The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.I.S.S.

- as stated 12 years ago - was and is

  to help me and my potential P E E R s 

"to HEAL ourselves into WHOLEness,

and - by extension - all of CREATion!"
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries


[If you look for a word on this page,
click ctrl/F and put a word in "find"]


I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'

pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill
>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"

 

 

Back to Overview of all sculptures in the fourfold library of "InteGRATion into GRATeFULLness"

 


 

 

InteGRATion into GRATeFULLness
Nourishment from Others
November 30 till December 16, 2011: enriched by more nourishment
["lekhi-lakh" > "khugi-lakh">"hug and lach"=hug yourself and laugh]
previous page: 2007: Full-Fill-ment in Godchannel's message

 

2007_10_13

"It is only through your creations that you will know yourself"
[but only - I add in December 2011 - if I feel all I feel -inhaling GOD and exhaling LOVE to whatever I feel in the present moment]

see an overview of messages from this channel in "From Light&Dark to Lightness and Joy"

Archangel Michael through Celia Fenn
[see last message of Archangel Michael]

… you are the ones who are the pioneers,
you take the first steps in consciousness so that All may follow.

… you are now courageously accepting the changes in body, mind and emotions,
as you integrate with your I Am presence.
...
And, we will say, dearest ones,
that you are not simply returning in time to reclaim some lost part of yourself.
That work is already complete.
You are taking a step forward into
the consciousness of Present Infinity,

the Now moment,
where Past and Present and Future merge as One.
And then, you experience the "Becoming" moment,
as you Become a New Creation,


something that the Earth has not seen before.
This is the unfolding of all Past and Present Potential
into the Full Presence of Who You Are now.
As we experience this "birthing" moment with you,
we celebrate Who You Are Now.
And we see you in this way.

...
You are no longer a lesser and sinful being separated from God,
but you are a spark of the Divine Flame of
God Source in a human body.

Dearest Ones,
can you see how your consciousness has expanded
to embrace who you really are?

You have spent thousands of years believing
that you were separate from the Source or Creator Power,
and so you created that separation.
And you created also separation from the planet,
and from others,
and in this distortion of your glorious light you created much violence,


Comment on November 23, 2011 (on Tamir's 41st birthday!)

No! the distortion and violence etc. are not the result of the belief in separation,
they are the playing out of our judgments and beliefs and denials as Creators,
who in the beginning did not understand, not know, not accept all of themselves.
All they did not accept, became "Lost Will", and this explodes into violence etc.

[see, what I'm re-studying and copying now from the violet and purple books]


and the result was a deep sadness and grief in the Planetary Heart.
As many of you return now
to full God or SOURCE CONSCIOUSNESS,

you feel the sadness and the grief of your long separation.
All humanity mourns its separation and its broken heart!

But know, dearest ones,
that you were never shut out of Paradise except by your own choice.
For the Source, the "God Love", lives within each one of you,
and it will never cut you off and abandon you.
It was indeed your choice to create this experience,
and now it is your choice to end this illusion
and return to a FULL CONSCIOUSNESS OF YOUR GOD-SELF.

 

I just saw a documentary about the Swiss junk-artist Ursula Stalder:
"I knew it was totally mad,
to bring these 14 rotten boats from the Lagune of Venice
among three other heavy trucks of junk I had gathered,
to this exhibition field near Luzern.
But I also knew,
that I now needed this experience of madness."

The TV program in 3 SAT, which I happen to have seen a second time,
closes with the sentence:
When her Italian friends part from her, they may think her mad,
but
"sie bringt alle zum Nachdenken",
"she causes everybody to ponder and think."


And since this message is about creating and creation,
I want to quote one of Ursula's fantastic explanation of her creating:

"Die ganze Sache habe ich begonnen,
weil ich die Schönheit in den Objekten sehe.
Eine Schönheit von Formen und Strukturen.
Alle Geschichten und Rätsel, die darin geschrieben sind,
haben für mich eine Faszination
- dass man das auch immer wieder anders lesen kann
und durch das verschiedenartige Zusammenfügen
andere Inhalte und Assoziationsmuster schafft."


"The whole thing I started because I see the beauty in the objects.
A beauty of shapes and structures.
All stories and puzzles, which are written therein, have a fascination for me
- That you can also read this always in other ways
and through various assembling create other contents and patterns of associations."


Back to Archangel Michael's message:

What did you gain by this choice?
We see that you have developed
individual mental and emotional consciousness,
and that the individual consciousness
can be aligned
[Godchannel: "each one's unique alignment with the whole"]
with the greater consciousness of Who You Are.

Is this not indeed something to celebrate.
You are, in the eyes of Spirit, a myriad of perfect Crystal Beings,
each one a reflection
of the radiance of the Source,

each one made in God's "image" of perfection,
[No! It resonates with me, what Godchannel.com says
that there will never be perfection, - there will always be evolution!
See this theme "perfection and evolution" many times on Healing-K.i.s.s.]

and each one containing
an awareness of itself and its beauty.

While studying this once again on Dec. 9, 2011, I detect "Abraham's" e-mail quote (1999)today:
We are all one Energy Stream,
but what makes the separations or distinguishes the differences is perspective.
You are a unique and individual perspective

…being aware of the God Source within
and aware as an individual self-consciousness,
you are indeed a "New Creation".

But, dearest ones,
it is only when you fully embrace your Power as a Creator,
and when you embrace your responsibilities
as a "Co-Creator" with Spirit and with Others on the Planet,
that you will fully enter into your new being...

….
In your new state of  m u l t i - d i m e n s i o n a l  consciousness,
you must   c h o o s e
what you will   s e e   and what you will   c r e a t e . ...
You are offered choices at every moment,
and how you choose will determine the quality of your creations
and   h o w   y o u    e x p e r i e n c e    t h e m
. …
….

Am I creating from my Heart in a balanced and loving way?
…..

…. If you can hold your energy in your Heart in a balanced and powerful way,
you will have no difficulty in moving into your full potential as a Creator.

For, your Heart is the Creative Matrix for the New Earth.
It is from and through your Heart that you will create.
It is in co-operation with all the other Hearts on the grid of Love
that you will create all that you desire together.

So, we ask you to remember two things.
Firstly, that in this new place of the Heart,
you will be aware
that All is Connected and Inter-connected.[s. below Dec.6]


You will truly feel and understand
that you are all One in the Unconditional Creative Love of Source.

You will see others
as manifestations of your own self, of your dreams and desires,
and you will truly understand how you create together.

You will learn to look at the mirror of your creations
and to respond with joy and gratitude,
for all that you create will be in balance
and will fill your Heart with Joy and Gratitude.
And, as you create the New Earth together,
you will feel such Joy and Gratitude for the Creative Power
that lies within your Beloved Heart.

And, secondly, we ask you to remember that you are Infinite and Eternal.
…you will continue eternally in a process of "Becoming".
Becoming All that your "I Am" can be
in a process of expressing your full potential ...

So, we say again, what will you create?
For, it is only through your creations
that you will know yourself.

And, as you see what you have created,
both as an individual and with others,
you can make new choices
so that your creations can become
richer and more beautiful and more dynamic, ..
….


This dawned on me the very first time in 1982,
when I read the book
"The Centre of the Cyclone"
An Autobiography of Inner Space
by John C. Lilly, 1972

[Lilly- the dolphin-researcher, who stopped his research,
when he understood, who the dolphins really were...]


The book's last sentence is:

"The miracle is that the universe created a part of itself
to study the rest of it,
that this part, in studying itself,
finds the rest of the universe
in its own natural inner realities."
[Nov. 30, 2011: I understand this better and better,
the more I now study the violet and the purple RUOW book called "Original Cause"!!]



July 14, 2004,   E a s t   of "Rakhaf" , sunrise above the Salt-Sea,
my 2 partners, Tamir Peleg and Hagai Lev, erect the Trinity Tent.

After I received Archangel Michael's message via e-mail on October 10, 2007
I studied it for several days,
until I was sure that I wanted to insert it here.
While working one last time on the graphics,
the emphasis on "
creating from the heart" struck me,
since just an hour before I had read in a diary entry of July 21, 2006,
that maybe Tamir's modification of my idea,
to change the name of our new project: ARARAT
into "ARARAT-HEART"
prophesied,
that soon I would leave all exterior creation
and work only from and in my HEART.
I don't remember the main point of his explanation,
but I remember his addition:

"It's no accident, that Hagai's surname is Lev (heart)!?"
Hagai Lev was our third partner,
and on Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New year, Sept. 16, 2004,
his mother, father, brother and sister came to visit us.
They are all called "Lev".



The Heart Family
gathers in my/our triangular tent, w e s t of "Rakhaf"





to former source of "Nourishment from Others", 2007 and 2011    to next source of "Nourishment from Others", 2007 and 2011

 

 

 

 

Arad, Wednesday, November 30, 2011
(my brother Eberhard would have become 69 years today!)
"hugi-lach - hug yourself and laugh"- kaf-tet be-November 2003><2011
  
This page is sculpted not in a linear but in "spherical" way, i.e. from every perspective I see the whole picture

A symbol for both our lives: twisting, creeping, groping for an opening towards our direction...

 See the context of my experience with Boris at the SALT SEA on this day in "Noah's Vision>Diary>4th day", December 2003

 

"khugi-lakh" instead of "lekhi-lakh"


"For one year I let my parents parent me,
- till my father went off to War and my mother demanded that I pee in a pot,
and if not "there had to be tears", as she wrote in a diary.

Then I parented myself for 24 years
[I was 25, when I gave birth to Immanuel]
then I parented my three children for 24 years
[Immanuel married at the age of 24]

then I great-parented my 10 grandchildren for 24 years
[till the raging verdict of my daughter-in-love on Nov. 3l, 2011:
"you are removed from my life and from the life of my daughter"
together with my daughter's renewed "ban" of seven years]
What am I to do or to be NOW?"

Boris and I were sitting in a Café in the hotel-area of the SaltSea
- after our walking-climbing-crawling-squirming to Noah's Cave,
in order to mark 8 years of my peace-project on "Noah's Shore"-
and he blurted the answer:
"khugi-lakh!"

I understood on the spot:
All my life I've followed the command
Lekh-Lekhâ,
"go-to-yourself" from all security, from all comfort-zones,
like the river that goes out from Eden and is parting into 4 heads.
See the special page in 2002 :
"Lekh-Lekhâ - Go-to-Yourself"
For water, that does not go out and part, will become a swamp.

But now I've reached the "stage", where I must circle around,
like electrons around atoms or the planets around their suns.


Since I was so struck by Boris' strange "command", I - the next day - did some research:


My old dictionary quotes the medieval Yehuda Halevi [appears often on Healing-K.i.s.s.!]:


"and I on the back of a ship    am hanging between water and sky     I circle and move"
Listen to the tune, which created itself to this line

"ani" =
I     and "ani", a poetic word for ship, have the same consonants though different punctuation.
In 1996-99 I played with the usual word for "ship" - aniyah = I am Yah, and this is my Internet password up to this day.
Yehuda Halevi probably borrowed "akhug" -
"I circle" or "I make a circle" from the one biblical verse in which it appears:
Job 26:10 - The translators groped for an interpretation, but it's only by intuition that one can "know" it.

10
"He hath described a boundary upon the face of the waters,
unto the confines
of light and darkness."


Er zirkte eine Schranke uebers Wasser hin
ab bis wo sich Licht an Finsternis vollendet
10
He drew a circular horizon
on the face of the waters, At the boundary
of light and darkness
10 He hath (en)compassed
a term, or an end, to (the) waters,
till that light and darkness be ended.

(He hath surrounded the waters with a border, where light and darkness meet.)

I understood immediately, that Boris' command was channeled, and I understood , what is meant.
But it's only in a roundabout , non-linear way that I can phrase this in words.
I rejoice in the "coincidence" between this experience and the fact, that it was the turn of this page,
 to provide me with space for coping with the command of "khugi-lakh" instead of "lekhi-lakh"


Before we sat down in a place of people among the Dead Sea hotels,
Boris and I lingered a while in Noah's Cave, looking out to the Salt Sea.
His backpack to my right, my backpack to my left...

 

 

Instead of copying sentence for sentence from Michael's message in 2007,
so relevant for me on this day, I'll quote just the one about double awareness:
"…being aware of the God Source within
and aware as an individual self-consciousness,
you are indeed a 'New Creation' ."

What does it mean to be "das ganze Himmelszelt?"
[s. below: the song that created itself this night]
At present , "I am the whole Sky-Tent" means,
that in ever more moments of feeling-not-so-good
I find my I-AM-Presence, i.e. my JOY and my LOVE
exactly there~~~in this very "feeling-not-so-good".
If an understanding has to be gained from the feeling, it will come up naturally,
But I know myself! There are many moments that have nothing to do with anything that can be pinned down or defined
like worries, guilt, fear, shame , powerlessness, triggered old holes, or pain about others, or humankind or the planet.
This "feeling-not-so-good" seems to be similar to "the feelings of lack of zest and full-fill-ment", but it's not that either.
Yet when I move my view~~ to grate-full-ness ~~~for the very fact, that I feel, i.e. live, i.e. am connected with Source,
the sting in the feeling - most of the time and times - melts away instantly ~~~ until I feel it again in another moment.
[see 2 songs, in which I'm coping with "not-so-good", not identifiable feelings: "I breathe and embrace" and "itfini/enwrap me"]

As if to test myself, I attracted a trigger!
From starchild Lior, fifty years my junior!
"With Boris on kaf-tet-be-November in my cave,
I reached a "place"
- I hesitated, not knowing,
if it was a place, a space , a time or an insight-
"an old-new place".
"Rachel!!! everything is always old-new!"
I blurted:
"The beginning in the cave on Nov. 29 was new!".

She had meant "insights" , and to this I agreed.
But I still felt triggered and after that phone-talk
began to explore what unhealed hole attracted it.

And it was then - in the morning, while still in my bed (see the song below) - that I was inspired with an insight, that was not old-new, but truly new:
Through all my life I've wondered, why we tend to remember the proportionally few "bad things", while forgetting the over ___?__"good things"
For this trigger I discovered not only the holes (not important now), but its purpose!
On this morning, December 1, 2011, I still haven't phrased that "old-new place",
Yes, I can see myself avoiding it by engaging in other "tasks" on Healing-K.i.s.s.!
And though I eventually -today? - shall accomplish the sculpture of "khugi-lakh"
I may forget and regress and slip back, if not the feeling memory of Lior's trigger.
I could work on healing the 2 holes, which I discern, but this isn't the point this time.
The point and purpose is to let the memory of the pain underpin the "khugi-lakh"!


"khugi-lakh" instead of "lekhi-lakh"

My personal Communication with Deity on October 26, 2008
was so important to me,
that I copied it in the Introduction to K.i.s.s.-log 2008,
And I again savor it on this day, November 30, 2011
Oct. 2008: What I understand from that interview is also based
on the last 3 channelings, which intensify the message of Godchannel.com:
June 1: Old Heart - New Heart
July 23: Interview with God
October 1: Interview with the Folks, esp. the chapter
"You are the Universe"


"You noticed, that the "turmoil" began right after the festive season,
when you hoped for the return of "the peace and quiet of routine"!

....showed you, that you must be ready for accelerated change.
Do not suspect that the tiny "defects" in your life
(with Body & with people)
result from still existing denials.
You may trust the degree of wholeness
which you have healed yourself into!"



Really? What if I'm kidding myself?



"You are not!
Seventy years of listening to yourself
- throughout all those painful detours,
reward and award you now with the knowing that you are whole,
and that "difficulties" are due to the changes
in the universal frequencies."


I tremble! And if I delude myself?


"We
- whom you embody as New Heart in Body
- ask you to let go!
To let go of being so preoccupied
with your personal evolution.
Accept that as an individual
you are neither righteous nor perfect.
Even your latest endeavor
- what you called the
"Gate-Message" -
is something you can let go off now.
Do no longer focus on "getting it right".
Do no longer focus on Christa-Rachel Maryam Bat-Adam.
You ARE a manifestation of New Heart now,
and as such you must concentrate
on anchoring wholeness
in the collective consciousness & feeling
on Earth."


And how is this connected to my troubled "sea" and my tiredness?


"Your "sea" is troubled
as long as you are still stuck in personal "betterment".
If you in every moment, with every breath, know who you are,
whom you em-body,
and what your task as New Heart is,

you might be "troubled",
but it will not trouble you that you are troubled.
You'll find it natural that the sea is rough at this time.
You'll find it natural, that Body is not always in sync !
And you'll give SLEEP preference over any activity! "



I'm stupefied by this message!
Can you give me an image, a code, to which I can hold on to?



"Find an image with a heart which embraces your planet!"

On Oct. 26, I found this image
On November 04 [!!!] , 2008
I re-found a more fitting image

After the intense experience with Boris at my Salt-Sea I couldn't fall asleep.
At one point at night a tune "circled" in my head, not connected to anything.
It's a little German folks-love-song of which I only know the first two lines:

"Wenn ich frueh in den Garten geh' - in meinem gruenen Hut,
ist mein erster Gedanke - was wohl mein Liebster tut..."

"When I go early into the garden - in my green hat, is my first thought - what may my beloved do?"

[Reading this passage again, I "fear", that "with Boris" might be misunderstood:
"the intense experience" was a "promo" of the fulfillment of my cherished prophecy:

"Then those who see Ha-shem will talk among each other and he listens and he hears",
inserted in 5 languages, together with my tune, above 150 pages of K.i.s.s.-Log 2008]


During the long hours of wakefull-ness new lyrics created themselves,
meant to "distill" all I was summarizing about this "threshold" in my life
 in the presence of the 'sounding-board' which Boris presented for me.

Wenn ich frueh erwachen tu,
aus einem wirren Traum,
ist mein erstes Er-innern:
ich bin ja in Eurem Raum.

Wenn dann die lineare Zeit
mich ziehn will in ihren Bann,
ist mein groesstes Verlangen,
dass ich Euch Partner sein kann.

Nun ist vollbracht meine Lebenszeit,
gab hin mich fuer Mensch und Welt!
Was ich jetzt bin auf Erden
ist das ganze Himmelszelt.

When I use to wake up ,
from a confusing dream,
is my first re-member-ing:
I'm in Your space

Then, when linear time
wants to draw me into its spell,
is my greatest desire
that I may be partners with you.

Now my life-time is complete
I devoted myself to Man and World!
What I am on earth now
is the whole tent of the sky.

[See, where I inserted the song in SongGame! ~~~"Himmel" in German is both: sky and heaven,
"Himmelszelt" - tent of sky - is an often used expression in German poetry and German songs,

-see the sculpture to:"do you know how many stars there are in the blue tent-of-sky?"-
And the TENT, though it is not round, but a triangular pyramid, is a crucial symbol in my life.

It's only now, some 10 hours after the creation of my "heavenly" song,
that I'm searching for info about the original song, and thus discover,
that the original lyrics are even more fitting than I thought,
by the poet Friedrich Rueckert, put in tune by Robert Schumann

Volksliedchen
Wenn ich früh in den Garten geh’
In meinem grünen Hut,
Ist mein erster Gedanke,
Was nun mein Liebster tut?

Am Himmel steht kein Stern,
Den ich dem Freund nicht gönnte.
Mein Herz gäb’ ich ihm gern,
Wenn ich’s heraus tun könnte.

Wenn ich früh in den Garten geh’
In meinem grünen Hut,
Ist mein erster Gedanke,
Was nun mein Liebster tut?

Little Folksong
When I go into the garden early
In my green hat,
My first thought is,
What will my dearest be doing?

There is not a star in the sky,
Which I would not want my friend to have.
I would willingly give him my heart,
If only I could take it out.

When I go into the garden early,
In my green hat,
My first thought is,
What will my dearest be doing?

Love-Thoughts,
[see sheet-music with the lyrics in German and English, and with a sample of the tune,
which I couldn't find elsewhere on the Internet]

I also read an English article: on "Volksliedchen so slight and yet so heartfelt":
"This beautiful little song is a potent illustration of Schumann’s insight into womanly behaviour
...It also shows an innate flair and imagination for situations
which are more full of drama than they first may seem.
The composer is able to flesh out characters beyond the scope of the poem:
he can say in music more than can be said in words....
Volksliedchen - composed probably in 1840 ... is indicative of Schumann’s sensitivity ...
This music could easily have been sung by a Susanna
– someone with feminine allure, but also someone canny and nobody’s fool."

..."The melody is a divine gift", says this author
and I regretted that even the tune - which I sang only in my mind- is not exact.
But since it was this tune in my mind, to which my new lyrics created itself,
I shall sing it like that- as if longing for a completion,
but there will be no other completion
than the one which I think, feel, create, accept, love in this moment

When I searched for a page with free space among the very few still available in SongGame,
I found one with sculptures created in 2007 and 2009, that are greatly enhancing this song:
I breathe and embrace every movement in my feelings,

 

But let me first jump back into linear time - to the 29th of November 2011:
See the beginning of our memory-expedition at the end of "Noah's Shore-4th day Diary"


It was difficult, this creeping through tamarisks, after we had to leave the blocked beach
- though the later stage - see the two pictures of Boris and me above - was much tougher.
The stick of the hoe in Boris' backpack will always remind me of
how and why our plan to do some maintenance on my path to Nakhal Yishai did not manifest.

See about my re-visit to Nakhal Yishai, just recently in "Full-Fill-ment in Godchannel's message" on Nov. 19-23, 2011


That's the spot, where my sweet-water pond was in 2000,

see A verbal-visual requiem to what was my Salt Sea abode from April 1999 to April 2004

How come, there is a tree, where there was none before?
[See a picture in Dec. 2003]
Is it a willow or an Eukalyptus tree or an "Acacia Saligna"?
Of course, it was the latter, the "Invader
" (see on Healing-K.i.s.s.)!

We headed towards the peninsula, which didn't even exist in 2000,
I tried in vain to let my camera catch the tip of it as it cascades deeper and deeper into the Sea,
In 2003 there was just the tip, on which Boris prepares Tehina for us, then perhaps 2 m above the water.

[see many, perhaps too many perspective, in the 2003-2004 library of Noah's Shore]


The pond, which I carved out above a sulphur spring, dried up long ago.
Now waste water-bottles contaminate it.


 

 


The Cave was as clean as it was, when I visited it last year with my German family -
and only the sheet and the 2 candles which I had left in 2004 - are still "upstairs".

 

 


Several times,
while we were sitting in front of the Cave
and Boris was a sounding-board
for my difficult story with my family,
this bird came, sat on the close rock,
right in front of us, saying "Shalom"....
See my own bird-songs, and bird-songs of others

When we left the cave
and walked around the rock
in order to climb up
the very steep path
to the road and the border,
I discerned 2 "things":
one at the sulphur streams

a jeep,
which had done the impertinent:
it had ploughed through
the pretty structure
of the unwieldy, wild area
above the small strip of beach.
I hated the jeep and its driver.
The sight didn't even allow me
to take a photo of the streams
without the car being visible.


The other "thing"
gave me pleasure,
though it is also
a human violation
of nature:
Some of the hooks
which I had fastened
with concrete glue
to the rock of the cave,
for the nylon-curtains against the harsh winds
in those winter-nights,
were still there!
[See Noah's Cave Manual]





What a perspective of Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam in her cave 8 years after she had lived here for 150 days!

It was the perfect place and space and spot for finally sharing with Boris,
what I so much needed to share with someone with the same frequency.
But the sharing took so long, that no time remained for working on the path to Nakhal Yishai, as planned.
We climbed up the badly damaged path, which I had made 8 years ago and about which I told in Noah's Diary,
and then walked back south on the busy, noisy road
(which goes north, through Palestinian land up to Jerusalem...).
I was a bit exhausted and my damaged joint needed much "Paula-awareness" in order to function.
So when we reached the opening in the steep mountain side of the Yishai Waterfall
[see end of Blue-Book page 1],
Boris suggested to leave me there with our backpacks and the redundant hoe and to run and fetch the car.
It was becoming dark, but seeing the pretty crescent moon above the rocky spikes around the dry waterfall,
I took a picture.
It's bad and not worthy to be saved, but somehow I associated it to the saga of God's/our "Original Cause" ,
and that's where I inserted it.:

The violet, second RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1986]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the UNSEEN ROLE of DENIAL
Dedicated to the Mother of Everything
The purple, third RUOW book [channeled by Ceanne de Rohan in 1987]:
ORIGINAL CAUSE, the REFLECTION LOST WILL HAS to GIVE
Dedicated to Red in all its Manifestations

So why did my so pretty plan to co-repair my Yishai-path not materialize?
The answer came, when we sat opposite each other in the Aroma-Café,
to which Boris - a life-guard in one of the SaltSea hotels - brought us.
He was still capable of listening and responding to my great question:
"After  1+24+24+24 years of parenting - w h a t   a m   I   t o   b e   n o w ?"

It was then - after I had requested Boris to listen inside -
that he blurted the words:
"khugi-lakh" instead of "lekhi-lakh"

I was stunned and then exhilarated, even exuberant!
Though this year I made even 2 songs about "lekh-lekha/lekhi-lakh"
Qumi lakh....[get up!] and anah dodi ve-amar li: Qumi lakh ... u-lekhi-lakh" [my lover said to me: get up and go to yourself...]
I knew, that this time there was no new
lekhi-lakh demand from me [but see at the end of this page!].
Having pondered the expressions "spherical time" or "spherical experience",
sphere meaning circle in Greek,
"khugi" together with the "lakhi" (to yourself) reverberated in me strongly.
I still can't sculpt in mental words, what it means to live the khugi-lakh.
But I'm getting more and more new and old messages on this website
like on this very page with Archangel Michael's message

( in copying "Original Cause" I just read about the emergence of the Archangels in the violet book p. 49)
which points to the threshold between linear and holographic experience.

see the passage above all 64 pages of Masterchef 2011 in SongGame 2007:
I, Christa-Rachel, Immanuel's mother,
have been healing, learning and creating
through "Healing-K.i.s.s." since 10 years.
That it was erased on..... Christmas 2008

was a sign: "no longer create new pages!
but add new creations to existing pages!
[up to maximum 1300 KB size per page]"

The purpose was revealed only N O W:
Humankind   is   p a s s i n g   from
linear time   and   separateness
to spherical 'time' and ONEness!
See my recent work on

"Lovolution
and
Spherical Time"


and see Aluna Joy's Newsletter "Manifesting in a New World"
inserted in "Heaven-to-Earth-promo" on Oct. 12, 2011,

"We are moving from manifesting in linear time
to manifesting in spherical time.
This affects the way we live and the way we create.
We are learning to create spherically, from multiple directions...
...
This is the beginning stage of us manifesting
spherically and multi-dimensionally.
This takes multitasking to an entirely new and higher frequency


And then at one point I suddenly knew, why Boris had carried that hoe in vain:
"I am no longer to make pathes, neither in the desert nor anywhere else!"

I had had this insight 4 days before, on Shabbat, when I left the house
and tried to find the shortest way through "civilization" to the desert.
Why now after 7 years of having lived in the "Almond Neighborhood?"

Since I'll no longer travel regularly to Shoham, I am free for my desert.
I reached "space" and thought, that I should once again make a path,
but this time not leave it as I had to leave all the former pathes,
be they around Succah in the Desert, or around Modi'in,
or around the Salt Sea, or around the Cave of the Womb.

And then, suddenly, the insight:
On the threshold of my new being - between linear and holographic experience,
I must not only "not work", "not be active", "not manifest in the material world",
I also must not create or even look for ~~ a path to make walking "convenient"!
I must walk among the stones, the rubble, the rocks and shrubs of the desert,
moment by moment groping for the next step towards a goal, if I'll have a goal.
And even if the goal -let's say, the farest mountain on the horizon- should be always the same,
the path, which my feet choose, will never be the same,
The "things" that I'll view, especially those closest to my steps, will always vary!

And as to the path to Nakhal Yishai:
On our walk along the Sea towards the Peninsula - just opposite that Acacia Saligna
(s. above),
we could watch Yishai from a perspective, which I didn't have, when I went there 10 days ago.
I rejoice in two magnificent photos!
I'm inserting them on the page, with the Blue-Violet-Purple RUOW books, on which there are already some NakhalYishai photos of 2000.

 

Arad, Friday, December 2, 2011

During several stages of waking-up I always experienced what the khugi-lakh song says:
"When I wake up from a confusing dream,
is my first re-member-ing: I'm in Your space"

always getting stuck with the last line, "ich bin das ganze Himmelszelt",
the metaphor - so unfitting in the Hebrew or English language - of "the tent of sky/heaven",
which we discussed so vehemently last night, Boris and I, in contrast to the pyramidal tent.
And then, suddenly, I heard:

"It's what you wrote on this page and ever so often before:
Feel all you feel - feel, accept, move all you feel - in every moment - that is life,
like in your song
- "for all my joy is in my very feeling"
and that is being "das ganze Himmelszelt", the whole tent of sky/heaven,
that's the - present - full-fill-ment of healing creation into wholeness".


And now, when I'm sitting at the computer the second time - for the first time it crushed right when it opened! -
I'm seeing what "Abraham" said 15 years ago ,perhaps the oldest quote I ever came across, and I'm stunned!

"Abraham" (October 17 1996), e-mail quote on December2, 2011


The main event has  n e v e r  been  t h e   m a n i f e s t a t i o n ;

the main event has always been the way you feel moment by moment,

because that's what life is.

Enya's English-Irish song rings in my head: "Oh! How far you are from home!"



May it be, an evening star

Shines down upon you

May it be when darkness falls

Your heart will be true

You walk a lonely road

Oh! How far you are from home

 

 

And yet, only a second of re-member-ing is needed "to be in YOUR room"


Must I let go of the metaphor of the Pyramidal Tent, the geometrical Tetraheder, because it is too much 'spirit'?
For me it symbolizes the oneness of the four aspects of Deity = Spirit~Will~Heart~Body
see pp39 Deity and Manifestation,
"You and your peers are capable of embodying Spirit and Will in ecstatic union as New Heart in Body!"
And isn't Abraham's statement of 1996 just the opposite of the Archangel's message on this page,
"only through your creations will you know yourself"?
but

[and this is what I hear now:]
"you already know yourself!
your aim is healing the Mother, healing the Will, healing Lost Will,
and as you learnt already, it cannot be done by manifestations in the exterior world,
but neither can it be done by any other "means" .
It can happen, it can "come about" only by feeling from moment to moment,
by breathing, moving, sounding and - hugging, embracing, wombing what you feel in every moment.
Even your cherished situation of doing your work of Healing and Creating via computer and Internet
is a situation in which not the doing-creating is important, but what you feel from moment to moment.

Again - it's not "doing the work", which heals, even though it brings you zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment,
it's breathing and hugging the feeling while you work, breathing and hugging from moment to moment.

khugi lakh
If you spell it in the popular transcription-
hugi lach -
it will remind you of the English "
hug!"=embrace and the German "lach!" = laugh!"
When you hug someone, it's a movement of encircling,

therefore:   h u g i - l a c h ,   hug and laugh your feeling.

It's true: "the time you take to just be with your creations - is the time you spend in the eternal love of source!"
But for me, Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam at present, it might be more vital to sing the stanza created by me:
the time you take to just be with your  f e e l i n g s - is the time you spend in the eternal love of source!



Unlike in puzzle-piece 39: Deity and Manifestation, where these 2 images appeared in 2002 separatedly,
I'm now contrasting the concept of the four-fold 'God' - symbolized in the tetraheder or triangular pyramid
with the fluffy round female shapes of Dita's painting - which for me symbolize "Feeling from Moment to Moment"

"A thought, for instance,
has very little 'substance' or 'weight',
and is quite ethereal compared to a feeling,
which is generally a much slower moving
and more substantial experience.

...
"It's the Mother who 'holds the whole world in her hands."'
[quoted in pp39b, from Truth & Reality Class III-Introduction to Manifestation]


I now took away the five model tents from the veranda, the sixth had already been blown away by the wind.
[See the excellent sculpture on top of K.i.s.s.-Log 2008_06_23- how at one time all the six had fallen from my backpack unnoticed,
when I wanted to bring them to Yahia & Samira as a reminder of my dream for them to become pioneers of my desert-hosting-vision,
yet some months later, when I walked down from Rakhaf the same trail with Rotem, she discerned them on the ground, hardly damaged!]

and except for one sample I threw them into the garbage - with strong intention.
The sample I stuffed into a drawer together with the bigger model of an open tent.
There might come a time, after all, where the planned round pond on Noah's shore
surrounded by six pyramidal tents for "Training Dreamers" will still be manifested.
[See Noah's Vision-The Future]

The model tent served as a coat for the 'Ark', which now stands naked next to the loo,
[see on one of the new photos, intermingled with the photos of 2005, which I took after I "settled" at Arad]
This raft of glass, too, is a triangular pyramid, but at its bottom there is a round pond,
where the "Training Dreamers" are meant to bath in sweet water above the Salty Sea.
I quote from "Noah's Ark"- (see different perspectives of the "ark" there)
"Sunk into the bottom of the ark will be a pool of glass,
nourished by flowing, purified Jordan water and round,
thus uniting the "male" human-made tetraeder structure,
with the "female" nature-made water flow."

I understand now, why during a terrible storm one of the pyramid's flanks was broken
while the model was placed outside Noah's cave, and why it's only awkwardly repaired.
[today, "by chance", I discovered an image, where raft and tent are placed separately next to each other in front of the Cave!]

I feel obsessed with the wish, to change the linear forms in my room into round forms.
I now understand, why my landlady gave me her round carpet, a year ago [see January 20, 2011].
It's the center of my one room flat ,
but there are still the two rugs,
one woven by the mother of Walid, the best Bedouin friend of Succah in the Desert in 1994
and the other found on the road by one of the starchildren.
Both have patterns of triangles.
I need these rugs, and in discerning the triangles I'll think of the roundness of my hugging.

How is all this connected to the metaphor of the biblical Henoch,
which Boris, now and then my pupil in Bible, associated to my groping for "hugi"?
I mentioned Henoch in puzzle-piece 27 Movement of Lost Will >2001/11/19:

"Among the ten patriarchs from Adam to Noah,
who all lived up to 900 years and then died,
there was one, Henoch, about whom
the usually so minimalistic text says twice:

"Henoch walked to and fro with God",
and a second time - after 365 years,
hinting at one whole circle of the sun -

"Henoch walked to and fro with God
and he was no more, because God had taken him."

Genesis 5,21-24

"It's just like the present God says:
If you have no denial,
if you have all your parts with you,
if you are whole,
you don't need to die.

"I understand this "walking to and fro with God",
as balancing between plus and minus, good and bad.
Never in the Torah (= guidance = the 5 book of Moses)
is there a command:
"Be good", or "Be a good person".

"The command to the 99 year old Abraham is:
Walk to-and-fro before me and be whole.
Genesis 17,1
"Abraham, the individual, represents Israel, the collective.
Therefore the command to Israel is:
Whole shall you be with YHWH, your God
Deuteronomy 18,13

"What does it mean to be whole with God?
What about God's own wholeness?
This is put in a nutshell
in the only other context in the Torah,
where 'tamim' is applied to non-animals:

"The rock - whole is his doing
... I am I ...
I kill and I make alive, I smite and I heal"

Deuteronomy 32,4.39

 

I'm re-reading the dialog in
pp39b-The Process of Manifestation
between me and the Mother --- on April 2, 2002

...

"You say, Mother, that "moving emotions" is not enough???"

"It's not enough.
As long as you see only the need for personal movement,
but don't understand the laws that govern the process of manifestation,
people will stay stuck
just like Deity, before we learnt through experience."

"But this metaphysical dimension cannot be grasped,
neither when it's unfolded in a linear, abstract, rational way,
nor when it's disguised in mythical stories.
Not even I can grasp it, with all my training in scientific thinking
and all my living in "live" neighborhood with the Biblical images."

"I am the Mother,
and my way is not linear
but you and I have to open up
and translate Spirit's understanding and communicating
into our own way of understanding and communicating.
A mediator
is needed between Spirit 's language and Will's language,
and that is YOU.
And if this overfloods you with imprints like "I can't do it"
and Body's tiredness and renewed pain in your back,
then this is part of your process of mediating.
Let me hug you all the time while you cope with this
and take as many rests as you need to, for soul, mind and body."

Thank you, Mother.
I know what I'll do.
I'll dive deeper into the
Truth and Reality Class III,
called:
INTRODUCTION TO MANIFESTATION

and analyze it sentence by sentence,
like I would have done in the old days.
How will you feel with such intellectualizing?

"Go ahead, until you find a better method to learn this info."

Still on December 2, 2011

I opened the lekh-lekhâ page and understood the addition "lekhâ" in an expanded way:

The water that goes out through rivers eventually will meet the Sea,
and what evaporates there - as before on the way towards the Sea -
will eventually go back and up to the clouds and then rain down again.
If the water stays put and become a swamp, i.e. intermingles with the soil,
it can do nothing, neither fertilize the soil nor return to the One Water of the Earth.
Therefore:
The "going-out of Water" is a metaphor for
lekh-lekhâ also,
because this going out is at the same time a coming back,
it's an analogy also for a round movement, for "khugi-lakh".
The so widely used term "recycling" gets a deeper meaning.

Just before this insight - I had read in the Wikipedia article about Helen Keller,
that at the age of 8, when Anne Sullivan came into her life, she was frustrated,
when Anne wrote "d - o - l - l " into the palm of her hand, while she had a doll in her arm,
"she did not understand   that   each   object   is   i d e n t i f i e d   b y  a  w o r d,"
but Helen's breakthrough came a month later,
when Anne wrote w-a-t-e-r in Helen's one hand, while spilling water over her other hand! ]


Excerpts from a page with "feeling-songs" 2007-2009

2009_06_20

Inhale God! Exhale Love! - Toward what You Feel NOW!

A dialogue in Godchannel.com


'God, how can I stay better connected with you?'

"From my side, we are already quite well connected,
so nothing more is needed here.
It is your awareness of it you want to improve
and I will show you an easy way to remember
and strengthen our connection.

"When you breathe in, say to yourself,
'Breathing in God.'
When you exhale say,
'Breathing out Love.'


"This is good practice before and after any other activity.
You have my promise
I'll be here with you when you do this.
Although you'll need no sign that I am here,
if you look for one you'll find it every time.
This I promise as well.

"As you ask me to inspire you on the inhale,
you can imagine my smile
and feel the Love we have together.
As you exhale
you can see my Love pouring out of you
toward whatever you wish;
your work, another person, all of Creation.
As you practice this
you can feel more and more
as    I    feel           as    I    am    loving."

So far I did not REALLY apply the message above:
Inhale God! Exhale Love! - Toward what You Feel NOW!
With all the "total self-acceptance" , I have learnt over the last 20 years,
and despite my wonderful "Feeling-Songs" like the one on this page:

"I breathe and enjoy every movement in my feeling",
or another song (only in Hebrew)
"I breathe sound, color, shape with all my feeling..."
I still tend to fall into depression and/or deep grief about human suffering,
and not even remember the first! and middle! and last way! to cope with it:

Inhaling GOD and exhaling LOVE to whatever I feel in the present moment!

This morning I did just this in order to recover from a "time-pressure-dream",
from which I woke up with my head exploding and my breath paralyzed...
......Remembering, how Yaacov had reminded me some days ago,
that inhaling can be prolonged ~~~ more and ~~~ more and ~~~more ...
and that the same is true, of course, for exhaling ~~~ more ~~~and more,
I understand, that even if my mind's sincere intention tells me:

"Inhale God! Exhale Love! - Toward what You Feel NOW!"
I might not be able to really   "f e e l"    this.
"Thinking" that command - might soon become mechanic and automatic.

Therefore, what I have to do, and this is ALL I have to do,
is - together with my mind's intention - ask my Body
to P~R~O~L~O~N~G and extend and expand the inhale,
UNTIL ~ I~ FEEL ~ that ~ I ~ AM ~ ONE ~ WITH ~ "GOD"





and then ~~ prolong and extend ~~and expand the exhale,
UNTIL ~ I ~ LET ~ MY~ FEELING ~ FEEL ~ MY=GOD'S LOVE

I ~ Inhale ~ God! I ~ Exhale ~ Love!
Toward ~ what ~ I ~ Feel ~NOW!


2009_06_21


I am having plenty of opportunities - sometimes together with Yaacov via phone or skype -
to practice
"INHALE GOD - EXHALE LOVE !
LOVE TO THIS PRESENT FEELING !",

whenever I feel a dis-agreeable feeling,
i.e. a feeling to which I do not naturally agree with,
a feeling, which I would prefer to dis-own,
a feeling which has to be brought home,
home into my womb,
home into my own,
home into my love.


This in truth is 'Unconditional Love', and everything else, which will anchor Heaven on Earth, will follow from this.

2009_06_30;

My Deeper Self or whoever ~~~~~ has been staging "challenging" situations and interactions,
in which I could apply what I learnt: "I inhale God and I exhale Love to whatever I feel."

First:
There is now this 4th stanza to this song of December 2007 ---- about the same quest:

to find full-fill-ment in feeling , Er-fuellung im Fuehlen,
by breathing the Love of my Oneness into whatever I feel.        See above

Second:
The LOVE of my ONE-ness needs to be breathed-
not only into feelings with which I tend to dis-agree,
and which have to be brought home into agreement,
home into my "womb",
where there is total acceptance and no judgment.

The LOVE of my ONE-ness needs to be breathed
just as much into each and every feeling of grate-full-ness!
Whatever or whoever arouses my grate-full-ness in this moment,
will bloom and flourish further - because of the breath of my love.
This will multiply "the stars and the flowers" of Heaven-on-Earth!


2009_07_01


"fuehlen fuellt mich", "feeling fills me", - what a mystical pun in both languages!
completed by the pun in Hebrew: "rig'ee be-rigshee - my feeling in my moment"!

2009_07_02

I resist the temptation to take pictures and insert them as in previous years.
I want this page to contain as much of my on-going understanding about
Inhale God and Exhale Love to all the feelings you feel in this moment!


Tonight I re-discovered, that the "Inhale God-Exhale Love",
love to whatever I feel - [or sense in my pressured bladder]
naturally extends to the actors in my drama and their issues,
as to people on this planet, terrified by Child Pornography.

The feelings in each Inhale~~Exhale are perhaps not as many,
as the one septillion activities going on in Body simultaneously,
but - if embraced- they let me become aware of what I LIVE.
And in becoming aware of what I feel, I become ~ full-filled!


2009_07_11

"These, yes !!! these, these pale feelings
of 'lack of zest' & 'lack of full-fill-ment'
are crying out now as ~"The Mother"!
are crying out for Unconditional Love!
"

2009_08_10

end of excerpts

 

 


Arad, Sunday, December 4, 2011
The meeting with seven Starchildren came just in time :
see in ARARAT-HEART>family
- second part: Another Family

 

 


Arad,
Tuesday, December 6, 2011

I feel whole, - what a statement! but that's how I feel: WHOLE.
And yet there are 3 general issues concerning all humans,
which I cannot understand and they cause me grief,
especially since the 2nd and 3rd issue are never discussed anywhere:

a) Sexual abuse of children:
I believe to know the root of violence and war,
but I can't see the root of abuse, and therefore don't know how to cope with it.

b) the disproportion between
what people (I, you, we) want to give from what they create
and the capability of people (I, you, we) to receive this (Cain)

c) the issue of shamayim versus shi'amum (Heaven versusBoredom)
I just heard someone on TV talk about longevity or living for ever
and he spelt it out: "I think I wouldn't be able to bear the boredom."
And the sentence which I already quoted somewhere:

"How would I   e n t e r t a i n    myself?"
said God-Spirit in the beginning of his awakening into consciousness.

I feel whole, but only, because I'm able
to again and again inhale God and exhale love
to my incessant pain concerning my family.
Most of the pain is ~~ doubt and even guilt,
that I might be wrong after all in my knowing,

that I must not be tempted this time and do what my son asked me to do:
to apologize for what I wrote and then come and visit Mika, in his presence,
and not demand from Mika's mother to relate to me in any way.

Whenever the doubt comes up, I check again,
and I always reach the same conclusion:
It's me who must be adamant this time.
Whenever guilt comes up,
I remember my song about the Lord's Servant:

im tasim asham nafsho -
yes my soul is taking-up GUILT,
yes I am not righteous, because I cannot avoid the suffering of people,
be they my family or be it every 4 seconds a child who dies of hunger.
I long to be "righteous", and to be recognized for the fact,
that it was nothing but my immense caring, which let me write those letters,
They resulted in the ostacision by my daughter-in-love and by my daughter,
and now perhaps also in the anger of my son.

He did not fulfill my cautious quest to repair the flaw of my website
- no synchronization between local and remote site since Nov. 24-
I had reminded him in a letter, which I wrote to Mika [see below].
Even our agreement, that he would let Mika call me is not kept up.


To feel "not right" - could there be something more painful for Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam?
And yet, I can bear it and I do not deny, do not run away, do not judge myself or anyone else,
I accept my pain, doubt, guilt, breathe-move-sound it - ever so often during the hours of day and night.

Later:

No - that is not enough: Every time I'll feel pain that is connected to a person,
I'll exhale my love to her - wishing her to find her path and - her Creator Self,
so there will be an end to victimhood and a beginning of self-acceptance

 

These lines I wrote after having seen a fantastic movie:
"Almost like Heaven"- Germany 2005 [English reviews]
in which John Denver's "Take me home" in a Reggae Cover
is song by the blue-eyed German country-girl Helen

[see the only video, in bad quality]

 

together with a very dark-skinned Jamaican musician and her Jamaican enemy>friend Rosi.
the obvious theme of the drama is-
you plan one thing [a performance in Nashville], but your happiness lies somewhere else [Jamaica]
and it's by horrid mishaps, that you have to be forced to discover your true vocation.
What oozes through "by the way" is the oneness and cross-ferilization of
a) music (Country and Reggae),
b) races and nations - even an immigrant from Russia plays a role
c) "good people and bad people"
Rosi's little daughter to her mother:

"My teacher says, that those who are making life difficult for others, are very sad inside."
Rosi:
"
What nonsense, what does your teacher understand", and she walks out to keep on denying.
But the almost imperceptible way she changes
and makes up for the bad things she had caused both - Helen and the Jamaican musician -
lets her touch her own softness, and tears run down her cheeks
when the incurably-sick Helen finally does get to sing for people,
her dream,
"so that I know that something of me remained on earth".
[I detected another song, which I like. It, too, changes the Virginia-Country-Song into: Take me home to Jamaica"



Two days later I "by error" zapped into the movie "BABEL" , at a time - 11 PM - when I rarely watch TV,
I felt attracted by the info, that
"the film portrays multiple stories taking place in Morocco, Japan, Mexico, USA
During the scenes in Tokio I thought
"what a Babel!" not aware, that this was the very title of the movie.
Though the mishaps of "Almost like Heaven" are miniscule compared to the horrid 'mishaps' in "Babel",
the theme or message is the same:
"human   connectivity, and  the  inherent   incalculable   causality   of   individual   actions"

 

 

 



Arad,
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Yesterday I told about the German movie "Almost Heaven" with tears in my eyes.

What I am led to see today  also brings up tears of joy:
a project - which was started in 2001 by an artist, who couldn't find a stage, so he created improvised stages
and included many actors, men, women, children, with the conspicuous name
http://improveverywhere.com/
"'Improv Everywhere' is a New York City-based prank collective that causes scenes of chaos and joy in public places.
Created 2001 by Charlie Todd, 'Improv Everywhere' has executed over 100 missions involving thousands of undercover agents.
"
Video: You are never too old to sit on Santa's lap    [info via websites which I celebrate:  thegoodnews.co.il    and    TED - ideas worth spreading ]



Arad, Thursday, December 8, 2011

And in the evening - f i n a lly - though I was scared - Mika's phone-call.
Even after 32 minutes she didn't want to part, but she had to go to bed.
Her first sentence:
"I said to Abba and to Imma, that when you come,
we'll make a fruit-salad together as we once did!"
"Did we?"
"Yes, I and you made fruit-salad
!"
"That must have been a long time ago".
"Yes, when I was three!"
"Where did we eat it, on our little table?"
"Yes, on the little table in your room!"

Later she said, that there was no longer "your" room.
"It has become the room of creation, khaeder yetzirah",
meaning a room wholly dedicated to Mika's artwork.

"It's many days that you haven't come!"
We counted the days: "yes 38 days!"

I was led to give the exact explanation,
why it would be in my home in A r a d,
where we would make this fruit-salad:

more about the last meeting with Mika on Oct. 29, 2011 in:

En-JOY-ing and growing with Mika and my Family
following the documentation "Mika's Heaven on Earth", inserted since Song Game 2007_01_01


"Abraham" (1998)
e-mail quote on October 25, 2011


.....know that the way
you   F E E L

is your indicator

of how connected
you are

to Source .....

I'm yearning for you
I'm thirsty for you
you are loved by me
you are precious to me
come embrace me
in your womb
you're my Shekhina-my God

tune on SongSame 2007_05_12

I came across this sculpture,
(see why it is connected to Mika
on Oct. 16-19, 2011)
and wondered about the coincidence
with yesterday's "Music-School" songs
Shai (13) dedicated her song to "God with whom I talk!"
just like Mika would have said or will say at that age.
"be-tokh" - "Within" is the name of this love-song.
"ani tova'at be-dmutcha - I drown in your image"

Thank you!
Such a burden fell off my heart!
Between Mika and Me it is clear now,
that - whatever the pretext for my absence -
a new time-period has begun for the two of us.
May the Israeli-Philippine Kathleen in 'School of Music'
with Ehud Manor's song "Halevai"-"I wish" accompany us
[Listen to my own singing on the last of the Mika pages]

I wish that from a cloud a bow will descend upon us,
I wish that there will be a remedy for the world

I wish that we'll not ache and that we'll love each other
I wish that the gates of
Paradise will open again
I wish that East and West will merge
I wish that we'll
renew our days as of old


I wish
that
nation shall not lift up sword against nation
I wish that we'll not desert the way of hope
I wish that Man will be compassionate till evening
I wish that there will b
e one chance for love

I wish that we'll not ache and that we'll love each other
I wish that the gates of
Paradise will open again
I wish that East and West will merge
I wish that we'll
renew our days as of old


I wish that we'll not ache and that we'll love each other
I wish that the gates of
Paradise will open again
I wish that East and West will merge
I wish that we'll
renew our days as of old

 

Arad, Friday-Sunday, December 9-11, 2011

I'm exerting utmost discipline to not add new sculptures to the next Nourishment-page as long as possible.
And I downsize the images on this page again and again - so as not to transgress the max. limit of 1300 kb!

On December 9 it was the 40th day of my separation from Shoham. a "lekhi-lakh" after all, as I grasp now!

I was granted the most intense weekend of "az nidberu" with Lior - on Shabbat-Eve even together with Boris.
As glad as I was with the 7 starchildren on Dec. 4, as nourished/nourishing I felt in the intimacy with these 2!
I accept it now, that after such intensity,  BODY  needs about 2 hours of intense breathing-moving-sounding,
in this case not when I wanted to fall asleep (around 11 PM), but after some hours sleep in the middle of the night.

I wonder:
If my dream is
az nidberu and co-learning and co-creation with peers,
why am I not capable of experiencing this every day, even every week or month?
Why is it, that I still need so much time and space of being al-one in my sanctuary?


Arad, Monday, December 12, 2011
[this was the date, on which the drama at Shoham began last year]

During at least 3 nightly hours my thoughts and feelings whirled around imagining
how to keep my physical involvment in Mika's imminent 6th birthday to a minimum,
but still use the opportunity to radiate the wholeness of my lekhi-lakh to my family,
the lekhi-lakh from almost 5 years of living alone and living with Mika and her mother.
I deeply desire that my daughter-in-love as well as my son can feel whole - just like me,
with the "staging" of the events which forced all of us into this  lekh-lekhâ / lekhi-lakh

At one point I remembered, that Lior and I had gone out to watch the eclipse of the moon,
about which I'd learnt a week ago, and was reminded of by Moshe's SMS four min. before.
Lior then shared with me, how it came to be, that recently she felt in love with the moon...
This was the second eclipse this year, while the next eclipse will be only in 2015 (2018?),
and we both wondered about the meaning of this event in the context of our present life.
I told her, how my job as an assistant of 2 professors in the Institutum Judaicum at Tuebingen from August till Dec. 1964
was to prepare the translation of Josef Flavius' "De Bello Judaico" from Greek to German, which they had begun editing,
and that the main lengthy passage had to do with the signs, which people at the time of the Destruction of the year 70 AD
saw in those astronomic events like eclipses of sun and moon.


By chance I came across the sun-eclipse of August 1, 2008....and my intense work on the "sun-eclipse-trigger"

From K.i.s.s.-Log 2008_08_07 - rephrased in K.i.s.s.-Log 2008_08_08 and in K.i.s.s.-Log 2008_08_09
L-M-KH
I  want  to  invent  this  new  root  and give  it  the  meaning:
- to identify  and  accept   that  a  person is   triggered   by  me,

- to absorb the arrows of blame from a person triggered by me,
- to "shoot" back rays of loving light without words, which say:

may you become parental to the hole in your wholeness
and find the way to move, understand, accept and heal it.

 

"Everything is open,
it's not yet too late,
the mood will improve tomorrow,
It can be, It is possible -
as   long   as  w e   here   s i n g "
Two Hebrew songs, which I've been learning during the last days,
keep floating in my head:
"Më-Nahar - River-Waters"        and              "Halevai - I wish".
How much do I identify with the chorus in a hit of the late Naomi Shemer
(which one of the kids sang in the last TV show of "The School of Music")

 

A Haiku by Andy [Andreas Lintz]
who walked with Lior and me within the Walk about Love in 2009,


Jumping off a cliff,
not stopped by hesitation,
free from doubt and fear.

The mountain river
becoming a peaceful stream
bound for the ocean.



No more new pathes, and yet:
"Thousands of Pathes"
I'm working on imitating my daughter's embroidery of this song on the cover of my Hebrew Bible,
which she made in August 1985 ,
on the cover for the Koren-edition of the Hebrew Bible, which I let Lior buy for Mika in Jerusalem.
I came across the path made by me and part of the starchildren in 2005, including starchild Hathra


 

Arad, Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The end of the World Clima Conference in Durban, South-Africa,
I hear the frustration of many, but I celebrate the great step forward:
190 nations are ready to agree on taking steps that will save our planet.
Even the superpowers China and the US have promised to join in by 2015.
[But at the end of this day the world is informed of Canada's retreat from the agreement...]

Every few days "Facebook" reminds me of messages on the pages of "friends".
This time I really did open - one of them - by chance: a former partner, Liri,
and her strong recommendation of a video by TED ("ideas worth spreading").
the Barefoot-School - How to learn from analphabeths, from women, from grandmothers.

I am delighted
"You are certified by the community you serve, you don't need a certificate to hang on the wall"
"You don't have to look for solutions outside, listen to people, they have the solutions in front of you"

Oh, I would like to quote so much and comment on so much and say what I've always known,
but it's all spelt out - and with much humor - by Bunker Roy in front of the TED community.

And as to TED - Becoming a global citizen by having a global perspective -
there are many videos, which I'd like to watch and convert into slow-motion,
and CELEBRATE WHAT IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD
but MY daily task is Healing Feelings into Full-Filling.



I put "Liri" in my "search"
and came up with "How I've been learning to live", on March 11, 2010
the last entry of this thread, and this beneath a Godchannel chapter "Bringing Heaven to Earth".
in which I phrased, what was the result of a 3 hours talk with Ya'acov:
HOW  WILL  HEALING  FEELING  beget FULL-FILLING


I re-read the chapter
"Bringing Heaven to Earth"
and I've tears in my eyes...



The next day, December 14, 2011, I'm granted
(praised, celebrated by"YOUTUBE" and "GoodNews"!!!)
to see a doc of 1 hour and 35 minutes: LIFE IN A DAY ,
about  One  Day  in Life  on Planet Earth (July 24, 2010),
composed of 4500 hours of foutage from amateur videos
in which thousands of people around the world
photographed one scene in their lives.
http://www.youtube.com/lifeinaday

 

 

Arad, Thursday-Friday, December 15-16, 2011

Spaceweather.com tells,
that today a comet dives, yes plunges straight into the sun,

"the brightest sungrazing comet that SOHO has ever seen,"
Discovered on Dec. 2nd by amateur astronomer Terry   L o v e j o y    of Australia,
the comet is an unusually large member of the   K r e u t z   family.
Kreutz sungrazers are fragments of a single giant comet (probably the Great Comet of 1106)
that broke apart back in the 12th century.
SOHO sees one plunging into the sun every few days, but most are no more than 10 m wide.
C o m e t    L o v e j o y   is at least ten times larger than usual."

I feel the great love I have for my children, and especially for Mika's mother,
but my joy is marred by my "Kreuz" [=cross, a popular German metaphor for "pain"],
the nearer I come to a date, which urges me to initiate a precarious action:
December 20, Mika's birthday, and my plan to meet her in her noon-school.
 I  was  led  to a text by Gitta [Speaking to Angels]– Jan. 1992, which I copied on May 1, 2011.

But what, if I don't succeed in
"lowering the intensity of my light [according to God's info, "light" is understanding!]
to the degree which can be assimilated by the one"
whom I want to help?
Doesn't "help" - in my present - mean mostly and mainly and beyond and above every other help,
to EMPOWER my daughter-in-love?
So she can love herself and free herself from victimhood and find zest-full-ness and full-fill-ment?

It was during my "partner"ship with Hagai Lev on Rakhaf
[see about Hagai on top of this page],
that this pathetic, tragic, paradoxical "task" of mine tortured me more than ever before,
though my entire marriage was signified by the same torturous experience:
"This man suffers terribly, Rachel! He feels invalidated by your very presence".
There was no mutual dependency of family or romance or even friendship between me and Hagai,
that's why I could part after months of trying in vain to empower him and make him love himself,
while my very being caused the opposite, as we discussed together openly.
But with my daughter-in-love it's again the mutual dependency of family
and of almost five years of dedication, which not only was asked for
(not initiated by me, on the contrary I tried to retreat several times)
but on the whole received, even with expressions of gratitude.

And now, all my love, all my dedication, all my so carefully
"transmitted" empowerment
has been drowned and destroyed by 3 letters to her and a letter to her husband, my son.
I initiated these letters, because I felt urged to help them in what they had "staged",
and that this caring demanded from me to show some things on the level of the mind.
Of course, if I would have been allowed to be close enough - physically and emotionally-
I would not have written anything, nor said anything, I would have embraced and hugged.
I would have listened for a long, long time.
I was aware, very much aware of Spirit's warning,
"
Give the Mother only what she asks"...puzzle piece 35, Following Will's Lead
but what could I have done from far away, if I wanted to
transmit my light?
Or at least , if I wanted to transmit - that I cared?
For I've learnt that the proverb "if in doubt, leave it out", does not pertain to such situations.
It is better that a person is hurt by what I say than by the fact that I don't say anything!!!!!!

Furthermore, I was shown ever so often
- whenever the stinging pain has come up during the last 45 days,
that it was "staged" by the "Higher Selves" of all three of us, as a bomb
that would shatter our perhaps "fake" togetherness,
so that I would be forced to make my "
lekhi-lakh".
"Fake"? - How did this term enter my thinking/feeling?


"Fake" - because your daughter-in-love did not really grow with you.
Worse, - like your husband and so many other people in your life -
she could not really grow     b e c a u s e    o f     y o u !"

But why then did she, as all the people before, attract me into her life?

"You are a mirror! You are reminding them of themselves,
just as your - now also retreated - friend Yanina told you 30 years ago!"

But what is the use of being a reminder for them,
if they not only don't learn to live up to themselves,
but hate themselves even more, because they don't?

"You were just reading in that Angels-Gitta-dialog,
"We cannot help you, we can only warn you".
And you're reading that also in the Violet Book
[e.g. page 68]:
God healed his Lost Will,
which is the first condition for you healing yours.
But he cannot help the manifested spirits to speed up their own healing!"
[this verb "speed up" reminds me of Nancy, one of my supporters,
when I learnt Co-counseling and we had mutual sessions once a week,
Nancy, much younger than I, but more experienced in RC, screamed:
"You speed me up, you speed me up!"
And it was the same with each and every teacher, who helped me live:
Their delight in "such a great pupil" always turned into resentment,
because my fast progress made them feel that they stayed behind,
and this feeling, of course, was the opposite of loving themselves.]

In coping with a "Kreuz", a pain, of which no one else seems to be aware,
I feel alone and deserted by God and Man - ["poor me"...]

(see next page of Nourishment: How to hold ALONEness in balance with FULLness)

"When the help you want to give, cannot be received by the other at this time,
you must feel & breathe it, that HELP and FREEDOM are often contradictory.
What you CAN do, is vibrating your Love, your desire to help NON-VERBally:
Just like
"Spirit and Will, United in Heart, manifested in Body" do right now."

Do I understand correctly, that this would be the broadest application of
"Walking humbly with your God"? [see on Nov. 10, 2011- Yehoyada]

Exactly.

Close to midnight I got up from bed, opened the computer,
enwrapped in my blanket, put on the little electric heater,
and - asking for the highest inspiration- started to sculpt:



Friday, December 16, 2011, 0:00 -1:30 am

Summary of 7 Weeks of Work With Myself







This is a doc in "Word" which they may read or not.
I also phrased the draft of an e-mail,
in which I shared my plan for the 20th of December,
the date of Mika's sixth birthday






After all this I returned to my bed, but couldn't sleep,
though now I felt that my JOY had come back to me.
At some point I blindly opened
"Speaking with Angels".


What a message revealed itself to me on p. 226!!! Friday, January 21, 1944


"The only task of the animal is: itself.
It rejoices in what is its own;
its air ~~~its food~~~ its young
If it is healthy, then it rejoices in all of these.
It lives in a circle known as: itself.
It perceives only what is within the circle.


Human measure is exactly the opposite:
Your joy is what you radiate out of the circle.
Thus your joy is immeasurable.

The animal is hungry and eats until it is full~~~
until it has enough.




The human is fulfilled
and radiates beyond itself~~~
and that is never enough.
Thus, human joy is immeasurable.

That is the mystery of eternal life".

Outside the village bell begins to sound.

"If a church-bell rings in a closed room,
it is unbearable.



IF JOY IS ALL AROUND YOU,
THEN YOUR MEASURE IS RIGHT."

 

On the 3rd page of my 7 weeks coping ["lekhi-lakh">"khugi-lakh"] I read:

" Concerning my life-long predicament with how to support people,
without overwhelming them,
(see the two songs "The Cranes" and "Walking Humbly")
I read a frapping sentence today about one of "God's" first feelings:

"I had to hold back in order to be loving and careful of others.
I actually feared I could hurt others with My light
and I have much Lost Will that believes it cannot receive Me fully
because I will be too intense for it."

see the Purple Book "Original Cause: The Reflection Lost Will has to give", p. 2]

And then this sentence in "The Meaning of LIfe in 700 Words"
on the second page of my seven weeks coping:

To change your reality you must first accept it.
This is to love your choice. It is to love yourself,
You are the choice of yourself.



I accept that my being threatens to manifest the opposite of what I desire.
I accept myself as I am,
and from this self-love I radiate Joy and Love on those,
whom I want to love themselves.


Arad, Sunday, December 18, 2011

I exchanged letters with Mika's parents concerning my plans for Mika's birthday on Dec. 20.
While being - as usual - in deep contact and communication with my feelings - I remembered,
what has always so impressed me in the story of Josef Wittig about his friend Martin Wendler,
This physician helped people to meet their death with joy
and as a result - experienced the death of his own "good name".
He learnt, that his death was just as liberating as the death of Body.
And that's what I'm feeling since yesterday:
the exhilaration about yet another death of my "righteousness" ,
i.e. of my belief, that others, especially my family, have to perceive me as "not guilty".

And when I now opened those German pages inserted in K.i.s.s.-Log 2008, I also read Wittig's insight:

Unter meinen Freunden sind solche, die mir nicht Liebes schreiben, aber Liebes tun.
Among my friends are those,
that don't write to me what is loving, but do to me what is loving.

p.79  Er habe aber dabei gefunden, dass Todes-bereitschaft und Todesfreudigkeit die staerkste von allen Lebenskraeften sei....

... es kaeme ihm auch vor, als ob selbst ich nur theoretisch daran glaube und nur Geschaefte damit fuer Krieg und Sieg und Durchhalten treiben moechte. Nein, die Stunde sei noch nicht gekommen, in der die Menschen in ihrer Gesamtheit oder wenigstens in grossen Gruppen...den Tod...."

Dec. 17, 2011:
I , Rachel, want to replace the rest of the sentence with my own belief:
"den Tod verstehen und leben was Tod ist und bedeutet" - "to understand death and live what death is and means."




Arad, Sunday, December 19, 2011
Just like it happened in Martin Wendler's life, [see K.i.s.s.-Log 2008>Wittig's pages 79-83]
it seems to happen in my own life:
After I saw the "sweetness of death" in my renewed liberation from "righteousness",
there began an e-mail exchange, - not about "the issue", but about details of my meeting with Mika,
which gradually melted the worst tension, without undermining the decision of my
lekhi-lakh

 

Arad, Tuesday, December 20, 2011
"The day has come", Mika's birthday and my "one-final-time-return" to Shoham.
About the gift of the sudden four diverse visitors on Dec. 18, I'll tell on the next page.
My new song
(s. above Nov. 30) is coming true ~~ my former life-task is completed:

Wenn ich frueh erwachen tu,
aus einem wirren Traum,
ist mein erstes Er-innern:
ich bin ja in Eurem Raum.

Wenn dann die lineare Zeit
mich ziehn will in ihren Bann,
ist mein groesstes Verlangen,
dass ich Euch Partner sein kann.

Nun ist vollbracht meine Lebenszeit,
gab hin mich fuer Mensch und Welt!
Was ich jetzt bin auf Erden
ist das ganze Himmelszelt.

When I use to wake up ,
from a confusing dream,
is my first re-member-ing:
I'm in Your space

Then, when linear time
wants to draw me into its spell,
is my greatest desire
that I may be partners with you.

Now my life-time is complete
I devoted myself to Man and World!
What I am on earth now
is the whole tent of the sky.

"Please let only people who are on my wave-length be attracted to me,
- only people who are already consciously learning to love themselves
and do not need my presence as a trigger to remind them of this task."

"then those who see Ha-Shem will talk among each other and he listens and he hears."
[a prophecy which is inserted in 5 languages, together with my tune, above 150 pages of K.i.s.s.-Log 2008]

In these last 3 hours before traveling once again to Shoham,
I'm restudying this page, as I did with the 4 former pages,

[ following the song:
" the time you take to just be with your creations/feelings
is the time you spend in the eternal love of source
"]
with all my feeling, thinking and sculpting since that "bomb".
And the first new understanding was,
that
"khugi-lakh" has also another, complementary meaning:
"Celebrate! Celebrate for or to yourself",
as in my song "akhush ve-akhug kol tnu'ah be-rigshi"
=I sense and celebrate every movement in my feeling!


And, of course, there was and is the demand of lekhi-lakh,
as I've understood already a week ago:
the
lekhi-lakh from "Shoham" as a symbol of all my life,
in which
"I devoted myself to Man and World".
And this time even the destination of the lekhi-lakh is clear:
I've arrived in my "sanctuary"
(see the message of Yehoyada)
I'll tell them:
"from now on you will come to me to Arad,
just like you come to the other grandmother to Acco."


This so logical demand was the last message I received.
A rare talk with Moshe Klein at 5 PM gave me the chance
to summarize my entire seven weeks process of
lekhi-lakh
The demand phrased itself, when I was already in bed,
(after midnight, because I had to baby-sit at my landlords)
and to help myself to fall asleep, I opened a book,
"Talking with the Angels", p.88, Sept. 24, 1943,
and there was the confirmation:

["this week Lili introduced head-stand exercises in her courses"]
"The fault hides in habit, in the accustomed.
Turn everything upside-down! Always!
In yourself too! Habit is death, the concealer,
the deceiver who is lurking, the hidden enemy.
It slips into habits, into the insensitive,
into nothingness.
...The Divine is also still concealed,
but one day will become visible."

 

"Jumping off a cliff,
not stopped by hesitation,
free from doubt and fear.

The mountain river
becoming a peaceful stream
bound for the ocean."


As to how my scary plans for Mika's 6th birthday manifested on Dec. 20-21, 2011,
it will take me much time and thinking and sculpting, beginning on Mika's last page.


As to what may truly be a new stage in my life, see the continuation of this page in
"How to hold Al-one ness in balance with Full-ness"