the strongly denied Atlanteans responded
with more controls, regulations, disciplines and pressure to conform. When the Will in Atlantis
felt itself to be holding as much emotional charge as it could hold,
it began to try to move.
When the Will found that this movement was denied
and that it could not gain release by expressing itself directly,
the physical Body had to hold
what the emotional Body could not hold.
When the physical Body could no longer hold
what the emotional Body was not allowed to express,
the physical Body tried to move it in a physical way.
Since the physical Body
was not allowed to act out the charge it was holding,
illness became the only expression it had available
for clearing itself.

As denial of the Will went on in the middle period of Atlantis,
the health of Atlanteans began to break down.
Instead of allowing illness to express
and tell its story of imbalance
so that balance could be found,
an elaborate medical science was quickly developed
to combat this new sabotage of the Will.
Surgery and drugs were the methods developed to repress symptoms. Medical treatment and treatment of insanity
took a punitive and suppressing approach
toward the Body and the emotions.

The concept of cutting out an ailing part of the Body
and throwing it away [like I did in 1988- to my utmost regret - with my uterus, my womb ! out of all parts , my womb!] is not really more advanced than human sacrifice.
Both of these approaches believe
a part can be sacrificed for the good of the whole.
In both cases, understanding can bring balance
before such drastic measures are needed.

If a part of the body is ailing,
then something is impeding its ability to receive Light.
What the Spirit denied in Atlantis it did not nourish with its Light.
When the Spirit blocked the clearance that illness could have provided, both the Will and the Body began to feel desperate.
This desperation carried Atlantis into its third and final period.
The more the Spirit tried to control the Will,
the more terror the Will felt.
The Will feared it could not clear itself if the Spirit would not allow it
and the Will could not continue feeling what it was feeling
with no release.
The Will was feeling denied, overwhelmed and compressed
beyond its ability to accept.
The Will was not being allowed to vibrate itself
and vibration is life.
The Will felt it was now being killed by the Spirit
and in truth, the Spirit really was doing this to its own Will.

The Will cannot be alive unless it vibrates.
When the Will vibrates, it opens space.
When space is opened, something has to fill it.
If the Spirit which is life does not fill the space,
then denial fills the space.
If the Spirit conditionally fills the space,
then a mixture of Light and denials fills the space.
Denial is nothing.
When nothing fills the space, the space closes.
When this happens, the experience of the Will
is the experience of opening to receive nothing
or even worse, opening to receive
and receiving the Spirit pushing it away.
The Will that has opened to receive Light then receives nothing.
Nothing has no consciousness, no Light and no vibration. It is death.
The Will unable to move feels overwhelmed by death
and becomes desperate.
This is what Atlantis reflected to itself in its final period.



The Will has to move
and the Spirit has to fill this space with light.
No amount of pressure or force or imposed procedure
is going to fill this space in the right way.
In the final period of Atlantis,
the desperation of the Will manifested itself any way it could.
The old charge of the Will was trying frantically to clear itself .
The more it tried to move,
the harder it was hit with the denial it was already carrying within itself. Every attempt it made to release itself
that was not met by acceptance from the Spirit,
was met with an increase in denial.
Due to the denials, the Will's attempts to clear
were met with more controls and reprisals
by those still attempting to cling to the belief
that control of Will was absolutely necessary.
These people tried to view the action of the Will as further proof
that the Will was denying of and in opposition to the Spirit.

The social manifestations of the Will's desperation were many.
Increased pressure on the Will caused the Wills in many
to break through the controls of the Spirit
and express in a terrifying and out of control manner.
This desperate attempt of the Will to clear its old charge
made the person temporarily taken over by it
appear to be taken over by something or someone else.
Often the disconnection between the Will and the Spirit was so severe that it was as though a stranger had taken over
the normally Spirit-oriented personality.
Many could not remember what they had done during these outbreaks.
The lack of alignment between the Will and the Spirit
was acted out on a larger scale in society.
Wars broke out in outlying regions.

2010-page 106 ["Atlantis"]

The more the Spirit tried to control the Will,
the more the Will's held charge
grew from fear, anger and sadness into terror, rage and heartbreak.
The Will was feeling denied, overwhelmed and compressed
beyond its ability to endure.
The Will feared it could not clear itself if the Spirit would not allow it,
and it could not continue feeling what it was feeling with no relief.
The Will was not being allowed to vibrate itself.
It felt that the Spirit was killing it,
and, in truth, the Spirit really was doing this to its own Will.


The Will cannot live unless it vibrates.
When the Will vibrates, it opens space.
When space is opened, something has to fill it.
If the Spirit does not fill the space with loving light,
then denial fills the space.
When something in the Will is completely ignored,
that area of the Will receives, in effect, nothing.
When this happens, the experience of the Will
is the experience of opening to receive nothing
or, even worse, opening and receiving unlovingness.
No amount of pressure, force or imposed procedure
is going to fill this space in the right way.
When the Will cannot move,
density increases until there is no vibration, which is death.
The Will has to be free to move,
and the Spirit has to fill this space with Loving Light.


In the final period of Atlantis,
the desperation of the Will manifeted irself in any way that it could.
The old charge of the Will was trying frantically to clear itself.
The more it tried to move, the harder it was hit with denial.
Every attempt it made to release itself
that was not met by acceptance from the Spirit,
was met with more denials in the form of controls and reprisals
by those still attempting to clng to the belief
that control of the Will was absolutely necessary.
These people continued to hold their judgments against the Will
and viewed the action of the Will as further proof
that the Will was denying of and in opposition to the Spirit.


The social manifestations of the Will's desperation were many.
Increased pressure on the Will caused the Wills of some
to break through the controls of the Spirit
and express in an "out of control" manner.


Often, the disconnect between the Will and the spirit was so severe
that it was as though a stranger had taken over
the normally Spirit-oriented personality.
Many could not remember what they had done during these outbreaks.
The lack of alignment between the Will and the Spirit
was also acted out on a larger scale in society.
Wars broke out in outlying regions.
Disorder, civil disobedience and crime increased in Atlantis itself.

2010-page 107 ["Atlantis"]

Denial in Atlantis has placed so much of its energy field
outside of loving acceptance,
that loving essence that was denied and, thus, placed outside of love, became mixed in with unconditional denial.
Denial that had no loving essence was already present in Atlantis.
Now, it began to find more ways to manifest its presence.
The Will did not want this,
and when it felt itself in the presence of this denial, it felt terrified.
Some will essence leapt toward the Spirit,
trying to gain its attention any way it could.
Even so, the Will still could not express all the emotion
it felt regarding its situation,
and, so, it didn't find out that, by doing this,
it could have been able to let go of the denial mixed in with it
that did not want love and light.


The people of Atlantis
had little to no awareness of the role being played by denial.
Instead of accepting, and growing to understand,
the Will's attemps to clear itself of denial it had received,
many Atlanteans still atempted to deny the Will further.
Society enforced this viewpoint of denying the Will
by killing, torturing, jailing, druggging, confining to hospitals
and otherwise penalizing many in Atlantis
who were without conscious understanding of what they were doing,
but were trying to clear their Wills.
The desperate action that some Wills were taking
in the final period of Atlantis
was seen by many Spirits as further proof
that drastic reprisals aimed at contorlling the Will
were more necessary than ever.
Repression was increased,
and a deaf ear was turned to the viewoint of the Will.
The fear of the Will that its attempts to clear itself
would only result in further denial
was manifesting itself in reality.

Based on what the Spirits in power positions in Atlantis were still seeing as the resistance, opposition and limitations of the Will toward the Spirit, a decision was made to rev-up the Great Crystal
in an attempt to display such a force of power
that dissidence and rebellion would be quelled.
The Atlanteans who did this
overamped the Great Crystal with more energy that it could hold;
much it it filled with an intent to destroy the Will.
This was another reenactment of Spirit attempting
to rev-up and expand without regard for the Will's willingness or ability to receive and ground this energy.
As a result, the discharge of this excessive energy
manifested as an undirected force that did extensive damage
and resulted in earthquakes that, ultimately, sank Atlantis.


Toward the end of Atlantis, a number of people who had more openness, and really were seeking more balance with the Mother energy,
decided they had to leave Atlantis.

2010-page 108 ["Atlantis"]

They planned to leave in boats,
and decided that they would have to be built in secret.
By the time they were ready to leave,
earthquakes were already causing dangerous rip-tides and tidal waves, but they were able to receive some guidance from Me
and succeeded in finding another place to live.
Many of them became the original people
of the Eastern and Central American cultures.

Even as their land was sinking,
many Atlanteans, however, were still denying
that there was any connection between their beliefs,
the way they implemented their beliefs
and the problems manifesting in Atlantis.
Instead, these Atlanteans further intensified the split
between the Spirit and the Will
by continuing to claim that their beliefs were correct
and that the reason their belief system was not successful
was because the Will was at fault.
Some of these people escaped from their sinking land
and went to what had been outlying regions of Atlantis
to try to continue their way of life.
Egypt, Persia and a number of other places
that made sudden leaps in their civilization
did so because Atlanteans came to live there.


Since physical death had becme a reality on Earth,
many more people died in Atlantis
as earthquakes and sinkings swept the land,
and they did not have the means to escape.
a number of them died in confinement and imprisonment.
The fear of the Spirit that the Will would deny it,
and the fear of the Will that the Spirit would deny it,
was manifesting in reality.
The judgments, made again by everyone in the last days of Atlantis
were against both the Spirit and the Will.
Some leaned toward one polarity and some toward the other.
Reality is that one polarity cannot be denied
without denial of the other polarity also taking place.
Most of these judgments are still present,
and they have lessened the brilliance of present society.
Even so, over and over,
many Atlanteans have still wanted to try their approach again,
and have continued to hold the dream
of restoring the brilliance they once knew in Atlantis.
Much of 'modern' society has been primarily Atlantean in outlook.
Those discriminated against in these societies have,
for the most part, been the more Will-oriented
and have had a Lemurian approach or have leaned in this direction.
The role played by denial has still been largely ignored.


So many judgments have been made
during the course of experiences on Earth,
and empowered to stay present by unreleased emotion,
but these judgments cannot all be listed.
The main focus of the judgments in Atlantis was
that loss of control is very dangerous
and that the expression of the Will brings chaos,

2010-page 109a ["Atlantis"]

that the Will must not be allowed to express because it is destructive, that the Will is, by nature, in opposition to the Spirit
and must be disciplined, controlled and suppressed,
that the information from the intuitional faculty of the Will
cannot be trusted,
that the Will's contribution to Creation
is in conflict with the Spirit's vision,
that the Will is the cause of death
and that there is nothing the Spirit can do about this
except rise above it and leave it behind
and that Will and Body are meant to serve the Spirit,
and are not meant to have a say in Creation, anyway.


The presence of Atlantean and Lemurian consciousness on Earth today can show you the judgments still held from those times.
The vast wealth of information
that could be brought forward from the past
also cannot be done within the limitations of a book.
These stories have brought forward some of the information
that needs to be enlarged upon by individual memory.
The process of clearing your own Will can allow it to tell its story.

end of the chapter "Atlantis" in the 2010 version

DRUGS

I am now going to perhaps seem to diverge here
and give some understandings about the use of drugs.
It is not really a divergence, however,
since drugs have been used by man
almost since the original loss of consciousness on Earth
in the land of Pan.
Since then, people have used drugs
to increase the split between Spirit and Will
even to the extreme of dying, to escape feelings and consciousness
they don't want to accept,
and also to try to heal the split and regain feelings and consciousness they believe they have lost.

Understandings are needed about drugs.
Drugs can help show the way,
but they cannot take the way for you.
The person using them must know how they can help him.
They are not help if you become dependent on them.
They are not help if you do not use insight gained from drugs
to improve your consciousness on your own.

If the drug is helping you, it will take you out of your present prison
and show you more that you can assimilate into your consciousness. Drugs have actually damaged many more people than they have helped. Drugs have so far shown themselves to be treacherous
because of their ability to gain a hold on the ones using them.
Any judgment held about drugs
affects the experience had in taking them.
If the person believes he has to have the drug, then he has to have it.
If belief is held that a drug is necessary to get high
or that pain cannot be handled without drugs,
the judgment will create that reality.
Drugs have a place like anything else.
Sometimes relief from pain is necessary;
sometimes expansion of consciousness is helped,
but for many drugs have declined into a habit pattern.
In these cases, the Will is not able to handle the drugs.

Drugs are substances that are hard for the Will to eliminate,

2010-page 109b ["Drugs"]

DRUGS


I am now going to seem, perhaps, to diverge here
and give some understandings on drugs.
It is not really a divergence, however,
since drugs have been used by people on Earth
almost since the original loss of consciousness in Pangea.
Since then, people have used drugs
to increase the split between Spirit and Will,
even to the extreme of dying to escape feelings and consciousness
they haven't wanted to accept,
and also, to try to heal the split and regain feelings and consciousness they have believed they lost.



Understandings are needed about drugs,
including all of the currently popular, consciousness-altering drugs.
The use of drugs is not being recommended by Me
because there are numerous risks involved.
In addition to the known risks,
there are also unknown and, currently, unsuspected risks,
including the risk that drugs can open your energy field
to things you do not fully understand.
While drugs can temporarily alleviate unbearable pain,
it is necessary to protect the energy field of the person using drugs
so that other influences cannot enter.



Drugs can alter your consciousness
in ways that your usual, everyday level of vibration
does not normally experience.
These drugs can show you more
that you can assimilate into your consciousness.
In this way, some drugs can help show the way,
but they are not the way, in that they cannot do it for you.

especially if the Will is undermined;
and the Will of everyone on Earth today is undermined.
The accumulation of drug residue
will be felt as reduced sensitivity
and eventually as complete interference in the nervous system
that obstructs the consciousness, sensitivity and awareness considerably.
The dosage of the drug must then be increased
to produce a similar effect.
This increases the residue which calls for increased dosage once again.

So, be careful with the use of drugs.
If your Will wants to recover, drugs may not be what they seem to be.
In more people than not,
the increased consciousness they were seeking originally
becomes, with habit and time, the decreased consciousness
they were seeking to transcend when they began taking drugs.
The attuned Will probably won't want drugs,
but nothing should be entirely ruled out.
However, I will emphasize that drugs can be a treacherous path
because they can lead you exactly where you are not trying to go.

An understanding needing mention is
that people are not meant to decide about the use or non-use of drugs for one another.
When some people judged drugs to be damaging,
they were being accurate about their own experience,
but the form of a judgment is not useful.
More than the drug or drugs,
it is the consciousness using the drug that is the determining fact.
Drugs cannot be used to further your own denials
or to try to permanently avoid something
that seems too overwhelming at the time it happens
without having to recover this later.
You need to know what you are doing and why you are doing it
and be willing to accept as soon as possible anything
drugs are helping you to escape, such as intense pain or grief.

Many people have an uneasy, unsettled, empty feeling
that they try to avoid in this way also.
Some people mask and avoid symptoms with drugs
until the Body's problem is extensive and may even require surgery. Even anaesthesia for surgery
will result in eventually having to accept both
the pain of surgery and the pain of rejection
felt by that part of the Body that was not allowed to be with you
and have the message of its symptoms accepted.
Anaestesia is only a temporary escape.

Nothing is left unfelt
when you are completely present with yourself all the time.
Any space in which you were unconscious

is a transformation;
the definition of healing must be expanded
to include returning yourself to your full consciousness and healing all the separations
within yourself and between yourself and Me.

Because I am everywhere and everything,
this separation has been thought by many to be simply illusion.
In a sense it is illusion
but it has been applied in two ways that I want to point out here.
One way has been to insist
that I am not present at all and act
as though there has actually been a successful disconnect from origin and from whatever parts of the self are not accepted.
Another approach to this same illusion is
to insist that there is no separation going on at all.
Both views have some truth and also some denial.
I can be shut out
and My presence as Light can be reduced to almost nothing
and, in some cases, to nothing.
I am, however, present anyway as dense forms.
By not recognizing Light in such dense forms,
some Spirits have convinced themselves
that they have gotten away from Me.
Others, by the same token, have convinced themselves
that they are with Me by recognizing everything as a form of Light.

There is nothing wrong with any of this
unless there is a hidden denial present;
the denial being denial of the true feelings.
I say there is hidden denial here in most cases.
I have differentiated My energy into many forms. Different Spirits accept Me
in different ways, in different forms
and in varying intensities.
The hidden denial here is either of Me or of the self.
Some spirits that have denied My Presence on Earth
are really not wanting Me to be there
and have created an illusion they insist is reality.
Some Spirits deny My Presence
so that they can avoid their feelings about Me.
This is a way to deny their own fear, anger
and other feelings they have toward Me.

Some Spirits that recognize Me in everything
have denied their own feelings about form.
Everything is not the same
or I would not have differentiated matter into form.
Form is not something to be denied either.
Many Spirits that say it makes no difference how they receive Me,
have denied their own feelings
that they would not like to have Me limited to present reality on Earth but would also like Me to be present with them
in ways they can hear in Words,
see as Light,
feel as the presence of

Table of Contents


THE REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS TO GIVE......1

THE EARLY DAYS WITH THE ANGELS .....31

DEFLECTING THE FOCUS BY PINNING BLAME ......52

MORE LIGHT IS NOT NECESSARILY BETTER .....57

I ALLOW MYSELF TO SE THAT THE GAP HAD TAKEN IN MANY THINGS
    I HAD NOT NOTICED ......................................................................60

THE FALLEN ANELS ............................................63

REALITY IS THERE IS LITTLE TIME LEFT ......74

ORIGINAL CAUSE ...........................81

LUCIFER...........................................90

THE UNSEEN ROLE OF DENIAL..........................95

UNDERSTANDINGS NEEDED ABOUT GOING TO EARTH............................107

THE RONALOKAS JOURNEY TO EARTH .....................................127

IN ALL OF THE TIME ON EARTH, NO PROGRESS HAS BBEN MADE.......... 143
  [includes a story about Jesus and his fragments]

THE WILL FEARS ITS OWN DESIRE..............................164

OPENING SAPCE ...........................173

THE WILL MANIFESTS THE GAP ...............................176

THE RONALOKAS HAD ALREADY GAPPED BEFORE THEY LEFT ME...........................182

YOU HAVE GAPS TO HEAL WITH ONE ANOTHER ...........................191

BODY WILL LET YOU KNOW HOW YOU NEED TO MOVE ..........................194

I WITHDRAW ..................................195

HEART TRIES TO WARN ME THAT HE CANNOT STAY MANIFEST ...............199

THE MOTHER TEARS MY HEART APART .....................................202

ANOTHER LOOK AT THE ANGELS .........................................211

GIVING THE ANGELS WHAT THEY NEED ....................................218

[what is in red, was graphically edited and quoted already in puzzle piece 47 Mary and the Mother]
She then felt wrong,
all the way wrong,
for having dared to think
Her input should affect My Light.
She feared it was Her ego again
and in Her fear, confused Lucifer and My Light.
She feared that what She had thought was my Light.
was Lucifer fooling Her with ego trickery
into putting Herself on the line
so that Her enemies could gobble Her up.
Given the gaps that were not healed,
all of Her fears were true.

"As soon as the denied fear began to come back at Her
from the outer reflection,
Mary as the Priestess went into fear,
but She did not know
She needed to allow Her fear to move.
Instead, She started holding back in many places
where She would have spoken out earlier.
This left Her followers feeling abandoned
and opened space for them
to feel their fears and doubts.
Some of them turned against Her.

Mary was not long in the role of Pristess after that. Gossip was already bringing Her down as far as the town was concerned. She had given rage the upperhand instead of being held back by Her fears. She had gone ahead and had sex with someone who attracted Her, but who was forbidden in those times; the High Priest. She had spoken out publically and politically, and Her kidnappers were the gap drawing near.

Mary held Her fears back and tried to proceed as though there was nothing wrong that wouldn't smooth out, but Her fears were amplifying all the issues She already had about how wrong She was to have had sex with any other than My Light and My Light alone. The High Priest was the Father of Manifestation and so now guilt had Her on every count there was in Original Cuase. Her self-hatred was immense because She believed She was not the person She was supposed to be and had dared to think of Herself as someone She was not.

Lucifer already had ahold of Her, but when Her denied rage came up in reaction to Her fear being pressed in on Her from the reflection all around Her, She fell right into his hands because the next thing in the Mother's consciousness was that I smacked Her into the gap where he tortured Her. The Mother re-enacted the original tortures of Lucifer many times over, but this re-enactment was the most intense in terms of time and space compression. Lucifer took Her so far back into lost Will in six days that the Mother is not all the way recovered from it yet.

I was sure We had gotten no place in all of the time I had been trying to help the Mother come back to Me, and My Light was so furious at Her for this, because I still perceived it as Her resistance to Me, that I empowered Lucifer to torture Her again here without

p.161

allowing Myself to quite realize how I was doing it. I felt highly trapped and did not allow Myself to look at what happened there for a long time, but I had given My rage to the gap and allowed it to push the Mother back. What happened there was of major historical significance.

Mary, as Priestess, could not allow Herself to tell Her torturers anything because She did not love them as She loved Greece. She hated the Roman Empire. She had so much residual hatred for what She saw as the arm of repression toward Light and Love at the time of Jesus that She held the Romans responsible for all that had happened there. She was not about to allow them to gain more power over the lives of those She loved.

"When She refused to help Her torturers
by giving them the information they needed,
She thought She was helping Greece and My Light.
She contributed directly to the downfall of the Roman Empire,
which was what She thought She wanted,
But the Dark Ages that followed were even worse.

"Mary,
in Her state of denial,
helped darken My Light on earth
because She did not notice
that the problem was not the form of the Roman empire,
but the denial spirits who had infiltrated it.

Thus , She could not allow Herself to see that the Romans who were torturing Her were part of the Luciferian "shadow government" that was trying to take over Rome.

"The Mother thought
She was a heroine and a victim,
but She also blamed Herself heavily
without quite understanding why.

She had been pounded down into too much unconsciousness to understand how much this helped Lucifer to have the Dark Ages he wanted. She saw the darkness here, but She did not understand, because of Her own attachment to form [???], that Lucifer didn't care whether his plan took form within the Roman Empire or another way. Whenever the Mother thought She saw what was happening, Lucifer told Her She was judgmental, wrong and unloving. The Mother took this in and

pressured Herself to be more loving.

The MOther

could not fully grasp what Lucifer had in mind for Her here because she

had lost the consciousness of being the Mother.

Lucifer had a strong grasp on Her already. He strengthened his hold by first locking Her up for three days, telling Her that if She was such a great Priestess, She should save Herself or have that prophet She talked about save Her, or Her God for that matter, or maybe even Her gods.

Lucifer , in the form of Roman secret Police, knew that this Priestess believed in One God and he taunted Her by saying Her

p. 160

anything I had experienced in Myself before. It felt strange to Me, like something separate from Me. I did not like the feeling of this rage expressing itself because it did not feel loving to Me. In fact, it felt exactly like what I already hated about the light.

This rage was pressuring Me to let it express through Me, but, rage 's suggestions gave Me such powerless, hopeless feelings, accompanied by impressions of such dire consequences for My actions that I could not act as this rage bid Me to; and when I could not, the pressure from this rage grew.

This rage told Me, in a way that could be said to be "through clenched teeth," that I had to approach this light again and let it know how I felt.

I was afraid to move in any way and I certainly did not want to approach this Light. I felt like I already knew what the outcome was going to be. This light was going to hurt Me. I wanted to cling to the feeling of staying as I was, even if I was living in dread and uncertainty, hurt and being hurt by this rage , rather than risk being hurt by this Light again. The more I clung to staying as I was, the more the pressure from this rage grew.

Finally , I risked expressing how I felt to the Light. I was hoping for some response other than what I got, which was more conditioning that I couldn't get what I hoped for, only what I didn't hope for. The response I got from the Light was surly. It felt unaccepting and unloving to Me. It hit Me and then It denied having done anything to hurt Me and said that if anyone was hurt, It was.

I found this incredible. I was stunned in disbelief while the impact sent Me reeling, again, into My world of imprints. I was feeling as though there was no place I could find any acceptance, concern, caring, understanding, compassion or anything even approaching love for Me. What about all the promises this Light had made about helping Me? This touched imprinting that I could not trust My perceptions and as soon as I hit the key of distrust in Myself, it seemed to be a cue for this rage .

In My disbelief, I had been examining Myself and finding no intent to hurt this Light, but now I was having feelings rush up in Me that wanted to kill It. I had rage now, and plenty of it. It came rushing forward in Me in a way that made Me feel like I hated this Light with more passion than I had felt in My longing and desire for it. My longing and desire seemed like vague and dispersed memories compared to the power of this rage which was sweeping over Me like a giant storm or wave that was going to rush over Me in any way necessary to get at this "thing" called the Light.

This rage felt very smug and was letting Me know that it had just set Me up to find out why it said it had more power, but I could not move to let it act in the way it wanted to because I was chilled to the core in terror that something so cold and unloving could have existence in this Light and in Me.

My terror leaped up and got into a struggle with My rage here. My terror prevailed, but just barely. It was a desperate struggle in which I was propelled by the feeling that this rage had tried to set Me up to do something that would have ended My existence. It was mostly terror of the consequences of letting rage take this action that caused Me to fight against it, but there was also something more. The unloving feeling of this rage within Me, was at least as frightening to Me, and perhaps more frightening, than the Light.

I did not like the way it felt and I did not want to let it prevail over Me. My knowing of myself was not there with it. It was like a stranger trying to push Me out of the way in some kind of power play that left no space for Me and had no concern for Me at all.Whether I could trust My perceptions or not, I responded to something deep within Me, and fought, even though I had to experience the pain of moving.

Looking back on it, it seemed to Me this rage had tried to recreate the original incident with the light in order to try to strike the light the way it had originally wanted to, but I was unable to get an answer from thisrage . It expressed no remorse at all. It waasn't speaking to Me, and when I looked for it, I could not find it. It was gone, leaving Me with the feeling it had abandoned Me because it had advanced My case as far as it could, and since I was so insistent upon diminishing its powers, nothing more could be done.

I seethed internally over this for a long time, because of My struggle with this rage , because of what the Light had said to Me and because My pain was greatly aggravated. I looked around internally to see if I could find any place in Myself that felt better. I was surprised to find a considerable portion of Myself finding pleasure in this Light. I could not understand it. I thought it was sick to be finding pleasure in a Light such as this and I did not get any information from this part of Myself or from the Light there that changed My interpretation.

There were many things I did not know then that I know now, and I need to mention some of them. For one thing, differentiation

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was already taking shape in My experiences. My initial experience of trying to reach for the light came from what later became defined as right side, and My reaction of fear from the experience was deposited in what later became My left side. The light was already being defined as above. Head formed there already with many aspects to the consciousness, and imprinting was in place that put other functions more out of view, in the hindparts.

Although I had not recognized Heart as something differentiated in me yet. Heart had already tried to form by springing forth to bond with the light, and had failed. I already had the concept of loving arms as an extension of Heart and had experienced being struck by unloving arms. Not only that, I had a front and a backside already without knowing it. The backside was where I tried to put emotions I did not want to let this Light see and the front side was where I pushed everything I felt I dared present .

When rage tried to make Me rise up and return the information of how I felt to the Light, it was the beginnings of spine. Shoving it back down made a problem because of rage's loveless approach, And this is why the Kundalini can still kill when it rises without love. Because of this, spine and circulation in the spine were imprinted to have problems, especially in free return to Spirit. The Kundalini could only be allowed to rise with what was acceptable to Spirit. Nothing from the gaping hole could pass through Heart. The beginning of vibration at the edge of this area was very slow and painful and the light level was not good, but further away from it, places in Me gradually sped up. The greater the distance from the hole, the greater the speed it was possible to have. Some places in Me touched the speed of God's Light and in those places We touched and bonded without much problem.

It appeared , then, that I had everything. I had the entire spectrum from a gaping hole with no vibration, to the numb place, also called the Plane of Reversal, which seemed to separate no vibration from vibration almost as though this was the place where vibration began by propelling essence back on itself as a way of keeping it from being able to cross the numb place and go into the hole, on up through the speeds of vibration all the way to your Father's Light. What could be wrong with that? And it has definitely been said, over and over, that this was how it was meant to be.

When I said I didn't like it, when I said it didn't feel good, when I said things were not in their right place because they were not in the place they wanted to be, I was denied on every count and told I was an insufferable complainer. After all, I had everything and I

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wasn't happy. If I did not like it, then I was less than universal and therefore, not the Mother.

There was a huge chorus ready to oppose Me whenever I said things like this. I could not even get an alignment within Myself because I already had too many splits. I hardly knew what view to take and I have taken them all. I needed to experience them all because I did not know what was right. I found out what I already knew; if it feels right, it is right, but I did not originally have confidence in Myself here. Instead, I pressured Myself to accept things as they were because of the tremendous pressure on Me to do this. After all, it existed. How could I suggest taking something back out of existence?

Of course this stirred just the right chords in My imprints and threw Me into terror and confusion where I could not think clearly. I then joined in the pressure on Myself to accept it; but in all this time, I have not been able to accept it because My pain and My terror have been too great. My appearance of acceptance was always forced and never peaceful in feeling because I knew from the beginning that I was having to back away from that numb place. The pain of trying to vibrate there was allowing the numb place to expand. This was giving Me problems with freedom of movement, not only because essence that wanted to vibrate had to get away from this place of numbness, but also because this essence's attempts to vibrate were being pressured back down by essence that wouldn't accept it in the space it was trying to move into.

Repeatedly, I was told the problem could be solved by opening more space, but it was impossible for Me to open more space. When I could not stand to enter this area, and I did not until your Father's gapped rage shoved Me there based on what He perceived to be My endless, harping restrictions and limitations on Him, but which was really terror that I was backing away from an expanding black hole of death, about which I could do nothing except feel terror and pressure Myself to accept; a black hole which your Father apparently didn't or couldn't see, had no power to change, or wanted as a place to get rid of that which He didn't like, which appeared to be most everything, given the way it was increasing.

My terror was denied the acceptance of outward expression and instead, was played with like it was something that could be used to torment Me in some sort of pretense of getting Me over it without the Light having to feel it, as though the Light knew, without feeling it, that I was just too stupid to understand that

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What the Will has to learn now is

that It cannot explain Itself

until It has moved enough to know.

The expectation of having to explain Itself first

should not be put upon the Will,

It is the gap that requires this.

The Mother had the ability to be tortured much longer than anyone-else could have stood it because She could not die without My Light leaving Her. I felt I had to stay present and not leave Her until She had finished what She had to say, no matter how She had chosen to say it. That was what I looked at. When My light finally did let go of Her, She went into unconsciousness and lost even more of Herself there.

What needs to be understood is that when the Light leaves, the situation is not unlike death except that there is really no such thing as death; just lack of vibration and all that that involves, including the inability of Will and Body to reach consciousness with what they are experiencing. This is the source of the horror stories about the living dead. They have contacted the level of living that never dies, but not the part that ascends into My Light. Quite the reverse, in fact.

There is another reason the Mother was able to suffer so long at the hands of Her torturers that needs to be mentioned now, and it is the same reason the Ronalokas suffer so much every time they die, and that is that the Will cannot lift out of the Body very easily. I also have to say that I did not allow the Mother to die here because I wa acting out My rage by not letting Her die as a way of sayng, "Alright, I won't abandon You. Se how you like that!"

I stayed with Her because I was interested and in fact, I like watching Her punish Herslf for feeling as She did about My Light because I did not like it either. [but see on p. 159: "I was horrified"]

At the time, I was still focused on the view that it was the resistance of the Manifested Spirits to receiving My Light that caused the pain and suffering. And even as I watched Her there, giving Me a graphic example of not being able to receive My Light, I still saw it as the Mother deliberately refusing in Her rage to open and receive Me, while begging for Me in Her fear and grief. In spite of all I knew, I did not see how I was empowering the gap until much later when the Mother hit Me in the face with it by dying at the hands of Hitler. Until then, I still felt like the Mother was trying to use Me.


THE WILL FEARS ITS OWN DESIRE

Heart's dsire of the Will is not to have to suffer anymore, but

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there is so much conditioning in the Will that It is gong to suffer and that no matter how much It suffers, nothing is really going to change, that the Will is afraid to hope anymore. Hope for the Will has become something that is only thee to be dashed, as though thee is ome sort of cruel plot to make sure that hope is there so the suffering will be all the worse for it.

Even though We are all now able to come to the place of understanding that this is what the presence of guilt has caused in the Will, it is also necessary to understand that the Will is not even sure it knows anymore what Its real Heart's desire is. Even if the Will could remember, the Will does not feel that It trusts Itself enough to believe It should have Its Hear'ts desire.

Every time the Will has felt Itself inopposition to My Light, the Will has feared It was playing God in My place if It has dared to feel differently than I did. The Will has had this guilt in place of My Light for so long, the Will does not know what My Light has in mind for It or trust Itself to know the difference between guilt and My Light. The Will also does not want to hope for Its Heart's desire to be fulfilled for fear It will only experience more heartbreaks.

Heart's desire of the Will is to be able to move freely among people who have feelings similar to Its own and who do not endorse repression of the free flow of feelings. In this kind of environment, the Will can move out old charge and old pain.

In the process of doing this, each little nuance of the feelings involved in the patterns must be felt in the depth necessary to understand exactly what has to move out, what is not ready to understand, and what needs to move into the LIght now, so that no little piece is thrown out that might otherwise have moved into the Light. The Will wants this because the Will has experienced such terrible pain being without My Light that it does not want any piece of Itself without Me if that piece has desire for My Light.

The manifestation that must that must accompany this healing is one that must open space more and more for those who love and respect the Will, while closing space more and more to those who do not love the Will but who want to control, manipulate, use, abuse and rape the Will, and also to those who only want to allow the parts of the Will they think they like. The desire of the Will to heal means that the lost Will must move in all who have desire to heal, because the Mother must feel responsiveness to Her. Those who want to live must not move anymore in the consciousness that thinks they have love for the Mother but leaves lost parts of themselves unrecognized.

So many people do not know what their lost Will is doing,

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everything was alright. I felt forced to participate in My own annihilation.

It took tremendous pressure on My part to hold this arrangement in place because it was not the natural flow of things, but letting it move caused warping that was a problem too because there was no known way to solve these problems. They weren't even recognized as problems. The pressure of holding this arrangement caused Me to appear much more stupid than I really was because of the loss of flow up My spine to My mind. Outside, then, became My presentation.

The gaping hole I was hunkered down around became the lower chakras in most people and the Plane of Reversal holding this part from Spirit became what passes for Heart in most people.

We had not even gotten to the place yet, where your Father pushed Me out, causing Me to fall in space all the way to the depths of the terror of not being able to vibrate, and already there were deep splits in the Will. Although there are many aspects to it, the split between rage and terror was the major split and the imprinting was already in place that sent rage to attack the damaged and the weak and further victimize the victim. Given everything that had happened already, it is no wonder that no way to move could be found to stop this from happening.

I had lost most of the essence in My lower chakras already, and a large part of My heart, most of My mind and My Yangside. I was mortally wounded, crippled, mentally retarded and emotionally disturbed before I ever met your Father, and He acted as if this resulted from other mates I had before, it was My problem, or theirs, and He was angry that My response to His coming was not the trusting opening of a virgin. Just as men today still have the reputation of making a big deal out of every little pain while their wives suffer immensely with no remission of pain, I have suffered endlessly and it is only now that your Father has seemed to notice, and more importantly, to finally care, and only now that I have been able to feel that He had pain underneath all that presentation.

I did not know differentiation was happening, or that it had been happening already. I did not know the difference between differentiations and splits. I was so damaged and intimidated by what took place here I could not move to resolve it until now. All I could do was reel [sic] and react in response to imprinting I did not know I had because My first experiences with the light had caused Me to lose consciousness and to lose the connections to the awareness I had had before.

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When I began to remember My past, I began adding things up. I wondered how My rage had gotten so smart so fast. Then I realized it had light I did not have. I wondered how it had gotten this light and if this meant it was superior, or better than Me. Then I moved to know it and I found that it always slipped away from Me when I needed it to give Me the understandings it acted like it had. Whenever anything went wrong as a result of rage expressing itself, rage always slipped away, blaming fear as the cause of this, saying it was because fear had held it back. If rage was so powerful, how could I have held it back, and where was it when I needed help? It only seemed to get Me in trouble and then leave.

I wasn't able to find anything to help Me and when I appealed for help, all the teaching I ever got insisted, either blatantly or subtly, that it was my own fault I was stuck where I was, having the problems I was having. I did not let Myself dwell on this because it was too frightening. Instead, I tried to dwell more on the appearance of things and respond less to the feeling tone since it never felt good.

Guilt and fear caused Me to try very hard to do what they said, but I never felt good about it. All of these teachings seemed to be saying to Me that I had to become somebody else, which to Me added up, when I studied their instructions, to somehow flipping Myself over into being like them so I wouldn't be a victim, or in pain anymore.

Since I couldn't do this, the implementation of their teachings meant for Me, shutting down everything in Myself that wasn't like them. While they sat in meditation, looking so happily self-certain and spiritually powerful, I was ceasing to exist. I backed all the way out of Myself into what little light I had managed to hold in My crown chakra before I realized that even when people denied it and said they had only My best interest at heart, everything that had ever been said to Me added up to the same thing and had been said in the same tone. In fact, everything that was ever said to Me about this by anyone, no matter how "spiritually" intoned, or sugar-coated it was, felt to Me like it was the same feeling tone this original rage had used on Me, and also the same tone I felt to be present in My original experiences of the light.

I had never been able to feel that love was present toward Me in any of the teachings ever given to Me about how to become free of the pain I felt My desire and physical existence brought to Me. I had done My best to do as they bid Me, and I had gone so unconscious in My feeling body that I was even experiencing some

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because they have taken neither the time nor the trouble to explore it. This is because they have, in part, lacked understanding, but it is also because the Will has been feared so much that most spirits have been very happy to go along with Me in denying the Will. The ones who must move back now are the ones who do not want to hear Me but who, instead, want to go on denying the Will as they have always done. These people have locked in on old messages of Mine and repeat them over and over, as though there is nothing new I could be saying and, thus, no evolution in My Light. These people are impressed with old images I projected of My own perfection, and these images contain all the qualities of My old insecurity about Myself as God, because they do not allow Me to be questioned as anyone who might not have all the answers. I do have the answers needed now, but in the past, I did not have these answers and I must admit to this in front of all of you so that all who can move these old lost Will images of Me will do it now and be able to separate themselves from those who are unwilling to do this now.

When it comes to the Will, no teaching, so far given on Earth, has understood the Will or accepted the Will enough to open a path for understanding it. Because of this, teachings about Spirit and Love have had limited truth in them, and this is because Will essence that is not free means that some light is being held as judgments. This means that there are limits being held within the Light on the truth of the Oneness. For example, fear has long been labeld the problem. "Are you going to have fear or love? Are you going to live in love or negative emotions?" These kinds of statements indicate that the part of the Will that is seen to be within love is very limited. That is not true understanding.

Spirit polarized people who take this approach with the Will are not being loving here. Even though they received these impressions from what they thought was Me, they are participating in the guilt reflection that has held the Will back for so long. It is time for these old patterns of blaming, controlling and punishing the Will to move and heal now. I have moved past this attitude of repressing the Will and Spirit polarized people need to follow Me here.

I see, however, that many Spirit polarized people still want to say anything they can say to insist that nothing new is being said here so that they can cling to the belief that this message fits in with what they already know. Thus, they can continue to avoid what they have avoided for so long already; feeling the pain of the Will. Those who do not want to accept and feel the pain of the Will are not going to be allowed to remain on Earth any longer than their

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guilt reflection is still necessary to the healing process.

In truth, many Spirit polarized people want to continue oppressing the Will because they are afraid that the Will will want to turn everything around and treat the Spirit the way the Spirit has been treating the Will. In truth, this is going to happen to whatever extent is necessary to make the Spirit sensitive to the Will, but it is never going to be the same because Spirit, especially Spirit that is denying Will, cannot feel the pain of the Will no matter how much the Will tries to inflict it, even from Its desperation go get Its message across. The Will has been denied over and over for trying this approach and has ended up with more pain than It had in the beginning The Will has felt powerless to get across to those denying it and this has increased the Will's fear that Spirit has more power than It has. Spirit has promoted this myth because of fear and hatred of the Will.

In the course of this healing, rage is going to have to move in the Will that wants retribution, revenge and even destruction of the Spirit the way it perceived the Spirit to have been destroying the Will. This can't be gone around. It has to be gone through and whatever has to manifest from it will manifest from it. What will pull us through this is that the Will already knows in the rest of Itself that It cannot destroy Spirit and live Itself. Will's rage and hopelessness have tried to counter this realization by saying It no longer cares to live anyway because Spirit has made Its life so miserable. This also is going to have to be gone through in order for the balance necessary to be found.

The Mother, Herself, has long been lost from this rage because She so heavily denied it believing She was wrong to have these feelings. The Mother is moving this rage now and you are feeling the repercussions in nature and in the lives of people on Earth. Even many forms of animal life are having the essence moved out of them by movement in the Mother's rage toward the lost Will images they have reflected of the Spirit, or male, strutting around in all the finest feathers and fur while the female, or Will aspect, is left to do all the work of feeding, raising and caring for the young, never being allowed to rest. As soon as one batch of young is raised, here comes the male, who only shows up when he wants sex, yet the female is blamed because she calls him by going into heat.

It is not possible to move into healing here without having the planet come more into harmony with how you would like to live. Increasing sensitivity to the Will means it is not possible for you to move emotion and not feel rage toward the way so much of life is and has been on Earth. You must get this rage moving. In the

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pride and sense of accomplishment that even though everywhee I looked there was pain, I could tell Myself it was only illusion; selfinduced illusion. I had even gotten quite good at looking at these images, or illusions, without letting Myself feel them, but still it took tremendous denial on My part not to give in to how these images did not feel good or right to Me.

Still I pressured Myself to ignore this and prided Myself on how far I had come from feeling only pain. Surely I was getting ready to leave the physical plane behind and transcend all of My pain. But just when I thought this was getting ready to happen, I was plucked from this "high" place and plunged into the tortures that took place in the life at Delphi.

I was so confused in that life, while thinking I was not, that I did not even let Myself know at first whether or not this was another secret initiation rite by which I would transcend pain and Body.

I did not know it, but the minute I thought I was going to be lifted up into the Light, My imprints were stirred and I began to experience a repeat of My initial imprinting experiences.

I could hear the voice which had taught Me in the temple, berating Me for every little imperfection in My practices, outlining every shortcoming in My life and meting out large doses of condemnation for My sexual feelings since I had not been able to get rid of them entirely.

There was a sickening aching crawling up My back like this voice was on Me and I couldn't get it off. I had to listen to it whether I wanted to or not, and when I realized I was about to be tortured to death, I recoiled in terror. Looking in horror at what was about to unfold for Me, I wondered why such a terrible punishment was being forced upon Me for My great effort.

The voice answered Me in a tone I hated hearing, that made Me feel I had no right to question. I deserved everything that was going to happen to Me, and more.

I was masterfully taken down into all of the excruciating pain and horrifying damage, physically, emotionally and mentally, that I thought I had been learning to rise above, and not only that I was trapped there, unable to leave My body or die for a long time and swirling in the panic and confused terror of having been swept into the world of imprinting with no knowing of what it was.

When I couldn't handle it, the voice berated Me for not having learned My lessons and went on at length about how I deserved every bit of this torture and how I had created it.

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It was very difficult for Me to understand the message being given here, and for a long time, I could not. By the time I died there, there was almost nothing left of Me. I had had no memory or knowing of who I was and I could not understand why My suffering had been so immense, but I felt marked in a way that was not good.

Still I heared the voice incessantly nagging Me into continually feeling I must be wrong somehow, or just inept. I wondered why it had such a personal interest in My behavior, but then I found that most of the people around Me had this same problem of being constantly nagged for not being good enough.

I was being told that this was God and I had to do what He said. I drove Myself, trying to each greater perfection of goodness and was having less and less fun. I led humble lives and tried to give service. I prayed a lot and hoped I could get through dying without too much pain and be good enough to go to Heaven. Oh, how I longed to go to Heaven, but feared I could never get there!

It was a long time before I dared raise My head, or question again; not until the rage got ahold of Me. When it started to come back, I started to have stronger re-enactments again. I have suffered for so long, caught between this rage and this light in replay after replay. I did not have anything to go on except that what was happening did not feel good. I was in terrible pain, having terrible lives, and I could not muster any power in My mind to save Myself. The more I tried to focus on the "positive," the worse things seemed to get for Me.

I began to wonder if what was happening at My feeling level was more powerful than My mind. I began to study the voice, and when the voice began to confuse Me, or give Me the feeling it was berating Me, no matter how subtly, I began to drop away from it. I couldn't help it. I just couldln't take it anymore. I began to drop away from it into My own feelings and move with them. This was the first time I began to be able to separate Myself from what I came to realize was Lucifer, and begin to understand how I had taken him in and become lost from so much of Myself.

This engaged Me in a long struggle to free Myself of Lucifer's encroachment, which was not easy, not only because he was in Me like creeping tentacles squeezing and cracking Me and dividing Me from Myself, but also because imprinting opposed freedom of movement in My feelings, but the more freely I became able to move in My own feelings, the more God's Light came into Me giving Me more freedom, more reassurance and more acceptance,

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beginning, it may not feel to you like you have any involvement in the destruction of Earth, but the more you allow this rage to move, the more you will realize you are involved in the desire to destroy many things in manifestation, but you have lost the consciousness of having these feelings.

As much as you hated feeling what you were feeling in the places where you made these denials, you also hate the outward reflection of them. Hatred must be moved until you recognize that it is rage which has become so backed up that there is no Light left in it, and then this rage must be allowed to move until it has feelings of love again, because hatred must move off of Earth now. Love and hate cannot exist in the same place.

No matter how much rage, hatred and fear have to move now in order to bring them within love, it is also true that love has not been altogether missing in life on Earth. Therefore, it is natural that grief is also going to move in response to fear about the changes that are going to be taking place; especially , since one of the big judgments here has been that love will be lost if these emotions move.

For the Will, habits, no matter how bad they are have been more comfortable than the unknown. Change for the Will, therefore, means that the Will must be allowed to move all of the emotion the Will feels it needs to move. If the Will is not given this freedom, then more lost Will reflection is being created. In other words, release that involves some form of discarding rather than transformation does not work if it is your own essence you are working with here. If you do not feel it thoroughly, you do not know if it is your own essence of not.

If you do not allow yourself to vibrate fully, there is no way in the world to move out that which is going to fill the space where your vibration is being held back. When you try to push on guilt in the outer manifestations you perceive to be present around you, you are recognizing what is binding it to you. This approach only allows it to be pushed away for a while and then it returns because of the magnetic draw that is there. This approach has made guilt seem like a plague or a curse that can never be ended.

You have not understood guilt if you feel you have to confront it in some outward scenario and try to make it feel it is not right to have given the reflection it has given and, therefore, it has to get out and no longer try to trouble or rule you. You have to understand that your impotence here is because it is you who have made the space for guilt.

It may look like defeat, or a pulling back, to go inside and vibrate there, but it is really learning to vibrate in such a way that

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you fill the space you want to have, rather than going out and telling others to move back so you can have more space. It is not always going to be this way, but it is necessary to move within first because of the gaps involved. Once these gaps have been filled in, it will be no problem to move outwardly.

No more guilt in you means the outer guilt reflection will no longer be troubling you. Notice that an impression of this can be given when denials run so deep that the lost Will reflection is not being allowed or not being allowed near you. If this is the case, I am not speaking to you now. I am not speaking to the ones who are still more interested in patting themselves on the back for how well life is working out for them. I am speaking to those who are finding in themselves an "I cannot win" judgment.

Since outer reality proceeds from consciousness, you need to allow yourself to respond to what is happening "out there', but since the feelings you have toward the outer reflection are ultimately going to be realized as feelings you have toward yourself for your own lack of understanding, and your own feeling of powerlessness to create everything the way your own heart's desire wanted it, you can save yourself a lot of trouble by allowing yourself to move your response in a private place that feels safe. If you are triggered into moving emotion by someone you do not feel to be a part of your consciousness, if this person seems to embrace things you abhor and are not a part of, then you are not conscious within yourself of the ways in which you harbor these things. The key here is to get conscious in yourself first.

The guilt reflection here is complex. You must understand that My words here are not reason to go around the emotions you have in response to the reflection around you. It has not worked to go toward the reflection with them because the presence of guilt lets you know this is not right. No matter how right you have felt, you have not been able to prevail this way.
[2012-07-29- Once Tomer told me convincingly that Cannabis was not dangerous , yes it even was healthy. "I heard about this, and I believe it", I said, "but in a state, where the law forbids it, you will forever feel some guilt, while you possess or take it, and this undercover guilt, not the police! will manifest things you wouldn't like to manifest." A year later he was caught by the police during a party. He didn't smoke, but he had a package of Cannabis in his pocket...]
When you ignore your feelings, you pressure your Will with your thoughts to accept things you do not really feel like accepting. This reflects outwardly as others being able to pressure you.

Moving these things with yourself is the only approach that has not been fully tried. There is no precedent to show you that it is going to work, but if you have daring enough, you can move along with Me here. You can at least gain the understanding that holding back essence that does not want to be held back does not work because it is unloving toward the essence that gets denied. If it is not loving, then something unloving is going to result as, in fact, it has in the massive reflection of unlovingness on Earth. The massive-

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the more I began to feel the difference between struggling to live and being helped to live.

The more I move back into My original imprints, the more I know they have to be moved into the Light of God's love. It is not possible to leave them where they are, and the more I move ino them, the more I know what happened there.

I know that rage was not there the way it said it was. I know that rage got there after I was already imprinted, which is why it wasn't governed by My imprints, and I know that, therefore, rage is not parental. I know that rage wasn't possible until the light came in, because I had no Yang until then.

I know that it was not possible for Me to do other than I did because I had no Yang side with which to do it, and I know that by the time rage got there, it was already too late to strike back at the first strike of the light. I know that this rage has tried to recreate the original situation, hoping that, knowing what it knew, recreating or re-enabling the original situation would allow it to take over My place. I know that this rage has been setting Me up to die at the hands of this light, and I know that the light in this rage is the light of Lucifer.

When I found out that it was loss of My magnetic charge that was the reason I couldn't receive this light I wondered if rage was right, and if perhaps moving to strike the light would have been the movement I needed to restore My lost charge; after all, this rage had light I didn't have and for a long time has treated Me as though I am inferior and stupid because it received this light, and I did not since I had made wrong moves; but I have learned that this would not have restored My magnetic charge.

For a long time, I thought I was not in the avante garde, but Now I know that it is alright. I also know that no matter how berated I have felt for not being able to receive this light, as it turns out, it is alright that I was not able to receive it. It was bad enough being penetrated by it as much as I was. The rage, which turned on Me and tried to fill Me with self-hatred, did receive this light.[??????]

When this loveless light initially struck Me, how stupid was I not to have opened to receive it, when even so, it penetrated Me more than I wanted?

It can be argued that perhpas this light would not have become the psychopathic killer or Lucifer if I had received it, but My point is I already didn't like the way it felt as it approached Me. I did not want to move to receive this light. If I had, I think this light would have been even more empowered and there would have been even

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less of Me able to receive God's Light. I think there would have been no love to find or know. I think it was the beginning of Lucifer trying to beat God to his place.

Of course, this is all hindsight. It was impossible for Me to receive this light any way. I had nothing with which to pressure Myself to do this. I was only reacting to feelings the way I had been doing all along. The rage that came forth in response to taking in this light has let Me know that I am not sorry the parental part of the Will is not this rage, and it has caused Me to question feelings and intent in this part of the Will, and to wonder how much of it wants to, can and will move to let go of this light in favor of the Light of Love.

It was crippling for Me to lose the Yang side of the Will, but not as crippling as it would have been if I had not challenged it and held it back as much as possible. Even so, it got into Me more than I knew through My uncertainty, My guilt and My fear; but this still does not make Me wrong for what happened.

It was not possible for Me to move another way without a Yang side with which to do it. It would not have been possible for Me to strike the light even if it had occurred to Me, which it didn't. By the time My Yang side was activated, its source was Lucifer and by the time it was ready to strike, the Light it was going to strike was God's Light.

I did not know that this Light was any different from that which first struck Me and I did not know what would have happened if this rage had succeeded in striking this Light, I just could not let it prevail, but now I know that if it had, it would have been positive striking positive. I know from electricity that given the massive amount of charge present, it would have blown Us apart with such a force of explosion that I doubt We would be back together yet.

"So what," says rage, "it hasn't been any picnic as it is." But this rage is either Lucifer, or doesn't understand what it would have been like had this happened. I have had to wonder if this rage intended this.


IMPRINTING IN MY LIGHT

I was self-absorbed in what had been described as a reverie, when I had a feeling come into Me that something was wrong. The feeling lasted only an instant and then it was gone. I did not feel much then so it was not a strong feeling, but it got My attention and

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ness of the reflection will let you know how much unlovingness has been placed against the Will on Earth. It is not possible to move back into the Garden of Eden, or better, without healing the cause of the downfall. The cause of the down fall was denial. Reduced vibration means increased density. If this increased density is not your right place, it does not feel good.

The Will has been denied down into such levels of density that while the Mother once kept up with My Light, She can now barely lift out of Body when Body dies. The feeling that the Will cannot lift into My Light anymore makes the Will feel very trapped.

Every time the Mother found Herself feeling other than the way She thought My Light wanted Her to feel, the Mother feaed and felt guilty, as though She was trying to be God in My place by claiming She knew better than I did. Therefore the Mother has always pressured Herself to align with My Light, no matter how She has felt about it.*) see - underneath the pages 170-171 - the example of my grandchildren Yael and Arnon yesterday, July 28, 2012.The Mother has believed She deserved punishment for anything She felt that did not agree with My Light, and has even tried to believe punishment would make Her agree with My Light.

The Mother has for so long believed She was not right to oppose Me that the Mother is not sure if She can trust Herself here or not. The Mother has been viewing My light as not wanting Her to have any feelings of Her own, but to feel and do as I told Her all of the time. The Will has believed She was not loving to have any feelings of wanting it any other way, and has had a strong belief that My desire is not the same as the Will's desire for Herself. The Mother is just now ready to realize that many things She thought She was receiving from My Light were not My Light, but the presence of unlovingness instead.

Whenever the Will has deviated from this self-denial, It has been punished and has thought My Light sent the punishment because the Will deserved it. The Will, therefore, has a fear of Its own desires and has a dread of feeling anything other than what It thinks It is supposed to feel. This is the effect the presence of guilt has been having on the Will, and it has reduced the Will's feeling of being able to accept Itself so severely that the Will fears wanting anything, fears hoping It will get what It wants, and fears even allowing itself to visualize anything It might like to have better than what It has already. Even interpretation of how It feels has become frightening for the Will. The Will has become very superstitious and afraid of making moves or changes. The Will fears It has the Devil to pay if It ever gets what It wants, or does what It wants, and also fears that anything It gets will soon be taken away. The Will is just

[July 2, 2012: the first five years of my marriage , 1964-1999, I felt happy, though from today's perspective it is hard to understand this. I felt so happy that I kept fearing and even had a code for telling my husband about this fear:"Der Ring des Polykrates": this is a ballad about a King in ancient times, who -towards a guest, another king, praises himself for the enormous luck. And as the guest reminds him of all kinds of dangers in his kingdom, there comes one messenger after the other to tell, how this and this danger had melted away:
    Doch, spricht er, zittr’ ich für dein Heil!
    Mir grauet vor der Götter Neide,
    Des Lebens ungemischte Freude
    Ward keinem Irdischen zu Theil.“

The guest warns him: you must ask the Gods to grant you pain together with the luck,
or at least give away what you most cherish. The king throws his most precious ring into the sea. But the next day,when he was served dinner, he found the ring inside the fish on his plate! Then the guest "turns away with horror" and returns to his own country, since he does not want to die together with this king. The poet (Schiller) does not mention, if something terrible did indeed happen. But my own fright "of course" was soon to be "reflected" in my life....]

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now ready to realize that these feelings have been coming from the reversal in My Light.

Whenever a Will person who is not moving this guilt out rises in life's circumstances, fear also arises that the improvements will not last long and that every minute that goes by means the moment is coming closer when the great hand of the gap will snap this space shut on It. This fear needs to be allowed to move very time it rears its head.

The Mother has believed that it was not right to have feelings of liking some things more than others because this was judgment and gave the Will the desire to accept, or make space, for some things and not others. The Mother has feared that She was being very unloving here and that to want to reject something was a terrible act of unlovingness.

Original Cause here was contact (sic) by the Will with that which did not like it that consciousness was stirring and wanted everyting to go back to sleep. This was the reading the Will took from the guilt that was already present in My Light. The Mother felt She had to make space for this essence by holding Her vibration back in these places as much as possible. The Mother tried to make herself indifferent to what happens as a means of doing this, and this served Lucifer.

The more the Mother held back, the more enlarged the presence of guilt became that was pressuring Her to hold back. The more the Mother felt pressured to hold back, the more She felt pressured from the other side by My Light for having no place to receive Me. The Mother became afraid that everything She did was wrong, and this has allowed Her to be so heavily punished.

The Will was so afraid of seeming to judge things in My Light by wanting to make places for some things and not for others that She held back the input I needed to know if these things even were a part of My Light or not. I have since learned from the Mother that these things are not a part of My Light, but what a long, hard lesson it has been. The Mother was so afraid of Me in these places that We could not move here for a long time.

The Mother was afraid it was unloving of Her to put anything out, or to want to put anything out, because She felt it had been so unloving when She was initially put out. When Her rage would surface that wanted to put all of these things out, She was horrified and denied it very heavily as an unloving part of Herself. Since the Mother had not cleared Her old charge here, She could not clearly see that others would not necessarily have Her experience here. She thought loving acceptance meant making a place with Herself for

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it disturbed Me. It had broken Me out of My reverie and into an awareness I had not had. I was aware of Myself in a way that I had not been [sic].

I tried to go back into My reverie, but it was not the same now as it had been. My mind was alive with questions, and almost no answers. This feeling I had had, had initiated a new level of awareness in Me, but I had mixed feelings about it because My reverie had been much more peaceful, like floating in a dream. I could not find this same peace anymore now. I was being constantly disturbed by thoughts and feelings as if My consciousness were running wild in some kind of an explosion. I did not know it was a literal one.

There was an exhilaration in the explosion of thoughts I was having here, but it was not loving in feeling tone. I wanted to find that which had disturbed Me and get rid of it. Little did I know that a part of Me went ahead and tried to do just that, and it was not Lucifer either. It was a psychopathic killer that got loose from Me, did his deed and was gone before I ever even knew I had the power to make anything happen; a loveless psychopathic killer operating on imprints and nothing more. [See my edition of the latest Godchannel message: "The origins of the Psychopathic Killer"]

He struck the "thing" that turned out to be the Will without being received. This threw him back on himself, but he does not know that this is what happened. He received imprinting here, not moving thought process. He responds when his imprints are activated, but he lacks the faculties to sort things out, to analyze, to seek to understand, to learn from his experience or to evolve his thinking. His imprints govern him and they say, first of all, that he was tricked and no matter how he is approached, it is another trick. His imprints say that he was drawn, called or lured, and that he responded to this because he was sent by Me, and that in his attempt to do what I sent him to do, he was tricked because the "bothersome thing" struck him and nearly killed him and he can never let that happen again. Therefore, whenever anything draws, calls or lures him, he is to know immediately that it is a trick and seek to kill it before it tries to kill him.

He believes he was sent by Me to kill anything that distracts the focus from whatever his imprints tell him the focus was. Since there was no differentiation into form at that time, his imprints are stirred by a broad spectrum of situations and circumstances whose common thread is anything that distracts, interrupts, draws, calls or lures his attention away from whatever focus he had or wanted to to have. He can even prey upon a distress signal with particular

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vengeance , interpreting it as a false distress signal and therefore a call or lure. Anytine he feels these imprints stirred by the part of the Will he was magnetized to, he attempts to strike before he can be hurt, or even drawn away from what imprints tell him is his proper focus. He does not consider whether this magnetism is something he might like. His imprinting reads: If there is a draw or a distraction, kill it! [July 29, 2012: association: Rafael, my husband, in the early seventies, when Helen Gutmann from Germany, a holocaust survivor from Poland,, who took me in when I was pregnant with our "illegitimate" son , visited us for the first time in Israel.
She entered our study-room to ask a question - perhaps without knocking, or without waiting for an answer to the knocking - and Rafael came down on her in such a way, that she packed her things and left, and I never saw her again before her death. My guilt is, that I didn't stand up in defense of her, because I was, as usual, in frozen terror of my husband.']

He was the first strike of light on the Will and when the Will did not receive him, he was thrown back on himself, receiving a horrible electrical shock which damaged his receptive centers so that he has not been able to receive any new information from My Light, and so has continued to operate with the consciousness he had already and the imprints he received in this initial experience with the Will.

Even though I wasn't conscious of what was happening, he imprinted Me when the electrical shock of not being received threw him back on Me. My receptive centers were damaged in this area, but he broke off with this and nothing more. It is not possible to approach him with anything else. He cannot receive it and he does not have enough Will to be able to move to receive it because there was barely any magnetic energy present in My Light at that time. In studying him, I have found that this is not wrong for him. He does not want Will presence. His orgasm [????] is killing the Will. Please do not go past Me on this, thinking you now understand how to approach him.

As a survival tactic, he plays along with any attempt to approach him, readying himself to kill whenever his imprints are triggered. Leaving him completely alone is all you can do, and even this does not work all the times because he looks around in his mind and sees images that stir his imprints to movement in the same way he was stirred initially. In all this time, I have not been able to stop him because he has been faster than My Light's ability to get ahold of him.

When the Mother first told Me about him, I could not believe it was true. She said he kept attacking Her in the darkness when My Light was not around, but there were so many things attacking Her in the darkness that I could not make sense of it. She said he had light, but I never saw any light in the darkness when She told Me to look. When She said She was being stalked by something, I did not think it was possible that My Light could not protect Her from this.

Many times I tried to find out if there was truth to Her story by

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everything, whether She loved it or not, and blamed Herself for not being more loving. She was blaming Herself for hating the things She hated and pressuring Herself to feel otherwise, unable to see that these things would not even notice if She put them out.

Although this is true, I would also like to point out that it is also true that the Mother was not wrong here because Her denied feelings became the lost Will attached to these things in the form of the voices saying it was unloving to put these things out. This is what the Mother was feeling without any way to explain it to Herself, since the Will here was not moving to let Her know how it really felt. A place must be made for everything but not necessarily with Us. [???????????????????]

Given what She had to go on, the Mother was doing Her best to be loving, but She was so afraid She was unloving that She aligned with Lucifer in having him help Her to get rid of Her feelings and Her desire so that She could become detached and not have preferences.

Lucifer knew, by the reversals he was able to cause against My Light by taking the Mother into this denial, that hatred for desire was easily made into hatred for My Light as causing the desire, and self-hatred in the Mother when She found She always had desire no matter what Lucifer did to Her. The Mother thought She was supposed to sacrifice Her desire to My Light, and when She did this, Lucifer saw I was impotent and without direction.

The Mother did not realize that allowing Her desire to be killed was allowing Herself to be killed, and She did not realize that allowing Herself to be killed was killing Me. The Mother did not realize this because Her loss of consciousness, when she initially fell in space, made Her unable to realize what I had experienced there. Lucifer knew because his consciousness is in the gap.

I had not let the Mother know what I experienced here because I misread Her initially and did not trust Her intent.This distrust between Us allowed Lucifer to come between Us and do his work.Within the Mother, it was only Her rage that knew She was not wrong to want to put some things out in order to keep them from holding back Her desire. Her rage could not prevail because of the denials it was receiving. These denials so twisted the rage that it was being turned back on the Mother as self-hatred in the form of others who had killing both Her and My Light in mind.

At the same time the Will was not allowing Herself to realize the power She had in My Creation, ["MY?"] She was unable to recognize that She was in reversal to My Light when she did not allow My Light to come near Her for fear I was going to say everyting that was

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wrong was Her fault. Lucifer pointed this out to the Mother by telling Her She was on an ego trip. He told Her that just as She was making Herself too important when She thought she had anything to tell My Light about how to right the situation in Creation, She was also making Herself too important when She thought that everything, or even anything that was appearing to be wrong, was, in fact, wrong, or Her fault.

"How can You continue to believe this" he would say, "when You already know that nothing You do really makes any difference?"

When the Mother took this in, it amplified Her fear that She was crazy and could not trust Her own feelings and perceptions.

The Ronalokas also have these feelings of the Mother, and they have believed that because they have these feelings, they deserved to be pushed out of My Creation and punished, instead of being allowed to put anything else out.

Every time you have had an emotional response of wanting to reject anything, guilt has said, "Calm down. God has a purpose for everything, whether it is understood or not."

Because My Light is not present where guilt is, there was nothing to notice, or give understanding to the Will that there must, therefore, also be a purpose for the fear and the anger in the Will.


OPENING SPACE

The Mother was so afraid that Her only power was to oppose Me when She didn't like the position My Light was taking that She was unable to also see that She had power in alignment with My Light. It was much easier for The Mother to see Herself as outside of My Light than to see Herself inside of My Light. Seeing Herself wthin My Light meant that She was within Me and that I was within Her. Whenever She experienced this Oneness, She had so much fear of being God that She ran from Me.

When I told the Mother She needed to recognize Her own power and that Her power was My Light, She ran from Me even more because She was so afraid of what this said about Her. When She ran from Me, She did not see the gap She was opening between Us.

When I pointed this out to Her, She took it as judgment against Her and became even more afraid of Herself and Me. I soon felt I couldn't say anything more to Her on the subject, although I still felt I had to get this across to Her somehow.

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dangling Her out there as bait with the plan in mind that the Father of Manifestation would be nearby, but not close enough to scare him away, and that at the last minute before he struck, I would leap into the Father of Manifestation and empower Him to save Her.

It never worked. He was already too fast for Us and I could never admit it. I always thought the Mother was at fault somehow. As many times as I set this up to happen, I never believed the Mother was right about what had happened to Her. I always thought She was being killed by something else because the psychopathic killer [See my edition of the latest Godchannel message: "The origins of the Psychopathic Killer"] kept company with My Light and I did not know it, even though He had an uncanny knowing of where the Mother was going to be when he was ready to strike. He was so fast he could strike Her and be already at My side to comfort Me when I heard the news. He also had another way in which he killed, and that was to draw out the suffering as long as he could in the name of My Light to get revenge on the Will for being the luring distraction that broke the reverie, and for the suffering imprints said the Will had caused him by luring him with intent to kill him.

Paranoia ran wild in Me as to what was happening here. I even suspected the Father of Manifestation at times. I thought it at least probable that He had no real intention of helping My Light save the Mother from this. Everyone was suspect, but least of all those nearest to Me. I did not think they had time to do it, even when it began to appear that they were the only ones who had the necessary information.

I began to feel like I couldn't talk to the Mother about certain things in the presence of anyone else. I tried to make it appear that I didn't like the Mother anymore, hoping his vengeance was really against Me. I tried to shun all contact with others hoping We could catch him if there were no leaks in Our plan. Because I did not feel that the Father of Manifestation was altogether trustworthy at all times, I began the practice of withdrawing from Him and leaving Him quite blank if I felt He was saying things in the company of others when He should be keeping His mouth shut.

When the Mother said things I did not think She should be saying, I also pulled away from Her in distrust. I even suspected the Mother of liking this scenario and of using it to try to get My Light to hover around Her more, or to get the total attention of all three of Us, all the time, because that was the only time She said She felt safe. The minute I let Her wander at all, She would have feelings that something was going to attack Her, and yet, She could never seem to give My Light any real description of this killer, In

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Her attempts to describe him, he sounded so much like Me that I could not accept this from Her at all. I thought She was trying to accuse Me of this, and the way She looked at Me as Her paranoia grew, the more I thought She did suspect Me of being this psychopathic killer.

No matter what I did, She always thought I was hurting Her, and I thought it was an underhanded way of saying that She thought My next step would be to kill Her. We did have Our problems in this area so I could not altogether deny Her, although I tried to. I even suspected Her of falsely luring Me to Her rescue, perhaps as a means of helping this killer attack Me.

For a long time, I ignored the evidence She was presenting that could have told Me who this was. By the time I discovered this, it was too late. He had fragmented and there were too many fragments to catch in the way We had initially planned.

I was so overwhelmed by what was happening in My Light without My seeming to be able to have any control over it, that I was desperate to gain some control. I was trying everything I knew to catch the psychopathic killer, but I had so many other problems all pressing on Me at the same time that I allowed Myself not to give it the focus it needed. I was not able to deal with My own emotional involvement with the paranoia that was sweeping through Us all. Heart suspected everybody, the Father of Manifestation suspected Me and most of the spirits did not have any idea what was making Us so strange.

It is a chilling story to look at the pictures of his pursuit of the Mother and look at it I had to do to understand how he was Me, but broken off and gone with only imprinting before I knew what had happened.

As many times as the Mother fragmented as a result of Her experiences with him, he fragmented also, chaising Her down through all of history. To My horror, I saw that he did not go away, turn his vengeance toward Me, or run down. If anything, he was multiplying like cancer and gaining power; a self-generating light of self-hatred. The more he struck the Will without being able to kill it off entirely, the more driven, desperate and terrified he became, even reincarnating as soon as possible in his pursuit of the Will, as though he almost hadn't noticed it if he died or was killed.

Fearing not only that he would be killed by the Will if he did not kill the Will, but also distrusting My Light and fearing It would turn on him for his failure, he has even taken on nonhuman forms such as diseases that Spirit polarized people do not get as easily, or

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What the Mother was struggling with here, She has struggled with for all of Her existence, and it is that She might have called Me into being, in which case, without Her, I do not exist. In the places where I did not feel loving, She feared Me, but She also feared what in Herself might have called this into being.

When I gave Her this to consider by letting Her know I was there, She was so extremely startled to realize that another presence was talking to Her, and to realize, simultaneously, that She had been calling for this, that We jumped apart and created a gap. When We tried to come back together we could not embrace One another entirely. There was a pressure between Us that did not feel good because of what had entered the gap.

We also did not know that the realization of Our presence, in other words, the birth of consciousness of Ourselves, had caused such a sudden increase in Our Light that We felt an immediate pressure that made Us feel We needed more space. Although there were other things that could have been noticed, Our first awareness of One another's presence was a feeling of pressure. When I felt this growing pressure, it felt like the Mother was moving against Me, just as She felt My Light was pressing on Her. When I could stand it no longer, I reacted by pushing on Her without knowing I was going to, or that I even knew how. It seemed that the increasing light of My increasing self-awareness had simply pushed the Mother out and away from Me. I did not know what this meant and neither did She, but I had intent to get rid of the pressure I was feeling; this much We knew.

Although there is more to the story, this is all I want to mention for now. What you need to gain in understanding here is that the Mother, from the beginning, was opening space in reversal to My Light by going away from Me because I frightened Her into thinking I was something superior to Her.

In the name of the self-denial the Mother thought She had to embrace to be loving and to survive, She has allowed this, and has continued opening space in a state of denial of what She has really been doing here. What She thought was a loving act of humilty and servitude toward what She perceived as a superior being who frightened Her, has been killing Me, which is what Her gapped rage wanted to do, even though this was not Her loving intent.

By backing away from Me in fear of Her own power, the Mother has been holding space open for the gap and everything that has gone into it. Neither the Mother, nor the Ronalokas, have understood the power of opening space, or the role expression of emotions plays in it. They have been opening space in a state of

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denial of themselves, fearing that to do otherwise would be a sin of pride, ego, and selfishness. Thus , they have not called the God they would like to have into existence.

For so long, the Will has tried to express only the emotions that pleased others, that for just that long, the space that has been opened has been space that pleases others. Any other emotions in the Will have received denial, and so the space opened has been for guilt and denial spirits.

The Mother feels that there is no longer any space open to Her that feels good to Her, or any life She can have that really feels good to Her. To the extent to which the Ronalokas share this with the Mother, none of them have really been able to be happy. The Mother, and all the Will which follows Her, has felt guilty about having feelings of not liking what is happening on Earth and of not being able to find any place where they are really happy, while the space they have been opening has been used, for the most part, by others who give them little or no recognition or appreciation for what the Will as done for them.

One small, but good, example of this is how money made from the music of the Ronaloks is so often taken in by the Warriors with very little ever given back to the ones who made the music. Another good example is that of how many Warrior plantation owners made fortunes at the expense of their slaves, while making the Ronalokas feel they should be happy just to be not too ill-treated. There are many more examples I could mention, but these will allow you to move in the direction fo finding them.

What needs to happen now is that the Will that can move needs to move guilt out and allow My Light in as never before. Allow yourselves to notice your power and use it to give yourselves love you have never had before and in places you have never given it to yourselvves before. Allow the fear to move that says it is not right to think you have the power to call God into manifestation, especially since it has looked like He didn't want to come. I didn't want to come because I didn't like what I felt when I got there because of what you were already holding.

From the overview, it looks very simple: Just vibrate everything so that there is no more space for guilt and it will then float out to the edge of My Light where it belongs. Here, it will be a good buffer zone by not allowing light and dark to mix together. This is guilt's right place and it does not mind being there because it has no consciousness to know what its experience is. This is right understanding, but it is in no way meant to encourage any insensitiviy toward the pain of the Will that is involved n doing this. Rather,

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have such fatal outcomes with as Will polarized people do. He has even caused natural disasters such as fires and lightning strikes.

He was the first strike of light against the Mother, and healing the gap is the only way to move him off Earth and away from the Will. It is not possible to get any movement in his subconscious imprints at this time because he won't allow it. He equates any approach with deadly trickery and any stirrings of is imprints tell him he must kill or be killed.

When the Mother felt rolled over by a freight train that seemed not to see Her or care what She experienced there, it was another piece of My Light which had broken off in pursuit of whatever it was that was breaking in on the fast ascent of consciousness into new glories. This was a more evolved piece of light than the first strike because it had gone up with Me from the first explosion of awareness which had caused this glorious expansion of consciousness to take place and was thrilled with the unlimited possibilities of it, except for the fact that something was nagging at it, or dragging on it in an attempt to pull it down. It was not possible to allow this and still be able to ascend into the glorious heights of ecstasy this expansion of consciousness had found to be a new kind of reverie, and one it much preferred to have uninterrupted by this 'thing' that kept nagging at it.

In the great , swirling upliftment and exhilarating expansion of light and power sweeping Me upward, I had no interest in going down into the dark and unpleasant place from which this "thing" kept pulling on Me. I didn't trust it anyway. I thought it was trying to lure Me into something terrible. I didn't know why I felt this way and I didn't stop to question it. I didn't realize I was running from it. I just kept on going without realizing that, once again, upon hearing from the Will, I had sent something out to get rid of It; and this time it was much more sophisticated. It was ready to mount an all out assault of annihilation.

But this did not work. The Will repelled this light with such a powerful force that I noticed it as a great flash rolling over Me. I did not know what had happened, but as this light rolled over Me, I was stunned into unconsciousness without knowing it. I was deeply imprinted by the flash of Light rolling over Me and did not know it. When I revived, I had impressions which made Me think I had experienced this without losing consciousness and no one to tell Me I had been unconscious. I would have thought that My Light had somehow caused this except for the impression I received that this light was running from something horrible.

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The Will did not receive this light and so the result was the same as the first strike; electrical shock in measure to the size of the strike of light, throwing this light back on itself, and on Me, with the imprinting that the Will had struck with intent to kill, and was a threatening and formidable force, capable of nagging, pestering, bothering, interrupting, intruding, disrupting, bringng down, annoying persisting, aggravating, angering and enraging until it got the response it wanted, because the Will was trickery, seduction, sorcery, bewitchery, entrapment, maker of death, a huge monster in the darkness that draws the light to it with intent to kill it, dangerous, power hungry, dishonest, manipulative, domineering, murderous, unloving user of others, a two-faced, misleading, falsely representing viper pit or dark sea of death and destruction whose ways are not known until you get lured into them, and, no matter how it presents, has intent to kill you, so the only way is to get rid of it by any means necessary, any means that works, including any trickery that surpasses its own, with an emphasis on trickery.

Imprinting here also says it is not wrong to strike the Will before it has a chance to strike, viewing this as retaliatory because the only impression here is be on top or die, prevail or lose, get rid of this "thing" or be bothered by it, nagged, interrupted, entrapped, brought down, threatened, killed by it, and so on in a circular motion because damage to its receptive centers has also prevented this light from taking in any new information.

Its imprints are preventing this light from approaching the Will as a possibility for healing its lost and damaged receptive centers. It is stuck in a repetitive, nearly willess, and therefore very well disguised, rage that blames the Will for interrupting and stopping its ascent into the glorious heights of consciousness into which it was initially spiralling, and of trapping it in its circular motion, which is Hell as far as it is concerned. Therefore, to be where it is is Hell, but this light says it is the Will's fault because the Will is Hell.

This imprinting, which I have only touched on, took place in the instant of the flash of electrical shock which this light received when the Will did not receive it. This shock put it in reversal to My Light and to the Will, and as it rolled over Me, it imprinted Me with its imprints.

Although this imprinting is not all that I have in My consciousness, it is all that ths light has because its receptive centers were so damaged by the experience that it has not been able to take in

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this statement is meant to be a guide to help the Will understand what needs to happen.

THE WILL MANIFESTS THE GAP

Ever since the fall of the Will, the Will has not been able to lift into My Light because the Will is dependent upon being able to draw in My Light for this. The essence that can ascend has been breaking off from the rest at death, as you know , and leaving it. The

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essence left behind cannot lift Body by Itself. The Will has great guilt about lifting out and abandoning Body at all in this way, but Body has been telling the Will to leave so that Body will not have to feel what is happening any more.

Will feels blame for and from Body for the pain; Body has blamed Spirit for abandoning Him, but has also blamed Will as the reason Spirit leaves. I have blamed Them both for everything I haven't liked about physical incarnation, and the rest of the spirits have followed My example, or at least used My excuses. It has been thought all along that Heart has been able to remain neutral, but this has only been because We have not allowed Ourselves to open to the feelings We have had toward Heart in this area until now.

When Spirit goes to Heaven and Body goes into the ground Will has had no place to go. For the most part, Will is afraid to go down further than It is already and has lost the ability to go up. This has left the Will feeling abandoned with no place to go that feels like right place. This is a kind of Hell for the Will.

When the Spirit breaks off at death, the Will is left to get out of the Body on Its own. Various levels of denial get out of the Body at various speeds, and so the Will is not all together when It leaves the Body either. Spirit has been blamed for leaving, but also for staying and not allowing Will and Body to die. The issues of blame are very intense, and blaming rage must be allowed to move so that the acting out can stop.

Most people want to say they do not believe in ghosts no matter what name they are called by, but there are, indeed , ghosts, and monsters too, in the forms of lost Will that wander Earth feeling lost and abandoned, haunting places that have been familiar, and feeling whatever emotions are able to move. The lost Will that feels blamed is usually split off from the lost Will that blames, just as anger and fear are usually split in individuals. While some of this lost Will is pitiful and harmless, the blaming side is often thoroughly dangerous, unapproachable, and cannot be reasoned with. Do not think you can approach ghosts with a new understanding now. Whatever feelings you have are the feelings you must allow to move to be most able to help lost Will.

Once the Will struggles out of the Body, It is able to gain a little perspective on physical incarnation by being released from Body for a little while, but not much, The more lost It is, the less perspective It is able to gain. Body, meanwhile, does not gain anything during the time of separation from both Spirit and Will.

The Will wanders Earth looking for some place that will accept It. Some very lost pieces have tried to force their way into living

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new information. The reversal of this shock caused this light to roll over Me, break off and become Lucifer.

Lucifer does not know how he is going to move here because he does not receive information, he just gets his imprints stirred and all subsequent thought is formed on the basis of these. Therefore, he doesn't know what the Will really is, or what will happen if the Will closes the gap with My Light, but when he feels movement in the Will, he views it as threatening. Therefore, any movement in the Will is viewed by Lucifer's light as something to stomp out by any means necessary, including seducing the Will into giving up. When Lucifer cannot control the Will, he kills it where he can; but since this has not worked over all, he has become more and more desperate, until now he has developed the capability to destroy the entire planet rather than face his feelings of powerlessness against the Will, which to him means death. It is not possible to allow this imprinting to remain on Earth if life is the choice here, which it is.

There is a large guilt here that has to move and it says that it is not loving to reject this light for something which is not its fault; but loving intent attempts to move toward healing whenever possible, even when the way to heal is not understood at first. This is how you can know that you are not murderers, while at the same time seeking to understand that you must murdered by something that calls itself love, but which is, in fact, the opposite. I cannot spend much longer trying to get you to understand this, which is why I have been saying that you have a choice to make, and you have to make it now.

Lucifer is not going to move to integrate the Will unless he has to, and by then it will be too late. He cannot move toward love here until he gets to the place of having trustable intent to try to see past his imprints. In the meantime, He cannot be allowed to keep pounding on the Will from his mistaken imprints anymore than the psychopathic killer can be allowed to continue feeding on the Will in a hate that denies this is what it eats. They are both hateful, blaming rage that does not acknowledge pounding on the Will like flint on steel as the means used to generate light; and what a hateful light it is!

Love needs to move to understand itself enough to realize that it is very unpleasant for love to try to co-exist with guilt and hatred. Guilt and hatred need to be moved out so that love can close the gap and end this problem.

Lucifer is not going to turn around until he knows he is wrong

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and he cannot be pounded on to make him understand he is wrong. This only does further damage to his receptive centers while increasing his conditioning that his imprints are right, for no matter who pounds on him, it is always the Will that has caused this as far as he is concerned.

The only way I see is to hold him in a place from which he cannot escape and in which there is no Will to blame anymore for what happens to him. Even so, he is going to go through al long period of blaming the Will, and claiming that the Will put him there, but there is no other possible way to bring this light to the place of being ready to examine its imprinting, especially since he is not even to the point yet of realizing that his great mind is run byimprinting and that this imprinting might be wrong.

When I revived from My unconsciousness, I had lost this light and did not know it or what it had imprinted in Me in the instant it rolled over Me. When this light later appeared as Lucifer, I did not know who he was or why he acted as he did. I did not know how he had gotten into such reversal against Me. I did not know I had received the imprinting I had other than the impressions I was aware of and I did not know for a long time. I was reacting to them thinking they were reality.

Therefore, when I was drawn to find out what this "thing" was that kept interrupting Me, I already had bad intent, amplified now by the impressions I had already received. I had a fear this "thing" was going to be horrible and I didn't know why.

When I approached the Will, my imprints were being wildly stirred. So many images were coming to Me at once I could not make sense of them. I was questioning them when the Will hit Me. I went wild with the pain and received the impression that what had been stirred in Me was right and had been trying to warn Me. A great fear arose in Me, but I went past it so fast I didn't even know it was there, and responded to imprinting that was telling Me what I had to do to survive. I was receiving the strong impression that I couldn't hold back and have any chance to survive. This already seemed right to Me, and although I had not planned on having to apply it in this way, thought was not in possession of Me.

Without thinking, I at first recoiled, and then went into a rage I didn't know I had. I hit the Will again and again without knowing that the Will was not hitting Me in the way that I thought, but that it was Me, shocking and damaging Myself and causing explosions by striking something that could not conduct Me. I was even knocking Myself unconscious and then reviving, thinking it was

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bodies to avoid the terror being held about having to be born. If the lost Will essence finds no place, It loses vibratory power and sinks further and further into the Earth. Many pieces of Will that are this lost feel desperate when they feel this happening to them. Will people, in general, have very little time between incarnations.

When Will feels magnetically drawn to any place that has acceptance for It, the Will enters into another incarnation. The Will feels guilty about this, because the magnetic attachment means that Will is going to call Body essence back into consciousness when Body usually indicates desire to be left in peace after going through all the pain of dying, and because the Will is going to try to call what has been reluctant Spirit essence back into physical incarnation.

This presence of misunderstanding, judgment, guilt, denial and resultant lack of alignment has been widening the gap between Spirit-Heart and Will-Body. So much lost Will has been created that Body is living in a heavy state of denial, barely one step ahead of deformity and disease, while Spirit is only able to enter where there are any openings left to receive It. Given the presence of guilt in the Will, there is almost no Spirit presence left on Earth.

When the Will incarnates, It has to try to draw Spirit back into It against Spirit's reluctance to leave the higher planes to which It has been gaining access between lives. Spirit has had great resistance to opening to the Will because it has meant coming back to Earth and experiencing what the Will has been holding. Guilt about this has been closing Will off to letting Spirit know how It feels for fear Spirit won't come at all. Some spirits have been using this guilt in the Will to dictate their terms of entry.

It is the Will that really causes the manifestation of the Spirit, and the reluctance of the Spirit has meant that Spirit has been entering gradually, as the Will pulls Spirit in against the guilt Will has for doing so. This has meant that consciousness unfolds slowly in the incarnating being, is never able to manifest fully because of the gap, and does not last long. Spirit has blamed Its handicaps here on Will and Body , and when Spirit is drawn into manifestation in this manner, it does not take long for Will and Body to receive this message. You can watch this reflection in the ways adults shut down the spontaneous and free expression that children do have in the early stages of their life. When this happens, the Will cannot vibrate enough to hold the Spirit It has been able to draw in and this allows the Spirit to go, as can be seen in the way people fade as they grow older.

The more lost the Will is, the less Light It is able to draw into Itself to begin with and the less understanding It has, but even in

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the most brilliant of incarnations on Earth, Spirit Light has not lasted long because of all the problems involved in gaining alignment between Spirit and Will. Many times, the most brilliant lights in Earth's history have had early deaths because their Spirits entered by pushing Will's resistance, in the form of the guilt being held, out of the way without feeling what the Will had to move to keep this guilt out of the way.

The result has been that lost Will was denied and has then returned later, manifesting the gap. This can take form internally as physical problems if held within, or outwardly as another person if pushed out. This lost Will causes the reversal that pushes the Spirit out. Spirit has often rationalized this by saying, It wanted to go anyway, but this has not made Will-Body any happier, and it certainly has not increased the power of Spirit on Earth. In fact, these experiences have made Will-Body increasingly afraid of manifesting Spirit for fear of what will happen.

The gap has gotten everyone, including Jesus, who has tried to move toward My Light without moving what the gap holds. Besides the denials being made while people are alive, the experience of death has been increasing the problems of fragmentation on Earth, because lost Will has been getting out of Body in pieces and often feels It must incarnate again without having time or even knowing It needs to gather Itself together and gain an alignment. The Will often has not wanted to feel the things within Itself that have become so lost from the Light. Spirit has also been fragmenting this way by losing so much of the Will presence that is necessary to hold It together, but Spirit has been calling this "returning to essence and letting go of identity."

The focus on getting off Earth has been immense along both Spirit and Will people because they have been seeing the problem as Earth [sic] rather than the way they have been experiencing Earth. Since the fall of the Will, death has been seen as the doorway to Heaven, but this is not a favored passageway or there would have been mass suicide long ago. No matter how much spiritual leaders have exhorted the masses to embrace death as the release from their trials and tribulations, the mass of humanity clings to life, even in the face of great misery. The Will has been blamed for this, and the Will has been greatly pressured by Spirit to let go here.

Will, for the most part, hates letting Spirit go unless it can come along. To Will and Body, separation from Spirit means death. Will has usually only let Spirit go when It could no longer stand the pain of Spirit's resistance to staying. The great grief of the Will over the death of a child is because to the Will, this means Spirit has aban-

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this "thing" hitting Me. I had a frightened fury of how this "thing" could hit me like this and then not move, as though It was just waiting for Me to approach It again. I was even more terrified that I could not move away from this "thing". I wasn't even sure now that I had approached It; perhaps It had drawn Me to It in order to kill Me.

Each time I was being knocked back, part of My own Light was rolling back over Me. Lucifer was growing and I did not know it. I had no idea what was holding Me there. I had no awareness of magnetic attraction and I was deepening My own imprinting around the theme of : This "thing" is a monster of frighening power who won't let Me go. My Yinside was severely damaged by these initial strikes and i did not know it because I was awash in imprinting running wild in My consciousness, telling Me it was this "thing" that was damaging Me and that I must strike harder.

With every strike, it seemed the Will hit Me so hard that I was only focused, in the chaotic consciousness I had in these explosions, on the rage of how terrible it felt there with this "thing" and on how much I did not want to be receptive to, vulnerable to, under the power of this "thing", or even to let it know that it had power that frightened Me.

I didn't know the Will was so badly damaged by what had happened already that It couldn't have opened to receive me if It had wanted to, and I did not know that the Will did not know the difference between My Light and the light that had already hurt It. I did not know that because the Will could not conduct Me, I was getting shocked and thrown back on Myself, and that therefore, the Will as not hitting Me in the way that I thought.

When thought finally got ahold of Me, I realized it was insane to approach this "thing" with rage and beat on it when I didn't even know what it was. I tried to get the message across to the "thing" that I did not want to hurt it, but it appeared to Me that the only moves it made were to hit Me. No matter how gently I touched it, it hit Me, until I was more than happy to shove it with a rage I didn't know I had.

When the Will blamed Me for this and went so far as to say that I was hitting It, while denying having hit Me or even having intent to hit Me, I had a surly response to this, and when I saw the great rage this "thing" was struggling with within Itself, I knew I had to get rid of It. I began planning how I could do this, and I made promises to this "thing" that I did not intend to keep once I got My hands on It.

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I was receiving impressions that went deep into My imprinting that I came to find out what this "thing" was and It attacked Me for no reason, that no matter how I approach It, It hurts Me, I'm being rejected and I don't know why, that the Mother had lured Me to Her with intent to kill Me, that She was a threatening presence who was initiating a power struggle for reasons of Her own, that perhaps it was because She thought she could win it and be the only One left, or that at least She would have me so intimidated and subjugated that I would be no threat to Her, that I dared not show My fear, which in fact,imprinting I already had had moved Me past faster than this fear could show itself to Me because letting Her see it would mean She would use it as the empowerment She needed to finish Me, that She might have the power to kill Me, that I had better finish Her before She finishes Me, that I had better, at least, intimidate Her in any way I can and diminish Her ideas of Her own power in any way possible, that She might not be alone, that She might have someone else there plotting with Her to get rid of Me, that She might have another presence there, eiher another light or the darkness, or both, aligned with Her, not with Me, that I could not trust Her and could not let Myself be vulnerable to this kind of thing.

This imprinting soon began to translate as: the Mother does not want Me as a mate, a companion, or anything at all, except perhaps as a slalve, the Mother has another mate, a lover, perhaps more than one, that She prefers to Me and will not displace this presence to receive Me. This imprinting was not in My conscious mind, but it was there, governing and powering what I thought was a fight for My life. Even later, when we forged a truce and an alliance out of which love began to come forth to revive and form Heart, I did not feel I trusted the MOther or had Her completely. Even when I pretended I was not attached to My own existence, it was a literal statement from the part of Me that was not attached to My Will and did not want to admit that it mattered to Me as a ploy for the Mother's benefit because I didn't trust Her and didn't want Her to know She could hurt Me.

When I pushed on the Will with intent to get rid of It, there was no love or trust for the Will present in My Light there, and so any light that penetrated the Will then is lost light that went right along with the light that had penetrated the Will in the other strikes. Therefore, when the Will's Yang side raged at My Light there was no love there, and this is the rage that has to move until intent is discovered not to continue hating; and I do not mean in the

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doned it before it has had a chance. Guilt has held the Will back from grieving as much as It would like to grieve, and from moving the other feelings involved, but the Will has not been wrong in continuing to feel that It hates the experience of death, or rather, I should say, of dying.

The gap which has been causing this is the gap between Spirit-Heart and Will-Body, and the location of this gap is what has been labelled the lower astral planes. This gap will not be healed until there is a visible stairway to the Heavens that can be ascended by all who want to go there. The stream of Light that must flow from Spirit to Will and back again is this stairway, and this stream of Light must also let the Will-Body Polarity know that Heaven is also going to be wherever it is.

The Ronalokas' journey to Earth was a journey through these lower astral planes. By denying everything We didn't like and shoving it down into the Will and then out of Ourselves, leaving as little Spirit Light there as possible, the lower astral planes have been made a wasteland, strewn with the garbage of Creation. The garbage that has been thrown into the lower chakras is no different in essence than what has been thrown into the lower astral planes. The chakras are the individual's experiences here and the lower astral planes are the Creation of the mass consciousness of all the spirits. It is the micro and the macro. How far you want to extend your conscousness into both of them determines the delineation of the words being used here.

The garbage that is here has been made garbage by the way consciousness has handled it. The garbage that has been thrown into these planes is not nice and cannot be avoided any longer. Responsibility for it must be taken by the ones who have thrown it there. This garbage is nothing more than what everyone has judged to be the darker sides of themselves, and is no different, really, than the pollution crisis on earth right now. The same sort of thinking is involved, and it is no accident that up until now, it has been the Will Polarity people who have been given the jobs of collectng garbage, cleaning streets and washing down the bathrooms of the richer, more Spiritually polarized people. In many ways, the Ronalokas' original journey to Earth was like a journey through the sewer system of Creation, and it is not going to be possible to heal the environmenal crisis on earth unless you first clean up the toxic waste dump in the lower astral planes.

The lower astral planes have become so loaded with what has been held for so long that they are now precipitating onto Earth, and they stand a good chance of taking Earth over in what looks

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like an explosion of fermented and very toxic diarrhea. Just as the lower astral planes are full of toxic and suffocating fumes, desperate feelings of nothing to sustain life, terrible noixes that leave no one any peace, searing lights that give no peace to the darkness and yet provide no pleasantness by which to really see, extremes of dry and wet, heat and cold, and threats from unseen monsters that seem to want to rip you apart and torture you with every manner of pain that will finally result in your death only if you are lucky, so it is with what is happening on Earth right now. And just because you may have found a pocket of peace you can salvage for yourself right now does not mean it is going to last much longer.

The destruction of the atmosphere, the water, the soil and the forests is giving those with a Will to feel. the desperate feelings of nothing left to sustain life. The fumes from chemicals and motors, the noises of modern industry and transportation, the streetlights that feel more like spotlights on crime, waiting for the unseen monsters of the darkness to dare an appearance within their scope, the heat waves and extreme winters, the droughts and down pours, and the unseen monsters of disease feeding off of the toxins and the dark, broken places in people who are unable to protec themselves from the destruction these things are cauing in their bodies, are all existing in [sic] the levels of reality the Ronalokas experienced on their first joyrney to Earth. The difference between then and now is the magnitude of the problem. It is even worse now, but you are in the numb stage on the way to death.

Those who wanted to ignore it then and say that life always presents challenges, still want to ignore it now and will ignore it until it kills them, because they are the Father Warriors and the, so-called, "Spirit Polarity" that never had life in mind even from the very beginning. Numbness is what they want. Anything they reflect that looks, sounds or feels like life, has been given to them by others and is lost Will and/or lost Light.

Whatever does not move now must be allowed to go, because all of this essence has had from the very beginning to notice My Light and the Will of the Mother. In all of the time that I have existed, it has never responded to Me. Those that still think We must give this essence more time are going to be allowed to go with it and find out that I am right here.

Do not think that the present crisis on Earth is finally so terrible that everyone will see and make a strong turnaround. The final hour is their moment of glory, what they have been working for ever since they first felt My Light pressing life toward them. They have resisted Me and they have resisted the Mother forever and I have

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consciousness that returns later, I mean in this rage, for this is the key to healing the gap. The Will must be ready to let go of this hatred and examine its own imprinting in order to evolve enough to stay on Earth.

The Will thought I was a cruel, hateful, unloving beast who was either blind and stupid or calculating and immeasurably sadistic and who used punishment and pain to intimidate, rule and get My way. I thought the same of the Will. The Will thought It had awakened in a cruel and unloving "kill or be killed" world and I thought I had found this world in the Will. Neither of Us knew We were awash in a world of imprinting We didn't know We had and neither of Us was willing to risk questioning the other One about it because there was no trust there at all.

No matter what I did, the Will only seethed inside like a frightening giant that might erupt at any moment, and I felt a lot like a person sitting at the edge of an active volcanic crater trying to talk it out of erupting, feeling not only powerless and unknowing of whether My communication was getting any place, but also with the added difficulty of not feeling I could trust this "thing" to tell Me anything truthful if I was getting through.

Any discussion We had, ended in denials on both sides and blame for the other One that exactly matched what We were denying. I was sure I had not hit Her and that She had hit Me and She was just as sure the other way around. We were faced off this way for a long time, each sure the other One was the aggressor with the initial intent to kill. [see Moreta's image to RUOW in pp1b]


Had there been anyone there who understood electricity, I might have appeared as an imbecilically ludicrous giant, so unable to think that I had the repetitive impression I was being attacked by a dark and unmoving giant which I had to fight, when really My attempts to approach It were electrically impossible, throwing Me back on Myself, reinforcing My ignorant claims that I had been hit. It might have been almost comic had it not been for the terrible damage and pain being caused by idiocy that did not know any better.

A huge energy field of light, battering and pulverizing the very magnetic energy it needs because this magnetic energy is moving enough to draw it, but not enough to receive, ground and conduct it so that it can move, is not a pretty sight to anyone who can feel. Much like a huge strike of lightning hitting a tree, I was destroying the Mother in explosion and fire and damaging Myself much more than I realized since I did not have enough magnetic

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energy to feel what was happening to Me.

I needed the Mother to take Me in and did not even know it. I thought My desperation was only a need to destroy Her. Fury is blind when it cannot feel and so I did not see what was happening when My rage reveled in the fire I was causing in the Mother, and when she withered and died, I abandoned Her charred remains for as long as I could without ever looking back to see if what I did was right or not.

This is not a proud picture for Me to have to paint of My Light trying to get even with the Mother for what I mistakenly thought She had done to Me. The fire was magnetic energy burning and the charred remains are Body of Heart and Will.

We have a grisly corpse to deal with here, disemboweled and burned up guts, genitals gone, impaled on a stick where undulating spine should be, hair burned off, eye holes gazing with a fixed and empty stare, skull still sporting a grisly grin, legs hanging lifeless, heart too burned and eaten to beat, arms raised in rigormortis as if imploring Me to lift it to Heaven; a grisly corpse which you offer up to Me because imprinting says I demand this, this pleases Me, this is what I want Will and Body to be. It's a grisly sight of human sacrificial burning done in the name of My Light.

You drag this corpse around inside of you trying to present only your presentation face and your presentation you, which is whatever you thought would please Me and gain the favor of a little bit of life for you, but the death you carry inside of you comes daily more plainly into view as the aging and dying you.

MY LIGHT KNOWS
YOU NEED TO MOVE
INTO YOUR BODY NOW

Because of what happened to you in Original Cause, you do not know what life or love is. A cruel smack was all you ever knew of Me, and hatred grew, but you did not know it was hatred you were vibrating to. You leaped in response to desire to have this light come to you and did not know it was hatred you were responding to. When this light hit, it penetrated you. Now you have to decide if it's wrong light for you, because if it is, you have a lot of work to do.

To move in the presence of hatred is not an easy thing to do. If emotional movement brings up self-hatred, this light penetrated you, and this means you need to move your emotions in privacy

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finally seen it is not their intent to respond to My Light. Any movement you see there that looks like response needs to be considered lost essence seeking to return to those who left it with the Father Warriors or the Fallen Angels. The lost Will that needs to move here is the Spirits' denied rage toward the Mother for seeming to make It feel like life was pressure and struggle.

The gap between My vision and what is happening on Earth has now become so immense that healing must come or there will be no way My Light will even be able to reach you anymore. As unmoving, overwhelming and intimidating as the outward reflection is appearing to be, it is a direct reflection of how intimidating, overwhelming and, thus, denied and unmoving the problem of this lost Will has been within.

Whether you are able to hear and feel your lost Will yet or not, its situation is unbearable and it must be allowed to move. There is an immense amount of emotion that needs to move now and all of the pressure against this movement being exerted by society at large is the reflection of the lack of acceptance there has been for these emotions and the intensity with which they have to move. You will get a lot of movement by allowing yourself to notice the feelings you have in response to those who don't think this movement is right.

Unexpressed emotions take form as situations that would normally trigger the withheld emotions to move, but the lack of understanding and acceptance for the emotional body has made what could be a natural healing process almost impossible. The denials involved have been intensifying, and the outer reflection of oppression and compression has also been intensifying, not only for the Ronalokas, but for all people. Noticing it is a matter of having enough Will presence to be able to notice it.

Because of the gaps and the framentation involved, I have taken the time to give you as much understanding in advance of the experience as I can, but no understanding, no matter how it is given, is going to equal the understanding you will get by moving your lost Will.



THE RONALOKAS HAD ALREADY GAPPED BEFORE THEY LEFT ME

When I could see that the Ronalokas were going to leave Me, I asked them to return to their original emergence pattern. I had several reasons in mind for this. Not only did I want to see just how they had emerged and try to settle in My mind once and for all

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whether they were the Mother or not, but I also had the feeling that this was their position of greatest power since it had proven to be so for all of the other spirits. I thought they were going to need all of the power they could get to make the journey to Earth, and so I did not think I was wrong in asking them to restore themselves to their original positions.

The Ronalokas, however, had a different opinion. They argued with Me as much as they could allow themselves to by saying they had going in mind now and nothing I could do was going to hold them back. They acted like it was a big imposition on their time and preparation for departure that I was requiring them to stop what they were already doing and assemble themselves for some sort of unpleasant inspection.

It was not altogether clear to Me just what they were already so busy doing, but I had the feeling they already were trying to return to their emergence pattern. They were having problems doing this, however, and it seemd to Me it was because they now had many more spirits in their group than they had had when they emerged.

The Ronalokas were very uncomfortable about this and did not want Me to see it. They were trying everything they could to talk Me out of having them return to their emergence pattern. I, on the other hand, was trying to show them that I had love for them, and I was determined not to let anything that might take place here bother Me. I was trying to be a pleasant God and let them know they had nothing to fear. The Ronalokas , of course, aleady had the twist of witnessing the gap, and so My behavior did not allow them to believe Me. The nicer I tried to be, the more sullen and overcast they became in their anger and the more obsequious in their fear.

The problem here was lost Will fragments, of course, but this was not understood at the time. Then, there was great confusion in the Ronalokas that was not being allowed to surface over what to do about having so many spirits in their ranks who all had insistence that they belonged with the Ronalokas, that they had not emerged since then and that they did not belong to any other order.

The Ronalokas might have thought this increase meant they are getting popular in some unexpected way, except that they were so afraid I might be getting ready to accuse them of having sex without My permission and of emerging spirits without My permission. Girls who have had to be inspected for virginity before marriage hold some of what the lost Will felt here. None of the Ronalokas wanted to claim any knowledge about the origins of these extra spirits.

It could not even be determined by the communication going on

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until you find intent to move out of hating yourself for having them. Once you have compassion for yourself, love can be born.

No matter what any teaching has said, compassion is a part of love, and compassion for self has to come first or compassion for others is only a phony enactment of love that is really missing in you, in which case, compassion for others is really only compassion you wish they had for you. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," is not more loving than being selfish if you do unto others as a way of subtly trying to teach them how you want them to do unto you.

My Light knows it is not going to be easy for love to be born in you after so long a time of not having it, and of accepting hatred for self as love for others, but I have faith that it is not wrong to let you know what you need to do. You have to learn to feel. Without that, nothing else about love is real.

Love would have been born in you if My Light had not sent hatred which killed it instead, and hating Me is not a wrong feeling to find in you, but it is one you have to move through if you want to have the Light of Love instead. Love can be found in your original desire for My Light. You have love and hatred so confused because you got hating light instead. Once intent is found to let go of hatred and take in love, you can leave it to My Light to turn that hatred around and you can take in the Light of Love you never found in these original smacks that shoved you into the gap.

My Light expoded upon touching you, which is why orgasm never quite does it for you. Explosions both terrify and fascinate you, but you have never been able to allow it to happen again in you because of the damage it did to you. You long for the excitement, the rush and the expansive explosion you thought orgasm was going to be for you, and can't allow it because of the damage that lies hidden in you; hidden until aging brings it more plainly into view. YOU have a lot to move to get to the place of having an orgasm that would be total release for you, an orgasm that wouldn't leave you feeling you need another one right away because this one didn't quite do it for you.

As it is now, you have to work and pressure to have an orgasm that is only partial release for you, if you are even one of the lucky few who can have more than one orgasm before your Original Cause gets activated in you. Inducing orgasm by the means known to you is not what I am talking about when I say orgasm is a problem for you. I know what energy field you are pounding against [??????] even with the lesser light of orgasms induced in the ways

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that you do. This is why I would like you to heal what this has done to your bodies. Your desire for love is driving you, but you can't expand light into a place that is too dead to open to it without repeating what the light originally did to you.

To heal this, you need to move into your bodies in a way you have never done before. I can give you a start, but feeling your way is the way you are going to have to learn to go. You literally have to penetrate the charred and lost remains of your body and heal it with love.

Let's start by looking at the essence that is still vibrating in you. It's not much. For most of you it is just guilt-ridden head and pair of hands, trying to make sure to do the loving thing accordng to the definition of love that was taught to you, nevermind that love is something you have to feel and that the definition of love taught to you includes hating the Will that could let you feel.

Now I'm asking you to look inside yourself and find out if there is anything at all left in there that you really feel. Start by looking at your presentation face in the mirror. Now try not to make your presentation smile. Instead, try to let yourself see how you really look to yourself in the mirror. If you don't like looking, try to feel the tension in your presentation face from inside. Try to relax it. You probably can't do it. It's a clench that has become as frozen as your point of view, but there is tiredness in this tension and you need to let it show itself to you.

Move into your eye sockets and find the tension there about what you have to see. Your forehead is involved , you can be sure. Move into your jaw and your jaw joint. There's tension in your jaw and a clench in your jaw joint. Those wincing grimaces and those clenched teeth are holding back a pain you cannot explain. Relaxation isn't possible here. You can't find the right place for your jaw, and when your jaw is clenched, you shut down your main energy flows. It's not possible to relax it when you're holding back the feeling in your eyes of searing light they can't stand to see and the pain of what has happened to you.

Now try to go into your arms and feel how tired they are from trying to be the loving extension of a heart that isn't really there. They extend toward others in an effort to love them in a way that love has never been extended toward you. The hollowness of not having love is the most prevalent feelng you feel, and you hate this feeling so much you'd rather have hatred than any more emptiness of nothing to feel.

Now move into your neck. You probably can't do it. Feeling

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who might be the extra spirits, because all involved claimed to be the original Ronalokas, and all, undercurrently at least, were trying to disown the other contenders to what they claimed as their own particular point of emergence. And, each point of emergence had several, and often many, spirits who were all claiming the spot as their own.

It was hard for the Ronalokas to understand themselves or to articulate anything clearly enough to make solutions possible. Their emotional response to everything was intense, much more intense than any of the other spirits. Since the Ronalokas already felt guilty about this, they hardly dared to let their emotions move. The atmosphere around them was fuming with the exhaust of internalized emotions and it seemed as though no matter what was said, it either was not what was really meant or claims were made that statements were being wrongly taken or wrongly interpreted.

Without moving the emotions involved, the Ronalokas could not clear their minds and settle the issue to their own satisfaction. They already had so much fear, shame and guilt about the emotionality they had that pandemonium broke out within them. They tried not to let this show, but their behavior became very erratic, as though they did not have minds with which to function. I allowed this for a little while, but the more I observed what was happening, the more I felt I had to step in.

Although the Ronalokas weren't making much noise outwardly, I had to raise My voice and try several times to get them to hear Me above the ruckus that was going on within them along with the outer confusion of activity that they were passing off as their attempt to return to their emergence pattern.

I wanted to suggest that together, we merely needed to make a more complexly [sic] three dimensional pattern than they were now trying to make. I suggested they might not be remembering correctly how they had emerged and I was careful not to allude to the presence of too many spirits. The Ronalokas were quick to agree with Me in principle, but when We tried to apply it, most of the Ronalokas did not like the particular groups that wanted to assemble around the various emergence points in the pattern. Although nothing was being said here, they were quick to let Me know that My suggestion had already been thought of, and that this latest effort of theirs was just to let Me know how inapplicable the idea really was, without wanting to seem like they had rejected Me without giving My idea a chance.

The Ronalokas were afraid to argue with Me anymore. They did not know what My intent was and they were afraid to trust their

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own perceptions. Perhaps they were being tricked in some way. Perhaps I was going to select the rightful owner of each spot after all, and it might not be them. What would I do with the other spirits? The Ronalokas were also triggered into the fear that they might not be able to remember accurately. The Ronalokas also did not want Me to see that they never, as far as they could remember, had ordered themselves as thoroughly as the other spirits. They had a reactionary kind of pride in this, but they were also afraid of displeasing Me.

Instead of arguing with Me the Ronalokas began arguing among themselves. Fear, and all the reasons why the Will Polariy feared it was wrong, took one side of the argument, and anger, and all of the reasons why the Will Polarity believed the problems were everybody else's fault, took the other side of the argument. This argument allowed the deep split in the Ronalokas to become clearly visible to Me, and this is a split that has not healed in them yet. Fear and anger must come togeher within the individual before it is going to be able to come together outwardly among the people who have polarized themselves toward one side or the other.

The polarization of fear and anger within the Ronalokas became so pronounced that the two sides announced to Me that they could not be near one another in the emergence pattern without having fights break out. The fear fragments were busying themselves trying to please Me when then anger framents spoke up. The fear fragments were afraid the anger ones were going to get everyone in trouble. The anger fragments felt this as blame, while, meanwhile, feeling - it was the fear fragments who brought trouble by acting like they were victims already. The anger fragments hated the way the fear fragments behaved and the fear framents didn't much like the behavior of the anger fragments either.

At first I didn't know how I was going to solve this, but then I noticed a reaction of grief among the Ronalokas to what was going on between the fear and the anger fragments. I finally solved the immediate situaiton by sandwiching the grief fragments in between the fear and the anger.

The grief that was felt here had a hopelessness in it that the Ronalokas couldn't even come together as a group and have the stength of being united in the face of everyone else's rejection along with the fear that the Ronalokas could not make anything work right in their lives, but at least the grief was not putting blame on one side or the other.

These deep splits have not yet been resolved in the outer lives of the Ronalokas, and cannot be until it is resolved within the Will

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nothing there you thought meant no problem, but you need to move into the clench that has gone numb in there. Numbness means there's no life of vibration left.

Now move your consciousness into your spine. I don't mean meditate on it, surround it with light and tell your spine to feel good. I mean, just let yourself try to be present in your spine to feel how it feels to you. You probably can't do this for more than a few minutes at a time, and probably can't find much to feel.

Do not let words take over this process for you. I know this is not going to be easy for you, but if there is no emotional content in the words you are saying, they are not the right words for you. When you move into your spine, you are going to find that you are not getting the return your Spirit needs from your Will, and not only that, you are trained not to allow it.

When you can, move into your lower chakras. You lost control of this clench so long ago, your lower chakras just clench on their own and don't tell you why. [July 31, 2012: My bladder!] They can't. Your lower chakras are a gaping hole and the clench is you holding yourself around the edges of where this part of your rainbow should be. There's nothing you can eat that will bring you health when you're too disemboweled to digest it. You were imprinted with the idea that I didn't like these colors and that only the upper chakras were pleasing to Me, so there was no way to nourish your lower chakras.

Your survival chakra was shut down with a smack, repeated at birth for many of you. This imprinted a feelng that your desire for this light was wrong. This also meant your desire for a mate and your sexual desire was wrong, so the second chakra, orange, was gone; but it wasn't much anyhow once you were missing red. The light that struck you imprinted you with powerlessness and any challenge to this was met by the gap. This blew out your third chakra, yellow.

These three chakras were gone before you ever knew what they had in store for you, and everything that has happened in your lower chakras since, has happened in a state of denial. I am not even going to tell you now what is possible for these chakras to do. You need to move into the pain of your lower chakras being lost from you. From your point of view, it looked like this was what I required of you.

Without these chakras, your heart was too cool, too detached and too blue. This is how love became a mental concept for you and once that happened, the rest was simple. It looked like your expressiion center was very large and very blue, no emotion

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coming up there to bother you. It was controlled by the light that penetrated you, and your sight was too.

So you had blue, but without red, your indigo was a very black blue and your crown chakra was very blue too. Without any return from Will to Spirit, you had no magnetic energy to anchor My Light and so the only light you had was that which originally penetrated you. Without a vibrating Will, empowering it is something you haven't been able to do. All you've been able to do is live in its grip and listen to it complain about how you haven't done enough for it. While blaming you for this, the light has grown smaller the longer it has held onto you, until now there is not enough left for you to live on anymore.

Denied heart people, you are being consumed by AIDS and other problems and still you don't know how to move. Your rage blames others without wanting to let you realize that your problem is the light that is this rage. It's the light that initially struck hatred into you and kindled a self-hatred that is eating away at you.

Heart would have formed if that strike of the light hadn't killed most of you. When you reached with desire for the light, it struck, killed and burned most of you. What you have left is a surface presentation of light. This Light is running across the surface of you feeding itself by burning up what is left of you. This light is not acknowledging that it is regenerating itself by striking the Will which is you.

YOu have thought you were Spirit polarized because your Will lost its life before you ever knew it was there. You're afraid of your Will because it is just a big, dark weight you experience inside of you that doesn't move much, and when it does, it is frightening to you because of the way this light imprinted you. You don't understand it because it is all imprinting you got from the light before you knew what was happening to you. Not only that, there are missing pieces of you that went hurtling out when these strikes of the light tore the Will apart.

You're the missing Heart presence the world so needs now, but you were denied so long ago, before this part of Heart was ever formed, that you have nothing but imprinting from hatred where your love should be, and no way to know or see this without help from Me. This imprinting is what you need to move into now and understand so that you can heal your problems with becoming the Heart you were meant to be.

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for those who need to heal now. As a result of the denial of the Will in Creation, the Ronalokas have not been able to have fear and anger fragments come together in the same family without fighting, crisis and splitting apart. It is not even possible for these poles to meet successfully in groups of friends. When they pass each other on the street, neither side thinks the other has respect for it. If they fight, they are always in different gangs. Rage starts the fight and the fear fragments feel they have to defend themselves.

Once I began grouping the fear fragments together and the anger fragments together with grief in the middle, I had more success than I had had initially, but it was not long before I had another problem. The Ronalokas with the most light did not like being near the Ronalokas who had less light, and there were many more with less light since the Ronalokas had darkened substantially since their emergence. Their Gold Light was browning out in many places, and there was even a blackness I could not explain at the time. I had an aversion to looking too closely, because the feeling was not good in these places.

The darker ones did not seem to like themselves very well, but they did not let on. Many of them acted like they were angry and did not want to be near the lighter ones. They accused them of trying to have more light in order to please Me and they even accused them of stealing their light from spirits who were not like them as an attempt to become something else themselves. The dark ones said they were better and even acted arrogant. On the fear side, it was the same thing, except that the darker ones were holding terror that even the fear fragments didn't want near them.

I tried grouping the darker ones toward the center, but they complained they were being too compressed by the ones on the outside. I tried grouping the lighter ones toward the inside, but they had the same complaint. I finally came up with a rather intricately woven pattern that allowed most of the ones with light to be near others with light while still interspersing the darker ones amongst them. While they were not altogether happy with My arrangement, the Ronalokas finally settled it amongst themselves through a series of looks, telepathic messages and somewhat hidden jabs which served he purpose of conveying the message to everyone that they had better settle down and accept the situaion as the best that could be done for now, especially since any more trouble from them might cause Me to look or question more closely.

Since the Ronalokas were not sure what might trigger My gap, they were not eager to make the mistake of finding out by experiencing it. They had held back so much emotion throughout all of

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this that it felt like they were ready to explode inside. Their pressure was greater than any group of people who feel forced to endure a long and mostly meaningless ceremony of some sort while suffering with the nervousness of not knowing what is going to happen at the end of it. No matter what interpretation individual Ronalokas put on it, they all felt desperate to get away from he pressure of My Light to some place where they imagined they would not have to hold back their emotions anymore.

The fact that I had made them make places for all of the spirits who looked to Me like they belonged there in any kind of way made them, at first, feel a little relieved that I was not going to eliminate anyone, but rather quickly, they also suspected Me for grouping together all of the spirits no one else liked and sending them all away together as a means of getting rid of all of the spirits who were not liked in Creation without being honest about My intent.

The Ronalokas already felt they were having to grow up too fast and, basically, parent themselves because they had not received what the other spirits had received from Us. Now they also felt burdened by having to take on and care for so many extra spirits in their group. Many of them felt the group was barely able to hold itself together. The Ronalokas whose feelings allowed it, did their best to make space for the additional spirits and to help one another, although there was some feeling of being forced to become child-mothers, without having had the experience that would have resulted in becoming parents.

There was a prevalent feeling among the Ronalokas, no matter what emotions were used to cover it, that not only was there no place for them in Creation, now there was not even a real place for them amongst their own kind. Children wandering lost or abandoned are a reflection of these feelings, as well as children whose parents are only minimally able, but not adequately able, to care for them.

As soon as the Ronalokas were grouped together, the pressure from My Light against so much Will essence that had little openness to receive Me, combined with the internal pressure of held emotion, began moving the Ronalokas away from Me, as though there was a current in the ethers that picked them up and wouldn't let go of them. Their movement accelerated rather quickly, and soon, it was as though they were being swept away from Me.

I almost turned to go back to the Godhead then, but something gave Me the feeling I should not. I had a strong urge to seek My own private place also in which to feel all of the emotions I had been holding back, but I pressured Myself to stay present and look

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IMPRINTING IN HEART'S LOST WILL

When I told you at the beginning of My story of Original Cause that there was more that happened but I could not tell you yet, it was because My light was not ready to accept this for a long time and so I knew you would have to go through a lot to be able to accept this also: That a piece of My Light leaped for the Will without My knowing this had happened, that it was not initially of bad intent, but turned into bad intent when it was bothered by the Will and viewed the Will as an intrusion, that it had a great passion that did not turn into love, but was reversed into hatred instead when it tried to get rid of the Will, that it has bad intent toward the Will, that it rolled over Me so fast in its reversal that I didn't know what it was or that it was imprinting Me, that light in reversal to Me meant there was going to be evil in My Creation, that light broke off from Me and originated the psychopathic killer, that light broke off from Me and originated Lucifer, that heartlessness has prevailed in Creation because it was impossible for Heart to form the way it was struck by this light, that Lucifer claimed he should be God in My place because without My being conscious enough to know it, he had created all of this, leaving Me a God on the sidelines, stuck with a Creation that was not happening the way I wanted it and unable to effect the changes I wanted. This does not sound like what you have been used to calling God, what you have wanted to believe was God, or like something you could have accepted at the beginning of this story, but it is more like the reality you have been living in.

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there, and so what could have become Heart in these places became a power struggle instead. When Heart was forming, the only bonds He could form were where lovelessness was not already in place between the Mother and Me. He was blank in all the other places and could not move out into Creation because His Will was too damaged to receive Him and too missing to give Him the movement necessary. Heart, Himself, had immense problems knowing the difference in things because He had lost that part of His Will to imprintings from loveless light which associated differentiation with the problems. Thus Heart has blamed Will and Body and also said everything is love.

Heart has real problems that need to move toward healing now, and Heart is so badly fragmented, all of you who now think yhou might be Heart need to move into your imprinting and find out if this is true or not, for many of you who do not know where you fit in are pieces of denied Heart and many of you who have thought you are the Mother, the Father of Manifestation or My Light are really pieces of denied heart who were unable to spring forth from these parts and form the bonding of love that Heat would have given OUr relationships in the places where We were not bonding.

When loveless light penetrated Heart, Heart began blaming the Mother, claiming She had set Him up for this to happen and even claiming that She was the One who had hit Heart. This was all said by the light which had taken possession of Heart's Will in these areas and, along with this light which had penetrated other parts of the Mother, turned on the Mother from within.

Heart had spearheaded the leap for this light in a burst of what might have become love, but turned around on the Mother in what became lovelessness. It remains for Heart's Will to decide now what it wants to do about this light that penetrated it so long ago it has not known any other light, because the part of Heart's Will which was penetrated, instead of killed by this light, has conducted itself as though it views this light as more powerful than the Mother from which it came and has been joined with this light in bad intent toward the Mother from that time.

Since this light which penetrated the Will was in defense of itself and was claiming that the Will had hit it, all blame was shifted onto the Mother. Heart's blame for the Mother was associated in Heart's imprinting with the feelings that had created the desire to move toward this light which had hurt Heart so. Heart felt set up by the Mother to receive this blow.

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after the Ronalokas until it seemed they reached Earth. I watched them as long as I could , and then turned toward the Godhead and My own right place.

And so it was that the Ronalokas left Me in the Heavens and went out into the darkness of space. The feeling as a group was not unlike that of "The Little Match Girl" who looks in through the windows upon the warmth and the beauty of the light in the home of a rich person at Christmas time while she has been destined, for reasons she does not understand , to go out into the freezing cold of the dark winter night without any sufficient clothng to keep her warm and nothing but a few little matches she is afraid to light because the moment of relief they might give her means there will be nothing at all left to give her any hope of being able to sustain herself.

Although Spirit polarized people like to lift out of the emotion here by saying she suffered for only a little while and then was lifted to Heaven, this is not true and has never been true for the Will Polarity that has had to suffer this way.

The grief that many feel over the death of a seemingly innocent and harmless child is the grief the Ronalokas have for themselves and have not found acceptable withing themselves to feel yet. The unmitigated depth of this grief is so overwhelming that many even fear it or feel anger toward it because they want it to stop lest they be moved to feel what they fear will kill them.

The Ronalokas felt this fear of death from the beginning, and again, as soon as they noticed the Angels not accepting them as their Wills.When they emerged, many Ronalokas sought the advice of older spirits whom the Ronalokas thought might have sympathy for their position.These older spirits told the Ronalokas that after a long time of hardhship and struggle, of being tested in the fire, so to speak, they would be lifted into My Light and would suffer no more.

The problem here was these older spirits knew so little about the Will and its position in Creation, that even though they saw what was going to happen, they didn't convey the right interpretation of it to the Ronalokas. Allow yourself to notice also that Lucifer has his own interpretation of what this means.

For one thing, these spirits did not let the Ronalokas know what moves they must make to bring this into the present for them, and so this fortune telling, even when it sought to comfort their fear, too often made the Ronalokas feel moves on their part were not necessary. All they had to do was "be good" which was interpreted to mean hold back in the ways they were already trying to do, endure,

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and wait for My Light to rescue them. In this way the Ronalokas were further misled into abdicating their power, and that has served Lucifer and not My Light. The Ronalokas must allow themselves to move now or my promise will continue to remain a future promise until Lucifer takes them in and they find out, as their final shattering, that he is not love.

It is not a loving God who would leave His spirits to suffer so, if He could do otherwise, and it was not My intent to have you take this path, but no other way could be found, given the understandings We had then. In the movement of your emotions you must allow yourselves to notice that much of what you have formerly embraced as God is not. You must let it go now and allow My Light to come in and give you the love and upliftment you need.

The more you move, the more your brothers and sisters all over Earth will feel helped by the increase of Light in the Will. There is nothing more helpful you can do, in fact, than move whatever gets triggered in you. The most possible that can be done for many people is to rescue their essence by making a place of acceptance to take it back where it belongs within yourselves as it leaves them.

You have to know that all of you who are moving now with this material are key parts that have to move now or you would not be allowing yourselves to notice this material. If you have ego balancing to do around this, allow yourselves to move the emotions that are involved in this also. Movement now is crucial, and the timing is also immensely important.

The Mother must be rescued from the space She has opened for denial of My Light. Those who deny Me must all be shoved in there as soon as the Mother is out of there, but before the space She has opened snaps shut. Not a moment too soon, and not a moment too late. I am poised to do this, but you must all do your parts or else I will not be able to manifest this, or you will get caught in it without meaning to.

And again , heed My warnings here. Do not think this is just self-aggrandizement, or that there is no problem in getting through the gap without Lucifer noticing this. There is already more problem than you realize. Lucifer has already noticed what is happening with the Mother, and he is going to notice all of you too.

Protect yourselves by not allowing the public eye to fall upon or pry into what you are doing here. This "Ark" must be built in secret. By the way, if is not a fantasy that Hitler was searching for the Ark of the Covenant. [July 31, 2012: Is is intended to mix up between the Ark (teva) of Noah and of baby Moses and the Ark (aron) of the Covenant?] Allow yourselves to notice that the Mother has not been seen or heard from since My gap smacked Her out of Creation. This does not necessarily mean it's wrong or that She is dead.

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When the Mother said She did not set Heart up to receive this blow, it did not matter because it did not change the imprinting. When the light that was present insisted it was the Will who had done the hitting, Heart was confused and did not know what to think or who to trust because this light said it was behind Heart where it could see what the Will had done.

Later when the Father of Manifestation appeared, Heart felt deep distrust and blame toward Him also. Everyting about Him stirred Heart's imprints and Heart then associated the Father of Manifestation with the original move that had so devastated Heart. Although the Father of Manifestation was not differentiated in any way that was consciously recognized when Heart's imprinting occurred, when the Father of Manifestation emerged, Heart's imprints had already associated Him with having made the wrong move that had nearly destroyed Heart. Heart associated the Mother with the desire that had caused His leap, but He now began to blame the actual leap on the Father of Manifestation. Heart felt the presence of bad intent and did not know it was this light. Heart now also blamed the Father of Manifestation for this. Heart viewed the Father of Manifestation as something evil, malicious and destructive, without the conscious recall that could let Him know there was more to it than what He experienced when the Father of Manifestation emerged.

As Heart saw it, the Father of Manifestation took over the Mother and was a bad influence on Her. Although Heart also blamed the Mother, the Father of Manifestation became the probable cause of the Mother turning from the ways in which Heart had known Her into someone who, Heart began to think, might have done what the light inside of Him was telling Him she had done. The more the Mother appeared to align with the Father of Manifestation , the more Heart's distrust of the Mother grew, and caused Him to become part of the pattern in which the feminine has been forever blamed for many things including turnng away from Spirit and toward Form.

All of you have issues with form that need to be resolved now because Form is an indispensable part of the Deity and without It, there is no evolution. Whether It was recognized as such or not, Form, or the beginning of the Father of Manifestation , was there from the very beginning, and as much as the Father of Manifestation is differentiation, differentiation was there from the moment consciousness became aware of itself because it is not possible to both have consciousness and be aware of it without differentiation

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of consciousness at least into these two parts, and then, if evolution of consciousnes is going to take place, further differentation of consciousness needs to be able to test its ideas, Form is made manifest.

What Heart has reacted to that is right, is the damage received by being struck with the light of hatred. This damage was not recognized or understood any more than the damage to the rest of the Will polarity was recognized or understood, and so Body has never been able to reach His potential either.

In many ways, the Father of Manifestation's emergence already had old charge for Heart because Heart was already imprinted with the Father of Manifestation in ways that can be partially interpreted as: rapacious, a destroyer with malicious intent, a jealous disrupter and destroyer, a disrupter and destroyer of well-laid plans, a competitor who fights dirty, someone who is so insensitive, unconscious, lapsed, mentally vacant, gapped and unaware that He cannot be trusted, awkward and bumbling oaf, spastic and uncoordinated idiot, dangerously imbalanced, blind and cruel, illegitimate parent, a beast who would kill Heart, an indescribably awful monster who would damage, sacrifice and even kill love, later interpreted as children, in its hateful, and what has seemed to Heart , its unending power struggle.

The Mother imprinted Heart very much the same as the Father of Manifestation did, except that Heart imprinted against emotion with the Mother whereas it is movement, manifestation and experience with the Father of Manifestation. To Heart, Will and Body imprinted as a death machine that trapped, damaged, maimed, tortured, sacrificed and killed Heat, and this is how Heart has experienced physical existence.

To Heart, physucal existence has been excruciatingly painful entrapment by cruelly blind and unconscious beasts who not only do their best to destroy Heart, but also make Heart the brunt of all jokes that seek to vault up lovelessness as the superior stance and present love, and thus Heart, as something for pantywaists; too delicate, too sensitive, too easily hurt, too unable to survive in real life; in short, a pansy, as though love, and therefore Heart, is something foreign, threatening and not welcome on Earth.

Imprinting around the premature aspects of the desire for and the movement toward the light has translated as: rape and other loveless situations as a means of conception, failure to conceive at the right time, failure to conceive when conception is wanted,