February 25 , 2010, Thursday in my sanctuary at Arad,
I called Dina, my starchild, and perhaps the technical contact will turn into a re-connection

"It's a lesson too late for the learning", is a song, which I learnt in England 1978,
and which I came across yesterday, when recording more songs for rehearsing.
I was surprised to see my sculpture about that "RC" workshop, but that was IT.
During a heavy nightly hour I understood, that Semiramis' scream was 'staged'!
"You are rationalizing like hell!"
Yes! Though the incident seemed to be too insignificant to give it attention
and the "belief" seemed to be justified, even compassionate towards Body,
I was, indeed, rationalizing both - a habit, based on a judgment or a belief!

With Ronnit, my daughter, and the beautiful Iranian, Semiramis Kaivanis: "You are rationalizing like hell", she screamed at me during a group-session, and caused a huge change in understanding myself.

The habit is: if at all possible, I'll go to bed not later than at 11:00 -11:30 PM!
The belief: the later I go to bed, the less well I sleep and the earlier I wake up.

How was it "staged", that this "reasonable" habit and this "proven" belief,
came to my consciousness at all and were diagnozed as "rationalization"?
I find this lesson intriguing and hope, I'll be inspired to describe it today!

Right now, while pulling myself together in order to go to the pool - (9:50...)
[some habits at some times are helpful to do some things that are beneficial!]
I discern, that Semiramis and Ronnit (then 13) have the same long hair style!
[Wasn't there a rare contact with Ronnit who DID respond to my blessings for Itamar?]

Let me trace the staging of the lesson. It began 2 days ago with Dina's letter,
actually an answer to my quest to help Yael with the problems in No'ar Oved,
in which she shared with me for the first time,  what I knew from the others,
that her father was diagnozed with lung cancer.
I didn't know, how I should offer being a sounding-board for her, and waited.

My starchild's problem wasn't high on my agenda, which in itself was a denial!
The rationalization: 'Dina has long since stopped caring for "support" from me!'

Then began an evening with 2 relevant TV programs, one of them "Big Brother".
On Jan. 24 I celebrated this show as an example of what is right with the World
[I now have even more reasons to celebrate, but now my purpose is 'Learning'!]
After yet another TV program in which "denials melted", Body wanted to sleep.
But I felt so attracted to a movie announced in 3SAT at 23:25 Israel time,
that I asked Body to forgive me and followed "A Beginning of Something" .
I don't know, if the author himself intended to exemplify denial as I saw it.
In fact, it was only after some hours of sleep, that I could see it clearly:
Herbert, whose father had deserted his family for another woman in America,
lives alone, taking care only of his mother in an institution once a week.
The money he earns in a cinema is saved penny by penny for going to America.
Just when he learns that he has lung-cancer and will die within a year,
he falls in love with Rita, but he tells her, that he will still go to America.
And that he'll never come back, hiding (denial!) the real reason: his dying.
She finally forces him to tell her "what's wrong" and loves him even more.
"Let's not mention 'it' ~~~~ Let's be happy ~~~~ Let's enjoy life "
That's when the denial process, so typical for many people, starts.

It turns out, that there was a muddle with x-ray images, and that he was NOT ILL.
He runs home with the speed of a madman, but - for some reason -Rita is not there
and even when he meets her and opens his mouth to tell her, she always stops him.
Finally he understands, that he isn't supposed to tell her!
Maybe she stayed with him exactly for the reason that he was ill.
"If she'll learn that I'm healthy, she may feel that I betrayed her!"
The last scene is their separation at the train to the ship to America - for ever.


I was shocked about the turn the narrative had taken:
Rita in her great love didn't want to hear about the sickness, she wanted to deny it.
Exactly because she denied the "bad" truth, she did not get to hear the "good" truth.
I was breathing, wailing, turning in my bed and thinking of how often this happens.
I was also tracing other aspects of the plot, the denials of Herbert & of his mother
And then I became angry about not being able to sleep.
'But you grasped already, that when Body refuses to sleep, it has a message for you:
that something that is happening in your drama is not taken care of, not yet healed!'
'NO!', I said stubbornly, 'it's because I went to sleep too late! it's always like that!'
and I repeated my belief behind my habit of going to bed at a certain time.
Except, that the inner voice didn't let me get away with that 'rationalization':
'What about your belief - which , of course, tends to manifest?
What about your habit - which you rationalize in such a way?
Perhaps watching that movie and lying awake up to process it
is more important than sleeping "well", as you understand "well"?
I smiled, as if caught, and surrendered to Body's being awake.
I let myself flow with the thoughts and feelings that came,
and there was all of a sudden the lung-cancer of Dina's father.
I had sent her letter to Yael, but I had not responded to it myself.
What should I write? Would it be right to help her? And if, how?

Since I was at peace with my being awake and not sleeping "well",
my consciousness was in tune with my feelings and vice versa.
 And it was then, that the simpliest of answers came to me:
'Call Dina by phone! Give her the chance to talk with you!
What for should you write to her? For giving her advice??
(like: it's my experience that cancer inflicts people-in-denial)
You are supposed to be a sounding-board, not an adviser!'

I sighed - relaxed: 'Did I need to see the movie to get this answer?'
'You must always be ready to be and to do, what is most needed !
As long as you have beliefs & habits without being conscious of them,
you are NOT ready to be and do, what is most needed in any moment.
You are not healed into wholeness and therefore can not heal Creation.'
'But I was just told, that I didn't need to invest anymore effort in healing!'
'Do you call this "effort", when your Source stages a pretty little lesson?
And it's NOT a lesson "too late for the learning",
it's a lesson you are learning right now- forever!'


I fell asleep immediately and when the light of the day shone upon me,
I took even more time than usual in gliding from dreaming into 'reality'.
After 3 hours... I had gathered enough courage to call Dina, and heard:
"I was just thinking of you", she cried, "I do need some stable friend beside me."
She was surprised, that she had answered at all ...  "I think I'll take your offer!"
But why then had she just left Arad and wouldn't be back for a week or longer?
When I was just about to feel guilty for not having responded to her letter earlier,
I heard myself saying: "Perhaps you need to go through some more experiences,
before it will be right for you to meet your sounding-board.
I, too, needed experiences and a lesson to become clear, that I should call you!"
I wished her not only "strength", but the "ability to cry".

After hours of sculpting this I feel a bit  ashamed:
Who would be interested in such drama-less stuff?
But I wrote it for myself, didn't I?
Another feeling is fear, that I won't apply this lesson to other habits and beliefs.
Or worse: that I would , indeed, need dramas in order to "really get it 'finally'!"
But there I look up from the computer and discern the running figures above it:
Under moon and sun,  in day and in night,   amidst musical notes - I leap along!






February 26 , 2010, Friday in my sanctuary at Arad,
phone-talks: with Lior Oren, my starchild, whom I could assist in reaching a vital decision,
with Micha, my son, whose news about his new job in "Indigo Digital Press" brought me joy.
Visit at 10 PM: Boris, my starchild, drew me out about ever so many memories and issues.

I had a chance to practice the release of habit and belief regarding my sleeping:
I allowed myself to go to bed at 21:30, because I wanted to, despite the belief,
that "if I go too early to bed,  I'll wake up at night and stay awake for hours..."
I did, indeed, wake up and stay awake for 2 hours at least, but I didn't fight it.
I thought of the action-less time as a chance to move Body, memories, feelings
and let "Loving Spirit" (i.e. free of judgments) bring insights to my experiences.

I picked up Buber's Chassidic Tales 'by chance'!and read about a good woman
who - when a famine in Lithuania  swept people  from the city into her village - ground wheet on a hand-mill and baked bread like hell, and yet people ranted!...
She is blamed and cries, but is told, that she has only to follow God's command
and that "perhaps this command is  better fulfilled  through tears"!
As usual I felt abhorred by such denial, but suddenly I could see this
from the perspective of what I learnt from Abraham/Hicks: contrast!
I need the contrast of other or previous approaches
in order to understand and evolve my own approach.
And instead of judging others' denials, I feel grateful.

This reminded me of a doc about the opera "The Tragedy of the Devil",
a new co-creation of 3 artists. The task of the "Devil" is explained as
"The 'Devil' brings objection and dissent into the game and thus advances it.
Sonst würden wir vor Glück erstarren."
"Otherwise we would become frozen in happiness."

Opera in Munic by: poet Albert Ostermaier composer Peter Eötvös actors and stage-creators: Ilya und Emilia Kabakov

Following the newly posted  "Denial Pages"  in Godchannel.com  
I re-studied the updated files "Asuras", "Lucifer" and "Ahriman",
in which the question of that opera how "EVIL" came into the world
is dealt with by the highest source.
I became even surer this night of my own answer to my old question:
'In the face of all people's dreams about the reign of 'Love and Peace',
how will we be aware of them without contrast?"
I could watch the validity of my answer tonight:
I don't need a devil for contrast!
I am grateful to those who are "trying out" other approaches to living,
and thus help me understand and live, what is right and whole for ME.
It is the contrast not between good and evil that is needed
but between different shades of colors or between different puzzle pieces,
each a creation and manifestation in its own right, contributing to the One.
and balancing feeling 'zestful and fulfilled' and feeling 'zestless and low',
is not contrary to Heaven on Earth,
for the "lows" are light to bear, if I accept and breathe-move-sound them,
and if I - as a bridge between high and low - remember what I am grate-full for,
there are always - as I observed this night again - countless things I am grateful for.

 A day after Itamar's birthday - a photo on the screen, which shows him on my shoulders, 2001, during the family picknick for Jonathan's birthday

Right Use of WILL

Clearing Illness and Habits, p. 5-6

Clearing Illness and Habits, p. 7

Clearing Illness and Habits, p. 7

Clearing Illness and Habits, p. 7

Clearing Illness and Habits, p. 8

 1993, The inauguration of the 3 km path,
which I - together with volunteer Thomas - carved out between Succah-in-the Desert
and the Alpacca-Farm, hoping to win Ilan Dvir over to cooperation. I just told this to Lior ...

Right Use of WILL

p. 8-9

THE AWAKENING AND THE AWAKENED

NAVIGATING
THE NEW EARTH FIFTH-DIMENSIONAL HOLOGRAM

ARCHANGEL MICHAEL through Celia Fenn

Beloved Family of Light, you are indeed living within a New Reality.
This is the "New Earth" that we have spoken to you about over the years,
and now you are living within this Reality.
But yes, you are still within a Transitional Time,
a period of ongoing Transformation and Change,
where you must cope with the energies of the old way
while living mostly in the New.
We, here in the Spirit Realm, are aware of the difficulties that you face
as you must exist within your physical bodies
and cope with the two interlinked physical realities
that we call the Third Dimension and the Fifth Dimension.

"It was your choice as a Collective
not to go through a massive destruction scenario
in order to facilitate the changes,
but you chose to do this
as an exercise in a new way
- Peaceful Change and Transformation.
The Old Earth reality will not be destroyed,
but it will fade away gradually
as the New Earth gathers in energy and strength.



"There is no need to fear great catastrophes and loss of loved ones.
You will continue to live in the "bridge" between the two realities
until the New takes over.
Those who are unable to fully awaken to the New
will make their passage into the light at their due times
and may return to the New Earth in a new form if they so choose.



" We do wish to emphasize that this is a choice of Wisdom and Compassion.
In the Higher Councils of Light it was decided
that the Earth could not sustain such large scale trauma and loss of life
as was originally planned,
and that the new approach would be
to allow the Transformation to be gradual
and with minimum loss of life.
Of course, as you voted for this option in the Councils of Light,
you knew that it would be hard.
For the first time
you would have to carry the Transformation
through Love and Peace,
and not through the much quicker and more radical path
of mass destruction and cleansing.


[Comment:
As always the terms "Love and Peace" make me squeak with discomfort:
if it is not said expressively, that "Love" starts with Self-Love,
and Self-Love starts with accepting
each and every feeling in each and every moment,
and accepting is possible only
if Body vibrates = moves-sounds-breathes - what is difficult to accept,
then "Love&Peace" is just blah-blah-blah covering devilish Denial]




"And so it is, Beloved Ones,
that you have worked so hard to Awaken to the Light within
and to express and live your Divinity,
and to Awaken others to this reality
so that the Transformation and Evolution to a New Way of Life might begin.
And so it has!




"But, in order for this Transition to continue
into a New Paradigm of Higher Consciousness for All on the Planet,
without mass destruction,
it is necessary for those who are Awakened
to continue to Hold the Light for those who are still Awakening,
and to be the Bridge of Light
for that crossing into the New Consciousness of Love and Divine Power
[I can agree to this term "Divine Power" only, if it means
being "parental" to all victimhood and perpetration on this planet]
that is the signature of an Awakened Human Angel
with full connection to their Cosmic Higher Self energy.
[I would prefer not to use the term "Angel" in this context.
"Angels" are, according to Right Use of Will, creatures without very little "Will"
also: put "angels" in Godchannel search and open the only relevant files: "interview2" and "reality3"
and therefore have no idea, what human beings experience
and what "Awakeners" have to accomplish to bring Heaven to Earth]




"Many of the New Children, the Diamond Light Children,
that are being born right now,
are already in this state of full Cosmic Connection and Awakening,
and are supporting this process,
but we will speak more of them a little later in this message.
In the Old Energy Hologram of the Third Dimension,
you lived in a very slow vibrational energy
that allowed for the illusion of stability and fixity.
It was based on concepts of "ego" and "self"
and encouraged individuals
to seek to fulfill their own material and emotional needs
as a priority for success in their earthly lives.




"As you cross into the Fifth-Dimensional Reality,
you release that belief system
to move into an accelerated reality
where energy flows more quickly
and things change with great rapidity.
In this reality, you are closer to the Flow of Creation and Manifestation,
that place
where Consciousness becomes Form
in response to Intention and Desire.



"You are fully aware of the Collective nature of Consciousness
and the Unity of All Life on the Planet.
You are learning to seek the Highest Good of All Life Forms
as a way of expressing and accessing your own Highest Good.
You are learning to see the success of others
as a measure of your own success
and a demonstration of Love in Motion.



Beloved Ones, over the years we have urged you
to learn to work with the Flow of Energy in this New Reality.
In the Flow of Manifestation that you call Time,
living in the Fifth Dimension
requires the ability
to live in the Present Moment of Now
and to be centered in the Heart Space of Infinite Love and Peace.
** see comment in the right frame further below


In this way, you are able to be the "center" of your creations
and you are not pulled
into the turbulent energies
of other people's manifestations and creations
that take place around you.



"Beloveds, we know too, at this moment,
as you begin to navigate this New Holographic Reality of New Earth,
Try as I might, I don't grasp the meaning of "holographic"...
that it is not always easy to find that point of balance.
Especially as many of you must still work
to be the "Bridges of Light" between the old energy and the new.
For indeed,
the process of Awakening of Souls into the New Reality
is an ongoing process.



"Many of you who are Lightworkers
have "graduated" into the New Earth energies
and are living lives in complete harmony with the New.
That is your soul choice.
But many of you who are more adventurous and brave
have chosen the more difficult task
of being the Human Angelic Light Bridge,
the "Awakeners",
[see about these different choices the 3 categories of people who wait for 'the train'
and those who make 'the train' coming in one of my most favorite Godchannel files:
"A Letter from God to those Doing the Healing Work"
and this means
that you must continue to live your lives
for a little longer at the interface
between the old and the New Energies.



"For those who have shifted into the New Earth frequency,
the work will be to stay in the Heart center
and manifest and create from that space.
These Lightworkers will experiment in new forms of living,
in new forms of community,
and in creating the Seed Points or Sacred Spaces of the New Earth.
They will be focused on manifesting the Golden Age
and the sustainable future that the Planet has chosen as her future path.



"However, Beloved Family of Light, there are many among you
who have chosen on the Soul level
to exercise the Divine gift of Compassion,
and to continue to be those
who provide the energy of Awakening
and the Path to the Inner Light
for those who are still in the Awakening process.


"In 2010, this Awakening will be accelerated,
and those that have chosen
to be Awakeners of Souls into the New Earth frequencies
will have much to do in their work.
These ones will have the added challenge
of keeping their balance
and their Fifth-dimensional Light Body frequencies,
and still crossing into the lower frequencies
to be the Light and the Path for those still awakening.

"Beloved Ones, we have said before
that all on the Planet have made the choice to cross into the Fifth Dimension,
and all are given the opportunity.
The New Earth belongs to All who live on the Earth
and the opportunity for the crossing process continues.
Know that there is no difference in the work
that you, as Family of Light are called to undertake,
one way is not better than the other,
you are all involved in this great and wonderful transformation of the Earth
and you should indeed all work
to support each other and to share with each other as much as possible.
Now is not the time for judgments and separation,
but for co-operation and community
based on common goals
and the desire
to co-create the New Earth and a New Society.


"Nor is it useful to pass judgments
on what is "old energy" and what is "new",
for you do not always know the miraculous ways of Spirit
and you cannot analyze this with your minds.
I'm glad you say that, for I felt sad, when Talila claimed,
"Right Use of Will" was "Old Energy"... (see right frame on Febr. 8, and our visit to her on Febr. 14)
Rather, focus on what you must do in your own work,
be open and loving and willing to share as far as is possible,
and trust that all will flow as it is meant to
in the unfolding of the Divine Energies of New Earth.

"In this year of 2010,
....
, as the old illusions of security continue to fail,
there will be much anxiety and stress among those
who have not yet crossed the "Light Bridge"
into the Higher Consciousness of the Flow of Infinite Love and Abundance.
And, because you are "One" in Consciousness,
you will need to be able to hold your center in Love and Peace,
especially those of you
who are the Bringers of Light and Awakening for others
in this Transformational process.


"For those of you who are the Light Bridgers,
you will often feel as though you are coping with a world
where nothing seems to fit or work as it should.
That is because you are aligned already
for the Fifth Dimensional Consciousness Flow
at an accelerated pace,
but you are still dealing with the slow disintegration of the old
in this process of Transformation.


"Beloveds, know that you offered to serve in this way
so that the Transformation
might be Peaceful and Gentle as far as possible.
We in the Spirit realm applaud your Courage and Perseverance,
as you seek to achieve transformation through Peace and Love.
As you exist between these Time Phases of Transformation,
you may experience physical symptoms of "motion sickness" such as
dizziness,   nausea,   fatigue,   rapid temperature changes
and emotional mood swings.
Your Higher Self and those in the Spirit Realms are working to assist you
to maintain your balance and stability in this process.

The Children of the Light

Though I haven't dedicated much time to study the "reality" of "starchilden",
nor to the characteristics of the different generations born since the seventies,
I feel quite certain about the identity of "starchildren", when I meet them,
ever since a wondrous encounter with Tzippi & her friends in Arad on Dec. 4, 2004.

"At this time of Accelerated Change and Transformation,
it is once again the Children who are playing an important role
in holding the energies and providing a strong field of energy
to assist the process.
There are two groups that are specifically active right now.
The first group are the Crystal Children,
but more specifically the Children of the Diamond Light,
that have been born since April of 2009.

Is it synchronicity, that I study this on the day,
on which Yanina's, my best friend's great-grand-son is in the process of being born?



"These New Children are born
fully aligned with the Cosmic Consciousness or the "Cosmic Rose",
and we call them also "Children of the Sacred Rose".
I don't know, why I have difficulties with this and similar metaphors.
And I feel disgusted, whenever I read this overused term "powerful"...
Their powerful energies are assisting many to Awaken
and to find the Bridge of Light into the New Earth Consciousness.




"In the course of the year of 2010, and through 2011,
there will be a new wave of Diamond Light Children
[in April , Orit and Hagar, the daughters of my stepdaughter Dita are both expecting a child...]
who will also carry the energy of the Platinum Ray
in their personal holographic field.
These children will also contribute to the energies of Transformation
and will enable a further acceleration of consciousness,
so that the Divine Light within Humanity might emerge more rapidly in the Collective
as it rises into the Fifth Dimension of Light.




"The Second important group will be those Indigo Crystal Beings
who incarnated on the Planet as the First Wave of Indigos in the 1970s.
These ones are now in their thirties,
and are entering into mature adult life
and activating the soul work and purposes for which they came to the Planet.
Many of these are Powerful and Evolved Souls
who will be the Leaders in building the new forms and structures of the New Earth.
The most powerful among these will emerge
as Teachers, Leaders and Thinkers in all fields of Human Life on Earth.
They will begin to be perceived and experienced
as a transformational force or energy on all levels.
It is this generation, in their thirties,
who will start to assume leadership roles in the creation of a new society.



"And, they will be guided by the "Elders of the Light",
those who have gone before them
and created the Path or Bridge of Light into the New Earth.
We ask that you honor the "Elders of Light" among you,
for these brave souls are the true "Warriors of Light"
whose courage and dedication to the Light over many years
has made so much possible.
Together, the Elders of the Light and the Indigo First Wave
will be the powerful agents of transformation,
and the Diamond Light Children will energize the Holographic Earth matrix
with their powerful Light of Love.
It is a Blessed and Radiant time into which you are now entering.
We ask that you celebrate your success

"Beloved Family of Light, as the Light increases
everything becomes clear and transparent,
everything is revealed for what it is,
beyond manipulation and falsehood.
[As I keep pointing out, the "Big Brother" Reality Show is an outstanding example!]
As the Light increases,
that which you call time accelerates,
and many of you must make adjustments to the new pulses of Cosmic Light
that frame your New Reality ...
As this acceleration occurs, you will see more clearly
that everything that you experience is Holographic in nature,
it is energy and light and it has no "real" substance.
It is "dream" made manifest for a while
to be experienced by you
so that you may experience, enjoy and grow!




" In this process,
as you shift from the Third-Dimensional illusion of a stable "reality"
into this world of manifest dream,
you may feel anxious and insecure.
Your sense of reality may be threatened,
and you may feel vulnerable and unsupported in a sea of rapid changes.
Beloved Ones, know
that everything in your reality is Love and an expression of Love in some way.
Know that this Love will always support you to expand and grow.
If you can say to yourself "I am Love and everything I experience is Love",
then you will find that center in Love and be supported by Love.
And you will find Peace and Acceptance at all times.
This indeed was taught by all your Teachers and Masters leading up to this time
as they prepared for this transformation.
They prepared you to see your Divinity and to know
that you are indeed co-creating your Reality
through the Manifestation of Dreams and Collective Dreams..."
...

On the Eve of Shabbat I often use to pick a book from my shelf -
"blindly", hoping for a message.
This time the first message was physical: the book was wet!
Rain had entered below the window & drippled on shelf and mattress My lovely landlord soon discovered and repaired the source of this...
and trying to drie the huge mattress caused an upheaval in my castle...
But the book in itself was a message:
Erich Neumann, Tiefenpsychologie und Neue Ethik, Tel-Aviv 1948,
(Depth Psychology and a New Ethic).
Not only did I open it on a page,
on which - in complex German-Jungian language was written,
what nowadays I keep learning from channeled teachings ,
but finding the book made me remember with utmost gratitude,
that it was Erich Neumann's "concept" of wholeness
- of the need to include and accept our shadow -
which pulled the carpet from under my upbringing!
my disciplined, intense training in "becoming good!"
In other words, 17 years before I met Right Use of Will,
this man knew, that if we won't integrate "Evil",
the past holocaust will appear to be small compared to those to come.
After my divorce in 1981, I approached his widow for treatment.
During those months I once asked her: "Why did he die so young?"
"We discussed this then and understood that he had come too early!"

The book should be online!!
I'll at least photograph and insert the last pages of my English edition.

**) Comment to left frame How often have I heard this:
"Live in the Present Moment of Now!"
And I myself was telling 2 stories, which bring this message home:
After the death of a Chassidic Master, his pupil was asked:
"What was the most important thing for your rabbi during his life?"
Answer: "Whatever he did in the moment".
Another story: A Westerner asked an Easterner,
"How come you are happier than us? What do you do?"
"I wake up, I get up, I dress, I go..."
"That's exactly what I do,too!"
"No, when you wake up, you already get up,
when you get up, you already dress.."
But it's been only recently that I'm finally able to apply this in my life:
I feel what I feel in this moment or think in this moment
or do in this moment, or say in this moment,
and that's all there is to it,
Provided, I've trained in releasing all judgments:
against people or situations as if they were to be blamed
[but it's me who are staging my drama and my actors),
and - since most of my feelings have nothing to do with situations-
against this, this feeling or against this, this thought
or against my saying or against my doing, like
"I don't want to feel (think, say, do) this now"
or "I should not feel/think this now",
or "I shouldn't have said/done this..."
it's not comfortable, it's shameful, painful, annoying, boring, frightening, frustrating, depressing, unbearable etc. etc.
When I release this "I don't want to" or this "I shouldn't"
it is, as if chains are falling off and I am free.
What stays on is only the feeling, the pure feeling
and the joy and grate-full-ness, that I Feel,
and that - in feeling - I am alive and living.
Whatever unpleasant quality the feeling had, it simply falls away.
Of course, I'm still in training,
and if I stage too many or too "dramatic" situations for myself,
or if I slide into "functioning"
I'm swept by Tsunamis which leave no space for loving myself.


Confucius and Lao-Tse
But there was another treasure hidden in that wet book:
2 loose pages from a book called "Coming Home",
which I let go off, though it once was important for me.
To my regret, I don't even remember the author's name.
But see, how relevant the content is!

February 28 , 2010, Sunday, in my sanctuary at Arad,
At 10 PM, Yanina, a year older than me, became greatgrandmother!

My learning from the teachings above, started on Shabbat, will be deepened.
Learning from a series of absurd triggers from Jibreel will occur tomorrow.
Small nice experiences see in: Succah-Diary II, and Song-Game 2007_10_11.

How I've been
LEARNING
and
am LEARNING
to LIVE

"There is much to harvest from the past,
and standing firmly in the present,
you can reel it all in, make it your own.
Each event in the past has been an essential step
in bringing us to where we are now.
And where we are now is always the present moment.

"This moment now
is the farthest into the future anyone has ever been,
including me.
Savor it now and use it
to bring yourself to wholeness
by reclaiming all of the essence
you have lost to people and situations in the past."

March 1 , 2010, Monday, in my sanctuary at Arad, 2xPool
Phone: Yanina, Efrat//Live: Ofir, Boris//E-mail<Avner Shilo [regashot]-healingcancer.co.il forwarded with letter to Dina

I've completed "Learning-to-Live" of Febr. 25 & 26, +Mika's Heaven-on-Earth
yet I didn't begin the sculpting of my lesson with Jibreel...
Today only a dream, which -as Yanina explained to me- helps me with the lesson:
Febr. 28, 2010
After a night with two or more hours of no sleep and heavy body movement
(mainly vibrating my triggering experience with Jibreel, the Bedouin)
I fell asleep shortly before six and woke up at 8:45 from a dream,
that seemed to have lasted endlessly. After some hours I documented it.

I came to a town with little Rotem,
in order to travel from there by train somewhere.
It was far to walk from the place where I lost her to the train-station.
Yes, I lost her: We were walking up and down a small trail through a lawn,
and when I arrived at the top of the trail (the most modest of slopes),
Rotem, who had gone before me, was no more to be seen.
I walked to the train-station, worried, but hoping she would follow me.
there was anger at the trainstation, they wanted not only money for the ticket,
but 3:50 NIS for going through the barrier.
I paid for both of us, but Rotem did not come.
I asked the man, with whom I had quarreled before,
if I could leave my suitcase there,
and went back through the town, back and forth, to find her.
At one point, I needed to arrange my sock in my right sandal,
and for some reason took off my small backpack.
When I wanted to take it up again, it was gone.
Someone had snatched it away behind me, without me realizing it.
I was desperate: no passport, no purse, but mainly: no cell-phone.
Soon I was also without sandals and walked barefoot to the train-station.
I tried to remember a phone-number of my children, but in vain.
I needed to call her parents and tell them, that she was lost.
Who remembers phone-numbers nowadays?
Then suddenly, in a vaulted pathway, I heard the voice of Rotem.
In the chaos of the vaults I couldn't see her - I waited, relieved.

She now had grown from a 5 year old to a 12 year old [at present: 16]
I controlled my anger and only looked at her, and she said lightly:
"But grandma, I told you before, that I would like to walk on my own."
Before I could say: "But you could have told me…" I woke up,
distressed, and at first couldn't believe, that all that had been a dream.

I could find no meaning in loosing Rotem,
and as to loosing vital equipment, I had dreamt about this often before.
I decided to not even open the computer, but go to the pool rightaway.
Perhaps this would do me good, and anyway at 10:05 I wanted to be back,
to watch the fantastic 10 min. Sunday series of Masterworks of Art in 3SAT.
In the pool I suddenly could let go of the major part of the dream:
searching for Rotem and being despaired about the loss of my phone-numbers
and discern the end of the dream:
"But grandma, I wanted to go alone!"
It was clear, that this meant not only Rotem, whom I never "imprisoned",
nor any of all the other young and older people and friends,
who had to part from me in order to walk their own path.
I 'd never had a problem with this for many years already.
It meant, that I was allowed to let go of ALL people on this planet,
for whom I worry so much, be they known to me or not.
I do not even need passport, phone, phone-numbers and shoes!
I can walk in town and elsewhere and sometimes meet "my" people!

March 2 , 2010, Tuesday, in my sanctuary at Arad, 2xPool
Postal Bank: drawing out Bituakh Leumi & fetching "Silonit", a device for cleaning teeth,
for which I'd paid via my son's credit-card. At the Grocery for the first time after 3 weeks!
// Ofir helped to install "Silonit" and to re-install the dried mattress //E-mails with my son

Time to say Good-Bye to Jibreel=Gabriel

Most of my life I was inflicted with a horrid helper-syndrome.
This was due to my "Sense of Vocation" "to Save the World",
which tortured me since I became conscious at the age of six.
This syndrome developed monstrous dimensions with people,
who in my (guilt) feelings had a "national" right to leech on me,
either because they were Jews (and I represented Nazi Germany )
or because they were Arabs (and I represented Occupying Israel).

Both, the simple as the complicated reasons for the syndrome, were gone,
or so I wanted to believe,
until I attracted an actor into my drama - to heal what was still not whole!
A 30 year old, highly intelligent teacher of Hebrew in a Bedouin highschool,
probably an Indigo Starchild, who compensates self-hatred with insolence.
He admits to the latter himself...
Though one of his haughty blames is: "you Israelis are/do always..."
the fact that he is an Arab, had nothing to do with my helping him.
In this case it was the "similarity of frequency" between us, that trapped me.
Looking back, it was not by chance, that he 'inspired' me with that sad song:
"Am I mature and whole
To help us both
To love ourselves?
Ourselves!"
Nor was it by chance, that he returned to me after 3 years, in July 2009,
while Rotem, among my 10 grandkids the eldest starchild, was with me.
During one of the phone interactions on this weekend he told & requested:
"I'm going to meet Rotem's teacher at her Democratic School! Come too!"


See Jibreel's first visit after 3 years of disconnection in the sculpture about Rotem.

On October 11-12, 2009, I had phrased "Today's Desire" with regard to Jibreel.
He was supposed to come and "inherit" many of the things I had to part from,
including my laptop, a carpet, and some 40 books in Arabic, Hebrew, English .
I desired this cooperation to be harmonious, but his impertinence triggered me.
Still, there was also a phase, when he asked me to come & speak to his pupils.
It was the kind of communication with him, which let me feel us as "partners".


The sun rises above the Dead Sea and my laptop, a gift of my classmate Barbara..

In Noah's Cave - writing with solar energy, before the system was stolen (by Bedouins)

When Cornelia came from Germany for 5 days and developed her pretty idea
of bringing together Germans, Israeli Jews and Israeli Bedouins for "PEACE",
I felt, that Jibreel should cooperate with her and Samira's and Yahia's family.
The more so, as I had bequeathed my laptop to him and not to Hathra (17),
who is desiring a computer so much, but without help she could not use it.

Hathra, my starchild and my angel, see "Nebo-let-Go" , needs a teacher!!!

Though Cornelia and Jibreel DID meet despite Jibreel's maddening behavior
and on the day of her return to Germany already found an e-mail from him,
I asked him to no longer call me until he would have done his home-work,
if, indeed, he was serious in desiring me to be his "teacher", as he claimed.
His homework: to learn English with the help of his laptop and the Internet,
and to build a relationship with Hathra's family, by taking his wife with him.
Focusing on these tasks would empower him towards finding his vocation.

He did not accomplish anything. He was probably busy with his "new love",
of which he claimed, she was a Russian Jew, but then admitted she was Arab.

After some manipulative e-mails during the last 2 months, he sent me an SMS.
And when I responded, if there was a reason to break the contract between us.
He trapped me: "We are searching for the man, who was swept by the flood!"
There had been heavy rains for days and I was afraid. Did he relate to Yahia?
I actually called him - no answer! I wrote "What man?" He send again an SMS:
"a man from the village, I don't know, if   he   is   dead   or  alive  !"
And when I asked again, what he wanted from me, he wrote non-chalantly:
"It was an error! I didn't mean to write to YOU - but I need to talk to you !"
I asked him to call me the next day and to not repeat such errors.
Answer: "You are abusing me!" "at mitallelet bi".

Towards the evening there came a sign from a totally different direction,
that it was necessary to move forward into voice contact with Jibreel.
Yet ~ as I know now ~ it was NOT, in order to take up communication,
but, on the contrary, in order to finally stop it, at least for the time being.

For a week I couldn't synchronize my work on my website with the Internet,
since someone had hacked into the Server and changed the password etc....
My son succeeded in arranging a new password , but he felt very troubled,
especially after he had tried to reach me by Skype, but got Jibreel instead.
"How stupid! to give your laptop away without first deleting everything!"

I called Jibreel and he agreed to pay a technician for re-formatting the laptop.
When everything concerning the computer was clear, I asked naively:
"what for did you want to talk to me this afternoon?
He didn't remember!
And the story with the flooded village man, dead or alive, was a joke.
"That's me! you must accept me as I am!"

It was in the night after these events, that Body had much healing work to do.
And in the morning I had that dream about Rotem wanting to walk along alone.

"By chance",  Yanina called me, since our regular phoning the day before was cut off.
She is an expert in dreams, and made me see the dream as connected to Jibreel.
She let me practise, how I would withdraw from him at minimal cost for both.
I waited till he would have formatted the laptop, and he did, indeed, affirm this.

After all technical matters had been cleared, he asked: "And what now?"
I said as calmly as possible:
"With your joke about that man, dead or alive, you crossed my lines, Jibreel!.
I request, that we cut off contact till Cornelia will come in the month of May."
He jumped~~~blamed~~~ I cut him: "I did not ask for a reaction!"
"You voiced a request, so I have the right to react!"
Again I had given myself into his hands by acting kindly.
This doesn't work with Indigo children (see my grandson!)
So I yelled:
"Then it isn't a request, it is a demand!"
He cut off and I sighed - sad once again,
that I had staged a situation for myself,
in which I could neither love myself,
nor empower this human aspect of "God".

On my way to the afternoon pool, I suddenly remembered Ram Eisenberg, 1993.
There also was this similarity of frequency between us, but also the victimhood,
and though then the clashes got out of hand and reached the degree of violence,
the staging was the same as in the case with Jibreel: I let myself be humiliated!
I should have put an end to the relationship after the "first time".
I read with pain, what I wrote about Ram, such a fantastic potential co-creator:
"I was not strong enough to stand up against his immense power,
and let him override me and the needs of the Succah time and again."

 2009_08_27-my eldest son & my youngest
granddaughter in the empty flat on the day of leaving Beit Nehemya

Right Use of WILL

Limits on the Self Page 9

Summer 1943, my sister and I (right) in Borna, where we sought refuge at an aunt's house from the bormbardments in Stuttgart

e-mail quote today -from the basic of the teachings of "Abraham"
If you intend to be of assistance,
your eye is not upon the trouble but upon the assistance,
and that is quite different.
When you are looking for a solution,
you are feeling positive emotion—
but when you are looking at a problem, you are feeling negative emotion.

Right Use of WILL


Limits on the Self Page 9

Limits on the Self Page 9

Limits on the Self Page 9-10

Limits on the Self Page 10

Limits on the Self Page 10

Truth & Reality Class IV
The Fundamental Questions of Manifestation

4.1 The Where of Manifestation
Identifying as Body
Bringing Heaven to Earth