hodayot [thanksgivings] for today

7:55 My Body, my Partner, my God
While daring this morning to add this third appellation,
linking it to the song "which says it all", created 2 months ago,
I felt inspired to translate the Hebrew stanza,
feeling, sensing, thanking you all through our thinking.
I hope, in time it will sculpt itself into a singable stanza:

"I sense-celebrate every movement in my feeling,
each sensation in my belly, on my skin
in a regular moment as in stormy emotion
and as well , when my heart is grey
sensing discomfort, distress or pain
or feeling as if in a black hole,
my body and I are manifesting God
of this we are aware with each breath. "

See the final version on Febr. 14

Natu, the "illegal foreign worker" from Russia is still in detention,
and Efrat found a new - local!!!- cleaning woman,
Milla, married to an man of Jemenite origin at Hadid, a neighboring village.
She asked me, if she could listen to some music.
I couldn't help her with the music producing devices in this house.
And I asked myself the question, which I've asked millions of times:
"Does she feel FULL-FILLed by her work?"
What I neglected to do with Natu: I took her picture right away!

About half an hour earlier I watched Mika,
how this morning she jumped from activity to activity
not being able to stay with anyone for more than a moments
and I felt fear rising up in me,
that sooner than later she'll "achieve" the state of people on earth,
who do not know for what to get up in the morning.

Under-stimulation of children by all former generations
is being replaced by overstimulation in this generation,
in Mika's case carried out by her mother,
who admits openly to be in constant panic,
that her daughter might feel bored.
Since Efrat is also an extremely communicative and creative being,
she knows how to entertain and stimulate Mika in three hours more,
than billions of mothers in a year,
beyond anything I've ever experienced with other parents or with myself.

Of course, that panic is a classic projection on the part of Efrat
and her own lack of FULL-FILL-ment.

A marriage may be satisfying,
a mother-child relationship may be exciting,
a job may render self-respect and appreciation from others,
~ all this is still not enough to make a person feel FULL-FILLed.

And this is true not only for women of our time,
it always has been true for most women and men in the past.
Mika is, on a daily basis, an only child (since her stepsiblings don't live here),
and cared for not only by mother and father, but also by me, grandma.
Her parents can afford to send her to kindergarden from 8:00 to 17:00,
which is fortunate, for MORE "quality-time" given by the three of us
would over-over-over-stimulate Mika and exhaust the grownups.

As to me, my general slogan for all people in my life, is valid here too:
"Being available, not initiating " (zmina, lo yozemet)
Still my constant question when being with Mika is:
"How can I help her to evolve her inner ability
to always find and do what gives her FULL-FILL-ment?"


In the train yesterday I read a sentence in a clipping from "Seth":

"You are in a state of evolution as a species.
Part of this experience includes
a natural fascination with exterior events...
a learning process
in which all elements inherent in the situation
will be explored. "

Mika's "fascination" and Mika's "exploration" are striking,
but for how long?

"Mind, as physically directed,
utilizes the greatest sources of power and energy
along with unlimited aspects of creativity,
so that each physical day is indeed absolutely unique."

But until what age will Mika be able
to create one unique day after the other?
[See the boredom of Arnon, once creative like Mika - Jully 7]

January 30: Together we created a new place for Mika's supper - on my bed:
the "play-tray" in my room, usually occupied by her "beads and berries",
placed on a rectangular basket from under my bed where I keep my stuff.
It wasn't a good idea, though, since Mika couldn't concentrate on eating.
Still, what is more full-filling than the creation - is the process of creating!

Having heard a quote from a diary written in 1924 by Goebbels ,
the Nazi Minister of Proganda and the second man after Hitler,
I feel again overwhelmed with the knowing-feeling-sensing,
that "Heaven-on-Earth" can only come about,
if and when each human will know and create,
what gives her/him Full-Fill-ment.
This man, too, said, when he was about 27 years old:
"I've nothing to live for,
nothing to get up for in the morning,
I might just as well die."
And then the desire:
"to help my depressed people to become again self-confident".

A similar depression and a similar desire were once so familiar to me.
But I never fell into the trap of clinging to somebody outside myself,
who would give me a reason to live and a context to "help others".

And then there was a doc about "Amma", the Indian "Mother",

who has so much love, that she keeps hugging people for 14 hours a day,
and has embraced already 2 000 000 humans on this planet,
(and also built about 60 houses for people in need,
like for those strikken by the Tsunami some years ago).


Some Swiss couples and singles were interviewed,
who work with "Amma" and radiate what I only can call "wholeness".
"When Amma hugs me, it is a moment outside of time and space.
I feel totally accepted, totally "erkannt" as I am."

It always irritates me, that there is no word in English
for this central concept of "erkennen" in German and "la-da'at" in the Bible.
"Adam yada' Eva, his wife", is said in a lapidar fashion,
and this is what God says to Moses (Ex.33:12), to Jeremia (1:5), to Israel (Hosea 13,5)
"yeda'tikha"
"I know you"

and what the author of Psalm 139 and Yehuda Halevi say to God:
"you know me!"

The deep longing, yearning, "dying" for this re-union,
is inherent in each ray of the one sun,
in each wave of the one ocean,
in each color of the one light.
But my commonsense tells me,
that this "Adam yada' Eva" can happen only for moments of time.
For we are not supposed to return to Oneness and stay there.
[See for instance RUOW p. 61:]


And the moments of "Amma's embrace" or "Aqua Bella",
or of the "knowing between God and Moses, God and Jeremia"
can be nothing but an encouragement
to seek "FULL-FILL-ment"
in my own individual and ongoing, never-ending "self-realization",
from breath to breath of Body in Time and Space.

At least, that is, what I can imagine.
I cannot imagine all those aspects of God,
who live, ~~~but not in Body, not in Time, not in Space.
And if all the "entities", who now communicate with humans,
either know how to reach "FULL-FILL-ment" or don't need it,
then - would YOU please - come forward
and tell us about yourself and give us an example!
And a Goebbels won't need a Hitler to create full-fill-ment,
nor would a Swiss couple need an Amma for the same purpose.

There was also this "Begum", "the only Queen in Pakistan",
a man who - each time for 3 long hours of makeup, hairdressing etc -
lets himself be transformed into a woman,
who then - very critically - interviews the people in power-positions-
breaking taboos as nobody else could afford to do in Pakistan.
"I want to give my depressed people self-esteem",
is his/her intensely expressed desire, just like Goebbels', just like mine.

For what is the purpose of my "Healing into Wholeness" for creation?

- To redeem people from qorbanut (self-victimization)
and make them achieve ribbonut (being masters of their destiny),

- to redeem people from their dependency on exterior appreciation
and make them achieve self-love,

- and this can be accomplished only,
if people find, what makes them feel FULL-FILLed.

I feel so totally alone in understanding,
how the desire of Goebbels-Amma-Begum can be fulfilled,
that I must ask myself constantly:
Am I blind and deaf and don't see and hear those humans,
who know what I know?


It's true - there is - in the present world - so much more awareness
of the need for "self-esteem" .
For instance - a program about "Mothers who leave their children".
There is no problem with fathers who leave their children,
but what are the reasons for 100 000 mothers per year,
who walk out from their children (in England) ?
and the number (in England) grows by 11% annually.
There are more than 170000 fathers who raise there children on their own,
about 17% of all single parents.
This in itself says something about the transformation of men,
as is symbolized in this photo of 2 fathers, Immanuel and his friend Amit:


But that doesn't help to explain what happens to those mothers.
A common reason: "an extremely low self-esteem!"
‘Actually my husband was a better ‘mother’ to the children than I was.
I was very very depressed and I knew that affected them all.
I moved out, and in time my ex remarried
and the children are in a secure and happy home.
I pray that in the future the children will understand.
I am quite alone, and have learnt never to tell people I had children.’
[See in "Mothers without their children"]

Another reason:
"If I don't become myself first, who can I be for my children?"

There it is again:
the lack of self-love and the lack of FULL-FILL-ment.


But while this generation's thinkers become more and more aware
of the basic need for self-esteem and self-love
(though nobody seems to recognize this need in the myth of Cain&Abel,
the only individual drama inserted in Genesis between Adam&Eve and the Flood)
I can detect nobody, including the God of Godchannel, as I said already,
who puts the theme of FULL-FILL-ment in the center of awareness.
[as to Godchannel see the beginning of my research on Febr. 27]


This is making me mad!
Look at the main theme of all literature, poetry, movies, songs:
the love between lovers.
One of the most wondrous examples is Beethoven's Fidelio,
into which I had the chance to immerse myself again two days ago,
when the opera - with Jonas Kaufmann - was played on 3 SAT. (Zuerich 2004)
The plot is unusual for a love-story,
as it talks about an already married couple,
and the outstanding courage of both husband and wife.
Floristan and Leonora are symbols of the "best" humans on earth.
They are true to themselves till the end,
and they are true to each other till the end.
This everybody can understand, admire and strive for.
But what will happen after the happy end?
Afer the loving wife has succeeded in liberating the loving husband,
and they return to their home,
so beautifully described in Leonore's aria about "Haeuslichkeit"?
Nobody has written an opera about that....

By the way, this victory of love also points towards the victory of freedom.
"No longer you will kneel like slaves",
is, what not only Florestans, but all prisoners hear in this context,
(see my page about "kneeling")

And the prisoners sing: "Heil", "blessed" ,
a word totally discriminated after "Goebbels" etc....


A most moving scene - metaphorical-mystical in my eyes - is
how the Prince calls the brave wife to cut the prisoner's chains:
"Only you, who opened this noble man's grave,
may now take off his chains
you alone, noble woman, deserve to free him wholly."

****



The Prisoner - Jonas Kaufmann/Florestan - to be freed by love

{see and listen to a video of Fidelio excerpts, 3 min., Sept 2007)