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52 days of Moving and E-volving Emotions Manual - 20th day, August 2, 2002
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2013
The FELT days 79, 80, 81, 82 ~ of the next 15 FELT years
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5 y e a r s = 5 4 8 0 days
of g e f u e h l t e - g e f u e l l t e Z e i t "inmitten der Ewigkeit", f e l t - f i l l e d t i m e "amidst eternity" from the beginning of my 76th till the completion of my 90th year [unless I'll die after all] "A dream is our life on Earth ...we measure ...(it) in space & time" -see 2013 songs August Nr. 4- Yes, I, Christa-Rachel Bat-Adam, want to measure my life on Earth in space & time! 4 days of feelings will be inserted on each of the 1400 pages [set up between 2001-2008] continuing with M E E M and then following the order of folders and files on my "local site". The feeling chosen from a day is exhibited in max. 7 lines per day since August 28, 2013 Since feelings must be vibrated~ wombed, each day closes with a song, fitting the 7 lines To challenge myself like that -while not knowing what will be "staged" in my personal and in the world's drama till 2028 , exhilarates me! |
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continuation November 16, 2013, still 34 days till Mika's 8th birthday
Shabbat, November 16, 2013
Earth Dance Zion on the Dovêr-Shalom Farm, Khadita Would this kind of people understand, that I have to wipe out the Succayah? |
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On facebook
Ran
Lichtner shares a sequence of photos, taken during the Earth Dance on Sept. 21-23, on which I discovered Yif'at Ashkenazi and Parastu... my friends during the Walk about Love, 2009. Could they become "partners" of my new vision? |
Looking
at this picture (posted by Hagai
Lev an Facebook), I wonder again, if it is right that I 'll invest all my power and courage in changing an exterior circumstance, though symbolic for the entire planet, that is - so far - relevant only for ??????????? In any case, I want this picture to help me to always check, if I am seeing the big picture - the humankind on planet Earth, never ever getting trapped in ego-strives with authorities and persons. |
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November 17, 2013, still 33 days till Mika's
8th birthday
Sunday, November 17, 2013
song:
itfini shkhinati be-rakhmekh updated
On November 17, 1989, i.e. 24 years ago,
we [I and my "fragment"
Channah] moved our mobile homes to the wadi,
where the Succayah was to be "built", and from which now Nature
has to be redeemed.
Other "morning-games" sent more "messages":
Buber's "Chassidic Stories", the turn of which it was to be grabbed
from the shelf,
told me the episode about Rabbi Shnëur Salman von Ladi: "Erlaubnis",
Permission,
- it reinforced my decision to not "do" , i.e. destroy, anything
without Avi's consent.
Then: a recorded program of TV-3SAT, which began with the term "ein ALPTRAUM",
the nightmare of Typhoon
Haiyan over the Philippines
I stopped: what has my "Redemption of Desert
Nature" to do with this nightmare?
And I heard:
"When humankind did not learn what 'God'
wanted them to learn through the FLOOD,
and instead of becoming each one unique, built
the Babel tower "so we won't disperse",
he called one man to
leave his comfort-zone and walk through the desert for months,
and never settle!!! but even in his intended country
move from time to time, all his life.
When the Hebrew slaves did nothing to become free, instead preferred their
comfort-zone
where food was provided
and the question: Who am I and what am I here for? was solved,
'God'-Moshe led them into the desert, where "
ani yeda'tikh ba-midbar,
s. 2012songs Nr. 17,
meaning: here, where you own nothing, and even food and water comes only as
a surprise,
here you will be able to ask the true, real, relevant question: "Who
am I and why am I here?"
Your VISION about PEACE through DESERT SPS HOSTING ECONOMY
is meant - among numerous things - to give humankind a new chance,
to learn to create "civilizations" without depleting their very
resources
and after having demonstrated through a model how this can be done
you now run a sword into this model - to dispel people's complacency.
After this message and the sculpting of it, I returned
to watch the "report".
My tears began to stream, my lips to tremble, until I could no longer take
it
A woman, smashed by a palm-tree.... father and son cannot free the corpse,
the son cries, screams... kicks against the walls... his father tries to calm
him
Later: another message
I entered the dental clinic without appointment
for better fixing my dentures.
While waiting I took a magazine [July 2013] and read
about "population-time-bomb".
The issue is well known to me, but now it merged with that message above
to learn to create "civilizations"
without depleting their very resources
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Lev Po'em - A beating
Heart |
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Then it was time for "doing". I did
not call the municipality but went there in person.
It took some time, until I got the info, with whom I had to talk,
but every interaction now is like the line in the song I sang on my way [2013
songs Nr. 1]:
Yes, whatever I put my heart on [=give
attention to]
in it Your name will be united.
Meaning that I'm related to each of the 4 persons I meet in the Municipality
as to 'God'.
Liora, responsible for Giving Permissions, didn't even look up from her computer
at first.
Then she had - like that Yacob on the phone - to assert her importance. "I'll
never allow...."
I stayed soft and adamant, till another woman, Vera, a construction supervisor,
intervened.
Though she, too, said, that it was a matter of safety - the fence - and that
safety was above all,
she discussed with Liora, how they first should find out, if "they"
are even building on private property.
At home I continued my letter of Nov. 14, to Yakob, and forwarded this, together
with the former letters, to Liora and Vera.
I can very well see, that this "circumstance" has come to my life,
in order to heal my pressure-hell and to empower others.
3rd letter to "Yakob" of the Zim-building company
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Nov.17,
2013 
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On the Eve of Rosh-Hashanah 1989 I left the comfort-zone
of my bus hovering above the Sea
and drove it - with Channah's minibus at my tail - to the edge of the Ramon-Crater.
Permission for
7 weeks.
"The rollercoaster between insurmountable problems
and miraculous help runs faster and faster."
On Nov. 17 - today 24 years ago - I moved my bus to
what would become the Succayah-Wadi.
I used to say, that I had been pregnant with the Succah-model for 10 months,
till Sept. 26, 1988.
Now I say, I'll be pregnant for 9 months, till my 76th birthday, with "The
Redemption-Model".
Morning
by morning will I destroy all the wicked of the land; to cut off all the workers of iniquity from the city of the LORD Psalm 101:8 , quoted in birkat-hakhamah, the blessing of the sun, see the ceremony with Yif'at Ashkenazi during the Walk-about-Love |
Nov. 25: I ponder and wonder, why I wanted this quote here! Is it, that I, too, am so furious that I want to destroy? Yet, what is asked for is REDEMPTION, even if on the way to it human creations have to be removed. |
"And mind you, Avi-Avraham!
this term "to pollute" is also used with concern to the Earth:
"You are not to pollute the land in which you
are settling,
in whose midst I dwell,
for I am YHWH,
Dweller in the midst of Israel!"
Is not this the gist of "Succah in the Desert"
& the daily work of your guardianship there:
to exemplify, demonstrate and train people,
how to live and make a living in the Desert,
by guarding its treasure, its resource of SPS,
of Space, Purity (non-pollution) and Silence."
[from
"Ohel-Mo'ed"]
 Horrid
noise after sunset: the house just across my garden was sold and bought. These new neighbors - unknown to me as the former ones- now DESTROY part of the lower floor in order to turn it into a "living-unit" for a tenant like me, as I was told by both, Ofir, and Shalom, the next neighbor |
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 As I stand there waiting for a relevant scene to shoot, and a worker who detects me is- not pleased.... I turn 90 degrees to the right and see the Full Moon, as it rises - golden - above artificial lights. Shalom is angry, that this other new neighbor destroys and rebuilds walls - with much noise... |
November 18, 2013, still 32 days till Mika's
8th birthday
Monday, November 18,
2013
Messages towards " Path&Desert-Redemption"
The book, which I took from the shelf, was Larousse, a small French Lexicon
with an appendix of famous names.
I hit at "Oliver Cromwell", - disappointed since "not relevant",
but then the book itself brought up an association, another Lexicon, Arabic-French,
a gift from Mona
28 years ago.
I remember her great anger, when I told her, that the dictionary was among
the 19 books which I chose to "discard",
in order to at least symbolically free some space in my mobile home, before
"Channah, my fragment" would join me.
Suddenly I saw the message:
It was during my very first experience with the desert,in the Zin Oasis and
then
in Nakhal (Wadi) Karkeshet,
into which I drove my bus in order to live - for 40 days - in total al-one-ness
before a new intimite relationship.
Every day - for nineteen days - I walked (oh! if I could
walk again!!!!) into a different direction, without a path,
and when I found a cave, be it big or small or tiny, I took the chosen book,
read an accidental page as a message,
wrote a relevant sentence on the first empty page , with the date (with my
name? probably not),
enwrapped it with nylon and left it there ---- and photographed the place.
And there comes the point: the album I made of the photographs, the names
of the books and my experiences,
burnt together with all the other books I had bequeathed to the Abraham-Succah,
when I retreated from my model.
And why did the
big hosting succah - "Abraham" burn - together with a cabin for
hosts: "Hagar" ??????
"Why did you attract this?" I
asked Gadi, when he had the courage to call me while
I lived in my bus at Eilat:
"I think it was, because we were not faithful to
the principles of the Succayah which is meant for 12 guests only!
It was Pesach, we succumbed to register 34 guests, which all sat around breakfast
when a gas-balloon caught fire."
It was still at the time, when Gadi and Avi "managed" the Succayah
together...
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Ma'ayan sent an SMS: "I'm
glad to announce, that on Sunday the youth-council will gather and
the first subject will be the wall that disturbs us all. The entire
discussion will be transferred to senior factors in the municipality."
She finally asks for Facebook-friendship. |
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November 19, 2013, still 31 days till Mika's
8th birthday
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
Message:
The tiny booklet from my shelf on this morning was "Tuebingen",
Jakobuskirche
the town with one of the oldest universities, in which I studied from 1957-1959,
at first - since I had no idea what to study, nor any desire to study at all-
[I wanted to do, do, do something for the world and learn on the way!]
Greek, Latin, History, then Greek, Latin, English, then Protestant Theology.
It's in the second semester of the latter, where my "destiny" hit
me.
The destiny that made me a citizen of Israel and a wanderer in the desert.
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Church
of St. Yacob! What a heavy hint as to my pain and task concerning "Yakob"
of Zim-Buildings Company At "my" time I never paid attention to this church, and now I see, how old and how important it is, it's even a pilgrims' way-station on the European pilgrims' way the "Jakobsweg" or the Way of St. James [=Yakob or Yacob of Jacob) or Route of Santiago de Compostella (see a long article in the Hebrew Wikipedia!)  To the left a photo not found on the Internet, like the other 2 images, but in my booklet about Tuebingen , printed perhaps 50 years ago At that time there was still a cross on the tower of the Protestant church! |
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I decided to spell the name of my path-adversary
as Yakob,
so as to differentiate it from who was my "peer": Ya'acov,
and also from the biblical representative of Israel: Ya'aqov.
This Yakob now brings up feelings of being humilated and powerless,
and the fear and pressure, if, how and when to approach him again.
But today I want to address something more general,
more haunting...
Even if I don't rack my brain, why I attract, what reflects,
reflects holes in my wholeness that now need to be healed,
I still rack it for another reason:
How can I DO by interacting with people,
while my very presence "invalidates" them?
Be it face to face, or by phone, or even by mails?
And if it means, that I should just "radiate" on them what I want
them to do or stop doing,
how can I get feedback from them and let my "doing" be "fertilized"
by them?
After all, "God" could "radiate" on all of us what s/he
wants us to become, be and do?
I felt anger, when I read in the fifth book of "Moses", created
obviously in exile (Babylon/Egypt 5th
century)
Deuteronomy
30:5-6
I argue with "God": If you can do
that, "circumcise" our
"hearts",
then why don't you do it from the beginning?
The "consolation prophecies" in the
Bible do sound more and more silly to me.
I understand the punishment prophecies, for they are a way to make "children"
understand,
that there is a link between what you do, don't do or deny between what "happens"
to you.
But if so, you must take responsibility for what "happens" to you
and your "God", who wants a Free-Will Universe, cannot
"circumcise your heart",
in order for you to do, what will be good
"for y o u r life".
The same is true for my desires that concern
other people
(that's where
Abraham/Hicks is so wrong, as I've pointed out often)
I can "radiate" on Yakob and Avi and
Ma'ayan, what in my eyes is good for them,
what, in my eyes, is good for Israel's desert, for this humankind, for this
planet,
but the only chance to succeed with this is, "to win them over"
to my desire,
and - at least - make an effort to find a solution for the conflict between
us,
so they will love themselves and not only for the moment [like
that "Ahmed"].
There is another danger, even impossibility, connected with my interacting:
I've learnt, with great pain, that I cannot know if I "won over"
someone r e a l l y .
It may have been nothing but "manipulation", that made the other
deny him/herself,
and when, what was denied, erupts again, I'm a worse enemy for them than before.
Re-reading the "peace-process
of 2002" which I made between Gadi and Avi,
I gasp, seeing how Avi
"played" into what I wanted, perhaps even sincerely,
but if so, why does he hate Gadi and me so horridly ,
and why does he betray the principles of the Succah-Vision
(and not only by "installing permanence " on the land,
but by his atrocious Nazi-racism against "my" Bedouins
(see the story
and see the image under which I wrote:
when a beautiful sunset colored my creation for
me for the last time ever. ....)
I feel a bit lost!
Even if I heal my anger~pain, even
if I myself will be truly whole,
I have no idea, how I can overcome these two gigantic obstacles:
People feel invalidated by me and - at best! - run away from me,
and people feel manipulated by me and - when waking up -
cause a
reversal of what has been gained.
Addition on Dec.
16, 2013
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 The first Tent of Appointment - created by Ram Eisenberg in 1992 within the Succayah. This paper-photo came to me now - as a symbol for my hiddenness. I've explored this hiddenness throughout the last 7 years, but its focus is different now: [there is no good English work for "in der Verborgenheit" or "be-saeter"] I am to ignite the manifestation of Mobile Desert Hosting Economy, but I am not to appear in person or name. |
Also on Dec. 16, 2013I discovered
something else which is hidden: |
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