heart. Heart did not look out to see how we felt. He was feeling impatience with the Mother for seeming to pressure him. He was sure He was right and not wrong to want to stay with the Angels and the Ancient Ones. He gave love in My absence that had to be given, and We had an urgency to go forth that could not be held back anymore.

We had great speed of flight because the relative stillness We had experienced in holding Ourselves back to be with the Angels gave a great pressure to Our light that now had to move to feel good. We were trailing blue and red fire as We got to the edge of the white light we already knew. We got quite a jolt then and did not know what had happened to Us. we felt that we had changed speed. Planets and stars flew by Us now that had manifested earlier but had not come to life yet. We had a desire to stop and look at all of them.

As We turned to go back to them, We had a great surprise and a great joy too. We had not realized from within the Godhead how it might appear to look at it from without. To Us, it was a gorgeous sight to behold. It had many tiers of white light shimmering in subtle variations. It had the feeling of a great castle in the sky with many turrets and towers, and many flags and streamers of light. It had everything that fantasies have ever given to the vision of castles and more. It changed form as we watched it and, like clouds shifting in the sky, became cathedral like. It took on many appearances as We watched, including an appearance somewhat like a great wedding cake. It was as though We had an ability to affect its form just by watching it.

The Mother had a desire to make love, now, that She had held back for quite some time. The Mother stretched out as though She had lain down in comfortble relaxation in view of this giant presence of Our Godhead. The Father of Manifestation and I gave Her love from both ends at once. The had erotic fantasies about little beings that had a desire to come forth from within Her now. They played pipes She had never seen before and made sounds She had not heard before. Their rhythms were also new and had a great resounding depth to them. She had guilt that it was not right to have Her attention on little beings running around inside of Her while we were making love to Her, but these beings were so captivating that She could not help Herself.

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The Mother gave in to an orgasm in Her head and another in Her groins and spirits came pouring forth. I told Her to have no guilt because the father of Manifestation and I had put the seeds of Her fantasies within Her. She had great excitement then that We had acceptance instead of rejection for Her feelings of playful response.

The Mother had desire to open and receive these spirits at once. She was so delighted with them that She gave each one a present. Each of them received a power of the Will from the Mother. Some were given the power to open space, some to hold space open. Some were given the power to move inner forces and some to move outer forces. Some were even given the power to make light and some the power to give light out. Some were given the power to envision within the light and some to receive visions that were already there. Some could see the future and some could remember the past.some could make things appear and some could make things disappear. Some were given the power to define form in amorphous things and others were given the power to change form from one thing to another. Some had the power to bring together and heal and some the power to disband and destroy. Some asked for and were given the powr to move the great cosmic forces.

These two orders of spirits have a large presence of Lost Will on Earth and much of it is holding denied Heart essence. Heart has healing to do with these spirits now because He was not able to give them full Heart presence at their emergence. These spirits need to gain understandings now to help them resolve the many problems drawn to them by their guilt over having denied Heart presence.

The understanding needed is that these spirits had an original cause that gave Heart the feeling that he would not be accepted if He tried to go with us and give more of his presence to these manifestations. Heart was not wrong here because these spirits had been watching Us, and they felt that the Mother was not being allowed Her full expression and that neither was the Father, particularly the Father of Manifestation. These spirits saw Heart as always bringing a compromise that they did not want to make. These spirits had a feeling that manifesting as two orders of spirits with the Heart of the Father in one order and the Heart of the Mother in the other order would enable them to fulfill their purpose without having to compromise in ways they did not want to.

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The Mother was not looking very attractive to Me anymore, and She was also looking strangely diminished. The Mother already sensed My feelings about Her enough that She felt unworthy and did not believe I loved Her anymore. She was in agony over losing My love but was afraid to show Me this enough to let Me realize that it was a large part of what was twisting Her and making Her look so awful. If the Mother had had my love and acceptance, She could have handled the rest of the spirits' rejections, which actually, then, would not have been there for Her because the spirits were reflecting My denials.

As it was, the Mother had distrust for Me when I appeared before Her and believed that all the spirits were undercurrently aligned with Me against Her. She was ashamed to face Me because She knew I was not finding Her to be very attractive anymore and Her confusion about love and appearance has many times been referred to as vanity. Lost Will has reflected this confusion about form and essence when people have stressed essence by saying it doesn't matter what a person looks like, it's what's inside that counts, and when form has been stressed by people who are overly concerned with appearances.

The whole reason this is even an issue is guilt. The Mother had intuition telling Her that Her appearance was My fault, but She felt guilty about blaming Me. Her blame got enraged when it got denied and for a long time it did not come forward. When this Lost Will did come forward, it had a Lost Will picture of Me as those who disfigure the Earth and mutilate women. Some of this disfigurement is very subtle, but it is there nonetheless. Subtlety does not always mean that what's being reflected is less intense than the more blatant forms, either. Subtlety often means that what's held there is so intense that immense guilt is allowing only a tiny amount of what's being held to be reflected.

The Mother also had intuition telling Her that Her appearance was a reflection of Her inner self. The Mother had a feeling that form was a reflection of the essence involved, but She lacked the understanding that form reflects how the essence feels about itself. The Mother only knew that She did not like looking at Herself anymore. The Mother felt that love was a beautiful thing and Her loss of beauty made He fear that She was losing love somehow, either through the loss of My love or Her own lack of loving response.

The guilt that told Her Her problems were Her own fault caused Her to blame Herself and increase Her feelings of unworthiness.

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Guilt caused Her to believe that She had lost Her beauty and Her position because She had not been loving enough to remain there. Because I was projecting a picture of Myself as blameless, the Mother believed She was the one that was wrong. Her rage that wanted to blame Me as causal became even more seriously denied.


GAPPED FEELINGS AND SEXUAL INADEQUACY

Besides fearing I was inadequate for the role of God, I also had the other extreme of the imbalance. I feared I was too intense and fast moving for everyone else. When I felt as though the Mother was holding Me back, I feared that She couldn't keep up with Me. When I projected this out, the Mother received it as a feeling that She was inadequate.

Of course, I was pressuring My speed to compensate for My inadequacy fears and denying those fears into the Mother as though they were Her fears instead of My own. The Mother was wanting to slow Me down and point out the imbalances, but I was too frightened and frantic in My avoidance to receive Her reflection here. I gave the Mother enough denial to make Her lose faith in Her perceptions and in let this reflection move out into the Lost Will.

Instead of receiving Her here, I had put the blame on Her so cleverly and subtlely that She did not realize it for a long time. I did such a good job of making Her feel that Our problems were Her fault and not Mine that She believed it for a long time and suffered with guilt's punishments down through all of history.

The Mother has just now started to move the rage She has felt toward Me and She has so much guilt in this area that She has appeared to be as ugly as Her rage was judged to be.

Men have held women down as long as they possibly can now and even the most enlightened of men need to look more deeply into themselves to see what they still hold against the Will that makes them do unconscious things which continue to perpetuate the image of women as inferior to men. I say this because the most enlightened of you have gapped yourselves from the serious problems I am describing now just as I did. It is not possible to be anymore enlightened than the Will is and I had to fight this for a long time before I could surrender to it.

The area is a major problem between men and women that

There is
nothing more
beautiful
on our planet
than the ballet
of liquid and light!
- Dewitt
December 19, 2011

The Father of Manifestation saw that the Mother was feeling upstaged [sic] and displaced by the Seraphims and Cherubims. He shared Her feelings. He had thought that form was His to

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has only come to the surface in little pieces that are fragments of the whole picture. Women have a lot of rage that needs to move here and men also have a lot more rage than they have expressed.

Women have tried to break out of the old molds by going forth in the world but they have to move the old emotions first or they will not find the happiness they seek to find there. It is not necessarily wrong to have roles according to sex and it is not necessarily wrong to want to reject these roles. You must have emotional alignment with what you do to find the happiness you seek.

Men have for so long been treating women as though they are less capable than men that women do not even know what they really can do. Many women have tried to beat men at their own game but this has not moved the Lost Will involved. Many men have made strides in allowing women more liberal lifestyles but they have emotional problems with this that have not surfaced yet.

Until men really move into their feelings of inadequacy, they are not going to be able to give more than the appearance of balance with women. Men have made suppressed women because they are afraid of them and this needs to move in men now.

The more men cajole and put down women, the more afraid of them they are. There are many men who cannot even allow themselves to agree with a woman for fear it will make them look like they are one. This presents a serious obstacle in the path of alignment.

Some men have noticed that men who put down women have a problem with their masculine image that they're sure they don't have.These men will align with a woman in private but often unconsciously reverse themselves in the presence of other men. These men have fear and rage regarding women that they have gapped from themselves even more seriously than the men who are openly antogonistic.

The men who are the most seriously gapped from their feelings about women are the ones who are appearing to have the least problems with women.

Most behavior in men is designed to deny their fear of sexual inadequacy and until they really straighten things out with a woman they love, men will not be able to stop pressuring themselves to race the fastest, climb the highest, dive the deepest, travel the furthest, work the hardest, drink the most, fight the hardest, stay out the latest, take the most drugs, kill the most ruthlessly and in general, compete overtly and covertly with one another to

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see who can be the most macho and thus the most sexually adequate and the least like a woman.

It does not matter how subtlely these competitions are conducted. The undercurrents are there. Each group has simply made up their own rules of the game. Some prefer the all out "going for it" approach while others feel this makes their moves too obvious and have preference for the sneakier things they have observed about Me.

Yes, I have involvement in all of these things and I am healing My own Lost Will now as I help you to move what you have been holding for so long. I want to emphasize again that you are not going to heal this by saying to yourself that you already have intellectual understanding of what I am saying here. You must move into the gut level feelings that have not moved in you since your beginnings as Manifested Spirits. These problems are as old as you are and all the plans that have been brought forth to solve them have failed because they have not touched the underlying Original Cause, which is held feelings.


LUCIFER TRIES TO FILL THE GAP

Originally, the Mother believed that it was Her own shortcomings that made Her unable to be with Me. Her vulnerability here stemmed from the unresolved initial insecurities in Our relationship and this old charge compounded Her confusion enough that She denied Her feelings of blame toward Me and heaped all the blame upon Herself. She really feared then that She was not acceptable to Me anymore and Her enraged blame moved out into Lost Will and manifested later.

The Mother felt so inadequate, ashamed and frightened that Her loving efforts were not good enough that She could not lift Her eyes to Mine when I did come to Her. Since She feared and distrusted Me, She could not bring Herself to face what She might see reflecting to Her from Me. She hung Her head as though in misery and was too ashamed to let Me see what Her misery was.

Lucifer liked to prey upon Her misery and make it worse if He could. In the miserable parts of the Mother, She began to believe that She somehow deserved these assaults from Lucifer. She no longer had the fire it took to fight him Off as She had in the past. How could She when She felt so worthless

I could not understand why She lacked the Will to fight him off. I was trying to read the signals, but guilt was holding back the process that would have brought the understandings needed. Lost Will holds the pain here in the form of so many lovers who fear to bring forward what they believe will make the other one lose love for them.

The Mother made matters worse, much worse, by holding back the way She did, but She did not know it. She thought coming forward would make matters worse. She didn't know I loved Her as much as I did and I didn't know She loved Me as much as She did. My fears and insecurities caused Me to interpret Her moves as a turning away from Me and as a willingness to allow Lucifer more presence with Her than She was giving to Me. I told Myself that She had preferred the Father of Manifestation and now, even Lucifer, over Me. I put denials into the Lost Will here that had interpreted the Mother as preferring others because She was not aligned with Me and had decided to turn against Me instead. I hated Her for this and did not acknowledge it for a long time.

My fears and jealousies had also been causing Me to assume that the Father of Manifestation had been with the Mother all the time I had not been. I was having so much trouble looking at the situation that it wasn't possible for Me to see it for what it was.

In actuality, the Mother had been alone and felt that no one loved Her. She was receiving so much denial that it was impossible for Her not to feel bad all the time. When She tried to respond in the ways that She felt. She gave the reflections We did not want to see. This caused Us to reject Her further and give Her more denials in place of the loving acceptance She sought. She felt that She was not lovable because something was wrong with Her. We did not understand that I was causal and She was reflection. Since She seemed to become what She had taken in and held, She became confused about what She was. Guilt compounded the Mother's problems so much here that She is just now able to move into healing of them.

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Guilt told the Mother that everything that was happening to Her was what She deserved for acting high and mighty as though She had understandings God did not have. The role of intuition was not being understood here. I did not understand it; I judged against it. Those denials were then reflected to the Mother.

"No one, including God," Guilt told her, "likes for You to act like You know more than they do. And when You do, You get denied."

I had blame for the Mother and because She felt it, She feared guilt was correct here.

Lucifer amplified this whenever He could by telling the Mother that She was attractive to the things that were happening to Her and not attractive to the other things She claimed to prefer. He frightened Her into thinking that it was not possible to attract bad things unless She was a bad person. He told Her that She was constantly trying to pretend that She was more than She really was and that She was playing the role of a martyred victim because She believed She should be getting better treatment than She was. Lucifer did not mention any possibility for changing Her situation, He only told Her She was at fault if She couldn't accept it as what She had created for Herself.

Lucifer saw an opening to make the Mother his this way and He tried to convey to Her the impression that She had more attraction for him than She did for Us. The more He preyed upon the Mother, the more frightened She became that this was true.

Both the Father of Manifestation and I were leaving Her alone a lot of the time and Lucifer tried to convince Her by his increasing presence with Her that he was the mate She was meant to have. He wanted to make the Mother his right place and force Her to do his bidding because he saw power in this move that he thought could give him My lace. The Mother had trouble repelling him because the loss of love She was experiencing was making Her more attractive to Lucifer.

Lucifer did not let Me know directly, but he showed Me in the twisted ways that denial reflects these things [sic], that the Mother was a great source of power that I was not recognizing or utilizing. He gave Me this information by constantly belittling Me for not being able to get the Mother to align with Me. I knew he was inferring that I was not powerful enough to be God. To understand the twist of denial, I had to learn to reverse it and see that it meant that if I could get the Mother aligned with Me, I would

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ing because punishment will be given out for not learning is not Right Use of Will.

Lack of self-acceptance for process[sic] opens spirits to the guilt that makes them believe they need punishment. Original guilt with the Seraphims and Cherubims was that they felt they had denied Heart by not manifesting the way We had done. Self-forgiveness, not for the way they manifested, but for their lack of acceptance for it, is in order here.

The Seraphims and Cherubims were not wrong; they had understandings that We did not have. They realized that they needed to manifest in a way that would allow them to go through their own version of the process We had to go through in order to balance their Spirit and Will polarities enough to manifest Heart.We had to realize through them that the Manifested Spirits needed their own experiences to understand Heart balance. Each order of spirits was allowing Us to recognize something in Ourselves. The Seraphims and Cherubims have heart within them, and allowing themselves to reach the balance they need will allow their hearts to manifest the way they want it to happen.

The Seraphims and Cherubims have pride that has not allowed them to receive these understandings from Me. I would like them to allow Me to help them now because they have gotten themselves into a predicament on earth that does not feel good to them. They have not wanted to admit to this pride any more than they have wanted to admit to the other feelings they have denied.

Pride has been denied here because the Seraphims and the Cherubims felt guilty that they had pride in the beginning telling them they knew more than I did about manifesting. The Father of Manifestation feels particularly involved here and has guilt Himself that He needs to heal with these spirits.

The Seraphims and the Cherubims had understandings that were right for themselves and for many others. These spirits had something to teach Us, as did all the others. The Seraphims and the Cherubims were afraid to tell Us how they thought spirits should be manifesting. They had seen what happened with the Ancient Ones in the beginning and they were afraid of what might happen to them. They felt ashamed of themselves for thinking they could tell other spirits how to manifest when God had not told them how. Because they felt they were not right here, these feelings were held back until the pressure from holding back pushed them quite suddenly to the other side where pride, em-

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powered with some anger, enabled them to come forth and show Us what they wanted Us to see.

The fear did not express directly because of the unrecognized guilt involved. This guilt told them that without heart, they could not be sure they had the balance needed to know if they really were right. The desire to justify their position with Me and the undercurrent feeling of blame that claimed earlier problems had been because I had not told the earlier manifestations enough about how to come forth let Me know that guilt and shame had a presence that these spirits were denying. There was a feeling of anger beneath their presentation of understandings that gave Me the realization that they had used anger to overcome their fear and thus, deny it.

Self-Fogiveness is needed here also. Part of the process of understanding feelings is learning how expession of some feelings and not others manifests the denials. All the opposition that spirits have encountered has been nothing more than the manifestations of their own denials.

The Mother felt the undercurrent of anger and blame in the Seraphims and Cherubims and it acted upon Her fear and guilt. Because of the imbalance present in both sides here, neither side could recognize in themselves the presence of what they saw in the other. The imbalance in the Seraphims and the Cherubims caused them to ask for more powers than they could actually handle, and the imbalance in the Mother caused Her to give these powers to them.

We had a growing feeling of intimidation because the Manifested Spirits were increasing in numbers, and together had increasing power, while We felt that We were diminishing, as the manifestations went on, more than We wanted to.

Heart kept telling Us everything was alright because love would not allow anything to get mistreated, including Us. We had faith in love and were not sure why.We had fear around Heart's reassurances. Later, We realized it was because love was not manifest in the places where We did not accept Ourselves. The reflection manifesting in the Creation gave Us an exact picture of how We felt about Ourselves. The form the reflection took was determined by the judgments, by the emotions holding the judgments in place, and by how much lack of love the judgments against Ourselves contained.

Hatred is the most extreme reflection of lack of love. Guilt and hatred together have punished many people so severely that

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be powerful enough to be God. So simple now that I understand it, but it was so hard to see in the reflection around Me.

At the time, I claimed I was letting the Mother be free and I did not try harder with Her for fear I'd find out that my fears were right. My abdication here increased the Mother's fear that I might have given Her to Lucifer because I didn't care about Her or care about what happened to Her; or worse, that I was allowing it because I thought She deserved the misery She was receiving.

No matter how She interpreted it, the end result in the mother was that She was increasingly losing the power to fight off Lucifer and I was taking this to mean that She was feeling increasing acceptance for him. In fact, he was the only one that seemed to be magnetized to Her anymore. This made Us all feel terrible about the Mother and made the Mother feel terrible about Herself.

The Father of Manifestation was watching this situation too, and drawing the same conclusions I was except from His own point of view [sic]. He at first thought the Mother preferred Me and later that She preferred Lucifer over both of Us. Like Me, He denied many of the feelings He had in favor of the pretense that whatever happened was alright.

BODY MOVES TOWARD SPIRIT

While We pretended everything was alright and went about living Our lives in the company of others, We were both secretly watching the Mother and denying that We had any interest in Her other than what We were willing to display openly. The Mother felt Us watching Her and Our denials here made Her paranoid that She thought We were more interested in Her than We actually were.

Our denied feelings of love for the Mother got twisted here into feelings of wanting to take revenge against Her for rejecting Us, hurting Us and making Us feel like fools. In Our desire for revenge, We saw Her as a faithless and disloyal wench who went from man to man using each for Her own ends and playing each one off against the other. We even thought She got her sexual turn-on from these games and that it tickled Her fancy to have sex in ways that stirred Us against One another because Her power

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play included having Us fight over Her. We believed She had created Her own dilemma with Us and that She meant to make Us solve it for Her by fighting with One another until it either became clear that She belonged to the victor, or there was only One of Us left.

We wanted to wring Her neck, and while Lost Will has been both killing Her and trying to prove itself to Her, We insisted to Ourselves that We weren't going to participate in Her games. She was going to have to make Her own choice between Us because We weren't going to allow Her to play Us [sic] this way.

When We saw Her with Lucifer, We wanted to kill Her, but We denied that these realities had any presence with Us at all. All that We allowed to surface was the belief We each had that We had been giving the Mother space to choose the other of Us if She wanted to and that She was choosing Lucifer instead.

When the feelings did surface in Us that the Mother might be choosing Lucifer instead of either One of Us, We had a moment of immense relief that the Mother wasn't going to be an issue between Us anymore, followed by immediate denial of this as a possibility because the feelings of love involved couldn't stand to face what might be happening here. We then lifted out of the situation since We had not been able to handle staying present with it, and claimed We didn't know what the Mother was doing.

In a state of denial, We had created many images of the Mother which the Mother had not even thought of, so overwhelmed was She with Her own troubles. When these Lost Will images began to reflect their presence by attacking the Mother whenever She behaved in the ways that had made Us suspicious of Her, the Mother did not know what was happening to Her or why. She feared that we were the cause of this because We hated Her, but We denied any involvement.

When She asked Us about these attacks, We told Her We did not know what was happening to Her, and that since these things did not happen when We were with Her, We did not know how We could find out what they were. We told Her We wanted Her to find out what these things were and report back to Us, but We gave Her the feeling that We did not believe She was being attacked, or experiencing anything She didn't really want to experience. We insisted to Ourselves that the Mother had chosen Her experience and that somehow She liked it. We viewed Her com-

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plaints as a ploy because of guilt She felt about the choices She made.

Instead of sympathizing with the Mother and helping Her find out what was attacking Her in the darkness of space, I acted concerned without really doing anything other than to cast a look around and announce that I didn't see anything.

There are so many people who treat the Will this way whenever it feels the presence of something that hasn't manifested in plain view that I want to mention that this needs to move now. I had fear around what the Mother was telling Me here and I did not want to let Her know that I actually preferred leaving Her to struggle around with these things rather than having to get involved Myself.

I have forgiven Myself for this now, but the Mother has suffered so immensely because I denied Her here that it is not even possible to tell you what happened until the next book. By not even opening to receive the input I needed here, but feigning openness instead, I belittled and dismissed the Mother without opening any space that would have allowed Her to confront Me about what I was really doing here.

I did this because I had rage and blame toward Her that was not moving, and I did this because I felt She had rage and blame toward Me that I didn't want to receive. What I did not know was that because it was not moving in Us, it was being acted out in a state of denial. These things that were harming Her in the darkness were My own denied blame and rage. The things that harm the Mother fragments on Earth even now are still holding pieces of My denied blame and rage that got trapped with the Mother's lost and fragmented Will.

This has to move now and is going to move now, but you have to understand it in order to know how to move it in yourselves. What you need to understand is that everytime you angrily fantasize something terrible happening to someone, it will happen.

If you have guilt that does not let you express your feelings here, then this same guilt may be enough to make it seem that you have not harmed the people involved. What you fantasize will, however, happen to somebody somewhere, and the ones it happens to are fragments of the ones involved; fragments that hold the guilt and the judgments that allow it to happen to them. Rather than allowing this to continue, I suggest moving the feelings involved until you don't feel blame anymore.

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BLAME

I had blame that was not moving then and I'm still healing it now. Besides blame for the Mother, I had plenty of blame for the Father of Manifestation. I even felt that He was causing the Mother's pain in the darkness by not letting Me in there when He had sex with Her. In other words, I felt that Body and Will were having sex without Spirit and Heart and I was furious at Them for this. On the surface, I thought I was acting as though it didn't matter, but underneath, I was seething with rage.

I hated Them both for leaving Me out and acting like They liked it better that way. I hated Them so much I had fantasies of killing Them and getting a new Mate and a new Body.

On the surface, I acted like love was all that I felt and that They had mine; but in a part of Myself, I might add, I didn't care what happened to Them, and worse, I had fantasies of what I wished would happen to Them. To make matters even worse than that it was happening to Them in a state of denial and I was not allowing Myself to know it.

The only knowing I really had of this was that I was continually nagged by guilt telling Me I should be more loving than I was. I continually tried to silence this guilt by allowing less and less expression of the feelings that I had judged to be unloving. Finally, I got to the point where I did not seem to have emotions at all anymore.

Instead of deciding here that something was wrong, I decided instead that this had to be the solution. I had a fine time here as long as I didn't miss feelings, and my fine time went on for a long time because I had gotten very sick of feelings before I reached this point.

I was in Heaven, in fact, or so I thought, celebrating the success of My Creation.

I thought I had really done it! I thought I had gotten the Creation I wanted to have and gotten rid of "the thing" that had made Me so miserable in the beginning. I thought I had taken care of My problems with the Father of Manifestation too, by putting Him out in Manifestation and making it so that He couldn't reach Me anymore. He was in the role I wanted Him to have, which was giving form to My Creation and allowing Me to withdraw My essence from forms I no longer wanted to experience. I was happy with this because I no longer had to feel trapped in Manifestation.